1 00:00:01,979 --> 00:00:04,614 Kids, early in this story, you may recall me saying 2 00:00:04,714 --> 00:00:06,130 something along the lines of... 3 00:00:06,132 --> 00:00:08,267 Okay, no more dating. 4 00:00:08,367 --> 00:00:09,951 I am ready to settle down. 5 00:00:09,953 --> 00:00:12,470 And at the time, I probably thought I meant it. 6 00:00:12,472 --> 00:00:14,722 But, kids, I'll be honest. 7 00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:16,490 Being single's fun. 8 00:00:16,492 --> 00:00:19,310 As a young unattached man in New York City, 9 00:00:19,312 --> 00:00:20,711 I had a great time. 10 00:00:20,713 --> 00:00:22,980 A great time. 11 00:00:22,982 --> 00:00:25,316 What was I saying? Oh, yeah. 12 00:00:25,318 --> 00:00:28,185 I had such a great time that it took someone very special 13 00:00:28,187 --> 00:00:30,104 to make me want to settle down. 14 00:00:30,106 --> 00:00:32,607 And that someone... 15 00:00:32,609 --> 00:00:35,276 was Jeanette. 16 00:00:35,278 --> 00:00:37,912 What made Jeanette so special? Well... 17 00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:39,664 That was a foul! 18 00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:42,750 Jeanette was the last girl I dated 19 00:00:42,752 --> 00:00:44,035 before I met your mother. 20 00:00:44,037 --> 00:00:46,003 The girl who finally got me to say... 21 00:00:46,005 --> 00:00:48,205 No more dating. 22 00:00:48,207 --> 00:00:50,452 I'm ready to settle down. 23 00:00:50,453 --> 00:00:51,903 ...and really mean it. 24 00:00:51,905 --> 00:00:53,438 Oh! 25 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:57,440 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x16 ♪ Bad Crazy Original Air Date on February 11, 2013 26 00:00:57,465 --> 00:01:02,465 == sync, corrected by elderman == 27 00:01:06,978 --> 00:01:08,711 But let's back up a little bit. 28 00:01:08,713 --> 00:01:11,064 She broke your TV with a beer bottle? 29 00:01:11,066 --> 00:01:13,433 In her defense, she was aiming for the window. 30 00:01:13,435 --> 00:01:15,402 Dude, you gotta get rid of this girl. 31 00:01:15,404 --> 00:01:17,521 Agreed. Cray-cray gotta go bye-bye 32 00:01:17,523 --> 00:01:18,739 before you get stab-stabbed. 33 00:01:18,741 --> 00:01:20,073 Oh, really? 34 00:01:20,075 --> 00:01:22,609 And are you guys saying this because you don't want me 35 00:01:22,611 --> 00:01:24,711 to be with Jeanette, or because you want me 36 00:01:24,713 --> 00:01:27,397 to stay single so you guys can keep your clubhouse? 37 00:01:27,399 --> 00:01:28,398 J'accuse! 38 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,766 I had a point, 39 00:01:29,768 --> 00:01:30,801 and they knew it. 40 00:01:30,803 --> 00:01:32,569 You see, in early 2013, 41 00:01:32,571 --> 00:01:34,855 I was the only single guy in the group. 42 00:01:34,857 --> 00:01:37,557 Which meant whenever Marshall or Barney bought something 43 00:01:37,559 --> 00:01:39,242 they weren't allowed to keep in their apartments... 44 00:01:39,244 --> 00:01:41,511 ♪ 45 00:02:07,955 --> 00:02:09,790 You know what, Ted? That reminds me. 46 00:02:09,792 --> 00:02:11,958 I just bought this antique Swiss clock, 47 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,444 but Robin won't let us put it in the apartment, 48 00:02:14,446 --> 00:02:17,113 so I was gonna leave it at your place. 49 00:02:17,115 --> 00:02:18,415 Only problem? It's broken. 50 00:02:18,417 --> 00:02:21,251 So I was just gonna sit here and try to fix it 51 00:02:21,253 --> 00:02:24,337 while maybe you tell us what you and Jeanette did last night? 52 00:02:24,339 --> 00:02:26,973 Okay. Well, uh, Jeanette is a big Marilyn Monroe fan. 53 00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:30,760 There you go! Now it's working! 54 00:02:30,762 --> 00:02:32,929 Sorry. Sorry. Go on. Go on. She's a Marilyn Monroe fan 55 00:02:32,931 --> 00:02:34,764 so I guess you watched one of her movies? 56 00:02:34,766 --> 00:02:37,434 Uh, No, we had a séance. 57 00:02:38,604 --> 00:02:40,487 Look at that! Good as new. 58 00:02:40,489 --> 00:02:43,640 Anyway, were you able to contact Marilyn 59 00:02:43,642 --> 00:02:45,442 in the spirit world? 60 00:02:45,444 --> 00:02:47,911 No. We talked to her cat. 61 00:02:49,832 --> 00:02:52,916 Screw loose! That's the problem. 62 00:02:52,918 --> 00:02:54,784 Uh-oh. 63 00:02:54,786 --> 00:02:55,952 Looks like somebody's hungry. 64 00:02:55,954 --> 00:02:57,537 I'm gonna get his food ready. 65 00:02:57,539 --> 00:03:00,006 Robin, can you grab him? 66 00:03:00,008 --> 00:03:03,210 Can I? Try and stop me! 67 00:03:03,212 --> 00:03:05,162 Now, kids, what Lily didn't realize-- 68 00:03:05,164 --> 00:03:07,697 what none of us realized, in fact-- was that 69 00:03:07,699 --> 00:03:10,033 in the eight months since your cousin Marvin was born, 70 00:03:10,035 --> 00:03:11,968 Robin had never once held him. 71 00:03:11,970 --> 00:03:15,171 The truth was, the thought of holding him terrified her, 72 00:03:15,173 --> 00:03:18,525 so she had always avoided it, ever so discreetly. 73 00:03:18,527 --> 00:03:19,976 Can you hold... Oh, shoot! Look at that! 74 00:03:19,978 --> 00:03:22,612 Oh, geez. 75 00:03:22,614 --> 00:03:23,947 I got him. 76 00:03:23,949 --> 00:03:25,532 Come here, you little munchkin. 77 00:03:25,534 --> 00:03:27,016 Aw, man... 78 00:03:27,018 --> 00:03:29,402 Oh, well, I call next. 79 00:03:29,404 --> 00:03:32,956 Well, I should go. It's time for Jeanette's... something. 80 00:03:32,958 --> 00:03:35,742 Time for Jeanette's what, Ted? 81 00:03:35,744 --> 00:03:39,746 Uh, we're taking her dog to an exorcist. 82 00:03:39,748 --> 00:03:42,632 Wow, Ted, that sounds... 83 00:03:47,221 --> 00:03:49,872 Crap, it's really broken now. 84 00:03:49,874 --> 00:03:52,475 Okay, fine. I admit it. She's crazy. 85 00:03:52,477 --> 00:03:53,593 Obviously. 86 00:03:53,595 --> 00:03:56,096 But I'm not in this for the long haul. 87 00:03:56,098 --> 00:03:57,880 It's just, you know, it's just fun. 88 00:03:57,882 --> 00:03:59,933 Of course it's fun, at first. 89 00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:02,319 But then when she starts calling out the name of her 90 00:04:02,321 --> 00:04:05,054 high school science teacher in the throes of passion, 91 00:04:05,056 --> 00:04:06,573 it's really fun. 92 00:04:06,575 --> 00:04:09,659 But then when she starts bringing knives into bed 93 00:04:09,661 --> 00:04:12,495 and making you fear for your safety? 94 00:04:12,497 --> 00:04:14,247 It's really, really fun. 95 00:04:14,249 --> 00:04:17,117 But then when she starts unbuttoning your pants 96 00:04:17,119 --> 00:04:21,237 while you're being forced to drive blindfolded 97 00:04:21,239 --> 00:04:26,109 down the freeway with a gun pointed at your... 98 00:04:26,111 --> 00:04:28,595 I'm sorry, what were we talking about? 99 00:04:28,597 --> 00:04:29,596 Jeanette. 100 00:04:29,598 --> 00:04:30,714 Oh, right. That girl's crazy. 101 00:04:30,716 --> 00:04:33,099 You gotta break up with her. I know. 102 00:04:33,101 --> 00:04:35,602 I know. You're right. I-I have to break up with her. 103 00:04:35,604 --> 00:04:37,587 I should do it in a public place, though, 104 00:04:37,589 --> 00:04:39,022 so she doesn't flip out. 105 00:04:39,024 --> 00:04:41,608 So the next night, I met her in a public place 106 00:04:41,610 --> 00:04:42,943 so she wouldn't flip out. 107 00:04:42,945 --> 00:04:44,277 I will kill you, ref! 108 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,529 I will kill you in front of all these people! 109 00:04:46,531 --> 00:04:48,281 Oh, boy. What, you think I won't 110 00:04:48,283 --> 00:04:49,950 just 'cause I'm in a public place?! 111 00:04:49,952 --> 00:04:52,935 I'll go to jail for the rest of my life if I have to! 112 00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:58,491 Listen, before the game starts, I think we need to talk. 113 00:04:58,493 --> 00:05:00,276 I can't believe Ted's dead. 114 00:05:00,278 --> 00:05:01,544 I know. 115 00:05:01,546 --> 00:05:03,079 What a way to go. 116 00:05:03,081 --> 00:05:04,748 Killed by a bazooka. 117 00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:08,885 All right, all right, so I'm not on my game today. 118 00:05:08,887 --> 00:05:10,003 Anyway... 119 00:05:10,005 --> 00:05:12,339 I gotta hop out for a bit. 120 00:05:12,341 --> 00:05:13,556 You guys stay here. 121 00:05:13,558 --> 00:05:16,476 Oh, and, um, if Jeanette comes by, 122 00:05:16,478 --> 00:05:18,628 do not let her into the apartment. 123 00:05:18,630 --> 00:05:20,296 Don't let her in. Got it. 124 00:05:20,298 --> 00:05:22,965 Guys, this is serious. This girl is like bedbugs. 125 00:05:22,967 --> 00:05:25,602 Once she's in the apartment, there's no getting her out. 126 00:05:25,604 --> 00:05:28,488 Ted, buddy, 127 00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:30,190 how long have we been dealing 128 00:05:30,192 --> 00:05:33,243 with Barney's insane girlfriends? Years. 129 00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:35,245 Nigh on a decade! 130 00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:38,448 I had to testify in five competency hearings. 131 00:05:38,450 --> 00:05:40,784 I think we can handle Jeanette. 132 00:05:40,786 --> 00:05:42,369 Okay, okay. 133 00:05:42,371 --> 00:05:44,371 See you soon. 134 00:05:46,625 --> 00:05:48,875 That kid. Am I right? 135 00:05:50,328 --> 00:05:52,962 Now look who forgot his keys. 136 00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:56,683 What is it? 137 00:06:00,355 --> 00:06:03,189 Meanwhile, Lily and Robin were out getting lunch, 138 00:06:03,191 --> 00:06:05,558 when disaster struck. 139 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,844 Oh, God, I left his binky on that bus! 140 00:06:07,846 --> 00:06:09,345 Wait. Don't you have other binkies? 141 00:06:09,347 --> 00:06:11,064 That one's his favorite! He'll know the difference! 142 00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:13,316 I'm not gonna let this be the reason 143 00:06:13,318 --> 00:06:14,401 he resents me later in life! 144 00:06:14,403 --> 00:06:17,687 If he starts crying, just pick him up! 145 00:06:18,874 --> 00:06:21,875 What? Uh, uh... 146 00:06:21,877 --> 00:06:26,663 Okay, okay. Yeah, there, there, there. Okay. 147 00:06:26,665 --> 00:06:29,499 Hey, I'm back. Did I miss anything? 148 00:06:29,501 --> 00:06:30,884 Nope. 149 00:06:30,886 --> 00:06:31,868 Did Jeanette come by? 150 00:06:31,870 --> 00:06:33,002 Jeanette? I know lots of Jeanettes. 151 00:06:33,004 --> 00:06:34,921 Um... 152 00:06:34,923 --> 00:06:36,690 Guys! Okay, she came by 153 00:06:36,692 --> 00:06:38,725 because she forgot her book. 154 00:06:38,727 --> 00:06:41,511 So we let her go up in your room and get it. 155 00:06:41,513 --> 00:06:43,212 And then? 156 00:06:43,214 --> 00:06:44,981 And then what? 157 00:06:44,983 --> 00:06:47,317 And then she left? 158 00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:51,271 I think she left. 159 00:06:52,824 --> 00:06:55,709 Are you sure she left? 160 00:06:55,711 --> 00:06:59,412 I am... 90% sure... 161 00:06:59,414 --> 00:07:01,364 that she left. 162 00:07:02,451 --> 00:07:04,501 80 percent. 163 00:07:05,504 --> 00:07:07,170 Actually, I'm gonna change my answer. 164 00:07:07,172 --> 00:07:09,405 I am now starting to think she never left, 165 00:07:09,407 --> 00:07:13,626 and instead she barricaded herself in your room. 166 00:07:13,628 --> 00:07:15,378 And I'm never coming out! 167 00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:18,348 A hundred percent. 168 00:07:22,735 --> 00:07:24,397 I cannot believe you guys! 169 00:07:24,497 --> 00:07:27,761 Well, maybe if you had given us a warning that she was crazy! 170 00:07:27,879 --> 00:07:29,521 Dude, it's okay. 171 00:07:29,524 --> 00:07:31,357 She can't stay in there forever. 172 00:07:31,359 --> 00:07:33,910 She'll have to come out to eat and drink 173 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,578 and go to the bathroom, right? 174 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,497 Now, a few months earlier, 175 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,099 the East Coast had been hit by a bad storm, 176 00:07:40,101 --> 00:07:42,101 and some intelligent, forward-thinking 177 00:07:42,103 --> 00:07:44,203 New Yorkers took it as a wake-up call, 178 00:07:44,205 --> 00:07:46,422 making sure to stock their bedrooms with enough 179 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:47,673 food and water to last months, 180 00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:49,425 not to mention a portable waste management system. 181 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,827 It was really the smart thing to do. 182 00:07:53,663 --> 00:07:54,881 You dumbass! 183 00:07:54,883 --> 00:07:58,634 Really, Ted. How could you be so unbelievably stupid? 184 00:07:58,636 --> 00:08:01,003 No, no, you guys are the ones who invited 185 00:08:01,005 --> 00:08:03,973 a vampire into my apartment! This is your fault! 186 00:08:03,975 --> 00:08:05,558 And P.S., if this disaster 187 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,027 had been a superstorm instead of a hot lunatic, 188 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,730 you'd all be begging to eat my freeze-dried protein paste 189 00:08:10,732 --> 00:08:13,699 and crap in my biohazard bucket. Just sayin'. 190 00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:14,767 I got it. 191 00:08:14,769 --> 00:08:16,369 It was on the floor of the bus. 192 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:20,022 I should probably throw it out. Eh. 193 00:08:20,690 --> 00:08:22,291 Did he give you any problems? 194 00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,744 He cried a little, but then he stopped. 195 00:08:24,746 --> 00:08:27,964 Oh, good. Anything else happen? 196 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,365 Nope. 197 00:08:29,367 --> 00:08:31,884 That... is... it. 198 00:08:33,854 --> 00:08:35,922 All gone! 199 00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:37,640 We have to do this more often. 200 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,225 Oh, we totally do. 201 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:41,010 I can't believe Marvin's in kindergarten. 202 00:08:41,012 --> 00:08:42,979 He's growing up so fast. 203 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,565 Can I confess something to you? 204 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:49,235 Remember the day you left Marvin's binky on the bus 205 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:52,021 and you left me alone with him? Yeah. 206 00:08:52,023 --> 00:08:55,057 Well, I didn't tell you this at the time, but... 207 00:08:56,411 --> 00:09:00,446 Okay, okay. Yeah, there, there, there. 208 00:09:00,448 --> 00:09:01,730 Okay, shh, shh. 209 00:09:01,732 --> 00:09:05,567 Oh, no, it looks like somebody's not happy. 210 00:09:05,569 --> 00:09:06,919 No kidding. I'm miserable. 211 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,187 Listen to this thing. 212 00:09:08,189 --> 00:09:11,090 He probably just wants to be held. 213 00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,675 I think you're right. 214 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,760 Can you do it? 215 00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:16,596 All right. 216 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:19,581 Come here, handsome. Oh. Yeah. 217 00:09:19,583 --> 00:09:21,183 Yes. 218 00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:22,935 Oh. 219 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,421 I let a stranger pick up Marvin. I'm sorry. 220 00:09:25,423 --> 00:09:27,356 It's just, I hadn't actually picked him up 221 00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,225 at that point, and I was scared, so... 222 00:09:29,227 --> 00:09:31,527 You know what? It was four years ago. 223 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,864 He's obviously fine. Don't even worry about it. 224 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,315 Really? Yeah. 225 00:09:36,317 --> 00:09:38,150 Thank you. 226 00:09:38,152 --> 00:09:41,270 I mean, as long as there's not more to that story. 227 00:09:41,272 --> 00:09:45,408 Nope. That... is... it. 228 00:09:47,444 --> 00:09:49,378 Jeanette, you have to leave! 229 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,413 In a minute! 230 00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:52,581 I still haven't found that book! 231 00:09:53,784 --> 00:09:55,801 Listen, Jeanette, I didn't want to do this, 232 00:09:55,803 --> 00:09:58,120 but I called the police. They're on their way. 233 00:09:58,122 --> 00:09:59,805 All units, all units. 234 00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:01,390 Possible 10-90 in progress 235 00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:04,427 at 521 West 82nd, apartment 15. 236 00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:05,845 Where's that coming from? 237 00:10:05,847 --> 00:10:07,296 Is that you, Dolores? 238 00:10:07,298 --> 00:10:09,348 Jeanette? Hey, girl. How you been? 239 00:10:09,350 --> 00:10:11,901 Oh, you know, I'm just doing me. 240 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:14,570 Anyway, I'll check out that 10-90. 241 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,656 Okay, but remember... 242 00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,407 I know, no excessive force. 243 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:21,077 Last thing I need is another suspension, am I right? 244 00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:24,246 And that, kids, was how I found out 245 00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,215 what Jeanette did for a living. 246 00:10:26,217 --> 00:10:28,167 Wait a second. 247 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,152 Is she a cop?! 248 00:10:30,154 --> 00:10:31,203 I think she's a cop! 249 00:10:31,205 --> 00:10:32,872 Did you know she was a cop?! 250 00:10:32,874 --> 00:10:35,174 I didn't know she was a cop! 251 00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:38,594 Ted, I'm sorry I have to say this-- Jeanette lives here now. 252 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,796 This is her place. You're gonna have to leave. 253 00:10:40,798 --> 00:10:41,797 What? 254 00:10:41,799 --> 00:10:42,848 Why don't you have to leave? 255 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,433 They can stay. 256 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:47,520 Thank you, Officer Jeanette. Thank you, Officer Jeanette. 257 00:10:49,539 --> 00:10:50,672 All gone. 258 00:10:50,674 --> 00:10:52,024 We need to do this more often. 259 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,309 We totally do. I can't believe 260 00:10:53,311 --> 00:10:54,810 Marvin's in middle school. 261 00:10:54,812 --> 00:10:56,112 Oh, he's growing up so fast. 262 00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,281 Can I confess something to you? 263 00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,067 Remember that day you left Marvin's binky 264 00:11:01,069 --> 00:11:03,486 on the bus and I let that old lady pick him up? 265 00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:06,455 I seem to recall that was the entire story. 266 00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,791 There's a little bit more. 267 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,359 There, there, little one. 268 00:11:10,361 --> 00:11:13,295 Let's put you back in your strolly-poo, 269 00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:16,966 so you can drift off to dreamy-dreamy land. 270 00:11:18,335 --> 00:11:20,419 Oh, thank you so much. 271 00:11:20,421 --> 00:11:22,088 Yeah, this is my first time alone with him, 272 00:11:22,090 --> 00:11:24,640 and, you know, um, I have this weird feeling that I'm gonna, 273 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,343 I don't know, like, drop him or injure him in some way, 274 00:11:27,345 --> 00:11:28,978 which is completely insane. 275 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,646 But... Oh, heavens. 276 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:31,814 Oh, my God! 277 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:32,565 Oh, my God. 278 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,483 I know, I'm so sorry. 279 00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:35,901 Well, you know what? 280 00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:38,320 That was what, 12 years ago? 281 00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:39,905 Don't even worry about it. 282 00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:41,157 Really? Yeah. 283 00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:43,359 Oh, thank you. 284 00:11:43,361 --> 00:11:46,112 Just promise me there's no more to that story. 285 00:11:47,063 --> 00:11:50,166 Nope, that is it. 286 00:11:52,252 --> 00:11:53,902 Are you sure you want to do this? 287 00:11:53,904 --> 00:11:55,087 The girl's a cop. 288 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:59,008 Yeah, this seems like a really bad idea. 289 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,409 I don't care. 290 00:12:00,411 --> 00:12:02,678 I am going into that bedroom 291 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,130 because this is my home 292 00:12:04,132 --> 00:12:06,432 and I have to defend it. 293 00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,217 But mostly because 294 00:12:08,219 --> 00:12:10,085 my allergy medication 295 00:12:10,087 --> 00:12:12,421 is in there! 296 00:12:12,423 --> 00:12:14,089 All right, just be careful, okay? 297 00:12:14,091 --> 00:12:15,808 This girl is really crazy. 298 00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:19,094 Yeah, why can't she just accept the fact that you guys broke up? 299 00:12:19,096 --> 00:12:21,981 I know, I know, why can't she just accept that? 300 00:12:21,983 --> 00:12:23,899 Why, it's, like, why? 301 00:12:26,437 --> 00:12:29,104 It might be because we didn't actually break up. 302 00:12:29,106 --> 00:12:30,623 Aw, man. 303 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,576 Jeanette, come on, that's vintage vinyl. 304 00:12:37,684 --> 00:12:40,183 Ted, did you or didn't you break up 305 00:12:40,283 --> 00:12:41,765 with Jeanette last night? 306 00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:44,735 I don't know, it's kind of confusing. 307 00:12:44,737 --> 00:12:47,088 I think we need to talk. 308 00:12:47,090 --> 00:12:49,490 Oh, oh, okay. 309 00:12:49,492 --> 00:12:51,325 I see where this is going. 310 00:12:51,327 --> 00:12:53,327 You're in love with Lily. 311 00:12:53,329 --> 00:12:54,495 That's it, isn't it? 312 00:12:54,497 --> 00:12:56,380 What? No, I... 313 00:12:56,382 --> 00:12:59,116 Like I should be surprised with her fancy medical degree 314 00:12:59,118 --> 00:13:01,385 and her sexy Southern drawl. 315 00:13:01,387 --> 00:13:02,637 What? She's not... 316 00:13:02,639 --> 00:13:04,255 Don't talk to me, don't look at me. 317 00:13:04,257 --> 00:13:07,141 I hate you and I never want to see you again! 318 00:13:08,793 --> 00:13:10,144 And then things got crazy 319 00:13:10,146 --> 00:13:12,813 and we got thrown out of the Barclays Center. 320 00:13:12,815 --> 00:13:16,067 I don't know, it felt pretty breakup-y. 321 00:13:16,069 --> 00:13:17,968 Mm. Anyway, 322 00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:20,655 we parted on pretty bad terms, so... 323 00:13:20,657 --> 00:13:23,240 I kind of thought maybe I could... 324 00:13:23,242 --> 00:13:24,775 Never contact her again and hope she'd take 325 00:13:24,777 --> 00:13:26,477 the hint and just leave you alone? 326 00:13:26,479 --> 00:13:28,029 Barney, give me some credit. 327 00:13:28,031 --> 00:13:30,581 Was that the plan? Yes. 328 00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:34,118 All gone. We need to do this more often. 329 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,252 We totally do. 330 00:13:35,254 --> 00:13:36,537 I can't believe Marvin's in high school. 331 00:13:36,539 --> 00:13:37,654 He's growing up so fast. 332 00:13:37,656 --> 00:13:39,623 Can I confess something to you? Oh, no. What? 333 00:13:39,625 --> 00:13:40,824 What happened? 334 00:13:40,826 --> 00:13:42,960 Tell me what you did to my son. 335 00:13:43,929 --> 00:13:46,847 This is not going well at all. 336 00:13:46,849 --> 00:13:48,282 Oh, honey, you are shaking. 337 00:13:48,284 --> 00:13:49,934 Let's get you out of the cold. 338 00:13:49,936 --> 00:13:51,936 What's open near here? 339 00:13:51,938 --> 00:13:53,771 ♪ 340 00:13:55,273 --> 00:13:58,675 You took my infant child to a strip club? 341 00:13:58,677 --> 00:13:59,894 It was just topless. 342 00:13:59,896 --> 00:14:01,862 He saw yours all the time anyway. 343 00:14:01,864 --> 00:14:03,798 Okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, 344 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,700 but that is all there is. 345 00:14:05,702 --> 00:14:07,401 Okay, there is no more to the story. 346 00:14:07,403 --> 00:14:09,203 I have now told you everything. 347 00:14:09,205 --> 00:14:11,439 All gone. 348 00:14:11,441 --> 00:14:13,991 We need to do this more often. We totally do. 349 00:14:13,993 --> 00:14:15,659 I can't believe Marvin's driving. 350 00:14:15,661 --> 00:14:16,961 He's growing up so fast. 351 00:14:16,963 --> 00:14:18,379 Okay, there's one other thing. 352 00:14:18,381 --> 00:14:19,547 What? 353 00:14:19,549 --> 00:14:21,665 Well, I have to go use the ladies' room. 354 00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:23,551 Can you watch him for me? 355 00:14:23,553 --> 00:14:24,701 Of course. 356 00:14:24,703 --> 00:14:26,470 I could just eat you up. 357 00:14:28,057 --> 00:14:30,541 You left him with a complete stranger? 358 00:14:30,543 --> 00:14:31,875 He could've been... 359 00:14:31,877 --> 00:14:33,477 Robin, how could you? Lily, 360 00:14:33,479 --> 00:14:35,563 please, okay, it was 16 years ago. 361 00:14:35,565 --> 00:14:37,815 He's fine. 362 00:14:37,817 --> 00:14:39,183 You're right. 363 00:14:39,185 --> 00:14:41,218 It's fine. 364 00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:45,272 God, it feels so good to have gotten this off my chest. 365 00:14:45,274 --> 00:14:47,441 Finally it is all on the table. 366 00:14:47,443 --> 00:14:50,111 All secrets are exposed and there is nothing left 367 00:14:50,113 --> 00:14:51,662 to be revealed. 368 00:14:52,514 --> 00:14:54,115 All gone. We need to do this more... 369 00:14:54,117 --> 00:14:55,866 There's more to the story. Damn it, Robin. 370 00:14:55,868 --> 00:14:57,868 What could you possibly have left out? 371 00:14:57,870 --> 00:15:00,421 It's just there's, um, 372 00:15:00,423 --> 00:15:05,426 one little detail that I may have slightly altered. 373 00:15:05,428 --> 00:15:07,545 If he starts crying, just pick him up. 374 00:15:11,716 --> 00:15:13,551 Yeah, there, there. 375 00:15:13,553 --> 00:15:15,469 Come on, buddy, shh. 376 00:15:15,471 --> 00:15:17,521 Looks like somebody's unhappy. 377 00:15:17,523 --> 00:15:19,190 No kidding, I'm miserable. 378 00:15:19,192 --> 00:15:20,608 Listen to this thing. 379 00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:22,109 Maybe he needs to be held. 380 00:15:22,111 --> 00:15:24,361 I think you're right. 381 00:15:24,363 --> 00:15:26,197 Can you do it? 382 00:15:26,199 --> 00:15:27,565 Sure. 383 00:15:27,567 --> 00:15:28,932 Come here, handsome. 384 00:15:28,934 --> 00:15:30,484 Come here, come here, you handsome devil, you. 385 00:15:30,486 --> 00:15:31,735 You're such a beautiful... 386 00:15:31,737 --> 00:15:33,204 Aw, you're such a cool dude. 387 00:15:33,206 --> 00:15:35,873 Oh, look at you, oh. 388 00:15:35,875 --> 00:15:37,575 All right, there, there, little one, there, there. 389 00:15:37,577 --> 00:15:39,960 Let me put you back in your strolly-poo 390 00:15:39,962 --> 00:15:43,113 so you can drift off to dreamy-dreamy land. 391 00:15:43,115 --> 00:15:45,082 Okay? All right. 392 00:15:45,084 --> 00:15:46,133 Thank you so much. 393 00:15:46,135 --> 00:15:47,218 Hey, don't worry about it. 394 00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:48,335 It's my first time alone with him, 395 00:15:48,337 --> 00:15:49,553 and I just have this weird feeling 396 00:15:49,555 --> 00:15:50,838 I'm gonna drop him 397 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,006 or injure him in some way. 398 00:15:52,008 --> 00:15:53,174 I know it's completely insane... 399 00:15:53,176 --> 00:15:54,391 Oh, heavens, oh, watch it, no! 400 00:15:54,393 --> 00:15:55,759 No! 401 00:15:56,478 --> 00:15:59,430 This is not going well at all. 402 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,766 Oh, hon, you're shaking. 403 00:16:02,768 --> 00:16:03,734 Let's get out of the cold. 404 00:16:03,736 --> 00:16:05,486 Is there anything open near here? 405 00:16:06,823 --> 00:16:08,472 ♪ 406 00:16:09,974 --> 00:16:12,193 Hey, I need to go to the ladies' room-- can you watch him for me? 407 00:16:12,195 --> 00:16:14,445 Of course. I could just eat you up. 408 00:16:14,447 --> 00:16:16,580 Look at you, yum, yum, yum, yum. 409 00:16:17,532 --> 00:16:20,868 You waited 17 years to tell me 410 00:16:20,870 --> 00:16:24,088 that you met the greatest boxer of all time? 411 00:16:24,090 --> 00:16:28,459 My son was rocked to sleep by Senator Mike Tyson? 412 00:16:28,461 --> 00:16:30,928 I wanted to tell you, believe me. How could you...? 413 00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:33,097 Okay, this is the right thing to do. 414 00:16:33,099 --> 00:16:35,883 You got to go up there and break up with her for real. 415 00:16:35,885 --> 00:16:37,668 And don't worry, if anything happens, 416 00:16:37,670 --> 00:16:39,687 just scream, we'll come rescue you. 417 00:16:39,689 --> 00:16:41,355 Okay. 418 00:16:59,457 --> 00:17:02,409 Did you guys not hear me screaming up there? 419 00:17:02,411 --> 00:17:04,628 Aw, I feel so awful. 420 00:17:04,630 --> 00:17:05,796 We went to get subs. 421 00:17:05,798 --> 00:17:07,498 We got you one though. 422 00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,550 We didn't get you one. 423 00:17:10,502 --> 00:17:12,336 So, Jeanette's squatting in your room? 424 00:17:12,338 --> 00:17:13,954 What are you guys doing here? 425 00:17:13,956 --> 00:17:16,173 We heard you screaming from three blocks away. 426 00:17:16,175 --> 00:17:17,308 Why is she in there? 427 00:17:17,310 --> 00:17:19,260 Lily, there is no reason why. 428 00:17:19,262 --> 00:17:21,512 That's like asking why is the earth round? 429 00:17:21,514 --> 00:17:23,380 Why does the sun come up in the morning? 430 00:17:23,382 --> 00:17:24,848 What do I do for a living? 431 00:17:24,850 --> 00:17:27,685 There are some questions we're not meant to know the answer to. 432 00:17:27,687 --> 00:17:30,988 Crazy girls are crazy because they're crazy. 433 00:17:30,990 --> 00:17:33,190 I-I don't think it's quite that simple. 434 00:17:33,192 --> 00:17:34,358 I was talking 435 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,243 to a friend of mine about Ted and Jeanette. 436 00:17:36,245 --> 00:17:38,228 Oh, great, what friend is this? 437 00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:42,149 Uh, just this wise old lady that I know. 438 00:17:42,151 --> 00:17:43,484 Here's the thing about crazy. 439 00:17:43,486 --> 00:17:45,836 When a guy sends mixed signals to a girl, 440 00:17:45,838 --> 00:17:48,389 it takes a toll on her psychological well-being. 441 00:17:48,391 --> 00:17:50,925 You want to know why a girl acts crazy, 442 00:17:50,927 --> 00:17:52,509 look at the guy she's dating. 443 00:17:52,511 --> 00:17:54,411 Then you really see some crazy. 444 00:17:54,413 --> 00:17:56,347 Trust me. 445 00:17:57,632 --> 00:18:00,434 Are you Mike Tyson? 446 00:18:00,436 --> 00:18:01,468 Now, hold on. 447 00:18:01,470 --> 00:18:03,920 I've dated tons of crazy girls in my life, 448 00:18:03,922 --> 00:18:08,425 and not once have I ever treated them with anything other than... 449 00:18:08,427 --> 00:18:09,810 Oh, right, I'm a monster. 450 00:18:09,812 --> 00:18:13,063 Maybe the old lady with the face tattoo is right. 451 00:18:13,065 --> 00:18:15,932 Maybe the reason Jeanette's acting this way 452 00:18:15,934 --> 00:18:17,201 is Ted. 453 00:18:17,203 --> 00:18:19,153 Me? How is this my fault? 454 00:18:19,155 --> 00:18:21,455 Yeah, come on, this is Ted we're talking about. 455 00:18:21,457 --> 00:18:23,574 I'm sure he didn't do anything to lead her on 456 00:18:23,576 --> 00:18:26,076 or send mixed signals, right, Ted? 457 00:18:27,245 --> 00:18:29,246 Don't talk to me, don't look at me. 458 00:18:29,248 --> 00:18:32,249 I hate you and I never want to see you again! 459 00:18:37,005 --> 00:18:39,640 And we got thrown out of the Barclays Center. 460 00:18:39,642 --> 00:18:41,258 Okay, that's disappointing. 461 00:18:41,260 --> 00:18:42,926 So disappointing. 462 00:18:42,928 --> 00:18:45,896 Seriously. 463 00:18:45,898 --> 00:18:47,898 But that was last night. I mean, it's not like... 464 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,185 Listen, Jeanette, we really need 465 00:18:51,187 --> 00:18:52,853 to have a serious talk about our... 466 00:18:52,855 --> 00:18:56,273 So, did Lily leave these boots here 467 00:18:56,275 --> 00:18:58,409 or was it some other bitch? 468 00:19:01,162 --> 00:19:04,648 Marshall, Barney, help me! 469 00:19:04,650 --> 00:19:07,117 I don't think they're coming. 470 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:08,936 I guess not. 471 00:19:13,925 --> 00:19:15,158 It's those red boots. 472 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,127 They just look sexy on everyone. 473 00:19:17,129 --> 00:19:19,680 Okay, Ted, what is with the red boots? 474 00:19:19,682 --> 00:19:21,882 You're a smart guy, you've got some taste, 475 00:19:21,884 --> 00:19:23,384 you got a visual sense, I mean, 476 00:19:23,386 --> 00:19:25,168 you're an architect for Pete's sakes. 477 00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:27,054 How can you look at those boots and think... 478 00:19:27,056 --> 00:19:29,506 Oh, my God, I'm holding it, I'm holding the baby. 479 00:19:29,508 --> 00:19:30,941 What, you've never held him before? 480 00:19:30,943 --> 00:19:32,676 Uh, tons of times. 481 00:19:32,678 --> 00:19:35,612 This-this is not a big moment for me. 482 00:19:35,614 --> 00:19:37,114 This is exhilarating. 483 00:19:38,234 --> 00:19:41,652 Look, yes, I know what you're gonna say. 484 00:19:41,654 --> 00:19:43,704 I have to break up with her. No, 485 00:19:43,706 --> 00:19:45,856 I was actually gonna say the opposite. 486 00:19:45,858 --> 00:19:48,292 I think you need to be with Jeanette right now. 487 00:19:48,294 --> 00:19:50,193 Because she's the one. 488 00:19:50,195 --> 00:19:51,378 No. What? No. 489 00:19:51,380 --> 00:19:53,330 She's insane. 490 00:19:53,332 --> 00:19:56,166 But I think you are also a little insane right now. 491 00:19:56,168 --> 00:19:58,535 So I think you need to go 492 00:19:58,537 --> 00:20:01,555 be with your crazy girl for a while and when it all goes down 493 00:20:01,557 --> 00:20:03,757 in flames-- and I don't mean that figuratively, 494 00:20:03,759 --> 00:20:05,809 I expect there to be actual flames... 495 00:20:05,811 --> 00:20:07,678 And there were. 496 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,064 ...we'll be here for you because we love you. 497 00:20:13,485 --> 00:20:16,720 Jeanette I just want to say that, uh, 498 00:20:16,722 --> 00:20:19,239 you going through my stuff like that... 499 00:20:20,875 --> 00:20:23,694 You are really something special. 500 00:20:25,163 --> 00:20:28,198 I'm gonna send Lily a dead animal in the mail. 501 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,418 I think I'm falling for you. 502 00:20:31,420 --> 00:20:34,288 I think we should have a three-way with my therapist. 503 00:20:34,290 --> 00:20:35,923 He's 70. 504 00:20:35,925 --> 00:20:38,675 What is your ring size? 505 00:20:46,525 --> 00:20:48,655 Robin. 506 00:20:48,656 --> 00:20:50,645 It's 3:00 in the morning. 507 00:20:50,646 --> 00:20:51,562 Really? 508 00:20:51,563 --> 00:20:53,346 Yeah, you sure you don't want to just 509 00:20:53,348 --> 00:20:56,483 put him in the crib and, you know, go home? 510 00:20:56,485 --> 00:20:58,318 No, I'm good. 511 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,320 Okay. 512 00:21:00,322 --> 00:21:01,405 Good night. 513 00:21:01,407 --> 00:21:02,689 Good night. 514 00:21:02,691 --> 00:21:06,791 == sync, corrected by elderman == 515 00:21:06,829 --> 00:21:08,845 What's that smell? 516 00:21:08,847 --> 00:21:11,481 Lily! Lily!