1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:04,211
Oh, it's just so doggone thin.
2
00:00:04,324 --> 00:00:07,269
- Oh, it's incredibly thin.
- Yeah, it's thin, sure,
3
00:00:07,354 --> 00:00:10,112
but I got to say,
I don't care for it.
4
00:00:10,225 --> 00:00:12,450
Charlie, the thinner the TV,
the better the TV.
5
00:00:12,563 --> 00:00:14,749
- That's just a straight-up fact.
- Guys, guys, guys!
6
00:00:14,862 --> 00:00:16,873
Check it out.
We got a review in the paper.
7
00:00:16,986 --> 00:00:18,806
No way! Is it a good review?
8
00:00:18,951 --> 00:00:22,179
"The first thing I noticed
about Paddy's Pub is its charm".
9
00:00:22,292 --> 00:00:24,714
- All right, it's a good review.
- That's a good start.
10
00:00:24,826 --> 00:00:26,808
- "It has none".
- Uh-oh, are you serious?
11
00:00:26,932 --> 00:00:29,501
"There was an ominous feeling
that you could get stabbed at
12
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:32,180
- any moment". That's good, right?
- How is that good?
13
00:00:32,293 --> 00:00:34,940
That's the exact type of atmosphere
I've been trying to cultivate.
14
00:00:35,117 --> 00:00:37,631
But, while danger may linger,
I'm the levelheaded bouncer that
15
00:00:37,744 --> 00:00:40,259
keeps violence in check, like
Swayze in Roadhouse. I'm the cooler.
16
00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:42,340
In check? There have been
many stabbings in here.
17
00:00:42,465 --> 00:00:44,918
- I feel unsafe here every single day.
- Oh, very often.
18
00:00:45,034 --> 00:00:46,860
Well, stabbings have been
down, though.
19
00:00:46,986 --> 00:00:48,040
Read some more.
20
00:00:48,156 --> 00:00:50,709
"When I ordered a glass of
wine, not only did the surly"
21
00:00:50,825 --> 00:00:53,451
white trash waitress refuse to
make it, but she proceed to
22
00:00:53,563 --> 00:00:55,620
call me a word that I cannot
print in this paper".
23
00:00:55,743 --> 00:00:57,460
- Surly?
- "I was forced to listen to
24
00:00:57,573 --> 00:01:00,769
the three classless bores who
call themselves the owners
25
00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:03,760
get drunk and yell over
each other all night".
26
00:01:03,874 --> 00:01:06,511
Classless bores?
I am not a classless bore.
27
00:01:06,624 --> 00:01:09,180
Well, I am not white trash.
I am a kind and a generous
28
00:01:09,295 --> 00:01:10,619
and a good-natured lady.
29
00:01:10,743 --> 00:01:12,887
Well, I... I do seem to remember
you calling a guy a faggot.
30
00:01:13,005 --> 00:01:15,077
Yeah, I absolutely called him
a faggot, but he ordered chardonnay.
31
00:01:15,244 --> 00:01:16,058
What was I supposed to do?
32
00:01:16,103 --> 00:01:19,167
"Having reviewed every bar in
Philadelphia, I hereby
33
00:01:19,293 --> 00:01:23,878
officially declare Paddy's Pub
to be the worst bar in Philly".
34
00:02:04,012 --> 00:02:06,369
Hi. Are you Mr. Lyle Corman?
35
00:02:06,483 --> 00:02:09,199
- Yes, can I help you?
- Good, nice to meet you.
36
00:02:09,323 --> 00:02:11,846
We're here from Paddy's Pub,
and we have come down to give
37
00:02:11,974 --> 00:02:13,568
you the opportunity to give us
another chance.
38
00:02:13,684 --> 00:02:15,619
Yeah, here's the thing. We felt
that your first review was just a
39
00:02:15,743 --> 00:02:17,628
- tiny bit off base.
- Yeah, as you can see,
40
00:02:17,744 --> 00:02:18,487
we're not white trash.
41
00:02:18,812 --> 00:02:21,139
Huh, really?
Well, uh, then, in that case,
42
00:02:21,251 --> 00:02:23,886
can you ask your friend to put
down that hammer, please?
43
00:02:24,022 --> 00:02:27,038
Uh, yeah, don't let the
hammer throw you, Corman.
44
00:02:27,153 --> 00:02:29,359
We are classy, interesting people.
45
00:02:29,473 --> 00:02:31,667
Okay, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to ask you to leave.
46
00:02:31,792 --> 00:02:33,517
Well, don't be rude.
We just came to have a talk, so...
47
00:02:33,643 --> 00:02:35,589
This is a private... I'm
gonna have to get security.
48
00:02:35,704 --> 00:02:37,618
Okay, we can play it that
way, Corman.
49
00:02:37,744 --> 00:02:40,578
But you should know that we
would have no problem suing you.
50
00:02:40,691 --> 00:02:42,269
Suing me?
What are you gonna sue me for?
51
00:02:42,392 --> 00:02:44,836
Uh, libel, slander. There's
two of the big dogs right there.
52
00:02:44,953 --> 00:02:47,667
It's only libel
if what I write is false.
53
00:02:47,982 --> 00:02:51,345
You know what, buddy, we will jam
your asshole up with so many lawyers,
54
00:02:51,460 --> 00:02:52,937
you won't know what to
do with yourself.
55
00:02:53,050 --> 00:02:56,108
I'll have you know, we have a
team of lawyers on retainer just
56
00:02:56,231 --> 00:02:57,756
to deal with people like you.
57
00:02:57,870 --> 00:02:58,866
- Really?
- Yeah.
58
00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,495
Well, check this out.
59
00:03:00,762 --> 00:03:03,107
- You're all out of time, bitch.
- Boom.
60
00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:06,586
- You just got fazed.
- This just in, Poo-Poo Pants.
61
00:03:06,702 --> 00:03:08,757
People don't read newspapers
anymore.
62
00:03:10,511 --> 00:03:12,327
How's that for class?
63
00:03:19,271 --> 00:03:22,057
Nice, brand-new Blu-Ray DVD
player, all hooked up.
64
00:03:22,180 --> 00:03:23,885
- Hey, all right.
- Where are we gonna put it?
65
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,565
We need like a flat surface.
66
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:28,205
Here we go. You know what,
we'll just... we'll dangle it.
67
00:03:28,323 --> 00:03:31,184
That looks better. We're not dangling
anything. That's very white trash.
68
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,187
What is the point of having
all this expensive new status
69
00:03:33,302 --> 00:03:35,584
symbol stuff if we're just gonna
make it look terrible?
70
00:03:35,710 --> 00:03:37,665
Hey, you guys want to see
something?
71
00:03:37,791 --> 00:03:38,836
What?
72
00:03:40,982 --> 00:03:42,505
I did something.
73
00:03:44,539 --> 00:03:45,594
Holy shit.
74
00:03:45,711 --> 00:03:47,496
What?
You kidnapped Corman?
75
00:03:47,609 --> 00:03:48,827
I don't really know what
happened, okay?
76
00:03:48,939 --> 00:03:50,664
First, I was angry.
Then, I was drinking.
77
00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:53,104
Next thing I know, I'm following
this guy home and forcing him
78
00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:55,205
- into the trunk of his own car.
- Jesus Christ, this is bad.
79
00:03:55,321 --> 00:03:56,696
- Really bad.
- Don't panic. Don't panic.
80
00:03:56,809 --> 00:03:59,497
Relax, I drove him around in a
circle for a while, okay, so
81
00:03:59,619 --> 00:04:01,617
he wouldn't know where he was or
how far away he'd gone.
82
00:04:01,731 --> 00:04:03,736
But then you brought him back
to a place where he's already been,
83
00:04:03,852 --> 00:04:05,504
and plus, he just heard
everything you just said.
84
00:04:05,619 --> 00:04:08,386
Okay, maybe we can just release him, and
that way, this won't be a kidnapping.
85
00:04:08,509 --> 00:04:09,846
First things first. Let's
just get him out of the trunk;
86
00:04:09,971 --> 00:04:12,406
Let's get him into the bar; and then
let's figure out what we need to do.
87
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,097
How are we gonna get him in the
bar without anyone seeing him?
88
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:16,045
Easy, we roll him up in a rug.
89
00:04:16,402 --> 00:04:18,633
- Where are we gonna get a rug?
- We buy a big Oriental rug,
90
00:04:18,761 --> 00:04:20,096
and we roll him up in it.
91
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:21,833
Do you have any idea how
expensive rugs are, Charlie?
92
00:04:21,951 --> 00:04:23,876
- Yeah, especially Oriental rugs.
- No, no rugs.
93
00:04:23,990 --> 00:04:25,976
Just get him out of the car and
into the bar, Charlie.
94
00:04:26,090 --> 00:04:27,184
Help me get him out of the trunk.
95
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,926
Okay, so we're... we're really
sorry about this, Mr. Corman.
96
00:04:30,041 --> 00:04:31,365
Watch your head.
97
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,125
You're gonna be okay.
It's not a kidnapping, so...
98
00:04:33,238 --> 00:04:35,093
Oh, goddamn it.
99
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:37,116
Okay, I think we're on the
same page.
100
00:04:37,231 --> 00:04:38,685
- This is not a kidnapping.
- No!
101
00:04:38,799 --> 00:04:39,793
No, okay, all right.
102
00:04:39,901 --> 00:04:41,433
But we do need to keep him here
for a couple of hours
103
00:04:41,558 --> 00:04:42,844
- so he doesn't do anything irrational.
- Just borrowing him.
104
00:04:42,959 --> 00:04:44,053
...go to the police.
105
00:04:44,181 --> 00:04:46,034
That being said, let's take a
few precautions here, okay?
106
00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:48,563
We need to cover our tracks. Why don't
we shoot over to Corman's place
107
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,355
and make sure that Charlie
left without a trace.
108
00:04:50,468 --> 00:04:51,944
I'm pretty sure Charlie
left with a trace.
109
00:04:52,111 --> 00:04:52,954
- He probably did.
- That's a good idea.
110
00:04:52,998 --> 00:04:55,074
Okay, and I'll use my cooling
abilities to smooth things over
111
00:04:55,198 --> 00:04:56,466
- with Corman, and then that...
- Jesus Christ.
112
00:04:56,578 --> 00:04:58,556
Are you still going on and on
about being a cooler?
113
00:04:58,670 --> 00:05:00,353
- Shut up.
- The cooler thing isn't helping now.
114
00:05:00,471 --> 00:05:03,315
Just get into the bar, and make sure
Charlie doesn't do anything stupid.
115
00:05:04,030 --> 00:05:05,744
Okay, but can we establish
that I'm the cooler?
116
00:05:05,859 --> 00:05:07,274
- Oh, my God!
- Get into the bar.
117
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:08,403
We're surrounded by idiots.
118
00:05:08,687 --> 00:05:11,675
Look, this really isn't necessary.
You don't have to tape me...
119
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,845
I'm sorry, man, but this is
the situation we're in, and I
120
00:05:13,957 --> 00:05:15,413
just feel like this is the best
thing to do here.
121
00:05:15,530 --> 00:05:17,934
Jesus Christ, dude, what are you doing?
You can't tape him up like that.
122
00:05:18,048 --> 00:05:20,274
Come on, man.
I mean, the guy gets my goat, man.
123
00:05:20,390 --> 00:05:22,922
He sits around all day.
He judges people with his words
124
00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:25,962
and his fancy newspaper talk.
It's bullshit!
125
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,904
What is it that you people want?
126
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:31,102
Well, I'll tell you,
Mr. Fancy Pants Writer Man.
127
00:05:31,229 --> 00:05:33,963
I was thinking maybe you could
write a new review, you know,
128
00:05:34,077 --> 00:05:37,273
and this time, maybe
add a few less lies.
129
00:05:37,387 --> 00:05:40,955
How can I write a new review
if I am taped to a chair?
130
00:05:41,069 --> 00:05:43,422
Come on, man. See, he's twisting
everything I say around.
131
00:05:43,538 --> 00:05:44,764
He's making me look like an asshole.
132
00:05:44,888 --> 00:05:47,854
Okay, look, look. Nobody has to write
anything against their will, okay?
133
00:05:47,968 --> 00:05:49,122
Thank you.
134
00:05:49,779 --> 00:05:51,512
I have to go to the bathroom.
135
00:05:51,937 --> 00:05:54,333
- I have to pee.
- Okay, sidebar.
136
00:05:55,417 --> 00:05:56,882
How is he gonna pee if his hands
are taped down?
137
00:05:56,996 --> 00:05:58,291
I don't care.
Let him piss in his pants.
138
00:05:58,408 --> 00:06:00,562
No, he can't piss in his
pants, Charlie!
139
00:06:01,609 --> 00:06:03,294
I don't know why you're so in
love with this guy.
140
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:05,802
I just don't want to get
arrested for kidnapping.
141
00:06:05,928 --> 00:06:07,971
- If we just untie him for a second.
- Not gonna work.
142
00:06:08,085 --> 00:06:09,594
I used the last of the tape.
143
00:06:09,796 --> 00:06:11,393
If you untie him, that tape's
not gonna stick back up.
144
00:06:11,546 --> 00:06:12,913
Go down to the basement.
See if there's any more tape.
145
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,111
I'll take him to the bathroom.
I'll defuse the situation.
146
00:06:16,267 --> 00:06:17,871
- Fine.
- Play it cool.
147
00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:19,521
- Play it cool.
- Play it cool.
148
00:06:21,299 --> 00:06:24,471
I'm sorry I yelled at you,
Mr. Corman.
149
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:26,992
I saw that!
150
00:06:27,108 --> 00:06:30,041
I saw that! I saw that!
You're out of here, bro.
151
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:35,764
What are you doing?
152
00:06:35,879 --> 00:06:38,223
What, I'm packing to make it look
like Corman went on a vacation.
153
00:06:38,338 --> 00:06:40,261
Yeah, but you're all over the place.
You just put in a tropical shirt,
154
00:06:40,375 --> 00:06:41,912
and now two heavy coats?
I mean,
155
00:06:42,037 --> 00:06:44,532
is he going to Cancun or Canada?
You gotta pay attention to the details.
156
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:46,493
- This is how people get caught.
- Ah, shit, you're right.
157
00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:47,982
I'm leaving a trace.
Okay... no, no, no, no.
158
00:06:48,097 --> 00:06:51,153
He's probably under a lot of pressure
with the deadlines from the newspaper.
159
00:06:51,268 --> 00:06:52,513
- He should relax.
- Go someplace tropical?
160
00:06:52,627 --> 00:06:54,152
- Cancun then. Perfect.
- Tropical.
161
00:06:54,278 --> 00:06:55,571
You know what I'll do?
162
00:06:55,685 --> 00:06:57,821
I will put an outgoing message
on his answering machine.
163
00:06:57,937 --> 00:06:59,471
- That is good thinking, sis.
- We're pretty good at this.
164
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:01,550
We are pretty damn good at this.
We're learning.
165
00:07:02,617 --> 00:07:04,263
Greeting one.
166
00:07:04,377 --> 00:07:06,643
Hi, this is Mehar.
Sorry I missed your call.
167
00:07:06,756 --> 00:07:09,621
Please leave a message after the beep.
Peace.
168
00:07:10,108 --> 00:07:12,113
That did not sound like Corman.
169
00:07:14,328 --> 00:07:16,051
Who are you people?
170
00:07:18,725 --> 00:07:20,582
- Friends with Corman.
- Yeah.
171
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:23,043
Mr. Corman lives across the hall.
172
00:07:23,634 --> 00:07:25,869
- Oh, does he?
- Does he?
173
00:07:28,606 --> 00:07:31,430
Where is he?
This is ridiculous.
174
00:07:31,547 --> 00:07:34,031
- I really have to pee.
- I hear ya, bro.
175
00:07:34,145 --> 00:07:36,669
Now, back to the cooler conversation
that we were having earlier.
176
00:07:36,786 --> 00:07:39,692
I feel like in your article, you
missed an opportunity to mention
177
00:07:39,806 --> 00:07:41,541
my bouncing abilities.
Okay?
178
00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:43,589
Now, it's really more about
smarts than anything else.
179
00:07:43,706 --> 00:07:45,872
For example, if there was an
altercation in this bathroom,
180
00:07:45,996 --> 00:07:48,159
I would blast in looking to
neutralize, yeah?
181
00:07:48,275 --> 00:07:50,522
Now, I would check out my
environment, and I would look to see
182
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:53,209
if there's anything that I
could use to my advantage.
183
00:07:53,476 --> 00:07:55,530
Like this pool cue.
Here we go.
184
00:08:03,527 --> 00:08:06,102
Okay, normally, that wouldn't
happen unless I wanted it to.
185
00:08:06,216 --> 00:08:08,889
'Cause I could fire it right in your
chest. 'Cause I got skills to do that.
186
00:08:09,006 --> 00:08:10,678
Dude, there's like no tape
anywhere.
187
00:08:10,795 --> 00:08:12,579
All I could scrounge up was a
bandana.
188
00:08:12,786 --> 00:08:13,919
No, that's too small.
189
00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:16,009
Oh, I could wear it though!
I should wear it.
190
00:08:16,123 --> 00:08:18,400
I know, but I found it,
so I sort of feel like...
191
00:08:18,524 --> 00:08:20,810
No, I appreciate you looking
for me and finding it for me.
192
00:08:20,924 --> 00:08:21,979
No, hang on a second.
193
00:08:22,096 --> 00:08:24,009
...that got me to the point
of me getting the bandana.
194
00:08:25,644 --> 00:08:27,700
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
195
00:08:27,814 --> 00:08:31,250
Just please get me out of this
bathroom before I vomit.
196
00:08:31,366 --> 00:08:33,640
It is absolutely disgusting.
197
00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:37,749
Well, excuse me, Mr. Man.
198
00:08:38,213 --> 00:08:40,159
But I happen to think this
bathroom is pristine
199
00:08:40,274 --> 00:08:42,571
because I work very hard cleaning it.
200
00:08:42,695 --> 00:08:46,090
In fact it's so clean I would say
you could eat out of these urinals.
201
00:08:46,204 --> 00:08:48,230
No, you absolutely could not
eat out of these urinals.
202
00:08:48,345 --> 00:08:50,339
- Oh, really? What's this?
- Charlie, don't.
203
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,781
Char... Oh, my God, dude!
204
00:08:51,963 --> 00:08:53,899
Bro, I really...
I just pissed in there,
205
00:08:54,026 --> 00:08:55,831
- like five minutes before you came in.
- Don't say that.
206
00:08:55,946 --> 00:08:57,929
- Now you're gonna make me look bad.
- Spit it out, man. You're gonna eat it?
207
00:08:58,053 --> 00:08:59,980
- You're still chewing it.
- I have to prove a point!
208
00:09:00,183 --> 00:09:03,149
All right, all right.
Just let me go to the bathroom.
209
00:09:03,263 --> 00:09:05,558
I will write the review.
I'll do whatever you want.
210
00:09:05,682 --> 00:09:06,819
I promise.
211
00:09:06,932 --> 00:09:09,090
Well, now that wasn't so
hard, was it?
212
00:09:09,202 --> 00:09:10,238
Great. Awesome.
213
00:09:10,353 --> 00:09:13,200
Well, I think that we're...
we're in good shape then.
214
00:09:13,314 --> 00:09:14,978
How are we gonna do this?
215
00:09:15,092 --> 00:09:17,829
Well, I think one of us is
gonna have to help his...
216
00:09:17,944 --> 00:09:19,217
Whoa, dude!
I'm not touching his dick.
217
00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:20,679
Well, Charlie, you're the one
that used all the tape.
218
00:09:20,795 --> 00:09:22,737
Well, I was comfortable with
letting him piss in his pants.
219
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,667
Well, all right, fine.
Then compromise.
220
00:09:24,984 --> 00:09:28,129
We'll both do it. That way it's
equally weird for both of us.
221
00:09:31,754 --> 00:09:34,428
No, no, no.
Fine. Just-just untape me.
222
00:09:34,554 --> 00:09:36,119
Please. No. Oh, no.
223
00:09:36,235 --> 00:09:37,860
No! No!
224
00:09:42,723 --> 00:09:44,468
Can I bring something up?
225
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:47,908
- Did he get a little bit hard on us?
- Can we not talk about this?
226
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,247
I just felt like you got a
little bit...
227
00:09:49,364 --> 00:09:50,808
It was very weird.
228
00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:52,917
- Well, why did it move?!
- Hey, guys!
229
00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:56,877
- We got a problem.
- We did something.
230
00:09:59,184 --> 00:10:01,888
- Oh, man!
- Oh, man! What happened, dude?
231
00:10:02,012 --> 00:10:04,118
Well, there was this a slight
mix-up with the apartments.
232
00:10:04,231 --> 00:10:05,547
This is Corman's neighbor Mehar.
233
00:10:05,661 --> 00:10:07,149
What happened to doing this
without a trace?
234
00:10:07,263 --> 00:10:09,747
Well, it-it's a long story,
but the punch line is that
235
00:10:09,864 --> 00:10:11,927
- he starting asking questions...
- I asked one question.
236
00:10:12,054 --> 00:10:13,406
- Shut up!
- No, you asked a lot of questions.
237
00:10:13,524 --> 00:10:15,056
All right, well, let's not
have him ask more questions.
238
00:10:15,174 --> 00:10:16,367
Let's just keep him in the
trunk for now.
239
00:10:16,481 --> 00:10:19,157
You can't kidnap more people to
cover up the original kidnapping.
240
00:10:19,281 --> 00:10:21,307
- It's a classic mistake.
- I'm sorry...
241
00:10:21,424 --> 00:10:23,589
I didn't know there was a
handbook on kidnapping.
242
00:10:23,703 --> 00:10:25,258
- Help!
- We gotta get him inside.
243
00:10:25,371 --> 00:10:27,347
- It's probably very hot in there.
- There's another bit of an issue,
244
00:10:27,472 --> 00:10:29,056
which is that I locked
the keys in the trunk just now.
245
00:10:29,152 --> 00:10:30,148
- What?!
- Yeah.
246
00:10:30,233 --> 00:10:32,415
- Are you kidding me?
- Well, I didn't want to bring that up.
247
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:33,785
Goddamn it, Charlie!
248
00:10:33,902 --> 00:10:35,126
This is what we're gonna do.
You guys
249
00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:36,658
deal with the situation
out here.
250
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,715
Let's go talk to Corman.
He's writing that new review.
251
00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:40,478
Okay, 'cause I don't want to
see that man right now.
252
00:10:40,603 --> 00:10:42,376
- We don't really want...
- Because we had a whole thing.
253
00:10:42,492 --> 00:10:43,487
What happened?
254
00:10:43,581 --> 00:10:44,825
Something happened.
None of your business.
255
00:10:45,031 --> 00:10:46,818
- Thank you very much.
- We had a thing amongst the...
256
00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:49,978
- Let's just go inside.
- Can you just... please.
257
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,605
How long do you think we can
hold that inside?
258
00:10:52,723 --> 00:10:55,477
It's burning me up inside.
It's burning me up.
259
00:10:59,332 --> 00:11:01,548
There he is. Our little typer.
260
00:11:01,670 --> 00:11:04,327
- Type, type, typing away.
- Don't mean to disturb ya.
261
00:11:04,451 --> 00:11:06,745
Oh, you're not disturbing me at all.
It's great to see you two again.
262
00:11:06,860 --> 00:11:08,595
I get it. I get it.
263
00:11:08,723 --> 00:11:10,867
- You are too much, huh?
- You're being a smart-aleck.
264
00:11:10,991 --> 00:11:12,878
- You are.
- Glad your spirits are still up.
265
00:11:12,990 --> 00:11:15,646
Listen, we wanted to come in and
just let you know we're sorry
266
00:11:15,761 --> 00:11:18,765
about this whole
tie-up-and-hold-you-here thing.
267
00:11:18,891 --> 00:11:20,016
We didn't have anything to do with it.
268
00:11:20,132 --> 00:11:22,076
No, that wasn't us.
That was somebody else's idea.
269
00:11:22,191 --> 00:11:23,385
- Not our idea.
- You know what I'm saying?
270
00:11:23,509 --> 00:11:25,047
Now if there's anything though
that we can do,
271
00:11:25,171 --> 00:11:27,597
- since we are in this situation...
- Absolutely, together we are.
272
00:11:27,711 --> 00:11:29,616
- ...you want to let us know.
- Anything at all.
273
00:11:29,742 --> 00:11:32,614
Yeah, how about, uh,
letting me go.
274
00:11:32,839 --> 00:11:34,564
There he goes again.
275
00:11:36,031 --> 00:11:38,117
- I didn't know he was so funny.
- I didn't know he was gonna...
276
00:11:38,241 --> 00:11:39,975
...ask for food or something.
277
00:11:40,089 --> 00:11:41,626
Is there something else we
can get you though?
278
00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,094
'Cause clearly, you know, we can't...
279
00:11:43,221 --> 00:11:46,004
All right, a glass of white
wine, maybe a chardonnay.
280
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,527
- Now you're talking.
- You like white wine. I know that.
281
00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:52,047
Um, also, do you want me to
bring you some lipstick with that?
282
00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:57,317
Boom!
You got fazed again, Corman.
283
00:11:58,459 --> 00:12:01,347
You can't just tee her up and expect
her not to take a swing at you, right?
284
00:12:01,461 --> 00:12:03,646
- Can't blame her for that one.
- Can't blame her for that one.
285
00:12:03,770 --> 00:12:06,534
Hey, since you are
writing a new review, uh,
286
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,344
is there anything I can
do to help you out with it?
287
00:12:08,458 --> 00:12:10,594
Uh, you want to fire a couple
questions my way?
288
00:12:10,828 --> 00:12:13,626
- No, I think I'm fine.
- Okay. Yeah, hey, no problem, man.
289
00:12:13,748 --> 00:12:14,746
I just want to...
290
00:12:14,861 --> 00:12:17,115
just want to make sure you
got the total picture on me
291
00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:19,463
'cause I do drive a Range Rover.
292
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:24,104
- Gas guzzler.
- Well, not on the highway. Okay.
293
00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:26,355
Yeah, it's very classy vehicle,
though.
294
00:12:26,471 --> 00:12:27,994
What do you want me to say?
295
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,296
What do I want you to say?
296
00:12:30,409 --> 00:12:32,753
I don't know, "Dennis
Reynolds, your car is awesome.
297
00:12:32,869 --> 00:12:34,804
Your flat screen TV...
I took a look at it.
298
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,765
It's very, very thin. It speaks
volumes about you as a person".
299
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,844
I don't know; give me something
I can work with, Corman.
300
00:12:39,961 --> 00:12:41,624
All right, Dennis.
301
00:12:41,781 --> 00:12:44,156
Here's the deal. I didn't feel
like opening up a bottle of wine
302
00:12:44,278 --> 00:12:45,386
so I brought you some scotch
303
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:46,984
'cause I feel like that's
what writers should drink.
304
00:12:47,029 --> 00:12:48,294
Hey, some top-shelf scotch.
305
00:12:48,409 --> 00:12:50,132
Uh, I don't drink scotch.
306
00:12:52,407 --> 00:12:54,282
Well, you don't have to be a
dick about it.
307
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,135
Got a real chip on her
shoulder, this one.
308
00:12:56,248 --> 00:12:59,585
If I had to write an article about you,
it would say that you're very negative.
309
00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:02,364
The headline might be:
"Most negative man in the world
310
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,605
calls other people white trash to
make himself not feel so faggy".
311
00:13:05,888 --> 00:13:07,105
Faggy?
312
00:13:08,749 --> 00:13:12,235
You mind if I just took a quick
peek at your new review there?
313
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,022
- Uh, but I haven't...
- That's okay.
314
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:15,582
That's okay.
I know you're not finished.
315
00:13:15,698 --> 00:13:19,112
I just want to see what direction
we're headed in there, buddy.
316
00:13:20,158 --> 00:13:21,352
What's it say?
317
00:13:21,479 --> 00:13:24,484
It's, uh, pretty heavy on the
kidnapping aspect.
318
00:13:24,598 --> 00:13:25,864
It is?
319
00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,442
You jam in further though.
320
00:13:29,570 --> 00:13:31,372
This is... Unlock the bottom.
321
00:13:31,497 --> 00:13:33,263
I'm going for whatever's down
there and, um,
322
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:35,715
it won't catch on to
anything is the problem, man.
323
00:13:35,829 --> 00:13:37,823
Damn it, dude.
I feel like this should be easier!
324
00:13:37,937 --> 00:13:39,391
People break into cars all the time.
325
00:13:39,509 --> 00:13:40,892
You know, a piece of me wants
to chalk this whole
326
00:13:41,017 --> 00:13:42,941
guy-in-the-trunk thing up to a
loss right now, dude.
327
00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:45,352
We can't do that, bro.
We gotta get him out of the car.
328
00:13:45,477 --> 00:13:46,934
Well, then why don't you just
let me take the hammer
329
00:13:47,047 --> 00:13:48,852
and smash the window and
we'll just pop the trunk.
330
00:13:48,966 --> 00:13:50,322
Charlie, if we're
gonna smash the window,
331
00:13:50,447 --> 00:13:52,143
I would simply do it
with a roundhouse kick.
332
00:13:52,257 --> 00:13:53,931
Oh, come on, you're not gonna
be able to break this window
333
00:13:54,048 --> 00:13:56,403
with a roundhouse kick.
Let's get serious here.
334
00:13:58,398 --> 00:14:01,923
Charlie, I've never been more serious
about anything in my entire life.
335
00:14:02,039 --> 00:14:03,033
Help!
336
00:14:03,136 --> 00:14:06,052
Please let me out. I have
to get home. I have a cat.
337
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:09,061
Sir, we all have cats that we'd like
to be playing with right now, okay?
338
00:14:09,186 --> 00:14:10,261
We're doing our very best.
339
00:14:10,386 --> 00:14:14,433
My cat is diabetic. She needs
her insulin shot. Please!
340
00:14:14,557 --> 00:14:16,561
So we got to babysit a cat now?
341
00:14:16,686 --> 00:14:18,851
I can't have a dead cat's
blood on my hands, man.
342
00:14:18,966 --> 00:14:20,761
- That's not good.
- All right,
343
00:14:20,889 --> 00:14:23,271
Mac to the rescue.
Let me just back up.
344
00:14:23,386 --> 00:14:24,701
I'm gonna roundhouse this. I'm gonna
kick it, and then we can get it.
345
00:14:24,816 --> 00:14:25,980
Kick it, man.
346
00:14:26,096 --> 00:14:28,931
All right, but back up, 'cause I don't
want the glass to shatter at your face.
347
00:14:29,047 --> 00:14:30,772
- All right, go.
- Guard your eyes.
348
00:14:33,668 --> 00:14:36,482
- Oh, no!
- Shit, dude! Shit!
349
00:14:36,957 --> 00:14:39,360
There is a slope in the ground,
and I didn't...
350
00:14:39,477 --> 00:14:41,672
I wasn't, I wasn't calibrating
that great.
351
00:14:41,788 --> 00:14:43,633
You just totally broke this
mirror, bro.
352
00:14:43,745 --> 00:14:45,701
Well, it's the bullshit street.
353
00:14:45,816 --> 00:14:46,901
We gotta get that
zoning people out here.
354
00:14:47,018 --> 00:14:48,511
I don't think it's the
street, bro.
355
00:14:48,627 --> 00:14:50,721
Don't touch the window, all right?
I'll do that when I get back.
356
00:14:50,936 --> 00:14:53,382
I gonna grab his cat with
Dennis' car. I'll be back.
357
00:14:53,495 --> 00:14:55,693
Learn how to kick.
Take one karate class
358
00:14:55,816 --> 00:14:57,721
if you're so into karate, you know?
359
00:14:59,196 --> 00:15:01,522
That is a really, really nice setup.
360
00:15:01,636 --> 00:15:04,893
Now, if he doesn't go for that,
he's just a straight-up retard.
361
00:15:05,008 --> 00:15:06,882
- I mean, that's all there is to it.
- Hey, buddy.
362
00:15:06,998 --> 00:15:09,103
Oh, hey, pal. Oh, check
out this new setup, man.
363
00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:10,500
This is going to be our
golden ticket, man.
364
00:15:10,617 --> 00:15:11,991
This is really going to get us
somewhere.
365
00:15:12,104 --> 00:15:14,480
Hey, man, do you see any
hypodermic needles laying around?
366
00:15:14,596 --> 00:15:17,049
- What the hell is that?
- Mehar's cat. Diabetic.
367
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,911
Now a diabetic cat is in play?
Jesus, we can't catch a break.
368
00:15:20,025 --> 00:15:22,030
- I know, tell me about it.
- Nice and easy now.
369
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,690
Jesus Christ, Charlie!
You broke the window?
370
00:15:24,807 --> 00:15:26,949
Dude, the guy had to take a dump.
What was I supposed to do?
371
00:15:27,064 --> 00:15:28,422
Wait, he's all tied up.
How did you...?
372
00:15:28,534 --> 00:15:30,819
Let's not talk about how it
happened, okay? It just happened.
373
00:15:30,936 --> 00:15:32,752
- Give him his cat.
- Dude, your cat's freaking out!
374
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,271
That's not my cat.
375
00:15:34,384 --> 00:15:36,882
- No, Dee.
- What the hell you doin', Dee?
376
00:15:36,996 --> 00:15:38,219
What's Mehar doing here?
377
00:15:38,334 --> 00:15:41,171
- What are you doing with my cat?!
- Your cat?!
378
00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:44,490
- Yes! What is going on?
- Mr. Corman, why are they doing this?
379
00:15:44,605 --> 00:15:46,342
No, no, no. Get out of here!
380
00:15:46,614 --> 00:15:47,969
Give him his cat and get him
back in the office.
381
00:15:48,085 --> 00:15:50,902
Jesus Christ, oh, this is bad.
This is bad, man.
382
00:15:51,015 --> 00:15:52,520
This is really bad.
You guys, this is bad.
383
00:15:52,637 --> 00:15:55,670
What are we gonna do?
We gotta come up with a plan fast!
384
00:15:55,787 --> 00:15:57,079
Go it! Ready?
385
00:15:57,196 --> 00:15:58,618
Here's the plan.
I've been thinking about this.
386
00:15:58,734 --> 00:16:01,498
Okay, we give them amnesia.
It's so easy, here how you do it.
387
00:16:01,623 --> 00:16:03,171
You smash them both over the
head with a bottle.
388
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:04,688
They go down like a ton
of bricks, okay?
389
00:16:04,805 --> 00:16:06,438
Then we drag them back
to their apartments,
390
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,640
we put them in their beds, you know?
391
00:16:07,764 --> 00:16:10,080
We set their clocks back.
We get yesterday's newspaper.
392
00:16:10,195 --> 00:16:11,640
We put it on their front doorstep.
393
00:16:11,764 --> 00:16:14,360
They wake up thinking
it was all a dream.
394
00:16:14,475 --> 00:16:15,719
- That's so goddamn stupid!
- What?!
395
00:16:15,846 --> 00:16:17,380
It's so stupid. Mac, please
tell me you got something.
396
00:16:17,504 --> 00:16:19,589
- I say... we bribe them.
- A bribe.
397
00:16:19,705 --> 00:16:20,859
- We bribe them.
- A good, old-fashioned bribe.
398
00:16:20,973 --> 00:16:22,779
No, that's not gonna work,
you know why?
399
00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:25,161
Corman's not gonna go for that.
He's, like, made of stone or something.
400
00:16:25,274 --> 00:16:26,890
Oh, Mehar!
Let's bribe Mehar.
401
00:16:27,006 --> 00:16:29,089
- He'd go for it.
- Yeah, Mehar could work.
402
00:16:29,203 --> 00:16:32,099
But I did notice that the kidnapping
has rubbed him the wrong way.
403
00:16:32,223 --> 00:16:34,939
So whatever we bribe him with,
it's got to be worth a lot of money.
404
00:16:35,055 --> 00:16:37,999
Yeah, he's gonna want something
good for sure. For sure.
405
00:16:44,555 --> 00:16:46,120
Jesus Christ, no.
406
00:16:46,533 --> 00:16:49,248
Hey, thanks a lot for taking
home Corman's cat.
407
00:16:49,362 --> 00:16:51,817
And good luck with your sick cat.
408
00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:58,830
Goddamn it, this is bullshit.
409
00:16:59,813 --> 00:17:01,758
All right, let's go talk to
Corman.
410
00:17:05,175 --> 00:17:06,490
Hold on there, Corman.
411
00:17:06,602 --> 00:17:08,440
- Where are you going, buddy?
- Where are you going?
412
00:17:08,552 --> 00:17:09,929
You're not going very fast.
413
00:17:10,053 --> 00:17:12,080
You're just wasting a lot
of energy. Stop.
414
00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:16,068
Okay, all right. Listen, man,
we got a proposal for you, okay?
415
00:17:16,183 --> 00:17:18,787
Yeah, now we are willing to
not force you to write that review
416
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:21,209
if you are willing to
step up, do the right thing and
417
00:17:21,394 --> 00:17:23,287
- not tell anybody that this happened.
- I don't care.
418
00:17:23,402 --> 00:17:25,838
Whatever it takes to
get me out of this bar
419
00:17:25,952 --> 00:17:28,309
- away from you people.
- My man.
420
00:17:28,424 --> 00:17:30,307
That is the attitude we were
waiting for the whole time.
421
00:17:30,422 --> 00:17:31,899
That's right, man.
Where's this guy been?
422
00:17:32,013 --> 00:17:33,358
Now, let's talk about the
elephant in the room.
423
00:17:33,474 --> 00:17:35,178
Let's talk about the pressing charges.
424
00:17:35,291 --> 00:17:37,428
Yeah, we're gonna need you
to sign something.
425
00:17:37,552 --> 00:17:39,797
- Fine. Whatever it takes.
- I can't believe you guys
426
00:17:39,911 --> 00:17:41,876
are gonna try and cut
a deal with this weasel.
427
00:17:41,991 --> 00:17:43,188
The guy's a liar!
428
00:17:43,302 --> 00:17:46,688
He lied to us, man. He said he was going
to write a review, he didn't do that.
429
00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:48,857
I touch his dick.
Mac, we touched his dick.
430
00:17:48,972 --> 00:17:50,209
Now is not the time to talk about that.
431
00:17:50,323 --> 00:17:52,718
- Why were you guys touching his dick?
- There wasn't enough tape and...
432
00:17:52,841 --> 00:17:55,427
- So you touched his dick?!
- Move past it. Let's plow through it.
433
00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:58,246
Okay, Mr. Corman, why don't you
just go ahead and sign this.
434
00:17:58,372 --> 00:18:01,338
And then I'll fill in the blanks later.
Then that way, we'll have a confession,
435
00:18:01,452 --> 00:18:03,619
it'll be great.
And there you go.
436
00:18:03,731 --> 00:18:07,317
Okay, now, let me just get this tape
off you, and you could be on your way.
437
00:18:07,441 --> 00:18:09,757
Now, we won't charge
you for the duct tape.
438
00:18:10,903 --> 00:18:12,409
That was a joke.
439
00:18:13,604 --> 00:18:15,046
Shit, bro!
What are you doing, dude?!
440
00:18:15,171 --> 00:18:16,987
I really don't like this guy.
441
00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:19,017
- You're an idiot!
- Well, we'll see who's the idiot
442
00:18:19,130 --> 00:18:21,296
when he wakes up tomorrow
and doesn't remember a thing.
443
00:18:21,412 --> 00:18:23,276
I don't think that's how it
works, Charlie.
444
00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,235
- It's definitely not how it works, man.
- Oh, my God!
445
00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:27,177
We may as well embrace
the amnesia angle, because we have
446
00:18:27,351 --> 00:18:28,556
- no other options at this point.
- Well, now!
447
00:18:28,621 --> 00:18:31,127
Okay, I'll go get yesterday's
newspaper.
448
00:18:32,532 --> 00:18:34,015
Okay, you guys ready?
449
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,516
One, two, three.
450
00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:40,145
And I'll take...
451
00:18:40,261 --> 00:18:44,138
With me the memories
452
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:47,568
To be my sunshine
453
00:18:47,682 --> 00:18:50,898
After the rain
454
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:54,666
It's so hard
455
00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:57,697
To say good-bye
456
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:02,236
To yesterday...
457
00:19:06,431 --> 00:19:08,026
I ran out.
I ran out of breath.
458
00:19:08,141 --> 00:19:09,415
Check it out.
459
00:19:09,531 --> 00:19:10,794
What you got there, Ernie?
460
00:19:10,912 --> 00:19:13,084
Oh, it's a new review by
Corman.
461
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:16,837
"I woke up in my neighbor's
bed with a head wound,"
462
00:19:16,952 --> 00:19:19,957
yesterday's paper, and an empty
bottle of sleeping pills,
463
00:19:20,069 --> 00:19:23,266
and my nightmare in that putrid,
shithole of a bar, Paddy's Pub,
464
00:19:23,389 --> 00:19:25,447
finally, mercifully came
to an end.
465
00:19:25,561 --> 00:19:27,144
The owners all deserve to rot in jail,
466
00:19:27,272 --> 00:19:29,044
though having to spend
every day with each other
467
00:19:29,161 --> 00:19:32,786
in that violent establishment
is a decidedly great punishment.
468
00:19:32,899 --> 00:19:34,885
That is why I decided
to not press charges
469
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,165
leaving 'em to live in the hell on earth
that they've created for themselves
470
00:19:38,289 --> 00:19:42,017
for the rest of their pathetic
and miserable lives.
471
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,216
- Really cold what he's been writing.
- It's wrotten there.
472
00:19:47,331 --> 00:19:49,184
- Not a good review.
- No, it's not a good review.
473
00:19:49,301 --> 00:19:51,375
Right for the throw.
474
00:19:51,488 --> 00:19:53,066
At least,
he didn't mention our names.
475
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:57,084
No charges, no names.
476
00:19:57,868 --> 00:19:59,916
I don't know why,
but I'm a little irritated that
477
00:20:00,058 --> 00:20:01,925
- he didn't mention our names.
- I feel like he'd to mentien our names.
478
00:20:01,958 --> 00:20:03,843
I increadibly annoid that
he didn't mention our names.
479
00:20:03,958 --> 00:20:05,373
I whish I can live
with this but I can't.
480
00:20:05,558 --> 00:20:06,686
It's a history about us!
481
00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:09,093
- I feel like we go talk to him, again.
- We should talk to him.
482
00:20:11,589 --> 00:20:14,875
- We're capable of being civils, right?
- Let's just, you know...
483
00:20:14,989 --> 00:20:17,193
Communication is the key,
it make sens.
484
00:20:17,310 --> 00:20:19,315
Uh, my hammer again.