1
00:00:01,957 --> 00:00:04,059
MAC: Look, bro, I'm only gonna
be here for about ten minutes.
2
00:00:04,126 --> 00:00:04,893
I got to get my pump on.
3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:05,894
I have a very big day.
4
00:00:05,961 --> 00:00:06,895
I'm sorry.
5
00:00:06,962 --> 00:00:07,896
I can't let you in.
6
00:00:08,468 --> 00:00:11,384
I don't understand why you're
insisting on jamming me up here, bro.
7
00:00:11,416 --> 00:00:13,266
I'm not trying to jam you up.
8
00:00:13,649 --> 00:00:14,847
I just don't believe you.
9
00:00:15,403 --> 00:00:16,550
What is not to believe?
10
00:00:16,670 --> 00:00:18,406
I am absolutely Dennis Reynolds.
11
00:00:19,622 --> 00:00:20,957
This picture looks nothing like you.
12
00:00:21,202 --> 00:00:22,338
Well, thank you.
13
00:00:22,458 --> 00:00:24,853
Because I have actually packed
on about 15 or 20 pounds of
14
00:00:24,973 --> 00:00:27,075
solid bulk muscle since that
picture was taken, bro.
15
00:00:27,108 --> 00:00:28,853
It's actually a testament to your gym.
16
00:00:28,973 --> 00:00:31,486
I'm gonna need you to either buy
your own membership, or get out.
17
00:00:31,554 --> 00:00:32,997
CARMEN: Mac?
18
00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:33,841
Yeah.
19
00:00:34,183 --> 00:00:35,748
Hey, tranny.
20
00:00:36,085 --> 00:00:36,782
Carmen.
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00:00:36,817 --> 00:00:37,865
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
22
00:00:37,940 --> 00:00:38,493
How you doing?
23
00:00:38,561 --> 00:00:39,709
Wow. You look great.
24
00:00:39,829 --> 00:00:41,275
Sweet camel toe.
25
00:00:41,496 --> 00:00:42,533
That's a good tuck job.
26
00:00:42,497 --> 00:00:43,469
You have it taped back there?
27
00:00:43,498 --> 00:00:44,913
No.
It's good.
28
00:00:45,033 --> 00:00:46,003
It's actually gone.
29
00:00:46,449 --> 00:00:47,967
I had the surgery.
30
00:00:48,087 --> 00:00:49,286
Get out.
31
00:00:49,406 --> 00:00:50,773
That's fantastic.
32
00:00:50,911 --> 00:00:52,461
I thought I was gonna get a phone call
33
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,390
after the old snip snip,
'cause we talked about that, but...
34
00:00:54,510 --> 00:00:56,511
Either way, now that your
dick-less, I'm into it.
35
00:00:57,623 --> 00:00:59,020
What are you doing this afternoon?
36
00:00:59,140 --> 00:00:59,781
NICK: How's it going?
37
00:01:00,386 --> 00:01:06,294
Uh, it's going good, pal, but,
uh, the lady isn't interested.
38
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:10,459
Uh, Mac, I would like you
to meet my husband, Nick.
39
00:01:11,411 --> 00:01:12,638
Husband?
40
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:14,561
You're married.
41
00:01:14,681 --> 00:01:15,363
(Carmen laughs)
42
00:01:16,161 --> 00:01:17,665
Great.
43
00:01:18,334 --> 00:01:28,517
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
44
00:01:52,436 --> 00:01:53,796
CHARLIE: Now, what
are you guys saying?
45
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:54,563
They're good almonds, right?
46
00:01:54,631 --> 00:01:55,564
FRANK: They are tasty.
47
00:01:55,632 --> 00:01:56,476
DENNIS: These almonds?
Yeah, they're fine.
48
00:01:56,596 --> 00:01:59,214
I found them in, like, in a
little pile in the alleyway.
49
00:01:59,334 --> 00:02:01,904
A squirrel must have piled them
up and then got hit by a car.
50
00:02:01,971 --> 00:02:02,738
Why? Why? Why? Why?
51
00:02:02,806 --> 00:02:04,573
Why did you feed us alley almonds?
52
00:02:04,641 --> 00:02:05,447
Why wouldn't you tell us that?
53
00:02:05,567 --> 00:02:06,660
No. They're perfectly good.
54
00:02:06,780 --> 00:02:09,859
I just... Guys. Guys, guys, I've
got news; I've got huge news.
55
00:02:09,979 --> 00:02:11,584
So I went down to the gym
this morning, right?
56
00:02:11,704 --> 00:02:14,401
I was all amped up, 'cause Charlie
and I found a bunch of nuts.
57
00:02:14,521 --> 00:02:16,366
I was so full of protein, okay?
58
00:02:16,486 --> 00:02:19,597
I went to get my pump on, but
I couldn't get my pump on.
59
00:02:19,897 --> 00:02:20,819
Now I know what you're thinking.
60
00:02:20,939 --> 00:02:22,831
Clearly, I did get my pump on,
but that's 'cause I just did a
61
00:02:22,868 --> 00:02:24,427
bunch of push-ups outside.
62
00:02:24,547 --> 00:02:25,455
Also, why I'm out of breath.
63
00:02:25,596 --> 00:02:27,080
What in God's name are
you talking about?
64
00:02:27,108 --> 00:02:27,831
Is this the big news?
65
00:02:28,156 --> 00:02:30,344
No. I ran into the tranny.
66
00:02:31,136 --> 00:02:34,488
She got her dick cut off,
and she married a dude.
67
00:02:34,994 --> 00:02:36,290
Oh, that's great.
68
00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:38,035
Congratulations to her.
69
00:02:38,092 --> 00:02:39,021
No, that is not great.
70
00:02:39,141 --> 00:02:39,700
No?
71
00:02:39,831 --> 00:02:41,005
That is a gay marriage.
72
00:02:41,115 --> 00:02:42,767
Uh, I got a question for you.
73
00:02:43,227 --> 00:02:44,786
One's a girl... One's a guy...
74
00:02:45,022 --> 00:02:46,449
- Yeah.
- And how is that gay?
75
00:02:47,191 --> 00:02:50,521
Well, for starters, clearly, her
husband is a homosexual, okay?
76
00:02:51,085 --> 00:02:52,859
Why are you making that assumption?
77
00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:54,384
Because he's with a tranny?
78
00:02:54,437 --> 00:02:55,832
You were with the tranny.
What are you saying?
79
00:02:56,024 --> 00:02:59,026
No, Charlie, that is completely
different, and you know it.
80
00:02:59,117 --> 00:02:59,943
Yeah. No. He's right.
81
00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:02,026
That's different, 'cause this
new guy... if I'm hearing correctly...
82
00:03:02,069 --> 00:03:05,402
he waited until she got her
dick cut off before he banged her.
83
00:03:05,487 --> 00:03:06,197
But that means...
No.
84
00:03:06,492 --> 00:03:07,158
Wait.
85
00:03:07,224 --> 00:03:09,940
Look, who gives a shit if gays
want to be miserable like
86
00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:11,225
everybody else and get married?
87
00:03:11,272 --> 00:03:12,164
Let 'em do it.
88
00:03:12,375 --> 00:03:13,699
It's no skin off my ass.
89
00:03:13,765 --> 00:03:15,422
No. Marriage is a
wonderful thing.
90
00:03:15,488 --> 00:03:17,647
It's between two people who
decide they want to spend
91
00:03:17,685 --> 00:03:20,234
the rest of their lives together because
they love each other very much.
92
00:03:20,272 --> 00:03:22,431
I'm all for it, and I think
everyone should be entitled to it.
93
00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:25,357
Oh, oh, everybody up on their high
horse of marriage all of a sudden.
94
00:03:25,582 --> 00:03:27,780
Marriage is about procreation, okay?
95
00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:29,097
This is gay marriage.
96
00:03:29,702 --> 00:03:31,242
That's two dudes banging each other.
97
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,298
What do you get from that?
98
00:03:32,406 --> 00:03:33,730
Nothing. Nothing.
99
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,584
Uh, that is a persuasive argument.
100
00:03:35,626 --> 00:03:39,250
You should take your powerful extension
cord argument straight to the Supreme Court.
101
00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:40,316
Mm-hmm.
They'll love it there.
102
00:03:40,369 --> 00:03:41,697
Run that right up the ladder, right?
103
00:03:41,732 --> 00:03:43,480
No. Run it up the ladder...
Mac, dude, look, I think
104
00:03:43,517 --> 00:03:45,817
you're just getting upset that
the tranny married some guy
105
00:03:45,937 --> 00:03:47,416
that's not you, and that's
what this is about.
106
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:49,927
No, no, Charlie, this is
about the big man upstairs,
107
00:03:49,967 --> 00:03:51,327
- okay, getting boxed out.
- Oh, geez.
108
00:03:51,447 --> 00:03:55,039
It very clearly says in the bible
that gay marriage is wrong, okay?
109
00:03:55,159 --> 00:03:55,818
And I'm gonna show you.
110
00:03:55,847 --> 00:03:56,385
Where's our bible?
111
00:03:56,452 --> 00:03:57,386
Where's our bible?
112
00:03:57,453 --> 00:03:58,947
Where's our goddamn bible?
113
00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:00,502
- We don't have a bible in here.
- Yeah.
114
00:04:00,622 --> 00:04:01,563
Why don't we have a bible?
115
00:04:01,683 --> 00:04:02,474
We never have.
116
00:04:02,594 --> 00:04:03,516
It's a bar.
117
00:04:04,822 --> 00:04:06,333
Okay, I see what's happening here.
118
00:04:06,897 --> 00:04:08,823
All right, I don't have enough
facts to support my argument.
119
00:04:08,943 --> 00:04:09,522
Clearly.
120
00:04:09,642 --> 00:04:11,878
But I'm gonna find a bible,
and then I'm gonna come back,
121
00:04:11,915 --> 00:04:13,474
and I'm gonna school you
sons of bitches, okay?
122
00:04:13,594 --> 00:04:15,070
Because you guys are
trying to confuse me.
123
00:04:15,138 --> 00:04:17,375
You're trying to confuse me,
because that's what God's work...
124
00:04:21,641 --> 00:04:24,076
Uh... Oh, he's getting
himself all worked up, huh?
125
00:04:24,144 --> 00:04:25,247
Yeah. Very worked up.
126
00:04:25,367 --> 00:04:26,026
Very worked up.
127
00:04:26,052 --> 00:04:27,855
You know, I always thought
I'd be married by now.
128
00:04:29,163 --> 00:04:30,239
- What?
- What?
129
00:04:31,736 --> 00:04:32,497
Yeah. Well, I don't know.
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00:04:32,534 --> 00:04:34,844
I... All that talk about marriage
and everything... it's got me
131
00:04:34,872 --> 00:04:37,933
thinking about myself and my
situation, and I guess I always
132
00:04:37,979 --> 00:04:39,220
thought I'd be married by now.
133
00:04:40,855 --> 00:04:43,071
What the shit are you talking about?
134
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,573
Frank, I'm talking about
Maureen Ponderosa.
135
00:04:45,693 --> 00:04:48,768
Oh, my God, dude, don't
start in on this.
136
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:51,462
Maureen Ponderosa was my
girlfriend in tenth grade, and
137
00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:52,973
we were so in love.
138
00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:54,950
You remember Maureen
Ponderosa, right, Charlie?
139
00:04:55,005 --> 00:04:56,884
I remember her dead tooth, dude.
140
00:04:57,004 --> 00:04:58,410
What? Dead tooth?
141
00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:00,851
- She didn't have a dead tooth.
- You guys remember her brother, Bill?
142
00:05:00,971 --> 00:05:02,095
Bill Ponderosa?
143
00:05:03,073 --> 00:05:04,829
Boy, that guy was like a walking cliché.
144
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,451
He was hot, great buns.
145
00:05:06,571 --> 00:05:09,521
Yeah, and I remember, every time you
tried to talk to him, you'd (gags).
146
00:05:09,641 --> 00:05:10,732
I got a little gaggy.
147
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:13,765
It's only 'cause he made me nervous,
but he was very handsome.
148
00:05:13,802 --> 00:05:16,188
What is it with you two
and the Ponderosas?
149
00:05:16,308 --> 00:05:17,756
I think I might call her up, actually.
150
00:05:19,324 --> 00:05:21,878
(sucks in through teeth)
151
00:05:21,998 --> 00:05:23,155
Charlie, not in the corner.
152
00:05:23,173 --> 00:05:25,305
Put 'em in the closet,
tuck 'em in the back.
153
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:26,414
All right, Frank.
154
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,001
Pick it up.
155
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:29,149
There you go.
156
00:05:29,269 --> 00:05:30,157
Come on...
Oh!
157
00:05:30,277 --> 00:05:31,557
Not on the floor!
158
00:05:31,677 --> 00:05:32,314
Oh! Dude, my back.
159
00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:33,635
Charlie, look at this.
160
00:05:33,668 --> 00:05:35,953
I've been saving these for years.
What?
161
00:05:36,073 --> 00:05:37,814
I think I slipped a disk, man.
162
00:05:37,934 --> 00:05:40,267
Stand straight or something.
163
00:05:40,387 --> 00:05:42,185
Ugh! Frank, I got to go
see a chiropractor again.
164
00:05:42,305 --> 00:05:44,799
Oh, right, I just keep
paying medical bills, right?
165
00:05:44,919 --> 00:05:45,653
Is that it? Come on...
Come on.
166
00:05:45,773 --> 00:05:47,306
- I keep lugging pennies.
- You're in pain?
167
00:05:47,426 --> 00:05:48,954
Here, let me hit you
with a two-by-four.
168
00:05:49,074 --> 00:05:49,823
You won't feel anything.
169
00:05:49,943 --> 00:05:51,489
No. I don't want to
play that game anymore.
170
00:05:51,609 --> 00:05:52,483
All right, crack my back.
171
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:54,079
All right, can you
crack my back, please?
172
00:05:54,199 --> 00:05:55,004
Crack your back.
173
00:05:55,124 --> 00:05:56,614
All right, come on, turn around.
174
00:05:56,734 --> 00:05:58,132
All right... Give me that.
You ready?
175
00:05:58,384 --> 00:06:00,680
(both groaning, bones crunching)
176
00:06:01,472 --> 00:06:03,180
Did you get my back?
177
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,496
Oh, my back. Oh!
178
00:06:04,616 --> 00:06:06,120
I'll get you... Oh...
(bones crunching)
179
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,219
Oh. Aah!
180
00:06:07,339 --> 00:06:08,787
I need it again.
181
00:06:12,044 --> 00:06:15,391
Oh! Oh!
182
00:06:15,511 --> 00:06:16,525
Charlie, don't touch me.
183
00:06:16,791 --> 00:06:19,025
- Don't touch me.
- All right, all right.
184
00:06:19,092 --> 00:06:20,726
This is gonna sound crazy.
185
00:06:20,794 --> 00:06:22,701
I just got an idea.
186
00:06:22,821 --> 00:06:25,841
If we do that domestic
partnership thing that gay guys
187
00:06:25,961 --> 00:06:29,159
can do, I can totally get
on your health insurance.
188
00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:31,103
You won't even have to pay
for the chiropractor.
189
00:06:32,533 --> 00:06:33,919
You proposing to me?
190
00:06:34,106 --> 00:06:35,221
Come on, man.
191
00:06:35,341 --> 00:06:37,926
No. I'm saying, we're
already friends, right?
192
00:06:38,046 --> 00:06:38,766
(Charlie groans)
193
00:06:38,886 --> 00:06:40,951
Let's be friends with benefits, right?
194
00:06:41,071 --> 00:06:42,039
Oh, yeah.
195
00:06:42,159 --> 00:06:43,762
You get your back fixed.
196
00:06:43,882 --> 00:06:45,151
What's in it for me?
197
00:06:45,188 --> 00:06:47,127
All right, man, there's got
to be a reason why all those
198
00:06:47,247 --> 00:06:48,202
couples want to do it, right?
199
00:06:48,322 --> 00:06:49,308
Uh, perks, right?
200
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,689
We can at least look
into what goes into it?
201
00:06:52,193 --> 00:06:53,707
I really got to see a
chiropractor, man.
202
00:06:53,827 --> 00:06:54,883
All right, all right, look into it.
203
00:06:55,003 --> 00:06:56,767
I mean, you got to hit
me with the two-by-four.
204
00:06:56,887 --> 00:06:57,705
I got too much pain.
205
00:06:57,825 --> 00:06:58,839
- It's bad on me, too.
- It's bad.
206
00:06:58,959 --> 00:07:00,729
All right, I got you.
207
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,015
Hit me good.
208
00:07:05,177 --> 00:07:06,105
Phew!
209
00:07:06,173 --> 00:07:07,106
I feel really nervous, Dee.
210
00:07:07,174 --> 00:07:09,447
I haven't seen Maureen in,
like, close to 15 years.
211
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:11,274
- I was really in love with that girl, huh?
- Yeah.
212
00:07:11,394 --> 00:07:13,901
No girl has ever really had
this effect on me, so I don't
213
00:07:13,923 --> 00:07:15,440
know how to deal with it.
It's crazy.
214
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,023
Yeah. I know what you mean. I feel a lot
of butterflies myself, you know.
215
00:07:18,143 --> 00:07:21,852
I mean it's like "I'm gonna
see Bill Ponderosa gahh.."
216
00:07:22,884 --> 00:07:23,976
Is that gonna happen? Relax.
217
00:07:24,096 --> 00:07:24,774
Maybe bubbly water.
218
00:07:24,894 --> 00:07:26,300
Maybe if you get me some bubbly water.
219
00:07:26,420 --> 00:07:27,535
Slow down and get...
Here we go.
220
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,981
- Dennis!
- Hey, Maureen! Wow.
221
00:07:30,101 --> 00:07:31,443
Look at you. You look amazing!
222
00:07:31,563 --> 00:07:32,760
You look amazing.
223
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:33,644
Oh.
224
00:07:33,764 --> 00:07:35,045
Who's this?
Is this your husband?
225
00:07:35,165 --> 00:07:36,729
- Oh. This is Bill.
- Hey, guys.
226
00:07:36,849 --> 00:07:39,879
Bill? No. Wow.
227
00:07:39,999 --> 00:07:41,211
(laughter)
228
00:07:41,331 --> 00:07:42,765
Wow, right?
229
00:07:42,885 --> 00:07:45,090
I would not have guessed that was you.
230
00:07:45,210 --> 00:07:46,584
Yeah, I gained a little weight.
231
00:07:46,704 --> 00:07:47,690
Did you now?
232
00:07:47,810 --> 00:07:51,849
Oh, well, no, it's hardly
noticeable, hardly noticeable.
233
00:07:51,969 --> 00:07:53,146
I do notice the ring, though.
234
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:54,826
Oh, good for you.
You got married. That's good.
235
00:07:54,844 --> 00:07:55,607
Yeah. Yeah, ten years now.
236
00:07:55,659 --> 00:07:57,833
Yeah, she's amazing.
So are my two kids.
237
00:07:57,953 --> 00:07:58,729
Oh.
238
00:07:58,849 --> 00:08:00,452
Huh? Want to see little...
No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't.
239
00:08:00,572 --> 00:08:01,686
I don't really.
240
00:08:01,806 --> 00:08:03,156
I mean, it's great, but
you know what I mean.
241
00:08:03,276 --> 00:08:05,117
Nobody really wants to see that.
242
00:08:05,475 --> 00:08:08,954
Goddamn, this has been a really
fun walk down memory lane.
243
00:08:09,074 --> 00:08:12,834
Uh, Maureen, great to see you,
and, Bill, take care of yourself
244
00:08:12,954 --> 00:08:15,439
or whatever... people say.
245
00:08:15,559 --> 00:08:16,377
Okay. Excuse me?
246
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:17,316
All right.
247
00:08:18,245 --> 00:08:21,364
Well, uh, yeah, well, this is
has got to be a little awkward
248
00:08:21,484 --> 00:08:22,120
for you now, Bill, right?
249
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:26,318
'Cause you're here, and we're
sort of having a... you know,
250
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:28,135
probably gonna have a little
sit-down breakfast, and now
251
00:08:28,319 --> 00:08:31,213
you're a bit of a third wheel, kind of
wormed your way into our situation.
252
00:08:31,332 --> 00:08:32,103
Yeah. Not really.
253
00:08:32,191 --> 00:08:34,497
You know, I just came
to catch up, so... No.
254
00:08:34,983 --> 00:08:37,154
But I can leave you
guys alone, I guess.
255
00:08:37,325 --> 00:08:38,979
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that would be great.
256
00:08:39,099 --> 00:08:40,266
Hey, take care of yourself.
257
00:08:40,333 --> 00:08:41,500
It was good to see you.
258
00:08:41,568 --> 00:08:42,847
- Yeah. I got to pick up the kids.
- Sure, pick up the kids, yeah.
259
00:08:42,967 --> 00:08:43,827
Bye, Bill.
260
00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:47,278
- Uh...Hey, you want to sit down?
- Yeah.
261
00:08:47,398 --> 00:08:49,172
Great. Hey, God, man.
262
00:08:49,292 --> 00:08:50,452
Maureen Ponderosa.
263
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,731
I can't even believe those words
are coming out of my mouth.
264
00:08:52,851 --> 00:08:53,711
I know.
265
00:08:53,831 --> 00:08:54,901
God, look at you.
266
00:08:55,377 --> 00:08:56,316
Look at you.
267
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:59,312
You look great. You're still quite a catch.
You look just like you did in high school.
268
00:08:59,432 --> 00:09:00,292
Oh.
269
00:09:00,412 --> 00:09:01,878
Hey, do you remember all the
good times that we used to have
270
00:09:01,998 --> 00:09:04,174
in the back of your dad's
Datsun behind this place?
271
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,182
Oh, man.
272
00:09:05,302 --> 00:09:07,640
So much romance. Mm.
273
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,194
Hey, how is your dad?
274
00:09:09,314 --> 00:09:10,805
Dad died last year.
275
00:09:11,561 --> 00:09:13,040
- Did he die?
- Yeah.
276
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,972
Oh, that's... that's too bad.
277
00:09:15,092 --> 00:09:16,471
It happens, you know.
278
00:09:16,591 --> 00:09:18,070
He was getting up there, right?
279
00:09:18,138 --> 00:09:20,219
- I mean, it was probably
natural causes, or... - Suicide.
280
00:09:20,339 --> 00:09:22,447
- Sui... Suicide?
- Car exhaust, yeah.
281
00:09:22,567 --> 00:09:25,304
I had to break the window
of the Datsun, so...
282
00:09:25,424 --> 00:09:27,151
Oh, yeah, it was one of those.
283
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,544
- One of those, huh?
- His eyes were so yellow.
284
00:09:29,664 --> 00:09:30,510
Okay.
285
00:09:32,106 --> 00:09:35,316
Maureen Ponderosa...
286
00:09:35,436 --> 00:09:37,331
Yeah.. Yeah...
287
00:09:37,332 --> 00:09:41,332
Dennis Reynolds and Maureen Ponderosa
back together again at last.
288
00:09:46,879 --> 00:09:47,731
Hey, Carmen.
289
00:09:48,464 --> 00:09:50,380
Carmen, hey, I want to
show you something.
290
00:09:50,481 --> 00:09:52,503
Oh. Hey, Mac.
291
00:09:52,623 --> 00:09:53,645
- Yeah.
- What's going on here?
292
00:09:53,765 --> 00:09:56,223
Oh, good. I'm glad you're here, too, okay,
'cause this pertains to both of you guys.
293
00:09:56,343 --> 00:09:59,122
I'm about to do you guys a huge solid.
294
00:09:59,430 --> 00:10:00,643
Ready?
295
00:10:00,711 --> 00:10:05,223
"Men with men committing
indecent acts... " sex in the but",
296
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:08,300
... will receive the due
penalty for their perversion."
297
00:10:08,538 --> 00:10:09,812
(laughs)
298
00:10:09,932 --> 00:10:10,779
Word of the Lord.
299
00:10:10,899 --> 00:10:13,010
Okay, what is it you're
trying to say, Mac?
300
00:10:13,130 --> 00:10:15,713
I'm saying that in the eyes of
the Lord, your marriage is an
301
00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:18,461
abomination, and if you don't get
a divorce, you're going to hell.
302
00:10:18,528 --> 00:10:20,463
I love people tripping all the time.
303
00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:21,464
Can I see that for a second?
304
00:10:21,531 --> 00:10:23,314
Yeah, but I'm not tripping, okay?
It's all right there.
305
00:10:23,434 --> 00:10:24,364
Oh, no.
306
00:10:24,484 --> 00:10:25,302
Yeah, just... it's gonna take
you a little while to flip
307
00:10:25,422 --> 00:10:26,880
through it, 'cause that
book is long as shit.
308
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,210
Oh, yeah, I like this one.
309
00:10:28,330 --> 00:10:28,994
Yeah.
310
00:10:29,114 --> 00:10:30,156
Exodus 21, verses 20, 21.
311
00:10:30,276 --> 00:10:31,249
Mm.
312
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:34,600
"When a man strikes his slave
with a rod so hard that the
313
00:10:34,621 --> 00:10:36,668
slave dies, he shall be punished.
314
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:41,198
If, however, the slave survives
for a day or two, he is not to
315
00:10:41,318 --> 00:10:43,049
be punished, for the
slave is his property."
316
00:10:43,169 --> 00:10:44,953
That's-That's not what I'm
talking about, though.
317
00:10:45,073 --> 00:10:46,677
That's a different...
That's not my thing.
318
00:10:46,797 --> 00:10:49,519
Well, so you're saying you're gonna
whoop my black ass with a rod
319
00:10:49,540 --> 00:10:50,696
as long as you like it,
320
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:53,313
As long as I get up after
a day or two we are good?
321
00:10:53,564 --> 00:10:54,496
That's what you're telling me?
322
00:10:54,616 --> 00:10:58,944
No, I wouldn't whoop on you with anything,
whether you were my slave or not.
323
00:10:59,064 --> 00:11:03,601
It's just... That doesn't really pertain anyway,
because that section is not from the same time.
324
00:11:03,721 --> 00:11:06,215
Oh, oh, really? Well, what time
is your section from, Mac?
325
00:11:06,509 --> 00:11:08,455
Look, I came here to
help you guys, okay?
326
00:11:08,575 --> 00:11:10,911
And as a gay man, there's certain things
you need to know about the afterlife.
327
00:11:11,031 --> 00:11:12,661
I'm not a gay man.
328
00:11:12,781 --> 00:11:14,202
Yes, you are.
329
00:11:14,322 --> 00:11:15,483
You're banging a dude.
330
00:11:15,603 --> 00:11:18,858
Look, if anything, you're the one
that had sex with me when I was a man.
331
00:11:20,076 --> 00:11:21,914
Oh, that's it... you're gay.
332
00:11:22,034 --> 00:11:24,294
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
He's gay.
333
00:11:24,414 --> 00:11:28,000
If this is about you and
me, then just say that.
334
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,493
I'm never going to admit that, Carmen.
335
00:11:30,613 --> 00:11:33,610
But come on, I mean... him?
336
00:11:33,974 --> 00:11:35,991
What do you see in this guy?
337
00:11:36,111 --> 00:11:38,570
I mean, look at my
body compared to his.
338
00:11:38,690 --> 00:11:40,390
I'm a hard body.
You're a hard body.
339
00:11:40,510 --> 00:11:41,647
We could be hard bodies together.
340
00:11:41,695 --> 00:11:43,242
Not hard body and...
341
00:11:43,362 --> 00:11:46,828
I thought we established that there was
going to be a phone call after the procedure.
342
00:11:46,948 --> 00:11:49,167
And then you had the procedure,
and I never got that call.
343
00:11:49,287 --> 00:11:52,350
Instead you called this soft
body and you gay married him.
344
00:11:52,470 --> 00:11:55,665
And now you're calling me gay,
telling me I'm tripping and
345
00:11:55,785 --> 00:11:59,007
trying to confuse me with
your liberal Biblisisms.
346
00:11:59,525 --> 00:12:03,013
Man, my guess is is you've been
confused for a very long time.
347
00:12:09,757 --> 00:12:10,989
All right, take it easy.
348
00:12:11,109 --> 00:12:12,669
Oh, oh, oh.
349
00:12:12,789 --> 00:12:13,775
Thank you very much.
350
00:12:14,391 --> 00:12:17,890
All right, dude, okay, I admit this is more
paperwork than I expected, all right?
351
00:12:18,010 --> 00:12:19,696
But that's... Frank that's
because this domestic
352
00:12:19,816 --> 00:12:21,956
partnership thing is
really worth doing, dude.
353
00:12:22,076 --> 00:12:23,930
There's a lot of perks in
these bad boys, you know?
354
00:12:24,050 --> 00:12:25,807
There's a lot of jelly in
these doughnuts here, Frank.
355
00:12:25,927 --> 00:12:29,091
But, Charlie, you still haven't told me how
this shit is going to be good for me. Me.
356
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,276
It's all in here.
357
00:12:30,735 --> 00:12:32,198
All right, okay, all right,
think about this for a second.
358
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,382
Now you're definitely going
to have another massive heart attack
359
00:12:34,502 --> 00:12:35,909
or stroke in the
next few years, right?
360
00:12:36,029 --> 00:12:36,675
Definitely.
361
00:12:36,795 --> 00:12:39,097
All right, well, what's going to happen
when you go on life support, dude?
362
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,813
Dennis and Dee are going to pull
the plug on you so fast,
363
00:12:41,933 --> 00:12:42,709
your head is going to spin.
364
00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:45,369
But think about this, Frank, you
know who's not going to do that?
365
00:12:45,650 --> 00:12:47,845
This guy right here.
366
00:12:47,965 --> 00:12:50,926
This thing... this is so much
complicated stuff, Charlie.
367
00:12:51,046 --> 00:12:52,118
Look who it is?
368
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:54,036
Guys, you remember Maureen
Ponderosa, right?
369
00:12:54,156 --> 00:12:55,353
Charlie!
370
00:12:55,473 --> 00:12:58,034
Hey, Maureen, how are you?
371
00:12:58,154 --> 00:13:00,019
Dead tooth.
Let me see the dead tooth.
372
00:13:00,139 --> 00:13:01,293
What's he talking about?
373
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,758
Oh, he's, uh...
Pipe down, Frank, pipe down.
374
00:13:03,878 --> 00:13:05,450
So listen, guys, we just got married.
375
00:13:05,570 --> 00:13:06,752
- What?
- Yeah.
376
00:13:06,872 --> 00:13:09,006
Yeah, we're married. Maureen
and I got married.
377
00:13:09,126 --> 00:13:10,322
What is wrong with you?
378
00:13:10,442 --> 00:13:12,694
It's not what's wrong with
me, Frank, it's what's right with me,
379
00:13:12,732 --> 00:13:15,757
and that's this little piece of paper
right here that we just signed.
380
00:13:15,877 --> 00:13:18,253
It's our marriage certificate.
Now we're married. Boom.
381
00:13:18,293 --> 00:13:19,010
Hold on a second.
382
00:13:19,046 --> 00:13:20,721
You just had to sign a
little piece of paper.
383
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,633
They gave Frank and I, like, a
million forms for our marriage.
384
00:13:23,753 --> 00:13:25,502
You guys are trying to
get married too, huh?
385
00:13:25,622 --> 00:13:26,552
That's weird.
386
00:13:26,672 --> 00:13:27,798
Uh-huh, yeah.
387
00:13:27,918 --> 00:13:28,933
Well, we're out of here.
388
00:13:29,053 --> 00:13:30,613
So, good luck.
389
00:13:30,733 --> 00:13:33,469
Oh, my God, what is
the matter with him?
390
00:13:33,589 --> 00:13:34,450
Did you smell her breath?
391
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,254
Are you kidding me?
392
00:13:35,304 --> 00:13:37,862
It smelled like she was nibbling
on little pieces of shit.
393
00:13:40,074 --> 00:13:41,292
Wait a second, wait a second.
394
00:13:41,412 --> 00:13:43,291
Dennis, you're married?
395
00:13:43,509 --> 00:13:44,505
Yes, man, I'm married.
396
00:13:44,555 --> 00:13:45,330
I'm a married man.
397
00:13:45,373 --> 00:13:46,462
Yes, she's actually here, dude.
398
00:13:46,505 --> 00:13:47,705
It's awesome.
She's in the bathroom.
399
00:13:47,825 --> 00:13:48,755
She's brushing her teeth.
400
00:13:48,875 --> 00:13:51,122
Yeah, she must have eaten
something a little bit sinister.
401
00:13:51,242 --> 00:13:52,569
Must have been the Funyuns
or something, I don't know.
402
00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:53,563
Whatever, it doesn't matter.
403
00:13:53,683 --> 00:13:56,877
Anyway, the point is, I am having, this
is crazy, but I'm having feelings again.
404
00:13:56,997 --> 00:13:59,258
Like-like some kind of
14-year-old kid or something.
405
00:13:59,378 --> 00:14:00,859
You remember feelings, right?
406
00:14:01,685 --> 00:14:04,276
Yeah. I have feelings every
single day of my life.
407
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,992
Do you? Are you saying
you don't have feelings?
408
00:14:07,846 --> 00:14:09,358
Well, I'm saying I built up a shell.
409
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:10,782
A shell around myself.
410
00:14:10,902 --> 00:14:14,114
A cold, calculated, heartless
shell that couldn't be broken by
411
00:14:14,234 --> 00:14:15,221
anything but marriage.
412
00:14:15,341 --> 00:14:18,606
And that's what she did, dude... she
broke that shell with marriage.
413
00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:21,155
In a good way, if I'm being unclear.
414
00:14:21,704 --> 00:14:24,392
And that brings me,
actually, to my next point.
415
00:14:24,512 --> 00:14:27,472
I need you to move out...
like now, like right away.
416
00:14:28,047 --> 00:14:29,174
What?!
417
00:14:29,294 --> 00:14:31,329
Why do I have to move out?
It's my apartment, too.
418
00:14:31,365 --> 00:14:33,086
Uh, actually, you know what, Mac?
419
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,784
Turns out it's not your apartment, because
you never signed the lease, if you recall.
420
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,625
'Cause your credit was so bad.
421
00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:39,523
Oh.
422
00:14:39,643 --> 00:14:41,987
Well, what am I going to
do with all my stuff?
423
00:14:42,107 --> 00:14:43,962
You know what, believe it or
not, I've been doing some inventory...
424
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:48,024
and it turns out you don't actually
own anything in this apartment.
425
00:14:48,144 --> 00:14:50,985
- That can't be true.
- It's shockingly true.
426
00:14:51,105 --> 00:14:54,136
Yeah, yeah, every single
thing in here is mine.
427
00:14:54,256 --> 00:14:56,590
For instance, that shirt that
you're wearing right now.
428
00:14:56,710 --> 00:14:57,808
That was my shirt.
429
00:14:57,928 --> 00:14:59,951
And then I got tired of it, I
threw it in the trash and then
430
00:15:00,071 --> 00:15:02,669
you fished it out of the trash
and you cut the sleeves off it,
431
00:15:02,722 --> 00:15:05,708
as you are want to do, 'cause
that's your thing, but whatever.
432
00:15:05,828 --> 00:15:08,565
Also, listen, I don't want to
rush you on this either, but I
433
00:15:08,685 --> 00:15:11,556
did have to drop you from my
cell phone's family plan.
434
00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:14,049
Oh, and I'm going to need you to
stop using my name at the gym.
435
00:15:14,315 --> 00:15:15,934
Because I'm getting a lot of
phone calls about that and
436
00:15:15,968 --> 00:15:17,345
that's a little embarrassing.
437
00:15:17,373 --> 00:15:18,677
- Can I say something?
- Yeah, totally.
438
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,110
(sighs)
439
00:15:24,435 --> 00:15:26,169
Oh, there we go.
440
00:15:26,237 --> 00:15:27,371
Oh, hey.
441
00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:28,835
Hey, how you doing?
442
00:15:28,955 --> 00:15:29,711
Hey, hey, hey.
443
00:15:29,831 --> 00:15:30,607
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
444
00:15:30,675 --> 00:15:31,842
- Hey. You got a minute?
- No.
445
00:15:31,878 --> 00:15:33,427
- Got a question. Got a minute?
- Quick question.
446
00:15:33,446 --> 00:15:35,352
Yeah, I'm kind of in the
middle of something right now.
447
00:15:35,472 --> 00:15:36,327
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
448
00:15:37,399 --> 00:15:38,203
That's easy.
449
00:15:38,323 --> 00:15:39,082
Okay, no problem.
450
00:15:39,150 --> 00:15:40,106
That's better.
451
00:15:40,226 --> 00:15:42,049
Why do you people keep
bothering me at the gym?
452
00:15:42,118 --> 00:15:43,658
I'm so sorry.
It's going to be a quick question.
453
00:15:43,716 --> 00:15:45,027
- Charlie... you remember me, right?
- Yeah.
454
00:15:45,085 --> 00:15:47,357
- Frank.
- No, I don't remember you.
455
00:15:47,425 --> 00:15:50,193
Look, my friend and I, we're
trying to get, like, a gay
456
00:15:50,261 --> 00:15:53,230
marriage situation going on and he's
all tripped up about some issue.
457
00:15:53,297 --> 00:15:54,798
And now he's uncomfortable
talking to me.
458
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:57,056
I figured you're a expert,
so we could talk to you.
459
00:15:57,176 --> 00:15:58,920
All right, fine.
Jut go ahead... what?
460
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,068
Good. Go.
461
00:16:00,188 --> 00:16:02,687
Charlie and I... we're
going to get married.
462
00:16:02,807 --> 00:16:03,681
Mm-hmm.
463
00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:07,886
Who would be the man and who would
be the woman in that situation?
464
00:16:08,614 --> 00:16:10,147
Neither of you would be the woman.
465
00:16:10,267 --> 00:16:11,699
You're both men.
466
00:16:12,469 --> 00:16:13,547
Are you kidding me?
467
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,996
Is this what you've been
upset about the whole time?
468
00:16:16,061 --> 00:16:17,387
Which one of us is
going to be the woman?
469
00:16:17,455 --> 00:16:18,154
Yeah.
470
00:16:18,222 --> 00:16:20,490
I'm not going to get my dick
cut off and sold to China.
471
00:16:20,558 --> 00:16:23,326
Spend the rest of my life on
a treadmill like this guy.
472
00:16:23,446 --> 00:16:25,309
What are you...?
What?!
473
00:16:25,429 --> 00:16:26,945
I don't want to be the woman, Charlie.
474
00:16:27,065 --> 00:16:28,953
And I don't want to
see you be the woman.
475
00:16:29,073 --> 00:16:31,370
Neither of us would
be the woman, dude.
476
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:32,788
We would both be men.
477
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:35,778
We'd be two cool straight
dudes married together.
478
00:16:36,492 --> 00:16:39,509
Oh. I never thought
of it that way.
479
00:16:39,577 --> 00:16:42,847
Two dudes getting married...
that doesn't seem very gay.
480
00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:46,501
Yeah, right?
It's not... Yeah, right, yeah, okay.
481
00:16:46,621 --> 00:16:48,985
You know what, let's not argue on
this or think about it too much.
482
00:16:49,053 --> 00:16:49,653
No.
483
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,828
Two cool married... dudes.
484
00:16:51,949 --> 00:16:52,848
Not gay.
485
00:16:52,888 --> 00:16:53,623
I'm down with that.
486
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:54,274
- All right.
- Excuse me.
487
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,892
- Bump it, bump it, bump it.
- Gay dudes married.
488
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:56,559
Two gay dudes married.
489
00:16:56,627 --> 00:16:58,528
Is my role in this done now?
490
00:16:58,596 --> 00:17:00,898
Uh, any more questions?
491
00:17:01,018 --> 00:17:02,824
No. I think I got it.
492
00:17:02,944 --> 00:17:04,701
Hey, did they really
sell your dick to China?
493
00:17:06,474 --> 00:17:08,708
No. I can tell by your stare
the answer is no.
494
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,617
I told you, Frank. That's crazy.
495
00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:18,525
Dee, hey, we got to talk.
496
00:17:18,851 --> 00:17:21,497
Wait. You can't just come barging in
here like that. What are you doing?
497
00:17:21,552 --> 00:17:23,945
Okay, look, it takes a big
man to admit defeat,
498
00:17:24,065 --> 00:17:26,129
but you were right, I was wrong.
499
00:17:26,373 --> 00:17:28,481
Everybody should be able to get
married to whoever they want.
500
00:17:28,601 --> 00:17:30,274
Which got me thinking
about you and me.
501
00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:33,196
Oh, no, I'm not going to marry you,
if that's where this is headed.
502
00:17:33,264 --> 00:17:34,264
What?
503
00:17:34,985 --> 00:17:36,800
Dee, I would rather
get shot in the face.
504
00:17:37,148 --> 00:17:38,535
Okay, then what are you doing here?
505
00:17:38,602 --> 00:17:39,469
I'm glad you asked.
506
00:17:39,537 --> 00:17:40,537
I'm moving in.
507
00:17:40,604 --> 00:17:42,794
Also I need to get on your gym
membership,
508
00:17:42,914 --> 00:17:45,575
because I got to get back in there ASAP
before I lose this pump.
509
00:17:46,012 --> 00:17:47,650
What's with the beers?
Are you carbo loading?
510
00:17:48,312 --> 00:17:49,145
No. (gagging)
511
00:17:49,213 --> 00:17:50,731
Oh. What are you doing?
512
00:17:50,851 --> 00:17:51,711
Are you going to throw up?
513
00:17:51,831 --> 00:17:53,149
No...
Then why are you gagging?
514
00:17:53,217 --> 00:17:55,452
Oh, that... Because, Dee,
that triggers my gag reflex
515
00:17:55,519 --> 00:17:57,620
too, and then I feel like
I'm going to throw up.
516
00:17:57,688 --> 00:17:58,455
It's fine.
517
00:17:58,522 --> 00:18:00,090
I had some bad spaghetti.
518
00:18:00,157 --> 00:18:02,158
(both gagging)
519
00:18:02,226 --> 00:18:05,962
Dee, look, the point is... the
reason I came over here is
520
00:18:06,030 --> 00:18:08,399
because you were totally right
about this marriage thing, okay?
521
00:18:08,519 --> 00:18:10,910
It is a special bond between
two people in love.
522
00:18:11,316 --> 00:18:12,502
And everybody deserves...
(both gagging)
523
00:18:12,570 --> 00:18:13,269
...that right.
524
00:18:13,337 --> 00:18:16,973
Look, I'm thinking that...
I got to throw up. I'm gonna throw up.
525
00:18:17,041 --> 00:18:19,309
No, no, no, no, not in there.
526
00:18:19,703 --> 00:18:24,338
Oh, sorry. Uh...
Wait. I know you.
527
00:18:26,556 --> 00:18:27,817
Bill Ponderosa.
528
00:18:27,885 --> 00:18:29,819
(gagging)
529
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,406
Where are you going?
530
00:18:37,061 --> 00:18:40,096
Hey, Maureen Ponder...
Hey.
531
00:18:40,164 --> 00:18:42,465
I was just going to go
meet up with the guys.
532
00:18:42,533 --> 00:18:44,467
But I thought we were going
to watch a movie tonight.
533
00:18:44,535 --> 00:18:46,209
Watch a movie... yes, we were.
534
00:18:46,329 --> 00:18:49,339
Yeah, you know what... but I feel the
need to reconnect with the guys.
535
00:18:49,407 --> 00:18:51,831
So... But you know what, you
can watch a movie without me.
536
00:18:51,951 --> 00:18:53,357
- What?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
537
00:18:53,477 --> 00:18:56,446
Dude, we have so many
great, great movies here.
538
00:18:56,514 --> 00:18:58,748
Got a lot of action films
which is very, very exciting.
539
00:18:58,816 --> 00:19:00,889
Got all the Lethal Weapon
movies, which is cool.
540
00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:03,622
Including the one that I made
with the guys... Lethal Weapon 5.
541
00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:05,670
Yes. Amazing film, truly, truly.
542
00:19:05,790 --> 00:19:07,824
Although it gets a little
confusing halfway through
543
00:19:07,892 --> 00:19:09,893
because Mac and I decided
to switch parts.
544
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,028
He wanted to play Murtaugh
for some reason.
545
00:19:12,096 --> 00:19:13,206
Yeah, and I'm not going to lie.
546
00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:15,131
His use of blackface I found
a bit regrettable, but...
547
00:19:15,199 --> 00:19:17,735
Come on, it's our first
night as a married couple.
548
00:19:17,987 --> 00:19:19,669
I want to spend it
with my husband.
549
00:19:19,737 --> 00:19:21,432
Oh, yeah.
550
00:19:22,147 --> 00:19:25,622
I see that you're wearing
another one of those kitty cat
551
00:19:25,742 --> 00:19:28,184
sweatshirts that you seem so fond of.
552
00:19:28,304 --> 00:19:31,547
And you glued some jewels and
some flowers and things to it.
553
00:19:31,556 --> 00:19:32,615
- Uh-huh.
- Interesting.
554
00:19:32,683 --> 00:19:34,451
I like to be comfy and current.
555
00:19:34,518 --> 00:19:36,243
Yeah, yeah.
556
00:19:36,363 --> 00:19:37,931
I did not remember
that about you.
557
00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:40,356
You don't remember a
lot of things, silly.
558
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:42,067
Yeah.
559
00:19:42,187 --> 00:19:44,048
Now you get yourself
on that couch.
560
00:19:44,168 --> 00:19:45,635
I'm gonna go make
us fish sticks.
561
00:19:45,755 --> 00:19:48,546
Uh, I don't... I don't think
we have any fish sticks.
562
00:19:48,666 --> 00:19:50,066
I bought some.
563
00:19:50,134 --> 00:19:53,303
- Yeah. I don't particularly like
fish sticks, but... - Dennis.
564
00:19:53,370 --> 00:19:56,747
- Hmm?
- Hey, I love you.
565
00:20:03,414 --> 00:20:06,382
Uh, I love you.
566
00:20:06,450 --> 00:20:08,518
(clearing throat)
567
00:20:17,587 --> 00:20:19,071
Yeah.
568
00:20:19,191 --> 00:20:24,465
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