1
00:00:02,117 --> 00:00:04,458
Guess what I've got
behind my back.
2
00:00:04,458 --> 00:00:07,036
Wait, wait, wait,
I got this one. Left.
3
00:00:07,036 --> 00:00:09,243
Wrong game. But correct.
4
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:13,727
Five front-row tickets
to Robots vs. Wrestlers.
5
00:00:13,727 --> 00:00:15,132
Robots vs. Wrestlers?
6
00:00:15,132 --> 00:00:16,304
That is awesome!
7
00:00:16,304 --> 00:00:17,945
You've heard of
Robots vs. Wrestlers?
8
00:00:17,945 --> 00:00:20,420
Never. But we assume it's
some sort of sporting event
9
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:22,596
That pits robots
against wrestlers!
10
00:00:22,596 --> 00:00:23,934
That's exactly what it is,
11
00:00:23,934 --> 00:00:25,372
According to the Web site!
12
00:00:26,914 --> 00:00:28,820
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
13
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,128
Who's the fifth ticket for?
14
00:00:31,128 --> 00:00:33,136
Uh... Robin.
15
00:00:33,136 --> 00:00:34,139
I know--
16
00:00:34,139 --> 00:00:35,646
She moved in with her boyfriend
17
00:00:35,646 --> 00:00:37,955
And said she doesn't want
to hang out with us anymore,
18
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,197
But this is Robots
vs. Wrestlers.
19
00:00:40,197 --> 00:00:42,438
Robots...
20
00:00:42,438 --> 00:00:43,812
Vs. Wrestlers!
21
00:00:43,812 --> 00:00:45,151
Barney is right.
22
00:00:45,151 --> 00:00:47,356
It's impossible
to say no to that.
23
00:00:47,356 --> 00:00:48,360
No to that.
24
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:49,733
I wish I could, but I
25
00:00:49,733 --> 00:00:51,239
Have plans with don on Saturday.
26
00:00:51,239 --> 00:00:52,477
He's making me Chinese.
27
00:00:52,477 --> 00:00:54,151
I'll assume you're
talking about food,
28
00:00:54,151 --> 00:00:56,527
Otherwise, I have some
follow-up questions.
29
00:00:56,527 --> 00:00:57,766
Oh, I'm sorry, Lily,
30
00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:00,074
But I got to give this thing
with don a chance.
31
00:01:00,074 --> 00:01:02,582
And I can't do that if I'm out
drinking with you guys
32
00:01:02,582 --> 00:01:04,390
Every single night--
especially when "you guys"
33
00:01:04,390 --> 00:01:06,297
Includes two
of my ex-boyfriends.
34
00:01:06,297 --> 00:01:08,038
I understand.
You're right.
35
00:01:08,038 --> 00:01:10,816
It's just we
all really miss you.
36
00:01:10,816 --> 00:01:12,320
Aw, I miss you, too.
37
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,429
Oh, listen, I got to go.
Talk soon?
38
00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:15,734
Okay, bye.
39
00:01:15,734 --> 00:01:18,511
Sorry, New York,
I had to take that.
40
00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:19,883
Now, where were we?
41
00:01:19,883 --> 00:01:22,795
Yeah. Yes. Bus crash.
42
00:01:22,795 --> 00:01:24,467
She said no?
43
00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:26,241
How could she say no?
44
00:01:26,241 --> 00:01:28,550
Robots vs. Wrestlers
is our most important tradition
45
00:01:28,550 --> 00:01:29,957
As a group.
46
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:32,399
Tradition? We've never
done this before?
47
00:01:32,399 --> 00:01:34,439
It's Robots vs. Wrestlers, Lily.
48
00:01:34,439 --> 00:01:36,916
How is that not
gonna be a tradition?
49
00:01:36,916 --> 00:01:37,920
Well...
50
00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,458
This is how it starts.
51
00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:41,734
First Robin moves in with don,
52
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:43,675
Then Marshall and Lily
have a baby,
53
00:01:43,675 --> 00:01:44,746
Then Ted...
54
00:01:44,746 --> 00:01:45,750
Gets married?
55
00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:47,691
I was gonna say,
"is found alone
56
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,665
In his apartment
devoured by his cats,"
57
00:01:49,665 --> 00:01:51,238
But either way, not pretty.
58
00:01:51,238 --> 00:01:52,242
Everyone's
59
00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:54,183
Leaving me,
and I don't like it!
60
00:01:54,183 --> 00:01:56,123
Oh, Barney, you
don't have to worry
61
00:01:56,123 --> 00:01:57,763
About Marshall
and me having kids.
62
00:01:57,763 --> 00:01:59,839
That's a long way
down the road.
63
00:01:59,839 --> 00:02:01,478
Exactly-- it's,
uh, down the road,
64
00:02:01,478 --> 00:02:02,682
A medium way.
65
00:02:02,682 --> 00:02:04,590
A medium-long way.
66
00:02:04,590 --> 00:02:06,196
I mean, you can see it ahead.
67
00:02:06,196 --> 00:02:08,472
In the vast, vast distance.
68
00:02:08,472 --> 00:02:10,145
But you're already seeing
exit signs for it.
69
00:02:10,145 --> 00:02:11,517
Really? I didn't see any.
70
00:02:11,517 --> 00:02:14,462
You might want to get
in the right lane.
71
00:02:14,462 --> 00:02:16,201
I understand
how you feel, Barney.
72
00:02:16,201 --> 00:02:18,075
Friendships are important.
73
00:02:18,075 --> 00:02:20,084
In fact, Emerson wrote
74
00:02:20,084 --> 00:02:22,492
A great poem entitled
"friendship."
75
00:02:22,492 --> 00:02:24,332
You guys are gonna love this.
76
00:02:24,332 --> 00:02:28,181
"a ruddy drop of manly blood,
the surging sea outweighs..."
77
00:02:30,021 --> 00:02:32,865
That's how it had
always been for me with the gang
78
00:02:32,865 --> 00:02:35,209
Any time I tried to get
a little high-minded.
79
00:02:35,209 --> 00:02:37,819
You guys, you've got
to try this syrah.
80
00:02:37,819 --> 00:02:40,595
Hints of creme de cassis,
red berries,
81
00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:42,101
Toasty oak...
82
00:02:45,281 --> 00:02:46,485
Hmm.
83
00:02:46,485 --> 00:02:50,066
Five letters, blank baritone.
84
00:02:50,066 --> 00:02:52,342
Of course! Lyric baritone!
85
00:02:52,342 --> 00:02:55,185
Which is actually higher
than a dramatic baritone.
86
00:02:55,185 --> 00:02:56,624
You know, there's
a telling moment
87
00:02:56,624 --> 00:02:58,331
In the second act
of la bohème...
88
00:03:00,741 --> 00:03:02,715
Guys, come on, I'm
just trying to add
89
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:04,187
A little class to
these proceedings.
90
00:03:04,187 --> 00:03:05,491
It's like that line
91
00:03:05,491 --> 00:03:06,663
From Dante's inferno.
92
00:03:09,475 --> 00:03:11,682
You were not born
to live like brutes."
93
00:03:13,357 --> 00:03:15,698
"but to follow virtue
and knowledge""
94
00:03:15,698 --> 00:03:17,739
Or...
95
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,379
In the original Italian...
96
00:03:39,793 --> 00:03:40,796
You guys are right.
97
00:03:40,796 --> 00:03:42,268
I'm totally overreacting
98
00:03:42,268 --> 00:03:43,873
To this whole Robin thing.
99
00:03:43,873 --> 00:03:45,881
What's this envelope?
Is this a wedding invitation?
100
00:03:45,881 --> 00:03:47,721
Robin's marrying don.
I'm gonna die alone!
101
00:03:47,721 --> 00:03:49,696
Ted's gonna get eaten by cats!
102
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:50,700
Dude,
103
00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,708
Relax-- it's for Marissa Heller.
104
00:03:52,708 --> 00:03:54,649
Marissa Heller?
She sounds hot.
105
00:03:55,387 --> 00:03:56,589
Face, boobs, describe.
106
00:03:56,589 --> 00:03:57,694
Start with boobs.
107
00:03:57,694 --> 00:03:59,868
Who was Marissa Heller?
108
00:03:59,868 --> 00:04:01,810
That mystery began
when Marshall and I
109
00:04:01,810 --> 00:04:03,148
First moved in together.
110
00:04:03,148 --> 00:04:05,992
Ted! We got our
first mail delivery!
111
00:04:05,992 --> 00:04:07,700
We are popular.
112
00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:08,970
We've got
113
00:04:08,970 --> 00:04:10,711
A golf magazine for...
114
00:04:10,711 --> 00:04:12,016
Marissa Heller,
115
00:04:12,016 --> 00:04:14,291
We've got a wicker
furniture catalog,
116
00:04:14,291 --> 00:04:15,697
Also for Marissa Heller,
117
00:04:15,697 --> 00:04:17,135
And...
118
00:04:17,135 --> 00:04:19,646
A coupon for a bird store...
119
00:04:19,646 --> 00:04:22,657
Addressed to Marissa Heller or--
stay with me--
120
00:04:22,657 --> 00:04:24,463
"current occupant."
121
00:04:24,463 --> 00:04:25,669
That's us!
122
00:04:25,669 --> 00:04:27,710
We've got mail!
Fantastic!
123
00:04:27,710 --> 00:04:29,149
Marissa Heller?
124
00:04:29,149 --> 00:04:31,056
She must be the woman
who lived here before us.
125
00:04:31,056 --> 00:04:33,431
I wonder what she was like.
126
00:04:33,431 --> 00:04:34,870
And just like that,
127
00:04:34,870 --> 00:04:38,250
A picture began
to take shape...
128
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:41,329
A picture of Marissa Heller,
the golfer...
129
00:04:44,611 --> 00:04:48,489
...Marissa Heller,
the wicker catalog shopper...
130
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:51,300
Marissa Heller,
the bird owner.
131
00:04:52,842 --> 00:04:55,450
And since then, with each
piece of mail we've gotten,
132
00:04:55,450 --> 00:04:57,158
The picture's become
a little clearer.
133
00:04:57,158 --> 00:04:58,262
The only thing
134
00:04:58,262 --> 00:05:00,136
We don't know is
what she looks like.
135
00:05:00,136 --> 00:05:01,741
Well, I guess
I'll forward this along
136
00:05:01,741 --> 00:05:02,779
Like I've been forwarding...
137
00:05:02,779 --> 00:05:05,221
Oh, just open it.
Okay.
138
00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:09,137
It's an invitation
to Jefferson van Smoot's
139
00:05:09,137 --> 00:05:11,914
Annual spring social
this Saturday night...
140
00:05:11,914 --> 00:05:13,755
In the penthouse apartment
of the Alberta!
141
00:05:13,755 --> 00:05:16,131
You guys... That's the most
beautiful building in Manhattan!
142
00:05:16,131 --> 00:05:18,172
We-we got to go
to this party.
143
00:05:18,172 --> 00:05:20,447
That depends-- does it say
anything on that invitation
144
00:05:20,447 --> 00:05:23,559
About robots battling wrestlers
for intergalactic supremacy?
145
00:05:23,559 --> 00:05:25,098
No, but it says open bar.
146
00:05:25,098 --> 00:05:27,374
Revised agenda
147
00:05:27,374 --> 00:05:29,281
Free booze
at Marissa Heller's party,
148
00:05:29,281 --> 00:05:30,821
Then Robots vs. Wrestlers.
149
00:05:30,821 --> 00:05:31,892
One of us just
150
00:05:31,892 --> 00:05:35,605
Needs to pretend
to be Marissa Heller.
151
00:05:37,848 --> 00:05:38,918
guys, I'm flattered,
152
00:05:38,918 --> 00:05:40,892
But I think Lily should do it.
153
00:05:41,931 --> 00:05:43,838
So the big night arrived.
154
00:05:43,838 --> 00:05:45,778
Our first stop...
155
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:47,720
The Alberta building.
156
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,727
Wow! This building is amazing!
157
00:05:49,727 --> 00:05:51,633
Did you guys see
the Porte Cochere
158
00:05:51,633 --> 00:05:52,973
And the Terra-cotta
spandrels outside?
159
00:05:52,973 --> 00:05:54,143
Oh, my God, look!
160
00:05:54,143 --> 00:05:56,018
I just got a text from Robin.
161
00:05:56,018 --> 00:05:57,089
It says...
162
00:05:58,998 --> 00:06:00,736
Okay, guys, huddle up.
163
00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:03,246
Now, Lil, you can do
this-- all you have to do
164
00:06:03,246 --> 00:06:05,722
Is look that guy in the eye,
say your name
165
00:06:05,722 --> 00:06:07,461
Is Marissa Heller,
and we are golden.
166
00:06:07,461 --> 00:06:09,469
And again, just so
we're clear, no accent.
167
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:12,147
Are we sure
she's not British, isn't it?
168
00:06:12,147 --> 00:06:13,452
No! No!
No!
169
00:06:13,452 --> 00:06:15,091
All right! Here I go.
170
00:06:15,091 --> 00:06:16,564
I'm doing it.
171
00:06:16,564 --> 00:06:17,734
Hi.
Hello.
172
00:06:17,734 --> 00:06:18,806
Ooh. Sorry.
173
00:06:18,806 --> 00:06:19,944
Go ahead.
174
00:06:19,944 --> 00:06:22,086
I'm here for
the van Smoot party.
175
00:06:22,086 --> 00:06:24,695
My name is Marissa Heller.
176
00:06:25,934 --> 00:06:28,008
Bollocks.
177
00:06:31,997 --> 00:06:34,004
So that's Marissa Heller.
178
00:06:34,004 --> 00:06:35,376
Huh.
179
00:06:35,376 --> 00:06:37,084
She fine.
180
00:06:38,089 --> 00:06:39,625
Her teeth look really nice.
181
00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:41,699
She must be remembering
to go to the dentist
182
00:06:41,699 --> 00:06:43,339
Even without those
reminder postcards.
183
00:06:43,339 --> 00:06:44,780
So, what are we doing?
184
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:48,394
I'm getting us into
the party, that's what!
185
00:06:48,394 --> 00:06:50,000
Marissa Heller!
186
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,338
Barney Stinson!
187
00:06:51,338 --> 00:06:53,245
We met at that gathering for...
188
00:06:53,245 --> 00:06:54,818
Bird owners.
189
00:06:54,818 --> 00:06:56,390
I don't think so.
190
00:06:56,390 --> 00:06:57,394
Wicker lovers?
191
00:06:57,394 --> 00:06:59,235
No.
Stinson out.
192
00:06:59,235 --> 00:07:01,510
Guys, it's not gonna happen.
193
00:07:01,510 --> 00:07:02,916
I got this.
194
00:07:05,661 --> 00:07:08,270
You know, this elevator
still uses the same mechanism
195
00:07:08,270 --> 00:07:10,713
From when it was first
installed in 1906.
196
00:07:10,713 --> 00:07:11,716
Rumor is,
197
00:07:11,716 --> 00:07:12,989
Louis Lamar Skolnick,
198
00:07:12,989 --> 00:07:14,762
The architect who
designed this building,
199
00:07:14,762 --> 00:07:16,335
Carved these panels himself.
200
00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:17,908
Oh, a Skolnick fan?
201
00:07:17,908 --> 00:07:19,178
Well...
I love
202
00:07:19,178 --> 00:07:20,384
His juxtaposition between
203
00:07:20,384 --> 00:07:22,258
The north German
renaissance exterior...
204
00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:25,169
And the decidedly French
influence on the inside! I know!
205
00:07:25,169 --> 00:07:26,173
He was an architect
206
00:07:26,173 --> 00:07:28,481
With the soul of a poet, really.
207
00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:30,120
No, no, no, don't, don't.
208
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,626
- It's working.
- You know,
209
00:07:31,626 --> 00:07:32,697
I have a confession to make.
210
00:07:32,697 --> 00:07:34,271
We're not on the guest list,
211
00:07:34,271 --> 00:07:37,617
But... I've always wanted to see
the inside of the Alberta.
212
00:07:38,589 --> 00:07:39,994
Well, then right this way.
213
00:07:39,994 --> 00:07:42,403
We're all together.
214
00:07:44,377 --> 00:07:46,551
Told you I'd get us in.
215
00:07:48,393 --> 00:07:50,299
So...
216
00:07:50,299 --> 00:07:53,277
Anyone been watching
the young and the restless?
217
00:07:55,318 --> 00:07:56,456
awesome!
218
00:07:56,456 --> 00:07:58,933
Who ordered
soap opera illustrated?
219
00:07:58,933 --> 00:08:03,015
Huh. Marissa Heller,
I like your style.
220
00:08:04,891 --> 00:08:05,734
Anyone?
221
00:08:07,635 --> 00:08:10,543
Am I to understand
that there isn't
222
00:08:10,543 --> 00:08:14,627
A single soap opera fan
in this entire elevator, Hmm?
223
00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:16,367
I don't own a TV.
224
00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:18,241
The only operas I watch
225
00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:21,052
Are at the met.
226
00:08:25,636 --> 00:08:26,890
Dibs.
227
00:08:30,188 --> 00:08:31,592
Ah. Excuse me.
228
00:08:31,592 --> 00:08:33,667
Jefferson, darling.
229
00:08:38,587 --> 00:08:41,296
Wow, I am not dressed for this.
230
00:08:41,296 --> 00:08:43,137
One word, made up:
231
00:08:43,137 --> 00:08:44,978
"douche-pocalypse""
232
00:08:44,978 --> 00:08:47,419
Guys... That's
Peter Bogdanovich
233
00:08:47,419 --> 00:08:49,796
Talking to Arianna Huffington
and Will Shortz,
234
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,938
Editor of the new
York times crossword!
235
00:08:51,938 --> 00:08:53,946
Look, let's give
this party a chance, okay?
236
00:08:53,946 --> 00:08:55,218
There's free food, free booze.
237
00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:58,296
20 minutes, then we can leave.
238
00:08:58,296 --> 00:09:00,169
But, you see,
music was changing,
239
00:09:00,169 --> 00:09:02,612
And Giovanni Artusi
simply didn't understand
240
00:09:02,612 --> 00:09:04,988
The new style of composing.
241
00:09:04,988 --> 00:09:07,464
Excuse me, are you
talking about Monteverdi
242
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,372
And his fourth book
of madrigals?
243
00:09:09,372 --> 00:09:11,011
My dear chap, what else?
244
00:09:11,011 --> 00:09:14,257
That's my favorite
book of madrigals!
245
00:09:15,027 --> 00:09:16,868
Smoked Foie gras
246
00:09:16,868 --> 00:09:19,880
With caramelized mango
and crème fraîche?
247
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,318
Hey, uh, hey, guy,
248
00:09:21,318 --> 00:09:23,626
Do you have anything in the
mini cheeseburger department?
249
00:09:23,626 --> 00:09:26,405
I don't think so, sir.
250
00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:28,413
No? Mini pizzas?
Little cups of fries?
251
00:09:28,413 --> 00:09:31,290
Any food at all that'll
make me feel like a giant?
252
00:09:31,290 --> 00:09:33,364
I'll check, sir.
253
00:09:35,273 --> 00:09:38,651
He's not gonna check.
254
00:09:38,651 --> 00:09:40,124
I'm performing
open-heart surgery
255
00:09:40,124 --> 00:09:42,266
On the dutch ambassador
in the morning.
256
00:09:42,266 --> 00:09:44,240
I hope he pulls through.
257
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,151
Really? A colleague of mine
just prescribed cumadin
258
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:48,657
To the dutch ambassador.
259
00:09:48,657 --> 00:09:49,694
And there's no way
260
00:09:49,694 --> 00:09:51,233
She'd be on anticoagulants
261
00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:53,710
If she were about
to undergo surgery.
262
00:09:55,318 --> 00:09:56,755
Just...
263
00:09:56,755 --> 00:09:57,960
Okay?
264
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,039
You know who published
a great article
265
00:10:01,039 --> 00:10:03,212
On Walt Whitman
and the politics of semantics?
266
00:10:03,212 --> 00:10:04,920
Professor Hammersmith of Oxford.
267
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,062
I am Professor Hammersmith.
268
00:10:07,062 --> 00:10:09,438
Wha...?!
269
00:10:09,438 --> 00:10:11,746
...Which is exactly what
truffaut was talking about
270
00:10:11,746 --> 00:10:15,360
In his 1954 article
in Cahiers Du Cinéma.
271
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,672
Film is an auteur's
medium, full stop.
272
00:10:20,146 --> 00:10:21,450
Movies...
273
00:10:21,450 --> 00:10:22,788
Right?
274
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,262
Actors.
275
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:27,807
Willem Dafoe.
276
00:10:27,807 --> 00:10:29,715
Funny thing
about Willem Dafoe--
277
00:10:29,715 --> 00:10:33,531
Uh, his name kind of
sounds like a frog...
278
00:10:33,531 --> 00:10:35,939
Talking to a parrot.
279
00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:37,345
Willem.
280
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,187
Defoe!
281
00:10:39,187 --> 00:10:40,356
Willem.
282
00:10:40,356 --> 00:10:41,078
Defoe!
283
00:10:43,437 --> 00:10:44,574
No?
284
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,652
As undersecretary
of the treasury,
285
00:10:47,652 --> 00:10:50,563
I had a big hand in crafting
that legislation.
286
00:10:50,563 --> 00:10:52,403
Now... I wonder
287
00:10:52,403 --> 00:10:54,779
If you'd like to join me
in the map room
288
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:58,092
And give my package
some stimulus.
289
00:10:58,092 --> 00:10:59,598
I'm afraid not, darling.
290
00:10:59,598 --> 00:11:01,974
You are too old for my taste.
291
00:11:03,682 --> 00:11:06,055
Okay, Zsa Zsa Gabor is still
looking pretty hot,
292
00:11:06,055 --> 00:11:07,294
But otherwise,
293
00:11:07,294 --> 00:11:08,465
This party sucks.
294
00:11:08,465 --> 00:11:09,937
Yeah, well, we
gave it a chance.
295
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:11,812
It's been 20 minutes.
Let's get out of here.
296
00:11:11,812 --> 00:11:13,050
Where's Ted?
Yeah.
297
00:11:13,050 --> 00:11:15,360
I know how to find him.
298
00:11:16,332 --> 00:11:18,203
Just give me one...
Mm.
299
00:11:24,629 --> 00:11:25,833
Gongs, right?
300
00:11:25,833 --> 00:11:27,640
Uh, louder than you think.
301
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:31,990
Young man, that gong
is a 500-year-old relic
302
00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:35,805
That hasn't been struck
since W.S. Gilbert hit it
303
00:11:35,805 --> 00:11:39,318
At the London premiere
of the Mikado in 1885.
304
00:11:42,328 --> 00:11:43,774
Wife is a 500 year relic that
305
00:11:43,774 --> 00:11:45,489
hasn't been struck since W.S. Gilbert hit it
306
00:11:45,489 --> 00:11:47,505
at the London premiere
of the Mikado in 1885.
307
00:11:49,492 --> 00:11:51,231
Guys, Will Schorz, editor
of the Times' crossword.
308
00:11:51,231 --> 00:11:53,440
You know how I've been
saying they always use ulee
309
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,011
From Ulee's gold
because of the vowels?
310
00:11:55,011 --> 00:11:56,350
Well, tell 'em,
will. Tell 'em.
311
00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:57,522
It's because of the vowels.
312
00:11:57,522 --> 00:11:58,759
It's because of the vowels!
313
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:01,236
Oh, wow. Ted, can I talk
to you just for a second?
314
00:12:01,236 --> 00:12:04,248
Hey, will, ten-letter-word for
diminutive egg-based torte?
315
00:12:04,248 --> 00:12:05,419
Mini-quiche? Where?!
316
00:12:05,419 --> 00:12:07,427
Right there.
317
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,300
Such a great party. Such a
318
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,408
Great party! Yeah, totally, Ted.
It's time to go.
319
00:12:11,408 --> 00:12:13,249
It's Robots
vs. Wrestlers o'clock.
320
00:12:13,249 --> 00:12:14,253
Oh.
Ted.
321
00:12:14,253 --> 00:12:15,625
There you are.
322
00:12:15,625 --> 00:12:18,235
We'll be blind taste-testing
French whites in a bit.
323
00:12:18,235 --> 00:12:19,943
Should be a hoot and a half.
324
00:12:19,943 --> 00:12:22,686
Well, I decan't miss that.
325
00:12:25,431 --> 00:12:27,537
I know.
You don't have to say it.
326
00:12:27,537 --> 00:12:29,311
You don't decant white wine.
327
00:12:29,311 --> 00:12:33,059
Miss Lily in the living
room with the candlestick.
328
00:12:33,059 --> 00:12:35,300
Oh, my heavens, no!
329
00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:37,242
That was Edgar Allan Poe's!
330
00:12:37,242 --> 00:12:37,964
Sorry!
331
00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:41,425
Uh, guys, listen,
I'm having fun here,
332
00:12:41,425 --> 00:12:44,436
So I think I'm gonna skip
Robots vs. Wrestlers.
333
00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:49,055
But Ted, you've never missed
Robots vs. Wrestlers!
334
00:12:50,193 --> 00:12:52,803
No! No! No! No!
No! No! No!
335
00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:55,045
No! No! No! No! No!
336
00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:57,220
Ted, this isn't happening.
337
00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:59,493
First Robin ditches us,
and now you?
338
00:12:59,493 --> 00:13:02,305
And for these stuffy,
pretentious snoots?!
339
00:13:02,305 --> 00:13:04,480
Actually, I kind of like these
stuffy, pretentious snoots.
340
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,158
They don't make fart noises
every time I open my mouth.
341
00:13:08,196 --> 00:13:09,601
Now, look, I'm going to stay.
342
00:13:09,601 --> 00:13:10,973
- I'll see you guys tomorrow.
- Yeah.
343
00:13:10,973 --> 00:13:12,278
Come on, Barney.
It's just one night.
344
00:13:12,278 --> 00:13:13,448
It doesn't mean anything.
345
00:13:13,448 --> 00:13:14,954
Oh, it means everything.
346
00:13:14,954 --> 00:13:18,268
Ted, if you don't come
to Robots vs. Wrestlers,
347
00:13:18,268 --> 00:13:20,342
It's the end of our friendship.
348
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:22,820
I'll see you guys tomorrow.
349
00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:27,336
Fine. Then you are out
of our gang forever.
350
00:13:27,336 --> 00:13:29,678
You can reapply in two years.
351
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:31,954
Marshall, Lily,
352
00:13:31,954 --> 00:13:33,593
Let's go watch
353
00:13:33,593 --> 00:13:35,836
Wrestlers fight robots.
354
00:13:37,911 --> 00:13:39,382
So embarrassing.
355
00:13:39,382 --> 00:13:40,855
I forgot something.
356
00:13:53,258 --> 00:13:56,805
So Ted, where did those chums
of yours scoot off to?
357
00:13:56,805 --> 00:13:58,611
Oh, you know.
358
00:13:58,611 --> 00:13:59,950
Poetry reading.
359
00:14:03,531 --> 00:14:06,643
Best tradition ever!
360
00:14:06,643 --> 00:14:08,383
Don't humor me, Marshall.
361
00:14:08,383 --> 00:14:09,655
Let's face it.
362
00:14:09,655 --> 00:14:11,562
The gang is over.
363
00:14:11,562 --> 00:14:13,101
Ted's gone. Robin's gone.
364
00:14:13,101 --> 00:14:14,974
We might as well just go
our separate ways.
365
00:14:14,974 --> 00:14:16,915
God, Barney, enough
with t a abandonment issues.
366
00:14:16,915 --> 00:14:19,660
Ted's allowed to have a life
outside of the group.
367
00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:20,998
We all are.
368
00:14:20,998 --> 00:14:22,738
Wait a minute.
369
00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,348
Why are you saying that
all of a sudden?
370
00:14:25,348 --> 00:14:27,389
Oh, God, you're pregnant!
371
00:14:27,389 --> 00:14:28,460
No.
372
00:14:28,460 --> 00:14:31,839
Oh, God, you
already had the baby!
373
00:14:31,839 --> 00:14:34,082
It's right behind me, isn't it?
374
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:35,453
No, you idiot.
375
00:14:35,453 --> 00:14:37,696
It's just, eventually,
we're all gonna move on.
376
00:14:37,696 --> 00:14:40,105
It's called growing up.
377
00:14:41,410 --> 00:14:43,384
Is that all you got, bitch?
378
00:14:43,384 --> 00:14:44,824
But can you at least promise me
379
00:14:44,824 --> 00:14:46,428
That you won't get pregnant
for another year?
380
00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:47,801
I can't make that promise.
381
00:14:47,801 --> 00:14:50,411
You can't?!
You can't?!
382
00:14:54,930 --> 00:14:56,168
Hmm?
383
00:14:57,708 --> 00:15:01,823
Citrus and honeycomb flavors
with crisp acidity.
384
00:15:01,823 --> 00:15:04,867
It's a sauv blanc, Loire valley.
385
00:15:04,867 --> 00:15:06,640
Town of Sancerre.
386
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,514
Ah. Correct again!
387
00:15:08,514 --> 00:15:09,954
Bravo, boy!
388
00:15:11,729 --> 00:15:14,304
No! You can't
have kids!
389
00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:15,978
You don't want to bring a child
390
00:15:15,978 --> 00:15:17,315
Into this crazy,
messed-up world.
391
00:15:17,315 --> 00:15:18,486
I don't know.
392
00:15:18,486 --> 00:15:19,825
The world seems pretty awesome
right now, Barney.
393
00:15:22,503 --> 00:15:24,610
Okay, Lily,
you leave me no choice.
394
00:15:24,610 --> 00:15:27,422
If you have a daughter, the day,
395
00:15:27,422 --> 00:15:30,701
Nay, the minute she turns 18...
396
00:15:30,701 --> 00:15:32,775
Gong!
Oh, my God!
397
00:15:32,775 --> 00:15:34,414
Hey, but Lily.
398
00:15:34,414 --> 00:15:37,928
Lily... Babies.
399
00:15:37,928 --> 00:15:38,681
Oh!
400
00:15:39,336 --> 00:15:42,747
I hope
Ted is miserable right now.
401
00:15:42,747 --> 00:15:46,461
♪ constance fry,
constance fry ♪
402
00:15:46,461 --> 00:15:49,875
♪ anytime you'd call ♪
403
00:15:49,875 --> 00:15:53,991
♪ constance would fulfill
your needs ♪
404
00:15:53,991 --> 00:15:57,069
♪ winter, spring ♪
405
00:15:57,069 --> 00:16:00,817
♪ or fall. ♪
406
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:07,542
Ted, your lyric baritone
is outstanding.
407
00:16:07,542 --> 00:16:10,889
Thank you, Will Shortz.
408
00:16:12,530 --> 00:16:14,872
Fine, you guys can have a baby,
409
00:16:17,349 --> 00:16:20,560
1) you promise to always
love me more than the baby;
410
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:24,575
2) once a month, I get to use
the baby to pick up chicks;
411
00:16:24,575 --> 00:16:27,454
3) that may involve
the baby falling
412
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,829
From a two-story window
and me heroically catching it;
413
00:16:29,829 --> 00:16:33,041
4) no breastfeeding
in front of me;
414
00:16:33,041 --> 00:16:34,714
5) forget about four.
415
00:16:34,714 --> 00:16:36,389
You can whip them out
whenever you want.
416
00:16:36,389 --> 00:16:39,132
And then, something
amazing happened.
417
00:16:41,576 --> 00:16:43,348
Holy crap!
418
00:16:43,348 --> 00:16:44,353
I don't believe it.
419
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,372
Well, of course, hell is an
interesting concept, isn't it?
420
00:16:49,372 --> 00:16:51,882
I've always loved to imagine it
421
00:16:51,882 --> 00:16:54,626
As Dante did in
the divine comedy.
422
00:16:54,626 --> 00:16:56,098
If you'll allow me.
423
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:58,373
In the original Italian.
424
00:17:07,745 --> 00:17:10,321
I cannot believe this.
425
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,293
I'm reciting
the divine comedy
426
00:17:12,293 --> 00:17:14,101
In its original Italian,
427
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:16,209
And nobody's making
fart noises!
428
00:17:19,791 --> 00:17:20,962
Wow, this is weird.
429
00:17:20,962 --> 00:17:22,166
Never gotten this far.
430
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,650
You know, I actually sound
kind of douchey.
431
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,735
My God, I'm out of control!
432
00:17:31,735 --> 00:17:34,012
Listen to me.
I'm completely unleashed.
433
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,554
I'm the biggest douche
on the planet.
434
00:17:44,252 --> 00:17:46,359
Ugh! I wish
somebody would stop me.
435
00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:48,567
And then, somebody did.
436
00:17:51,848 --> 00:17:54,825
Kids, I think I told you
how earlier that year,
437
00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:57,837
We had seen some doppelgangers
of ourselves around town.
438
00:17:57,837 --> 00:18:00,680
There was lesbian Robin.
439
00:18:02,288 --> 00:18:05,232
There was moustache Marshall.
440
00:18:05,232 --> 00:18:07,541
And, of course, stripper Lily.
441
00:18:07,541 --> 00:18:10,687
Well, that night,
442
00:18:10,687 --> 00:18:12,895
One more doppelganger
surfaced--
443
00:18:12,895 --> 00:18:15,772
Mexican wrestler Ted.
444
00:18:15,772 --> 00:18:20,391
Soy el conquistador
de las máquinas!
445
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:21,143
Oh!
446
00:18:22,566 --> 00:18:23,319
Oh!
447
00:18:31,668 --> 00:18:33,508
I got to go.
448
00:18:37,592 --> 00:18:39,765
Rule number 83.
449
00:18:39,765 --> 00:18:41,773
If anything
that comes out of that baby
450
00:18:41,773 --> 00:18:44,886
Gets on one of my suits,
I get to touch Lily's boobs.
451
00:18:44,886 --> 00:18:47,630
Dude, what is it with you
and my wife's boobs tonight?
452
00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:50,340
Hey, hey,
I don't make the rules.
453
00:18:51,846 --> 00:18:54,657
Baby, are you really starting
to think about this?
454
00:18:54,657 --> 00:18:56,196
I don't know.
455
00:18:56,196 --> 00:18:57,837
Maybe a little.
456
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,375
Okay.
457
00:18:59,375 --> 00:19:01,853
Well, for whatever it's worth,
I think that we're ready.
458
00:19:01,853 --> 00:19:02,923
I mean, look,
459
00:19:02,923 --> 00:19:04,426
We love each other,
460
00:19:04,426 --> 00:19:06,301
We're financially stable,
and honestly, I don't think
461
00:19:06,301 --> 00:19:08,176
It would change our lifestyle
all that much.
462
00:19:08,176 --> 00:19:09,481
Aunt Lily still likes
463
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,321
To remind Uncle Marshall
he once said this.
464
00:19:11,321 --> 00:19:13,731
Marshall, if we were at home
with a baby tonight,
465
00:19:13,731 --> 00:19:15,438
We never would have seen
Ted's doppelganger.
466
00:19:15,438 --> 00:19:16,509
Imagine missing that.
467
00:19:16,509 --> 00:19:17,980
How would that feel?
468
00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:20,423
I would blame that child
for the rest of his life.
469
00:19:20,423 --> 00:19:22,799
Exactly.
For the rest of her life.
470
00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:26,079
Okay, you're right.
471
00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:27,316
There's, there's no hurry.
472
00:19:27,316 --> 00:19:29,191
Okay, how about this?
473
00:19:29,191 --> 00:19:31,599
We agree there's no sense
in having a baby
474
00:19:31,599 --> 00:19:33,809
Until we've seen
all five doppelgangers, right?
475
00:19:33,809 --> 00:19:35,816
Of course. Stands to reason.
476
00:19:35,816 --> 00:19:38,125
Okay, so when we finally see
Barney's doppelganger,
477
00:19:38,125 --> 00:19:40,534
That's the universe
telling us it's go time.
478
00:19:40,534 --> 00:19:43,512
And that's when
we'll start trying. Deal?
479
00:19:43,512 --> 00:19:45,486
Deal.
480
00:19:46,591 --> 00:19:48,231
Hey, guys.
Hey.
481
00:19:48,231 --> 00:19:49,770
Well, well, look who thinks
482
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:51,444
He can just waltz in here
483
00:19:51,444 --> 00:19:53,318
And be part of the gang again.
484
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:54,788
Well, you can forget it.
485
00:19:54,788 --> 00:19:56,395
Listen, Barney, I...
486
00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:57,901
Please be part
of the gang again!
487
00:19:57,901 --> 00:19:59,474
I don't want
to lose anyone else!
488
00:19:59,474 --> 00:20:00,981
We're all really sorry.
489
00:20:00,981 --> 00:20:03,390
We'll even let you recite
all the douchey poems you want,
490
00:20:03,390 --> 00:20:06,134
And we'll never, never say
a bad thing about it, I promise.
491
00:20:06,134 --> 00:20:07,806
Really? Because
492
00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:09,813
There actually is a poem
I'd like to recite--
493
00:20:09,813 --> 00:20:12,691
"friendship" by
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
494
00:20:12,691 --> 00:20:16,373
"a ruddy drop of manly blood,
the surging sea outweighs.
495
00:20:16,373 --> 00:20:18,047
The world uncertain
comes and goes..""
496
00:20:20,155 --> 00:20:23,167
I'm sorry.
Someone had to do that.
497
00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:25,207
Who wants another drink?
I'm buying.
498
00:20:25,207 --> 00:20:27,985
Kids, I'd love to
tell you that over e e years,
499
00:20:27,985 --> 00:20:29,757
We didn't all drift apart
a little
500
00:20:29,757 --> 00:20:31,131
At one time or another.
501
00:20:31,131 --> 00:20:33,874
You don't mean
for it to happen, but it does.
502
00:20:33,874 --> 00:20:36,283
But no matter what,
to this day,
503
00:20:36,283 --> 00:20:38,258
Come hell or high water,
504
00:20:38,258 --> 00:20:40,733
We still all get together
every year
505
00:20:40,733 --> 00:20:42,808
For Robots vs. Wrestlers.
506
00:20:47,554 --> 00:20:50,231
Good night! Thanks a lot.
I had a great time.
507
00:20:56,388 --> 00:20:57,557
Willem.
508
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:58,728
Dafoe!
509
00:20:59,581 --> 00:21:01,254
Willem.
510
00:21:01,254 --> 00:21:02,559
Dafoe!
511
00:21:02,559 --> 00:21:03,832
Willem.
512
00:21:03,832 --> 00:21:04,554
Dafoe!