1 00:00:00,492 --> 00:00:02,555 Two days before Barney and Robin's wedding, 2 00:00:02,556 --> 00:00:04,122 their reverend passed away, 3 00:00:04,124 --> 00:00:06,158 and the search was on for a replacement. 4 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,327 Oh, boy, it's the creepy, 5 00:00:08,329 --> 00:00:10,962 bug-eyed minister from that culty church 6 00:00:10,964 --> 00:00:13,432 who kept asking us if we're "pure enough to die." 7 00:00:13,434 --> 00:00:15,234 He's our best lead. I should get this. 8 00:00:15,236 --> 00:00:17,853 James, unless you have a minister, 9 00:00:17,855 --> 00:00:19,638 I don't want to hear it. 10 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,406 You mean, like this one? 11 00:00:21,408 --> 00:00:23,158 A few years back, 12 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:27,079 Barney's brother James finally met his long-lost father, Sam, 13 00:00:27,081 --> 00:00:29,081 who turned out to be a reverend. 14 00:00:29,083 --> 00:00:32,317 I know pronounce your asses saved. 15 00:00:32,319 --> 00:00:34,002 Whoa! 16 00:00:34,004 --> 00:00:37,439 Reverend Gibbs wouldn't be the only VIP arrival that day. 17 00:00:37,441 --> 00:00:38,924 Dad! 18 00:00:38,926 --> 00:00:41,844 Barney. Oh, I can't believe you're getting married. 19 00:00:41,846 --> 00:00:44,096 You've grown up so fast. 20 00:00:44,098 --> 00:00:48,333 Then again, I did miss about 30 years of your life. 21 00:00:48,335 --> 00:00:50,769 Did I mention we got you two things from your registry? 22 00:00:50,771 --> 00:00:53,438 Hey, can we buy you guys a drink in a bit? 23 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:54,773 Sure. We'll meet you at the bar. 24 00:00:54,775 --> 00:00:56,058 Yeah. 25 00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:57,392 Here. All right. 26 00:00:57,394 --> 00:00:58,560 Hey. 27 00:00:58,562 --> 00:01:00,462 Oh. Whoa. Look. 28 00:01:00,464 --> 00:01:02,064 My dad hasn't seen my mom in years, 29 00:01:02,066 --> 00:01:03,282 not since he bailed on her. 30 00:01:03,284 --> 00:01:05,484 Oh, man, take it from a fellow child of divorce, 31 00:01:05,486 --> 00:01:07,236 this could get real messy. 32 00:01:07,238 --> 00:01:09,538 Loretta, good to see you. 33 00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:11,740 You, too, Jerry. 34 00:01:13,509 --> 00:01:14,877 Wow. 35 00:01:14,879 --> 00:01:16,962 Yeah. Thank God, no drama. 36 00:01:16,964 --> 00:01:18,964 They're in love! 37 00:01:18,966 --> 00:01:22,668 My mom and dad are getting back together again! 38 00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:25,203 Uh-oh. 39 00:01:27,542 --> 00:01:31,542 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x10 ♪ Mom and Dad Original Air Date on November 18, 2013 40 00:01:31,543 --> 00:01:36,543 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 41 00:01:38,544 --> 00:01:39,931 Hey, quick favor. 42 00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:41,681 I want to give this to Robin. 43 00:01:41,683 --> 00:01:42,966 Gretzky's her hero. 44 00:01:42,968 --> 00:01:44,968 She says his name sometimes in bed. I've accepted it. 45 00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:47,253 Can you, uh, hide it for me till the rehearsal dinner? 46 00:01:47,255 --> 00:01:48,855 The best man is on it. 47 00:01:48,857 --> 00:01:51,090 Great. Now I'm gonna go get my mom and dad back together. 48 00:01:51,092 --> 00:01:52,476 They're totally in love. I know. It's amazing. 49 00:01:52,478 --> 00:01:53,593 I'm walking on air. 50 00:01:53,595 --> 00:01:55,812 My family's gonna be whole again! 51 00:01:56,764 --> 00:01:58,815 Should we stop him or something? 52 00:01:58,817 --> 00:02:00,951 The best man is staying on the Gretzky thing. 53 00:02:02,653 --> 00:02:06,156 ♪ Well, I would walk 500 miles and ♪ 54 00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:09,409 ♪ I would walk 500 more 55 00:02:09,411 --> 00:02:14,631 ♪ Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles ♪ 56 00:02:14,633 --> 00:02:18,618 ♪ Then falls down at your door. ♪ 57 00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:19,970 Ha! 58 00:02:19,972 --> 00:02:21,171 You're right. 59 00:02:21,173 --> 00:02:22,589 That crap grows on you. 60 00:02:22,591 --> 00:02:23,890 Again? 61 00:02:23,892 --> 00:02:24,925 Proclaim it! 62 00:02:26,795 --> 00:02:29,062 Hey. So there I am, 63 00:02:29,064 --> 00:02:31,097 lying in the wet, filthy sand under the patio, 64 00:02:31,099 --> 00:02:34,184 just minding my own business, when my dad bumps into my mom, 65 00:02:34,186 --> 00:02:35,936 and he says-- get this-- 66 00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:38,772 he says to her, "Weather's improving, huh?" 67 00:02:40,359 --> 00:02:44,077 It's like, why don't you just do it already? Huh? 68 00:02:44,079 --> 00:02:46,746 Barney, I know you've always dreamed of a reunited family, 69 00:02:46,748 --> 00:02:48,865 but... Jerry's married. 70 00:02:48,867 --> 00:02:51,334 So what? Marriage is just a meaningless piece of paper. 71 00:02:51,336 --> 00:02:52,485 I'm a lucky gal. 72 00:02:52,487 --> 00:02:53,787 Sweetie, this just isn't gonna happen. 73 00:02:53,789 --> 00:02:55,989 Now, please promise me 74 00:02:55,991 --> 00:02:58,157 you haven't already put some crazy scheme in motion. 75 00:03:00,545 --> 00:03:03,496 I haven't put some crazy scheme in motion. 76 00:03:03,498 --> 00:03:05,832 Why did you pause? 77 00:03:08,703 --> 00:03:10,136 I didn't pause. 78 00:03:10,138 --> 00:03:11,688 Why did you pause?! 79 00:03:19,730 --> 00:03:22,199 Ah. Hey, there. 80 00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:23,617 Hi. 81 00:03:23,619 --> 00:03:25,852 Barney texted me to meet him ASAP, 82 00:03:25,854 --> 00:03:27,186 but the stairs are wet. 83 00:03:27,188 --> 00:03:28,354 No, broken. 84 00:03:28,356 --> 00:03:29,990 Yeah, the stairs are broken. 85 00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:32,659 Yeah. I got the same text. 86 00:03:32,661 --> 00:03:35,662 Oh. 87 00:03:35,664 --> 00:03:37,214 Barney, Jerry has a wife. 88 00:03:38,198 --> 00:03:40,217 Oh, God, what did you do to the wife? 89 00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:41,668 So, my husband 90 00:03:41,670 --> 00:03:44,971 snuck off to go parasailing, and he wants me to join him? 91 00:03:44,973 --> 00:03:46,723 Yes. 92 00:03:50,011 --> 00:03:51,595 Who is ready to rock it 93 00:03:51,597 --> 00:03:55,148 Scottish-identical- twin-brothers style? 94 00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,400 ♪ When I wake up 95 00:03:57,402 --> 00:03:59,853 ♪ Yeah, I know I'm gonna be ♪ 96 00:03:59,855 --> 00:04:02,822 ♪ I'm gonna be the man who ends up next to you... ♪ 97 00:04:02,824 --> 00:04:05,742 Oh, man, I hope they're not singing to the same girl. 98 00:04:05,744 --> 00:04:07,694 Or to each other. 99 00:04:07,696 --> 00:04:10,113 Shut up! Music sucks! 100 00:04:10,115 --> 00:04:12,565 Scotland sucks! You suck! 101 00:04:12,567 --> 00:04:15,585 Just drive, pumpkin head. 102 00:04:15,587 --> 00:04:17,537 Hey, guys, don't worry. 103 00:04:17,539 --> 00:04:18,588 Help's on the way. 104 00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:20,540 Oh! Thank you, Barney. Thank you, honey. 105 00:04:20,542 --> 00:04:21,841 In the meantime, 106 00:04:21,843 --> 00:04:23,910 I'll try to keep you two as comfortable as possible. 107 00:04:23,912 --> 00:04:25,845 ♪ I said, bang... 108 00:04:25,847 --> 00:04:27,597 Well, we don't need wine. 109 00:04:27,599 --> 00:04:29,766 ♪ Bang 110 00:04:29,768 --> 00:04:32,469 ♪ Bangity bang... 111 00:04:32,471 --> 00:04:35,438 We don't need champagne, either. We need help! 112 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,390 This could be very unsafe! 113 00:04:37,392 --> 00:04:38,858 Oh. 114 00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:40,860 I'll say something. 115 00:04:40,862 --> 00:04:43,270 No. You've had a whole lifetime of this. Let me. 116 00:04:43,295 --> 00:04:43,931 Oh. 117 00:04:43,932 --> 00:04:45,482 Barney, are you thinking 118 00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:48,068 you can get your mother and me back together? 119 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,786 Because I'm married. 120 00:04:49,788 --> 00:04:51,621 My wife is right upstairs! 121 00:04:51,623 --> 00:04:52,656 No, she's not. 122 00:04:52,658 --> 00:04:54,273 What's that? Nothing! 123 00:04:54,275 --> 00:04:55,709 I'm just trying to keep you refreshed 124 00:04:55,711 --> 00:04:59,212 through this unexpected and flukish elevator malfunction! 125 00:04:59,214 --> 00:05:02,615 Here's some water! 126 00:05:02,617 --> 00:05:04,801 Ah... drat. 127 00:05:04,803 --> 00:05:06,303 Clumsy hands much, Barney? 128 00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:08,421 Just disrobe and send up those wet clothes. 129 00:05:08,423 --> 00:05:11,124 You'll be cold, so I'll send down strawberry warming gel 130 00:05:11,126 --> 00:05:13,960 and some cozy, zippered masks. 131 00:05:13,962 --> 00:05:16,062 Ooh. 132 00:05:16,064 --> 00:05:18,481 My calligraphy ink! 133 00:05:19,817 --> 00:05:21,467 I mean, the Gretzky photo! 134 00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:25,605 Some bastard snuck into my room 135 00:05:25,607 --> 00:05:27,524 and spilled ink all over the Gretzky photo 136 00:05:27,526 --> 00:05:28,908 I was holding for Barney. 137 00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:30,577 Detective Mosby is on the case. 138 00:05:30,579 --> 00:05:32,996 Oh, God, that's horrible. I know. 139 00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:34,147 It was a gift for Robin. 140 00:05:34,149 --> 00:05:35,782 No, I mean, 141 00:05:35,784 --> 00:05:38,668 "Oh, God, that's horrible. Detective Mosby's the worst." 142 00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:40,153 Mm, Detective Mosby is 143 00:05:40,155 --> 00:05:41,871 the case-crackingest private dick on the scene. 144 00:05:41,873 --> 00:05:44,374 Really? Like that case from eight years ago 145 00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:46,092 you still haven't cracked? 146 00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:47,794 I'm callin' it. 147 00:05:50,848 --> 00:05:52,499 Damn it! 148 00:05:52,501 --> 00:05:54,384 My greatest failure. 149 00:05:54,386 --> 00:05:56,019 I will solve this case. 150 00:05:56,021 --> 00:05:57,520 Now, there were three people nearby 151 00:05:57,522 --> 00:05:59,189 when Barney gave me that head shot: 152 00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:02,609 Karate Kid bad boy Billy Zabka, 153 00:06:02,611 --> 00:06:06,012 a shifty-eyed bellhop, 154 00:06:06,014 --> 00:06:08,347 and Robin's cousin Claude from Quebec 155 00:06:08,349 --> 00:06:10,316 with the neck trouble. 156 00:06:10,318 --> 00:06:13,686 Right, 'cause an elaborate conspiracy is much more likely 157 00:06:13,688 --> 00:06:17,040 than you leaving the photo next to an open ink bottle. 158 00:06:17,042 --> 00:06:20,193 Thank you! You can't even detect sarcasm! 159 00:06:20,195 --> 00:06:22,462 Why don't you just try to fix the photo? 160 00:06:22,464 --> 00:06:23,713 Don't you have ink remover? 161 00:06:23,715 --> 00:06:24,998 Of course I have ink remover. 162 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,866 I'm not one of those sloppy, punk calligraphers 163 00:06:26,868 --> 00:06:28,385 who's in it for glory over craft. 164 00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:30,303 No, we got to solve this! 165 00:06:30,305 --> 00:06:31,838 Now, the question is, 166 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,891 which of those three suspects had the most cause to frame me? 167 00:06:34,893 --> 00:06:39,212 The one that I replaced as Barney's best man? 168 00:06:39,214 --> 00:06:41,898 I'm coming for you, Mosby. 169 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,933 Billy Zabka! 170 00:06:43,935 --> 00:06:46,719 Okay, real quick, I need fresh-cut 171 00:06:46,721 --> 00:06:49,239 English lavender, a copy of Shakespeare's 18th sonnet, 172 00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:51,825 and enough Nutella to cover a 60-year-old woman. 173 00:06:53,010 --> 00:06:55,028 Oh, great. You guys escaped. 174 00:06:55,030 --> 00:06:56,362 Got rescued! 175 00:06:56,364 --> 00:06:57,697 Are you okay? 176 00:06:57,699 --> 00:06:59,032 A bit shaken up. 177 00:06:59,034 --> 00:07:00,900 Being trapped in an elevator is scary. 178 00:07:00,902 --> 00:07:02,836 No, Barney lowered in a TV 179 00:07:02,838 --> 00:07:06,256 showing some pretty graphic 1970s pornography. 180 00:07:06,258 --> 00:07:08,458 Still, a lot of familiar faces in there. 181 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:09,926 Well, not just faces. 182 00:07:09,928 --> 00:07:12,128 I'm gonna go find my wife. 183 00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:16,249 Nice job, bro. 184 00:07:16,251 --> 00:07:18,918 Mom was just about to get some action 185 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:20,553 for the first time since she conceived me. 186 00:07:20,555 --> 00:07:21,921 Barney, this has to stop. 187 00:07:21,923 --> 00:07:23,106 You're being delusional. 188 00:07:23,108 --> 00:07:24,324 Mom is not getting back together with Jerry. 189 00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:27,927 Because she's getting back together with my daddy! 190 00:07:32,638 --> 00:07:34,912 I see what you're doing. 191 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,063 You didn't bring your dad here to marry us. 192 00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:39,115 You want him to get back together with Mom! 193 00:07:39,117 --> 00:07:41,518 Which is completely insane, by the way. 194 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,987 Um, my dad's single, Mom's single. 195 00:07:43,989 --> 00:07:45,955 Your dad's happily married with two kids. 196 00:07:45,957 --> 00:07:47,290 Which one makes more sense? 197 00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,858 I agree. It's a tie. 198 00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:50,043 What do we do? 199 00:07:50,045 --> 00:07:51,177 You back down 200 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,762 and let me get my mom and dad back together? 201 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,264 Um, how about you back down 202 00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:56,383 and let me get my mom and dad back together? 203 00:07:56,385 --> 00:07:58,518 I can already picture it. 204 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:04,274 ♪ We're reunited and we're going so strong ♪ 205 00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:08,011 ♪ My wife died parasailing and I've moved on ♪ 206 00:08:08,013 --> 00:08:11,231 ♪ And now our Barney-boy will always be near ♪ 207 00:08:11,233 --> 00:08:14,434 ♪ I'll come to live with you and it won't be weird ♪ 208 00:08:14,436 --> 00:08:15,902 Of course not, Wuv-Wuv! 209 00:08:15,904 --> 00:08:18,822 ♪ Back together and forever we'll be ♪ 210 00:08:18,824 --> 00:08:20,707 ♪ Mom 211 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,093 ♪ And Dad 212 00:08:23,095 --> 00:08:25,445 ♪ And Barney makes three 213 00:08:25,447 --> 00:08:26,913 We love you, champ! 214 00:08:26,915 --> 00:08:28,614 ♪ And I'll live here, too, since we're married ♪ 215 00:08:28,616 --> 00:08:31,968 ♪ And I'm totally cool with it! ♪ 216 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:34,971 That's completely insane. 217 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,923 This is how it's gonna be. 218 00:08:36,925 --> 00:08:40,877 ♪ We're reunited and I'm feeling so glad ♪ 219 00:08:40,879 --> 00:08:43,596 ♪ I'm so much sexier than Barney's dad ♪ 220 00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:48,435 ♪ Back together, now our life's right on track ♪ 221 00:08:48,437 --> 00:08:51,855 ♪ But she's banging my dad behind your dad's back ♪ 222 00:08:51,857 --> 00:08:56,142 ♪ When you're at work, I'm all over her rack ♪ 223 00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:58,094 ♪ That's not true ♪ ♪ Yes, it is 224 00:08:58,096 --> 00:08:59,279 ♪ That's not funny ♪ 225 00:08:59,281 --> 00:09:00,764 ♪ Mom, break the news 226 00:09:00,766 --> 00:09:03,333 ♪ Okay, we're screwin' like bunnies ♪ 227 00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:04,534 ♪ I'll kick your ass ♪ 228 00:09:04,536 --> 00:09:06,819 ♪ I'd like to see you try ♪ 229 00:09:06,821 --> 00:09:09,839 ♪ Well, my dad would win in a fight ♪ 230 00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:13,326 ♪ No, my dad would win in a fight ♪ 231 00:09:13,328 --> 00:09:14,344 ♪ No ♪ Yeah 232 00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,628 ♪ My dad would win ♪ Yeah 233 00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:17,764 ♪ In a fight ♪ Yeah! 234 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,999 No, my dad would win in a fight! Nuh-uh! 235 00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:22,168 Uh-huh! Don't fight! 236 00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,003 - I'm marrying into this family. - Stop. 237 00:09:24,005 --> 00:09:25,855 You stupid! I won't stop. 238 00:09:27,691 --> 00:09:29,976 Where the heck is this parasailing place? 239 00:09:29,978 --> 00:09:31,194 You know what? 240 00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,862 I'm gonna... I'm gonna call Jerry. 241 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,365 Oh, that's weird. 242 00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:37,200 I just lost cell reception. 243 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,035 Yes. 244 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,621 Weird. 245 00:09:42,907 --> 00:09:46,326 Lot of pretty paintings in this hotel. 246 00:09:46,328 --> 00:09:48,461 I like how they've been... framed. 247 00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:51,080 I've noticed the vintage, antique, 248 00:09:51,082 --> 00:09:52,632 gilded Victorian frames, too. 249 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,718 I'm not blind... but what are you getting at? 250 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,353 You know damn well what I'm getting at! 251 00:09:57,355 --> 00:09:59,222 You're jealous I got the Best Mansmanship back, 252 00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,541 so you destroyed that photo as part of some diabolical scheme 253 00:10:01,543 --> 00:10:03,426 to make me look bad. 254 00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:05,345 I bet you even found some other photo of Wayne Gretzky 255 00:10:05,347 --> 00:10:06,513 so you could swoop in and save the day. 256 00:10:06,515 --> 00:10:07,847 You're insane. Am I? 257 00:10:07,849 --> 00:10:08,982 Yeah. Yeah. Am I? 258 00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:11,734 Where were you today at 3:15 p.m.? 259 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,903 Right here getting a massage. 260 00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,189 Rocked a 60-minute deep tish. 261 00:10:16,191 --> 00:10:18,107 Now if you'll excuse me, Detective, 262 00:10:18,109 --> 00:10:20,226 I think I'll go have some pineapple. 263 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,745 How do you know about that? 264 00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,031 Everybody knows about that! 265 00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:28,168 Excuse me? Mm? 266 00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:29,919 You destroyed that photo, didn't you? 267 00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,070 No, I didn't. 268 00:10:31,072 --> 00:10:32,405 Admit it! I complained about you 269 00:10:32,407 --> 00:10:34,874 to the bell captain, so you got your revenge. 270 00:10:34,876 --> 00:10:36,543 You complained about me? 271 00:10:37,361 --> 00:10:40,046 No. 272 00:10:42,132 --> 00:10:44,100 So, Claude... 273 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:46,386 I see that you're a Montreal Canadiens fan. 274 00:10:46,388 --> 00:10:49,389 Which means you hate the Edmonton Oilers, 275 00:10:49,391 --> 00:10:51,558 which is why you destroyed the Wayne Gretzky head shot! 276 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:52,642 J'accuse! 277 00:10:52,644 --> 00:10:54,427 C'est ridicule! 278 00:10:54,429 --> 00:10:55,979 If it's so ridicule, 279 00:10:55,981 --> 00:10:58,982 how do you explain this? 280 00:10:58,984 --> 00:11:00,817 Ah, seems like I've caught you... 281 00:11:00,819 --> 00:11:03,436 midnight blue-handed. 282 00:11:03,438 --> 00:11:04,954 Oh, these. Yeah. 283 00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:07,574 I-I was out by the water when... 284 00:11:07,576 --> 00:11:11,211 an elderly R-Rastafarian hang glider... 285 00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:13,663 he-he crash onto a beached squid, 286 00:11:13,665 --> 00:11:17,750 which squirted ink when I ran in to help. 287 00:11:17,752 --> 00:11:19,785 You really expect me to believe that? 288 00:11:19,787 --> 00:11:22,789 Story checks out. 289 00:11:22,791 --> 00:11:24,724 Sorry, Claude. 290 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,260 De rien. 291 00:11:27,262 --> 00:11:29,012 I don't get it. 292 00:11:29,014 --> 00:11:29,979 We were bonding. 293 00:11:30,931 --> 00:11:34,434 I can't think of anything I did wrong! 294 00:11:34,436 --> 00:11:36,302 Okay, I did a few things wrong. 295 00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:37,687 For the last time, 296 00:11:37,689 --> 00:11:41,807 I did not leave the bag of oranges you bought on the roof! 297 00:11:44,144 --> 00:11:46,779 No more breaking the speed limit. And, uh, 298 00:11:46,781 --> 00:11:50,366 thanks for flagging me down and telling me she was going 67. 299 00:11:50,368 --> 00:11:52,201 Just following the rules, Officer. 300 00:11:52,203 --> 00:11:55,488 Oh. She's also not wearing her seat belt. 301 00:11:57,925 --> 00:12:00,009 You are not allowed to use that word! 302 00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:02,262 Only we're allowed to use that word! 303 00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:04,631 I am so sorry. 304 00:12:04,633 --> 00:12:05,515 I will never 305 00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:08,134 call you or anyone else a... 306 00:12:08,136 --> 00:12:10,053 Trekkie again. 307 00:12:10,055 --> 00:12:12,555 But I apologized and you accepted. 308 00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:14,857 I even bought you more oranges. 309 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:22,348 Look, it wasn't you, okay? 310 00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:25,718 Baby, I know your speech at the Model U.N. is a big deal, 311 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,204 but I'm just not sure I'll make it in time. 312 00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,622 I'm trying. 313 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:30,823 You know what? 314 00:12:30,825 --> 00:12:32,542 Don't bother coming. 315 00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:38,498 So, back at the airport, that story was true? 316 00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,532 You have a daughter? 317 00:12:39,534 --> 00:12:41,250 She lives with her dad. 318 00:12:41,252 --> 00:12:44,704 And since I travel for work, I miss a lot of stuff. 319 00:12:45,756 --> 00:12:49,008 I only work as hard as I do to provide for her. 320 00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:52,345 But kids, they don't understand logic. 321 00:12:52,347 --> 00:12:54,814 Kids understand who shows up. 322 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,182 That's why 323 00:12:56,184 --> 00:12:57,817 her dad's her hero... 324 00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:01,571 and I get hung up on. 325 00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:03,072 Go see your daughter's speech. 326 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,158 If you show up, all will be forgiven. 327 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,409 Just drop it. 328 00:13:07,027 --> 00:13:08,361 And drop me at home. 329 00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:09,946 Then head out to your wedding. 330 00:13:09,948 --> 00:13:11,581 End of discussion. 331 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,251 Barney, even if your plan worked, 332 00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:16,919 you'd be destroying your dad's marriage. 333 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,071 Okay, you may have a point. 334 00:13:19,073 --> 00:13:20,206 Can I suggest something? 335 00:13:20,908 --> 00:13:21,924 Truce? 336 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,909 We both agree to drop this. 337 00:13:23,911 --> 00:13:25,911 Agreed. 338 00:13:25,913 --> 00:13:27,363 Hey, I got a replacement bottle 339 00:13:27,365 --> 00:13:30,183 of 30-year Glen McKenna. Okay. 340 00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:32,552 Look, even if Mom never gets back together 341 00:13:32,554 --> 00:13:35,304 with either one of our dads, we're still brothers. 342 00:13:35,306 --> 00:13:37,273 It's not a competition. 343 00:13:41,945 --> 00:13:43,112 I win! 344 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,281 Hoo-hoo! 345 00:13:47,434 --> 00:13:49,656 Get your damn hands off my mom! 346 00:13:49,657 --> 00:13:51,374 Get your damn hands on my mom! 347 00:13:51,376 --> 00:13:52,708 One on, one off? 348 00:13:52,710 --> 00:13:54,844 What the hell is going on here? 349 00:13:54,846 --> 00:13:56,979 After you boys tracked Sam down a few years back, 350 00:13:56,981 --> 00:13:58,948 we got in touch. We became friends again, 351 00:13:58,950 --> 00:14:00,983 started hanging out. And then one day, 352 00:14:00,985 --> 00:14:03,419 she went from being Loretta to being... 353 00:14:03,421 --> 00:14:05,554 Lo-ret-ta. 354 00:14:05,556 --> 00:14:06,973 We wanted to wait to tell you 355 00:14:06,975 --> 00:14:08,190 because it's still new, 356 00:14:08,192 --> 00:14:10,059 but it was inevitable you'd find out 357 00:14:10,061 --> 00:14:12,395 once Sam came to perform the ceremony. 358 00:14:12,397 --> 00:14:13,846 Is that what you two call it? 359 00:14:13,848 --> 00:14:16,232 "Performing the ceremony"? 360 00:14:16,234 --> 00:14:17,483 Oh, Sam's marrying you tomorrow, dear. 361 00:14:17,485 --> 00:14:20,019 Right. Thank you, Reverend. Look, 362 00:14:20,021 --> 00:14:22,538 is there any way you guys can be all right with this? 363 00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:24,740 Of course I am! 364 00:14:24,742 --> 00:14:27,376 Barney? 365 00:14:27,378 --> 00:14:30,329 I know I've been acting crazy today, but... 366 00:14:30,331 --> 00:14:32,548 I just have one real question, Mom, 367 00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:34,366 and I want an honest answer. 368 00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:36,135 Is there a scenario-- 369 00:14:36,137 --> 00:14:37,169 and hear me out-- 370 00:14:37,171 --> 00:14:39,338 where you might consider 371 00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:41,874 doing kind of a three-way deal with both of our dads? 372 00:14:41,876 --> 00:14:44,060 God! What is wrong with you?! Oh, dude, come on! 373 00:14:44,062 --> 00:14:46,312 That's what I thought! 374 00:14:48,765 --> 00:14:51,017 It's time to admit it, Ted. 375 00:14:51,019 --> 00:14:53,653 You spilled the ink. There's no conspiracy. 376 00:14:53,655 --> 00:14:55,021 I guess you're right. 377 00:14:55,023 --> 00:14:56,439 I mean, the only other person 378 00:14:56,441 --> 00:14:58,741 who saw Barney give me that photo... 379 00:14:58,743 --> 00:14:59,992 was you. 380 00:15:01,746 --> 00:15:03,062 Hey. Idiot. 381 00:15:03,064 --> 00:15:04,730 While you've been 382 00:15:04,732 --> 00:15:07,116 playing detective, I've been cleaning up your mess. 383 00:15:07,118 --> 00:15:10,235 Look, the ink remover works. 384 00:15:10,237 --> 00:15:11,003 I'm gonna finish this. 385 00:15:11,005 --> 00:15:13,089 You come clean to Barney. 386 00:15:13,091 --> 00:15:14,573 Okay. 387 00:15:14,575 --> 00:15:16,625 She's been missing all day, 388 00:15:16,627 --> 00:15:20,880 a-and I found what appears to be a-a suicide note on my bed. 389 00:15:20,882 --> 00:15:23,349 But it doesn't really sound like her. 390 00:15:23,351 --> 00:15:27,853 "I'm going to kill my-- wait for it-- self." 391 00:15:29,439 --> 00:15:31,273 Is everything okay with Mr. Zabka? 392 00:15:31,275 --> 00:15:35,260 Wait. W-Wait. Why do you think that's Billy Zabka? 393 00:15:37,615 --> 00:15:39,765 See? 394 00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:41,734 The man from the lobby got this massage. 395 00:15:41,736 --> 00:15:43,819 A younger gentleman bought it for him as a gift. 396 00:15:43,821 --> 00:15:45,237 He even signed his name for him. 397 00:15:45,239 --> 00:15:46,438 Right here. 398 00:15:59,452 --> 00:16:01,303 I'm telling all y'all... 399 00:16:01,305 --> 00:16:03,005 it's Zabka-tage. 400 00:16:03,007 --> 00:16:05,457 ♪ I can't stand it, I know you planned it ♪ 401 00:16:05,459 --> 00:16:08,511 ♪ I'm gonna set it straight, this Watergate ♪ 402 00:16:08,513 --> 00:16:10,295 ♪ I can't stand rocking when I'm in here ♪ 403 00:16:10,297 --> 00:16:12,631 ♪ 'Cause your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear ♪ 404 00:16:12,633 --> 00:16:16,301 ♪ So while you sit back and wonder why ♪ 405 00:16:16,303 --> 00:16:19,755 ♪ I got this ... thorn in my side ♪ 406 00:16:21,292 --> 00:16:23,325 Lily's second tackle of the weekend. 407 00:16:23,327 --> 00:16:26,946 ♪ Sabotage. 408 00:16:26,948 --> 00:16:28,914 Wakey, wakey. 409 00:16:32,819 --> 00:16:34,236 Wait, this isn't... 410 00:16:34,238 --> 00:16:35,588 It's your daughter's school. 411 00:16:35,590 --> 00:16:37,173 You need to go in. 412 00:16:37,175 --> 00:16:39,158 She asked me not to come, Marshall. 413 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,544 This doesn't make any sense. 414 00:16:41,546 --> 00:16:43,345 Kids don't understand logic. 415 00:16:43,347 --> 00:16:46,549 Kids understand who shows up. 416 00:17:05,535 --> 00:17:08,621 People say children are the future. 417 00:17:08,623 --> 00:17:10,189 I say... 418 00:17:10,191 --> 00:17:11,657 oil is the future! 419 00:17:11,659 --> 00:17:14,043 Don't listen to these gutless environmental sissies! 420 00:17:14,045 --> 00:17:15,861 That's my baby. Drill in the oceans! 421 00:17:15,863 --> 00:17:17,496 Thank you. Drill in the wetlands! 422 00:17:17,498 --> 00:17:19,298 Pumpkin head. Drill in the national parks! 423 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:20,532 You're welcome. 424 00:17:20,534 --> 00:17:22,134 Drill, baby, drill! Drill, baby, drill! 425 00:17:22,136 --> 00:17:24,203 Drill, baby, drill! We should go. 426 00:17:24,205 --> 00:17:26,505 Drill, baby, drill! Drill, baby, drill! 427 00:17:26,507 --> 00:17:29,842 Drill, baby, drill! Drill, baby, drill! 428 00:17:29,844 --> 00:17:31,343 Drill, baby, drill! 429 00:17:31,345 --> 00:17:32,978 You said it was nuts 430 00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:35,214 to think that my mom and dad would get back together. 431 00:17:35,216 --> 00:17:36,715 But that's what happened for James. 432 00:17:36,717 --> 00:17:39,068 I've been dreaming of that since I was five. 433 00:17:39,070 --> 00:17:42,054 Well, that and my own operational Death Star. 434 00:17:42,056 --> 00:17:44,356 But mostly them getting back together. 435 00:17:44,358 --> 00:17:46,358 Why does James get it and I don't? 436 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,443 Well, think about it. 437 00:17:47,445 --> 00:17:49,995 You have me, your dad has Cheryl... 438 00:17:49,997 --> 00:17:51,080 "So to summarize: 439 00:17:51,082 --> 00:17:52,164 "I'm super dead, 440 00:17:52,166 --> 00:17:54,667 "you should totally bone Loretta, 441 00:17:54,669 --> 00:17:55,417 "and I never 442 00:17:55,419 --> 00:17:57,253 loved you, Cheryl," 443 00:17:57,255 --> 00:17:59,922 which is misspelled. 444 00:17:59,924 --> 00:18:01,841 ...but James is going through a divorce. 445 00:18:01,843 --> 00:18:03,742 He just lost his family. 446 00:18:03,744 --> 00:18:06,795 I-I know you've been dreaming of this, but... 447 00:18:06,797 --> 00:18:09,431 maybe he needs "Mom and Dad" more than you. 448 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:14,553 So, Billy, did you really think you could get away with it? 449 00:18:14,555 --> 00:18:15,604 Actually, I did. 450 00:18:15,606 --> 00:18:16,472 Ah. I was gonna 451 00:18:16,474 --> 00:18:17,756 give this to Barney 452 00:18:17,758 --> 00:18:18,858 and say I'd driven an hour away 453 00:18:18,860 --> 00:18:20,976 to get a replacement from an autograph dealer. 454 00:18:20,978 --> 00:18:22,878 First, I needed an alibi. 455 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,780 So I got Barney's dad a massage 456 00:18:24,782 --> 00:18:27,066 but signed in my name. 457 00:18:27,068 --> 00:18:30,435 Then I switched the Gretzky head shot with one of myself. 458 00:18:30,437 --> 00:18:33,205 I always travel with 2,000 of those handsome devils 459 00:18:33,207 --> 00:18:35,407 in the trunk of my car. 460 00:18:36,826 --> 00:18:39,745 I have so many questions for you, but first... 461 00:18:39,747 --> 00:18:43,165 you keep 2,000 head shots of yourself in your trunk? 462 00:18:43,167 --> 00:18:44,967 No one ever wants them! They only want 463 00:18:44,969 --> 00:18:47,169 the "good guy's" autograph! 464 00:18:47,171 --> 00:18:49,805 In the '80s, I was the bad guy in every movie. 465 00:18:49,807 --> 00:18:52,424 Do you know what my life has been like? 466 00:18:52,426 --> 00:18:55,811 Every premiere, when I came on-screen... 467 00:18:56,981 --> 00:18:58,564 I wasn't a bad guy in real life, 468 00:18:58,566 --> 00:19:00,399 just a kick-ass actor. 469 00:19:00,401 --> 00:19:01,817 No one got that. 470 00:19:01,819 --> 00:19:03,969 It happened everywhere I went. 471 00:19:03,971 --> 00:19:06,605 Somehow, people always had popcorn. 472 00:19:06,607 --> 00:19:10,576 25 years of getting crane-kicked in the nuts, 473 00:19:10,578 --> 00:19:14,446 until Barney Stinson gave me the best moment of my life. 474 00:19:14,448 --> 00:19:17,082 Hey. Hey, some issues just came up with Ted, so... 475 00:19:17,084 --> 00:19:18,334 will you be my best man? 476 00:19:18,336 --> 00:19:19,702 Sure. Thanks. 477 00:19:22,622 --> 00:19:24,790 Hello? Mom? 478 00:19:24,792 --> 00:19:26,759 No, no, listen, listen. 479 00:19:26,761 --> 00:19:29,011 I just became somebody's best man. 480 00:19:29,013 --> 00:19:32,664 You can come to Thanksgiving this year! 481 00:19:32,666 --> 00:19:35,000 To Barney Stinson, I wasn't a bad guy. 482 00:19:35,002 --> 00:19:39,338 To Barney Stinson, I was the best man. 483 00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:43,058 I thought if Ted screwed up again, I'd have another shot. 484 00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:46,612 But I guess this time I really was the bad guy. 485 00:19:46,614 --> 00:19:48,280 Hey, Ted, what's so urgent? 486 00:19:48,282 --> 00:19:50,866 I have something to tell you. 487 00:19:52,153 --> 00:19:54,686 I destroyed that Gretzky head shot 488 00:19:54,688 --> 00:19:57,189 and I couldn't fix it. Billy saved the day 489 00:19:57,191 --> 00:19:59,959 by getting a new one from an autograph dealer nearby. 490 00:19:59,961 --> 00:20:01,126 A-An hour away. 491 00:20:01,128 --> 00:20:03,162 An hour away. Just be cool. 492 00:20:03,164 --> 00:20:05,130 Awesome. Thanks, Billy! 493 00:20:06,467 --> 00:20:09,084 Ah. 494 00:20:09,086 --> 00:20:11,053 And, Ted... 495 00:20:11,055 --> 00:20:13,422 I really appreciate that you told the truth. 496 00:20:13,424 --> 00:20:15,140 Ow... Psych! 497 00:20:15,142 --> 00:20:16,675 Billy rules, Ted drools, 498 00:20:16,677 --> 00:20:17,876 Stinson out. 499 00:20:19,729 --> 00:20:21,764 You're all right, Mosby. 500 00:20:21,766 --> 00:20:25,234 And for an all too rare moment that weekend, 501 00:20:25,236 --> 00:20:26,718 everything was all right. 502 00:20:28,356 --> 00:20:30,689 ♪ Bang bang 503 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:34,193 ♪ Bangity bang Um, Barney? 504 00:20:34,195 --> 00:20:36,745 Is this your way of saying you're supporting us? 505 00:20:36,747 --> 00:20:38,397 Yes! Go for it. 506 00:20:38,399 --> 00:20:40,949 ♪ I said bang Consummate your love! 507 00:20:40,951 --> 00:20:42,618 ♪ Bang Thanks, bro. 508 00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:46,455 ♪ Bangity bang But this is super weird. 509 00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:50,375 Super weird. 510 00:20:50,377 --> 00:20:51,626 ♪ Bang bang. 511 00:20:53,832 --> 00:20:55,450 Are we almost there? 512 00:20:55,451 --> 00:20:56,984 Almost there. 513 00:20:58,713 --> 00:21:01,286 Give me back my wife, you son of a bitch! 514 00:21:03,339 --> 00:21:08,339 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man