1
00:00:01,660 --> 00:00:03,795
Hey, guys.
Where are Marshall and Lily?
2
00:00:03,797 --> 00:00:05,713
Something terrible
happened.
3
00:00:05,715 --> 00:00:07,515
Are they okay?
Are they in the hospital?
4
00:00:07,517 --> 00:00:08,783
No.
5
00:00:08,785 --> 00:00:12,820
Somewhere much... much worse.
6
00:00:12,822 --> 00:00:14,055
Long Island!
7
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,556
Tonight, we're moving
out there for good.
8
00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:19,110
Yeah. Here are your spare
keys to our new house.
9
00:00:19,112 --> 00:00:20,511
Long Island?
10
00:00:20,513 --> 00:00:21,896
I don't understand.
11
00:00:21,898 --> 00:00:24,098
You can get spray tans here.
12
00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:25,183
I never let myself
13
00:00:25,185 --> 00:00:27,318
believe this day
would really come.
14
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,569
It's like when
they canceled
15
00:00:28,571 --> 00:00:30,855
Party of Five
for the second time.
16
00:00:31,824 --> 00:00:35,843
I mean when they...
canceled sports.
17
00:00:35,845 --> 00:00:38,646
Guys, we'll still see
each other all the time,
18
00:00:38,648 --> 00:00:40,147
and we'll talk
on the phone.
19
00:00:40,149 --> 00:00:42,200
And I know people say
that having kids means
20
00:00:42,202 --> 00:00:43,701
you won't see your
friends anymore, but...
21
00:00:43,703 --> 00:00:45,253
Oh, God, this is
good-bye, isn't it?
22
00:00:45,255 --> 00:00:46,621
No. Stop it.
23
00:00:46,623 --> 00:00:47,872
Guys, this doesn't
24
00:00:47,874 --> 00:00:49,123
change anything.
25
00:00:49,125 --> 00:00:52,377
We are only a 46-minute
train ride away.
26
00:00:52,379 --> 00:00:53,511
Just pop out
27
00:00:53,513 --> 00:00:54,846
whenever you want.
28
00:00:54,848 --> 00:00:57,715
So... I guess
this seat is open.
29
00:00:59,936 --> 00:01:01,936
I'll go get a chair.
30
00:01:04,056 --> 00:01:05,390
So that's it.
31
00:01:05,392 --> 00:01:06,841
No more Marshall.
32
00:01:06,843 --> 00:01:07,892
No more Lily.
33
00:01:07,894 --> 00:01:09,510
They're gone.
34
00:01:09,512 --> 00:01:11,512
Which means...
35
00:01:11,514 --> 00:01:14,181
no lame married couple
36
00:01:14,183 --> 00:01:16,901
shooting down
all my amazing ideas.
37
00:01:16,903 --> 00:01:18,986
Guys, great news.
38
00:01:18,988 --> 00:01:21,963
I'm the new leader
of the gang!
39
00:01:21,965 --> 00:01:25,965
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x14 ♪
46 Minutes
Original Air Date on January 16, 2012
40
00:01:25,990 --> 00:01:29,990
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
41
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,222
Marshall and Lily were almost
done decorating their new home.
42
00:01:38,224 --> 00:01:39,924
I like it there much better.
Yeah.
43
00:01:39,926 --> 00:01:41,041
There was only one problem.
44
00:01:41,043 --> 00:01:42,593
Wrong!
45
00:01:42,595 --> 00:01:45,045
This can't go here.
46
00:01:45,047 --> 00:01:47,148
Kids, when he found out
she was pregnant,
47
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,716
Lily's estranged father
48
00:01:48,718 --> 00:01:50,902
unexpectedly showed up
on her doorstep.
49
00:01:50,904 --> 00:01:52,904
It was a gesture
she appreciated.
50
00:01:52,906 --> 00:01:55,590
But after two weeks,
they'd had just about enough.
51
00:01:55,592 --> 00:01:56,941
That has to go there
52
00:01:56,943 --> 00:01:58,826
to cover up
the splintery floorboard.
53
00:01:58,828 --> 00:01:59,777
And you can't hang
54
00:01:59,779 --> 00:02:01,195
this picture here.
55
00:02:01,197 --> 00:02:03,664
This isn't plaster;
it's dried toothpaste.
56
00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:07,435
Guys, you're so lucky I'm here.
57
00:02:07,437 --> 00:02:09,120
I grew up in this house.
58
00:02:09,122 --> 00:02:11,572
I know it like
the back of my hand.
59
00:02:11,574 --> 00:02:14,292
And this lamp
absolutely cannot be here.
60
00:02:14,294 --> 00:02:16,043
Why not?
61
00:02:16,045 --> 00:02:18,179
Blocks my view
of the Widow Rodriguez
62
00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:20,348
doing her Jane Fonda workouts.
63
00:02:20,350 --> 00:02:22,266
Isn't she
a little old, Dad?
64
00:02:22,268 --> 00:02:25,253
Oh, you didn't see her
when I was a kid.
65
00:02:25,255 --> 00:02:28,456
In my mind, she'll always be 54.
66
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:34,278
I know he means well, but
I can't take it anymore.
67
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,096
He won't leave,
and-and he's acting
68
00:02:36,098 --> 00:02:37,932
like this is his house.
No, I know.
69
00:02:37,934 --> 00:02:40,451
And these annoying notes
he keeps leaving around?
70
00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:43,154
"I need absolute silence
when practicing the drums."
71
00:02:43,156 --> 00:02:46,106
"Do not touch the fudge
in my nightstand."
72
00:02:46,108 --> 00:02:48,793
"We need ant traps
for my nightstand."
73
00:02:48,795 --> 00:02:51,445
I find myself
hiding out here
74
00:02:51,447 --> 00:02:53,414
just because it's the only room
in the house
75
00:02:53,416 --> 00:02:54,582
where he can't boss us around.
76
00:02:54,584 --> 00:02:55,800
Great news.
77
00:02:55,802 --> 00:02:58,285
I put new batteries
in the old intercom system.
78
00:02:58,287 --> 00:03:00,471
Now we can communicate
at all times.
79
00:03:00,473 --> 00:03:02,640
Mickey out.
80
00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:06,010
Look at what's become
of our booth.
81
00:03:06,012 --> 00:03:08,346
Looks like my old
shop teacher's hand--
82
00:03:08,348 --> 00:03:10,998
just sort of
missing something.
83
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,733
Enough!
84
00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:15,152
I am sick of you two
wallowing in sadness,
85
00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:16,771
instead of doing
the healthy thing
86
00:03:16,773 --> 00:03:18,573
and pretending
anyone who leaves you
87
00:03:18,575 --> 00:03:21,025
never existed
in the first place.
88
00:03:21,027 --> 00:03:22,493
I hate to agree with Barney's
89
00:03:22,495 --> 00:03:23,644
near-paralyzing
abandonment issues,
90
00:03:23,646 --> 00:03:25,029
but he has a point.
91
00:03:25,031 --> 00:03:26,197
You can't just stop living
92
00:03:26,199 --> 00:03:27,982
because two of your friends
moved away.
93
00:03:27,984 --> 00:03:29,367
Precisely.
94
00:03:29,369 --> 00:03:33,204
Now, as new group leader,
I say we go out and do something
95
00:03:33,206 --> 00:03:35,623
that we never would have done
with Marshall and Lily here.
96
00:03:35,625 --> 00:03:37,041
Ooh.
97
00:03:37,043 --> 00:03:41,879
Remember that amazing idea
I had that one time?
98
00:03:41,881 --> 00:03:44,665
Let's go to a strip club.
Nope.
99
00:03:44,667 --> 00:03:46,634
So what do you say?
100
00:03:46,636 --> 00:03:49,336
Let's declare
our independence
101
00:03:49,338 --> 00:03:52,940
with an on-da-peen dance.
102
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,394
On-the-peen dance.
103
00:03:56,396 --> 00:03:57,895
No, we got it.
We got it.
104
00:03:57,897 --> 00:03:59,179
Let's go to a strip club!
105
00:03:59,181 --> 00:04:00,231
Well...
106
00:04:00,233 --> 00:04:01,515
I'm going to miss
them anywhere.
107
00:04:01,517 --> 00:04:03,651
Might as well see some
cans while I'm at it.
108
00:04:03,653 --> 00:04:04,852
I'll take it!
109
00:04:04,854 --> 00:04:06,621
Robin, Kevin, you in?
110
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,490
Kids, early in any
relationship,
111
00:04:09,492 --> 00:04:12,193
there's a phase where you don't
say no to anything.
112
00:04:12,195 --> 00:04:14,929
Because you want
to seem interesting...
113
00:04:14,931 --> 00:04:17,298
adventurous...
114
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,050
and open-minded.
115
00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:21,168
I call it
Early Relationship Chicken.
116
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:23,387
Well, I'm open
to anything.
117
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,840
Oh, mos' def.
118
00:04:25,842 --> 00:04:27,708
So...
So...
119
00:04:27,710 --> 00:04:30,061
I don't want to go
to a strip club.
120
00:04:30,063 --> 00:04:31,596
I don't want
to go to a strip club.
121
00:04:31,598 --> 00:04:33,814
But I don't want him
to think I'm some prude.
122
00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:36,934
Man, we've been saying "so"
for a while.
123
00:04:36,936 --> 00:04:38,936
Yeah!
Yeah!
124
00:04:40,273 --> 00:04:41,439
Yes!
125
00:04:41,441 --> 00:04:44,158
Tonight is going
to be legen--
126
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,444
Wait, are we sure it's a
good idea to go to a strip club?
127
00:04:46,446 --> 00:04:50,331
Shut up, Lily!
I'm in charge now-- dary!
128
00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:53,668
I've got no
cell reception.
129
00:04:53,670 --> 00:04:55,286
I wanted to call Ted.
130
00:04:55,288 --> 00:04:56,370
This feels weird.
131
00:04:56,372 --> 00:04:58,072
The last time I lived
this far from him
132
00:04:58,074 --> 00:04:59,123
was my semester abroad.
133
00:04:59,125 --> 00:05:01,125
You never did a semester abroad.
134
00:05:01,127 --> 00:05:02,576
That's what I called it
when we lived
135
00:05:02,578 --> 00:05:04,445
on opposite sides of campus.
136
00:05:04,447 --> 00:05:06,464
Wrong!
137
00:05:06,466 --> 00:05:08,316
Please tell me you're not
plugging that in there.
138
00:05:08,318 --> 00:05:11,302
Yes, Mickey,
that's exactly what I'm doing.
139
00:05:11,304 --> 00:05:12,920
All right, fine.
I won't say anything.
140
00:05:12,922 --> 00:05:15,439
It's... just that
this was my room
141
00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:16,757
when I growing up,
142
00:05:16,759 --> 00:05:18,976
so I know it a little
better than you.
143
00:05:18,978 --> 00:05:21,762
Lot of great memories here.
144
00:05:21,764 --> 00:05:24,482
Mostly just discovering my body.
145
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,701
That's it.
146
00:05:26,703 --> 00:05:28,035
Mickey, since you got here,
147
00:05:28,037 --> 00:05:30,321
you've been nothing
but judgmental and pushy
148
00:05:30,323 --> 00:05:33,074
and strangely obsessed
with your adolescent sex life.
149
00:05:33,076 --> 00:05:34,325
Tomorrow morning,
150
00:05:34,327 --> 00:05:36,110
you're out of here.
151
00:05:36,112 --> 00:05:38,278
Well, I-I've just been trying
to help you...
152
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:39,714
We don't need your help!
153
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,285
I...
154
00:05:45,287 --> 00:05:46,971
Oh, it-it's okay, baby.
155
00:05:46,973 --> 00:05:48,806
It had to be done.
156
00:05:55,164 --> 00:05:56,764
Too bad the one person
157
00:05:56,766 --> 00:05:58,632
who could stop you
from making mistakes like that
158
00:05:58,634 --> 00:06:00,501
was told he has to move out
next month.
159
00:06:00,503 --> 00:06:03,337
Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
160
00:06:04,423 --> 00:06:06,473
Would either of you
like a dance?
161
00:06:09,112 --> 00:06:10,611
I'm always ready to rock.
162
00:06:10,613 --> 00:06:13,447
And I'm always ready to roll.
163
00:06:13,449 --> 00:06:15,783
So...
So...
164
00:06:15,785 --> 00:06:18,002
I'm not ready to rock.
165
00:06:18,004 --> 00:06:20,171
Rolling makes me dizzy.
166
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,791
Hell, yeah!
Yeah!
167
00:06:23,793 --> 00:06:26,844
I'm buying my man a lap dance,
'cause that's just how I do!
168
00:06:26,846 --> 00:06:28,495
Party like a
rock star!
169
00:06:28,497 --> 00:06:30,614
Party like a rock star...
170
00:06:30,616 --> 00:06:32,216
Uh, hey, guys.
171
00:06:32,218 --> 00:06:33,467
It's Ted.
172
00:06:33,469 --> 00:06:35,169
Um... you're probably busy
with the move still.
173
00:06:35,171 --> 00:06:36,437
Um...
174
00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:39,390
Give me a call
if you want to gab.
175
00:06:39,392 --> 00:06:41,726
Sorry about using
the word "gab."
176
00:06:41,728 --> 00:06:44,061
Ted, stop pining
over Marshall and Lily.
177
00:06:44,063 --> 00:06:45,980
Have some self-respect.
178
00:06:45,982 --> 00:06:48,515
Now, put this fiver
in your mouth so...
179
00:06:48,517 --> 00:06:50,517
that stripper with the lazy eye
can vacuum it up with...
180
00:06:50,519 --> 00:06:51,736
Barney!
Wh-what?
181
00:06:51,738 --> 00:06:53,120
I'm allowed to miss them, okay?
182
00:06:53,122 --> 00:06:54,455
They're my two best friends.
183
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:55,956
I'm your two best friends!
184
00:06:56,858 --> 00:06:58,125
And we're here tonight
185
00:06:58,127 --> 00:07:00,694
to show you there's no need
to miss something
186
00:07:00,696 --> 00:07:03,297
when you can replace it
with something better.
187
00:07:03,299 --> 00:07:06,133
Gentlemen, say hello
to J-J-J-Jasmine!
188
00:07:17,512 --> 00:07:19,346
Remember her?
189
00:07:19,348 --> 00:07:22,349
- So, a while back, we discovered-
190
00:07:22,351 --> 00:07:23,850
Lily had a doppelganger
191
00:07:23,852 --> 00:07:27,387
who was a Russian stripper.
192
00:07:27,389 --> 00:07:28,922
Look at her, Ted.
193
00:07:28,924 --> 00:07:30,607
She's just like old,
194
00:07:30,609 --> 00:07:31,691
less-good Lily,
195
00:07:31,693 --> 00:07:33,026
but instead of
bossing us around,
196
00:07:33,028 --> 00:07:34,277
she shows us her boobs.
197
00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:35,845
No touching.
198
00:07:35,847 --> 00:07:38,148
Okay, a little
bossing us around.
199
00:07:38,150 --> 00:07:40,150
I call her Better Lily.
200
00:07:40,152 --> 00:07:43,537
Hey, Better Lily, please
dance for my friend.
201
00:07:43,539 --> 00:07:45,872
Barney, I don't
need a lap dance.
202
00:07:45,874 --> 00:07:48,325
I need to talk
to my friends.
203
00:07:48,327 --> 00:07:50,693
Who says you
can't do both?
204
00:07:50,695 --> 00:07:52,379
Talk to her.
She's got ears.
205
00:07:52,381 --> 00:07:54,530
Yes, she does have ears.
206
00:07:54,532 --> 00:07:56,583
You want to touch my
girlfriend's boobs?
207
00:07:56,585 --> 00:07:58,051
50 bucks.
208
00:07:58,053 --> 00:08:01,721
Wait-- Better Lily
is dating this behemoth?
209
00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:03,840
Sound like anyone
you know?
210
00:08:03,842 --> 00:08:05,541
That's New Marshall.
211
00:08:06,477 --> 00:08:08,945
This is our gang now.
212
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,559
Hey, guys, Ted again.
213
00:08:23,561 --> 00:08:25,895
Starting to think
you forgot about me.
214
00:08:25,897 --> 00:08:27,998
Or replaced me
with some cool neighbor.
215
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,449
What's his name?!
216
00:08:29,451 --> 00:08:31,234
I'm totally kidding.
217
00:08:31,236 --> 00:08:32,786
Anyway, uh...
218
00:08:32,788 --> 00:08:34,754
just trying to remember
what your faces look like.
219
00:08:34,756 --> 00:08:36,673
Ted, when they serve alcohol
at a strip club,
220
00:08:36,675 --> 00:08:38,375
you're not allowed
to show your vagina.
221
00:08:38,377 --> 00:08:41,595
100 bucks, and you
will see the world, my friend.
222
00:08:41,597 --> 00:08:43,880
They're already
ignoring my calls?
223
00:08:43,882 --> 00:08:45,432
Look, I'm realistic.
224
00:08:45,434 --> 00:08:48,184
I knew I'd have to get used
to going to the dentist alone,
225
00:08:48,186 --> 00:08:50,053
but I didn't think
they'd cut me out completely.
226
00:08:50,055 --> 00:08:51,054
If they don't
227
00:08:51,056 --> 00:08:53,139
need us, we don't need them.
228
00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:54,941
Yes! Finally!
229
00:08:54,943 --> 00:08:57,811
By the way, did you see
how she opened that bottle?
230
00:09:00,197 --> 00:09:01,665
Whoa.
231
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:04,584
Lights out in the suburbs
is... is really dark.
232
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:05,935
Where's the fuse box?
233
00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:07,237
I don't know.
234
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:10,073
I know where it is.
235
00:09:10,075 --> 00:09:13,743
Maybe I could fix it for you,
if I wasn't so busy packing.
236
00:09:13,745 --> 00:09:15,111
You know what?
237
00:09:15,113 --> 00:09:17,113
I bet the fuse box
is in the basement.
238
00:09:17,115 --> 00:09:18,632
I'll just... I'll go
find it myself.
239
00:09:18,634 --> 00:09:19,966
How hard can it be?
240
00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:23,386
As hard as that desk
you just walked into?
241
00:09:27,008 --> 00:09:28,591
Good burn, Mickey.
242
00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:31,561
You deserve a little
nightstand fudge for that one.
243
00:09:31,563 --> 00:09:32,962
Where do I look?
244
00:09:32,964 --> 00:09:34,648
I mean, I can't look
at her chest.
245
00:09:34,650 --> 00:09:36,016
Damn it! I just did.
246
00:09:36,018 --> 00:09:37,817
Maybe Robin didn't notice.
247
00:09:37,819 --> 00:09:40,636
Man, he's really up
in those jugs.
248
00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:42,989
Shake it, baby!
249
00:09:42,991 --> 00:09:44,807
A playa's gotta play!
250
00:09:44,809 --> 00:09:46,276
This is weird.
251
00:09:46,278 --> 00:09:48,578
I'll just look her
in the eyes.
252
00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:52,332
Is he falling in love
with this stripper?
253
00:09:52,334 --> 00:09:53,649
Quick, do something cool.
254
00:09:54,502 --> 00:09:56,036
Make it rain, son!
255
00:09:56,038 --> 00:09:57,337
Money ain't no thang!
256
00:09:57,339 --> 00:10:01,257
Damn it,
there was a 20 in there.
257
00:10:08,132 --> 00:10:09,999
Hello, Mr. Eriksen.
258
00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:11,601
From the sound
of the wind chimes,
259
00:10:11,603 --> 00:10:13,853
I hear you've made it
to the first floor.
260
00:10:13,855 --> 00:10:15,939
Okay... you know what, Mickey?
261
00:10:15,941 --> 00:10:19,642
You can save the creepy
game master routine.
262
00:10:19,644 --> 00:10:22,562
It's only kind of
terrifying me.
263
00:10:22,564 --> 00:10:25,031
Oh, but the game has just begun.
264
00:10:25,033 --> 00:10:27,850
I call it "Try Not to Bang into
All the Furniture and Stuff
265
00:10:27,852 --> 00:10:32,355
on Your Way to the Fuse Box
in the Basement, Marshall."
266
00:10:32,357 --> 00:10:34,624
That's just a working title.
267
00:10:34,626 --> 00:10:36,126
Hey!
268
00:10:36,128 --> 00:10:39,079
Got a little boob glitter
on your eyebrow, Mac Daddy.
269
00:10:39,081 --> 00:10:41,030
Straight pimpin'.
270
00:10:41,032 --> 00:10:43,133
Barney, you got
a little bit, too.
271
00:10:43,135 --> 00:10:45,385
Where?
272
00:10:46,921 --> 00:10:48,054
Did I get it?
273
00:10:48,056 --> 00:10:49,205
Yeah, you got it.
274
00:10:49,207 --> 00:10:50,807
Who needs Marshall
and Lily?
275
00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:52,726
We got a new gang,
276
00:10:52,728 --> 00:10:55,311
and we're all going to
hang out together forever.
277
00:10:55,313 --> 00:10:56,763
My shift is done.
278
00:10:56,765 --> 00:10:57,931
Good-bye.
279
00:10:57,933 --> 00:10:59,549
Wait, stop!
280
00:10:59,551 --> 00:11:02,051
Technically, this song's not
over, so we still own you.
281
00:11:02,053 --> 00:11:04,154
Plus we're best friends!
282
00:11:04,739 --> 00:11:05,939
Where to next?
283
00:11:05,941 --> 00:11:07,440
We go to underground
poker game
284
00:11:07,442 --> 00:11:09,776
in mostly-abandoned
insane asylum.
285
00:11:09,778 --> 00:11:11,444
Yes!
286
00:11:11,446 --> 00:11:13,530
This is gonna be awesome,
287
00:11:13,532 --> 00:11:15,548
and when it is, I want
you all to remember
288
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,867
who led you there:
Barney Stinson,
289
00:11:17,869 --> 00:11:19,753
new group leader.
290
00:11:30,097 --> 00:11:31,514
Yay!
291
00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:34,750
I'm winning all
your chippies!
292
00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:37,771
Let's not drink
when we're...
293
00:11:37,773 --> 00:11:38,772
I'm thirsty; it's good.
294
00:11:38,774 --> 00:11:40,106
It's good.
295
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:42,976
Marshall, I just remembered
296
00:11:42,978 --> 00:11:46,029
I saw a box of matches
in the drawer by the trash can.
297
00:11:46,031 --> 00:11:48,231
Okay, thanks, baby.
298
00:11:55,189 --> 00:11:57,373
Lily, I can't find them.
299
00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:59,709
Looking for these?
300
00:12:01,663 --> 00:12:03,463
Oh, right, you can't see me.
301
00:12:03,465 --> 00:12:07,383
Um, well, I'm burning the
matches you so desperately need.
302
00:12:11,055 --> 00:12:13,273
Aah, ooh, ow!
303
00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:15,141
Ow.
304
00:12:15,143 --> 00:12:16,176
Hah! Oh!
305
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:20,129
Mickey... guess who found
the basement stairs?
306
00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:22,465
I'll be down
at that fuse box in no time,
307
00:12:22,467 --> 00:12:24,800
and when I get there,
308
00:12:24,802 --> 00:12:27,970
I'm sure that I'll figure out
how fuse boxes work,
309
00:12:27,972 --> 00:12:29,305
so it'll be fine.
310
00:12:29,307 --> 00:12:30,657
Hey, Marshall,
311
00:12:30,659 --> 00:12:32,909
I know I've been
messing with you,
312
00:12:32,911 --> 00:12:35,311
but seriously,
that second step, don't...
313
00:12:35,313 --> 00:12:37,413
I don't want to hear it, Mickey.
314
00:12:42,369 --> 00:12:43,419
Oh, my knee!
315
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:45,371
Ow!
316
00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:48,591
And watch out for my drum set.
317
00:12:50,511 --> 00:12:52,178
I win again!
318
00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:53,429
I was bluffing.
319
00:12:53,431 --> 00:12:55,315
I didn't even have enough cards.
320
00:12:58,052 --> 00:13:00,002
Ted, please stop winning.
321
00:13:00,004 --> 00:13:02,555
Hey, look, it's the
New York City skyline.
322
00:13:02,557 --> 00:13:04,557
♪ We built Chip City
323
00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:05,692
Uh, uh!
324
00:13:05,694 --> 00:13:09,028
♪ We built Chip City
on all your dough ♪
325
00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:11,397
♪ Built Chip City
Hit it!
326
00:13:17,342 --> 00:13:19,342
You know Butterfly-knife.
327
00:13:19,375 --> 00:13:22,377
I'd expect this
from Face Tattoo...
328
00:13:22,379 --> 00:13:24,196
or Jagged Cheek Scar,
329
00:13:24,198 --> 00:13:26,932
or Larry,
330
00:13:26,934 --> 00:13:27,766
but not you.
331
00:13:27,768 --> 00:13:29,667
Why don't I get nickname?
332
00:13:29,669 --> 00:13:31,136
Because you have too
many things, Larry.
333
00:13:31,138 --> 00:13:32,354
You get one thing!
334
00:13:38,178 --> 00:13:41,346
See, that's why
you bring New Marshall.
335
00:13:47,453 --> 00:13:50,355
We go to party in
slaughterhouse.
336
00:13:50,357 --> 00:13:51,857
You come?
337
00:13:52,408 --> 00:13:54,292
Please, God, no.
338
00:13:54,294 --> 00:13:59,498
Don't let me be in charge
of the gang anymore.
339
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,917
I can't believe Dr. Kevin
doesn't remember me
340
00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:04,386
from our sessions
three years ago.
341
00:14:04,388 --> 00:14:05,504
Is that the lunatic
342
00:14:05,506 --> 00:14:07,889
that stabbed
all those prison guards?
343
00:14:07,891 --> 00:14:10,091
We gotta hit that party!
344
00:14:10,093 --> 00:14:11,426
I'll never find love.
345
00:14:11,428 --> 00:14:13,711
We got to hit that party!
346
00:14:13,713 --> 00:14:15,981
Sweet.
347
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,850
Lily?
348
00:14:18,852 --> 00:14:22,437
I think we made a mistake
moving out to the suburbs.
349
00:14:22,439 --> 00:14:24,406
I miss our home.
350
00:14:24,408 --> 00:14:27,359
I miss our booth
with our friends.
351
00:14:29,329 --> 00:14:33,081
And I'm pretty sure I have
a drumstick...
352
00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:35,734
somewhere bad.
353
00:14:35,736 --> 00:14:38,069
Dad, why are you
acting like this?
354
00:14:38,071 --> 00:14:40,238
Well, I was just
trying to be helpful,
355
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,624
but you guys want me out
by the Fourth of July.
356
00:14:42,626 --> 00:14:43,675
Tomorrow.
357
00:14:44,595 --> 00:14:46,511
You know what
a helpful father,
358
00:14:46,513 --> 00:14:48,964
not to mention grandfather,
might do?
359
00:14:48,966 --> 00:14:51,516
Get these lights back on.
360
00:14:56,923 --> 00:14:58,557
Okay, Marshall, listen up.
361
00:14:58,559 --> 00:15:00,642
I'm gonna get you
to that fuse box.
362
00:15:00,644 --> 00:15:03,645
Can't you just come down here
and do it for me, please?
363
00:15:03,647 --> 00:15:05,697
I don't know anything
about this house.
364
00:15:05,699 --> 00:15:06,898
No, Marshall...
365
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:10,151
you don't know anything
about your house.
366
00:15:13,456 --> 00:15:16,608
All right, we got a lot
of work to do.
367
00:15:16,610 --> 00:15:19,327
Wait here,
we get you
368
00:15:19,329 --> 00:15:21,613
on VPI list for party.
369
00:15:21,615 --> 00:15:25,133
You give us, uh,
$200 per person.
370
00:15:25,135 --> 00:15:26,334
Cover charge.
371
00:15:26,336 --> 00:15:28,753
That's pretty steep
for a cover charge.
372
00:15:28,755 --> 00:15:30,922
Is very good party.
373
00:15:30,924 --> 00:15:35,827
Is party for, uh, New York
"Yunkees" and Coca-Cola.
374
00:15:35,829 --> 00:15:37,178
Oh, my God.
375
00:15:37,180 --> 00:15:39,180
A Coca-Cola Yankees party?
376
00:15:39,182 --> 00:15:41,399
That sounds like a real thing.
377
00:15:44,020 --> 00:15:46,671
Okay, now, Marshall,
take three steps forward,
378
00:15:46,673 --> 00:15:49,774
while ducking underneath
the broken ceiling fan.
379
00:15:50,910 --> 00:15:52,010
Now look to your left
380
00:15:52,012 --> 00:15:54,029
and spit.
381
00:15:55,532 --> 00:15:56,665
That's the water heater.
382
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,116
Want to stay away from that.
383
00:15:58,118 --> 00:16:02,370
That baby is hotter than the
Widow Rodriguez in a unitard.
384
00:16:02,372 --> 00:16:06,508
Okay, now past the washer and
dryer is the hardest part.
385
00:16:06,510 --> 00:16:09,844
You're gonna have to belly-crawl
underneath the ping-pong table
386
00:16:09,846 --> 00:16:11,763
and don't so much as nudge it.
387
00:16:11,765 --> 00:16:12,847
Why not?
388
00:16:12,849 --> 00:16:15,684
Because there are
900 dominos set up
389
00:16:15,686 --> 00:16:17,519
in the shape of Barbara Eden.
390
00:16:17,521 --> 00:16:20,138
Big, big I Dream Of Jeannie fan.
391
00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:25,143
I'm clear.
392
00:16:30,617 --> 00:16:33,234
I don't know what
that sound is, Mickey.
393
00:16:33,236 --> 00:16:35,353
That's the sound of Barbara
Eden never banging me.
394
00:16:35,355 --> 00:16:36,404
That's what that is.
395
00:16:36,406 --> 00:16:38,323
Dad, get it back.
396
00:16:38,325 --> 00:16:41,459
Come on.
397
00:16:41,461 --> 00:16:44,045
Okay, Marshall,
398
00:16:44,047 --> 00:16:45,747
take three steps forward,
399
00:16:45,749 --> 00:16:48,166
and you should be
at the fuse box.
400
00:16:48,168 --> 00:16:50,335
Do you think he made it?
401
00:16:53,923 --> 00:16:55,557
I did it!
402
00:16:55,559 --> 00:16:57,008
No, Marshall...
403
00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:59,227
you did it.
404
00:17:01,681 --> 00:17:03,682
that night inspired
405
00:17:03,684 --> 00:17:05,850
Mickey's one and only
successful board game--
406
00:17:05,852 --> 00:17:09,688
♪ With splintery floorboards
and rusty nails ♪
407
00:17:09,690 --> 00:17:14,192
♪ Make sure you don't
get impaled ♪
408
00:17:14,194 --> 00:17:15,460
♪ Lites Out!
409
00:17:15,462 --> 00:17:18,363
Brought to you by Aldrin Games!
410
00:17:18,365 --> 00:17:20,699
Well, judging from
how many clients
411
00:17:20,701 --> 00:17:22,567
that hooker has serviced,
412
00:17:22,569 --> 00:17:24,169
I'd say we've been
here almost an hour.
413
00:17:24,171 --> 00:17:26,287
Ted, we've been robbed.
414
00:17:26,289 --> 00:17:29,407
Better Lily and New Marshall
would never rob us.
415
00:17:29,409 --> 00:17:31,326
They're our best friends.
416
00:17:36,766 --> 00:17:38,416
Damn it, Ted.
417
00:17:38,418 --> 00:17:40,885
New Marshall is
an escaped zoo bear
418
00:17:40,887 --> 00:17:44,189
and the only thing that Better
Lily is better at than our Lily
419
00:17:44,191 --> 00:17:45,890
is over-the-pants hand stuff.
420
00:17:45,892 --> 00:17:48,259
I'm assuming.
421
00:17:48,261 --> 00:17:49,444
I'll admit it.
422
00:17:49,446 --> 00:17:50,945
I can't lead this group.
423
00:17:50,947 --> 00:17:52,731
We need Marshall and Lily.
424
00:17:52,733 --> 00:17:54,599
But they're gone, aren't they?
425
00:17:54,601 --> 00:17:57,068
I mean, it'll go from seeing
them a couple times a week,
426
00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,870
to a couple times a month,
427
00:17:58,872 --> 00:18:01,206
and then it'll just
be holiday parties.
428
00:18:01,907 --> 00:18:04,075
Then the years pass,
429
00:18:04,077 --> 00:18:05,744
and you find out
Marshall's dead,
430
00:18:05,746 --> 00:18:08,296
and you're there for Lily
emotionally at first,
431
00:18:08,298 --> 00:18:11,616
but then it becomes sexual,
and you feel guilty,
432
00:18:11,618 --> 00:18:14,586
but maybe that guilt just makes
it dirtier and better...
433
00:18:14,588 --> 00:18:15,953
No, I won't let that happen.
434
00:18:15,955 --> 00:18:17,505
Especially that last part.
435
00:18:18,674 --> 00:18:21,125
Look, I know I've been a little
drunk and naive tonight,
436
00:18:21,127 --> 00:18:22,177
but here's what's gonna happen.
437
00:18:22,179 --> 00:18:23,511
First, we're gonna leave a note
438
00:18:23,513 --> 00:18:25,563
for Better Lily and Arvydas,
they're worriers.
439
00:18:25,565 --> 00:18:27,015
Oh, buddy.
Then,
440
00:18:27,017 --> 00:18:29,768
we're gonna go see Only Marshall
and One-Of-A-Kind Lily
441
00:18:29,770 --> 00:18:31,135
because they're our best friends
442
00:18:31,137 --> 00:18:32,470
and they're only
46 minutes away.
443
00:18:32,472 --> 00:18:33,738
Are you with me?
444
00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:36,024
Kind of resent the power grab,
but okay, let's go!
445
00:18:36,026 --> 00:18:37,141
Hey,
446
00:18:37,143 --> 00:18:38,993
do you want to come to
Long Island with us?
447
00:18:38,995 --> 00:18:42,447
Uh, well, still a few more
hours before the sun comes up.
448
00:18:42,449 --> 00:18:44,165
So...
449
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:45,750
No.
No?
450
00:18:45,752 --> 00:18:46,651
Is that bad?
451
00:18:46,653 --> 00:18:49,370
No, it's great.
452
00:18:49,372 --> 00:18:50,839
Ooh, that felt so good.
453
00:18:50,841 --> 00:18:53,157
I hate doing things
and going anywhere!
454
00:18:53,159 --> 00:18:54,425
Oh, new experiences suck!
455
00:18:55,629 --> 00:18:57,846
While we're at it,
I hate high-fiving you!
456
00:18:57,848 --> 00:18:59,013
I know.
457
00:18:59,015 --> 00:19:00,381
We're adults who are
sleeping together,
458
00:19:00,383 --> 00:19:02,217
not teens pledging a frat.
459
00:19:06,972 --> 00:19:10,391
Oh, man, I really
liked the high-five.
460
00:19:10,393 --> 00:19:14,679
The next morning, Marshall
and Lily woke up to a surprise.
461
00:19:20,786 --> 00:19:23,771
Hey, what are... what
are you guys doing here?
462
00:19:23,773 --> 00:19:28,159
Just wanted to make
sure this key worked.
463
00:19:28,161 --> 00:19:30,528
We missed you.
464
00:19:30,530 --> 00:19:32,630
Give mama a hug.
465
00:19:33,716 --> 00:19:35,700
Oh...
466
00:19:35,702 --> 00:19:37,468
Don't check your voicemail.
467
00:19:37,470 --> 00:19:39,254
Y-You might have
a couple weird ones.
468
00:19:39,256 --> 00:19:40,889
You hear this?!
469
00:19:40,891 --> 00:19:42,991
This is the sound
of me moving on.
470
00:19:47,830 --> 00:19:52,100
Yeah, I'm a stripper.
471
00:19:52,102 --> 00:19:55,136
Okay, who wants pancakes?
472
00:19:56,439 --> 00:19:59,440
Which two of you want pancakes?
473
00:19:59,442 --> 00:20:00,575
I'll make more.
474
00:20:00,577 --> 00:20:01,609
Oh, good-good-good,
'cause I want pancakes.
475
00:20:01,611 --> 00:20:02,694
There you go.
476
00:20:02,696 --> 00:20:03,945
Thank you, okay.
477
00:20:03,947 --> 00:20:05,380
Enjoy them.
478
00:20:05,382 --> 00:20:07,148
Hey, honey, look,
479
00:20:07,150 --> 00:20:08,616
I'm sorry I was a jerk before.
480
00:20:08,618 --> 00:20:11,002
Okay? I'll leave
right after breakfast.
481
00:20:11,004 --> 00:20:12,670
I'll crash with some friends.
482
00:20:12,672 --> 00:20:14,122
Dad, you know what?
483
00:20:14,124 --> 00:20:15,406
You can stay.
484
00:20:15,408 --> 00:20:16,257
Oh, thank God.
485
00:20:16,259 --> 00:20:18,242
I got no friends.
486
00:20:18,244 --> 00:20:20,094
I'll be here two weeks, tops.
487
00:20:20,096 --> 00:20:23,131
It wasn't two weeks.
488
00:20:23,133 --> 00:20:24,916
Would the five
of us always live
489
00:20:24,918 --> 00:20:26,851
within a few minutes
of that booth?
490
00:20:26,853 --> 00:20:30,844
No, that's life, kids,
but here's what I discovered.
491
00:20:31,922 --> 00:20:34,339
Our booth was wherever
the five of us were together.
492
00:20:34,873 --> 00:20:38,873
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
493
00:20:41,176 --> 00:20:42,860
That's right, Widow Rodriguez.
494
00:20:42,862 --> 00:20:44,195
Stretch it.
495
00:20:44,197 --> 00:20:45,846
Work those gams.
496
00:20:45,848 --> 00:20:47,715
Ooh, yeah.
497
00:20:47,717 --> 00:20:49,400
Grab that left arm.
498
00:20:49,402 --> 00:20:51,702
Clutch that chest.
499
00:20:51,704 --> 00:20:54,248
Fall down really fast.
500
00:20:54,513 --> 00:20:57,002
Oh, my God!
Somebody call 911!