1
00:00:01,838 --> 00:00:04,297
- Just use 'em, dude.
- I'm not going to
2
00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:06,789
wear gloves while I work!
I'm sorry, it makes no sense.
3
00:00:06,791 --> 00:00:08,891
It absolutely makes
sense-- you're a janitor who
4
00:00:08,893 --> 00:00:10,793
snakes toilets with his bare
hands.
5
00:00:10,795 --> 00:00:12,728
So my hands get a little
dirty from time to time.
6
00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:14,664
I appreciate the concern, but
I'm fine.
7
00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:16,566
It's not for you!
It's for us!
8
00:00:16,568 --> 00:00:18,534
Use gloves!
Use gloves.
9
00:00:18,536 --> 00:00:21,304
Oh, look at this.
Check it out.
10
00:00:21,306 --> 00:00:24,140
The Restaurant and Bar
Association's Best Bar Award is
11
00:00:24,142 --> 00:00:26,175
coming up.
We could get nominated.
12
00:00:26,177 --> 00:00:28,111
Frank, we never get nominated
for awards, okay?
13
00:00:28,113 --> 00:00:30,079
And we don't give a shit because
they're stupid.
14
00:00:30,081 --> 00:00:31,981
Yeah, we don't care about
that kind of stuff, all right?
15
00:00:31,983 --> 00:00:34,150
Look, am I curious as to why we
never get nominated?
16
00:00:34,152 --> 00:00:36,185
Sure, yeah.
Do I care? Not in the slightest.
17
00:00:36,187 --> 00:00:38,121
No, I don't care about it,
you know?
18
00:00:38,123 --> 00:00:40,590
I mean, all right, it is a
little odd we've never been
19
00:00:40,592 --> 00:00:42,525
nominated.
Yes, it's odd.
20
00:00:42,527 --> 00:00:44,460
At some point it becomes a
little aggressive.
21
00:00:44,462 --> 00:00:46,629
So what is it?
We don't deserve it?
22
00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:48,731
We're not cool enough?
Whoa.
23
00:00:48,733 --> 00:00:50,800
Whoa, okay, Frank.
Now, if... if I do something,
24
00:00:50,802 --> 00:00:52,935
you better believe it's cool.
Yeah, if I'm gonna put my
25
00:00:52,937 --> 00:00:54,904
name on something, it's gonna be
award-worthy, you know.
26
00:00:54,906 --> 00:00:56,839
I can't imagine that other
people are doing what we're
27
00:00:56,841 --> 00:00:58,741
doing better.
I mean, it's serving up drinks.
28
00:00:58,743 --> 00:01:00,843
It's just upsetting.
I'm sorry, I'm getting upset.
29
00:01:00,845 --> 00:01:03,746
If-if you want to get a
nomination, you got
30
00:01:03,748 --> 00:01:05,681
to play the game.
Nah, I don't want to play a
31
00:01:05,683 --> 00:01:07,617
game to get an award.
That feels lame.
32
00:01:07,619 --> 00:01:10,052
- It is lame.
- Oh, is that your ass?
33
00:01:10,054 --> 00:01:12,788
Oh, closer to the hole, sir?
34
00:01:12,790 --> 00:01:15,458
You know what's lame?
Being around this long and never
35
00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:20,029
getting an award. Makes you look
like a bunch of assholes. Hmm.
36
00:01:20,031 --> 00:01:22,131
You're really, like, driving
this home, and it's upsetting,
37
00:01:22,133 --> 00:01:23,966
because, like, now I'm getting
the neck thing.
38
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:25,601
I feel... I feel...
I'm getting upset.
39
00:01:25,603 --> 00:01:27,537
Yeah, your neck's going nuts?
Yeah! You're getting that?
40
00:01:27,539 --> 00:01:29,372
They're making me feel like
an asshole.
41
00:01:29,374 --> 00:01:31,107
They are making us feel
like assholes.
42
00:01:31,109 --> 00:01:32,742
All right, you know what,
we'll play the game,
43
00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:34,477
I'll kiss ass.
Yeah, let's play the game.
44
00:01:34,479 --> 00:01:36,379
I'm okay with it,
because who cares?
45
00:01:36,381 --> 00:01:38,014
All right, fine,
let's play the game.
46
00:01:38,016 --> 00:01:39,949
But I want to be very clear
about something.
47
00:01:39,951 --> 00:01:41,846
This literally means
nothing to me.
48
00:01:53,089 --> 00:02:03,202
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
49
00:02:06,279 --> 00:02:07,760
This office sucks.
50
00:02:07,853 --> 00:02:09,419
It smells bad and
it's stuffy in here.
51
00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:12,355
Yeah, it's the Restaurant and Bar
Association, it's a stuffy organization.
52
00:02:12,357 --> 00:02:14,290
They're not in touch with
the young people like us.
53
00:02:14,292 --> 00:02:16,826
Some old boner gives me attitude,
I'm gonna spit in his face.
54
00:02:16,828 --> 00:02:18,795
He starts giving me
shit, I'll spit at him.
55
00:02:18,797 --> 00:02:19,763
We should all spit.
56
00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,364
Look, we're not
spitting, all right?
57
00:02:21,366 --> 00:02:23,299
Just keep your mouth shut
and let me do the talking.
58
00:02:23,301 --> 00:02:24,467
I know what I'm doing.
59
00:02:24,469 --> 00:02:26,970
Sorry, sorry to
keep you waiting.
60
00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,338
Frank Reynolds, Paddy's Pub.
61
00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:29,906
These are my associates.
62
00:02:29,908 --> 00:02:32,909
Stand up, show him some respect.
I stand for no one.
63
00:02:32,911 --> 00:02:35,278
Please, it's not necessary.
Have a seat.
64
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,480
You heard the man-- sit down.
Well, now I feel
65
00:02:37,482 --> 00:02:41,117
like standing.
But I don't want to stand
66
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:43,586
through an entire meeting 'cause
I don't know how long it's gonna
67
00:02:43,588 --> 00:02:45,822
last, so I'll sit down.
It's my choice.
68
00:02:45,824 --> 00:02:49,426
With much dignity and grace,
we've come to talk to you about
69
00:02:49,428 --> 00:02:53,163
the Best Bar Award.
Now, in the past, our group has
70
00:02:53,165 --> 00:02:59,369
not... paid you any attention,
but now we are prepared to
71
00:02:59,371 --> 00:03:04,874
pay... you what you deserve...
in attention, if you get my
72
00:03:04,876 --> 00:03:07,510
drift.
I don't.
73
00:03:07,512 --> 00:03:10,680
Ponder lettuce and shrimp.
Excuse me?
74
00:03:10,682 --> 00:03:12,715
He's inviting you out to
lunch, Bozo-- you gonna go or
75
00:03:12,717 --> 00:03:14,651
not, yes or no?
Actually, it's 3:30 in the
76
00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:16,619
afternoon-- I've already eaten.
This dickhead doesn't want a
77
00:03:16,621 --> 00:03:18,555
second lun... He's being offered
lettuce and shrimp, he doesn't
78
00:03:18,557 --> 00:03:20,190
want to eat lunch.
You eat once a day?
79
00:03:20,192 --> 00:03:21,891
Hey,
everybody, I had food.
80
00:03:21,893 --> 00:03:23,827
All right, you know what, I
am out of here.
81
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,728
I don't need this limpdick
telling me whether my bar's
82
00:03:25,730 --> 00:03:27,730
cool, okay?
No, no, no! No spitting.
83
00:03:27,732 --> 00:03:31,935
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
84
00:03:31,937 --> 00:03:35,839
Look, how much is it gonna cost
us to get on the ballot?
85
00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:37,841
Ten dollars.
Huh?
86
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:40,877
The entry fee is ten dollars.
All you have to do is fill out
87
00:03:40,879 --> 00:03:42,912
the-the paperwork.
Why have we never received
88
00:03:42,914 --> 00:03:45,315
this form?
Well, we've-we've actually
89
00:03:45,317 --> 00:03:48,518
s-sent you the form many times
in the past, and as I recall, it
90
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:55,024
always comes back covered in fecal
matter, urine, and... racial slurs. Oh.
91
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,960
That's a joke.
Hey, you know, that's just,
92
00:03:56,962 --> 00:03:59,095
like, all in good fun, man.
That's just our sense of
93
00:03:59,097 --> 00:04:01,664
humor-- you'll get us.
Shut up!
94
00:04:01,666 --> 00:04:04,133
Let bygones be bygones.
Right, right.
95
00:04:04,135 --> 00:04:06,569
We're here now
to play the game.
96
00:04:06,571 --> 00:04:11,508
Yes. Playing the game.
I assume you take cash.
97
00:04:11,510 --> 00:04:14,043
Oh! So sorry.
That wasn't meant for you, that
98
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,012
was actually meant for you.
Yeah, that was meant for him.
99
00:04:16,014 --> 00:04:17,647
We thought maybe you would
think that was funny.
100
00:04:17,649 --> 00:04:19,616
Yeah, if it exploded in your
face, but I can tell by the look
101
00:04:19,618 --> 00:04:21,317
on your face that you don't
think that's funny.
102
00:04:21,319 --> 00:04:23,286
That's not your style.
That's a shame.
103
00:04:23,288 --> 00:04:25,121
Yeah, that's sort of our
sense of humor.
104
00:04:25,123 --> 00:04:27,023
Guys, he's not gonna get us.
I think we got to get out of
105
00:04:27,025 --> 00:04:29,692
here, right?
All right, guy.
106
00:04:29,694 --> 00:04:32,095
?What'd I say, idiots?
107
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:34,197
You want to get nominated, you
gotta play the game.
108
00:04:34,199 --> 00:04:36,299
We are playing the game, Frank.
109
00:04:36,301 --> 00:04:38,167
Nah, you're not playing...
We're just not vibing with
110
00:04:38,169 --> 00:04:39,903
that guy, he's a stiff.
We were vibrating, but maybe
111
00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,471
at a different frequency than
that guy.
112
00:04:41,473 --> 00:04:42,805
I like that.
Frank is right.
113
00:04:42,807 --> 00:04:44,440
No, Frank is right, though.
We're too fringe.
114
00:04:44,442 --> 00:04:46,242
I mean, yeah, it's given us a
lot of street cred, but I think
115
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,077
we've alienated a lot of people
in this town.
116
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,946
Yeah, you-you want to win
awards, you gotta campaign for
117
00:04:49,948 --> 00:04:52,081
it.
It's an industry award.
118
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,250
It's true.
Like, we know we're cool and our
119
00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,786
customers know we're cool, but
the industry doesn't get it yet.
120
00:04:56,788 --> 00:04:58,721
All right, you know what?
Can you guys actually drop me
121
00:04:58,723 --> 00:05:03,092
off back at the bar? I'm gonna go work
on the Best Song. What Best Song?
122
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:06,262
The Best Song Award.
There is no Best Song Award.
123
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,364
What are you talking about?
Well, that's all the more
124
00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:10,600
reason to do a Best Song, right?
We'll be the only bar who did
125
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,669
it, and that's a good chance
we'll cover all the bases.
126
00:05:12,671 --> 00:05:16,306
I tell you what: let's
drop him off either way. Okay.
127
00:05:16,308 --> 00:05:17,807
That sounds good.
Good idea, Charlie.
128
00:05:17,809 --> 00:05:20,343
Good idea, come on.
What?
129
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:32,889
I can't believe that this
place won Best Bar.
130
00:05:32,891 --> 00:05:36,626
I mean, who comes to this place?
A shitload of people.
131
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:39,495
Sudz is a super-popular place.
I can't believe how bright it
132
00:05:39,497 --> 00:05:40,930
is in here.
I don't like it.
133
00:05:40,932 --> 00:05:44,167
Yeah. And what's with all the loud, fake colors?
I mean, where's the subtlety?
134
00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:45,702
All right, let's go grab a
drink.
135
00:05:45,704 --> 00:05:47,637
We'll suss out the competition.
I'm gonna go find a manager,
136
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:50,039
introduce myself, give him
this swag bag.
137
00:05:50,041 --> 00:05:52,241
What's in that bag?
Ah, it's just this stuff I
138
00:05:52,243 --> 00:05:54,777
had our names printed on.
I got a bottle opener, a
139
00:05:54,779 --> 00:05:58,648
keychain, egg. Why would you give him an egg?
It's like a paperweight.
140
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:01,284
Trust me, Deandra, people eat
this shit up.
141
00:06:01,286 --> 00:06:03,886
Look, you gotta play the game.
I know how to do it.
142
00:06:03,888 --> 00:06:05,521
Right.
Good luck.
143
00:06:05,523 --> 00:06:07,423
Let's get a drink.
Yep.
144
00:06:07,425 --> 00:06:09,459
Hey, guys.
How you doing?
145
00:06:09,461 --> 00:06:11,861
My name is Greg; I'll be your
bartender tonight.
146
00:06:11,863 --> 00:06:14,397
You ever been to Sudz before?
147
00:06:14,399 --> 00:06:15,865
You wish.
Don't think so, pal.
148
00:06:15,867 --> 00:06:18,468
Okay, well, welcome, then.
For our first-timers, I like to
149
00:06:18,470 --> 00:06:21,904
recommend our blended signature
cocktail, The Blue Hole.
150
00:06:21,906 --> 00:06:23,806
It's served with three straws in
a fishbowl.
151
00:06:23,808 --> 00:06:26,142
It's pretty darn good.
Some people say it's better than
152
00:06:26,144 --> 00:06:29,278
an orgasm.
Not that he's ever had one.
153
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,447
Oh!
154
00:06:31,449 --> 00:06:34,751
Okay, Maxwell, remind me to
find a new best friend.
155
00:06:34,753 --> 00:06:37,353
Aw! Ee-aw!
156
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:42,358
Ugh. Two margaritas for table six, Greg.
Hey, Amanda, what's wrong?
157
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:46,763
Let me guess. Your boyfriend canceled on you again.
Conference got extended.
158
00:06:46,765 --> 00:06:49,132
What can I say?
He loves his work.
159
00:06:49,134 --> 00:06:52,435
Well, I think he should spend
a little less time on his work
160
00:06:52,437 --> 00:06:57,840
and a little more time on you. Aw...
Thanks. You're so sweet. Hmm.
161
00:06:57,842 --> 00:07:00,176
What in the hell is happening?
162
00:07:00,178 --> 00:07:02,345
I don't know.
What are they doing?
163
00:07:02,347 --> 00:07:04,480
Okay, sorry about that.
So, one Blue Hole?
164
00:07:04,482 --> 00:07:06,416
Uh, well, let's see.
There's three of us, so, three
165
00:07:06,418 --> 00:07:10,753
drinks. Yeah, well, they're generally
shared, 'cause they're pretty big.
166
00:07:10,755 --> 00:07:12,855
Said three, dick bag.
Get three!
167
00:07:12,857 --> 00:07:14,957
Uh-huh.
I don't care for that guy.
168
00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:17,326
Me neither.
No.
169
00:07:17,328 --> 00:07:19,262
Too soft. I want a little
edge in my bartender.
170
00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:21,130
You know, this is Philadelphia.
What's with the, uh...?
171
00:07:21,132 --> 00:07:22,932
What's with the black friend
that no one is acknowledging?
172
00:07:22,934 --> 00:07:24,801
Is black...?
I feel like it's weird if you
173
00:07:24,803 --> 00:07:26,669
don't talk about that, you know?
It's strange to have one
174
00:07:26,671 --> 00:07:28,304
black friend and not be
constantly talking about it.
175
00:07:28,306 --> 00:07:30,139
Yeah, shine a light on it,
make sure everybody sees and
176
00:07:30,141 --> 00:07:32,041
knows, like, "I have a black
friend," and that's a thing.
177
00:07:32,043 --> 00:07:33,910
'Cause it's weird that a
black person is friends with
178
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,712
white people.
Hmm. I don't... think it is.
179
00:07:35,714 --> 00:07:37,647
It's not that weird, but it's
that... but it's a thing.
180
00:07:37,649 --> 00:07:39,649
It is, it is.
Here you guys go.
181
00:07:39,651 --> 00:07:42,018
Oh.
There we go.
182
00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:45,254
Oh, drink up!
183
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:47,623
What the hell was that?
184
00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:49,926
That's a Sudz alert.
When we ring that bell,
185
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,261
everybody's got to drink, right?
Yeah.
186
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,630
I don't need a bell telling
187
00:07:54,632 --> 00:07:56,833
me when to drink.
I'll drink when I'm goddamn good
188
00:07:56,835 --> 00:07:58,901
and thirsty.
I'm pretty sure I know when
189
00:07:58,903 --> 00:08:03,206
to take a drink. Screw their stupid bell, you know?
I wish I had drank when
190
00:08:03,208 --> 00:08:05,174
everybody else drank, though,
'cause it seemed like fun.
191
00:08:05,176 --> 00:08:07,110
Well, now I feel left out.
Can we drink now?
192
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:09,078
Let's drink now.
Together?
193
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,214
'Cause I-I...
Now I'm angry.
194
00:08:11,216 --> 00:08:16,219
Mmm.
Mmm.
195
00:08:16,221 --> 00:08:18,488
What are you doing in my
office?
196
00:08:18,490 --> 00:08:20,823
Oh.
197
00:08:20,825 --> 00:08:23,226
You snuck up on me.
Frank Reynolds, owner of Paddy's
198
00:08:23,228 --> 00:08:26,162
Pub.
I just thought I'd come by and
199
00:08:26,164 --> 00:08:30,900
say hello, pay my respects.
Also, I got you a little goody
200
00:08:30,902 --> 00:08:33,836
bag here.
Some trinkets, knickknacks that
201
00:08:33,838 --> 00:08:37,340
you might enjoy.
There's a broken egg in here.
202
00:08:37,342 --> 00:08:39,642
Oh, shit.
That wasn't the hardboiled one.
203
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,978
Hey, you want me to cook that up
for you?
204
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:45,214
Ah.
Mmm.
205
00:08:45,216 --> 00:08:47,550
Oh, man.
Ooh! Goddamn.
206
00:08:47,552 --> 00:08:49,852
That went down easy.
I like this.
207
00:08:49,854 --> 00:08:54,557
Yeah. Guys, I'm starting to like this place.
It's growing on me, too.
208
00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:56,893
I-I like the chemistry that the
staff has.
209
00:08:56,895 --> 00:09:01,130
Oh, did you guys see that charged
moment between Greg and Amanda? Yes.
210
00:09:01,132 --> 00:09:03,099
Boy, I tell you.
She's got a boyfriend, but I
211
00:09:03,101 --> 00:09:05,001
think that she and Greg should
end up together. Ooh, ooh, ooh.
212
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,969
I'd like to come back next
week to see if they do.
213
00:09:06,971 --> 00:09:11,007
Yeah. Me, too. You know? I mean, she is
cute, she is just super cute, right?
214
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:13,242
She's so cute.
She's cute. She is very cute.
215
00:09:13,244 --> 00:09:15,044
She's not funny, though, so...
Yeah, but, no, but she
216
00:09:15,046 --> 00:09:16,979
doesn't need to be funny because
she's cute, she's loveable,
217
00:09:16,981 --> 00:09:18,781
everybody likes her, and then,
if she can tell a joke, yeah,
218
00:09:18,783 --> 00:09:20,917
hey, it's just a bonus, you
know?
219
00:09:20,919 --> 00:09:22,752
Let's get out of this dump.
Oh, actually, this place is
220
00:09:22,754 --> 00:09:24,654
not a dump, Frank.
It's pretty great.
221
00:09:24,656 --> 00:09:26,455
Hey, hey, Greg, can you get this
man a Blue Hole?
222
00:09:26,457 --> 00:09:28,357
You got to try this thing.
I got news for you.
223
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,526
Our secret's out, and it stinks.
This manager's been to Paddy's,
224
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,495
and he said it's nothing but a
bunch of people yelling over
225
00:09:32,497 --> 00:09:36,799
each other. Well... So what? That's what we do.
We yell at each other, and if
226
00:09:36,801 --> 00:09:38,768
people want to tune in and
listen, then they're welcome to.
227
00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:40,903
Yeah, but I think that's
off-putting to the customer.
228
00:09:40,905 --> 00:09:43,005
I mean, Greg would never yell at
Amanda.
229
00:09:43,007 --> 00:09:45,174
All right, I'll tell you what
we got to do.
230
00:09:45,176 --> 00:09:47,109
We got to up our game.
We should host an industry
231
00:09:47,111 --> 00:09:49,278
night.
Invite all the people who vote
232
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,747
who's in the industry to come to
our bar, and we'll show 'em what
233
00:09:51,749 --> 00:09:53,916
we're made of.
Yeah, but I'd like to tweak a
234
00:09:53,918 --> 00:09:56,118
little bit of who we are and
what we're made of, right?
235
00:09:56,120 --> 00:10:00,389
Yeah. Soften the edges a little bit.
All right, we'll tweak it a
236
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:02,491
little bit, we'll show these
bastards who's award-worthy.
237
00:10:02,493 --> 00:10:04,827
Yeah.
Yeah!
238
00:10:04,829 --> 00:10:07,430
Oh-ho! Drink! Drink!
239
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,441
Okay, guys, if we're gonna
show these industry folks
240
00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:13,496
tonight that we're likeable, we
need to have some funny banter
241
00:10:13,498 --> 00:10:15,665
like Greg and Maxwell have.
Yeah. Don't worry.
242
00:10:15,667 --> 00:10:17,767
I'm gonna be zinging one-liners
all night long.
243
00:10:17,769 --> 00:10:19,635
Uh, actually, Dee, you won't
be zinging anything around,
244
00:10:19,637 --> 00:10:21,571
because men are intimidated by
funny women, all right?
245
00:10:21,573 --> 00:10:23,706
So, what we need you to be is
just pretty and benign.
246
00:10:23,708 --> 00:10:26,042
But we are gonna do a will-they-
or-won't-they thing between you
247
00:10:26,044 --> 00:10:30,112
and Mac. Dee and I don't
want to be together. No.
248
00:10:30,114 --> 00:10:31,814
But the customers want you to
be together.
249
00:10:31,816 --> 00:10:33,683
That's fun for them.
Why would it be fun for them
250
00:10:33,685 --> 00:10:35,518
to watch two people not want to
be together?
251
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,753
Well, no. You do want to be
together, okay?
252
00:10:37,755 --> 00:10:40,389
The customers have to think that
you think that you don't want to
253
00:10:40,391 --> 00:10:42,091
be together, but you do, deep
down, want to be together.
254
00:10:42,093 --> 00:10:44,060
The problem is, right now, I'm
getting that you guys don't want
255
00:10:44,062 --> 00:10:47,830
to be together. I need you
to want to be together. Ugh.
256
00:10:47,832 --> 00:10:49,999
Question.
Yes, you're wondering how
257
00:10:50,001 --> 00:10:51,901
we're gonna make Dee attractive
enough to where you'll want to
258
00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:54,070
be with her.
Yes.
259
00:10:54,072 --> 00:10:56,005
Okay, see, what I'm gonna do
is, I'm gonna shellac her with
260
00:10:56,007 --> 00:10:57,773
makeup, and I'm gonna blast her
with light to soften up all
261
00:10:57,775 --> 00:10:59,742
those features.
I am into that, yes.
262
00:10:59,744 --> 00:11:02,812
Yes. Okay, great.
So, guys, I got us banter cards.
263
00:11:02,814 --> 00:11:04,780
Mac, you're gonna welcome the
customer in, and then I'm gonna
264
00:11:04,782 --> 00:11:07,650
execute with a quip.
Let's give it a shot.
265
00:11:07,652 --> 00:11:09,752
"Hey, I'm Mac.
Welcome to Paddy's Pub.
266
00:11:09,754 --> 00:11:11,654
I would like to recommend to
first-timers our signature
267
00:11:11,656 --> 00:11:13,823
blended drink, Caribbean
Paradise.
268
00:11:13,825 --> 00:11:15,958
People say it's better than an
orgasm."
269
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,894
Not that he's ever had one.
I've had orgasms!
270
00:11:17,896 --> 00:11:20,029
I've had tons of orgasms!
I've had one with your mom,
271
00:11:20,031 --> 00:11:24,267
dude! I will strangle you, I'll stick
my goddamn thumb through your eye!
272
00:11:24,269 --> 00:11:26,202
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, dude, relax, relax.
273
00:11:26,204 --> 00:11:28,337
Sit down. What are you doing?
Okay.
274
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:30,506
You came at me, and I gave it
back to you hard, 'cause...
275
00:11:30,508 --> 00:11:32,642
Uh, yeah, I'm getting that.
Look, I'm just doing the thing.
276
00:11:32,644 --> 00:11:34,777
Oh.
See, what you just did--
277
00:11:34,779 --> 00:11:37,146
that's how we normally talk.
That's very aggressive.
278
00:11:37,148 --> 00:11:39,448
I came at you hard.
You came at me real hard, and
279
00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:41,550
people aren't comfortable with
that sort of behavior.
280
00:11:41,552 --> 00:11:43,686
That's why we're trying
something different here, okay?
281
00:11:43,688 --> 00:11:45,821
Guys, memorize these lines,
okay?
282
00:11:45,823 --> 00:11:47,990
We need to seem like it's coming
off the cuff.
283
00:11:47,992 --> 00:11:50,092
Right. Plus, she didn't even
feel a thing.
284
00:11:50,094 --> 00:11:52,194
What?
What?
285
00:11:52,196 --> 00:11:53,996
That's the punch line to Mac
bang-banging our mom.
286
00:11:53,998 --> 00:11:55,932
She didn't, she didn't even
notice.
287
00:11:55,934 --> 00:11:58,234
Oh, Dee, Jesus Christ, your
timing is so bad.
288
00:11:58,236 --> 00:12:00,569
He just said it.
There's a timing concern.
289
00:12:00,571 --> 00:12:02,905
Look, stop.
Don't do the jokes, okay?
290
00:12:02,907 --> 00:12:05,241
Let's settle into our new roles
here, okay?
291
00:12:05,243 --> 00:12:07,610
Little bit of role-play.
Change of plans.
292
00:12:07,612 --> 00:12:09,712
Change of plans.
We got to go darker with
293
00:12:09,714 --> 00:12:12,048
Industry Night, edgier.
No, Frank, don't derail us.
294
00:12:12,050 --> 00:12:14,383
We're doing bright lights,
bright colors, and funny banter.
295
00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:16,686
That's what wins.
Wrong.
296
00:12:16,688 --> 00:12:19,021
Artemis and I went to a
burlesque bar last night.
297
00:12:19,023 --> 00:12:21,357
Eh, there were women
stripping, but it was classy.
298
00:12:21,359 --> 00:12:24,493
It was dimly lit.
They were serving martinis,
299
00:12:24,495 --> 00:12:27,096
period costumes.
There weren't a lot of people in
300
00:12:27,098 --> 00:12:29,398
there, but this bar has won a
shitload of awards.
301
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,234
Do you guys think that our
location is the problem?
302
00:12:32,236 --> 00:12:34,203
Hmm.
That could be it, yeah.
303
00:12:34,205 --> 00:12:35,972
Well, no, see, there was that
bar that just opened last year
304
00:12:35,974 --> 00:12:39,608
right down the street, and they've
already won a ton of awards. Oh, mm-hmm.
305
00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,944
Oh, right.
Is it us?
306
00:12:41,946 --> 00:12:44,280
Ugh.
No way.
307
00:12:44,282 --> 00:12:46,415
Us?
No, no, no, it can't be us.
308
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,351
No way.
I highly doubt it's us.
309
00:12:48,353 --> 00:12:50,286
It's everybody else.
It's their problem, not us.
310
00:12:50,288 --> 00:12:52,221
We don't have the...
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey!
311
00:12:52,223 --> 00:12:54,490
I got it! I got it!
Got what?
312
00:12:54,492 --> 00:12:56,859
The Best Song.
I wrote the Best Song.
313
00:12:56,861 --> 00:12:58,995
It's amazing.
Get with the program.
314
00:12:58,997 --> 00:13:01,097
Yes, Charlie, please.
We're all clamoring to hear.
315
00:13:01,099 --> 00:13:04,066
? Whoa, they say
The world's your oyster
316
00:13:04,068 --> 00:13:09,972
Ma'am, but oysters ain't for me
? You're the belle of the ball
317
00:13:09,974 --> 00:13:14,276
But you ain't my cup of tea
They always vote you
318
00:13:14,278 --> 00:13:17,580
? Best in Show
But this doggie disagrees
319
00:13:17,582 --> 00:13:21,951
'Cause I like life
In Paddy's Pub... ?
320
00:13:21,953 --> 00:13:27,823
Okay. ? There's a place for me It's the
place I go Where the beer is cheap
321
00:13:27,825 --> 00:13:31,327
? And the lights are low
It's Paddy's Pub
322
00:13:31,329 --> 00:13:36,599
I like Paddy's Pub
? Let the record show
323
00:13:36,601 --> 00:13:41,971
The greatest place to go
Is that bar called Paddy's Pub ?
324
00:13:50,380 --> 00:13:58,888
? I like life in Paddy's
Pub... ?
325
00:13:58,890 --> 00:14:01,157
My goodness!
Hey, hey!
326
00:14:01,159 --> 00:14:02,925
Well, well, well.
My goodness.
327
00:14:02,927 --> 00:14:04,860
You guys really like it?
You're not just bullshitting me?
328
00:14:04,862 --> 00:14:06,796
It was pretty great!
I tried to go right down the
329
00:14:06,798 --> 00:14:08,764
middle, you know, of Middle
America, Randy Newman...
330
00:14:08,766 --> 00:14:10,699
Yeah, I didn't catch any rape
references, nothing about
331
00:14:10,701 --> 00:14:12,635
spiders, nothing about ghouls.
Why would there be
332
00:14:12,637 --> 00:14:16,539
rape? You're always talking about rape and spiders.
You guys misinterpret it,
333
00:14:16,541 --> 00:14:18,307
but...
Charlie, that was great.
334
00:14:18,309 --> 00:14:20,242
It was really great.
You really knocked it out of the
335
00:14:20,244 --> 00:14:23,979
park. Let's go down to the basement
and get some lemons for the party.
336
00:14:23,981 --> 00:14:26,148
Oh, yeah, sure, okay.
I'm glad you like the song, man.
337
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,686
Are you locking me in here?!
Yeah.
338
00:14:30,688 --> 00:14:32,621
Well, we just couldn't have him
do that song.
339
00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:34,423
Doesn't make any sense.
No.
340
00:14:34,425 --> 00:14:37,893
It's ridiculous. All right,
let's put on a good show.
341
00:14:47,949 --> 00:14:49,967
All right, people are
starting to arrive.
342
00:14:50,064 --> 00:14:51,864
This is great.
Okay, so when a customer comes
343
00:14:51,866 --> 00:14:53,632
up to you, remember, keep it
light.
344
00:14:53,634 --> 00:14:55,601
Light.
Keep it playful.
345
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,369
Playful.
Right?
346
00:14:57,371 --> 00:14:59,271
Y'all ain't got to worry
about me.
347
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:01,907
'Cause I'm gonna be chatting
these fools up like a mug.
348
00:15:01,909 --> 00:15:04,443
Cool.
Okay, thanks, Z.
349
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,378
Yeah, I'm a little worried
about him.
350
00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:08,314
We should have gotten a less
intense black guy for diversity,
351
00:15:08,316 --> 00:15:10,282
but we don't have any in our
roster.
352
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,218
But maybe we could find another
one, throw him into the mix?
353
00:15:12,220 --> 00:15:14,153
You know, to counter Z's vibe?
You got to be really careful
354
00:15:14,155 --> 00:15:16,121
about the ratio.
We get too many black guys,
355
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:18,057
people think it's a black bar.
That will not help us.
356
00:15:18,059 --> 00:15:19,992
Black bars don't win awards.
No.
357
00:15:19,994 --> 00:15:21,961
I don't know why, but they
don't.
358
00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:23,896
Loving these lights, you guys.
359
00:15:23,898 --> 00:15:25,831
I am glowing like an angel
over here.
360
00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:28,634
Oh, my God.
Hi, can I get a drink?
361
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:31,203
Hey, I'm Mac.
Welcome to Paddy's Pub.
362
00:15:31,205 --> 00:15:34,006
I like to recommend to our first
timers our signature cocktail--
363
00:15:34,008 --> 00:15:39,378
Caribbean Paradise. Some people say it's
better than busting a nut. Excuse me?
364
00:15:39,380 --> 00:15:41,914
Busting a nut.
It's like, uh, you know, blowing
365
00:15:41,916 --> 00:15:43,983
your load.
He said it was a funny joke.
366
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,151
Well, no... hold on.
Yeah, it's like coming all
367
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:48,220
over you.
It's light, it's playful.
368
00:15:48,222 --> 00:15:50,356
Yeah, well, no, I think what
my friend is trying to refer to
369
00:15:50,358 --> 00:15:52,925
is an orgasm, which is light and
playful, but he overstepped
370
00:15:52,927 --> 00:15:54,893
himself and got a little bit
too specific.
371
00:15:54,895 --> 00:15:56,996
Sorry, we jizz in the drink
and that's what makes it light.
372
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:59,098
No, no, nobody's jizzing on
anything.
373
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:00,833
Well, where do I jizz?
You don't jizz.
374
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,635
How can, how can I orgasm if
I don't jizz?
375
00:16:02,637 --> 00:16:04,470
No, ma'am, I think what...
Just tell me where I jizz so
376
00:16:04,472 --> 00:16:06,338
I can give this lady her drink.
Ma'am, what would you like to
377
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,841
drink?
And we won't jizz on anything.
378
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,776
Not like Mac's ever had an
orgasm.
379
00:16:10,778 --> 00:16:12,745
Holy shit, you're late.
She was late.
380
00:16:12,747 --> 00:16:14,680
Go back in your light.
We're all set up back there.
381
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,615
Deandra, grab a couple of
bottles of champagne, let's go.
382
00:16:16,617 --> 00:16:18,550
Yup.
N-N-No, I got it, I got it.
383
00:16:18,552 --> 00:16:20,519
Dee, stay in your light.
Come with me, come here.
384
00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,454
All right, listen, listen,
listen.
385
00:16:22,456 --> 00:16:26,659
What was that? All right, look, look, look, look.
You two do the charged moment.
386
00:16:26,661 --> 00:16:30,195
Will they or won't they?
Mm-hmm.
387
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,870
What's wrong, Dee?
Oh, nothing.
388
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,805
Let me guess-- boyfriend
troubles?
389
00:16:39,807 --> 00:16:44,176
Hmm. This guy doesn't know what he's got.
He's really ugly, too.
390
00:16:44,178 --> 00:16:46,178
I'm sorry, are you talking to
me?
391
00:16:46,180 --> 00:16:48,113
Yeah.
I said her boyfriend's ugly.
392
00:16:48,115 --> 00:16:50,049
Pay attention, bozo.
Okay, he's not ugly, all
393
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:51,984
right?
That wouldn't make any sense.
394
00:16:51,986 --> 00:16:54,053
That's-that... He's not ugly.
Dude's a total tool, too.
395
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:55,988
It's...
You know what he's not?
396
00:16:55,990 --> 00:16:57,923
He's not covered in stupid
tattoos and he doesn't have a
397
00:16:57,925 --> 00:16:59,725
cigarette for a mother...
What?!
398
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,660
Don't talk shit about my mom!
Whoa.
399
00:17:01,662 --> 00:17:03,595
Hey!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
400
00:17:03,597 --> 00:17:05,564
Stop-- what the hell's going on
over here?
401
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,499
That man is choking that woman.
402
00:17:07,501 --> 00:17:09,335
Get over here.
What are, what are you doing?
403
00:17:09,337 --> 00:17:12,104
This isn't will they or won't
they?
404
00:17:12,106 --> 00:17:14,273
This is I know they won't and I
know I don't want them to.
405
00:17:14,275 --> 00:17:16,875
Excuse me, there's a guy
406
00:17:16,877 --> 00:17:19,411
crawling out of your floor.
Oh, uh, that-that's okay.
407
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,347
That's just our janitor.
Uh, don't worry about it,
408
00:17:21,349 --> 00:17:23,282
gentlemen.
What are you doing, dude?
409
00:17:23,284 --> 00:17:25,818
I broke out.
Are you high?
410
00:17:25,820 --> 00:17:28,220
You put, you put me in the
basement with spray cans.
411
00:17:28,222 --> 00:17:30,322
I got high.
Do me a favor, go back in the
412
00:17:30,324 --> 00:17:32,324
basement, okay?
Get higher if you want.
413
00:17:32,326 --> 00:17:34,460
Just go back in.
Don't sit down there.
414
00:17:34,462 --> 00:17:36,395
No, no, no, no, no, don't,
don't... Goddamn it.
415
00:17:36,397 --> 00:17:40,132
What are we gonna do? Oh, well, it looks
like Z brought friends. Yo, yo, yo.
416
00:17:40,134 --> 00:17:41,900
What up?
Oh!
417
00:17:41,902 --> 00:17:44,203
That's too many black guys,
dude-- the ratio's off.
418
00:17:44,205 --> 00:17:46,138
Dennis, the ratio is off!
Okay, you know what?
419
00:17:46,140 --> 00:17:48,107
Ooh, ooh, ooh, the burlesque,
remember?
420
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:50,042
Burlesque, yes, yes, yes.
Hey, guys, guy... gentlemen,
421
00:17:50,044 --> 00:17:51,977
gentlemen.
How about something a little bit
422
00:17:51,979 --> 00:17:54,346
more upscale, yeah?
Here, come with me.
423
00:17:54,348 --> 00:17:56,315
I want to show you something.
Yeah, this is classy.
424
00:17:56,317 --> 00:17:58,317
Put it in. Put the bottle in.
Oh, my God. I did.
425
00:17:58,319 --> 00:18:00,319
Put it in.
426
00:18:00,321 --> 00:18:02,321
Get the bottle out, get the
bottle out!
427
00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:04,323
I'm trying!
Don't judge me-- this is art.
428
00:18:04,325 --> 00:18:07,893
Shut the door.
This is not art.
429
00:18:07,895 --> 00:18:09,828
Attention, attention,
everybody.
430
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:11,764
I got a little ditty about
Paddy's Pub.
431
00:18:11,766 --> 00:18:13,732
? I'm a singer.
Charlie's doing the song.
432
00:18:13,734 --> 00:18:15,667
The song was light.
The song was light.
433
00:18:15,669 --> 00:18:17,603
That'll lighten things up.
Do the song, dude, do the
434
00:18:17,605 --> 00:18:19,872
song.
Please enjoy this song.
435
00:18:19,874 --> 00:18:25,844
? There is a spider, spider
Spider
436
00:18:25,846 --> 00:18:31,784
He's deep in my soul, soul
? He's lived here for years
437
00:18:31,786 --> 00:18:43,328
Years He just won't let go ? He's
laying around He's got a mean bite
438
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:48,000
Now he's ready
To fight... ?
439
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:57,810
? And stand up
For what he knows... ?
440
00:18:57,812 --> 00:19:04,450
? I don't need your trophies
Or your gold
441
00:19:04,452 --> 00:19:10,088
I just want to tell you all
Go yourselves... ?
442
00:19:10,090 --> 00:19:14,827
Oh, shit.
443
00:19:14,829 --> 00:19:23,735
? Go yourselves...
444
00:19:23,737 --> 00:19:25,938
? Ooh, wah-ooh...
Is he spitting?
445
00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:27,873
Is he spitting?
Oh, he's spitting at them.
446
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,775
Is that the sign?
That's the sign.
447
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:31,376
Spit! Spit!
Hey, you!
448
00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:33,412
What is wrong with you people?
449
00:19:33,414 --> 00:19:35,547
Get out!
We don't need you!
450
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:40,252
Get out of here!
? I really mean to tell you
451
00:19:40,254 --> 00:19:44,490
you,
I don't need you in my bar. ?
452
00:19:44,492 --> 00:19:46,458
Beat it!
There's your damn award.
453
00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:52,962
? Ooh...
Did you hear my song?
454
00:19:53,082 --> 00:19:54,235
I heard it.
I love it.
455
00:19:54,355 --> 00:19:56,055
Great song, Charlie.
Yeah, man.
456
00:19:56,175 --> 00:19:57,058
You know what, that felt good.
457
00:19:57,178 --> 00:20:01,196
That felt real good. I mean, I guess
it is us after all, you know? It's us.
458
00:20:01,316 --> 00:20:04,730
All right, it's us.
Screw them, you know why?
459
00:20:04,850 --> 00:20:06,479
'Cause I like us.
I like us, too, Dee.
460
00:20:06,599 --> 00:20:10,604
Well, because we're awesome. Yeah,
we're good at what we do. Yeah!
461
00:20:10,724 --> 00:20:12,032
We do our own thing and we're
good at it.
462
00:20:12,152 --> 00:20:13,691
I don't need their validation.
463
00:20:13,811 --> 00:20:16,824
That's exactly right.
No, no, I'm happy with us.
464
00:20:16,944 --> 00:20:22,475
Totally. I really wanted an award, though.
I was dying for one.
465
00:20:22,595 --> 00:20:24,296
Ah, it'd be so nice.
Would've meant a lot.
466
00:20:24,630 --> 00:20:26,113
Yeah.
Yeah.
467
00:20:26,233 --> 00:20:36,816
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com