hey, come on, man. be careful, man.
you're spilling it on the floor.
i don't understand why you don't just use a cup.
i'm trying to be inconspicuous.
inconspicuous?
your entire mouth is stained red, frank.
it is?
aren't we gonna be at the barbecue soon?
yeah, i'm pre-gaming, man.
what is going on with you, man?
you're going off the deep end lately.
i feel like he's been wading around n the deep end for a
whilenow, charlie.
no, bro, it's different.
he's staying out, like, all
hours of the night.
i never see him.
if he is around, he's usually
not even wearing clothes.
i'm wearing clothes now, bitch.
you're wearing a shirt that's
on inside out, and it's covered
in grease.
it's not grease; it's sap.
sap? how did you get covered in sap?
i got really wasted.
i must have climbed a tree.
really stepping up the
insanity, huh?
i'm trying to push myself.
i wanted to see how far
i could go.
i feel like you've been standing on the edge of a cliff
for a while now.
i say hop off.
let's see where you land.
i really wish you wouldn't
encourage him, man.
i really wish you wouldn't.
charlie, if somebody wants to
push his boundaries, you gotta
let him. frank, jump.
i never felt more alive
in my life!
oh, i'm sure.
there's the street right there!
what the hell?
i thought we were going to a
barbecue, frank.
it's more of a party in the park.
we're at a cemetery.
the partyisin the cemetery.
who has a party in a
cemetery?
your uncle max.
he just croaked.
flush that turd down the drain!
does anybody else feel
really uncomfortable?
yes, we're completely
underdressed.
it's embarrassing.
what are we doing here, frank?
what's your angle?
i want to bang your aunt donna.
why would you want to bang
our mom's sister at the funeral of her husband?
mm! well, i don't know how
many years on this earth
i got left.
i'm gonna get real weird with it.
meanwhile, block the wind.
i'm gonna roast this bone.
jesus christ.
come on. get in.
okay, that is enough.
i've had enough.
he's definitely reached
his limit.
i've reached my limit.
that's for sure.
well, dude, this is what i
was talking about in the car.
the guy is, like, going off the
deep end, all right?
look, now it's starting to
affect our lives, and i think
maybe we should have, like, an
intervention or something.
an intervention might be a
good idea.
if he starts banging aunt donna,
we're gonna have the garbage
pail cousin in the mix.
no! no!
whoa! who is the garbage pail cousin?
gail the snail is the garbage pail cousin.
oh, charlie, she is the worst.
we'd have these family parties,
and she'd just glom onto me and dennis.
we couldn't get rid of her.
the only way to get rid of
her was to torch her, and that's what we did.
yeah, we'd throw her in the dryer; we'd throw salt on her.
yeah, we'd throw salt on her 'cause she was the snail.
mm-hmm. get it?
get it? you throw salt on a snail and...
it's supposed to shrivel up.
well, that sounds a little
messed up, though, huh?
you don't think we're proud
of that, do you, charlie?
but you don't understand.
that's the only way you could handle her.
yeah, sade us do those things.
and quite frankly, i resent her for it.
what kind of person salts
another human being?
it's terrible.
there's no joy in salting
someone; everyone loses.
yeah.
what's up, suckers?
hey, gail.
hey, gail!
you look different.
i'm more confident.
i've grown into my body.
sure showing a lot of skin, huh?
jealous?
i'm a woman now.
i'm not a virgin anymore.
cool. thank you.
okay.
hey, guys, you want to come
to my car and take a puff?
i've got some medical marijuana.
we're at your dad's funeral, gail.
whatevs. i'm over it.
plus, if we all show up super
high at the reception, everyone
will be, like, "whaaat?"
come on!
okay, whatever, gail.
yes, we'll, we'll do that with you.
why don't you go wait in your car, and we'll come join you.
go to your car and we'll come get you there.
you guys gonna come?
we'll come in a second.
five minutes, yes.
uh, anything, yes, anything.
whatever you say. uh!
see? that's what happens when
you don't have salt.
my god, there's not enough
salt in the world for her.
the garbage pail cousin.
donna, donna, donna, donna,
donna, donna!
hello, frank.
you surprised to see me?
no.
ooh!
you left several voicemails
congratulating me on my
husband's death.
i was pretty baked.
what do you want?
i have a proposition for you.
i think you and me ought to bang.
what?
okay, hear me out.
max never liked me; i hated him.
barbara didn't like you.
you despised her!
now what better way to get back
at them in the grave-- really
stick it to 'em-- if you and me plowed?
i mean, really...
you get back to me.
hey, i'm mac.
barbara's ex-lover?
she may have mentioned.
you were gonna say something?
no.
you said... no?
no, i was just breathing.
i'll start by
commending you guys for taking
the initiative to help frank.
ah, we're caring people.
that's our nature.
um, what's frank struggling
with the most right now?
oh, uh, he is trying to bang our aunt.
that's the big one.
these things deal more with
drug and alcohol abuse.
drugs and alcohol are rolled
into what we're talking about
here with the aunt thing.
so he, he does have a
drinking problem?
oh, big time, big time.
but if i'm being honest, my
problem's less with the fact
that he's drinking more that
he's doing it without me.
and then i start thinking,
"what's wrong with me?
am i not fun to drink with?"
oh, no, don't-don't do that to yourself.
no, you're plenty of fun to
drink with, trust me, charlie.
you get really, really drunk,
and then you get reckless,
and it's a lot of fun.
so how do we go about doing this?
do we ambush him, and then just
sort of, like, berate him into
becoming the guy we want to
be around?
no, no, no, you certainly
don't berate him.
he needs to know you're coming
from a place of love and, and concern.
too soft.
i think we should come at him
with an iron fist and crush him into submission.
right, right.
and you know what?
if we're taking that approach,
you might want to be armed at
this intervention.
why-why would i need to be armed?
well, frank's usually
carrying, like, a little gun
around with him and he doesn't
really hesitate to use it.
and you know what?
have the gun out and ready to rock.
yeah, in fact, we can all
have... we'll all have guns.
it's just safer.
you know what?
if we maybe ambush frank with a
net or some kind of, like, rope
device, the gun will maybe
drop out of his waist belt.
you want to bring him in in a net?
that could get awkward.
just bring the guns.
bring a gun.
i don't want to get shot,
so just bring a gun, will you?
bring a gun.
you know... i do offer
group therapy.
yeah.
what are you doing?
what is this?
what is this you're doing?
with all due respect,
you're talking about bringing guns to
an intervention, and-and you're
drinking wine out of a soda can.
yeah.
oh, you put wine in the soda can
you didn't know, did you?
that's good.
yeah.
stole frank's idea.
yeah, yeah, yeah.
it actually is a pretty good one.
i mean, the guy's got great ideas.
he's a smart man.
that's not what we're here about.
but i do feel like she just
tried an intervention on us.
did you intervene on us?
is that what that was?
you know what i'm feeling?
i'm feeling like you've lost
control of the room here and
really we're the ones that are
running things now.
i've lost my trust in you.
i feel like we can do this on our own.
i think we can do the intervention on our own
without her.
you guys think?
why not?
yeah.
all right.
might as well give it a shot.
let's just do that.
thank you.
thanks for your help.
you did your best.
no hard feelings.
i'm going to grab some of
this literature, too.
she didn't do that great of a job.
sorry.
no, but don't beat her while
she's down, man.
all right, frank, here's
another idea.
oh, oh, oh!
where did you come from?
i've been walking next to you
the entire time.
sorry, i'm a little, uh, lit.
and, uh, i've been going over
this thing.
i'm trying to figure out...
how to bang donna.
i know. you've been talking about it
for the last five miles.
you know what, dude?
it doesn't matter.
i got a better idea.
i think you should bang gail the snail.
my niece?
yeah.
gail the snail?
yeah, dude.
what's more depraved than that, huh?
plus, you're not blood-related,
so it's not that weird.
that is a good idea.
i like the way you're thinking.
yeah.
what's in it for you?
huh?
jesus.
what's in it for you?
don't worry about what's in
it for me, dude.
my god, you are disgusting.
a disgusting animal.
charlie, let's write him a letter.
let's write frank a letter.
i mean, that's the first step in
any intervention, right?
yeah.
great. all right.
so, i'm assuming you'll have to
dictate yours to me, and then
i'll just write it down for you,
yeah?
yes, that will be fine.
okay, great.
let's-let's do that.
okay, uh, well, i guess my
letter would be about how frank
and i aren't really making
memories together anymore.
and, you know, how when we
don't make memories together,
that's a hurtful thing for me.
okay, uh...
you know, let's just dive right in
i'm not even going to try and
suss out where you're going with that one.
right.
um...
number one.
when was the last time we played
"nightcrawlers" together, frank?
oh.
uh...
okay.
what is that?
well... it's not about you.
i just...
why don't you just write it down
and then...
yeah, but you said it.
you said "nightcrawlers," and
now i feel like i can't move
past it.
i got to know what that is.
it's no...
it's no big deal, you know?
i b...
if i were you, i'd just write it
down because it's not really a
big deal.
what is it?
it's what it sounds like.
what it sounds like is that
you two crawl around like worms
in the night.
that's what it sounds like.
this is not about you,
so i'd like to...
sit down!
shut up!
guess what?
we got you!
what do you guys think?
i thought when frank comes in,
we'll just bang and make a
bunch of noise.
oh, yeah.
we got you!
oh!
all right.
see, but the pain is a little
agitating.
that's overboard.
i think that's too far.
i think the yelling and
pointing and accusing and saying
that he's trapped and surrounded
is probably going to be...
that's going to be great.
and by the way, you guys,
can i am i just say as a side note,
i am loving this canned wine thing.
i think it's brilliant.
right?
i mean, i'm active, i'm
gesturing with my hands, and i
don't feel restricted.
i mean, if i was holding a wine
glass right now, i'd be spilling
wine all over the goddamn place. it would get everywhere.
yeah, well, look.
we're not intervening on frank
for a lack of good ideas.
well, that's for sure.
oh, no.
well, guys, maybe we're not
doing the right thing.
you're talking a lot about wine.
you got it all over your lips
and teeth and...
maybe we need the help of a professional.
we should probably get that lady back.
what are you talking about?
we're coming up with all kinds
of good ideas.
we're flowing here.
i feel like we got some good stuff.
i just feel like maybe we
should consult with the pamphlets, right?
the pamphlets i grabbed from the office.
oh, okay.
well, i've been meaning to
bring that up.
i took a look at those pamphlets
that you grabbed and not a
single one of them has anything
to do with interventions,
not even close.
as a matter of fact, i'm
starting to think we need to
intervene on you for your
goddamn illiteracy.
yeah, charlie, you are
getting real dumb.
come on.
all right, see, this is what i'm talking about. illiteracy.
you know, what does that word even mean?
it's...come on.
i'm going to get the lady
'cause this is getting crazy.
we need help.
i'm getting the lady.
how you doing, frank?
what the hell are you doing here?
frank, my plan is finally
coming together.
with you out of the picture,
i can swoop in on donna.
is that why you pushed me off
onto the snail?
yeah, that's right, bitch.
but that's what you wanted
anyway, right?
you wanted to be as depraved as
possible.
yeah.
well, i think the snail is too
depraved, even for me.
this broad is berserk.
wake and bake.
you guys bang?
oh, no, no.
we did a bunch of those monster
energy drinks and dry-humped.
it was awful.
i think she gave me poison ivy.
hey, hey there, sleepyhead!
i made you breakfast.
i hope you like it crispy
'cause it is burned.
what is going on in here?
how did you get in my house?
did you kick in my door?
kick, yes. kick in, no.
that door is solid, which is the good news.
the bad news is the window is not.
now, that's going to be a
security concern, but don't
worry about it.
i'm going to fix it, make sure
it's up to snuff.
you're always safe when you're with me.
are you ready for your breakfast?
i'm sorry.
what is happening here?
i haven't any idea, honestly.
i'm giving frank a handy under the table.
that is true.
look, snail, back off because
you're just mashing it now.
it's not...
for god's sakes, gail.
mom, i'm sexually active now.
get over it.
you're 33 years old.
you're supposed to be sexually active.
you're not supposed to be
fondling your uncle under a table.
whoa.
we're not blood-related.
will you just please leave her alone?
i'll make a deal with you.
i dump the snail if you and i go out
frank, you can't do that. donna's my girl.
i called her first at the funeral fair is fair.
let me make something perfectly clear.
i will never be with either of you
mom, why are you doing this to me ok?
why can't you just let me be happy?
i want everybody out of my house
out of my house!
fine.
not you.
you live here, gail.
i hate it here.
i'm leaving.
i'm going with this guy now.
he's my boyfriend.
i'll take some eggs.
i am not your boyfriend.
frank, what is with this chick?
so frank sits there
and we put stools in a... in a semicircle.
you want to make sure
there's a border all around him
so there's no going anywhere.
and we can zing him
from every angle.
yep.
okay, that makes sense.
oh, hey! hey, hey!
thank you for coming!
we really appreciate this.
we really appreciate it.
well, i'm here
because clearly your friend is
in desperate need of help.
yeah.
yeah, yeah, yeah.
well, we realized we also just
need as many people attacking
this guy as we can possibly get.
well, rember, not attacking.
this is why i'm glad you called me back, because...
yeah, okay,
listen, before we get into that,
could you help us pop a quick
intervention on charlie here for
his illiteracy?
the kid can't read or write.
not a bit.
no joke, it's no joke.
come on, they've
been riding me all day.
i can read and write.
i just don't like to read and
write.
let's try and stay
focused on frank.
yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's a good point.
he's gonna be here any second.
we told him there was a giant
grease fire and he had to come
down immediately.
oh, she's...
i'm assuming you
wouldn't have lured him down
with a fire.
is that-- is that what your face
is doing right now?
yeah.
and i wouldn't have an
intervention at a bar either.
well, lady, look,
all mistakes we made on our own,
so it's good that you're here.
that's why you're here.
we're doing our best.
where's the goddamn fire?
intervention!
you're surrounded, frank.
there's nowhere for you to go.
you're trapped.
all you're
trapped!
you're trapped! you're trapped!
gotcha, gotcha, gotcha...
that's enough.
we told you there
was going to be a gun.
what the hell's going on?
got you, man.
yeah, you sit down so
we can tell you what an asshole
you've been.
we're gonna get all in your
face and point out your faults.
a roast?
i've always wanted to be roasted.
oh, wait, let me just switch
gears here.
fire up this spliff.
no, no, no, no,
wait, wait, frank, hold on.
um, everyone's here today
because they care about you and
they want you to get well.
she ain't funny.
next.
frank, you're an asshole.
ah, that's it.
ream down on me, come on.
you're a prick.
and your addiction has affected
us in the following ways:
you are annoying.
dennis, come on, give
it to me with both barrels.
why do we never play
nightcrawlers anymore, huh?
i don't know, charlie.
what is nightcrawlers?
it's a game where
they crawl around in the night
like worms.
i never said that.
yeah, well, that's
what it is.
intervention!
is nothing private, frank?
jesus!
look, i like that game.
i don't want to stop playing it.
charlie, we can play
that game.
you promise?
yeah.
ooh, yeah.
stop touching me.
okay, stop.
whoa, what's this?
me and mac are together.
intervention,
intervention, intervention.
intervention.
what are you
interventioning me for?
because you can't be
banging gail the snail.
i'm not banging gail the snail.
she followed me home.
oh, she was doing that
the whole time.
yeah, she does that,
and now she knows where
this bar is.
spit it out.
no, don't...
oh, my god.
see?
intervention!
hey, babe, i'll get you
a drink from the bar.
great.
oh, my god, what are
i was just going over to
her house to try to bang donna
because she reminds me so much
of your mom.
you know, which is like the best
sex i ever had.
intervention, intervention!
you banged my dead wife?
well, she was alive at
the time.
did you not know that?
no.
it's cool, man,
it's cool.
intervention, intervention,
okay?
look, he's got a weird fetish
for older women, so don't hold
it against him.
i don't have an older
woman fetish.
i don't want to bang this chick.
let's go over the
intervention stuff for a second
'cause there's a lot of it being
thrown around right now, and i'm
having a little bit of trouble
keeping track.
the most important intervention
is the one we need to do is on
gail the snail and getting her
out of our lives.
guys, let's do shots
and get crazy.
no, gail.
we're intervening
on you, snail.
go, get out of here.
yeah, right.
how is she not getting this?
she's stonewalling us.
it is a classic snail technique.
classic.
huh! get out of here!
he's got the salt.
get out of here, snail!
go, snail, go!
i was going to invite
you guys all to a rave to hang
out, but now i don't want to
hang out with you anymore.
salt the snail.
you salt her.
wait, wait.
you guys want to go?
no, no!
wait. i have glow sticks.
go, go!
yeah!
what is with that broad?
she is the worst, right?
that's what we've been saying.
oh, my god, that was
a terrible experience for me by the way.
of course it was.
nobody likes salting a snail,
but she gives you no choice.
she doesn't leave you
with any options.
it's a horrible thing.
i'm all worked up now.
i feel bad.
i feel maybe i should have
some more wine in a can.
i'll get you one.
i could use some
canned wine to calm down a little bit.
let's drink.
you guys are drinking
wine out of those cans?
oh, hell, yeah, baby,
hell, yeah.
can i have one?
yes, and you will notice
the advantages almost
immediately.
here, try this.
i feel like drinking
wine out of a can is conducive
to my violent hand gestures when
i speak.
you tend to be very emphatic
and strong, and...
i want to give one to
frank like that.
you didn't get any on me.
you want to point
accusatorily, but...
i don't have any big...
but it really boosts
your mobility.
excuse me.
excuse-excuse me, people.
i'm sorry, but how
do you guys want to proceed
from here?
because i'm a little confused.
do you want to...?
right, okay.
um, well, i guess we kind of got
what we need out of the
intervention, right?
yep.
so, good job.
was it...?
did she...?
well, we did all the
work, didn't we?
we did.
so we can't really
pay you 'cause of that.
i know we said we would,
but we won't.
yeah.
um, how about a can of wine?
no.
all right.
well...
on your way.
adios.
on your way then.
take your jacket.
get out of here then.
take that
shoulder-padded jacket.
thanks for stopping by,
and, uh, don't expect a
check in the mail.
hey.
up top.
up top, everybody.
good intervention,
everybody.
the intervention worked.
Sync by ReHelen - corrected by chamallow35 www.addic7ed.com