1
00:00:02,007 --> 00:00:03,875
In the fall of 2012,
2
00:00:03,965 --> 00:00:05,748
Nick and Robin
were going strong.
3
00:00:06,243 --> 00:00:08,276
Sometimes it's hard to say
what it is exactly
4
00:00:08,295 --> 00:00:09,544
that makes a couple click.
5
00:00:10,914 --> 00:00:11,930
Wow.
6
00:00:13,049 --> 00:00:15,183
Bravissimo!
7
00:00:15,185 --> 00:00:18,219
Whatever it was, kids,
Nick and Robin
8
00:00:18,221 --> 00:00:20,054
really connected at first.
9
00:00:20,056 --> 00:00:22,223
Hey, you know,
I think I'm really starting
10
00:00:22,225 --> 00:00:23,441
to feel something here...
11
00:00:25,094 --> 00:00:28,396
But then, as often happens,
they started to drift apart.
12
00:00:28,398 --> 00:00:29,864
Why?
13
00:00:29,866 --> 00:00:31,199
Who can say?
14
00:00:31,201 --> 00:00:33,735
Nick and I haven't
had sex in three days.
15
00:00:33,737 --> 00:00:35,236
And it's your fault.
16
00:00:35,238 --> 00:00:36,204
Nick won't have sex
17
00:00:36,206 --> 00:00:37,772
because he pulled
his groin muscle,
18
00:00:37,774 --> 00:00:39,791
all 'cause you made him join
your stupid basketball team.
19
00:00:39,793 --> 00:00:42,243
Did you say
"stupid basketball team"?
20
00:00:42,245 --> 00:00:43,110
Yeah.
21
00:00:43,112 --> 00:00:44,162
Oh, my gosh, guys,
22
00:00:44,164 --> 00:00:46,214
we have to rush Robin
to the hospital.
23
00:00:46,216 --> 00:00:48,716
Because somehow, she swallowed
her vocal cords
24
00:00:48,718 --> 00:00:50,635
and they got lodged
in her rectum,
25
00:00:50,637 --> 00:00:52,303
because she's
talking out of her ass.
26
00:00:52,305 --> 00:00:54,922
Over the summer,
Marshall had joined
27
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,891
a midtown professionals
basketball league.
28
00:00:56,893 --> 00:01:00,428
His team of lawyers was called
The Force Majeurs.
29
00:01:00,430 --> 00:01:02,797
Ever since they lost
to a group of accountants,
30
00:01:02,799 --> 00:01:04,766
he'd started getting
a little intense about it.
31
00:01:04,768 --> 00:01:07,468
You sure you didn't have
a ringer or two out there, Joel?
32
00:01:07,470 --> 00:01:08,936
Don't know
what you're talking about.
33
00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:11,272
Good hustle out there,
Aboubakar!
34
00:01:14,410 --> 00:01:17,161
If Joel can use ringers,
then so can we.
35
00:01:17,163 --> 00:01:18,613
And Nick is our best player.
36
00:01:18,615 --> 00:01:19,980
So as far as I'm concerned,
37
00:01:19,982 --> 00:01:21,866
you can both
keep your groins on ice.
38
00:01:21,868 --> 00:01:22,817
Groins on Ice.
39
00:01:22,819 --> 00:01:24,252
Least popular
40
00:01:24,254 --> 00:01:26,621
Madison Square Garden
holiday show ever.
41
00:01:26,623 --> 00:01:28,289
Why are you so into
this basketball league?
42
00:01:28,291 --> 00:01:30,825
Robin, it's the Little Ivies
Professionals Over 30
43
00:01:30,827 --> 00:01:32,543
Who Work In Midtown League.
44
00:01:32,545 --> 00:01:33,878
It's The Show!
45
00:01:34,997 --> 00:01:36,681
You know, it's kind of funny,
46
00:01:36,683 --> 00:01:39,667
imagining people
icing their groins.
47
00:01:39,669 --> 00:01:41,552
I mean, first they'd be
all cold,
48
00:01:41,554 --> 00:01:44,222
and then the ice
would start to melt,
49
00:01:44,224 --> 00:01:48,960
and things would get
all wet and... steamy.
50
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,364
Okay, Lily.
51
00:01:53,366 --> 00:01:54,982
Look, buddy,
52
00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,367
I'm also the captain of a team
53
00:01:56,369 --> 00:01:58,018
in the Little Ivies
Professionals Over 30
54
00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,537
Who Work In Midtown League.
55
00:01:59,539 --> 00:02:01,406
I'm addicted
to the adrenaline, too.
56
00:02:01,408 --> 00:02:02,373
Still, don't you
think you're getting
57
00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:03,741
a little obsessive about...
58
00:02:03,743 --> 00:02:05,192
Uh, hold up, hold up.
59
00:02:05,194 --> 00:02:07,328
Are you suggesting
that you are
60
00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:11,666
a member of a sports team
and you're the captain?
61
00:02:11,668 --> 00:02:12,967
So says the "C"
62
00:02:12,969 --> 00:02:15,553
I personally sewed
onto my jersey.
63
00:02:15,555 --> 00:02:17,538
After Victoria
and I broke up,
64
00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:19,474
I had some free time.
65
00:02:19,476 --> 00:02:21,342
So, called up
a few architect friends
66
00:02:21,344 --> 00:02:22,510
and put together
a little team
67
00:02:22,512 --> 00:02:25,897
called the T-Squares.
68
00:02:27,883 --> 00:02:29,400
See that?
69
00:02:29,402 --> 00:02:30,818
The floor's uneven.
70
00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:33,654
And that window placement
is rubbish.
71
00:02:33,656 --> 00:02:35,823
You know, if a genie
gave me one wish,
72
00:02:35,825 --> 00:02:38,559
I would knock down that wall
and create a nice flow.
73
00:02:38,561 --> 00:02:40,361
Great wish.
74
00:02:40,363 --> 00:02:43,081
I mean, there's too
much hardwood, right?
75
00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:46,117
Did you nerds actually
play any basketball?
76
00:02:46,119 --> 00:02:50,872
Um, us nerds focused on
something far more important:
77
00:02:50,874 --> 00:02:52,173
bonding.
78
00:02:52,175 --> 00:02:53,791
You guys are
going to get pounded.
79
00:02:54,293 --> 00:02:55,710
And I am not.
80
00:02:55,712 --> 00:02:58,262
Oh, come on. You can't go
a couple weeks without sex?
81
00:02:58,264 --> 00:03:01,432
Our point guard's a 52-year-old
virgin, happy as a clam.
82
00:03:01,434 --> 00:03:03,384
I'm sure he's quite
a ball handler.
83
00:03:03,386 --> 00:03:05,887
The problem is,
now that we're not having sex,
84
00:03:05,889 --> 00:03:07,105
we're talking more,
85
00:03:07,107 --> 00:03:11,759
and I'm realizing
that Nick is kind of...
86
00:03:11,761 --> 00:03:13,093
dumb.
87
00:03:13,095 --> 00:03:14,729
Really?
News to me.
88
00:03:14,731 --> 00:03:15,780
I hadn't noticed that.
No.
89
00:03:15,782 --> 00:03:16,864
Oh, my God.
90
00:03:16,866 --> 00:03:18,699
You guys think
that he's dumb, too?
91
00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:19,650
So dumb.
92
00:03:19,652 --> 00:03:20,651
Air bags are sharper.
93
00:03:20,653 --> 00:03:22,937
Hot as lava
but just as thick.
94
00:03:22,939 --> 00:03:26,939
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x06 ♪
Splitsville
Original Air Date on November 12, 2012
95
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:30,940
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
96
00:03:36,051 --> 00:03:40,338
Wow. When did you guys start to
notice that he was kind of dumb?
97
00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:44,458
Well, there was that time
Nick was doing the crossword.
98
00:03:44,460 --> 00:03:46,978
Hey, what's a four-
letter word for cut?
99
00:03:46,980 --> 00:03:48,095
"Nick."
100
00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:49,764
Yeah?
101
00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:51,182
Is a four-letter
word for cut.
102
00:03:51,184 --> 00:03:52,066
What is?
103
00:03:52,068 --> 00:03:53,768
"Nick."
What?
104
00:03:53,770 --> 00:03:56,070
Oh. I got it.
105
00:03:56,072 --> 00:03:58,906
"Shave."
106
00:03:58,908 --> 00:04:02,410
And there was the comment
about Gypsies.
107
00:04:02,412 --> 00:04:03,444
No, no.
108
00:04:03,446 --> 00:04:04,979
I think Gypsies prefer
109
00:04:04,981 --> 00:04:06,647
to be called Romani now.
110
00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:09,367
Do they? Really?
111
00:04:09,369 --> 00:04:12,370
And what do unicorns
and, uh, elves
112
00:04:12,372 --> 00:04:13,955
and leprechauns
prefer to be called?
113
00:04:16,074 --> 00:04:18,209
You do know, uh,
Gypsies are
114
00:04:18,211 --> 00:04:20,845
a real ethnic group
that actually exists?
115
00:04:22,247 --> 00:04:24,382
Oh, you guys, I
feel terrible now.
116
00:04:24,384 --> 00:04:26,217
I always thought they
were just made up,
117
00:04:26,219 --> 00:04:28,636
like goblins or
trolls or dolphins.
118
00:04:30,189 --> 00:04:32,807
And then there's that story
you told about how you and Nick
119
00:04:32,809 --> 00:04:34,609
picked up
that Danish exchange student
120
00:04:34,611 --> 00:04:36,644
and you all
took a shower together.
121
00:04:36,646 --> 00:04:39,313
I never told a story like that.
122
00:04:39,315 --> 00:04:40,865
Well, no time like the present.
123
00:04:40,867 --> 00:04:41,849
Let's give this
124
00:04:41,851 --> 00:04:43,034
Danish ho a name.
125
00:04:43,036 --> 00:04:44,485
I'm thinking Nadia.
126
00:04:44,487 --> 00:04:48,155
Yeah, she sounds slutty
and bi-curious.
127
00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:50,041
What is wrong with you?
128
00:04:50,576 --> 00:04:51,492
Your kid is right there.
129
00:04:51,494 --> 00:04:52,977
Maybe want to
clean it up a lit...
130
00:04:54,664 --> 00:04:56,464
You're wearing a baby
and you're doing pull-ups?
131
00:04:56,466 --> 00:04:59,550
No, Ted, I'm sitting around
getting soft,
132
00:04:59,552 --> 00:05:01,669
'cause that's what champions do.
133
00:05:01,671 --> 00:05:05,723
The problem is, now that
I know how dumb Nick is,
134
00:05:05,725 --> 00:05:08,042
it's kind of making me
reconsider the relationship.
135
00:05:08,044 --> 00:05:09,143
Why?
136
00:05:09,145 --> 00:05:11,395
Eventually,
Nick's groin will heal
137
00:05:11,397 --> 00:05:12,880
and you'll be back in Sexville,
138
00:05:12,882 --> 00:05:16,050
where all the crossword puzzles
only have one box to fill.
139
00:05:16,052 --> 00:05:17,885
Talk about
a double standard.
140
00:05:17,887 --> 00:05:21,572
Every time I go after a busty
dullard who can't tell time
141
00:05:21,574 --> 00:05:24,992
or thinks I'm the ghost of
Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow.
142
00:05:24,994 --> 00:05:27,328
But somehow it's okay
for Robin to date a guy
143
00:05:27,330 --> 00:05:29,396
who can't be trusted
around outlets.
144
00:05:29,398 --> 00:05:30,698
Dump him!
145
00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:33,000
Okay, that is ridiculous.
146
00:05:33,002 --> 00:05:35,736
Is Nick a genius? No.
147
00:05:35,738 --> 00:05:36,704
But does he have
148
00:05:36,706 --> 00:05:38,739
average intelligence?
149
00:05:38,741 --> 00:05:39,790
No.
150
00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:41,075
But he is
151
00:05:41,077 --> 00:05:42,843
a human being, with a heart!
152
00:05:42,845 --> 00:05:46,297
And you're afraid if I dump
him, it'll throw off his game.
153
00:05:46,299 --> 00:05:48,466
Robin, he got 36 points
and 17 rebounds last week.
154
00:05:48,468 --> 00:05:50,768
And that was with his shoes
on the wrong feet.
155
00:05:52,188 --> 00:05:56,023
Well, you're probably
all wondering
156
00:05:56,025 --> 00:05:58,109
how the T-Squares' practice
went today.
157
00:05:58,111 --> 00:05:59,443
The T-What?
158
00:05:59,445 --> 00:06:01,595
We played up here.
159
00:06:01,597 --> 00:06:04,282
Basketball,
people don't realize,
160
00:06:04,284 --> 00:06:06,600
is all geometry,
physics and engineering.
161
00:06:06,602 --> 00:06:08,786
If you think
like an architect,
162
00:06:08,788 --> 00:06:12,323
you could win a thousand games
without ever touching a ball.
163
00:06:12,325 --> 00:06:15,126
What happened
to your ball?
164
00:06:15,128 --> 00:06:16,794
Some kids from the Hebrew school
next door took it
165
00:06:16,796 --> 00:06:17,712
and wouldn't give it back.
166
00:06:17,714 --> 00:06:18,445
Oh.
167
00:06:18,447 --> 00:06:19,413
Oy.
168
00:06:19,415 --> 00:06:20,631
Hey.
169
00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:22,116
Hey.
Hey. Oh, thanks.
170
00:06:22,118 --> 00:06:24,051
How'd the breakup
with Nick go?
171
00:06:24,053 --> 00:06:25,670
Well...
172
00:06:25,672 --> 00:06:27,588
So, I went to this
fortune teller today
173
00:06:27,590 --> 00:06:29,807
and she said there was
a curse on me.
174
00:06:29,809 --> 00:06:32,727
Did she sell you something
to ward off the curse?
175
00:06:32,729 --> 00:06:35,429
It's like you're
a fortune teller, too.
176
00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:39,317
Nick, um...
177
00:06:39,319 --> 00:06:40,768
I think we need to talk.
178
00:06:40,770 --> 00:06:41,802
Yeah.
179
00:06:41,804 --> 00:06:43,971
Uh... it's just...
180
00:06:43,973 --> 00:06:46,807
Whoa, these are hard.
181
00:06:46,809 --> 00:06:48,776
Anyway, this $500 bracelet
will ward off evil
182
00:06:48,778 --> 00:06:50,411
till the end
of the week, so...
183
00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:51,979
Do you think that
you could do,
184
00:06:51,981 --> 00:06:54,148
uh, sit-ups or something
while you talk?
185
00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:55,416
Yeah.
186
00:06:56,452 --> 00:06:58,419
Anyway, this fortune teller,
187
00:06:58,421 --> 00:07:01,372
she was able to tell me all
sorts of stuff about my future,
188
00:07:01,374 --> 00:07:07,128
just from my credit cards
and my social security number,
189
00:07:07,130 --> 00:07:08,479
I knew you'd cave.
190
00:07:08,481 --> 00:07:09,797
Which is why I came up with
191
00:07:09,799 --> 00:07:11,432
a little extra
incentive
192
00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:12,717
to break up with Nick.
193
00:07:12,719 --> 00:07:15,936
End it by 8:00 p.m. tonight
or this invite goes live.
194
00:07:17,890 --> 00:07:19,774
"Robin and Patrice's
195
00:07:19,776 --> 00:07:21,942
BFF Fun Day?!"
196
00:07:21,944 --> 00:07:24,528
Kids, Patrice was
a coworker of Robin's
197
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:27,448
who'd become sort of
obsessed with her.
198
00:07:27,450 --> 00:07:29,367
Robin had managed, until now,
199
00:07:29,369 --> 00:07:33,187
to keep Patrice
at arms length.
200
00:07:33,189 --> 00:07:35,456
But if Patrice were invited
to something called
201
00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:38,192
Robin and Patrice's
BFF Fun Day,
202
00:07:38,194 --> 00:07:40,478
she'd latch onto Robin
and never let go.
203
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,380
Why would
you do that?
204
00:07:42,382 --> 00:07:43,631
Delete that right now!
205
00:07:43,633 --> 00:07:45,716
No! If I don't give you
a little push,
206
00:07:45,718 --> 00:07:48,368
you'll let this drag on
until Nick can have sex again,
207
00:07:48,370 --> 00:07:51,672
and then you'll be right back
to procrastinating on all fours.
208
00:07:51,674 --> 00:07:54,425
I hate to admit it, but the
man in the suit has a point.
209
00:07:54,427 --> 00:07:56,143
Ugh!
210
00:07:56,145 --> 00:07:58,378
Fine, but the playoffs
are coming up soon,
211
00:07:58,380 --> 00:08:00,815
and I can't have this
guy an emotional wreck.
212
00:08:00,817 --> 00:08:03,651
If you do dump him, at
least let him down easy.
213
00:08:03,653 --> 00:08:05,719
Yeah, take him
to a nice restaurant.
214
00:08:05,721 --> 00:08:06,987
Preferably a dessert place.
215
00:08:06,989 --> 00:08:09,023
That way, you won't have to
sit through a whole meal
216
00:08:09,025 --> 00:08:09,940
before you get to...
217
00:08:09,942 --> 00:08:11,391
Splitsville.
Exactly.
218
00:08:11,393 --> 00:08:12,610
No, Splitsville.
219
00:08:12,612 --> 00:08:13,944
It's a dessert place
right around the corner.
220
00:08:13,946 --> 00:08:17,248
It's sort of the place
to end a relationship.
221
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,954
Uh, Nick, listen.
222
00:08:23,956 --> 00:08:26,907
You are awesome
223
00:08:26,909 --> 00:08:31,629
and totally sweet,
but we're just not...
224
00:08:32,965 --> 00:08:35,049
You know where I'm going
with this, right?
225
00:08:35,051 --> 00:08:37,584
No. No clue.
226
00:08:37,586 --> 00:08:41,088
Okay, um...
227
00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:43,974
I don't know if we should
keep seeing each other.
228
00:08:43,976 --> 00:08:46,677
You want to start turning
off the lights during sex?
229
00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,262
No. God, no.
230
00:08:48,264 --> 00:08:50,114
No! No.
231
00:08:50,116 --> 00:08:54,785
I am just worried that, as
a couple, we're not working out.
232
00:08:54,787 --> 00:08:57,271
You want to start
going to the gym together?
233
00:08:57,273 --> 00:08:58,939
Okay, no, Nick,
here is the deal.
234
00:08:58,941 --> 00:08:59,907
Okay...
235
00:09:00,943 --> 00:09:02,409
Sorry, babe. I got to take this.
236
00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:03,477
Excuse me.
237
00:09:03,479 --> 00:09:05,796
Hello.
238
00:09:05,798 --> 00:09:07,248
Hey, what's up?
239
00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:11,302
You...
240
00:09:11,304 --> 00:09:12,970
What? I...
241
00:09:12,972 --> 00:09:14,138
I don't understand.
242
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:16,290
But you...
243
00:09:16,292 --> 00:09:17,591
Okay, um, you know what?
244
00:09:17,593 --> 00:09:19,760
I'm sorry, I-I have to go.
245
00:09:21,963 --> 00:09:23,264
What happened?
246
00:09:23,266 --> 00:09:26,350
I...
247
00:09:26,352 --> 00:09:28,468
I, um...
248
00:09:28,470 --> 00:09:31,238
Uh, I'm sorry,
I can't talk about this.
249
00:09:34,810 --> 00:09:35,776
Anyway,
250
00:09:35,778 --> 00:09:38,779
what were you going to say?
251
00:09:38,781 --> 00:09:41,582
Uh...
252
00:09:41,584 --> 00:09:46,203
I was gonna say,
order whatever else you want.
253
00:09:46,205 --> 00:09:47,705
It's on me.
254
00:09:47,707 --> 00:09:49,924
Well, thanks,
but I think I'd just rather
255
00:09:49,926 --> 00:09:51,825
eat it out of a bowl.
256
00:09:56,958 --> 00:09:58,358
Well, no doubt
you're all wondering
257
00:09:58,373 --> 00:09:59,939
how the T-Square's
first game went.
258
00:09:59,941 --> 00:10:00,991
What Squares?
259
00:10:00,993 --> 00:10:02,576
Picture a well-
oiled machine.
260
00:10:02,578 --> 00:10:04,377
Your sewing machine?
261
00:10:04,379 --> 00:10:06,413
There were two seconds
left on the clock.
262
00:10:06,415 --> 00:10:09,416
Aboubakar was all over me.
263
00:10:09,418 --> 00:10:11,968
And that's when all my years
of architectural training
264
00:10:11,970 --> 00:10:13,637
came to my aid.
265
00:10:13,639 --> 00:10:17,307
I saw the space in a way
my opponents never would.
266
00:10:32,774 --> 00:10:33,857
Yes!
267
00:10:33,859 --> 00:10:36,643
I told you guys
I'd make one of these!
268
00:10:36,645 --> 00:10:38,578
Turns out, those two
points were taken away
269
00:10:38,580 --> 00:10:40,980
because apparently the
ball went "out of bounds."
270
00:10:40,982 --> 00:10:42,032
But don't worry,
271
00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:44,484
I'm appealing
to the league office.
272
00:10:44,486 --> 00:10:47,771
This Aboubakar-- I'm assuming
you showered with the guy?
273
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,539
Paint me a word picture.
274
00:10:51,493 --> 00:10:52,626
Hello.
275
00:10:52,628 --> 00:10:53,927
Lil, is Barney there?
276
00:10:53,929 --> 00:10:55,011
He's not answering his phone.
277
00:10:55,013 --> 00:10:56,847
Mm, he's a little busy
right now.
278
00:10:56,849 --> 00:10:57,997
It's Robin.
279
00:10:57,999 --> 00:10:59,933
37... 38...
280
00:10:59,935 --> 00:11:01,635
Put her on speaker. 39...
281
00:11:01,637 --> 00:11:03,503
When did you start being
able to do stuff like this?
282
00:11:03,505 --> 00:11:05,338
A few months ago,
you had to catch your breath
283
00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:06,339
after making a sandwich.
284
00:11:06,341 --> 00:11:07,840
Barney, delete the Robin
285
00:11:07,842 --> 00:11:10,777
and Patrice's BFF Fun Day
invite!
286
00:11:10,779 --> 00:11:12,562
Did you break up with Nick yet?
287
00:11:12,564 --> 00:11:13,947
I can't!
He just got some horrible call.
288
00:11:13,949 --> 00:11:16,182
I think a family member might
have died or something.
289
00:11:16,184 --> 00:11:17,484
Oh!
Yes! Yes!
290
00:11:17,486 --> 00:11:19,202
Yes! Yes! Yes!
291
00:11:19,204 --> 00:11:22,322
I mean, good that Robin
can't dump him.
292
00:11:22,324 --> 00:11:23,856
The death part,
less good.
293
00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:26,042
Robin, if you dump Nick,
294
00:11:26,044 --> 00:11:28,912
he could get mad and
tear your blouse off.
295
00:11:28,914 --> 00:11:30,830
And then he bites
you on the neck,
296
00:11:30,832 --> 00:11:32,699
not super hard,
just on the brink
297
00:11:32,701 --> 00:11:33,800
between pleasure
and pain.
298
00:11:33,802 --> 00:11:35,418
And then that Danish slut
Nadia
299
00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:37,304
bursts in...
300
00:11:37,306 --> 00:11:40,039
You can't wait.
His groin will heal
301
00:11:40,041 --> 00:11:42,041
and then before you know it,
you'll be marrying a man
302
00:11:42,043 --> 00:11:44,728
who once ate
a vanilla-scented candle!
303
00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:45,929
That was on me.
304
00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:48,582
I shouldn't have left it
in the kitchen.
305
00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:51,284
Though, it was lit.
Man, he dumb.
306
00:11:51,286 --> 00:11:52,852
The invite goes live
in five minutes.
307
00:11:52,854 --> 00:11:54,020
What?!
308
00:11:54,022 --> 00:11:56,106
It goes out automatically
unless I stop it,
309
00:11:56,108 --> 00:11:58,275
and that only happens
if I hear you dump Nick
310
00:11:58,277 --> 00:12:00,076
on speakerphone
before then.
311
00:12:00,078 --> 00:12:01,778
Fine.
312
00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:08,401
Hey, Nick. I'm
sorry about that.
313
00:12:08,403 --> 00:12:10,353
Um, listen,
314
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,871
there's something I need
315
00:12:11,873 --> 00:12:13,206
to talk to you about.
316
00:12:13,208 --> 00:12:16,293
No, Robin, I'm sorry.
I'm like half here.
317
00:12:16,961 --> 00:12:18,411
That phone call, it just...
318
00:12:18,413 --> 00:12:21,264
I got some really bad news.
319
00:12:22,266 --> 00:12:24,634
My doctor did an MRI...
320
00:12:24,636 --> 00:12:26,386
and...
321
00:12:28,472 --> 00:12:32,058
Oh... Oh, God.
What, what is it?
322
00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:35,195
My groin injury is worse
than they thought.
323
00:12:35,197 --> 00:12:37,263
I can't play basketball
for weeks.
324
00:12:37,265 --> 00:12:40,450
Thank God. I thought he was
dying or something.
325
00:12:40,452 --> 00:12:43,770
How many weeks?
How many weeks?!
326
00:12:43,772 --> 00:12:45,705
Please tell me
it's not a tear
327
00:12:45,707 --> 00:12:47,073
in the iliolumbar ligament.
328
00:12:47,075 --> 00:12:49,209
It's a tear in the
"libioflumflar linament."
329
00:12:49,211 --> 00:12:52,045
If it's a small tear,
he can still make playoffs.
330
00:12:52,047 --> 00:12:53,046
It's a big tear.
331
00:12:53,048 --> 00:12:54,631
He better not be out
for the season.
332
00:12:54,633 --> 00:12:56,800
I'm out for the season.
Damn it!
333
00:12:56,802 --> 00:12:59,819
They're going up against The
Number Crunchers without me.
334
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,839
It's an after-work basketball
league for lawyers
335
00:13:02,841 --> 00:13:05,642
and accountants
and architects who sew.
336
00:13:05,644 --> 00:13:08,094
I mean, who takes it
that seriously?
337
00:13:08,096 --> 00:13:12,766
No...!
338
00:13:13,651 --> 00:13:16,119
I just hate
letting Coach Eriksen down.
339
00:13:16,121 --> 00:13:21,241
I would follow that man
through the gates of hell!
340
00:13:21,243 --> 00:13:22,626
Winning.
341
00:13:22,628 --> 00:13:26,813
What do we win when we beat
those Number Crunchers
342
00:13:26,815 --> 00:13:28,581
a few short weeks hence?
343
00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:30,000
A game? Sure.
344
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,585
A trophy? Sort of.
345
00:13:32,587 --> 00:13:34,921
We win a $25 gift card
to Bennigan's,
346
00:13:34,923 --> 00:13:37,457
but what is it
that we really win?
347
00:13:37,459 --> 00:13:38,625
The game!
348
00:13:38,627 --> 00:13:40,210
Yes, I said that Nick.
349
00:13:40,212 --> 00:13:41,494
Right.
350
00:13:41,496 --> 00:13:43,663
But we also win
351
00:13:43,665 --> 00:13:45,131
the right to walk tall.
352
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:46,266
Oh!
353
00:13:46,268 --> 00:13:48,835
The right to call ourselves
champions.
354
00:13:48,837 --> 00:13:50,203
Yeah.
So we are gonna
355
00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:51,721
go out and we are
356
00:13:51,723 --> 00:13:53,139
gonna wipe the floor
with those accountants!
357
00:13:53,141 --> 00:13:56,176
And afterwards,
we will feast like kings
358
00:13:56,178 --> 00:13:59,179
on Southwest Fajitas
and Cajun shrimp!
359
00:13:59,181 --> 00:14:03,850
And that check, that check will
be marginally less expensive!
360
00:14:03,852 --> 00:14:05,568
Yeah! Yeah!
361
00:14:05,570 --> 00:14:09,039
Now, they're probably gonna have
to pay full price for that meal.
362
00:14:10,542 --> 00:14:14,694
Nick, you are so sweet,
but I just...
363
00:14:14,696 --> 00:14:16,028
Good news is
364
00:14:16,030 --> 00:14:18,548
it doesn't really matter
if it takes my groin pull
365
00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:20,216
a little longer to heal,
366
00:14:20,218 --> 00:14:23,035
so I may as well start
having sex again.
367
00:14:23,037 --> 00:14:24,421
Listening.
368
00:14:24,423 --> 00:14:25,472
Sickening.
369
00:14:25,474 --> 00:14:26,639
Exiting.
370
00:14:31,395 --> 00:14:32,846
Nick...
Huh?
371
00:14:32,848 --> 00:14:34,681
I just...
372
00:14:34,683 --> 00:14:37,016
Ah... I...
373
00:14:37,018 --> 00:14:39,169
Hmm?
Um...
374
00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:40,570
Mm-hmm?
375
00:14:40,572 --> 00:14:41,721
Oh...
376
00:14:41,723 --> 00:14:45,558
What do you think?
377
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,694
I think I am suddenly
in the mood
378
00:14:47,696 --> 00:14:49,562
for something hot.
379
00:14:49,564 --> 00:14:51,898
I see. Sounds like I should
order some cappuccinos.
380
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:54,667
Don't talk till
tomorrow morning.
381
00:14:54,669 --> 00:14:56,453
She can't go home
with you, Nick.
382
00:14:56,455 --> 00:14:58,922
Barney?
Why not?
383
00:14:58,924 --> 00:15:02,208
Because Robin and I are in love.
384
00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:10,631
Barney, what are
you doing here?
385
00:15:10,857 --> 00:15:11,856
Taking care of something
386
00:15:11,858 --> 00:15:13,057
you clearly can't do
on your own.
387
00:15:13,059 --> 00:15:14,075
I'm sorry,
388
00:15:14,077 --> 00:15:15,776
but you and Robin are done.
389
00:15:15,778 --> 00:15:17,278
What? Robin, what is this?
390
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,230
Barney, look, I-I know
what you're doing, okay?
391
00:15:19,232 --> 00:15:20,397
Please stop.
392
00:15:20,399 --> 00:15:22,233
Robin doesn't want
to hurt your feelings
393
00:15:22,235 --> 00:15:23,701
because you're a nice guy,
394
00:15:23,703 --> 00:15:24,869
but she thinks
395
00:15:24,871 --> 00:15:26,170
you're stupid and she hates you.
396
00:15:26,172 --> 00:15:27,121
You're welcome.
397
00:15:27,123 --> 00:15:28,372
Stop doing this.
398
00:15:28,374 --> 00:15:29,907
I love her, Nick.
399
00:15:29,909 --> 00:15:31,342
Look, he doesn't
love me.
400
00:15:31,344 --> 00:15:33,261
He's just saying this because...
401
00:15:33,263 --> 00:15:34,428
I love everything about her,
402
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:36,347
and I'm not a guy
who says that lightly.
403
00:15:36,349 --> 00:15:38,799
I'm a guy who has faked love
his entire life.
404
00:15:38,801 --> 00:15:40,417
I thought love
was just something
405
00:15:40,419 --> 00:15:41,636
idiots thought they felt,
406
00:15:41,638 --> 00:15:43,888
but this woman has
a hold on my heart
407
00:15:43,890 --> 00:15:46,107
that I could not break
if I wanted to,
408
00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:47,808
and there
have been times
409
00:15:47,810 --> 00:15:49,393
that I wanted to.
410
00:15:49,395 --> 00:15:54,198
It has been overwhelming
and humbling
411
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,619
and even painful at times,
but I could not stop loving her
412
00:15:58,621 --> 00:16:00,871
any more
than I could stop breathing.
413
00:16:02,157 --> 00:16:06,160
I am hopelessly, irretrievably
in love with her.
414
00:16:07,246 --> 00:16:10,147
More than she knows.
415
00:16:14,586 --> 00:16:15,836
Robin,
416
00:16:15,838 --> 00:16:17,388
is this true?
417
00:16:18,623 --> 00:16:20,808
You heard him.
418
00:16:22,344 --> 00:16:24,629
Oh, wow, it feels
like I have
419
00:16:24,631 --> 00:16:28,015
a pulled groin muscle
in my heart.
420
00:16:28,017 --> 00:16:29,767
Nick, I-I'm so sorry.
421
00:16:29,769 --> 00:16:32,019
I just
think that maybe...
422
00:16:32,021 --> 00:16:33,821
Pardon me.
423
00:16:33,823 --> 00:16:36,657
But did you just also get
your heart broken?
424
00:16:36,659 --> 00:16:39,277
Yes.
I just got
425
00:16:39,279 --> 00:16:42,830
my heart broken, too!
426
00:16:42,832 --> 00:16:44,982
Well, do the...
the two of you...
427
00:16:45,751 --> 00:16:47,501
...want to come back
to my place?
428
00:16:47,503 --> 00:16:50,621
Yes.
Yes. Come on.
429
00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:55,926
Thus concluded
the Autumn of Breakups,
430
00:16:55,928 --> 00:16:57,328
Wow.
431
00:16:57,330 --> 00:16:59,013
- Crazy, right?
- Yeah,
432
00:16:59,015 --> 00:17:01,015
you know what would be
really crazy?
433
00:17:01,017 --> 00:17:02,183
If all of 'em
434
00:17:02,185 --> 00:17:07,171
got it on-- Barney, Robin, Nick,
and those two women,
435
00:17:07,173 --> 00:17:09,974
and you just know
Nadia's watching in the corner
436
00:17:09,976 --> 00:17:11,676
with her pet snake.
437
00:17:11,678 --> 00:17:13,561
Okay, why aren't
you two having sex?
438
00:17:13,563 --> 00:17:14,945
What?
439
00:17:14,947 --> 00:17:16,447
Excuse me?
440
00:17:16,449 --> 00:17:18,816
Lily has been slobbering
over Robin's sex life
441
00:17:18,818 --> 00:17:22,119
like a cartoon hobo watching
a pie cool on a windowsill,
442
00:17:22,121 --> 00:17:23,487
and you--
443
00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:25,956
the only other time you've ever
exercised this seriously
444
00:17:25,958 --> 00:17:28,025
was when Lily had mono
freshman year
445
00:17:28,027 --> 00:17:29,543
and I caught you doing
one-armed push-ups
446
00:17:29,545 --> 00:17:31,862
with your genitals
over a bowl of ice.
447
00:17:31,864 --> 00:17:32,963
So, when did
448
00:17:32,965 --> 00:17:35,800
you stop doing it and why?
449
00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:38,636
It was, you know,
450
00:17:38,638 --> 00:17:41,255
before Marvin was born.
451
00:17:41,257 --> 00:17:42,840
What?
Th-That's insane.
452
00:17:42,842 --> 00:17:45,343
Well, you have to wait a while
after having a kid,
453
00:17:45,345 --> 00:17:48,512
and, and then you're exhausted
from being up all night.
454
00:17:48,514 --> 00:17:52,316
And then this uncanny
phenomenon began.
455
00:18:13,805 --> 00:18:14,939
Wow,
456
00:18:14,941 --> 00:18:16,507
you guys got to fix this.
457
00:18:16,509 --> 00:18:18,342
It's not that easy.
458
00:18:20,713 --> 00:18:22,713
Ted, having a kid
459
00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:24,215
changes things.
460
00:18:24,217 --> 00:18:28,302
You don't have the time
or energy, you're never alone.
461
00:18:28,304 --> 00:18:30,438
Come here.
462
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,356
What are you doing?
463
00:18:32,358 --> 00:18:33,941
Taking Marvin
for a walk
464
00:18:33,943 --> 00:18:36,593
so you guys can
have some privacy.
465
00:18:36,595 --> 00:18:38,529
Oh, Ted, come on,
466
00:18:38,531 --> 00:18:40,347
that's, that's just not
the way that it works.
467
00:18:40,349 --> 00:18:42,533
Yeah, it's not
like we can have sex on cue.
468
00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:44,568
Yeah, I'll give you
guys plenty of time.
469
00:18:44,570 --> 00:18:46,153
Maybe I'll even
470
00:18:46,155 --> 00:18:47,788
swing by the gym, show Marvin
471
00:18:47,790 --> 00:18:49,824
where his Uncle Ted
made "the shot."
472
00:18:49,826 --> 00:18:51,409
If I'm late,
473
00:18:51,411 --> 00:18:53,577
it's 'cause I've been delayed
by autograph seekers.
474
00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:57,465
Oh, forgot Marvin's diaper bag.
475
00:18:57,467 --> 00:18:58,466
Yowza!
476
00:18:58,468 --> 00:19:00,768
Okay.
477
00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:03,637
And the Oscar for Best
Fake Romantic Speech
478
00:19:03,639 --> 00:19:05,622
goes to Barney Stinson.
479
00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:08,292
I'd like to thank all
the ladies over the years
480
00:19:08,294 --> 00:19:10,294
with whom I've practiced
fake romantic speeches
481
00:19:10,296 --> 00:19:12,062
and, of course,
Robin Scherbatsky
482
00:19:12,064 --> 00:19:14,148
for being so
hypnotized by hog
483
00:19:14,150 --> 00:19:16,183
that she needed me
to come and save her.
484
00:19:16,185 --> 00:19:18,486
You know what?
I didn't need your help.
485
00:19:18,488 --> 00:19:22,490
You were this close to ripping
off his misbuttoned shirt
486
00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:25,910
and pulling down his
inside-out underpants.
487
00:19:25,912 --> 00:19:29,029
I'll give you this,
you were pretty convincing.
488
00:19:29,031 --> 00:19:31,782
Hey, tricking good-looking
idiots is kind of my thing.
489
00:19:31,784 --> 00:19:34,001
No.
490
00:19:34,819 --> 00:19:38,956
I mean, you were
really convincing.
491
00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:43,043
Please.
492
00:19:43,045 --> 00:19:44,628
I was bro-ing you out.
493
00:19:45,441 --> 00:19:47,575
I'm just glad
he bought it so quick.
494
00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:51,979
Any longer, I'd have had
to kiss you.
495
00:19:58,755 --> 00:19:59,954
Hello.
496
00:19:59,956 --> 00:20:01,922
Whoo, oh, my God,
Robin, BFF Fun Day!
497
00:20:01,924 --> 00:20:03,374
That's the most
amazing thing ever.
498
00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:06,394
Like, you totally read my mind...
Hey, Patrice.
499
00:20:06,396 --> 00:20:08,679
Oh, you got the
invite, great.
500
00:20:08,681 --> 00:20:10,648
Uh, yeah, uh, let
me call you back.
501
00:20:10,650 --> 00:20:12,360
This is so fantastic,
I can't even catch my breath.
502
00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:13,218
Mm-hmm, yeah.
503
00:20:13,219 --> 00:20:15,636
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
504
00:20:15,638 --> 00:20:16,971
You know
what I forgot to do?
505
00:20:18,841 --> 00:20:23,728
♪ Like a fool,
I went and stayed too long ♪
506
00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:26,530
♪ Now I'm wondering
if your love's still strong ♪
507
00:20:26,532 --> 00:20:29,533
♪ Ooh, baby, here I am
508
00:20:29,535 --> 00:20:33,487
♪ Signed, sealed, delivered,
I'm yours. ♪
509
00:20:37,101 --> 00:20:38,185
Hey, T-Squares.
510
00:20:38,666 --> 00:20:40,599
Well, bad news.
511
00:20:40,601 --> 00:20:42,618
Heard back
from the league office.
512
00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:45,454
My shot is not going to count.
513
00:20:45,456 --> 00:20:47,740
But onwards and upwards, right?
514
00:20:47,742 --> 00:20:49,058
What do you cats want
515
00:20:49,060 --> 00:20:50,909
to rap about, huh?
516
00:20:50,911 --> 00:20:53,645
Listen, Coach... you're great.
517
00:20:53,647 --> 00:20:57,633
And we all really
want to stay friends.
518
00:21:00,303 --> 00:21:02,287
I can change, I can...
519
00:21:02,289 --> 00:21:03,906
Come on, we, we had
some good times.
520
00:21:05,145 --> 00:21:06,411
Things have been
weird lately and...
521
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,867
Is there another
architect? Just tell me.
522
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:14,869
== sync, corrected by elderman ==