1
00:00:04,132 --> 00:00:07,017
BARNEY:
"Let's get this party started."
2
00:00:08,353 --> 00:00:09,686
Hey, can you
push the button?
3
00:00:09,688 --> 00:00:11,455
Do not touch
that button.
4
00:00:11,457 --> 00:00:13,523
Just give it a little push.
Don't push it.
5
00:00:13,525 --> 00:00:14,808
Just push it a little.
Don't listen to him.
6
00:00:14,810 --> 00:00:16,059
Half of it, halfway, halfway...
Don't even touch it.
7
00:00:16,061 --> 00:00:17,561
Why can't I
push the button?
8
00:00:17,563 --> 00:00:19,596
Because whenever Barney
sees a button-- any button--
9
00:00:19,598 --> 00:00:21,231
as to push it.
10
00:00:21,233 --> 00:00:23,400
(panting)
11
00:00:23,402 --> 00:00:25,435
Sorry.
12
00:00:25,437 --> 00:00:27,054
Why are you so mad?
13
00:00:27,056 --> 00:00:29,272
Because my rehearsal dinner
14
00:00:29,274 --> 00:00:31,408
was supposed to start
ten minutes ago.
15
00:00:31,410 --> 00:00:33,777
But instead of stuffing my face
16
00:00:33,779 --> 00:00:35,212
with hors d'oeuvres
17
00:00:35,214 --> 00:00:37,330
that I have been dreaming
about for months,
18
00:00:37,332 --> 00:00:39,750
I am in a laser tag
19
00:00:39,752 --> 00:00:41,501
security office,
20
00:00:41,503 --> 00:00:44,921
waiting for the police
to arrest my fiancé
21
00:00:44,923 --> 00:00:46,556
for causing a disturbance.
22
00:00:46,558 --> 00:00:47,758
Hey, you said "fiancé."
23
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,426
That's a good sign.
(sighs)
24
00:00:49,428 --> 00:00:50,894
Now what do you say
we give that old button a push?
25
00:00:50,896 --> 00:00:53,430
Take a good look at
this face, Barney, okay?
26
00:00:53,432 --> 00:00:56,233
'Cause it'll be useful
for the future.
27
00:00:56,984 --> 00:00:58,935
This is my "pretty mad" face.
28
00:00:58,937 --> 00:01:00,737
Well, then, we've got a problem.
29
00:01:00,739 --> 00:01:03,690
'Cause it looks a lot like
your "pretty hungry" face.
30
00:01:03,692 --> 00:01:05,275
I'm missing
the bacon-wrapped figs!
31
00:01:05,277 --> 00:01:07,143
Please push the button!
32
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:11,168
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x11 ♪
The Rehearsal Dinner
Original Air Date on December 2, 2013
33
00:01:11,193 --> 00:01:16,193
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
34
00:01:19,924 --> 00:01:21,792
Why is it
so cold in here?
35
00:01:21,794 --> 00:01:23,510
You trying to get me to talk
or something?
36
00:01:23,512 --> 00:01:24,678
Not really.
37
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,213
In fact, if you could just
sit there quietly...
38
00:01:26,215 --> 00:01:27,714
Fine, I'll talk.
39
00:01:27,716 --> 00:01:29,683
It all started a few months ago,
40
00:01:29,685 --> 00:01:32,936
when I had the most
awesome idea ever.
41
00:01:32,938 --> 00:01:35,722
Laser tag
rehearsal dinner!
42
00:01:35,724 --> 00:01:37,724
That might be the worst idea
you've ever had,
43
00:01:37,726 --> 00:01:38,859
which is saying a lot.
44
00:01:38,861 --> 00:01:41,278
Name one bad idea
I've ever had.
45
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,113
Gluten-free edible panties.
46
00:01:43,115 --> 00:01:44,364
Hot dog on a stick
on a bun.
47
00:01:44,366 --> 00:01:45,966
Inflatable sex toy life raft.
48
00:01:45,968 --> 00:01:47,367
The breast
augmentation channel.
49
00:01:47,369 --> 00:01:49,035
Single malt
Scotch tape.
50
00:01:49,037 --> 00:01:50,070
The time you ran for mayor.
51
00:01:50,072 --> 00:01:51,688
I still have 12,000 buttons
that say,
52
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:53,790
"The only poll I care about
is in my pants."
53
00:01:54,876 --> 00:01:56,326
Barney, planning
a wedding
54
00:01:56,328 --> 00:01:57,828
is all about compromise.
55
00:01:57,830 --> 00:01:59,129
Do you remember that one night,
56
00:01:59,131 --> 00:02:00,714
right after we got engaged?
57
00:02:00,716 --> 00:02:02,516
Where is this wedding
gonna be, anyway?
58
00:02:02,518 --> 00:02:05,669
You know, I thought
it might be nice
59
00:02:05,671 --> 00:02:07,387
I mean, it's where
I'm from, and...
60
00:02:08,339 --> 00:02:09,489
Okay.
61
00:02:09,491 --> 00:02:11,424
Let's have it.
Get it over with,
62
00:02:11,426 --> 00:02:12,509
get it all out
of your system.
63
00:02:12,511 --> 00:02:13,477
I'm the groom,
64
00:02:13,479 --> 00:02:14,845
I'm the groom,
I might as well start.
65
00:02:14,847 --> 00:02:16,563
Canada?
What, are we gonna
66
00:02:16,565 --> 00:02:18,682
walk down the aisle to
Crash Test Dummies?
67
00:02:18,684 --> 00:02:19,883
Play's to Marshall.
68
00:02:19,885 --> 00:02:21,351
Canada?
What are you gonna do,
69
00:02:21,353 --> 00:02:23,520
hire a regular dog sled
or a stretch? (snorts)
70
00:02:24,071 --> 00:02:25,021
Canada?
71
00:02:25,023 --> 00:02:26,857
Are you registered
at Tim Hortons?
72
00:02:26,859 --> 00:02:27,774
LILY:
Canada.
73
00:02:27,776 --> 00:02:29,392
Oh, does
the organist play
74
00:02:29,394 --> 00:02:30,527
wearing mittens?
75
00:02:30,529 --> 00:02:32,028
MARSHALL:
Canada? How are you gonna
76
00:02:32,030 --> 00:02:33,246
slip the ring on
the bride's finger
77
00:02:33,248 --> 00:02:34,564
if she's wearing
mittens?
78
00:02:34,566 --> 00:02:35,749
(laughs)
79
00:02:35,751 --> 00:02:37,000
Two mitten jokes
in a row?
80
00:02:37,002 --> 00:02:39,286
So... you're pretty
much done, then?
81
00:02:39,288 --> 00:02:41,538
NARRATOR:
Kids... we weren't even close.
82
00:02:41,540 --> 00:02:42,756
Canada.
83
00:02:42,758 --> 00:02:44,374
What do we ask on
the wedding invitation?
84
00:02:44,376 --> 00:02:47,127
"Will you be having
the elk or the moose?"
85
00:02:47,129 --> 00:02:48,211
Canada.
86
00:02:48,213 --> 00:02:50,096
What, are you gonna
walk down the aisle
87
00:02:50,098 --> 00:02:51,381
wearing snowshoes?!
88
00:02:51,383 --> 00:02:52,382
(laughing)
89
00:02:52,384 --> 00:02:53,767
Canada.
90
00:02:53,769 --> 00:02:55,886
What, is everyone gonna have
access to universal healthcare
91
00:02:55,888 --> 00:02:58,021
so no one has to choose
between going bankrupt
92
00:02:58,023 --> 00:03:00,607
and treating
a life-threatening illness?
93
00:03:00,609 --> 00:03:01,925
Canada?
94
00:03:01,927 --> 00:03:03,793
W-What's the band gonna play
for your first dance?
95
00:03:03,795 --> 00:03:05,245
Crash Test Dummies?
96
00:03:05,247 --> 00:03:06,763
(laughing)
See, it's funny
97
00:03:06,765 --> 00:03:08,164
'cause who gets a band?
98
00:03:08,166 --> 00:03:10,066
Enough.
It was just an idea.
99
00:03:10,068 --> 00:03:11,201
Okay, okay.
100
00:03:11,203 --> 00:03:12,936
Seriously, Robin,
doing it here in New York
101
00:03:12,938 --> 00:03:14,988
would be easier, since
all of our friends
102
00:03:14,990 --> 00:03:16,623
and a lot of
our family are here.
103
00:03:16,625 --> 00:03:20,076
But... I want you to have the wedding
that you want.
104
00:03:20,078 --> 00:03:21,795
So if it's Canada...
105
00:03:21,797 --> 00:03:23,330
just say the word.
106
00:03:23,332 --> 00:03:24,297
(stifles a laugh)
107
00:03:24,299 --> 00:03:26,299
And then say it again
in French.
108
00:03:26,301 --> 00:03:27,467
(laughing)
109
00:03:27,469 --> 00:03:29,920
See? I compromised.
110
00:03:29,922 --> 00:03:31,171
Fine.
111
00:03:31,173 --> 00:03:33,790
We'll just have a nice,
tasteful rehearsal dinner.
112
00:03:33,792 --> 00:03:36,593
Maybe at a French restaurant.
113
00:03:36,595 --> 00:03:37,928
I know just the place.
114
00:03:37,930 --> 00:03:39,763
What's the name
of the restaurant?
115
00:03:39,765 --> 00:03:42,933
La... ser tag.
116
00:03:43,901 --> 00:03:45,352
You know, I was thinking about
117
00:03:45,354 --> 00:03:47,136
what to get you guys
for a wedding gift.
118
00:03:47,138 --> 00:03:48,271
As you know,
119
00:03:48,273 --> 00:03:50,407
I'm kind of
the wedding gift master.
120
00:03:51,108 --> 00:03:52,442
And, well,
all this talk
121
00:03:52,444 --> 00:03:53,410
of the rehearsal dinner
122
00:03:53,412 --> 00:03:55,195
gives me a fantastic idea.
123
00:03:55,197 --> 00:03:56,363
I've been
meaning
124
00:03:56,365 --> 00:03:58,665
to start taking
piano lessons again.
125
00:03:58,667 --> 00:03:59,749
No.
126
00:03:59,751 --> 00:04:00,817
No piano time.
Guys!
127
00:04:00,819 --> 00:04:02,002
Just let me perform something.
128
00:04:02,004 --> 00:04:03,453
I'll-I'll tickle the keys.
129
00:04:03,455 --> 00:04:04,421
It'll be great.
130
00:04:04,423 --> 00:04:06,706
Not even if you
dressed up as Liberace.
131
00:04:06,708 --> 00:04:08,174
What if I dressed up
as Liberace?
132
00:04:08,176 --> 00:04:09,158
Sold!
Sold.
133
00:04:10,761 --> 00:04:12,545
And that was the end of it.
134
00:04:12,547 --> 00:04:14,163
Until my bachelor party.
135
00:04:14,165 --> 00:04:15,348
Uh-oh.
136
00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:16,566
Let me guess:
137
00:04:16,568 --> 00:04:17,934
there was a stripper.
138
00:04:18,636 --> 00:04:20,169
You had a little fun.
139
00:04:20,171 --> 00:04:22,806
Maybe took some
ill-advised pictures.
140
00:04:22,808 --> 00:04:23,890
Next thing
you know,
141
00:04:23,892 --> 00:04:25,942
she's blackmailing you
into bankruptcy,
142
00:04:25,944 --> 00:04:27,360
and your medical degree's
hanging on the wall
143
00:04:27,362 --> 00:04:29,813
of a laser tag security office!
144
00:04:30,681 --> 00:04:32,949
No.
145
00:04:32,951 --> 00:04:34,818
The night of my bachelor party,
my friends took me
146
00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:36,152
to a crappy hotel,
147
00:04:36,154 --> 00:04:37,988
hired my ex-fiancée
to be the stripper,
148
00:04:37,990 --> 00:04:39,856
I lost thousands of dollars,
and my best friend
149
00:04:39,858 --> 00:04:40,857
even had his hand cut off.
150
00:04:40,859 --> 00:04:41,858
It would've been
151
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,076
the worst night of all time
152
00:04:43,078 --> 00:04:44,360
if the whole thing hadn't been
153
00:04:44,362 --> 00:04:45,462
a prank planned by
154
00:04:45,464 --> 00:04:47,414
my beautiful, amazing fiancée.
155
00:04:47,416 --> 00:04:49,833
She put me through hell
just to give me the best
156
00:04:49,835 --> 00:04:52,218
surprise of my life...which,
p.s.,included an appearance
157
00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:53,420
by my favorite actor--
158
00:04:53,422 --> 00:04:55,505
non-porn category.
159
00:04:55,507 --> 00:04:57,707
Wow, that sounds pretty cool.
160
00:04:57,709 --> 00:04:59,576
Yeah. Except
pretty not cool,
161
00:04:59,578 --> 00:05:01,761
because he kept talking about
how he was gonna get me back,
162
00:05:01,763 --> 00:05:04,097
and sure enough,
a few days later...
163
00:05:04,099 --> 00:05:06,733
Robin, there's no
good way to say this.
164
00:05:07,401 --> 00:05:09,019
I've made a huge mistake.
165
00:05:09,021 --> 00:05:10,820
I can't go through
with the wedding.
166
00:05:10,822 --> 00:05:12,489
What?
167
00:05:12,491 --> 00:05:13,690
(choked up):
I'm so sorry.
168
00:05:13,692 --> 00:05:15,492
I-I just...
I had to tell you
169
00:05:15,494 --> 00:05:17,193
before it was too late.
170
00:05:18,012 --> 00:05:19,496
Oh, my God, you're serious.
171
00:05:19,498 --> 00:05:20,396
Yeah.
172
00:05:21,866 --> 00:05:23,232
And since this is my apartment,
173
00:05:23,234 --> 00:05:25,168
I think that
you should move out.
174
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:29,756
Fine.
175
00:05:31,258 --> 00:05:34,410
Puppies!
176
00:05:36,430 --> 00:05:38,465
I know.
Great prank, right?
177
00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:40,083
That is awful.
178
00:05:40,085 --> 00:05:41,751
You're a frickin' weirdo.
179
00:05:41,753 --> 00:05:44,771
Such a weirdo.
180
00:05:44,773 --> 00:05:46,139
Careful, watch the robe.
181
00:05:46,141 --> 00:05:47,774
Anyway,
182
00:05:47,776 --> 00:05:49,776
for reasons only
you guys and Robin
183
00:05:49,778 --> 00:05:51,861
but nobody normal
like me would understand,
184
00:05:51,863 --> 00:05:53,262
she got cranky.
185
00:05:53,264 --> 00:05:55,148
And she laid
down the law.
186
00:05:55,150 --> 00:05:56,566
No more surprises.
187
00:05:56,568 --> 00:05:58,318
(weird voice):
But you love surprises.
188
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,237
Almost as much as
I love lickin' myself!
189
00:06:01,239 --> 00:06:03,106
That was me talking,
not the puppy.
190
00:06:03,108 --> 00:06:04,457
Barney, the surprises
are out of hand
191
00:06:04,459 --> 00:06:05,408
and they have to stop.
192
00:06:05,410 --> 00:06:06,960
Deal?
But...
193
00:06:06,962 --> 00:06:07,911
Deal?
But...
194
00:06:07,913 --> 00:06:10,046
Deal.
Butt...
195
00:06:10,048 --> 00:06:10,780
Barney...
196
00:06:10,782 --> 00:06:13,133
Fine.
197
00:06:13,135 --> 00:06:14,617
Deal.
198
00:06:15,452 --> 00:06:16,469
Man.
199
00:06:16,471 --> 00:06:18,421
This whole "no more
surprises" thing
200
00:06:18,423 --> 00:06:20,123
is so unfair.
201
00:06:20,125 --> 00:06:21,141
Who does that?
202
00:06:21,143 --> 00:06:23,476
Barney,
the "no more surprises" thing
203
00:06:23,478 --> 00:06:25,261
is the best part
of being married.
204
00:06:25,263 --> 00:06:26,796
It's true. When I wake up
in the morning,
205
00:06:26,798 --> 00:06:29,298
I know what Lily's breath
is gonna smell like.
206
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:30,984
It's like...
roses.
207
00:06:31,719 --> 00:06:33,019
Do you really
want a marriage
208
00:06:33,021 --> 00:06:34,187
where you have
this paranoia
209
00:06:34,189 --> 00:06:36,156
that Robin's hiding
around every corner,
210
00:06:36,158 --> 00:06:38,608
planning to get you back
with some crazy new prank?
211
00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:40,527
You're
absolutely right.
212
00:06:40,529 --> 00:06:41,528
Thank you, Lily.
213
00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:43,613
No, th...
that was me, over here.
214
00:06:43,615 --> 00:06:44,497
He wasn't listening.
215
00:06:44,499 --> 00:06:45,782
If you guys
are saying
216
00:06:45,784 --> 00:06:46,916
what I think
you're saying...
217
00:06:46,918 --> 00:06:48,118
Probably not.
Go on.
218
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,152
...then that
must mean...
219
00:06:49,154 --> 00:06:50,153
No, it doesn't.
220
00:06:50,155 --> 00:06:52,455
...that Robin is
planning a surprise
221
00:06:52,457 --> 00:06:54,841
laser tag
rehearsal dinner!
222
00:06:57,790 --> 00:07:00,385
Dude, Robin is not planning
223
00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:02,386
a surprise laser tag
rehearsal dinner.
224
00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:03,337
Yes, she is.
225
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:05,138
No, she isn't.
Yes, she is.
226
00:07:05,140 --> 00:07:06,773
No, I'm not!
227
00:07:06,775 --> 00:07:07,975
Yes, she is.
228
00:07:07,977 --> 00:07:09,743
ALL:
No, she isn't.
229
00:07:09,745 --> 00:07:11,411
Then why did
she pretend
230
00:07:11,413 --> 00:07:13,513
to ridicule it
as an idiotic idea?
231
00:07:13,515 --> 00:07:16,683
Because it is
an idiotic idea.
232
00:07:16,685 --> 00:07:18,485
If Robin
actually was
233
00:07:18,487 --> 00:07:19,987
planning a surprise,
234
00:07:19,989 --> 00:07:22,055
don't you think she would
tell her maid of honor?
235
00:07:22,057 --> 00:07:23,941
She didn't tell you
'cause you can keep a secret
236
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,826
the way my dentist
keeps his car keys.
237
00:07:27,262 --> 00:07:30,563
You don't know him,
but he's lost them...
238
00:07:30,565 --> 00:07:31,665
like, twice.
239
00:07:31,667 --> 00:07:32,899
Actually,
just once, and...
240
00:07:32,901 --> 00:07:35,002
that time they were
in his other pocket.
241
00:07:35,004 --> 00:07:37,204
I can't keep a secret?
242
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:38,538
He does have a point, Lily.
243
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:40,240
You're kind of famous for
the old blabbity-blabbity.
244
00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:41,375
Hey.
245
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:42,593
How was lunch
with Debbie?
246
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:44,211
Great.
She's pregnant!
247
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:45,262
(gasps) Oops.
248
00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,097
I'm not supposed to tell anybody.
Why not?
249
00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:48,765
Because she's getting
a divorce.
250
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:49,916
Damn it!
251
00:07:49,918 --> 00:07:51,084
Debbie's getting
a divorce?
252
00:07:51,086 --> 00:07:53,804
Yeah, she walked in
on her husband having sex.
253
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,022
Oh! Come on, Lily.
254
00:07:55,024 --> 00:07:56,773
Well, maybe we don't
need to know every gory...
255
00:07:56,775 --> 00:07:57,891
With a man.
256
00:07:57,893 --> 00:08:00,727
Will you get it
together, Aldrin?!
257
00:08:00,729 --> 00:08:01,895
You okay, Lily?
258
00:08:01,897 --> 00:08:04,597
And that guy's
the father of the baby.
259
00:08:04,599 --> 00:08:06,867
(sighs)
I gotta go lie down.
260
00:08:07,702 --> 00:08:09,987
Which brings us
to earlier today,
261
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,956
when Robin was setting up
the decoy rehearsal dinner,
262
00:08:12,958 --> 00:08:14,875
complete with fake booze.
263
00:08:16,327 --> 00:08:18,378
Trying to pass
this off as Scotch,
264
00:08:18,380 --> 00:08:20,631
and we all know
it's apple juice.
265
00:08:26,471 --> 00:08:29,122
(choking):
Typical apple juice burn.
266
00:08:30,058 --> 00:08:32,259
Yes, Barney,
the booze is real.
267
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:33,560
The food is real.
268
00:08:33,562 --> 00:08:35,896
Ooh, speaking of which,
where are the bacon-wrapped figs?
269
00:08:35,898 --> 00:08:37,681
Probably at...
(clears throat)
270
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:38,965
...the laser tag place,
271
00:08:38,967 --> 00:08:41,268
where the real rehearsal
dinner's going down.
272
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:44,438
Isn't that right,
Theodore?
273
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,857
Barney, there is
no laser tag.
274
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,108
We're gonna have
a nice dinner,
275
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:49,526
some drinks,
and then,
276
00:08:49,528 --> 00:08:50,527
according to Robin,
277
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:52,079
if her Aunt Edith
gets drunk enough,
278
00:08:52,081 --> 00:08:53,813
she'll take off her wig and
they'll play hockey with it.
279
00:08:53,815 --> 00:08:54,915
Poppycock!
280
00:08:54,917 --> 00:08:57,000
You know how
she's gonna do it,
281
00:08:57,002 --> 00:08:58,085
and you're gonna
tell me!
282
00:08:58,087 --> 00:09:01,288
Or do I have
to get my face
283
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:04,657
even closer
to yours?
284
00:09:04,659 --> 00:09:05,658
LILY:
Hey.
285
00:09:05,660 --> 00:09:06,927
How come you're
not getting
286
00:09:06,929 --> 00:09:08,495
uncomfortably
close to my face?
287
00:09:08,497 --> 00:09:10,997
I could be in on it, too.
288
00:09:10,999 --> 00:09:12,665
(both laughing)
289
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:13,833
'Course you could,
Lil.
290
00:09:13,835 --> 00:09:15,469
I can keep a secret.
291
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:16,887
Lily, don't
make me laugh.
292
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:18,271
I'd trust you
with a secret
293
00:09:18,273 --> 00:09:20,190
as much as I'd trust
Marshall with Pop Secret.
294
00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:22,342
I can keep a secret!
295
00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:24,394
I can keep a secret
real good.
296
00:09:24,396 --> 00:09:26,730
I can keep a secret
like nobody's business,
297
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:29,682
'cause it is
nobody's business.
298
00:09:29,684 --> 00:09:30,951
'Cause it's a secret,
299
00:09:30,953 --> 00:09:32,685
and I'm keeping it!
300
00:09:32,687 --> 00:09:33,653
Does Marshall
shave his back?
301
00:09:33,655 --> 00:09:35,688
No, I shave it
for him. Damn it!
302
00:09:35,690 --> 00:09:36,689
Ooh!
303
00:09:36,691 --> 00:09:38,041
I should call
Marshall.
304
00:09:38,043 --> 00:09:39,576
I bet he's
in on this.
305
00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:41,694
If he really exists.
306
00:09:42,863 --> 00:09:44,364
Okay.
307
00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:45,632
Setting aside the fact
308
00:09:45,634 --> 00:09:46,833
that I've kept your whole
309
00:09:46,835 --> 00:09:49,136
"moving to Chicago" thing
a secret,
310
00:09:49,138 --> 00:09:52,038
aren't you supposed to be
dressed like Liberace right now?
311
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:53,590
Okay, first of all,
312
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:55,225
if I showed up in costume,
313
00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:57,010
it would steal from
the surprise and spectacle
314
00:09:57,012 --> 00:09:58,395
of my grand entrance.
315
00:09:58,397 --> 00:10:00,180
And second of all,
I'm not doing that.
316
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:01,348
Why not?
317
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:04,717
Because dressing like Liberace
is easy, but...
318
00:10:04,719 --> 00:10:08,388
Uh, yes, 4/4, E-sharp...
319
00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:11,724
major...
320
00:10:11,726 --> 00:10:13,443
Okay.
321
00:10:13,445 --> 00:10:16,947
Let's make something
beautiful, shall we?
322
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,399
(inhales deeply)
323
00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:21,401
I think that's
enough for today.
324
00:10:22,787 --> 00:10:25,505
Okay, I figured out how
this is gonna go down.
325
00:10:25,507 --> 00:10:27,924
We're gonna "run out" of ice,
326
00:10:27,926 --> 00:10:29,909
and Robin's gonna ask me
to go get some,
327
00:10:29,911 --> 00:10:32,512
and lo and behold,
the only place that sells ice
328
00:10:32,514 --> 00:10:36,550
in this whole town is right next
to the local laser taggery.
329
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:38,218
I go inside and... (gasps)
330
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,352
Surprise!
331
00:10:39,354 --> 00:10:41,721
Beautiful dinner,
family and friends,
332
00:10:41,723 --> 00:10:44,224
free game tokens
and an off-road arcade game
333
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:46,226
that's rigged
for unlimited turbos!
334
00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:48,145
That is the
single stupidest...
335
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,563
Guys, you aren't
gonna believe this.
336
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:51,782
The ice machine
is broken.
337
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,733
Is it now?
338
00:10:53,735 --> 00:10:57,537
Well, dog my cats,
what a the chances?
339
00:10:57,539 --> 00:11:00,040
Huh? What do we do?
340
00:11:00,042 --> 00:11:02,742
Well, I guess I could go get
some ice.
341
00:11:02,744 --> 00:11:03,877
Uh, no,
they'll send someone.
342
00:11:03,879 --> 00:11:05,579
All right, fine.
Twist my arm. I'll do it.
343
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:06,713
But seriously,
Hmm?
344
00:11:06,715 --> 00:11:08,498
did you get everything set up
over there?
345
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,167
Do you have enough food,
have enough guns?
346
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,752
Did you get a vest extender
for Grandma Stinson? She's...
347
00:11:12,754 --> 00:11:15,222
What are you
talking about?
348
00:11:15,224 --> 00:11:19,309
Oh, babe, you're so good
at this. I love it.
349
00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:21,261
All right, I'll see you guys
over there.
350
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,762
I mean, be right back.
351
00:11:22,764 --> 00:11:26,566
Barney, Barney, this is
our rehearsal dinner, okay?
352
00:11:26,568 --> 00:11:28,268
Do not leave the premises.
353
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,070
Promise me you're not going
anywhere.
354
00:11:30,072 --> 00:11:31,154
Fine.
355
00:11:31,156 --> 00:11:31,988
Say it.
356
00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:34,491
Say you promise
you won't leave.
357
00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:37,861
I promise I won't leave.
358
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,996
So I left.
And what do you know,
359
00:11:39,998 --> 00:11:44,084
the ice store is right next
to a laser tag place!
360
00:11:44,086 --> 00:11:46,486
No, it isn't!
It's six miles away
361
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:47,671
he opposite direction.
362
00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:49,506
And I told you not to go!
363
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:50,707
Yeah, well, you also told me
364
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,659
didn't want a ring bear
at the wedding.
365
00:11:52,661 --> 00:11:53,627
Ring bear-er!
366
00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:54,678
We all know how great
367
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:55,828
that's gonna be. The point is,
368
00:11:55,830 --> 00:11:57,214
I played along with her plan,
369
00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:00,833
and I acted "natural" so I
wouldn't spoil the surprise.
370
00:12:00,835 --> 00:12:03,587
Oh, my goodness!
371
00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:05,388
Laser tag?!
372
00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:07,507
Maybe I should go in here
for a minute,
373
00:12:07,509 --> 00:12:09,226
just check it out
for no apparent reason.
374
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,843
And what's this?
375
00:12:10,845 --> 00:12:13,346
My hands-free token satchel?
376
00:12:13,348 --> 00:12:15,949
And my free lifetime refill
root beer mug?
377
00:12:18,069 --> 00:12:20,070
So for the past
two months
378
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,122
when we were letting you use
our apartment
379
00:12:22,124 --> 00:12:24,023
to practice the piano
every Sunday night,
380
00:12:24,025 --> 00:12:25,408
what were you doing?
381
00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:29,579
Oh, so that's not traveling
'cause he's the MVP?
382
00:12:29,581 --> 00:12:32,365
Come on!
383
00:12:32,367 --> 00:12:35,001
Where's Barney?
Has anyone seen him?
384
00:12:35,003 --> 00:12:36,369
Robin, Ted's totally bailing
385
00:12:36,371 --> 00:12:38,338
on playing the piano
for you and Barney.
386
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:41,975
Oh, really? Ted, you didn't
have to not do that.
387
00:12:41,977 --> 00:12:43,009
But thank you.
388
00:12:43,011 --> 00:12:45,729
But he promised!
A promise is a promise.
389
00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:47,514
You can't say you're
gonna do something
390
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:50,216
and then suddenly do something
completely different!
391
00:12:50,218 --> 00:12:52,018
Why are you getting
so worked up about this?
392
00:12:52,020 --> 00:12:55,822
Because, obviously, I'm worked
up for a different
393
00:12:55,824 --> 00:12:56,856
but somewhat similar reason.
394
00:12:56,858 --> 00:12:58,525
And someone should ask me
about it!
395
00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:01,278
I'm sorry. I don't have time
for your drama right now, Lily.
396
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,445
My fiancé is missing.
397
00:13:02,447 --> 00:13:04,331
Marshall got picked
to be a judge.
398
00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:06,533
He took the job
without even asking me.
399
00:13:07,234 --> 00:13:09,068
Italy's off!
400
00:13:10,919 --> 00:13:14,588
I have time for your drama.
401
00:13:17,805 --> 00:13:21,516
So, Marshall can't go to Italy?
Not if he wants to be a judge.
402
00:13:21,540 --> 00:13:23,907
And my Italian was getting
so good.
403
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:27,120
It was so (speaks Italian).
404
00:13:30,524 --> 00:13:32,792
But wait, you guys already
sublet the apartment.
405
00:13:32,794 --> 00:13:34,661
You're already packed.
406
00:13:34,663 --> 00:13:37,380
Marshall already borrowed
and lost my Rosetta Stone.
407
00:13:37,382 --> 00:13:39,082
That selfish bastard!
408
00:13:39,084 --> 00:13:41,401
(phone rings)
Sorry, Lil. Hello.
409
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:43,136
Okay, I'm mad, too.
410
00:13:43,138 --> 00:13:44,638
I should hope so.
411
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,123
All of a sudden, his dream
is more important than yours?
412
00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:48,792
And he did it behind your back.
413
00:13:48,794 --> 00:13:49,993
Bastardo!
414
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,761
He would never hurt me
intentionally.
415
00:13:51,763 --> 00:13:53,513
I'll hurt him intentionally.
416
00:13:53,515 --> 00:13:54,814
Molto bastardo!
417
00:13:54,816 --> 00:13:56,066
That's sweet of you to say.
418
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:58,218
You could never take
Marshall in a million years,
419
00:13:58,220 --> 00:14:00,070
but that's sweet of you to say.
420
00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:04,074
Well, apparently, Barney went
to the laser tag place
421
00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:06,743
looking for a surprise
rehearsal dinner.
422
00:14:06,745 --> 00:14:09,062
When he didn't find one,
he threatened
423
00:14:09,064 --> 00:14:10,730
to dunk
the snack bar guy's head
424
00:14:10,732 --> 00:14:14,367
into a vat
of scalding nacho Whiz.
425
00:14:14,369 --> 00:14:16,036
He's being held
until the police arrive
426
00:14:16,038 --> 00:14:18,922
I need your apple juice.
427
00:14:19,907 --> 00:14:22,676
Ha!
428
00:14:22,678 --> 00:14:24,010
And here we are.
429
00:14:24,012 --> 00:14:27,931
Now, I believe this charade
has gone on long enough.
430
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:31,584
Can we please get to the
surprise laser tag rehearsal?
431
00:14:31,586 --> 00:14:34,137
Hey, there is no surprise
laser tag rehearsal dinner!
432
00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:38,091
Okay, but if I may offer
an opposing view.
433
00:14:38,093 --> 00:14:39,726
Of course there is!
434
00:14:39,728 --> 00:14:41,928
This place is lousy
with clues.
435
00:14:41,930 --> 00:14:45,398
Is he even really
a security guard?
436
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,034
Because he looks an awful lot
like a non-Pakistani version
437
00:14:48,036 --> 00:14:51,037
of the guy who delivers
sandwiches at my office.
438
00:14:51,039 --> 00:14:52,706
Also...
439
00:14:52,708 --> 00:14:59,612
"laser tag" has the same number
of letters as "rehearsal."
440
00:14:59,614 --> 00:15:02,832
Laser tag has eight,
rehearsal has nine.
441
00:15:02,834 --> 00:15:07,387
And if you rearrange the letters
and add some other ones,
442
00:15:07,389 --> 00:15:11,641
it says, "Get ready, Barney,
for the biggest surprise ever,
443
00:15:11,643 --> 00:15:13,994
you handsome son of a..."
444
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:16,462
and then not quite enough
letters for "bitch,"
445
00:15:16,464 --> 00:15:17,514
but good try, Robin.
446
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,849
This is crazy, Barney.
447
00:15:19,851 --> 00:15:22,018
We-We can't have a marriage
like this.
448
00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:26,022
A marriage has to be built on
honesty and trust
449
00:15:26,024 --> 00:15:28,408
and all of that Lily-
and-Marshall crap.
450
00:15:28,410 --> 00:15:31,778
I though our marriage was built
on honesty and trust
451
00:15:31,780 --> 00:15:35,198
and all that Lily-
and-Marshal crap.
452
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,917
I just feel so alone right now.
453
00:15:37,919 --> 00:15:40,537
ll, you're not. I'm here.
454
00:15:41,655 --> 00:15:44,090
And I know you can keep
a secret.
455
00:15:44,092 --> 00:15:46,092
(scoffs) Yeah, right.
456
00:15:46,094 --> 00:15:47,344
Tell you what.
457
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,996
How about I let you in
on another secret?
458
00:15:49,998 --> 00:15:51,965
Something bigger.
459
00:15:51,967 --> 00:15:53,967
Bigger than Chicago?
460
00:15:55,586 --> 00:15:58,471
Are you kidding?
461
00:15:58,473 --> 00:16:01,441
Nope. Want to do the honors?
462
00:16:05,029 --> 00:16:06,846
Ladies and gentlemen,
463
00:16:06,848 --> 00:16:10,183
there's been a slight change
of plan.
464
00:16:10,185 --> 00:16:12,118
Fine! Fine.
465
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,570
You're right, Robin.
466
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:16,406
Marriage isn't about playing
crazy pranks.
467
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:19,525
It isn't about telling
long expertly crafted lies
468
00:16:19,527 --> 00:16:20,627
to cover those pranks...
469
00:16:20,629 --> 00:16:22,412
How'd you get out
of those handcuffs?
470
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:24,581
...and hiring actors
to play security guards
471
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:27,167
and spending exorbitant
amounts of money on things
472
00:16:27,169 --> 00:16:29,219
like giant,
fake laser tag signs.
473
00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,054
No, it's about honesty.
474
00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:33,173
Size six skate, right?
475
00:16:33,175 --> 00:16:34,224
Yeah.
476
00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:37,594
And in that spirit,
I got to be honest.
477
00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:40,180
Every now and then,
478
00:16:40,182 --> 00:16:44,384
I am gonna lie to you.
I just am.
479
00:16:44,386 --> 00:16:47,720
If it's in the interest
of an amazing surprise, that is.
480
00:16:47,722 --> 00:16:51,991
You're gonna get bamboozled,
hoodwinked.
481
00:16:51,993 --> 00:16:54,444
Heck, I'll just say it.
482
00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:57,163
You're gonna get snowed.
483
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:00,750
Why is it snowing in here?
484
00:17:00,752 --> 00:17:01,918
Put on the skates.
485
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,336
We gotta go.
486
00:17:03,338 --> 00:17:05,121
Where?
487
00:17:05,123 --> 00:17:07,407
Where are we going?
488
00:17:07,409 --> 00:17:09,626
To the rehearsal dinner, silly.
489
00:17:10,461 --> 00:17:13,046
Let's get this party started.
490
00:17:15,883 --> 00:17:18,017
What?!
491
00:17:18,019 --> 00:17:19,969
ALL:
Surprise!
492
00:17:20,754 --> 00:17:23,273
What-What is going on?
493
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:27,694
I know how much you wanted
to be in Canada this weekend.
494
00:17:27,696 --> 00:17:29,612
So I brought Canada to you.
495
00:17:29,614 --> 00:17:33,099
Oh, and here's an autographed
picture of Wayne Gretzky.
496
00:17:33,101 --> 00:17:34,434
Thanks.
497
00:17:34,436 --> 00:17:37,570
And this guy's not really
a security guard.
498
00:17:41,041 --> 00:17:45,628
♪ Once there was this boy who
499
00:17:45,630 --> 00:17:51,784
♪ Wore a lot of suits and said
that stuff was "legendary" ♪
500
00:17:51,786 --> 00:17:55,839
♪ He gave lots of high fives
501
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:58,975
♪ And swore...
502
00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:04,063
♪ That he would
never get married ♪
503
00:18:05,232 --> 00:18:07,434
♪ He really thought
he meant it ♪
504
00:18:07,436 --> 00:18:09,569
Thanks for letting me
in on this.
505
00:18:09,571 --> 00:18:11,521
Even if it was
at the very end.
506
00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:12,655
My pleasure.
507
00:18:12,657 --> 00:18:14,190
Oh, and by the way,
508
00:18:14,192 --> 00:18:16,159
there's one more secret
I've been keeping.
509
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,694
All those nights
I was supposed
510
00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:19,078
to be taking piano lessons?
511
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:23,833
I was actually taking
figure skating lessons!
512
00:18:25,536 --> 00:18:28,288
♪ Once, there was
this girl who... ♪
513
00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:30,206
NARRATOR: Kids, it takes more
than two months
514
00:18:30,208 --> 00:18:32,759
to learn how to figure skate.
515
00:18:34,645 --> 00:18:36,129
I love you.
516
00:18:36,131 --> 00:18:38,181
I love you, too.
517
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:40,717
I'm gonna get you back, you know?
Bring it.
518
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:48,174
♪ And swore she'd also
never get married ♪
519
00:18:48,176 --> 00:18:51,778
♪ She really thought
she meant it. ♪
520
00:18:56,578 --> 00:18:58,796
I can't believe
you did all of this.
521
00:18:58,798 --> 00:19:00,631
Hey, I thought you
didn't like Canada.
522
00:19:00,633 --> 00:19:02,550
Are you kidding?
I love Canada.
523
00:19:02,552 --> 00:19:06,787
Holy musk ox,
524
00:19:06,789 --> 00:19:07,922
Whoa!
525
00:19:07,924 --> 00:19:10,224
In 1924,
I discovered insulin.
526
00:19:10,226 --> 00:19:12,093
Take that, diabetes.
527
00:19:12,095 --> 00:19:15,212
Hey, look, it's Manitoba's
native son, Norman Breakey.
528
00:19:15,214 --> 00:19:16,314
You're welcome, world.
529
00:19:16,316 --> 00:19:19,483
Enjoy my invention,
the paint roller.
530
00:19:19,485 --> 00:19:22,320
And of course,
you know Alan Thicke.
531
00:19:22,322 --> 00:19:23,988
Hey, hey, you...
Oh, hey.
532
00:19:23,990 --> 00:19:25,890
...are the prettiest girl
in the place.
533
00:19:25,892 --> 00:19:27,024
Oh, thank you,
Alan.
534
00:19:27,026 --> 00:19:28,559
All right, all right,
all right.
535
00:19:28,561 --> 00:19:29,694
Good to see you.
536
00:19:29,696 --> 00:19:30,995
Hey, look,
it's Louise Poirier,
537
00:19:30,997 --> 00:19:32,697
who I think worked
for the company
538
00:19:32,699 --> 00:19:34,115
that probably created
Wonderbra.
539
00:19:34,117 --> 00:19:36,417
(speaks French)
540
00:19:36,419 --> 00:19:37,835
(speaks French)
Okay, okay.
541
00:19:37,837 --> 00:19:40,777
Canadians also helped
win two world wars...
542
00:19:40,802 --> 00:19:41,456
Mm-hmm.
543
00:19:41,457 --> 00:19:43,257
...and gave the world
Neil Young, William Shatner,
544
00:19:43,259 --> 00:19:44,909
Leonard Cohen,
Pamela Anderson,
545
00:19:44,911 --> 00:19:46,427
one quarter
of Barney Stinson,
546
00:19:46,429 --> 00:19:50,264
instant mashed potatoes,
and best of all, you.
547
00:19:50,266 --> 00:19:52,183
Thank you.
548
00:19:52,185 --> 00:19:57,185
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man