1 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,288 My name is Frank. 2 00:00:13,772 --> 00:00:17,707 I've had a great life, a family, lots of friends, adventures, 3 00:00:18,190 --> 00:00:20,123 but I'm ready for a change. 4 00:00:20,261 --> 00:00:22,919 One last shot at finding true love. 5 00:00:24,231 --> 00:00:25,508 I'm hoping this is it. 6 00:00:34,482 --> 00:00:36,864 Thank you. Hi. 7 00:00:40,695 --> 00:00:42,214 Thank you so much. Thank you. 8 00:00:44,216 --> 00:00:45,804 Thank you and good evening, Bachelor nation. 9 00:00:45,942 --> 00:00:47,668 I'm Jesse Palmer, and welcome 10 00:00:47,806 --> 00:00:51,016 to The Golden Bachelor season finale. 11 00:00:53,122 --> 00:00:56,021 Of course, we are coming to you live from Los Angeles 12 00:00:56,159 --> 00:00:58,092 as Frank's journey to find the love of his life 13 00:00:58,230 --> 00:01:00,129 comes to a dramatic conclusion. 14 00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:03,753 Now admittedly, the crew nor the producers were prepared 15 00:01:03,891 --> 00:01:07,067 to host a Bachelor as eccentric 16 00:01:07,205 --> 00:01:08,620 as Frank Reynolds. 17 00:01:08,758 --> 00:01:11,726 In fact, this is the first season in Bachelor history 18 00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:14,315 where we considered ending the entire franchise altogether. 19 00:01:14,798 --> 00:01:16,490 But, boy, are we glad we didn't, 20 00:01:16,628 --> 00:01:19,217 because Frank captured our hearts, 21 00:01:19,355 --> 00:01:21,322 and tonight is the moment we've all been waiting for. 22 00:01:21,460 --> 00:01:23,773 Will Frank find true love again? 23 00:01:23,911 --> 00:01:26,672 All I can say is that you'll have to see it to believe it. 24 00:01:26,810 --> 00:01:28,502 So let's take a look back at the season's highlights 25 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,125 where Frank started in a very different place 26 00:01:31,263 --> 00:01:32,506 than where we find him today. 27 00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:35,543 Let's get this show on the road. 28 00:01:35,681 --> 00:01:41,101 Can't wait to find a Grade A, prime cut piece of ****. 29 00:01:41,653 --> 00:01:43,551 To love. 30 00:01:43,689 --> 00:01:47,176 Frank, admittedly, was a little rougher around the edges than we're accustomed to. 31 00:01:51,732 --> 00:01:55,839 All right, so where are all the broads? 32 00:01:55,977 --> 00:01:57,151 I dropped a couple of blueys. 33 00:01:57,289 --> 00:01:59,498 This baby's got about a half hour 34 00:01:59,636 --> 00:02:02,018 to perform like, pew, 35 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,813 and then that's it. So, let's hurry up. 36 00:02:03,951 --> 00:02:05,090 Okay, the first car is arriving now. 37 00:02:05,228 --> 00:02:07,541 Okay, all right, good. The first car. 38 00:02:07,679 --> 00:02:09,198 Oh, my God, I'm getting a chubby. 39 00:02:09,681 --> 00:02:11,648 Look at this. Mmm, mmm, mmm. 40 00:02:11,786 --> 00:02:14,789 Ooh. Here it comes. I'm anticipating this... 41 00:02:15,652 --> 00:02:17,792 Oh, let's see, yeah. 42 00:02:20,830 --> 00:02:23,660 - Uh, nope. - Excuse me? 43 00:02:23,798 --> 00:02:25,800 - No. No. Nope. - Frank, Frank. 44 00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:27,561 Pass, pass, pass, it's a pass. 45 00:02:27,699 --> 00:02:29,977 You can walk by. You can keep on going. 46 00:02:30,115 --> 00:02:32,082 Just walk on by. That's it. 47 00:02:32,221 --> 00:02:35,362 Next, next, next. Bring the next one in. 48 00:02:38,123 --> 00:02:39,366 - Uh-uh. - Frank. 49 00:02:39,504 --> 00:02:41,368 No, no. Absolutely not. 50 00:02:41,506 --> 00:02:43,853 No, no. Pass on. Next. Let's go to the next one. 51 00:02:43,991 --> 00:02:45,751 Next one, this is not working out. What's going on? 52 00:02:45,889 --> 00:02:48,133 Frank, there's a time for this. It's just not right now. 53 00:02:48,271 --> 00:02:50,480 All right, bring the next one on, bring the next one on. 54 00:02:52,137 --> 00:02:53,552 I'm starting to get nervous. 55 00:02:54,519 --> 00:02:55,520 What do we got? 56 00:02:57,660 --> 00:02:59,179 Holy... Oh... 57 00:02:59,938 --> 00:03:02,527 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 58 00:03:02,665 --> 00:03:04,943 No, pass, pass, pass. 59 00:03:05,081 --> 00:03:07,117 Are all these whores gonna be this old? 60 00:03:07,256 --> 00:03:10,535 Why did I do this? I don't know what's the matter with me. 61 00:03:10,673 --> 00:03:12,813 What the **** did I do? 62 00:03:12,951 --> 00:03:16,368 Everyone that got out of the car, I mean, they were, like, crackling. 63 00:03:16,506 --> 00:03:18,577 I mean, you could hear their **** crackling. 64 00:03:20,303 --> 00:03:22,236 - It was like, just, old meat. - Frank, 65 00:03:22,374 --> 00:03:24,100 honestly, you didn't understand the premise of this show? 66 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,136 Well, I knew there would be a couple of duds, 67 00:03:26,275 --> 00:03:29,933 but I thought you Hollywood people were all about diversity. 68 00:03:30,071 --> 00:03:31,797 Well, there's gonna be women of every ethnicity here. 69 00:03:31,935 --> 00:03:34,317 Age. Diversity of age. 70 00:03:34,455 --> 00:03:37,803 Frank, the show's called The Golden Bachelor. 71 00:03:37,941 --> 00:03:39,598 Golden Bachelor, my ****. 72 00:03:39,736 --> 00:03:42,325 I'm **** out of here unless I find something 73 00:03:42,463 --> 00:03:44,085 coming out of that car that I like. 74 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,708 You gotta do something. 75 00:03:46,571 --> 00:03:48,262 - You ever watch TikTok? - Yeah, of course. 76 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,954 Well, you ever... you ever hear of Cock Chewa? 77 00:03:51,092 --> 00:03:52,646 - Cock Chewa? - Cock Chewa... 78 00:03:52,784 --> 00:03:54,613 And so in a series of Golden Bachelor firsts, 79 00:03:54,751 --> 00:03:57,306 we caved into Frank's demands. 80 00:03:57,444 --> 00:03:59,894 I saw this trash on TikTok. 81 00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:01,793 Her name was Cock Chewa. 82 00:04:01,931 --> 00:04:06,384 Her catchphrase was, "Chew on that thang." 83 00:04:06,522 --> 00:04:07,626 I had to have her. 84 00:04:07,764 --> 00:04:09,939 My heart's beating a mile a minute. 85 00:04:10,077 --> 00:04:11,285 Let's see what happens. 86 00:04:13,805 --> 00:04:16,808 Oh, oh, oh. 87 00:04:16,946 --> 00:04:19,949 What's coming out? 88 00:04:20,605 --> 00:04:23,642 Oh! It's her. That's her. That's her! 89 00:04:23,780 --> 00:04:25,851 Hey, y'all! 90 00:04:25,989 --> 00:04:28,440 - Chew on that thang. - Chew on that thang! 91 00:04:28,578 --> 00:04:30,684 - Chew on that thang. - Okay. She's it. She's the one. 92 00:04:30,822 --> 00:04:32,099 - Wait, what? What? - I picked her. 93 00:04:32,237 --> 00:04:33,618 - Yeah, she's it. Okay, that's it. - Wait, what? 94 00:04:33,756 --> 00:04:35,620 - I choose her. Yes. - I get paid for this, right? 95 00:04:35,758 --> 00:04:37,691 Yeah, the game's over. We can take her. 96 00:04:37,829 --> 00:04:40,280 No, no, no, Frank. It's only the first episode, okay? 97 00:04:40,418 --> 00:04:42,143 We have to go through this whole process, 98 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,593 otherwise there can't be a show. 99 00:04:43,731 --> 00:04:46,631 - All right, well, you get paid. - Yeah. 100 00:04:46,769 --> 00:04:47,873 It's the first night, 101 00:04:48,011 --> 00:04:50,013 so you're gonna have to wait a little while 102 00:04:50,151 --> 00:04:52,740 - to chew on that thang. - Chew on that thang. 103 00:04:52,878 --> 00:04:54,777 - Chew on that thang. - Okay, let's just keep it moving here. 104 00:04:54,915 --> 00:04:57,883 Oh, baby, am I boned up. Okay, here let's go. 105 00:04:58,574 --> 00:05:00,300 Okay. Okay. 106 00:05:00,817 --> 00:05:02,094 All right. 107 00:05:02,232 --> 00:05:05,132 Oops, I thought you said we were done with the old ones. 108 00:05:06,167 --> 00:05:10,551 Uh, hi. Very nice to see you, you know. But no. 109 00:05:10,689 --> 00:05:13,243 - But no. Okay, so anyway, pass. - Oh. 110 00:05:13,382 --> 00:05:15,694 But, you know, go on inside and keep warm. 111 00:05:15,832 --> 00:05:17,731 I'll get you out of here ASAP. 112 00:05:17,869 --> 00:05:21,217 You're kidding me. This cretin is the bachelor? 113 00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:23,426 I got better looking boils. 114 00:05:23,564 --> 00:05:27,637 That was a good one. You got me there. You got me there. 115 00:05:27,775 --> 00:05:30,260 Well, maybe I'll keep this one around just to entertain me. 116 00:05:30,813 --> 00:05:32,918 She got me with that... That was very... 117 00:05:33,056 --> 00:05:35,438 She's good. Let's lump her in with the other one. 118 00:05:35,576 --> 00:05:38,993 We'll see how it goes. That was funny. She was pretty funny. 119 00:05:39,649 --> 00:05:43,446 Oh. Oh. What's this? I thought I said no dudes. 120 00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:46,000 Oh, I have an Amazon Prime delivery for a, uh, Frank Reynolds. 121 00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:47,381 - Oh, Frank Reynolds, that's me. - Okay. 122 00:05:47,519 --> 00:05:50,039 Yeah, that's me. Oh, yeah, this... Thank you. 123 00:05:50,177 --> 00:05:52,731 Oh, my, my, that was so fast. 124 00:05:52,869 --> 00:05:55,769 Amazon Prime deliveries are so fast. 125 00:05:55,907 --> 00:05:57,771 Frank, what are you doing? You can't bring your own plugs. 126 00:05:57,909 --> 00:06:00,912 Yeah... I... No, we... No plugs. Their items are very meaningful to me. 127 00:06:01,050 --> 00:06:05,710 I am fired up about Chewy. That's a broad I could spend my life with. 128 00:06:05,848 --> 00:06:08,885 And the other one's good too. They both got mouths on 'em. 129 00:06:09,023 --> 00:06:11,440 One's an on-ramp, one's an off-ramp. 130 00:06:11,578 --> 00:06:13,545 I'm leaning toward the 20-year-old. 131 00:06:14,097 --> 00:06:15,685 Since Frank had already chosen his final two, 132 00:06:15,823 --> 00:06:19,379 we had to get creative with the situations we put them in. 133 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:22,071 So, uh, where you from? 134 00:06:22,209 --> 00:06:23,521 Gang, gang. 135 00:06:24,142 --> 00:06:26,144 Chew, chew. 136 00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:30,251 Gang, gang. Gang. Gang, gang. 137 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,875 That's a butthole. 138 00:06:33,013 --> 00:06:34,566 Thank you, y'all. Thank you. 139 00:06:34,704 --> 00:06:36,465 What's that? What are you doing? 140 00:06:36,603 --> 00:06:38,190 I'm making money on a live stream. 141 00:06:38,328 --> 00:06:40,261 - Huh? - Gang, gang. 142 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,677 You're making... 143 00:06:41,815 --> 00:06:44,990 So, uh, yeah, yeah, hmm. 144 00:06:47,890 --> 00:06:49,098 - Well, what kind of music do you like? - Thank you. 145 00:06:50,617 --> 00:06:52,308 The conversation was a little rough. 146 00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:55,000 I didn't know what the hell she was doing with the phone. 147 00:06:55,138 --> 00:06:58,141 I guess people pay her to respond to emojis? 148 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:00,074 I was losing my patience. 149 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:04,251 Gang, gang. Chew, chew. Chew. 150 00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:06,874 Look, if we don't bang soon, I'm gonna boot you off the show. 151 00:07:09,359 --> 00:07:10,982 - Well, that worked like a charm. - All right. 152 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,811 We banged three times that night. 153 00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:16,366 And on some kind of OnlyFans live stream thing. 154 00:07:16,505 --> 00:07:19,024 Made 12 grand. It was incredible. 155 00:07:19,162 --> 00:07:21,648 Except for the chewing. 156 00:07:21,786 --> 00:07:23,132 That was weird as hell. 157 00:07:24,754 --> 00:07:28,793 I-I thought it was more of a catch phrase than an actual method. 158 00:07:35,558 --> 00:07:36,732 Where the **** is he? 159 00:07:36,870 --> 00:07:38,181 - Wow. I'm sorry I'm late. - Oh, hey. 160 00:07:38,319 --> 00:07:40,736 I had to dump out big time. 161 00:07:40,874 --> 00:07:43,255 Oh, well, that makes two of us. 162 00:07:43,393 --> 00:07:44,981 Just got here myself. 163 00:07:45,119 --> 00:07:48,847 Took the liberty of ordering us the seafood linguine. 164 00:07:48,985 --> 00:07:53,473 - Oh. Strong choice. I like that. - Uh-huh. 165 00:07:53,611 --> 00:07:55,992 - Yeah? - Yeah, yeah. 166 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,962 So... Hmm. Mm-mmm. 167 00:08:01,619 --> 00:08:02,827 What now? 168 00:08:04,345 --> 00:08:06,831 Ah. Well... 169 00:08:07,901 --> 00:08:11,525 we could get the linguine to go, go back to your place. 170 00:08:11,663 --> 00:08:13,354 I would say we bang at my place, 171 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,564 but I don't want you hanging around after. 172 00:08:15,702 --> 00:08:18,739 - You get it. - What makes you think I'm gonna bang you? 173 00:08:18,877 --> 00:08:21,570 All right, we bang after dinner. 174 00:08:21,708 --> 00:08:23,951 - Eh, make love. - Hmm. 175 00:08:24,089 --> 00:08:26,920 Yeah. So what's your deal? Were you ever married? 176 00:08:27,886 --> 00:08:28,991 If you must know. 177 00:08:30,924 --> 00:08:32,201 My husband's dead. 178 00:08:33,029 --> 00:08:34,168 You knock him off? 179 00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:38,414 They say he got chomped in two by a great white 180 00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:41,141 while he was snorkeling off the coast of Maine. 181 00:08:41,279 --> 00:08:42,936 Ooh, wicked. 182 00:08:43,074 --> 00:08:46,905 Personally, I think he was smuggling drugs down from Canada, 183 00:08:47,043 --> 00:08:50,081 got chainsawed by some cartel. 184 00:08:51,358 --> 00:08:52,946 They only found the bottom half. 185 00:08:54,913 --> 00:08:55,880 Nasty. 186 00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:58,365 Mmm. Nasty business. 187 00:08:58,503 --> 00:09:00,056 Did you keep the dong? 188 00:09:02,921 --> 00:09:04,405 Of course I did. 189 00:09:05,959 --> 00:09:08,789 I had it pickled and put in a jar. 190 00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:10,550 - Yeah. - Wow... 191 00:09:13,691 --> 00:09:15,209 That's what I would have wanted. 192 00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:18,419 - Hmm. - Wow. Beautiful. 193 00:09:19,766 --> 00:09:20,939 Hmm. 194 00:09:21,802 --> 00:09:23,942 I have to say I enjoyed the conversation. 195 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,427 We talked all night, didn't even bang. 196 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,569 Which is probably better because my cock was chewed to ****. 197 00:09:30,155 --> 00:09:31,812 So Frank was left with a dilemma. 198 00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:33,089 Who was he gonna choose? 199 00:09:33,227 --> 00:09:35,298 And for that he turned to his family. 200 00:09:35,436 --> 00:09:37,300 But in a bizarre turn of events, 201 00:09:37,438 --> 00:09:41,719 the producers learned that his family was not his family at all. 202 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,515 He had hired actors to play them. 203 00:09:45,654 --> 00:09:48,242 These people are maniacs. You don't understand. 204 00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:51,142 I was afraid they were gonna embarrass me on national television. 205 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:55,664 So Frank was concerned that his real family would embarrass him. 206 00:09:55,802 --> 00:09:57,251 It was time to go to his hometown: 207 00:09:57,907 --> 00:10:00,979 Philadelphia. The birthplace of our nation. 208 00:10:01,117 --> 00:10:03,016 Could it be the birthplace of a new love? 209 00:10:03,154 --> 00:10:05,950 Things were off to a rocky start. 210 00:10:06,088 --> 00:10:10,333 I was terrified to have Sam and Chewy meet the gang. 211 00:10:10,471 --> 00:10:12,646 But I have to admit, they played it really cool. 212 00:10:13,923 --> 00:10:15,166 Well, here we are. 213 00:10:16,132 --> 00:10:17,375 I'm so excited to see Frank. 214 00:10:17,513 --> 00:10:19,619 Oh, I'm just excited to meet the ladies. 215 00:10:19,757 --> 00:10:21,413 If Frank likes them, I'll like them. 216 00:10:23,968 --> 00:10:25,383 Wonder where they are. 217 00:10:25,521 --> 00:10:27,143 I, too, am feeling things. 218 00:10:29,283 --> 00:10:32,183 Well, speak of the dev... Uh, speak of Frank. 219 00:10:34,288 --> 00:10:36,152 - Hello. - Hi. Hi. 220 00:10:36,290 --> 00:10:39,811 - Well, here we are. - Uh-huh. 221 00:10:39,949 --> 00:10:41,226 - Yeah. - Oh. 222 00:10:41,364 --> 00:10:43,021 I was really nervous that you guys were gonna be mad 223 00:10:43,159 --> 00:10:44,574 about the whole fake family thing. 224 00:10:44,713 --> 00:10:46,231 Oh. 225 00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:49,269 - Frank, forget it, huh? - Oh, no. Please, we get it. 226 00:10:49,407 --> 00:10:50,650 - I don't care. - You were nervous. 227 00:10:50,788 --> 00:10:52,375 - Yeah. - I'm passed that. 228 00:10:52,513 --> 00:10:55,896 Yeah, I want you to know how happy we are for both of you and for Frank. 229 00:10:56,034 --> 00:10:57,760 - Well, thank you. - We just want what's best for everyone. 230 00:10:57,898 --> 00:10:59,624 - That's right. - Yeah, yeah. 231 00:10:59,762 --> 00:11:01,695 Uh, Frank, should we take your dates and get to know them a little better? 232 00:11:01,833 --> 00:11:03,559 Oh. 233 00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:07,356 Okay. Uh, all right. Play nice. 234 00:11:07,494 --> 00:11:09,116 Play nice. 235 00:11:09,254 --> 00:11:11,084 Well, we always play nice. - He's a funny guy, right? 236 00:11:11,222 --> 00:11:12,706 - He's so funny. - A joker. 237 00:11:12,844 --> 00:11:16,054 Okay, listen, bitch. You are not getting the money. 238 00:11:16,192 --> 00:11:17,366 Yeah, you're too old to have a baby. 239 00:11:17,504 --> 00:11:19,471 And if you try and adopt, so help me God, 240 00:11:19,609 --> 00:11:21,646 we will snuff that thing out like a cigarillo. 241 00:11:21,784 --> 00:11:23,924 Hmm. You're on television. 242 00:11:24,062 --> 00:11:26,064 Please. 243 00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:27,928 I think we all know Disney's never gonna air this. 244 00:11:28,066 --> 00:11:29,827 - No, but you will have heard it. - What? 245 00:11:29,965 --> 00:11:31,587 So listen to me and listen good. 246 00:11:32,312 --> 00:11:35,764 You are not getting our money. 247 00:11:36,385 --> 00:11:39,043 I have my own money. 248 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,701 You do? 249 00:11:42,771 --> 00:11:43,806 Explain yourself. 250 00:11:44,393 --> 00:11:48,362 I got chicken money and plenty of it too. 251 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,400 So whatever Frank's got, he can just keep it. 252 00:11:51,538 --> 00:11:54,058 I made my own fortune on the backs of others. 253 00:11:54,196 --> 00:11:57,751 I don't need to be pulling it out of an old man's pocket. 254 00:11:58,545 --> 00:12:00,443 - Chicken money. - Chicken money, huh? 255 00:12:01,617 --> 00:12:03,584 The chicken money comment was a bit of a relief, you know? 256 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,448 - Not that I trust her. - Well, no, that's true. 257 00:12:05,586 --> 00:12:07,002 We're not really the trusting kind, you know? 258 00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:09,418 But if she does have this so-called "chicken money", 259 00:12:09,556 --> 00:12:11,109 then we wouldn't mind, uh... 260 00:12:11,247 --> 00:12:13,318 Wetting our beaks. 261 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,219 Did you see that? I didn't have to say it. 262 00:12:17,357 --> 00:12:18,565 She-She walked right into it. 263 00:12:20,636 --> 00:12:21,671 Dee's a bird. 264 00:12:29,093 --> 00:12:31,923 Uh... ...Chewy. May I call you Chewy? 265 00:12:32,061 --> 00:12:33,994 - Yeah. - Chewy, we are a vibe. 266 00:12:34,132 --> 00:12:35,651 And we need to know how you're gonna fit in. 267 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,377 You know, I think it's important that whoever 268 00:12:37,515 --> 00:12:39,551 we bring into the fold fits with our dynamic. 269 00:12:39,689 --> 00:12:42,416 Oh, I love the gays. I'll chew on that thang. 270 00:12:43,210 --> 00:12:45,316 That doesn't make any sense. Moreover, it sickens me. 271 00:12:45,454 --> 00:12:47,111 What is this? How is this gonna work? 272 00:12:47,249 --> 00:12:49,147 Like, there's no room for you on my couch, man. 273 00:12:49,285 --> 00:12:51,632 - There's just not. - Okay. Well, we have to pick one, Charlie. 274 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,946 I don't want to pick one. I don't understand why Frank did this. 275 00:12:55,084 --> 00:12:56,776 If he was unhappy, why didn't he come to me? 276 00:12:57,466 --> 00:13:00,331 You ruined this, okay? I need it to go back to the way that it was. 277 00:13:00,469 --> 00:13:02,022 Well, he's not gonna just chew on that thang. 278 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,921 Whatever y'all want. What does that mean? 279 00:13:04,059 --> 00:13:05,301 Why does she keep saying it? 280 00:13:05,439 --> 00:13:07,407 I'd seen all I needed to see. 281 00:13:07,545 --> 00:13:09,202 I mean, we-we couldn't run the risk of one of these women 282 00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:11,514 becoming a major player in our lives. 283 00:13:11,652 --> 00:13:13,516 We need to bring in someone Frank might go for, 284 00:13:13,654 --> 00:13:15,864 but who we know we can control. 285 00:13:16,002 --> 00:13:17,658 A woman with no personal ambitions 286 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,661 but who Frank could also bang. 287 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,594 Guys, I believe I have the first line. 288 00:13:22,732 --> 00:13:24,838 - Uh, announcement. - Announce. Just an announcement. 289 00:13:24,976 --> 00:13:26,633 - It's just a natural conversation. - Yes. 290 00:13:26,771 --> 00:13:29,015 - He just has to talk first. - Welcome to Mac and Dennis's apartment. 291 00:13:29,153 --> 00:13:30,879 - Well, you're Mac. - I'm Mac. 292 00:13:31,017 --> 00:13:32,121 - Well, he's just welcoming. - Yeah. 293 00:13:32,259 --> 00:13:33,916 This is Dennis, and this is our apartment. 294 00:13:34,054 --> 00:13:36,022 - Yes. - And we do a lot of hosting. 295 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,265 - That's right. - And we are not a couple. 296 00:13:38,403 --> 00:13:42,200 - No. - But our living arrangement is 297 00:13:42,338 --> 00:13:43,995 - perfectly age appropriate. - But he is gay. 298 00:13:44,133 --> 00:13:45,514 - Well, he is gay. - Well... ...Goddamn it. 299 00:13:45,652 --> 00:13:47,412 And I am gay. 300 00:13:47,550 --> 00:13:50,001 Uh, I believe I may have snapped at Dennis and hit him a little bit... 301 00:13:50,139 --> 00:13:51,727 - Yeah, a little bit too hard. - ...too hard. 302 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:54,040 And also the fact that you're gay is inconsequential because... 303 00:13:54,178 --> 00:13:55,420 - It's playful. - Yes. 304 00:13:55,558 --> 00:13:57,698 ...that's gonna make it sound like maybe I'm not. 305 00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,322 - Chew on that thang. - What? 306 00:14:01,323 --> 00:14:02,462 She's not supposed to say that, right? 307 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,671 Is that it? That's all she can say? 308 00:14:04,809 --> 00:14:06,259 - The vocab is limited. - Good. 309 00:14:06,397 --> 00:14:07,847 - Yeah. - I'ma barf on it. 310 00:14:08,571 --> 00:14:09,779 - What? - What? 311 00:14:10,263 --> 00:14:11,781 That's not your line. 312 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,473 - What are you... What are you doing? - What is she... 313 00:14:13,611 --> 00:14:15,233 Ah. It's kind of a catchphrase that I do, you know what I mean? 314 00:14:15,371 --> 00:14:18,202 - She's kidding. You're kidding. - Barf on that thing, y'all. 315 00:14:18,719 --> 00:14:20,100 - That's playful. - Oh, no. 316 00:14:20,238 --> 00:14:21,757 Well, no, no, no. 317 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,724 Should I have a catchphrase? I don't approve of this union. 318 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,312 Let's keep this evening about Frank, okay? 319 00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,970 And not have... We don't have... Nobody has any catchphrases. 320 00:14:28,108 --> 00:14:31,387 We-we're just... Uh, I'm gonna raise a toast... Um... 321 00:14:31,525 --> 00:14:35,426 to these two wonderful women and to an impossible choice. 322 00:14:35,564 --> 00:14:36,703 - Yeah. - Oh. 323 00:14:36,841 --> 00:14:38,291 Oh. 324 00:14:38,429 --> 00:14:40,776 - My, my. Who could that be? - Oh. What's this? 325 00:14:42,191 --> 00:14:43,192 Goddamn it. 326 00:14:48,439 --> 00:14:50,096 Hey... Oh, Miss... Ms. Kelly. 327 00:14:50,234 --> 00:14:53,064 - Mom. - My God. Well, what brings you here? 328 00:14:53,202 --> 00:14:57,137 To be a slut and to marry Frank. 329 00:14:57,275 --> 00:14:58,311 That was... 330 00:14:58,449 --> 00:15:00,175 Oh. 331 00:15:01,452 --> 00:15:03,626 Really? Oh, good. Dennis, did you put her up to this? 332 00:15:03,764 --> 00:15:05,111 What do you mean? She just came over. 333 00:15:05,249 --> 00:15:07,527 Already I have to deal with two sluts and now a third? 334 00:15:07,665 --> 00:15:09,805 Start over, Mac! Start over. 335 00:15:18,296 --> 00:15:19,642 ♪ yeah! 336 00:15:30,101 --> 00:15:33,622 Now the stakes were even higher with a third woman in the mix, 337 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,175 but luckily for Frank, 338 00:15:35,313 --> 00:15:38,178 he'd have the fantasy suites to help him make up his mind. 339 00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:41,802 This was the hardest decision of my life. What's the order? 340 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:46,531 Do I go Chewy first and work my way to Bonnie through Sam? 341 00:15:46,669 --> 00:15:50,466 Or do I run the risk of being gnawed to a stump and have to heal? 342 00:15:50,604 --> 00:15:52,503 I was feeling so many things. 343 00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:55,368 And then, I had an idea. 344 00:15:55,506 --> 00:15:58,785 Frank, there is no way Disney is ever gonna go with that. 345 00:15:58,923 --> 00:15:59,993 It's what I want. 346 00:16:00,131 --> 00:16:01,926 No, Frank, we have to stagger them. 347 00:16:02,064 --> 00:16:04,584 I'll handle that once we're in the middle of it. 348 00:16:04,722 --> 00:16:06,068 Look, you wanna join us? 349 00:16:06,206 --> 00:16:09,347 I don't love it, but no eye contact and we're good. 350 00:16:09,485 --> 00:16:11,108 All right. Let's go ahead. Let's go. 351 00:16:11,246 --> 00:16:13,662 Ha! Let's go, ladies. 352 00:16:14,490 --> 00:16:17,217 We're gonna do kind of a group situation. 353 00:16:17,355 --> 00:16:20,220 Why don't you just come this way? 354 00:16:20,358 --> 00:16:22,084 - There you go. There you go. - Yeah. 355 00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:24,362 - O-Okay, listen to me, Frank. - Hey. 356 00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:25,743 I'm no prude, right? 357 00:16:25,881 --> 00:16:28,159 I mean, I was in the navy, right? 358 00:16:28,297 --> 00:16:31,335 I took a whole destroyer full of torpedoes, you know? 359 00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:33,199 That's pretty funny, Sam. 360 00:16:33,337 --> 00:16:34,890 Yeah, but here's the thing: 361 00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:38,273 I feel like I'm ready to settle down and, you know... 362 00:16:38,411 --> 00:16:43,071 - ...I got feelings for-for-for you, Frank. - You do? 363 00:16:43,209 --> 00:16:45,694 Yeah, you know. Ain't that something. 364 00:16:45,832 --> 00:16:47,903 I-I gotta tell you a little story, right? 365 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,216 Well, I'm kind of on the clock here, you know? 366 00:16:50,354 --> 00:16:51,493 Yeah, okay. 367 00:16:52,528 --> 00:16:54,116 When I was a little girl, 368 00:16:54,254 --> 00:16:57,775 I shortened my name to Sam and I told everybody, 369 00:16:57,913 --> 00:17:00,019 "Ooh, I-I really liked that so much better," 370 00:17:00,778 --> 00:17:02,400 but I didn't. 371 00:17:03,298 --> 00:17:09,304 I-I just thought that... Samantha, that's-that's too long for anybody to say. 372 00:17:09,959 --> 00:17:14,481 So-So I changed my name, Frank, because I thought 373 00:17:14,619 --> 00:17:18,727 that nobody would care enough to take the time to say the whole thing. 374 00:17:18,865 --> 00:17:22,179 Oh, my God. Stupid, huh? 375 00:17:22,662 --> 00:17:24,560 Well, you were a kid. 376 00:17:24,698 --> 00:17:27,874 I lived my whole life that way. 377 00:17:28,875 --> 00:17:33,190 And when I was busy pretending to be somebody that I wasn't, 378 00:17:34,950 --> 00:17:40,438 you were living your life being exactly who you are. 379 00:17:44,787 --> 00:17:46,996 I just love that about you, Frank. 380 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:53,072 And I kind of thought it was too late for me, but then, 381 00:17:54,556 --> 00:17:58,732 you've shown me that it's never too late 382 00:17:59,733 --> 00:18:01,010 to find your heart. 383 00:18:02,564 --> 00:18:03,565 And your voice. 384 00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:05,394 And your name. 385 00:18:09,536 --> 00:18:12,160 I think I'm falling in love with you, Frank. 386 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,439 Yeah, I-I don't want to ruin that. 387 00:18:16,164 --> 00:18:18,683 So, you know, I'm not going in there. 388 00:18:19,753 --> 00:18:21,100 I'm-I'm gonna go. 389 00:18:30,661 --> 00:18:32,801 Sam had struck a chord. 390 00:18:32,939 --> 00:18:35,700 And now Frank had an even tougher decision to make. 391 00:18:35,838 --> 00:18:37,840 Just what was he going to do? 392 00:18:37,978 --> 00:18:40,291 Yeah, I mean, I took a shot, right? 393 00:18:40,429 --> 00:18:44,468 And I-I think he's feeling the same things I am. 394 00:18:44,606 --> 00:18:46,608 At least, I hope so, right? 395 00:18:47,816 --> 00:18:48,851 Yeah. 396 00:18:54,788 --> 00:18:55,789 What's it say? 397 00:19:04,626 --> 00:19:07,422 Look, as much as Dennis wanted Frank to pick Bonnie, 398 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,183 we all knew he was gonna go with the 20-year-old, so... 399 00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:13,152 I devised that prank to make sure she was cool. 400 00:19:13,738 --> 00:19:16,224 The prank is this, when they fly us out there, we set off 401 00:19:16,362 --> 00:19:19,572 one of those elephant toothpaste bombs in the mansion. 402 00:19:19,710 --> 00:19:21,367 And then, if she likes it, she's in. 403 00:19:21,505 --> 00:19:22,782 What the hell is that? - What is that? 404 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,784 Oh. It's-It's like a chemical reaction. Check it out. 405 00:19:28,339 --> 00:19:29,685 - Cool, huh? - Oh. Yeah. 406 00:19:29,823 --> 00:19:32,171 This is a good idea though, Mac. I could work with this. 407 00:19:32,309 --> 00:19:33,896 - Yeah, that's gonna be fun. - Okay. 408 00:19:34,034 --> 00:19:37,659 So Frank was concerned that his real family would embarrass him. 409 00:19:38,142 --> 00:19:40,248 Well, we've got them here with us tonight. 410 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,077 How do you guys feel about that? 411 00:19:44,804 --> 00:19:45,770 Well... 412 00:19:45,908 --> 00:19:47,634 The situation... 413 00:19:47,772 --> 00:19:51,949 ...under the circumstances is quite understandable. 414 00:19:52,087 --> 00:19:57,748 Our appearance may seem gruesome, but all can be quite easily explained. 415 00:19:57,886 --> 00:19:58,956 Oh. Indeed. 416 00:19:59,094 --> 00:20:00,406 - Yeah. - Indeed. 417 00:20:00,544 --> 00:20:04,479 As you can tell, our voices have also been affected, 418 00:20:04,617 --> 00:20:07,689 creating an unintentionally sinister tone. 419 00:20:07,827 --> 00:20:10,450 - So, where did things go wrong, guys? - Well... 420 00:20:10,588 --> 00:20:12,383 There seems to have been a miscalculation. 421 00:20:12,521 --> 00:20:15,075 - Our hubris got the best of us. - Nonsense. 422 00:20:15,904 --> 00:20:20,909 There was no mix-up in the laboratory, no... ...neglect of the pH balance. 423 00:20:21,047 --> 00:20:23,291 It was my jealousy of these women 424 00:20:23,429 --> 00:20:26,811 that drove me to surreptitiously add 20 gallons 425 00:20:26,949 --> 00:20:30,884 of Nair hair removal into the concoction. 426 00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:32,886 Wait, wait, you did what? 427 00:20:34,647 --> 00:20:38,478 ♪ You wear short shorts If you dare wear short shorts Nair for--♪ 428 00:20:38,616 --> 00:20:39,962 Yeah, we know the product. 429 00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:41,205 You're familiar with it? 430 00:20:41,343 --> 00:20:42,655 Do you guys know the song? 431 00:20:42,793 --> 00:20:44,622 - Yes, we know the goddamn song. - Yes. 432 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:45,934 Uh. Okay, okay, okay, that's just... 433 00:20:46,072 --> 00:20:47,867 We're gonna stop right there. 434 00:20:48,005 --> 00:20:50,318 Uh. So with no help from his family whatsoever, 435 00:20:50,456 --> 00:20:53,562 Frank is now left with the most important choice of his entire life. 436 00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:57,704 And on that final night he had to make that choice alone. 437 00:21:00,397 --> 00:21:01,398 Ooh. 438 00:21:03,434 --> 00:21:05,022 Frank, it's the final rose. 439 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,956 This is it. So who will you choose? 440 00:21:08,094 --> 00:21:10,130 Will it be Bonnie or Sara? 441 00:21:11,787 --> 00:21:12,961 Who the hell is Sara? 442 00:21:14,411 --> 00:21:16,309 You actually thought that the woman's birth name was Cock Chewa? 443 00:21:16,447 --> 00:21:19,036 Oh. Never gave it much thought. 444 00:21:19,174 --> 00:21:20,658 America is waiting. 445 00:21:21,418 --> 00:21:24,144 Frank, who are you gonna give it to? 446 00:21:26,906 --> 00:21:32,152 Well, Bonnie, you are a dirty, dirty slut. 447 00:21:32,912 --> 00:21:34,293 Thank you, Frank. 448 00:21:34,431 --> 00:21:35,535 And you're old as hell. 449 00:21:36,847 --> 00:21:41,058 But-But I gotta be honest, you bone me up like nobody else. 450 00:21:41,576 --> 00:21:44,164 So it's really hard not to choose you. 451 00:21:47,754 --> 00:21:51,551 Chewy, I gotta be honest, I don't like the teeth. 452 00:21:51,689 --> 00:21:56,245 I-I never understood the chewing thing. I mean, people like that? 453 00:21:56,384 --> 00:21:57,730 Chew on that thang? 454 00:21:57,868 --> 00:22:01,078 It's weird as hell. It hurts, your chomping on it. 455 00:22:01,216 --> 00:22:04,012 I mean, it's like... 456 00:22:04,150 --> 00:22:06,911 You go deep, deep, deep. The bottom? Oh. 457 00:22:07,049 --> 00:22:09,535 I may never recover from that. 458 00:22:10,708 --> 00:22:11,813 But I gotta say, 459 00:22:13,124 --> 00:22:17,163 you are so goddamn hot. 460 00:22:17,301 --> 00:22:19,476 It is hard not to choose you. 461 00:22:20,684 --> 00:22:22,064 I gotta make a decision. 462 00:22:26,828 --> 00:22:28,070 I gotta make a decision. 463 00:22:31,522 --> 00:22:32,523 And... 464 00:22:34,007 --> 00:22:35,250 my decision is... 465 00:22:42,050 --> 00:22:43,085 Sam! 466 00:22:44,121 --> 00:22:46,468 Sam! Sam, where are you? 467 00:22:48,297 --> 00:22:49,333 Sam! 468 00:22:50,403 --> 00:22:51,404 Sam! 469 00:22:53,579 --> 00:22:54,890 Sam! 470 00:22:57,376 --> 00:23:00,827 Samantha! Samantha! 471 00:23:01,725 --> 00:23:02,691 Frank. 472 00:23:03,485 --> 00:23:05,211 - Frank. - Saman... Oh. 473 00:23:05,694 --> 00:23:07,489 Samantha, don't get on that bus. 474 00:23:07,627 --> 00:23:09,215 I'm a jerk. I'm an idiot. 475 00:23:09,353 --> 00:23:11,493 But most of all I'm a coward. 476 00:23:11,631 --> 00:23:14,979 I-I didn't let you go because I didn't like you. 477 00:23:15,739 --> 00:23:18,880 I-I got rid of you because I like you too much 478 00:23:19,018 --> 00:23:20,985 and it scared the shit out of me. 479 00:23:21,676 --> 00:23:23,263 I'm just like you, Samantha. 480 00:23:24,126 --> 00:23:26,439 But together, we don't have to be afraid. 481 00:23:28,337 --> 00:23:31,271 Would you accept this rose and be my wife? 482 00:23:37,105 --> 00:23:38,140 Frank, 483 00:23:38,969 --> 00:23:40,004 I will. 484 00:23:57,021 --> 00:23:58,506 Be strong, Bonnie. 485 00:23:58,644 --> 00:24:01,957 Be strong for your little gingerbread man. 486 00:24:02,095 --> 00:24:03,511 Bonnie? 487 00:24:03,649 --> 00:24:04,891 How do you guys know each other? 488 00:24:06,410 --> 00:24:07,618 - This is my date. - Yeah. 489 00:24:07,756 --> 00:24:10,690 One. Two. Three. 490 00:24:10,828 --> 00:24:13,624 - Why are you doing everything in threes? - So Charlie doesn't die. 491 00:24:13,762 --> 00:24:14,936 Show us on the doll. 492 00:24:15,074 --> 00:24:16,040 Show you what? 493 00:24:16,178 --> 00:24:17,663 Where he touched you. 494 00:24:17,801 --> 00:24:19,354 I don't want a dog to eat my face, Charlie. 495 00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:20,976 She doesn't want a dog eating her face. 496 00:24:21,114 --> 00:24:22,840 Oh. Sorry. 497 00:24:22,978 --> 00:24:24,221 You! 498 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:25,981 - Hey. - Merry Christmas. 499 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:27,845 - I'm so excited. It's almost Christmas! - I'm so excited! 500 00:24:27,983 --> 00:24:31,884 I'll be in the kitchen making gingerbread men for my gingerbread boy.