1
00:00:02,540 --> 00:00:04,810
Ah, Ah, Lily, I heard this
great joke at work today.
2
00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:06,440
Dude, come on. She's not gonna like it.
3
00:00:06,450 --> 00:00:08,540
It's boy-funny.
It's not girl-funny.
4
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:12,520
That is sexist! Funny is funny, Ted.
5
00:00:12,530 --> 00:00:14,510
Lily's cool.She'll appreciate this .
6
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:16,100
Oh, you're on your own, man.
7
00:00:16,130 --> 00:00:18,080
Just tell me the joke.
8
00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:19,510
Okay. Ready?
9
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:24,850
Lily, what's the difference
between peanut butter and jam?
10
00:00:25,290 --> 00:00:26,860
- See? It's funny.
- It's boy-funny.
11
00:00:26,870 --> 00:00:28,130
She's not gonna like it.
12
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,670
- Why don't you let me decide?
- No.
13
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,710
What's the difference
between peanut butter and jam?
14
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,600
And then Barney said the punch line.
15
00:00:37,630 --> 00:00:41,310
To this day, it's still the dirtiest
joke I've ever heard in my life.
16
00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:43,620
And no, I'm not gonna say it.
17
00:00:44,340 --> 00:00:47,390
Yeah, I can't hang out with you anymore.
18
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:52,710
Oh, come on. That's
a funny joke. That...
19
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,300
Told you.
20
00:00:54,330 --> 00:00:56,150
She'll be back.
21
00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:59,520
And we didn't see Lily for four weeks.
22
00:00:59,690 --> 00:01:04,010
-=http://sfile.ydy.com=-
proudly presents
23
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:11,010
-=http://sfile.ydy.com=-
sync:ßÇÈâÈâ
24
00:01:11,020 --> 00:01:12,990
How I Met Your
Mother Season04 Episode20
25
00:01:13,020 --> 00:01:17,200
Kids, after getting laid off, I was
finay pursuing my lifelong dream:
26
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,290
starting my own architecture firm.
27
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,070
All I needed was some clients.
28
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:23,890
I think it's so great that you're
striking out on your own, Ted.
29
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,790
- I admire that.
- Thanks.
30
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,170
And, uh, thanks for being so
cool with me using the apartment.
31
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,820
Oh, yeah, of course. Anything you need.
32
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:34,580
Hey, small thing-- do you mind not
watching television during business hours?
33
00:01:34,610 --> 00:01:35,740
This isn't working!
34
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:39,340
I'm sorry. It's just, I... I can't
concentrate while Wheel of Fortune is...
35
00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:42,320
A penny saved is a Penny Marshall! Yes!
36
00:01:42,330 --> 00:01:45,590
Ted, I know you're nervous, but
you've got to stop procrastinating.
37
00:01:45,610 --> 00:01:50,500
You've spent the last two days choosing
the official pen of Mosbius Designs.
38
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,650
Hey, I've made some progress, huh?
39
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,290
I've eliminated felt-tip.
40
00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:59,100
Oh, who am I kidding?
Felt's back in the ballgame.
41
00:02:01,310 --> 00:02:02,510
You hear there's gonna be more layoffs?
42
00:02:02,530 --> 00:02:04,810
I know. I'm f... I'm freaking out.
43
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:07,240
- Are you worried?
- Aryou kidding?
44
00:02:07,250 --> 00:02:09,000
The things I know about this company.
45
00:02:09,030 --> 00:02:10,820
I won't ever be fired.
46
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:14,330
I mean, there's a pretty good chance one day I'll
wash up on shore with no fingerprints or teeth,
47
00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:16,230
but I won't be fired.
48
00:02:16,260 --> 00:02:18,290
Well, I wish I had your confidence.
49
00:02:18,750 --> 00:02:21,990
Look, you just need a way to make
yourself absolutely essential.
50
00:02:22,010 --> 00:02:24,340
Well, I-I work harder
than anyone in my division.
51
00:02:24,350 --> 00:02:27,430
Yeah. Keeping your job has
nothing to do with hard work.
52
00:02:27,710 --> 00:02:29,760
- You need a thing.
- What do you mean, a thing?
53
00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:34,290
You know, something that makes you fun
and well-liked, like Marcus Denisco.
54
00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:39,600
Marcus Denisco worked in account services and was
perhaps the most expendable employee at the company.
55
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:42,500
I brought some donuts.
They're probably stupid.
56
00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,810
But eventually, he
came to be known as...
57
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,470
Food Guy!
58
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,330
Who wants some pulled pork?
Of course you do! Come on!
59
00:02:50,390 --> 00:02:52,070
I love Food Guy.
60
00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:53,440
They could never lay him off.
61
00:02:53,450 --> 00:02:55,420
You know what I love about Food Guy?
62
00:02:55,430 --> 00:02:57,740
- He always has food.
- He always has food.
63
00:02:57,750 --> 00:02:59,410
See? That's what you need.
64
00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:02,230
You need that thing
that makes you a guy.
65
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:05,170
Oh, I have that thing
that makes me a guy.
66
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:07,450
Maybe even a guy and a half.
67
00:03:07,460 --> 00:03:11,510
Not that thing. You know,
a thing. Like Toy Guy.
68
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,350
Guys, bad news.
69
00:03:13,390 --> 00:03:18,310
As your HR rep, I got to review the
new overtime scheduling policy with you.
70
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:22,900
The good news is we're gonna do
it while wearing Wolverine claws!
71
00:03:25,340 --> 00:03:29,490
Section 5A: Overtime will no
longer be paid at time and a half.
72
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,390
- This is awesome!
- Claw five!
73
00:03:33,260 --> 00:03:34,710
Oh, I love Toy Guy.
74
00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:38,570
See? You need a thing.
Like YouTube Clip Guy.
75
00:03:45,710 --> 00:03:47,130
You're right.
76
00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:48,980
I do need a thing.
77
00:03:49,010 --> 00:03:50,380
But choose wisely.
78
00:03:50,410 --> 00:03:52,940
You don't want to be
Creepy Back Rub Guy.
79
00:03:52,950 --> 00:03:55,790
Hey, don't fill up. Food Guy's
got panna cotta in his office.
80
00:03:58,490 --> 00:04:00,710
Hey, buddy.
81
00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,410
Hey, Douglas.
82
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:07,630
You're so tight.
83
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:11,170
I was, uh, relaxed
about two seconds ago.
84
00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:15,350
You're next.
85
00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:19,110
Welcome to Mosbius Designs.
86
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,080
Who the hell are you?
87
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:24,140
I'm PJ, Mr. Mosby's assistant.
88
00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:25,650
- Ted, what the hell is going on?
- I'm sorry.
89
00:04:25,660 --> 00:04:29,320
We do not interrupt Mr. Mosby
during his brainstorming hour.
90
00:04:29,330 --> 00:04:32,780
It's okay, PJ. That's
Robin. She lives here.
91
00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:35,270
Oh, I'm sorry for the disturbance, sir.
92
00:04:35,290 --> 00:04:37,140
Do you need anything else?
93
00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:40,230
- Well, I wouldn't say no to a cup of coffee.
- You're right there!
94
00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:44,870
So now Ted has an assistant
to help him not do anything.
95
00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:49,650
Hey, PJ's been a huge help to me, setting
up the office, designing the Web site.
96
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,380
And in return, I'm mentoring
a bright young mind.
97
00:04:52,410 --> 00:04:54,940
Ah, yes, the mentoring.
98
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,800
I want you to go outside
today and simply...
99
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,990
put your hands on buildings. All right?
100
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:05,250
Feel the concrete pulse. Listen...
101
00:05:05,260 --> 00:05:09,190
Listen to the stories the
stones are telling you.
102
00:05:10,290 --> 00:05:13,380
- And pick up my dry cleaning.
- I will.
103
00:05:13,910 --> 00:05:16,870
- Thank you so much, Mr. Moy.
- All right.
104
00:05:18,390 --> 00:05:20,300
Hey, Ted?
105
00:05:20,310 --> 00:05:23,280
This table just told me you're a douche.
106
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:28,760
This whole mentoring thing is just another way
to procrastinate from actually calling clients.
107
00:05:28,780 --> 00:05:31,610
I'm not procrastinating. I just...
108
00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:33,410
I want everything to be perfect, okay?
109
00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:34,910
I only get one shot at this.
110
00:05:34,950 --> 00:05:37,180
Fine, but PJ is not helping.
111
00:05:38,010 --> 00:05:43,190
If Ted says that PJ is important to the
company, then PJ is not going anywhere.
112
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,230
See? He's very valuable.
113
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,710
PJ's a guy?
114
00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:50,650
PJ's not some hot chick you're banging?
115
00:05:50,690 --> 00:05:53,210
No, I'm-I'm mentoring him.
116
00:05:54,140 --> 00:05:56,360
Mentoring.
117
00:05:56,370 --> 00:05:58,570
I mentored a young fellow once.
118
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,230
Even made him my wingman.
119
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:06,170
Then, one day, he hired an assistant
to work ten feet from his bedroom who--
120
00:06:06,210 --> 00:06:11,080
get this-- isn't a hot chick, proving
he never listened to a word I said.
121
00:06:11,110 --> 00:06:13,890
And do you know that young man's name?
122
00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:16,610
- Ted Mosby?
- Maybe.
123
00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:20,950
I don't remember.
Because he is dead to me!
124
00:06:24,990 --> 00:06:28,960
PJ's gonna be getting a very
confusing card in the mail,
125
00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:34,820
along with a garment that he should by no means
wear for three days and then mail back to me.
126
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,630
Hey, Barney.
127
00:06:39,670 --> 00:06:42,690
I thought of a "thing" to
make me more essential here.
128
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,230
I'm Eco Guy, 'cause everybody
loves a guy who recycles, right?
129
00:06:46,270 --> 00:06:48,290
Fired. What else you got?
130
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:50,770
I thought of a few
others: Wacky Tie Guy.
131
00:06:50,790 --> 00:06:51,760
Fired.
132
00:06:51,770 --> 00:06:53,420
Daily Fun Fact Guy?
133
00:06:53,430 --> 00:06:55,760
Did you know that you're fired?
134
00:06:55,770 --> 00:06:57,690
I Know a Good Stretch for That Guy?
135
00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,700
Downward-facing fired.
136
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,020
Monty Python Guy?
137
00:07:01,060 --> 00:07:04,200
We are the knights who
say... You're fired.
138
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:09,230
Wait! Wait! I did used to run a fantasy
baseball league back in law school.
139
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,840
That's not bad. You
might be on to something.
140
00:07:11,850 --> 00:07:14,950
Awesome. Awesome! I'll be Fantasy Guy!
141
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:16,460
We'll have to make you Sports Guy.
142
00:07:16,490 --> 00:07:17,920
We already have a Fantasy Guy.
143
00:07:17,940 --> 00:07:20,390
- What's up, bros?
- Hey, Frank.
144
00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:25,900
Hello?
145
00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:29,130
Ah, hey, PJ. Where are
you? You're never late.
146
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:34,160
You're on top of the
Empire State Building?
147
00:07:34,670 --> 00:07:38,310
Listen to the old gal. She's
got some stories to tell.
148
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:41,560
Take all the time you need. Okay.
149
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:46,600
Wait a second. Ted Mosby Home.
150
00:07:48,580 --> 00:07:51,580
Oh, my God, the call's
coming from inside the house.
151
00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:04,300
That's not the Empire State Building.
152
00:08:07,870 --> 00:08:11,260
Robin, you cannot
sleep with my assistant.
153
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:13,150
I'm trying to run a business here.
154
00:08:13,180 --> 00:08:14,810
How did this even happen?
155
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,950
Well, at lunch, when you
go on your wisdom walks,
156
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,010
it gives me and PJ some
time alone together.
157
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:24,030
Inspiration... do your thing.
158
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:27,700
It always does, sir. It always does.
159
00:08:29,950 --> 00:08:33,470
Hey, PJ, I actually have an
architectural question for you.
160
00:08:33,490 --> 00:08:35,830
Um, how does Ted's ass taste?
161
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:39,820
I wouldn't know, but I
assume it tastes like genius.
162
00:08:45,060 --> 00:08:46,560
Why is the bathroom locked?
163
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:49,500
Visitors need to sign
in for the bathroom key.
164
00:08:49,510 --> 00:08:54,530
Listen, Peej, and I want you to think
this over real good before you answer.
165
00:08:54,580 --> 00:08:58,550
Are you telling me that I can't
go to the bathroom in my apartment?
166
00:08:58,580 --> 00:08:59,770
No.
167
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:05,870
I am telling you that you need to ask
permission to use the bathroom in my office.
168
00:09:06,510 --> 00:09:08,840
Why is that so hot?
169
00:09:09,830 --> 00:09:12,200
Robin, there are billions
of guys in the world.
170
00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:14,080
Why do you have to
sleep with my assistant?
171
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,790
Ted, when I get off work,
it's 5:30 in the morning.
172
00:09:16,830 --> 00:09:19,540
Do you have any idea what
kind of guys I'm meeting?
173
00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:21,110
I deliver newspapers.
174
00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:24,510
It's a dirty job, but
somebody's got to do it.
175
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:29,230
Don't worry. I'll wash them
before I handle your business.
176
00:09:29,850 --> 00:09:31,160
I live with my mom.
177
00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:36,000
At night, we watch TV in her
bed. We call it "Cuddle Club."
178
00:09:36,580 --> 00:09:41,040
So, you, uh, get up really early to
trade on the European stock exchanges?
179
00:09:41,050 --> 00:09:41,990
What's that like?
180
00:09:42,010 --> 00:09:44,340
Look, is this going to happen or not?
181
00:09:45,540 --> 00:09:48,340
Okay, first of all, I've
hung out with Fantasy Guy.
182
00:09:48,350 --> 00:09:49,900
You could do a lot worse.
183
00:09:49,910 --> 00:09:52,090
Secondly, this has to stop.
184
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:54,710
Distracting PJ is going
to kill our productivity.
185
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,970
What productivity? You haven't
even called a single client.
186
00:09:57,980 --> 00:10:01,370
Hey, once I get the Web site
up, the brochures printed,
187
00:10:01,420 --> 00:10:03,920
and figure out what trusts games we're
going to play at the corporate retreat,
188
00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:06,430
I am making those calls.
189
00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:08,440
Corporate retreat?
190
00:10:08,490 --> 00:10:11,360
Mr. Mosby and I are
going camping on the roof.
191
00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:14,580
Hey, Sports Guy.
192
00:10:14,610 --> 00:10:16,080
I hear people are
raving about your league.
193
00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:18,410
It's a lot harder than
I thought it would be.
194
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:22,720
Between entry fees and transaction
fees and penalty fees, I'm actually...
195
00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:25,020
I'm holding on to a lot of money.
196
00:10:25,050 --> 00:10:27,790
Great work, Sports Guy.
That's for last week.
197
00:10:32,070 --> 00:10:35,640
60, 80, a hundred.
198
00:10:35,940 --> 00:10:39,570
Okay. This is $18,000 cash.
199
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,370
It's not a big deal.
200
00:10:41,410 --> 00:10:44,660
I'll just, uh, take it home
and put it somewhere safe.
201
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:48,770
Okay, just walking down the street
with some money in my pocket.
202
00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:52,340
Don't touch the money. That's
so obvious. Just be cool.
203
00:10:53,060 --> 00:10:56,050
Oh, no. The baby's on to me.
204
00:10:56,060 --> 00:10:58,670
Babies can smell money.
Everyone knows that!
205
00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:01,880
I'm carrying a lot of money!
206
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:06,100
Seriously, dude, I'm not sure how
much longer I can keep doing this.
207
00:11:06,130 --> 00:11:10,000
Marshall, last week you were trash
that no one wanted to look at.
208
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,540
Now, you're Sports Guy.
209
00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:14,100
- I was trash?
- Last week!
210
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:17,970
Hey, there's Ted Mosby
of Mosbius Designs.
211
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,880
How's the home office coming, buddy?
212
00:11:19,890 --> 00:11:23,950
Well, it was going great till
Robin started banging my assistant.
213
00:11:25,870 --> 00:11:27,890
Ted, it's our apartment, okay?
214
00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:31,930
You leave a big chocolate cake on the
counter, Mama's gonna cut her off a slice.
215
00:11:31,940 --> 00:11:33,450
I told you.
216
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,260
Hire a cute assistant
that you can sleep with,
217
00:11:36,290 --> 00:11:38,930
but instead you hire a cute
assistant that Robin can sleep with.
218
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,750
And of course he's gonna sleep
with her, Ted. Look at her!
219
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,340
She's the greatest woman on the
planet! I'm getting off topic!
220
00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:47,530
You're an idiot! That's my
message! You're an idiot!
221
00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:50,850
No.
222
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:54,870
One person storming off isn't
enough! Marshall, storm off with me!
223
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:04,980
Barney. Dude, why are this upset about Ted
not having sex with the people he hires?
224
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:06,990
Because it hurts!
225
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:08,420
It hurts you how?
226
00:12:08,450 --> 00:12:12,860
It hurts because I love... Ted.
227
00:12:13,770 --> 00:12:15,700
Having sex with women.
228
00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:17,710
I'm a very dedicated wingman!
229
00:12:17,730 --> 00:12:19,980
Look, Lily's the only person that
I can talk to about this stuff.
230
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,510
Just get her to talk to me.
231
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,400
I'll try, but, look,
there's no guarantees.
232
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:27,420
She's still really
outraged about that joke.
233
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:30,500
That joke.
234
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:34,270
Torn our little group apart, pitted
people I love against each other.
235
00:12:34,310 --> 00:12:35,840
Seriously, I wish...
236
00:12:35,860 --> 00:12:39,160
I wish that joke had
never come into our lives.
237
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,100
- It's kinda of funny though, right?
- It's so funny, man.
238
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,380
Hey, good news, PJ.
239
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,040
The brochures you designed just came in.
240
00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:50,680
Really interesting choice for the cover.
241
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:55,060
I like how instead of one of
my designs, you chose this.
242
00:12:55,070 --> 00:12:58,690
You know what? I must've
sent in the wrong photo.
243
00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:00,340
You think?
244
00:13:00,370 --> 00:13:03,510
Look, PJ, the Web site's still not done.
245
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,870
You didn't even show up
to the corporate retreat--
246
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,970
by the way, I saw a shooting star...
247
00:13:08,980 --> 00:13:13,210
and you're late every day. I-I'm
sorry, PJ. I gotta get focused.
248
00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:14,340
You're fired.
249
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:17,700
- You can't fire...
- PJ, you're fired.
250
00:13:17,710 --> 00:13:19,900
Fine!
251
00:13:22,430 --> 00:13:25,920
Hey, baby. I just got fired.
252
00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:30,060
Yeah, I'll wait for you
at your place. Okay, bye.
253
00:13:31,830 --> 00:13:34,420
Oh, Wheel of Fortune.
254
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:40,210
veve having all this free
time to spend with you.
255
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,820
I'm going to kiss you here...
256
00:13:42,830 --> 00:13:44,230
And here.
257
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,100
And here and here. And...
258
00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:49,100
Please stop.
259
00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:51,850
I'm going to go to the bathroom.
260
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:55,390
- I'll miss you.
- I'll miss you, too.
261
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,730
You're already sick of him, aren't you?
262
00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:03,770
He's driving me crazy.
263
00:14:03,790 --> 00:14:05,940
When PJ had a job, he was sexy.
264
00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:08,440
He was guardian of the bathroom key.
265
00:14:08,460 --> 00:14:12,830
A hot guy telling you
when you can and can't pee?
266
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,800
That's the dream.
267
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:17,860
That's the dream? The dream?
268
00:14:17,870 --> 00:14:20,470
Like what Martin Luther
King was talking about?
269
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,060
I have to end it, don't I?
270
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,020
I'm terrible at breakups.
271
00:14:24,050 --> 00:14:27,500
I still have to go a little bit, but I
couldn't be away from you one second longer.
272
00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:30,920
Oh, listen, uh...
273
00:14:30,930 --> 00:14:33,050
- Dude, I don't know.
- What?
274
00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:35,280
Yeah, it's just...
275
00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:37,750
It's not really...
276
00:14:37,770 --> 00:14:39,930
ix-nay, you know?
277
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,870
Ix-nay on what?
278
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,690
- Not feeling it.
- Not feeling what?
279
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:47,340
But-but friends and stuff.
280
00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:49,950
Oh, my God, this is
the worst breakup ever.
281
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,720
You're breaking up with me?
282
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:55,740
Oh, if that's what you
want, I-I totally understand.
283
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:01,270
You still haven't activated that
shortstop the Mariners just brought up.
284
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,560
Got to have it.
285
00:15:04,010 --> 00:15:06,190
See, Sports Guy! People love you.
286
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,550
I can't be Sports Guy
anymore, okay? It's killing me!
287
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:14,410
I keep getting these constant texts and e-mails
and phone calls in the middle of the night.
288
00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:18,000
Sometimes I even think
that I'm being followed.
289
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,360
Hey, buddy.
290
00:15:20,380 --> 00:15:24,050
I need you to push that trade
through, so I can set my new lineup.
291
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:27,530
Wow, you really carry it in
your shoulders, don't you?
292
00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:29,810
Seriously, it's over.
293
00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:32,030
Do you want me to stop?
294
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,340
No.
295
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:40,020
With Robin and PJ broken up, I was free
to make some staffing changes inhe office.
296
00:15:41,460 --> 00:15:44,110
Hi, welcome to Mosbius Designs.
297
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,310
You got to be kidding me?
298
00:15:46,350 --> 00:15:49,350
And now that PJ was back at work...
299
00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:52,880
You got to be kidding me?
300
00:15:52,890 --> 00:15:56,360
So, uh... apparently Robin
and PJ are an item again.
301
00:15:56,370 --> 00:15:59,040
You got to be kidding me!
302
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,260
Are you all right?
303
00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:07,270
Okay, since Lily's not talking to me,
there's something that I have to tell you.
304
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,210
And this isn't easy to say, all right?
305
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,310
I'm... wait for it...
306
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,120
in... wait for it...
307
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,850
love... wait for it...
308
00:16:19,430 --> 00:16:21,900
with... wait for it...
309
00:16:26,490 --> 00:16:28,710
a... wait for it...
310
00:16:29,370 --> 00:16:30,360
certain... wait for it...
311
00:16:30,370 --> 00:16:33,120
- I know that you're in love with Robin.
- What?
312
00:16:33,130 --> 00:16:35,900
- Lily told me.
- She told you?
313
00:16:35,910 --> 00:16:37,310
Great.
314
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:41,980
I bet you guys have been laughing
at me behind my back the whole time.
315
00:16:42,770 --> 00:16:47,440
Actually, um... in a weird way, we both
think you're kind of perfect for each other.
316
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:50,270
- You do?
- Yeah.Matter of fact, um,
317
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,680
we even try to sit onhe same side of the
booth so you two will have to sit together.
318
00:16:53,690 --> 00:16:55,900
Really? That's so sweet.
319
00:16:55,910 --> 00:17:01,080
But let's be clear. I
don't love her. Okay?
320
00:17:01,090 --> 00:17:04,000
I just... miss her
when she's not around.
321
00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:07,520
I think about her all the time, and I imagine us
one day running towards each other in slow motion,
322
00:17:07,550 --> 00:17:10,450
and I'm wearing a brown suede vest.
323
00:17:10,460 --> 00:17:11,910
Are you ever going to
tell her how you feel?
324
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:16,360
No. Maybe. Never. I don't know. Look...
325
00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:19,930
I just need to get that
PJ idiot awafrom her.
326
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,370
If Lily were here, she'd know
exactly how to get rid of him.
327
00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:24,640
Maybe I can help.
328
00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:27,010
Marshall, you're no Lily.
329
00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:29,230
Lily is a diabolical puppet master,
330
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:32,930
subtly manipulating every situation
to get exactly what she wants.
331
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,500
She's pure evil, Marshall.
332
00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:38,710
You got a good one
there. Hang on to her.
333
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,760
Meanwhile, my bizarre tug of
war with Robin over PJ continued.
334
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,670
Hey, PJ.
335
00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:47,060
I was about to go on my wisdom walk.
336
00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:48,320
Want to join me?
337
00:17:48,330 --> 00:17:50,120
Hey, PJ.
338
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,860
I took the bathroom keywithout asking.
339
00:17:52,870 --> 00:17:55,070
What are you going to do about it?
340
00:17:55,530 --> 00:17:57,810
Look... you guys are both great.
341
00:17:57,820 --> 00:18:00,730
But the truth is I'm taking another job.
342
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,820
These are for you.
343
00:18:02,850 --> 00:18:05,640
Robin, I hope this letter
offers some closure.
344
00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:08,850
Ted, I'm really going to miss you.
345
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,290
You can't trade Manny Ramirez
for two middle relievers!
346
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,210
If you veto that trade,
I am out of the league!
347
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,120
Okay! Okay! I'll figure it out.
348
00:18:20,830 --> 00:18:23,530
Hire the kid to be a "paralegal."
349
00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:26,730
He gets to do all the work, and
you still get to be Sports Guy.
350
00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:30,240
Pure evil, Eriksen. Pure evil.
351
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,660
Thanks.
352
00:18:39,780 --> 00:18:41,980
You okay?
353
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:46,090
What if I don't think of the books?
354
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:47,600
Excuse me?
355
00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:52,170
There's this famous architecture story
about an architect who designed this library.
356
00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:54,010
It was perfect.
357
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:59,080
But every year, the whole thing would
sink a couple inches into the ground.
358
00:18:59,410 --> 00:19:02,660
Eventually, the building was condemned.
359
00:19:02,670 --> 00:19:07,290
He forgot to account for
the weight of the books.
360
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:10,490
This company... it's just me.
361
00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:14,180
What if I don't think of the books?
362
00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:18,890
Okay... first of all, nobody goes to
libraries anymore, so who cares about that guy?
363
00:19:19,290 --> 00:19:23,740
Secondly, you need to get on the
phone and start calling clients.
364
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:25,550
The longer I put off
starting my own firm,
365
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:30,520
the longer it can remain a dream
and not something I screwed up at.
366
00:19:31,110 --> 00:19:34,230
I mean, it's like I'm giving
up before I even started.
367
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,160
You want to talk about giving up?
368
00:19:36,190 --> 00:19:42,000
I used to describe my ideal guy as
"funny, smart, passionate, challenging."
369
00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:46,220
And now, apparently, I will
settle for "in my apartment."
370
00:19:47,330 --> 00:19:49,940
Didn't you think you'd have
it all more figured out by now?
371
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:53,420
Are you kidding?By 30, I was
going to be annoyingly successful,
372
00:19:53,430 --> 00:19:56,460
married to the perfect
woman, maybe a kid on the way.
373
00:19:56,500 --> 00:20:02,710
Instead, I'm just some guy sitting in his
apartment, having a staring contest with his phone.
374
00:20:03,450 --> 00:20:06,440
And losing.
375
00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:10,380
You can take that thing.
376
00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:28,790
Hi, this is Ted Mosby
of Mosbius Designs.
377
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:32,270
I'm calling to inquire about any design
needs you may have now or in the future.
378
00:20:32,290 --> 00:20:33,130
That sounds great, buddy.
379
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:34,610
- Really? I sound confident?
- Yup.
380
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:37,090
- Now call an actual client.
- Great.
381
00:20:40,070 --> 00:20:41,970
Hey, Food Guy!
382
00:20:42,940 --> 00:20:45,140
Hey, Toy Guy!
383
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,410
Who's that guy?
384
00:20:52,730 --> 00:20:54,710
He doesn't work here.
385
00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:57,020
- I think we should leave the building.
- Really?
386
00:20:57,030 --> 00:20:59,320
This has happened before.