1
00:00:01,412 --> 00:00:04,700
Kids, it's no secret your
Uncle Barney is a bit of a dog,
2
00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:07,548
and even though he loved me,
I think he always wanted
3
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,433
a wingman who was
a bit of a dog, too.
4
00:00:16,524 --> 00:00:19,226
And in the fall of 2012...
5
00:00:20,845 --> 00:00:22,863
...he found one.
6
00:00:22,865 --> 00:00:24,231
Respect.
7
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:38,409
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x05 ♪
The Autumn of Breakups
Original Air Date on November 5, 2012
8
00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:42,410
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
9
00:00:43,551 --> 00:00:47,471
Hey, guys, thanks again
for a great night last night.
10
00:00:47,473 --> 00:00:49,473
I say again,
11
00:00:49,475 --> 00:00:51,508
great night.
12
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:56,213
Ted, honey, it was
not a great night.
13
00:00:56,215 --> 00:00:57,264
Ted,
14
00:00:57,266 --> 00:01:00,484
Lily and I noticed
some things last night.
15
00:01:00,486 --> 00:01:01,936
Hey, Ted, can you
pass me a cracker?
16
00:01:01,938 --> 00:01:02,886
Yeah.
It's the least
17
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:03,988
you can do,
considering I left
18
00:01:03,990 --> 00:01:05,389
a guy at the
altar for you.
19
00:01:05,391 --> 00:01:08,108
Right, right?
20
00:01:10,161 --> 00:01:12,763
Oh, come on, that was a joke.
21
00:01:12,765 --> 00:01:16,566
Women over 30 don't joke
when it comes to commitment.
22
00:01:16,568 --> 00:01:19,069
Victoria is happy
we're taking things slow.
23
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:22,673
Oh, oh, honeysweetiebaby,
24
00:01:22,675 --> 00:01:23,824
no 32-year-old woman
25
00:01:23,826 --> 00:01:25,709
is happy taking things slow.
26
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:26,877
Mm.
27
00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:29,213
Trust me, Victoria has got
friends from high school
28
00:01:29,215 --> 00:01:30,631
posting pictures
of second babies on Facebook.
29
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:31,682
Mm-hmm.
30
00:01:31,684 --> 00:01:32,800
And you think
girlfriend's
31
00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:34,885
all like, "Oh,
let's just bone a bunch
32
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,087
so I'm another year older
and still single"?
33
00:01:37,089 --> 00:01:39,907
Bitch, please.
Mm.
34
00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:43,027
Guys, I've got a new bro--
35
00:01:43,029 --> 00:01:46,430
a bro that puts
all other bros to shame.
36
00:01:46,432 --> 00:01:47,764
The bitches love him.
37
00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:50,150
He buries bones
38
00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:51,101
all day.
39
00:01:51,103 --> 00:01:52,369
Whoo!
40
00:01:53,938 --> 00:01:55,456
No one chases
tail like him.
41
00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:58,876
Why aren't you
guys laughing?
42
00:01:58,878 --> 00:02:00,944
Oh, wait, I probably
should have led with this:
43
00:02:00,946 --> 00:02:02,096
he's a dog.
44
00:02:02,931 --> 00:02:04,214
I've named him
45
00:02:04,216 --> 00:02:06,417
Brover.
46
00:02:06,419 --> 00:02:07,301
I'll go...
47
00:02:07,303 --> 00:02:09,336
...fetch him.
48
00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:13,307
Okay, I'm worried about Barney.
49
00:02:13,309 --> 00:02:17,511
That breakup with Quinn messed
him up more than he let on.
50
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:18,846
I think he's lonely.
51
00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,647
Dude seems fine to me.
52
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,734
I love you so much, Brover.
53
00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:30,574
Seriously, based on last night,
54
00:02:30,576 --> 00:02:33,427
you and Victoria
are headed for trouble.
55
00:02:33,429 --> 00:02:35,696
So I got this kind of
interesting job offer
56
00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,647
to run a bakery in Denver.
57
00:02:37,649 --> 00:02:40,334
But that's too crazy,
though, right?
58
00:02:40,336 --> 00:02:41,335
Right?
59
00:02:41,337 --> 00:02:42,703
Uh, yeah.
60
00:02:42,705 --> 00:02:45,205
The high altitude would affect
the density of the pastries.
61
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:46,156
I mean,
62
00:02:46,158 --> 00:02:47,841
talk about half-baked.
63
00:02:47,843 --> 00:02:51,145
Man, this is
a great night.
64
00:02:51,147 --> 00:02:54,381
That was Victoria asking you
to move to Denver with her.
65
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,599
What?
66
00:02:55,601 --> 00:02:57,851
Then, why wouldn't
she just come right out
67
00:02:57,853 --> 00:02:59,219
and say what she wants?
68
00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:00,637
Men.
69
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,839
It's like, if there weren't
pickle jars to open
70
00:03:02,841 --> 00:03:04,191
and spiders
to kill
71
00:03:04,193 --> 00:03:06,560
and computers to back up,
what would be their point?
72
00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:08,779
Mm-hmm.
73
00:03:10,198 --> 00:03:13,534
Okay, when did Marshall become
a slightly more feminine you?
74
00:03:13,536 --> 00:03:16,870
Look, Ted, it gets exhausting
constantly giving people
75
00:03:16,872 --> 00:03:20,124
advice they haven't asked for,
so I'm training Marshall.
76
00:03:20,842 --> 00:03:22,993
My goal is
to eventually say things
77
00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:25,996
that are so sassy
and wise,
78
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:28,415
that there is
no possible response
79
00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:31,635
other than "mm"
or "mm-hmm."
80
00:03:31,894 --> 00:03:33,669
And if this is a place where
we can share our dreams--
81
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,389
I like to think
that it is--
82
00:03:35,391 --> 00:03:39,560
I hope someday
to earn a...
83
00:03:39,562 --> 00:03:41,728
"testify."
84
00:03:41,730 --> 00:03:42,646
Look,
85
00:03:42,648 --> 00:03:44,314
Victoria and I are
five months in
86
00:03:44,316 --> 00:03:46,066
and we're
right where we should be.
87
00:03:46,068 --> 00:03:48,018
All right, we-we're cosigning
birthday cards,
88
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:50,104
w-we got toothbrushes
at each other's places,
89
00:03:50,106 --> 00:03:51,522
foreplay's out the window.
90
00:03:51,524 --> 00:03:54,091
I'm in, I'm out,
I'm sleeping, it's great.
91
00:03:54,093 --> 00:03:55,526
It's more than
five months.
92
00:03:55,528 --> 00:03:58,362
You guys dated before;
that time counts.
93
00:03:58,364 --> 00:04:00,397
The clock doesn't
reset to zero.
94
00:04:00,399 --> 00:04:02,332
It un-pauses from
where you left off.
95
00:04:02,334 --> 00:04:03,283
No way,
96
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:05,702
no way, the clock resets.
97
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,588
Wait,
98
00:04:07,590 --> 00:04:08,672
so this is what you guys do?
99
00:04:08,674 --> 00:04:10,007
You invite other couples
over for dinner
100
00:04:10,009 --> 00:04:11,925
to judge them and feel superior?
101
00:04:11,927 --> 00:04:13,410
Oh, grow up, Ted,
102
00:04:13,412 --> 00:04:17,764
that's why any couple
invites anyone over ever.
103
00:04:17,766 --> 00:04:20,767
Two Scotches, both neat,
104
00:04:20,769 --> 00:04:23,103
and if you've got some, uh,
nuts, this guy lost a couple.
105
00:04:23,105 --> 00:04:25,139
Ha-ha.
106
00:04:25,141 --> 00:04:27,224
Take the hit, just take the hit.
107
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:28,609
Okay, this is
108
00:04:28,611 --> 00:04:30,310
a cry for help.
109
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,563
Can we invite Barney over
for dinner tonight?
110
00:04:32,565 --> 00:04:34,565
But I was going to make you
a special meal to celebrate
111
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:37,267
my show getting nominated
for a Local Area Media Award.
112
00:04:37,269 --> 00:04:38,852
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention,
113
00:04:38,854 --> 00:04:41,722
Nick had
a cable access cooking show.
114
00:04:41,724 --> 00:04:43,624
Chef Nick Podarutti uses
115
00:04:43,626 --> 00:04:47,110
all fresh,
locally grown ingredients,
116
00:04:47,112 --> 00:04:48,829
but don't think for a second
117
00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:52,115
that means he's not a bad boy.
118
00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,668
She runs on corn.
119
00:04:56,538 --> 00:04:58,672
♪ Nick the Bad Boy
120
00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:04,178
♪ Chef...
121
00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:05,679
I'm gonna invite him over
for dinner.
122
00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:10,734
Okay, fine, but you'd better
make sure he has a ticket.
123
00:05:10,736 --> 00:05:15,105
'Cause it's all aboard
the Chow-Chow Train!
124
00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:18,525
Honey, I know
it's hard coming up
125
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,661
with a signature
cooking catchphrase,
126
00:05:20,663 --> 00:05:22,779
but I don't think that's it.
127
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:25,365
I know, but how do you compete
with "Bam!"?
128
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,584
It just says it all.
129
00:05:29,153 --> 00:05:30,654
Hey, you.
130
00:05:30,656 --> 00:05:33,823
Hey, can I ask you
something?
131
00:05:33,825 --> 00:05:36,076
Um, Lily and Marshall think
132
00:05:36,078 --> 00:05:38,845
I'm missing all these hints
you're dropping
133
00:05:38,847 --> 00:05:40,931
that you want
a deeper commitment.
134
00:05:40,933 --> 00:05:43,350
I mean, you'd just come
right out and tell me, right?
135
00:05:43,352 --> 00:05:44,668
Totally.
136
00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:47,054
I-I think I can be a little
bit more direct than that.
137
00:05:47,056 --> 00:05:49,005
Thank you.
138
00:05:49,007 --> 00:05:52,609
Oh, hey, I was cleaning
my apartment today
139
00:05:52,611 --> 00:05:55,512
and I dug this up.
140
00:05:55,514 --> 00:05:56,480
Should I keep
141
00:05:56,482 --> 00:05:58,282
this wedding dress,
or do you think
142
00:05:58,284 --> 00:06:01,068
I'll never, ever need it again?
143
00:06:05,456 --> 00:06:07,807
So Lily and Marshall
were right?
144
00:06:07,907 --> 00:06:09,040
Of course they're right.
145
00:06:09,042 --> 00:06:11,209
When a girl jumps in your
car in a wedding dress,
146
00:06:11,211 --> 00:06:12,560
you can't act
surprised to find out
147
00:06:12,562 --> 00:06:13,828
she wants to get married.
148
00:06:13,830 --> 00:06:14,795
Besides,
149
00:06:14,797 --> 00:06:16,914
we dated before, and
that time counts.
150
00:06:16,916 --> 00:06:18,583
We just hit pause
on the clock.
151
00:06:18,585 --> 00:06:19,950
See, a lot
of really smart people
152
00:06:19,952 --> 00:06:21,552
would argue the clock resets.
153
00:06:21,554 --> 00:06:23,921
It un-pauses,
everybody knows that.
154
00:06:23,923 --> 00:06:25,122
You know, Barney's
a little late.
155
00:06:25,124 --> 00:06:26,340
I hope he's okay.
156
00:06:26,342 --> 00:06:27,625
Ah, he's fine, and
I still don't think
157
00:06:27,627 --> 00:06:28,976
he's crying out for help.
158
00:06:28,978 --> 00:06:31,412
Well...
159
00:06:34,767 --> 00:06:36,767
Sorry we're late.
160
00:06:36,769 --> 00:06:38,186
We just came from the tailor.
161
00:06:38,188 --> 00:06:40,688
Brover couldn't settle on a tie,
so I just bought them all.
162
00:06:40,690 --> 00:06:42,690
You say no to that face.
163
00:06:46,328 --> 00:06:48,579
There's a reason
that you're not
164
00:06:48,581 --> 00:06:50,848
a hundred percent in
this with me, Ted.
165
00:06:50,850 --> 00:06:53,501
Something's holding us back.
166
00:06:53,503 --> 00:06:54,669
Well, what is it?
167
00:06:54,671 --> 00:06:55,953
I think we've established
I'm not great
168
00:06:55,955 --> 00:07:00,174
at picking up on clues--
well, in this situation.
169
00:07:00,176 --> 00:07:03,377
As a kid, I was known
as a bit of a detective.
170
00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:04,629
In fact,
when my friend's retainer
171
00:07:04,631 --> 00:07:05,763
went missing,
172
00:07:05,765 --> 00:07:08,049
the Mosby Boys were put
on the case, and it was...
173
00:07:08,051 --> 00:07:09,767
The retainer was
in the garbage.
174
00:07:09,769 --> 00:07:11,719
The Mosby Boys were
you, your sister,
175
00:07:11,721 --> 00:07:14,522
and a neighborhood squirrel
you thought you had tamed.
176
00:07:14,524 --> 00:07:17,508
I can't believe Squirrel-lock
Holmes turned on us like that.
177
00:07:17,510 --> 00:07:19,277
Eight weeks of training
down the drain.
178
00:07:19,279 --> 00:07:21,312
You know how I
know that, Ted?
179
00:07:21,314 --> 00:07:23,531
Because we covered it in the
"getting to know you" part
180
00:07:23,533 --> 00:07:25,849
of the relationship
six years ago.
181
00:07:26,568 --> 00:07:28,852
Six years.
182
00:07:30,855 --> 00:07:34,525
Then...
what's holding us back?
183
00:07:35,661 --> 00:07:37,795
Call in the
Mosby Boys, Ted,
184
00:07:37,797 --> 00:07:40,364
let me know if they
crack the case.
185
00:07:45,254 --> 00:07:47,004
Guys,
186
00:07:47,006 --> 00:07:50,308
Brover is not only
the best bro I've ever had,
187
00:07:50,310 --> 00:07:53,377
he's amazing with the ladies.
188
00:07:53,379 --> 00:07:55,045
I'm sorry, don't you think
it's a little pathetic
189
00:07:55,047 --> 00:07:56,814
to use a dog to pick up chicks?
190
00:07:56,816 --> 00:08:00,434
Sir, wingmanship is
a two-way street.
191
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:03,771
If Brover meets a cutie,
I'll take the hit
192
00:08:03,773 --> 00:08:07,224
and chat up
the chubby lady friend.
193
00:08:10,946 --> 00:08:13,614
Sometimes I'll be the jerk...
194
00:08:13,616 --> 00:08:16,334
...so Brover can swoop in
and be the hero.
195
00:08:17,336 --> 00:08:19,420
And like any good wingman,
196
00:08:19,422 --> 00:08:22,540
I gather as much intel
as I can right up front.
197
00:08:22,542 --> 00:08:23,424
How old's your dog?
198
00:08:23,426 --> 00:08:24,625
She's five.
Oh.
199
00:08:25,827 --> 00:08:26,961
What's that in dog years?
200
00:08:26,963 --> 00:08:28,279
Like, 35.
201
00:08:28,281 --> 00:08:31,082
We're done here.
202
00:08:31,084 --> 00:08:32,283
Well, you were right.
203
00:08:32,285 --> 00:08:34,185
Victoria says something's
holding us back,
204
00:08:34,187 --> 00:08:36,420
and I don't have
any idea what it is.
205
00:08:36,422 --> 00:08:38,189
Any brilliant insights, Oprah?
206
00:08:38,191 --> 00:08:39,423
Steadman?
207
00:08:39,425 --> 00:08:41,592
Um, try Gayle.
208
00:08:42,861 --> 00:08:45,929
Marshall, I want you
to take this one.
209
00:08:45,931 --> 00:08:47,131
You're ready.
210
00:08:47,133 --> 00:08:48,983
Oh, I don't know.
211
00:08:50,652 --> 00:08:53,287
Although I do hear this little
voice in the back of my head
212
00:08:53,289 --> 00:08:55,022
trying to tell
me something.
213
00:08:55,024 --> 00:08:57,375
That's your inner goddess.
214
00:08:57,377 --> 00:09:00,344
Listen to her,
channel her.
215
00:09:00,346 --> 00:09:02,942
If Victoria quenches your
216
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,043
thirst like a tall glass
217
00:09:05,051 --> 00:09:08,502
of sweet tea on
a hot July day...
218
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:09,720
Marshall, why is she Southern?
219
00:09:09,722 --> 00:09:10,888
Don't let him break
the connection.
220
00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:12,123
...well,
you got to make
221
00:09:12,125 --> 00:09:13,808
an honest woman
out of her.
222
00:09:13,810 --> 00:09:14,792
Okay, I'm leaving.
223
00:09:14,794 --> 00:09:16,644
But, but,
224
00:09:16,646 --> 00:09:20,398
if not, well,
then, sugar...
225
00:09:21,350 --> 00:09:23,067
...you got to let
that nightingale
226
00:09:23,069 --> 00:09:27,355
spread her
wings and soar
227
00:09:27,357 --> 00:09:28,639
to her own
228
00:09:28,641 --> 00:09:31,192
beautiful tomorrow.
229
00:09:31,194 --> 00:09:33,361
Testify.
230
00:09:34,863 --> 00:09:36,497
You guys are the worst.
231
00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:46,991
Where am I?
232
00:09:48,211 --> 00:09:49,760
Sorry.
233
00:09:49,762 --> 00:09:52,012
Uh, go for Barney.
234
00:09:53,265 --> 00:09:55,633
Uh-huh.
235
00:09:55,635 --> 00:09:58,185
I see.
236
00:09:58,187 --> 00:10:01,004
Totally understood.
237
00:10:01,006 --> 00:10:02,823
I'll do that.
238
00:10:02,825 --> 00:10:03,974
Great.
239
00:10:03,976 --> 00:10:04,992
Thank you.
240
00:10:06,729 --> 00:10:08,229
That was Brover's owner.
241
00:10:08,231 --> 00:10:09,330
I guess,
while she was
242
00:10:09,332 --> 00:10:11,849
out of town, he ran
away from his kennel,
243
00:10:11,851 --> 00:10:15,102
and now that she's back,
I have to return him.
244
00:10:15,737 --> 00:10:17,688
Oh, Barney, I'm so sorry.
245
00:10:17,690 --> 00:10:18,823
Oh, it's all good.
246
00:10:18,825 --> 00:10:21,692
Um, excuse me for one moment.
247
00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:37,341
Hey,
248
00:10:37,343 --> 00:10:38,676
Barney.
249
00:10:39,879 --> 00:10:42,930
No, no.
No, no!
250
00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:48,269
Oh.
251
00:10:49,988 --> 00:10:52,189
Wha...
252
00:10:54,726 --> 00:10:55,893
Victoria.
253
00:10:58,447 --> 00:11:01,332
Will you marry me?
254
00:11:01,334 --> 00:11:03,000
Yes, of course.
255
00:11:08,373 --> 00:11:10,257
There's just one thing.
256
00:11:10,259 --> 00:11:12,326
Anything. You name it.
257
00:11:12,328 --> 00:11:15,679
You can't be friends with Robin.
258
00:11:21,268 --> 00:11:22,632
You won't marry me
259
00:11:22,634 --> 00:11:24,084
if I'm still friends with Robin?
260
00:11:24,815 --> 00:11:25,581
Wait. She's
261
00:11:25,582 --> 00:11:27,716
the thing that's been
holding us back?
262
00:11:27,718 --> 00:11:30,118
There-There's just too much
history there.
263
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,254
I mean, Robin's the reason
that we broke up
264
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,790
the first time around.
Robin's our roadblock.
265
00:11:34,792 --> 00:11:36,608
Robin's the deep, dark pit
266
00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:38,694
where our relationship
goes to die.
267
00:11:38,696 --> 00:11:42,080
But nicest girl in the world.
Salt of the earth.
268
00:11:42,082 --> 00:11:43,582
But she's with Nick now.
269
00:11:43,584 --> 00:11:45,367
I mean, sure,
his cooking show is lousy
270
00:11:45,369 --> 00:11:47,769
with awkward
catchphrase attempts.
271
00:11:47,771 --> 00:11:50,956
Oh, my gosh,
who's ready to nosh?
272
00:11:50,958 --> 00:11:52,824
Who's popping a chub
for some grub?
273
00:11:55,779 --> 00:11:57,346
I offer my deepest apologies
274
00:11:57,348 --> 00:12:00,215
to anyone who was offended
by my "popping a chub" remark.
275
00:12:00,217 --> 00:12:02,250
I can and will do better.
276
00:12:02,252 --> 00:12:03,885
Won't happen again.
277
00:12:03,887 --> 00:12:06,138
And now who's ready
to eat my meat?
278
00:12:07,224 --> 00:12:09,491
Oh, come on.
279
00:12:09,493 --> 00:12:11,676
But Robin's happy with Nick,
280
00:12:11,678 --> 00:12:14,029
and I'm happy with you.
281
00:12:14,031 --> 00:12:15,030
Look, I,
282
00:12:15,032 --> 00:12:16,982
I just asked you to be my wife.
283
00:12:16,984 --> 00:12:20,202
Isn't that proof there's nothing
between me and Robin?
284
00:12:20,204 --> 00:12:21,620
Well, maybe today there isn't,
285
00:12:21,622 --> 00:12:23,321
but what about tomorrow?
286
00:12:23,323 --> 00:12:26,074
Or next week
or 15 years from now?
287
00:12:26,076 --> 00:12:27,159
I'll always
288
00:12:27,161 --> 00:12:28,710
be wondering.
289
00:12:28,712 --> 00:12:29,911
I never wanted
290
00:12:29,913 --> 00:12:32,831
to be that girl who says
291
00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:34,416
it's Robin or it's me,
292
00:12:34,418 --> 00:12:37,753
but, well...
293
00:12:37,755 --> 00:12:40,505
It's Robin or it's you.
294
00:12:41,841 --> 00:12:44,309
You've been
a hell of a wingman.
295
00:12:44,311 --> 00:12:46,595
And even though I think
it's kind of gross
296
00:12:46,597 --> 00:12:48,430
when you
pleasure yourself orally,
297
00:12:48,432 --> 00:12:49,598
don't ever think
298
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,234
that means I'm not impressed.
299
00:12:53,603 --> 00:12:55,821
Hey...
300
00:12:55,823 --> 00:12:57,522
do you think that Barney's
gonna be okay
301
00:12:57,524 --> 00:12:58,657
bringing Brover back?
302
00:12:58,659 --> 00:13:00,025
Yeah, he'll be fine.
303
00:13:00,027 --> 00:13:01,559
It's not just the ability
304
00:13:01,561 --> 00:13:03,394
to go to town on yourself,
305
00:13:03,396 --> 00:13:06,448
but you do it with
such joie de vivre.
306
00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:10,452
I really think
that I should go with him.
307
00:13:10,454 --> 00:13:12,170
No, but you got
to eat these crêpes
308
00:13:12,172 --> 00:13:13,622
as soon as
they're flambéed.
309
00:13:13,624 --> 00:13:16,425
They're gonna be
bon appe-sweet!
310
00:13:16,427 --> 00:13:18,176
No.
Damn.
311
00:13:18,178 --> 00:13:19,461
We'll work on it
when I get back.
312
00:13:19,463 --> 00:13:20,796
No, I get it.
You know,
313
00:13:20,798 --> 00:13:22,347
I only spent all night
working on these,
314
00:13:22,349 --> 00:13:23,965
but, hey, Barney's
more important.
315
00:13:23,967 --> 00:13:26,518
Nick...
It's fine. Go.
316
00:13:27,553 --> 00:13:29,521
Anyway, let's not make
a big deal of it.
317
00:13:29,523 --> 00:13:31,422
We hung out for a few days,
318
00:13:31,424 --> 00:13:32,724
had some fun...
319
00:13:32,726 --> 00:13:34,893
No big woof.
320
00:13:36,597 --> 00:13:39,430
I don't know who I am
without you.
321
00:13:42,268 --> 00:13:43,518
This is crazy.
322
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,620
Victoria is being
completely unreasonable
323
00:13:45,622 --> 00:13:46,955
about Robin,
324
00:13:46,957 --> 00:13:49,107
and my snap sister
is gonna back me up.
325
00:13:51,861 --> 00:13:54,779
I say again...
326
00:13:54,781 --> 00:13:58,283
I kind of see Victoria's point.
327
00:13:58,285 --> 00:13:59,701
Come again for Ms. Fudge?
328
00:13:59,703 --> 00:14:02,187
Ted and Robin have
so much history.
329
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:05,223
Exactly. History.
Ancient history.
330
00:14:05,225 --> 00:14:08,793
Ted, you said "I love you"
to her earlier this year.
331
00:14:08,795 --> 00:14:09,978
I'm not saying
332
00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:12,948
this is fair, but I get it.
333
00:14:13,850 --> 00:14:15,300
I didn't get that at all.
334
00:14:15,302 --> 00:14:18,770
How could my inner goddess
be so far off?
335
00:14:18,772 --> 00:14:20,071
Oh, you'll get there, honey.
336
00:14:20,073 --> 00:14:22,207
Oprah wasn't built in a day.
337
00:14:22,209 --> 00:14:26,011
Uh-oh.
What?
338
00:14:26,013 --> 00:14:29,331
I kind of went rogue.
339
00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:31,466
Look, if you really want
to have a baby,
340
00:14:31,468 --> 00:14:33,484
just stop taking the pill.
341
00:14:33,486 --> 00:14:35,287
You guys slept together
at spring break
342
00:14:35,289 --> 00:14:36,821
three years ago.
343
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,457
That means something.
344
00:14:39,459 --> 00:14:41,159
Loves show tunes,
345
00:14:41,161 --> 00:14:42,928
total shopaholic,
346
00:14:42,930 --> 00:14:44,963
not always pestering you
for sex?
347
00:14:45,765 --> 00:14:47,665
Um, Clifford
sounds like a keeper.
348
00:14:49,101 --> 00:14:51,770
Marshall, all of that advice
was terrible.
349
00:14:51,772 --> 00:14:52,971
Not as terrible as you saying
350
00:14:52,973 --> 00:14:54,839
that Ted and Robin
should stop being friends.
351
00:14:54,841 --> 00:14:57,859
I'm not saying they should.
It would be horrible.
352
00:14:57,861 --> 00:14:58,843
But if Ted
353
00:14:58,845 --> 00:15:01,546
really wants to be
with Victoria...
354
00:15:01,548 --> 00:15:04,599
Ted, tell her
355
00:15:04,601 --> 00:15:06,968
that you're not gonna
stop being friends with Robin.
356
00:15:08,405 --> 00:15:11,289
I can't imagine
life without Robin.
357
00:15:12,542 --> 00:15:14,409
But she'll never be
in love with me.
358
00:15:14,411 --> 00:15:15,577
She'll never be
359
00:15:15,579 --> 00:15:17,229
my wife.
360
00:15:17,231 --> 00:15:18,363
She'll never be
361
00:15:18,365 --> 00:15:21,066
the person I grow old with.
362
00:15:21,068 --> 00:15:23,802
Victoria...
363
00:15:23,804 --> 00:15:26,054
Victoria could be.
364
00:15:27,273 --> 00:15:30,225
Are you saying what
I think you're saying?
365
00:15:39,885 --> 00:15:42,070
You ready to say good-bye?
366
00:15:43,990 --> 00:15:45,957
Thanks for coming with me.
367
00:15:45,959 --> 00:15:47,826
Oh, well,
you did the same for me
368
00:15:47,828 --> 00:15:50,745
back when I had to give away
all my dogs. Remember?
369
00:15:50,747 --> 00:15:53,531
Oh, yeah, we drove
to your aunt's farm upstate.
370
00:15:53,533 --> 00:15:55,000
She was awesome.
371
00:15:55,002 --> 00:15:56,117
Yeah.
I love how she
372
00:15:56,119 --> 00:15:57,335
was this wise, old, chilled out,
373
00:15:57,337 --> 00:15:59,688
lesbian farmer.
374
00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:02,207
No, no, no.
She's not a lesbian.
375
00:16:02,209 --> 00:16:03,725
Nor does she farm them.
376
00:16:03,727 --> 00:16:05,026
No, that woman
she lives with,
377
00:16:05,028 --> 00:16:07,429
that's just
her special friend Maureen.
378
00:16:07,431 --> 00:16:09,881
They've lived together for...
379
00:16:09,883 --> 00:16:12,117
Oh.
380
00:16:13,669 --> 00:16:17,088
Oh, this is gonna be tough.
381
00:16:17,090 --> 00:16:19,975
Brover really was
the best wingman ever.
382
00:16:26,482 --> 00:16:28,233
Oh, my God.
383
00:16:28,235 --> 00:16:30,552
Thank you so much for bringing
384
00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:33,538
Mr. Sprinkles back.
Mr. Sprinkles...
385
00:16:33,540 --> 00:16:35,657
is a great name for a dog.
386
00:16:35,659 --> 00:16:37,626
Mommy missed you so much.
387
00:16:37,628 --> 00:16:38,943
Yes, she did.
388
00:16:38,945 --> 00:16:41,946
Did this nice couple
take care of you?
389
00:16:44,251 --> 00:16:46,051
That's a laugh. Ha.
390
00:16:46,053 --> 00:16:47,785
Big bro.
391
00:16:48,604 --> 00:16:50,455
I got to split.
Yeah, I got to,
392
00:16:50,457 --> 00:16:52,390
I got to head back
to the farm...
393
00:16:52,392 --> 00:16:55,727
where I live with my
special friend Maureen.
394
00:16:55,729 --> 00:16:56,978
Whom I now realize
395
00:16:56,980 --> 00:16:59,097
is my lesbian
life partner.
396
00:16:59,099 --> 00:17:01,799
Surprise.
397
00:17:02,568 --> 00:17:05,520
Okay. All right.
398
00:17:05,522 --> 00:17:06,688
So...
399
00:17:06,690 --> 00:17:08,523
would you like a drink?
400
00:17:12,128 --> 00:17:14,779
Best wingman ever.
401
00:17:19,201 --> 00:17:21,286
Hey.
402
00:17:21,288 --> 00:17:22,771
What's all this?
403
00:17:22,773 --> 00:17:24,822
I thought you were
mad at me.
404
00:17:24,824 --> 00:17:26,458
I was...
405
00:17:26,460 --> 00:17:27,759
but then I realized
406
00:17:27,761 --> 00:17:30,729
I just have to accept
that you have close guy friends.
407
00:17:30,731 --> 00:17:32,797
I mean, I don't want it
becoming a habit
408
00:17:32,799 --> 00:17:34,783
that they steal you away from me
in the middle of the night.
409
00:17:34,785 --> 00:17:36,384
But...
410
00:17:36,386 --> 00:17:38,169
Oh, sorry.
411
00:17:39,689 --> 00:17:41,473
Oh, Ted needs to see me.
412
00:17:41,475 --> 00:17:43,458
Oh, for the love of God, woman.
Oh, it's not
413
00:17:43,460 --> 00:17:45,894
what you think.
He just wants to have sex.
414
00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:47,896
Kidding.
415
00:17:47,898 --> 00:17:49,614
Just a little hand stuff.
416
00:17:49,616 --> 00:17:51,066
Ha. Kidding again.
417
00:17:51,068 --> 00:17:54,519
Ted's more of a boob man.
I seriously can't stop.
418
00:17:54,521 --> 00:17:57,155
What does he want?
Um...
419
00:17:57,157 --> 00:17:58,907
I don't know,
but he says it's urgent.
420
00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:01,359
I'm so sorry.
421
00:18:01,361 --> 00:18:04,162
Just one more little
steal-away.
422
00:18:04,164 --> 00:18:06,364
Just as long
as he gives you back.
423
00:18:07,967 --> 00:18:09,367
Thanks.
424
00:18:26,335 --> 00:18:28,420
So...
425
00:18:28,422 --> 00:18:30,238
are you okay?
426
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:31,940
What is this big, urgent thing
427
00:18:31,942 --> 00:18:34,192
that couldn't wait
till tomorrow?
428
00:18:35,828 --> 00:18:37,862
There's something
I have to tell you.
429
00:18:37,864 --> 00:18:40,231
Um...
430
00:18:40,233 --> 00:18:42,117
I've thought about this a ton,
431
00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:45,170
and, um...
432
00:18:45,172 --> 00:18:47,572
I was hoping it wouldn't
come to this,
433
00:18:47,574 --> 00:18:49,791
but...
434
00:18:53,179 --> 00:18:56,914
I'm not in love with Robin, um,
435
00:18:56,916 --> 00:19:00,751
but she's like family to me,
and, uh...
436
00:19:00,753 --> 00:19:02,753
I can't end that.
437
00:19:02,755 --> 00:19:05,356
So...
438
00:19:05,358 --> 00:19:08,059
can you accept that?
439
00:19:17,153 --> 00:19:20,989
I really hope
you get her some day.
440
00:19:35,805 --> 00:19:37,088
Hey, guys.
441
00:19:37,090 --> 00:19:38,273
Hey.
Hey.
442
00:19:38,275 --> 00:19:40,758
So, last night
443
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,629
Ted calls me out to the bar
to talk about something urgent.
444
00:19:44,631 --> 00:19:46,631
Guess what it was.
445
00:19:46,633 --> 00:19:47,649
He wants to write
446
00:19:47,651 --> 00:19:50,819
a series of young adult
mystery novels
447
00:19:50,821 --> 00:19:53,738
called The Mosby Boys.
448
00:19:53,740 --> 00:19:56,140
Why did you need
to tell me that?
449
00:19:56,142 --> 00:19:58,476
You work in the media.
You know people.
450
00:19:58,478 --> 00:20:00,612
Okay, well, first of all,
lose the Mosby nerds
451
00:20:00,614 --> 00:20:02,614
and focus on
that crime-solving squirrel.
452
00:20:02,616 --> 00:20:03,748
That guy is gold.
Yeah.
453
00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:04,699
And secondly, next time
454
00:20:04,701 --> 00:20:06,484
you have a big idea
late at night,
455
00:20:06,486 --> 00:20:08,253
please bug
your girlfriend about it.
456
00:20:08,255 --> 00:20:10,121
Uh, actually...
457
00:20:10,123 --> 00:20:12,307
Victoria and I broke up.
458
00:20:12,309 --> 00:20:14,175
Oh, my God.
459
00:20:14,177 --> 00:20:16,628
Why, what,
what happened?
460
00:20:16,630 --> 00:20:19,547
We just, you know,
wanted different things.
461
00:20:23,052 --> 00:20:24,786
I'm so sorry, buddy.
462
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:26,804
But, bright side...
463
00:20:26,806 --> 00:20:28,973
Robin is gonna be so touched
464
00:20:28,975 --> 00:20:30,775
when she hears you ended
things with Victoria
465
00:20:30,777 --> 00:20:31,809
because of her.
466
00:20:31,811 --> 00:20:33,144
She can never know.
467
00:20:33,146 --> 00:20:36,114
Promise me
Robin will never find out.
468
00:20:36,116 --> 00:20:37,565
I don't understand.
469
00:20:37,567 --> 00:20:38,533
Promise.
470
00:20:38,535 --> 00:20:41,486
Promise.
Promise.
471
00:20:41,488 --> 00:20:43,137
Of course,
472
00:20:43,139 --> 00:20:44,739
Robin did find out.
473
00:20:44,741 --> 00:20:47,208
But we'll get to that.
474
00:21:02,955 --> 00:21:04,888
So you do have balls?
475
00:21:06,689 --> 00:21:08,446
Run!
476
00:21:08,546 --> 00:21:13,546
== sync, corrected by elderman ==