1
00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:05,900
?like everyone belonged to
these silly things called gyms.
2
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:09,000
The idea was you'd pay them
lots of money to run around
3
00:00:09,035 --> 00:00:09,900
and lift heavy things.
4
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:11,500
Biggest rip-off in the world.
5
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:12,800
And yet people fell for it.
6
00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:14,100
Including me.
7
00:00:14,135 --> 00:00:15,700
Oh, forgot my wallet.
8
00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:18,700
It started with one of those moments
9
00:00:18,735 --> 00:00:21,000
when you realize you're not
as in shape as you want to be.
10
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:23,500
Whoo...
11
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,500
That's further than it looks.
12
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,600
Aw, coupon's on my dresser.
13
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:30,800
That's too far.
Forget it.
14
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,500
Please don't judge me.
15
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,100
I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza.
16
00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:39,700
I woke up all greasy and sweaty.
17
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,100
My sheets looked like what they
wrap deli sandwiches in.
18
00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:45,900
Maybe I should join a gym.
19
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,100
Do you go to a gym?
20
00:00:47,135 --> 00:00:50,200
Well, I go to Total Rip Fitness,
n't wo
21
00:00:50,235 --> 00:00:51,300
What do you do?
22
00:00:51,335 --> 00:00:51,900
I invest.
23
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:54,900
There goes one of my investments now.
24
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,300
Cheryl, hard work's paying off.
25
00:00:57,335 --> 00:00:58,400
Keep up the good work.
26
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,900
So your investments are women?
27
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:02,900
Yes.
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00:01:02,935 --> 00:01:06,600
Women who, how shall
I put this delicately?
29
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,300
They fat.
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00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:10,500
So, I come here,
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00:01:10,535 --> 00:01:11,800
give them lots of attention now.
32
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,900
Then when they get hot, who's
the first guy they run to?
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00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,600
The one who invested in them
when they weren't.
34
00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:20,600
Wow, I can't decide if
I'm thoroughly disgusted
35
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,200
or really, really impressed.
36
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,900
Of course, not all
investments pay divipa
37
00:01:24,935 --> 00:01:27,300
See the girl over there at the
vending machine-- Tonya.
38
00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:30,800
She is one Kit Kat away
from junk bond status.
39
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,200
Hey, Barney.
40
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,200
Becky, elliptical machine's
really working for you. Nice stuff.
41
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,900
That one's going to reward
shareholders soon.
42
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,400
I foresee aggressive
growth in my future.
43
00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:46,200
What up?
44
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,400
Wow, that makes me want to join a gym.
45
00:01:49,435 --> 00:01:50,600
So I can get super strong
46
00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:52,900
and punch you really hard in the face.
47
00:01:52,935 --> 00:01:55,600
Yes, we should all do it.
48
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,800
Yeah, let's all punch
Barney in the face.
49
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,600
No, I'm serious.
50
00:01:59,635 --> 00:02:01,400
We should totally join a gym.
51
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:03,700
Come on, we put on the
beer weight together--
52
00:02:03,735 --> 00:02:04,900
we might as well take it off together.
53
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,400
Or we could just stop drinking beer.
54
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,400
No.
I say we join a gym.
55
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,000
Are you Marshall?
Yeah.
56
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,000
Hi, I'm Trish.
57
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,100
I'm the trainer you signed up for.
58
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,500
Oh, hi.
59
00:02:17,535 --> 00:02:18,800
Really great to meet you, Trish.
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00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:20,800
It's a pleasure.
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00:02:20,835 --> 00:02:23,600
Marshall, can I talk
to you for a second?
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00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:24,500
Sure.
Great.
63
00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:25,700
Just a second.
64
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:32,800
Yeah, sweetie, I think she maybe just
a little too hot to be your trainer.
65
00:02:32,835 --> 00:02:34,000
I get it.
66
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:36,600
I mean, I see what you're worried about.
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00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:39,700
But this is just about me
taking care of myself.
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00:02:39,735 --> 00:02:41,000
You'll always be my sugar.
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00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,100
So, Marshall, are you ready to
make a commitment to your body?
70
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,900
Pssh! Please, I'm all about
committing to my body.
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00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,000
I'll drive to Vermont
72
00:02:50,035 --> 00:02:52,400
and have a commitment ceremony
to my body if you want.
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00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:53,800
That was a weird thing to say.
74
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,100
All right.
Start with 100 push-ups.
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00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,800
All right, cool.
How many do you want me to do?
76
00:02:58,835 --> 00:02:59,600
100.
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00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,600
Oh, I thought that was a
figure of speech--100 push-ups,
78
00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:04,700
like do a bazillion push-ups.
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00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:05,900
No one can do 100.
80
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:08,700
Do you smell that?
81
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:09,600
No.
82
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,500
It smells like there's
a little bitch in my gym.
83
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,100
Are you being a little bitch in my gym?
84
00:03:14,135 --> 00:03:15,500
No.
85
00:03:15,535 --> 00:03:17,500
Then get on the floor and give me 100!
86
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,600
You don't have to yell at me.
87
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:21,900
I love it here.
88
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,200
It's just normal women
who want to get in shape.
89
00:03:24,235 --> 00:03:29,200
I don't have to put on makeup,
do my hair, wear some trendy outfit.
90
00:03:29,235 --> 00:03:31,100
Yeah, this place is great.
91
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:32,600
We're meeting our friend Robin here.
92
00:03:32,635 --> 00:03:34,500
I hope you don't hate her.
She's pretty hot.
93
00:03:34,535 --> 00:03:35,600
Shut up.
94
00:03:35,635 --> 00:03:37,100
Lily, tell him to shut up.
95
00:03:37,135 --> 00:03:40,300
I'm sorry, lesbian prison guard,
do we know each other?
96
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,600
Ted, Lily, you'll never believe
what just happened.
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00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,400
Oh, hey, dude,
I'm Barney.
98
00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:48,900
So I was at the smoothie bar...
99
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:50,900
What can I get you?
100
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,700
Oh, my God, Rhonda?
101
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,300
It's Barney. Barney Stinson
from Staten Island Boulevard.
102
00:03:59,335 --> 00:04:01,300
Hey, Barney Stinson from
Staten Island Boulevard.
103
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,800
What can I get you?
104
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,100
I can't believe she didn't remember me.
105
00:04:05,135 --> 00:04:06,400
Why? Who is she?
106
00:04:06,435 --> 00:04:07,600
That's Rhonda.
107
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,100
I lost my virginity to her.
108
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,500
Baby, are you still sore?
109
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:34,600
Trish made me do 70 push-ups,
but she only gave me credit for ten.
110
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,100
The she had me do 100 sit-ups
111
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:40,400
and then she made me cry,
using only her words.
112
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,200
It just doesn't add up.
113
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,000
How could Rhonda not remember me?
114
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:48,600
Well, maybe it wasn't that good for her.
115
00:04:48,635 --> 00:04:50,300
I mean, it was your first time.
116
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,800
Ted, it's me.
I rocked her world.
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00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,300
You don't believe me?
Okay, story time.
118
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,900
The year was 1998.
119
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,100
I'd been going out with Shannon
since freshman year of college.
120
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,300
We were saving ourselves.
121
00:05:03,335 --> 00:05:07,500
So when we broke up there I was,
23 and still a virgin.
122
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,300
I knew nothing about girls.
123
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,000
So I went to the guy
124
00:05:11,035 --> 00:05:13,300
who knew everything about
girls-- my brother James.
125
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:15,900
Wait, your gay brother James?
126
00:05:15,935 --> 00:05:17,500
Yeah, this was before he was gay.
127
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:31,400
Barney... Barney, you need to find a girl
128
00:05:31,435 --> 00:05:33,000
and have sex with her ASAP.
129
00:05:33,035 --> 00:05:35,200
That is what dudes do after a breakup.
130
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:40,500
I know. I want to, but...
I guess I'm just scared.
131
00:05:40,535 --> 00:05:41,400
Of course you're scared.
132
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:42,300
It's gross.
133
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:44,400
The thought of doing
that with a woman...
134
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,400
But it's part of being a guy.
135
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,700
Try thinking about baseball.
136
00:05:49,735 --> 00:05:52,000
Somehow I imagine
those players on the field
137
00:05:52,035 --> 00:05:53,300
and it's over a lot faster.
138
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:57,900
But I don't know the first thing
about seducing a woman.
139
00:05:57,935 --> 00:06:01,900
What do you...? How do you...?
Where do you...?
140
00:06:01,935 --> 00:06:03,800
Stop. Don't overthink it.
141
00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:05,200
You don't want to get the yips.
142
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:06,100
The yips?
143
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:10,200
Yeah, when you overthink simple things
so much that you can't do them at all.
144
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,400
The yips.
145
00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:14,200
Yeah, it happens to
athletes all the time.
146
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,900
Like the second baseman
who suddenly can't throw to first
147
00:06:16,935 --> 00:06:19,900
or the figure skater
who does a perfect tripe toe loop
148
00:06:19,935 --> 00:06:21,900
and then loses it on the arabesque.
149
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:25,200
I've actually really
been getting into figure skating lately.
150
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:30,800
But, James... what woman's going
to have sex with me?
151
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,200
It's not like I'm a Backstreet Boy.
152
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:36,500
The Man Maker.
153
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,100
Rhonda "Man Maker" French
154
00:06:39,135 --> 00:06:41,200
was our mom's friend
from down the street.
155
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,200
Got any kings?
156
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:43,500
Go fish.
157
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,000
So, Patty, know that new paperboy?
158
00:06:47,035 --> 00:06:50,500
I let him throw one into my
hedges, if you know what I mean.
159
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,200
Did you see that new guy
who cleans my pool?
160
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,100
I let him snake my drain,
if you know what I mean.
161
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,000
You know that Chinese food delivery boy?
162
00:07:01,035 --> 00:07:03,000
I had sex with him.
163
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:05,400
I don't have a funny
way of saying it yet.
164
00:07:05,435 --> 00:07:06,600
It just happened 20 minutes ago.
165
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:09,900
Of course.
166
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,000
The Man Maker.
167
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:15,200
And it'll be easier too,
'cause she knows me so well.
168
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,200
Hi, Barry.
169
00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:19,300
Barney.
Hi, Ms. French.
170
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,800
I know we haven't seen each other for
a while, but if there was any chance...
171
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,200
Oh, boy.
172
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:33,200
Wow, you just rocked my world.
That was the best sex I ever had.
173
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,600
That was the night I was born.
174
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:42,500
I rose like a phoenix
from her mentholated bosom
175
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:47,800
and strode into the world,
Armani clad and fully awesome.
176
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,900
God, please let me stop!
177
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:52,500
Yes, great, let's stop.
178
00:07:52,535 --> 00:07:55,200
Let's just kick back and wait
for the massive coronary
179
00:07:55,235 --> 00:07:58,000
you're going to have a couple years
from now when you're 40.
180
00:07:58,100 --> 00:07:59,300
I'm... I'm 29.
181
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:01,700
50 more!
182
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:04,300
Hi, sweetie.
183
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:06,900
I got a trainer, too.
This is Max.
184
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,700
We're going to focus on flexibility.
185
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,400
Yeah, I'm gonna stretch her out.
186
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,700
Great... Wait, what?
187
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,400
50 more, now!
188
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:20,400
Huh?
189
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:26,400
Hey...
190
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,800
Okay, well, that's not cool.
191
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,900
You know, Rhonda,
192
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,400
running into you really got me thinking
about the old days.
193
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,800
You were quite popular.
194
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:44,900
I sure got around back then.
195
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:51,300
And there was one young man
who stood out above the pack.
196
00:08:51,335 --> 00:08:52,800
Freddy Chibatoni.
197
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,300
That kid had a tongue like a gecko.
198
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:58,300
No, no, I was thinking
about someone else.
199
00:08:58,335 --> 00:08:59,700
Chaz Alderman.
200
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,100
Hips like a woman,
but he knew how to use them.
201
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:03,700
What about me?!
202
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,500
- You?
- Yes. We slept together.
203
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,200
And you said I was
the best you ever had.
204
00:09:10,235 --> 00:09:11,000
Did I?
205
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:13,900
Oh, right.
206
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,100
About that...
207
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,900
And tell him that
he's the best you ever had.
208
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,300
Oh, I don't know.
209
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:22,800
He's just a kid.
210
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:26,000
No he isn't. He's 23 and
he is really hurting, Rhonda.
211
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:26,900
Please.
212
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:29,500
Maybe we could make a deal.
213
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:30,900
What?
214
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:32,900
I don't know...
215
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:34,600
Oh...
216
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,100
No, girl, I got a girlfriend.
217
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,800
Yeah, yeah, yeah, hers
is the only vagina for me.
218
00:09:40,835 --> 00:09:45,200
Oh... I love it.
It... it isn't scary at all.
219
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:49,600
Well, too bad. I guess your
brother's going to stay a virgin.
220
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,000
Fine.
221
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,700
Reggie Jackson,
Reggie Jackson,
222
00:09:58,735 --> 00:09:59,600
Reggie Jackson...
223
00:09:59,635 --> 00:10:01,800
But those compliments you gave me.
224
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,300
Wow...
225
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,600
you just rocked my world.
226
00:10:05,635 --> 00:10:08,400
That was the best sex I ever had.
227
00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:13,100
But you said I rocked your world.
228
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,536
All subsequent worlds that
I rocked were only so rocked
229
00:10:15,537 --> 00:10:17,700
because of the confidence I earned
from said first world rocking.
230
00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:23,200
Sorry, Barry.
231
00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:28,300
it's barney...
232
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,566
So I'm doing sit-ups and she says,
233
00:10:31,567 --> 00:10:33,800
"All right, Marshall,
just one more set. "
234
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,900
So I summon all my strength
and I do that set,
235
00:10:36,935 --> 00:10:39,100
and then she says,
"Give me another set. "
236
00:10:39,135 --> 00:10:40,900
So I'm like,
"Is this the last set?"
237
00:10:40,935 --> 00:10:42,000
And she says yes.
238
00:10:42,035 --> 00:10:44,900
So I do that set and then she says,
"Give me another set. "
239
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:46,400
She lied to my face!
240
00:10:46,435 --> 00:10:48,100
Everything hurts.
241
00:10:48,135 --> 00:10:52,100
Baby, the whole point of working out
is to feel better.
242
00:10:52,135 --> 00:10:54,100
This trainer is making you miserable.
243
00:10:54,135 --> 00:10:55,500
You have to call her and quit.
244
00:10:55,535 --> 00:10:58,000
I got to work through it.
I got to finish what I started.
245
00:10:58,035 --> 00:11:01,000
- If you're too scared, I can call her.
- Her number's on this card.
246
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,800
Hi. Is this Trish?
247
00:11:05,835 --> 00:11:07,600
This is Marshall's wife.
248
00:11:07,635 --> 00:11:11,100
Listen, we have a problem here
and it's you.
249
00:11:11,135 --> 00:11:12,974
I don't know who the
hell you think you are,
250
00:11:12,975 --> 00:11:15,100
but from now on you don't
tell Marshall what to do.
251
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,700
You are an employee.
252
00:11:18,735 --> 00:11:20,700
We tell you what to do.
253
00:11:20,735 --> 00:11:23,500
And I'm telling you you're fired, bitch.
254
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:28,400
Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, bye.
255
00:11:28,435 --> 00:11:31,200
You better get down there, baby.
She's pretty pissed.
256
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,000
Hey, buddy.
257
00:11:33,035 --> 00:11:35,000
Still bummed about
the whole Rhonda thing?
258
00:11:35,035 --> 00:11:39,500
No. Why would I let the approval
of one woman define who I am?
259
00:11:39,535 --> 00:11:41,400
That's very mature of you, Barney.
260
00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:42,000
Let him finish.
261
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:46,000
When I can let the approval of a
gaggle of supermodels define who I am.
262
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:47,600
What? What?
263
00:11:47,635 --> 00:11:51,600
Three tickets to the after party
of the Victoria's Secret fashion show?
264
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:53,600
Uh, kablammie!
265
00:11:53,635 --> 00:11:55,700
Lily, um, could I go?
266
00:11:55,735 --> 00:11:58,500
Go. You're too sore
to do anything anyway.
267
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,300
Oh... wow.
268
00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:15,100
Okay, this, boys, is not
a regular season game.
269
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:17,400
This is the World Series.
270
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,200
So remember, we work together.
We're a team.
271
00:12:21,235 --> 00:12:23,500
And if anyone sees
Heidi Klum-- dibs.
272
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:28,700
Target acquired.
Dig deep. Mm-hmm!
273
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,400
Hey, it's a nice party, huh?
274
00:12:34,435 --> 00:12:35,400
Yeah, it's great.
275
00:12:35,435 --> 00:12:37,500
Do you guys work for the company?
276
00:12:37,535 --> 00:12:38,860
Yeah, it's called
277
00:12:38,861 --> 00:12:42,600
"I'm Gonna Get In Your
Panties, Incorporated. "
278
00:12:42,635 --> 00:12:44,300
Gross!
279
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,500
Dude!
280
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,800
I don't know.
That was terrible.
281
00:12:50,835 --> 00:12:51,900
I am so sorry.
282
00:12:51,935 --> 00:12:53,600
Wait a minute. It's okay.
It's okay. It's fine.
283
00:12:53,635 --> 00:12:54,900
It's a numbers game.
I'm cool.
284
00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:58,000
Model... model.
285
00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:01,600
Uh... hi.
I know, right?
286
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:06,000
This party is legend.
Wait for it...
287
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,900
Uh, how long do we have to wait for it?
288
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,800
I think he's having a stroke.
289
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,500
- What is the matter with me?
- I don't know.
290
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:25,300
Wait, wait, wait-- you don't
think I have the yips, do ya?
291
00:13:25,335 --> 00:13:27,200
No, no, no, relax.
292
00:13:27,235 --> 00:13:29,100
There's Alessandra Ambrosio.
293
00:13:29,135 --> 00:13:30,600
English is her second language.
294
00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:32,400
Even if you screw up,
she'll never know.
295
00:13:32,435 --> 00:13:33,200
Come on.
296
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:35,000
Hi.
297
00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:39,800
Those are very nice honkers.
298
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,500
Honkers?
I don't know this word.
299
00:13:44,535 --> 00:13:45,800
Do you want to go dance?
300
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:48,500
I'm talking about those things.
301
00:13:48,535 --> 00:13:49,700
Ah-ooga!
302
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:52,300
Ew!
303
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,044
Oh, no, I can't have the yips.
304
00:13:56,045 --> 00:13:58,400
I can't have the yips,
not here. Not now.
305
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,900
This is me.
It's Barney, Barney!
306
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,200
Heidi Klum!
307
00:14:03,235 --> 00:14:06,100
This is perfect I can do this.
I can do this.
308
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:08,100
But thanks for coming.
309
00:14:08,135 --> 00:14:10,300
Thanks for coming.
Heidi Klum, I'm Barney.
310
00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:12,100
Hi, Barney.
Nice to meet you.
311
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,100
Goobidy, goobidy,
goobidy, goobidy.
312
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,600
Whoa.
313
00:14:18,635 --> 00:14:19,800
Is he okay?
314
00:14:19,835 --> 00:14:21,300
Uh, he has the yips.
315
00:14:21,335 --> 00:14:23,400
Hasn't been able to hit on a woman
all night.
316
00:14:23,435 --> 00:14:24,700
He has the yips?
317
00:14:24,735 --> 00:14:26,900
Ooh, that's bad.
318
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:31,400
You know, in Germany, we call this
@#$*&^%$# @+*#$_&@*&.
319
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:32,800
Whoa, that is bad.
320
00:14:32,835 --> 00:14:34,500
I don't know what's happened to me.
321
00:14:34,535 --> 00:14:36,900
I've, I've totally lost my confidence.
322
00:14:36,935 --> 00:14:38,100
Aw...
323
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,600
Barney, maybe you have
to open up to somebody.
324
00:14:41,635 --> 00:14:43,600
Maybe you have to open up to some...
325
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,757
He just found out that the
woman he lost his virginity
326
00:14:46,758 --> 00:14:48,600
to only did it because
his brother bribed her.
327
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:51,000
Ooh, that's a rough one.
328
00:14:51,035 --> 00:14:54,600
I mean, the only thing
I can think of to get rid of
329
00:14:54,635 --> 00:14:58,300
&^%$#@@$%#*+&^_^
330
00:14:58,335 --> 00:15:00,500
is you have to go out there.
331
00:15:00,535 --> 00:15:02,200
And you need to find that woman.
332
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:05,200
And you need to earn
it with her for real.
333
00:15:05,235 --> 00:15:08,700
That is the only way
how you can find yourself.
334
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:13,500
I see little hamburgers!
335
00:15:13,535 --> 00:15:14,900
I love little hamburgers.
336
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,000
Auf wiedersehen.
337
00:15:17,035 --> 00:15:18,500
- Wow!
- Yeah.
338
00:15:18,535 --> 00:15:21,500
I just made out with Heidi Klum.
339
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:22,800
What?
340
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,800
Ted, just... okay?
341
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,100
Come in.
342
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:33,700
Hi, Rhonda.
343
00:15:33,735 --> 00:15:36,800
Hi, kiddo. Surprised to see you here.
344
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:41,600
So, hey, uh,
maybe how about sex?
345
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,700
Let's sex.
346
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:46,600
What are you talking about?
I'm watching Wheel of Fortune.
347
00:15:46,635 --> 00:15:48,900
You can keep watching.
I'll face you toward the TV.
348
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,200
- That's a cute idea, kid.
- Great.
349
00:15:52,235 --> 00:15:54,400
No, I'm not having sex with you.
350
00:15:54,435 --> 00:15:55,700
Sit down a minute.
351
00:15:55,735 --> 00:15:57,700
I'm not the Man Maker anymore.
352
00:15:57,735 --> 00:15:59,100
You know what?
353
00:15:59,135 --> 00:16:01,500
About five years ago,
354
00:16:01,535 --> 00:16:04,448
I realized there was an
emptiness inside of me
355
00:16:04,449 --> 00:16:07,300
that no amount of
meaningless sex could fill.
356
00:16:07,335 --> 00:16:08,800
I needed something more.
357
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:12,800
And that's when I
discovered Indian casinos.
358
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,400
Hey, Barney,
359
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,500
it's weird not seeing you in a suit.
What's going on?
360
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:22,900
Uh, not much.
361
00:16:22,935 --> 00:16:26,900
My entire sexual history was built
on a rotting foundation of lies.
362
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:31,500
My whole identity is lost
in a pit of menthol ashes.
363
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:33,600
Work is good.
364
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,500
I'm never going back to that gym again.
365
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:47,000
Today at work, I had to have an intern rip
up my bagel and put little pieces in my mouth.
366
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:49,600
Yeah, I'm done there, too.
367
00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:50,600
That place is horrible.
368
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:54,600
What about your big muscular trainer
who's so into stretching you out?
369
00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:00,200
Yeah, well, turns out that guy had
no affiliation with the gym whatsoever.
370
00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:04,500
Come on, guys,
don't give up on the gym.
371
00:17:04,535 --> 00:17:06,000
It's been great for us.
372
00:17:06,035 --> 00:17:09,300
Like today, Robin and I
had a really nice moment.
373
00:17:09,335 --> 00:17:12,400
Oh, God! Oh... Yahhh!
374
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:24,519
Robin, hey,
375
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:28,500
I just wanted to come
over and thank you.
376
00:17:28,535 --> 00:17:29,900
Thank me for what?
377
00:17:29,935 --> 00:17:33,200
Well, you know how it's hard
for exes to be friends
378
00:17:33,235 --> 00:17:35,800
because there's this lingering
sexual tension between them?
379
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,800
Gone. Thank you.
380
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,300
You know, for all the
crap you've given me,
381
00:17:43,335 --> 00:17:45,100
I haven't seen you
work up a sweat there once.
382
00:17:45,135 --> 00:17:47,000
It's not true.
I was there today.
383
00:17:47,035 --> 00:17:48,300
Yeah, but didn't you leave early?
384
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,000
Oh, great.
385
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,400
Now I got to go home and charge this.
386
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:03,200
Wait a minute.
387
00:18:03,235 --> 00:18:05,500
You didn't work out Tuesday either.
388
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,000
Brought the wrong shorts.
389
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,900
Yeah, and you totally
disappeared on Monday, too.
390
00:18:12,935 --> 00:18:15,700
No, I was at the gym the whole time.
391
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,500
Ooh! Oh, I love this gym.
392
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,400
Lily, help me bend down
these three fingers.
393
00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:27,200
Actually, I have an idea.
394
00:18:27,235 --> 00:18:31,100
Do it! Come on!
Do it, you worthless piece of crap!
395
00:18:31,135 --> 00:18:33,100
Please! Please, I just want to go home.
396
00:18:33,135 --> 00:18:35,100
Come on.
This is your last set!
397
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,100
You said that last time!
398
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:42,900
Gone.
399
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:49,600
Hey.
400
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:51,700
Rhonda.
401
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,600
I saw your friend Ted at the gym.
402
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,400
After he puked and cleared the line
at the smoothie bar,
403
00:18:58,435 --> 00:19:01,700
he said you were
kinda having a tough time.
404
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,600
Did you change your mind
about having love, making sex,
405
00:19:06,635 --> 00:19:08,300
penis vagina?
406
00:19:08,335 --> 00:19:09,500
What is the matter with me?
407
00:19:09,535 --> 00:19:12,200
- Oh, honey...
- I just, I don't get it.
408
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:13,800
You slept with so many guys.
409
00:19:13,835 --> 00:19:15,100
You slept with my brother.
410
00:19:15,135 --> 00:19:16,900
We are practically the same person.
411
00:19:16,935 --> 00:19:19,200
Was I really so bad?
412
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,400
Nobody's good the first time.
413
00:19:22,435 --> 00:19:26,600
But I was.
At least I thought I was.
414
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:31,000
Oh, Barney, you know...
sex isn't everything.
415
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,962
When is the last time you
had a conversation with
416
00:19:33,963 --> 00:19:35,900
a woman with no intention
of scoring with her?
417
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:44,000
I sat next to former Secretary of State
Madeleine Albright at a benefit once.
418
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,300
I certainly didn't intend to hit that.
419
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:51,100
Yeah, well,
I tell you what.
420
00:19:51,135 --> 00:19:53,500
Sleeping with me again
isn't gonna solve anything.
421
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:56,200
I don't know what else is.
422
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,200
I think I know.
423
00:20:00,235 --> 00:20:03,300
Do you have any kings?
424
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:04,600
No, go fish.
425
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:08,493
See, Barney, isn't it nice to just sit
426
00:20:08,494 --> 00:20:11,800
and have a evening
with a woman, no agenda?
427
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:14,100
Just make nice conversation?
428
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:17,300
No.
429
00:20:17,335 --> 00:20:19,200
Yeah, kinda sucks,
doesn't it?
430
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:25,100
Oh, my God, Barney,
you really did just rock my world.
431
00:20:25,135 --> 00:20:27,200
That was amazing.
432
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:29,400
And I'm not lying.
433
00:20:29,435 --> 00:20:31,200
I know you're not lying, baby.
434
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,000
And it was good for you?
435
00:20:33,035 --> 00:20:36,300
It was the best sex I've ever had.
436
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:39,600
Later.
437
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,500
Daddy's back.
438
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,700
- Hey, buddy, how's it going?
- Hey. Pretty good.
439
00:20:51,735 --> 00:20:52,900
Pretty good. Ooh!
440
00:20:52,935 --> 00:20:54,500
I can move my legs now
and I can lift my arms this high.
441
00:20:54,535 --> 00:20:57,400
I can move my legs now and
I can lift my arms this high.
442
00:20:57,435 --> 00:20:58,500
- Oh!
- Oh!
443
00:20:58,535 --> 00:21:01,500
Yeah, you know,
I feel like I have more energy.
444
00:21:01,535 --> 00:21:06,300
Yeah, it was hard at first, but now if I
go a day without working out, I miss it.
445
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:07,900
I'm proud of us, guys.
446
00:21:07,935 --> 00:21:10,100
The first week is the hardest.
We're over the hump.
447
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,900
Joining that gym
was the best decision we ever made.
448
00:21:12,935 --> 00:21:15,000
And we never went back to the gym again.