1 00:00:00,735 --> 00:00:04,529 Kids, as you know, Christmas is a time you spend with your family. 2 00:00:04,539 --> 00:00:07,355 So in December of 2006, I had three options. 3 00:00:07,365 --> 00:00:10,186 Spend it with my mom and her new boyfriend Clint, 4 00:00:10,196 --> 00:00:13,755 spend it with my dad and his new girlfriend micro-brewing, 5 00:00:13,895 --> 00:00:15,964 or head down to Staten Island to spend it 6 00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:19,164 with my super religious cousin Stacy and her family. 7 00:00:19,274 --> 00:00:21,302 So I opted for none of the above 8 00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:25,223 and decided to spend Christmas 2006 in Manhattan... 9 00:00:26,544 --> 00:00:28,442 celebrating with my other family. 10 00:00:30,936 --> 00:00:34,120 Okay, I have one last paper due at 5:00 p.m. today, 11 00:00:34,133 --> 00:00:36,581 so until then, I will be at the law library at school, 12 00:00:36,597 --> 00:00:38,273 but I'm not to be disturbed for any reason. 13 00:00:38,309 --> 00:00:40,262 Dude, open your eyes. You're going to hurt yourself. 14 00:00:40,299 --> 00:00:43,353 No, no. Christmas Eve winter wonderland is my reward 15 00:00:43,367 --> 00:00:44,963 for finishing my paper. 16 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:48,411 Baby, do I smell your Sinfully Cinnamon Cookies? 17 00:00:48,425 --> 00:00:49,543 Yes. 18 00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:52,003 Damn me and my heightened other senses. 19 00:00:52,016 --> 00:00:53,371 Must be strong. 20 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,713 Okay, I'll be back here at 5:00. 21 00:00:55,728 --> 00:00:58,900 Save me at least 20 cookies and do not clean the bowl. 22 00:01:01,807 --> 00:01:03,093 Was that a reindeer? 23 00:01:03,108 --> 00:01:04,340 I don't want to know! 24 00:01:09,075 --> 00:01:11,811 Hey, look. Our old answering machine. 25 00:01:11,827 --> 00:01:14,351 Oh, yeah. After you left, we, uh, we unplugged it 26 00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:17,663 because it reminded Marshall of how you used to, you know, leave messages. 27 00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:20,103 But hey, you guys are back together. 28 00:01:20,117 --> 00:01:22,751 I say we're plugging it back in. 29 00:01:24,535 --> 00:01:25,923 It's good to have you back. 30 00:01:26,065 --> 00:01:27,141 Thanks. 31 00:01:27,395 --> 00:01:30,123 Oh, hey, look, there's still some messages on here. 32 00:01:30,188 --> 00:01:32,741 Hey Ted, it's Dad calling to check in. 33 00:01:32,757 --> 00:01:35,112 I'm going fishing this weekend with my friend Clint, 34 00:01:35,126 --> 00:01:38,690 so if I don't hear from you beforehand, I'll talk to you next week. 35 00:01:38,706 --> 00:01:40,452 Yes, same Clint. 36 00:01:41,156 --> 00:01:44,650 Hey, Marshall. Are you lying on the couch right now moping about Lily? 37 00:01:44,778 --> 00:01:46,160 You are, aren't you? 38 00:01:46,175 --> 00:01:48,470 Well, stop it. She's not worth it. 39 00:01:48,486 --> 00:01:50,440 You gotta get over that Grinch. 40 00:01:50,997 --> 00:01:52,950 But I didn't say "Grinch." 41 00:01:52,968 --> 00:01:54,772 I said a bad word. 42 00:01:54,786 --> 00:01:57,262 A very, very bad word. 43 00:01:58,427 --> 00:02:00,801 Oh, fudge. 44 00:02:00,818 --> 00:02:02,770 But I didn't say fudge. 45 00:02:20,035 --> 00:02:23,250 I'm... a what? 46 00:02:23,315 --> 00:02:25,903 I-- That was Barney, that was Barney. 47 00:02:25,916 --> 00:02:27,700 - That was you, Ted. - That was Marshall. 48 00:02:27,718 --> 00:02:29,831 Marshall left a message for Marshall? 49 00:02:29,847 --> 00:02:34,642 You know, it may have been me, but it was so long ago. 50 00:02:35,377 --> 00:02:38,081 Man, that machine, it really garbles your voice. 51 00:02:38,095 --> 00:02:39,413 You know, it almost made it sound like I said... 52 00:02:39,446 --> 00:02:41,330 Why would you call me that? 53 00:02:41,346 --> 00:02:43,043 It was a fair question. 54 00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:45,870 Marshall's breakup with Lily had sent him into a deep depression 55 00:02:45,887 --> 00:02:47,502 and nothing could get him out of it. 56 00:02:47,758 --> 00:02:49,370 Until one day... 57 00:02:49,596 --> 00:02:51,231 She was perfect. 58 00:02:51,966 --> 00:02:54,152 I lost the perfect woman. 59 00:02:54,798 --> 00:02:57,352 I should have knocked her up when I had the chance. 60 00:02:57,367 --> 00:02:59,131 Okay. That's it. 61 00:02:59,626 --> 00:03:02,723 You're never going to get over her until you stop putting her on a pedestal. 62 00:03:02,737 --> 00:03:06,693 So no more ice cream until you tell me one thing that's wrong with Lily. 63 00:03:07,875 --> 00:03:09,761 There's only one of her? 64 00:03:10,028 --> 00:03:11,060 Okay. 65 00:03:11,075 --> 00:03:12,451 She called off your wedding 66 00:03:12,466 --> 00:03:15,072 and dumped you to be a painter in San Francisco. 67 00:03:15,088 --> 00:03:16,480 What do you call that? 68 00:03:16,595 --> 00:03:18,741 Fiercely independent? 69 00:03:19,568 --> 00:03:20,892 Brave? 70 00:03:23,305 --> 00:03:25,373 I guess it was a little selfish. 71 00:03:25,388 --> 00:03:27,062 There you go. 72 00:03:27,615 --> 00:03:31,781 And in almost no time, that spark turned into a roaring fire. 73 00:03:31,796 --> 00:03:34,320 Yeah. No, you're right. Lily would laugh at anything. 74 00:03:34,336 --> 00:03:36,023 She'd give it up for a bad pun. 75 00:03:36,036 --> 00:03:38,050 I'm telling you, she's a laugh slut. 76 00:03:38,136 --> 00:03:39,922 Remember that time we heard her laughing 77 00:03:39,936 --> 00:03:41,653 and we thought she was watching Weekend At Bernie's, 78 00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:44,710 but it turned out she was watching Weekend At Bernie's 2? 79 00:03:44,957 --> 00:03:46,411 And her art? 80 00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,412 "I'm Lily, I'm an artist." 81 00:03:48,425 --> 00:03:50,132 She doesn't even own a beret. 82 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:52,670 Yeah, and if she's such a great "artist," 83 00:03:52,687 --> 00:03:54,710 why does she suck at Pictionary? 84 00:03:54,727 --> 00:03:57,840 Who draws a ninja star like a Star of David? Right, right? 85 00:03:57,855 --> 00:03:58,901 Yeah! 86 00:03:58,915 --> 00:04:01,090 - Another round! - Yeah! 87 00:04:01,155 --> 00:04:03,663 I was trying to help him. I'm his best friend. 88 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,523 That's the best friend's job. 89 00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:08,911 The best friend's job is to call me that word? 90 00:04:09,355 --> 00:04:10,471 Yeah. 91 00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:12,722 Oh, Ted. 92 00:04:12,735 --> 00:04:14,383 Oh, Teddy boy. 93 00:04:14,405 --> 00:04:17,181 Why is this such a big deal? It's just a word. 94 00:04:17,198 --> 00:04:19,212 We use lots of words, every day. 95 00:04:19,227 --> 00:04:21,323 It shouldn't be any different than any other word. 96 00:04:21,338 --> 00:04:23,112 Then why don't you say it now? 97 00:04:23,287 --> 00:04:24,703 Grinch. 98 00:04:26,986 --> 00:04:28,493 You timed that didn't you? 99 00:04:28,507 --> 00:04:29,860 Perfectly. 100 00:04:30,027 --> 00:04:31,951 Well, at least you apologized. 101 00:04:32,915 --> 00:04:34,552 You apologized, didn't you? 102 00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:35,663 Oh, yeah. 103 00:04:35,677 --> 00:04:38,191 "I'm sorry" were the first words out of my mouth. 104 00:04:38,206 --> 00:04:40,831 I'm sorry, but I am not apologizing. 105 00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,940 I was just trying to put the guy back together. 106 00:04:42,957 --> 00:04:44,210 You smashed him to pieces. 107 00:04:44,227 --> 00:04:47,102 Are you seriously not going to apologize for leaving that message? 108 00:04:47,117 --> 00:04:48,123 - No! - Why not? 109 00:04:48,138 --> 00:04:50,610 Because, Lily, this summer, you were kind of a Grinch. 110 00:04:50,625 --> 00:04:52,141 - Oooh. - Oooh. 111 00:04:52,705 --> 00:04:56,010 Oh, you'll be sorry, Ted Mosby. 112 00:04:56,977 --> 00:04:59,062 Ted Vivian Mosby! 113 00:04:59,076 --> 00:05:00,342 That's not my middle name. 114 00:05:00,351 --> 00:05:02,015 You kiss your mother with that mouth? 115 00:05:02,027 --> 00:05:04,073 Like you've never said that word. 116 00:05:04,157 --> 00:05:06,183 I don't kiss your mother with my mouth. 117 00:05:06,196 --> 00:05:07,351 Yet. 118 00:05:09,026 --> 00:05:10,130 Are you sick? 119 00:05:10,145 --> 00:05:13,203 Is it sick to find maturity and experience sexy? 120 00:05:13,216 --> 00:05:14,900 No, I meant do you have a cold? 121 00:05:14,916 --> 00:05:16,210 I'm fine. 122 00:05:20,758 --> 00:05:24,250 I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome 123 00:05:24,268 --> 00:05:25,901 and I had to get some of it out. 124 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:29,101 Now, if you'll excuse me, the holidays are a time 125 00:05:29,116 --> 00:05:31,300 when people are lonely and desperate. 126 00:05:31,316 --> 00:05:34,161 It's the most wonderful time of the year. 127 00:05:36,098 --> 00:05:38,971 I should go apologize. It's Christmas Eve. 128 00:05:38,985 --> 00:05:43,223 Yeah. I mean, slamming doors and screaming curses? 129 00:05:43,235 --> 00:05:45,790 If I wanted that, I would have gone home for the holidays. 130 00:05:48,866 --> 00:05:51,560 I don't see any mistletoe, but... 131 00:05:52,557 --> 00:05:55,631 Oh! Oh, God! 132 00:05:56,626 --> 00:05:59,431 Uh... "Bless you" would have been nice. 133 00:06:00,997 --> 00:06:02,431 - You're sick. - I'm not sick. 134 00:06:02,508 --> 00:06:04,041 - You're sick. - You know what? I am sick. 135 00:06:04,075 --> 00:06:06,903 Sick of you telling me I'm sick. What up? 136 00:06:13,755 --> 00:06:17,531 Ahh... Three flights of stairs, not a drop spilled. 137 00:06:17,547 --> 00:06:18,783 Hey, buddy. 138 00:06:20,055 --> 00:06:21,541 You sure this is gonna work? 139 00:06:21,556 --> 00:06:22,660 Yeah, this is our thing. 140 00:06:22,676 --> 00:06:25,090 In college, whenever I wanted to make up with her, I'd buy her a beer. 141 00:06:25,126 --> 00:06:26,780 - Cute, right? - Totally. 142 00:06:26,797 --> 00:06:28,001 Plus free mug. 143 00:06:29,086 --> 00:06:30,840 Okay, come on. 144 00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:33,311 Usually that would've done the trick, 145 00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:37,163 but it turned out this was a problem not even alcohol could solve. 146 00:06:44,339 --> 00:06:46,692 Actually the beer helped a little. 147 00:06:51,509 --> 00:06:53,043 She took the decorations. 148 00:06:53,335 --> 00:06:55,643 She took the decorations! 149 00:06:55,657 --> 00:06:56,920 What a Grinch! 150 00:06:56,937 --> 00:06:58,942 That time I did say "Grinch." 151 00:06:58,957 --> 00:06:59,962 All right. 152 00:06:59,977 --> 00:07:01,782 I guess I have to call her, right? 153 00:07:03,385 --> 00:07:04,982 Lily's cell phone. 154 00:07:04,998 --> 00:07:07,150 She'll listen to reason-- right? 155 00:07:08,508 --> 00:07:10,080 Oh, hey, Billy. 156 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:13,143 Actually, funny thing-- the voice dial got you. 157 00:07:13,155 --> 00:07:14,413 I was trying to call... 158 00:07:14,997 --> 00:07:17,480 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 159 00:07:18,107 --> 00:07:21,393 Yeah, the holidays are a rough time for everyone, Billy. 160 00:07:22,327 --> 00:07:24,871 Okay, yeah, dinner next Wednesday. 161 00:07:24,906 --> 00:07:26,323 Okay. 162 00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:28,581 Damn voice dial. 163 00:07:31,537 --> 00:07:34,533 Barney! What the hell are you doing? 164 00:07:34,548 --> 00:07:37,680 Get in here, it's freezing outside. Are you insane? 165 00:07:37,696 --> 00:07:42,412 Hey, blame Lily and her oppressive "no cigars in the apartment rule." 166 00:07:42,427 --> 00:07:44,823 God, it's like Marshall's marrying the Taliban. 167 00:07:45,656 --> 00:07:46,632 High five. 168 00:07:46,648 --> 00:07:48,100 Eww. No. 169 00:07:48,115 --> 00:07:50,683 You have to go home and get to bed. 170 00:07:51,356 --> 00:07:55,393 Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, 171 00:07:56,055 --> 00:08:00,812 let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. 172 00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:03,882 You see, whenever I start feeling sick, 173 00:08:03,897 --> 00:08:07,383 I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. 174 00:08:07,395 --> 00:08:08,931 True story. 175 00:08:09,045 --> 00:08:11,850 Yeah, in two minutes, 176 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:16,303 I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, 177 00:08:16,318 --> 00:08:18,620 play a couple of hours of laser tag, 178 00:08:18,636 --> 00:08:21,981 maybe get a spray-on tan. 179 00:08:22,548 --> 00:08:25,082 It's gonna be legen... 180 00:08:25,158 --> 00:08:26,932 Wait for it... 181 00:08:30,706 --> 00:08:31,533 Lily! 182 00:08:31,548 --> 00:08:33,461 Merry Christmas, assface. 183 00:08:33,926 --> 00:08:36,840 Um, Lily? Where are the Christmas decorations? 184 00:08:36,856 --> 00:08:38,603 At my apartment. 185 00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:42,432 You want to bring them back so we can celebrate Christmas together-- please? 186 00:08:42,447 --> 00:08:44,351 Ted, do you know what I would do 187 00:08:44,367 --> 00:08:46,970 if one of my kindergartners used that kind of language? 188 00:08:46,988 --> 00:08:49,230 I would be on the phone with their parents. 189 00:08:49,245 --> 00:08:51,183 Yeah, I'm not a kindergartner. 190 00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:53,300 Exactly. You know what that word means. 191 00:08:53,316 --> 00:08:56,443 You know that calling people names is mean and hurtful... 192 00:08:56,457 --> 00:08:57,851 assface. 193 00:08:58,136 --> 00:09:01,442 Lily, if you don't bring that stuff back right now, we... 194 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,401 She hung up. 195 00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:05,391 She's just mad. She'll cool down. 196 00:09:07,818 --> 00:09:08,690 Lily... 197 00:09:08,708 --> 00:09:10,792 Don't forget to take the cookies out of the oven... 198 00:09:10,806 --> 00:09:11,963 assface! 199 00:09:12,756 --> 00:09:13,970 Damn it! 200 00:09:14,227 --> 00:09:17,631 I could be in Cleveland right now making peppermint lager with my dad. 201 00:09:17,648 --> 00:09:19,112 Where are you going? 202 00:09:19,155 --> 00:09:20,693 Marshall gets home in three hours. 203 00:09:20,708 --> 00:09:24,013 He's gonna show up-- no Lily, no winter wonderland. 204 00:09:24,026 --> 00:09:25,932 I gotta get up to the Bronx. 205 00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:29,062 ...dary. 206 00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,862 Hey, dude, how's the paper going? 207 00:09:34,876 --> 00:09:37,641 Screw the paper, how's the winter wonderland? Is it magical? 208 00:09:37,656 --> 00:09:39,382 Oh... so magical. 209 00:09:39,396 --> 00:09:40,812 When you walk through the door, does it feel like 210 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:43,532 you've been slapped in the face by Christmas? 211 00:09:43,548 --> 00:09:45,392 Sure does. Look, I gotta go. 212 00:09:45,406 --> 00:09:47,802 Come on, man, describe it! Tell me about the decorations. 213 00:09:47,818 --> 00:09:49,791 Is Rudolph there? He is, isn't he? 214 00:09:49,807 --> 00:09:51,541 Hi, Rudolph! 215 00:09:51,555 --> 00:09:54,001 Ah, yeah, but, you know... 216 00:09:54,016 --> 00:09:56,422 decorations, is that really what Christmas is about? 217 00:09:56,437 --> 00:09:58,103 Hell, yeah! What else would it be about? 218 00:09:58,116 --> 00:10:00,622 Uh, try the birth of Christ. 219 00:10:00,905 --> 00:10:04,101 You know, Christmas-- Christ Mas, 220 00:10:04,118 --> 00:10:07,243 which means "More Christ" to our Spanish friends. 221 00:10:07,258 --> 00:10:09,882 Yeah, well, all I know is walking in that door 222 00:10:09,898 --> 00:10:13,990 and seeing the winter wonderland and seeing Lily and all you guys, 223 00:10:14,007 --> 00:10:15,971 just... I can't wait. 224 00:10:15,986 --> 00:10:17,890 Right. I gotta go. 225 00:10:17,906 --> 00:10:18,962 Right. Okay. 226 00:10:18,978 --> 00:10:20,611 Oh, wait. Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted. One more thing. 227 00:10:20,647 --> 00:10:22,893 How about the cookies? Are they delicious? 228 00:10:27,206 --> 00:10:29,582 You know, honestly, they taste a little store-bought. 229 00:10:29,937 --> 00:10:31,841 Oh! I got another call. 230 00:10:31,857 --> 00:10:33,582 Well, tell Lily I love her. 231 00:10:33,597 --> 00:10:34,553 Right. 232 00:10:34,998 --> 00:10:37,971 - Hello? - Ted Evelyn Mosby! 233 00:10:37,987 --> 00:10:40,323 Oh. Uh, hey, Mom. Merry Christmas. 234 00:10:40,337 --> 00:10:43,662 I just got the most disturbing call from Lily. 235 00:10:43,678 --> 00:10:46,940 How could you use such a horrible word? 236 00:10:46,955 --> 00:10:48,583 Oh, God, she called you? 237 00:10:48,598 --> 00:10:50,643 Are you acting out because of the divorce? 238 00:10:50,657 --> 00:10:52,493 Is-is this all about Clint? 239 00:10:52,507 --> 00:10:54,531 No, Mom, why would it be about Clint? 240 00:10:54,548 --> 00:10:58,030 Hey, buddy, it's Clint. How you doing, champ? 241 00:10:58,105 --> 00:11:01,523 Hey, Clint. Listen, um, I don't really have time to... 242 00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,013 Hey, hey, no, no, no. Ted, Ted. 243 00:11:03,026 --> 00:11:04,202 You don't know this yet, 244 00:11:04,216 --> 00:11:06,903 but you and I are going to be great friends. 245 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:09,740 Now, the Native Americans have this ritual... 246 00:11:17,608 --> 00:11:20,921 This is a low moment for the Barnacle. 247 00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:24,663 I should be off playing laser tag right now, 248 00:11:24,677 --> 00:11:26,193 but instead... 249 00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:29,292 Don't look at me. I'm hideous. 250 00:11:29,488 --> 00:11:31,592 You just look like a regular guy. 251 00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,712 Exactly. 252 00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:36,710 I'm a Ted. I'm wearing elastic-waist fleece pants. 253 00:11:36,728 --> 00:11:38,770 And isn't it more comfy? 254 00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:40,133 Yes. 255 00:11:40,877 --> 00:11:42,993 Come on, you need eat something. 256 00:11:43,695 --> 00:11:47,970 Too weak... to hold... bowl. 257 00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:51,202 Fine, I'll feed you. 258 00:11:55,958 --> 00:11:58,772 Ouchie in my mouth! 259 00:12:02,908 --> 00:12:05,350 I don't want it. I want ice cream. 260 00:12:05,365 --> 00:12:08,220 No, you're not having ice cream for dinner just 'cause you're sick. 261 00:12:08,237 --> 00:12:09,933 - But my throat hurts. - No. 262 00:12:09,947 --> 00:12:11,423 I hate you! 263 00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:12,862 Don't leave me. 264 00:12:20,547 --> 00:12:22,070 Who is it? 265 00:12:22,087 --> 00:12:23,592 Pizza delivery. 266 00:12:27,548 --> 00:12:28,851 Whoa. 267 00:12:28,866 --> 00:12:30,770 Hey, you tricked me. 268 00:12:30,788 --> 00:12:32,833 You really thought I was the pizza delivery guy? 269 00:12:33,026 --> 00:12:35,080 No, I knew it was you. 270 00:12:35,097 --> 00:12:37,521 I just thought you'd at least bring a pizza. 271 00:12:37,538 --> 00:12:38,931 Yeah, well, 272 00:12:39,747 --> 00:12:42,443 I brought a beer, but I gave it to a homeless guy. 273 00:12:43,186 --> 00:12:45,333 All right, he took it from me. 274 00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,413 Now, will you please come home? 275 00:12:47,426 --> 00:12:50,400 No, I'm not spending Christmas with you. 276 00:12:50,416 --> 00:12:53,172 Okay, I'm sorry for calling you a... 277 00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:55,070 that word, 278 00:12:55,086 --> 00:12:56,622 over the summer, 279 00:12:56,638 --> 00:12:58,602 and for saying it again today. 280 00:12:58,837 --> 00:13:01,481 And for thinking it a lot on the subway ride over. 281 00:13:01,497 --> 00:13:05,562 I had no right to say that. It was hurtful and immature and I'm sorry. 282 00:13:05,578 --> 00:13:07,150 Oh, shut up. 283 00:13:07,168 --> 00:13:11,263 You think I don't know your fake apologies by now, Ted Mosby? Huh? 284 00:13:11,278 --> 00:13:13,672 You're clearly still mad at me. 285 00:13:13,686 --> 00:13:15,532 - I'm not mad at you. - Yes, you are. 286 00:13:15,547 --> 00:13:17,662 I am not mad at you, Lily. Now, can we please just... 287 00:13:17,676 --> 00:13:20,083 I've apologized to Marshall and he's forgiven me 288 00:13:20,096 --> 00:13:22,130 and we've moved passed it. Why can't you? 289 00:13:22,148 --> 00:13:24,971 Because you never apologized to me. 290 00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:27,451 Marshall's not the only one you walked out on. 291 00:13:27,485 --> 00:13:29,983 You leave for three months, you don't even call. 292 00:13:29,996 --> 00:13:32,160 Come on, Lily, we're supposed to be friends! 293 00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,120 Yeah, some friend, you called me a Grinch. 294 00:13:34,137 --> 00:13:36,420 - You were a Grinch! - How can you... 295 00:13:36,438 --> 00:13:41,110 Grinchy, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch. 296 00:13:42,498 --> 00:13:43,630 Happy? 297 00:13:43,647 --> 00:13:46,020 Now, you've pissed off the big guy upstairs. 298 00:13:46,037 --> 00:13:48,220 Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I... 299 00:13:48,236 --> 00:13:51,432 You use that language again and I'll turn off your water! 300 00:13:51,448 --> 00:13:53,870 That's my super. He lives above me. 301 00:13:53,888 --> 00:13:55,843 Great. Thanks to your filthy mouth, 302 00:13:55,857 --> 00:13:58,391 now I'm going to have Christmas alone in the dark. 303 00:13:58,408 --> 00:14:01,142 Fine. I don't want to ruin Christmas. 304 00:14:01,158 --> 00:14:03,122 You can have the apartment. Don't worry about seeing me there 305 00:14:03,156 --> 00:14:05,100 I'll be in Staten Island with my cousin Stacy. 306 00:14:05,117 --> 00:14:06,153 Just.... 307 00:14:09,817 --> 00:14:11,072 Ow. 308 00:14:14,058 --> 00:14:15,732 Merry Christmas. 309 00:14:16,697 --> 00:14:19,053 You're spending Christmas Eve with your family? 310 00:14:19,068 --> 00:14:21,671 Baby, that sucks. I'm so sorry. 311 00:14:21,688 --> 00:14:24,410 Uh, they're fine. They're just... they're a little weird. 312 00:14:24,426 --> 00:14:26,850 You know they don't believe in gifts or Christmas trees. 313 00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,161 And they think Santa's how Satan spells his name 314 00:14:29,176 --> 00:14:31,062 when he wants to trick us. 315 00:14:31,456 --> 00:14:33,110 Well, do you want me to go with you? 316 00:14:33,128 --> 00:14:34,423 Was that a sincere offer? 317 00:14:34,437 --> 00:14:36,243 First tell me your answer. 318 00:14:36,258 --> 00:14:37,970 Stay there. Save yourself. 319 00:14:37,988 --> 00:14:39,421 We'll spend all day together tomorrow. 320 00:14:39,455 --> 00:14:40,272 Okay. 321 00:14:40,287 --> 00:14:41,511 Oh, how's Barney feeling? 322 00:14:41,528 --> 00:14:44,361 You mean the whiney bottomless pit of neediness? 323 00:14:44,376 --> 00:14:48,211 He was bugging me, so I spiked his echinacea tea with codeine. 324 00:14:49,968 --> 00:14:52,162 You're gonna be a great mom. 325 00:14:56,265 --> 00:15:01,203 Holy crap, the magical Christmas season is upon us. 326 00:15:01,216 --> 00:15:04,350 And thank God we don't pay for utilities. 327 00:15:04,368 --> 00:15:05,823 Merry Christmas! 328 00:15:05,835 --> 00:15:07,451 What's in the box? 329 00:15:08,656 --> 00:15:11,752 Only the best present for the best girl ever. 330 00:15:11,766 --> 00:15:13,322 It took me all day to track it down. 331 00:15:13,336 --> 00:15:15,012 I thought you were writing a paper. 332 00:15:15,027 --> 00:15:17,013 Ah, naw, I blew that off. I'll get an extension. 333 00:15:17,026 --> 00:15:18,200 School's not important. 334 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:21,840 What is that pitter patter on the roof? 335 00:15:21,856 --> 00:15:25,552 Could it be the sound of an awesome Christmas story 336 00:15:25,565 --> 00:15:27,703 about to come down the chimney? 337 00:15:28,088 --> 00:15:30,120 Why, yes, it is. 338 00:15:30,168 --> 00:15:32,492 'Twas the day before Christmas... 339 00:15:32,505 --> 00:15:34,562 It was supposed to arrive, like, five days ago, 340 00:15:34,575 --> 00:15:36,411 but then it got lost and rerouted. 341 00:15:36,428 --> 00:15:38,840 I checked two other branches, finally they told me it was here. 342 00:15:38,878 --> 00:15:41,650 Yeah, all I needed to know was the tracking number. 343 00:15:42,797 --> 00:15:46,213 Looks like it's headed out to our regional branch in Poughkeepsie. 344 00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:47,260 What? 345 00:15:47,277 --> 00:15:49,841 No, no, no, no, I need that package today. 346 00:15:49,855 --> 00:15:52,201 Listen, the truck already left five minutes ago, 347 00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:54,823 so unless you want to run after it... 348 00:15:55,268 --> 00:15:58,343 Stop! Stop! 349 00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:00,783 Stop, please, stop. 350 00:16:00,795 --> 00:16:03,231 Stop. Stop the truck. 351 00:16:06,616 --> 00:16:10,273 I need a package on your truck. Can I please take a look in back? 352 00:16:10,287 --> 00:16:12,583 Sure. But I gotta keep driving my route. 353 00:16:12,595 --> 00:16:14,053 I'm running behind. 354 00:16:19,736 --> 00:16:21,382 My bad. 355 00:16:21,405 --> 00:16:22,761 I'm okay. 356 00:16:25,607 --> 00:16:29,043 Hey, man, thanks for helping me make my fiancée's Christmas. 357 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,220 No problem. 358 00:16:30,235 --> 00:16:33,533 Too bad I can't deliver all these packages by the end of the day. 359 00:16:33,545 --> 00:16:37,821 Wait, so some people aren't going to get their gifts in time for Christmas? 360 00:16:37,837 --> 00:16:40,330 Sadly, no. 361 00:16:51,465 --> 00:16:54,083 # They call me back door Santa # 362 00:16:54,628 --> 00:16:58,322 # I make my runs # # about the break of day # 363 00:17:00,655 --> 00:17:03,621 # They call me back door Santa # 364 00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:07,931 # I make my runs # # about the break of day # 365 00:17:07,946 --> 00:17:09,532 # Oh, ho, ho # 366 00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:12,900 # I make all # # the little girls happy... # 367 00:17:12,915 --> 00:17:15,923 We delivered every single package on that truck. 368 00:17:15,937 --> 00:17:18,471 But I still have one package left to give. 369 00:17:18,718 --> 00:17:20,143 Yeah, I did. 370 00:17:21,377 --> 00:17:22,931 Merry Christmas. 371 00:17:23,508 --> 00:17:25,233 - Open it, Baby. - Okay. 372 00:17:26,996 --> 00:17:28,783 Oh, my God. 373 00:17:28,828 --> 00:17:31,331 An Easy Bake Oven! 374 00:17:31,427 --> 00:17:34,333 I've wanted one of these ever since I was a little girl. 375 00:17:34,348 --> 00:17:36,542 In this exact model. 376 00:17:36,998 --> 00:17:40,020 I never told you that. How did you know? 377 00:17:40,608 --> 00:17:42,890 It's our first Christmas since we got back together. 378 00:17:42,905 --> 00:17:44,571 I want to get her something really special. 379 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,363 So I'm getting her a jukebox. 380 00:17:46,375 --> 00:17:48,460 Wow, that's a great gift. 381 00:17:48,477 --> 00:17:51,201 Not really. It's this big and it dispenses gum. 382 00:17:52,695 --> 00:17:55,513 Oh, man, I know something you could get her 383 00:17:55,525 --> 00:17:58,033 that would blow her mind. 384 00:17:58,835 --> 00:18:00,130 Ready? 385 00:18:00,148 --> 00:18:01,853 Eight years ago... 386 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:08,021 When I was a kid, all I wanted was an Easy Bake Oven. 387 00:18:08,038 --> 00:18:09,641 I begged and I begged, 388 00:18:09,657 --> 00:18:13,601 but all I got was a stupid Lego set because my feminist mom 389 00:18:13,615 --> 00:18:17,632 didn't want me conforming to traditional gender roles. 390 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:21,641 Easy Bake Oven-- that's what I'm going to call my van. 391 00:18:25,826 --> 00:18:28,880 Dude... how was the concert? 392 00:18:29,856 --> 00:18:32,740 I couldn't find the outside. 393 00:18:37,525 --> 00:18:40,683 I can't believe Ted remembered after all these years. 394 00:18:40,698 --> 00:18:43,052 Yeah, and after all that weed. 395 00:18:44,006 --> 00:18:45,443 Where is he anyway? 396 00:18:45,897 --> 00:18:47,683 Staten Island. 397 00:18:48,207 --> 00:18:49,651 Why? 398 00:18:53,247 --> 00:18:57,163 Okay, don't tell your mom, but I got you guys some presents. 399 00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:59,480 Like the gift of God's love? 400 00:18:59,498 --> 00:19:01,490 No, dude, real presents. 401 00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:05,212 Uncle Ted got us presents! 402 00:19:05,627 --> 00:19:09,171 That's okay, Ted, we'll just give them to charity. 403 00:19:09,187 --> 00:19:10,190 Yay! 404 00:19:10,206 --> 00:19:12,001 Uh, not you, Charity. 405 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:14,291 I meant the less fortunate. 406 00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:18,190 Ted, how would you like to say grace tonight? 407 00:19:18,207 --> 00:19:20,321 Uh, you know what, why don't you say it. 408 00:19:20,336 --> 00:19:21,932 I really wouldn't know what to say. 409 00:19:21,948 --> 00:19:25,112 Why don't you recite your favorite passage of scripture. 410 00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:27,581 That's a great idea, Charity. 411 00:19:27,595 --> 00:19:28,892 But, really, I don't know. 412 00:19:28,908 --> 00:19:31,162 I mean how do you choose your favorite passage? 413 00:19:31,176 --> 00:19:35,320 It's the Bible; there's so many... great ones... 414 00:19:35,336 --> 00:19:37,742 That one from Pulp Fiction's pretty cool. 415 00:19:37,756 --> 00:19:40,332 Ooh, I'll get it. Charity, I'm tapping you in. 416 00:19:40,348 --> 00:19:42,982 Dear, Father, thank you for this day, 417 00:19:42,997 --> 00:19:45,692 and thank you for bringing this family together. 418 00:19:45,705 --> 00:19:47,030 Amen. 419 00:19:47,066 --> 00:19:48,592 Who is it, Ted? 420 00:19:49,085 --> 00:19:52,863 Uh, it's... it's just, um, carolers. 421 00:19:55,926 --> 00:20:00,123 # Silent night # 422 00:20:00,135 --> 00:20:04,211 # Holy night... # 423 00:20:05,267 --> 00:20:07,971 I came here to apologize. 424 00:20:08,027 --> 00:20:09,150 I'm so sorry, Ted. 425 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,030 I accept. Give me the beer. 426 00:20:13,508 --> 00:20:17,622 Oh, oh, it is so good to see you guys. 427 00:20:17,636 --> 00:20:19,290 Are you coming home? 428 00:20:20,458 --> 00:20:21,990 Totally. 429 00:20:22,015 --> 00:20:23,901 But first, Lily, I owe you an apology. 430 00:20:23,915 --> 00:20:26,963 Oh, for the love of God, are you as sick of apologies as I am? 431 00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:27,753 Yes! 432 00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:30,640 Can we just skip the apology and go straight to the forgiving? 433 00:20:30,658 --> 00:20:31,833 Yes. 434 00:20:31,916 --> 00:20:36,082 And I promise, I will never ever call you a... you know, again. 435 00:20:36,097 --> 00:20:37,223 That's okay. 436 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,050 I was kind of a Grinch. 437 00:20:39,067 --> 00:20:41,032 What's a Grinch? 438 00:20:41,727 --> 00:20:45,332 Nothing. It's something you shouldn't say. 439 00:20:45,376 --> 00:20:47,921 Mom, what's a Grinch? 440 00:20:48,255 --> 00:20:50,691 Grinch, Grinch, Grinch... 441 00:20:54,645 --> 00:20:56,331 Merry Christmas, everybody. 442 00:20:57,646 --> 00:20:59,252 Run, run. 443 00:21:17,765 --> 00:21:19,740 Merry Christmas, Marshall.