1 00:00:01,981 --> 00:00:04,385 ♪ In the burning heart ♪ 2 00:00:04,418 --> 00:00:07,424 ♪ Just about to burst, there's a quest... ♪ 3 00:00:07,458 --> 00:00:08,694 [Charlie] Frank! 4 00:00:08,728 --> 00:00:10,430 Frank, come on, man! We got to go! 5 00:00:10,464 --> 00:00:12,434 -We got to go! -Oh, what? 6 00:00:12,468 --> 00:00:13,704 Come on, man, we're gonna miss it. 7 00:00:13,738 --> 00:00:14,706 -Wake up, wake up. Come on. -Wh-What? 8 00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:16,109 -Right away! -Okay. 9 00:00:16,142 --> 00:00:18,514 Guys, make way. Make way, please. 10 00:00:18,548 --> 00:00:20,818 -Hey, wait, no, no, please. -Cutting it pretty close there, pal. 11 00:00:20,852 --> 00:00:22,421 Ah, I feel like I got to take a shit. 12 00:00:22,454 --> 00:00:24,593 No, no, no, no, no. There's no time for that. 13 00:00:24,626 --> 00:00:26,062 -Oh, God, excuse me. Come on. -[Charlie] No, no, no, no, no autographs. 14 00:00:26,095 --> 00:00:27,666 -I'm not ready for this. -Listen, listen. 15 00:00:27,699 --> 00:00:29,268 -You got it, you got it, you got it. -Listen to me. 16 00:00:29,302 --> 00:00:31,105 -Back off, back off. -Frank, you are ready. 17 00:00:31,139 --> 00:00:34,445 Everything you need is already inside you. 18 00:00:34,478 --> 00:00:37,351 [Charlie] Move. No, out of the way. 19 00:00:39,222 --> 00:00:42,161 [heart beating] 20 00:00:46,770 --> 00:00:48,808 ♪ ♪ 21 00:01:10,818 --> 00:01:12,421 -Dennis, please. Just... -God, no. 22 00:01:12,454 --> 00:01:13,591 Please, please. Pretty please, just help me. 23 00:01:13,624 --> 00:01:15,160 No! No, Mac. 24 00:01:15,193 --> 00:01:16,530 I'm not helping you, okay? 25 00:01:16,563 --> 00:01:18,300 Stop talking to me about Johnny. 26 00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:20,571 Well, hey, I could help you with your guy troubles. 27 00:01:20,605 --> 00:01:21,807 -[scoffs] -[laughs] 28 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,611 No, thanks, Dee. You suck with men. 29 00:01:23,644 --> 00:01:26,282 Tell that to the guy leaving my apartment this morning. 30 00:01:26,316 --> 00:01:29,756 That's right. Your girl got her guts pumped last night. 31 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,527 Oh, my God, that is disgusting. 32 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,664 -Your guts pumped? -Aren't you, like, 60? 33 00:01:33,698 --> 00:01:35,802 -You're not a girl. -Yeah, come on, Dee. This is insane. 34 00:01:35,835 --> 00:01:37,672 -I mean... really. -Who talks like that? 35 00:01:37,706 --> 00:01:40,410 And, by the way, anybody can get a guy to bang them once. 36 00:01:40,444 --> 00:01:42,414 Okay, well, I guarantee you 37 00:01:42,448 --> 00:01:44,285 he'll be coming back for seconds. 38 00:01:44,318 --> 00:01:47,291 In fact, he pulled an old move of mine. 39 00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:49,328 He took my phone "by mistake" 40 00:01:49,362 --> 00:01:50,565 so that he could see me again. 41 00:01:50,598 --> 00:01:52,869 Oh, okay. Yeah. 42 00:01:52,902 --> 00:01:54,271 -[Dee] Mm-hmm. -How's he gonna call you? 43 00:01:57,512 --> 00:01:59,616 -Dennis, can you help me get my phone-- -No. 44 00:01:59,650 --> 00:02:01,887 -Dennis, Dennis, I need your help really quick, man. -No! 45 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,758 Do you remember when we stole a restaurant buzzer the other day? 46 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,294 I can't find it anywhere. 47 00:02:05,327 --> 00:02:06,429 It's a matter of national security here, man. 48 00:02:06,462 --> 00:02:08,300 Oh, yes, no, no, I'm sure, yeah. 49 00:02:08,333 --> 00:02:09,903 You know what? Maybe it's in the back office. Let me check 50 00:02:09,936 --> 00:02:11,573 the back office. Frank, let me check the back office. 51 00:02:11,607 --> 00:02:12,642 Hey, uh, Frank, could you help me with something? 52 00:02:12,676 --> 00:02:14,312 -Yeah. -Are you kidding? 53 00:02:14,345 --> 00:02:15,447 You want Frank's help with your guy troubles? 54 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:16,850 He's insanely homophobic. 55 00:02:16,884 --> 00:02:19,188 Huh? Not anymore. 56 00:02:19,221 --> 00:02:21,527 No, once Mac did the dance, 57 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,263 then I get it. I get the gay thing. 58 00:02:23,296 --> 00:02:24,733 He gets it. He's an ally now. 59 00:02:24,766 --> 00:02:26,336 Okay, so, Frank, I need some relationship advice. 60 00:02:26,369 --> 00:02:27,672 -Yeah. -I'm having some issues 61 00:02:27,706 --> 00:02:29,609 -with this guy that I'm dating. -Yeah. 62 00:02:29,643 --> 00:02:30,678 -I want to take it to the next level, you know, -Right. 63 00:02:30,712 --> 00:02:32,682 by actually meeting this guy. 64 00:02:32,716 --> 00:02:33,918 What, you've never met the guy? 65 00:02:33,951 --> 00:02:35,487 No, never met him, 66 00:02:35,521 --> 00:02:36,824 never spoken with him, never seen him, 67 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,259 but it's not weird 68 00:02:38,293 --> 00:02:39,395 because we're in constant communication 69 00:02:39,428 --> 00:02:40,464 through the beads. 70 00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:43,203 The beads? 71 00:02:43,236 --> 00:02:44,773 Oh, yes. The extra-large anal beads 72 00:02:44,806 --> 00:02:46,376 that I shoved up my butt, 73 00:02:46,409 --> 00:02:47,779 and Johnny can control them 74 00:02:47,812 --> 00:02:49,816 via an app on his phone. 75 00:02:49,850 --> 00:02:51,352 And when I feel the buzz, 76 00:02:51,386 --> 00:02:52,889 I know it's time to go to the motel 77 00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:54,659 and wait. It's very romantic. 78 00:02:54,693 --> 00:02:58,233 Uh, yes, he's never actually showed up before, 79 00:02:58,266 --> 00:03:01,507 but one day he will, and it's going to be hot. 80 00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:04,245 That's it. I'm out. 81 00:03:04,278 --> 00:03:07,719 I'm out. That's it. I don't get it. I am never gonna get it. 82 00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:09,790 -Beads? You never said anything about beads. -Let me-let me explain it again. 83 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,894 -What beads? -It's beads that go into my ass. 84 00:03:11,927 --> 00:03:14,499 The dance never said anything about no beads. 85 00:03:14,533 --> 00:03:15,768 Frank, I found it. I found it. I found it. 86 00:03:15,802 --> 00:03:17,505 Let's get the hell out of here. 87 00:03:17,539 --> 00:03:19,275 We got it, guys, we're good. 88 00:03:19,308 --> 00:03:20,778 -[Frank] Anal beads up his ass. -[door opens, closes] 89 00:03:20,812 --> 00:03:21,780 Dennis, can you please help me get my phone back? 90 00:03:21,814 --> 00:03:23,316 'Cause I need my phone. 91 00:03:23,349 --> 00:03:24,786 No, Dennis, help me, though. Help me because 92 00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:26,456 -I need help-- -No, you are beyond help, okay? 93 00:03:26,489 --> 00:03:27,424 You let a stranger hack your butthole. Dennis-- 94 00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:29,863 Enough! Enough. 95 00:03:29,896 --> 00:03:32,602 It is clear that I'm not going to get a moment's peace until 96 00:03:32,635 --> 00:03:34,438 I foist you two off on someone else, 97 00:03:34,472 --> 00:03:35,942 so, fine, I will help you. 98 00:03:35,975 --> 00:03:37,812 -Okay. Okay. -Oh, yeah! All right, all right, 99 00:03:37,846 --> 00:03:39,750 let's go. 100 00:03:39,783 --> 00:03:42,020 This is all I could find. 101 00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:44,392 Yeah, no, this is good. Um... 102 00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:46,396 Okay, are there, like, a pair of, like, weird spy glasses 103 00:03:46,429 --> 00:03:48,400 -in here or anything? -[door opens] 104 00:03:48,433 --> 00:03:50,872 -Aw, shit. -They dropped all those charges weeks ago. Wh-- 105 00:03:50,905 --> 00:03:52,809 Call you back. 106 00:03:52,842 --> 00:03:54,946 Hey, what are you guys doing with all my research equipment? 107 00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:56,717 Charlie and Frank are gonna play spies. 108 00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:57,886 Yeah, well, we're not playing spies, 109 00:03:57,919 --> 00:03:59,556 we're playing chess, okay? 110 00:03:59,589 --> 00:04:00,992 There's a Russian grandmaster coming to town. 111 00:04:01,025 --> 00:04:02,762 I'm entering Frank in the tournament, 112 00:04:02,796 --> 00:04:04,432 and then he's gonna rise through the ranks, 113 00:04:04,465 --> 00:04:06,436 and he's gonna beat this guy's ass, USA style. 114 00:04:06,469 --> 00:04:07,972 So, I need the glasses, Uncle Jack, 115 00:04:08,006 --> 00:04:09,776 because Frank's got to be able to transmit me the board 116 00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:11,580 while I play along on a computer 117 00:04:11,613 --> 00:04:13,316 and I signal him the moves with the restaurant buzzer. 118 00:04:13,349 --> 00:04:15,487 No, stop, stop, stop. Uh, you're gonna break it. 119 00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,291 This is, uh, very sensitive equipment. 120 00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:18,828 Right, yeah, okay. [sighs] 121 00:04:18,861 --> 00:04:20,731 Look, do you have the spy glasses or not, dude? 122 00:04:20,765 --> 00:04:22,602 Fine. I'll let you borrow them, but I'm coming with. 123 00:04:22,635 --> 00:04:23,971 Okay? I don't want you breaking any of this. 124 00:04:24,004 --> 00:04:26,375 -A play date. -[sighs] 125 00:04:26,409 --> 00:04:27,612 -Goddamn it. -Oh, yeah. 126 00:04:27,645 --> 00:04:29,348 -Like we used to. -We never did. 127 00:04:29,381 --> 00:04:31,687 -Ah... You don't remember. -Man, we never did. 128 00:04:33,491 --> 00:04:35,761 I mean, what is taking Uncle Jack so long? 129 00:04:35,795 --> 00:04:38,333 -Well, why don't we just go in? -["Pop Goes the Weasel" playing on speakers] 130 00:04:38,366 --> 00:04:39,569 Hang on. 131 00:04:43,443 --> 00:04:45,380 -What the... -Is that-is that him? 132 00:04:45,413 --> 00:04:47,050 Holy shit. 133 00:04:47,084 --> 00:04:48,754 [Charlie] Uh, Uncle Jack, 134 00:04:48,787 --> 00:04:50,023 what-what is this? 135 00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:51,894 -My ice cream truck. -[music stops] 136 00:04:51,927 --> 00:04:54,599 You know, I-I have, like, a side business. [chuckles] 137 00:04:54,633 --> 00:04:57,739 Ugh. All right, fine. You know what? Actually, this could work. 138 00:04:57,772 --> 00:04:59,876 -You got the spy glasses? -Yeah. Here they are. -Glasses. 139 00:04:59,910 --> 00:05:02,615 -Here's how this goes. Frank, you got the buzzer? -Yeah, I got the buzzer. 140 00:05:02,649 --> 00:05:04,351 -All right, so Frank's got a buzzer in his pocket, okay? -I'm gonna put it in my pocket. 141 00:05:04,385 --> 00:05:05,922 So, he'll hover his hand over the piece, you know, 142 00:05:05,955 --> 00:05:08,026 one buzz for yes, two buzzes for no, 143 00:05:08,059 --> 00:05:09,896 three if you need him to switch to a different piece, okay? 144 00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:11,500 Same goes for where to put it down. Got it? 145 00:05:11,533 --> 00:05:13,036 -Okay. Yup. -You clear? 146 00:05:13,069 --> 00:05:14,639 -Give me a Push Pop, will you? -And get him a Push Pop. 147 00:05:14,673 --> 00:05:17,377 What? Oh, no, I-I don't have any ice cream. 148 00:05:17,411 --> 00:05:19,549 -Oh. -Oh, my God. All right, fine. 149 00:05:19,583 --> 00:05:21,520 Just... just... 150 00:05:21,553 --> 00:05:22,989 -get to your spot and play the-- Ugh. -[Uncle Jack] Okay. 151 00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:25,026 Hey, I'll be watching you. [laughs] 152 00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:26,663 -[Charlie groans] -[honks] 153 00:05:26,697 --> 00:05:29,068 Hm... [mutters] 154 00:05:29,101 --> 00:05:31,038 Should I go here? 155 00:05:31,072 --> 00:05:34,579 -[buzzes twice] -Mm. Or should I go... 156 00:05:34,613 --> 00:05:36,449 -here? -[buzzes twice] 157 00:05:36,482 --> 00:05:37,785 [Uncle Jack] Charlie, don't look at the kid, 158 00:05:37,819 --> 00:05:39,656 look at the board. Actually, 159 00:05:39,689 --> 00:05:41,727 one quick look at the kid again, so I can get a screen grab. 160 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,931 -Gross, no, man, no. -No? No? 161 00:05:43,964 --> 00:05:45,433 I-- No, not you. Sorry. 162 00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:46,970 Talking to the voices in my head, so... 163 00:05:47,004 --> 00:05:48,941 -[Uncle Jack] Stay on the board. -Yup. Yes. 164 00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,811 Don't mind my friend. He's schizophrenic. 165 00:05:50,845 --> 00:05:52,447 -I am, yeah. -[shutter clicks] 166 00:05:52,481 --> 00:05:55,555 -[Uncle Jack] Got it. -Go eh... 167 00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:56,590 [buzzes once] 168 00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:57,926 Boom. 169 00:05:57,959 --> 00:05:59,996 I took your little castle-y thing. 170 00:06:00,030 --> 00:06:01,465 -[laughs] -[laughs] Suck on that, 171 00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:02,869 boy! 172 00:06:02,902 --> 00:06:05,006 If he does, let me get another screen grab. 173 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,411 Shut up, dude. That's gross, man. 174 00:06:07,444 --> 00:06:09,448 -[stammers] Uh-oh, uh-oh. -[Attendant] Sir? 175 00:06:09,481 --> 00:06:11,085 Uh, sir, may I have a word with you? 176 00:06:11,118 --> 00:06:12,855 Um, absolutely not because I'm in the middle of watching 177 00:06:12,889 --> 00:06:14,492 a game of chess. 178 00:06:14,526 --> 00:06:16,964 Uh, there is no alcohol allowed on the premises. 179 00:06:16,997 --> 00:06:18,767 What? Wh-What do you mean? 180 00:06:18,801 --> 00:06:20,103 Like, I got to drink wine or something? 181 00:06:20,136 --> 00:06:21,907 [chuckles] No alcohol at all. 182 00:06:21,940 --> 00:06:24,111 At a sporting event? [scoffs] That's crazy. 183 00:06:24,144 --> 00:06:26,583 Fine, dude. Here you go. [sighs] 184 00:06:26,617 --> 00:06:29,121 Frank, I'm gonna have to find some way to sneak beer in here. 185 00:06:29,154 --> 00:06:30,625 Excuse me? 186 00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:32,762 Dude, are you still here? Go away. 187 00:06:32,795 --> 00:06:33,964 I gave you the beer, man. 188 00:06:38,974 --> 00:06:41,479 Now, as you're both aware, I have a foolproof system 189 00:06:41,513 --> 00:06:43,049 for attracting a woman. 190 00:06:43,082 --> 00:06:45,655 But I also have a foolproof system 191 00:06:45,688 --> 00:06:47,592 for attracting a man. 192 00:06:47,625 --> 00:06:50,598 -[laughs] Aw, awesome. -No way. 193 00:06:50,631 --> 00:06:52,000 -Why? -How come? -Shh, shh. 194 00:06:52,034 --> 00:06:53,938 Shh. Shh. 195 00:06:53,971 --> 00:06:56,944 Okay. Now, it begins 196 00:06:56,977 --> 00:07:00,718 with me setting you both up with nice, normal dates. 197 00:07:00,751 --> 00:07:02,622 You will begin by greeting them 198 00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:04,458 with the traditional pleasantries. 199 00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:05,728 Very nice to meet you, Patrick. 200 00:07:05,761 --> 00:07:06,964 Kyle, it's a pleasure. 201 00:07:06,997 --> 00:07:08,433 Pleasure's all mine. 202 00:07:08,466 --> 00:07:10,504 [Dennis] I'll be nearby, of course, 203 00:07:10,538 --> 00:07:12,174 to make sure nothing goes awry. 204 00:07:14,011 --> 00:07:16,449 Step one. 205 00:07:16,482 --> 00:07:18,821 S-- suppress your instincts. 206 00:07:18,854 --> 00:07:20,457 See, your first instinct 207 00:07:20,491 --> 00:07:21,827 is going to be to try to make yourself 208 00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:23,897 seem awesome to him, but that's wrong. 209 00:07:23,931 --> 00:07:25,467 'Cause this isn't about you. 210 00:07:25,501 --> 00:07:27,505 This is a man we're talking about. 211 00:07:27,538 --> 00:07:28,874 It's always about him. 212 00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:30,210 Okay? 213 00:07:30,243 --> 00:07:31,713 So, you're going to... 214 00:07:31,747 --> 00:07:34,051 I-- inflate his ego. 215 00:07:34,084 --> 00:07:37,859 Make him feel like he's awesome, he's funny, 216 00:07:37,892 --> 00:07:40,998 he's the most interesting person in the room. 217 00:07:41,032 --> 00:07:42,869 You're the most interesting person in this room. 218 00:07:42,902 --> 00:07:44,471 Uhp, uhp, uhp. Hi. 219 00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:45,975 [laughs] Hello. 220 00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:47,110 I just wanted to come over and introduce myself. 221 00:07:47,144 --> 00:07:48,781 I'm-I'm the manager 222 00:07:48,814 --> 00:07:50,183 -of the establishment. -Yes, I was just saying 223 00:07:50,216 --> 00:07:51,920 that he's the most interesting man in the room. 224 00:07:51,953 --> 00:07:54,492 Yeah. You know, it's-- I-I caught that, actually, 225 00:07:54,526 --> 00:07:55,795 and I wanted to say to you 226 00:07:55,828 --> 00:07:57,230 that, uh, Mac does, 227 00:07:57,264 --> 00:07:59,268 in fact, know everyone here, 228 00:07:59,301 --> 00:08:01,506 which he would, of course, 229 00:08:01,540 --> 00:08:04,546 have to in order to have said something like that. 230 00:08:04,579 --> 00:08:06,917 [laughs] So, it's meaningful. 231 00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:09,989 Now, once your man's feeling important, 232 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,260 you're gonna show him that you... 233 00:08:12,294 --> 00:08:14,799 N-- need his power. 234 00:08:14,833 --> 00:08:15,968 Mm. 235 00:08:16,002 --> 00:08:17,605 See, every man's greatest fear 236 00:08:17,638 --> 00:08:19,542 is that he's a... pussy. 237 00:08:19,576 --> 00:08:22,615 -[Dee] Mm. -You need to make him feel powerful. 238 00:08:22,648 --> 00:08:25,888 Oh, boy. [grunts] 239 00:08:25,921 --> 00:08:28,861 Oh... man. I just can't seem to get this open. 240 00:08:28,894 --> 00:08:30,096 Do you think you could help me out? 241 00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:31,298 Sure. 242 00:08:31,332 --> 00:08:32,769 [soft chuckle] 243 00:08:34,104 --> 00:08:35,273 [chuckles] 244 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,077 Oh, this is really on tight. 245 00:08:37,110 --> 00:08:40,050 -[grunting] -Uh, are you-are you being serious? 246 00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:41,920 Oh, Christ, Bozo, give it back to me. I'll do it. 247 00:08:41,953 --> 00:08:44,024 Wai-- No, no. Uh, no. Yeah, it's-- You can't. 248 00:08:44,058 --> 00:08:45,260 You can't. You couldn't. 249 00:08:45,293 --> 00:08:47,164 No one could, because these bottles... 250 00:08:47,197 --> 00:08:49,536 [clears throat] are all, uh... 251 00:08:49,569 --> 00:08:51,707 they're defective and un-openable. 252 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,276 Yeah, there's been a recall, actually. See? 253 00:08:53,309 --> 00:08:55,715 It's-it's impossible. Nobody could... 254 00:08:55,748 --> 00:08:58,319 [straining] ...get these open today. [laughs] 255 00:08:58,352 --> 00:09:01,225 -Mm. -You know what? You do look very, very strong. 256 00:09:01,258 --> 00:09:04,198 [sighs] You mind giving this one more shot for me? 257 00:09:04,231 --> 00:09:06,903 Let's see if you can get it. 258 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,041 -[Dee] Oh! -[Dennis] Whoa. 259 00:09:09,074 --> 00:09:10,110 -Wow. -Wow. 260 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,284 Now that your man's feeling powerful, 261 00:09:14,318 --> 00:09:16,355 on top of the world, you must... 262 00:09:16,388 --> 00:09:18,025 rip it away from him. 263 00:09:18,059 --> 00:09:21,098 You're going to N-- negate his power. 264 00:09:21,132 --> 00:09:23,837 Yeah, but this needs to be subtle. 265 00:09:23,871 --> 00:09:26,075 A man's ego is... fragile. 266 00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:28,947 The goal here is to make him feel that he may be a... 267 00:09:28,981 --> 00:09:30,316 tad bit inadequate, 268 00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:32,755 in comparison, maybe, to a former lover. 269 00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:33,824 -Yes? -Oh. 270 00:09:33,857 --> 00:09:35,360 But don't lay it on too thick. 271 00:09:35,393 --> 00:09:37,865 -Mm. Mm-hmm. -Subtle. 272 00:09:37,899 --> 00:09:40,036 I used to fuck LeBron James. 273 00:09:40,069 --> 00:09:41,172 [snorts, coughs] 274 00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:42,809 Oh, God. 275 00:09:44,211 --> 00:09:45,681 Now, even if things have gone 276 00:09:45,714 --> 00:09:46,783 a little off the rails at this point, 277 00:09:46,817 --> 00:09:48,052 we can get things back on track 278 00:09:48,085 --> 00:09:49,656 with a classic. 279 00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:53,129 E-- engage physically. 280 00:09:53,162 --> 00:09:54,933 -Hey-o. -[laughs] -Yeah. 281 00:09:54,966 --> 00:09:57,070 But you got to make sure that your physical engagement 282 00:09:57,104 --> 00:09:59,208 is appropriate to the environment, okay? 283 00:09:59,241 --> 00:10:02,380 Your demeanor wants to remain elegant and classy. 284 00:10:02,414 --> 00:10:04,218 -Right. -Mm. Got it. 285 00:10:08,426 --> 00:10:10,130 What are you doing? 286 00:10:10,163 --> 00:10:12,668 I'm grabbing your ding-dong. 287 00:10:12,702 --> 00:10:14,004 No! 288 00:10:14,037 --> 00:10:16,242 No, yeah. That's, uh... 289 00:10:16,275 --> 00:10:18,112 And now for the final step, 290 00:10:18,146 --> 00:10:20,951 the most profound move of the entire system. 291 00:10:20,985 --> 00:10:22,320 [chuckles] 292 00:10:22,354 --> 00:10:23,757 D. 293 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,696 "Do you want a tissue?" 294 00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:28,801 -Huh? -Huh? 295 00:10:28,834 --> 00:10:31,205 You see, with this one simple but profound question, 296 00:10:31,238 --> 00:10:33,342 you instantly transport this man back to a time 297 00:10:33,376 --> 00:10:35,313 when he was a tiny, snot-nosed little bitch 298 00:10:35,346 --> 00:10:37,384 who depended on the most important person in his life 299 00:10:37,417 --> 00:10:39,054 for absolutely everything. 300 00:10:39,087 --> 00:10:41,025 The person who inflated his ego, 301 00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:42,995 who made him feel powerful, 302 00:10:43,029 --> 00:10:44,732 but also powerless. 303 00:10:44,766 --> 00:10:46,770 The person whose validation 304 00:10:46,803 --> 00:10:49,876 he's been seeking his entire life. 305 00:10:49,909 --> 00:10:50,878 Guys, 306 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,314 the way to make a man 307 00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:54,017 fall in love with you 308 00:10:54,051 --> 00:10:56,388 is to make him feel 309 00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:58,861 like you are... 310 00:10:58,894 --> 00:11:01,332 his mommy. 311 00:11:01,365 --> 00:11:02,869 Well, it's getting late. 312 00:11:02,902 --> 00:11:04,739 Yeah. 313 00:11:04,772 --> 00:11:06,275 Yeah, we should probably call it. 314 00:11:06,308 --> 00:11:09,081 I have, uh, one thing that I'd like to ask you. 315 00:11:09,114 --> 00:11:11,953 Um... do you need a tissue? 316 00:11:11,987 --> 00:11:14,124 Do you need a tissue? 317 00:11:14,157 --> 00:11:16,028 -What? -What? 318 00:11:16,061 --> 00:11:18,165 -You need a tissue. -You need a tissue. 319 00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:20,938 Oh. Oh, really? Ah... 320 00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:22,808 Ah, just... That's-that's embarrassing. 321 00:11:22,842 --> 00:11:24,411 -[blows nose] -Hang on, all right, stop it. 322 00:11:24,444 --> 00:11:26,048 There we go. Come here. 323 00:11:26,081 --> 00:11:29,254 There we go. Now 324 00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:32,127 my little man is all ready for his day. 325 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,830 [Dennis] Before, they wanted 326 00:11:33,864 --> 00:11:36,168 nothing more than this date to be over. 327 00:11:36,202 --> 00:11:37,738 But now they can't help but ask... 328 00:11:37,772 --> 00:11:41,111 Hey, um, any chance... 329 00:11:41,145 --> 00:11:42,380 Would you want to... 330 00:11:42,414 --> 00:11:43,449 ...do this again... 331 00:11:43,482 --> 00:11:44,719 ...sometime? 332 00:11:44,752 --> 00:11:45,888 Mm. 333 00:11:45,921 --> 00:11:47,090 It worked. 334 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,459 And there you have it. 335 00:11:48,493 --> 00:11:50,463 That, my friends, is... 336 00:11:50,497 --> 00:11:52,735 the SINNED system. 337 00:11:52,768 --> 00:11:53,971 -Oh! -Whoa! 338 00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,440 -Oh, ho! -Amazing. 339 00:11:55,473 --> 00:11:57,210 -Crazy creepy, though, -Oh, yeah, very creepy. 340 00:11:57,244 --> 00:11:58,479 with all the mom stuff, and... 341 00:11:58,513 --> 00:12:00,016 the name's a little heavy-handed. 342 00:12:00,049 --> 00:12:01,452 Yeah, took a-took a lot to get there. 343 00:12:01,485 --> 00:12:03,322 It's not as clean as the DENNIS system. 344 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,026 Well, but listen, the DENNIS system-- 345 00:12:05,059 --> 00:12:06,462 that's a system for getting a woman. 346 00:12:06,496 --> 00:12:07,965 This is a system for getting a man, 347 00:12:07,999 --> 00:12:11,138 and that's why SINNED is actually... 348 00:12:11,171 --> 00:12:12,742 -DENNIS backwards. -[Dee gasps] 349 00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:16,181 Oh, my God! [laughs] 350 00:12:16,215 --> 00:12:18,252 -That's amazing. -How-how did that line up like that? 351 00:12:18,286 --> 00:12:19,889 Yeah, like, what are the odds, though? 352 00:12:19,923 --> 00:12:22,060 -[Dee] Oh, wow. -What do you-- The odds of what? 353 00:12:22,093 --> 00:12:23,997 What are the odds that the steps to the system 354 00:12:24,031 --> 00:12:25,868 would be DENNIS backwards 355 00:12:25,901 --> 00:12:27,404 and that they would spell out the word "sinned?" 356 00:12:27,437 --> 00:12:30,443 High! High. 'Cause I made it up. 357 00:12:30,476 --> 00:12:33,115 -Oh! Yeah, he did it on purpose. -Oh, my... He made it up. 358 00:12:38,092 --> 00:12:40,363 -Hey-o! -Hey-o! 359 00:12:40,396 --> 00:12:41,365 Hey, hey, hey! 360 00:12:41,398 --> 00:12:43,135 What's up, guy-- 361 00:12:43,169 --> 00:12:44,539 You know what, I got to say, 362 00:12:44,572 --> 00:12:46,843 I am, I'm still, like, buzzing from last night. 363 00:12:46,876 --> 00:12:48,513 -Got a little hairy there for a second, didn't it? -[Dee] Yeah. Yeah. 364 00:12:48,547 --> 00:12:49,949 Yeah, but we pulled it off. 365 00:12:49,983 --> 00:12:50,985 -We sure did! -We really did. 366 00:12:51,018 --> 00:12:52,287 -We really did. -Success. 367 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,224 All right, so talk to me, when are those 368 00:12:54,257 --> 00:12:55,494 -second dates? -Ooh, yeah, no, that's not happening. 369 00:12:55,527 --> 00:12:57,430 What do you mean, that's not happening? 370 00:12:57,464 --> 00:12:59,836 Well, I got home last night, and, I, uh, found myself 371 00:12:59,869 --> 00:13:02,374 real horny, so I popped a couple of Mommy's magic beans 372 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,044 and headed over to Kyle's house. 373 00:13:04,077 --> 00:13:07,017 Roofies. I roofied myself. Yeah, 374 00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:08,887 not 100% sure if we plowed or not, 375 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,991 but I do know I got this. 376 00:13:11,025 --> 00:13:12,427 You stole his phone. 377 00:13:12,460 --> 00:13:14,298 -Yeah, well, I'll be honest, -Aw... 378 00:13:14,331 --> 00:13:16,302 the details are a bit hazy, still, 379 00:13:16,335 --> 00:13:18,406 but I do know I stole somebody's phone. 380 00:13:18,439 --> 00:13:20,276 -And you? -Oh, I'm not doing it either. 381 00:13:20,310 --> 00:13:22,447 -Yeah! -Okay, but I have a good reason, Dennis. 382 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,253 I have a really good reason, 'cause I'm not a-a rapist 383 00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:27,925 and a thief like Dee is. I'm-I'm just a boy in love. 384 00:13:27,958 --> 00:13:29,294 I'm just a boy in love with Johnny, 385 00:13:29,328 --> 00:13:31,933 and I realized that I-I have to be with him. 386 00:13:31,966 --> 00:13:33,870 Well, no, see, that's-that's the thing-- 387 00:13:33,904 --> 00:13:36,442 Johnny doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. 388 00:13:36,475 --> 00:13:38,446 -You don't know him. -No, no, no. 389 00:13:38,479 --> 00:13:39,481 You don't know him. 390 00:13:39,515 --> 00:13:40,617 I know him better than you. 391 00:13:40,651 --> 00:13:42,287 Do you? Because I am him. 392 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:44,592 What? 393 00:13:44,625 --> 00:13:46,261 I invented Johnny as a means 394 00:13:46,295 --> 00:13:47,397 of getting you out of the apartment 395 00:13:47,430 --> 00:13:48,432 when you were irritating me. 396 00:13:48,466 --> 00:13:50,003 I don't understand. 397 00:13:50,036 --> 00:13:51,606 Okay, like, when "Johnny" sent you out 398 00:13:51,639 --> 00:13:53,042 to go get those soft-shell crabs, 399 00:13:53,075 --> 00:13:54,311 -you remember that? -Yeah. 400 00:13:54,344 --> 00:13:56,048 Yeah. And he was supposed to meet you, 401 00:13:56,081 --> 00:13:57,952 -but he didn't. He ghosted you, right? -No. 402 00:13:57,985 --> 00:14:00,156 And so, you came sauntering back in the house and all depressed, 403 00:14:00,189 --> 00:14:01,893 and I was like, "Well, I tell you what, buddy, 404 00:14:01,926 --> 00:14:05,033 I'll eat the soft-shell crabs. They are my favorite." 405 00:14:05,066 --> 00:14:06,569 And I said, "Oh, my God, what a coincidence 406 00:14:06,603 --> 00:14:09,074 because they're-they're Johnny's favorite, too." 407 00:14:09,107 --> 00:14:11,178 -Yeah, because I am Johnny. -Then who's Dennis? 408 00:14:11,211 --> 00:14:13,617 -What do you mean? -Well, if you're Johnny, then who-- who's you? 409 00:14:13,650 --> 00:14:15,587 I'm Dennis! I've always been Dennis. 410 00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:18,025 L-L-Let me-- This is gonna make it all clear. This is my phone, 411 00:14:18,059 --> 00:14:19,629 -Don't want to get into this-- -and when I push a certain button... 412 00:14:19,662 --> 00:14:21,465 -Wait, hold on. H-Hold on a second. -[buzzing] 413 00:14:21,499 --> 00:14:23,436 -What, what? -Johnny's buzzing me. I got-- Look. 414 00:14:23,469 --> 00:14:25,440 -No, I pushed the button. -I haven't heard from him in a while, 415 00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:27,511 and I'm going to the motel. I got to meet him. 416 00:14:27,545 --> 00:14:29,582 -I'm sorry. -Mac, it's not Johnny. I pushed the button on my phone-- 417 00:14:29,615 --> 00:14:31,218 I can't engage with you on this right now. 418 00:14:31,251 --> 00:14:33,089 I got to-I got to go see Johnny. 419 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,093 Dennis! Dennis. I need your help, man. 420 00:14:35,126 --> 00:14:36,261 -I need your help, big-time. -No, no! 421 00:14:36,295 --> 00:14:37,932 I am done helping people. 422 00:14:37,965 --> 00:14:39,468 Dude, we're so close, man. We're in the finals. 423 00:14:39,502 --> 00:14:41,205 -Yeah? I don't care. -[Charlie] And there's no way 424 00:14:41,238 --> 00:14:42,942 I'm gonna be able to sneak a restaurant buzzer in now. 425 00:14:42,975 --> 00:14:44,411 Okay, you know what? You're not gonna stop talking. 426 00:14:44,444 --> 00:14:46,281 -So, I-I'm just... -Yes-- No, I'm not, because, 427 00:14:46,315 --> 00:14:48,119 -Dennis, I need your help. Look, I've -I don't care. 428 00:14:48,152 --> 00:14:49,989 been controlling Frank using the restaurant buzzer, okay? 429 00:14:50,022 --> 00:14:50,624 -Wait a-wait a-- whoa, what... -And it's the perfect plan. 430 00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:52,293 Hold on a second. 431 00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:56,335 Sorry, did you just say you've been... 432 00:14:56,368 --> 00:15:00,143 controlling Frank like a pawn in a game? 433 00:15:00,176 --> 00:15:02,515 Like a puppet? 434 00:15:02,548 --> 00:15:04,552 Uh, I didn't say any of those words, but yeah. 435 00:15:04,585 --> 00:15:06,422 I've been-I've been controlling Frank, uh, in chess, yes. 436 00:15:06,455 --> 00:15:08,159 Very interesting. 437 00:15:08,192 --> 00:15:11,265 And Frank's been aware of the puppetry the entire time? 438 00:15:11,298 --> 00:15:13,503 Yeah, of course. He's in on it. But dude, it's over, right? 439 00:15:13,537 --> 00:15:15,106 Unless you know a way I can sneak 440 00:15:15,139 --> 00:15:17,611 something into this tournament that vibrates. 441 00:15:20,016 --> 00:15:22,721 I think I may have a way, but, uh... 442 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,357 Frank's not gonna like it. 443 00:15:25,661 --> 00:15:27,130 -Dee. -[Dee] Mm. 444 00:15:27,163 --> 00:15:28,967 Got any more of those magic beans? 445 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,002 Yeah. 446 00:15:30,036 --> 00:15:31,038 'Cause we're gonna need 447 00:15:31,071 --> 00:15:32,207 to turn the lights out. 448 00:15:37,685 --> 00:15:39,454 -[Charlie] Frank! Frank, get up! -[Frank] Wow, what... 449 00:15:39,488 --> 00:15:41,058 -Wake up! Wake up, man! We're late! -Okay. What? 450 00:15:41,091 --> 00:15:43,530 -We're gonna miss it, dude. -[door closes] 451 00:15:43,563 --> 00:15:45,466 -[reporters clamoring] -Move. No, out of the way. 452 00:15:45,501 --> 00:15:47,170 Jesus, Frank. Cutting it pretty close there, pal. 453 00:15:47,203 --> 00:15:48,673 [Frank] Ah, feel like I got to take a shit. 454 00:15:48,707 --> 00:15:51,078 What? You got to sh-- Don't shit, don't shit. 455 00:15:51,111 --> 00:15:52,548 -[Dennis] No, no, no. There's no time for that. -[Frank] I'm not ready for this. 456 00:15:52,581 --> 00:15:55,554 No, listen to me, listen to me. You are ready. 457 00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:59,294 Everything you need is already inside you. 458 00:15:59,327 --> 00:16:01,733 [Charlie] Move. No, out of the way. 459 00:16:01,766 --> 00:16:04,237 [heart beating] 460 00:16:09,047 --> 00:16:10,149 [grunts] 461 00:16:10,183 --> 00:16:12,420 The excitement here is palpable. 462 00:16:12,453 --> 00:16:14,625 [woman] At last, the moment we've all been waiting for, 463 00:16:14,659 --> 00:16:17,430 Mr. Reynolds is about to make his first move. 464 00:16:17,463 --> 00:16:19,569 -[clapping] -[Charlie] You got this, Frank! 465 00:16:19,602 --> 00:16:21,205 You got this, man! 466 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:23,743 [exhales] 467 00:16:23,777 --> 00:16:26,448 [laughs] I don't know what I'm doing. 468 00:16:26,481 --> 00:16:28,687 Frank, trust your gut. 469 00:16:32,661 --> 00:16:35,366 -[soft buzz] -Ooh. 470 00:16:35,399 --> 00:16:37,070 Oh. 471 00:16:39,542 --> 00:16:42,447 -[soft buzz] -[groaning] 472 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,451 He seems a little uncomfortable, Susan. 473 00:16:44,484 --> 00:16:46,488 Just think about the incredible amount 474 00:16:46,523 --> 00:16:48,392 of pressure he's feeling right now. 475 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,463 -[buzzing] -Oh... 476 00:16:52,433 --> 00:16:54,505 [stammers] 477 00:16:54,539 --> 00:16:56,609 -[buzzing] -Ho, ho. 478 00:16:56,643 --> 00:16:58,379 Ho, ho! 479 00:16:58,412 --> 00:17:00,751 -[exclaiming] -[laughs] Yes. Yes. 480 00:17:00,784 --> 00:17:03,389 -[extended buzzing] -[strains] Oh. 481 00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:05,193 -Oh, God, no. -[Susan] Mr. Reynolds seems to be going through 482 00:17:05,226 --> 00:17:07,063 a range of emotions 483 00:17:07,096 --> 00:17:09,334 while contemplating his first move. 484 00:17:09,367 --> 00:17:11,138 You don't have to do this. 485 00:17:11,171 --> 00:17:12,541 You don't have to do it. 486 00:17:12,575 --> 00:17:14,612 S-Should I go here? 487 00:17:14,645 --> 00:17:17,383 -[short buzzing] -Oh... 488 00:17:17,417 --> 00:17:19,487 Uh... There? 489 00:17:19,522 --> 00:17:21,593 [extended buzzing] 490 00:17:22,661 --> 00:17:24,297 Oh! 491 00:17:24,331 --> 00:17:26,101 [shouts] 492 00:17:26,134 --> 00:17:27,638 [whispers] Take your time, take your time. 493 00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:31,512 Take your time. Take your time. 494 00:17:31,546 --> 00:17:34,251 [laughing] 495 00:17:34,284 --> 00:17:35,687 ♪ ♪ 496 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,257 [shouts] 497 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,327 [laughs] 498 00:17:41,666 --> 00:17:43,737 You don't have to do this! 499 00:17:45,674 --> 00:17:47,678 Should I go there? Aah! 500 00:17:50,149 --> 00:17:52,153 [cackling] 501 00:17:54,224 --> 00:17:55,661 [grunts] Hey, Dennis. 502 00:17:55,694 --> 00:17:57,531 Oh, man, I had the craziest night last night, 503 00:17:57,564 --> 00:17:59,434 'cause I think I, like, blacked out, and then, 504 00:17:59,467 --> 00:18:01,839 when I woke up, I think that Johnny broke up with me, 505 00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:03,843 -'cause he was gone. -Mac, I can't do this right now. 506 00:18:03,877 --> 00:18:05,446 -[buzzing] -Here? 507 00:18:06,749 --> 00:18:08,419 [grunts] Here? 508 00:18:08,452 --> 00:18:10,423 Don't lose your shit, man. Don't lose your shit. 509 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,327 A language warning for anybody watching at home. 510 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,532 [Frank] Ho! Aah, aah, aah! Oh! 511 00:18:14,565 --> 00:18:16,301 -[snarling] -Nice. 512 00:18:16,335 --> 00:18:19,140 I am Johnny! I don't know how else to tell you! 513 00:18:19,174 --> 00:18:21,746 Look, I have the texts. I will show you the texts. 514 00:18:21,779 --> 00:18:25,453 Look, these are the texts that I sent to you from my phone. 515 00:18:25,486 --> 00:18:28,425 Oh, my God. You have Johnny's phone. 516 00:18:28,459 --> 00:18:30,162 -This is my... -Give it to me. 517 00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:31,866 -Give me Johnny's phone. -Goddamn it! -Whoa, whoa. 518 00:18:31,899 --> 00:18:34,204 -[buzzing] -[screaming] 519 00:18:36,776 --> 00:18:39,314 You motherfucker! 520 00:18:39,347 --> 00:18:41,686 [distorted yelling] 521 00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:44,290 [alarm blaring] 522 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,570 [Dennis] Oh, God. 523 00:18:50,604 --> 00:18:53,442 It won't... it won't go down. 524 00:18:53,475 --> 00:18:55,514 What have you done? 525 00:18:55,547 --> 00:18:57,651 [whoops] Take my king. Take my king. 526 00:18:57,685 --> 00:18:58,653 Take him. 527 00:18:58,687 --> 00:19:00,456 Take it. Take it. 528 00:19:00,489 --> 00:19:01,592 [grunting] 529 00:19:01,626 --> 00:19:03,362 Oh... 530 00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:06,703 [heart beating] 531 00:19:11,713 --> 00:19:14,685 [Mark] Kd2! Kd2! 532 00:19:14,719 --> 00:19:17,758 That is checkmate. What a brilliant endgame by Reynolds. 533 00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:20,463 -He won? -He won! [laughs] 534 00:19:20,497 --> 00:19:22,601 -Frank won? -[grunting] 535 00:19:22,634 --> 00:19:25,540 ♪ There's a quest for answers, an unquenchable thirst... ♪ 536 00:19:25,574 --> 00:19:27,477 Get it out! Get it out! 537 00:19:27,511 --> 00:19:29,648 -God. Take it out, take it out. -[Charlie] You did it, Frank! 538 00:19:29,682 --> 00:19:31,218 -Frank, you did it! You beat the Russian! -Take it out. Take it out. 539 00:19:31,251 --> 00:19:33,288 -You beat the Russian! -Stop it, stop. 540 00:19:33,322 --> 00:19:35,761 Stop this, Charl-- It's gonna split me in half, Charlie. 541 00:19:35,794 --> 00:19:37,631 -He won! He won! -[laughs] 542 00:19:37,664 --> 00:19:40,236 -USA! USA! -Kill the Wi-Fi! Kill the Wi-Fi! 543 00:19:40,269 --> 00:19:42,373 -USA! USA! -Kill it. Kill the Wi-Fi! 544 00:19:42,407 --> 00:19:43,843 -[laughs] -Kill the Wi-Fi! 545 00:19:43,877 --> 00:19:45,514 -[cackles] -Ooh. Ooh. 546 00:19:45,547 --> 00:19:47,316 ♪ In the warrior's code ♪ 547 00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:50,289 ♪ There's no surrender ♪ 548 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:52,628 ♪ Though his body says stop ♪ 549 00:19:52,661 --> 00:19:55,567 ♪ His spirit cries, "Never!" ♪ 550 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:59,675 ♪ Deep in our soul, a quiet ember ♪ 551 00:19:59,709 --> 00:20:02,280 ♪ Knows it's you against you ♪ 552 00:20:02,313 --> 00:20:04,284 ♪ It's the paradox ♪ 553 00:20:04,317 --> 00:20:07,290 ♪ That drives us on ♪ 554 00:20:07,323 --> 00:20:09,929 ♪ It's a battle of wills ♪ 555 00:20:09,962 --> 00:20:11,866 ♪ In the heat of attack ♪ 556 00:20:11,899 --> 00:20:14,705 ♪ It's the passion that kills ♪ 557 00:20:14,739 --> 00:20:18,546 ♪ The victory is yours alone. ♪ 558 00:20:21,586 --> 00:20:24,558 [crowd chanting backwards] 559 00:20:24,592 --> 00:20:30,771 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org