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Kids, October of 2012
kicked off
2
00:00:04,792 --> 00:00:06,125
The Autumn of Breakups.
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00:00:06,127 --> 00:00:08,928
And Barney, having broken
his engagement with Quinn,
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00:00:08,930 --> 00:00:11,714
was slowly trying
to pick himself back up.
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00:00:11,716 --> 00:00:15,684
Welcome to Bangtoberfest!
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Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt!
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I'm back!
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00:00:19,190 --> 00:00:20,689
Have a Bangtoberfest
T-shirt!
9
00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:22,725
I'm single again!
10
00:00:23,895 --> 00:00:25,061
Sorry about your eye!
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I'm available!
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00:00:27,065 --> 00:00:28,948
"Bangtoberfest:
13
00:00:28,950 --> 00:00:31,534
This Time It's Really
Not Personal."
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Barney, you just
went through
15
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some really big emotional stuff.
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You need to give yourself
some time to heal.
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Robin, I spent
seven grand on merch.
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This is happening.
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00:00:43,964 --> 00:00:44,997
Hey.
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00:00:44,999 --> 00:00:46,365
Hey.
Hi, Marshall.
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00:00:46,367 --> 00:00:48,584
So, Lily's dad just showed up
22
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two days ago unannounced.
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Remember when I
bought all those
24
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Mexican fireworks so I'd never
25
00:00:53,624 --> 00:00:55,057
have to buy
Christmas presents again?
26
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Oh, God, you blew
up the house.
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Blew up the house?
28
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Oh, no.
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Nothing like that, no.
30
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,316
No, the fireworks
blew up the garage.
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The house burned down.
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Holy frijoles,
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do I smell brownies?
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We covered that fire
on the news.
35
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I had no idea "naked man
runs back into inferno
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00:01:16,030 --> 00:01:18,447
to rescue potato salad"
was Mickey.
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My hour's up.
Your turn, Marshall.
38
00:01:21,335 --> 00:01:23,419
Oh, no.
39
00:01:23,421 --> 00:01:26,255
Baby Marvin,
did you just go poo-poo?
40
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Craziest thing.
41
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He just went poo-poo
this very second.
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Are you sure this
43
00:01:31,412 --> 00:01:33,462
poo-poo didn't happen
on your watch
44
00:01:33,464 --> 00:01:35,998
and you just ran out the clock
until it was my problem?
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00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,933
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, right.
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What kind of mother lets her son
sit in his own filth
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for an extra nine minutes
and 42 seconds?
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I got my eye on you, Aldrin.
49
00:01:52,483 --> 00:01:57,102
It's watering right now,
but I got my eye on you.
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00:01:58,438 --> 00:02:00,272
I can't
believe I have to go
51
00:02:00,274 --> 00:02:03,125
back to work on Monday and
we still haven't found a nanny.
52
00:02:03,127 --> 00:02:05,961
Well, if Grandpa Mickey's there,
couldn't he just...
53
00:02:05,963 --> 00:02:07,379
Are you kidding?
54
00:02:07,381 --> 00:02:09,882
My dad was never there for me
when I was a kid.
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And when he was...
56
00:02:13,087 --> 00:02:14,670
What's wrong, Daddy?
57
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Oh, Daddy can't pick a horse
to save his freakin' life.
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00:02:18,626 --> 00:02:22,311
All I need is
just one lucky number.
59
00:02:22,313 --> 00:02:23,979
Hey, when's your birthday?
60
00:02:24,814 --> 00:02:26,815
Today.
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00:02:26,817 --> 00:02:29,134
Well...
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00:02:29,136 --> 00:02:32,137
We've got to find a nanny,
and my dad's definitely not it.
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Well, um, and this doesn't
solve your nanny problem,
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00:02:35,142 --> 00:02:37,326
but if you're in need
of a babysitter,
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Nick and I could do it.
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We're really clicking
as a couple.
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00:02:41,365 --> 00:02:44,700
Um, if any couple
is clicking these days,
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it's me and Victoria.
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Do you think
that you and Victoria
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00:02:50,324 --> 00:02:52,541
are clicking more than
me and Nick?
71
00:02:52,543 --> 00:02:54,426
Do you think you and Nick are...
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00:02:54,428 --> 00:02:56,595
Oh, that's precious.
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Kids, when you're in
a new relationship
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and you're competing with
your ex for who's happier,
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it can get ugly.
76
00:03:03,504 --> 00:03:06,272
Anyway, I should get going.
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00:03:06,274 --> 00:03:08,891
I have to go get
a key made for Nick.
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For my apartment.
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Ha-burn.
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Hey, maybe the locksmith
who made the key
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I gave to Victoria
will give you a deal.
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Oh, wait, he won't remember me.
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It was three weeks ago.
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00:03:17,785 --> 00:03:18,984
Ha-double burn.
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00:03:18,986 --> 00:03:20,519
Nick signed for a package
when I wasn't there.
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00:03:20,521 --> 00:03:22,204
Victoria keeps tampons
at my apartment.
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Damn it!
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♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x03 ♪
Nannies
Original Air Date on October 8, 2012
89
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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The next day,
Lily and Marshall's
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nanny search hit pay dirt.
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Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen,
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I promise to create a safe,
nurturing environment
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00:03:46,564 --> 00:03:49,732
full of learning,
laughter and love.
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00:03:49,734 --> 00:03:51,100
So that even when
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we have to eat lima beans
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or we get a boo-boo on our knee,
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we know everything
will be just fine.
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And do you know why?
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00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:01,226
Because you're an angel
sent from heaven?
101
00:04:01,228 --> 00:04:03,662
I want to bury my head
in the safety of your bosom.
102
00:04:03,664 --> 00:04:06,248
Because Mrs. Buckminster
is here.
103
00:04:07,234 --> 00:04:09,067
The search is over.
104
00:04:09,069 --> 00:04:12,454
Mrs. Buckminster, we just
need to know your salary.
105
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Oh, delightful!
106
00:04:14,241 --> 00:04:16,875
Well, my weekly fee is...
107
00:04:18,012 --> 00:04:19,411
There, there.
108
00:04:19,413 --> 00:04:23,349
I'm sure you'll find someone
you like just as much.
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00:04:23,351 --> 00:04:24,350
No, we won't!
110
00:04:24,352 --> 00:04:25,934
Not like you!
111
00:04:27,554 --> 00:04:29,772
Hey, Robin,
can I borrow a stamp?
112
00:04:29,774 --> 00:04:33,425
Oh, wait, this wedding
reply card already has one.
113
00:04:33,427 --> 00:04:34,777
Why, you ask?
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00:04:34,779 --> 00:04:38,280
Victoria and I
are RSVPing to a wedding...
115
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in Jamaica...
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six months from now.
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Ha-triple burn.
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Oh.
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Jamaica.
120
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Yeah.
121
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That's an island, right?
122
00:04:47,742 --> 00:04:50,442
Depends where you're going
with this.
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All the way
to the island of Hawaii.
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Why, you ask?
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Well, I was invited
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to spend New Year's there...
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00:04:56,784 --> 00:04:59,134
last night when I met
Nick's parents.
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Ha-aloha burn.
129
00:05:00,955 --> 00:05:02,454
Have you, um,
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00:05:02,456 --> 00:05:04,723
met Victoria's parents, Ted?
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As a matter of fact, I haven't.
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Because they're dead.
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Are they, Ted?
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Are they really dead?
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No.
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Damn it!
137
00:05:18,189 --> 00:05:21,824
Bangtoberfest is a flop!
138
00:05:21,826 --> 00:05:25,194
I can't think of an
innovative way to bang chicks
139
00:05:25,196 --> 00:05:27,696
that properly honors
my return to the game.
140
00:05:27,698 --> 00:05:30,148
Sure, I've tried
some old reliables.
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00:05:30,150 --> 00:05:31,834
Ten unpaid parking tickets?
142
00:05:31,836 --> 00:05:37,506
I suppose there is one way
I could... "get you off."
143
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No!
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00:05:40,928 --> 00:05:44,329
I've used that admittedly
awesome line a thousand times.
145
00:05:44,331 --> 00:05:46,348
You're better than this, Barney!
146
00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:49,468
Well, the evidence
is pretty incriminating, but...
147
00:05:49,470 --> 00:05:54,106
I suppose there is one way
I could "get you off."
148
00:05:54,108 --> 00:05:56,975
Damn it! What?
149
00:05:56,977 --> 00:05:59,228
Bangtoberfest is
about innovation,
150
00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:00,946
about ideas.
151
00:06:00,948 --> 00:06:03,515
Bangtoberfest used to
mean something.
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00:06:03,517 --> 00:06:04,850
You just
made it up yesterday.
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00:06:04,852 --> 00:06:05,951
Enough questions.
154
00:06:05,953 --> 00:06:08,036
I need time
to think!
155
00:06:10,189 --> 00:06:11,957
So, how's the nanny search
going, Lil?
156
00:06:11,959 --> 00:06:13,158
Lousy.
157
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:16,061
Mrs. Buckminster
was a spoonful of sugar.
158
00:06:16,063 --> 00:06:18,931
But so far, everyone we can
afford on this Web site
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00:06:18,933 --> 00:06:22,851
HeyNannyNanny.com
is Scary Poppins.
160
00:06:22,853 --> 00:06:24,770
But Lily and Marshall
needed a nanny,
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00:06:24,772 --> 00:06:27,139
so they forged ahead
with their search.
162
00:06:27,141 --> 00:06:29,708
So, zero experience
as a nanny?
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00:06:29,710 --> 00:06:32,878
Right. But in rehab,
I was in charge of the cats.
164
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,664
And only two died,
so I figured...
165
00:06:35,666 --> 00:06:36,799
I'm available.
166
00:06:38,269 --> 00:06:40,235
How do you feel
about spanking?
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00:06:40,237 --> 00:06:44,039
For eight bucks an hour, you can
do whatever you want to me.
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00:06:44,041 --> 00:06:45,324
I'm available.
169
00:06:45,326 --> 00:06:46,692
Dad, we know.
170
00:06:46,694 --> 00:06:49,244
I wasn't talking to you.
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00:06:49,246 --> 00:06:52,114
Finally,
they met Julie Jorgensen.
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00:06:52,116 --> 00:06:55,567
You're from
St. Cloud, Minnesota?
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00:06:55,569 --> 00:06:56,785
I'm from St. Cloud.
174
00:06:56,787 --> 00:06:59,171
Really? Oh, you must know
my dad, George Jorgensen?
175
00:06:59,173 --> 00:07:00,172
Of course.
176
00:07:00,174 --> 00:07:01,406
George Jorgensen's Organs.
177
00:07:01,408 --> 00:07:02,908
Last year, my brother
joined the business.
178
00:07:02,910 --> 00:07:05,461
Really? Who knew that Morgan
Jorgensen would go into organs?
179
00:07:05,463 --> 00:07:06,578
Anyway, Julie...
180
00:07:06,580 --> 00:07:08,263
Is it still called
George Jorgensen's Organs
181
00:07:08,265 --> 00:07:10,766
or did they change it to
George Jorgensen and Son Organs?
182
00:07:10,768 --> 00:07:13,385
They changed it to George
and Morgan Jorgensen's Organs.
183
00:07:13,387 --> 00:07:14,920
Guess whose idea that was?
184
00:07:14,922 --> 00:07:16,855
Morgan's.
Morgan's.
185
00:07:16,857 --> 00:07:18,423
They just opened a new shop
out of state.
186
00:07:18,425 --> 00:07:19,808
Oh, yeah? Where?
Oregon.
187
00:07:19,810 --> 00:07:20,692
What's that one called?
188
00:07:20,694 --> 00:07:22,494
Piano Town.
189
00:07:23,262 --> 00:07:25,447
Well, you have
experience,
190
00:07:25,449 --> 00:07:28,617
and I think it's safe to say
you have my husband's approval.
191
00:07:28,619 --> 00:07:30,152
What's your salary?
192
00:07:30,154 --> 00:07:31,987
Oh, um, it's right there.
193
00:07:33,323 --> 00:07:36,608
Julie, we would love
for you to be our nanny.
194
00:07:36,610 --> 00:07:38,160
Oh, thank you so much.
195
00:07:38,162 --> 00:07:40,278
Um, I just have
one last interview today,
196
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,947
but to be honest,
I can't imagine
197
00:07:41,949 --> 00:07:43,715
liking anyone more
than I like you guys.
198
00:07:43,717 --> 00:07:45,133
Oh...
199
00:07:45,135 --> 00:07:46,168
Okay, bye.
200
00:07:46,170 --> 00:07:47,169
Bye.
201
00:07:47,171 --> 00:07:48,787
Yay.
202
00:07:50,507 --> 00:07:52,391
Well, she was a total bitch.
203
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,178
That night,
Lily and Marshall called Julie
204
00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:57,896
hoping she'd accept the job.
205
00:07:57,898 --> 00:08:00,148
I'm so sorry, I can't.
206
00:08:00,150 --> 00:08:02,768
Don't tell us
you took the other job.
207
00:08:02,770 --> 00:08:04,970
No, I didn't.
I'm not taking any nanny job.
208
00:08:04,972 --> 00:08:06,989
I don't understand.
209
00:08:06,991 --> 00:08:08,106
The most amazing thing happened
210
00:08:08,108 --> 00:08:09,975
at my next interview
after you guys.
211
00:08:09,977 --> 00:08:11,910
I fell in love with a single dad
212
00:08:11,912 --> 00:08:13,946
who turns out to be
a billionaire.
213
00:08:13,948 --> 00:08:16,782
Tomorrow, we're heading off
to Paris in his private jet.
214
00:08:16,784 --> 00:08:20,669
It's gonna be, as he would say,
legend-- wait for it...
215
00:08:20,671 --> 00:08:23,338
Barney!
216
00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:26,658
Ix-nay on the eal-ray ame-nay.
217
00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:28,176
Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen?
218
00:08:28,178 --> 00:08:31,680
You son of a...
219
00:08:31,682 --> 00:08:33,348
itch-bay!
220
00:08:38,236 --> 00:08:41,165
Look, Barney's our friend,
for some reason,
221
00:08:41,265 --> 00:08:43,649
and everything he
told you was a lie.
222
00:08:43,651 --> 00:08:45,234
But the good news is
223
00:08:45,236 --> 00:08:47,269
you're free to
come work for us.
224
00:08:47,271 --> 00:08:49,488
I'm sorry, I can't
nanny for anyone
225
00:08:49,490 --> 00:08:51,657
who's friends with this monster.
226
00:08:57,498 --> 00:08:59,048
Look, I'd offer you guys coffee,
227
00:08:59,050 --> 00:09:00,566
but I have
another nanny interview
228
00:09:00,568 --> 00:09:02,918
in about 15 minutes, so...
229
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,220
Barney, quick question: why are
you interviewing nannies?
230
00:09:05,222 --> 00:09:06,305
Glad you asked!
231
00:09:06,307 --> 00:09:08,290
You guys were all
pressuring me to think of
232
00:09:08,292 --> 00:09:10,676
a revolutionary new way
to get chicks for Bangtoberfest.
233
00:09:10,678 --> 00:09:12,794
And frankly, I was stumped.
234
00:09:12,796 --> 00:09:14,229
Until...
235
00:09:14,231 --> 00:09:16,765
So far, everyone we can
afford on this Web site
236
00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:20,102
HeyNannyNanny.com
is Scary Poppins.
237
00:09:20,104 --> 00:09:21,803
And there it was.
238
00:09:21,805 --> 00:09:25,274
The Big Bro in the sky
had answered my prayers.
239
00:09:25,276 --> 00:09:26,975
Almighty-five.
240
00:09:26,977 --> 00:09:28,160
Ow.
241
00:09:28,162 --> 00:09:30,312
I'd introduce you
to little Baby Edgar,
242
00:09:30,314 --> 00:09:32,831
but one, he's napping,
243
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:36,201
and two, he doesn't exist.
244
00:09:36,203 --> 00:09:39,004
And these nannies are
really falling for this?
245
00:09:39,006 --> 00:09:42,007
Yeah, these toys don't even
make sense for a baby.
246
00:09:42,009 --> 00:09:45,094
You've got an air rifle,
you got the exact race track
247
00:09:45,096 --> 00:09:47,146
with the double loopty-loop
I had as a kid!
248
00:09:47,148 --> 00:09:50,883
Oh, can I open it, can I
open it, can I open it?
249
00:09:50,885 --> 00:09:52,801
What about Baby Edgar's mom?
250
00:09:52,803 --> 00:09:56,021
Oh, that's a sad story.
251
00:09:56,023 --> 00:09:59,174
And in the end, the
coroner's report confirmed
252
00:09:59,176 --> 00:10:00,976
what I already feared:
253
00:10:00,978 --> 00:10:06,532
the female body cannot withstand
that many consecutive orgasms.
254
00:10:08,684 --> 00:10:11,053
I blame myself.
255
00:10:11,055 --> 00:10:13,872
Okay, does anybody have
six nine-volt batteries?
256
00:10:16,359 --> 00:10:19,628
Once I got the nannies
all sympathetic,
257
00:10:19,630 --> 00:10:22,214
I had to check
their qualifications.
258
00:10:22,216 --> 00:10:24,233
I'd like to see how
you handle bath time.
259
00:10:24,235 --> 00:10:26,685
Follow me
to the tub.
260
00:10:26,687 --> 00:10:28,053
Should I get the baby?
261
00:10:28,055 --> 00:10:30,205
No.
262
00:10:30,207 --> 00:10:32,224
I'm just gonna take
the batteries
263
00:10:32,226 --> 00:10:34,543
out of these smoke detectors.
Cool? Cool.
264
00:10:35,845 --> 00:10:40,432
Once the interview was over,
I went in for the kill.
265
00:10:40,434 --> 00:10:42,351
You're perfect for the job.
266
00:10:42,353 --> 00:10:44,853
So, congratulations,
you're hi...
267
00:10:44,855 --> 00:10:46,021
No.
268
00:10:46,023 --> 00:10:47,740
I can't do this.
269
00:10:47,742 --> 00:10:50,392
I find you very attractive,
270
00:10:50,394 --> 00:10:52,578
and it wouldn't be
appropriate.
271
00:10:55,832 --> 00:10:58,033
It wouldn't be
appropriate.
272
00:11:01,621 --> 00:11:03,756
It wouldn't be appropriate.
273
00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:09,128
I repeat--
it would not be appropriate.
274
00:11:13,633 --> 00:11:17,136
It was like taking candy
from an imaginary baby!
275
00:11:17,138 --> 00:11:19,605
Barney, I just went five months
with no help,
276
00:11:19,607 --> 00:11:22,941
and interviewed 92 nannies
before finding one we liked,
277
00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:24,359
and you ruined everything
278
00:11:24,361 --> 00:11:27,029
the night before
I'm supposed to go back to work?
279
00:11:27,031 --> 00:11:29,865
Thank you for being
the most immature person
280
00:11:29,867 --> 00:11:31,283
I have ever met.
281
00:11:31,285 --> 00:11:32,484
Marshall, let's go.
282
00:11:32,486 --> 00:11:33,502
Five more minutes!
283
00:11:33,504 --> 00:11:36,071
Now.
284
00:11:36,073 --> 00:11:37,806
I'll be right back.
Okay.
285
00:11:39,959 --> 00:11:41,226
Mm.
Mmm.
286
00:11:41,228 --> 00:11:42,444
Mm-hmm. Mmm.
287
00:11:43,914 --> 00:11:45,714
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
288
00:11:45,716 --> 00:11:47,800
Mmm!
289
00:11:47,802 --> 00:11:49,835
I'll miss you.
290
00:11:52,722 --> 00:11:53,972
Oh! Oh!
291
00:11:55,860 --> 00:11:57,493
Overcompensating a bit?
292
00:11:57,495 --> 00:12:00,512
Why would I need
to overcompensate?
293
00:12:00,514 --> 00:12:02,431
I am...
294
00:12:02,433 --> 00:12:05,300
...deliriously happy
in my perfect relationship.
295
00:12:05,302 --> 00:12:09,404
What about what I just witnessed
not two minutes ago?
296
00:12:09,406 --> 00:12:12,491
How can the Giants
pass on third and one?!
297
00:12:12,493 --> 00:12:14,309
Honey, it's okay.
298
00:12:14,311 --> 00:12:16,879
It's the first quarter, and the
Browns are only up by three...
299
00:12:16,881 --> 00:12:18,831
Robin, I don't want
you to fix this.
300
00:12:18,833 --> 00:12:23,502
I just want
to feel heard.
301
00:12:23,504 --> 00:12:25,454
First of all,
the Giants were smart
302
00:12:25,456 --> 00:12:27,789
not to run
on my Dawg Pound defense.
303
00:12:27,791 --> 00:12:28,824
They suck, Ted.
I know.
304
00:12:28,826 --> 00:12:30,459
And two--
305
00:12:30,461 --> 00:12:33,228
there is no way
that you like being with a guy
306
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:34,630
who's so emotional and needy.
307
00:12:34,632 --> 00:12:36,882
You want to dance, Mosby?
308
00:12:36,884 --> 00:12:39,218
Let's talk about yesterday.
309
00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:42,604
Hi! You guys,
I'm so sorry I'm so late.
310
00:12:42,606 --> 00:12:45,390
I'm gonna run upstairs,
change, I'll be back
311
00:12:45,392 --> 00:12:47,693
in five minutes.
312
00:12:47,695 --> 00:12:49,978
Take your time, sweetie.
313
00:12:52,749 --> 00:12:54,383
Victoria's a slob!
314
00:12:54,385 --> 00:12:56,451
Well, at least
I'm not dating a girl.
315
00:12:56,453 --> 00:12:58,186
You know what I mean.
316
00:12:58,188 --> 00:12:59,304
Hey, you know what?
317
00:12:59,306 --> 00:13:01,490
I-I really appreciate
how sensitive
318
00:13:01,492 --> 00:13:04,493
and in touch he is with his...
319
00:13:04,495 --> 00:13:06,027
God, who am I kidding?
320
00:13:06,029 --> 00:13:09,865
20 bucks says he is crying
in the ladies' room right now.
321
00:13:09,867 --> 00:13:13,502
Well, at least when
he's finished, he's gonna flush.
322
00:13:15,873 --> 00:13:18,590
So, just as Lily was about
to call in sick
323
00:13:18,592 --> 00:13:20,425
on her first day
back to work...
324
00:13:26,316 --> 00:13:27,983
Good morning!
325
00:13:27,985 --> 00:13:31,320
Mrs. Buckminster, hold me
and make everything okay!
326
00:13:31,322 --> 00:13:35,107
I mean, uh... what
are you doing here?
327
00:13:35,109 --> 00:13:39,561
A Mr. Stinson called the agency
and offered to pay my salary.
328
00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:42,915
Wow. Really?
329
00:13:42,917 --> 00:13:45,534
It's a nice gesture,
but I'm still pissed.
330
00:13:45,536 --> 00:13:48,069
He also sent along this.
331
00:13:48,071 --> 00:13:50,005
Are the batteries...?
332
00:13:50,007 --> 00:13:53,175
Yes, the batteries
are included, dear.
333
00:13:53,177 --> 00:13:55,377
Yes!
334
00:13:55,379 --> 00:13:57,596
Now, off to
work, you two.
335
00:13:57,598 --> 00:14:00,515
Mr. Marvin and I are going
to get acquainted.
336
00:14:00,517 --> 00:14:02,134
Great.
337
00:14:02,136 --> 00:14:03,936
I can't wait to hand him off
338
00:14:03,938 --> 00:14:05,637
and-and finally get
some freedom.
339
00:14:05,639 --> 00:14:08,140
You deserve it.
Now hand him over.
340
00:14:08,142 --> 00:14:11,026
Hand him over, yup.
341
00:14:11,028 --> 00:14:14,146
I'll just take little Marvin
off your hands then.
342
00:14:14,148 --> 00:14:16,114
Take him off my hands.
343
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:18,150
There he goes.
344
00:14:18,152 --> 00:14:20,953
Ready to receive him!
345
00:14:20,955 --> 00:14:23,622
I can't give Marvin
to a stranger!
346
00:14:27,544 --> 00:14:30,078
Okay, somebody who's not
in the middle of a race
347
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,631
should probably go talk to her.
348
00:14:35,699 --> 00:14:37,731
I'm sorry Mrs. Buckminster
349
00:14:37,756 --> 00:14:40,404
we've decided we're not going
to use a nanny afterall.
350
00:14:40,429 --> 00:14:41,420
You're fired.
351
00:14:41,421 --> 00:14:42,812
Calm down.
352
00:14:42,837 --> 00:14:45,090
Lily, you're just
nervous about spending
353
00:14:45,115 --> 00:14:46,863
your first day away from Marvin.
354
00:14:46,888 --> 00:14:48,608
That's perfectly normal.
355
00:14:48,633 --> 00:14:51,168
Oh, I am holding
on to you forever.
356
00:14:51,193 --> 00:14:52,936
And when I die and
I become a skeleton
357
00:14:52,961 --> 00:14:54,737
I'll still be holding you.
Yes.
358
00:14:57,349 --> 00:15:01,914
Last night, Nick cried
when I killed a spider.
359
00:15:02,514 --> 00:15:04,901
You should have brought
that spider over to my house
360
00:15:04,941 --> 00:15:06,807
to feast on the ant colony
361
00:15:06,809 --> 00:15:09,960
breeding on Victoria's
unwashed dishes.
362
00:15:09,962 --> 00:15:11,629
Whoa!
363
00:15:11,631 --> 00:15:13,014
Barney, what
happened to you?
364
00:15:13,016 --> 00:15:16,550
It was a nightmare.
365
00:15:16,552 --> 00:15:18,669
I'm walking down the street,
minding my own business,
366
00:15:18,671 --> 00:15:20,104
and I see one of the nannies
367
00:15:20,106 --> 00:15:22,005
that I interviewed,
and I'm thinking,
368
00:15:22,007 --> 00:15:24,191
"Maybe I can get her
behind a Dumpster
369
00:15:24,193 --> 00:15:25,860
and interview her again."
370
00:15:25,862 --> 00:15:28,362
But then...
371
00:15:29,564 --> 00:15:31,982
And then...
372
00:15:31,984 --> 00:15:33,517
They were everywhere.
373
00:15:33,519 --> 00:15:36,237
I was surrounded!
374
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:37,988
Hey. Hi.
375
00:15:37,990 --> 00:15:39,457
Did you
376
00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:41,358
really think
you could get away with this?
377
00:15:42,462 --> 00:15:45,329
As a matter of fact,
I did, yeah.
378
00:15:45,331 --> 00:15:47,448
Time for your nap!
379
00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:50,835
I woke up in a Dumpster
380
00:15:50,837 --> 00:15:52,837
covered in diapers.
381
00:15:52,839 --> 00:15:54,755
And I found a pacifier
382
00:15:54,757 --> 00:15:57,391
somewhere I'm not
willing to discuss.
383
00:15:58,009 --> 00:16:00,061
What is wrong with me?!
384
00:16:00,063 --> 00:16:02,212
You're still
getting over Quinn.
385
00:16:02,214 --> 00:16:05,149
You can't just dive right back
into single Barney mode.
386
00:16:05,151 --> 00:16:06,650
But I can't stop myself!
387
00:16:06,652 --> 00:16:07,902
I'm out of control!
388
00:16:07,904 --> 00:16:09,387
No, I'm not. I'm fine!
389
00:16:09,389 --> 00:16:10,554
Now,
390
00:16:10,556 --> 00:16:11,822
if you'll excuse me,
391
00:16:11,824 --> 00:16:16,077
that blonde at the bar looks
as loose as my rear molars.
392
00:16:16,079 --> 00:16:18,279
Stop me! Don't stop me!
I'm fine. Help!
393
00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:20,498
Being single's great!
394
00:16:23,535 --> 00:16:26,921
You know, Victoria's messiness
395
00:16:26,923 --> 00:16:30,674
just forces me
to grow as a cleaner.
396
00:16:30,676 --> 00:16:33,177
Totally. And without Nick,
397
00:16:33,179 --> 00:16:34,962
who's gonna hem my pants?
398
00:16:34,964 --> 00:16:37,681
To making
these relationships last.
399
00:16:37,683 --> 00:16:42,252
Both relationships
would implode within the month.
400
00:16:42,254 --> 00:16:43,888
Hey, sweetie.
401
00:16:43,890 --> 00:16:46,390
Hey. Did you guys conk out?
402
00:16:46,392 --> 00:16:48,476
Yeah, I guess we did.
403
00:16:48,478 --> 00:16:49,610
What time is it?
404
00:16:49,612 --> 00:16:50,561
5:00.
405
00:16:50,563 --> 00:16:53,063
Wow. We slept all day!
406
00:16:53,065 --> 00:16:55,316
Quick question. Um,
407
00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:56,233
where's Marvin?
408
00:16:56,235 --> 00:16:58,419
Right here.
409
00:17:10,114 --> 00:17:13,050
Hey, gang.
What's the big whoop?
410
00:17:13,052 --> 00:17:14,251
Marvin!
411
00:17:14,253 --> 00:17:15,719
Dad, what happened?
412
00:17:15,721 --> 00:17:18,839
Well, when I came back
this morning from my jog,
413
00:17:18,841 --> 00:17:20,224
Marshall was gone,
414
00:17:20,226 --> 00:17:22,760
and I couldn't find
Mrs. What's-her-face.
415
00:17:22,762 --> 00:17:27,982
And you two were sawing logs,
so I figured I'd lend a hand.
416
00:17:37,375 --> 00:17:39,476
Then, why did I wake up
417
00:17:39,478 --> 00:17:41,162
holding a monkey?
418
00:17:41,164 --> 00:17:43,531
Well, a little later,
I got kind of hungry.
419
00:17:51,473 --> 00:17:54,341
So I gave him a bath, and put
his diaper rash ointment on,
420
00:17:54,343 --> 00:17:56,193
and fed him strained peas,
not bananas,
421
00:17:56,195 --> 00:17:58,012
'cause he had bananas yesterday,
422
00:17:58,014 --> 00:17:59,230
and I did the laundry,
423
00:17:59,232 --> 00:18:01,131
finished my burrito,
424
00:18:01,133 --> 00:18:02,933
put him down
for his nap at noon,
425
00:18:02,935 --> 00:18:05,386
sterilized the bottles, and then
we just went to the park.
426
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:06,887
Okay.
427
00:18:06,889 --> 00:18:09,840
Wow. That's incredible.
428
00:18:09,842 --> 00:18:11,892
When did you get so good
with kids?
429
00:18:11,894 --> 00:18:13,911
You know something, honey,
you don't remember this,
430
00:18:13,913 --> 00:18:16,430
but, um, for the first few years
of your life,
431
00:18:16,432 --> 00:18:19,366
your mom worked,
and I was a stay-at-home dad.
432
00:18:19,368 --> 00:18:21,552
I thought Grandma and Grandpa
took care of me.
433
00:18:21,554 --> 00:18:22,653
Well, they visited a lot,
434
00:18:22,655 --> 00:18:24,839
but I was the guy
who took care of you.
435
00:18:24,841 --> 00:18:26,590
You know, America thinks
436
00:18:26,592 --> 00:18:29,076
I ran into that burning house
to get potato salad,
437
00:18:29,078 --> 00:18:31,629
but I actually ran in
to get this photo album.
438
00:18:31,631 --> 00:18:34,548
And potato salad. Sure.
439
00:18:43,842 --> 00:18:47,077
Dad, I never
realized you were...
440
00:18:47,079 --> 00:18:50,231
there for me.
441
00:18:50,233 --> 00:18:53,617
How come there are no pictures
of me after I go to preschool?
442
00:18:53,619 --> 00:18:56,587
Well...
443
00:18:56,589 --> 00:18:59,473
Oh. Okay, well,
444
00:18:59,475 --> 00:19:02,693
have fun on your first day
of preschool, Princess.
445
00:19:02,695 --> 00:19:05,012
Okay. Off you go.
446
00:19:05,014 --> 00:19:07,181
There you go.
447
00:19:07,183 --> 00:19:09,116
Ugh!
448
00:19:09,118 --> 00:19:12,036
How am I gonna make it
to 3:00 without her?
449
00:19:15,641 --> 00:19:18,726
"Belmont Race Track?" Hmm.
450
00:19:18,728 --> 00:19:21,428
I guess it couldn't hurt
to go just once.
451
00:19:23,414 --> 00:19:24,765
Six months later,
452
00:19:24,767 --> 00:19:27,301
guess what gambling addict's
thumbs had metal pins in them?
453
00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:31,188
This guy.
454
00:19:32,057 --> 00:19:34,892
Look, honey, I was a jerk
455
00:19:34,894 --> 00:19:37,027
who wasn't there
for most of your childhood,
456
00:19:37,029 --> 00:19:40,230
and I regret that
every single day of my life.
457
00:19:40,232 --> 00:19:42,533
But I promise you,
458
00:19:42,535 --> 00:19:45,402
I'm here now for Marvin...
459
00:19:45,404 --> 00:19:47,571
if you want.
460
00:19:48,406 --> 00:19:50,541
You're hired.
461
00:19:51,159 --> 00:19:52,743
♪ I look up to you ♪
462
00:19:52,745 --> 00:19:56,130
♪ You don't look down on me ♪
463
00:19:56,132 --> 00:19:58,215
♪ What do you see in me? ♪
464
00:19:58,217 --> 00:20:01,118
♪ Is it oceans of blue? ♪
465
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:05,673
♪ How do you
make the colors say ♪
466
00:20:05,675 --> 00:20:08,425
♪ In a thousand crazy ways ♪
467
00:20:08,427 --> 00:20:10,678
♪ That in the end ♪
468
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:14,848
♪ Most things will be okay... ♪
469
00:20:17,337 --> 00:20:18,892
Ten parking tickets, huh?
470
00:20:19,562 --> 00:20:21,645
I suppose there is a way
I could, uh...
471
00:20:21,647 --> 00:20:23,547
"get you off."
472
00:20:23,549 --> 00:20:26,116
Why did I ever doubt a classic?
473
00:20:26,118 --> 00:20:28,035
Now, now, now.
474
00:20:28,037 --> 00:20:30,771
This is exactly the
sort of behavior
475
00:20:30,773 --> 00:20:33,273
you hired me to put an end to,
Mr. Stinson.
476
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:35,075
Off with you, dear.
477
00:20:35,077 --> 00:20:36,827
Go make better decisions!
478
00:20:40,081 --> 00:20:41,999
You're right.
479
00:20:42,001 --> 00:20:44,167
Thanks, Mrs. Buckminster.
480
00:20:44,169 --> 00:20:45,369
You're welcome.
481
00:20:45,371 --> 00:20:47,838
And I'm proud of you
for trying to change.
482
00:20:48,317 --> 00:20:49,850
What you're doing
483
00:20:49,852 --> 00:20:51,968
with these young women
484
00:20:51,970 --> 00:20:54,304
is simply not appropriate.
485
00:20:59,769 --> 00:21:01,570
That can never
happen again.
486
00:21:03,912 --> 00:21:06,479
Oh, pish-posh. You said that
five times ago.
487
00:21:06,481 --> 00:21:10,481
== sync, corrected by elderman ==