1 00:00:01,330 --> 00:00:04,000 I am not impressed with the talent in here tonight. 2 00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:06,400 And the more I drink, the less attractive they get. 3 00:00:06,460 --> 00:00:08,230 I'm one scotch and soda away 4 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,160 from the Cantina scene in Star Wars. 5 00:00:10,230 --> 00:00:12,530 What about those girls over there?They're hot. 6 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:13,800 They're not hot. 7 00:00:13,860 --> 00:00:14,930 Are you kidding? 8 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,730 I hated their guts the second I saw them. 9 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,230 Which means they're hot. 10 00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:20,560 In fact, I hated them almost as much as 11 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,700 I hated Robin when I first met her. 12 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:24,330 You hated me? A lot. 13 00:00:26,030 --> 00:00:27,800 Barney, they're hot. 14 00:00:28,660 --> 00:00:31,130 Oh, there is so much to teach you all. 15 00:00:31,130 --> 00:00:35,360 You have just become victims of...The Cheerleader effect. 16 00:00:35,430 --> 00:00:36,400 Glad you asked. 17 00:00:36,460 --> 00:00:37,900 The Cheerleader Effect 18 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,930 is when group of women seems hot 19 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,660 but only as a group. 20 00:00:41,730 --> 00:00:43,160 Just like with cheerleaders. 21 00:00:43,230 --> 00:00:44,660 They seem hot, 22 00:00:44,730 --> 00:00:46,660 but take each one of them individually? 23 00:00:46,730 --> 00:00:48,130 Sled dogs. 24 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,460 That's insane. 25 00:00:49,530 --> 00:00:50,960 Take a good, hard look 26 00:00:51,030 --> 00:00:52,000 at each one of those girls. 27 00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:53,900 Individually. 28 00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:13,230 I don't know. 29 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,060 The one on the end is kind of cute. 30 00:01:15,130 --> 00:01:17,100 Yeah, she really is. 31 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,560 And that, my friends, is "The Cheerleader Effect." 32 00:01:19,630 --> 00:01:22,330 Also known as the Bridesmaid Paradox, 33 00:01:22,330 --> 00:01:24,060 Sorority Girl Syndrome, 34 00:01:24,130 --> 00:01:26,100 and for a brief window in the mid-'90s, 35 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,200 the Spice Girls Conspiracy. 36 00:01:28,260 --> 00:01:30,730 Scary Spice indeed. 37 00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:36,830 Barney Stinson. 38 00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:38,800 Oh, hi. 39 00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:40,330 Okay. 40 00:01:40,330 --> 00:01:42,230 Got it. 41 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:44,130 Great, we'll be in touch. 42 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,160 What? 43 00:01:48,230 --> 00:01:50,700 Apparently, I'm gonna be a dad. 44 00:02:05,930 --> 00:02:07,160 What do you mean you're gonna be a dad? 45 00:02:07,230 --> 00:02:09,000 How did, how did this happen? 46 00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:11,630 It was just some girl I hook up with a few weeks back. 47 00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:12,700 She's not sure. 48 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,100 She's gonna go to the doctor in the morning. 49 00:02:14,170 --> 00:02:15,500 Maybe it's a false alarm. 50 00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:16,600 Maybe she's not pregnant. 51 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,200 Lily, 52 00:02:18,270 --> 00:02:21,470 no part of Barney Stinson does anything less than 110%. 53 00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:23,500 If one of my little Michael Phelpses got loose, 54 00:02:23,570 --> 00:02:24,570 he's swimming for the gold. 55 00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,570 Oh, this is a nightmare. 56 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:27,870 I don't want kids. 57 00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:30,600 Who in their right mind would ever want kids? 58 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:32,800 Now, when you turn 30 59 00:02:32,870 --> 00:02:35,140 and you're in a couple, a strange thing happens. 60 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,640 You start to see babies everywhere. 61 00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:53,140 Oh, come on. 62 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:56,470 Yes, Marshall and Lily were coming down with baby fever. 63 00:02:56,540 --> 00:02:58,270 And their new neighbor weren't helping. 64 00:02:58,340 --> 00:03:00,500 Did you lose a sock there, little dude? 65 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:05,070 That is without a doubt the cutest little thing 66 00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:06,340 I've ever seen. 67 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,000 There's my little peanut. 68 00:03:08,070 --> 00:03:10,040 That night they sat down to have a serious 69 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,340 practical discussion about having kids. 70 00:03:12,340 --> 00:03:13,870 So, if we have a baby, 71 00:03:13,940 --> 00:03:16,570 do you think you could work fewer hours? 72 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:18,570 Doesn't matter--he's gonna be so cute, 73 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,600 I'm gonna eat him up on the first day. 74 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:22,270 Okay. 75 00:03:22,340 --> 00:03:23,700 But, but what about money? 76 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,340 We're still in a ton of debt. 77 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,170 Oh, well, we'll count our overdue bills 78 00:03:27,270 --> 00:03:30,000 on his teenie tiny fingers. 79 00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:31,540 Let's have a baby. 80 00:03:36,570 --> 00:03:37,540 Oh, oh, right now? 81 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,100 Oh, okay. 82 00:03:39,170 --> 00:03:41,540 There was just one thing in their way. 83 00:03:45,370 --> 00:03:47,100 And that thing happened to be unemployed 84 00:03:47,170 --> 00:03:48,770 and sleeping on their couch. 85 00:03:53,170 --> 00:03:54,670 So, Robin, um, 86 00:03:54,740 --> 00:03:56,800 how's the job and apartment search going? 87 00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,270 Oh, you didn't hear? 88 00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:00,000 I'm the lead anchor on CNN. 89 00:04:00,070 --> 00:04:01,700 And I got a penthouse 90 00:04:01,770 --> 00:04:03,570 overlooking Central Park made of gold. 91 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,370 Get your head out of your ass, Marshall. 92 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,570 They realized if they were going to start a family 93 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,740 they had to plan ahead. 94 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,770 So, Robin,would you mind crashing at Ted's tomorrow night? 95 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:18,270 I'm, uh, cooking Marshall a special dinner. 96 00:04:18,340 --> 00:04:21,140 Just dinner. That's it.Nothing else. 97 00:04:21,340 --> 00:04:21,800 Fine. 98 00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:24,370 But you'd better not be as uptight as these idiots 99 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,040 about me shooting beer cans on the roof. 100 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,970 "it hurt my ears. 101 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,440 "The neighbors called the cops. 102 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:32,370 You almost hit me." 103 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,670 Enjoy her, Ted. She's in a real good place right now. 104 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,500 God? It's me. 105 00:04:40,570 --> 00:04:41,840 Barney. 106 00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:43,040 What up? 107 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,140 I know we don't talk much, 108 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,140 though a lot of girls call out your name because of me. 109 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,140 Awesome. 110 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,640 But, God... 111 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:56,600 if you could get me out of this, 112 00:04:56,670 --> 00:04:59,570 I swear I will never ever, 113 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,440 ever, ever, ever, ever, ever... 114 00:05:03,740 --> 00:05:05,740 I... 115 00:05:06,670 --> 00:05:08,370 Ooh, hang on, bro. 116 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,540 Go for Barney. 117 00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:16,340 Really? 118 00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:25,800 Marshall, 119 00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:26,940 great news! 120 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,140 I'm not a father! 121 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,040 Congratulations, buddy. 122 00:05:31,140 --> 00:05:33,070 This is the happiest moment of my life, Marshall. 123 00:05:33,140 --> 00:05:36,040 The way I feel about not having kids? 124 00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:38,700 I never knew I could love something this much. 125 00:05:38,770 --> 00:05:41,700 That's why I'm creating a holiday. 126 00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:44,140 From now on, today will be known 127 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,170 as "Not a Father's Day." 128 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,970 You're creating a holiday? 129 00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:49,270 Yeah, why not? 130 00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:50,470 Everyone else gets a day: 131 00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:52,370 Mothers, Fathers, Bastilles. 132 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:53,470 Why can't there be a day 133 00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:56,000 for people who are single and like it that way? 134 00:05:56,070 --> 00:05:58,500 Well, now you just sound like the chubby girl on Valentine's Day. 135 00:05:59,070 --> 00:06:01,100 -Hello,Stinson. -Hey, Nolan. 136 00:06:01,170 --> 00:06:02,600 How are the kids? 137 00:06:03,670 --> 00:06:05,900 You ready for tonight, Eriksen? 138 00:06:05,970 --> 00:06:07,000 Big merger. 139 00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:11,140 Well, that's between me and my wife, sir. 140 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,800 No. The meeting with Mr. Li. Tonight. 141 00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:14,640 I thought, I thought that was a breakfast meeting. 142 00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:16,140 It is. Breakfast in China. 143 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:17,470 We're teleconferencing with the Chinese. 144 00:06:17,540 --> 00:06:18,940 I'm counting on you, kid. 145 00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:23,770 Marshall? 146 00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,370 Hey, babe. 147 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:27,000 It's breakfast time in China. 148 00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:28,770 Yeah, it is. 149 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:30,070 Not a euphemism. 150 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,340 Look, I... 151 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:32,640 Wait, what would that even mean? 152 00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:35,240 I don't know, hot buns, spicy pork? 153 00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:37,240 There's something there. 154 00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,300 You're not coming home tonight, are you? 155 00:06:41,140 --> 00:06:43,340 Are you shaking your head "no?" 156 00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:47,540 I thought so. 157 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,370 Oh, thank you, guys, for coming over so fast. 158 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:51,770 Are you all right? 159 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,240 You sounded upset on the phone. 160 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:55,370 Marshall and I made this big decision 161 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,670 to have... dinner. 162 00:06:57,740 --> 00:07:02,100 And I thought I was ready to-to have... dinner. 163 00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:05,070 But then he called and canceled, and it got me thinking. 164 00:07:05,140 --> 00:07:08,370 Is it too early for us to have... dinner? 165 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,700 Well, I had an early lunch, so I'm ready for dinner. 166 00:07:10,700 --> 00:07:11,870 Dinner is a baby! 167 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:13,770 Lily, that's horrible! 168 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:18,240 No, no, I,I need you guys to figure something out for me. 169 00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:19,000 What? 170 00:07:19,070 --> 00:07:22,340 Are Marshall and I ready to have a baby? 171 00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:30,240 So are Marshall and I ready to have a baby or not? 172 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:33,400 Lily, we can't make this decision for you. 173 00:07:33,470 --> 00:07:35,240 -It's huge. -You know what else is huge? 174 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,570 Marshall's head. 175 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,640 That thing's the size of a late August watermelon. 176 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,940 Marshall's baby coming through there? 177 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,600 Yowza! 178 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,400 What does Marshall think? 179 00:07:44,470 --> 00:07:46,600 Probably a lot in that 1950s space helmet 180 00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:48,370 of a head he's walking around with. 181 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:51,040 Marshall really excited. 182 00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:54,040 But I think he only sees what's cute about having a baby, 183 00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:55,700 not what's hard about it. 184 00:07:55,770 --> 00:07:56,400 Like the other day, 185 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,600 while Marshall was playing with baby Jeremy, 186 00:07:58,670 --> 00:08:00,300 I was talking to Jeremy's mom. 187 00:08:00,370 --> 00:08:01,740 Thanks so much for inviting us over. 188 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,900 I have not talked to another adult in, like, weeks. 189 00:08:03,970 --> 00:08:05,040 Well, besides my husband. 190 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:06,540 But "It's your turn to change him" 191 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,840 and "Make him shut up" really doesn't count as conversation. 192 00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:10,770 Sorry, I'm rambling. 193 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:11,870 I haven't gotten laid in seven months. 194 00:08:11,940 --> 00:08:13,200 Oh, I just did it again! 195 00:08:13,270 --> 00:08:14,740 Sleep deprivation! 196 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,700 Oh, wait, I'm not crying, am I? 197 00:08:16,770 --> 00:08:18,640 I usually am. 198 00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:19,700 I don't mean to complain. 199 00:08:19,770 --> 00:08:21,100 Oh, now I feel bad! 200 00:08:21,170 --> 00:08:23,540 there's my little peanut! 201 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,100 Oh, I love you so much! 202 00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:28,600 I'm going to be as strung out as Charlotte. 203 00:08:28,670 --> 00:08:30,200 Worse actually. 204 00:08:30,270 --> 00:08:32,440 At least her husband works from home. 205 00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:35,300 I mean, he's a pot dealer, but he's a very involved parent. 206 00:08:35,670 --> 00:08:37,240 Marshall will be a great dad. 207 00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,070 Marshall's always at the office, 208 00:08:39,140 --> 00:08:41,370 and, and I'm afraid that if we have a baby now, 209 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,140 all the work will fall on me. 210 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,940 You're just panicing and focusing on the downside. 211 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,970 I think Lily's just being realistic. 212 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,370 See, this is good. 213 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,240 This is why I called you guys both over here. 214 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:53,300 Ted, you're pro kids. 215 00:08:53,370 --> 00:08:54,400 Robin, you're against. 216 00:08:54,470 --> 00:08:56,740 Counselors, opening statements. 217 00:08:56,740 --> 00:08:59,940 Okay, I know you're afraid that you're not ready. 218 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,500 But no one ever thinks they're ready. 219 00:09:01,570 --> 00:09:03,070 You-you just have to take the leap. 220 00:09:03,140 --> 00:09:04,400 Parenthood will come naturally. 221 00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:06,440 Well, of course you think it comes naturally. 222 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,440 You're basically a dad already. 223 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:09,840 You're a total dad. 224 00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:11,040 What are you talking about? 225 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,140 Ted,think about it. 226 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,000 You tell super corny dad jokes. 227 00:09:16,070 --> 00:09:18,040 Shredded tweet! 228 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,070 Oh, man! 229 00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:22,740 Shredded tweet. 230 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,300 You lecture us. 231 00:09:24,370 --> 00:09:26,200 Like when we broke your stupid ship in a bottle. 232 00:09:26,270 --> 00:09:27,540 I'm not angry. 233 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,040 I'm just disappointed. 234 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,800 She did it! 235 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:31,900 Shut up! 236 00:09:33,170 --> 00:09:36,370 And you do that thing all dads do with waitresses. 237 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:37,640 Hi, I'm Lori. 238 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,300 I'll be your waitress this evening. 239 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,900 Hi, Lori, I'm Ted. 240 00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:42,670 I'll be your customer this evening. 241 00:09:42,740 --> 00:09:44,970 Hey, Lori,before you go,tell me, 242 00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:47,240 what do you getwhen you cross a canary with a lawn mower? 243 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,240 No hints.No hints. 244 00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:50,170 She's right. 245 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:51,440 Ted, you maybe single 246 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:54,900 and childless, but you're totally a dorky dad. 247 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,970 I don't think I like your tone, young lady. 248 00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:02,570 Marshall, Not a Father's Day is a hit! 249 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,900 Laraby and Finklestein are helping me celebrate. Check it. 250 00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:07,870 "World's Greatest Not A Dad" mugs. 251 00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:09,300 There's, uh... ha! 252 00:10:09,370 --> 00:10:11,200 "Who's Not Your Daddy?" T-shirts. 253 00:10:11,270 --> 00:10:13,870 Both available at Not A Father's Day.Com. 254 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,500 Oh, check out the greeting cards. 255 00:10:19,470 --> 00:10:21,940 "For everything you do for yourself, 256 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,800 "For all the scotch upon your shelf, 257 00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:25,900 "Your Porsche Carrera rules the freeway, 258 00:10:25,970 --> 00:10:29,200 "Here's wishing you an all night three-way. 259 00:10:29,270 --> 00:10:30,800 Happy Not a Father's Day." 260 00:10:30,870 --> 00:10:32,470 Check out the illustration. 261 00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:35,140 No, no. 262 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,470 It appears to be some sort of Asian hooker. 263 00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:40,940 Yes. 264 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,600 Because on Not a Father's Day, 265 00:10:42,670 --> 00:10:44,600 you get a Thai you'd actually wear. 266 00:10:44,670 --> 00:10:45,770 Wordplay five! 267 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,000 She's really kicking your ass here, Mosby. 268 00:10:50,070 --> 00:10:52,040 Your only hope is to go negative. 269 00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:53,670 Okay. 270 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,240 I'll tell you why my opponent is saying all this. 271 00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:57,370 Three words: 272 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,970 sced of babies. 273 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:00,970 What? 274 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,270 That is crazy. 275 00:11:02,340 --> 00:11:03,840 - I am not. - Oh, yeah? 276 00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:06,000 Remember that time you met my cousin and her kid? 277 00:11:06,070 --> 00:11:08,170 Oh, she is so cute! 278 00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:11,300 Oh, do you want to hold her? 279 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,400 Or the baby shower Lily threw for her friend Erika? 280 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,740 Are you leting that baby sniff you? 281 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,100 I don't want to get bitten. 282 00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:26,000 And don'forget about... 283 00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,600 Talking baby commercial? 284 00:11:31,670 --> 00:11:34,270 Talking baby commercial. 285 00:11:34,340 --> 00:11:35,870 But you're not like that, Lily. 286 00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:37,640 You love kids and they love you. 287 00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:39,170 Yes, I'm loveable, 288 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,400 pretty and wise, but is it enough? 289 00:11:41,470 --> 00:11:44,570 Look, it all comes down to one word: you. 290 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:45,800 Are you ready to put 291 00:11:45,870 --> 00:11:47,200 your own dreams on the back burner? 292 00:11:47,270 --> 00:11:48,240 Grad school, 293 00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:49,700 teaching art at the college evel? 294 00:11:49,770 --> 00:11:51,600 Look, you need to focus 295 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,400 on Project Lily before you can start Project Baby. 296 00:11:54,470 --> 00:11:56,200 If you don't, you'll always regret it. 297 00:11:56,270 --> 00:11:59,500 And that wouldn't be fair to you or the baby. 298 00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:01,940 What's that? 299 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,970 It's Jeremy's sock. 300 00:12:06,570 --> 00:12:08,440 I'm having a baby. 301 00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:11,100 But what about all the things I just said? 302 00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:13,240 But, but sock. 303 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,570 But what about Marshall working all the time? 304 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,340 But sock. 305 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,970 But, but Project Lily! 306 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,600 Little fishies on it. 307 00:12:20,670 --> 00:12:23,270 We made all of these arguments, 308 00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:26,270 and a sock is what makes your decision for you? 309 00:12:26,340 --> 00:12:30,740 I guess that was the sock-out punch, huh, Robin? 310 00:12:30,740 --> 00:12:31,840 Shut up, Dad. 311 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,500 You shut up, baby hater. 312 00:12:33,570 --> 00:12:35,570 Babies are scary, okay? 313 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:36,740 They have giant eyes. 314 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,270 And then, come on, the soft spot? 315 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,540 If there's gonna be a self-destruct button, 316 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:44,270 at least hide it somewhere it won't accidentally get pressed. 317 00:12:44,740 --> 00:12:46,840 Where's Lily? 318 00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:50,440 Hey, did you drink any of this? 319 00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:51,670 Not a drop. 320 00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:53,900 Me, neither. 321 00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:57,300 Eriksen, meeting in five minutes. 322 00:12:57,370 --> 00:12:59,300 And you'd better bring your A-game for Mr. Li. 323 00:12:59,370 --> 00:13:01,840 That guy haunts my nightmares. 324 00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,940 Anyway, have fun out there, kid. 325 00:13:07,970 --> 00:13:10,870 Put a baby in me, Marshall. I'm ready. 326 00:13:17,370 --> 00:13:20,000 Lily... Lily, what are you doing here? 327 00:13:20,070 --> 00:13:21,200 I'm ready, Marshall. 328 00:13:21,270 --> 00:13:22,670 Tonight's the night. 329 00:13:22,740 --> 00:13:26,040 Put your melon-headed spawn in my belly. 330 00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:27,100 What? 331 00:13:27,170 --> 00:13:28,100 Come on, right now. 332 00:13:28,170 --> 00:13:29,400 Baby me. I am ready. 333 00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:31,900 Oh, hey, look. 334 00:13:31,970 --> 00:13:34,700 The guys in the next building are waving at me. 335 00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:36,740 Hello, gentlemen! 336 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,740 We're going to make a baby! 337 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,740 I can't believe we lost her. 338 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,640 See, this is exactly why I'm never having kids. 339 00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:46,070 You can't let them out of your sight 340 00:13:46,140 --> 00:13:47,140 for even a second. 341 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,000 I can't find my file. 342 00:13:49,070 --> 00:13:51,740 I pulled out "A" through "G." 343 00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:58,500 They just sit there with their stupid bottles. 344 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,270 They cry. 345 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,700 They spit up. 346 00:14:16,370 --> 00:14:18,100 And that's why kids suck. 347 00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:19,970 Wow, it is a good thing we broke up. 348 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,500 I forgot how totally psycho you are on the kids thing. 349 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,840 I'm psycho? 350 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:26,600 Any time you even hear the word "kids," 351 00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:29,470 you get two little lactation stains on your shirt. 352 00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:31,270 Thank God you're not a mom. 353 00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:32,770 You are such an ice queen. 354 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,140 Any baby nursing from you would get brain freeze. 355 00:14:36,070 --> 00:14:37,440 Look, don't paint me as some sort 356 00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:39,570 of a freak for wanting to remain independent. 357 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,240 There are plenty of normal people out there who don't want to have kids. 358 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:42,970 Brother, lay your hand on this 359 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:44,740 box of condoms and repeat after me. 360 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,100 I, state the fake name you give to women. 361 00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:50,840 I, Johnny Banana. 362 00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:54,440 Vow to always choose wet T-shirts over wet diapers. 363 00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:55,740 Vow to always... 364 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,800 Yeah, you're in great company there. 365 00:14:57,870 --> 00:15:00,440 I'm gonna look for Lily in the bathroom. 366 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,700 -While I'm in there, I'll grab you a tampon. -Great. 367 00:15:02,770 --> 00:15:04,800 Great, and when you're done shaking off at the urinal, 368 00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:06,740 maybe you could ask the wizard to give you a heart. 369 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,340 You know what? 370 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,440 Maybe I should find somewhere else to stay this weekend. 371 00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,170 -No argument here. -Fine. 372 00:15:12,170 --> 00:15:13,770 Great. 373 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,100 Welcome to our fraternity of non-paternity. 374 00:15:17,470 --> 00:15:18,900 He is one of us. 375 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:23,900 Gentlemen, Mr. Li, 376 00:15:24,370 --> 00:15:26,040 if you would all 377 00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:28,240 please open to page five of your merger documents. 378 00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:30,340 I think the... 379 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,500 What is it, Eriksen? 380 00:15:35,570 --> 00:15:37,040 Nothing. 381 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,400 I justhink that you look... 382 00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:41,100 very nice today. 383 00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:54,500 What are you looking at? 384 00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:58,770 I am looking at the future... 385 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,700 of our two companies, and it looks 386 00:16:01,770 --> 00:16:04,470 very... naked. 387 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,370 Would you excuse me just 388 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:07,670 for a brief second? 389 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,840 Did anyone else see the drunk chick? 390 00:16:15,340 --> 00:16:17,200 Hey, you guys didn't have to... 391 00:16:17,270 --> 00:16:20,500 It's a picture of me with no kids. 392 00:16:20,570 --> 00:16:22,370 And there's macaroni glued on the frame. 393 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,540 Guys, I love it. 394 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,070 Well, Lily's not in there. 395 00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:27,300 Your phone rang. 396 00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:28,700 I answered it. I hope you don't mind. 397 00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:29,900 Marshall's got Lily. 398 00:16:29,970 --> 00:16:31,670 -She's fine. -Oh, thank God. 399 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,040 What? 400 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,570 When I was putting your phone back, 401 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,270 and, uh, I found something in your bag. 402 00:16:39,340 --> 00:16:40,570 I have a permit for that. 403 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:41,640 And the other thing was a gift. 404 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,300 No. 405 00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:44,770 This. 406 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,840 You stole Jeremy's sock. 407 00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:49,440 No, I didn't. 408 00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:51,100 I don't know how that got in there. 409 00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:53,600 It must've fallen in. Weird! 410 00:16:53,670 --> 00:16:54,800 "Fallen in"? 411 00:16:54,870 --> 00:16:57,000 Or Lily put it in there as a joke. 412 00:16:57,070 --> 00:16:58,870 That bitch be drunk. 413 00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:01,440 Okay, I took it. 414 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,270 It's just... 415 00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:05,970 so cute. 416 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,640 Sock. 417 00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:10,200 Robin Scherbatsky, 418 00:17:10,270 --> 00:17:12,270 are you warming to the idea of having children? 419 00:17:12,340 --> 00:17:13,970 No. 420 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,700 I don't know. 421 00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:17,200 Maybe someday. 422 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,340 When I'm, like, 70. 423 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,870 Scienc will catch up. 424 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:22,970 Look, I'm just... 425 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,400 I'm confused lately. 426 00:17:24,470 --> 00:17:25,440 I'm unemployed. 427 00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:26,970 I'm living on a couch. 428 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,540 Yeah. It's been a rough couple of months 429 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:30,670 for both of us. 430 00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:34,740 Hey, I have a spare bedroom. 431 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,870 Why don't you stay with me while you look for a place? 432 00:17:36,940 --> 00:17:39,100 -Really? -Yeah. 433 00:17:39,170 --> 00:17:41,040 Thanks, Ted. 434 00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:42,240 I already have some leads, 435 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,240 so it'll be one week, two weeks tops. 436 00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:46,770 And that's how your Aunt Robin moved in with me. 437 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,300 I'm bored. 438 00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:52,300 Let's go dancing. 439 00:17:52,370 --> 00:17:54,540 Oh, let's rob a liquor store! 440 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,170 Lily, we're not going anywhere, okay? 441 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,500 Whenever we go somewhere when you're drunk, 442 00:17:57,570 --> 00:17:59,500 you always fall asleep as soon as we get in the... 443 00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:03,440 We're going dancing! 444 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:06,440 We're gonna party all night long! 445 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:12,100 Hey, can you circle the block a couple times 446 00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:13,940 just to make sure she's really down? 447 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,270 Sure thing. 448 00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:19,840 Latest Not A Father's Day brainstorm: 449 00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:23,000 a pregnancy test, but instead of a little, blue line, 450 00:18:23,070 --> 00:18:24,740 there's a little, blue Barney going like this. 451 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,070 Barney, Not A Father's Day is lame. 452 00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:30,670 It's a holiday for losers. 453 00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:32,100 What are you...? What're you talking about? 454 00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:34,440 That's a great group of bros. 455 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,170 Barney, it's the Cheerleader Effect. 456 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,340 Uh, no, Ted. 457 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,900 That only works for chicks. 458 00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:42,770 Take a good look at each one of thoseuys individually. 459 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,900 These geniuses are not childless by choice, my friend. 460 00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:02,900 Good night, Barney. 461 00:19:02,970 --> 00:19:04,700 Good night. 462 00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:13,540 Sock. 463 00:19:16,970 --> 00:19:20,470 Do I smell chocolate chip pancakes? 464 00:19:20,470 --> 00:19:22,370 No, you smell "Chocolate chip 465 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:26,000 I'm sorry I was such a drunk idiot" pancakes. 466 00:19:26,070 --> 00:19:29,000 Oh, is there any "Wish I hadn't puked on your shirt" bacon? 467 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:29,800 There sure is. 468 00:19:29,870 --> 00:19:31,970 Baby... 469 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,800 I'm so sorry about last night. 470 00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:35,500 I know I was a mess. 471 00:19:35,570 --> 00:19:37,700 I... I just started freaking out 472 00:19:37,770 --> 00:19:40,400 about whether we're ready to be parents. 473 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,370 But you took such good care of me. 474 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,500 I know you're gonna be a great dad. 475 00:19:45,570 --> 00:19:47,400 I don't want to be a dad right now. 476 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:48,270 What? 477 00:19:48,340 --> 00:19:50,700 Last night, it was just... 478 00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:53,640 Between balancing work and drunk Baby Lily, 479 00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,200 it was too much. 480 00:19:55,270 --> 00:19:57,270 I'm just getting started at this job, 481 00:19:57,340 --> 00:20:00,170 and I'm working such long hours, I mean... 482 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,370 Look, I love you. 483 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,240 And I absolutely want to have kids someday. 484 00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:07,470 I just... I want to be ready for it. 485 00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:09,940 Me, too. 486 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,970 And whenever we are ready, 487 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,240 I know you're going to be amazing. 488 00:20:16,870 --> 00:20:18,640 You, too. 489 00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:23,070 Hey, do you want to go have 490 00:20:23,140 --> 00:20:25,200 completely protected sex right now? 491 00:20:25,270 --> 00:20:26,770 I do. 492 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,740 Do you want to finish your bacon first? 493 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,240 You are the perfect woman. 494 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net