1 00:00:02,975 --> 00:00:04,561 Hello, Charlie Kelly here, 2 00:00:04,561 --> 00:00:07,027 local business owner and 3 00:00:09,197 --> 00:00:11,657 Is your cat making too much 4 00:00:11,657 --> 00:00:13,132 noise all the time? 5 00:00:13,132 --> 00:00:15,320 Is your cat constantly stomping 6 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,196 around, driving you crazy?! 7 00:00:21,723 --> 00:00:24,446 Is your cat clawing at your 8 00:00:24,446 --> 00:00:25,295 furnitures? 9 00:00:25,295 --> 00:00:27,395 Think there's no answer? 10 00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,146 You're so stupid! 11 00:00:29,146 --> 00:00:30,474 There is! 12 00:00:30,474 --> 00:00:32,203 Kitten Mittens. 13 00:00:33,754 --> 00:00:35,699 Finally, there's an elegant 14 00:00:35,699 --> 00:00:37,648 comfortable mitten for cats. 15 00:00:43,493 --> 00:00:45,005 I couldn't hear anything. 16 00:00:45,005 --> 00:00:46,883 Is your cat one-legged? 17 00:00:46,883 --> 00:00:49,256 Is your cat fat, skinny, or an 18 00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:50,129 in-between? 19 00:00:50,129 --> 00:00:50,923 That doesn't matter 20 00:00:50,923 --> 00:00:52,373 'cause one size fits all. 21 00:00:52,373 --> 00:00:54,367 Kitten Mittens: you'll be 22 00:00:54,367 --> 00:00:55,147 smitten. 23 00:00:55,147 --> 00:00:57,468 So come on down to Paddy's Pub. 24 00:00:57,468 --> 00:00:59,910 We're the home of the Original 25 00:00:59,910 --> 00:01:01,008 Kitten Mittens. 26 00:01:01,008 --> 00:01:03,101 Me-ow! 27 00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:52,320 So, lately, at night, 28 00:01:52,388 --> 00:01:53,755 I've been forced to fall asleep 29 00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:55,424 to the deafening sound of, like, 30 00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:57,426 a hundred alley cats tapping on 31 00:01:57,493 --> 00:01:58,860 my windows, trying to get in. 32 00:01:58,928 --> 00:01:59,508 You know what I mean? 33 00:01:59,508 --> 00:02:02,464 Thus, Kitten Mittens, right? 34 00:02:02,532 --> 00:02:04,499 I'm making a quieter cat. 35 00:02:04,567 --> 00:02:05,577 And then I made the sales tape 36 00:02:05,577 --> 00:02:06,228 when I heard about the 37 00:02:06,228 --> 00:02:07,256 merchandising convention. 38 00:02:07,256 --> 00:02:07,872 Ooh, question. 39 00:02:07,872 --> 00:02:09,104 Mac, go. 40 00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,610 Uh, what merchandising convention? 41 00:02:10,610 --> 00:02:11,801 They're having one down at 42 00:02:11,801 --> 00:02:12,900 the Sheraton, all right? 43 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,151 So I figured what a better place 44 00:02:14,151 --> 00:02:16,244 to, like, find investors for my 45 00:02:16,312 --> 00:02:16,893 product? 46 00:02:16,893 --> 00:02:17,841 What do moronic 47 00:02:17,841 --> 00:02:19,544 Kitten Mittens have to do with 48 00:02:19,544 --> 00:02:20,123 our bar? 49 00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,883 Okay, one: they're not 50 00:02:21,951 --> 00:02:23,318 moronic, they're awesome, and 51 00:02:23,386 --> 00:02:24,553 two: uh, nothing. 52 00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:25,687 Uh, Charlie, I 53 00:02:25,755 --> 00:02:26,354 kinda like this. 54 00:02:26,422 --> 00:02:27,823 I might jump in on this with you 55 00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:28,123 here. 56 00:02:28,191 --> 00:02:28,963 I think it's a good idea. 57 00:02:28,963 --> 00:02:30,725 We could do T-shirts; we could 58 00:02:30,793 --> 00:02:32,027 do beach towels, those nudie 59 00:02:32,095 --> 00:02:32,594 pens. 60 00:02:32,662 --> 00:02:33,995 It's about time, you know, we 61 00:02:34,063 --> 00:02:35,397 get some merchandise in here and 62 00:02:35,465 --> 00:02:36,798 I start making some money off 63 00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:37,232 this place. 64 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:38,233 What? What are you talking 65 00:02:38,301 --> 00:02:38,533 about? 66 00:02:38,601 --> 00:02:39,601 You're not gonna make any money 67 00:02:39,669 --> 00:02:40,268 off this place. 68 00:02:40,336 --> 00:02:41,067 You don't own a piece of the bar. 69 00:02:41,512 --> 00:02:42,888 No, but I own a hundred 70 00:02:42,888 --> 00:02:43,768 percent of the merchandising. 71 00:02:43,768 --> 00:02:45,067 It's in my contract. 72 00:02:44,908 --> 00:02:45,507 What contract? 73 00:02:45,575 --> 00:02:47,109 The contract you had me sign 74 00:02:47,177 --> 00:02:48,177 when I first started working 75 00:02:48,244 --> 00:02:48,477 here. 76 00:02:48,545 --> 00:02:49,411 What?! 77 00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:51,714 Dee, we got you to sign that 78 00:02:51,781 --> 00:02:52,981 contract so we could pay you 79 00:02:53,049 --> 00:02:54,717 less than minimum wage, okay? 80 00:02:54,784 --> 00:02:56,351 We're never gonna merchandise 81 00:02:56,419 --> 00:02:57,453 anything in the bar. 82 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:58,821 But now we are. 83 00:02:58,888 --> 00:03:00,889 To be honest, I don't even 84 00:03:00,957 --> 00:03:02,024 remember signing any kind of 85 00:03:02,092 --> 00:03:02,391 contract. 86 00:03:02,459 --> 00:03:03,325 Oh, you don't remember. 87 00:03:03,393 --> 00:03:04,393 Did it slip your mind? 88 00:03:04,461 --> 00:03:05,561 That's okay 'cause it's right 89 00:03:05,628 --> 00:03:06,128 here. 90 00:03:06,196 --> 00:03:07,830 I keep it in this drawer so that 91 00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:08,964 you two jerks don't try... 92 00:03:09,032 --> 00:03:10,132 Hey, hey, wait, what are you 93 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:10,466 doing?! 94 00:03:10,533 --> 00:03:12,000 You son of a bitch! 95 00:03:12,068 --> 00:03:13,402 Well, that doesn't nullify it, 96 00:03:13,470 --> 00:03:14,236 you know. 97 00:03:14,304 --> 00:03:16,004 Oh, why, do you have another 98 00:03:16,072 --> 00:03:16,538 copy? 99 00:03:16,606 --> 00:03:19,108 I... don't! 100 00:03:19,175 --> 00:03:21,276 I don't, but you can't just go 101 00:03:21,344 --> 00:03:21,977 eat a contract! 102 00:03:22,045 --> 00:03:23,378 He just did eat it. 103 00:03:23,446 --> 00:03:25,047 All right, I'm talking to a 104 00:03:25,115 --> 00:03:25,748 lawyer about this. 105 00:03:25,815 --> 00:03:27,149 You don't have a leg 106 00:03:27,217 --> 00:03:27,816 to stand on. 107 00:03:27,884 --> 00:03:28,484 Yeah, go ahead. 108 00:03:28,551 --> 00:03:29,718 This is making me think maybe 109 00:03:29,786 --> 00:03:31,153 I should slap a patent on my 110 00:03:31,221 --> 00:03:32,187 Kitten Mittens before you guys 111 00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:33,489 try and steal that, too, huh? 112 00:03:33,556 --> 00:03:35,023 I can see it in your eyes. 113 00:03:35,091 --> 00:03:36,125 You're all over this, aren't 114 00:03:36,192 --> 00:03:36,825 you? 115 00:03:36,893 --> 00:03:39,528 You know, I gotta say, Mac, 116 00:03:39,596 --> 00:03:41,230 my instinct to steal this idea 117 00:03:41,297 --> 00:03:42,931 is very strong. 118 00:03:42,999 --> 00:03:44,032 Kitten Mittens? 119 00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,934 No, idiot, merchandising in 120 00:03:46,002 --> 00:03:46,535 the bar. 121 00:03:46,603 --> 00:03:47,936 I'm thinking we take this 122 00:03:48,004 --> 00:03:49,037 merchandising convention as an 123 00:03:49,105 --> 00:03:50,272 opportunity to make merchandise 124 00:03:50,340 --> 00:03:50,806 for Paddy's. 125 00:03:50,874 --> 00:03:51,173 Right. 126 00:03:51,241 --> 00:03:52,341 You know, like, expand our 127 00:03:52,408 --> 00:03:53,609 brand, you know, make a little 128 00:03:53,676 --> 00:03:54,710 money! 129 00:03:54,778 --> 00:03:56,111 Who's gonna buy merchandise 130 00:03:56,179 --> 00:03:57,880 through a bar that they've never 131 00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:58,747 been to? 132 00:03:58,815 --> 00:04:00,149 Uh, hello, Frank? 133 00:04:00,216 --> 00:04:02,518 I've never been to Fiji. 134 00:04:02,585 --> 00:04:03,685 All right, well, how about, 135 00:04:03,753 --> 00:04:04,953 like, hard-boiled eggs from 136 00:04:05,021 --> 00:04:06,255 Paddy's Bar? 137 00:04:06,322 --> 00:04:07,623 Green eggs, it says "Paddy's" on 138 00:04:07,690 --> 00:04:09,525 'em, you keep 'em on your desk 139 00:04:09,592 --> 00:04:10,726 when you go to work? 140 00:04:10,794 --> 00:04:12,094 Who's gonna want to keep a 141 00:04:12,162 --> 00:04:13,262 hard-boiled egg on their desk 142 00:04:13,329 --> 00:04:13,729 at work? 143 00:04:13,797 --> 00:04:15,063 Oh, all right, then you put 144 00:04:15,131 --> 00:04:16,231 it on your dashboard of your 145 00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:16,799 car. 146 00:04:16,866 --> 00:04:18,233 It's just a jumping-off point. 147 00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:19,301 Frank, keeping hard-boiled 148 00:04:19,369 --> 00:04:21,003 eggs on your desktop or the 149 00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:22,471 dashboard of your car is not a 150 00:04:22,539 --> 00:04:22,971 jumping-off point. 151 00:04:23,039 --> 00:04:24,473 Get the hell out of here, all 152 00:04:24,541 --> 00:04:24,773 right? 153 00:04:24,841 --> 00:04:26,008 Let us concentrate on doing the 154 00:04:26,075 --> 00:04:26,542 merchandising idea. 155 00:04:26,609 --> 00:04:28,043 Clearly you don't get it, so... 156 00:04:28,111 --> 00:04:29,211 I don't get it?! 157 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:30,045 You don't get it! 158 00:04:30,113 --> 00:04:30,879 I don't get it?! 159 00:04:30,947 --> 00:04:31,747 You don't get it! 160 00:04:31,815 --> 00:04:32,214 Oh, yeah?! 161 00:04:32,282 --> 00:04:33,840 We'll see who doesn't get it! 162 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:34,253 Okay. 163 00:04:34,253 --> 00:04:34,673 Yeah! 164 00:04:34,673 --> 00:04:35,226 All right! 165 00:04:38,062 --> 00:04:38,726 All right, Charlie, remember, 166 00:04:38,726 --> 00:04:40,057 this lawyer is not a big fan of 167 00:04:40,057 --> 00:04:40,654 ours. 168 00:04:40,654 --> 00:04:41,220 We're probably gonna have to 169 00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:42,651 turn the charm up a little bit 170 00:04:42,651 --> 00:04:43,218 in the beginning, you know 171 00:04:43,218 --> 00:04:43,694 what I mean? 172 00:04:43,694 --> 00:04:44,636 I got a plan on how we can do 173 00:04:44,636 --> 00:04:45,181 that, too. 174 00:04:45,181 --> 00:04:46,005 You see this picture of his wife 175 00:04:46,005 --> 00:04:46,564 right here? 176 00:04:47,075 --> 00:04:47,902 What if we, like, compliment 177 00:04:47,902 --> 00:04:48,703 her good looks? 178 00:04:48,703 --> 00:04:50,124 That, you know, gets us off on 179 00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:50,868 a good foot, right? 180 00:04:50,868 --> 00:04:51,828 Are you kidding me? 181 00:04:52,328 --> 00:04:53,435 That woman looks like a 182 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:53,935 stone-cold bitch, 183 00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:54,803 and you know it. 184 00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:56,304 And he knows it 'cause he turns 185 00:04:56,372 --> 00:04:57,339 the picture away from him. 186 00:04:57,406 --> 00:04:58,573 Well, I'm trying to make 187 00:04:58,641 --> 00:04:59,107 lemonade here. 188 00:04:59,175 --> 00:04:59,774 Uh-oh! 189 00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:01,076 How did you get in here?! 190 00:05:01,143 --> 00:05:03,111 Hey-ey-ey-ey! 191 00:05:03,179 --> 00:05:04,012 Oh, we just... 192 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:04,879 There's the man! 193 00:05:04,947 --> 00:05:05,780 ...the old-fashioned way: 194 00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,082 with doors and feet and walked. 195 00:05:07,149 --> 00:05:08,216 You know, we were just 196 00:05:08,284 --> 00:05:09,517 having a conversation about how 197 00:05:09,585 --> 00:05:11,219 lovely your wife is. 198 00:05:11,954 --> 00:05:13,121 I was was not participating 199 00:05:13,189 --> 00:05:14,189 in that conversation 'cause I 200 00:05:14,256 --> 00:05:15,023 don't find her lovely. 201 00:05:15,091 --> 00:05:16,257 I think you're better than that. 202 00:05:16,325 --> 00:05:17,759 I think you can do better than 203 00:05:17,827 --> 00:05:18,384 that, and I mean that as a 204 00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:18,881 compliment. 205 00:05:18,881 --> 00:05:19,777 You are aware that there are 206 00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:21,381 other lawyers in Philadelphia? 207 00:05:21,381 --> 00:05:22,704 But the three of us have a 208 00:05:22,704 --> 00:05:23,229 history. 209 00:05:23,229 --> 00:05:23,581 Sure. 210 00:05:23,581 --> 00:05:25,751 We have a past, if you will. 211 00:05:25,751 --> 00:05:27,634 And Charlie and I really like 212 00:05:27,634 --> 00:05:28,822 the fact that you don't charge. 213 00:05:28,822 --> 00:05:31,206 I do charge, okay? 214 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,741 You don't pay. 215 00:05:32,808 --> 00:05:34,843 We're both men of the law, 216 00:05:34,910 --> 00:05:36,111 you know? 217 00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:37,597 We get after it, you know? 218 00:05:37,597 --> 00:05:39,462 We jabber-jaw, we go tit-for- 219 00:05:39,462 --> 00:05:40,495 tat, we have our little 220 00:05:40,495 --> 00:05:43,074 differences, but at the end of 221 00:05:43,074 --> 00:05:44,491 the day, you win some, I win 222 00:05:44,491 --> 00:05:45,955 some, and there's a mutual 223 00:05:45,955 --> 00:05:47,340 respect left over between us. 224 00:05:47,340 --> 00:05:48,779 No, any respect that you're 225 00:05:48,779 --> 00:05:49,967 feeling that's coming from me is 226 00:05:49,967 --> 00:05:51,365 a mistake on your part. 227 00:05:51,365 --> 00:05:52,455 Then I'll just regress 228 00:05:52,455 --> 00:05:53,534 because I feel like I've made 229 00:05:53,534 --> 00:05:54,537 myself myself perfectly 230 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:55,675 Yes, you have. 231 00:05:55,675 --> 00:05:57,663 I'm lost, so I'm just gonna 232 00:05:57,663 --> 00:05:58,580 get down to brass tacks. 233 00:05:58,580 --> 00:06:00,067 I got a question for you. 234 00:06:00,067 --> 00:06:02,664 Does a legal document hold up 235 00:06:02,664 --> 00:06:04,199 in a court of law if it has been 236 00:06:04,199 --> 00:06:05,936 ingested by the other party? 237 00:06:05,936 --> 00:06:06,278 I'm not sure. 238 00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:07,614 Now mind you, the heretofore 239 00:06:07,614 --> 00:06:10,548 document had, had dry ink on it 240 00:06:10,548 --> 00:06:12,548 for at least many forknights, 241 00:06:12,548 --> 00:06:14,655 uh, hereto... 242 00:06:14,655 --> 00:06:15,750 We signed it a long time ago. 243 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:16,754 It was a long time ago 244 00:06:16,754 --> 00:06:17,273 signed. 245 00:06:17,273 --> 00:06:19,392 I'm also gonna need a patent for 246 00:06:19,392 --> 00:06:20,251 the Kitten Mittens. 247 00:06:20,251 --> 00:06:21,029 I'm sure you do. 248 00:06:21,029 --> 00:06:22,028 I was gonna ask you, "Hey, need 249 00:06:22,028 --> 00:06:22,936 Kitten Mitten patents?" 250 00:06:22,936 --> 00:06:23,883 That's them. 251 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,739 I'm sorry, sir, but they locked 252 00:06:26,739 --> 00:06:27,440 me in a closet. 253 00:06:32,551 --> 00:06:34,148 Yo, dude-dude-dude, I'm ready 254 00:06:34,148 --> 00:06:34,911 to show you my idea. 255 00:06:34,911 --> 00:06:36,378 Me, too. All right, let me go 256 00:06:36,378 --> 00:06:36,721 first, bro. 257 00:06:36,721 --> 00:06:37,206 No, I tell you what. 258 00:06:37,206 --> 00:06:38,005 Let me show you mine, and then 259 00:06:38,005 --> 00:06:38,633 you can go first. 260 00:06:38,633 --> 00:06:39,400 Then I'd be going second. 261 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,397 Yeah, great, okay, now 262 00:06:40,397 --> 00:06:41,684 listen, when we're selling stuff 263 00:06:41,684 --> 00:06:42,381 at Paddy's, I think we need to 264 00:06:42,381 --> 00:06:43,235 be selling a certain attitude, 265 00:06:43,235 --> 00:06:43,792 right? 266 00:06:43,792 --> 00:06:44,609 One that reflects our 267 00:06:44,609 --> 00:06:45,496 take-no-prisoners, 268 00:06:45,496 --> 00:06:46,438 rock-and-roll lifestyle. 269 00:06:46,438 --> 00:06:47,365 Okay? 270 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:47,834 Yeah? 271 00:06:47,834 --> 00:06:48,128 Yeah. 272 00:06:48,128 --> 00:06:50,175 Now what says that more than 273 00:06:50,175 --> 00:06:50,630 this? 274 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:55,447 Huh? Paddy's Thong, dude! 275 00:06:55,447 --> 00:06:56,402 Paddy's Thong! 276 00:06:56,402 --> 00:06:57,848 You're wearing women's 277 00:06:57,848 --> 00:06:58,117 underwear. 278 00:06:58,117 --> 00:06:59,235 Yeah, bro, you bet your ass 279 00:06:59,235 --> 00:07:00,080 I'm wearing women's underwear. 280 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,013 What's more sexual than a 281 00:07:01,013 --> 00:07:02,723 high-waisted thong riding high 282 00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:03,796 up a woman's backside? 283 00:07:03,796 --> 00:07:05,601 Nothing. Dude, come on. 284 00:07:05,601 --> 00:07:06,773 Paddy's Thongs, it's gonna be a 285 00:07:06,773 --> 00:07:07,580 huge hit with chicks. 286 00:07:07,580 --> 00:07:08,817 Okay, all right. 287 00:07:08,817 --> 00:07:09,922 Uh, question. 288 00:07:09,922 --> 00:07:10,750 Yeah, Mac, go. 289 00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:11,967 Dennis, are women gonna 290 00:07:11,967 --> 00:07:12,916 want to buy their underpants in 291 00:07:12,916 --> 00:07:13,395 a bar? 292 00:07:13,395 --> 00:07:14,709 No, women will not buy their 293 00:07:14,709 --> 00:07:16,166 underwear in a bar, but men will 294 00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:17,016 buy the underwear for their 295 00:07:17,016 --> 00:07:17,948 women in the bar because it's 296 00:07:17,948 --> 00:07:18,892 not for women, it's for men. 297 00:07:18,892 --> 00:07:20,662 It's a visual stimulant, bro. 298 00:07:20,662 --> 00:07:21,694 I'm not wearing these because 299 00:07:21,694 --> 00:07:22,403 I'm comfortable, I'm wearing 300 00:07:22,403 --> 00:07:23,202 them 'cause I want to turn you 301 00:07:23,202 --> 00:07:24,011 on, you know what I'm saying? 302 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,378 You get it? 303 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:26,705 Yeah, okay. 304 00:07:26,705 --> 00:07:27,159 Yeah, bro, it's visual 305 00:07:27,159 --> 00:07:27,736 stimulation. 306 00:07:27,736 --> 00:07:28,524 Can I go now? 307 00:07:28,524 --> 00:07:29,081 Yeah, sure. 308 00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:29,909 'Cause it's kind of... 309 00:07:29,909 --> 00:07:30,470 I've been waiting for a long 310 00:07:30,470 --> 00:07:31,005 time. Okay. 311 00:07:31,005 --> 00:07:31,716 Okay, I'm thinking to myself, 312 00:07:31,716 --> 00:07:32,456 what do people love more than 313 00:07:32,456 --> 00:07:33,235 anything else in the world? 314 00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:34,142 Uh... 315 00:07:34,142 --> 00:07:34,937 They love comedy! 316 00:07:34,937 --> 00:07:36,035 They do love comedy. 317 00:07:36,035 --> 00:07:36,478 Everybody loves comedy, 318 00:07:36,478 --> 00:07:37,098 right? 319 00:07:37,098 --> 00:07:38,006 So, and I'm funny, I-I can do 320 00:07:38,006 --> 00:07:38,467 funny. 321 00:07:38,467 --> 00:07:39,523 But you got to have 322 00:07:39,523 --> 00:07:40,408 functionality with your comedy, 323 00:07:40,408 --> 00:07:41,079 okay? 324 00:07:41,079 --> 00:07:42,085 You can't just go throwing 325 00:07:42,085 --> 00:07:43,369 jokes around willy-nilly. 326 00:07:43,369 --> 00:07:44,092 Oh. 327 00:07:44,092 --> 00:07:45,006 So I did one of those. 328 00:07:46,027 --> 00:07:47,225 You drew a man's buttocks 329 00:07:47,225 --> 00:07:47,959 on a towel. 330 00:07:47,959 --> 00:07:48,743 Yeah. 331 00:07:48,232 --> 00:07:49,047 You get out of the shower in the 332 00:07:49,047 --> 00:07:50,326 college dorm, they got the butt, 333 00:07:50,326 --> 00:07:51,223 right, and people are laughing. 334 00:07:51,223 --> 00:07:52,589 Your buddies are laughing. 335 00:07:52,589 --> 00:07:54,077 And then, and then you give them 336 00:07:54,077 --> 00:07:54,684 one of these. 337 00:07:54,684 --> 00:07:55,660 Boom. 338 00:07:55,660 --> 00:07:57,654 Oh, that is big! 339 00:07:57,654 --> 00:07:58,944 That's a big monster dick. 340 00:07:58,944 --> 00:08:00,034 That's huge. 341 00:08:00,034 --> 00:08:00,957 That's the biggest dick 342 00:08:00,957 --> 00:08:01,539 you ever seen. 343 00:08:01,539 --> 00:08:02,564 Yeah, that's really... 344 00:08:02,564 --> 00:08:03,439 That's not how you see yourself 345 00:08:03,439 --> 00:08:03,885 though? 346 00:08:03,885 --> 00:08:04,374 That's funny. 347 00:08:04,374 --> 00:08:05,208 That is funny. 348 00:08:05,208 --> 00:08:05,788 That's funny. 349 00:08:05,788 --> 00:08:06,292 Yeah, people are gonna laugh 350 00:08:06,292 --> 00:08:06,560 at that. 351 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,663 But, bro, that's just the 352 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:08,499 What is it? 353 00:08:08,499 --> 00:08:09,685 For this. 354 00:08:09,685 --> 00:08:11,806 Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! 355 00:08:11,806 --> 00:08:13,113 Oh, it's a baby dick. 356 00:08:13,113 --> 00:08:13,665 Yeah! 357 00:08:13,665 --> 00:08:15,011 We're gonna sell a million of these. 358 00:08:15,207 --> 00:08:16,538 We are gonna sell a 359 00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:16,879 We'll do black ones and 360 00:08:16,879 --> 00:08:17,839 yellow ones for the Asians. 361 00:08:17,839 --> 00:08:18,555 Yeah, that... 362 00:08:18,555 --> 00:08:19,352 This is probably more Asian 363 00:08:19,352 --> 00:08:20,089 than anything else. 364 00:08:20,089 --> 00:08:20,793 Yeah, oh, my gosh. 365 00:08:20,793 --> 00:08:21,543 Maybe a little bit more bush. 366 00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:22,440 You know what we should do? 367 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:23,378 We should set up a Web site for 368 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,465 it. 369 00:08:24,465 --> 00:08:24,941 Already did it. 370 00:08:24,941 --> 00:08:25,321 You did? 371 00:08:25,321 --> 00:08:27,193 DickTowel.com. 372 00:08:27,193 --> 00:08:28,599 DickTowel.com. 373 00:08:30,386 --> 00:08:31,052 Oh, my God. 374 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:31,819 You don't think I know 375 00:08:31,517 --> 00:08:32,626 Oh, Jesus Christ! 376 00:08:32,626 --> 00:08:33,187 I don't get it?! 377 00:08:33,187 --> 00:08:33,978 Huh? Open your mouth, bitch! 378 00:08:33,978 --> 00:08:34,379 What?! 379 00:08:34,379 --> 00:08:36,449 Prepare to be blasted, bitch. 380 00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:37,367 Brenda! 381 00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:41,493 This is my new merchandising 382 00:08:41,493 --> 00:08:41,994 idea. 383 00:08:41,994 --> 00:08:44,657 It's a gun that shoots liquor 384 00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:45,506 into your mouth. 385 00:08:45,506 --> 00:08:47,205 You threw tequila in my eye! 386 00:08:47,205 --> 00:08:48,548 Well, I haven't figured out 387 00:08:48,548 --> 00:08:50,072 how to get the tequila to come 388 00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:51,360 out of the barrel of the gun. 389 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:52,486 Well, what the hell does she 390 00:08:52,486 --> 00:08:53,203 have to do with anything? 391 00:08:53,203 --> 00:08:54,811 Check her out. 392 00:08:54,811 --> 00:08:55,764 I mean, she's gorgeous. 393 00:08:55,764 --> 00:08:57,626 You bring a woman with cans like 394 00:08:57,626 --> 00:08:58,658 that into the convention, you 395 00:08:58,658 --> 00:09:00,195 sell the idea in a second. 396 00:09:00,195 --> 00:09:01,234 So this is your plan? 397 00:09:01,234 --> 00:09:02,321 You're gonna go into the 398 00:09:02,321 --> 00:09:03,291 convention waving a gun in 399 00:09:03,291 --> 00:09:04,551 people's faces, throwing tequila 400 00:09:04,551 --> 00:09:05,546 in everybody's eyes with a 401 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,520 big-titted woman? 402 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:07,331 Duh, yeah. 403 00:09:07,331 --> 00:09:08,723 Frank, get the hell out of 404 00:09:08,723 --> 00:09:09,196 here! 405 00:09:09,196 --> 00:09:09,912 Your ideas are ridiculous! 406 00:09:09,912 --> 00:09:10,532 Okay, okay. 407 00:09:10,532 --> 00:09:12,942 Suck on this, bitches. 408 00:09:12,942 --> 00:09:15,558 Huh? Huh? 409 00:09:15,558 --> 00:09:16,777 Paddy's Pub. 410 00:09:16,777 --> 00:09:18,313 A stress ball. 411 00:09:18,313 --> 00:09:20,792 You give this to people, they 412 00:09:20,792 --> 00:09:22,351 put it on their desk, and then 413 00:09:22,351 --> 00:09:24,179 during the day, you squeeze it 414 00:09:24,179 --> 00:09:25,351 when you have any tension. 415 00:09:25,351 --> 00:09:26,169 Right. 416 00:09:26,169 --> 00:09:28,245 Oh, goddamn it, Frank! 417 00:09:28,245 --> 00:09:29,423 That's just an egg! 418 00:09:29,423 --> 00:09:30,409 It's a jumping-off point. 419 00:09:30,409 --> 00:09:31,399 Get out! 420 00:09:31,399 --> 00:09:31,891 All right. 421 00:09:31,891 --> 00:09:32,692 Get the hell out of here! 422 00:09:32,692 --> 00:09:33,676 Just get the hell out of here. 423 00:09:33,676 --> 00:09:34,484 Don't even listen to them. 424 00:09:34,484 --> 00:09:36,120 Jesus Christ. 425 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,201 Okay, we're stealing that 426 00:09:38,201 --> 00:09:38,839 gunshot idea, right? 427 00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:39,746 Gunshot idea is awesome. 428 00:09:42,524 --> 00:09:43,121 You see any sign of that 429 00:09:43,121 --> 00:09:44,422 lawyer or his secretary? 430 00:09:45,007 --> 00:09:45,778 No, and I don't know 431 00:09:45,778 --> 00:09:47,032 why you think we're gonna catch 432 00:09:47,032 --> 00:09:47,697 them having an affair. 433 00:09:47,697 --> 00:09:48,652 I mean, the guy's wife is really 434 00:09:48,652 --> 00:09:49,204 hot. 435 00:09:49,204 --> 00:09:50,221 No, she's not. 436 00:09:50,221 --> 00:09:51,747 And also, why does he turn her 437 00:09:51,747 --> 00:09:52,712 picture away from him? 438 00:09:52,712 --> 00:09:53,533 So he doesn't have to look at 439 00:09:53,533 --> 00:09:53,947 her face. 440 00:09:53,947 --> 00:09:55,154 Why are we in this shady motel 441 00:09:55,154 --> 00:09:56,605 where we saw him go in? 442 00:09:56,605 --> 00:09:58,176 I'm telling you, he's-he's 443 00:09:58,176 --> 00:09:59,030 banging that secretary. 444 00:09:59,030 --> 00:09:59,255 I don't know. 445 00:09:59,255 --> 00:10:00,204 It just doesn't add up. 446 00:10:00,204 --> 00:10:02,352 She's an attractive lady. 447 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:02,921 You don't cheat on... 448 00:10:02,921 --> 00:10:03,343 She's not attractive. 449 00:10:03,343 --> 00:10:03,801 Oh, my God! 450 00:10:03,801 --> 00:10:04,550 What? 451 00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:05,789 The woman in the room right 452 00:10:05,789 --> 00:10:07,896 next to him, she just ate an 453 00:10:07,896 --> 00:10:08,968 entire sleeve of Chips Ahoy! 454 00:10:08,968 --> 00:10:10,324 Charlie, could you focus on 455 00:10:10,324 --> 00:10:11,245 the lawyer's room, please? 456 00:10:11,245 --> 00:10:12,510 We're not here to blackmail a 457 00:10:12,510 --> 00:10:13,531 lady for eating too many 458 00:10:13,531 --> 00:10:14,023 cookies. 459 00:10:15,079 --> 00:10:16,323 Did you say an entire sleeve 460 00:10:16,323 --> 00:10:16,848 though? 461 00:10:16,848 --> 00:10:17,757 An entire sleeve! 462 00:10:17,757 --> 00:10:18,566 That's a lot of cookies. 463 00:10:18,566 --> 00:10:19,488 She a big lady? 464 00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:20,438 Of course, she's a humungous 465 00:10:20,438 --> 00:10:21,070 lady. 466 00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:21,754 Yeah, of course. 467 00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:23,163 Oh, shit, I see him. 468 00:10:23,163 --> 00:10:24,157 He's walking towards the car. 469 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:24,956 He's walking towards the car! 470 00:10:24,956 --> 00:10:25,934 Get down! Shh! 471 00:10:25,934 --> 00:10:26,961 Why's he coming towards us?! 472 00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:27,886 Get down and hold still. 473 00:10:34,257 --> 00:10:34,952 All right. 474 00:10:35,462 --> 00:10:36,904 Um, so what are you people doing 475 00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:37,794 in my car now? 476 00:10:37,794 --> 00:10:38,989 Okay, let me explain that. 477 00:10:38,989 --> 00:10:39,479 Uh... 478 00:10:39,479 --> 00:10:40,172 Yeah. 479 00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:41,702 We were staking you out last 480 00:10:41,702 --> 00:10:42,822 night, kind of spying on you. 481 00:10:43,386 --> 00:10:44,119 It got a little cold. 482 00:10:44,187 --> 00:10:44,920 Freezing, wasn't it? 483 00:10:44,988 --> 00:10:45,754 Did you feel that? 484 00:10:45,822 --> 00:10:46,722 So we jimmied your lock and 485 00:10:46,790 --> 00:10:47,823 we kind of spent the night in 486 00:10:47,891 --> 00:10:48,190 here. 487 00:10:48,258 --> 00:10:49,291 Okay, uh, so why were you 488 00:10:49,359 --> 00:10:50,292 spying on me all night? 489 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:51,260 Because you're having an 490 00:10:51,327 --> 00:10:52,294 affair and we're gonna blackmail 491 00:10:52,362 --> 00:10:53,162 you for your services. 492 00:10:53,229 --> 00:10:55,097 Okay, I hate to disappoint 493 00:10:55,165 --> 00:10:56,331 you, but I am not having an 494 00:10:56,399 --> 00:10:56,899 affair. 495 00:10:56,966 --> 00:10:57,466 Oh, yeah? 496 00:10:57,534 --> 00:10:58,600 Then why do you turn your wife's 497 00:10:58,668 --> 00:10:59,601 picture away from your desk so 498 00:10:59,669 --> 00:11:00,702 you don't have to look at her 499 00:11:00,770 --> 00:11:01,236 face? 500 00:11:01,304 --> 00:11:02,171 Why are you staying in this 501 00:11:02,238 --> 00:11:02,838 seedy motel? 502 00:11:02,906 --> 00:11:04,139 And why does it look like you've 503 00:11:04,207 --> 00:11:05,107 been crying all night. 504 00:11:05,175 --> 00:11:06,141 I'll tell you what I think. 505 00:11:06,209 --> 00:11:07,876 I think you feel guilty. 506 00:11:07,944 --> 00:11:10,212 All right, listen, if you 507 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,382 must know... 508 00:11:13,449 --> 00:11:15,984 my wife is leaving me. 509 00:11:16,052 --> 00:11:17,686 And I have to sleep in this 510 00:11:17,754 --> 00:11:18,854 fleabag motel. 511 00:11:18,922 --> 00:11:20,823 And I am still very much in love 512 00:11:20,890 --> 00:11:21,957 with my wife, which makes this 513 00:11:22,025 --> 00:11:23,158 divorce very difficult. 514 00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:24,259 Thus, you have the turning away 515 00:11:24,327 --> 00:11:25,661 of the photo, and you have, you 516 00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:27,062 know, the crying episodes and 517 00:11:27,130 --> 00:11:27,963 the what-have-you. 518 00:11:29,365 --> 00:11:30,113 Sad. 519 00:11:30,867 --> 00:11:32,000 Okay, that's our bad. 520 00:11:32,068 --> 00:11:33,468 That-- it all comes together. 521 00:11:33,536 --> 00:11:34,503 That makes a lot of sense, 522 00:11:34,571 --> 00:11:34,903 though. 523 00:11:34,971 --> 00:11:35,804 In a different way than I 524 00:11:35,872 --> 00:11:35,954 thought... 525 00:11:35,872 --> 00:11:37,306 Coming-- is the picture sort 526 00:11:37,374 --> 00:11:38,507 of coming together for you? 527 00:11:38,575 --> 00:11:39,875 You must be all ripped up 528 00:11:39,943 --> 00:11:40,476 about that. 529 00:11:40,544 --> 00:11:41,677 So do you want to have a 530 00:11:41,745 --> 00:11:42,545 conversation about helping us 531 00:11:42,612 --> 00:11:45,450 out with our Kitten Mitten patent? 532 00:11:45,450 --> 00:11:46,288 Yeah, I've got this 533 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:46,744 contract... 534 00:11:46,744 --> 00:11:47,800 You know what? If, um... 535 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:48,553 Why don't you get out of my car? 536 00:11:48,518 --> 00:11:49,284 Why don't you just get out of 537 00:11:49,352 --> 00:11:49,751 my car. 538 00:11:49,819 --> 00:11:50,419 You've had a hard 539 00:11:50,486 --> 00:11:52,421 couple of days. 540 00:11:55,580 --> 00:11:56,947 Okay, consumer, are you ready 541 00:11:57,015 --> 00:11:58,282 to get blasted in the mouth by 542 00:11:58,350 --> 00:11:59,183 Paddy's shotgun?! 543 00:11:59,251 --> 00:12:00,451 One, two, three! 544 00:12:03,555 --> 00:12:05,189 Goddamn it, dude! 545 00:12:05,257 --> 00:12:06,590 You just cannot blast water out 546 00:12:06,658 --> 00:12:07,191 of a gun. 547 00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:08,025 The technology is just not 548 00:12:08,093 --> 00:12:08,459 there. 549 00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:09,560 No, I mean, they did sort of 550 00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:10,594 figure it out with water guns, 551 00:12:10,662 --> 00:12:11,562 so I don't know why we... 552 00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:12,596 Yeah, but a water gun doesn't 553 00:12:12,664 --> 00:12:13,597 have the same feel to it. 554 00:12:13,665 --> 00:12:14,832 You want to feel the weight 555 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:15,966 of a real gun in your mouth. 556 00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:17,101 You want to taste the metal. 557 00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:18,469 You want to feel the steel, man, 558 00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:19,203 you know? 559 00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:20,271 Okay, bro, new plan. 560 00:12:20,338 --> 00:12:20,905 Yeah. 561 00:12:20,972 --> 00:12:21,939 Let's just make a video, 562 00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:22,773 show that at the convention. 563 00:12:22,841 --> 00:12:23,541 Not like Charlie's video 564 00:12:23,608 --> 00:12:23,941 though. 565 00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:24,709 Ours needs to be cool. 566 00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:25,910 No, no, dude, way cooler than 567 00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:26,577 Charlie's. 568 00:12:26,645 --> 00:12:27,445 With, like, quick cuts and 569 00:12:27,512 --> 00:12:28,846 awesome music and eagles 570 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,014 flying through the air and 571 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,148 picking up trout out of rivers 572 00:12:31,216 --> 00:12:32,416 and shit, ripping it apart and 573 00:12:32,484 --> 00:12:33,050 eating it, you know? 574 00:12:33,118 --> 00:12:34,051 That'll excite people! 575 00:12:34,119 --> 00:12:34,585 Yeah. 576 00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:35,386 They'll want to invest. 577 00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:36,587 And then we'll let the braniacs 578 00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:37,555 in China figure out the 579 00:12:37,622 --> 00:12:38,155 technology. 580 00:12:38,223 --> 00:12:39,924 Yeah, but the point is, it's 581 00:12:39,991 --> 00:12:41,659 got to really grab people's 582 00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:42,626 attention, you know what I mean? 583 00:12:42,694 --> 00:12:44,495 All right, I did a little 584 00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:47,031 tweaking and... 585 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,232 What is that? 586 00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,633 Paddy's shotgun, bro! 587 00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:51,302 You get blasted in the mouth! 588 00:12:52,003 --> 00:12:52,937 You stole my idea! 589 00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:54,605 No, no, no, Frank, we tweaked 590 00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:55,039 your idea. 591 00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:56,340 We took what was a good idea and 592 00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:57,374 we made it a great idea. 593 00:12:57,442 --> 00:12:58,609 We're also gonna get a bustier 594 00:12:58,677 --> 00:12:59,043 chick. 595 00:12:59,111 --> 00:12:59,777 No offense, ma'am. 596 00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:00,444 You're very busty. 597 00:13:00,512 --> 00:13:01,479 Your breasts are very large. 598 00:13:01,546 --> 00:13:03,013 But, uh, we want to go weird 599 00:13:03,081 --> 00:13:03,414 with it. 600 00:13:03,482 --> 00:13:04,615 We want to get really freakish. 601 00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:05,783 Um, I would like to get your 602 00:13:05,851 --> 00:13:07,084 number actually though at some 603 00:13:07,152 --> 00:13:07,651 point. 604 00:13:07,719 --> 00:13:09,019 Whoa, whoa, whoa, look! 605 00:13:09,087 --> 00:13:10,554 You can't just take somebody's 606 00:13:10,622 --> 00:13:13,124 idea, change the name of it, 607 00:13:13,191 --> 00:13:13,958 and then sell it. 608 00:13:14,025 --> 00:13:15,259 That's the American way, bro. 609 00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:15,693 Yeah! 610 00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:16,627 Yeah, take a look at Hard 611 00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:17,461 Rock Cafe. 612 00:13:17,529 --> 00:13:18,863 Got tweaked by Planet Hollywood. 613 00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:20,364 Coke got tweaked by Pepsi. 614 00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:21,499 Transformers got tweaked by 615 00:13:21,566 --> 00:13:22,166 Gobots. 616 00:13:22,234 --> 00:13:23,467 Our job is to step aside and let 617 00:13:23,535 --> 00:13:24,602 the consumer decide. 618 00:13:24,669 --> 00:13:25,336 Oh, yeah? 619 00:13:25,403 --> 00:13:26,470 Well, I'm gonna get a patent for 620 00:13:26,538 --> 00:13:28,572 this and sue your balls off! 621 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:29,440 And we're gonna get a 622 00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:30,574 patent, too, Frank, so screw 623 00:13:30,642 --> 00:13:31,108 you. 624 00:13:31,176 --> 00:13:32,710 Kiss it. 625 00:13:36,047 --> 00:13:36,814 Knock, knock. 626 00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:37,681 Boyfriend! 627 00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:39,450 Hey, we got you a little 628 00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:40,518 something to take your mind off 629 00:13:40,585 --> 00:13:41,685 your current wife situation. 630 00:13:41,753 --> 00:13:42,853 Sandy, have a seat right here. 631 00:13:42,921 --> 00:13:43,320 Yeah, yeah. 632 00:13:43,388 --> 00:13:44,622 This is Sandy! 633 00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:45,589 Yep, and everything's been 634 00:13:45,657 --> 00:13:47,091 taken care of financially, okay? 635 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,058 She's been briefed on the 636 00:13:48,126 --> 00:13:48,759 divorce. 637 00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:49,560 She knows all about 638 00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:50,728 everything that's going on. 639 00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:52,096 And, you know, because you've 640 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,364 been talking about the whole 641 00:13:53,431 --> 00:13:54,331 money thing a little bit... 642 00:13:54,399 --> 00:13:55,366 Yeah, you said that we hadn't 643 00:13:55,433 --> 00:13:56,433 paid you, and we felt bad about 644 00:13:56,501 --> 00:13:57,067 that. 645 00:13:57,135 --> 00:13:58,002 So we're kind of hoping that 646 00:13:58,069 --> 00:13:59,203 this is sort of a compensation 647 00:13:59,271 --> 00:13:59,870 of sorts. 648 00:13:59,938 --> 00:14:00,504 Sandy does that. 649 00:14:00,572 --> 00:14:01,539 Sandy. 650 00:14:01,606 --> 00:14:02,606 She's the payment. 651 00:14:02,674 --> 00:14:03,541 Lawyer, check out this 652 00:14:03,608 --> 00:14:04,208 freakish whore we found. 653 00:14:04,276 --> 00:14:04,742 Hey. 654 00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:05,142 Whoa. 655 00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:06,343 What the hell are you guys doing 656 00:14:06,411 --> 00:14:07,011 here? 657 00:14:07,078 --> 00:14:08,579 I came to see the lawyer to 658 00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:09,880 sue you for breach of contract. 659 00:14:09,948 --> 00:14:11,081 What's with the busty chick? 660 00:14:11,149 --> 00:14:12,149 We're gonna throw a patent on 661 00:14:12,217 --> 00:14:13,317 her and a couple of other 662 00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:14,351 things. 663 00:14:14,419 --> 00:14:15,953 Now I see that you have a lovely 664 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:17,221 busty woman as well. 665 00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:18,055 Yeah. 666 00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:18,656 We brought one. 667 00:14:18,723 --> 00:14:19,623 Well, she's a lady of the 668 00:14:19,691 --> 00:14:20,057 night, so... 669 00:14:20,125 --> 00:14:20,724 She's a prostitute. 670 00:14:20,792 --> 00:14:21,625 So, you know, don't get too 671 00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:22,426 excited. 672 00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:23,427 And she's his lady because 673 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:24,195 he's going through a messy 674 00:14:24,262 --> 00:14:24,862 divorce... 675 00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:25,596 Yeah, we paid her. 676 00:14:25,664 --> 00:14:26,363 ...so we're going to have 677 00:14:26,431 --> 00:14:27,331 them have some sexual relations 678 00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:28,732 as sort of a payment. 679 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:29,934 Oh, wow, divorce, huh? 680 00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:30,668 That's never fun. 681 00:14:30,735 --> 00:14:31,836 Oh, yeah, no, it's terrible. 682 00:14:31,903 --> 00:14:32,903 He's all broken up about it. 683 00:14:32,971 --> 00:14:33,971 She left him, probably because 684 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:35,005 he cheated on her, I'm guessing, 685 00:14:35,073 --> 00:14:36,073 'cause look what a cold bitch 686 00:14:36,141 --> 00:14:36,941 she is. 687 00:14:37,008 --> 00:14:37,741 It's a mess. 688 00:14:37,809 --> 00:14:38,576 He's been crying. 689 00:14:38,643 --> 00:14:39,476 I'll tell you what, buddy. 690 00:14:39,544 --> 00:14:40,778 I can help you out. 691 00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:42,079 I'm gonna toss a frame bang 692 00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:42,980 your way. 693 00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,114 Now here's how that works. 694 00:14:44,182 --> 00:14:45,516 I slip into your house one night 695 00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:47,117 while your wife is sleeping, and 696 00:14:47,185 --> 00:14:48,886 I ease into her real nice. 697 00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:49,954 And that way you're both 698 00:14:50,021 --> 00:14:51,121 cheating on each other and she 699 00:14:51,189 --> 00:14:52,456 can't clean you out. 700 00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:53,824 That's a win-win. 701 00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:55,426 Goddamn shoes. 702 00:14:55,493 --> 00:14:56,827 Can't run in them. 703 00:14:56,895 --> 00:14:57,862 Aw, son of a... 704 00:14:57,929 --> 00:14:58,662 Come on in. 705 00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:00,197 What-what's with the broads? 706 00:15:00,265 --> 00:15:01,599 You're stealing that idea, too? 707 00:15:01,666 --> 00:15:02,700 No, we're not... 708 00:15:02,767 --> 00:15:03,567 Yes, you are. 709 00:15:03,635 --> 00:15:04,235 We're tweaking... 710 00:15:04,302 --> 00:15:05,035 We're tweaking your idea. 711 00:15:05,103 --> 00:15:05,970 You're stealing that idea. 712 00:15:06,037 --> 00:15:06,670 You're stealing my idea! 713 00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:11,775 Stop, stop. Everyone stop! 714 00:15:11,843 --> 00:15:13,410 I will take care of all of your 715 00:15:13,478 --> 00:15:14,745 legal needs, if each of you 716 00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:16,614 agrees to never seek my legal 717 00:15:16,681 --> 00:15:17,815 advice again. 718 00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:18,449 What? 719 00:15:18,516 --> 00:15:19,016 Great. 720 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:19,783 Okay. 721 00:15:19,851 --> 00:15:20,417 For free? 722 00:15:20,485 --> 00:15:21,118 No problem. 723 00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:22,152 And you promise not to break 724 00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:23,554 into my home and rape my wife 725 00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:24,755 while she's sleeping. 726 00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:25,756 Bro, rape? 727 00:15:25,824 --> 00:15:26,724 I wasn't talking about raping 728 00:15:26,791 --> 00:15:27,491 your wife. 729 00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:28,359 I was talking about making love 730 00:15:28,426 --> 00:15:30,127 to her sweetly while she sleeps. 731 00:15:30,195 --> 00:15:31,128 And I was going to do it for 732 00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:32,263 you, you son of bi... 733 00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:32,874 All right, fine, I won't do it. 734 00:15:32,874 --> 00:15:33,448 Great. 735 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:34,565 Now we're all here. 736 00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:35,566 Let's get into it. 737 00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:36,301 Deandra... 738 00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:36,968 Yeah. 739 00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,369 You want to sue these guys 740 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:39,504 over some sort of breach of 741 00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:40,471 contract thing? 742 00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:41,806 Yes, this one ate a contract 743 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:42,974 that said I got all the rights 744 00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:44,175 to the Paddy's Pub merchandise. 745 00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:45,209 That never happened. 746 00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,244 It happened. 747 00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:47,478 Okay, why don't you throw out 748 00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:48,680 the suit if they agree to sign a 749 00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,948 contract that grants you 50% of 750 00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:53,051 the merchandizing rights for 751 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,152 Paddy's Pub. 752 00:15:54,219 --> 00:15:55,820 50%... I'll take it. 753 00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:56,754 Deal. 754 00:15:56,822 --> 00:15:57,288 Yes! 755 00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:58,323 What the hell are you 756 00:15:58,390 --> 00:15:58,923 doing, dude? 757 00:15:58,991 --> 00:15:59,724 I'll just eat the contract 758 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:00,658 later. 759 00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:01,693 We would also like to make a 760 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,895 patent on Paddy's Shotgun and 761 00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:05,630 this very large-breasted woman 762 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:06,564 who's going to be shooting the 763 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:07,365 gun into your face. 764 00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:08,166 Objection. 765 00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:09,300 This is not a court of law. 766 00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:10,168 Sustained. 767 00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:10,868 Frank, move to strike. 768 00:16:10,936 --> 00:16:12,103 They stole my idea. 769 00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:13,538 Open your mouth. 770 00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:19,377 Whoa. 771 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:20,645 How did you get that much 772 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:21,479 propulsion on the gun? 773 00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:23,114 I made tequila bullets, but I 774 00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:24,115 guess I put too much 775 00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:25,049 gunpowder in. 776 00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:26,117 New deal. 777 00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:27,085 We are taking that propulsion 778 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,486 and putting it in our shotgun. 779 00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:29,287 No, no, no. 780 00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:29,987 That deal sucks. 781 00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:31,489 Okay, why don't you just use 782 00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:32,657 both guns? 783 00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:33,925 That's an even better idea. 784 00:16:33,992 --> 00:16:36,294 Two guns, six boobs-- we're all 785 00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:37,395 on the same team. 786 00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:38,596 Okay, I like that idea. 787 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:39,430 Yeah, I like that. 788 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,832 And you-you want a right to 789 00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:42,233 the Cat Gloves... 790 00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:43,701 Mittens, dude. Pay attention. 791 00:16:43,769 --> 00:16:45,136 I'm sorry, sir. 792 00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:46,304 They duct-taped me to the 793 00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:47,505 bathroom sink. 794 00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:48,606 How in the hell did she get 795 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,407 out of that? 796 00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:51,409 I don't know. 797 00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:56,748 Next up we have submission 798 00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:58,950 35-- a potential investment 799 00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:01,252 opportunity in merchandising for 800 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,188 a, uh, a Paddy's Pub. 801 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,226 You're really sweaty. 802 00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:09,093 Well, my eyes are really 803 00:17:09,161 --> 00:17:09,727 burning here, Charlie. 804 00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:10,928 Start again, start again. 805 00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:12,830 Yeah, that's good. 806 00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:14,899 Action, Frank. 807 00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:17,435 Go, Frank, now, go. 808 00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:18,970 Frank, just do that... 809 00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:20,271 Say the line now. 810 00:17:20,339 --> 00:17:21,639 Let me have a drink. 811 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,041 How about a shot? 812 00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:26,043 What the...?! 813 00:17:31,116 --> 00:17:32,917 Paddy's Pub-- home of the 814 00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:38,556 original Shotgun and Gunshot. 815 00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,258 Are you shooting me? 816 00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:41,259 Shoot the girls. 817 00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:42,693 Shoot the girls. 818 00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:44,028 Two shots as they were 819 00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,663 intended-- by blasting them 820 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,565 directly into your mouth! 821 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,200 Awesome. 822 00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:50,768 I'm wasted. 823 00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:53,070 But that's not all. 824 00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,305 Dick towel... 825 00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:56,641 .com. 826 00:17:58,008 --> 00:17:58,772 Nudie pen. 827 00:18:02,620 --> 00:18:03,313 Egg. 828 00:18:03,313 --> 00:18:05,915 So come on, dude, invest in 829 00:18:05,983 --> 00:18:07,949 our merchandise and get blasted! 830 00:18:20,873 --> 00:18:21,444 Okay. 831 00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:23,968 Why don't we just take a break. 832 00:18:24,035 --> 00:18:25,135 That did not look cool. 833 00:18:25,203 --> 00:18:26,303 No. Well, we had to edit 834 00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:27,671 while we shot, you know. 835 00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:28,939 We just didn't have time. 836 00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:29,873 God, that was terrible. 837 00:18:29,941 --> 00:18:31,035 Does your cat walk around 838 00:18:31,035 --> 00:18:31,503 too much? 839 00:18:31,503 --> 00:18:32,994 Does your cat make too much 840 00:18:32,994 --> 00:18:33,581 noise? 841 00:18:33,581 --> 00:18:34,211 Guess who just found some 842 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,119 investors for Kitten Mittens? 843 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:36,610 I told you. 844 00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:37,900 People love stupid shit. 845 00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:38,907 Why do you keep calling it 846 00:18:38,907 --> 00:18:39,762 stupid, though? 847 00:18:39,762 --> 00:18:40,167 It's really pretty stupid. 848 00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:40,594 Why do you keep calling it 849 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:41,213 stupid? 850 00:18:41,213 --> 00:18:41,552 But people are stupid too, 851 00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:43,587 Hello. 852 00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:44,755 Hi. 853 00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:46,102 What's up, man? 854 00:18:46,491 --> 00:18:47,758 What are you doing here? 855 00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:50,127 Congratulations on the sale. 856 00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:51,195 Thank you very much. 857 00:18:51,262 --> 00:18:51,996 Oh, you were there. 858 00:18:52,063 --> 00:18:53,063 Yeah. How much money am I 859 00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:54,198 going to make? 860 00:18:54,265 --> 00:18:55,299 Do what, now? 861 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:59,403 Oh, the contract that you all 862 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,472 blindly signed grants me 100% 863 00:19:01,539 --> 00:19:03,540 of the profits from any 864 00:19:03,608 --> 00:19:05,409 merchandising opportunities from 865 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:06,877 your little bar. 866 00:19:06,945 --> 00:19:09,013 And Kitten Mittens-- I own that. 867 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,448 I had to get paid by you people 868 00:19:11,516 --> 00:19:12,583 somehow. 869 00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:13,717 Well, that's what the hooker 870 00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:14,244 was for. 871 00:19:14,244 --> 00:19:15,919 Dude. 872 00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:17,654 All right, touché. 873 00:19:17,722 --> 00:19:18,589 Yeah, you outlawyered me there, 874 00:19:18,656 --> 00:19:19,289 okay? 875 00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:20,958 Tell you what, though, let's 876 00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:22,659 split Kitten Mittens 50-50, and 877 00:19:22,727 --> 00:19:23,927 then you'll never see me again. 878 00:19:23,995 --> 00:19:25,529 Wow, 50-50. 879 00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:26,830 Let me think about that. 880 00:19:26,898 --> 00:19:27,965 How about if I never see you 881 00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:29,333 again because the contract that 882 00:19:29,401 --> 00:19:31,835 you all signed also included a 883 00:19:31,903 --> 00:19:33,170 restraining order... 884 00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:34,838 ...which you're all 885 00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:36,340 currently violating. 886 00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:37,574 Uh, excuse me, sir, can I see 887 00:19:37,642 --> 00:19:38,942 these supposed documents that 888 00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:39,576 you have? 889 00:19:39,644 --> 00:19:40,711 Why, yes. 890 00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:42,646 In fact, I happen to have that 891 00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:45,049 right here. 892 00:19:47,786 --> 00:19:49,053 I knew it! I knew it! 893 00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:49,953 Still, you wouldn't have to 894 00:19:50,021 --> 00:19:50,888 be edible. 895 00:19:50,955 --> 00:19:52,189 Right in your face. 896 00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:54,425 You know, fortunately, I made 897 00:19:54,492 --> 00:19:55,826 hundreds of copies of that. 898 00:19:57,996 --> 00:19:59,663 So why don't you all have just a 899 00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:01,365 nice day. 900 00:20:11,409 --> 00:20:12,375 You can probably stop 901 00:20:12,375 --> 00:20:13,085 eating that now. 902 00:20:15,989 --> 00:20:19,066 Sync by ReHelen - corrected by chamallow35