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Kids, the summer of 2012
was the Summer of Love.
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Barney and Quinn,
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me and Victoria,
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00:00:09,862 --> 00:00:12,145
Robin and Nick,
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Lily, Marshall and Marvin.
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Everyone was happy as can be.
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Which means there are
absolutely no good stories.
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00:00:21,790 --> 00:00:23,790
Let's skip ahead...
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...to October 2012,
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00:00:26,545 --> 00:00:28,278
the official kick-off
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of what came to be known as
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the Autumn of Breakups.
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It all started when Barney
got a little friendly advice
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from a coworker.
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Get a prenup,
or I'll neuter you
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before she ever
has a chance!
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First of all,
if you have an onion bagel,
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you don't need
scallion cream cheese.
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Secondly, Quinn
is a great girl.
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I trust her.
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00:00:50,235 --> 00:00:51,968
Oh, Darlene was
a great girl.
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I trusted her.
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And then she took everything!
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My house, my car...
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my dog Tugboat.
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I even lost out
with the kids.
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Full custody!
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I got full custody
of those kids!
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Your kids are horrible.
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The worst.
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Barney, I watched as Darlene cut
everything good out of my life
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like a deranged surgeon
hacking out organs,
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and that's not a metaphor.
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She got one of my kidneys.
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That's her ringtone.
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I have nothing left
to give you, Darlene!
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♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x02 ♪
The Pre-Nup
Original Air Date on October 1, 2012
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00:01:33,580 --> 00:01:37,580
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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You won't believe
what Barney did today.
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You won't believe
what Quinn did today.
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Hey, you ready for lunch?
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Hey, there she is.
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The future
Mrs. Barney Stinson.
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You better enjoy signing
your name "Quinn Garvey"
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while you still can, right?
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Like, I don't know...
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here, here, here,
initial here...
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What is this?
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Oh, this is our prenup.
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Black or blue?
Totally up to you.
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Um, can I read it first?
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Can you believe that?
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He wants me to sign a prenup!
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Can you believe that?
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She wants to read it first!
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Just go ahead and sign.
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It's all pretty standard.
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"In the event of divorce,
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"Mr. Stinson is granted
weekly visitation rights
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to Ann, Sarah and Molly."
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00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,249
You named our future kids?
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00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:33,585
That's actually pretty sweet.
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Those are Mr. Stinson's names
for your lady parts.
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It's important for the girls
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to maintain a relationship
with their daddy.
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You named her lady parts?
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Everyone does that.
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So... Lily?
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Snap, Crackle, Pop.
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Solid.
Wait.
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Is this prenup
in any way legit?
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I mean, so far,
it sounds a lot like
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that bar napkin document you
make one-night stands sign,
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promising not to get clingy.
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The Pre-Shtup, patent pending.
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God, I come up with
a lot of good stuff!
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Anyway, I realize
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00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:12,423
these aren't just terms
for divorce, so I ask...
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Are these rules for how I have
to behave in our marriage?
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Rules?
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Suggestions.
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Rich people and celebrities
put stuff like this
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in their prenups all the time.
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And those are
the marriages that last.
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I have to pay $2,000
every time I gain a pound?
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Not every time.
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Just if it shows up
at the weekly weigh-in.
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See, you can't do that.
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00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:41,653
"Miss Garvey must invent 12 new
sexual positions per year,
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"at least ten of which
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involve her doing all
or most of the work."
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You definitely can't do that.
Hm-mm.
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"Miss Garvey's breasts must be
enhanced every five years
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or 50,000 honka-honkas,
whichever comes first."
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That's actually not bad.
I'll allow it.
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That's repulsive.
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And, sidebar:
why do men think
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00:04:01,224 --> 00:04:03,091
women like to be
honka-honka'd?
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00:04:03,093 --> 00:04:06,227
What woman wants her breasts
squeezed like a seal horn?
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00:04:06,229 --> 00:04:08,730
Um... totally.
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00:04:08,732 --> 00:04:11,933
Lily like-a-like-a
the honka-honka.
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"All hair below the neck
must be removed weekly."
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Hey, you're gonna be thanking me
for that hair loss
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00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:21,559
during the weigh-in.
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"Miss Garvey's parents
may stay at our place
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as long as they like."
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Well, at least that one's nice.
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"Provided they
each arrive in an urn."
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"Wives two through eight will
make a weekly chore wheel."
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00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,927
I'm sorry, I borrowed
a few sections
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00:04:38,929 --> 00:04:41,546
from a prenup I did
for a Saudi Arabian sultan.
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00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,514
I'll cross out
the extra wives stuff.
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Unless...
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Cross it out.
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My God! What the hell
does Barney think
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marriage is going
to be like, anyway?
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Just a healthy,
modern-day marriage,
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00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:56,844
based on mutual respect
between two equals.
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Ready for your wake-up
lap dance, Master?
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Aren't you forgetting something?
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Oh, my God, it's 9:00 a.m.
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Legally mandated morning
pillow fight time!
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Best husband ever.
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Best husband ever.
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Best husband ever. Aw.
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Best husband e...
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Sorry, sorry, we crossed
out the wives
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two through eight stuff. Unless...
Nope.
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Okay.
Don't worry. I crossed it out.
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I didn't really cross it out.
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I can hear you.
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I'll cross it out.
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I didn't really cross it out.
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Hey, hey...
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00:05:37,354 --> 00:05:39,437
Hey, guys, what's up?
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00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:40,972
Oh, Quinn's pissed because
Barney wants her
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to sign a crazy prenup.
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But is it really crazy?
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Yes. Well, I'm new to this
but guessing yes.
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Okay, look.
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Did I go...
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a speck of sand,
a fairy eyelash,
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a unicorn whisper
too far?
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00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,587
Perhaps.
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00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,840
But can you tell me
there's nothing
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00:05:58,842 --> 00:06:01,659
in any of your relationships
you'd want to change?
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00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:04,295
No behavior you'd
want to outlaw?
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00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:06,264
No terms you'd
want to renegotiate?
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00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:09,667
Look me in the eye
and tell me I'm crazy.
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You're crazy.
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But a funny thing
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happened that night.
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Look, I'm not saying
he's right, but
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Barney does have
a little bit of a point.
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But on this one, he may have
a point. I mean, look...
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the idea of renegotiating
the terms of the relationship,
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that's valid.
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No.
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There isn't anything
about you
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that I'd want to change.
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Well, okay,
maybe a couple of things.
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Like what?
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And just like that...
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one of these four couples
would break up
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the very next day.
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Okay, it wasn't Lily
and Marshall.
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One of these three couples
would break up
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the very next day.
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What happened?
So last night
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Nick was all like,
"Barney has a point
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"about renegotiating the terms
of the blah, blah, blah,
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00:07:05,505 --> 00:07:06,837
blah, blah, blah."
Yeah, and Marshall
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00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:09,807
was all like, "Uh, I want
to blah, of the blah,
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uh, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah."
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If I shut my eyes
it's like they're here.
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They're just using
Barney's prenup
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as a way to complain about us.
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I'm just saying, you've
forbidden certain things
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that I might like to revisit.
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00:07:22,321 --> 00:07:25,072
Marshall, you're not going
on a Sasquatch hunt
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00:07:25,074 --> 00:07:27,658
in Oregon
with a bunch of loonies.
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Loonies?
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00:07:29,028 --> 00:07:32,563
Those brave, bearded men and
women are crypto-zoologists,
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00:07:32,565 --> 00:07:35,666
and they deserve the respect
that title commands.
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00:07:35,668 --> 00:07:39,470
But that's not what
I was thinking of.
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00:07:40,589 --> 00:07:41,789
You're too precious
with the baby.
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Okay,
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when we first came home
with Marvin,
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there was a bad moment.
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Welcome home, buddy.
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Was it really that high?
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I don't know. I was hormonal.
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00:07:58,441 --> 00:08:01,809
And suddenly, this primal,
protective mother voice
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00:08:01,811 --> 00:08:03,110
came out of me.
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00:08:03,112 --> 00:08:05,529
Actually, it was two voices.
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00:08:05,531 --> 00:08:09,533
I seriously think one
was coming from my vagina.
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00:08:09,535 --> 00:08:11,569
Never do that again!
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00:08:11,571 --> 00:08:14,771
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is the big deal?
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00:08:14,773 --> 00:08:17,241
My brothers and my dad
used to roughhouse with me
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00:08:17,243 --> 00:08:18,692
all the time.
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00:08:18,694 --> 00:08:20,628
Welcome home,
Marshall.
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00:08:22,497 --> 00:08:24,665
Hi. Boys...
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00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:27,585
go long.
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00:08:29,005 --> 00:08:31,639
Stop!
Not in the house.
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00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,190
That's how lamps break.
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00:08:33,192 --> 00:08:36,327
Now go pass
that baby around outside.
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00:08:38,513 --> 00:08:40,514
Oh, fumble!
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00:08:40,516 --> 00:08:42,966
And I turned out
perfectly fine.
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00:08:42,968 --> 00:08:44,935
Marshall, this morning
you thought a ghost
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00:08:44,937 --> 00:08:46,520
made your toast.
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00:08:46,522 --> 00:08:49,106
I didn't put
the bread in.
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00:08:49,108 --> 00:08:50,858
You didn't put the bread in.
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00:08:50,860 --> 00:08:53,694
You know what?
I will play with my son
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00:08:53,696 --> 00:08:55,979
however I see fit.
And you know what else?
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00:08:55,981 --> 00:08:59,483
You can honka-honka
yourself tonight.
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00:08:59,485 --> 00:09:01,318
Barney's prenup
217
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,654
ruined my night, too.
218
00:09:03,656 --> 00:09:05,873
Okay, uh, what behavior
219
00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:07,691
of mine don't you like?
220
00:09:07,693 --> 00:09:10,010
I'm talking about the TV thing.
221
00:09:10,012 --> 00:09:12,179
Okay, the TV thing
is an argument
222
00:09:12,181 --> 00:09:14,782
from, like,
three weeks ago.
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00:09:14,784 --> 00:09:16,183
Mmm.
224
00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:21,805
Uh...
225
00:09:21,807 --> 00:09:24,174
Oh, I'm sorry.
226
00:09:24,176 --> 00:09:26,026
Didn't realize it
takes 42 inches
227
00:09:26,028 --> 00:09:27,194
to keep you satisfied.
228
00:09:27,196 --> 00:09:28,512
The TV happened
229
00:09:28,514 --> 00:09:30,447
to be on.
I happened to glance at it.
230
00:09:30,449 --> 00:09:32,566
Does that make me so weird?
No.
231
00:09:32,568 --> 00:09:36,019
Not at all.
Thank you.
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00:09:36,021 --> 00:09:39,523
I may be a little weird.
233
00:09:39,525 --> 00:09:42,209
Mmm.
234
00:09:43,862 --> 00:09:45,129
Oh, yeah.
235
00:09:45,131 --> 00:09:46,363
I get...
236
00:09:46,365 --> 00:09:48,883
turned on
watching myself
237
00:09:48,885 --> 00:09:51,969
do the news during sex.
238
00:09:51,971 --> 00:09:54,605
Yeah, that's a little weird.
239
00:09:54,607 --> 00:09:56,807
Look, seeing myself
on TV makes me feel
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00:09:56,809 --> 00:09:58,392
confident and sexy.
241
00:09:58,394 --> 00:10:00,928
And that is nothing to be
ashamed of, right, sisters?
242
00:10:03,348 --> 00:10:04,932
Never speak of this.
Ever.
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00:10:04,934 --> 00:10:07,751
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
244
00:10:07,753 --> 00:10:10,354
There's more.
245
00:10:13,491 --> 00:10:15,576
Wait.
246
00:10:15,578 --> 00:10:17,995
So when you're doing the news
live at 7:00,
247
00:10:17,997 --> 00:10:19,863
you wink to future you
248
00:10:19,865 --> 00:10:22,216
watching the rebroadcast
at 11:00?
249
00:10:23,585 --> 00:10:25,786
Maybe.
250
00:10:25,788 --> 00:10:27,588
Never speak of this.
251
00:10:27,590 --> 00:10:28,789
Ever!
252
00:10:28,791 --> 00:10:30,741
You won't believe
253
00:10:30,743 --> 00:10:32,359
what Ted did last night.
254
00:10:32,361 --> 00:10:34,712
You said you were
happy to help him out.
255
00:10:34,714 --> 00:10:36,680
Well, now
I'm changing my mind.
256
00:10:36,682 --> 00:10:38,098
Sorry to interrupt, roomie,
but I am trying
257
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,767
to make sausage.
Where do you keep
258
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:42,119
your pig intestines?
259
00:10:42,121 --> 00:10:44,271
What's your ex-fiancé
doing at Ted's?
260
00:10:44,273 --> 00:10:47,141
Klaus came to me
a few weeks ago.
261
00:10:47,143 --> 00:10:48,626
Since we broke up,
262
00:10:48,628 --> 00:10:50,611
he lost his job,
he got evicted.
263
00:10:50,613 --> 00:10:52,429
He's miserable.
264
00:10:52,431 --> 00:10:53,981
I'm so sorry.
265
00:10:53,983 --> 00:10:56,066
If I could just take
a quick whore's bath
266
00:10:56,068 --> 00:10:58,769
in your kitchen sink,
then I will skedaddle.
267
00:10:58,771 --> 00:11:00,788
Oh, Klaus, I wish that
there was something
268
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:02,206
I could do to help.
269
00:11:02,208 --> 00:11:03,374
There is,
270
00:11:03,376 --> 00:11:06,076
little lady.
I've got a guest room.
271
00:11:06,078 --> 00:11:08,629
You'll stay here
till you're back on your feet.
272
00:11:08,631 --> 00:11:09,997
Are you sure?
273
00:11:09,999 --> 00:11:11,382
This is your apartment.
274
00:11:11,384 --> 00:11:13,534
Shh.
275
00:11:13,536 --> 00:11:14,802
Think of this as our apartment.
276
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:16,003
Oh...
277
00:11:16,005 --> 00:11:17,288
Hero Ted.
278
00:11:17,290 --> 00:11:18,656
He loves that move.
279
00:11:18,658 --> 00:11:21,725
Yeah, for about five minutes,
then he gets hero's remorse.
280
00:11:21,727 --> 00:11:23,811
Danke schon, roomie.
281
00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:25,229
I will go get my things.
282
00:11:25,231 --> 00:11:27,631
Das is super-duper-duper.
283
00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:29,183
My ferrets will be so happy.
284
00:11:29,185 --> 00:11:31,986
They have been living
in an airport locker for weeks.
285
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:33,804
Here comes papa,
children.
286
00:11:33,806 --> 00:11:35,272
I'll admit,
287
00:11:35,274 --> 00:11:37,741
there have been a
few awkward moments.
288
00:11:37,743 --> 00:11:40,444
You are going to love this.
289
00:11:40,446 --> 00:11:42,162
This is the popular
German situational-comedy,
290
00:11:42,164 --> 00:11:43,330
Strange Compatriots.
291
00:11:43,332 --> 00:11:46,316
Here we come.
292
00:11:46,318 --> 00:11:49,703
Ooh. Here's the thing
about this show, okay?
293
00:11:49,705 --> 00:11:52,122
One of them is very neat
294
00:11:52,124 --> 00:11:55,843
und the other one
is very, very neat.
295
00:11:57,346 --> 00:11:59,329
Oh, Fritz,
kommen sie hier.
296
00:11:59,331 --> 00:12:01,548
Ah, Fritz...
297
00:12:01,550 --> 00:12:04,000
It's time to give Klaus
"das boot."
298
00:12:06,272 --> 00:12:08,505
Klaus?
299
00:12:08,507 --> 00:12:10,958
Wait, can-can you hear us
through the wall?
300
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,493
Yes, I can hear you.
301
00:12:12,495 --> 00:12:15,195
I hear everything.
302
00:12:15,197 --> 00:12:17,047
That's it.
303
00:12:17,049 --> 00:12:19,199
Klaus, get in here!
304
00:12:19,201 --> 00:12:22,185
For God's sake.
305
00:12:22,187 --> 00:12:24,321
I want you out
of my apartment.
306
00:12:24,323 --> 00:12:28,742
You, those ferrets
and all five newborns.
307
00:12:28,744 --> 00:12:30,077
Six and counting.
308
00:12:30,079 --> 00:12:31,545
Mama is still going.
309
00:12:31,547 --> 00:12:34,331
It is like a clown car.
310
00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:36,633
Suddenly, it wasn't
our apartment anymore.
311
00:12:36,635 --> 00:12:38,502
I had no say
in the matter.
312
00:12:38,504 --> 00:12:40,421
These guys are unbelievable.
313
00:12:40,423 --> 00:12:42,539
You know what,
I am gonna go home
314
00:12:42,541 --> 00:12:46,343
and watch the news
all by myself.
315
00:12:46,345 --> 00:12:47,561
Wait.
316
00:12:47,563 --> 00:12:49,213
I have an idea.
317
00:12:49,215 --> 00:12:52,483
You know what?
318
00:12:52,485 --> 00:12:54,935
I'm on board
with the whole prenup thing.
319
00:12:54,937 --> 00:12:56,086
That's great.
320
00:12:56,088 --> 00:12:57,821
It's here to protect you,
too, sweetie...
321
00:12:57,823 --> 00:13:01,241
from becoming unappealing to me.
322
00:13:01,243 --> 00:13:03,861
Actually, I made my own prenup
323
00:13:03,863 --> 00:13:05,579
with a little help.
324
00:13:05,581 --> 00:13:07,030
Ladies?
325
00:13:12,069 --> 00:13:13,737
Go ahead and sign.
326
00:13:13,739 --> 00:13:15,005
It's all pretty standard.
327
00:13:15,007 --> 00:13:18,876
This might not be the
best time to ask--
328
00:13:18,878 --> 00:13:20,928
I'm sort of getting
back in the game.
329
00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:22,579
The redhead with the baby,
330
00:13:22,581 --> 00:13:25,232
what's her situation?
331
00:13:29,784 --> 00:13:32,360
"In the event of divorce,
Miss Garvey shall get
332
00:13:32,460 --> 00:13:35,477
full custody
of Mr. Stinson's suits"?
333
00:13:35,479 --> 00:13:37,062
Why?
334
00:13:37,064 --> 00:13:38,797
What would you do with them?
335
00:13:38,799 --> 00:13:42,268
Nothing. I'd just sit around
and watch them go out of style.
336
00:13:42,270 --> 00:13:44,570
That is just sick.
337
00:13:44,572 --> 00:13:45,938
Keep reading.
338
00:13:45,940 --> 00:13:48,223
"Mr. Stinson
is allowed to attend
339
00:13:48,225 --> 00:13:50,726
any function
at the Playboy Mansion."
340
00:13:50,728 --> 00:13:52,111
Well, at least that's nice.
341
00:13:53,196 --> 00:13:56,749
"Provided he arrives in an urn."
342
00:13:58,985 --> 00:14:01,153
Gentlemen, just in time.
343
00:14:01,155 --> 00:14:02,588
What are you bitches doing here?
344
00:14:02,590 --> 00:14:04,373
Lily.
Oh, he's napping.
345
00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:06,074
It's the only time
I get to go blue.
346
00:14:06,076 --> 00:14:08,944
Barney texted us that you
guys were ganging up on him.
347
00:14:08,946 --> 00:14:10,729
So we're just here to ensure
348
00:14:10,731 --> 00:14:13,299
he doesn't sign anything
he'll regret.
349
00:14:13,301 --> 00:14:14,850
I'm sorry,
I don't think anyone here
350
00:14:14,852 --> 00:14:16,251
other than me is a lawyer.
351
00:14:16,253 --> 00:14:20,189
A well-paid,
successful lawyer.
352
00:14:21,441 --> 00:14:22,975
I-I'm a lawyer.
353
00:14:22,977 --> 00:14:24,944
Actually, we worked together
for years.
354
00:14:24,946 --> 00:14:26,612
Back off, stretch,
I saw her first.
355
00:14:26,614 --> 00:14:28,147
Hang on a second.
356
00:14:28,149 --> 00:14:30,783
"A half million dollar fine
357
00:14:30,785 --> 00:14:34,320
"any time Mr. Stinson can't
'rise to the occasion,'
358
00:14:34,322 --> 00:14:37,856
cue sad slide whistle sounds"?
359
00:14:40,327 --> 00:14:42,611
Hey, what's this
about a shock collar?
360
00:14:42,613 --> 00:14:44,129
Ah, yes, we'll explain.
361
00:14:44,131 --> 00:14:46,332
Miss Garvey has
many attractive friends
362
00:14:46,334 --> 00:14:48,017
who will come to visit.
363
00:14:48,019 --> 00:14:49,640
May I offer you
364
00:14:49,642 --> 00:14:51,776
goat cheese puff
pastries I made, mistress?
365
00:14:51,778 --> 00:14:54,979
As long as you can
do it quietly.
366
00:15:01,403 --> 00:15:03,604
Wait, I'm confused.
367
00:15:03,606 --> 00:15:06,574
If it's not around my neck,
then where's the shock collar?
368
00:15:08,193 --> 00:15:10,044
Oh, God.
369
00:15:10,046 --> 00:15:12,863
Oh, God.
370
00:15:12,865 --> 00:15:14,632
It's more
of a shock ring, really.
371
00:15:14,634 --> 00:15:16,200
Her idea.
372
00:15:16,202 --> 00:15:19,220
Little missy
is packing a brain, too.
373
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:20,655
Okay, you know what?
374
00:15:20,657 --> 00:15:22,840
Since we're all pitching in,
375
00:15:22,842 --> 00:15:24,342
may I suggest a provision?
376
00:15:24,344 --> 00:15:25,726
In the event
377
00:15:25,728 --> 00:15:29,146
that you have a son,
Mr. Stinson is free
378
00:15:29,148 --> 00:15:31,566
to play with his child
however he sees fit.
379
00:15:31,568 --> 00:15:33,601
How about forbidding
your future husband
380
00:15:33,603 --> 00:15:36,737
from spiking his child
into his crib?
381
00:15:36,739 --> 00:15:38,990
How about a clause protecting
you from having to engage
382
00:15:38,992 --> 00:15:41,909
in a three-way with her
and whatever's on basic cable?
383
00:15:41,911 --> 00:15:45,446
Oh, yeah?
How about forbidding...
384
00:15:45,448 --> 00:15:47,448
I got nothing.
385
00:15:47,450 --> 00:15:50,201
How about a provision barring
any nudist German ex-fiancés
386
00:15:50,203 --> 00:15:52,453
from slapping his strudel up
and down your sofa?
387
00:15:52,455 --> 00:15:54,205
How about pretending
to be a hero,
388
00:15:54,207 --> 00:15:57,758
but then caving the moment
a ferret bite breaks the skin?
389
00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,543
The skin of my eyelid.
390
00:15:59,545 --> 00:16:00,911
That's how they kiss.
391
00:16:00,913 --> 00:16:01,963
Are you serious?
392
00:16:06,718 --> 00:16:09,270
Enough! Enough!
393
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,855
You all have someone
who loves you,
394
00:16:10,857 --> 00:16:12,723
and you're screwing it up,
and over what?
395
00:16:12,725 --> 00:16:14,775
Who has the most power?
396
00:16:14,777 --> 00:16:16,260
That's not love.
397
00:16:16,262 --> 00:16:18,095
Love is trusting
someone enough
398
00:16:18,097 --> 00:16:20,364
to tell them
what's really bothering you.
399
00:16:20,366 --> 00:16:21,598
So that's what we're gonna do.
400
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:22,950
You, start.
401
00:16:25,988 --> 00:16:28,406
When you got scared
about Marvin,
402
00:16:28,408 --> 00:16:31,042
it felt like
you were saying that
403
00:16:31,044 --> 00:16:33,744
I'm not as good a parent as you.
404
00:16:34,830 --> 00:16:36,213
You're an amazing mom,
405
00:16:36,215 --> 00:16:39,750
and I want to live up to that.
406
00:16:40,552 --> 00:16:43,921
Well, I probably have
trust issues
407
00:16:43,923 --> 00:16:46,123
because my dad
wasn't there for me.
408
00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:50,011
But I know that you'll always
be there to catch Marvin.
409
00:16:51,179 --> 00:16:52,930
You, next.
410
00:16:54,650 --> 00:16:57,702
Having Klaus back in our lives
411
00:16:57,704 --> 00:17:01,589
made me scared we're never
gonna escape the past.
412
00:17:01,591 --> 00:17:03,691
I only wanted to help Klaus
413
00:17:03,693 --> 00:17:07,745
because I feel guilty
about how happy I am with you.
414
00:17:08,730 --> 00:17:10,014
Next.
415
00:17:10,016 --> 00:17:13,167
I find you so sexy,
416
00:17:13,169 --> 00:17:17,355
it just hurt that you don't
feel the same about me.
417
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,710
I get turned on watching myself
do the news during sex.
418
00:17:22,712 --> 00:17:24,178
Oh.
419
00:17:25,447 --> 00:17:27,048
Well, that's cool.
420
00:17:30,552 --> 00:17:32,853
Look at that,
no legal documents needed.
421
00:17:32,855 --> 00:17:34,772
Just honesty and vulnerability.
422
00:17:34,774 --> 00:17:36,006
That's love.
423
00:17:36,008 --> 00:17:38,109
You see, I once loved someone,
424
00:17:38,111 --> 00:17:40,194
only I didn't say it enough.
425
00:17:40,196 --> 00:17:42,730
Now I wish I could
say it every day.
426
00:17:42,732 --> 00:17:44,014
Hell,
427
00:17:44,016 --> 00:17:45,399
I don't care if it's crazy,
428
00:17:45,401 --> 00:17:47,451
I-I'm doing it.
429
00:17:47,453 --> 00:17:49,686
Hello, Darlene?
430
00:17:49,688 --> 00:17:50,821
Put Tugboat on the line.
431
00:17:50,823 --> 00:17:52,990
Hey, buddy.
432
00:17:52,992 --> 00:17:55,543
Hey, it's the man.
433
00:17:56,528 --> 00:17:57,995
And for a moment,
434
00:17:57,997 --> 00:18:00,464
all felt right with the world.
435
00:18:00,466 --> 00:18:01,865
But that very night,
436
00:18:01,867 --> 00:18:04,835
the Autumn of Breakups
would claim its first victims.
437
00:18:04,837 --> 00:18:07,421
...wish you a very safe
and pleasant evening.
438
00:18:07,423 --> 00:18:09,223
Good night.
439
00:18:09,225 --> 00:18:11,559
Good night.
440
00:18:14,813 --> 00:18:16,880
Good night.
441
00:18:16,882 --> 00:18:18,599
Good night.
442
00:18:18,601 --> 00:18:20,551
Gute Nacht.
443
00:18:20,553 --> 00:18:21,552
And you too, my babies.
444
00:18:21,554 --> 00:18:23,487
Oh, danke for the sweet
eye kisses.
445
00:18:23,489 --> 00:18:24,822
Ow.
446
00:18:24,824 --> 00:18:26,490
After you, sir.
447
00:18:26,492 --> 00:18:27,858
Ladies first.
448
00:18:27,860 --> 00:18:28,993
I insist.
449
00:18:28,995 --> 00:18:31,662
I insist.
450
00:18:31,664 --> 00:18:33,831
I'm not throwing mine out first.
I'm not throwing mine out first.
451
00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:35,950
You've slept
with half the women in New York.
452
00:18:35,952 --> 00:18:37,368
I'm the one who needs a prenup.
453
00:18:37,370 --> 00:18:39,537
You duped me out of
thousands of dollars.
454
00:18:39,539 --> 00:18:40,904
I'm the one who needs a prenup.
455
00:18:40,906 --> 00:18:42,706
I just thought
of some more stuff to add.
456
00:18:42,708 --> 00:18:43,874
I'm not half finished.
457
00:18:50,766 --> 00:18:53,184
Let's dive in.
458
00:18:57,556 --> 00:19:00,474
It should be simpler than this,
shouldn't it?
459
00:19:00,476 --> 00:19:02,193
Yeah.
460
00:19:02,195 --> 00:19:05,095
Maybe it should be.
461
00:19:05,097 --> 00:19:07,832
Barney, do you trust me?
462
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,954
No.
463
00:19:15,323 --> 00:19:16,857
Do you trust me?
464
00:19:17,709 --> 00:19:20,294
No.
465
00:19:22,881 --> 00:19:25,249
If we really need something
this complicated
466
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:27,218
to get married...
467
00:19:30,489 --> 00:19:32,973
Yeah.
468
00:19:32,975 --> 00:19:38,262
♪ I was anxious to be found ♪
469
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:42,349
♪ You can always go home ♪
470
00:19:42,351 --> 00:19:45,936
♪ To the safety of your cloud. ♪
471
00:19:45,938 --> 00:19:48,706
I'm sorry, buddy.
472
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:50,140
Hey, there's always
473
00:19:50,142 --> 00:19:51,975
wives two through eight.
474
00:19:51,977 --> 00:19:54,278
They sounded pretty hot
in your fantasy.
475
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,863
All but wife seven.
476
00:19:55,865 --> 00:19:57,915
She was just there
'cause her dad was rich.
477
00:19:59,784 --> 00:20:02,169
Actually, I'm okay.
478
00:20:02,171 --> 00:20:04,821
I found out I'll never trust
someone enough to get married,
479
00:20:04,823 --> 00:20:06,574
and that's fine.
480
00:20:07,542 --> 00:20:11,128
My single life is,
and always will be,
481
00:20:11,130 --> 00:20:14,215
legen... wait for it...
482
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:17,318
...dary!
483
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,688
My wedding
is gonna be legendary.
484
00:20:21,573 --> 00:20:22,890
So, prenup?
485
00:20:22,892 --> 00:20:25,059
Not this time.
486
00:20:25,061 --> 00:20:27,745
Oh, hey you.
Ready for lunch?
487
00:20:27,747 --> 00:20:28,946
Totally.
488
00:20:28,948 --> 00:20:31,115
Mmm.
489
00:20:31,983 --> 00:20:34,151
Thanks.
490
00:20:34,953 --> 00:20:36,120
See, Tugboat?
491
00:20:36,122 --> 00:20:38,239
That's love.
492
00:20:38,579 --> 00:20:40,795
Yeah.
493
00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:49,269
Okay, you see, Ludwig has
started to polish the doorknobs,
494
00:20:49,369 --> 00:20:52,804
but Wilhelm has
already completed this chore.
495
00:20:54,908 --> 00:20:56,641
Yeah.
496
00:20:56,643 --> 00:20:59,310
Ahh...
497
00:20:59,312 --> 00:21:01,880
You know,
498
00:21:01,882 --> 00:21:03,147
it's big comedy,
499
00:21:03,149 --> 00:21:06,119
but you also really care
about these characters.
500
00:21:06,369 --> 00:21:07,835
Wilhelm!
501
00:21:07,837 --> 00:21:11,837
== sync, corrected by elderman ==