1
00:00:01,382 --> 00:00:03,283
Lily, I just saw
the worst thing ever!
2
00:00:03,517 --> 00:00:04,883
Kind of busy
right now, Marshall.
3
00:00:04,885 --> 00:00:06,401
Quiet.
He can hear you.
4
00:00:06,403 --> 00:00:07,552
Who's "he"?!
5
00:00:07,554 --> 00:00:09,021
He's coming!
Everyone shut up!
6
00:00:09,190 --> 00:00:10,989
Okay, kids, you're probably
wondering how
7
00:00:10,991 --> 00:00:12,324
we all got here.
8
00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:14,964
Oh, hey, buddy, can
we borrow your air mattress?
9
00:00:14,966 --> 00:00:16,565
My mom's coming into
town for a few days.
10
00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:17,833
Absolutely not.
11
00:00:17,835 --> 00:00:20,269
Bummer, I guess
she can't stay with us.
12
00:00:20,271 --> 00:00:22,905
Hey, look,
what I just found.
13
00:00:22,907 --> 00:00:25,941
A list of hotels and other
creative housing options.
14
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:28,327
Baby, my mom is not
staying at a hotel.
15
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,819
Or our storage unit.
16
00:00:30,844 --> 00:00:32,315
Why can't we borrow
your air mattress?
17
00:00:32,316 --> 00:00:33,815
Because when you animals
borrow things,
18
00:00:33,817 --> 00:00:34,917
you never return them.
19
00:00:34,919 --> 00:00:36,368
That's ridiculous.
20
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,654
No, my Cleveland, Ohio,
Chamber of Commerce
21
00:00:38,656 --> 00:00:40,656
mini-cooler
is ridiculous.
22
00:00:40,658 --> 00:00:42,658
Ridiculous at keeping
stuff cold
23
00:00:42,660 --> 00:00:45,377
while also promoting Ohio's
second-largest rubber producer.
24
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,630
Watch your back, Akron.
25
00:00:47,632 --> 00:00:49,215
I totally gave that back.
26
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,300
And what about that
"Vote For Ted" hoodie
27
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:54,436
from when I ran for treasurer
in high school?
28
00:00:54,438 --> 00:00:55,471
Mrs. Gooding said
29
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:59,558
my concession speech was,
"full of grace."
30
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,678
I don't recall
borrowing that.
31
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,231
And whatever happened
to my limited edition DVD
32
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,700
of the classic 1989
Silverman-McCarthy romp,
33
00:01:07,702 --> 00:01:11,987
Weekend at Bernie's,
"borrowed" well over six months ago?
34
00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:13,622
Yeah, I'm
keeping that.
35
00:01:13,624 --> 00:01:15,157
Those extra features
are awesome.
36
00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:16,858
I mean, that making-of
documentary?
37
00:01:16,860 --> 00:01:19,695
"How Bernie Avoided The Gurney:
A Cinematic Journey."
38
00:01:19,697 --> 00:01:22,831
Look, I'm just tired
of people borrowing things
39
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:24,133
and never returning them.
40
00:01:24,135 --> 00:01:27,753
If you don't believe me,
ask my ex-friend Stuart.
41
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,139
Ted, I gave your red
cowboy boots back
42
00:01:30,141 --> 00:01:31,507
the day after Halloween.
43
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:34,009
How could you lie to me
right to my face, Stuart?
44
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:38,931
You are a horrible
human being.
45
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:40,816
Congrats on
your daughter's christening.
46
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:45,404
And where's the worst abuser
of my generosity, Barney?
47
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:48,390
Or should I say,
"Borrow-ney"?
48
00:01:48,392 --> 00:01:49,608
You should
never say that.
49
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,160
And I think he's out
with Patrice.
50
00:01:51,162 --> 00:01:53,362
Uch, Patrice?
That's still happening?
51
00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:54,780
Kids, you remember Patrice.
52
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,415
She worked
with your Aunt Robin.
53
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:59,001
Robin! You left your purse
at the vending machine,
54
00:01:59,003 --> 00:02:00,452
and some guy tried
to steal it!
55
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:06,041
I fought him off, but I think
I dislocated my shoulder.
56
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,627
You scratched the leather! Oh!
57
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,796
Can't you do anything right,
Patrice?!
58
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,182
That Barney-and-Patrice
thing is so bogus.
59
00:02:13,184 --> 00:02:15,351
He's clearly trying
to get back at me
60
00:02:15,353 --> 00:02:16,852
for rejecting him.
61
00:02:16,854 --> 00:02:18,470
Um, Robin, after you
rejected Barney,
62
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:19,755
didn't he reject you?
63
00:02:19,757 --> 00:02:20,940
And didn't you go
64
00:02:20,942 --> 00:02:23,559
over to his place and
try to sleep with him
65
00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:24,777
in your purple-and-
black underwear?
66
00:02:24,779 --> 00:02:27,279
Hey, uh, Lil, feel free
to disregard that
67
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,865
"Don't tell anyone
about this ever" thing.
68
00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:31,233
She has your
mini-cooler.
69
00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:32,451
I knew it!
70
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,036
But seriously,
what other reason would
71
00:02:34,038 --> 00:02:36,322
Barney have to
date Patrice?
72
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,773
It's an over-correction.
73
00:02:37,775 --> 00:02:40,542
How dare you?!
What is that?!
74
00:02:40,544 --> 00:02:43,612
Barney was engaged to Quinn,
a stripper he never really trusted.
75
00:02:43,614 --> 00:02:45,280
So he overcorrects
by dating her opposite:
76
00:02:45,282 --> 00:02:47,166
warm and nurturing
Patrice.
77
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:49,001
That does happen,
like Ted.
78
00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:52,554
After you broke up
with sweet innocent Victoria.
79
00:02:52,556 --> 00:02:54,289
No, you hang up first.
80
00:02:54,291 --> 00:02:55,808
No, you hang up first.
81
00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:56,809
No, you hang up first.
82
00:02:56,811 --> 00:02:58,394
Hang up,
you little bitch!
83
00:03:00,063 --> 00:03:01,563
Over-correction.
84
00:03:01,565 --> 00:03:02,998
Yeah. And it's not just
relationships.
85
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,234
Remember when that
comedy club owner told Marshall
86
00:03:05,236 --> 00:03:07,186
that his "funny fish names"
stand-up act
87
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,070
didn't have enough edge?
88
00:03:08,072 --> 00:03:13,275
Flounder?
I barely know her! Oh!
89
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:14,943
Over-correction.
90
00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:17,446
Although it was better
than his Chris Rock rip-off.
91
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:20,749
A trout with a daughter
has one job.
92
00:03:20,751 --> 00:03:22,835
One job!
93
00:03:22,837 --> 00:03:26,121
To keep her off
the fishing pole!
94
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:28,657
You suck!
95
00:03:28,659 --> 00:03:30,876
Lily!
96
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:34,878
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x10 ♪
The Over-Correction
Original Air Date on December 10, 2012
97
00:03:34,879 --> 00:03:38,879
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
98
00:03:44,314 --> 00:03:46,649
I'm a little worried
about Ted.
99
00:03:46,651 --> 00:03:51,070
I mean, we're parents now,
and even Barney is moving on.
100
00:03:51,072 --> 00:03:54,490
I just wish he had
someone to talk to.
101
00:03:54,492 --> 00:03:56,025
Even for a week.
102
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,294
Or you know, four days,
three nights.
103
00:03:58,296 --> 00:03:59,662
My mom is not staying
with Ted!
104
00:03:59,664 --> 00:04:01,530
He'd love her bacon-
gummy bear pancakes.
105
00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:05,051
I'm her special boy,
I get her special pancakes.
106
00:04:05,053 --> 00:04:07,369
But my dad is here
nannying all the time.
107
00:04:07,371 --> 00:04:08,504
Then add your mom in?
108
00:04:08,506 --> 00:04:11,474
This place is crowded
enough already.
109
00:04:11,476 --> 00:04:13,042
Hey, Lil,
110
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,877
let me know
how the pump's working.
111
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,378
I cleaned it for you.
112
00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:17,764
It's fine, Dad.
Yeah, I had
113
00:04:17,766 --> 00:04:21,217
to check the suction,
so I tested it on myself.
114
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:22,568
Oh, no.
115
00:04:22,570 --> 00:04:24,821
Don't worry, the suction's fine,
116
00:04:24,823 --> 00:04:26,555
actually kind of nice.
117
00:04:28,992 --> 00:04:32,728
Okay, Barney is so not
for real about Patrice.
118
00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,480
Today he did the craziest,
119
00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,699
most clearly staged
for my benefit thing ever.
120
00:04:37,567 --> 00:04:38,618
Hey, Patrice,
you ready for lunch?
121
00:04:38,620 --> 00:04:39,869
Sure.
122
00:04:41,089 --> 00:04:43,122
Right, right?
123
00:04:43,124 --> 00:04:44,056
I mean,
124
00:04:44,058 --> 00:04:46,709
what's next, birthday gifts?
125
00:04:46,711 --> 00:04:50,096
Wake up, people, this is
not an overcorrection,
126
00:04:50,098 --> 00:04:51,464
it's fraud, and we need
127
00:04:51,466 --> 00:04:53,433
to keep trying
to stop this.
128
00:04:53,435 --> 00:04:55,518
What do you mean,
"keep trying"?
129
00:04:56,737 --> 00:04:58,754
Barney is not
who you think he is.
130
00:04:58,756 --> 00:04:59,689
What do you mean?
131
00:04:59,691 --> 00:05:01,757
Well, he has a book
of plays he uses
132
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:03,759
to trick women
into sleeping with him.
133
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:06,896
Oh, no way,
Barney's my honey bear.
134
00:05:06,898 --> 00:05:08,781
Actually, one of his plays
is called The Honey Bear.
135
00:05:08,783 --> 00:05:10,199
He dresses up
like Winnie the Pooh,
136
00:05:10,201 --> 00:05:12,568
and the next thing you know,
his hand's stuck in your pot.
137
00:05:12,570 --> 00:05:15,738
Robin, you're a doll
for worrying about me,
138
00:05:15,740 --> 00:05:18,107
but that doesn't sound at all
like my Barney.
139
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,943
Why won't you let me
help you, Patrice?!
140
00:05:23,380 --> 00:05:25,548
She can't see
that Barney is using her,
141
00:05:25,550 --> 00:05:27,834
and it breaks my heart.
142
00:05:27,836 --> 00:05:29,218
You know, I-I-I
love Patrice.
143
00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:31,804
We're like sisters.
144
00:05:31,806 --> 00:05:33,256
You've never gotten
through even one exchange
145
00:05:33,258 --> 00:05:34,524
without screaming at her.
146
00:05:34,526 --> 00:05:35,925
Sisters fight, Ted!
147
00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:37,643
But the bond
148
00:05:37,645 --> 00:05:39,178
is always there.
149
00:05:39,180 --> 00:05:40,229
Okay?
Okay.
150
00:05:40,231 --> 00:05:41,681
And that's
why I need
151
00:05:41,683 --> 00:05:44,267
to steal The Playbook
and show it to Patrice,
152
00:05:44,269 --> 00:05:46,402
so she'll believe me.
153
00:05:46,404 --> 00:05:49,906
Or you could do
almost anything else
154
00:05:49,908 --> 00:05:51,640
and not sound
so creepy.
155
00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:52,942
Robin,
156
00:05:52,944 --> 00:05:55,411
seriously, this obsession
isn't healthy.
157
00:05:55,413 --> 00:05:57,313
Just let it go.
158
00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:00,316
Maybe you guys are right.
159
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:03,536
Thanks for talking
some sense into me.
160
00:06:09,659 --> 00:06:11,160
Lily, can I ask you
161
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,295
a question?
162
00:06:12,297 --> 00:06:13,429
If it's "Did somebody put gravel
163
00:06:13,431 --> 00:06:15,264
in the couch cushions
you're sleeping on,"
164
00:06:15,266 --> 00:06:16,498
absolutely not.
165
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,551
What would be the motive?
166
00:06:18,553 --> 00:06:19,969
No, it's not that.
167
00:06:19,971 --> 00:06:22,688
Uh, don't tell Marshall
because he's not ready,
168
00:06:22,690 --> 00:06:26,108
but I think I might want
169
00:06:26,110 --> 00:06:29,511
to get back out there
and meet a nice man.
170
00:06:29,513 --> 00:06:31,781
Wow, that's great, Judy.
171
00:06:31,783 --> 00:06:33,149
And I thought
you might be able to help
172
00:06:33,151 --> 00:06:34,817
because you always look
so good.
173
00:06:34,819 --> 00:06:36,652
You think I look good?
174
00:06:36,654 --> 00:06:38,955
I mean, you dress
like a Duluth streetwalker,
175
00:06:38,957 --> 00:06:41,240
but my son seems to like it.
176
00:06:41,242 --> 00:06:43,292
I'll take it.
177
00:06:43,294 --> 00:06:46,162
So, any advice?
178
00:06:46,164 --> 00:06:49,215
Well, first I'd throw out
any giant sweater
179
00:06:49,217 --> 00:06:50,499
with a horse on it.
180
00:06:50,501 --> 00:06:51,584
Even the ones...?
Even the ones
181
00:06:51,586 --> 00:06:53,970
that have manes
with real horse hair, yes.
182
00:06:53,972 --> 00:06:56,172
And second, I'd let the gals
out to play a little more.
183
00:06:56,174 --> 00:06:58,207
The gals?
184
00:06:59,343 --> 00:07:01,644
Oh...
185
00:07:01,646 --> 00:07:04,513
you mean the Minnesota Twins.
186
00:07:06,099 --> 00:07:08,484
Meanwhile, Robin was
about to give up
187
00:07:08,486 --> 00:07:11,887
on ever finding The Playbook
until...
188
00:07:18,495 --> 00:07:21,397
Ugh, the Bro Code, damn it.
189
00:07:36,579 --> 00:07:38,514
David Lee Roth's autobiography?
190
00:07:38,516 --> 00:07:40,132
Crap.
191
00:07:41,102 --> 00:07:42,385
"To the best wingman ever.
192
00:07:42,387 --> 00:07:43,552
"We'll always have Panama.
193
00:07:43,554 --> 00:07:46,022
Love, Diamond Dave."
194
00:07:53,447 --> 00:07:56,365
Patrice, it's really nice of you
to buy Robin a new purse,
195
00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:59,068
but it's not your fault that
the other one got scratched.
196
00:08:00,871 --> 00:08:02,455
Anyway, just get
yourself over here.
197
00:08:02,457 --> 00:08:04,123
I've got the tree,
the decorations,
198
00:08:04,125 --> 00:08:05,491
and the know-how
from Lethal Weapon 2
199
00:08:05,493 --> 00:08:07,743
to pop that shoulder
right back into place.
200
00:08:07,745 --> 00:08:10,463
Yep, there is not one reason
to leave this apartment
201
00:08:10,465 --> 00:08:12,665
for even a second tonight.
202
00:08:16,786 --> 00:08:18,954
Ow.
203
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,377
How's my favorite architect?
Other than incredibly handsome.
204
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:24,656
Hey, Mom.
205
00:08:24,658 --> 00:08:26,241
No, it's Robin.
206
00:08:26,243 --> 00:08:27,575
What do you need?
207
00:08:27,577 --> 00:08:29,327
For reasons
that aren't important,
208
00:08:29,329 --> 00:08:30,929
I'm trapped in Barney's closet.
209
00:08:30,931 --> 00:08:33,598
Help get me out, and I'll return
your Weekend at Bernie's DVD.
210
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,634
No way, that's not enough to get
me involved in your crazy mess.
211
00:08:36,636 --> 00:08:37,835
I'll also go with you
212
00:08:37,837 --> 00:08:40,038
to the five-day fan convention
in the desert.
213
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,090
You'll come with me
to Bernie Man?
214
00:08:42,092 --> 00:08:43,424
Yes, just hurry.
215
00:08:43,426 --> 00:08:45,126
Ooh...
216
00:08:45,128 --> 00:08:48,663
someone's excited to see me.
217
00:08:48,665 --> 00:08:50,298
Who's Mama's big boy?
218
00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:53,468
Who is Mama's big boy?
219
00:08:53,470 --> 00:08:56,187
Wait.
220
00:08:56,189 --> 00:08:57,505
I am.
221
00:08:57,507 --> 00:08:59,474
Mickey?
222
00:08:59,476 --> 00:09:02,977
And I've been bad.
223
00:09:05,814 --> 00:09:08,516
Get off my mommy.
224
00:09:19,295 --> 00:09:21,579
Hugh Hefner
in your lobby right now.
225
00:09:21,581 --> 00:09:23,748
I'm gonna grab my robe.
226
00:09:32,374 --> 00:09:34,726
"Teddy's first Christmas"?
227
00:09:34,728 --> 00:09:36,561
Barney, are these my ornaments?
228
00:09:36,563 --> 00:09:38,713
That could be anyone's
baby handprint, Ted.
229
00:09:38,715 --> 00:09:42,650
Now, come on, Hef's old,
but he moves like a cheetah.
230
00:10:04,673 --> 00:10:08,176
Why would you do that...
231
00:10:08,178 --> 00:10:10,094
with Mickey?
232
00:10:10,096 --> 00:10:13,214
I've been lonely,
Marshall, and all the men
233
00:10:13,216 --> 00:10:18,186
in St. Cloud's idea of romance
is taking me ice fishing.
234
00:10:18,188 --> 00:10:19,971
That was me and
your father's thing.
235
00:10:19,973 --> 00:10:21,522
Plus,
236
00:10:21,524 --> 00:10:24,559
call it an overcorrection,
but it's kind of nice
237
00:10:24,561 --> 00:10:27,862
being with a sophisticated,
big-city man.
238
00:10:29,098 --> 00:10:31,532
You know, I don't know
what the big deal is.
239
00:10:31,534 --> 00:10:34,035
You've been bumping uglies
with my daughter for years.
240
00:10:34,037 --> 00:10:36,954
The second I climb up on your
mom, it's the end of the world?
241
00:10:39,459 --> 00:10:41,442
How could you think
that was Hef?
242
00:10:41,444 --> 00:10:43,044
It was
an honest mistake.
243
00:10:43,046 --> 00:10:45,079
That guy was black, Ted.
244
00:10:45,081 --> 00:10:47,715
I guess I just don't notice
that kind of stuff.
245
00:11:00,814 --> 00:11:03,981
We'll get to the grotto
one day, my pet.
246
00:11:03,983 --> 00:11:06,434
One day.
247
00:11:06,436 --> 00:11:07,902
How's my favorite architect?
248
00:11:07,904 --> 00:11:08,853
Other than well-endowed.
249
00:11:08,855 --> 00:11:10,154
Mom?
250
00:11:10,156 --> 00:11:11,656
No, it's Robin again.
251
00:11:11,658 --> 00:11:13,974
Look, you've got to come
back in and get my purse.
252
00:11:13,976 --> 00:11:16,160
Nope, I'm done. Bye, Robin.
253
00:11:16,162 --> 00:11:17,245
Wait!
254
00:11:17,247 --> 00:11:18,913
What if I told you
I was looking at
255
00:11:18,915 --> 00:11:20,481
your red cowboy boots right now?
256
00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:23,284
Describe them.
257
00:11:23,286 --> 00:11:24,786
They're red
and they're cowboy boots.
258
00:11:24,788 --> 00:11:26,087
That's them!
259
00:11:26,089 --> 00:11:27,338
Why are they at Barney's?
260
00:11:27,340 --> 00:11:29,657
Hey, Barney.
261
00:11:29,659 --> 00:11:31,492
Just returning Ted's boots
I borrowed for Halloween.
262
00:11:31,494 --> 00:11:33,211
You were a cowboy?
263
00:11:33,213 --> 00:11:34,879
No, my wife
was Wonder Woman.
264
00:11:34,881 --> 00:11:37,432
Can you believe Ted thinks a guy
can get laid wearing these?
265
00:11:39,268 --> 00:11:41,452
Challenge accepted.
266
00:11:43,388 --> 00:11:46,641
Do you know what
that sound is, Ted?
267
00:11:46,643 --> 00:11:47,892
That's a red boot
268
00:11:47,894 --> 00:11:50,144
about to be savagely
cut up by my pocketknife!
269
00:11:50,146 --> 00:11:51,896
You mean my pocketknife.
270
00:11:51,898 --> 00:11:53,898
I lent it to you two years ago.
271
00:11:58,154 --> 00:11:59,120
Hey.
272
00:11:59,122 --> 00:12:01,372
Sorry about the
Hugh Hefner mix-up.
273
00:12:01,374 --> 00:12:04,826
But seriously,
Jon Bon Jovi is downstairs.
274
00:12:04,828 --> 00:12:07,578
You sure it isn't my landlady,
Mrs. Takahashi?
275
00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:08,579
I'm serious.
276
00:12:08,581 --> 00:12:09,831
The janitor just
mopped the floor.
277
00:12:09,833 --> 00:12:11,866
Bon Jovi is literally
standing next to a sign
278
00:12:11,868 --> 00:12:12,917
that says "Slippery When Wet."
279
00:12:12,919 --> 00:12:16,137
Uh-uh.
I want those ornaments back.
280
00:12:36,158 --> 00:12:37,408
Damn it, Ted!
281
00:12:37,410 --> 00:12:39,059
You get those ornaments
all year.
282
00:12:39,061 --> 00:12:41,612
I just need
'em for Christmas!
283
00:12:41,614 --> 00:12:42,830
Oh. Hey, Patrice.
284
00:12:42,832 --> 00:12:44,198
Did you have any
trouble finding Rudolph?
285
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,667
No, it was right on Ted's
fire escape like you said.
286
00:12:46,669 --> 00:12:48,836
Are you sure he's okay
with us borrowing it?
287
00:12:48,838 --> 00:12:51,005
Positive.
288
00:12:53,792 --> 00:12:56,127
I got your purse.
Oh, Ted, you're the best!
289
00:12:56,129 --> 00:12:57,879
But I'm trapped in Barney's
living room closet.
290
00:12:57,881 --> 00:12:59,680
Oh, Ted, you're the worst.
291
00:12:59,682 --> 00:13:00,748
Okay, enough messing around.
292
00:13:00,750 --> 00:13:01,766
I'm calling in The Wolf.
293
00:13:01,768 --> 00:13:04,018
Lily?
Lily.
294
00:13:11,895 --> 00:13:14,562
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
295
00:13:14,564 --> 00:13:17,598
Hold on, Marshall's calling
me on the other line.
296
00:13:20,118 --> 00:13:22,787
Lily, I just saw
the worst thing ever.
297
00:13:22,789 --> 00:13:24,288
Kind of busy right
now, Marshall.
298
00:13:24,290 --> 00:13:25,456
Quiet.
He can hear you.
299
00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:26,457
Who's "he"?
300
00:13:26,459 --> 00:13:28,876
He's coming!
Everyone shut up!
301
00:13:37,452 --> 00:13:40,621
I'm just gonna grab this star
to put on top of the tree.
302
00:13:40,623 --> 00:13:44,058
It's gonna be legend--
wait for it-- merry!
303
00:13:53,135 --> 00:13:55,102
What are you doing here, Lily?
304
00:13:55,104 --> 00:13:56,470
I've been using
Barney's apartment
305
00:13:56,472 --> 00:13:57,972
to pump milk for Marvin.
306
00:13:57,974 --> 00:13:59,357
What?! Why?
307
00:13:59,359 --> 00:14:01,509
Our apartment
is so crowded these days,
308
00:14:01,511 --> 00:14:03,327
I don't get a minute to myself!
309
00:14:03,329 --> 00:14:05,363
I have a key
to Barney's apartment,
310
00:14:05,365 --> 00:14:06,814
he has a kick-ass couch,
311
00:14:06,816 --> 00:14:08,866
and he DVR's all
the Real Housewives shows,
312
00:14:08,868 --> 00:14:11,535
including the reunion specials.
313
00:14:22,014 --> 00:14:23,497
What are you doing here?
314
00:14:23,499 --> 00:14:24,849
I came to get The Playbook
315
00:14:24,851 --> 00:14:26,884
so I could show Patrice
who Barney really is.
316
00:14:26,886 --> 00:14:29,303
Why can't you just
let them be happy?
317
00:14:29,305 --> 00:14:31,555
Because they're not
really happy, Lily!
318
00:14:31,557 --> 00:14:33,975
Patrice, can you grab my
computer from the bedroom?
319
00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:36,677
I want to change my
Facebook status to "happy!"
320
00:14:36,679 --> 00:14:38,479
You shouldn't have that.
321
00:14:38,481 --> 00:14:40,848
You're right.
322
00:14:48,690 --> 00:14:50,958
What?
323
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,627
Where is Ted?
324
00:14:52,629 --> 00:14:57,364
My label maker!
325
00:14:57,366 --> 00:14:59,500
No! I'm never coming out!
326
00:14:59,502 --> 00:15:03,054
You know, Marshall, you've been
in there for a while now.
327
00:15:03,056 --> 00:15:07,258
And I couldn't help but notice
you chugged that Super Big Gulp.
328
00:15:07,260 --> 00:15:09,260
It's not gonna work, Mickey.
329
00:15:09,262 --> 00:15:11,879
My bladder's
as big as your betrayal!
330
00:15:11,881 --> 00:15:14,214
I see. So it's not gonna
bother you to think
331
00:15:14,216 --> 00:15:17,318
about leaky faucets
or open hydrants,
332
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:21,272
or rushing rivers, or...
333
00:15:21,274 --> 00:15:23,941
Oh, God, I got to pee. Oh!
334
00:15:25,393 --> 00:15:26,494
What is this?
335
00:15:26,496 --> 00:15:28,496
Where did you find that?
336
00:15:28,498 --> 00:15:30,448
I didn't want to believe
that this existed,
337
00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:32,283
but is this... The Playbook?
338
00:15:32,285 --> 00:15:35,169
Let's see him lie his
way out of this one.
339
00:15:35,171 --> 00:15:37,071
Yes, it is.
340
00:15:37,073 --> 00:15:38,238
These are
341
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:39,707
all the tricks I used
342
00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:41,459
to get women to sleep with me.
343
00:15:41,461 --> 00:15:43,878
What do you
mean, tricks?
344
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,514
Like...
345
00:15:46,516 --> 00:15:49,133
"The Two-Can-Play-at-That Game."
346
00:15:51,586 --> 00:15:53,420
Can I help you?
347
00:15:53,422 --> 00:15:56,307
I'm sorry to be the one
to tell you this, but...
348
00:15:56,309 --> 00:15:58,759
my wife is having an affair
with your husband.
349
00:15:58,761 --> 00:16:01,095
I even found a list
of every dirty way
350
00:16:01,097 --> 00:16:03,280
they've enjoyed
each others' bodies.
351
00:16:03,282 --> 00:16:07,985
I wish there was some way
we could get back at them.
352
00:16:07,987 --> 00:16:09,320
There is.
353
00:16:10,238 --> 00:16:12,873
We can kill them.
354
00:16:19,748 --> 00:16:22,500
I'm sorry to be the
one to tell you this...
355
00:16:22,502 --> 00:16:24,418
You're not who I
thought you were.
356
00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:25,586
Patrice, I...
357
00:16:25,588 --> 00:16:27,338
I need some air.
358
00:16:27,340 --> 00:16:29,306
I...
359
00:16:29,308 --> 00:16:31,225
Come on, Patrice, you...
360
00:16:31,227 --> 00:16:34,845
You have got to
be kidding me.
361
00:16:38,633 --> 00:16:40,267
Wait. Is that my mini-cooler?!
362
00:16:40,269 --> 00:16:42,970
Not now, Ted.
Let's go!
363
00:16:42,972 --> 00:16:45,906
Shh! Shh!
364
00:16:45,908 --> 00:16:48,659
Patrice, I have done
365
00:16:48,661 --> 00:16:52,029
some sleazy stuff to
seduce women, but
366
00:16:52,031 --> 00:16:53,748
I want to be a better person.
367
00:16:53,750 --> 00:16:55,816
You make me want to be
a better person.
368
00:16:55,818 --> 00:16:58,485
I can't be with a man
who has a playbook.
369
00:16:58,487 --> 00:17:00,487
I understand.
370
00:17:09,464 --> 00:17:11,432
Whoa.
371
00:17:11,434 --> 00:17:12,600
Whoa!
372
00:17:12,602 --> 00:17:13,768
Whoa!
373
00:17:13,770 --> 00:17:15,469
Whoa!
374
00:17:15,471 --> 00:17:17,221
Is that my garbage can?!
375
00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:22,597
I knew you were a keeper.
376
00:17:22,966 --> 00:17:24,082
Oh.
377
00:17:30,789 --> 00:17:32,924
I should go explain
this to the super.
378
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:34,626
Hey, come with.
There's a small chance
379
00:17:34,628 --> 00:17:36,077
Jon Bon Jovi's
down in the lobby.
380
00:17:36,079 --> 00:17:38,146
"You Give Love a Bad Name"
is the first track
381
00:17:38,148 --> 00:17:39,314
on my "Get Psyched" mix!
382
00:17:39,316 --> 00:17:41,483
Mine, too!
383
00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:51,026
You still don't believe
those two are for real?
384
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,777
I'll take that.
385
00:17:52,779 --> 00:17:54,996
The Ted Mosby Store
is officially closed.
386
00:17:54,998 --> 00:17:56,648
What spilled in here?
387
00:17:56,650 --> 00:17:58,033
Breast milk.
388
00:17:58,918 --> 00:18:00,785
Seriously, I give and give,
389
00:18:00,787 --> 00:18:04,205
and all I ask back
is a little bit of respect.
390
00:18:09,679 --> 00:18:12,163
Okay, so tonight got weird.
391
00:18:12,165 --> 00:18:13,848
You have no idea.
392
00:18:13,850 --> 00:18:16,768
My mom's apparently ready
to get back out there.
393
00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:19,020
Marshall, she told me
all about it,
394
00:18:19,022 --> 00:18:20,889
and I was happy to help.
395
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,674
You helped?! Why?
396
00:18:22,676 --> 00:18:25,343
I know it's hard to think of
your mom as a woman with needs,
397
00:18:25,345 --> 00:18:27,479
but you have to let
her get out there
398
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:30,482
and rediscover her sexuality
with someone special.
399
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:33,785
Oh, you don't know.
400
00:18:33,787 --> 00:18:37,205
No, uh, Marshall,
I do know.
401
00:18:37,207 --> 00:18:39,691
You just think it's gross
because it's your parent.
402
00:18:39,693 --> 00:18:41,025
But you know what?
403
00:18:41,027 --> 00:18:42,961
It's beautiful.
Mm.
404
00:18:42,963 --> 00:18:45,747
My mom
405
00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:49,050
and your dad are humping.
406
00:18:51,722 --> 00:18:53,838
I think you should be happy
for them.
407
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,256
What? Why?
408
00:18:55,258 --> 00:18:56,874
What is good about this?
409
00:18:56,876 --> 00:18:59,144
Well, first of all,
respect to Mickey.
410
00:18:59,146 --> 00:19:01,479
Your mom's a piece.
411
00:19:01,481 --> 00:19:03,098
She's no Ted's mom,
but she's a piece.
412
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,899
And secondly,
413
00:19:04,901 --> 00:19:08,052
I mean, it's nice
that they found each other.
414
00:19:08,054 --> 00:19:10,955
Sometimes you fall for someone
you'd never expect,
415
00:19:10,957 --> 00:19:12,890
but that doesn't make it wrong.
416
00:19:12,892 --> 00:19:15,110
Doesn't everyone deserve
to be happy?
417
00:19:15,995 --> 00:19:17,328
I guess
418
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:19,414
none of us thought
of it that way.
419
00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:21,616
Next round's on me.
420
00:19:22,418 --> 00:19:24,753
Wow.
421
00:19:24,755 --> 00:19:26,121
I know.
422
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:27,455
Barney's lost it.
423
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,174
He needs an intervention.
424
00:19:29,176 --> 00:19:30,442
Oh!
Oh! Oh...
425
00:19:30,444 --> 00:19:33,344
Robin, after
everything we've seen,
426
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:35,913
do you still think
Barney's faking this?
427
00:19:35,915 --> 00:19:37,749
No, but we have
to stop it.
428
00:19:37,751 --> 00:19:39,517
Barney is not
Barney anymore.
429
00:19:39,519 --> 00:19:40,769
Well, people change.
430
00:19:40,771 --> 00:19:42,804
But not this fast
and this drastically.
431
00:19:42,806 --> 00:19:44,639
This is a cry
for help, okay?
432
00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:48,026
If I was out of control, I
would want you guys to help me.
433
00:19:48,028 --> 00:19:51,112
So, what do you
say? Intervention?
434
00:19:51,114 --> 00:19:54,149
Intervention.
435
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:56,201
Oh, good. You're all here.
436
00:19:56,203 --> 00:19:57,769
Um,
437
00:19:57,771 --> 00:19:59,204
when Barney shows up,
438
00:19:59,206 --> 00:20:01,573
it's important for him
not to feel ganged up on,
439
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:03,158
so, let's start with, um,
440
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,376
"We love you,
and we're worried about you."
441
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:08,613
We love you,
and we're worried about you.
442
00:20:08,615 --> 00:20:10,448
Oh. Great.
443
00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:12,717
But you know, with less pity
in your eyes.
444
00:20:12,719 --> 00:20:14,803
Sweetie, sit down.
445
00:20:14,805 --> 00:20:18,306
Uh, no. Only the person getting
the intervention sits down.
446
00:20:18,308 --> 00:20:21,676
Yeah.
447
00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:24,095
Oh.
448
00:20:24,097 --> 00:20:26,564
Please tell me
this is about my drinking.
449
00:20:28,067 --> 00:20:30,802
Damn it.
450
00:20:33,624 --> 00:20:35,795
So, we, um...
we just wanted to say
451
00:20:35,895 --> 00:20:39,096
that we're sorry for
the way that we acted
452
00:20:39,559 --> 00:20:42,427
when we found out
about you two.
453
00:20:44,096 --> 00:20:47,031
Your happiness is
what is most important,
454
00:20:47,033 --> 00:20:51,235
so, if you two want to date,
it's okay by us.
455
00:20:51,237 --> 00:20:52,937
Who said anything
about dating?
456
00:20:52,939 --> 00:20:54,405
This is just
about sex.
457
00:20:55,507 --> 00:20:59,695
We're family...
with benefits.
458
00:20:59,795 --> 00:21:04,795
== sync, corrected by elderman ==