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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Hello, welcome to Mock the Week, I'm
Dara O Briain.
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Joining us this week
are Evelyn Mok, Maisie Adam,
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Ed Byrne, Angela Barnes Hugh
Dennis and Glenn Moore.
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Ed Byrne, Angela Barnes,
Hugh Dennis and Glenn Moore.
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We start now with a round called
Picture of the Week.
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You're to tell me what is happening.
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So, teams, what's going on here?
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Oh, want to feel old?
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That's what Blazing
Squad look like now!
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Is it Chris de Burgh's funeral?
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Is it nine democratic
world leaders enjoy beach
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holiday before we...
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...l mean China take over?
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Is else anybody else looking
at this and just gripped
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with an urge to play Subbuteo?
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Is there a photographer
going, "Er, can we get
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the fathers of the politicians
in now, please?"
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They should be going,
"Why are there nine of us?"
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I've got to say, I don't
want to choose any of these Street
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Fighter characters.
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Angela Merkel is the only one
there going, "Oh, no,
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this is definitely going to be
used on Mock the Week."
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In Germany it's called
Moche die Woche.
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Is it a photo of the
Japanese Prime Minister
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and his eight token white friends?
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Is it I'm a World Leader,
Get Me Out Of Here?
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"The votes have been
counted and verify and the
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first world through
through to Davos is..."
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Does anyone have the
correct answer, please?
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"Week-by-week, collect
these G7 action figures.
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Build up your collection
to form your own useless jamboree."
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Yes, it is.
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Thank you very much.
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Well done.
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Yes, these are the leaders
of the G7 countries,
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as well the presidents
of
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the European Council
and the European Commission.
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The news that this week
the G7 summit took place
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in Cornwall, where the leaders
discussed climate change, the
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Covid-19 crisis and China.
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How do you think the summit went?
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Over all it was a pretty
good summit, wasn't it?
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They signed an environmental
agreement, which
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they then...
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"celebrated by a fly
past by the Red Arrows.
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Their famous red, white and blue
trails of pollution.
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It's amazing.
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Unfortunately for Boris, the trail
of the Red Arrows makes the French
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flag, which doesn't work very well.
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They're calling it the sausage
wars, aren't they?
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The sausage wars, which is
incidentally what I used to call
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this programme.
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In a sausage war, really,
what's the wurst that can happen?
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Oh!
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Thank you, thank you.
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Historically Britain has
entered a sausage war,
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not long since they had a cod war,
as they slowly worked
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their way down the chip shop menu.
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2024's the curry sauce war.
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It's interesting,
like we don't have sea shanties from
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where I'm from.
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Like we have...
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What's it called?
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Music.
Music.
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Why was the barbecue criticised?
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They felt that there
was too many of them
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and they weren't socially distant.
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Yes.
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When pubs and all that kind
of things aren't allowed to open up
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properly, why are the people who run
the world allowed to do things
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we're not?
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There was people going,
"How dare they?
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How dare they be out doing..."
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Meanwhile behind them there is a pub
garden full of people
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watching England play football.
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"How can they possibly do that?"
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And while they're
dancing up and down,
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going, "lt's one rule for them,
it's one rule for them
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and one rule for us!"
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One of the decisions they made
was to be tough on measures on
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burning coal and
they're burning coal!
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There were many mild hypocrisies
involved, I mean I was
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actually at a barbecue at the
weekend in which we discussed their
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barbecue in a kind of, "Oh,
it's terrible what they're doing.
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Yes, more rose would be lovely!"
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Meanwhile, what's going on here?
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He has an amazing
ability, Joe Biden,
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to look like a 2-D
cutout ofjoe Biden.
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The Queen has such mad
dress sense, doesn't she?
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And the papers always go,
"She looks radiant."
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She would wear a bright
pink hat with like a
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dead pigeon Sellotaped
on it and the Daily Mail
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would still say, "Oh it beautifully
complemented her surroundings."
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Maisie, do you think she could carry
off this jacket though?
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No.
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Not at all.
Not at all.
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No one, including you,
could carry off that jacket.
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I know she's not allowed
to technically make or change any
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laws, but she breaks some fashion
ones on a regular basis.
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Did you see that photo of the Queen
cutting that cake, with a sword?
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It's just crazy.
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Doesn't it make you think that just
maybe Philip was the
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ordinary one?
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And that actually...
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...the whole time he had just been
keeping a lid on her erratic
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behaviour and now we are without
Prince Philip, we are just
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going to see a whole
mad side to the Queen.
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She is going to be using the sword
to cut ribbons and do openings
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and then she's going to knight
people using scissors and
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cake knives.
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Can I tell you the
really sinister thing
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about that?
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She'd been practicing all week
on Colin The Caterpillar.
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Yes.
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Is it my imagination, or does
Jill Biden just look slightly
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on the wonk?
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And the Queen on the
wonk the other way.
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111$'! Slightly...
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Urgh...
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Sorry, do you mean
a literal fanny magnet?
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Very good, Maisie and Evelyn.
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Now, we play a round
called Covid or Go Home.
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This game...
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...involves Glenn and Evelyn.
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So if you could make your way
to the performance area, please.
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This round is a stand up challenge.
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I will launch a wheel
of news and wherever
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it chooses to stop, one
of our performers must step forward
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and talk about that subject.
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OK, here we go, let's
have our first topic, so
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spin the wheel, please.
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The first subject is
identity, who wants to
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come in on that?
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Here?
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So, I willjust start
by introducing myself to
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you guys, so you get a sense
of who you're dealing with here.
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Because there is a lot
going on in this person.
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Now, I am a Swedish-born, Chinese
immigrant, working class, plus
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size pan sexual lady,
who is lactose intolerant.
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So...
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...as you can tell, my cup just
overfloweth with identity.
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And I find that it's a cup that no
Brit wants to drink out of.
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Because you guys get confused by me.
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Anywhere I go really
people can't place me.
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In Sweden, they presume
I can only speak English.
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In England, they think that
I only speak Chinese.
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And as a Chinese girl,
my relatives are super surprised I'm
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still alive.
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But I will say I have been
on your British shores now for
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about nine years, so I
feel like I'm British.
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For instance, if tonight doesn't go
well as I hope, I will
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just internalise all my feelings
about it, never address it and then
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take it to my grave!
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And I will say I do
appreciate the irony of being
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Chinese and poking fun
at you Brits for being stoic,
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because we are a very reserved
people as well.
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However, the difference I find
is that when the Brits oppress
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feelings, you tend
to go into alcoholism.
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When the Chinese repress feelings,
we go to work and take
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over the world.
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Which ironically
you guys used to do.
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Great stuff, thank you, Evelyn.
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That leaves us with
Glenn, let's see what
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your topic is, spin the wheel.
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And that is family.
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I've always had a very,
very close relationship with
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my parents.
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I first realised that
when I was at boarding nursery.
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I was very close to all my
relatives, actually.
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I loved my grandparents.
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My grandmother's an Elvis
impersonator, in the sense that
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she's not alive any more and she...
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"well, she died a few years ago.
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She lost her eight-year
battle with not
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getting hit by a car.
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I have close talks
with all my relatives.
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I remember when I
was 15 years old, my
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uncle sat me down to have "the talk"
but it turns out that I didn't know
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what sex was either.
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I like going to visit my parents.
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Sometimes it's nice to visit
your parents, because
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it's nice to remind
yourself of what loo roll
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is meant to feel like.
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I don't know where parents
get their loo roll from -
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the towel section at john Lewis?
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It's got like a tog to it,
it's like trying to flush a duvet.
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I like going to visit my parents,
but the only thing I don't
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like is how remote their village is.
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It is an area so remote
that the last time I was there,
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I got a pop up on my laptop saying,
"Click here
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for pictures of lonely singles
in your area," and I clicked on it
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and it was just pictures of me.
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No, it's so remote,
basically my parents live
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in a village that's got no phone
signal, no radio signal and some
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internet, which, as we all know,
is significantly worse than
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00:12:54,738 --> 00:12:55,804
no internet.
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Because in my parents' house
I can get no internet
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reception in my bedroom,
but can I get perfect
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internet reception
in
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the airing cupboard just
across the shitting hallway.
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Take it back to my bedroom,
you can guarantee half way
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through a video, something
starts buffering again.
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So I've got, to take it
back to sexy Narnia.
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Try to hop across the corridor
with my trousers around my ankles.
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You can bet my parents catch me
in the act as well, so I look
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like Pixar lamp.
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It's a nightmare.
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Thank you very, very
much, well done.
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Let's hear it for Glenn.
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Well done!
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Both of you go back.
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00:13:40,579 --> 00:13:42,684
Our next round is
called, If This is the
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00:13:42,709 --> 00:13:43,888
Answer, What is the Question?
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00:13:43,913 --> 00:13:45,447
On the board are six categories.
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00:13:45,472 --> 00:13:48,888
Evelyn, which category
would you like?
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00:13:48,913 --> 00:13:50,168
Home news, please.
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00:13:50,193 --> 00:13:52,554
Your topic is home news,
your answer is four weeks,
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00:13:52,579 --> 00:13:54,403
what is the question?
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00:13:54,428 --> 00:13:59,358
The amount of time it
takes for a few Tory MP
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00:13:59,383 --> 00:14:01,993
takes for a new Tory MP
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00:14:02,018 --> 00:14:03,447
to hatch from their queen's egg.
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00:14:03,472 --> 00:14:07,093
Is it how long does my
Nan cook a steak for?
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Is it, how long did I cringe
for after giving my dentist a
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cheeky wink and telling him
to fill all my holes?
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00:14:23,477 --> 00:14:26,327
Is it how long do you have
to know Matt Hancock before
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he'll give you a PPE contract?
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Over the years, Coming Home has gone
from this like really
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00:14:38,633 --> 00:14:40,478
happy chant to becoming
like a desperate plea
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00:14:40,503 --> 00:14:42,358
for a missing person.
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00:14:42,383 --> 00:14:47,593
Sort of, "We're not angry, football,
we just want you to come home."
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00:14:52,222 --> 00:14:55,378
ls it how old will Lilibet be before
Piers Morgan writes an article
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00:14:55,403 --> 00:15:00,403
saying she betrayed
the Royal Family?
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00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:13,843
Is it the average time it takes
to get out of an lkea store?
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Is it, how long is a quantum
physicist's dick?
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That's unpleasant
on many, many levels.
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00:15:46,222 --> 00:15:51,347
Ifjoe Biden took the knee,
how would it take him to stand up?
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Any of you with the correct answer?
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Is it, how long have they pushed
back the date of the release of us
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from the Covid regulations?
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Absolutely right.
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Thank you very much, Ed Byrne.
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00:16:01,472 --> 00:16:03,993
Very good.
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00:16:04,018 --> 00:16:06,888
Yes, the question I was looking
for was, by how long has
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00:16:06,913 --> 00:16:09,123
the lifting of all Covid
restrictions been delayed?
246
00:16:09,148 --> 00:16:12,447
This is the news that the government
has pushed back the date when it
247
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,123
removes all remaining Covid
restrictions from June
248
00:16:14,148 --> 00:16:16,197
the 21st to July the 19th.
249
00:16:16,222 --> 00:16:18,888
How do we feel about the delay?
250
00:16:18,913 --> 00:16:21,523
My fiance doesn't really watch
the news, so I'm just dreading
251
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:24,197
the day that someone tells him that
blow jobs were never
252
00:16:24,222 --> 00:16:29,447
banned in the first place.
253
00:16:31,102 --> 00:16:32,123
I mean, I'm disappointed.
254
00:16:32,148 --> 00:16:33,993
I'm disappointed but I'm
not surprised that it's
255
00:16:34,018 --> 00:16:35,038
just not happening.
256
00:16:35,063 --> 00:16:37,713
As someone who's been married
to an Englishwoman for 13 years,
257
00:16:37,738 --> 00:16:42,273
British people are not good
at opening up.
258
00:16:56,352 --> 00:16:59,684
The cap on wedding guests has meant
that a lot less people have had
259
00:16:59,709 --> 00:17:02,373
to suffer the indignity of being sat
on THAT table.
260
00:17:02,398 --> 00:17:04,963
You know that table at every
wedding where you just go,
261
00:17:04,988 --> 00:17:06,403
how do you know the bride?
262
00:17:06,428 --> 00:17:07,608
Oh, you do her accounts.
263
00:17:07,633 --> 00:17:10,963
Right, lovely.
264
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,918
And when the guests
arrive, the ushers go,
265
00:17:12,943 --> 00:17:17,758
are you Pfizer or AstraZeneca?
266
00:17:28,428 --> 00:17:31,038
There's a lot of Tory
revolt about it though.
267
00:17:31,063 --> 00:17:32,684
Yes.
268
00:17:32,709 --> 00:17:35,093
And there's even a health minister
even said the phrase
269
00:17:35,118 --> 00:17:37,992
that we should learn to live
with the problem of Covid.
270
00:17:38,017 --> 00:17:39,353
But think about Boris Johnson.
271
00:17:39,378 --> 00:17:41,993
If he knew how to live
with a problem, he wouldn't
272
00:17:42,018 --> 00:17:47,168
be on his third wife.
273
00:17:47,503 --> 00:17:52,403
I just thought, if we have to do
another season of Mock The Week
274
00:17:52,428 --> 00:17:53,918
with these Perspex screens...
275
00:17:53,943 --> 00:17:56,808
Hopefully, by the time of next
season, we'll be back to normal
276
00:17:56,833 --> 00:17:59,713
and doing it how we always do it,
holding hands and spitting
277
00:17:59,738 --> 00:18:00,758
at the other team.
278
00:18:00,783 --> 00:18:01,843
Good old clays!
279
00:18:01,868 --> 00:18:03,684
Traditions I miss most, actually.
280
00:18:03,709 --> 00:18:04,804
Yeah!
281
00:18:04,829 --> 00:18:07,638
Sitting in the middle of that,
just watching all the goz go
282
00:18:07,663 --> 00:18:09,077
from one side to the other...
283
00:18:09,102 --> 00:18:10,684
And I will...
284
00:18:10,709 --> 00:18:13,358
Hopefully we'll get out of this
and be back to normal
285
00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:17,169
in some shape or form,
but I will miss you Zoom people.
286
00:18:17,194 --> 00:18:18,963
Oh, no, don't!
287
00:18:18,988 --> 00:18:24,243
I said I wouldn't cry!
288
00:18:24,783 --> 00:18:30,052
Some of the most insincere bonding
I have ever seen there.
289
00:18:30,873 --> 00:18:33,192
People are watching
from their rustic Tudor home.
290
00:18:33,217 --> 00:18:38,263
Oh, look at you with
the beams in your kitchen!
291
00:18:38,337 --> 00:18:41,028
And people who just
need dots on the wall.
292
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:45,437
They are the strangest of them all.
293
00:18:45,462 --> 00:18:46,674
Have you seen the puppy?
294
00:18:46,699 --> 00:18:47,674
Someone's got a PUPPY-
295
00:18:47,699 --> 00:18:49,748
They always bring in the puppy.
296
00:18:49,773 --> 00:18:51,622
Always the PUPPY-
297
00:18:53,623 --> 00:18:54,908
Now someone's showing a kitten.
298
00:18:54,933 --> 00:19:00,143
This is not the tone
we were looking for.
299
00:19:00,288 --> 00:19:03,628
We will have to make it a condition,
when we get our audience in,
300
00:19:03,653 --> 00:19:05,988
when we get the actual audience
back, they all have
301
00:19:06,013 --> 00:19:08,393
to bring a dog in.
302
00:19:08,418 --> 00:19:11,517
Or, when the audience are here,
they all have to sit in front
303
00:19:11,542 --> 00:19:15,028
of a photograph of their home.
304
00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:17,674
It will be good to get
rid of these, won't it?
305
00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:20,083
I fought the temptation
for the entire thing to play...
306
00:19:20,108 --> 00:19:21,468
IMITATES WOBBLE BOARD.
307
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:24,317
...and slip into a Rolf
Harris impersonation -
308
00:19:24,342 --> 00:19:29,437
even less popular than it
used to be.
309
00:19:30,373 --> 00:19:32,468
In other news, what trip
of a lifetime was
310
00:19:32,493 --> 00:19:35,028
auctioned off this week?
311
00:19:35,053 --> 00:19:36,703
Oh, this is Jeff Bezos, isn't it?
312
00:19:36,728 --> 00:19:37,703
Yeah.
313
00:19:37,728 --> 00:19:41,083
There was a live auction to take
the third seat in the Blue Origin
314
00:19:41,108 --> 00:19:44,393
initial flight in July.
315
00:19:44,418 --> 00:19:47,078
If you found out someone said,
oh, you know that trip
316
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:50,158
you are going on next week,
someone has paid $28 million to sit
317
00:19:50,183 --> 00:19:52,544
next to you, you'd go,
I'm immediately calling the police.
318
00:19:52,569 --> 00:19:53,598
Yeah.
319
00:19:53,623 --> 00:19:54,628
What?
320
00:19:54,653 --> 00:19:58,028
To sit next to me to space,
the place where there is no police
321
00:19:58,053 --> 00:20:00,028
and everyone famously can't
hear you scream...
322
00:20:08,493 --> 00:20:11,387
He's hardly, with the best
will in the world, going into space.
323
00:20:11,412 --> 00:20:14,748
They're going into an area just over
100 kilometres up and they go up
324
00:20:14,773 --> 00:20:16,628
and they spend four minutes
in weightlessness and
325
00:20:16,653 --> 00:20:18,833
then come down again,
and the whole flight takes
326
00:20:18,858 --> 00:20:19,833
about an hour.
327
00:20:19,858 --> 00:20:20,922
INTERRUPTIONS.
328
00:20:20,947 --> 00:20:23,973
The whole thing takes about an hour
and the person bid $28 million.
329
00:20:23,998 --> 00:20:25,898
You're in the venue but not in VIP.
330
00:20:25,923 --> 00:20:29,257
There is a large
element of that, yeah.
331
00:20:29,282 --> 00:20:32,148
It's expensive but, if you get
delayed by more than three hours,
332
00:20:32,173 --> 00:20:33,383
you get 9 million back.
333
00:20:33,408 --> 00:20:36,784
Yeah, you do.
334
00:20:36,809 --> 00:20:39,177
28 million for the seat
next to Jeff Bezos.
335
00:20:39,202 --> 00:20:41,618
Jeff Bezos is so rich,
he'lljust pay 30 million
336
00:20:41,643 --> 00:20:46,583
to put his bag on that seat.
337
00:20:46,648 --> 00:20:48,018
It's also terrible forjeff Bezos.
338
00:20:48,043 --> 00:20:50,898
Imagine this guy's paid 28 million
and he's got to take him
339
00:20:50,923 --> 00:20:54,507
on the flight and you sit down next
to someone who goes, do you mind
340
00:20:54,532 --> 00:20:59,383
if we pull the blind down?
341
00:20:59,408 --> 00:21:00,377
I don't like...
342
00:21:00,402 --> 00:21:03,738
the sun...
343
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:05,018
Not really into space myself.
344
00:21:05,043 --> 00:21:09,307
Never really saw the appeal,
opening a book...
345
00:21:09,332 --> 00:21:12,383
Imagine if he gets onto the plane
and they are waiting to meet
346
00:21:12,408 --> 00:21:14,823
the person who paid 28 million
and it's his ex-wife.
347
00:21:14,848 --> 00:21:16,022
ALL: Ooh!
348
00:21:16,047 --> 00:21:18,693
Imdginel
349
00:21:18,718 --> 00:21:21,018
There's a movie, Dara.
350
00:21:21,043 --> 00:21:23,427
His ex-wife has spent
28 million on the seat behind,
351
00:21:23,452 --> 00:21:27,177
so she can just kick him
all the way.
352
00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:28,253
I really hope...
353
00:21:28,278 --> 00:21:29,503
Or reclining into him repeatedly.
354
00:21:29,528 --> 00:21:32,383
I really hope the person who's
bought the seat is Elon Musk,
355
00:21:32,408 --> 00:21:35,507
so he can sit the whole time
like a dad at a barbecue
356
00:21:35,532 --> 00:21:37,973
going, not how I'd do it.
357
00:21:37,998 --> 00:21:38,973
What is it?
358
00:21:38,998 --> 00:21:40,018
What are we saying?
359
00:21:40,043 --> 00:21:41,223
Is itjeff Bay-zos, Bez-os?
360
00:21:41,248 --> 00:21:44,338
What I suggest we do is,
when he goes on his first trip
361
00:21:44,363 --> 00:21:46,742
to space, we choose a different
pronunciation of his name.
362
00:21:46,767 --> 00:21:51,738
When he comes down again, it's,
oh, it's Jeff Buh-zos!
363
00:21:51,923 --> 00:21:54,784
Or he goes up and we all put
on ape costumes and,
364
00:21:54,809 --> 00:21:57,182
when he comes down again,
we all go, you've landed
365
00:21:57,207 --> 00:22:02,427
on the planet of the apes.
366
00:22:04,718 --> 00:22:07,177
Dara, I don't know if
you've noticed, but I've
367
00:22:07,202 --> 00:22:08,427
got my space dress on.
368
00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:09,618
I hadn't.
369
00:22:09,643 --> 00:22:11,307
And my astronaut
earrings and everything.
370
00:22:11,332 --> 00:22:12,458
WQW!
371
00:22:12,483 --> 00:22:14,618
He doesn't notice what women
are wearing any more,
372
00:22:14,643 --> 00:22:15,823
after the whole #MeToo thing.
373
00:22:15,848 --> 00:22:17,057
He's just been warned off.
374
00:22:17,082 --> 00:22:20,383
I look them right in the eyes, look
women right in the eyes, Angela.
375
00:22:20,408 --> 00:22:23,612
That's the only place I see women
any more, right in the eyes.
376
00:22:23,637 --> 00:22:28,868
Not the knockers any more -
right in the eyes.
377
00:22:28,973 --> 00:22:31,588
I mean, it was the knockers
for years, but now it's
378
00:22:31,613 --> 00:22:32,948
eyes, not knockers.
379
00:22:32,973 --> 00:22:35,073
Dara, with all the will
in the world, Dara,
380
00:22:35,098 --> 00:22:36,307
I'm in my mid-40s now.
381
00:22:36,332 --> 00:22:40,823
To look at my knockers,
you'd have to get under the desk.
382
00:22:40,848 --> 00:22:42,307
That's what I used to do.
383
00:22:42,332 --> 00:22:46,307
OK...
384
00:22:46,332 --> 00:22:51,228
At the end of that round, the points
go to Angela, Hugh and Glenn.
385
00:22:57,809 --> 00:23:00,618
Now, we come to Scenes We'd
Like To See, so if everyone
386
00:23:00,643 --> 00:23:02,788
can make their way over
to the performance area,
387
00:23:02,813 --> 00:23:05,664
I'll root out this week's topics
and we'll see what our panellists
388
00:23:05,689 --> 00:23:06,698
can come up with.
389
00:23:06,723 --> 00:23:07,738
OK.
390
00:23:07,763 --> 00:23:08,788
Here we go.
391
00:23:08,813 --> 00:23:10,307
The first subject is...
392
00:23:16,579 --> 00:23:21,808
Who commissions this shit?
393
00:23:24,063 --> 00:23:25,993
Up next tonight, it's Question Time.
394
00:23:26,018 --> 00:23:27,447
Now, unfortunately,
Priti Patel won't be
395
00:23:27,472 --> 00:23:30,093
appearing as advertised,
as one of her dalmatians
396
00:23:30,118 --> 00:23:35,304
has escaped.
397
00:23:48,222 --> 00:23:49,554
Do not adjust your set.
398
00:23:49,579 --> 00:23:54,713
Yes, there really are three women
on an episode of Mock The Week.
399
00:24:01,227 --> 00:24:04,038
Tonight's episode of Question Time
contains scenes of a sexual nature,
400
00:24:04,063 --> 00:24:08,258
in that it's got four massive
knobs on it.
401
00:24:22,352 --> 00:24:24,527
Coming up next, it's
Would I Lie To You,
402
00:24:24,552 --> 00:24:27,523
with Martin Bashir.
403
00:24:30,579 --> 00:24:33,684
Well, I can't tell you how much I've
been looking forward to this.
404
00:24:33,709 --> 00:24:38,603
It's time for Line Of Charlie -
Duty, Line Of Duty.
405
00:24:52,472 --> 00:24:55,327
Next, the Great British Sewing Bee,
where we'll be learning some tips
406
00:24:55,352 --> 00:24:57,523
on how to make denim look old.
407
00:24:57,548 --> 00:25:00,447
This show contains some
distressing scenes.
408
00:25:00,472 --> 00:25:05,684
GROANS AND LAUGHTER.
409
00:25:10,579 --> 00:25:14,123
The following programme
contains flashing images.
410
00:25:14,148 --> 00:25:17,773
John Barrowman's in it.
411
00:25:35,018 --> 00:25:37,887
We interrupt this programme to bring
you an important news bulletin -
412
00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:42,849
or, as I like to call it,
Guess Who's Died.
413
00:25:45,463 --> 00:25:48,349
This next programme originally aired
in 1992, so it features some
414
00:25:48,374 --> 00:25:53,579
language that viewers may find
totally radical and bodacious, dude.
415
00:26:09,409 --> 00:26:12,929
We interrupt this programme not
because there's any news -
416
00:26:12,954 --> 00:26:17,083
I just can't watch another second
of Mrs Brown's Boys.
417
00:26:20,590 --> 00:26:22,494
You're watching Dave,
because you don't trust him
418
00:26:22,519 --> 00:26:25,844
around your girlfriend.
419
00:26:40,924 --> 00:26:44,208
Now it's time for The Muppet Show -
or, as it is officially known,
420
00:26:44,233 --> 00:26:47,929
the Government Covid Briefing.
421
00:26:50,309 --> 00:26:52,094
Next on BBC Two,
Professor Brian Cox...
422
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:55,474
Oh, I've come!
423
00:26:59,394 --> 00:27:00,899
0K!
424
00:27:00,924 --> 00:27:05,179
Your next topic is...
425
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:08,724
Gosh, you're beautiful.
426
00:27:08,749 --> 00:27:13,945
You have wonderful eyes,
just like mother's.
427
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,769
So let me get this straight,
you don't want to see me again
428
00:27:17,794 --> 00:27:20,458
because you think I always talk
like I'm in an advert?
429
00:27:20,483 --> 00:27:25,664
Sound familiar?
430
00:27:33,590 --> 00:27:36,254
Er, no, my wife died...
431
00:27:36,279 --> 00:27:41,458
...nearly an hour ago.
432
00:27:46,590 --> 00:27:48,369
I've never gone on a date.
433
00:27:48,394 --> 00:27:52,664
I did once come in a watermelon.
434
00:28:08,439 --> 00:28:10,565
Er, yeah, do you want
go ahead and order?
435
00:28:10,590 --> 00:28:14,034
I'm going for a shit.
436
00:28:15,639 --> 00:28:17,489
Yeah, let's get a wine.
437
00:28:17,514 --> 00:28:21,049
Sorry, my ex used to say that I got
a bit weird after a wine,
438
00:28:21,074 --> 00:28:26,094
but that's because he couldn't
handle my emotions.
439
00:28:44,924 --> 00:28:45,974
Uh-huh.
440
00:28:45,999 --> 00:28:46,974
Mm-hm.
441
00:28:46,999 --> 00:28:52,195
Bofingl
442
00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:59,224
Time to feed the vagina!
443
00:29:16,159 --> 00:29:18,099
Me?
444
00:29:18,124 --> 00:29:20,695
Oh, I suppose having my balls
tickled with a feather.
445
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:22,619
Oh, sorry, what would I like to eat?
446
00:29:22,644 --> 00:29:27,344
Sorry.
447
00:29:29,559 --> 00:29:30,724
So many questions.
448
00:29:30,749 --> 00:29:32,259
Er...
449
00:29:32,284 --> 00:29:35,649
How much do you weigh?
450
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:50,179
I only look at the eyes,
never at the knockers.
451
00:29:58,999 --> 00:30:04,094
At the end of that round, the points
go to Ed, Maisie and Evelyn.
452
00:30:10,439 --> 00:30:12,134
And that's the end of the show.
453
00:30:12,159 --> 00:30:17,254
This week's winners are Evelyn Mok,
Maisie Adam and Ed Byrne.
454
00:30:19,353 --> 00:30:24,583
Commiserations to Angela Barnes,
Hugh Dennis and Glenn Moore.
455
00:30:25,559 --> 00:30:26,565
Thanks for watching.
456
00:30:26,590 --> 00:30:27,815
I'm Dara O Briain.
457
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,099
Good night.
458
00:30:51,074 --> 00:30:59,074
The time has come...