1
00:00:01,453 --> 00:00:04,364
Kids, this a story about
the time your Uncle Marshall
2
00:00:04,464 --> 00:00:07,350
went before the New York State
Judiciary Committee,
3
00:00:07,352 --> 00:00:10,486
a panel that would decide
the fate of his career.
4
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,621
He thought he'd open
with an icebreaker.
5
00:00:12,623 --> 00:00:16,926
By the way, did I mention
those robes really do you all...
6
00:00:16,928 --> 00:00:18,544
justice?
7
00:00:20,247 --> 00:00:22,931
I'm just saying
that you're all guilty...
8
00:00:22,933 --> 00:00:24,900
of looking sharp.
9
00:00:24,902 --> 00:00:25,968
Mr. Eriksen, please.
10
00:00:25,970 --> 00:00:27,069
You're here to discuss
11
00:00:27,071 --> 00:00:28,937
your conduct in court
12
00:00:28,939 --> 00:00:32,208
during the week
of November 19, 2012.
13
00:00:32,210 --> 00:00:33,275
Of course, Your Honor.
14
00:00:33,277 --> 00:00:34,310
It all
15
00:00:34,312 --> 00:00:35,444
started when...
16
00:00:35,446 --> 00:00:37,880
a so-called friend
from law school
17
00:00:37,882 --> 00:00:38,914
conned me into believing
18
00:00:38,916 --> 00:00:40,499
that he needed my help
getting a job,
19
00:00:40,501 --> 00:00:43,135
when in reality,
he stole my firm's strategy
20
00:00:43,137 --> 00:00:44,920
for our upcoming trial against
21
00:00:44,922 --> 00:00:47,956
Gruber Pharmaceuticals, who'd
been polluting a lake upstate.
22
00:00:47,958 --> 00:00:50,693
Turns out,
he was representing Gruber.
23
00:00:50,695 --> 00:00:53,145
Win this case
or you're fired, Eriksen.
24
00:00:53,147 --> 00:00:55,164
How could you trick me
like that?
25
00:00:55,166 --> 00:00:56,965
This is the biggest trial
in my career.
26
00:00:56,967 --> 00:00:58,150
Mine too, brobeans.
27
00:00:58,152 --> 00:00:59,652
When I win this trial,
28
00:00:59,654 --> 00:01:01,187
I'm gonna buy a new car.
29
00:01:01,189 --> 00:01:02,304
Thinking Lambo.
30
00:01:02,306 --> 00:01:03,972
Awesome. I mean, no!
31
00:01:03,974 --> 00:01:05,441
What happened to you?
32
00:01:05,443 --> 00:01:07,493
You used to be, like,
the nicest guy ever.
33
00:01:07,495 --> 00:01:08,944
We were bros.
34
00:01:08,946 --> 00:01:10,446
More than bros.
35
00:01:10,448 --> 00:01:12,248
We ate brunch together.
36
00:01:12,250 --> 00:01:14,533
And I'll always cherish that.
37
00:01:14,535 --> 00:01:15,618
But after Kara
38
00:01:15,620 --> 00:01:16,702
broke my heart again
39
00:01:16,704 --> 00:01:17,787
for the millionth time,
40
00:01:17,789 --> 00:01:19,171
I said screw being nice,
41
00:01:19,173 --> 00:01:21,957
suited up and started lying
to get what I want.
42
00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:23,175
That does happen.
43
00:01:23,177 --> 00:01:25,261
But you used to want to fight
for the little guy.
44
00:01:25,263 --> 00:01:27,496
Little guys pay
with little checks.
45
00:01:27,498 --> 00:01:29,448
But... you already know that.
46
00:01:29,450 --> 00:01:30,433
You're in
environmental law.
47
00:01:30,435 --> 00:01:33,219
Marshall, you have a kid.
48
00:01:33,221 --> 00:01:34,270
How are you
gonna provide
49
00:01:34,272 --> 00:01:36,138
for the little dude's futche?
50
00:01:36,140 --> 00:01:39,058
I'm worried
about Planet Earth's futche!
51
00:01:39,060 --> 00:01:39,775
That's why
I'm gonna
52
00:01:39,777 --> 00:01:41,143
kick your ass in this trial.
53
00:01:41,145 --> 00:01:43,813
Sure, you may have swiped our
entire strategy for this case,
54
00:01:43,815 --> 00:01:45,781
but I still got
some tricks up my sleeve
55
00:01:45,783 --> 00:01:48,033
that you know
absolutely nothing about.
56
00:01:48,035 --> 00:01:48,651
Really?
57
00:01:48,653 --> 00:01:49,485
No.
58
00:01:50,179 --> 00:01:54,179
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x08 ♪
Twelve Horny Women
Original Air Date on November 26, 2012
59
00:01:54,204 --> 00:01:58,204
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
60
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,417
Kids, Robin and Barney
had recently shared
61
00:02:05,419 --> 00:02:06,702
an awkward moment.
62
00:02:06,704 --> 00:02:08,170
Whoa, whoa.
63
00:02:08,172 --> 00:02:12,174
After that, they did what any
two mature adults would do:
64
00:02:12,176 --> 00:02:12,641
Hey!
65
00:02:12,643 --> 00:02:13,175
Hey!
66
00:02:13,177 --> 00:02:13,843
How are you?
67
00:02:13,845 --> 00:02:14,760
Great. You?
68
00:02:14,762 --> 00:02:15,811
Good, so good.
69
00:02:15,813 --> 00:02:17,546
Oh, great. Good to see you!
You, too!
70
00:02:17,548 --> 00:02:19,248
They pretended
it never happened.
71
00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:20,416
All right, guys,
72
00:02:20,418 --> 00:02:22,067
this is the biggest case
of Marshall's career.
73
00:02:22,069 --> 00:02:23,185
That is why it's so great
74
00:02:23,187 --> 00:02:24,904
that we all called in sick
to work tomorrow,
75
00:02:24,906 --> 00:02:26,722
so we could be in that
courtroom to support him.
76
00:02:26,724 --> 00:02:27,690
I didn't call in sick.
77
00:02:27,692 --> 00:02:28,908
I called in
for all of us.
78
00:02:28,910 --> 00:02:30,075
Uh, I have strep throat.
79
00:02:30,077 --> 00:02:31,110
Robin, bronchitis.
80
00:02:31,112 --> 00:02:32,528
Barney, massive
hemorrhoids.
81
00:02:32,530 --> 00:02:34,530
Why'd you have
to say "massive"?
82
00:02:34,532 --> 00:02:36,031
Well, if you're gonna
miss work for hemorrhoids,
83
00:02:36,033 --> 00:02:37,733
they kind of have
to be massive.
84
00:02:37,735 --> 00:02:40,068
I don't want to sit
in a courtroom all day.
85
00:02:40,070 --> 00:02:42,421
I bet you don't want to sit
anywhere with those hemorrhoids.
86
00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:44,757
I don't have... Shut up.
87
00:02:44,759 --> 00:02:46,342
Look, you guys
wouldn't understand,
88
00:02:46,344 --> 00:02:49,261
but when you have a rap sheet
as long as mine,
89
00:02:49,263 --> 00:02:50,596
the last place
you want to spend
90
00:02:50,598 --> 00:02:51,580
a day is in court.
91
00:02:51,582 --> 00:02:53,182
Rap sheet?
92
00:02:53,184 --> 00:02:54,517
That's right.
93
00:02:54,519 --> 00:02:56,485
When I was a teenager, Lily,
94
00:02:56,487 --> 00:02:58,521
I was a total badass.
Pfft.
95
00:02:58,523 --> 00:03:01,089
You want to talk
about teenage badasses?
96
00:03:01,091 --> 00:03:04,210
I was like John Gotti
in a training bra.
97
00:03:04,212 --> 00:03:06,695
I'm serious.
98
00:03:06,697 --> 00:03:08,964
In high school, before
I started dating Scooter,
99
00:03:08,966 --> 00:03:10,883
even he was afraid of me.
100
00:03:19,142 --> 00:03:21,076
Lily coming!
101
00:03:21,078 --> 00:03:23,245
Lily coming!
102
00:03:26,917 --> 00:03:28,918
You look okay.
103
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:31,220
Want to hang out?
104
00:03:31,222 --> 00:03:33,606
Uh, my mom says I'm only allowed
three friends, so...
105
00:03:33,608 --> 00:03:36,508
Your mom don't make the rules
no more, Scooter.
106
00:03:36,510 --> 00:03:37,927
My name's Jeff.
107
00:03:37,929 --> 00:03:40,295
Not no more it ain't.
108
00:03:41,982 --> 00:03:43,899
The one part of
that story I believe
109
00:03:43,901 --> 00:03:45,601
is that Scooter only
had three friends.
110
00:03:45,603 --> 00:03:46,602
Ah!
111
00:03:46,604 --> 00:03:47,803
Here he is.
112
00:03:47,805 --> 00:03:49,038
The pride of St. Cloud,
113
00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,239
the environmental lawyer
114
00:03:50,241 --> 00:03:51,440
we've come
to know and love.
115
00:03:51,442 --> 00:03:52,741
He's mean. He's green.
116
00:03:52,743 --> 00:03:54,326
He's not wearing the tie
I bought him for the trial,
117
00:03:54,328 --> 00:03:55,661
but I'm not gonna
mention it...
118
00:03:55,663 --> 00:03:58,948
Marshall "I Was Gonna
Say 'Nice Tie'" Eriksen!
119
00:03:59,984 --> 00:04:01,149
How you feeling,
120
00:04:01,151 --> 00:04:02,484
Counselor?
121
00:04:02,486 --> 00:04:03,702
Well, uh, I mean,
at first
122
00:04:03,704 --> 00:04:05,120
that Brad thing
had me rattled,
123
00:04:05,122 --> 00:04:06,789
but now I feel
pretty good.
124
00:04:06,791 --> 00:04:08,123
I mean, for one thing,
125
00:04:08,125 --> 00:04:09,992
I don't have massive
hemorrhoids. Sorry, buddy.
126
00:04:09,994 --> 00:04:10,843
I don't have ma...
127
00:04:10,845 --> 00:04:12,294
And more importantly,
unlike Brad,
128
00:04:12,296 --> 00:04:14,830
I actually have something
to fight for.
129
00:04:14,832 --> 00:04:16,966
Pop, because of
your precedent-setting
130
00:04:16,968 --> 00:04:18,667
legal victory 14 years ago,
131
00:04:18,669 --> 00:04:20,519
kids like me can fish
in clean lakes
132
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,688
all over the world.
133
00:04:22,690 --> 00:04:24,723
They sure can, champ.
134
00:04:24,725 --> 00:04:27,776
Because when you
do one good deed...
135
00:04:31,398 --> 00:04:32,781
...it creates
a ripple effect.
136
00:04:32,783 --> 00:04:34,984
One good deed
137
00:04:34,986 --> 00:04:37,736
leads to another and another.
138
00:04:37,738 --> 00:04:40,689
Man, you're wise.
139
00:04:40,691 --> 00:04:43,025
That's probably why I never
have felt the need to do drugs
140
00:04:43,027 --> 00:04:44,376
or rebel in any way.
141
00:04:47,998 --> 00:04:50,032
Anyhoo...
142
00:04:50,034 --> 00:04:52,885
The next day, we all headed
down to court
143
00:04:52,887 --> 00:04:54,670
to support Uncle Marshall.
144
00:04:54,672 --> 00:04:56,071
Yeah.
145
00:04:56,073 --> 00:04:58,307
Want to know what
I looked like at age 15?
146
00:04:58,309 --> 00:04:59,591
There it is.
147
00:04:59,593 --> 00:05:01,427
I don't get it.
That guy wasn't masturbating.
148
00:05:01,429 --> 00:05:03,479
Yeah, and the waistband
of his undies wasn't pulled up
149
00:05:03,481 --> 00:05:05,981
to his Cub Scouts neckerchief.
150
00:05:06,884 --> 00:05:08,183
Ted,
151
00:05:08,185 --> 00:05:10,019
you were never a badass.
152
00:05:10,021 --> 00:05:11,053
Au contraire.
153
00:05:11,055 --> 00:05:12,438
Off to a good start...
154
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:13,439
I was locked up
155
00:05:13,441 --> 00:05:15,223
plenty of times
as a teenager.
156
00:05:15,225 --> 00:05:16,241
Let's just say
157
00:05:16,243 --> 00:05:18,193
Johnny Law was not a fan
158
00:05:18,195 --> 00:05:20,112
of Teddy Westside.
159
00:05:20,114 --> 00:05:22,081
Make sure you get
my good side...
160
00:05:22,083 --> 00:05:24,283
Princess.
161
00:05:27,238 --> 00:05:28,403
You guys want to talk
162
00:05:28,405 --> 00:05:30,522
about hassling
the fuzz?
163
00:05:30,524 --> 00:05:32,708
Finish that, Scoots.
164
00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:34,910
Okay,
165
00:05:34,912 --> 00:05:36,545
let's see some IDs.
166
00:05:36,547 --> 00:05:38,931
Scooter, do you
smell bacon?
167
00:05:40,718 --> 00:05:42,101
Laugh, bitch.
168
00:05:42,103 --> 00:05:43,352
Ha!
169
00:05:43,354 --> 00:05:44,419
Ha ha!
170
00:05:44,421 --> 00:05:46,255
ID now, both of you.
171
00:05:49,258 --> 00:05:50,225
Which one of you
172
00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:51,610
is Yuki Hakutani?
173
00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:53,428
Right here.
174
00:05:53,430 --> 00:05:57,066
So, Yuki, you're 6'1"
and you were born in 1947?
175
00:05:57,068 --> 00:05:59,935
Congratulations.
You can read.
176
00:06:04,290 --> 00:06:06,325
Barney Stinson?
177
00:06:06,327 --> 00:06:09,378
Well, if it isn't
Warren Frankel.
178
00:06:09,380 --> 00:06:10,546
Bailiff
179
00:06:10,548 --> 00:06:11,797
Warren Frankel,
180
00:06:11,799 --> 00:06:14,249
- who knows me.
- You know,
181
00:06:14,251 --> 00:06:16,218
I almost didn't recognize you
without handcuffs on.
182
00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:18,337
Yeah, I've matured quite
a bit since the old days.
183
00:06:18,339 --> 00:06:20,288
The only time I'm wearing
handcuffs now is, uh,
184
00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:21,390
in the bedroom.
185
00:06:21,392 --> 00:06:23,291
Bondage. I get it.
186
00:06:23,293 --> 00:06:24,476
Well,
187
00:06:24,478 --> 00:06:25,761
I have to run.
188
00:06:25,763 --> 00:06:27,012
Stay out of trouble.
189
00:06:29,766 --> 00:06:31,967
Badass.
190
00:06:32,986 --> 00:06:36,505
In summary, I will prove
that Gruber Pharmaceuticals
191
00:06:36,507 --> 00:06:39,608
wantonly and knowingly
polluted Frog Lake
192
00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:42,494
and therefore must pay
restitution of no less
193
00:06:42,496 --> 00:06:45,164
than $25 million.
194
00:06:45,166 --> 00:06:47,149
Thank you.
195
00:06:49,485 --> 00:06:51,003
How's this for a fact:
196
00:06:51,005 --> 00:06:52,788
Frog Lake is home
197
00:06:52,790 --> 00:06:55,124
to a buttload of frogs
and birds.
198
00:06:56,209 --> 00:06:57,492
If it's so polluted,
199
00:06:57,494 --> 00:06:59,878
why don't all those birds fly
to a cleaner lake?
200
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,381
And why don't the frogs
just be like,
201
00:07:02,383 --> 00:07:05,134
"Hey, birds, can I catch
a ride, ribbit?"
202
00:07:05,136 --> 00:07:08,137
Marshall's gonna wipe
the floor with this ding-dong.
203
00:07:09,022 --> 00:07:10,338
Oops.
204
00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:12,007
I seem to have dropped my pen.
205
00:07:22,569 --> 00:07:23,685
Objection, Your Honor.
206
00:07:23,687 --> 00:07:25,904
Nobody needs this long
to pick up a pen.
207
00:07:25,906 --> 00:07:29,191
I'll allow it.
208
00:07:33,213 --> 00:07:36,346
The biggest case of my life
and I'd already lost the jury.
209
00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:37,666
I mean,
210
00:07:37,668 --> 00:07:40,619
I've heard of Twelve Angry Men,
211
00:07:40,621 --> 00:07:43,789
but this was more
like Twelve Horny Women.
212
00:07:43,791 --> 00:07:45,124
Stay on topic.
213
00:07:45,876 --> 00:07:47,877
I can't compete
with Brad.
214
00:07:47,879 --> 00:07:49,578
The jury is
in love with him.
215
00:07:49,580 --> 00:07:52,298
During recess, one of those
ladies raced across the hall
216
00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:54,499
to see if she could
get a divorce.
217
00:07:54,501 --> 00:07:56,468
And I'm pretty sure
there was some funny business
218
00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:59,338
going on under
that judge's robe.
219
00:07:59,340 --> 00:08:01,090
What you guys saw
Brad do was nothing.
220
00:08:01,092 --> 00:08:03,442
He's taken it to a
whole other level.
221
00:08:03,444 --> 00:08:04,944
Ladies and...
222
00:08:04,946 --> 00:08:07,813
ladies of the jury,
223
00:08:07,815 --> 00:08:09,514
I'm sorry if I seem down.
224
00:08:09,516 --> 00:08:10,532
My girlfriend
225
00:08:10,534 --> 00:08:12,017
Kara...
226
00:08:12,019 --> 00:08:13,953
broke up with me last night.
227
00:08:13,955 --> 00:08:15,537
Aww...
228
00:08:15,539 --> 00:08:17,689
She said I listen too much,
229
00:08:17,691 --> 00:08:19,742
whatever that means.
230
00:08:19,744 --> 00:08:21,410
- Aww...
- Aww...
231
00:08:22,245 --> 00:08:25,331
Can you believe this guy?
232
00:08:28,051 --> 00:08:29,752
Really?
233
00:08:30,670 --> 00:08:32,187
Do I even want to see
what I look like?
234
00:08:35,892 --> 00:08:37,810
Wow.
235
00:08:37,812 --> 00:08:39,878
That's, like, super mean.
236
00:08:40,847 --> 00:08:44,549
Next, Brad brought out
his "expert witness."
237
00:08:44,551 --> 00:08:47,486
So, Dr. Bedrosian,
you're saying
238
00:08:47,488 --> 00:08:50,789
that even if Gruber
Pharmaceuticals'
239
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:54,777
industry-leading drugs
somehow seeped into Frog Lake,
240
00:08:54,779 --> 00:08:57,913
they could actually be
helping the otter population
241
00:08:57,915 --> 00:09:00,282
grow thicker coats of fur?
242
00:09:01,051 --> 00:09:03,002
Absolutely.
243
00:09:03,004 --> 00:09:04,954
And for the older
birds, who...
244
00:09:04,956 --> 00:09:08,374
maybe don't perform as well
in the bedroom as they used to,
245
00:09:08,376 --> 00:09:10,259
could actually
be having
246
00:09:10,261 --> 00:09:11,910
healthier sex lives?
247
00:09:11,912 --> 00:09:14,129
In my expert opinion...
248
00:09:14,131 --> 00:09:15,297
yes...?
249
00:09:16,132 --> 00:09:17,582
Yes.
250
00:09:18,385 --> 00:09:19,468
So Gruber...
251
00:09:19,470 --> 00:09:21,787
is giving these animals
free medicine.
252
00:09:21,789 --> 00:09:26,492
Medicine that you or I would
have to pay a fortune for if...
253
00:09:26,494 --> 00:09:28,644
we needed help
in the bedroom...
254
00:09:28,646 --> 00:09:29,979
which I don't.
255
00:09:31,699 --> 00:09:35,100
You're so bad.
256
00:09:35,102 --> 00:09:36,318
But I realized,
257
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,905
if Brad could call a quack
as his star witness,
258
00:09:39,907 --> 00:09:42,408
then so could I.
259
00:09:43,343 --> 00:09:45,411
You'll get that in a second.
260
00:09:45,413 --> 00:09:46,912
Meet Paddles,
261
00:09:46,914 --> 00:09:48,380
the duckling.
262
00:09:48,382 --> 00:09:48,964
"Quack."
263
00:09:48,966 --> 00:09:49,999
Continue.
264
00:09:50,834 --> 00:09:52,451
Little Paddles here just spent
265
00:09:52,453 --> 00:09:54,619
three months being nursed
back to health.
266
00:09:54,621 --> 00:09:56,255
Why?
267
00:09:56,257 --> 00:09:58,257
Well, because he was found
in Frog Lake
268
00:09:58,259 --> 00:10:01,626
suffering
from acute dermatitis...
269
00:10:02,897 --> 00:10:06,398
...a painful full-body rash,
caused by who?
270
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,600
Gruber Pharmaceuticals.
271
00:10:09,987 --> 00:10:11,653
For a brief, shining moment,
272
00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:14,323
it looked like I might
just win this thing.
273
00:10:14,325 --> 00:10:15,741
But then...
274
00:10:15,743 --> 00:10:19,845
I took a field trip to this
so-called "polluted" lake.
275
00:10:19,847 --> 00:10:21,246
If you'll indulge me,
276
00:10:21,248 --> 00:10:23,999
I'd like to share my experience.
277
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:27,870
Frog Lake.
278
00:10:27,872 --> 00:10:30,322
Behold...
279
00:10:30,324 --> 00:10:32,374
nature's beauty.
280
00:10:33,710 --> 00:10:35,210
Polluted?
281
00:10:35,212 --> 00:10:37,179
Polluted with good times.
282
00:10:37,181 --> 00:10:39,848
♪
283
00:10:41,935 --> 00:10:44,520
Frog... Lake.
284
00:10:44,522 --> 00:10:47,506
♪
285
00:10:51,611 --> 00:10:53,812
♪
286
00:10:58,952 --> 00:11:00,402
♪
287
00:11:00,404 --> 00:11:01,703
Frog Lake.
288
00:11:01,705 --> 00:11:02,871
Come on in.
289
00:11:02,873 --> 00:11:04,807
The water's fine.
290
00:11:10,964 --> 00:11:13,865
I shot and edited that myself.
291
00:11:13,867 --> 00:11:17,352
Yep, I edit stuff, too.
292
00:11:18,755 --> 00:11:21,356
Sorry, Ms. Aldrin, there's no
rap sheet under your name.
293
00:11:21,358 --> 00:11:24,226
Oh, y-you know what,
it must be under
294
00:11:24,228 --> 00:11:26,845
my street tag: Number One Gunna.
295
00:11:26,847 --> 00:11:29,681
Nope. Sorry,
Number One Gunna.
296
00:11:29,683 --> 00:11:31,216
Next!
297
00:11:32,218 --> 00:11:35,720
Those jive-ass turkeys
must've lost it.
298
00:11:35,722 --> 00:11:36,888
Well, they're
pretty swamped
299
00:11:36,890 --> 00:11:38,574
arresting 1970s pimps
like yourself.
300
00:11:38,576 --> 00:11:40,609
Lily, let it go.
301
00:11:40,611 --> 00:11:43,028
I didn't want to brag,
but I think
302
00:11:43,030 --> 00:11:44,229
it's time to acknowledge
303
00:11:44,231 --> 00:11:48,200
that I was the ultimate
teenage badass of this group.
304
00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:51,370
You were a teen
pop star in Canada.
305
00:11:51,372 --> 00:11:54,006
You sang songs about the mall.
Hey.
306
00:11:54,008 --> 00:11:56,925
There is a dark side
to being a rocker on the road
307
00:11:56,927 --> 00:11:58,343
north of the 49th.
308
00:12:00,297 --> 00:12:02,080
Mm, thanks.
309
00:12:04,818 --> 00:12:05,506
Hey.
310
00:12:05,531 --> 00:12:07,720
We've received
some noise complaints, eh?
311
00:12:07,921 --> 00:12:09,855
Can you please lower the music?
312
00:12:09,857 --> 00:12:12,357
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
313
00:12:12,359 --> 00:12:13,592
Sure.
314
00:12:13,594 --> 00:12:16,094
How aboot, uh,
I lower the TV, too,
315
00:12:16,096 --> 00:12:17,396
yeah?
316
00:12:23,404 --> 00:12:26,271
Three hours later,
I was arrested
317
00:12:26,273 --> 00:12:29,625
drunk, naked,
and driving a Zamboni.
318
00:12:29,627 --> 00:12:33,045
Man, that DUI drove my insurance
through the roof.
319
00:12:34,264 --> 00:12:36,465
Please be seated.
320
00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:39,251
Mr. Morris,
good seeing you this morning.
321
00:12:39,253 --> 00:12:41,003
Mr. Eriksen...
322
00:12:41,005 --> 00:12:41,803
you're here.
323
00:12:41,805 --> 00:12:43,305
Any, uh,
324
00:12:43,307 --> 00:12:44,506
final witnesses?
325
00:12:44,508 --> 00:12:46,925
Well, Your Honor, um...
326
00:12:49,062 --> 00:12:50,145
Um...
327
00:12:52,232 --> 00:12:55,800
Actually, Your Honor,
uh, I'm afraid...
328
00:12:55,802 --> 00:12:58,604
Mr. Eriksen?
329
00:13:01,608 --> 00:13:03,659
Your Honor,
I call Brad Morris
330
00:13:03,661 --> 00:13:04,776
to the stand.
331
00:13:04,778 --> 00:13:06,361
Mr. Eriksen, this is
332
00:13:06,363 --> 00:13:07,812
highly irregular.
I would like
333
00:13:07,814 --> 00:13:09,581
Mr. Morris to remove his shirt.
334
00:13:09,583 --> 00:13:12,167
I'll allow it.
Objection, Your Honor,
335
00:13:12,169 --> 00:13:13,818
on grounds that this is ridonk!
336
00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,621
Overruled. Take it off.
337
00:13:28,801 --> 00:13:30,769
Acute...
338
00:13:30,771 --> 00:13:32,771
dermatitis,
339
00:13:32,773 --> 00:13:35,524
courtesy of Frog Lake
340
00:13:35,526 --> 00:13:37,476
and Gruber
Pharmaceuticals.
341
00:13:39,396 --> 00:13:41,780
That was badass.
342
00:13:41,782 --> 00:13:43,298
So, in the end,
343
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:46,652
one might say you were forced
to do something...
344
00:13:46,654 --> 00:13:48,036
rash?
345
00:13:48,038 --> 00:13:50,989
Rash!
346
00:13:50,991 --> 00:13:53,875
You know, I had that o,
but Lily told me to cut it.
347
00:13:53,877 --> 00:13:55,377
Um, anyway...
348
00:13:55,379 --> 00:13:57,862
all that was left
was the verdict.
349
00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:03,802
"We, the jury,
find Gruber Pharmaceuticals...
350
00:14:03,804 --> 00:14:05,137
guilty."
351
00:14:05,139 --> 00:14:07,172
Yes!
352
00:14:09,092 --> 00:14:10,892
$25 million.
353
00:14:10,894 --> 00:14:14,513
That tie is not only
tasteful; it's lucky!
354
00:14:14,515 --> 00:14:18,883
I hereby fine Gruber
in the amount of $25,000.
355
00:14:18,885 --> 00:14:20,686
Court is adjourned.
356
00:14:28,150 --> 00:14:31,002
Your Honor, $25,000?
What just happened?
357
00:14:31,688 --> 00:14:34,605
Son, yes, Gruber Pharmaceuticals
probably polluted that lake,
358
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,440
but I'm not gonna ruin
an important company
359
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:38,292
just because they gave
some bird a rash.
360
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:39,660
No, but it's thousands of birds,
361
00:14:39,662 --> 00:14:41,846
and fish and otters and turtles...
Look, Eriksen,
362
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:43,264
I hate to cut you short,
363
00:14:43,266 --> 00:14:45,182
but I got tickets to Annie
and my wife is waiting.
364
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:46,801
You have a wi...
365
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,053
won-wonderful show to see?
366
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,638
Guilty. Ciao.
367
00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:56,527
You'd best get
your mind right, son!
368
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,863
The game is the game,
and there ain't no winners.
369
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,532
How many retired
gangbangers you know?
370
00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:03,517
Exactly.
371
00:15:07,622 --> 00:15:09,457
Barney...
372
00:15:09,459 --> 00:15:11,058
check it out.
373
00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:12,576
I found my scrapbook
from the old days.
374
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,128
We're kind of busy
right now, Warren.
375
00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,246
We're scaring kids
straight, so...
376
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,497
No, no.
Barney was
377
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:18,666
the youngest member
of our Magic Enthusiasts Club
378
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,717
years back.
379
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:20,868
Famous for
380
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:22,169
escaping from handcuffs.
381
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:23,053
Handcuffs, huh?
382
00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:24,388
Very tiny hands.
383
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,590
That was his secret.
384
00:15:26,811 --> 00:15:28,260
See you around, baby hands.
385
00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:33,733
So, you don't know the bailiff
because you were a badass.
386
00:15:33,735 --> 00:15:36,986
You knew him because you guys
were in a nerd club together.
387
00:15:36,988 --> 00:15:40,907
Where you dazzled audiences
with your sleight-of-tiny-hand.
388
00:15:40,909 --> 00:15:44,043
So I was a late hand bloomer!
389
00:15:44,045 --> 00:15:45,912
Go ahead, laugh,
390
00:15:45,914 --> 00:15:47,397
laugh like all the others,
391
00:15:47,399 --> 00:15:50,383
but those magicians pulled off
the greatest trick of all:
392
00:15:50,385 --> 00:15:53,419
they accepted me.
393
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,956
Okay, well,
to be fair,
394
00:15:56,958 --> 00:15:59,592
I... may have
slightly exaggerated
395
00:15:59,594 --> 00:16:01,844
my badass story, too.
396
00:16:03,148 --> 00:16:05,348
Oh, sorry. Uh, no,
thank you, housekeeping.
397
00:16:05,350 --> 00:16:07,000
I've already made my bed.
398
00:16:07,002 --> 00:16:10,103
And I only used
one washcloth, so it's...
399
00:16:10,105 --> 00:16:13,156
Congratulations,
Miss Sparkles.
400
00:16:13,158 --> 00:16:14,340
On behalf
401
00:16:14,342 --> 00:16:15,742
of the Manitoba Hotel
402
00:16:15,744 --> 00:16:18,111
and Curling Rink Association,
we'd like to thank you
403
00:16:18,113 --> 00:16:21,864
for being the nicest, most
well-behaved hotel guest ever.
404
00:16:21,866 --> 00:16:23,983
Oh, yippee!
405
00:16:23,985 --> 00:16:25,785
What a loser!
406
00:16:25,787 --> 00:16:27,820
Your story's not true,
either, is it, Ted?
407
00:16:27,822 --> 00:16:29,122
Not at all.
408
00:16:29,124 --> 00:16:33,492
Make sure you get
my good side, Princess!
409
00:16:35,797 --> 00:16:37,630
I left the courthouse that day
410
00:16:37,632 --> 00:16:40,550
questioning what
I was even doing with my life...
411
00:16:40,552 --> 00:16:43,436
and then that night,
I had a dream.
412
00:16:43,438 --> 00:16:45,505
Sorry I failed, son.
413
00:16:45,507 --> 00:16:47,390
What about your
Pebble Theory, Dad?
414
00:16:47,392 --> 00:16:50,893
One good deed ripples out
and makes another and another?
415
00:16:50,895 --> 00:16:52,779
Yeah.
416
00:16:52,781 --> 00:16:54,680
This is what really happens
417
00:16:54,682 --> 00:16:58,785
when you throw a pebble
into Frog Lake.
418
00:17:02,206 --> 00:17:04,323
The truth is,
you can fight
419
00:17:04,325 --> 00:17:07,693
your whole life to do good
and still get nowhere.
420
00:17:07,695 --> 00:17:08,861
You're wrong.
421
00:17:08,863 --> 00:17:11,214
Some good's gonna ripple
out of this, Dad.
422
00:17:11,216 --> 00:17:12,965
I promise.
423
00:17:15,670 --> 00:17:19,555
Great, I've angered
the Frog King.
424
00:17:19,557 --> 00:17:23,375
Later that night,
some good did ripple out.
425
00:17:24,729 --> 00:17:26,679
Hey.
426
00:17:26,681 --> 00:17:28,831
What, are you
here to gloat?
427
00:17:28,833 --> 00:17:32,235
No. Came here to thank you.
428
00:17:32,237 --> 00:17:33,269
For reminding me
429
00:17:33,271 --> 00:17:35,571
of why I got into law
in the first place:
430
00:17:35,573 --> 00:17:37,240
to fight for the little guy.
431
00:17:37,242 --> 00:17:38,274
Which is why
432
00:17:38,276 --> 00:17:40,059
I said "Hasta Lucia" to my firm,
433
00:17:40,061 --> 00:17:42,228
and took a job
at your firm, brobeans.
434
00:17:42,230 --> 00:17:43,896
Don't "brobeans" me.
435
00:17:43,898 --> 00:17:47,700
My boss would never hire you
after the way you lied to us.
436
00:17:47,702 --> 00:17:50,253
I told him I'd take every
last bit of manipulation,
437
00:17:50,255 --> 00:17:52,171
deception, and accidental
pen-dropping
438
00:17:52,173 --> 00:17:55,958
I used against you guys and
put it towards saving the world.
439
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,260
Even if that's true,
440
00:17:57,262 --> 00:18:00,012
I'm still not sure
that I can forgive you.
441
00:18:00,014 --> 00:18:03,883
Would you object to
an 11:15 brunch rezzy for two
442
00:18:03,885 --> 00:18:06,352
tomorrow at the Popover Pantry?
443
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,606
I'll allow it.
444
00:18:10,608 --> 00:18:12,275
Yes! The Brunch Bros are back!
445
00:18:14,027 --> 00:18:16,612
And thank God we were,
because...
446
00:18:16,614 --> 00:18:18,197
well, what he said next
447
00:18:18,199 --> 00:18:20,900
is the reason that
I'm sitting in this chair.
448
00:18:20,902 --> 00:18:22,201
Seriously,
449
00:18:22,203 --> 00:18:25,437
thanks-- for giving my soul
a little redempsh.
450
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:28,374
And B-T-dubs,
that judge was an idiot.
451
00:18:28,376 --> 00:18:29,625
It's people
like you,
452
00:18:29,627 --> 00:18:33,462
people with hope
and vision and integ,
453
00:18:33,464 --> 00:18:36,448
that should be behind that bench
making the calls.
454
00:18:37,935 --> 00:18:40,720
And that's when I realized
I wanted to be a judge.
455
00:18:40,722 --> 00:18:41,954
Because judges
456
00:18:41,956 --> 00:18:44,140
are the ones who
can effect real change.
457
00:18:44,142 --> 00:18:45,457
And that's why I'm here,
458
00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:48,728
before the New York State
Judiciary Committee.
459
00:18:48,730 --> 00:18:51,480
I hope that you will consider me
460
00:18:51,482 --> 00:18:54,817
for an appointment
to a judgeship.
461
00:18:54,819 --> 00:18:56,035
Thank you,
Mr. Eriksen.
462
00:18:56,037 --> 00:18:58,404
The panel will take this
under advisement.
463
00:18:59,273 --> 00:19:01,023
Take your time.
464
00:19:02,492 --> 00:19:04,527
It could be a few months.
465
00:19:05,629 --> 00:19:08,781
Better tell my wife
I won't be home for dinner.
466
00:19:08,783 --> 00:19:09,815
Get out.
467
00:19:14,922 --> 00:19:15,654
Hey.
468
00:19:15,656 --> 00:19:16,655
Hey.
469
00:19:16,657 --> 00:19:18,174
How are you?
Uh, great. You?
470
00:19:18,176 --> 00:19:20,126
So gr...
471
00:19:20,128 --> 00:19:22,828
Can we talk about this
for a second?
472
00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:24,830
Yeah.
473
00:19:24,832 --> 00:19:28,217
It is super-weird between us,
and I don't want it to be.
474
00:19:28,219 --> 00:19:29,468
Me, neither.
475
00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:31,470
So let me just say this.
476
00:19:31,472 --> 00:19:33,022
I'm done.
477
00:19:33,024 --> 00:19:35,441
You don't have
to worry anymore.
478
00:19:35,443 --> 00:19:37,059
What do you mean?
479
00:19:37,061 --> 00:19:38,778
I'm done trying to get you.
480
00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:40,696
I can't do it anymore.
481
00:19:40,698 --> 00:19:43,349
I'm sorry it's taken me
this long to figure it out,
482
00:19:43,351 --> 00:19:45,184
but I promise...
483
00:19:45,186 --> 00:19:48,187
I'm done making
a fool of myself.
484
00:19:48,189 --> 00:19:50,039
Barney, you haven't been making
a fool out of yourself...
485
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:50,741
It's okay.
486
00:19:50,742 --> 00:19:51,874
It's okay.
487
00:19:51,876 --> 00:19:54,526
I want it to be okay.
488
00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:55,878
So here's what's
gonna happen.
489
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,331
I'm gonna get us two drinks,
490
00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:01,250
come back and comment
on the likely size and color
491
00:20:01,252 --> 00:20:03,886
of the nipples
on that redhead at the bar,
492
00:20:03,888 --> 00:20:05,838
with the big, dark nipples.
493
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,373
And you're gonna
be grossed out,
494
00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:10,326
but you're gonna laugh
a little anyway, and then you'll tell
495
00:20:10,328 --> 00:20:13,095
a funny story about
"that bitch Patrice" at work,
496
00:20:13,097 --> 00:20:15,547
but neither one of us
are gonna say,
497
00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:17,716
"Hey, how's it going?"
or "Good to see you!"
498
00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:20,903
Because it really will be
good to see you.
499
00:20:22,239 --> 00:20:24,556
Think we can swing that?
500
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,076
Yeah, I do.
501
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:29,829
Badass.
502
00:20:41,775 --> 00:20:43,242
Huh.
503
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:50,774
Thanks for your support, guys.
It means a lot.
504
00:20:51,811 --> 00:20:54,412
We'll call in sick anytime
you have a problem.
505
00:20:59,284 --> 00:21:00,485
Lily coming!
506
00:21:00,487 --> 00:21:02,220
Lily coming!
507
00:21:04,140 --> 00:21:06,090
Badass.
508
00:21:06,092 --> 00:21:11,092
== sync, corrected by elderman ==