1
00:00:02,318 --> 00:00:04,620
Guys, I'm going through
something kinda hard.
2
00:00:05,288 --> 00:00:07,240
Since Quinn and I broke up,
she's gone back to dancing
3
00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:10,459
at The Lusty Leopard,
and it's just really tough because...
4
00:00:10,461 --> 00:00:11,890
'Cause you have to find
a new strip club?
5
00:00:11,915 --> 00:00:13,513
I have to find a new strip club!
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,381
I've been going to The Lusty Leopard
for seven years.
7
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:19,101
Wow. That's like
49 in perv years.
8
00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:21,186
Sixty-nine. Self-five.
9
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,354
Look...
10
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,388
without my open wallet,
11
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,090
The Lusty Leopard
would be nothing.
12
00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,259
Thanks to me, they've
been able to expand
13
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:30,195
and take over that
soup kitchen next door.
14
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:32,097
Now I'm a free agent,
15
00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:33,932
and all the strip
clubs are after me.
16
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:36,434
Mr. Stinson, we might not have
17
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:37,986
the best strippers
at Moneyballs,
18
00:00:37,988 --> 00:00:41,540
but we use sabermetrics to get
you a stripper with a five body,
19
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:44,793
sure, and another with
a butter face, but together,
20
00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:47,546
with their tireless grinding,
we guarantee
21
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:50,415
a high on-pants percentage.
22
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:52,301
I gotta be
honest with you, Fred,
23
00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:55,053
I can't really see myself
signing with the Golden Oldies.
24
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:58,423
Well, that's what everyone
says... at first.
25
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:00,592
But our GILFs have got class.
26
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,311
They've got maturity
and experience,
27
00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:04,930
and the kind of mind-blowing
flexibility
28
00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:08,233
that only comes
from advanced hip dysplasia.
29
00:01:10,486 --> 00:01:14,072
Barney, the Lusty Leopard
would be lost without you.
30
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,358
I think you're really
gonna like a couple of the girls
31
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,026
we just pulled up
from the minors.
32
00:01:18,028 --> 00:01:19,728
Don't leave us!
33
00:01:19,730 --> 00:01:22,314
Wow, you're like the
LeBron James of strip clubs.
34
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:25,834
Actually, you're probably
tied with LeBron James for that title.
35
00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:27,002
LeBron
isn't all that.
36
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:28,704
The Cavs are doing
great without him.
37
00:01:28,706 --> 00:01:30,455
Yeah!
38
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:33,959
Hey, guys, you will never
believe who I ran into
39
00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:35,527
outside of work today.
40
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,596
It wasn't the guy
handing out coupons
41
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,664
in the hot dog
costume, was it?
42
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:41,883
Baby, there's no reason
to be scared of him.
43
00:01:41,885 --> 00:01:43,835
I'm not scared of him.
44
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:47,606
It's totally normal to see
a hot dog with a face.
45
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,425
No, it was Brad,
my old law school buddy.
46
00:01:50,427 --> 00:01:52,694
I almost didn't recognize him.
47
00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:54,062
Marshall?
48
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:56,531
Brad?!
49
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,682
Bro!
50
00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:59,184
Oh, hey!
51
00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:01,019
What a kick-ass day!
52
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,288
I run into you,
some sucker throws away
53
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,123
most of a perfectly good
hot dog...
54
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,125
...kick-ass day!
55
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,795
You still doing corporate law?
56
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,880
I got downsized two years ago.
57
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:12,864
It's been rough.
58
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:15,033
Going through
a little bit of a depresh.
59
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:17,836
But just today, boom!
60
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,739
Huge job prospect.
61
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:21,556
Here's your application.
62
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:22,724
Just tell them I sent you.
63
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:25,744
I bet you could fit in
the bratwurst.
64
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,896
Bratwurst with a face.
65
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,431
What'd I tell you?
66
00:02:29,433 --> 00:02:31,850
Looks like I'm about
to be on a roll.
67
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,019
Sounds like that guy
could use some help.
68
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,520
I know!
That's why I said...
69
00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:37,389
You know, I'm at
Honeywell & Cootes,
70
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,324
and they're looking
to hire an associate.
71
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,159
I could totally recommend you.
72
00:02:42,313 --> 00:02:44,730
Leave the
wounded behind!
73
00:02:44,980 --> 00:02:48,980
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x07 ♪
The Stamp Tramp
Original Air Date on November 19, 2012
74
00:02:49,005 --> 00:02:54,005
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
75
00:02:57,810 --> 00:03:00,862
'Cause Brad is
an old friend who needs a job.
76
00:03:00,864 --> 00:03:01,913
Why shouldn't I give him
77
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,416
the old Marshall Eriksen
Stamp of Approval?
78
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:06,401
Marshall,
you're a stamp tramp.
79
00:03:06,403 --> 00:03:08,236
How dare you!
80
00:03:08,238 --> 00:03:10,238
And what is that?!
81
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,824
You give your stamp of
approval to everything.
82
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:13,825
It's become meaningless.
83
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,710
It's like when my
mom likes a movie.
84
00:03:15,712 --> 00:03:18,563
It just means Richard
Dreyfuss is in it.
85
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:21,166
Marshall, you love
everything and everyone.
86
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:23,001
It's-It's what I love
about you,
87
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:26,538
but it's also why
your stamps are total crap.
88
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,872
Give me one example.
89
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,741
How about when
you turned your boss
90
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,677
into a fountain
of bodily liquids?
91
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:35,263
You guys like it?
92
00:03:35,265 --> 00:03:38,016
I'll be waiting for you in hell,
Eriksen.
93
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:42,971
In my defense, that restaurant's
health rating had just gone
94
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,206
from an "F" to a "D,"
and I wanted to reward that.
95
00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:47,258
Marshall, you're
already on thin ice
96
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:48,977
with that horrible
Honeywell guy.
97
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:51,763
Don't risk screwing
things up more right before
98
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:52,947
your biggest case ever.
99
00:03:52,949 --> 00:03:54,733
Okay, Honeywell is not horrible,
100
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,484
he just has a bad temper
sometimes.
101
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,553
And he holds a grudge.
102
00:03:58,555 --> 00:04:01,189
He's kind of defensive
about his height.
103
00:04:01,191 --> 00:04:02,223
And he's cheap.
104
00:04:02,225 --> 00:04:04,642
And he made
those secretaries cry.
105
00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:06,344
But, deep down,
he is a great guy.
106
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:07,779
Heck, he gets my stamp, too.
107
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:08,913
Stamp tramp.
108
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,715
Well, maybe
this isn't the moment
109
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:12,333
to stick
your neck out for Brad.
110
00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,219
Well, that's not how
I was raised.
111
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:17,005
Back in St. Cloud,
we believe in people,
112
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:21,659
people like Gudren Olsen, the
town wino who became our mayor.
113
00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:23,962
They even wound up naming
a bridge after him.
114
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,531
The one he drove off.
115
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,616
Marshall, why can't you be
more like your wife?
116
00:04:28,618 --> 00:04:29,768
Lily's stamp is gold.
117
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,302
I'm reading this book
because of her.
118
00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,640
I'm drinking this beer
because she recommended it.
119
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:38,643
I'm even wearing
this bra because
120
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:40,478
of a lingerie store
Lily told me about.
121
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,950
Uh, if anyone's got
the golden stamp,
122
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,286
it's old Teddy
Westside over here.
123
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,506
Please. You're a
piggyback stamper.
124
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:53,174
How dare you!
125
00:04:53,176 --> 00:04:54,793
And what is that?!
126
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,845
Allow us to demonstrate.
Lily?
127
00:04:56,847 --> 00:05:00,598
Hey, guys, I just found
a great new sushi restaurant.
128
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,549
It's called Katsu...
129
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,351
...yoku.
Katsuyoku.
130
00:05:03,353 --> 00:05:05,336
My idea. I'm Ted.
131
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:06,855
Nailed it.
Totally.
132
00:05:08,006 --> 00:05:10,174
Okay, Ted, name one cool
thing you've given
133
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:11,693
your stamp to first...
Dr. Berkowitz.
134
00:05:11,695 --> 00:05:14,195
...that isn't an ear,
nose and throat doctor.
135
00:05:16,181 --> 00:05:18,817
Man, these strip clubs
want me so bad.
136
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,853
They're sending me T-shirts,
beer cozies.
137
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,522
Sticky's even sent me
138
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,241
a boob-shaped
hand-sanitizer dispenser.
139
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,726
It's clean and dirty
at the same time.
140
00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:32,297
That's it?
T-shirts and beer cozies?
141
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:33,748
That's disrespect, son!
142
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:34,883
Here's what you do:
143
00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:38,219
hit a few strip clubs
in Jersey and Long Island.
144
00:05:38,221 --> 00:05:40,371
Jersey? Long Island?
145
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,757
Why would I go to
a Third World nation
146
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,542
to get my knob wobbled?
147
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:45,510
Well, you wouldn't.
148
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,312
But when the clubs in
the city hear
149
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,731
you're sniffing around
across the river,
150
00:05:49,733 --> 00:05:51,232
those beer cozies
and T-shirts turn
151
00:05:51,234 --> 00:05:53,885
into Rolexes and fur coats.
152
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:57,405
Especially from that
strip club, Fur Coats.
153
00:05:57,407 --> 00:06:00,241
Wow. That's genius.
154
00:06:00,243 --> 00:06:01,726
You're hired.
155
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:02,844
What do you mean?
156
00:06:02,846 --> 00:06:05,229
I want you to be
my strip club agent.
157
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:07,248
What is wrong with you?
158
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:09,066
Well, I just figured I'd ask--
159
00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:10,251
No, I was talking to myself,
160
00:06:10,253 --> 00:06:12,403
because, for some reason,
I really want to do that!
161
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,591
Oh! Oh!
What am I wearing?
162
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:19,961
Just proof of a stamp
I know I gave first,
163
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,930
from a little band called...
164
00:06:21,932 --> 00:06:23,515
Dishwalla.
165
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,549
Who?
166
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,083
Dishwalla! Come on!
167
00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:27,185
They had that whole,
168
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,153
"Tell Me All Your Thoughts
on God" song.
169
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,055
Oh...
170
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,157
Look, I'm not saying
they're my favorite band,
171
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:34,726
but for a little while
in college,
172
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,729
we were all into that song,
and it was all thanks to me.
173
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,364
But I turned you on
to Dishwalla.
174
00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:40,982
No way! I played them on
my radio show.
175
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:44,602
I mean, pirate DJ Dr. X
played them on
176
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:46,070
his beloved radio show.
177
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,956
We all know
you were Dr. X, Ted!
178
00:06:47,958 --> 00:06:50,241
And I'm the one
who got us into that song.
179
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,126
No! No!
On his beloved radio show,
180
00:06:52,128 --> 00:06:55,163
Dr. X pointed out
that the chorus went,
181
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:58,282
"Tell me all
your thoughts on God"
182
00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:00,618
♪ 'Cause I really want
to meet her. ♪
183
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:03,304
Her. God's a woman.
184
00:07:03,306 --> 00:07:04,722
And it blew the minds
185
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,891
of everyone listening
to Dr. X that night.
186
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:10,144
Which was pretty much everyone
on campus... including me.
187
00:07:10,146 --> 00:07:11,512
I'm not Dr. X.
188
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,181
Oh, so you're saying
189
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:16,651
credit for the stamp goes
to Dr. X then, not you.
190
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:24,659
Okay... I'm gonna tell you guys
something right now.
191
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:26,945
Take a sip.
Follow my lead.
192
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,666
I'm Dr. X.
193
00:07:32,701 --> 00:07:34,869
No!
194
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,988
I hope this
works out, bro.
195
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,090
I couldn't even get my leg
in that bratwurst outfit.
196
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:43,044
Don't be nervous.
Honeywell is gonna love you.
197
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:46,264
Sweet! Freebie
muff-tops!
198
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:49,767
Can I pour you
a pocket of coffee?
199
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,636
I didn't say
you were fat.
200
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,555
I said that dress makes
you look fat! Idiot!
201
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,340
Hey! You must be Brad!
202
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,558
I'm excited to meet the man
203
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,110
Eriksen's been talking up
all week.
204
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:02,513
Mr. Honeywell, I have to say,
205
00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,148
your environmental
work is amazing.
206
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:06,618
Come on, it's not like
I'm saving the world.
207
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:09,320
Oh, wait, yes, I am!
208
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,355
Great.
209
00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:12,540
Marshall tells me you have
210
00:08:12,542 --> 00:08:15,359
the big Gruber Pharmaceutical
trial coming up.
211
00:08:15,361 --> 00:08:16,577
I'd love to give you my
thoughts on the case,
212
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:19,080
but I can't take full credit.
213
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,715
Most of these are
from my psychic.
214
00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:22,300
My psychic always
215
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:23,801
pushes for a settlement.
216
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:26,170
But my numerologist says
roll the dice with the jury.
217
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,172
I'm waiting for my
astrologist to weigh in,
218
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,008
but he can be
kind of flaky.
219
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,093
You know, Cancer.
220
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:34,378
Should know more after
he's back from chemo.
221
00:08:35,147 --> 00:08:37,181
Good luck, bro!
222
00:08:43,546 --> 00:08:46,291
You know the best part about you
challenging me on Dishwalla?
223
00:08:46,391 --> 00:08:48,191
Didn't challenge you, don't care.
It made me
224
00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:50,644
dig up my old video diaries
from freshman year.
225
00:08:50,646 --> 00:08:52,729
And somewhere in here
there's gonna be proof
226
00:08:52,731 --> 00:08:54,214
that I am not a
piggyback stamper.
227
00:08:54,216 --> 00:08:56,316
I have my own
original ideas.
228
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:58,385
Didn't you only do
the video diaries
229
00:08:58,387 --> 00:09:00,020
because of Winona Ryder
in Reality Bites?
230
00:09:00,022 --> 00:09:01,421
No.
231
00:09:01,423 --> 00:09:03,073
I don't know what
you're talk-- shut up.
232
00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:05,425
Let's just watch.
233
00:09:05,427 --> 00:09:07,494
How do you even know there's
gonna be mention
234
00:09:07,496 --> 00:09:08,912
of Dishwalla on those tapes?
I don't.
235
00:09:08,914 --> 00:09:11,548
And it may take me days
to go through them all,
236
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:14,467
but that is how committed
I am to the truth.
237
00:09:14,469 --> 00:09:18,088
Hey, you guys should check out
that song by the band Dishwalla.
238
00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:20,273
Really?
I've never heard of them.
239
00:09:20,275 --> 00:09:22,542
Damn it!
240
00:09:22,544 --> 00:09:23,660
So?
241
00:09:23,662 --> 00:09:25,061
Bottom line, Vito:
a lot of
242
00:09:25,063 --> 00:09:26,596
strip clubs are into my client.
243
00:09:26,598 --> 00:09:28,481
If you want the Melon Patch
to be in the mix,
244
00:09:28,483 --> 00:09:30,817
we're gonna need bigger melons
and smaller patches.
245
00:09:30,819 --> 00:09:32,485
Otherwise, your establishment
is not where
246
00:09:32,487 --> 00:09:34,487
Barney Stinson
is gonna pitch his tent.
247
00:09:34,489 --> 00:09:36,756
B-Dawg, Barn Door,
248
00:09:36,758 --> 00:09:38,275
Stinson-natti, Bro-hio!
249
00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:40,660
Talk to me.
How's it hangin'?
250
00:09:40,662 --> 00:09:42,612
You are killing it
at this agent thing!
251
00:09:42,614 --> 00:09:45,448
I just got a big box
at Yankee Stadium
252
00:09:45,450 --> 00:09:47,284
from the ladies at The Big Box.
253
00:09:47,286 --> 00:09:48,368
Mm-hmm.
254
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:50,036
One question: Golden Oldies
255
00:09:50,038 --> 00:09:52,739
just sent me a fax machine
and a Charo calendar.
256
00:09:52,741 --> 00:09:54,574
Mm-hmm.
Aren't they out of the running?
257
00:09:54,576 --> 00:09:56,926
Yeah, but those old bitches
don't need to know that.
258
00:09:56,928 --> 00:09:58,878
Yeah, I just feel kind of bad.
259
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,714
They just spent eight grand
260
00:10:00,716 --> 00:10:02,415
on that wheelchair ramp
up to the stage.
261
00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:05,101
Hey, Larry, how's everything
at the Beaver Dam?
262
00:10:05,103 --> 00:10:06,936
I don't even know
that strip club.
263
00:10:06,938 --> 00:10:08,305
Oh, it's not a club.
264
00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:10,940
My cousin Larry is
a forest ranger in Squamish.
265
00:10:10,942 --> 00:10:12,942
Oh, yeah?
266
00:10:12,944 --> 00:10:14,260
Then I was fired from
267
00:10:14,262 --> 00:10:15,729
Bed Bath & Beyond
268
00:10:15,731 --> 00:10:17,113
for telling
inappropriate jokes.
269
00:10:17,115 --> 00:10:18,064
I mean...
270
00:10:18,066 --> 00:10:20,116
get a sense of
humor, LaShonda.
271
00:10:20,118 --> 00:10:21,735
You know how "they" are.
272
00:10:21,737 --> 00:10:24,738
"They" meaning Bed Bath
& Beyond employees, right?
273
00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:25,772
Hmm?
274
00:10:25,774 --> 00:10:27,240
No. Women.
275
00:10:27,242 --> 00:10:29,209
That still could have
been worse.
276
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:31,878
Thank God I ran
into Marshall.
277
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,780
This guy's supportive
as balls.
278
00:10:33,782 --> 00:10:35,081
And here I am.
279
00:10:35,083 --> 00:10:37,167
Yes, we both owe Marshall
a debt of gratitude
280
00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:39,586
for getting you
this interview.
281
00:10:39,588 --> 00:10:40,553
Eriksen...
282
00:10:40,555 --> 00:10:42,622
can I see you outside?
Sure.
283
00:10:42,624 --> 00:10:45,392
Good. Try to stay
out there a few minutes.
284
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:49,312
I just cut one, and I can
tell it's gonna be a slow burn.
285
00:10:51,183 --> 00:10:54,567
What is Generation X?
286
00:10:54,569 --> 00:10:57,303
What does the X in
"Generation X" stand for?
287
00:10:57,305 --> 00:10:58,855
What do we stand for?
288
00:10:58,857 --> 00:11:01,825
Why aren't people on campus
talking about this?
289
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:04,110
Maybe you should do
a radio show
290
00:11:04,112 --> 00:11:06,979
and call yourself Dr. X.
291
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,834
I just had an amazing idea.
292
00:11:13,655 --> 00:11:15,088
Just turn it off!
293
00:11:15,090 --> 00:11:16,756
I can't look away.
294
00:11:16,758 --> 00:11:18,792
Oh, God, no.
295
00:11:18,794 --> 00:11:20,844
Oh, God, I'm putting on a beret.
296
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,145
You were there.
297
00:11:22,147 --> 00:11:23,847
Why didn't you tell me
that looked stupid?
298
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:26,716
Ted, that beret looks stupid.
299
00:11:26,718 --> 00:11:29,386
I agree to disagree.
300
00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:31,888
Marshall, that man is the human
equivalent of what came out
301
00:11:31,890 --> 00:11:33,857
of my body after eating
that soup you recommended!
302
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:35,058
This guy's your friend?
303
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:38,111
Really more of an
acquaintance than a friend.
304
00:11:38,113 --> 00:11:40,480
No backpedaling.
305
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:41,981
You're Marshall Eriksen.
306
00:11:41,983 --> 00:11:44,401
You believe in people.
307
00:11:44,403 --> 00:11:46,369
You know what Brad
hasn't told you?
308
00:11:46,371 --> 00:11:48,455
He was third in our
class at Columbia.
309
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:50,290
That is impressive.
310
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:52,709
And I suppose he did warn us
about the fart.
311
00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:53,793
He's a great guy.
312
00:11:53,795 --> 00:11:56,996
Please... give him
just one more chance.
313
00:11:56,998 --> 00:11:59,749
Two more minutes.
314
00:12:01,369 --> 00:12:02,836
I'm proud of you.
315
00:12:02,838 --> 00:12:05,872
I'm proud of you for
being proud of me.
316
00:12:10,311 --> 00:12:12,545
You went undergrad
to Holy Cross?
317
00:12:12,547 --> 00:12:13,563
That's my alma mater.
318
00:12:13,565 --> 00:12:15,398
I went there on a basketball
scholarship.
319
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,150
No way. I played center.
320
00:12:17,152 --> 00:12:19,018
Uh-oh.
321
00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:20,487
Why is that so shocking?
322
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:24,056
'Cause you're, like,
an itty-bitty fella.
323
00:12:24,742 --> 00:12:25,775
Hey, uh, fish, huh?
324
00:12:25,777 --> 00:12:26,743
Fish are crazy, right?
325
00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:27,911
You guys ever think
about fish?
326
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,246
I am six-foot one, sir.
327
00:12:30,248 --> 00:12:32,699
Bro, I'm at least
a foot taller than you.
328
00:12:32,701 --> 00:12:36,202
Well, then I guess that makes
you a freakish seven-foot one.
329
00:12:36,204 --> 00:12:37,954
What do you call fish
with no eyes?
330
00:12:37,956 --> 00:12:40,039
"Fsh."
331
00:12:40,041 --> 00:12:43,460
I am six-feet and one inch,
and I'll prove it.
332
00:12:43,462 --> 00:12:45,094
Eriksen.
333
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,267
How tall are you?
334
00:12:51,269 --> 00:12:54,020
Seven feet.
335
00:12:55,189 --> 00:12:57,307
So, we've got
a deal somewhere?
336
00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:58,591
We sure do.
337
00:12:58,593 --> 00:13:00,143
You are the new face of--
338
00:13:00,145 --> 00:13:03,930
and exclusive customer to...
339
00:13:03,932 --> 00:13:06,232
Golden Oldies!
340
00:13:06,234 --> 00:13:07,784
What?!
341
00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:09,569
I thought we ruled them out!
342
00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:11,905
I don't remember that!
343
00:13:11,907 --> 00:13:13,706
Now let's go. It is 4:00,
344
00:13:13,708 --> 00:13:15,742
and their dinner show starts
in ten minutes.
345
00:13:15,744 --> 00:13:17,627
Wait a minute.
346
00:13:17,629 --> 00:13:19,078
Oh...
347
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,112
Is that a Rolex?
348
00:13:20,114 --> 00:13:21,548
Huh. What do you know?
349
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:22,749
How did that get there?
350
00:13:22,751 --> 00:13:26,619
Anyway, uh, so
initial here and...
351
00:13:26,621 --> 00:13:28,922
Where'd you get
the bling, Robin?
352
00:13:28,924 --> 00:13:30,590
Uh...
353
00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:32,475
They bribed you.
354
00:13:32,477 --> 00:13:34,727
They bribed you!
355
00:13:34,729 --> 00:13:37,397
Why else would you pick a place
where the strippers say
356
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,632
they're trying to put their
grandkids through college?!
357
00:13:39,634 --> 00:13:41,300
Please leave!
358
00:13:41,302 --> 00:13:42,936
Barney, I can explain, okay?
359
00:13:42,938 --> 00:13:44,470
Please...
360
00:13:44,472 --> 00:13:47,824
leave.
361
00:13:47,826 --> 00:13:49,976
Say it, you giant beast!
Say I'm six-one!
362
00:13:49,978 --> 00:13:52,495
Maybe if you stood on top
of that pot of gold
363
00:13:52,497 --> 00:13:54,464
you have at the end
of your rainbow.
364
00:13:54,466 --> 00:13:55,915
You know something?!
365
00:13:55,917 --> 00:13:57,417
You're nothing but a...
366
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,835
a tree man!
367
00:13:58,837 --> 00:14:01,788
I never want to
see you again, tree man!
368
00:14:01,790 --> 00:14:02,922
Fine.
369
00:14:02,924 --> 00:14:04,691
I have to go to the
little boys' room.
370
00:14:04,693 --> 00:14:06,158
Not your office.
371
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,494
I need to take a dump.
372
00:14:09,830 --> 00:14:12,131
If that's the type of guy
you vouch for,
373
00:14:12,133 --> 00:14:13,466
I can't trust your judgment.
374
00:14:13,468 --> 00:14:15,184
You're off the Gruber
Pharmaceutical case.
375
00:14:15,186 --> 00:14:16,603
No...
376
00:14:22,048 --> 00:14:25,433
Oh, good, we're up to the
time I got my ear pierced.
377
00:14:25,533 --> 00:14:26,651
Do it, do it, do it, do it.
378
00:14:26,652 --> 00:14:28,268
Don't do it! Don't do it!
Don't, don't.
379
00:14:28,393 --> 00:14:30,626
Okay, do it now.
Do, do, do it, do it.
380
00:14:30,628 --> 00:14:33,534
Don't, don't do it!
Don't do it! Don't do it!
381
00:14:33,634 --> 00:14:37,252
Don't! Yes, you can do this.
You can...
382
00:14:37,254 --> 00:14:39,421
That goes on for 45 minutes.
383
00:14:41,123 --> 00:14:44,175
Hey... how was work, baby?
384
00:14:44,177 --> 00:14:46,978
Remember how
I always wanted to know
385
00:14:46,980 --> 00:14:49,264
what it was like to be a ghost?
386
00:14:50,016 --> 00:14:52,017
Well, I don't want that anymore.
387
00:14:52,019 --> 00:14:53,384
Okay, suppose we lead
388
00:14:53,386 --> 00:14:56,021
with the carbon testing
of the residue water.
389
00:14:56,023 --> 00:14:59,190
How do we keep
the jury engaged? Anyone?
390
00:15:00,126 --> 00:15:02,777
You could bring up
the survey from
391
00:15:02,779 --> 00:15:05,246
Dr. Pasquesi's testimony.
392
00:15:05,248 --> 00:15:06,364
Anyone?
393
00:15:06,366 --> 00:15:09,868
Anyone who isn't dead to me?
394
00:15:09,870 --> 00:15:12,454
Then you have to earn
Honeywell's trust back.
395
00:15:12,456 --> 00:15:13,922
Just start small.
396
00:15:13,924 --> 00:15:15,373
Put your stamp on little things
397
00:15:15,375 --> 00:15:17,175
that have nothing
to do with work.
398
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:18,259
Like a funny video.
399
00:15:18,261 --> 00:15:21,429
I, uh, I may have something.
400
00:15:23,382 --> 00:15:26,250
Don't think, Mosby! Do it now!
Oh, my God, I'm doing it!
401
00:15:26,252 --> 00:15:27,919
Wow, he's a real bleeder!
402
00:15:29,606 --> 00:15:32,590
And then you build to something
else small, like a tasty snack.
403
00:15:32,592 --> 00:15:34,592
Don't sleep on the popcorn.
404
00:15:34,594 --> 00:15:37,729
Try mixing the caramel
and the cheese.
405
00:15:37,731 --> 00:15:39,197
It shouldn't work,
406
00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:40,865
but... it... does.
407
00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:43,618
There's no way caramel
and cheese... That's good!
408
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:45,503
That is good. Oh!
409
00:15:46,907 --> 00:15:49,074
And when Honeywell starts
trusting your stamp again,
410
00:15:49,076 --> 00:15:51,376
he'll seek out
your opinion on things.
411
00:15:51,378 --> 00:15:52,460
Be honest, Eriksen.
412
00:15:52,462 --> 00:15:54,245
Is this deep-V working?
413
00:15:54,247 --> 00:15:56,464
And that's when
you lie your ass off.
414
00:15:56,466 --> 00:15:58,049
Sir...
415
00:15:58,051 --> 00:16:00,218
I think you could
go even deeper.
416
00:16:02,305 --> 00:16:04,589
And before you know it...
417
00:16:04,591 --> 00:16:05,790
Eriksen, get in here.
418
00:16:05,792 --> 00:16:08,760
...you're back on the case.
419
00:16:10,429 --> 00:16:13,732
Ted, why are you
torturing yourself?
420
00:16:13,734 --> 00:16:15,817
None of us were
our best in college.
421
00:16:15,819 --> 00:16:19,170
Oh, my God, I love
my hair there!
422
00:16:19,172 --> 00:16:23,191
I always thought I was this kid
from suburban Ohio
423
00:16:23,193 --> 00:16:26,027
who had this innate sense
of judgment and taste
424
00:16:26,029 --> 00:16:29,581
and just showed up to college
and wowed everyone.
425
00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:32,617
Now I have concrete proof
that I wasn't.
426
00:16:32,619 --> 00:16:34,836
I was a total gomer.
427
00:16:34,838 --> 00:16:37,005
Maybe I still am.
428
00:16:37,007 --> 00:16:38,757
Wait-- that's
the giant suit
429
00:16:38,759 --> 00:16:41,659
Marshall wore on
our third date.
430
00:16:41,661 --> 00:16:42,877
So...
431
00:16:42,879 --> 00:16:44,295
Marshall Eriksen,
432
00:16:44,297 --> 00:16:47,932
you just came back from
your third date with Lily.
433
00:16:47,934 --> 00:16:48,967
How was it?
434
00:16:48,969 --> 00:16:50,385
Great, yeah.
435
00:16:50,387 --> 00:16:55,690
I just... I think I'm falling
for this girl pretty hard.
436
00:16:55,692 --> 00:16:57,609
But is everything
happening too fast?
437
00:16:57,611 --> 00:16:59,694
I mean, maybe I should
see other people.
438
00:16:59,696 --> 00:17:01,112
Whoa, dude, no!
439
00:17:01,114 --> 00:17:04,348
Lily Aldrin is special.
You hold on to that girl.
440
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:05,967
She is.
441
00:17:05,969 --> 00:17:07,068
I'm only 18 and...
442
00:17:07,070 --> 00:17:09,404
Marshall, you being 18
isn't a bad thing.
443
00:17:09,406 --> 00:17:12,857
It just means you get to spend
even more of your life with her.
444
00:17:12,859 --> 00:17:15,243
I mean, I'm probably
not gonna meet my wife
445
00:17:15,245 --> 00:17:17,579
until I'm, like, 23.
446
00:17:18,931 --> 00:17:20,298
You're right.
447
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:23,701
What am I thinking?
448
00:17:23,703 --> 00:17:26,704
I'm in love
with this girl.
449
00:17:26,706 --> 00:17:28,873
Ted, oh, my God.
450
00:17:28,875 --> 00:17:32,043
You gave me
the ultimate stamp.
451
00:17:32,045 --> 00:17:36,648
And in my whole life,
this life...
452
00:17:36,650 --> 00:17:39,934
it all goes back to that moment.
453
00:17:41,570 --> 00:17:45,023
I mean, maybe take
a month off, bang a couple chicks.
454
00:17:45,025 --> 00:17:46,891
Lily's not going anywhere.
455
00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:52,380
Hey, Barney.
Hey.
456
00:17:52,382 --> 00:17:54,999
Um, look, I'm sorry about the
whole skimming-off-the-top-
457
00:17:55,001 --> 00:17:57,202
of-the-strip-club-swag thing.
458
00:17:57,204 --> 00:17:59,087
Hey, it happens to everybody.
459
00:17:59,089 --> 00:18:00,872
Really? Because even
as I said those words,
460
00:18:00,874 --> 00:18:03,908
they did not feel
like a real thing.
461
00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:06,928
Hey, look, wherever you end up,
can I have the dubious honor
462
00:18:06,930 --> 00:18:08,630
of buying you
your first lap dance?
463
00:18:08,632 --> 00:18:10,414
It's a date.
464
00:18:10,416 --> 00:18:15,303
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's time for "The Decision."
465
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:18,356
Yeah.
466
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:22,527
Ladies, my bro-dium?
467
00:18:22,529 --> 00:18:24,195
Yeah.
468
00:18:24,197 --> 00:18:25,396
Look at this!
469
00:18:25,398 --> 00:18:28,533
Man, this whole
free agent experience,
470
00:18:28,535 --> 00:18:31,519
it's been an unbelievable
experience,
471
00:18:31,521 --> 00:18:34,438
a real humbling experience.
472
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,458
First of all, The Lusty Leopard
is where I developed my game.
473
00:18:37,460 --> 00:18:39,043
Oh...
474
00:18:39,045 --> 00:18:43,214
I have nothing
but the utmost respect for you skanks.
475
00:18:43,216 --> 00:18:44,949
He's just gonna stay
at The Lusty Leopard.
476
00:18:44,951 --> 00:18:46,450
They have loyalty
and heart.
477
00:18:46,452 --> 00:18:47,785
I bet you
he rewards that.
478
00:18:47,787 --> 00:18:50,421
LeBron moved on, Ted.
So should you.
479
00:18:51,924 --> 00:18:54,392
But Barney Stinson has
to do what's right
480
00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:56,477
for Barney Stinson's penis.
481
00:18:56,479 --> 00:19:01,282
In this fall... This is tough.
482
00:19:01,284 --> 00:19:03,935
Um... in this fall I'm going
483
00:19:03,937 --> 00:19:06,971
to take my talents
to Mouth Beach.
484
00:19:12,244 --> 00:19:15,330
The next day, Uncle Marshall
went to court
485
00:19:15,332 --> 00:19:17,115
for the biggest case
of his life.
486
00:19:17,117 --> 00:19:19,784
Hey, Marshall!
Bilbo!
487
00:19:19,786 --> 00:19:21,669
Brad? What are you...?
488
00:19:21,671 --> 00:19:24,188
Did you just get hired
489
00:19:24,190 --> 00:19:25,857
by Gruber Pharmaceutical's
legal team?
490
00:19:25,859 --> 00:19:27,825
Oh, not just.
491
00:19:27,827 --> 00:19:29,627
I've been working
for them for two years.
492
00:19:29,629 --> 00:19:32,830
I heard about the job opening
at Honeywell & Cootes
493
00:19:32,832 --> 00:19:36,017
and knew that if I hung out
in front of your office
494
00:19:36,019 --> 00:19:39,220
and pretended to be down on
my luck, you'd take pity on me,
495
00:19:39,222 --> 00:19:40,338
get me an interview...
496
00:19:40,340 --> 00:19:41,973
Try to stay out there
a few minutes.
497
00:19:41,975 --> 00:19:46,060
I just cut one, and I can tell
it's gonna be a slow burn.
498
00:19:46,062 --> 00:19:49,197
...and buy some alone time
in the conference room.
499
00:19:54,703 --> 00:19:58,239
I got your firm's strategy
for the case.
500
00:19:58,241 --> 00:20:00,241
Muchas gracias, bro-migo.
501
00:20:01,660 --> 00:20:04,879
He's really more of an
acquaintance than a bro-migo.
502
00:20:04,881 --> 00:20:06,881
Win this case
or you're fired, Eriksen.
503
00:20:06,883 --> 00:20:09,834
And so began the trial that
would change the course
504
00:20:09,836 --> 00:20:10,902
of Marshall's career.
505
00:20:10,904 --> 00:20:14,005
But we'll get to that.
506
00:20:14,007 --> 00:20:18,209
Oh, you see?! This is what
I miss about being single:
507
00:20:18,211 --> 00:20:20,211
cutting loose
at a strip club,
508
00:20:20,213 --> 00:20:22,764
drinkin' some beers,
seein' some boobs,
509
00:20:22,766 --> 00:20:25,566
getting thrown out
for being "too handsy."
510
00:20:25,568 --> 00:20:28,236
You were a little
out of control tonight.
511
00:20:28,238 --> 00:20:29,404
You know,
I really thought
512
00:20:29,406 --> 00:20:32,907
that that bouncer was
bluffing with the Taser.
513
00:20:32,909 --> 00:20:35,910
Man, everything's gonna taste
like pennies for a week.
514
00:20:35,912 --> 00:20:37,779
I had a fun time
tonight, though.
515
00:20:37,781 --> 00:20:39,330
Me, too.
516
00:20:39,332 --> 00:20:40,698
I always have fun with you.
517
00:20:49,341 --> 00:20:51,242
Whoa, whoa.
518
00:20:51,244 --> 00:20:55,046
I-I've got to... um...
519
00:20:55,048 --> 00:20:57,432
We can't, we can't
do this.
520
00:20:58,718 --> 00:21:00,768
This, this can't happen.
521
00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:05,321
Uh, I've got to go.
What...?
522
00:21:05,322 --> 00:21:10,322
== sync, corrected by elderman ==