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Kids, you may be wondering
2
00:00:02,250 --> 00:00:04,680
How many of these stories
I'm telling you are true.
3
00:00:04,690 --> 00:00:05,919
It's a fair question.
4
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After all, there's a fine line
5
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Between a good story
and a bald-faced lie.
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I've never met anyone
7
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Who could work that line
better than your Uncle Barney.
8
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Heck, he could jump rope with it.
9
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I love to travel myself.
10
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Really?
11
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Where's the best
place you've visited?
12
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Hawaii's nice.
13
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A buddy of mine lives in Seattle.
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That's a good spot.
15
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But the best place?
16
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I'd have to say the moon.
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Hi. Neil Armstrong.
18
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No! You did not convince
a girl that you were
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The first man to walk on the moon!
20
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That happened seven years
before you were born!
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Ted, baby doll, minor hurdle.
22
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Oh, yeah, well, our spaceship
passed through a wormhole
23
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Or some gamma Rays or something.
24
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I started aging backwards,
blah, blah, blah.
25
00:00:49,651 --> 00:00:52,271
So, you work in a yogurt shop.
That must be wild.
26
00:00:54,044 --> 00:00:58,000
Although, I did actually work In
a yogurt store in High School.
27
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And it was indeed...
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Wild.
29
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Anyhoo, 20 minutes later,
the eagle landed.
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We knocked Space boots.
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Houston, we have a moaner.
32
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Other Space-related
double entendres.
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Why do you feel the need
to lie all the time?
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I'm not lying!
35
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Guys, we made sweet love.
36
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I got pictures.
37
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I hate my job.
38
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What are you talking about?
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I thought you just
interviewed the mayor.
40
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Mayor mcwoof.
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He wears a dog costume and
teaches kids not to litter.
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At least He's supposed to.
43
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,660
Oh, I don't want to
talk about mayor mcwoof.
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I want to talk about these amazing
insoles From bon appe-feet!
45
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Just look how
shock-absorbent they are!
46
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Prop table! Table's a prop!
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We'll be right back.
48
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We'll be right back.
49
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Oh. Sorry, Robin.
50
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Got bored.
51
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Yeah, I don't blame you.
52
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Man, just one decent interview
Would be so nice for a change.
53
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Fine. I'll look at my schedule,
see when I'm available.
54
00:02:07,850 --> 00:02:09,873
But I want a list of
questions ahead of time,
55
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And my personal life is off limits.
56
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Ted, you caught seven
peanuts in a row.
57
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It's impressive,
but it's not newsworthy.
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- You caught seven in a row?
- Seven in a row.
59
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But that's not what I'm
talking about that.
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No. I'm talking about how
I was selected to build
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A scale model of the
empire state building
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For the largest recreation Of the
New York skyline in the world.
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Is that the thing you were
playing with the other night?
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I wasn't playing.
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I was working.
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"it's you."
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"it's me."
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"I saw you in the street.
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Are you Annie?"
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"yes."
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Ted, are you acting
out the last scene
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Of sleepless in Seattle
with little dolls?
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How long have you been out here?
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Ten seconds.
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Yeah. Just the last scene.
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Oh, Ted. Again?
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Ooh. That's the pizza.
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Baby, do you have any cash?
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Oh. You know, uh,
I don't... I actually...
80
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I don't think that I
should Have to pay.
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'cause I'm not a fan of pizza.
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What?!
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Marshall, we've driven
halfway across the country
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For a piece of pizza
literally hundreds of times.
85
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I once caught you eating
pizza in the shower.
86
00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:23,519
Marshall, there's a cartoon
of you on our coupons.
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I'm not saying Marshall's
a guy who likes pizza,
88
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But last time he went
in for a physical,
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Doctor says, "marshall,
you got to stop eating pizza."
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Marshall says, "why?" doc says,
"so I can examine you."
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But seriously,
we kid because we love.
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All right, look, the reason
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That I don't have any
money on me is because...
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I got mugged.
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You...? What?
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Can somebody please pay Arthur?
All right? I'm starving!
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How's your dad, by the way? Better.
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Good. Mm. Mm.
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Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Oh, my God, you got mugged?!
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00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:06,679
Who mugged you?
102
00:04:06,699 --> 00:04:09,071
Was he wearing a black skull-knit
cap And a five o'clock shadow?
103
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Did he say, "stick 'em up?"
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Yes, Barney, because
I got mugged in 1947
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At the corner of abbott
and costello. No.
106
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I was cutting through central
park on my way home from work...
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Watch it.
108
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Don't get any closer.
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It's cool. It's cool.
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It was... Completely terrifying.
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It was... Completely terrifying.
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What are you doing?
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I'm rehearsing.
114
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I'm gonna pretend this
happened to me later
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To try and get some sympathy sex.
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Barney, that won't work.
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Will it?
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Big time. I'll allow it.
119
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I can't believe Someone pointed
a gun at my marshmallow.
120
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Now, I'm shaking.
121
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I-I don't think I'm going
to be able to sleep tonight.
122
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Oh! Here, sweetie. I have something
that will help you sleep.
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Just stick this under your pillow.
124
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You'll sleep like a freakin' baby.
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Robin, put that away.
126
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It's not going to hurt anyone.
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The safety's... on.
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Okay, you know what?
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Let's all just relax.
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We don't need a gun.
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I'd just like to forget
this ever happened
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And try to move on with my life.
133
00:05:13,822 --> 00:05:15,999
Just like to forget
this ever happened
134
00:05:16,043 --> 00:05:17,914
And try to move on with my life.
135
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This is great stuff.
136
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I think I'm gonna
add tears, though.
137
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Listen, baby, I know that it's scary,
but look at me.
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I'm fine, okay?
139
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Can we just put this behind us?
140
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Oh, that's gold, but I'm going
141
00:05:29,671 --> 00:05:30,971
To switch it to "
put me behind you."
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00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:34,860
Look, baby, you don't
have to worry about me.
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00:05:34,891 --> 00:05:38,611
I mean, yes, I'm a little scared,
but I'm a new yorker.
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I'm not gonna let this change me.
145
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I've changed!
146
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I'm a gun person now.
147
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Clip! Yeah,
maybe we should just take
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00:05:48,152 --> 00:05:51,062
A break for a little bit...
I said, "clip."
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00:05:53,292 --> 00:05:55,761
You want to get a gun?
Not a scary one.
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00:05:55,762 --> 00:05:58,031
Just a cute, little,
pink beretta that matches
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00:05:58,032 --> 00:06:00,071
These adorable strappy
sandals I just bought.
152
00:06:00,072 --> 00:06:02,032
By the way,
our new credit card works.
153
00:06:02,042 --> 00:06:03,690
You don't need a gun.
154
00:06:03,810 --> 00:06:06,374
Every statistic in the world
points to the fact that
155
00:06:06,372 --> 00:06:09,381
It's safer not to have a gun
in the home than to have one,
156
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Especially in our home.
157
00:06:11,112 --> 00:06:13,581
You know how I'm always
accidentally injuring you.
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Pretty easy, right?
159
00:06:28,602 --> 00:06:31,201
Hurry up, baby.
The party's about to start.
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Boo!
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Oh, my God, Lily!
162
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I thought you were
going as a sexy cat!
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I changed my mind.
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And now you want to bring
a gun into that equation?
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00:06:43,712 --> 00:06:47,085
I know, you're right,
but every time I close my eyes,
166
00:06:47,205 --> 00:06:49,721
I picture that guy
pointing a gun at you.
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00:06:50,589 --> 00:06:52,206
And you're my whole world,
Marshall.
168
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:54,051
If something ever happened to you,
I would just...
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I would just... Okay.
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00:06:55,322 --> 00:06:58,191
Okay... No, I know. I know.
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Okay, look, I've got
to admit something.
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00:07:00,262 --> 00:07:04,108
That mugging didn't happen exactly
the way that I said it did.
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00:07:04,228 --> 00:07:07,631
Aha! So he was wearing a black,
skull-knit cap.
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00:07:07,632 --> 00:07:11,702
Told... Ja! No, he wasn't
wearing A black, skull-knit cap.
175
00:07:12,612 --> 00:07:14,542
He wasn't wearing anything.
176
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Wait, so... Watch it.
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00:07:19,452 --> 00:07:21,511
Don't get any closer.
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It's... It's cool.
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00:07:24,082 --> 00:07:25,982
It's cool.
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00:07:25,992 --> 00:07:27,621
He naked-muggered you?
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00:07:27,622 --> 00:07:30,121
I'm not going to ask where
he was keeping the gun.
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00:07:30,122 --> 00:07:32,222
Are we sure it was a gun?
183
00:07:32,232 --> 00:07:33,361
Okay, no, guys.
184
00:07:33,362 --> 00:07:38,462
I was, I was walking home from work...
Through central park,
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And I stopped at the zoo.
186
00:07:43,472 --> 00:07:46,171
Watch it. Don't get any closer.
187
00:07:46,172 --> 00:07:48,342
Oh, it's cool. It's cool.
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00:07:54,882 --> 00:08:02,791
You're telling us... That you
got mugged... By a monkey.
189
00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:04,781
I got mugged by a monkey.
190
00:08:13,905 --> 00:08:16,749
You got mugged by a monkey?
191
00:08:16,869 --> 00:08:18,787
Yep, I got mugged by a monkey.
192
00:08:18,907 --> 00:08:21,243
I was embarrassed,
so I made up the other story.
193
00:08:21,263 --> 00:08:23,460
But the point is, Lily,
you don't need a gun.
194
00:08:23,699 --> 00:08:26,035
Oh, forget about the gun.
We're on this now.
195
00:08:26,155 --> 00:08:28,325
Whoa, monkeys are
mugging people now?
196
00:08:28,359 --> 00:08:29,778
It really is a jungle out there.
197
00:08:29,898 --> 00:08:32,571
Oh, my God! That
monkey has our address.
198
00:08:32,590 --> 00:08:33,801
What if he's in a gang?
199
00:08:33,921 --> 00:08:36,461
I hope he doesn't do a swing-by.
200
00:08:37,461 --> 00:08:40,530
Why didn't you just ask the
zookeeper to get your wallet back?
201
00:08:40,531 --> 00:08:42,630
'cause I saw what the
monkey was doing with it,
202
00:08:42,631 --> 00:08:44,301
And I didn't really
want it after that.
203
00:08:44,971 --> 00:08:46,753
Hey, guys. What's up?
204
00:08:46,873 --> 00:08:51,117
Oh, some new information has come
to light on Marshall's mugging.
205
00:08:51,237 --> 00:08:52,840
Oh, really? Did they catch the guy?
206
00:08:52,841 --> 00:08:54,471
Well, he's behind bars.
207
00:08:55,141 --> 00:08:57,140
Well, where did they find him?
208
00:08:57,141 --> 00:09:00,710
Oh, I'm guessing naked in a tree,
throwing his own feces.
209
00:09:00,711 --> 00:09:02,150
Oh, I've seen that guy.
210
00:09:02,151 --> 00:09:03,420
See, that's why I take cabs.
211
00:09:03,421 --> 00:09:05,381
You know how they
caught him, right?
212
00:09:06,653 --> 00:09:09,190
There was a tail on him.
There was a tail on him!
213
00:09:10,474 --> 00:09:12,630
Okay... What is going on?
214
00:09:12,750 --> 00:09:14,945
All right, Robin,
here's what happened.
215
00:09:14,966 --> 00:09:17,161
No-no-no-no! Let me tell it.
It's my story.
216
00:09:18,071 --> 00:09:22,171
You see, young Marshall Was
at the zoo eating a banana...
217
00:09:23,844 --> 00:09:25,810
No, I wasn't eating a banana!
218
00:09:25,811 --> 00:09:27,040
If you're gonna tell it,
tell it right.
219
00:09:27,041 --> 00:09:28,021
Oh, you're right.
220
00:09:28,063 --> 00:09:30,140
The banana was on the ground.
221
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:45,806
There was no...
There was no banana.
222
00:09:45,926 --> 00:09:48,365
Marshall, I apologize... truly.
223
00:09:49,101 --> 00:09:51,101
Robin, here's what happened.
224
00:09:52,231 --> 00:09:53,370
Oh, God.
225
00:09:53,371 --> 00:09:54,977
Oh, God, don't shoot.
226
00:09:55,097 --> 00:09:57,440
There was no banana! Oh, come on.
227
00:09:57,441 --> 00:10:00,910
Barney, I know, Marshall
didn't get mugged by a monkey.
228
00:10:01,714 --> 00:10:03,410
Marshall?
229
00:10:04,117 --> 00:10:05,341
That part he got right.
230
00:10:06,278 --> 00:10:07,310
Guys!
231
00:10:07,311 --> 00:10:09,680
This is not an
uncommon thing, okay?
232
00:10:09,681 --> 00:10:12,950
In Thailand, in China,
in Costa Rica,
233
00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:14,920
People get mugged by
monkeys all the time.
234
00:10:14,921 --> 00:10:16,160
Monkeys are gatherers.
235
00:10:16,161 --> 00:10:17,865
Because of their
intersocial dynamics,
236
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,290
Having a predisposition
towards stealing
237
00:10:20,291 --> 00:10:22,061
Gives one a genetic advantage.
238
00:10:22,731 --> 00:10:24,869
You were mugged by a monkey!
239
00:10:25,097 --> 00:10:26,900
Maybe he was just curious.
240
00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:28,601
Were you wearing a yellow hat?
241
00:10:29,502 --> 00:10:32,004
Marshall, in all seriousness,
this is a great story.
242
00:10:32,018 --> 00:10:33,670
I mean, can I interview
you about it on my show?
243
00:10:33,671 --> 00:10:35,402
What?! He gets to be on your show?
244
00:10:35,430 --> 00:10:36,710
What about my model?
245
00:10:36,711 --> 00:10:39,410
No one wants to see a guy come
on my show and play with dolls.
246
00:10:39,411 --> 00:10:41,711
Okay, first of all,
that is not what it is.
247
00:10:41,721 --> 00:10:42,950
And second of all,
248
00:10:42,951 --> 00:10:45,181
You just had a guy on your
show playing with dolls.
249
00:10:45,191 --> 00:10:47,090
So, your dolls are favored to win
250
00:10:47,091 --> 00:10:49,060
At the rhinebeck collector
awards next month.
251
00:10:49,061 --> 00:10:51,120
Only if they behave themselves.
252
00:10:51,121 --> 00:10:52,890
Last year, I found
one of them cavorting
253
00:10:52,891 --> 00:10:55,230
With a g.I. Joe.
254
00:10:55,231 --> 00:10:57,230
It's not funny.
255
00:10:57,231 --> 00:10:58,600
What were you thinking?
256
00:10:58,601 --> 00:11:00,431
What if you'd gotten pregnant?
257
00:11:01,441 --> 00:11:03,840
And you invited him back
for a follow-up interview.
258
00:11:03,841 --> 00:11:05,770
Only because the FBI asked us
259
00:11:05,771 --> 00:11:07,840
To keep him occupied while
they search his house.
260
00:11:08,670 --> 00:11:12,361
Come on, Marshall. I need the story.
It's got everything.
261
00:11:12,481 --> 00:11:16,301
Crime, monkeys, no stupid model
of the empire state building
262
00:11:16,332 --> 00:11:17,761
That takes up my entire living room
263
00:11:17,783 --> 00:11:19,851
And makes the whole
place smell like glue.
264
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,660
Come on. Do this for me...
As a friend?
265
00:11:24,071 --> 00:11:26,247
It'd be fun to see you on tv. Yeah.
266
00:11:26,465 --> 00:11:31,030
Okay... Can you promise
to present it in a way
267
00:11:31,031 --> 00:11:32,951
That doesn't make a
joke out of the fact
268
00:11:32,970 --> 00:11:34,422
That I got mugged by a monkey?
269
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,170
You got mugged by a monkey.
270
00:11:40,507 --> 00:11:41,871
Oh, my God.
271
00:11:41,881 --> 00:11:43,565
I just got mugged. What?
272
00:11:43,685 --> 00:11:46,591
Is what I was saying to this
girl at the bar earlier...
273
00:11:46,711 --> 00:11:49,380
It was completely terrifying.
274
00:11:49,381 --> 00:11:50,914
I just want to forget
275
00:11:50,951 --> 00:11:53,690
This ever happened and try
to move on with my life.
276
00:11:53,691 --> 00:11:55,520
Oh, you poor thing.
277
00:11:55,521 --> 00:11:56,920
Neil?
278
00:11:56,921 --> 00:11:59,690
Neil. Neil. I... I... Neil!
279
00:11:59,691 --> 00:12:03,460
Lady, my name's not Neil.
It's bar... Gah-gah!
280
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:04,961
Why are you calling him Neil?
281
00:12:04,971 --> 00:12:06,500
Because that's his name.
282
00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:07,930
He's Neil Armstrong.
283
00:12:07,931 --> 00:12:10,070
The cyclist? I thought
284
00:12:10,071 --> 00:12:11,901
You were supposed to be
on a shuttle mission?
285
00:12:11,911 --> 00:12:13,740
I thought you just got mugged.
286
00:12:15,504 --> 00:12:17,310
Okay, I can do this.
287
00:12:17,311 --> 00:12:21,280
Uh, uh, you see,
I was on my way to the launch pad
288
00:12:21,281 --> 00:12:24,121
When I was mugged.
289
00:12:24,359 --> 00:12:29,051
And the mugger took
my space shuttle keys.
290
00:12:29,061 --> 00:12:31,360
Nailed it.
Who's up for a three-way?
291
00:12:31,361 --> 00:12:32,760
I am.
292
00:12:32,761 --> 00:12:34,460
Me, too.
293
00:12:34,461 --> 00:12:37,300
And it was the best three-way ever.
294
00:12:37,301 --> 00:12:39,038
Strange, 'cause you look
295
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,330
Like you just had two vodka
tonics thrown in your face.
296
00:12:41,331 --> 00:12:43,570
And you have lime in your hair.
297
00:12:43,571 --> 00:12:45,001
I do?
298
00:12:45,811 --> 00:12:47,929
The story's better with my ending.
299
00:12:48,208 --> 00:12:50,530
Just... Okay?
300
00:12:50,881 --> 00:12:53,710
So, there we are, zero gravity.
301
00:12:53,711 --> 00:12:56,020
The three of us wearing
nothing but space helmets...
302
00:12:56,021 --> 00:12:57,120
Marshall!
303
00:12:57,121 --> 00:12:58,871
You won't believe it.
304
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:02,120
I pitched the monkey mugger story
To my producer and he loves it!
305
00:13:02,121 --> 00:13:04,761
Oh... Wow. Yeah!
306
00:13:04,881 --> 00:13:06,110
Really? Cool. Yeah!
307
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:08,161
I mean, who's ever heard of a
guy getting mugged by a monkey?
308
00:13:08,194 --> 00:13:11,400
No one except for the
good people of Thailand,
309
00:13:11,401 --> 00:13:14,300
China, Costa Rica,
and plenty of other countries
310
00:13:14,301 --> 00:13:16,638
Where monkey crime is an
extremely common nuisance.
311
00:13:16,681 --> 00:13:17,981
Well, the best part is,
he said that
312
00:13:18,013 --> 00:13:19,556
It might get picked
up to go national.
313
00:13:19,676 --> 00:13:23,202
Guys, this monkey mugger
story could make me famous.
314
00:13:24,808 --> 00:13:26,704
Me, too.
315
00:13:27,481 --> 00:13:30,336
Guys, this is bad.
I-I can't, I can't do this.
316
00:13:30,456 --> 00:13:32,326
So, it'll be a little
embarrassing... so what?
317
00:13:32,446 --> 00:13:34,860
It's not that. Guys...
318
00:13:37,021 --> 00:13:39,139
I wasn't mugged by a monkey.
319
00:13:42,857 --> 00:13:45,458
So, you weren't mugged by a monkey?
320
00:13:45,578 --> 00:13:46,600
No, I wasn't.
321
00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:48,843
So what you're saying is
322
00:13:48,963 --> 00:13:52,438
The monkey tricked you into
giving him your wallet?
323
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:53,710
No, that's not what I'm saying.
324
00:13:53,711 --> 00:13:55,007
So you mugged the monkey?
325
00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:57,105
Guys, there was no monkey!
326
00:13:57,225 --> 00:13:59,521
It was a human being with a gun.
327
00:14:00,604 --> 00:14:02,790
Are you sure it wasn't one monkey
328
00:14:02,791 --> 00:14:04,923
Standing on another
monkey's shoulders,
329
00:14:04,951 --> 00:14:06,420
Wearing a men's trench coat?
330
00:14:06,421 --> 00:14:07,656
Be about the right height.
331
00:14:07,712 --> 00:14:10,471
No! I... I just made that story up
332
00:14:10,481 --> 00:14:11,737
So that Lily wouldn't get a gun.
333
00:14:11,754 --> 00:14:13,067
The truth is that
it never happened.
334
00:14:14,538 --> 00:14:16,646
I don't buy it. What?
335
00:14:16,692 --> 00:14:19,168
You heard me. I think you
were mugged by a monkey.
336
00:14:19,216 --> 00:14:20,900
You just don't want
to go on Robin's show
337
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:21,965
'cause you're afraid it'll make you
338
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,778
Look like a big joke.
Well, won't it?
339
00:14:23,801 --> 00:14:25,940
The biggest, 'cause it's so funny.
340
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,305
Well, it never happened, okay?
341
00:14:28,348 --> 00:14:30,730
And I can lie to you guys about
it because you're my best friends.
342
00:14:30,790 --> 00:14:32,026
I am, but go on.
343
00:14:32,146 --> 00:14:35,251
But I can't lie about
it on national tv.
344
00:14:37,021 --> 00:14:38,290
Ted, you've known him the longest.
345
00:14:38,291 --> 00:14:39,591
Is he telling the truth?
346
00:14:41,861 --> 00:14:43,893
Ted, don't...
347
00:14:49,978 --> 00:14:51,802
I can't tell.
348
00:14:53,441 --> 00:14:55,208
He smells good.
349
00:14:56,322 --> 00:14:58,301
But I just can't tell.
350
00:15:01,181 --> 00:15:03,110
Well, I'm still saying it happened.
351
00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:07,320
Maybe. But, Marshall,
if you didn't get mugged by a monkey,
352
00:15:07,321 --> 00:15:09,320
You can't let Robin
report it on her show.
353
00:15:09,321 --> 00:15:10,650
I mean, this could
hurt her credibility.
354
00:15:10,651 --> 00:15:11,355
Oh, please! Journalists
lie all the time.
355
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,890
I'm sorry, but I will believe
356
00:15:14,891 --> 00:15:17,955
That Jack Palance is
dead when I see the body.
357
00:15:18,075 --> 00:15:20,100
Okay, this may come as
a shock to you, Barney,
358
00:15:20,101 --> 00:15:21,730
But people don't
like to be lied to.
359
00:15:21,731 --> 00:15:25,200
Wrong! They don't like finding
out they've been lied to.
360
00:15:25,201 --> 00:15:27,400
"because a lie is
just a great story
361
00:15:27,401 --> 00:15:29,140
That someone ruined
with the truth."
362
00:15:29,141 --> 00:15:30,310
Barney Stinson.
363
00:15:30,311 --> 00:15:34,040
Case in point, what that
girl Sarah did to me!
364
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:35,910
I think you mean
what you did to her.
365
00:15:35,911 --> 00:15:38,550
No, I mean what she did to me.
366
00:15:38,551 --> 00:15:41,520
The truth is, I'm afraid
the three-way story
367
00:15:41,521 --> 00:15:43,690
Didn't go exactly the
way I said it did.
368
00:15:43,691 --> 00:15:46,191
Nailed it.
Who's up for a three-way?
369
00:15:48,713 --> 00:15:50,190
Lisa, wait.
370
00:15:50,778 --> 00:15:52,091
Yes, Neil?
371
00:15:52,101 --> 00:15:54,601
Oh, you're Lisa? Sarah, wait.
372
00:15:56,044 --> 00:15:57,578
Look.
373
00:15:58,459 --> 00:16:00,251
I'm not Neil Armstrong.
374
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,201
I'm sorry I lied.
375
00:16:02,491 --> 00:16:06,710
Well, I guess I wasn't completely
honest with you, either.
376
00:16:06,711 --> 00:16:08,980
I mean, I said that I was 28,
377
00:16:08,981 --> 00:16:10,680
But the truth is
that I'm really 31.
378
00:16:10,681 --> 00:16:13,020
And if we're being
completely honest,
379
00:16:13,021 --> 00:16:17,491
I went to the doctor the other
day and found out... 31!
380
00:16:17,611 --> 00:16:20,155
I was happy, very happy,
381
00:16:20,275 --> 00:16:24,631
Thinking that I had nailed a
28-year-old with some sun damage.
382
00:16:25,143 --> 00:16:27,230
People want the lie.
383
00:16:27,231 --> 00:16:30,100
Marshall, they need the lie,
which is why,
384
00:16:30,101 --> 00:16:32,900
As far as I'm concerned,
you were mugged by a monkey.
385
00:16:32,901 --> 00:16:35,603
Just as sure as I
had that three-way.
386
00:16:35,723 --> 00:16:39,180
I am the greatest in the world!
387
00:16:39,181 --> 00:16:41,440
Bar... Barney!
388
00:16:41,441 --> 00:16:42,710
Is that the three-way belt?
389
00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:44,751
You know it. Props!
390
00:16:46,485 --> 00:16:48,827
Man, I slept so great last night.
391
00:16:49,291 --> 00:16:51,920
Can you believe I
almost bought a gun?
392
00:16:51,921 --> 00:16:54,691
I'm so glad you got
mugged by a monkey.
393
00:16:57,434 --> 00:17:00,200
Okay... You guys got me.
394
00:17:00,201 --> 00:17:01,585
I was just nervous.
395
00:17:01,612 --> 00:17:03,406
I, I got mugged by a monkey.
396
00:17:03,470 --> 00:17:04,858
Yes! I knew it.
397
00:17:04,884 --> 00:17:06,640
Wait a minute. Now I'm thinking
398
00:17:06,666 --> 00:17:09,070
You really weren't
mugged by a monkey.
399
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:11,025
Come on, Ted. Why would he
make something like that up?
400
00:17:11,056 --> 00:17:12,330
Yeah, come on, Ted.
401
00:17:13,259 --> 00:17:15,441
Come here.
402
00:17:20,021 --> 00:17:22,217
Okay, seriously,
what is that cologne?
403
00:17:22,337 --> 00:17:24,388
It's intoxicating.
404
00:17:24,772 --> 00:17:26,221
So, late the following night,
405
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,370
We all went to the
set of Robin's show.
406
00:17:28,490 --> 00:17:29,930
Okay, Marshall, now,
don't be nervous.
407
00:17:29,931 --> 00:17:31,123
What we're going to do is
we're going to sit you...
408
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:33,139
What the hell is this?
409
00:17:33,259 --> 00:17:36,178
I don't know. Looks like
something covered by a sheet.
410
00:17:36,571 --> 00:17:37,711
Guess if you want to find out,
411
00:17:37,734 --> 00:17:39,419
You're going to have
to do a story on it.
412
00:17:39,452 --> 00:17:40,951
You're going to be
covered by a sheet
413
00:17:40,982 --> 00:17:43,070
If you don't get your
stupid model out of here.
414
00:17:43,783 --> 00:17:45,621
Dude, what are you doing?
415
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:48,680
I don't think Marshall's
going to lie on tv.
416
00:17:48,681 --> 00:17:50,431
And when he backs out,
I want to be there
417
00:17:50,451 --> 00:17:52,211
For my friend, Robin, with a story.
418
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,922
Or rather, 102 stories,
419
00:17:54,953 --> 00:17:58,958
Because that's how tall a certain
iconic New York landmark is.
420
00:17:59,361 --> 00:18:01,326
Now, I want to buy a gun.
421
00:18:01,446 --> 00:18:04,083
Whoa, the monkey's here.
Yeah, surprise.
422
00:18:04,104 --> 00:18:05,344
We thought it would help the story
423
00:18:05,403 --> 00:18:07,360
To bring him here so you
could face your attacker.
424
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,557
Yeah. Because of this incident,
425
00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:12,525
We will be sending Captain
Bobo to a wildlife sanctuary.
426
00:18:12,587 --> 00:18:14,540
Oh, I bet he'll like it there.
427
00:18:14,541 --> 00:18:15,584
No, ma'am.
428
00:18:15,874 --> 00:18:18,444
You see, we'll be splitting
him up from his mate, Milly.
429
00:18:19,012 --> 00:18:21,241
They've been together
for a long time.
430
00:18:22,432 --> 00:18:24,050
His mate's name is Milly?
431
00:18:24,357 --> 00:18:26,372
And then, the interview began.
432
00:18:26,492 --> 00:18:30,020
Marshall, in your own words,
Describe what happened.
433
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:32,451
Well, I would, I...
434
00:18:32,461 --> 00:18:34,190
I would love to tell you
what happened, Robin.
435
00:18:35,144 --> 00:18:38,230
But I'm just, I'm so curious
436
00:18:38,231 --> 00:18:40,630
As to what is going on
underneath that sheet.
437
00:18:40,631 --> 00:18:42,298
Well, we're not here
to talk about that.
438
00:18:42,386 --> 00:18:44,232
We're here to talk about
your mugging. Right.
439
00:18:44,262 --> 00:18:46,348
Well, people get mugged in
New York City all the time,
440
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,051
Robin, but how often
do you get to see
441
00:18:49,270 --> 00:18:50,638
Whatever's under that sheet?
442
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:51,715
Mike, can we get a shot of that?
443
00:18:51,942 --> 00:18:53,680
We'll be right back. We're clear.
444
00:18:53,681 --> 00:18:55,110
What the hell are you doing?
445
00:18:55,111 --> 00:18:58,716
Robin, I... I wasn't really
mugged by a monkey, okay?
446
00:18:58,744 --> 00:19:00,480
I just made up that story so
that Lily wouldn't buy a gun.
447
00:19:00,481 --> 00:19:02,248
So you weren't mugged by a monkey?
448
00:19:02,282 --> 00:19:03,284
No, what are you
talking about, baby?
449
00:19:03,311 --> 00:19:04,701
Of course I was mugged by a monkey.
450
00:19:04,745 --> 00:19:05,990
Great, tell it to America.
451
00:19:05,991 --> 00:19:06,941
We're back in five.
452
00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:08,006
No-no-no, not back in five.
453
00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,069
I wasn't mugged by a monkey.
454
00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:10,741
Okay, that's it.
I'm getting a gun. No-no-no!
455
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:12,630
Don't get a gun.
I was mugged by a monkey.
456
00:19:12,631 --> 00:19:14,141
Well, then Bobo here is going away.
457
00:19:14,183 --> 00:19:15,762
Wasn't! I wasn't
mugged by a monkey!
458
00:19:15,882 --> 00:19:17,544
Ted, do you have any idea if
Marshall was mugged by a monkey?
459
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:18,413
None whatsoever.
460
00:19:18,474 --> 00:19:21,501
Just tell me, were you or were
you not mugged by Captain Bobo?
461
00:19:21,524 --> 00:19:23,421
Yeah, baby, just tell
us what really happened.
462
00:19:23,449 --> 00:19:25,040
Yeah, Marshall,
just us tell the truth.
463
00:19:29,610 --> 00:19:30,980
And that's when Marshall realized
464
00:19:30,981 --> 00:19:32,820
There was only one
thing he could say.
465
00:19:32,821 --> 00:19:34,027
All right!
466
00:19:34,821 --> 00:19:36,290
Here's the truth.
467
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,091
I...
468
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,360
Am going back to bed.
469
00:19:42,361 --> 00:19:43,990
And that was it.
470
00:19:43,991 --> 00:19:46,882
We never found out what really
happened to Uncle Marshall's wallet.
471
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,502
But we do know this.
472
00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:52,968
Aunt Lily never got a gun,
Robin's credibility remained unimpeached,
473
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:55,745
And Bobo and Milly lived
out their days together
474
00:19:55,776 --> 00:19:57,340
In the Central Park Zoo.
475
00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,940
Damn it.
476
00:19:59,941 --> 00:20:01,505
All right, Ted, mic up.
477
00:20:01,764 --> 00:20:04,050
Mic'd up and made up.
478
00:20:04,051 --> 00:20:05,980
Red leather, yellow leather.
479
00:20:05,981 --> 00:20:08,320
Well, that wasn't very satisfying.
480
00:20:08,321 --> 00:20:09,750
When I tell everyone
at work this story,
481
00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:11,120
I'm saying he was
mugged by a monkey.
482
00:20:11,121 --> 00:20:12,841
And I'm going to keep the
banana on a string thing.
483
00:20:12,873 --> 00:20:13,941
That was working.
484
00:20:13,993 --> 00:20:15,990
Barney, enough with the lies.
485
00:20:15,991 --> 00:20:17,511
You can't just tack on a new ending
486
00:20:17,529 --> 00:20:19,560
Because you're not satisfied
with how a story wraps up.
487
00:20:20,075 --> 00:20:22,061
Oh, really?
488
00:20:22,071 --> 00:20:24,530
Well, mark my words, Mosby.
489
00:20:24,531 --> 00:20:28,340
Someday you'll be telling this story,
you'll see it my way.
490
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:29,710
Doubtful.
491
00:20:29,711 --> 00:20:31,932
And then, kids, you'll never
believe what happened.
492
00:20:32,052 --> 00:20:33,211
The monkey got loose!
493
00:20:34,914 --> 00:20:36,510
He's got one of my dolls!
494
00:20:36,763 --> 00:20:38,908
Bobo, come here, Bobo.
495
00:20:39,028 --> 00:20:40,556
Bobo... Whow whow whow...
496
00:20:40,676 --> 00:20:42,791
He's climbing the building!
497
00:20:45,225 --> 00:20:46,707
Bobo, come here.
498
00:20:47,091 --> 00:20:49,591
I'll get him.
499
00:20:53,401 --> 00:20:55,400
Is this really happening?
500
00:20:55,401 --> 00:20:57,201
Sure is, Ted.
501
00:20:57,586 --> 00:21:04,032
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com