1 00:00:02,117 --> 00:00:04,458 Guess what I've got behind my back. 2 00:00:04,458 --> 00:00:07,036 Wait, wait, wait, I got this one. Left. 3 00:00:07,036 --> 00:00:09,243 Wrong game. But correct. 4 00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:13,727 Five front-row tickets to Robots vs. Wrestlers. 5 00:00:13,727 --> 00:00:15,132 Robots vs. Wrestlers? 6 00:00:15,132 --> 00:00:16,304 That is awesome! 7 00:00:16,304 --> 00:00:17,945 You've heard of Robots vs. Wrestlers? 8 00:00:17,945 --> 00:00:20,420 Never. But we assume it's some sort of sporting event 9 00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:22,596 That pits robots against wrestlers! 10 00:00:22,596 --> 00:00:23,934 That's exactly what it is, 11 00:00:23,934 --> 00:00:25,372 According to the Web site! 12 00:00:26,914 --> 00:00:28,820 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 13 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,128 Who's the fifth ticket for? 14 00:00:31,128 --> 00:00:33,136 Uh... Robin. 15 00:00:33,136 --> 00:00:34,139 I know-- 16 00:00:34,139 --> 00:00:35,646 She moved in with her boyfriend 17 00:00:35,646 --> 00:00:37,955 And said she doesn't want to hang out with us anymore, 18 00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,197 But this is Robots vs. Wrestlers. 19 00:00:40,197 --> 00:00:42,438 Robots... 20 00:00:42,438 --> 00:00:43,812 Vs. Wrestlers! 21 00:00:43,812 --> 00:00:45,151 Barney is right. 22 00:00:45,151 --> 00:00:47,356 It's impossible to say no to that. 23 00:00:47,356 --> 00:00:48,360 No to that. 24 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:49,733 I wish I could, but I 25 00:00:49,733 --> 00:00:51,239 Have plans with don on Saturday. 26 00:00:51,239 --> 00:00:52,477 He's making me Chinese. 27 00:00:52,477 --> 00:00:54,151 I'll assume you're talking about food, 28 00:00:54,151 --> 00:00:56,527 Otherwise, I have some follow-up questions. 29 00:00:56,527 --> 00:00:57,766 Oh, I'm sorry, Lily, 30 00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:00,074 But I got to give this thing with don a chance. 31 00:01:00,074 --> 00:01:02,582 And I can't do that if I'm out drinking with you guys 32 00:01:02,582 --> 00:01:04,390 Every single night-- especially when "you guys" 33 00:01:04,390 --> 00:01:06,297 Includes two of my ex-boyfriends. 34 00:01:06,297 --> 00:01:08,038 I understand. You're right. 35 00:01:08,038 --> 00:01:10,816 It's just we all really miss you. 36 00:01:10,816 --> 00:01:12,320 Aw, I miss you, too. 37 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,429 Oh, listen, I got to go. Talk soon? 38 00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:15,734 Okay, bye. 39 00:01:15,734 --> 00:01:18,511 Sorry, New York, I had to take that. 40 00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:19,883 Now, where were we? 41 00:01:19,883 --> 00:01:22,795 Yeah. Yes. Bus crash. 42 00:01:22,795 --> 00:01:24,467 She said no? 43 00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:26,241 How could she say no? 44 00:01:26,241 --> 00:01:28,550 Robots vs. Wrestlers is our most important tradition 45 00:01:28,550 --> 00:01:29,957 As a group. 46 00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:32,399 Tradition? We've never done this before? 47 00:01:32,399 --> 00:01:34,439 It's Robots vs. Wrestlers, Lily. 48 00:01:34,439 --> 00:01:36,916 How is that not gonna be a tradition? 49 00:01:36,916 --> 00:01:37,920 Well... 50 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,458 This is how it starts. 51 00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:41,734 First Robin moves in with don, 52 00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:43,675 Then Marshall and Lily have a baby, 53 00:01:43,675 --> 00:01:44,746 Then Ted... 54 00:01:44,746 --> 00:01:45,750 Gets married? 55 00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:47,691 I was gonna say, "is found alone 56 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,665 In his apartment devoured by his cats," 57 00:01:49,665 --> 00:01:51,238 But either way, not pretty. 58 00:01:51,238 --> 00:01:52,242 Everyone's 59 00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:54,183 Leaving me, and I don't like it! 60 00:01:54,183 --> 00:01:56,123 Oh, Barney, you don't have to worry 61 00:01:56,123 --> 00:01:57,763 About Marshall and me having kids. 62 00:01:57,763 --> 00:01:59,839 That's a long way down the road. 63 00:01:59,839 --> 00:02:01,478 Exactly-- it's, uh, down the road, 64 00:02:01,478 --> 00:02:02,682 A medium way. 65 00:02:02,682 --> 00:02:04,590 A medium-long way. 66 00:02:04,590 --> 00:02:06,196 I mean, you can see it ahead. 67 00:02:06,196 --> 00:02:08,472 In the vast, vast distance. 68 00:02:08,472 --> 00:02:10,145 But you're already seeing exit signs for it. 69 00:02:10,145 --> 00:02:11,517 Really? I didn't see any. 70 00:02:11,517 --> 00:02:14,462 You might want to get in the right lane. 71 00:02:14,462 --> 00:02:16,201 I understand how you feel, Barney. 72 00:02:16,201 --> 00:02:18,075 Friendships are important. 73 00:02:18,075 --> 00:02:20,084 In fact, Emerson wrote 74 00:02:20,084 --> 00:02:22,492 A great poem entitled "friendship." 75 00:02:22,492 --> 00:02:24,332 You guys are gonna love this. 76 00:02:24,332 --> 00:02:28,181 "a ruddy drop of manly blood, the surging sea outweighs..." 77 00:02:30,021 --> 00:02:32,865 That's how it had always been for me with the gang 78 00:02:32,865 --> 00:02:35,209 Any time I tried to get a little high-minded. 79 00:02:35,209 --> 00:02:37,819 You guys, you've got to try this syrah. 80 00:02:37,819 --> 00:02:40,595 Hints of creme de cassis, red berries, 81 00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:42,101 Toasty oak... 82 00:02:45,281 --> 00:02:46,485 Hmm. 83 00:02:46,485 --> 00:02:50,066 Five letters, blank baritone. 84 00:02:50,066 --> 00:02:52,342 Of course! Lyric baritone! 85 00:02:52,342 --> 00:02:55,185 Which is actually higher than a dramatic baritone. 86 00:02:55,185 --> 00:02:56,624 You know, there's a telling moment 87 00:02:56,624 --> 00:02:58,331 In the second act of la bohème... 88 00:03:00,741 --> 00:03:02,715 Guys, come on, I'm just trying to add 89 00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:04,187 A little class to these proceedings. 90 00:03:04,187 --> 00:03:05,491 It's like that line 91 00:03:05,491 --> 00:03:06,663 From Dante's inferno. 92 00:03:09,475 --> 00:03:11,682 You were not born to live like brutes." 93 00:03:13,357 --> 00:03:15,698 "but to follow virtue and knowledge"" 94 00:03:15,698 --> 00:03:17,739 Or... 95 00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,379 In the original Italian... 96 00:03:39,793 --> 00:03:40,796 You guys are right. 97 00:03:40,796 --> 00:03:42,268 I'm totally overreacting 98 00:03:42,268 --> 00:03:43,873 To this whole Robin thing. 99 00:03:43,873 --> 00:03:45,881 What's this envelope? Is this a wedding invitation? 100 00:03:45,881 --> 00:03:47,721 Robin's marrying don. I'm gonna die alone! 101 00:03:47,721 --> 00:03:49,696 Ted's gonna get eaten by cats! 102 00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:50,700 Dude, 103 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,708 Relax-- it's for Marissa Heller. 104 00:03:52,708 --> 00:03:54,649 Marissa Heller? She sounds hot. 105 00:03:55,387 --> 00:03:56,589 Face, boobs, describe. 106 00:03:56,589 --> 00:03:57,694 Start with boobs. 107 00:03:57,694 --> 00:03:59,868 Who was Marissa Heller? 108 00:03:59,868 --> 00:04:01,810 That mystery began when Marshall and I 109 00:04:01,810 --> 00:04:03,148 First moved in together. 110 00:04:03,148 --> 00:04:05,992 Ted! We got our first mail delivery! 111 00:04:05,992 --> 00:04:07,700 We are popular. 112 00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:08,970 We've got 113 00:04:08,970 --> 00:04:10,711 A golf magazine for... 114 00:04:10,711 --> 00:04:12,016 Marissa Heller, 115 00:04:12,016 --> 00:04:14,291 We've got a wicker furniture catalog, 116 00:04:14,291 --> 00:04:15,697 Also for Marissa Heller, 117 00:04:15,697 --> 00:04:17,135 And... 118 00:04:17,135 --> 00:04:19,646 A coupon for a bird store... 119 00:04:19,646 --> 00:04:22,657 Addressed to Marissa Heller or-- stay with me-- 120 00:04:22,657 --> 00:04:24,463 "current occupant." 121 00:04:24,463 --> 00:04:25,669 That's us! 122 00:04:25,669 --> 00:04:27,710 We've got mail! Fantastic! 123 00:04:27,710 --> 00:04:29,149 Marissa Heller? 124 00:04:29,149 --> 00:04:31,056 She must be the woman who lived here before us. 125 00:04:31,056 --> 00:04:33,431 I wonder what she was like. 126 00:04:33,431 --> 00:04:34,870 And just like that, 127 00:04:34,870 --> 00:04:38,250 A picture began to take shape... 128 00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:41,329 A picture of Marissa Heller, the golfer... 129 00:04:44,611 --> 00:04:48,489 ...Marissa Heller, the wicker catalog shopper... 130 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:51,300 Marissa Heller, the bird owner. 131 00:04:52,842 --> 00:04:55,450 And since then, with each piece of mail we've gotten, 132 00:04:55,450 --> 00:04:57,158 The picture's become a little clearer. 133 00:04:57,158 --> 00:04:58,262 The only thing 134 00:04:58,262 --> 00:05:00,136 We don't know is what she looks like. 135 00:05:00,136 --> 00:05:01,741 Well, I guess I'll forward this along 136 00:05:01,741 --> 00:05:02,779 Like I've been forwarding... 137 00:05:02,779 --> 00:05:05,221 Oh, just open it. Okay. 138 00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:09,137 It's an invitation to Jefferson van Smoot's 139 00:05:09,137 --> 00:05:11,914 Annual spring social this Saturday night... 140 00:05:11,914 --> 00:05:13,755 In the penthouse apartment of the Alberta! 141 00:05:13,755 --> 00:05:16,131 You guys... That's the most beautiful building in Manhattan! 142 00:05:16,131 --> 00:05:18,172 We-we got to go to this party. 143 00:05:18,172 --> 00:05:20,447 That depends-- does it say anything on that invitation 144 00:05:20,447 --> 00:05:23,559 About robots battling wrestlers for intergalactic supremacy? 145 00:05:23,559 --> 00:05:25,098 No, but it says open bar. 146 00:05:25,098 --> 00:05:27,374 Revised agenda 147 00:05:27,374 --> 00:05:29,281 Free booze at Marissa Heller's party, 148 00:05:29,281 --> 00:05:30,821 Then Robots vs. Wrestlers. 149 00:05:30,821 --> 00:05:31,892 One of us just 150 00:05:31,892 --> 00:05:35,605 Needs to pretend to be Marissa Heller. 151 00:05:37,848 --> 00:05:38,918 guys, I'm flattered, 152 00:05:38,918 --> 00:05:40,892 But I think Lily should do it. 153 00:05:41,931 --> 00:05:43,838 So the big night arrived. 154 00:05:43,838 --> 00:05:45,778 Our first stop... 155 00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:47,720 The Alberta building. 156 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,727 Wow! This building is amazing! 157 00:05:49,727 --> 00:05:51,633 Did you guys see the Porte Cochere 158 00:05:51,633 --> 00:05:52,973 And the Terra-cotta spandrels outside? 159 00:05:52,973 --> 00:05:54,143 Oh, my God, look! 160 00:05:54,143 --> 00:05:56,018 I just got a text from Robin. 161 00:05:56,018 --> 00:05:57,089 It says... 162 00:05:58,998 --> 00:06:00,736 Okay, guys, huddle up. 163 00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:03,246 Now, Lil, you can do this-- all you have to do 164 00:06:03,246 --> 00:06:05,722 Is look that guy in the eye, say your name 165 00:06:05,722 --> 00:06:07,461 Is Marissa Heller, and we are golden. 166 00:06:07,461 --> 00:06:09,469 And again, just so we're clear, no accent. 167 00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:12,147 Are we sure she's not British, isn't it? 168 00:06:12,147 --> 00:06:13,452 No! No! No! 169 00:06:13,452 --> 00:06:15,091 All right! Here I go. 170 00:06:15,091 --> 00:06:16,564 I'm doing it. 171 00:06:16,564 --> 00:06:17,734 Hi. Hello. 172 00:06:17,734 --> 00:06:18,806 Ooh. Sorry. 173 00:06:18,806 --> 00:06:19,944 Go ahead. 174 00:06:19,944 --> 00:06:22,086 I'm here for the van Smoot party. 175 00:06:22,086 --> 00:06:24,695 My name is Marissa Heller. 176 00:06:25,934 --> 00:06:28,008 Bollocks. 177 00:06:31,997 --> 00:06:34,004 So that's Marissa Heller. 178 00:06:34,004 --> 00:06:35,376 Huh. 179 00:06:35,376 --> 00:06:37,084 She fine. 180 00:06:38,089 --> 00:06:39,625 Her teeth look really nice. 181 00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:41,699 She must be remembering to go to the dentist 182 00:06:41,699 --> 00:06:43,339 Even without those reminder postcards. 183 00:06:43,339 --> 00:06:44,780 So, what are we doing? 184 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:48,394 I'm getting us into the party, that's what! 185 00:06:48,394 --> 00:06:50,000 Marissa Heller! 186 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,338 Barney Stinson! 187 00:06:51,338 --> 00:06:53,245 We met at that gathering for... 188 00:06:53,245 --> 00:06:54,818 Bird owners. 189 00:06:54,818 --> 00:06:56,390 I don't think so. 190 00:06:56,390 --> 00:06:57,394 Wicker lovers? 191 00:06:57,394 --> 00:06:59,235 No. Stinson out. 192 00:06:59,235 --> 00:07:01,510 Guys, it's not gonna happen. 193 00:07:01,510 --> 00:07:02,916 I got this. 194 00:07:05,661 --> 00:07:08,270 You know, this elevator still uses the same mechanism 195 00:07:08,270 --> 00:07:10,713 From when it was first installed in 1906. 196 00:07:10,713 --> 00:07:11,716 Rumor is, 197 00:07:11,716 --> 00:07:12,989 Louis Lamar Skolnick, 198 00:07:12,989 --> 00:07:14,762 The architect who designed this building, 199 00:07:14,762 --> 00:07:16,335 Carved these panels himself. 200 00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:17,908 Oh, a Skolnick fan? 201 00:07:17,908 --> 00:07:19,178 Well... I love 202 00:07:19,178 --> 00:07:20,384 His juxtaposition between 203 00:07:20,384 --> 00:07:22,258 The north German renaissance exterior... 204 00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:25,169 And the decidedly French influence on the inside! I know! 205 00:07:25,169 --> 00:07:26,173 He was an architect 206 00:07:26,173 --> 00:07:28,481 With the soul of a poet, really. 207 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:30,120 No, no, no, don't, don't. 208 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,626 - It's working. - You know, 209 00:07:31,626 --> 00:07:32,697 I have a confession to make. 210 00:07:32,697 --> 00:07:34,271 We're not on the guest list, 211 00:07:34,271 --> 00:07:37,617 But... I've always wanted to see the inside of the Alberta. 212 00:07:38,589 --> 00:07:39,994 Well, then right this way. 213 00:07:39,994 --> 00:07:42,403 We're all together. 214 00:07:44,377 --> 00:07:46,551 Told you I'd get us in. 215 00:07:48,393 --> 00:07:50,299 So... 216 00:07:50,299 --> 00:07:53,277 Anyone been watching the young and the restless? 217 00:07:55,318 --> 00:07:56,456 awesome! 218 00:07:56,456 --> 00:07:58,933 Who ordered soap opera illustrated? 219 00:07:58,933 --> 00:08:03,015 Huh. Marissa Heller, I like your style. 220 00:08:04,891 --> 00:08:05,734 Anyone? 221 00:08:07,635 --> 00:08:10,543 Am I to understand that there isn't 222 00:08:10,543 --> 00:08:14,627 A single soap opera fan in this entire elevator, Hmm? 223 00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:16,367 I don't own a TV. 224 00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:18,241 The only operas I watch 225 00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:21,052 Are at the met. 226 00:08:25,636 --> 00:08:26,890 Dibs. 227 00:08:30,188 --> 00:08:31,592 Ah. Excuse me. 228 00:08:31,592 --> 00:08:33,667 Jefferson, darling. 229 00:08:38,587 --> 00:08:41,296 Wow, I am not dressed for this. 230 00:08:41,296 --> 00:08:43,137 One word, made up: 231 00:08:43,137 --> 00:08:44,978 "douche-pocalypse"" 232 00:08:44,978 --> 00:08:47,419 Guys... That's Peter Bogdanovich 233 00:08:47,419 --> 00:08:49,796 Talking to Arianna Huffington and Will Shortz, 234 00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,938 Editor of the new York times crossword! 235 00:08:51,938 --> 00:08:53,946 Look, let's give this party a chance, okay? 236 00:08:53,946 --> 00:08:55,218 There's free food, free booze. 237 00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:58,296 20 minutes, then we can leave. 238 00:08:58,296 --> 00:09:00,169 But, you see, music was changing, 239 00:09:00,169 --> 00:09:02,612 And Giovanni Artusi simply didn't understand 240 00:09:02,612 --> 00:09:04,988 The new style of composing. 241 00:09:04,988 --> 00:09:07,464 Excuse me, are you talking about Monteverdi 242 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,372 And his fourth book of madrigals? 243 00:09:09,372 --> 00:09:11,011 My dear chap, what else? 244 00:09:11,011 --> 00:09:14,257 That's my favorite book of madrigals! 245 00:09:15,027 --> 00:09:16,868 Smoked Foie gras 246 00:09:16,868 --> 00:09:19,880 With caramelized mango and crème fraîche? 247 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,318 Hey, uh, hey, guy, 248 00:09:21,318 --> 00:09:23,626 Do you have anything in the mini cheeseburger department? 249 00:09:23,626 --> 00:09:26,405 I don't think so, sir. 250 00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:28,413 No? Mini pizzas? Little cups of fries? 251 00:09:28,413 --> 00:09:31,290 Any food at all that'll make me feel like a giant? 252 00:09:31,290 --> 00:09:33,364 I'll check, sir. 253 00:09:35,273 --> 00:09:38,651 He's not gonna check. 254 00:09:38,651 --> 00:09:40,124 I'm performing open-heart surgery 255 00:09:40,124 --> 00:09:42,266 On the dutch ambassador in the morning. 256 00:09:42,266 --> 00:09:44,240 I hope he pulls through. 257 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,151 Really? A colleague of mine just prescribed cumadin 258 00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:48,657 To the dutch ambassador. 259 00:09:48,657 --> 00:09:49,694 And there's no way 260 00:09:49,694 --> 00:09:51,233 She'd be on anticoagulants 261 00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:53,710 If she were about to undergo surgery. 262 00:09:55,318 --> 00:09:56,755 Just... 263 00:09:56,755 --> 00:09:57,960 Okay? 264 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,039 You know who published a great article 265 00:10:01,039 --> 00:10:03,212 On Walt Whitman and the politics of semantics? 266 00:10:03,212 --> 00:10:04,920 Professor Hammersmith of Oxford. 267 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,062 I am Professor Hammersmith. 268 00:10:07,062 --> 00:10:09,438 Wha...?! 269 00:10:09,438 --> 00:10:11,746 ...Which is exactly what truffaut was talking about 270 00:10:11,746 --> 00:10:15,360 In his 1954 article in Cahiers Du Cinéma. 271 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,672 Film is an auteur's medium, full stop. 272 00:10:20,146 --> 00:10:21,450 Movies... 273 00:10:21,450 --> 00:10:22,788 Right? 274 00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,262 Actors. 275 00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:27,807 Willem Dafoe. 276 00:10:27,807 --> 00:10:29,715 Funny thing about Willem Dafoe-- 277 00:10:29,715 --> 00:10:33,531 Uh, his name kind of sounds like a frog... 278 00:10:33,531 --> 00:10:35,939 Talking to a parrot. 279 00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:37,345 Willem. 280 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,187 Defoe! 281 00:10:39,187 --> 00:10:40,356 Willem. 282 00:10:40,356 --> 00:10:41,078 Defoe! 283 00:10:43,437 --> 00:10:44,574 No? 284 00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,652 As undersecretary of the treasury, 285 00:10:47,652 --> 00:10:50,563 I had a big hand in crafting that legislation. 286 00:10:50,563 --> 00:10:52,403 Now... I wonder 287 00:10:52,403 --> 00:10:54,779 If you'd like to join me in the map room 288 00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:58,092 And give my package some stimulus. 289 00:10:58,092 --> 00:10:59,598 I'm afraid not, darling. 290 00:10:59,598 --> 00:11:01,974 You are too old for my taste. 291 00:11:03,682 --> 00:11:06,055 Okay, Zsa Zsa Gabor is still looking pretty hot, 292 00:11:06,055 --> 00:11:07,294 But otherwise, 293 00:11:07,294 --> 00:11:08,465 This party sucks. 294 00:11:08,465 --> 00:11:09,937 Yeah, well, we gave it a chance. 295 00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:11,812 It's been 20 minutes. Let's get out of here. 296 00:11:11,812 --> 00:11:13,050 Where's Ted? Yeah. 297 00:11:13,050 --> 00:11:15,360 I know how to find him. 298 00:11:16,332 --> 00:11:18,203 Just give me one... Mm. 299 00:11:24,629 --> 00:11:25,833 Gongs, right? 300 00:11:25,833 --> 00:11:27,640 Uh, louder than you think. 301 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:31,990 Young man, that gong is a 500-year-old relic 302 00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:35,805 That hasn't been struck since W.S. Gilbert hit it 303 00:11:35,805 --> 00:11:39,318 At the London premiere of the Mikado in 1885. 304 00:11:42,328 --> 00:11:43,774 Wife is a 500 year relic that 305 00:11:43,774 --> 00:11:45,489 hasn't been struck since W.S. Gilbert hit it 306 00:11:45,489 --> 00:11:47,505 at the London premiere of the Mikado in 1885. 307 00:11:49,492 --> 00:11:51,231 Guys, Will Schorz, editor of the Times' crossword. 308 00:11:51,231 --> 00:11:53,440 You know how I've been saying they always use ulee 309 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,011 From Ulee's gold because of the vowels? 310 00:11:55,011 --> 00:11:56,350 Well, tell 'em, will. Tell 'em. 311 00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:57,522 It's because of the vowels. 312 00:11:57,522 --> 00:11:58,759 It's because of the vowels! 313 00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:01,236 Oh, wow. Ted, can I talk to you just for a second? 314 00:12:01,236 --> 00:12:04,248 Hey, will, ten-letter-word for diminutive egg-based torte? 315 00:12:04,248 --> 00:12:05,419 Mini-quiche? Where?! 316 00:12:05,419 --> 00:12:07,427 Right there. 317 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,300 Such a great party. Such a 318 00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,408 Great party! Yeah, totally, Ted. It's time to go. 319 00:12:11,408 --> 00:12:13,249 It's Robots vs. Wrestlers o'clock. 320 00:12:13,249 --> 00:12:14,253 Oh. Ted. 321 00:12:14,253 --> 00:12:15,625 There you are. 322 00:12:15,625 --> 00:12:18,235 We'll be blind taste-testing French whites in a bit. 323 00:12:18,235 --> 00:12:19,943 Should be a hoot and a half. 324 00:12:19,943 --> 00:12:22,686 Well, I decan't miss that. 325 00:12:25,431 --> 00:12:27,537 I know. You don't have to say it. 326 00:12:27,537 --> 00:12:29,311 You don't decant white wine. 327 00:12:29,311 --> 00:12:33,059 Miss Lily in the living room with the candlestick. 328 00:12:33,059 --> 00:12:35,300 Oh, my heavens, no! 329 00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:37,242 That was Edgar Allan Poe's! 330 00:12:37,242 --> 00:12:37,964 Sorry! 331 00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:41,425 Uh, guys, listen, I'm having fun here, 332 00:12:41,425 --> 00:12:44,436 So I think I'm gonna skip Robots vs. Wrestlers. 333 00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:49,055 But Ted, you've never missed Robots vs. Wrestlers! 334 00:12:50,193 --> 00:12:52,803 No! No! No! No! No! No! No! 335 00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:55,045 No! No! No! No! No! 336 00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:57,220 Ted, this isn't happening. 337 00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:59,493 First Robin ditches us, and now you? 338 00:12:59,493 --> 00:13:02,305 And for these stuffy, pretentious snoots?! 339 00:13:02,305 --> 00:13:04,480 Actually, I kind of like these stuffy, pretentious snoots. 340 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,158 They don't make fart noises every time I open my mouth. 341 00:13:08,196 --> 00:13:09,601 Now, look, I'm going to stay. 342 00:13:09,601 --> 00:13:10,973 - I'll see you guys tomorrow. - Yeah. 343 00:13:10,973 --> 00:13:12,278 Come on, Barney. It's just one night. 344 00:13:12,278 --> 00:13:13,448 It doesn't mean anything. 345 00:13:13,448 --> 00:13:14,954 Oh, it means everything. 346 00:13:14,954 --> 00:13:18,268 Ted, if you don't come to Robots vs. Wrestlers, 347 00:13:18,268 --> 00:13:20,342 It's the end of our friendship. 348 00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:22,820 I'll see you guys tomorrow. 349 00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:27,336 Fine. Then you are out of our gang forever. 350 00:13:27,336 --> 00:13:29,678 You can reapply in two years. 351 00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:31,954 Marshall, Lily, 352 00:13:31,954 --> 00:13:33,593 Let's go watch 353 00:13:33,593 --> 00:13:35,836 Wrestlers fight robots. 354 00:13:37,911 --> 00:13:39,382 So embarrassing. 355 00:13:39,382 --> 00:13:40,855 I forgot something. 356 00:13:53,258 --> 00:13:56,805 So Ted, where did those chums of yours scoot off to? 357 00:13:56,805 --> 00:13:58,611 Oh, you know. 358 00:13:58,611 --> 00:13:59,950 Poetry reading. 359 00:14:03,531 --> 00:14:06,643 Best tradition ever! 360 00:14:06,643 --> 00:14:08,383 Don't humor me, Marshall. 361 00:14:08,383 --> 00:14:09,655 Let's face it. 362 00:14:09,655 --> 00:14:11,562 The gang is over. 363 00:14:11,562 --> 00:14:13,101 Ted's gone. Robin's gone. 364 00:14:13,101 --> 00:14:14,974 We might as well just go our separate ways. 365 00:14:14,974 --> 00:14:16,915 God, Barney, enough with t a abandonment issues. 366 00:14:16,915 --> 00:14:19,660 Ted's allowed to have a life outside of the group. 367 00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:20,998 We all are. 368 00:14:20,998 --> 00:14:22,738 Wait a minute. 369 00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,348 Why are you saying that all of a sudden? 370 00:14:25,348 --> 00:14:27,389 Oh, God, you're pregnant! 371 00:14:27,389 --> 00:14:28,460 No. 372 00:14:28,460 --> 00:14:31,839 Oh, God, you already had the baby! 373 00:14:31,839 --> 00:14:34,082 It's right behind me, isn't it? 374 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:35,453 No, you idiot. 375 00:14:35,453 --> 00:14:37,696 It's just, eventually, we're all gonna move on. 376 00:14:37,696 --> 00:14:40,105 It's called growing up. 377 00:14:41,410 --> 00:14:43,384 Is that all you got, bitch? 378 00:14:43,384 --> 00:14:44,824 But can you at least promise me 379 00:14:44,824 --> 00:14:46,428 That you won't get pregnant for another year? 380 00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:47,801 I can't make that promise. 381 00:14:47,801 --> 00:14:50,411 You can't?! You can't?! 382 00:14:54,930 --> 00:14:56,168 Hmm? 383 00:14:57,708 --> 00:15:01,823 Citrus and honeycomb flavors with crisp acidity. 384 00:15:01,823 --> 00:15:04,867 It's a sauv blanc, Loire valley. 385 00:15:04,867 --> 00:15:06,640 Town of Sancerre. 386 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,514 Ah. Correct again! 387 00:15:08,514 --> 00:15:09,954 Bravo, boy! 388 00:15:11,729 --> 00:15:14,304 No! You can't have kids! 389 00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:15,978 You don't want to bring a child 390 00:15:15,978 --> 00:15:17,315 Into this crazy, messed-up world. 391 00:15:17,315 --> 00:15:18,486 I don't know. 392 00:15:18,486 --> 00:15:19,825 The world seems pretty awesome right now, Barney. 393 00:15:22,503 --> 00:15:24,610 Okay, Lily, you leave me no choice. 394 00:15:24,610 --> 00:15:27,422 If you have a daughter, the day, 395 00:15:27,422 --> 00:15:30,701 Nay, the minute she turns 18... 396 00:15:30,701 --> 00:15:32,775 Gong! Oh, my God! 397 00:15:32,775 --> 00:15:34,414 Hey, but Lily. 398 00:15:34,414 --> 00:15:37,928 Lily... Babies. 399 00:15:37,928 --> 00:15:38,681 Oh! 400 00:15:39,336 --> 00:15:42,747 I hope Ted is miserable right now. 401 00:15:42,747 --> 00:15:46,461 ♪ constance fry, constance fry ♪ 402 00:15:46,461 --> 00:15:49,875 ♪ anytime you'd call ♪ 403 00:15:49,875 --> 00:15:53,991 ♪ constance would fulfill your needs ♪ 404 00:15:53,991 --> 00:15:57,069 ♪ winter, spring ♪ 405 00:15:57,069 --> 00:16:00,817 ♪ or fall. ♪ 406 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:07,542 Ted, your lyric baritone is outstanding. 407 00:16:07,542 --> 00:16:10,889 Thank you, Will Shortz. 408 00:16:12,530 --> 00:16:14,872 Fine, you guys can have a baby, 409 00:16:17,349 --> 00:16:20,560 1) you promise to always love me more than the baby; 410 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:24,575 2) once a month, I get to use the baby to pick up chicks; 411 00:16:24,575 --> 00:16:27,454 3) that may involve the baby falling 412 00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,829 From a two-story window and me heroically catching it; 413 00:16:29,829 --> 00:16:33,041 4) no breastfeeding in front of me; 414 00:16:33,041 --> 00:16:34,714 5) forget about four. 415 00:16:34,714 --> 00:16:36,389 You can whip them out whenever you want. 416 00:16:36,389 --> 00:16:39,132 And then, something amazing happened. 417 00:16:41,576 --> 00:16:43,348 Holy crap! 418 00:16:43,348 --> 00:16:44,353 I don't believe it. 419 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,372 Well, of course, hell is an interesting concept, isn't it? 420 00:16:49,372 --> 00:16:51,882 I've always loved to imagine it 421 00:16:51,882 --> 00:16:54,626 As Dante did in the divine comedy. 422 00:16:54,626 --> 00:16:56,098 If you'll allow me. 423 00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:58,373 In the original Italian. 424 00:17:07,745 --> 00:17:10,321 I cannot believe this. 425 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,293 I'm reciting the divine comedy 426 00:17:12,293 --> 00:17:14,101 In its original Italian, 427 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:16,209 And nobody's making fart noises! 428 00:17:19,791 --> 00:17:20,962 Wow, this is weird. 429 00:17:20,962 --> 00:17:22,166 Never gotten this far. 430 00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,650 You know, I actually sound kind of douchey. 431 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,735 My God, I'm out of control! 432 00:17:31,735 --> 00:17:34,012 Listen to me. I'm completely unleashed. 433 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,554 I'm the biggest douche on the planet. 434 00:17:44,252 --> 00:17:46,359 Ugh! I wish somebody would stop me. 435 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:48,567 And then, somebody did. 436 00:17:51,848 --> 00:17:54,825 Kids, I think I told you how earlier that year, 437 00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:57,837 We had seen some doppelgangers of ourselves around town. 438 00:17:57,837 --> 00:18:00,680 There was lesbian Robin. 439 00:18:02,288 --> 00:18:05,232 There was moustache Marshall. 440 00:18:05,232 --> 00:18:07,541 And, of course, stripper Lily. 441 00:18:07,541 --> 00:18:10,687 Well, that night, 442 00:18:10,687 --> 00:18:12,895 One more doppelganger surfaced-- 443 00:18:12,895 --> 00:18:15,772 Mexican wrestler Ted. 444 00:18:15,772 --> 00:18:20,391 Soy el conquistador de las máquinas! 445 00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:21,143 Oh! 446 00:18:22,566 --> 00:18:23,319 Oh! 447 00:18:31,668 --> 00:18:33,508 I got to go. 448 00:18:37,592 --> 00:18:39,765 Rule number 83. 449 00:18:39,765 --> 00:18:41,773 If anything that comes out of that baby 450 00:18:41,773 --> 00:18:44,886 Gets on one of my suits, I get to touch Lily's boobs. 451 00:18:44,886 --> 00:18:47,630 Dude, what is it with you and my wife's boobs tonight? 452 00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:50,340 Hey, hey, I don't make the rules. 453 00:18:51,846 --> 00:18:54,657 Baby, are you really starting to think about this? 454 00:18:54,657 --> 00:18:56,196 I don't know. 455 00:18:56,196 --> 00:18:57,837 Maybe a little. 456 00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,375 Okay. 457 00:18:59,375 --> 00:19:01,853 Well, for whatever it's worth, I think that we're ready. 458 00:19:01,853 --> 00:19:02,923 I mean, look, 459 00:19:02,923 --> 00:19:04,426 We love each other, 460 00:19:04,426 --> 00:19:06,301 We're financially stable, and honestly, I don't think 461 00:19:06,301 --> 00:19:08,176 It would change our lifestyle all that much. 462 00:19:08,176 --> 00:19:09,481 Aunt Lily still likes 463 00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,321 To remind Uncle Marshall he once said this. 464 00:19:11,321 --> 00:19:13,731 Marshall, if we were at home with a baby tonight, 465 00:19:13,731 --> 00:19:15,438 We never would have seen Ted's doppelganger. 466 00:19:15,438 --> 00:19:16,509 Imagine missing that. 467 00:19:16,509 --> 00:19:17,980 How would that feel? 468 00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:20,423 I would blame that child for the rest of his life. 469 00:19:20,423 --> 00:19:22,799 Exactly. For the rest of her life. 470 00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:26,079 Okay, you're right. 471 00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:27,316 There's, there's no hurry. 472 00:19:27,316 --> 00:19:29,191 Okay, how about this? 473 00:19:29,191 --> 00:19:31,599 We agree there's no sense in having a baby 474 00:19:31,599 --> 00:19:33,809 Until we've seen all five doppelgangers, right? 475 00:19:33,809 --> 00:19:35,816 Of course. Stands to reason. 476 00:19:35,816 --> 00:19:38,125 Okay, so when we finally see Barney's doppelganger, 477 00:19:38,125 --> 00:19:40,534 That's the universe telling us it's go time. 478 00:19:40,534 --> 00:19:43,512 And that's when we'll start trying. Deal? 479 00:19:43,512 --> 00:19:45,486 Deal. 480 00:19:46,591 --> 00:19:48,231 Hey, guys. Hey. 481 00:19:48,231 --> 00:19:49,770 Well, well, look who thinks 482 00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:51,444 He can just waltz in here 483 00:19:51,444 --> 00:19:53,318 And be part of the gang again. 484 00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:54,788 Well, you can forget it. 485 00:19:54,788 --> 00:19:56,395 Listen, Barney, I... 486 00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:57,901 Please be part of the gang again! 487 00:19:57,901 --> 00:19:59,474 I don't want to lose anyone else! 488 00:19:59,474 --> 00:20:00,981 We're all really sorry. 489 00:20:00,981 --> 00:20:03,390 We'll even let you recite all the douchey poems you want, 490 00:20:03,390 --> 00:20:06,134 And we'll never, never say a bad thing about it, I promise. 491 00:20:06,134 --> 00:20:07,806 Really? Because 492 00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:09,813 There actually is a poem I'd like to recite-- 493 00:20:09,813 --> 00:20:12,691 "friendship" by Ralph Waldo Emerson. 494 00:20:12,691 --> 00:20:16,373 "a ruddy drop of manly blood, the surging sea outweighs. 495 00:20:16,373 --> 00:20:18,047 The world uncertain comes and goes.."" 496 00:20:20,155 --> 00:20:23,167 I'm sorry. Someone had to do that. 497 00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:25,207 Who wants another drink? I'm buying. 498 00:20:25,207 --> 00:20:27,985 Kids, I'd love to tell you that over e e years, 499 00:20:27,985 --> 00:20:29,757 We didn't all drift apart a little 500 00:20:29,757 --> 00:20:31,131 At one time or another. 501 00:20:31,131 --> 00:20:33,874 You don't mean for it to happen, but it does. 502 00:20:33,874 --> 00:20:36,283 But no matter what, to this day, 503 00:20:36,283 --> 00:20:38,258 Come hell or high water, 504 00:20:38,258 --> 00:20:40,733 We still all get together every year 505 00:20:40,733 --> 00:20:42,808 For Robots vs. Wrestlers. 506 00:20:47,554 --> 00:20:50,231 Good night! Thanks a lot. I had a great time. 507 00:20:56,388 --> 00:20:57,557 Willem. 508 00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:58,728 Dafoe! 509 00:20:59,581 --> 00:21:01,254 Willem. 510 00:21:01,254 --> 00:21:02,559 Dafoe! 511 00:21:02,559 --> 00:21:03,832 Willem. 512 00:21:03,832 --> 00:21:04,554 Dafoe!