1
00:00:08,728 --> 00:00:10,097
Frank!
2
00:00:10,131 --> 00:00:12,066
Frank, come on, man!
We got to go!
3
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,068
-We got to go!
-Oh, what?
4
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:15,202
Come on, man,
we're gonna miss it.
5
00:00:15,236 --> 00:00:16,170
-Wake up, wake up. Come on.
-Wh-What?
6
00:00:16,203 --> 00:00:17,470
-Right away!
-Okay.
7
00:00:17,504 --> 00:00:20,141
Guys, make way.
Make way, please.
8
00:00:20,174 --> 00:00:22,709
-Hey, wait, no, no, please.
-Cutting it
pretty close there, pal.
9
00:00:22,742 --> 00:00:23,677
Ah, I feel like
I got to take a shit.
10
00:00:23,710 --> 00:00:25,980
No, no, no, no, no.
There's no time for that.
11
00:00:26,013 --> 00:00:27,614
- Oh, God, excuse me. Come on.
- No, no, no, no,
no autographs.
12
00:00:27,647 --> 00:00:29,183
-I'm not ready for this.
-Listen, listen.
13
00:00:29,216 --> 00:00:30,617
-You got it, you got it,
you got it.
-Listen to me.
14
00:00:30,650 --> 00:00:32,652
-Back off, back off.
-Frank, you are ready.
15
00:00:32,686 --> 00:00:36,090
Everything you need
is already inside you.
16
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,725
Move. No, out of the way.
17
00:01:09,323 --> 00:01:10,958
Dennis, please.
18
00:01:10,992 --> 00:01:12,293
-Just... Dennis, please, please.
-God, no.
19
00:01:12,326 --> 00:01:14,228
-Pretty please, just help me.
-No! No, Mac.
20
00:01:14,261 --> 00:01:16,097
I'm not helping you, okay?
21
00:01:16,130 --> 00:01:17,932
Stop talking to me about Johnny.
22
00:01:17,965 --> 00:01:19,967
Well, hey, I could help you
with your guy troubles.
23
00:01:21,268 --> 00:01:22,836
No, thanks, Dee.
You suck with men.
24
00:01:22,869 --> 00:01:25,805
Tell that to the guy leaving
my apartment this morning.
25
00:01:25,839 --> 00:01:29,176
That's right. Your girl
got her guts pumped last night.
26
00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:30,911
Oh, my God, that is disgusting.
27
00:01:30,945 --> 00:01:33,080
-Your guts pumped?
-Aren't you, like, 60?
28
00:01:33,114 --> 00:01:35,282
-You're not a girl.
-Yeah, come on, Dee.
This is insane.
29
00:01:35,316 --> 00:01:36,484
-I mean... really.
-Who talks like that?
30
00:01:36,516 --> 00:01:39,186
And, by the way, anybody can
get a guy to bang them once.
31
00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:41,222
Okay, well, I guarantee you
32
00:01:41,255 --> 00:01:43,057
he'll be coming back
for seconds.
33
00:01:43,090 --> 00:01:46,060
In fact, he pulled
an old move of mine.
34
00:01:46,093 --> 00:01:48,129
He took my phone "by mistake"
35
00:01:48,162 --> 00:01:49,562
so that he could see me again.
36
00:01:49,596 --> 00:01:51,999
Oh, okay. Yeah.
37
00:01:52,033 --> 00:01:52,967
- Mm-hmm.
- How's he gonna call you?
38
00:01:56,603 --> 00:01:58,738
-Dennis, can you
help me get my phone--
-No.
39
00:01:58,772 --> 00:02:01,075
-Dennis, Dennis, I need
your help really quick, man.
-No!
40
00:02:01,108 --> 00:02:02,776
Do you remember when we stole a
restaurant buzzer the other day?
41
00:02:02,809 --> 00:02:04,078
I can't find it anywhere.
42
00:02:04,111 --> 00:02:05,312
It's a matter of
national security here, man.
43
00:02:05,346 --> 00:02:07,081
Oh, yes, no, no, I'm sure, yeah.
44
00:02:07,114 --> 00:02:08,681
You know what? Maybe it's in
the back office. Let me check
45
00:02:08,715 --> 00:02:10,051
the back office. Frank,
let me check the back office.
46
00:02:10,084 --> 00:02:11,785
Hey, uh, Frank, could you
help me with something?
47
00:02:11,818 --> 00:02:13,087
-Yeah.
-Are you kidding?
48
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:14,288
You want Frank's help
with your guy troubles?
49
00:02:14,321 --> 00:02:15,789
He's insanely homophobic.
50
00:02:15,822 --> 00:02:17,958
Huh? Not anymore.
51
00:02:17,992 --> 00:02:20,627
No, once Mac did the dance,
52
00:02:20,660 --> 00:02:22,096
then I get it.
I get the gay thing.
53
00:02:22,129 --> 00:02:23,596
He gets it.
He's an ally now.
54
00:02:23,630 --> 00:02:25,199
Okay, so, Frank, I need
some relationship advice.
55
00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:26,333
-Yeah.
-I'm having some issues
56
00:02:26,367 --> 00:02:28,169
-with this guy that I'm dating.
-Yeah.
57
00:02:28,202 --> 00:02:29,636
-I want to take it
to the next level, you know,
-Right.
58
00:02:29,669 --> 00:02:31,805
by actually meeting this guy.
59
00:02:31,838 --> 00:02:32,907
What, you've never met the guy?
60
00:02:32,940 --> 00:02:34,241
No, never met him,
61
00:02:34,275 --> 00:02:35,775
never spoken with him,
never seen him,
62
00:02:35,809 --> 00:02:37,111
but it's not weird
63
00:02:37,144 --> 00:02:38,279
because we're in
constant communication
64
00:02:38,312 --> 00:02:39,146
through the beads.
65
00:02:40,814 --> 00:02:42,016
The beads?
66
00:02:42,049 --> 00:02:43,750
Oh, yes.
The extra-large anal beads
67
00:02:43,783 --> 00:02:45,252
that I shoved up my butt,
68
00:02:45,286 --> 00:02:46,753
and Johnny can control them
69
00:02:46,786 --> 00:02:48,788
via an app on his phone.
70
00:02:48,822 --> 00:02:50,157
And when I feel the buzz,
71
00:02:50,191 --> 00:02:52,026
I know it's time
to go to the motel
72
00:02:52,059 --> 00:02:53,793
and wait.
It's very romantic.
73
00:02:53,827 --> 00:02:57,131
Uh, yes, he's never
actually showed up before,
74
00:02:57,164 --> 00:03:00,401
but one day he will,
and it's going to be hot.
75
00:03:00,434 --> 00:03:03,304
That's it.
I'm out.
76
00:03:03,337 --> 00:03:06,907
I'm out. That's it. I don't
get it. I am never gonna get it.
77
00:03:06,941 --> 00:03:09,009
-Beads? You never said
anything about beads.
-Let me-let me explain it again.
78
00:03:09,043 --> 00:03:11,112
-What beads?
-It's beads that go into my ass.
79
00:03:11,145 --> 00:03:13,414
The dance never said anything
about no beads.
80
00:03:13,447 --> 00:03:14,949
Frank, I found it. I found it.
I found it.
81
00:03:14,982 --> 00:03:16,417
Let's get the hell out of here.
82
00:03:16,450 --> 00:03:18,119
We got it, guys, we're good.
83
00:03:18,152 --> 00:03:19,420
Anal beads up his ass.
84
00:03:19,453 --> 00:03:20,687
Dennis, can you please help me
get my phone back?
85
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:21,855
'Cause I need my phone.
86
00:03:21,888 --> 00:03:23,257
No, Dennis,
help me, though. Help me because
87
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,292
-I need help--
-No, you are beyond help, okay?
88
00:03:25,326 --> 00:03:26,360
You let a stranger
hack your butthole. Dennis--
89
00:03:26,393 --> 00:03:29,096
Enough! Enough.
90
00:03:29,130 --> 00:03:31,764
It is clear that I'm not going
to get a moment's peace until
91
00:03:31,798 --> 00:03:33,367
I foist you two
off on someone else,
92
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,169
so, fine, I will help you.
93
00:03:35,202 --> 00:03:36,803
-Okay. Okay.
-Oh, yeah! All right, all right,
94
00:03:36,836 --> 00:03:38,738
let's go.
95
00:03:38,771 --> 00:03:41,075
This is all I could find.
96
00:03:41,108 --> 00:03:43,676
Yeah, no, this is good. Um...
97
00:03:43,710 --> 00:03:45,279
Okay, are there, like, a pair
of, like, weird spy glasses
98
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,214
in here or anything?
99
00:03:47,248 --> 00:03:49,917
-Aw, shit.
-They dropped all those charges
weeks ago. Wh--
100
00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:51,718
Call you back.
101
00:03:51,751 --> 00:03:54,188
Hey, what are you guys doing
with all my research equipment?
102
00:03:54,221 --> 00:03:55,990
Charlie and Frank
are gonna play spies.
103
00:03:56,023 --> 00:03:56,991
Yeah, well, we're not
playing spies,
104
00:03:57,024 --> 00:03:58,392
we're playing chess, okay?
105
00:03:58,425 --> 00:04:00,127
There's a Russian grandmaster
coming to town.
106
00:04:00,161 --> 00:04:02,029
I'm entering Frank
in the tournament,
107
00:04:02,062 --> 00:04:03,464
and then he's gonna
rise through the ranks,
108
00:04:03,497 --> 00:04:05,366
and he's gonna beat
this guy's ass, USA style.
109
00:04:05,399 --> 00:04:07,034
So, I need the glasses,
Uncle Jack,
110
00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:09,036
because Frank's got to be able
to transmit me the board
111
00:04:09,069 --> 00:04:10,703
while I play along
on a computer
112
00:04:10,737 --> 00:04:12,373
and I signal him the moves
with the restaurant buzzer.
113
00:04:12,406 --> 00:04:14,475
No, stop, stop, stop.
Uh, you're gonna break it.
114
00:04:14,508 --> 00:04:16,210
This is, uh,
very sensitive equipment.
115
00:04:16,243 --> 00:04:18,145
Right, yeah, okay.
116
00:04:18,179 --> 00:04:20,014
Look, do you have
the spy glasses or not, dude?
117
00:04:20,047 --> 00:04:21,848
Fine. I'll let you borrow them,
but I'm coming with.
118
00:04:21,881 --> 00:04:23,083
Okay? I don't want you
breaking any of this.
119
00:04:23,117 --> 00:04:25,352
A play date.
120
00:04:25,386 --> 00:04:26,853
-Goddamn it.
-Oh, yeah.
121
00:04:26,886 --> 00:04:28,322
-Like we used to.
-We never did.
122
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,723
-Ah... You don't remember.
-Man, we never did.
123
00:04:32,426 --> 00:04:35,229
I mean, what is taking
Uncle Jack so long?
124
00:04:35,262 --> 00:04:37,231
Well, why don't we just go in?
125
00:04:37,264 --> 00:04:38,365
Hang on.
126
00:04:42,403 --> 00:04:44,338
-What the...
-Is that-is that him?
127
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,173
Holy shit.
128
00:04:46,207 --> 00:04:47,740
Uh, Uncle Jack,
129
00:04:47,774 --> 00:04:49,143
what-what is this?
130
00:04:49,176 --> 00:04:51,212
My ice cream truck.
131
00:04:51,245 --> 00:04:53,780
You know, I-I have, like,
a side business.
132
00:04:53,813 --> 00:04:57,017
Ugh. All right, fine. You know
what? Actually, this could work.
133
00:04:57,051 --> 00:04:59,253
-You got the spy glasses?
-Yeah. Here they are.
-Glasses.
134
00:04:59,286 --> 00:05:01,854
-Here's how this goes.
Frank, you got the buzzer?
-Yeah, I got the buzzer.
135
00:05:01,888 --> 00:05:03,324
-All right, so Frank's got
a buzzer in his pocket, okay?
-I'm gonna put it in my pocket.
136
00:05:03,357 --> 00:05:05,292
So, he'll hover his hand
over the piece, you know,
137
00:05:05,326 --> 00:05:07,394
one buzz for yes,
two buzzes for no,
138
00:05:07,428 --> 00:05:09,263
three if you need him to switch
to a different piece, okay?
139
00:05:09,296 --> 00:05:10,464
Same goes for where
to put it down. Got it?
140
00:05:10,497 --> 00:05:12,132
-Okay. Yup.
-You clear?
141
00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:13,800
-Give me a Push Pop, will you?
-And get him a Push Pop.
142
00:05:13,833 --> 00:05:16,403
What? Oh, no, I-I don't have
any ice cream.
143
00:05:16,437 --> 00:05:18,805
-Oh.
-Oh, my God. All right, fine.
144
00:05:18,838 --> 00:05:20,507
Just... just...
145
00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:22,343
- get to your spot and play the-- Ugh.
- -Okay.
146
00:05:22,376 --> 00:05:24,178
Hey, I'll be watching you.
147
00:05:25,812 --> 00:05:28,282
Hm...
148
00:05:28,315 --> 00:05:30,384
Should I go here?
149
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:33,853
Mm. Or should I go...
150
00:05:33,886 --> 00:05:35,489
here?
151
00:05:35,522 --> 00:05:37,124
Charlie, don't look at the kid,
152
00:05:37,157 --> 00:05:38,325
look at the board. Actually,
153
00:05:38,359 --> 00:05:41,028
one quick look at the kid again,
so I can get a screen grab.
154
00:05:41,061 --> 00:05:43,097
-Gross, no, man, no.
-No? No?
155
00:05:43,130 --> 00:05:44,431
I-- No, not you. Sorry.
156
00:05:44,465 --> 00:05:46,333
Talking to the voices
in my head, so...
157
00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,235
- Stay on the board.
- Yup. Yes.
158
00:05:48,269 --> 00:05:50,070
Don't mind my friend.
He's schizophrenic.
159
00:05:50,104 --> 00:05:51,472
I am, yeah.
160
00:05:51,505 --> 00:05:54,541
- Got it.
- Go eh...
161
00:05:55,542 --> 00:05:57,311
Boom.
162
00:05:57,344 --> 00:05:59,246
I took your little
castle-y thing.
163
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,581
Suck on that,
164
00:06:00,614 --> 00:06:02,082
boy!
165
00:06:02,116 --> 00:06:04,251
If he does, let me get
another screen grab.
166
00:06:04,285 --> 00:06:06,453
Shut up, dude.
That's gross, man.
167
00:06:06,487 --> 00:06:08,555
- Uh-oh, uh-oh.
- Sir?
168
00:06:08,589 --> 00:06:10,324
Uh, sir, may I have
a word with you?
169
00:06:10,357 --> 00:06:11,925
Um, absolutely not, because
I'm in the middle of watching
170
00:06:11,959 --> 00:06:13,527
a game of chess.
171
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,130
Uh, there is no alcohol allowed
on the premises.
172
00:06:16,163 --> 00:06:18,132
What? Wh-What do you mean?
173
00:06:18,165 --> 00:06:19,366
Like, I got to drink wine
or something?
174
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,302
No alcohol at all.
175
00:06:21,335 --> 00:06:23,370
- At a sporting event?
- That's crazy.
176
00:06:23,404 --> 00:06:26,040
Fine, dude. Here you go.
177
00:06:26,073 --> 00:06:28,342
Frank, I'm gonna have to find
some way to sneak beer in here.
178
00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:29,943
Excuse me?
179
00:06:29,977 --> 00:06:31,945
Dude, are you still here?
Go away.
180
00:06:31,979 --> 00:06:33,981
I gave you the beer, man.
181
00:06:35,983 --> 00:06:38,152
Now, as you're both aware,
I have a foolproof system
182
00:06:38,185 --> 00:06:40,087
for attracting a woman.
183
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,356
But I also have
a foolproof system
184
00:06:42,389 --> 00:06:44,291
for attracting a man.
185
00:06:44,325 --> 00:06:47,294
- Aw, awesome.
- No way.
186
00:06:47,328 --> 00:06:48,595
-Why?
-How come?
-Shh, shh.
187
00:06:48,629 --> 00:06:50,897
Shh. Shh.
188
00:06:50,931 --> 00:06:53,967
Okay.
Now, it begins
189
00:06:54,001 --> 00:06:57,504
with me setting you both up
with nice, normal dates.
190
00:06:57,538 --> 00:06:59,373
You will begin by greeting them
191
00:06:59,406 --> 00:07:01,208
with the traditional
pleasantries.
192
00:07:01,241 --> 00:07:02,543
Very nice to meet you, Patrick.
193
00:07:02,576 --> 00:07:03,644
Kyle, it's a pleasure.
194
00:07:03,677 --> 00:07:05,279
Pleasure's all mine.
195
00:07:05,312 --> 00:07:07,247
I'll be nearby, of course,
196
00:07:07,281 --> 00:07:09,083
to make sure nothing goes awry.
197
00:07:10,684 --> 00:07:13,187
Step one.
198
00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:15,656
S-- suppress your instincts.
199
00:07:15,689 --> 00:07:17,191
See, your first instinct
200
00:07:17,224 --> 00:07:18,659
is going to be to try
to make yourself
201
00:07:18,692 --> 00:07:20,928
seem awesome to him,
but that's wrong.
202
00:07:20,961 --> 00:07:22,196
'Cause this isn't about you.
203
00:07:22,229 --> 00:07:24,231
This is a man
we're talking about.
204
00:07:24,264 --> 00:07:25,499
It's always about him.
205
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:27,101
Okay?
206
00:07:27,134 --> 00:07:28,469
So, you're going to...
207
00:07:28,502 --> 00:07:31,105
I-- inflate his ego.
208
00:07:31,138 --> 00:07:34,908
Make him feel like
he's awesome, he's funny,
209
00:07:34,942 --> 00:07:38,078
he's the most interesting
person in the room.
210
00:07:38,112 --> 00:07:39,913
You're the most interesting
person in this room.
211
00:07:39,947 --> 00:07:41,215
Uhp, uhp, uhp. Hi.
212
00:07:41,248 --> 00:07:42,549
Hello.
213
00:07:42,583 --> 00:07:43,984
I just wanted to come over
and introduce myself.
214
00:07:44,017 --> 00:07:45,419
I'm-I'm the manager
215
00:07:45,452 --> 00:07:47,121
-of the establishment.
-Yes, I was just saying
216
00:07:47,154 --> 00:07:48,956
that he's the most interesting
man in the room.
217
00:07:48,989 --> 00:07:51,225
Yeah. You know, it's--
I-I caught that, actually,
218
00:07:51,258 --> 00:07:52,593
and I wanted to say to you
219
00:07:52,626 --> 00:07:54,194
that, uh, Mac does,
220
00:07:54,228 --> 00:07:56,230
in fact, know everyone here,
221
00:07:56,263 --> 00:07:58,499
which he would, of course,
222
00:07:58,532 --> 00:08:01,335
have to in order to have said
something like that.
223
00:08:01,368 --> 00:08:03,570
So, it's meaningful.
224
00:08:05,139 --> 00:08:07,074
Now, once your man's
feeling important,
225
00:08:07,107 --> 00:08:09,276
you're gonna show him
that you...
226
00:08:09,309 --> 00:08:11,478
N-- need his power.
227
00:08:11,512 --> 00:08:13,080
Mm.
228
00:08:13,113 --> 00:08:14,448
See, every man's greatest fear
229
00:08:14,481 --> 00:08:16,550
is that he's a... pussy.
230
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:19,420
- Mm.
-You need to make him feel powerful.
231
00:08:19,453 --> 00:08:22,956
Oh, boy.
232
00:08:22,990 --> 00:08:25,726
Oh... man. I just can't seem
to get this open.
233
00:08:25,759 --> 00:08:27,027
Do you think you could
help me out?
234
00:08:27,060 --> 00:08:28,262
Sure.
235
00:08:32,266 --> 00:08:33,700
Oh, this is really on tight.
236
00:08:33,734 --> 00:08:37,137
- Uh, are you-are you
being serious?
237
00:08:37,171 --> 00:08:39,006
Oh, Christ, Bozo, give it back
to me. I'll do it.
238
00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:40,707
Wai-- No, no. Uh, no.
Yeah, it's-- You can't.
239
00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:42,242
You can't. You couldn't.
240
00:08:42,276 --> 00:08:44,111
No one could,
because these bottles...
241
00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:46,346
are all, uh...
242
00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:48,549
they're defective
and un-openable.
243
00:08:48,582 --> 00:08:50,451
Yeah, there's been a recall,
actually. See?
244
00:08:50,484 --> 00:08:52,553
It's-it's impossible.
Nobody could...
245
00:08:52,586 --> 00:08:55,589
...get these
open today.
246
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:58,459
-Mm.
-You know what? You do look
very, very strong.
247
00:08:58,492 --> 00:09:01,195
You mind giving this
one more shot for me?
248
00:09:01,228 --> 00:09:04,031
Let's see if you can get it.
249
00:09:04,064 --> 00:09:05,999
- Oh!
- Whoa.
250
00:09:06,033 --> 00:09:06,867
-Wow.
-Wow.
251
00:09:09,503 --> 00:09:11,305
Now that your man's
feeling powerful,
252
00:09:11,338 --> 00:09:13,373
on top of the world, you must...
253
00:09:13,407 --> 00:09:15,209
rip it away from him.
254
00:09:15,242 --> 00:09:18,312
You're going to N--
negate his power.
255
00:09:18,345 --> 00:09:20,781
Yeah, but this
needs to be subtle.
256
00:09:20,814 --> 00:09:23,250
A man's ego is... fragile.
257
00:09:23,283 --> 00:09:25,719
The goal here is to make him
feel that he may be a...
258
00:09:25,752 --> 00:09:27,387
tad bit inadequate,
259
00:09:27,421 --> 00:09:29,656
in comparison, maybe,
to a former lover.
260
00:09:29,690 --> 00:09:30,724
-Yes?
-Oh.
261
00:09:30,757 --> 00:09:32,392
But don't lay it on too thick.
262
00:09:32,426 --> 00:09:34,795
-Mm. Mm-hmm.
-Subtle.
263
00:09:34,828 --> 00:09:36,797
I used to fuck LeBron James.
264
00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:39,500
Oh, God.
265
00:09:41,201 --> 00:09:42,469
Now, even if things have gone
266
00:09:42,503 --> 00:09:43,670
a little off the rails
at this point,
267
00:09:43,704 --> 00:09:44,805
we can get things back on track
268
00:09:44,838 --> 00:09:46,507
with a classic.
269
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:50,143
E-- engage physically.
270
00:09:50,177 --> 00:09:52,079
- Hey-o.
- Yeah.
271
00:09:52,112 --> 00:09:54,248
But you got to make sure
that your physical engagement
272
00:09:54,281 --> 00:09:56,416
is appropriate
to the environment, okay?
273
00:09:56,450 --> 00:09:59,453
Your demeanor wants to remain
elegant and classy.
274
00:09:59,486 --> 00:10:01,221
-Right.
-Mm. Got it.
275
00:10:05,492 --> 00:10:07,127
What are you doing?
276
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,530
I'm grabbing your ding-dong.
277
00:10:09,563 --> 00:10:11,131
No!
278
00:10:11,164 --> 00:10:13,233
No, yeah. That's, uh...
279
00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:15,269
And now for the final step,
280
00:10:15,302 --> 00:10:17,671
the most profound move
of the entire system.
281
00:10:19,373 --> 00:10:20,407
D.
282
00:10:22,175 --> 00:10:23,577
"Do you want a tissue?"
283
00:10:23,610 --> 00:10:25,712
-Huh?
-Huh?
284
00:10:25,746 --> 00:10:28,415
You see, with this one
simple but profound question,
285
00:10:28,448 --> 00:10:30,584
you instantly transport
this man back to a time
286
00:10:30,617 --> 00:10:32,553
when he was a tiny,
snot-nosed little bitch
287
00:10:32,586 --> 00:10:34,421
who depended on the most
important person in his life
288
00:10:34,454 --> 00:10:36,223
for absolutely everything.
289
00:10:36,256 --> 00:10:38,191
The person who inflated his ego,
290
00:10:38,225 --> 00:10:40,127
who made him feel powerful,
291
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,595
but also powerless.
292
00:10:41,628 --> 00:10:43,664
The person whose validation
293
00:10:43,697 --> 00:10:46,567
he's been seeking
his entire life.
294
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:47,768
Guys,
295
00:10:47,801 --> 00:10:49,303
the way to make a man
296
00:10:49,336 --> 00:10:51,138
fall in love with you
297
00:10:51,171 --> 00:10:53,473
is to make him feel
298
00:10:53,507 --> 00:10:55,642
like you are...
299
00:10:55,676 --> 00:10:58,445
his mommy.
300
00:10:58,478 --> 00:10:59,646
Well, it's getting late.
301
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:01,682
Yeah.
302
00:11:01,715 --> 00:11:03,550
Yeah, we should
probably call it.
303
00:11:03,584 --> 00:11:06,119
I have, uh, one thing
that I'd like to ask you.
304
00:11:06,153 --> 00:11:09,156
Um... do you need a tissue?
305
00:11:09,189 --> 00:11:11,158
Do you need a tissue?
306
00:11:11,191 --> 00:11:13,226
-What?
-What?
307
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:15,195
-You need a tissue.
-You need a tissue.
308
00:11:15,228 --> 00:11:18,131
Oh. Oh, really? Ah...
309
00:11:18,165 --> 00:11:19,733
Ah, just...
That's-that's embarrassing.
310
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,501
Hang on, all right, stop it.
311
00:11:21,535 --> 00:11:22,836
There we go. Come here.
312
00:11:22,869 --> 00:11:26,506
There we go. Now
313
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:29,376
my little man
is all ready for his day.
314
00:11:29,409 --> 00:11:30,510
Before, they wanted
315
00:11:30,544 --> 00:11:33,413
nothing more than
this date to be over.
316
00:11:33,447 --> 00:11:34,681
But now they can't help
but ask...
317
00:11:34,715 --> 00:11:38,151
Hey, um, any chance...
318
00:11:38,185 --> 00:11:39,486
Would you want to...
319
00:11:39,519 --> 00:11:40,554
...do this again...
320
00:11:40,587 --> 00:11:41,655
...sometime?
321
00:11:41,688 --> 00:11:42,656
Mm.
322
00:11:42,689 --> 00:11:43,890
It worked.
323
00:11:43,925 --> 00:11:45,559
And there you have it.
324
00:11:45,592 --> 00:11:47,561
That, my friends, is...
325
00:11:47,594 --> 00:11:49,663
the SINNED system.
326
00:11:49,696 --> 00:11:50,932
-Oh!
-Whoa!
327
00:11:50,965 --> 00:11:52,733
-Oh, ho!
-Amazing.
328
00:11:52,766 --> 00:11:54,301
-Crazy creepy, though,
-Oh, yeah, very creepy.
329
00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:55,602
with all the mom stuff, and...
330
00:11:55,636 --> 00:11:57,170
the name's a little
heavy-handed.
331
00:11:57,204 --> 00:11:58,605
Yeah, took a-took a lot
to get there.
332
00:11:58,639 --> 00:12:00,641
It's not as clean
as the DENNIS system.
333
00:12:00,674 --> 00:12:02,309
Well, but listen,
the DENNIS system--
334
00:12:02,342 --> 00:12:03,644
that's a system
for getting a woman.
335
00:12:03,677 --> 00:12:05,212
This is a system
for getting a man,
336
00:12:05,245 --> 00:12:08,448
and that's why SINNED
is actually...
337
00:12:08,482 --> 00:12:09,750
DENNIS backwards.
338
00:12:09,783 --> 00:12:12,786
Oh, my God!
339
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,855
-That's amazing.
-How-how did that line up
like that?
340
00:12:14,888 --> 00:12:16,323
Yeah, like,
what are the odds, though?
341
00:12:16,356 --> 00:12:18,625
- Oh, wow.
- What do you-- The odds of what?
342
00:12:18,659 --> 00:12:20,527
What are the odds that
the steps to the system
343
00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:22,362
would be DENNIS backwards
344
00:12:22,396 --> 00:12:23,864
and that they would spell out
the word "sinned?"
345
00:12:23,897 --> 00:12:27,300
High! High.
'Cause I made it up.
346
00:12:27,334 --> 00:12:30,237
-Oh! Yeah, he did it on purpose.
-Oh, my... He made it up.
347
00:12:34,441 --> 00:12:36,576
-Hey-o!
-Hey-o!
348
00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:37,511
Hey, hey, hey!
349
00:12:37,544 --> 00:12:39,413
What's up, guy--
350
00:12:39,446 --> 00:12:40,614
You know what, I got to say,
351
00:12:40,647 --> 00:12:41,983
I am, I'm still, like,
buzzing from last night.
352
00:12:42,016 --> 00:12:42,649
- Got a little hairy there
for a second, didn't it?
- Yeah. Yeah.
353
00:12:42,683 --> 00:12:43,417
Yeah, but we pulled it off.
354
00:12:43,450 --> 00:12:45,419
-We sure did!
-We really did.
355
00:12:45,452 --> 00:12:46,586
-We really did.
-Success.
356
00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:48,455
All right, so talk to me,
when are those
357
00:12:48,488 --> 00:12:50,290
-second dates?
-Ooh, yeah, no,
that's not happening.
358
00:12:50,323 --> 00:12:52,325
What do you mean,
that's not happening?
359
00:12:52,359 --> 00:12:54,594
Well, I got home last night,
and, I, uh, found myself
360
00:12:54,628 --> 00:12:56,797
real horny, so I popped
a couple of Mommy's magic beans
361
00:12:56,830 --> 00:12:58,632
and headed over to Kyle's house.
362
00:12:58,665 --> 00:13:01,601
Roofies. I roofied myself. Yeah,
363
00:13:01,635 --> 00:13:03,437
not 100% sure
if we plowed or not,
364
00:13:03,470 --> 00:13:05,539
but I do know I got this.
365
00:13:05,572 --> 00:13:07,340
You stole his phone.
366
00:13:07,374 --> 00:13:08,976
-Yeah, well, I'll be honest,
-Aw...
367
00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:10,978
the details
are a bit hazy, still,
368
00:13:11,012 --> 00:13:13,313
but I do know
I stole somebody's phone.
369
00:13:13,346 --> 00:13:14,949
-And you?
-Oh, I'm not doing it either.
370
00:13:14,982 --> 00:13:17,350
-Yeah!
-Okay, but I have
a good reason, Dennis.
371
00:13:17,384 --> 00:13:19,853
I have a really good reason,
'cause I'm not a-a rapist
372
00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:22,489
and a thief like Dee is.
I'm-I'm just a boy in love.
373
00:13:22,522 --> 00:13:23,857
I'm just a boy
in love with Johnny,
374
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,493
and I realized that
I-I have to be with him.
375
00:13:26,526 --> 00:13:28,361
Well, no, see,
that's-that's the thing--
376
00:13:28,395 --> 00:13:31,331
Johnny doesn't love you.
He doesn't even like you.
377
00:13:31,364 --> 00:13:32,934
-You don't know him.
-No, no, no.
378
00:13:32,967 --> 00:13:33,935
You don't know him.
379
00:13:33,968 --> 00:13:35,335
I know him better than you.
380
00:13:35,368 --> 00:13:36,703
Do you? Because I am him.
381
00:13:38,039 --> 00:13:39,306
What?
382
00:13:39,339 --> 00:13:40,942
I invented Johnny as a means
383
00:13:40,975 --> 00:13:41,842
of getting you
out of the apartment
384
00:13:41,875 --> 00:13:42,944
when you were irritating me.
385
00:13:42,977 --> 00:13:44,578
I don't understand.
386
00:13:44,611 --> 00:13:46,346
Okay, like,
when "Johnny" sent you out
387
00:13:46,379 --> 00:13:47,647
to go get those
soft-shell crabs,
388
00:13:47,681 --> 00:13:48,882
-you remember that?
-Yeah.
389
00:13:48,916 --> 00:13:50,484
Yeah. And he was
supposed to meet you,
390
00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:52,352
-but he didn't.
He ghosted you, right?
-No.
391
00:13:52,385 --> 00:13:54,788
And so, you came sauntering back
in the house and all depressed,
392
00:13:54,821 --> 00:13:56,723
and I was like,
"Well, I tell you what, buddy,
393
00:13:56,757 --> 00:13:59,626
I'll eat the soft-shell crabs.
They are my favorite."
394
00:13:59,659 --> 00:14:01,528
And I said, "Oh, my God,
what a coincidence
395
00:14:01,561 --> 00:14:03,730
because they're-they're
Johnny's favorite, too."
396
00:14:03,764 --> 00:14:05,799
-Yeah, because I am Johnny.
-Then who's Dennis?
397
00:14:05,832 --> 00:14:08,401
-What do you mean?
-Well, if you're Johnny,
then who-- who's you?
398
00:14:08,435 --> 00:14:10,470
I'm Dennis!
I've always been Dennis.
399
00:14:10,504 --> 00:14:12,907
L-L-Let me-- This is gonna make
it all clear. This is my phone,
400
00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:14,574
-Don't want to get into this--
-and when I push
a certain button...
401
00:14:14,608 --> 00:14:15,709
- Wait, hold on.
H-Hold on a second.
402
00:14:15,742 --> 00:14:18,012
-What, what?
-Johnny's buzzing me.
I got-- Look.
403
00:14:18,045 --> 00:14:20,347
-No, I pushed the button.
-I haven't heard
from him in a while,
404
00:14:20,380 --> 00:14:22,315
and I'm going to the motel.
I got to meet him.
405
00:14:22,349 --> 00:14:24,551
-I'm sorry.
-Mac, it's not Johnny. I pushed
the button on my phone--
406
00:14:24,584 --> 00:14:25,920
I can't engage with you
on this right now.
407
00:14:25,953 --> 00:14:27,754
I got to-I got to
go see Johnny.
408
00:14:27,788 --> 00:14:29,756
Dennis! Dennis.
I need your help, man.
409
00:14:29,790 --> 00:14:30,757
-I need your help, big-time.
-No, no!
410
00:14:30,791 --> 00:14:32,459
I am done helping people.
411
00:14:32,492 --> 00:14:33,928
Dude, we're so close, man.
We're in the finals.
412
00:14:33,961 --> 00:14:35,595
- Yeah? I don't care.
- And there's no way
413
00:14:35,629 --> 00:14:37,631
I'm gonna be able to sneak a
restaurant buzzer in now.
414
00:14:37,664 --> 00:14:38,665
Okay, you know what?
You're not gonna stop talking.
415
00:14:38,698 --> 00:14:40,467
-So, I-I'm just...
-Yes-- No, I'm not, because,
416
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,668
-Dennis, I need your help.
Look, I've
-I don't care.
417
00:14:41,701 --> 00:14:43,637
been controlling Frank using
the restaurant buzzer, okay?
418
00:14:43,670 --> 00:14:45,106
-Wait a-wait a-- whoa, what...
-And it's the perfect plan.
419
00:14:45,139 --> 00:14:46,740
Hold on a second.
420
00:14:48,675 --> 00:14:51,078
Sorry, did you just say
you've been...
421
00:14:51,112 --> 00:14:54,681
controlling Frank
like a pawn in a game?
422
00:14:54,714 --> 00:14:57,551
Like a puppet?
423
00:14:57,584 --> 00:14:59,586
Uh, I didn't say
any of those words, but yeah.
424
00:14:59,619 --> 00:15:01,022
I've been-I've been controlling
Frank, uh, in chess, yes.
425
00:15:01,055 --> 00:15:02,856
Very interesting.
426
00:15:02,889 --> 00:15:06,027
And Frank's been aware
of the puppetry the entire time?
427
00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:08,461
Yeah, of course. He's in on it.
But dude, it's over, right?
428
00:15:08,495 --> 00:15:09,696
Unless you know a way
I can sneak
429
00:15:09,729 --> 00:15:12,033
something into this tournament
that vibrates.
430
00:15:14,701 --> 00:15:17,571
I think I may have a way,
but, uh...
431
00:15:17,604 --> 00:15:18,839
Frank's not gonna like it.
432
00:15:20,473 --> 00:15:21,875
- Dee.
- Mm.
433
00:15:21,909 --> 00:15:23,610
Got any more
of those magic beans?
434
00:15:23,643 --> 00:15:24,711
Yeah.
435
00:15:24,744 --> 00:15:25,745
'Cause we're gonna need
436
00:15:25,779 --> 00:15:27,514
to turn the lights out.
437
00:15:31,118 --> 00:15:32,619
Frank! Frank, get up!
438
00:15:32,652 --> 00:15:34,088
- Wow, what...
- Wake up! Wake up, man!
439
00:15:34,121 --> 00:15:35,622
-We're late!
-Okay. What?
440
00:15:35,655 --> 00:15:38,491
We're gonna miss it, dude.
441
00:15:38,525 --> 00:15:40,460
Move. No, out of the way.
442
00:15:40,493 --> 00:15:41,895
Jesus, Frank. Cutting it
pretty close there, pal.
443
00:15:41,929 --> 00:15:43,530
Ah, feel like
I got to take a shit.
444
00:15:43,563 --> 00:15:45,565
What? You got to sh--
Don't shit, don't shit.
445
00:15:45,599 --> 00:15:47,034
- No, no, no.
There's no time for that.
- I'm not ready for this.
446
00:15:47,068 --> 00:15:50,537
No, listen to me, listen to me.
You are ready.
447
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:54,141
Everything you need
is already inside you.
448
00:15:54,175 --> 00:15:56,676
Move. No, out of the way.
449
00:16:04,952 --> 00:16:07,420
The excitement here is palpable.
450
00:16:07,454 --> 00:16:09,723
At last, the moment
we've all been waiting for,
451
00:16:09,756 --> 00:16:12,459
Mr. Reynolds is about
to make his first move.
452
00:16:12,492 --> 00:16:14,427
You got this, Frank!
453
00:16:14,461 --> 00:16:15,762
You got this, man!
454
00:16:18,698 --> 00:16:21,035
I don't know what I'm doing.
455
00:16:21,068 --> 00:16:23,170
Frank, trust your gut.
456
00:16:27,574 --> 00:16:30,011
Ooh.
457
00:16:30,044 --> 00:16:31,611
Oh.
458
00:16:37,517 --> 00:16:39,486
He seems a little
uncomfortable, Susan.
459
00:16:39,519 --> 00:16:41,554
Just think about
the incredible amount
460
00:16:41,588 --> 00:16:43,024
of pressure
he's feeling right now.
461
00:16:43,057 --> 00:16:45,092
Oh...
462
00:16:49,196 --> 00:16:51,498
Ho, ho.
463
00:16:51,531 --> 00:16:53,466
Ho, ho!
464
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,735
Yes. Yes.
465
00:16:55,769 --> 00:16:58,471
Oh.
466
00:16:58,505 --> 00:17:00,041
- Oh, God, no.
- Mr. Reynolds seems
to be going through
467
00:17:00,074 --> 00:17:01,875
a range of emotions
468
00:17:01,909 --> 00:17:03,978
while contemplating
his first move.
469
00:17:04,011 --> 00:17:05,980
You don't have to do this.
470
00:17:06,013 --> 00:17:07,480
You don't have to do it.
471
00:17:07,514 --> 00:17:09,516
S-Should I go here?
472
00:17:09,549 --> 00:17:12,086
Oh...
473
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,221
Uh... There?
474
00:17:17,557 --> 00:17:18,960
Oh!
475
00:17:20,894 --> 00:17:22,595
Take your time, take your time.
476
00:17:22,629 --> 00:17:26,233
Take your time. Take your time.
477
00:17:36,609 --> 00:17:38,478
You don't have to do this!
478
00:17:40,647 --> 00:17:42,216
Should I go there?
Aah!
479
00:17:49,056 --> 00:17:50,724
Hey, Dennis.
480
00:17:50,757 --> 00:17:52,659
Oh, man, I had
the craziest night last night,
481
00:17:52,692 --> 00:17:54,594
'cause I think I, like,
blacked out, and then,
482
00:17:54,627 --> 00:17:56,896
when I woke up, I think
that Johnny broke up with me,
483
00:17:56,931 --> 00:17:58,898
-'cause he was gone.
-Mac, I can't do this right now.
484
00:17:58,933 --> 00:18:00,167
Here?
485
00:18:01,768 --> 00:18:03,536
Here?
486
00:18:03,570 --> 00:18:05,306
Don't lose your shit, man.
Don't lose your shit.
487
00:18:05,339 --> 00:18:07,274
A language warning
for anybody watching at home.
488
00:18:07,308 --> 00:18:09,542
Ho! Aah, aah, aah! Oh!
489
00:18:09,576 --> 00:18:11,245
Nice.
490
00:18:11,278 --> 00:18:14,048
I am Johnny! I don't know
how else to tell you!
491
00:18:14,081 --> 00:18:16,984
Look, I have the texts.
I will show you the texts.
492
00:18:17,018 --> 00:18:20,221
Look, these are the texts that
I sent to you from my phone.
493
00:18:20,254 --> 00:18:23,324
Oh, my God.
You have Johnny's phone.
494
00:18:23,357 --> 00:18:24,358
-This is my...
-Give it to me.
495
00:18:24,392 --> 00:18:26,927
-Give me Johnny's phone.
-Goddamn it!
-Whoa, whoa.
496
00:18:31,798 --> 00:18:33,968
You motherfucker!
497
00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:45,312
Oh, God.
498
00:18:45,346 --> 00:18:48,149
It won't...
it won't go down.
499
00:18:48,182 --> 00:18:50,683
What have you done?
500
00:18:50,717 --> 00:18:52,719
Take my king. Take my king.
501
00:18:52,752 --> 00:18:53,720
Take him.
502
00:18:53,753 --> 00:18:55,256
Take it. Take it.
503
00:18:56,623 --> 00:18:58,125
Oh...
504
00:19:06,766 --> 00:19:09,937
Kd2! Kd2!
505
00:19:09,970 --> 00:19:12,772
That is checkmate. What
a brilliant endgame by Reynolds.
506
00:19:12,806 --> 00:19:15,242
- He won?
- He won!
507
00:19:15,276 --> 00:19:17,610
Frank won?
508
00:19:20,414 --> 00:19:22,249
Get it out! Get it out!
509
00:19:22,283 --> 00:19:24,617
- God. Take it out, take it out.
- You did it, Frank!
510
00:19:24,651 --> 00:19:25,885
-Frank, you did it!
You beat the Russian!
-Take it out. Take it out.
511
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,255
-You beat the Russian!
-Stop it, stop.
512
00:19:28,289 --> 00:19:30,790
Stop this, Charl-- It's gonna
split me in half, Charlie.
513
00:19:30,824 --> 00:19:32,692
He won! He won!
514
00:19:32,725 --> 00:19:35,162
-USA! USA!
-Kill the Wi-Fi! Kill the Wi-Fi!
515
00:19:35,196 --> 00:19:37,298
-USA! USA!
-Kill it. Kill the Wi-Fi!
516
00:19:37,331 --> 00:19:38,933
Kill the Wi-Fi!
517
00:19:38,966 --> 00:19:40,267
Ooh. Ooh.