1 00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:03,541 Kids, sometimes in life you see someone 2 00:00:03,541 --> 00:00:05,082 and you just instantly know 3 00:00:05,082 --> 00:00:06,823 this is the person for you. 4 00:00:06,822 --> 00:00:08,864 It can happen anywhere. 5 00:00:08,864 --> 00:00:11,147 Even the waiting room of a tattoo removal clinic. 6 00:00:11,147 --> 00:00:13,922 And that's what happened when I met... 7 00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:15,905 ...Stella. 8 00:00:20,462 --> 00:00:22,638 Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp. 9 00:00:22,638 --> 00:00:24,146 My bread and butter. 10 00:00:24,146 --> 00:00:25,988 So I'm guessing that the real story 11 00:00:25,988 --> 00:00:27,730 involves a bad breakup and some booze. 12 00:00:27,730 --> 00:00:29,171 Unless it's a gang tattoo, 13 00:00:29,171 --> 00:00:31,550 in which case, I think it's time to find a new gang. 14 00:00:31,550 --> 00:00:32,957 No, I just thought it would be cool 15 00:00:32,957 --> 00:00:34,330 to get a caterpillar tattoo, 16 00:00:34,330 --> 00:00:36,039 and then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden... 17 00:00:36,039 --> 00:00:37,848 (laughing) 18 00:00:37,848 --> 00:00:40,194 Well, I can get rid of it in ten one-hour sessions, 19 00:00:40,194 --> 00:00:42,841 but, I should warn you, laser surgery's very painful. 20 00:00:42,841 --> 00:00:44,247 Well, I think you'll find 21 00:00:44,247 --> 00:00:46,157 I have a very high tolerance for pain. 22 00:00:46,157 --> 00:00:48,536 Just last night, I sat through the worst movie ever made. 23 00:00:48,536 --> 00:00:49,942 Oh, Plan 9 From Outer Space? 24 00:00:49,942 --> 00:00:54,163 No, the worst movie-- Manos: Hands of Fate. 25 00:00:54,163 --> 00:00:55,705 Uh, I'm a doctor, went to medical school. 26 00:00:55,705 --> 00:00:57,380 It's Plan 9. If you don't believe me, 27 00:00:57,380 --> 00:00:58,922 it's playing down at the Pamela Theater. 28 00:00:58,922 --> 00:01:00,998 Uh-huh. I don't believe you, Doctor. 29 00:01:00,998 --> 00:01:03,578 Well, what are you doing tonight? 30 00:01:06,761 --> 00:01:08,336 Hello. 31 00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:10,044 Hey, Ted. Hey. 32 00:01:10,044 --> 00:01:11,920 Hey, put that away. Tonight's on me. 33 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,294 Oh, no, no, don't... 34 00:01:13,294 --> 00:01:14,399 Come on, I insist. 35 00:01:14,399 --> 00:01:16,108 That's so nice. Thank you. 36 00:01:16,108 --> 00:01:17,716 Hey, guys, this is my friend Ted. 37 00:01:17,716 --> 00:01:18,889 He wants to pay. 38 00:01:18,889 --> 00:01:20,966 Oh, wow. Oh, yay. Wow, thank you. 39 00:01:20,966 --> 00:01:23,412 One, two, three, four. 40 00:01:26,226 --> 00:01:29,006 Is something wrong? 41 00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:30,916 No, it's just, um... 42 00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:32,558 I'm just a little embarrassed. 43 00:01:32,558 --> 00:01:34,132 I thought this was a date. 44 00:01:34,132 --> 00:01:35,975 But it's no big deal. 45 00:01:35,975 --> 00:01:38,018 Don't worry about it. 46 00:01:38,018 --> 00:01:39,593 What's wrong? 47 00:01:39,593 --> 00:01:43,010 Ted's embarrassed-- he thought this was a date. 48 00:01:43,010 --> 00:01:45,423 Ted thought this was a date. 49 00:01:45,423 --> 00:01:47,600 Stella, did you know Ted thought this was a date? 50 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,476 What? I'm not allowed to date a patient. 51 00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:50,649 It's an AMA rule. 52 00:01:50,649 --> 00:01:51,822 She's not allowed to date patients. 53 00:01:51,822 --> 00:01:52,927 It's an AMA rule. 54 00:01:52,927 --> 00:01:54,099 She's not allowed to date patients. 55 00:01:54,099 --> 00:01:55,439 It's an AMA rule. 56 00:01:55,439 --> 00:01:56,713 She's not allowed to date... 57 00:01:56,713 --> 00:01:58,622 Yeah, I got it. 58 00:01:58,622 --> 00:01:59,963 MAN: We all got it. 59 00:01:59,963 --> 00:02:01,738 Ted's a schmuck. 60 00:02:01,738 --> 00:02:03,648 (laughter) 61 00:02:16,647 --> 00:02:17,987 (laughing) 62 00:02:17,987 --> 00:02:20,130 And you bought all the tickets. Yeah, yeah. 63 00:02:20,130 --> 00:02:22,208 Hey, you were right. 64 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:25,391 Worst movie-going experience ever. 65 00:02:25,391 --> 00:02:27,636 Of course, it had nothing to do with the movie. 66 00:02:27,636 --> 00:02:29,913 I am so sorry that you thought that was a date. 67 00:02:29,913 --> 00:02:31,220 No, it's fine. 68 00:02:31,220 --> 00:02:33,565 I got to hang out with you on girls' night out. 69 00:02:33,565 --> 00:02:35,777 All right, so if you're not allowed to date a patient, 70 00:02:35,777 --> 00:02:38,524 I'll just... I'll wait until these ten session are up 71 00:02:38,524 --> 00:02:39,998 and then I'll ask you out then. 72 00:02:39,998 --> 00:02:42,041 Well, then,fair warning: 73 00:02:42,041 --> 00:02:43,717 I'm going to say no. 74 00:02:43,717 --> 00:02:45,894 Really? I'm getting mixed signals from you. 75 00:02:45,894 --> 00:02:49,010 I feel like you've been staring at my ass for quite some time. 76 00:02:50,150 --> 00:02:51,924 What, you're married? No. 77 00:02:51,924 --> 00:02:52,929 Boyfriend? No. 78 00:02:52,929 --> 00:02:54,169 Lesbian? No. 79 00:02:54,169 --> 00:02:56,079 Only date black guys? No. 80 00:02:56,079 --> 00:02:59,228 And yet you can say with absolute confidence 81 00:02:59,228 --> 00:03:02,210 that ten weeks from now, if I ask you out on a date, 82 00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:03,282 your answer will be... 83 00:03:03,282 --> 00:03:04,035 No. 84 00:03:05,092 --> 00:03:06,967 No... Hmm. 85 00:03:06,967 --> 00:03:08,642 What could she mean 86 00:03:08,642 --> 00:03:11,356 when she says no? 87 00:03:11,356 --> 00:03:12,729 I don't know, 88 00:03:12,729 --> 00:03:14,003 it is totally cryptic. 89 00:03:14,003 --> 00:03:16,113 This is far from over. 90 00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:17,687 We're talking ten weeks from now. 91 00:03:17,687 --> 00:03:19,531 Who knows what she'll want then? 92 00:03:19,531 --> 00:03:20,703 Do you know what you're going to want 93 00:03:20,703 --> 00:03:21,976 for lunch ten weeks from now? 94 00:03:21,976 --> 00:03:24,086 Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail and a milk shake. 95 00:03:25,562 --> 00:03:26,935 Ted, do you know how long it takes a woman 96 00:03:26,935 --> 00:03:28,878 to decide whether or not she's going to sleep with a guy? 97 00:03:28,878 --> 00:03:30,218 8.3 seconds. 98 00:03:30,218 --> 00:03:31,223 After that, 99 00:03:31,223 --> 00:03:32,261 her decision is made. 100 00:03:32,261 --> 00:03:33,500 She will not change her mind. 101 00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:34,506 That's ridiculous. 102 00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:35,846 Is it? 103 00:03:35,846 --> 00:03:38,157 Describe your first 8.3 seconds with Stella. 104 00:03:39,532 --> 00:03:40,838 Lower back butterfly tattoo-- 105 00:03:40,838 --> 00:03:42,814 you're up. 106 00:03:42,814 --> 00:03:45,561 (patients snickering) 107 00:03:45,561 --> 00:03:46,869 (all groaning) 108 00:03:46,869 --> 00:03:48,577 So we got off to a rocky start. 109 00:03:48,577 --> 00:03:50,688 That may be a problem for some guys, 110 00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,363 but I get better over time. Right? 111 00:03:52,363 --> 00:03:54,373 I'm not some Top 40 song-- 112 00:03:54,373 --> 00:03:55,713 easily digestible. 113 00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:57,153 I'm complex. 114 00:03:57,153 --> 00:04:00,336 I require time and multiple listens. 115 00:04:00,336 --> 00:04:02,078 I'm "Stairway to Heaven." 116 00:04:02,078 --> 00:04:06,133 Wow, Roger Daltrey just rolled over in his grave. 117 00:04:07,473 --> 00:04:10,253 That's not the right guy, is it? 118 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:14,340 He's not even dead, is he? 119 00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:15,815 I think that's great, Ted. 120 00:04:15,815 --> 00:04:17,657 You can do whatever you set your mind to. 121 00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:19,500 In fact, you've inspired me. 122 00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:21,979 I'm going to stop biting my nails. 123 00:04:21,979 --> 00:04:23,855 But, baby, you love biting your nails. 124 00:04:23,855 --> 00:04:25,765 I know, but I'm doing this for Ted. 125 00:04:26,704 --> 00:04:27,909 Hmm. 126 00:04:27,909 --> 00:04:30,287 God, this is really hard. 127 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:32,901 Give me ten sessions, 128 00:04:32,901 --> 00:04:34,341 I'm going to turn that "no" into a "yes." 129 00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:35,480 Really, Ted? Mm-hmm. 130 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:36,821 You think so? Mmm. 131 00:04:36,821 --> 00:04:39,266 Well, tell me, how did the rest of that session go? 132 00:04:39,266 --> 00:04:41,544 This is going to hurt a little. 133 00:04:41,544 --> 00:04:43,521 Yeah, well, I can handle pain. 134 00:04:43,521 --> 00:04:46,201 This one time I was playing tennis, and... 135 00:04:46,201 --> 00:04:48,278 (high-pitched screaming) 136 00:04:49,820 --> 00:04:53,538 Yeah, but tattoo removal really hurts. 137 00:04:53,538 --> 00:04:55,917 Everyone probably sounds like that. 138 00:04:55,917 --> 00:04:57,324 Doctor, are you all right? 139 00:04:57,324 --> 00:04:58,932 I heard a woman screaming in here. 140 00:04:58,932 --> 00:04:59,685 Oh. 141 00:05:04,025 --> 00:05:05,230 (laughing) 142 00:05:08,045 --> 00:05:10,423 Here's to nine more great sessions. 143 00:05:10,423 --> 00:05:12,902 (laughter continues) 144 00:05:12,902 --> 00:05:16,320 weeks went by. 145 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,832 The second session I told her about how I spent a summer 146 00:05:18,832 --> 00:05:20,675 working with inner-city kids. 147 00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:24,059 The third session we both spoke nothing but French. 148 00:05:24,059 --> 00:05:27,040 The fourth session I made her laugh so hard 149 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,883 she fell out of her chair. 150 00:05:28,883 --> 00:05:30,659 (laughing) 151 00:05:30,659 --> 00:05:33,373 So by the time the fifth session came around... 152 00:05:33,373 --> 00:05:34,444 Still no. 153 00:05:36,087 --> 00:05:37,191 Still no. 154 00:05:37,191 --> 00:05:38,464 What's up with that? 155 00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:40,006 I mean, I juggled. 156 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,446 You juggled? 157 00:05:41,446 --> 00:05:43,858 I thought you were trying to impress her. 158 00:05:43,858 --> 00:05:45,199 You do magic. 159 00:05:45,199 --> 00:05:46,941 How is juggling any lamer than magic? 160 00:05:46,941 --> 00:05:48,449 Magic's not lame. 161 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,889 I don't get it. I mean... 162 00:05:49,889 --> 00:05:51,296 Is this lame? 163 00:05:51,296 --> 00:05:53,741 (screams) Oh, Barney, no, no. 164 00:05:53,741 --> 00:05:56,254 We said no fireballs at the table. 165 00:05:56,254 --> 00:05:57,829 What the hell is wrong with you? 166 00:05:57,829 --> 00:05:59,202 There's alcohol in here. 167 00:05:59,202 --> 00:06:00,242 Barney... I... 168 00:06:00,242 --> 00:06:01,413 We've talked about this. 169 00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:02,553 It's a fire code violation. 170 00:06:02,553 --> 00:06:04,731 Yeah, but Ted provoked me. 171 00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:06,037 No, no, you are on a time-out. 172 00:06:06,037 --> 00:06:07,042 Go sit over there. 173 00:06:07,042 --> 00:06:08,717 But... Go! 174 00:06:11,231 --> 00:06:13,207 Anyway... I don't get it. 175 00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:14,882 She should be into me by now. 176 00:06:14,882 --> 00:06:16,523 You know, you can do this, Ted. 177 00:06:16,523 --> 00:06:18,299 I said that I would stop biting my nails, 178 00:06:18,299 --> 00:06:20,175 and kablam-ey. 179 00:06:20,175 --> 00:06:21,850 It's just a challenge. 180 00:06:21,850 --> 00:06:23,559 It can't be easy to woo someone 181 00:06:23,559 --> 00:06:25,971 while you're sticking your naked butt in their face. 182 00:06:25,971 --> 00:06:27,713 Works for baboons. 183 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:32,169 It's called "presenting." 184 00:06:32,169 --> 00:06:33,777 I got four sessions left. 185 00:06:33,777 --> 00:06:36,021 Ther-There's got to be an angle I'm not seeing. 186 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,266 You can't turn a "no" into a "yes," Ted. 187 00:06:38,266 --> 00:06:39,272 Can't be done. 188 00:06:39,272 --> 00:06:40,444 I don't know, Barney. 189 00:06:40,444 --> 00:06:42,320 I mean, sometimes persistence pays off. 190 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:43,325 I said "yes" eventually. 191 00:06:43,325 --> 00:06:44,899 No, you didn't. 192 00:06:44,899 --> 00:06:46,340 You were like, "No, we can't, we're friends. 193 00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:48,217 It would mess up the dynamic of the group." 194 00:06:48,217 --> 00:06:49,724 To Ted. 195 00:06:49,724 --> 00:06:50,964 Oh, right. 196 00:06:50,964 --> 00:06:52,170 Wait a second. 197 00:06:52,170 --> 00:06:53,811 Wait a second, I got the angle. 198 00:06:53,811 --> 00:06:55,553 Sir, please don't yell at me, 199 00:06:55,553 --> 00:06:57,027 because when people yell at me, 200 00:06:57,027 --> 00:06:58,904 I have a tendency to start crying. 201 00:06:58,904 --> 00:07:00,980 Please don't do it. 202 00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:02,556 Abby, I've told you before. Please. 203 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,431 When they're rude to you, hang up the phone. 204 00:07:04,431 --> 00:07:06,208 ...how difficult it is for me to... Go on, 205 00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:07,682 you can do this, hang up. 206 00:07:07,682 --> 00:07:08,955 Abby, 207 00:07:08,955 --> 00:07:10,228 hang it up. 208 00:07:10,228 --> 00:07:13,477 I am too busy to waste my time... 209 00:07:14,483 --> 00:07:16,492 I'm sorry, I just wish 210 00:07:16,492 --> 00:07:18,905 that some of the patients would be nicer to you. 211 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:20,512 The receptionist. 212 00:07:20,512 --> 00:07:21,518 That's my way in. 213 00:07:21,518 --> 00:07:22,590 I like this. 214 00:07:22,590 --> 00:07:24,265 Seduce the receptionist. 215 00:07:24,265 --> 00:07:25,705 That's a great plan. 216 00:07:25,705 --> 00:07:27,046 That's not the plan. 217 00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:28,721 And how would that help me with Stella? 218 00:07:28,721 --> 00:07:30,229 Who? 219 00:07:30,229 --> 00:07:32,239 Here's the plan. 220 00:07:32,239 --> 00:07:34,618 (whistles) 221 00:07:34,618 --> 00:07:36,661 Hi. Here. 222 00:07:36,661 --> 00:07:37,799 I stopped-- 223 00:07:42,189 --> 00:07:43,428 Hi, I stopped for coffee 224 00:07:43,428 --> 00:07:45,305 and I... and I thought I'd grab you something. 225 00:07:45,305 --> 00:07:47,449 Oh, wow, thank you, that's so nice. 226 00:07:47,449 --> 00:07:48,454 You're like a knight. 227 00:07:48,454 --> 00:07:51,067 I should call you Sir Ted. 228 00:07:51,067 --> 00:07:52,173 What? 229 00:07:52,173 --> 00:07:53,579 Nothing. Nothing. 230 00:07:53,579 --> 00:07:55,858 (laughing nervously): It's really stupid. 231 00:07:55,858 --> 00:07:57,800 Um, Dr. Zinman, Ted's here. 232 00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,811 Thanks. Thanks, Abby. 233 00:08:02,458 --> 00:08:04,836 And now we wait. 234 00:08:04,836 --> 00:08:06,377 And sure enough, 235 00:08:06,377 --> 00:08:08,890 by session seven, she saw me in a whole new light. 236 00:08:08,890 --> 00:08:11,771 Okay, I'm about to break my big rule here. 237 00:08:11,771 --> 00:08:13,011 Break it. 238 00:08:13,011 --> 00:08:15,088 Okay. 239 00:08:15,088 --> 00:08:16,730 Abby goes bowling 240 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,673 with her church group every Wednesday night... 241 00:08:18,673 --> 00:08:21,353 Mm-hmm. ...and she really wanted to invite you, but she's too shy. 242 00:08:21,353 --> 00:08:23,531 (clicks tongue) 243 00:08:23,531 --> 00:08:24,736 Abby is...? 244 00:08:24,736 --> 00:08:27,719 My receptionist. 245 00:08:27,719 --> 00:08:29,461 You really made quite an impression on her 246 00:08:29,461 --> 00:08:30,935 with the coffee the other day. 247 00:08:30,935 --> 00:08:32,877 I mean, she has really not stopped talking about you. 248 00:08:32,877 --> 00:08:35,256 Oh, Abby. 249 00:08:35,256 --> 00:08:37,468 I thought you said "Alan." 250 00:08:37,468 --> 00:08:40,416 But you just said, "Abby is...?" 251 00:08:40,416 --> 00:08:41,957 Right. 252 00:08:41,957 --> 00:08:44,302 Right, I thought I said "Alan." 253 00:08:44,302 --> 00:08:45,776 Who's Alan? 254 00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:48,456 Who's Abby? 255 00:08:48,456 --> 00:08:50,567 My receptionist. 256 00:08:50,567 --> 00:08:51,531 Exactly. 257 00:08:56,095 --> 00:08:57,535 What is happening? 258 00:08:57,535 --> 00:08:59,009 (groaning): Ted. 259 00:08:59,009 --> 00:09:01,287 You just got to be yourself, no more gimmicks. 260 00:09:01,287 --> 00:09:03,465 You're right, no more gimmicks. 261 00:09:03,465 --> 00:09:04,705 One more gimmick. 262 00:09:04,705 --> 00:09:06,280 TED: You know what's on her shelf? 263 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,759 That self-help book The Power of Me. 264 00:09:08,759 --> 00:09:10,769 (all groaning) I know, I know, but I thought 265 00:09:10,769 --> 00:09:13,650 if I read it, maybe we'd have something new to talk about. 266 00:09:13,650 --> 00:09:15,426 (all groaning) 267 00:09:15,426 --> 00:09:16,699 It's actually a great book. 268 00:09:16,699 --> 00:09:19,044 It taught me the power of complete memory. 269 00:09:19,044 --> 00:09:20,384 Can I borrow your copy? 270 00:09:20,384 --> 00:09:22,528 I left it somewhere. 271 00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:23,935 I forget. 272 00:09:25,377 --> 00:09:26,130 Hi. 273 00:09:27,991 --> 00:09:29,429 Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. 274 00:09:29,429 --> 00:09:33,651 Hi, Ted. I'll let her know. 275 00:09:35,260 --> 00:09:37,437 Telepathically? 276 00:09:37,437 --> 00:09:39,045 (laughing): That's funny. 277 00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:40,284 That's funny, smart, and great. 278 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,640 I am so sorry that I am late. 279 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,282 I have, like, two minutes for lunch everyday. 280 00:09:46,282 --> 00:09:47,756 It's crazy. Yeah, I understand. 281 00:09:47,756 --> 00:09:50,570 I was just, uh, checking out the old bookshelf here. 282 00:09:50,570 --> 00:09:52,480 I see you've read The Power of Me. 283 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,824 It's funny...What? Oh, no. 284 00:09:54,824 --> 00:09:57,839 No, no, no, no, no, I would never read that piece of crap. 285 00:09:57,839 --> 00:09:59,884 Some patient left it here. 286 00:09:59,884 --> 00:10:01,055 Oh, thank God. 287 00:10:01,055 --> 00:10:02,228 (chuckling): I couldn't agree more. 288 00:10:02,228 --> 00:10:03,602 That's total crap. 289 00:10:03,602 --> 00:10:05,311 I see people reading that on the subway 290 00:10:05,311 --> 00:10:07,522 and I just want to shout, "Get a life, people!" 291 00:10:07,522 --> 00:10:09,264 Ted, I found your book. 292 00:10:09,264 --> 00:10:10,336 What? 293 00:10:10,336 --> 00:10:11,676 Your book The Power of Me. 294 00:10:11,676 --> 00:10:13,116 I think you accidentally dropped it in the garbage. 295 00:10:13,116 --> 00:10:14,289 What? No, that's... that's not mine. 296 00:10:14,289 --> 00:10:15,529 I've never seen that before in my life. 297 00:10:15,529 --> 00:10:17,539 No, you were reading it in the lobby. 298 00:10:17,539 --> 00:10:19,314 Wha-- no, you have me confused with someone else. 299 00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:20,487 No, no, look right here. 300 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:22,732 "From the personal library of Ted Mosby." 301 00:10:22,732 --> 00:10:24,507 That's you. 302 00:10:26,987 --> 00:10:29,164 Ted, I hate to say this, 303 00:10:29,164 --> 00:10:32,213 but I think it's "nail the receptionist" time. 304 00:10:32,213 --> 00:10:33,788 I'm not gonna nail the receptionist. 305 00:10:33,788 --> 00:10:35,798 Ted, every little boy wants to grow up 306 00:10:35,798 --> 00:10:37,473 to nail the doctor or the lawyer. 307 00:10:37,473 --> 00:10:40,153 Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist. 308 00:10:40,153 --> 00:10:41,996 No. I like Stella. 309 00:10:41,996 --> 00:10:43,638 Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, Ted. 310 00:10:43,638 --> 00:10:46,552 Your little Stella is not so perfect. 311 00:10:46,552 --> 00:10:47,490 What do you mean? 312 00:10:47,490 --> 00:10:48,997 I went down there 313 00:10:48,997 --> 00:10:51,208 and checked her out for myself. 314 00:10:51,208 --> 00:10:52,448 Yeah. 315 00:10:53,421 --> 00:10:54,894 And while I was down there, 316 00:10:54,894 --> 00:10:57,340 I discovered that she had a secret, 317 00:10:57,340 --> 00:11:01,326 a terrible... terrible secret. 318 00:11:01,326 --> 00:11:02,532 What? 319 00:11:02,532 --> 00:11:03,739 What is it? 320 00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,725 Hold on, I gotta pee. 321 00:11:11,947 --> 00:11:13,756 Okay, I'm back. 322 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,598 What's going on at work? 323 00:11:15,598 --> 00:11:17,039 What's the big secret?! 324 00:11:17,039 --> 00:11:18,379 Oh. Oh, right. 325 00:11:18,379 --> 00:11:20,289 Hi, I'd like to see Dr. Zinman, please. 326 00:11:20,289 --> 00:11:21,428 Sure, what's it regarding? 327 00:11:21,428 --> 00:11:22,936 Oh, I just want to see her. 328 00:11:22,936 --> 00:11:24,879 Want to look at her, see what she looks like. 329 00:11:24,879 --> 00:11:26,922 I-I don't understand. 330 00:11:26,922 --> 00:11:28,463 I'm sorry, did I accidentally 331 00:11:28,463 --> 00:11:30,340 oprima numero dos when I called? 332 00:11:30,340 --> 00:11:32,250 Do you speak English? 333 00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:34,426 I want to see her! 334 00:11:34,426 --> 00:11:36,169 Sir, please don't yell at me 335 00:11:36,169 --> 00:11:37,643 because when people yell at me, 336 00:11:37,643 --> 00:11:39,285 I have a tendency to start crying. 337 00:11:39,285 --> 00:11:40,290 What are your credentials?! 338 00:11:40,290 --> 00:11:41,496 Please don't do that. Please. 339 00:11:41,496 --> 00:11:43,338 I want to know who am I speaking with! 340 00:11:43,338 --> 00:11:45,750 BARNEY: At first she seemed great, beautiful, smart, 341 00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:47,560 way out of your league. 342 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,235 But then, I overheard this conversation. 343 00:11:49,235 --> 00:11:50,742 ...my grandfather's name-- I was the last-born so... 344 00:11:50,742 --> 00:11:52,753 Oh, Abby, did my hypnotherapist call yet? 345 00:11:52,753 --> 00:11:53,925 No. 346 00:11:53,925 --> 00:11:55,266 (sighs) 347 00:11:55,266 --> 00:11:57,946 When am I going to kick this folliculaphilia? 348 00:12:04,345 --> 00:12:06,087 Folliculaphilia? 349 00:12:06,087 --> 00:12:08,332 Folliculaphilia. 350 00:12:08,332 --> 00:12:09,806 What is that? 351 00:12:09,806 --> 00:12:12,285 Ted, your perfect woman 352 00:12:12,285 --> 00:12:16,037 can only be attracted to men with moustaches. 353 00:12:18,383 --> 00:12:21,330 That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 354 00:12:21,330 --> 00:12:22,871 That's not real. 355 00:12:22,871 --> 00:12:25,351 You're right, Ted. I'm just making that up. 356 00:12:25,351 --> 00:12:27,762 I know that you are because there's no such thing. 357 00:12:28,768 --> 00:12:31,347 I got it a little bit. 358 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,455 Hi. Uh, Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. 359 00:12:39,455 --> 00:12:41,532 Oh, hi, Ted. Love the 'stache. 360 00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:43,509 You look like a young Tom Selleck, 361 00:12:43,509 --> 00:12:45,151 only a million times handsomer. 362 00:12:47,363 --> 00:12:50,477 Dr. Zinman, Magnum's here to see you. 363 00:12:50,477 --> 00:12:51,818 Just kidding. 364 00:12:51,818 --> 00:12:53,894 Stupid. 365 00:12:55,236 --> 00:12:56,776 Sorry I'm late. Typical two-minute lunch. 366 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,456 So we are very close to getting... 367 00:12:59,456 --> 00:13:02,438 (laughing) 368 00:13:04,147 --> 00:13:05,386 (cackling) 369 00:13:05,386 --> 00:13:08,100 Why? Just why? 370 00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,813 Y-you don't remember? 371 00:13:10,813 --> 00:13:12,722 I'll bet anyone ten bucks 372 00:13:12,722 --> 00:13:15,504 I can get Ted to grow a moustache. 373 00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:18,050 Uh... okay. 374 00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:21,467 You sabotaged my next to last chance with Stella 375 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,041 for ten dollars? 376 00:13:23,041 --> 00:13:26,592 I know. I would've done it for free. 377 00:13:26,592 --> 00:13:28,603 But, no. You owe me ten bucks. 378 00:13:28,603 --> 00:13:32,824 This is awful. My-my tenth session is next week. 379 00:13:32,824 --> 00:13:34,968 I'm gonna ask her out, and she's gonna say 380 00:13:34,968 --> 00:13:38,520 the most demoralizing syllable in the English language-- no. 381 00:13:39,526 --> 00:13:40,496 You know what? Just forget it. 382 00:13:40,496 --> 00:13:41,703 I'm not even gonna ask her. 383 00:13:41,703 --> 00:13:43,545 No, you have to. She likes you. 384 00:13:43,545 --> 00:13:45,019 She said so herself. 385 00:13:45,019 --> 00:13:46,460 (clearing throat) I mean... 386 00:13:46,460 --> 00:13:48,536 Oh, my God, you went and saw her, too. 387 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,748 I swear to you, I did not. 388 00:13:56,143 --> 00:13:58,990 My wife's always getting on me about my dry elbows. 389 00:13:58,990 --> 00:14:00,698 So good to be in a relationship. 390 00:14:00,698 --> 00:14:02,038 Anyone special in your life? 391 00:14:02,038 --> 00:14:03,915 Or maybe just someone you're interested in? 392 00:14:03,915 --> 00:14:06,795 Interes-ted in? 393 00:14:09,209 --> 00:14:11,151 You know, we should really get this mole checked out. 394 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,457 It's just a little irregular. 395 00:14:12,457 --> 00:14:15,975 MARSHALL: Irregular? Oh, my God. 396 00:14:15,975 --> 00:14:17,550 This is it. It's all over. 397 00:14:17,550 --> 00:14:19,091 One of my patients has this 398 00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,799 little butterfly tattoo at the bottom of his back. 399 00:14:20,799 --> 00:14:23,681 Can you stop talking about your other patients?! 400 00:14:23,681 --> 00:14:25,858 I'm dying here, woman! 401 00:14:25,858 --> 00:14:28,102 There you go. Look, even if it is something, 402 00:14:28,102 --> 00:14:30,381 it's easily treatable, so try to relax. 403 00:14:30,381 --> 00:14:31,822 Okay. 404 00:14:31,822 --> 00:14:33,396 Hey, what was it you were saying before 405 00:14:33,396 --> 00:14:35,038 about the guy with the butterfly tattoo? 406 00:14:35,038 --> 00:14:37,551 Oh, that... that's nothing. 407 00:14:37,551 --> 00:14:39,025 It's just a little crush. 408 00:14:39,025 --> 00:14:42,241 So I will be calling you with your results. 409 00:14:42,241 --> 00:14:43,514 Oh. Okay. Thank you. 410 00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:47,669 Oh, sir, your book! 411 00:14:49,378 --> 00:14:50,148 No. 412 00:14:50,148 --> 00:14:51,085 Yes. 413 00:14:51,085 --> 00:14:53,967 She said "crush"? 414 00:14:53,967 --> 00:14:56,547 And she was talking about me? 415 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:59,260 NARRATOR: That last session was the least painful of all. 416 00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:02,477 I savored every searing blast of that laser. 417 00:15:02,477 --> 00:15:04,051 All done. 418 00:15:04,051 --> 00:15:07,334 The moment I'd waited ten weeks for had arrived. 419 00:15:07,334 --> 00:15:09,043 Stella... 420 00:15:10,316 --> 00:15:13,867 ...now that I'm no longer your patient, 421 00:15:13,867 --> 00:15:15,944 would you like to have dinner with me? 422 00:15:19,630 --> 00:15:21,405 Ted, you're a really nice guy... 423 00:15:21,405 --> 00:15:23,248 Oh, no. 424 00:15:23,248 --> 00:15:25,827 It has been so great getting to know you. 425 00:15:25,827 --> 00:15:27,436 I am gonna kill Marshall. 426 00:15:27,436 --> 00:15:29,110 I've had so much fun these last ten weeks. 427 00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:31,958 Oh, my God, this is worse than the laser. 428 00:15:31,958 --> 00:15:33,835 I have a daughter. 429 00:15:34,874 --> 00:15:36,314 What? 430 00:15:36,314 --> 00:15:38,023 Her name's Lucy. She's eight. 431 00:15:38,023 --> 00:15:42,009 Work and being with her, that's pretty much my life. 432 00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,617 My social calendar 433 00:15:43,617 --> 00:15:45,091 is movie night with the girls once a month 434 00:15:45,091 --> 00:15:46,532 when I can get a sitter. 435 00:15:46,532 --> 00:15:48,978 I mean, I've been to one party in the past year-- 436 00:15:48,978 --> 00:15:51,189 St. Paddy's Day-- it was awful, I left early. 437 00:15:51,189 --> 00:15:53,400 But, really, my only free time 438 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,578 is the two minutes I get for lunch, so... 439 00:15:55,578 --> 00:15:56,884 this is why I don't date. 440 00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,766 Ted, I only have time 441 00:15:59,766 --> 00:16:02,513 for one most important person in my life, and that's Lucy. 442 00:16:03,887 --> 00:16:05,393 Anyway, it's been fun. 443 00:16:05,393 --> 00:16:08,140 Next time, think before you ink. 444 00:16:08,140 --> 00:16:10,553 But if you ever do wake up with, like, 445 00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:15,110 a dolphin tattoo on your ankle, just give me a call. 446 00:16:19,533 --> 00:16:21,073 There it is-- 447 00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:22,379 she's a mom. 448 00:16:22,379 --> 00:16:24,657 It's just not gonna happen. 449 00:16:24,657 --> 00:16:26,634 Sorry, dude. 450 00:16:26,634 --> 00:16:28,108 Have a shrimp. 451 00:16:28,108 --> 00:16:29,449 I'm good. 452 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,229 I guess I got no one but myself to blame. 453 00:16:32,229 --> 00:16:33,569 She told me right from the start 454 00:16:33,569 --> 00:16:36,986 she was gonna say no and sure enough... 455 00:16:36,986 --> 00:16:39,064 Wait a minute. 456 00:16:43,487 --> 00:16:45,328 Hi. Hi. 457 00:16:45,328 --> 00:16:46,903 You didn't actually say no. 458 00:16:46,903 --> 00:16:48,679 What do you mean? 459 00:16:48,679 --> 00:16:50,455 All this time you were, uh, you were supposed to say no, 460 00:16:50,455 --> 00:16:52,632 but you didn't-- I checked the transcript. 461 00:16:52,632 --> 00:16:53,972 (laughs) 462 00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:55,546 So, here's what I'm proposing. 463 00:16:55,546 --> 00:16:57,222 Uh... You only have two minutes, right? 464 00:16:57,222 --> 00:16:58,093 Right. 465 00:16:58,093 --> 00:16:59,935 Okay. You want to, uh... 466 00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,711 go on a a two-minute date with me? 467 00:17:03,487 --> 00:17:05,932 Last two-minute date I had gave me a daughter. 468 00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:08,880 Um... Okay. 469 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:09,603 Great. 470 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,542 And... go. 471 00:17:14,542 --> 00:17:16,620 Taxi! 472 00:17:17,894 --> 00:17:19,299 Hello! 473 00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:20,505 Ted, I seriously only have two minutes... 474 00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:21,578 I know. 475 00:17:23,589 --> 00:17:25,196 That's like 120 seconds. 476 00:17:25,196 --> 00:17:26,871 380 West 22nd, please. 477 00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:28,546 And step on it. We're in a hurry. 478 00:17:28,546 --> 00:17:30,289 380 West 22nd? That's... 479 00:17:33,171 --> 00:17:34,107 Ha-ha! 480 00:17:34,107 --> 00:17:35,213 Right this way. 481 00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:36,922 (laughing): Thank you, sir. 482 00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:39,468 You know, I have always wanted to try this place. 483 00:17:39,468 --> 00:17:41,143 House salad. Oh. 484 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,617 So, college? 485 00:17:42,617 --> 00:17:43,824 Stanford. 486 00:17:43,824 --> 00:17:44,929 Uh-huh. Wesleyan. 487 00:17:44,929 --> 00:17:46,604 Oh, good. Do you know Adam Lazar? 488 00:17:46,604 --> 00:17:48,647 No. Scott Crable? Mm-mm. 489 00:17:48,647 --> 00:17:50,657 Eggplant parmesean. 490 00:17:50,657 --> 00:17:52,400 Thanks. Oh, already cut up. Nice. 491 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,840 Could we get the check please. 492 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,214 We're trying to make a movie in 15 seconds. 493 00:17:55,214 --> 00:17:56,755 Of course. Okay, great. 494 00:17:56,755 --> 00:17:58,196 Uh, how do you want to do this? 495 00:17:58,196 --> 00:17:59,301 You had the eggplant parm. 496 00:17:59,301 --> 00:18:00,843 I only really had water so... 497 00:18:00,843 --> 00:18:02,853 I'm kidding. Oh. 498 00:18:02,853 --> 00:18:04,260 Okay. Let's go. 499 00:18:04,260 --> 00:18:06,370 Taxi! You nervous? 500 00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:07,845 A little bit. You can't tell at all. 501 00:18:07,845 --> 00:18:09,017 Oh, good. Yeah. 502 00:18:09,017 --> 00:18:10,424 Hello! 503 00:18:17,126 --> 00:18:19,001 384 West 22nd. 504 00:18:20,208 --> 00:18:21,748 15 seconds. The movie's started. 505 00:18:21,748 --> 00:18:23,356 Nah, previews. We'll be fine. 506 00:18:26,707 --> 00:18:28,516 Ah! Just in time. It hasn't started yet. 507 00:18:28,516 --> 00:18:29,789 So, what are we seeing? 508 00:18:29,789 --> 00:18:30,995 Manos: Hands of Fate. 509 00:18:30,995 --> 00:18:32,000 The whole thing? 510 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,541 Only the important parts. 511 00:18:40,443 --> 00:18:42,184 Worst movie ever. 512 00:18:42,184 --> 00:18:44,865 Yeah, I almost walked out, like, five times. 513 00:18:44,865 --> 00:18:46,740 How we doing on time? Taxi! 514 00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:47,880 We got a little time. 515 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,354 Okay. Do you want to walk it? 516 00:18:49,354 --> 00:18:50,359 Why not? 517 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:51,565 Hello! 518 00:18:51,565 --> 00:18:54,144 Good-bye! 519 00:18:54,144 --> 00:18:55,384 So what grade's your daughter in? 520 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,390 Third grade. 521 00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:57,595 Ah! That's a good year. 522 00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,606 Yeah, she's wonderful. 523 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,548 I just wish that I could get her to quit smoking, you know? 524 00:19:01,548 --> 00:19:03,090 What? I'm kidding. 525 00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:06,273 Oh. Look, coffee and dessert? 526 00:19:06,273 --> 00:19:08,417 You know, this neighborhood just keeps on changing. 527 00:19:08,417 --> 00:19:10,092 This used to be a cute, little Italian restaurant. 528 00:19:10,092 --> 00:19:11,432 I know. New York. 529 00:19:11,432 --> 00:19:13,543 It's a living organism, an ever-changing tapestry. 530 00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:15,285 Ooh, look at the time. 531 00:19:15,285 --> 00:19:16,491 Let's go. 532 00:19:16,491 --> 00:19:17,864 Mmm, the cheesecake's amazing. 533 00:19:19,038 --> 00:19:20,210 Flowers? 534 00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:21,516 I'm allergic. 535 00:19:21,516 --> 00:19:24,665 Okay. See? We're getting to knock other. 536 00:19:24,665 --> 00:19:27,211 Stella, I had a lovely-- 537 00:19:27,211 --> 00:19:29,188 Doggy bag? 538 00:19:29,188 --> 00:19:31,366 Stella, I had a lovely time. 539 00:19:31,366 --> 00:19:32,740 Me, too, Ted. 540 00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:34,449 And... date. 541 00:19:34,449 --> 00:19:36,023 (chuckles) Huh? 542 00:19:36,023 --> 00:19:37,362 That wasn't so bad, right? 543 00:19:37,362 --> 00:19:39,909 No lengthy, awkward silences. 544 00:19:39,909 --> 00:19:41,484 Dessert ran a little long, so... 545 00:19:41,484 --> 00:19:43,728 I had to cut the good-night kiss. 546 00:19:45,002 --> 00:19:47,681 I think I can be late just once. 547 00:19:58,604 --> 00:20:00,010 Ted... 548 00:20:00,010 --> 00:20:02,925 Look, I I uld love to have a second date, I would. 549 00:20:02,925 --> 00:20:05,772 But I understand that you really don't have time right now, 550 00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:08,386 but if you ever do, will you give me a call? 551 00:20:08,386 --> 00:20:09,726 Yes. 552 00:20:09,726 --> 00:20:10,765 Okay. 553 00:20:13,949 --> 00:20:15,958 And that, kids, is how you turn a "no" 554 00:20:15,958 --> 00:20:17,331 into a "yes." 555 00:20:21,855 --> 00:20:23,864 All my friends told me, "Abby, be strong. 556 00:20:23,864 --> 00:20:25,071 He doesn't deserve another chance." 557 00:20:25,071 --> 00:20:26,276 No, no, no. But I forgive you! 558 00:20:26,276 --> 00:20:28,354 No, no, no, no! 559 00:20:32,375 --> 00:20:33,814 then he just kept 560 00:20:33,814 --> 00:20:35,422 toying with my emotions. 561 00:20:35,422 --> 00:20:37,064 Wow. 562 00:20:37,064 --> 00:20:39,275 This Ted guy sounds like a real jerk. 563 00:20:40,314 --> 00:20:41,352 You know your problem? 564 00:20:41,352 --> 00:20:42,860 You're too sweet. 565 00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:45,037 Aren't you going to see the doctor about that mole? 566 00:20:45,037 --> 00:20:46,344 Oh, yeah. 567 00:20:46,344 --> 00:20:47,919 Turns out it's just a Raisinet. 568 00:20:49,026 --> 00:20:51,168 Hey, how would you like 569 00:20:51,168 --> 00:20:53,547 me to take you out to a fancy restaurant 570 00:20:53,547 --> 00:20:55,792 and then go on a shopping spree? 571 00:20:55,792 --> 00:20:58,137 Treat you the way you should be treated. 572 00:20:58,137 --> 00:21:00,549 Would that make you forget about that Ted monster? 573 00:21:00,549 --> 00:21:02,358 My mom was wrong. 574 00:21:02,358 --> 00:21:04,168 There are nice guys in New York. 575 00:21:05,341 --> 00:21:07,384 We just have to go by my hotel room first. 576 00:21:07,384 --> 00:21:08,925 My bed was broken. 577 00:21:08,925 --> 00:21:10,399 I just have to make sure they fixed it. 578 00:21:10,399 --> 00:21:12,074 Well, then if it's fixed, 579 00:21:12,074 --> 00:21:14,385 can we can have sex on it and then go shopping. 580 00:21:16,564 --> 00:21:18,272 I like you.