1 00:00:01,410 --> 00:00:03,310 Kids, in the winter of 2009 2 00:00:03,310 --> 00:00:05,360 aunt Robin and I just become roomates. 3 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,700 and to be honest, it wasn't going very smoothly. 4 00:00:07,730 --> 00:00:08,430 Ooh,that looks good. 5 00:00:08,460 --> 00:00:09,830 I'm gonna get some. 6 00:00:09,860 --> 00:00:10,660 There's no more milk. 7 00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:11,630 No,I just saw some in the fridge. 8 00:00:11,660 --> 00:00:12,760 Empty. 9 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:13,830 So throw it out. 10 00:00:13,860 --> 00:00:15,300 The trash can's full. 11 00:00:15,330 --> 00:00:17,030 So take the trash out. 12 00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:19,660 I'm eating cereal. 13 00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:23,160 You know,when I asked you to be my roommate,I figured, 14 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,430 "She's a girl,she'll be neat." 15 00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:28,460 But no,you're Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds. 16 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,430 You know what,Ted? 17 00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:32,300 Instead of coming up with hot off the press 18 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,100 topical references like that, 19 00:00:34,130 --> 00:00:36,130 maybe you should spend a little time, 20 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,300 I don't know,uh, washing a dish ever. 21 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,430 Oh,darn,I can't. 22 00:00:41,460 --> 00:00:44,630 I'm too busy leaving a plate of cookies for the magical elf 23 00:00:44,660 --> 00:00:46,300 who changes the toilet paper roll. 24 00:00:46,330 --> 00:00:48,230 Oh,wait,there's no elf. 25 00:00:48,260 --> 00:00:49,100 It's always me! 26 00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,530 I alwa change it. You never do! 27 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,200 -That is ridiculous! -No,I went in there yesterday... 28 00:00:53,230 --> 00:00:55,000 I changed it,like, the last five times. 29 00:00:55,030 --> 00:00:56,000 Stop! Stop! 30 00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:57,930 God,what is going on? 31 00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,030 When we were dating each other, 32 00:00:59,030 --> 00:01:01,130 we were practically living together 33 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,860 and we didn't drive each other this crazy. 34 00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:03,930 I know. 35 00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:05,160 What happened? 36 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,260 You know what it is? 37 00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:08,700 We were having sex. 38 00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:11,530 Men and women need sex to live together. 39 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,400 It solves all disputes. 40 00:01:13,430 --> 00:01:16,360 Oh,like Barney's theory about world peace? 41 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:17,700 So I explained to her. 42 00:01:17,730 --> 00:01:21,430 I said,Madeline,every single international conflict 43 00:01:21,460 --> 00:01:24,600 essentially boils down to sexual tension. 44 00:01:24,630 --> 00:01:26,460 Every international conflict? 45 00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:27,600 Every single one,dude. 46 00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:30,860 So the crisis in the Middle East could be solved by... 47 00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:33,100 Gaza Strippers. Next. 48 00:01:33,130 --> 00:01:34,530 Apartheid? 49 00:01:34,530 --> 00:01:37,730 Apart thighs. What else you got? 50 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,230 Cold War? 51 00:01:39,260 --> 00:01:43,400 "Mrs. Gorbachev, take down those pants." 52 00:01:45,260 --> 00:01:48,830 Well,guess we should just start having sex,then. 53 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:50,530 Yeah,right. 54 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,060 Wow. 55 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:54,460 I know. 56 00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:56,460 It's like riding a bike,huh,buddy? 57 00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:59,460 Riding a bike upside down, maybe. 58 00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:02,200 Okay,listen. If this is gonna happen on occasion, 59 00:02:02,230 --> 00:02:04,330 we can't tell anyone about this. 60 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,860 -Deal? Deal. 61 00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:06,900 Deal. 62 00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:09,950 63 00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:09,950 64 00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:12,550 65 00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:12,550 66 00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:15,050 67 00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:15,050 68 00:02:15,050 --> 00:02:17,050 69 00:02:15,050 --> 00:02:17,050 70 00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:20,050 71 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,940 Marshall,Marshall... 72 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,340 What the hell are you guys doing? 73 00:02:26,370 --> 00:02:28,340 What,are you guys, like,back together? 74 00:02:28,370 --> 00:02:31,170 No. We're just having sex so we don't fight ghymore. 75 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,470 Oh,that's a great idea. 76 00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:35,400 No,really. Two thumbs up,guys. 77 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,340 Hey,I just looked into the future 78 00:02:37,470 --> 00:02:39,700 and that works out really great for everyone. 79 00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:41,770 What are you even doing here? 80 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:46,870 I was on my way to work and I just had to drop by here to... 81 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,140 read this magazine. 82 00:02:49,070 --> 00:02:50,340 In... 83 00:02:50,340 --> 00:02:52,270 that room over there. 84 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,970 Oh,I get it. 85 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,570 No problem,buddy. 86 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,440 Uh,yes, a problem,buddy. 87 00:02:57,470 --> 00:03:00,240 You came all the way over here to read a magazine? 88 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:04,970 I'm willing to bet that there is a place to read a magazine at work. 89 00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:07,700 You know,a room with a little man on the door? 90 00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:10,340 Okay,Robin. Come on. 91 00:03:10,370 --> 00:03:12,770 Nobody likes to read a magazine at work. 92 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:16,000 I mean,you walk out of your office holding a magazine 93 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,940 and that magazine is saying one thing and one thing only. 94 00:03:19,970 --> 00:03:22,870 Hey everyone,look at what Marshall's about to do! 95 00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:26,070 Marshall's about to read a big ol' magazine 96 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:29,000 in the bathroom that you all share with him. 97 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,900 Well,have you thought about maybe not reading 98 00:03:33,940 --> 00:03:35,670 a magazine when you read a magazine? 99 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:37,770 You gotta read a magazine. 100 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,640 I mean, that's why there's magazines. 101 00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:41,670 Otherwise,it's just time you're not getting back. 102 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:43,300 Exactly. 103 00:03:43,340 --> 00:03:44,600 And the worst part is this: 104 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:48,240 That stretch of hallway from my door to that restroom 105 00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:52,500 is a gauntlet of judging eyes. 106 00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:53,870 You got my boss. 107 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,440 We all know exactly what you're about to do. 108 00:03:58,470 --> 00:03:59,940 Her boss. 109 00:03:59,970 --> 00:04:01,340 Hey,Eriksen, 110 00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:03,270 why don't you just move your desk in there? 111 00:04:03,270 --> 00:04:06,170 I-Can't-Believe-He-Has-A-Wife Donald. 112 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:09,000 Oh,sweetie,so obvious. 113 00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:13,570 Anyways,I just would rather do that here. 114 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:14,970 No,I'm sorry. 115 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,340 This is our apartment now. 116 00:04:16,370 --> 00:04:19,700 Marshall,you have to read a magazine someplace else. 117 00:04:19,740 --> 00:04:20,700 Give me your key. 118 00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:22,700 Yeah,I'm not gonna do that. 119 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:23,970 Marshall. 120 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,140 I seem to recall 121 00:04:25,170 --> 00:04:27,600 a deal being struck between three parties 122 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,440 wherein none would discuss 123 00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:32,470 a certain event that transpired. 124 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:34,670 An event of the... 125 00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:35,900 ...persuasion. 126 00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:38,540 That key,madam, buys my silence. 127 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:40,800 Good day to you both. 128 00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:44,270 You two hooked up? 129 00:04:45,170 --> 00:04:46,970 thanks a lot,lily 130 00:04:47,970 --> 00:04:49,570 So,wow. 131 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,040 You two... slept together. 132 00:04:52,070 --> 00:04:54,670 That is awf... some. 133 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,240 Awfsome. 134 00:04:57,270 --> 00:04:59,670 Nice work,Ted. Tap that. 135 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,000 It sounds like a bigger deal than it is. 136 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,340 We talked it over,and we both realized 137 00:05:04,340 --> 00:05:06,140 we've had a rough couple of months. 138 00:05:06,170 --> 00:05:07,040 We deserve a little fun. 139 00:05:07,070 --> 00:05:08,170 No. 140 00:05:08,170 --> 00:05:10,340 This could wind up ruining your friendship. 141 00:05:10,340 --> 00:05:13,400 When two exes try to "just be casual," 142 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,500 someone always winds up getting hurt. 143 00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:17,200 Turned out,Lily was right. 144 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,270 But more on that later. 145 00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:21,200 Look,guys,we've got this covered okay? 146 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,440 No one's gonna get hurt. 147 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,500 We set up ground rules. 148 00:05:24,540 --> 00:05:26,070 Okay,rule number one: 149 00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:27,970 This is strictly a physical relationship. 150 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,840 There are no feelings involved, okay? 151 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,740 Oh,please,that's like telling the Fonz to be cool. 152 00:05:31,770 --> 00:05:33,500 And since it's just physical, 153 00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:35,240 we don't have to worry about romance,right? 154 00:05:35,270 --> 00:05:36,070 Hell,no. 155 00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:37,440 Ooh,we can do it while we watch TV! 156 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:38,640 Totally! 157 00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:40,100 And we can multi-task. 158 00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:42,840 You know,use the sex to spice up otherwise dull activities. 159 00:05:42,870 --> 00:05:44,100 Like folding laundry. 160 00:05:44,140 --> 00:05:45,100 Paying bills. 161 00:05:45,140 --> 00:05:46,800 Cooking dinner. 162 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,300 -That doesn't seem hygienic. -Yeah,not that one. 163 00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:52,100 And now that we're hooking up, we're not fighting anymore. 164 00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:53,300 Problem solved. 165 00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:55,100 Actually,the credit belongs to Barney. 166 00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:57,300 This whole idea came out of your thing about world peace. 167 00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:58,770 Yeah. Thanks,Barney. 168 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,440 You were right. Peace was achieved. 169 00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:03,540 Repeatedly. 170 00:06:04,270 --> 00:06:06,570 So I'm-I'm responsible for... 171 00:06:06,740 --> 00:06:11,100 Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. 172 00:06:11,140 --> 00:06:14,670 Uh... next round's on me! 173 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:20,570 Hey,are you okay? 174 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:21,670 Yeah. Why do you ask? 175 00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:24,700 Well,for one thing, you're openly weeping. 176 00:06:25,740 --> 00:06:28,340 With joy. 177 00:06:28,370 --> 00:06:30,440 So happy for those two. 178 00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:32,400 Barney,admit it. 179 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,500 You still have feelings for Robin 180 00:06:34,540 --> 00:06:36,040 and this is killing you. 181 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,340 I am totally fine. 182 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,070 Now,excuse me for just a minute. 183 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,540 I'm totally fine. 184 00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:58,440 Barney,you have to learn how to express these feelings. 185 00:06:58,470 --> 00:07:00,770 Maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist. 186 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,300 Please. 187 00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:04,770 If I'm gonna pay so woman $200 an hour 188 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:08,640 to make me feel better, we aren't going to be talking. 189 00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:11,100 And we're both going to be on that couch. 190 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,540 The woman in this scenario is a prostitute. 191 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:20,770 A dirty,skanky,surgically enhanced,Eastern European... 192 00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:21,640 I got it. 193 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,540 And there's something kind of liberating 194 00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:24,700 about not taking it all too seriously. 195 00:07:24,740 --> 00:07:26,640 Yeah. Last night, we actually did it 196 00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:28,840 while I was returning a bunch of phone calls. 197 00:07:28,870 --> 00:07:32,100 I knew you didn't get a rowing machine! 198 00:07:34,470 --> 00:07:37,200 Awesome, we're still talking about this! 199 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:38,970 Look,guys, 200 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,140 this is a private thing between me and Ted. 201 00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:42,300 Private Thing. 202 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,900 We wouldn't even be talking about this 203 00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:47,800 if Marshall could read a magazine at work. 204 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,500 Oh,he's always been this way. 205 00:07:49,540 --> 00:07:51,370 Remember law school? 206 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,800 Sure do. 207 00:07:56,770 --> 00:07:58,570 Baby? 208 00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,740 Baby,what is it? 209 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:02,700 The credit card bill came today. 210 00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:06,270 You checked into a hotel two blocks from school 211 00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:07,940 on a Tuesday. 212 00:08:07,970 --> 00:08:09,170 It's not what you think. 213 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,940 Who is she,Marshall? 214 00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:12,800 What's her name? 215 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,100 Burrito. 216 00:08:15,140 --> 00:08:17,100 Carnitas Burrito. 217 00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:19,900 So,you checked into a hotel room 218 00:08:19,940 --> 00:08:22,470 just so you could read a magazine there? 219 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,600 Hey,Robin,do you want me to see if the waitress has 220 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:28,470 any giant sugar cubes for that high horse of yours? 221 00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,200 Nobody likes to read a magazine at work 222 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,100 and if they say that they do, then they're not human. 223 00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:35,600 Dude,I read a magazine at work every day. 224 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,440 I can't tell you how many meetings I've been late to 225 00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:40,570 because I was busy "reading a magazine." 226 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,840 But I don't feel bad about it. That's my time. 227 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,770 Sure,"reading a magazine" ain't pretty, 228 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,970 but,you know, it's something I gotta do. 229 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,640 So why be ashamed about it? 230 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:55,940 Wait,"reading a magazine" means masturbating,right? 231 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,400 I can't believe it. 232 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,070 You drank all my milk again! 233 00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:03,640 We can have sex. 234 00:09:03,670 --> 00:09:04,670 Okay. 235 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:08,240 It's the perfect set up. 236 00:09:08,270 --> 00:09:10,170 Anytime we start getting into an argument, 237 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:11,470 we just have sex instead. 238 00:09:11,470 --> 00:09:13,370 One minute we're just laying into each other, 239 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:14,870 and then the next minute... 240 00:09:14,900 --> 00:09:16,100 Well,same thing. 241 00:09:17,170 --> 00:09:18,840 Awesome. 242 00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:24,670 So,this morning,she's yelling at me through the door, 243 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:26,500 "You're taking too long in the shower!" 244 00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:27,670 Next thing I know, 245 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:29,040 she hops in. 246 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,000 Now baby don't mind I took my time. 247 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,500 So awesome. 248 00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:39,670 Sorry I'm late. 249 00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:42,040 I was just jammin' on Scherbatsky. 250 00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:44,970 She used up all my stamps, so long story short, 251 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,170 the postman rang twice. 252 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,940 You must bump this! 253 00:09:49,970 --> 00:09:55,040 That's just so... 254 00:09:55,070 --> 00:09:57,000 Excuse me for a second. 255 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,900 So,you're saying plasmas are better for low light, 256 00:10:10,940 --> 00:10:13,440 but LCDs are better for games? 257 00:10:13,470 --> 00:10:16,700 Right,but the CRTs have the truest blacks. 258 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:20,370 So,if I want a really crisp contrast ratio... 259 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,770 The CRT's deep-pixel cell structure produces 260 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,140 a resolution you just can't match with an LCD. 261 00:10:25,170 --> 00:10:27,770 Huh... I'll take the CRT. 262 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,600 Barney, this is nuts. 263 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:35,640 I'm doing just fine, thank you. 264 00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:37,570 No,you're not. 265 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,640 You need to learn to let this stuff out. 266 00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:42,170 Like we do in my kindergarten class 267 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,300 "Feelings Hour" every Tuesday morning. 268 00:10:44,340 --> 00:10:46,400 Look,Lily,maybe yourindergartners 269 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,970 are upset that their friends are sleeping with each other, 270 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:48,970 but not me. 271 00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:51,900 I have never been better. 272 00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:54,440 Meanwhile,Marshall was still struggling at work. 273 00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:57,400 Coming through. 274 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,070 Big breakfast this morning. 275 00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:01,000 You know what that means. 276 00:11:01,140 --> 00:11:04,940 But then came the best news he'd heard in a long time. 277 00:11:04,970 --> 00:11:06,340 And did you hear? 278 00:11:06,370 --> 00:11:08,440 They laid off everybody on the eighth floor. 279 00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:11,340 I know. It's a ghost town down there. 280 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,000 Morning. 281 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:38,000 Morning. 282 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,170 Hey,that was fun last night. 283 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,300 Word,that was a good one. 284 00:11:41,340 --> 00:11:42,040 Mental note: 285 00:11:42,070 --> 00:11:44,770 don't throw out the pizza box more often. 286 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,000 All right,see you later. 287 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,400 So last night,Robin left a pizza box out on the floor, 288 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,260 -so we had sex three times. -Sure. 289 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,730 And then,this morning before I left for work... 290 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:07,900 we kissed. 291 00:12:07,930 --> 00:12:09,300 Ooh,that's weird. 292 00:12:09,330 --> 00:12:10,960 That is weird. 293 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,360 Right? 294 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,130 That kiss violated the spirit 295 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,230 Of our whole arrangement. 296 00:12:15,260 --> 00:12:17,260 I mean,she probably thinks I'm getting feelings for her. 297 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:18,760 Well,are you? 298 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,560 Yes,I'm in love with her. 299 00:12:21,930 --> 00:12:22,930 Is what you-- 300 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,500 That's you,dude. 301 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,460 No. It didn't mean anything. 302 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,360 It was just some leftover reflex from when we were a couple. 303 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:31,760 But I think I probably blew it. 304 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,960 Definitely. 305 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,730 It is so over. 306 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:38,800 Hold the phone. 307 00:12:38,830 --> 00:12:40,100 Maybe Robin didn't think it was weird. 308 00:12:40,130 --> 00:12:41,500 It was weird. 309 00:12:41,530 --> 00:12:43,900 Weird,weird,weird, weird,weird. 310 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,930 W-I-E-R-D. Weird. 311 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,200 That's not how you spell "weird." 312 00:12:48,230 --> 00:12:50,000 Come on,Lily. Nobody likes a Ted. 313 00:12:51,060 --> 00:12:52,330 I tried to warn you. 314 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:55,730 When exes relapse, someone always gets hurt. 315 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,230 But no one listened. 316 00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:58,530 Story of my life. 317 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,300 My cuteness interferes with people hearing my message. 318 00:13:01,330 --> 00:13:02,800 Well,what should I do? 319 00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:05,000 There's only one thing to do. 320 00:13:05,030 --> 00:13:08,460 You have to stop sleeping together,please. 321 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,630 I think we have to stop sleeping together. 322 00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:11,730 With me and Ted, 323 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,700 it's like cigarettes. 324 00:13:13,730 --> 00:13:15,900 You have one when you're drunk and you think it's fine. 325 00:13:15,930 --> 00:13:18,500 But before you know it, you're buying a carton a week. 326 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,400 I think I have to end it. 327 00:13:20,430 --> 00:13:21,600 Yup. 328 00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:22,660 I have to end it. 329 00:13:22,700 --> 00:13:24,200 So... 330 00:13:24,230 --> 00:13:25,960 We're ending it,huh? 331 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,530 I think so,yeah. 332 00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,130 It's probably for the best. 333 00:13:29,530 --> 00:13:30,630 It was fun, 334 00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:32,000 but I don't want things to get weird. 335 00:13:32,030 --> 00:13:32,830 Me neither. 336 00:13:32,860 --> 00:13:33,660 Roomies? 337 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:34,700 Roomies. 338 00:13:38,460 --> 00:13:39,700 Robin! 339 00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:41,060 But we tell no one. 340 00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,060 Deal? 341 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:43,060 Deal. 342 00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:44,600 -Deal. -Dude! 343 00:13:44,630 --> 00:13:45,860 Come on! 344 00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:47,160 What is the matter with you? 345 00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:50,700 That one. 346 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,530 So,that didn't last long. 347 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:57,900 By the way,Marshall, 348 00:13:57,930 --> 00:13:59,630 what were you doing back in our apartment? 349 00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:01,700 I thought you had the perfect situation. 350 00:14:01,730 --> 00:14:03,760 I did. 351 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,360 Everything was going great. 352 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,360 I was feeling comfortable, 353 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,960 more confident. 354 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,630 I felt I could take on the world. 355 00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:15,360 One morning,I took my magazine down to the eighth floor. 356 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,800 We gotta gut this whole place. 357 00:14:21,830 --> 00:14:26,560 I need these walls taken out here and here. 358 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:27,560 You got it. 359 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,360 All right. 360 00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:33,530 Celebrities pick up their dry cleaning? 361 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:34,900 I pick up my dry cleaning. 362 00:14:35,930 --> 00:14:37,930 Don't come in! 363 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,030 So that didn't last long. 364 00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:43,760 Oh,thanks. 365 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,360 What are you doing? 366 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,960 Oh,well,since all these roomie squabbles 367 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,760 are still causing friction between you and Robin, 368 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,000 I thought I'd help out. 369 00:14:51,030 --> 00:14:53,230 Oh,BTW,I went by the post office today. 370 00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,530 I picked you up some stamps. 371 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,760 Here's ten thousand. That oughta do ya. 372 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,160 Um,okay. 373 00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,800 Thanks,I guess. 374 00:14:59,830 --> 00:15:01,260 Hey,uh,you want a beer? 375 00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:02,930 Okay. 376 00:15:05,230 --> 00:15:07,660 Yeah,I picked those up on the way over. It was nothing. 377 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,860 Did you buy us a dishwasher? 378 00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:13,900 No. That dishwasher's always been there. 379 00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:15,400 How long have you been living here? 380 00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:22,900 So,you are doing these things 381 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,700 to keep me and Robin from fighting,huh? 382 00:15:25,730 --> 00:15:27,000 Exactly. 383 00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:28,360 I worry about you two. 384 00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:33,430 It bothers you that Robin and I a hooking up,doesn't it? 385 00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:35,430 No. 386 00:15:35,460 --> 00:15:36,500 Not at all. 387 00:15:36,530 --> 00:15:38,030 That's crazy. 388 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,930 What? 389 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,500 Are you in love with Robin? 390 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,930 You're in love with Robin. 391 00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:54,670 That's why you don't want us hooking up. 392 00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:57,300 What? That is crazy talk. 393 00:15:57,330 --> 00:15:59,930 Can't a bro clean another bro's apartment 394 00:15:59,970 --> 00:16:01,700 like bros do? 395 00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:04,130 Name me one bro in the history of bros 396 00:16:04,170 --> 00:16:05,170 who has ever done that. 397 00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:09,900 I'll name two: 398 00:16:09,930 --> 00:16:13,230 Misters Clean and Belvedere. 399 00:16:14,470 --> 00:16:16,070 Look,this thing with me and Robin, 400 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,100 it's totally casual. 401 00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:18,230 I'm not gonna freak out 402 00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:19,430 if you tell me you have feelings for her. 403 00:16:19,470 --> 00:16:20,730 So,do you? 404 00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:21,830 No. No,I don't. 405 00:16:21,870 --> 00:16:23,000 I don't,no. 406 00:16:23,030 --> 00:16:24,130 I don't. I don't. No. 407 00:16:24,170 --> 00:16:25,730 Robin is all yours,dude. 408 00:16:25,770 --> 00:16:27,770 Have fun with her. 409 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,570 Now,if you'll excuse me, 410 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,330 I'm gonna go sleep with other girls. 411 00:16:32,370 --> 00:16:33,530 Are you sure? 412 00:16:33,570 --> 00:16:34,530 Yes! 413 00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:35,730 Positive? 414 00:16:35,730 --> 00:16:37,500 Absolutely. 415 00:16:39,830 --> 00:16:41,670 And then I stormed out. 416 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,770 Why did I do that? 417 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,700 I mean,maybe it goes back to my father issues,but... 418 00:16:47,730 --> 00:16:50,370 I basically gave my best friend license 419 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,330 to have sex with the girl of my dreams. 420 00:16:53,370 --> 00:16:55,400 totally sabotaged myself. 421 00:16:57,030 --> 00:16:58,030 And now I'm smoking. 422 00:16:58,070 --> 00:17:00,500 Now I'm smoking. 423 00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:02,800 Get out. 424 00:17:02,830 --> 00:17:05,000 But it's feelings hour 425 00:17:05,030 --> 00:17:07,130 and I'm holding Feely the Share Bear. 426 00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:09,030 And whoever's holding Feely the Share Bear 427 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,970 gets to sit in the share chair. 428 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,830 Barney,this is not your private therapist's office. 429 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,370 These kids have issues to talk about,too,you know. 430 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,230 Ben's parents are getting divorced. 431 00:17:19,270 --> 00:17:20,700 They are? 432 00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:23,970 Who wants to do some coloring? 433 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,570 Oh,great,did Lily send you? 434 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,330 I don't have the bear,okay? 435 00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:33,000 I'm not giving it back! 436 00:17:34,430 --> 00:17:35,900 Why are you smiling? 437 00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:39,030 Oh,I just... 438 00:17:39,070 --> 00:17:40,800 read a magazine. 439 00:17:40,830 --> 00:17:42,000 Here at work. 440 00:17:42,030 --> 00:17:43,570 What? 441 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,330 Yeah. It's the funniest thing. 442 00:17:45,370 --> 00:17:47,900 I was online, looking up rates for hotels 443 00:17:47,930 --> 00:17:50,030 when I realized something. 444 00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,970 This is stupid. 445 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,530 I decided it was time to let go of my hang-ups 446 00:17:54,570 --> 00:17:56,730 and do the thing I gotta do 447 00:17:56,770 --> 00:17:59,430 and once I made that decision, everything changed. 448 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:06,600 There's a young man who's comfortable with who he is. 449 00:18:11,330 --> 00:18:14,300 I know what you're about to do and I respect you for it. 450 00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:16,400 Hey,Eriksen. 451 00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,730 Go the distance. 452 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:27,900 Marshall, 453 00:18:27,930 --> 00:18:30,230 you made a brave step today. 454 00:18:30,270 --> 00:18:31,700 Remember what Shakespeare wrote: 455 00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:35,900 "Virtue is bold, and goodness never fearful." 456 00:18:35,930 --> 00:18:39,530 Yoreu'ight, Super Hot Lady Who My Wife Keeps 457 00:18:39,570 --> 00:18:42,200 Telling Me Why You're Famous But I Keep Forgetting. 458 00:18:42,230 --> 00:18:43,200 Let's do this. 459 00:18:43,230 --> 00:18:45,900 Lead the way. 460 00:18:49,230 --> 00:18:50,500 Wow,Marshall. 461 00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:51,670 Congratulations. 462 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:53,000 Thanks. 463 00:18:53,030 --> 00:18:54,430 I was gonna ve to do it eventually. 464 00:18:54,470 --> 00:18:55,730 You know,sometimes you just gotta... 465 00:18:55,770 --> 00:18:59,130 you gotta man up and... and just go for it. 466 00:19:00,870 --> 00:19:02,770 Marshall,I have to go. 467 00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,500 Oh,by the way, 468 00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:07,500 I have a bathroom here if you ever want to use it. 469 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:12,970 Son of a... 470 00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:15,700 Ted,I have to tell you the truth. 471 00:19:15,730 --> 00:19:16,970 I'm in love with... 472 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,330 tacos. 473 00:19:19,530 --> 00:19:20,500 What are you doing? 474 00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,430 I'm,uh,taking out the triz-ash. 475 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,970 If you're,uh,looking for Ted,he left. 476 00:19:28,070 --> 00:19:31,600 our little arrangement is,uh,over,by the way. 477 00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:33,770 Really? That's aws... ful. 478 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:35,570 Awfsful? 479 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,230 Yeah,it's just awfsful. 480 00:19:38,770 --> 00:19:39,600 What happened? 481 00:19:39,630 --> 00:19:41,200 Ah,he just insisted. 482 00:19:41,530 --> 00:19:43,170 He said he couldn't do it anymore because 483 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,530 "someone's gonna get hurt." 484 00:19:44,570 --> 00:19:46,970 think we all know who he meant by that. 485 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,730 Do we? 486 00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:51,900 Isn't it obvious? 487 00:19:52,030 --> 00:19:53,700 Is it? 488 00:19:53,730 --> 00:19:54,600 Yeah. 489 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:56,670 It's Ted. 490 00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,400 You know what a romantic he is. 491 00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,130 He can't separate the physical from the emotional. 492 00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:02,130 He'sll like... 493 00:20:02,170 --> 00:20:03,030 I love you. 494 00:20:03,070 --> 00:20:03,900 Exactly. 495 00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:06,870 He's not like you,you know? 496 00:20:07,870 --> 00:20:09,170 Besides,we're friends. 497 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,370 I don't want to screw that up by getting involved. 498 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,330 Dating friends never works out. 499 00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:18,500 So,uh,you want to get a taco? 500 00:20:19,530 --> 00:20:20,630 A taco? 501 00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:22,870 You love them,remember? 502 00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:25,630 Right. 503 00:20:25,670 --> 00:20:26,500 Come on,I'm hungry. 504 00:20:36,870 --> 00:20:40,170 So Robin and I went back to just being roommates 505 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,330 and things went back to normal. 506 00:20:42,370 --> 00:20:44,400 Your Aunt Lily was right. 507 00:20:44,430 --> 00:20:46,430 When two exes decide to just be casual, 508 00:20:46,470 --> 00:20:48,670 someone always gets hurt. 509 00:20:50,170 --> 00:20:52,070 It just wasn't one of us. 510 00:20:53,140 --> 00:21:15,400 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net