1 00:00:02,784 --> 00:00:05,188 You gotta be careful of the wire, Charlie. 2 00:00:05,228 --> 00:00:06,528 I'm not gonna pencil wire, 3 00:00:06,564 --> 00:00:08,549 - I know what I'm doing. - 'Cause then the breaks lights don't work. 4 00:00:08,589 --> 00:00:10,540 - I know what I'm doing, dude. - Make sure it's on tight. 5 00:00:10,620 --> 00:00:13,231 It's on as tight as it's gonna get, dude. 6 00:00:13,351 --> 00:00:15,486 Dennis, I think we should get like a GPS system, 7 00:00:15,526 --> 00:00:16,838 'cause these maps from like the 70's. 8 00:00:16,878 --> 00:00:18,921 GPS system? Hell no! 9 00:00:19,001 --> 00:00:22,042 That's gonna ruin the road trip experience, we're gonna do this old-school, baby. 10 00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:24,598 Maps, fresh cigarettes, fresh coffee. 11 00:00:24,718 --> 00:00:26,632 Cooking out on the grill, sleep in sleeping bags. 12 00:00:26,672 --> 00:00:28,078 - Old-school? - Old-school, baby. 13 00:00:28,118 --> 00:00:30,284 - I didn't know that. - Camp fire. Let's do old-school. 14 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,426 - Shit... - Oh, shit... 15 00:00:32,629 --> 00:00:35,248 - That's Sweet Dee? - That's Sweet Dee. 16 00:00:35,445 --> 00:00:37,659 God damn it. What is that car. What is she doing in here? 17 00:00:37,699 --> 00:00:39,219 - What car is that? - Shit. 18 00:00:39,299 --> 00:00:41,465 - Okay, just don't say anything! - Hey, guys! 19 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:43,679 - What's with the trailer? - None of your business. 20 00:00:43,759 --> 00:00:45,847 - What are you doing here so early? - Why are you work early? 21 00:00:45,927 --> 00:00:48,062 Well, I woke up early this morning and I bought a new car, 22 00:00:48,142 --> 00:00:50,501 - It's pretty sweet, Where are you guys going? - We're going to Grand Canyon. 23 00:00:50,541 --> 00:00:52,379 - God damn it, Frank. - Really? 24 00:00:52,459 --> 00:00:54,539 Frank wants to see it before he dies, so... 25 00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:56,654 What happen was he told us about a road trip, 26 00:00:56,694 --> 00:00:59,164 we got all excited, we got up super early, we packed the car, 27 00:00:59,244 --> 00:01:00,910 and we were hoping to get out here before your bust arrive. 28 00:01:00,950 --> 00:01:02,418 Are you just gonna ditch me? 29 00:01:02,611 --> 00:01:04,813 No, It's cool. I'm gonna stick around. 30 00:01:04,933 --> 00:01:06,937 - Charlie's too scared. - Yes, he has never left Philly before. 31 00:01:06,977 --> 00:01:09,240 No i'm not scared. It's just, i haven't left Philly yet. 32 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,019 - Why i leave Philly? - He's frightens. 33 00:01:11,059 --> 00:01:14,026 - I wanna go. - No, you're not going. - You can't come, 'cause it'll take forever. 34 00:01:14,106 --> 00:01:16,337 You're gonna have to pee every 5 minutes, it's gonna be stupid. 35 00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:18,443 I'm not gonna get stuck behind with Charlie. 36 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:22,069 Wait a second, If you go, i'm gonna be all by myself in the bar, that's messed up guys. 37 00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:24,100 I mean, that's more challenging than like even if i went. 38 00:01:24,140 --> 00:01:25,440 You know, maybe i should go. 39 00:01:25,442 --> 00:01:27,587 - Right. We're all in. - No, we're not all in. 40 00:01:27,646 --> 00:01:29,388 - We're all in? - Yes, we're going. 41 00:01:30,955 --> 00:01:33,944 Why did you have to buy a new car today of all days? 42 00:01:34,091 --> 00:01:35,690 I'll go get my stuff. 43 00:01:36,067 --> 00:01:41,967 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 5 Episode 2 44 00:01:43,378 --> 00:01:47,792 Translate: Joe_Le_Taxi 45 00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:05,984 www.divxplanet.com 46 00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,231 I can't believe you've never been out of Philly, Charlie. 47 00:02:10,233 --> 00:02:11,533 Yeah, man. What the hell? 48 00:02:11,535 --> 00:02:12,961 I've never done a lot of things. 49 00:02:13,001 --> 00:02:14,507 What else have you not done, bro? 50 00:02:14,705 --> 00:02:16,927 - I've never eaten a pear. - What? 51 00:02:16,959 --> 00:02:19,079 - How is that possible? - Seriously. 52 00:02:19,199 --> 00:02:21,320 Pears weird me out, dude. Where do you start with the pear? 53 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:22,700 The top? The bottom? It's like... 54 00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:25,338 What do you mean, "Where do you start"? You just bite into it, it's a fruit. 55 00:02:25,427 --> 00:02:28,070 - You just start it. - Really? You just bite it? It's a weird looking thing. 56 00:02:28,150 --> 00:02:30,088 Okay you know what? Pull over, i'm getting this kid a pear. 57 00:02:30,128 --> 00:02:32,037 No, no pulling over, we got a schedule. 58 00:02:32,117 --> 00:02:33,642 No, I would love to take a quick leak. 59 00:02:33,682 --> 00:02:35,091 - Are you serious? - Deandra! 60 00:02:35,131 --> 00:02:36,880 - We just left. - Come on! That's was i worried about. 61 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,195 It can't just be any pear, it's gotta be a fresh one. 62 00:02:39,275 --> 00:02:41,033 - Allright. - Let's go to the Italian market. 63 00:02:41,343 --> 00:02:43,619 The Italian market is way out of our way. 64 00:02:43,699 --> 00:02:46,487 Dennis, you have to smoke? It's coming right back in through my window. 65 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,719 Roll on your window up then, Dee. 'Cause i'm smoking. 66 00:02:48,799 --> 00:02:50,802 The window needs to be down for the fresh air. 67 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,306 Hey, i've never had blueberries either. 68 00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:53,661 - What? - What are you talking about? 69 00:02:53,699 --> 00:02:57,403 That is completely insane. We're definetely going to Italian market. 70 00:02:57,438 --> 00:02:59,015 - Dennis, let's go. - Can believe this guy, Jesus. 71 00:02:59,175 --> 00:03:00,708 - What guy? - Guy on the bike, 72 00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,357 he's taking up the whole god damn road. 73 00:03:02,437 --> 00:03:05,130 Ride on the side walk if you're not ride a bike, asshole! 74 00:03:06,601 --> 00:03:08,319 - What was that? - He flips you off, dude. 75 00:03:08,359 --> 00:03:10,035 - What? - Is that he was? - He flips you off, man. 76 00:03:10,075 --> 00:03:11,750 - Son of a bitch! - Real, chip on his shoulder! 77 00:03:11,790 --> 00:03:14,192 - Do you wanna egg him? - Yes, I wanna egg him, you got eggs? 78 00:03:14,386 --> 00:03:16,705 - No. That would have been good though. - That would have been good. 79 00:03:17,306 --> 00:03:21,146 You know what? I'm gonna fire beer across his bow, give him a scare. 80 00:03:22,855 --> 00:03:25,159 - Get close to him. - Hey, asshole! 81 00:03:26,375 --> 00:03:28,043 Oh, shit! 82 00:03:31,686 --> 00:03:34,112 - Shit! - I hit him! 83 00:03:34,192 --> 00:03:35,860 I hit him back in the head! 84 00:03:35,959 --> 00:03:37,542 That is not how i expected that to go. 85 00:03:37,582 --> 00:03:39,096 - Is he okay? - Did we kill him? 86 00:03:39,176 --> 00:03:40,801 I don't know... He's getting up. 87 00:03:40,841 --> 00:03:42,141 - He is? - He's moving. 88 00:03:42,175 --> 00:03:43,759 - Yes, he's getting up - Thank god, dude. 89 00:03:43,899 --> 00:03:45,202 - Wait - Should we help him out? 90 00:03:45,242 --> 00:03:46,686 He's getting something out of his bag. 91 00:03:46,766 --> 00:03:48,360 - What's he getting? - It's a pipe. 92 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,274 - Is that pipe? - Go, go, go, go! 93 00:03:53,523 --> 00:03:54,967 What's wrong with tires? 94 00:03:55,047 --> 00:03:56,942 - I don't know. - Get back to bar. 95 00:04:04,039 --> 00:04:05,744 - God damn it! - Shit! 96 00:04:05,838 --> 00:04:07,485 These tires are completely destroyed. 97 00:04:07,809 --> 00:04:10,202 I'm just gonna pop inside real quick take a quick squirt. 98 00:04:10,322 --> 00:04:13,338 - Unbelievable. - How about we put a coupling doughnuts on there? 99 00:04:13,458 --> 00:04:16,312 Right, Frank. We're gonna go to the Grand Canyon on spare tires. 100 00:04:17,073 --> 00:04:20,724 Plus, there's a good deal on mountain bike in your axle here, bro. 101 00:04:20,764 --> 00:04:22,064 - Seriously? - Yeah... 102 00:04:22,078 --> 00:04:25,380 We're talking structural damage down there. There's leaking, some sparking. 103 00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:27,940 - Well, road trip is off. - No, no. 104 00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:32,402 Road trip is not off. I have a good idea. 105 00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:45,065 - Not bad, right? - No. 106 00:04:45,345 --> 00:04:47,185 - It's nice. - Lot a room. 107 00:04:47,238 --> 00:04:49,401 - It's smooth ride. - You got a lot of room back there? 108 00:04:49,481 --> 00:04:52,234 Yes, We got easy acces to the beers, I mean that's a good touch. 109 00:04:52,314 --> 00:04:53,690 New car smell. 110 00:04:53,719 --> 00:04:55,438 How do you get that in used car? What is that? 111 00:04:55,518 --> 00:04:56,978 - It's a spray. - Yeah, it's spray. 112 00:04:57,656 --> 00:04:59,687 - It's nice. - I enjoyed man, i'm glad we do that. 113 00:04:59,878 --> 00:05:02,710 What's this light, will hurry up and change? That's the only thing. 114 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:05,397 Hey! Hey you bastards! You jerks! 115 00:05:09,937 --> 00:05:11,877 God damn it! Get out! 116 00:05:12,059 --> 00:05:14,115 - Get out. - It's my car, i'm driving. 117 00:05:14,127 --> 00:05:15,880 - I got window! - Get out! 118 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,490 - You got window, Frank? - You jerks. 119 00:05:19,660 --> 00:05:20,998 You guys are dick! 120 00:05:21,078 --> 00:05:23,103 - Took you long enough. - You took it forever! 121 00:05:23,183 --> 00:05:24,621 - Did you still wanna go? - Shut up! 122 00:05:24,661 --> 00:05:26,654 It really cramped back here with this cooler. 123 00:05:26,734 --> 00:05:28,254 Why didn't you put the cooler in the trailer? 124 00:05:28,334 --> 00:05:31,896 Because then Dee, we're gonna have to pull over every single time we wanna beer. 125 00:05:32,010 --> 00:05:33,698 That new car smell is start to giving me a headache. 126 00:05:33,738 --> 00:05:36,397 - Dennis, give me a cigarette. - You wanna cigarette? I wanna have one too. 127 00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:39,600 - Do you guys have to smoke in here? - Your car reeks, Dee, so... 128 00:05:40,027 --> 00:05:42,818 - Dude, this thing is so heavy! - I'm gonna get a blood clot with this thing. 129 00:05:43,075 --> 00:05:44,868 Oh my god, why don't you put it in the trailer? 130 00:05:44,908 --> 00:05:47,207 Why don't i put you in the trailer? 131 00:05:47,793 --> 00:05:52,002 - Good one, Charlie. - It's actually not a bad idea. I wouldn't mind riding back there. There's a hell of a lot more room. 132 00:05:52,202 --> 00:05:53,869 I'm done with that. 133 00:05:54,180 --> 00:05:55,885 - What? - Come on! 134 00:05:55,965 --> 00:05:58,297 Get it, you're gonna burn the whole on the new upholstery. 135 00:05:58,377 --> 00:06:00,411 It's not new upholstery. What makes you think it's new upholstery? 136 00:06:00,491 --> 00:06:02,028 - Did you get it? - Yes. 137 00:06:02,233 --> 00:06:05,562 - Allright, this sucks. - Pull over. This is terrible. I wanna go in the back with Dennis. 138 00:06:05,642 --> 00:06:09,446 - Yes, you guys riding back in... - Yeah, we're going back. 139 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:17,191 This is more liking, right Frank? Got lot a room back here. 140 00:06:17,231 --> 00:06:18,531 It's muggy back here. 141 00:06:21,847 --> 00:06:23,657 Maybe we crack that door a little bit? 142 00:06:23,737 --> 00:06:26,006 What? You're gonna flying out at the first corner? I don't think so, buddy. 143 00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:27,759 It's just a crack. Just a little bit. 144 00:06:27,799 --> 00:06:29,397 - You wanna crack it? - Yes, we crack it. 145 00:06:29,437 --> 00:06:31,977 - Crack it! - It's hard to stand up back here. 146 00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:35,406 Furnitures are what we need. We'll pick some up in the Italian market. 147 00:06:35,446 --> 00:06:37,825 When was the last time you saw furniture in an Italian market? 148 00:06:37,905 --> 00:06:40,177 Those people will sell you anything, they'll sell you their children, They don't care. 149 00:06:40,217 --> 00:06:42,935 - Provolone and salami. - They sell everything at the Italian market. 150 00:06:43,015 --> 00:06:45,928 These people are like descendants of gypsies, they come in, they sell their shit, 151 00:06:46,008 --> 00:06:47,910 they bang each other, i don't want they do, 152 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,653 but you get to haggle with them, it's a lot of fun. 153 00:06:49,832 --> 00:06:52,662 Meantime, you know what? i'll prop this beer bottle under the door. 154 00:06:52,876 --> 00:06:54,176 Right. 155 00:06:58,706 --> 00:07:00,068 Here we go, perfect. 156 00:07:00,307 --> 00:07:02,597 The weight of the door will keep the beer bottle in place. 157 00:07:05,141 --> 00:07:06,455 Nice, huh? 158 00:07:06,535 --> 00:07:08,406 Move over a little bit, let me sit on the corner. 159 00:07:10,943 --> 00:07:12,818 God damn it! 160 00:07:13,612 --> 00:07:15,585 That's how i get into. 161 00:07:15,705 --> 00:07:17,074 All this space back here. 162 00:07:17,114 --> 00:07:18,414 You guys wanna listen to some tunes? 163 00:07:18,419 --> 00:07:20,048 Get some CDs from Dennis here. 164 00:07:20,088 --> 00:07:22,331 I hate to break it to you but there's no CD player in here. 165 00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:23,948 - Are you shitting me? - No. 166 00:07:24,028 --> 00:07:25,680 Why would you buy a car with no CD player? 167 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,399 Because the guy knocked 50 bucks off. 168 00:07:27,479 --> 00:07:29,474 - So you had the option? - Yes, i had the option. 169 00:07:29,514 --> 00:07:30,814 Oh my god, and you went with the tape deck. 170 00:07:30,849 --> 00:07:32,711 - Yes i did, Charlie. - That is so cheap, Dee. 171 00:07:32,732 --> 00:07:34,032 You're cheap! 172 00:07:34,035 --> 00:07:35,783 Why did you buy this crappy little car in the first place? 173 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,209 Because you guys rammed my last one into a wall. 174 00:07:38,289 --> 00:07:39,607 - That's why. - Whatever. 175 00:07:39,647 --> 00:07:41,804 - What tapes do you have? - Tapes? 176 00:07:41,884 --> 00:07:43,184 Who has tapes anymore? 177 00:07:43,190 --> 00:07:44,913 I would have thought that you would've at least, 178 00:07:44,915 --> 00:07:46,215 made a mix for the road trip, 179 00:07:46,243 --> 00:07:48,253 You didn't invite me on your road trip. 180 00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:50,187 Allright, you don't keep a good mix tape in your car? 181 00:07:50,227 --> 00:07:52,027 I just bought the car this morning, Charlie. 182 00:07:52,067 --> 00:07:54,019 Are you going to yell the whole way, Dee? 183 00:07:54,059 --> 00:07:55,596 Oh my god, just shut up and turn the radio on. 184 00:07:55,636 --> 00:07:57,763 - Put the radio on. - Turn the radio on. 185 00:07:58,364 --> 00:07:59,761 - Find a station. - I'm trying. 186 00:07:59,841 --> 00:08:01,467 The antenna is probably broken 187 00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:04,095 on this piece of shit car! - You're piece of shit...car. 188 00:08:04,292 --> 00:08:07,071 Wait a second, there's a tape right down here, i think. 189 00:08:07,151 --> 00:08:09,908 - You got a tape? - Yes, it's under the seat. 190 00:08:09,988 --> 00:08:11,494 - Give it to me. - I'm trying to give it you. 191 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,120 - Gimme, gimme, gimme. - Don't... 192 00:08:13,414 --> 00:08:15,094 - Gimme, gimme, gimme... - Here you go. 193 00:08:15,502 --> 00:08:17,371 Calm down, dude. 194 00:08:18,447 --> 00:08:23,407 Inner peace is an attainable goal. 195 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,849 The first step is releasing the anger, 196 00:08:25,889 --> 00:08:27,802 and agression that one hold inside... 197 00:08:27,842 --> 00:08:29,937 Pop it out, right? - Yes. 198 00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:39,613 I'm gonna run to the ladies room for two seconds. 199 00:08:39,708 --> 00:08:42,139 And take my keys in case you jerks try anything. 200 00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,647 Allright, Charlie. 201 00:08:43,650 --> 00:08:45,917 Get ready to scratch two things off of your bucket list. 202 00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:48,239 I don't have a bucket list,dude 'cause i'm not dying. 203 00:08:48,279 --> 00:08:50,881 Everybody's dying, bitch. Let's get you some fruit. 204 00:08:50,961 --> 00:08:52,841 Guys, we're gonna go grab some furniture to throw on to back. 205 00:08:53,001 --> 00:08:55,438 10 minutes. That's all. We meet back here. 206 00:08:55,478 --> 00:08:57,807 Get a good deal, i mean talk to the guy. 207 00:08:57,993 --> 00:08:59,743 - There's no rush, right? - 10 minutes. 208 00:08:59,783 --> 00:09:01,247 Allright, have fun. 209 00:09:01,327 --> 00:09:04,076 - I've never had a strawberry either. - That's astounding. 210 00:09:05,059 --> 00:09:07,049 Charlie, i'm excited for you, bro. 211 00:09:07,539 --> 00:09:09,381 - Pears. - Nice. 212 00:09:09,407 --> 00:09:11,239 One of nature's most delightful fruits. 213 00:09:11,386 --> 00:09:13,015 Excuse me, sir. How much for this? 214 00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:15,632 - Those are 50 cents. - I won't pay full price. 215 00:09:15,676 --> 00:09:18,407 - So i'll give you dime. - 50 cents, buddy. 216 00:09:18,487 --> 00:09:19,985 - Very well, i'll drop you quarter. - No. 217 00:09:20,025 --> 00:09:21,419 Okay, 35 cents. 218 00:09:21,459 --> 00:09:24,431 I don't have time for this friggin' shit, give me the 35. 219 00:09:24,869 --> 00:09:26,420 - Nice, man. - I talked you down. 220 00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:28,205 - Good barter. - Here you go. 221 00:09:28,519 --> 00:09:29,861 Allright, bozo, thank you. 222 00:09:29,901 --> 00:09:31,299 I'm calling a lot of people bozo now. 223 00:09:31,339 --> 00:09:32,676 It's like my new thing. 224 00:09:32,785 --> 00:09:34,910 - Champ into it. - Just bite it? 225 00:09:35,578 --> 00:09:38,002 Yes, like a piece of fruit... 226 00:09:38,948 --> 00:09:41,388 - Tastes like sand. - Like sand? 227 00:09:42,071 --> 00:09:44,216 That pear is not right, dude. 228 00:09:44,443 --> 00:09:45,743 He burned us. 229 00:09:45,823 --> 00:09:47,944 Gipsy son of a bitch, burned us, excuse me, sir. 230 00:09:48,277 --> 00:09:49,960 What are you doing to my friend, bozo? 231 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:51,649 You burned us. It's dry. 232 00:09:51,689 --> 00:09:55,341 - You picked it out. - Let's not get into a whole who picked out what. 233 00:09:55,421 --> 00:09:57,545 I want my 35 cents back. Charlie, give him the pear. 234 00:09:57,625 --> 00:09:59,356 I can't, I just ate it. 235 00:10:00,165 --> 00:10:02,800 - The whole thing? - Yeah, it was pretty gross. 236 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,541 The stem and then the core and the... 237 00:10:04,581 --> 00:10:06,147 You didn't tell me not to eat the stem, dude! 238 00:10:06,187 --> 00:10:07,846 Did you eat the stickers that are all over it? 239 00:10:07,886 --> 00:10:10,655 - Yeah, it was gross. - Of course, it's gross; it's a sticker! 240 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,920 I eat stickers all the time, dude! 241 00:10:13,123 --> 00:10:16,572 This whole thing is a disaster. I'm going back to the car. 242 00:10:17,273 --> 00:10:18,773 They've got a lot of good stuff here. 243 00:10:18,853 --> 00:10:20,724 I like the rocking chair, i do like this wicker chairs, 244 00:10:20,730 --> 00:10:23,276 they might be more forgiving on my bottom. 245 00:10:23,501 --> 00:10:25,068 It's though decision, i don't know. 246 00:10:25,148 --> 00:10:26,551 Make one, then make one. 247 00:10:26,591 --> 00:10:28,082 Make a decision? 248 00:10:28,122 --> 00:10:30,448 Sir, we're interested in these wicker chairs, 249 00:10:30,488 --> 00:10:33,185 but we're totally unwilling to pay full price for them. 250 00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:34,995 - You can't barter with the guy? - Yeah. 251 00:10:35,075 --> 00:10:38,205 No, you can't barter with him. We're pay full price. 252 00:10:39,077 --> 00:10:41,258 Frank, come on, the gipsy wants to barter, let's barter with him. 253 00:10:41,298 --> 00:10:42,799 We don't have time to barter. 254 00:10:42,839 --> 00:10:44,897 Okay, we're pay full price for... 255 00:10:45,206 --> 00:10:48,473 Is that a French press, sir? How much for the fine looking French press? 256 00:10:48,553 --> 00:10:50,230 We don't need a French press, Dennis. 257 00:10:50,310 --> 00:10:52,978 What do you expect me to, drink gas station coffee all the way to Grand Canyon? 258 00:10:53,058 --> 00:10:54,613 I don't think so, asshole. Sir? 259 00:10:54,693 --> 00:10:56,643 The man will pay full price for the French press, 260 00:10:56,683 --> 00:11:00,105 or i will however be willing to barter with you for a very long time. 261 00:11:00,185 --> 00:11:01,523 Full price. 262 00:11:01,603 --> 00:11:03,390 Hey, you guys seeing anybody selling cassette tapes? 263 00:11:03,470 --> 00:11:05,891 What the hell are you doing? What are you drinking? 264 00:11:05,893 --> 00:11:07,193 It's an energy drink. 265 00:11:07,195 --> 00:11:09,017 You guys drinking beer, i gotta swig on something. 266 00:11:09,057 --> 00:11:11,419 You'll be pissing in every 15 feet. 267 00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:14,232 I know what i'm doing, i'm buying you a piss jar. 268 00:11:14,462 --> 00:11:16,957 Hold on a second, i think i see some tapes down there. 269 00:11:17,037 --> 00:11:19,778 - I'm gonna barter with that guy. - Barter with the gpysy. 270 00:11:20,557 --> 00:11:23,105 Dude, i'm telling you it's black to yellow, i know... 271 00:11:23,185 --> 00:11:24,573 Black to yellow? No, dude, 272 00:11:24,653 --> 00:11:26,899 it's blue to something... it's blue to something... 273 00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,682 Just use the black to yellow and car will start... 274 00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,022 Oh, shit... 275 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,541 You guys, check it out, i found this Soul Asylum's tape, 276 00:11:32,621 --> 00:11:35,705 but i totally talked the guy down to like half the asking price. 277 00:11:35,830 --> 00:11:37,272 Oh, god damn it! 278 00:11:37,312 --> 00:11:39,949 Yeah, there was a bunch of wires hanging down and i was trying to put them back. 279 00:11:39,989 --> 00:11:42,518 - Shut up, just shut up... - Here is your piss jar. 280 00:11:43,292 --> 00:11:46,291 Frank, i wanna hop in the back with Dennis, you wanna switch with me? 281 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,950 - Switch? - Yeah, they're gonna... 282 00:11:47,990 --> 00:11:49,541 ...argue the whole way, i don't wanna listen to it. 283 00:11:49,581 --> 00:11:51,745 No, i don't like in there anyway. 284 00:11:54,182 --> 00:11:57,518 - You wanna cup of coffee, man? - Yes, definitely, dude. 285 00:11:57,598 --> 00:11:59,623 I got a piping hot one ready for you, right now. 286 00:11:59,663 --> 00:12:02,841 Hook me up, bro, hook me up. 287 00:12:03,082 --> 00:12:05,985 That's a pretty sweet duct tape rig, you got going on the door, man. 288 00:12:06,065 --> 00:12:08,364 You like that? I taped the chairs down too. 289 00:12:08,444 --> 00:12:11,020 But you stopped at the grill, that's got me confused. 290 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:13,732 - I run out of tape, actually. - It's not gonna slide through the crack? 291 00:12:13,812 --> 00:12:17,031 It won't, because i mesured the crack and the crack is smaller than the height of the grill. 292 00:12:17,212 --> 00:12:18,965 We're all hooked up here, dude. 293 00:12:19,217 --> 00:12:22,104 Are you nervous of all about leaving Philly? 294 00:12:22,184 --> 00:12:24,114 Like, if anything bad gonna happen? 295 00:12:24,324 --> 00:12:26,533 I don't think so, man, i'm excited about it. 296 00:12:26,827 --> 00:12:29,906 I've just nerve to been outside Philly, i don't know how people are like... 297 00:12:30,109 --> 00:12:32,901 - People are people. - Nobody's gonna be like a dick? 298 00:12:33,067 --> 00:12:36,532 Probably there's some dicks out there but i'll back you up, man. 299 00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:38,017 Thanks, man. 300 00:12:38,589 --> 00:12:40,987 I tell you what how? You shotgun a beer. 301 00:12:41,067 --> 00:12:43,421 That will calm my nerves. Sure, it'll help. 302 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,622 - I'm bored. - Yeah. 303 00:12:53,662 --> 00:12:54,971 Let's play a drinking game. 304 00:12:55,051 --> 00:12:57,047 Name all 50 states, drink while you think. 305 00:12:57,048 --> 00:12:58,493 That's gonna suck, i'm not drinking. 306 00:12:58,573 --> 00:13:01,946 - Frank, will you drive for a little bit? - I had been drinking all day. 307 00:13:02,684 --> 00:13:04,281 Fine. Go. 308 00:13:04,361 --> 00:13:05,661 - Maine. - New Hampshire. 309 00:13:05,663 --> 00:13:06,963 - Vermont. - Philly. 310 00:13:06,979 --> 00:13:08,444 - North Virginia. - South Virginia. 311 00:13:08,484 --> 00:13:11,024 - East Virginia. - South Virginia. 312 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,486 - Did I say that already? - Are you guys shitting me? 313 00:13:13,566 --> 00:13:15,284 - Allright, start over. - No, i'm not gonna start over, 314 00:13:15,364 --> 00:13:18,693 i was right, the game sucks. It's the drinking of the amusing part. 315 00:13:21,279 --> 00:13:23,187 I've got an idea. 316 00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:27,255 Georgia. That's six. 317 00:13:28,195 --> 00:13:31,170 Oh, i was gonna... No. 318 00:13:31,829 --> 00:13:33,859 Jesus christ, 319 00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:37,733 you guys are gonna be hammered before I finish naming the East Coast. 320 00:13:38,599 --> 00:13:41,120 I gotta cook up some hotdogs, man. 321 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,155 I got a proposition for you, man, check this out, 322 00:13:43,235 --> 00:13:45,882 What do you say we smash these wicker chairs to bits, 323 00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:49,181 we put them in the middle of the U-Haul, which is metal, 324 00:13:49,182 --> 00:13:50,547 and we burn the wicker chairs, cook the hotdogs on them. 325 00:13:50,548 --> 00:13:52,996 What are you mean? We cook the hotdogs over the fire? 326 00:13:53,076 --> 00:13:56,403 and then we'll get some new wicker chairs next time we're at a gipsy hangout spot. 327 00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:59,127 Okay, you think we're gonna be going to a lot of those? 328 00:13:59,207 --> 00:14:02,726 - Cause i feel like, i already dodged the bullet once today. - What do you mean? 329 00:14:02,806 --> 00:14:06,600 Well, I mean, you know, gypsies. I don't want anyone shrinking my head and shit. 330 00:14:07,310 --> 00:14:11,577 Yeah. First of all, it was not gypsies ever that did that, 331 00:14:11,657 --> 00:14:12,959 That's a sort of witch-doctor thing. 332 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,873 But either way, neither one of them could shrink heads. 333 00:14:16,670 --> 00:14:18,161 Can we, let's just burn the chairs. 334 00:14:18,162 --> 00:14:20,249 Couple of hotdogs will calm me down. 335 00:14:21,013 --> 00:14:23,724 - Thanks for driving. - I really appreciate the ride. 336 00:14:23,804 --> 00:14:25,704 Yeah. 337 00:14:25,930 --> 00:14:30,154 - So you're headed to Hollywood, huh? - Yeah. 338 00:14:31,419 --> 00:14:33,319 Oh my god. 339 00:14:33,474 --> 00:14:36,456 Oh my god, you're runnin' away from home, aren't you? 340 00:14:37,955 --> 00:14:39,711 Yeah, maybe. 341 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,710 No. 342 00:14:41,895 --> 00:14:46,030 Sweet baby, they are gonna eat you alive in Hollywood. 343 00:14:46,509 --> 00:14:50,900 You're definitely gonna end up doing gay porn with this tiny little body of yours. 344 00:14:51,367 --> 00:14:54,205 Oh, man. Kid. 345 00:14:54,437 --> 00:14:58,324 I'll be fine. I've actually got an uncle out there... 346 00:15:03,539 --> 00:15:05,992 I've got something you need to hear about. 347 00:15:07,354 --> 00:15:09,254 Hang on a second. 348 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:17,965 ♪ Runaway train, never goin' back, 349 00:15:18,263 --> 00:15:21,942 ♪ Wrong way on a one-way track... 350 00:15:22,147 --> 00:15:26,102 Actually, i've got this uncle out there... 351 00:15:26,182 --> 00:15:30,491 ♪ Somehow I'm neither here nor there. 352 00:15:30,571 --> 00:15:34,599 ♪ Runaway train, never comin' back. 353 00:15:34,679 --> 00:15:38,702 ♪ Runaway train, tearin' up the track. 354 00:15:38,862 --> 00:15:41,098 Runaway... 355 00:15:41,696 --> 00:15:43,596 Shit. 356 00:15:45,192 --> 00:15:47,711 What is that? Is that piss? 357 00:15:47,893 --> 00:15:49,768 Is that piss? Pull over! 358 00:15:49,769 --> 00:15:51,969 You better pull over or he'll just keep yelling. 359 00:15:52,129 --> 00:15:53,959 Pull over, you little dick! 360 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,860 Stop the car. 361 00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:59,178 Jesus Christ, Dee! I'm covered in piss. 362 00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,118 Maybe you shouldn't have had your window down. 363 00:16:01,119 --> 00:16:03,743 Maybe you shouldn't be throwing jars of pee out the window! 364 00:16:03,783 --> 00:16:06,117 - Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't. It's up for debate. - You shouldn't! 365 00:16:06,157 --> 00:16:08,057 Hey, what the hell is that? 366 00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:19,535 Holy shit! 367 00:16:26,394 --> 00:16:28,824 Damn, it's dark and we haven't even left Philly yet. 368 00:16:29,282 --> 00:16:32,201 I'm so sorry, dude. I don't know what happened. 369 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:35,398 It's like we lit the chairs, There must have been a glaze on the wicker, or something 370 00:16:35,438 --> 00:16:39,502 - 'Cause we passed out instantly. - Some sort of a poison glaze. 371 00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:42,205 - What are we, 20 minutes away from the bar? - Yes, we're close. 372 00:16:42,285 --> 00:16:43,802 I use this gas station all the time. 373 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:47,065 Sorry, it took a little longer than i thought, there was a line for the bathroom. 374 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:49,641 Check at this couch i found in the dumpster. 375 00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:52,370 - Toss in. Nice - Got it buddy? 376 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,962 What's the plan here? You guys just still gonna riding in the back? 377 00:16:55,042 --> 00:16:56,506 - Yes! - Sure. 378 00:16:56,507 --> 00:16:58,678 You're not gonna get the smell of piss out that car for weeks. 379 00:16:58,758 --> 00:17:00,459 Yeah, it's pretty bad, i'm in. 380 00:17:00,460 --> 00:17:02,270 - Me too. - You guys get in too? 381 00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:03,621 Allright, let's do it. 382 00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:07,278 Allright, whatever. Have fun in the death trap. 383 00:17:07,448 --> 00:17:09,353 I guess i'm riding with you, bro. 384 00:17:09,887 --> 00:17:12,259 You're not gonna sing to me, are you? 385 00:17:13,173 --> 00:17:15,073 I might. 386 00:17:15,963 --> 00:17:17,863 Allright. 387 00:17:20,057 --> 00:17:21,479 You know, Dee... 388 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,427 I don't wanna say anything back there cause i don't wanna be rude to the kid, 389 00:17:24,507 --> 00:17:26,814 but you really gotta be careful just picking up hitchhikers. 390 00:17:26,854 --> 00:17:30,495 I know, but that kid was like really young and sweet and innocent looking. 391 00:17:30,575 --> 00:17:32,175 Right, but those are the one's you gotta watch out for. 392 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:36,096 Those are the most dangerous hitchhikers. 393 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,955 They act like the normal and then they carve you up. 394 00:17:39,995 --> 00:17:41,296 No way, wasn't gonna happen. 395 00:17:41,297 --> 00:17:45,523 I had my eyes on him on the whole time. I've always got an A, B, and a C strike plan 396 00:17:45,563 --> 00:17:47,885 to get us out of any potentially life-threating situation. 397 00:17:50,905 --> 00:17:52,277 - That's right. - Could be, Frank. 398 00:17:52,278 --> 00:17:54,530 All i'm saying is that i'm ready for any situation. 399 00:17:54,610 --> 00:17:56,825 That's why you're all safe as long as i'm around. 400 00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:59,128 I did an ocular pat-down and i cleared him. 401 00:17:59,327 --> 00:18:00,937 I'm sorry? 402 00:18:00,938 --> 00:18:05,678 I'm saying that i did an ocular assessment of the situation, garnered that he was not a security risk, and I cleared him for passage. 403 00:18:05,758 --> 00:18:09,034 - I cleared him for passage? - What in the hell are you talking about? 404 00:18:09,074 --> 00:18:11,854 I'm talking about breaking down the security situation, 405 00:18:11,934 --> 00:18:15,434 clearing individual and making it safer passage. 406 00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:21,690 How exactly do you view yourself within the context of our group? 407 00:18:22,848 --> 00:18:24,969 - The sheriff of Paddy's. 408 00:18:25,269 --> 00:18:27,006 I can't have this conversation right now. 409 00:18:27,007 --> 00:18:28,309 - The sheriff of Paddy's - Can you move on? 410 00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:30,210 I'm gonna pass out. 411 00:18:30,232 --> 00:18:32,486 We got a long trip head for us. 412 00:18:32,566 --> 00:18:34,558 - Careful. - I got it. 413 00:18:47,531 --> 00:18:49,431 Get off me, dude. 414 00:18:51,242 --> 00:18:54,361 Are we moving? I think we're stopped. 415 00:18:54,441 --> 00:18:56,341 Dee, what time is it? 416 00:18:57,212 --> 00:18:58,735 - 7 a.m. - 7 a.m.? 417 00:18:58,736 --> 00:19:00,892 - Shit, we've been driving all night? - We're not moving, are we? 418 00:19:00,972 --> 00:19:02,586 No. 419 00:19:02,587 --> 00:19:05,870 - You think we're head like half way there? - I wonder how far we got? 420 00:19:10,626 --> 00:19:12,612 What the hell is this? 421 00:19:14,087 --> 00:19:17,128 - We're backed at Paddy's? - Where the hell is my car? 422 00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,854 - God damn! - Shitballs! 423 00:19:24,106 --> 00:19:26,758 You guys are back! How was the Grand Canyon? 424 00:19:26,838 --> 00:19:29,191 - What the hell happened to my car, Charlie? - I don't know. 425 00:19:29,383 --> 00:19:33,549 Last thing i remember,we were at the gas station, and you guys hopped in back, 426 00:19:33,629 --> 00:19:36,570 and i hopped in the front with the hitchhiker. Then i got freaked out about leaving Philly, 427 00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:39,101 so i asked him if he drop me off back here, and he said he take you guys 428 00:19:39,141 --> 00:19:41,555 to the Grand Canyon. And then i drank all night, and passed out, 429 00:19:41,635 --> 00:19:44,795 and then you guys are getting here now? So i figured did you go and come back? 430 00:19:44,992 --> 00:19:47,649 He didn't take us to the Grand Canyon, he detached the trailer, 431 00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,039 and stole my car. 432 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,341 - Really? - Yeah! 433 00:19:50,342 --> 00:19:54,310 The weird thing is, Mac had already cleared him as a security risk. Did an ocular pat-down on him. 434 00:19:54,470 --> 00:19:56,370 - Amazing, right? - Are you cleared him, Mac? 435 00:19:56,426 --> 00:19:58,579 - I cleared him. - I thought he was clear. 436 00:19:58,659 --> 00:19:59,960 - He wasn't clear. 437 00:19:59,961 --> 00:20:01,262 I'm calling the cops. 438 00:20:01,263 --> 00:20:03,369 I thought Mac cleared him. I don't think there be any problem. 439 00:20:03,409 --> 00:20:05,384 - I had a good time on the trip. 440 00:20:05,464 --> 00:20:07,459 Looking on the bright side things, allright. 441 00:20:07,660 --> 00:20:10,064 - Let's drink some beers, man. - Absolutely. 442 00:20:11,234 --> 00:20:13,793 That was a close side of,we're got to been out of the Philly, man. 443 00:20:14,111 --> 00:20:15,535 - Cheers! - Cheers! 444 00:20:15,536 --> 00:20:17,177 - Texas! - State game? 445 00:20:17,178 --> 00:20:18,790 - Ohio. - Rhode Island. 446 00:20:18,791 --> 00:20:20,197 Nice. 447 00:20:20,198 --> 00:20:21,872 - Detroit. - That's not a state. 448 00:20:21,873 --> 00:20:23,661 - Drink! - Milwaukee. 449 00:20:23,662 --> 00:20:25,562 Jesus H. Christ. 450 00:20:25,565 --> 00:20:28,226 Translate : Joe_Le_Taxi