1
00:00:01,979 --> 00:00:04,614
Kids, early in this
story, you may recall me saying
2
00:00:04,714 --> 00:00:06,130
something along
the lines of...
3
00:00:06,132 --> 00:00:08,267
Okay, no more dating.
4
00:00:08,367 --> 00:00:09,951
I am ready to settle down.
5
00:00:09,953 --> 00:00:12,470
And at the time,
I probably thought I meant it.
6
00:00:12,472 --> 00:00:14,722
But, kids, I'll be honest.
7
00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:16,490
Being single's fun.
8
00:00:16,492 --> 00:00:19,310
As a young unattached man
in New York City,
9
00:00:19,312 --> 00:00:20,711
I had a great time.
10
00:00:20,713 --> 00:00:22,980
A great time.
11
00:00:22,982 --> 00:00:25,316
What was I saying? Oh, yeah.
12
00:00:25,318 --> 00:00:28,185
I had such a great time that
it took someone very special
13
00:00:28,187 --> 00:00:30,104
to make me want to settle down.
14
00:00:30,106 --> 00:00:32,607
And that someone...
15
00:00:32,609 --> 00:00:35,276
was Jeanette.
16
00:00:35,278 --> 00:00:37,912
What made Jeanette so special?
Well...
17
00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:39,664
That was a foul!
18
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:42,750
Jeanette was the last girl
I dated
19
00:00:42,752 --> 00:00:44,035
before I met your mother.
20
00:00:44,037 --> 00:00:46,003
The girl who finally got me
to say...
21
00:00:46,005 --> 00:00:48,205
No more dating.
22
00:00:48,207 --> 00:00:50,452
I'm ready to settle down.
23
00:00:50,453 --> 00:00:51,903
...and really mean it.
24
00:00:51,905 --> 00:00:53,438
Oh!
25
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:57,440
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x16 ♪
Bad Crazy
Original Air Date on February 11, 2013
26
00:00:57,465 --> 00:01:02,465
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
27
00:01:06,978 --> 00:01:08,711
But let's back up a little bit.
28
00:01:08,713 --> 00:01:11,064
She broke your TV
with a beer bottle?
29
00:01:11,066 --> 00:01:13,433
In her defense,
she was aiming for the window.
30
00:01:13,435 --> 00:01:15,402
Dude, you gotta get rid
of this girl.
31
00:01:15,404 --> 00:01:17,521
Agreed.
Cray-cray gotta go bye-bye
32
00:01:17,523 --> 00:01:18,739
before you get stab-stabbed.
33
00:01:18,741 --> 00:01:20,073
Oh, really?
34
00:01:20,075 --> 00:01:22,609
And are you guys saying this
because you don't want me
35
00:01:22,611 --> 00:01:24,711
to be with Jeanette,
or because you want me
36
00:01:24,713 --> 00:01:27,397
to stay single so you guys
can keep your clubhouse?
37
00:01:27,399 --> 00:01:28,398
J'accuse!
38
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,766
I had a point,
39
00:01:29,768 --> 00:01:30,801
and they knew it.
40
00:01:30,803 --> 00:01:32,569
You see, in early 2013,
41
00:01:32,571 --> 00:01:34,855
I was the only single guy
in the group.
42
00:01:34,857 --> 00:01:37,557
Which meant whenever Marshall
or Barney bought something
43
00:01:37,559 --> 00:01:39,242
they weren't allowed to keep
in their apartments...
44
00:01:39,244 --> 00:01:41,511
♪
45
00:02:07,955 --> 00:02:09,790
You know what, Ted?
That reminds me.
46
00:02:09,792 --> 00:02:11,958
I just bought this
antique Swiss clock,
47
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,444
but Robin won't let us put it
in the apartment,
48
00:02:14,446 --> 00:02:17,113
so I was gonna leave it
at your place.
49
00:02:17,115 --> 00:02:18,415
Only problem? It's broken.
50
00:02:18,417 --> 00:02:21,251
So I was just gonna sit here
and try to fix it
51
00:02:21,253 --> 00:02:24,337
while maybe you tell us what you
and Jeanette did last night?
52
00:02:24,339 --> 00:02:26,973
Okay. Well, uh, Jeanette
is a big Marilyn Monroe fan.
53
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:30,760
There you go!
Now it's working!
54
00:02:30,762 --> 00:02:32,929
Sorry. Sorry. Go on. Go on.
She's a Marilyn Monroe fan
55
00:02:32,931 --> 00:02:34,764
so I guess you watched
one of her movies?
56
00:02:34,766 --> 00:02:37,434
Uh, No, we had a séance.
57
00:02:38,604 --> 00:02:40,487
Look at that! Good as new.
58
00:02:40,489 --> 00:02:43,640
Anyway, were you able
to contact Marilyn
59
00:02:43,642 --> 00:02:45,442
in the spirit world?
60
00:02:45,444 --> 00:02:47,911
No. We talked to her cat.
61
00:02:49,832 --> 00:02:52,916
Screw loose!
That's the problem.
62
00:02:52,918 --> 00:02:54,784
Uh-oh.
63
00:02:54,786 --> 00:02:55,952
Looks like somebody's
hungry.
64
00:02:55,954 --> 00:02:57,537
I'm gonna get
his food ready.
65
00:02:57,539 --> 00:03:00,006
Robin, can you grab him?
66
00:03:00,008 --> 00:03:03,210
Can I? Try and stop me!
67
00:03:03,212 --> 00:03:05,162
Now, kids,
what Lily didn't realize--
68
00:03:05,164 --> 00:03:07,697
what none of us realized,
in fact-- was that
69
00:03:07,699 --> 00:03:10,033
in the eight months since your
cousin Marvin was born,
70
00:03:10,035 --> 00:03:11,968
Robin had never once held him.
71
00:03:11,970 --> 00:03:15,171
The truth was, the thought
of holding him terrified her,
72
00:03:15,173 --> 00:03:18,525
so she had always avoided it,
ever so discreetly.
73
00:03:18,527 --> 00:03:19,976
Can you hold...
Oh, shoot! Look at that!
74
00:03:19,978 --> 00:03:22,612
Oh, geez.
75
00:03:22,614 --> 00:03:23,947
I got him.
76
00:03:23,949 --> 00:03:25,532
Come here,
you little munchkin.
77
00:03:25,534 --> 00:03:27,016
Aw, man...
78
00:03:27,018 --> 00:03:29,402
Oh, well, I call next.
79
00:03:29,404 --> 00:03:32,956
Well, I should go. It's time
for Jeanette's... something.
80
00:03:32,958 --> 00:03:35,742
Time for Jeanette's what, Ted?
81
00:03:35,744 --> 00:03:39,746
Uh, we're taking her dog
to an exorcist.
82
00:03:39,748 --> 00:03:42,632
Wow, Ted, that sounds...
83
00:03:47,221 --> 00:03:49,872
Crap, it's really broken now.
84
00:03:49,874 --> 00:03:52,475
Okay, fine. I admit it.
She's crazy.
85
00:03:52,477 --> 00:03:53,593
Obviously.
86
00:03:53,595 --> 00:03:56,096
But I'm not in this
for the long haul.
87
00:03:56,098 --> 00:03:57,880
It's just, you know,
it's just fun.
88
00:03:57,882 --> 00:03:59,933
Of course it's fun, at first.
89
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:02,319
But then when she starts calling
out the name of her
90
00:04:02,321 --> 00:04:05,054
high school science teacher
in the throes of passion,
91
00:04:05,056 --> 00:04:06,573
it's really fun.
92
00:04:06,575 --> 00:04:09,659
But then when she starts
bringing knives into bed
93
00:04:09,661 --> 00:04:12,495
and making you fear
for your safety?
94
00:04:12,497 --> 00:04:14,247
It's really, really fun.
95
00:04:14,249 --> 00:04:17,117
But then when she starts
unbuttoning your pants
96
00:04:17,119 --> 00:04:21,237
while you're being forced
to drive blindfolded
97
00:04:21,239 --> 00:04:26,109
down the freeway
with a gun pointed at your...
98
00:04:26,111 --> 00:04:28,595
I'm sorry,
what were we talking about?
99
00:04:28,597 --> 00:04:29,596
Jeanette.
100
00:04:29,598 --> 00:04:30,714
Oh, right. That girl's crazy.
101
00:04:30,716 --> 00:04:33,099
You gotta break up with her.
I know.
102
00:04:33,101 --> 00:04:35,602
I know. You're right.
I-I have to break up with her.
103
00:04:35,604 --> 00:04:37,587
I should do it
in a public place, though,
104
00:04:37,589 --> 00:04:39,022
so she doesn't flip out.
105
00:04:39,024 --> 00:04:41,608
So the next night,
I met her in a public place
106
00:04:41,610 --> 00:04:42,943
so she wouldn't flip out.
107
00:04:42,945 --> 00:04:44,277
I will kill you, ref!
108
00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,529
I will kill you in front
of all these people!
109
00:04:46,531 --> 00:04:48,281
Oh, boy.
What, you think I won't
110
00:04:48,283 --> 00:04:49,950
just 'cause I'm in
a public place?!
111
00:04:49,952 --> 00:04:52,935
I'll go to jail for the rest
of my life if I have to!
112
00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:58,491
Listen, before the game starts,
I think we need to talk.
113
00:04:58,493 --> 00:05:00,276
I can't believe
Ted's dead.
114
00:05:00,278 --> 00:05:01,544
I know.
115
00:05:01,546 --> 00:05:03,079
What a way to go.
116
00:05:03,081 --> 00:05:04,748
Killed by a bazooka.
117
00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:08,885
All right, all right,
so I'm not on my game today.
118
00:05:08,887 --> 00:05:10,003
Anyway...
119
00:05:10,005 --> 00:05:12,339
I gotta hop out for a bit.
120
00:05:12,341 --> 00:05:13,556
You guys stay here.
121
00:05:13,558 --> 00:05:16,476
Oh, and, um,
if Jeanette comes by,
122
00:05:16,478 --> 00:05:18,628
do not let her into
the apartment.
123
00:05:18,630 --> 00:05:20,296
Don't let her in. Got it.
124
00:05:20,298 --> 00:05:22,965
Guys, this is serious.
This girl is like bedbugs.
125
00:05:22,967 --> 00:05:25,602
Once she's in the apartment,
there's no getting her out.
126
00:05:25,604 --> 00:05:28,488
Ted, buddy,
127
00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:30,190
how long have we been dealing
128
00:05:30,192 --> 00:05:33,243
with Barney's insane
girlfriends? Years.
129
00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:35,245
Nigh on a decade!
130
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:38,448
I had to testify
in five competency hearings.
131
00:05:38,450 --> 00:05:40,784
I think we can handle Jeanette.
132
00:05:40,786 --> 00:05:42,369
Okay, okay.
133
00:05:42,371 --> 00:05:44,371
See you soon.
134
00:05:46,625 --> 00:05:48,875
That kid. Am I right?
135
00:05:50,328 --> 00:05:52,962
Now look who forgot his keys.
136
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:56,683
What is it?
137
00:06:00,355 --> 00:06:03,189
Meanwhile, Lily and Robin
were out getting lunch,
138
00:06:03,191 --> 00:06:05,558
when disaster struck.
139
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,844
Oh, God, I left his binky
on that bus!
140
00:06:07,846 --> 00:06:09,345
Wait. Don't you have
other binkies?
141
00:06:09,347 --> 00:06:11,064
That one's his favorite!
He'll know the difference!
142
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:13,316
I'm not gonna let
this be the reason
143
00:06:13,318 --> 00:06:14,401
he resents me later in life!
144
00:06:14,403 --> 00:06:17,687
If he starts crying,
just pick him up!
145
00:06:18,874 --> 00:06:21,875
What? Uh, uh...
146
00:06:21,877 --> 00:06:26,663
Okay, okay.
Yeah, there, there, there. Okay.
147
00:06:26,665 --> 00:06:29,499
Hey, I'm back.
Did I miss anything?
148
00:06:29,501 --> 00:06:30,884
Nope.
149
00:06:30,886 --> 00:06:31,868
Did Jeanette come by?
150
00:06:31,870 --> 00:06:33,002
Jeanette? I know
lots of Jeanettes.
151
00:06:33,004 --> 00:06:34,921
Um...
152
00:06:34,923 --> 00:06:36,690
Guys!
Okay, she came by
153
00:06:36,692 --> 00:06:38,725
because she forgot
her book.
154
00:06:38,727 --> 00:06:41,511
So we let her go up
in your room and get it.
155
00:06:41,513 --> 00:06:43,212
And then?
156
00:06:43,214 --> 00:06:44,981
And then what?
157
00:06:44,983 --> 00:06:47,317
And then she left?
158
00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:51,271
I think she left.
159
00:06:52,824 --> 00:06:55,709
Are you sure she left?
160
00:06:55,711 --> 00:06:59,412
I am... 90% sure...
161
00:06:59,414 --> 00:07:01,364
that she left.
162
00:07:02,451 --> 00:07:04,501
80 percent.
163
00:07:05,504 --> 00:07:07,170
Actually, I'm gonna
change my answer.
164
00:07:07,172 --> 00:07:09,405
I am now starting to
think she never left,
165
00:07:09,407 --> 00:07:13,626
and instead she barricaded
herself in your room.
166
00:07:13,628 --> 00:07:15,378
And I'm never coming out!
167
00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:18,348
A hundred percent.
168
00:07:22,735 --> 00:07:24,397
I cannot believe
you guys!
169
00:07:24,497 --> 00:07:27,761
Well, maybe if you had given us
a warning that she was crazy!
170
00:07:27,879 --> 00:07:29,521
Dude, it's okay.
171
00:07:29,524 --> 00:07:31,357
She can't stay
in there forever.
172
00:07:31,359 --> 00:07:33,910
She'll have to come out
to eat and drink
173
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,578
and go to the bathroom, right?
174
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,497
Now, a few months earlier,
175
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,099
the East Coast had been hit
by a bad storm,
176
00:07:40,101 --> 00:07:42,101
and some intelligent,
forward-thinking
177
00:07:42,103 --> 00:07:44,203
New Yorkers took it
as a wake-up call,
178
00:07:44,205 --> 00:07:46,422
making sure to stock
their bedrooms with enough
179
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:47,673
food and water to last months,
180
00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:49,425
not to mention a portable waste
management system.
181
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,827
It was really
the smart thing to do.
182
00:07:53,663 --> 00:07:54,881
You dumbass!
183
00:07:54,883 --> 00:07:58,634
Really, Ted. How could you be so
unbelievably stupid?
184
00:07:58,636 --> 00:08:01,003
No, no, you guys are the ones
who invited
185
00:08:01,005 --> 00:08:03,973
a vampire into my apartment!
This is your fault!
186
00:08:03,975 --> 00:08:05,558
And P.S., if this disaster
187
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,027
had been a superstorm
instead of a hot lunatic,
188
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,730
you'd all be begging to eat
my freeze-dried protein paste
189
00:08:10,732 --> 00:08:13,699
and crap in my biohazard bucket.
Just sayin'.
190
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:14,767
I got it.
191
00:08:14,769 --> 00:08:16,369
It was on the
floor of the bus.
192
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:20,022
I should
probably throw it out. Eh.
193
00:08:20,690 --> 00:08:22,291
Did he give you any problems?
194
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,744
He cried a little,
but then he stopped.
195
00:08:24,746 --> 00:08:27,964
Oh, good.
Anything else happen?
196
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,365
Nope.
197
00:08:29,367 --> 00:08:31,884
That... is... it.
198
00:08:33,854 --> 00:08:35,922
All gone!
199
00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:37,640
We have to do this more often.
200
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,225
Oh, we totally do.
201
00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:41,010
I can't believe Marvin's
in kindergarten.
202
00:08:41,012 --> 00:08:42,979
He's growing up so fast.
203
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,565
Can I confess something to you?
204
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:49,235
Remember the day you left
Marvin's binky on the bus
205
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:52,021
and you left me alone with him?
Yeah.
206
00:08:52,023 --> 00:08:55,057
Well, I didn't tell you this
at the time, but...
207
00:08:56,411 --> 00:09:00,446
Okay, okay.
Yeah, there, there, there.
208
00:09:00,448 --> 00:09:01,730
Okay, shh, shh.
209
00:09:01,732 --> 00:09:05,567
Oh, no, it looks like
somebody's not happy.
210
00:09:05,569 --> 00:09:06,919
No kidding.
I'm miserable.
211
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,187
Listen to this thing.
212
00:09:08,189 --> 00:09:11,090
He probably just wants
to be held.
213
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,675
I think you're right.
214
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,760
Can you do it?
215
00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:16,596
All right.
216
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:19,581
Come here, handsome. Oh.
Yeah.
217
00:09:19,583 --> 00:09:21,183
Yes.
218
00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:22,935
Oh.
219
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,421
I let a stranger pick up Marvin.
I'm sorry.
220
00:09:25,423 --> 00:09:27,356
It's just, I hadn't actually
picked him up
221
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,225
at that point,
and I was scared, so...
222
00:09:29,227 --> 00:09:31,527
You know what?
It was four years ago.
223
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,864
He's obviously fine.
Don't even worry about it.
224
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,315
Really?
Yeah.
225
00:09:36,317 --> 00:09:38,150
Thank you.
226
00:09:38,152 --> 00:09:41,270
I mean, as long as there's
not more to that story.
227
00:09:41,272 --> 00:09:45,408
Nope. That... is... it.
228
00:09:47,444 --> 00:09:49,378
Jeanette, you
have to leave!
229
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,413
In a minute!
230
00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:52,581
I still haven't
found that book!
231
00:09:53,784 --> 00:09:55,801
Listen, Jeanette,
I didn't want to do this,
232
00:09:55,803 --> 00:09:58,120
but I called the police.
They're on their way.
233
00:09:58,122 --> 00:09:59,805
All units, all units.
234
00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:01,390
Possible 10-90 in progress
235
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:04,427
at 521 West 82nd,
apartment 15.
236
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:05,845
Where's that coming from?
237
00:10:05,847 --> 00:10:07,296
Is that you, Dolores?
238
00:10:07,298 --> 00:10:09,348
Jeanette?
Hey, girl. How you been?
239
00:10:09,350 --> 00:10:11,901
Oh, you know, I'm just doing me.
240
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:14,570
Anyway, I'll check out
that 10-90.
241
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,656
Okay, but remember...
242
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,407
I know, no excessive force.
243
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:21,077
Last thing I need is another
suspension, am I right?
244
00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:24,246
And that, kids,
was how I found out
245
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,215
what Jeanette did for a living.
246
00:10:26,217 --> 00:10:28,167
Wait a second.
247
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,152
Is she a cop?!
248
00:10:30,154 --> 00:10:31,203
I think she's a cop!
249
00:10:31,205 --> 00:10:32,872
Did you know
she was a cop?!
250
00:10:32,874 --> 00:10:35,174
I didn't know
she was a cop!
251
00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:38,594
Ted, I'm sorry I have to say
this-- Jeanette lives here now.
252
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,796
This is her place.
You're gonna have to leave.
253
00:10:40,798 --> 00:10:41,797
What?
254
00:10:41,799 --> 00:10:42,848
Why don't you have to leave?
255
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,433
They can stay.
256
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:47,520
Thank you, Officer Jeanette.
Thank you, Officer Jeanette.
257
00:10:49,539 --> 00:10:50,672
All gone.
258
00:10:50,674 --> 00:10:52,024
We need to do this more often.
259
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,309
We totally do.
I can't believe
260
00:10:53,311 --> 00:10:54,810
Marvin's in middle school.
261
00:10:54,812 --> 00:10:56,112
Oh, he's growing up so fast.
262
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,281
Can I confess something to you?
263
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,067
Remember that day
you left Marvin's binky
264
00:11:01,069 --> 00:11:03,486
on the bus and I let
that old lady pick him up?
265
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:06,455
I seem to recall
that was the entire story.
266
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,791
There's a little bit more.
267
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,359
There, there, little one.
268
00:11:10,361 --> 00:11:13,295
Let's put you back
in your strolly-poo,
269
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:16,966
so you can drift off
to dreamy-dreamy land.
270
00:11:18,335 --> 00:11:20,419
Oh, thank you
so much.
271
00:11:20,421 --> 00:11:22,088
Yeah, this is my first time
alone with him,
272
00:11:22,090 --> 00:11:24,640
and, you know, um, I have this
weird feeling that I'm gonna,
273
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,343
I don't know, like, drop him
or injure him in some way,
274
00:11:27,345 --> 00:11:28,978
which is completely insane.
275
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,646
But...
Oh, heavens.
276
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:31,814
Oh, my God!
277
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:32,565
Oh, my God.
278
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,483
I know, I'm so sorry.
279
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:35,901
Well, you know what?
280
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:38,320
That was what, 12 years ago?
281
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:39,905
Don't even worry about it.
282
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:41,157
Really?
Yeah.
283
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:43,359
Oh, thank you.
284
00:11:43,361 --> 00:11:46,112
Just promise me
there's no more to that story.
285
00:11:47,063 --> 00:11:50,166
Nope, that is it.
286
00:11:52,252 --> 00:11:53,902
Are you sure
you want to do this?
287
00:11:53,904 --> 00:11:55,087
The girl's a cop.
288
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:59,008
Yeah, this seems
like a really bad idea.
289
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,409
I don't care.
290
00:12:00,411 --> 00:12:02,678
I am going into
that bedroom
291
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,130
because this is my home
292
00:12:04,132 --> 00:12:06,432
and I have to defend it.
293
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,217
But mostly because
294
00:12:08,219 --> 00:12:10,085
my allergy medication
295
00:12:10,087 --> 00:12:12,421
is in there!
296
00:12:12,423 --> 00:12:14,089
All right, just
be careful, okay?
297
00:12:14,091 --> 00:12:15,808
This girl is
really crazy.
298
00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:19,094
Yeah, why can't she just accept
the fact that you guys broke up?
299
00:12:19,096 --> 00:12:21,981
I know, I know, why can't
she just accept that?
300
00:12:21,983 --> 00:12:23,899
Why, it's, like, why?
301
00:12:26,437 --> 00:12:29,104
It might be because
we didn't actually break up.
302
00:12:29,106 --> 00:12:30,623
Aw, man.
303
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,576
Jeanette, come on,
that's vintage vinyl.
304
00:12:37,684 --> 00:12:40,183
Ted, did you
or didn't you break up
305
00:12:40,283 --> 00:12:41,765
with Jeanette last night?
306
00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:44,735
I don't know,
it's kind of confusing.
307
00:12:44,737 --> 00:12:47,088
I think we need to talk.
308
00:12:47,090 --> 00:12:49,490
Oh, oh, okay.
309
00:12:49,492 --> 00:12:51,325
I see where this is going.
310
00:12:51,327 --> 00:12:53,327
You're in love with Lily.
311
00:12:53,329 --> 00:12:54,495
That's it, isn't it?
312
00:12:54,497 --> 00:12:56,380
What? No, I...
313
00:12:56,382 --> 00:12:59,116
Like I should be surprised
with her fancy medical degree
314
00:12:59,118 --> 00:13:01,385
and her sexy Southern drawl.
315
00:13:01,387 --> 00:13:02,637
What? She's not...
316
00:13:02,639 --> 00:13:04,255
Don't talk to me,
don't look at me.
317
00:13:04,257 --> 00:13:07,141
I hate you and I never
want to see you again!
318
00:13:08,793 --> 00:13:10,144
And then things got crazy
319
00:13:10,146 --> 00:13:12,813
and we got thrown out
of the Barclays Center.
320
00:13:12,815 --> 00:13:16,067
I don't know, it felt
pretty breakup-y.
321
00:13:16,069 --> 00:13:17,968
Mm.
Anyway,
322
00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:20,655
we parted on pretty
bad terms, so...
323
00:13:20,657 --> 00:13:23,240
I kind of thought maybe
I could...
324
00:13:23,242 --> 00:13:24,775
Never contact her again
and hope she'd take
325
00:13:24,777 --> 00:13:26,477
the hint and just
leave you alone?
326
00:13:26,479 --> 00:13:28,029
Barney, give me some credit.
327
00:13:28,031 --> 00:13:30,581
Was that the plan?
Yes.
328
00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:34,118
All gone.
We need to do this more often.
329
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,252
We totally do.
330
00:13:35,254 --> 00:13:36,537
I can't believe Marvin's
in high school.
331
00:13:36,539 --> 00:13:37,654
He's growing up so fast.
332
00:13:37,656 --> 00:13:39,623
Can I confess something to you?
Oh, no. What?
333
00:13:39,625 --> 00:13:40,824
What happened?
334
00:13:40,826 --> 00:13:42,960
Tell me what you did to my son.
335
00:13:43,929 --> 00:13:46,847
This is not going
well at all.
336
00:13:46,849 --> 00:13:48,282
Oh, honey, you are shaking.
337
00:13:48,284 --> 00:13:49,934
Let's get you out
of the cold.
338
00:13:49,936 --> 00:13:51,936
What's open near here?
339
00:13:51,938 --> 00:13:53,771
♪
340
00:13:55,273 --> 00:13:58,675
You took my infant child
to a strip club?
341
00:13:58,677 --> 00:13:59,894
It was just topless.
342
00:13:59,896 --> 00:14:01,862
He saw yours
all the time anyway.
343
00:14:01,864 --> 00:14:03,798
Okay, I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have done that,
344
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,700
but that is all there is.
345
00:14:05,702 --> 00:14:07,401
Okay, there is no more
to the story.
346
00:14:07,403 --> 00:14:09,203
I have now told you everything.
347
00:14:09,205 --> 00:14:11,439
All gone.
348
00:14:11,441 --> 00:14:13,991
We need to do this more often.
We totally do.
349
00:14:13,993 --> 00:14:15,659
I can't believe
Marvin's driving.
350
00:14:15,661 --> 00:14:16,961
He's growing up so fast.
351
00:14:16,963 --> 00:14:18,379
Okay, there's one other thing.
352
00:14:18,381 --> 00:14:19,547
What?
353
00:14:19,549 --> 00:14:21,665
Well, I have to go use
the ladies' room.
354
00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:23,551
Can you watch him for me?
355
00:14:23,553 --> 00:14:24,701
Of course.
356
00:14:24,703 --> 00:14:26,470
I could just eat you up.
357
00:14:28,057 --> 00:14:30,541
You left him
with a complete stranger?
358
00:14:30,543 --> 00:14:31,875
He could've been...
359
00:14:31,877 --> 00:14:33,477
Robin, how could you?
Lily,
360
00:14:33,479 --> 00:14:35,563
please, okay,
it was 16 years ago.
361
00:14:35,565 --> 00:14:37,815
He's fine.
362
00:14:37,817 --> 00:14:39,183
You're right.
363
00:14:39,185 --> 00:14:41,218
It's fine.
364
00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:45,272
God, it feels so good to have
gotten this off my chest.
365
00:14:45,274 --> 00:14:47,441
Finally it is all on the table.
366
00:14:47,443 --> 00:14:50,111
All secrets are exposed
and there is nothing left
367
00:14:50,113 --> 00:14:51,662
to be revealed.
368
00:14:52,514 --> 00:14:54,115
All gone.
We need to do this more...
369
00:14:54,117 --> 00:14:55,866
There's more to the story.
Damn it, Robin.
370
00:14:55,868 --> 00:14:57,868
What could you possibly
have left out?
371
00:14:57,870 --> 00:15:00,421
It's just there's, um,
372
00:15:00,423 --> 00:15:05,426
one little detail that
I may have slightly altered.
373
00:15:05,428 --> 00:15:07,545
If he starts crying,
just pick him up.
374
00:15:11,716 --> 00:15:13,551
Yeah, there, there.
375
00:15:13,553 --> 00:15:15,469
Come on,
buddy, shh.
376
00:15:15,471 --> 00:15:17,521
Looks like
somebody's unhappy.
377
00:15:17,523 --> 00:15:19,190
No kidding, I'm miserable.
378
00:15:19,192 --> 00:15:20,608
Listen to this thing.
379
00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:22,109
Maybe he needs to be held.
380
00:15:22,111 --> 00:15:24,361
I think you're right.
381
00:15:24,363 --> 00:15:26,197
Can you do it?
382
00:15:26,199 --> 00:15:27,565
Sure.
383
00:15:27,567 --> 00:15:28,932
Come here, handsome.
384
00:15:28,934 --> 00:15:30,484
Come here, come here,
you handsome devil, you.
385
00:15:30,486 --> 00:15:31,735
You're such a beautiful...
386
00:15:31,737 --> 00:15:33,204
Aw, you're such
a cool dude.
387
00:15:33,206 --> 00:15:35,873
Oh, look at you, oh.
388
00:15:35,875 --> 00:15:37,575
All right, there, there,
little one, there, there.
389
00:15:37,577 --> 00:15:39,960
Let me put you back
in your strolly-poo
390
00:15:39,962 --> 00:15:43,113
so you can drift off
to dreamy-dreamy land.
391
00:15:43,115 --> 00:15:45,082
Okay? All right.
392
00:15:45,084 --> 00:15:46,133
Thank you so much.
393
00:15:46,135 --> 00:15:47,218
Hey, don't worry about it.
394
00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:48,335
It's my first time
alone with him,
395
00:15:48,337 --> 00:15:49,553
and I just have
this weird feeling
396
00:15:49,555 --> 00:15:50,838
I'm gonna drop him
397
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,006
or injure him in some way.
398
00:15:52,008 --> 00:15:53,174
I know it's completely
insane...
399
00:15:53,176 --> 00:15:54,391
Oh, heavens, oh,
watch it, no!
400
00:15:54,393 --> 00:15:55,759
No!
401
00:15:56,478 --> 00:15:59,430
This is not going well at all.
402
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,766
Oh, hon, you're shaking.
403
00:16:02,768 --> 00:16:03,734
Let's get out
of the cold.
404
00:16:03,736 --> 00:16:05,486
Is there anything open
near here?
405
00:16:06,823 --> 00:16:08,472
♪
406
00:16:09,974 --> 00:16:12,193
Hey, I need to go to the ladies'
room-- can you watch him for me?
407
00:16:12,195 --> 00:16:14,445
Of course.
I could just eat you up.
408
00:16:14,447 --> 00:16:16,580
Look at you,
yum, yum, yum, yum.
409
00:16:17,532 --> 00:16:20,868
You waited 17 years to tell me
410
00:16:20,870 --> 00:16:24,088
that you met the greatest boxer
of all time?
411
00:16:24,090 --> 00:16:28,459
My son was rocked to sleep
by Senator Mike Tyson?
412
00:16:28,461 --> 00:16:30,928
I wanted to tell you, believe me.
How could you...?
413
00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:33,097
Okay, this is the
right thing to do.
414
00:16:33,099 --> 00:16:35,883
You got to go up there and
break up with her for real.
415
00:16:35,885 --> 00:16:37,668
And don't worry,
if anything happens,
416
00:16:37,670 --> 00:16:39,687
just scream,
we'll come rescue you.
417
00:16:39,689 --> 00:16:41,355
Okay.
418
00:16:59,457 --> 00:17:02,409
Did you guys not hear me
screaming up there?
419
00:17:02,411 --> 00:17:04,628
Aw, I feel so awful.
420
00:17:04,630 --> 00:17:05,796
We went to get subs.
421
00:17:05,798 --> 00:17:07,498
We got you one though.
422
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,550
We didn't get you one.
423
00:17:10,502 --> 00:17:12,336
So, Jeanette's squatting
in your room?
424
00:17:12,338 --> 00:17:13,954
What are you guys doing here?
425
00:17:13,956 --> 00:17:16,173
We heard you screaming
from three blocks away.
426
00:17:16,175 --> 00:17:17,308
Why is she in there?
427
00:17:17,310 --> 00:17:19,260
Lily, there is no reason why.
428
00:17:19,262 --> 00:17:21,512
That's like asking
why is the earth round?
429
00:17:21,514 --> 00:17:23,380
Why does the sun come up
in the morning?
430
00:17:23,382 --> 00:17:24,848
What do I do for a living?
431
00:17:24,850 --> 00:17:27,685
There are some questions we're
not meant to know the answer to.
432
00:17:27,687 --> 00:17:30,988
Crazy girls are crazy
because they're crazy.
433
00:17:30,990 --> 00:17:33,190
I-I don't think it's
quite that simple.
434
00:17:33,192 --> 00:17:34,358
I was talking
435
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,243
to a friend of mine
about Ted and Jeanette.
436
00:17:36,245 --> 00:17:38,228
Oh, great, what
friend is this?
437
00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:42,149
Uh, just this wise
old lady that I know.
438
00:17:42,151 --> 00:17:43,484
Here's the thing
about crazy.
439
00:17:43,486 --> 00:17:45,836
When a guy sends mixed
signals to a girl,
440
00:17:45,838 --> 00:17:48,389
it takes a toll on her
psychological well-being.
441
00:17:48,391 --> 00:17:50,925
You want to know why
a girl acts crazy,
442
00:17:50,927 --> 00:17:52,509
look at the guy she's dating.
443
00:17:52,511 --> 00:17:54,411
Then you really see some crazy.
444
00:17:54,413 --> 00:17:56,347
Trust me.
445
00:17:57,632 --> 00:18:00,434
Are you Mike Tyson?
446
00:18:00,436 --> 00:18:01,468
Now, hold on.
447
00:18:01,470 --> 00:18:03,920
I've dated tons
of crazy girls in my life,
448
00:18:03,922 --> 00:18:08,425
and not once have I ever treated
them with anything other than...
449
00:18:08,427 --> 00:18:09,810
Oh, right, I'm a monster.
450
00:18:09,812 --> 00:18:13,063
Maybe the old lady
with the face tattoo is right.
451
00:18:13,065 --> 00:18:15,932
Maybe the reason Jeanette's
acting this way
452
00:18:15,934 --> 00:18:17,201
is Ted.
453
00:18:17,203 --> 00:18:19,153
Me? How is this my fault?
454
00:18:19,155 --> 00:18:21,455
Yeah, come on, this is Ted
we're talking about.
455
00:18:21,457 --> 00:18:23,574
I'm sure he didn't do anything
to lead her on
456
00:18:23,576 --> 00:18:26,076
or send mixed signals,
right, Ted?
457
00:18:27,245 --> 00:18:29,246
Don't talk to me,
don't look at me.
458
00:18:29,248 --> 00:18:32,249
I hate you and I never
want to see you again!
459
00:18:37,005 --> 00:18:39,640
And we got thrown out
of the Barclays Center.
460
00:18:39,642 --> 00:18:41,258
Okay, that's disappointing.
461
00:18:41,260 --> 00:18:42,926
So disappointing.
462
00:18:42,928 --> 00:18:45,896
Seriously.
463
00:18:45,898 --> 00:18:47,898
But that was last night.
I mean, it's not like...
464
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,185
Listen, Jeanette, we really need
465
00:18:51,187 --> 00:18:52,853
to have a serious talk
about our...
466
00:18:52,855 --> 00:18:56,273
So, did Lily leave
these boots here
467
00:18:56,275 --> 00:18:58,409
or was it some other bitch?
468
00:19:01,162 --> 00:19:04,648
Marshall, Barney, help me!
469
00:19:04,650 --> 00:19:07,117
I don't think they're coming.
470
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:08,936
I guess not.
471
00:19:13,925 --> 00:19:15,158
It's those red boots.
472
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,127
They just look sexy
on everyone.
473
00:19:17,129 --> 00:19:19,680
Okay, Ted,
what is with the red boots?
474
00:19:19,682 --> 00:19:21,882
You're a smart guy,
you've got some taste,
475
00:19:21,884 --> 00:19:23,384
you got a visual sense, I mean,
476
00:19:23,386 --> 00:19:25,168
you're an architect
for Pete's sakes.
477
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:27,054
How can you look at
those boots and think...
478
00:19:27,056 --> 00:19:29,506
Oh, my God, I'm holding it,
I'm holding the baby.
479
00:19:29,508 --> 00:19:30,941
What, you've never
held him before?
480
00:19:30,943 --> 00:19:32,676
Uh, tons of times.
481
00:19:32,678 --> 00:19:35,612
This-this is not a
big moment for me.
482
00:19:35,614 --> 00:19:37,114
This is exhilarating.
483
00:19:38,234 --> 00:19:41,652
Look, yes, I know what
you're gonna say.
484
00:19:41,654 --> 00:19:43,704
I have to break up with her.
No,
485
00:19:43,706 --> 00:19:45,856
I was actually gonna
say the opposite.
486
00:19:45,858 --> 00:19:48,292
I think you need to be
with Jeanette right now.
487
00:19:48,294 --> 00:19:50,193
Because she's the one.
488
00:19:50,195 --> 00:19:51,378
No. What? No.
489
00:19:51,380 --> 00:19:53,330
She's insane.
490
00:19:53,332 --> 00:19:56,166
But I think you are also
a little insane right now.
491
00:19:56,168 --> 00:19:58,535
So I think
you need to go
492
00:19:58,537 --> 00:20:01,555
be with your crazy girl for a
while and when it all goes down
493
00:20:01,557 --> 00:20:03,757
in flames-- and I don't mean
that figuratively,
494
00:20:03,759 --> 00:20:05,809
I expect there
to be actual flames...
495
00:20:05,811 --> 00:20:07,678
And there were.
496
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,064
...we'll be here for you
because we love you.
497
00:20:13,485 --> 00:20:16,720
Jeanette I just want
to say that, uh,
498
00:20:16,722 --> 00:20:19,239
you going through
my stuff like that...
499
00:20:20,875 --> 00:20:23,694
You are really
something special.
500
00:20:25,163 --> 00:20:28,198
I'm gonna send Lily
a dead animal in the mail.
501
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,418
I think I'm falling for you.
502
00:20:31,420 --> 00:20:34,288
I think we should have
a three-way with my therapist.
503
00:20:34,290 --> 00:20:35,923
He's 70.
504
00:20:35,925 --> 00:20:38,675
What is your ring size?
505
00:20:46,525 --> 00:20:48,655
Robin.
506
00:20:48,656 --> 00:20:50,645
It's 3:00 in the morning.
507
00:20:50,646 --> 00:20:51,562
Really?
508
00:20:51,563 --> 00:20:53,346
Yeah, you sure you
don't want to just
509
00:20:53,348 --> 00:20:56,483
put him in the crib and,
you know, go home?
510
00:20:56,485 --> 00:20:58,318
No, I'm good.
511
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,320
Okay.
512
00:21:00,322 --> 00:21:01,405
Good night.
513
00:21:01,407 --> 00:21:02,689
Good night.
514
00:21:02,691 --> 00:21:06,791
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
515
00:21:06,829 --> 00:21:08,845
What's that smell?
516
00:21:08,847 --> 00:21:11,481
Lily! Lily!