1 00:00:08,728 --> 00:00:10,097 Frank! 2 00:00:10,131 --> 00:00:12,066 Frank, come on, man! We got to go! 3 00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,068 -We got to go! -Oh, what? 4 00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:15,202 Come on, man, we're gonna miss it. 5 00:00:15,236 --> 00:00:16,170 -Wake up, wake up. Come on. -Wh-What? 6 00:00:16,203 --> 00:00:17,470 -Right away! -Okay. 7 00:00:17,504 --> 00:00:20,141 Guys, make way. Make way, please. 8 00:00:20,174 --> 00:00:22,709 -Hey, wait, no, no, please. -Cutting it pretty close there, pal. 9 00:00:22,742 --> 00:00:23,677 Ah, I feel like I got to take a shit. 10 00:00:23,710 --> 00:00:25,980 No, no, no, no, no. There's no time for that. 11 00:00:26,013 --> 00:00:27,614 - Oh, God, excuse me. Come on. - No, no, no, no, no autographs. 12 00:00:27,647 --> 00:00:29,183 -I'm not ready for this. -Listen, listen. 13 00:00:29,216 --> 00:00:30,617 -You got it, you got it, you got it. -Listen to me. 14 00:00:30,650 --> 00:00:32,652 -Back off, back off. -Frank, you are ready. 15 00:00:32,686 --> 00:00:36,090 Everything you need is already inside you. 16 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,725 Move. No, out of the way. 17 00:01:09,323 --> 00:01:10,958 Dennis, please. 18 00:01:10,992 --> 00:01:12,293 -Just... Dennis, please, please. -God, no. 19 00:01:12,326 --> 00:01:14,228 -Pretty please, just help me. -No! No, Mac. 20 00:01:14,261 --> 00:01:16,097 I'm not helping you, okay? 21 00:01:16,130 --> 00:01:17,932 Stop talking to me about Johnny. 22 00:01:17,965 --> 00:01:19,967 Well, hey, I could help you with your guy troubles. 23 00:01:21,268 --> 00:01:22,836 No, thanks, Dee. You suck with men. 24 00:01:22,869 --> 00:01:25,805 Tell that to the guy leaving my apartment this morning. 25 00:01:25,839 --> 00:01:29,176 That's right. Your girl got her guts pumped last night. 26 00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:30,911 Oh, my God, that is disgusting. 27 00:01:30,945 --> 00:01:33,080 -Your guts pumped? -Aren't you, like, 60? 28 00:01:33,114 --> 00:01:35,282 -You're not a girl. -Yeah, come on, Dee. This is insane. 29 00:01:35,316 --> 00:01:36,484 -I mean... really. -Who talks like that? 30 00:01:36,516 --> 00:01:39,186 And, by the way, anybody can get a guy to bang them once. 31 00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:41,222 Okay, well, I guarantee you 32 00:01:41,255 --> 00:01:43,057 he'll be coming back for seconds. 33 00:01:43,090 --> 00:01:46,060 In fact, he pulled an old move of mine. 34 00:01:46,093 --> 00:01:48,129 He took my phone "by mistake" 35 00:01:48,162 --> 00:01:49,562 so that he could see me again. 36 00:01:49,596 --> 00:01:51,999 Oh, okay. Yeah. 37 00:01:52,033 --> 00:01:52,967 - Mm-hmm. - How's he gonna call you? 38 00:01:56,603 --> 00:01:58,738 -Dennis, can you help me get my phone-- -No. 39 00:01:58,772 --> 00:02:01,075 -Dennis, Dennis, I need your help really quick, man. -No! 40 00:02:01,108 --> 00:02:02,776 Do you remember when we stole a restaurant buzzer the other day? 41 00:02:02,809 --> 00:02:04,078 I can't find it anywhere. 42 00:02:04,111 --> 00:02:05,312 It's a matter of national security here, man. 43 00:02:05,346 --> 00:02:07,081 Oh, yes, no, no, I'm sure, yeah. 44 00:02:07,114 --> 00:02:08,681 You know what? Maybe it's in the back office. Let me check 45 00:02:08,715 --> 00:02:10,051 the back office. Frank, let me check the back office. 46 00:02:10,084 --> 00:02:11,785 Hey, uh, Frank, could you help me with something? 47 00:02:11,818 --> 00:02:13,087 -Yeah. -Are you kidding? 48 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:14,288 You want Frank's help with your guy troubles? 49 00:02:14,321 --> 00:02:15,789 He's insanely homophobic. 50 00:02:15,822 --> 00:02:17,958 Huh? Not anymore. 51 00:02:17,992 --> 00:02:20,627 No, once Mac did the dance, 52 00:02:20,660 --> 00:02:22,096 then I get it. I get the gay thing. 53 00:02:22,129 --> 00:02:23,596 He gets it. He's an ally now. 54 00:02:23,630 --> 00:02:25,199 Okay, so, Frank, I need some relationship advice. 55 00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:26,333 -Yeah. -I'm having some issues 56 00:02:26,367 --> 00:02:28,169 -with this guy that I'm dating. -Yeah. 57 00:02:28,202 --> 00:02:29,636 -I want to take it to the next level, you know, -Right. 58 00:02:29,669 --> 00:02:31,805 by actually meeting this guy. 59 00:02:31,838 --> 00:02:32,907 What, you've never met the guy? 60 00:02:32,940 --> 00:02:34,241 No, never met him, 61 00:02:34,275 --> 00:02:35,775 never spoken with him, never seen him, 62 00:02:35,809 --> 00:02:37,111 but it's not weird 63 00:02:37,144 --> 00:02:38,279 because we're in constant communication 64 00:02:38,312 --> 00:02:39,146 through the beads. 65 00:02:40,814 --> 00:02:42,016 The beads? 66 00:02:42,049 --> 00:02:43,750 Oh, yes. The extra-large anal beads 67 00:02:43,783 --> 00:02:45,252 that I shoved up my butt, 68 00:02:45,286 --> 00:02:46,753 and Johnny can control them 69 00:02:46,786 --> 00:02:48,788 via an app on his phone. 70 00:02:48,822 --> 00:02:50,157 And when I feel the buzz, 71 00:02:50,191 --> 00:02:52,026 I know it's time to go to the motel 72 00:02:52,059 --> 00:02:53,793 and wait. It's very romantic. 73 00:02:53,827 --> 00:02:57,131 Uh, yes, he's never actually showed up before, 74 00:02:57,164 --> 00:03:00,401 but one day he will, and it's going to be hot. 75 00:03:00,434 --> 00:03:03,304 That's it. I'm out. 76 00:03:03,337 --> 00:03:06,907 I'm out. That's it. I don't get it. I am never gonna get it. 77 00:03:06,941 --> 00:03:09,009 -Beads? You never said anything about beads. -Let me-let me explain it again. 78 00:03:09,043 --> 00:03:11,112 -What beads? -It's beads that go into my ass. 79 00:03:11,145 --> 00:03:13,414 The dance never said anything about no beads. 80 00:03:13,447 --> 00:03:14,949 Frank, I found it. I found it. I found it. 81 00:03:14,982 --> 00:03:16,417 Let's get the hell out of here. 82 00:03:16,450 --> 00:03:18,119 We got it, guys, we're good. 83 00:03:18,152 --> 00:03:19,420 Anal beads up his ass. 84 00:03:19,453 --> 00:03:20,687 Dennis, can you please help me get my phone back? 85 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:21,855 'Cause I need my phone. 86 00:03:21,888 --> 00:03:23,257 No, Dennis, help me, though. Help me because 87 00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,292 -I need help-- -No, you are beyond help, okay? 88 00:03:25,326 --> 00:03:26,360 You let a stranger hack your butthole. Dennis-- 89 00:03:26,393 --> 00:03:29,096 Enough! Enough. 90 00:03:29,130 --> 00:03:31,764 It is clear that I'm not going to get a moment's peace until 91 00:03:31,798 --> 00:03:33,367 I foist you two off on someone else, 92 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,169 so, fine, I will help you. 93 00:03:35,202 --> 00:03:36,803 -Okay. Okay. -Oh, yeah! All right, all right, 94 00:03:36,836 --> 00:03:38,738 let's go. 95 00:03:38,771 --> 00:03:41,075 This is all I could find. 96 00:03:41,108 --> 00:03:43,676 Yeah, no, this is good. Um... 97 00:03:43,710 --> 00:03:45,279 Okay, are there, like, a pair of, like, weird spy glasses 98 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,214 in here or anything? 99 00:03:47,248 --> 00:03:49,917 -Aw, shit. -They dropped all those charges weeks ago. Wh-- 100 00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:51,718 Call you back. 101 00:03:51,751 --> 00:03:54,188 Hey, what are you guys doing with all my research equipment? 102 00:03:54,221 --> 00:03:55,990 Charlie and Frank are gonna play spies. 103 00:03:56,023 --> 00:03:56,991 Yeah, well, we're not playing spies, 104 00:03:57,024 --> 00:03:58,392 we're playing chess, okay? 105 00:03:58,425 --> 00:04:00,127 There's a Russian grandmaster coming to town. 106 00:04:00,161 --> 00:04:02,029 I'm entering Frank in the tournament, 107 00:04:02,062 --> 00:04:03,464 and then he's gonna rise through the ranks, 108 00:04:03,497 --> 00:04:05,366 and he's gonna beat this guy's ass, USA style. 109 00:04:05,399 --> 00:04:07,034 So, I need the glasses, Uncle Jack, 110 00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:09,036 because Frank's got to be able to transmit me the board 111 00:04:09,069 --> 00:04:10,703 while I play along on a computer 112 00:04:10,737 --> 00:04:12,373 and I signal him the moves with the restaurant buzzer. 113 00:04:12,406 --> 00:04:14,475 No, stop, stop, stop. Uh, you're gonna break it. 114 00:04:14,508 --> 00:04:16,210 This is, uh, very sensitive equipment. 115 00:04:16,243 --> 00:04:18,145 Right, yeah, okay. 116 00:04:18,179 --> 00:04:20,014 Look, do you have the spy glasses or not, dude? 117 00:04:20,047 --> 00:04:21,848 Fine. I'll let you borrow them, but I'm coming with. 118 00:04:21,881 --> 00:04:23,083 Okay? I don't want you breaking any of this. 119 00:04:23,117 --> 00:04:25,352 A play date. 120 00:04:25,386 --> 00:04:26,853 -Goddamn it. -Oh, yeah. 121 00:04:26,886 --> 00:04:28,322 -Like we used to. -We never did. 122 00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,723 -Ah... You don't remember. -Man, we never did. 123 00:04:32,426 --> 00:04:35,229 I mean, what is taking Uncle Jack so long? 124 00:04:35,262 --> 00:04:37,231 Well, why don't we just go in? 125 00:04:37,264 --> 00:04:38,365 Hang on. 126 00:04:42,403 --> 00:04:44,338 -What the... -Is that-is that him? 127 00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,173 Holy shit. 128 00:04:46,207 --> 00:04:47,740 Uh, Uncle Jack, 129 00:04:47,774 --> 00:04:49,143 what-what is this? 130 00:04:49,176 --> 00:04:51,212 My ice cream truck. 131 00:04:51,245 --> 00:04:53,780 You know, I-I have, like, a side business. 132 00:04:53,813 --> 00:04:57,017 Ugh. All right, fine. You know what? Actually, this could work. 133 00:04:57,051 --> 00:04:59,253 -You got the spy glasses? -Yeah. Here they are. -Glasses. 134 00:04:59,286 --> 00:05:01,854 -Here's how this goes. Frank, you got the buzzer? -Yeah, I got the buzzer. 135 00:05:01,888 --> 00:05:03,324 -All right, so Frank's got a buzzer in his pocket, okay? -I'm gonna put it in my pocket. 136 00:05:03,357 --> 00:05:05,292 So, he'll hover his hand over the piece, you know, 137 00:05:05,326 --> 00:05:07,394 one buzz for yes, two buzzes for no, 138 00:05:07,428 --> 00:05:09,263 three if you need him to switch to a different piece, okay? 139 00:05:09,296 --> 00:05:10,464 Same goes for where to put it down. Got it? 140 00:05:10,497 --> 00:05:12,132 -Okay. Yup. -You clear? 141 00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:13,800 -Give me a Push Pop, will you? -And get him a Push Pop. 142 00:05:13,833 --> 00:05:16,403 What? Oh, no, I-I don't have any ice cream. 143 00:05:16,437 --> 00:05:18,805 -Oh. -Oh, my God. All right, fine. 144 00:05:18,838 --> 00:05:20,507 Just... just... 145 00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:22,343 - get to your spot and play the-- Ugh. - -Okay. 146 00:05:22,376 --> 00:05:24,178 Hey, I'll be watching you. 147 00:05:25,812 --> 00:05:28,282 Hm... 148 00:05:28,315 --> 00:05:30,384 Should I go here? 149 00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:33,853 Mm. Or should I go... 150 00:05:33,886 --> 00:05:35,489 here? 151 00:05:35,522 --> 00:05:37,124 Charlie, don't look at the kid, 152 00:05:37,157 --> 00:05:38,325 look at the board. Actually, 153 00:05:38,359 --> 00:05:41,028 one quick look at the kid again, so I can get a screen grab. 154 00:05:41,061 --> 00:05:43,097 -Gross, no, man, no. -No? No? 155 00:05:43,130 --> 00:05:44,431 I-- No, not you. Sorry. 156 00:05:44,465 --> 00:05:46,333 Talking to the voices in my head, so... 157 00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,235 - Stay on the board. - Yup. Yes. 158 00:05:48,269 --> 00:05:50,070 Don't mind my friend. He's schizophrenic. 159 00:05:50,104 --> 00:05:51,472 I am, yeah. 160 00:05:51,505 --> 00:05:54,541 - Got it. - Go eh... 161 00:05:55,542 --> 00:05:57,311 Boom. 162 00:05:57,344 --> 00:05:59,246 I took your little castle-y thing. 163 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,581 Suck on that, 164 00:06:00,614 --> 00:06:02,082 boy! 165 00:06:02,116 --> 00:06:04,251 If he does, let me get another screen grab. 166 00:06:04,285 --> 00:06:06,453 Shut up, dude. That's gross, man. 167 00:06:06,487 --> 00:06:08,555 - Uh-oh, uh-oh. - Sir? 168 00:06:08,589 --> 00:06:10,324 Uh, sir, may I have a word with you? 169 00:06:10,357 --> 00:06:11,925 Um, absolutely not, because I'm in the middle of watching 170 00:06:11,959 --> 00:06:13,527 a game of chess. 171 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,130 Uh, there is no alcohol allowed on the premises. 172 00:06:16,163 --> 00:06:18,132 What? Wh-What do you mean? 173 00:06:18,165 --> 00:06:19,366 Like, I got to drink wine or something? 174 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,302 No alcohol at all. 175 00:06:21,335 --> 00:06:23,370 - At a sporting event? - That's crazy. 176 00:06:23,404 --> 00:06:26,040 Fine, dude. Here you go. 177 00:06:26,073 --> 00:06:28,342 Frank, I'm gonna have to find some way to sneak beer in here. 178 00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:29,943 Excuse me? 179 00:06:29,977 --> 00:06:31,945 Dude, are you still here? Go away. 180 00:06:31,979 --> 00:06:33,981 I gave you the beer, man. 181 00:06:35,983 --> 00:06:38,152 Now, as you're both aware, I have a foolproof system 182 00:06:38,185 --> 00:06:40,087 for attracting a woman. 183 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,356 But I also have a foolproof system 184 00:06:42,389 --> 00:06:44,291 for attracting a man. 185 00:06:44,325 --> 00:06:47,294 - Aw, awesome. - No way. 186 00:06:47,328 --> 00:06:48,595 -Why? -How come? -Shh, shh. 187 00:06:48,629 --> 00:06:50,897 Shh. Shh. 188 00:06:50,931 --> 00:06:53,967 Okay. Now, it begins 189 00:06:54,001 --> 00:06:57,504 with me setting you both up with nice, normal dates. 190 00:06:57,538 --> 00:06:59,373 You will begin by greeting them 191 00:06:59,406 --> 00:07:01,208 with the traditional pleasantries. 192 00:07:01,241 --> 00:07:02,543 Very nice to meet you, Patrick. 193 00:07:02,576 --> 00:07:03,644 Kyle, it's a pleasure. 194 00:07:03,677 --> 00:07:05,279 Pleasure's all mine. 195 00:07:05,312 --> 00:07:07,247 I'll be nearby, of course, 196 00:07:07,281 --> 00:07:09,083 to make sure nothing goes awry. 197 00:07:10,684 --> 00:07:13,187 Step one. 198 00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:15,656 S-- suppress your instincts. 199 00:07:15,689 --> 00:07:17,191 See, your first instinct 200 00:07:17,224 --> 00:07:18,659 is going to be to try to make yourself 201 00:07:18,692 --> 00:07:20,928 seem awesome to him, but that's wrong. 202 00:07:20,961 --> 00:07:22,196 'Cause this isn't about you. 203 00:07:22,229 --> 00:07:24,231 This is a man we're talking about. 204 00:07:24,264 --> 00:07:25,499 It's always about him. 205 00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:27,101 Okay? 206 00:07:27,134 --> 00:07:28,469 So, you're going to... 207 00:07:28,502 --> 00:07:31,105 I-- inflate his ego. 208 00:07:31,138 --> 00:07:34,908 Make him feel like he's awesome, he's funny, 209 00:07:34,942 --> 00:07:38,078 he's the most interesting person in the room. 210 00:07:38,112 --> 00:07:39,913 You're the most interesting person in this room. 211 00:07:39,947 --> 00:07:41,215 Uhp, uhp, uhp. Hi. 212 00:07:41,248 --> 00:07:42,549 Hello. 213 00:07:42,583 --> 00:07:43,984 I just wanted to come over and introduce myself. 214 00:07:44,017 --> 00:07:45,419 I'm-I'm the manager 215 00:07:45,452 --> 00:07:47,121 -of the establishment. -Yes, I was just saying 216 00:07:47,154 --> 00:07:48,956 that he's the most interesting man in the room. 217 00:07:48,989 --> 00:07:51,225 Yeah. You know, it's-- I-I caught that, actually, 218 00:07:51,258 --> 00:07:52,593 and I wanted to say to you 219 00:07:52,626 --> 00:07:54,194 that, uh, Mac does, 220 00:07:54,228 --> 00:07:56,230 in fact, know everyone here, 221 00:07:56,263 --> 00:07:58,499 which he would, of course, 222 00:07:58,532 --> 00:08:01,335 have to in order to have said something like that. 223 00:08:01,368 --> 00:08:03,570 So, it's meaningful. 224 00:08:05,139 --> 00:08:07,074 Now, once your man's feeling important, 225 00:08:07,107 --> 00:08:09,276 you're gonna show him that you... 226 00:08:09,309 --> 00:08:11,478 N-- need his power. 227 00:08:11,512 --> 00:08:13,080 Mm. 228 00:08:13,113 --> 00:08:14,448 See, every man's greatest fear 229 00:08:14,481 --> 00:08:16,550 is that he's a... pussy. 230 00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:19,420 - Mm. -You need to make him feel powerful. 231 00:08:19,453 --> 00:08:22,956 Oh, boy. 232 00:08:22,990 --> 00:08:25,726 Oh... man. I just can't seem to get this open. 233 00:08:25,759 --> 00:08:27,027 Do you think you could help me out? 234 00:08:27,060 --> 00:08:28,262 Sure. 235 00:08:32,266 --> 00:08:33,700 Oh, this is really on tight. 236 00:08:33,734 --> 00:08:37,137 - Uh, are you-are you being serious? 237 00:08:37,171 --> 00:08:39,006 Oh, Christ, Bozo, give it back to me. I'll do it. 238 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:40,707 Wai-- No, no. Uh, no. Yeah, it's-- You can't. 239 00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:42,242 You can't. You couldn't. 240 00:08:42,276 --> 00:08:44,111 No one could, because these bottles... 241 00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:46,346 are all, uh... 242 00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:48,549 they're defective and un-openable. 243 00:08:48,582 --> 00:08:50,451 Yeah, there's been a recall, actually. See? 244 00:08:50,484 --> 00:08:52,553 It's-it's impossible. Nobody could... 245 00:08:52,586 --> 00:08:55,589 ...get these open today. 246 00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:58,459 -Mm. -You know what? You do look very, very strong. 247 00:08:58,492 --> 00:09:01,195 You mind giving this one more shot for me? 248 00:09:01,228 --> 00:09:04,031 Let's see if you can get it. 249 00:09:04,064 --> 00:09:05,999 - Oh! - Whoa. 250 00:09:06,033 --> 00:09:06,867 -Wow. -Wow. 251 00:09:09,503 --> 00:09:11,305 Now that your man's feeling powerful, 252 00:09:11,338 --> 00:09:13,373 on top of the world, you must... 253 00:09:13,407 --> 00:09:15,209 rip it away from him. 254 00:09:15,242 --> 00:09:18,312 You're going to N-- negate his power. 255 00:09:18,345 --> 00:09:20,781 Yeah, but this needs to be subtle. 256 00:09:20,814 --> 00:09:23,250 A man's ego is... fragile. 257 00:09:23,283 --> 00:09:25,719 The goal here is to make him feel that he may be a... 258 00:09:25,752 --> 00:09:27,387 tad bit inadequate, 259 00:09:27,421 --> 00:09:29,656 in comparison, maybe, to a former lover. 260 00:09:29,690 --> 00:09:30,724 -Yes? -Oh. 261 00:09:30,757 --> 00:09:32,392 But don't lay it on too thick. 262 00:09:32,426 --> 00:09:34,795 -Mm. Mm-hmm. -Subtle. 263 00:09:34,828 --> 00:09:36,797 I used to fuck LeBron James. 264 00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:39,500 Oh, God. 265 00:09:41,201 --> 00:09:42,469 Now, even if things have gone 266 00:09:42,503 --> 00:09:43,670 a little off the rails at this point, 267 00:09:43,704 --> 00:09:44,805 we can get things back on track 268 00:09:44,838 --> 00:09:46,507 with a classic. 269 00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:50,143 E-- engage physically. 270 00:09:50,177 --> 00:09:52,079 - Hey-o. - Yeah. 271 00:09:52,112 --> 00:09:54,248 But you got to make sure that your physical engagement 272 00:09:54,281 --> 00:09:56,416 is appropriate to the environment, okay? 273 00:09:56,450 --> 00:09:59,453 Your demeanor wants to remain elegant and classy. 274 00:09:59,486 --> 00:10:01,221 -Right. -Mm. Got it. 275 00:10:05,492 --> 00:10:07,127 What are you doing? 276 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,530 I'm grabbing your ding-dong. 277 00:10:09,563 --> 00:10:11,131 No! 278 00:10:11,164 --> 00:10:13,233 No, yeah. That's, uh... 279 00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:15,269 And now for the final step, 280 00:10:15,302 --> 00:10:17,671 the most profound move of the entire system. 281 00:10:19,373 --> 00:10:20,407 D. 282 00:10:22,175 --> 00:10:23,577 "Do you want a tissue?" 283 00:10:23,610 --> 00:10:25,712 -Huh? -Huh? 284 00:10:25,746 --> 00:10:28,415 You see, with this one simple but profound question, 285 00:10:28,448 --> 00:10:30,584 you instantly transport this man back to a time 286 00:10:30,617 --> 00:10:32,553 when he was a tiny, snot-nosed little bitch 287 00:10:32,586 --> 00:10:34,421 who depended on the most important person in his life 288 00:10:34,454 --> 00:10:36,223 for absolutely everything. 289 00:10:36,256 --> 00:10:38,191 The person who inflated his ego, 290 00:10:38,225 --> 00:10:40,127 who made him feel powerful, 291 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,595 but also powerless. 292 00:10:41,628 --> 00:10:43,664 The person whose validation 293 00:10:43,697 --> 00:10:46,567 he's been seeking his entire life. 294 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:47,768 Guys, 295 00:10:47,801 --> 00:10:49,303 the way to make a man 296 00:10:49,336 --> 00:10:51,138 fall in love with you 297 00:10:51,171 --> 00:10:53,473 is to make him feel 298 00:10:53,507 --> 00:10:55,642 like you are... 299 00:10:55,676 --> 00:10:58,445 his mommy. 300 00:10:58,478 --> 00:10:59,646 Well, it's getting late. 301 00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:01,682 Yeah. 302 00:11:01,715 --> 00:11:03,550 Yeah, we should probably call it. 303 00:11:03,584 --> 00:11:06,119 I have, uh, one thing that I'd like to ask you. 304 00:11:06,153 --> 00:11:09,156 Um... do you need a tissue? 305 00:11:09,189 --> 00:11:11,158 Do you need a tissue? 306 00:11:11,191 --> 00:11:13,226 -What? -What? 307 00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:15,195 -You need a tissue. -You need a tissue. 308 00:11:15,228 --> 00:11:18,131 Oh. Oh, really? Ah... 309 00:11:18,165 --> 00:11:19,733 Ah, just... That's-that's embarrassing. 310 00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,501 Hang on, all right, stop it. 311 00:11:21,535 --> 00:11:22,836 There we go. Come here. 312 00:11:22,869 --> 00:11:26,506 There we go. Now 313 00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:29,376 my little man is all ready for his day. 314 00:11:29,409 --> 00:11:30,510 Before, they wanted 315 00:11:30,544 --> 00:11:33,413 nothing more than this date to be over. 316 00:11:33,447 --> 00:11:34,681 But now they can't help but ask... 317 00:11:34,715 --> 00:11:38,151 Hey, um, any chance... 318 00:11:38,185 --> 00:11:39,486 Would you want to... 319 00:11:39,519 --> 00:11:40,554 ...do this again... 320 00:11:40,587 --> 00:11:41,655 ...sometime? 321 00:11:41,688 --> 00:11:42,656 Mm. 322 00:11:42,689 --> 00:11:43,890 It worked. 323 00:11:43,925 --> 00:11:45,559 And there you have it. 324 00:11:45,592 --> 00:11:47,561 That, my friends, is... 325 00:11:47,594 --> 00:11:49,663 the SINNED system. 326 00:11:49,696 --> 00:11:50,932 -Oh! -Whoa! 327 00:11:50,965 --> 00:11:52,733 -Oh, ho! -Amazing. 328 00:11:52,766 --> 00:11:54,301 -Crazy creepy, though, -Oh, yeah, very creepy. 329 00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:55,602 with all the mom stuff, and... 330 00:11:55,636 --> 00:11:57,170 the name's a little heavy-handed. 331 00:11:57,204 --> 00:11:58,605 Yeah, took a-took a lot to get there. 332 00:11:58,639 --> 00:12:00,641 It's not as clean as the DENNIS system. 333 00:12:00,674 --> 00:12:02,309 Well, but listen, the DENNIS system-- 334 00:12:02,342 --> 00:12:03,644 that's a system for getting a woman. 335 00:12:03,677 --> 00:12:05,212 This is a system for getting a man, 336 00:12:05,245 --> 00:12:08,448 and that's why SINNED is actually... 337 00:12:08,482 --> 00:12:09,750 DENNIS backwards. 338 00:12:09,783 --> 00:12:12,786 Oh, my God! 339 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,855 -That's amazing. -How-how did that line up like that? 340 00:12:14,888 --> 00:12:16,323 Yeah, like, what are the odds, though? 341 00:12:16,356 --> 00:12:18,625 - Oh, wow. - What do you-- The odds of what? 342 00:12:18,659 --> 00:12:20,527 What are the odds that the steps to the system 343 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:22,362 would be DENNIS backwards 344 00:12:22,396 --> 00:12:23,864 and that they would spell out the word "sinned?" 345 00:12:23,897 --> 00:12:27,300 High! High. 'Cause I made it up. 346 00:12:27,334 --> 00:12:30,237 -Oh! Yeah, he did it on purpose. -Oh, my... He made it up. 347 00:12:34,441 --> 00:12:36,576 -Hey-o! -Hey-o! 348 00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:37,511 Hey, hey, hey! 349 00:12:37,544 --> 00:12:39,413 What's up, guy-- 350 00:12:39,446 --> 00:12:40,614 You know what, I got to say, 351 00:12:40,647 --> 00:12:41,983 I am, I'm still, like, buzzing from last night. 352 00:12:42,016 --> 00:12:42,649 - Got a little hairy there for a second, didn't it? - Yeah. Yeah. 353 00:12:42,683 --> 00:12:43,417 Yeah, but we pulled it off. 354 00:12:43,450 --> 00:12:45,419 -We sure did! -We really did. 355 00:12:45,452 --> 00:12:46,586 -We really did. -Success. 356 00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:48,455 All right, so talk to me, when are those 357 00:12:48,488 --> 00:12:50,290 -second dates? -Ooh, yeah, no, that's not happening. 358 00:12:50,323 --> 00:12:52,325 What do you mean, that's not happening? 359 00:12:52,359 --> 00:12:54,594 Well, I got home last night, and, I, uh, found myself 360 00:12:54,628 --> 00:12:56,797 real horny, so I popped a couple of Mommy's magic beans 361 00:12:56,830 --> 00:12:58,632 and headed over to Kyle's house. 362 00:12:58,665 --> 00:13:01,601 Roofies. I roofied myself. Yeah, 363 00:13:01,635 --> 00:13:03,437 not 100% sure if we plowed or not, 364 00:13:03,470 --> 00:13:05,539 but I do know I got this. 365 00:13:05,572 --> 00:13:07,340 You stole his phone. 366 00:13:07,374 --> 00:13:08,976 -Yeah, well, I'll be honest, -Aw... 367 00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:10,978 the details are a bit hazy, still, 368 00:13:11,012 --> 00:13:13,313 but I do know I stole somebody's phone. 369 00:13:13,346 --> 00:13:14,949 -And you? -Oh, I'm not doing it either. 370 00:13:14,982 --> 00:13:17,350 -Yeah! -Okay, but I have a good reason, Dennis. 371 00:13:17,384 --> 00:13:19,853 I have a really good reason, 'cause I'm not a-a rapist 372 00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:22,489 and a thief like Dee is. I'm-I'm just a boy in love. 373 00:13:22,522 --> 00:13:23,857 I'm just a boy in love with Johnny, 374 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,493 and I realized that I-I have to be with him. 375 00:13:26,526 --> 00:13:28,361 Well, no, see, that's-that's the thing-- 376 00:13:28,395 --> 00:13:31,331 Johnny doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. 377 00:13:31,364 --> 00:13:32,934 -You don't know him. -No, no, no. 378 00:13:32,967 --> 00:13:33,935 You don't know him. 379 00:13:33,968 --> 00:13:35,335 I know him better than you. 380 00:13:35,368 --> 00:13:36,703 Do you? Because I am him. 381 00:13:38,039 --> 00:13:39,306 What? 382 00:13:39,339 --> 00:13:40,942 I invented Johnny as a means 383 00:13:40,975 --> 00:13:41,842 of getting you out of the apartment 384 00:13:41,875 --> 00:13:42,944 when you were irritating me. 385 00:13:42,977 --> 00:13:44,578 I don't understand. 386 00:13:44,611 --> 00:13:46,346 Okay, like, when "Johnny" sent you out 387 00:13:46,379 --> 00:13:47,647 to go get those soft-shell crabs, 388 00:13:47,681 --> 00:13:48,882 -you remember that? -Yeah. 389 00:13:48,916 --> 00:13:50,484 Yeah. And he was supposed to meet you, 390 00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:52,352 -but he didn't. He ghosted you, right? -No. 391 00:13:52,385 --> 00:13:54,788 And so, you came sauntering back in the house and all depressed, 392 00:13:54,821 --> 00:13:56,723 and I was like, "Well, I tell you what, buddy, 393 00:13:56,757 --> 00:13:59,626 I'll eat the soft-shell crabs. They are my favorite." 394 00:13:59,659 --> 00:14:01,528 And I said, "Oh, my God, what a coincidence 395 00:14:01,561 --> 00:14:03,730 because they're-they're Johnny's favorite, too." 396 00:14:03,764 --> 00:14:05,799 -Yeah, because I am Johnny. -Then who's Dennis? 397 00:14:05,832 --> 00:14:08,401 -What do you mean? -Well, if you're Johnny, then who-- who's you? 398 00:14:08,435 --> 00:14:10,470 I'm Dennis! I've always been Dennis. 399 00:14:10,504 --> 00:14:12,907 L-L-Let me-- This is gonna make it all clear. This is my phone, 400 00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:14,574 -Don't want to get into this-- -and when I push a certain button... 401 00:14:14,608 --> 00:14:15,709 - Wait, hold on. H-Hold on a second. 402 00:14:15,742 --> 00:14:18,012 -What, what? -Johnny's buzzing me. I got-- Look. 403 00:14:18,045 --> 00:14:20,347 -No, I pushed the button. -I haven't heard from him in a while, 404 00:14:20,380 --> 00:14:22,315 and I'm going to the motel. I got to meet him. 405 00:14:22,349 --> 00:14:24,551 -I'm sorry. -Mac, it's not Johnny. I pushed the button on my phone-- 406 00:14:24,584 --> 00:14:25,920 I can't engage with you on this right now. 407 00:14:25,953 --> 00:14:27,754 I got to-I got to go see Johnny. 408 00:14:27,788 --> 00:14:29,756 Dennis! Dennis. I need your help, man. 409 00:14:29,790 --> 00:14:30,757 -I need your help, big-time. -No, no! 410 00:14:30,791 --> 00:14:32,459 I am done helping people. 411 00:14:32,492 --> 00:14:33,928 Dude, we're so close, man. We're in the finals. 412 00:14:33,961 --> 00:14:35,595 - Yeah? I don't care. - And there's no way 413 00:14:35,629 --> 00:14:37,631 I'm gonna be able to sneak a restaurant buzzer in now. 414 00:14:37,664 --> 00:14:38,665 Okay, you know what? You're not gonna stop talking. 415 00:14:38,698 --> 00:14:40,467 -So, I-I'm just... -Yes-- No, I'm not, because, 416 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,668 -Dennis, I need your help. Look, I've -I don't care. 417 00:14:41,701 --> 00:14:43,637 been controlling Frank using the restaurant buzzer, okay? 418 00:14:43,670 --> 00:14:45,106 -Wait a-wait a-- whoa, what... -And it's the perfect plan. 419 00:14:45,139 --> 00:14:46,740 Hold on a second. 420 00:14:48,675 --> 00:14:51,078 Sorry, did you just say you've been... 421 00:14:51,112 --> 00:14:54,681 controlling Frank like a pawn in a game? 422 00:14:54,714 --> 00:14:57,551 Like a puppet? 423 00:14:57,584 --> 00:14:59,586 Uh, I didn't say any of those words, but yeah. 424 00:14:59,619 --> 00:15:01,022 I've been-I've been controlling Frank, uh, in chess, yes. 425 00:15:01,055 --> 00:15:02,856 Very interesting. 426 00:15:02,889 --> 00:15:06,027 And Frank's been aware of the puppetry the entire time? 427 00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:08,461 Yeah, of course. He's in on it. But dude, it's over, right? 428 00:15:08,495 --> 00:15:09,696 Unless you know a way I can sneak 429 00:15:09,729 --> 00:15:12,033 something into this tournament that vibrates. 430 00:15:14,701 --> 00:15:17,571 I think I may have a way, but, uh... 431 00:15:17,604 --> 00:15:18,839 Frank's not gonna like it. 432 00:15:20,473 --> 00:15:21,875 - Dee. - Mm. 433 00:15:21,909 --> 00:15:23,610 Got any more of those magic beans? 434 00:15:23,643 --> 00:15:24,711 Yeah. 435 00:15:24,744 --> 00:15:25,745 'Cause we're gonna need 436 00:15:25,779 --> 00:15:27,514 to turn the lights out. 437 00:15:31,118 --> 00:15:32,619 Frank! Frank, get up! 438 00:15:32,652 --> 00:15:34,088 - Wow, what... - Wake up! Wake up, man! 439 00:15:34,121 --> 00:15:35,622 -We're late! -Okay. What? 440 00:15:35,655 --> 00:15:38,491 We're gonna miss it, dude. 441 00:15:38,525 --> 00:15:40,460 Move. No, out of the way. 442 00:15:40,493 --> 00:15:41,895 Jesus, Frank. Cutting it pretty close there, pal. 443 00:15:41,929 --> 00:15:43,530 Ah, feel like I got to take a shit. 444 00:15:43,563 --> 00:15:45,565 What? You got to sh-- Don't shit, don't shit. 445 00:15:45,599 --> 00:15:47,034 - No, no, no. There's no time for that. - I'm not ready for this. 446 00:15:47,068 --> 00:15:50,537 No, listen to me, listen to me. You are ready. 447 00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:54,141 Everything you need is already inside you. 448 00:15:54,175 --> 00:15:56,676 Move. No, out of the way. 449 00:16:04,952 --> 00:16:07,420 The excitement here is palpable. 450 00:16:07,454 --> 00:16:09,723 At last, the moment we've all been waiting for, 451 00:16:09,756 --> 00:16:12,459 Mr. Reynolds is about to make his first move. 452 00:16:12,492 --> 00:16:14,427 You got this, Frank! 453 00:16:14,461 --> 00:16:15,762 You got this, man! 454 00:16:18,698 --> 00:16:21,035 I don't know what I'm doing. 455 00:16:21,068 --> 00:16:23,170 Frank, trust your gut. 456 00:16:27,574 --> 00:16:30,011 Ooh. 457 00:16:30,044 --> 00:16:31,611 Oh. 458 00:16:37,517 --> 00:16:39,486 He seems a little uncomfortable, Susan. 459 00:16:39,519 --> 00:16:41,554 Just think about the incredible amount 460 00:16:41,588 --> 00:16:43,024 of pressure he's feeling right now. 461 00:16:43,057 --> 00:16:45,092 Oh... 462 00:16:49,196 --> 00:16:51,498 Ho, ho. 463 00:16:51,531 --> 00:16:53,466 Ho, ho! 464 00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,735 Yes. Yes. 465 00:16:55,769 --> 00:16:58,471 Oh. 466 00:16:58,505 --> 00:17:00,041 - Oh, God, no. - Mr. Reynolds seems to be going through 467 00:17:00,074 --> 00:17:01,875 a range of emotions 468 00:17:01,909 --> 00:17:03,978 while contemplating his first move. 469 00:17:04,011 --> 00:17:05,980 You don't have to do this. 470 00:17:06,013 --> 00:17:07,480 You don't have to do it. 471 00:17:07,514 --> 00:17:09,516 S-Should I go here? 472 00:17:09,549 --> 00:17:12,086 Oh... 473 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,221 Uh... There? 474 00:17:17,557 --> 00:17:18,960 Oh! 475 00:17:20,894 --> 00:17:22,595 Take your time, take your time. 476 00:17:22,629 --> 00:17:26,233 Take your time. Take your time. 477 00:17:36,609 --> 00:17:38,478 You don't have to do this! 478 00:17:40,647 --> 00:17:42,216 Should I go there? Aah! 479 00:17:49,056 --> 00:17:50,724 Hey, Dennis. 480 00:17:50,757 --> 00:17:52,659 Oh, man, I had the craziest night last night, 481 00:17:52,692 --> 00:17:54,594 'cause I think I, like, blacked out, and then, 482 00:17:54,627 --> 00:17:56,896 when I woke up, I think that Johnny broke up with me, 483 00:17:56,931 --> 00:17:58,898 -'cause he was gone. -Mac, I can't do this right now. 484 00:17:58,933 --> 00:18:00,167 Here? 485 00:18:01,768 --> 00:18:03,536 Here? 486 00:18:03,570 --> 00:18:05,306 Don't lose your shit, man. Don't lose your shit. 487 00:18:05,339 --> 00:18:07,274 A language warning for anybody watching at home. 488 00:18:07,308 --> 00:18:09,542 Ho! Aah, aah, aah! Oh! 489 00:18:09,576 --> 00:18:11,245 Nice. 490 00:18:11,278 --> 00:18:14,048 I am Johnny! I don't know how else to tell you! 491 00:18:14,081 --> 00:18:16,984 Look, I have the texts. I will show you the texts. 492 00:18:17,018 --> 00:18:20,221 Look, these are the texts that I sent to you from my phone. 493 00:18:20,254 --> 00:18:23,324 Oh, my God. You have Johnny's phone. 494 00:18:23,357 --> 00:18:24,358 -This is my... -Give it to me. 495 00:18:24,392 --> 00:18:26,927 -Give me Johnny's phone. -Goddamn it! -Whoa, whoa. 496 00:18:31,798 --> 00:18:33,968 You motherfucker! 497 00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:45,312 Oh, God. 498 00:18:45,346 --> 00:18:48,149 It won't... it won't go down. 499 00:18:48,182 --> 00:18:50,683 What have you done? 500 00:18:50,717 --> 00:18:52,719 Take my king. Take my king. 501 00:18:52,752 --> 00:18:53,720 Take him. 502 00:18:53,753 --> 00:18:55,256 Take it. Take it. 503 00:18:56,623 --> 00:18:58,125 Oh... 504 00:19:06,766 --> 00:19:09,937 Kd2! Kd2! 505 00:19:09,970 --> 00:19:12,772 That is checkmate. What a brilliant endgame by Reynolds. 506 00:19:12,806 --> 00:19:15,242 - He won? - He won! 507 00:19:15,276 --> 00:19:17,610 Frank won? 508 00:19:20,414 --> 00:19:22,249 Get it out! Get it out! 509 00:19:22,283 --> 00:19:24,617 - God. Take it out, take it out. - You did it, Frank! 510 00:19:24,651 --> 00:19:25,885 -Frank, you did it! You beat the Russian! -Take it out. Take it out. 511 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,255 -You beat the Russian! -Stop it, stop. 512 00:19:28,289 --> 00:19:30,790 Stop this, Charl-- It's gonna split me in half, Charlie. 513 00:19:30,824 --> 00:19:32,692 He won! He won! 514 00:19:32,725 --> 00:19:35,162 -USA! USA! -Kill the Wi-Fi! Kill the Wi-Fi! 515 00:19:35,196 --> 00:19:37,298 -USA! USA! -Kill it. Kill the Wi-Fi! 516 00:19:37,331 --> 00:19:38,933 Kill the Wi-Fi! 517 00:19:38,966 --> 00:19:40,267 Ooh. Ooh.