1
00:00:19,563 --> 00:00:23,883
Oh, you look like you're
coming from a wedding.
2
00:00:23,885 --> 00:00:25,251
Was it a nice one?
3
00:00:25,253 --> 00:00:29,639
Uh, it's a long story,
and I don't mean to be rude,
4
00:00:29,641 --> 00:00:32,342
but I really don't
feel like talking about it.
5
00:00:34,561 --> 00:00:37,430
It all started when the
bride asked to see me...
6
00:00:39,817 --> 00:00:41,434
Wow.
7
00:00:41,436 --> 00:00:44,020
Okay, don't
sugarcoat it, Mosby.
8
00:00:44,022 --> 00:00:46,356
Just give it
to me straight, okay?
9
00:00:46,358 --> 00:00:47,990
How bad is Barney
freaking out right now?
10
00:00:47,992 --> 00:00:49,642
Oh, he's fine.
11
00:00:49,644 --> 00:00:51,477
No, I'm serious.
He's totally fine.
12
00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:52,995
I have a better
tie at home!
13
00:00:52,997 --> 00:00:54,163
It's cornflower blue!
14
00:00:54,165 --> 00:00:55,615
It's cornflower
blue!
15
00:00:55,617 --> 00:00:59,369
You may rest assured, Barney
Stinson is absolutely 100%
16
00:00:59,371 --> 00:01:00,620
going through
with this wedding.
17
00:01:00,622 --> 00:01:02,538
Okay.
18
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:05,158
Good news.
19
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,327
Um, just one
small issue, uh...
20
00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:11,214
I can't go through
with this wedding.
21
00:01:14,852 --> 00:01:18,852
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x01 ♪
Farhampton
Original Air Date on September 24, 2012
22
00:01:18,853 --> 00:01:22,853
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
23
00:01:23,839 --> 00:01:26,508
Okay, calm down,
everyone feels this way
24
00:01:26,510 --> 00:01:27,475
on their wedding day.
25
00:01:27,477 --> 00:01:28,710
It'll pass.
No.
26
00:01:28,712 --> 00:01:29,678
It's more than that.
27
00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:31,563
I'm having a
serious crisis.
28
00:01:33,215 --> 00:01:36,568
And I wonder if it would be
hard to climb out that window.
29
00:01:36,570 --> 00:01:38,153
Uh, climbing out's easy.
30
00:01:38,155 --> 00:01:40,188
Climbing in's
the real challenge.
31
00:01:40,190 --> 00:01:41,606
Oh, right.
32
00:01:41,608 --> 00:01:42,907
It's the same window,
isn't it?
33
00:01:42,909 --> 00:01:44,225
Yeah.
34
00:01:44,227 --> 00:01:47,162
That story
transpired in May of 2012.
35
00:01:47,164 --> 00:01:50,582
As you may recall, Lily and
Marshall were gloriously happy
36
00:01:50,584 --> 00:01:52,917
having just welcomed
your cousin Marvin.
37
00:01:52,919 --> 00:01:55,903
While Barney and Quinn
were gloriously happy
38
00:01:55,905 --> 00:01:58,590
having just gotten engaged.
39
00:01:58,592 --> 00:02:00,875
And Robin, well...
40
00:02:00,877 --> 00:02:02,260
Ah, got it!
41
00:02:02,262 --> 00:02:05,747
Man, that sum'bitch had
been in there since breakfast!
42
00:02:05,749 --> 00:02:08,767
Robin: one,
poppy seed: zero.
43
00:02:08,769 --> 00:02:09,917
Heck, this calls
for some champagne.
44
00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:11,019
I think there's
some in the fridge.
45
00:02:11,021 --> 00:02:12,253
We'll get it.
46
00:02:12,255 --> 00:02:14,422
We're totally not gonna
go have sex in the kitchen,
47
00:02:14,424 --> 00:02:15,523
if that's what
you're thinking.
48
00:02:15,525 --> 00:02:16,558
Aw, we're not?
49
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:17,759
No, no, we are.
I already took off your bra.
50
00:02:17,761 --> 00:02:19,227
Oh!
51
00:02:20,896 --> 00:02:23,231
Hey, are you guys sure
you can handle champagne?
52
00:02:23,233 --> 00:02:25,150
You haven't slept
in like a week.
53
00:02:25,152 --> 00:02:26,534
We should just
call it a night.
54
00:02:26,536 --> 00:02:28,486
Oh, I see what
this is about.
55
00:02:28,488 --> 00:02:30,989
You feel weird
because Barney's engaged.
56
00:02:30,991 --> 00:02:31,956
What?!
57
00:02:31,958 --> 00:02:33,491
No. Of course not.
58
00:02:33,493 --> 00:02:35,443
And I will tell you
why it's not weird.
59
00:02:35,445 --> 00:02:36,461
What's not weird?
60
00:02:36,463 --> 00:02:37,779
The fact
that Barney's engaged.
61
00:02:37,781 --> 00:02:38,797
Barney's engaged?!
62
00:02:38,799 --> 00:02:39,998
Heck, this calls
for some champagne.
63
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,466
I think there's
some in the fridge.
64
00:02:41,468 --> 00:02:43,134
Oh, my God, why don't you
both just admit it:
65
00:02:43,136 --> 00:02:46,421
You're deliriously exhausted.
66
00:02:46,423 --> 00:02:47,889
We're fine!
67
00:02:47,891 --> 00:02:49,624
Really?
We're not gonna be
68
00:02:49,626 --> 00:02:51,176
the kind of people
who have a baby
69
00:02:51,178 --> 00:02:52,960
and become total zombies.
70
00:02:52,962 --> 00:02:54,062
Yes, Robin.
71
00:02:54,064 --> 00:02:56,130
We're not gonna be
the kind of people
72
00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:57,766
that have a zombie
and become total babies.
73
00:02:57,768 --> 00:02:59,768
Okay, well, what
the I was saying is...
74
00:03:08,411 --> 00:03:09,361
Do you understand?
75
00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:11,830
Yes! God, yes!
76
00:03:11,832 --> 00:03:13,981
You are preaching
to the choir, sister.
77
00:03:13,983 --> 00:03:15,983
Whew!
78
00:03:15,985 --> 00:03:17,619
Hey.
So...
79
00:03:17,621 --> 00:03:20,789
I am thinking
about my bridal party
80
00:03:20,791 --> 00:03:23,291
and, uh, I don't have
a lot of girlfriends.
81
00:03:23,293 --> 00:03:24,793
I mean,
I have work friends,
82
00:03:24,795 --> 00:03:25,710
but I worked at a strip club
83
00:03:25,712 --> 00:03:27,328
and I know they'll
just complain
84
00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:30,598
about any bridesmaid's dress
that has a front, so...
85
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,684
Would you guys
be my bridesmaids?
86
00:03:32,686 --> 00:03:34,719
I'd be honored.
Yes!
87
00:03:34,721 --> 00:03:36,221
Not you, Marshall.
88
00:03:36,223 --> 00:03:38,106
But, yay, thank you!
Oh.
89
00:03:38,108 --> 00:03:39,140
Oh, thank you.
Oh, my gosh.
90
00:03:39,142 --> 00:03:41,059
It's gonna be
so much fun.
91
00:03:42,311 --> 00:03:43,845
Yeah, now it's weird.
92
00:03:43,847 --> 00:03:45,196
What's weird?
93
00:03:45,198 --> 00:03:47,649
Me being
Quinn's bridesmaid.
94
00:03:47,651 --> 00:03:49,818
Oh, I wouldn't worry
about that, sweetie.
95
00:03:49,820 --> 00:03:51,202
She probably won't
even ask you.
96
00:03:51,204 --> 00:03:52,237
She just did.
97
00:03:52,239 --> 00:03:53,688
And we both said yes.
98
00:03:53,690 --> 00:03:56,541
Heck, this calls
for some champagne.
99
00:03:56,543 --> 00:03:58,693
I think there's
some in the fridge.
100
00:03:58,695 --> 00:04:01,246
Meanwhile,
I was also gloriously happy,
101
00:04:01,248 --> 00:04:03,465
driving off into the sunset
with Victoria,
102
00:04:03,467 --> 00:04:06,468
who left her fiance Klaus
at the altar for me.
103
00:04:06,470 --> 00:04:07,869
There was just one problem.
104
00:04:07,871 --> 00:04:10,371
I wonder if Klaus
found your note yet.
105
00:04:10,373 --> 00:04:11,372
My note?
106
00:04:11,374 --> 00:04:12,540
Yeah, you know,
107
00:04:12,542 --> 00:04:14,726
the "I'm leaving you
at the altar" note.
108
00:04:14,728 --> 00:04:15,977
Is that a thing?
109
00:04:17,397 --> 00:04:20,381
When you leave someone at the
altar, you always leave a note.
110
00:04:20,383 --> 00:04:21,683
It's common courtesy.
111
00:04:21,685 --> 00:04:24,769
I think common courtesy went
out the window when I did.
112
00:04:24,771 --> 00:04:27,489
Look, when Stella
left me at the altar,
113
00:04:27,491 --> 00:04:29,056
at least I got an explanation.
114
00:04:29,058 --> 00:04:32,059
I mean, that note is
what keeps you sane.
115
00:04:32,061 --> 00:04:35,363
You read it, you re-read it,
you memorize it,
116
00:04:35,365 --> 00:04:37,999
you sleep with it,
you sniff it
117
00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:39,451
because it still
kind of smells like her,
118
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:40,785
and then, finally...
119
00:04:40,787 --> 00:04:42,587
you let it go...
120
00:04:42,589 --> 00:04:44,589
tied to a brick,
right through her perfect
121
00:04:44,591 --> 00:04:46,240
little suburban bay window.
122
00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:48,293
I'll just text him.
123
00:04:48,295 --> 00:04:50,261
You're leaving a note.
124
00:04:51,881 --> 00:04:53,915
So, Barney and I have
already disagreed
125
00:04:53,917 --> 00:04:55,350
on a few
of the wedding details.
126
00:04:55,352 --> 00:04:57,185
I want to go
with a buffet,
127
00:04:57,187 --> 00:04:59,971
and he wants to ride down the
aisle on a grizzly bear.
128
00:04:59,973 --> 00:05:02,140
He'll be wearing a tux.
129
00:05:03,392 --> 00:05:05,443
Fine, fine, I'll settle
for a panda bear,
130
00:05:05,445 --> 00:05:06,928
but you have
to call my tailor.
131
00:05:06,930 --> 00:05:08,763
He'll be furious
about the switch.
132
00:05:08,765 --> 00:05:10,832
Hey, Barney, uh...
133
00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:12,150
We've gotta talk.
134
00:05:12,152 --> 00:05:15,820
Um, Quinn just asked me
to be one of her bridesmaids.
135
00:05:15,822 --> 00:05:18,656
Isn't she even a little weirded
out that you and I used to date?
136
00:05:18,658 --> 00:05:21,743
Quinn doesn't have
a jealous bone in her body.
137
00:05:21,745 --> 00:05:23,127
She rolls with
the punches.
138
00:05:23,129 --> 00:05:25,213
She...
Doesn't have a clue.
139
00:05:25,215 --> 00:05:26,848
No, she does not.
140
00:05:26,850 --> 00:05:28,383
Okay.
141
00:05:28,385 --> 00:05:30,451
Okay.
142
00:05:30,453 --> 00:05:32,887
"Klaus, there is
no easy way to tell you
143
00:05:32,889 --> 00:05:34,789
why I won't be
marrying you today.
144
00:05:34,791 --> 00:05:37,792
Have a great
summer, Victoria."
145
00:05:37,794 --> 00:05:39,627
That's it?
146
00:05:39,629 --> 00:05:42,129
No, no, we gotta
do this right.
147
00:05:42,131 --> 00:05:43,898
Well, you can't write it.
148
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:46,684
One look, it's gonna be obvious
it's a guy's handwri...
149
00:05:46,686 --> 00:05:48,820
Oh no, we're good.
150
00:05:48,822 --> 00:05:51,689
Okay, fine,
you write, I'll advise.
151
00:05:53,610 --> 00:05:54,609
"Klaus."
152
00:05:54,611 --> 00:05:55,777
Just "Klaus"?
153
00:05:55,779 --> 00:05:57,612
Come on, give it some heart,
the poor guy.
154
00:05:57,614 --> 00:06:00,782
"Dear sweet Klaus..."
155
00:06:00,784 --> 00:06:02,450
"Sweet?" What, are you still
in love with this jerk?
156
00:06:02,452 --> 00:06:04,369
I'm doing this on my own.
157
00:06:06,121 --> 00:06:09,490
I'm sorry, I just...
158
00:06:09,492 --> 00:06:11,793
you know,
I feel bad for the guy.
159
00:06:11,795 --> 00:06:14,829
I'm stealing the greatest girl
in the world away from him.
160
00:06:14,831 --> 00:06:17,549
You're not stealing me.
161
00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:19,551
I'm choosing you.
162
00:06:24,189 --> 00:06:27,475
Because you are loving
163
00:06:27,477 --> 00:06:30,061
and you are caring...
164
00:06:30,063 --> 00:06:32,947
and you are going to
go deliver this note.
165
00:06:32,949 --> 00:06:34,649
Wait, you want me
to go in there?
166
00:06:34,651 --> 00:06:37,652
It took everything
I had to climb out
167
00:06:37,654 --> 00:06:38,903
that church window today.
168
00:06:38,905 --> 00:06:42,323
and if I have
to go back in there,
169
00:06:42,325 --> 00:06:45,076
I'm not sure
I can do it again.
170
00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:58,506
It has to smell like you.
171
00:07:03,468 --> 00:07:06,711
So Quinn has no idea
that we used to date?
172
00:07:06,878 --> 00:07:07,960
None whatsoever.
173
00:07:07,962 --> 00:07:09,929
Okay, Barney,
think this through.
174
00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:12,965
Do you really want to spend the
rest of your life with Quinn...
175
00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:14,082
Oh, God, you have a point.
176
00:07:14,084 --> 00:07:15,101
Haven't gotten to it yet.
177
00:07:16,721 --> 00:07:18,604
Of course. Continue.
178
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:21,273
Do you really want to spend the
rest of your life with Quinn
179
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:22,591
and keep this secret?
180
00:07:22,593 --> 00:07:24,110
I mean,
she's gonna find out.
181
00:07:24,112 --> 00:07:26,362
Quinn's not gonna find out
because I've destroyed
182
00:07:26,364 --> 00:07:28,981
every piece of evidence that
you and I were ever a couple.
183
00:07:28,983 --> 00:07:30,399
That's ridiculous.
184
00:07:30,401 --> 00:07:32,485
You couldn't have
gotten rid of all of it.
185
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,776
You replaced me with a tiger.
186
00:07:40,778 --> 00:07:42,444
I couldn't completely
get you out of that one.
187
00:07:42,446 --> 00:07:43,662
Had to get creative.
188
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:47,783
Well, I'm glad that deleting
our entire time together
189
00:07:47,785 --> 00:07:49,284
was so easy for you.
190
00:07:49,286 --> 00:07:52,171
But I guarantee you: Quinn is
gonna find out eventually.
191
00:07:52,173 --> 00:07:53,422
No, she won't.
192
00:07:53,424 --> 00:07:54,673
I just need your help.
193
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:55,808
Yours, too.
194
00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:56,959
I know you're out of it,
195
00:07:56,961 --> 00:07:58,844
but you have to promise
not to tell Quinn, okay?
196
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,262
Tell Quinn what?
197
00:08:00,264 --> 00:08:01,296
Exactly.
198
00:08:01,298 --> 00:08:02,631
No, she's really asking.
199
00:08:02,633 --> 00:08:03,983
Tell Quinn what?
200
00:08:09,407 --> 00:08:13,141
Ooooooh...
201
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,787
Can't climb the drainpipe.
What?
202
00:08:24,789 --> 00:08:26,655
When I was in fourth grade,
I couldn't climb the rope
203
00:08:26,657 --> 00:08:28,507
in gym class and all the other
kids made fun of me,
204
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:29,842
even though
it wasn't my fault.
205
00:08:29,844 --> 00:08:31,961
I had to go after
Efthimios Papajapoulos.
206
00:08:31,963 --> 00:08:33,879
The rope was slick
with lamb grease!
207
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:36,999
Okay, so just walk
in the front door
208
00:08:37,001 --> 00:08:38,100
and act like you belong.
209
00:08:38,102 --> 00:08:39,167
Here.
210
00:08:39,169 --> 00:08:40,719
Here's the key to
the dressing room.
211
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:50,178
Can I help you?
212
00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:52,565
Hi.
I'm the church handyman.
213
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,067
I'm here to fix
the broken thing.
214
00:08:55,069 --> 00:08:56,018
It's busted.
215
00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:58,404
The bride is
taking a "schnooze."
216
00:08:58,406 --> 00:09:01,407
She asked me to stand watch
so that no one disturbs her.
217
00:09:01,409 --> 00:09:02,892
I'll be quick.
218
00:09:02,894 --> 00:09:04,126
You will be dead.
219
00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:06,045
I used to wrestle
in Leipzig.
220
00:09:06,047 --> 00:09:07,129
You know what?
221
00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:08,080
A note's redundant.
222
00:09:08,082 --> 00:09:09,548
You're not there.
He gets it.
223
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,084
No, you were right,
I have to leave a note.
224
00:09:12,086 --> 00:09:13,168
It's common courtesy.
225
00:09:13,170 --> 00:09:14,887
Well, it's not
gonna be possible
226
00:09:14,889 --> 00:09:17,139
with Andrea the Giant
standing guard up there.
227
00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:19,091
Oh, right, Klaus's sister.
228
00:09:19,093 --> 00:09:20,743
It's too bad
Barney's not here.
229
00:09:20,745 --> 00:09:23,229
Man, he lives
for bridesmaids.
230
00:09:23,231 --> 00:09:24,680
Right, but he's not.
231
00:09:24,682 --> 00:09:27,215
And it's not like he could
seduce Uta over the phone.
232
00:09:28,852 --> 00:09:30,486
Challenge accepted!
233
00:09:30,488 --> 00:09:32,588
Honey, it's not cheating
if it's on the phone, right?
234
00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:33,555
Say what now?
235
00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:34,556
Quinn's on board!
236
00:09:34,558 --> 00:09:35,574
Text me her number!
237
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:39,495
You filthy, disgusting man!
238
00:09:39,497 --> 00:09:43,398
But yes, I will do that to
myself at your instruction.
239
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,251
Let me find a broom closet.
240
00:09:47,203 --> 00:09:49,672
Oh, ja, good.
241
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,852
I did it. I did it!
242
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:05,104
You're amazing.
243
00:10:05,106 --> 00:10:06,755
Let's get out of here.
244
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,312
I left the car keys
in the dressing room.
245
00:10:14,230 --> 00:10:16,949
Pretty sure the door
locked behind me.
246
00:10:20,121 --> 00:10:23,105
Oh, God... Oh, God...
Oh, God...
247
00:10:23,107 --> 00:10:25,491
I found it kind of insulting
that Barney doesn't
248
00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:27,242
think we can
keep this secret.
249
00:10:27,244 --> 00:10:30,379
I mean, yeah, Marvin's
keeping us up all night.
250
00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:33,799
But he's still the prettiest
little girl in the city.
251
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,386
Baby, did you
just hear yourself?
252
00:10:37,388 --> 00:10:40,956
You said, "Prettiest
little girl in the city."
253
00:10:40,958 --> 00:10:42,341
I think you meant "country""
254
00:10:42,343 --> 00:10:44,426
Yeah.
255
00:10:44,428 --> 00:10:46,061
I mean, what
does Barney think?
256
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,846
We're just gonna blurt out
that he used to date...
257
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,098
Shh!
258
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:52,968
Oh... that was close.
259
00:10:52,970 --> 00:10:54,636
Quinn could've heard
us through the...
260
00:10:55,940 --> 00:10:57,439
Good catch!
261
00:10:57,441 --> 00:11:01,193
I almost just blurted out
that Barney used to date Robin!
262
00:11:01,195 --> 00:11:02,528
Barney used
to date Robin?!
263
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,416
When did you get in here?
264
00:11:07,418 --> 00:11:09,501
Like, ten minutes ago
when you said,
265
00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:12,338
"Hey Quinn, let's all go hang
out in Marvin's room."
266
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,324
Aufwiedersehen, fraulein.
267
00:11:16,326 --> 00:11:18,460
You know, I hate
to perpetuate the stereotype,
268
00:11:18,462 --> 00:11:22,965
but German female wrestlers from
Saxony are just begging for it.
269
00:11:22,967 --> 00:11:24,166
You dated Robin?
270
00:11:24,168 --> 00:11:26,885
Verdammt!
271
00:11:31,295 --> 00:11:33,396
I'm sorry I lied to you.
I'll tell you everything.
272
00:11:33,466 --> 00:11:35,842
The whole story.
Fine. You have one minute
273
00:11:35,845 --> 00:11:37,210
before I walk out that door.
274
00:11:37,212 --> 00:11:39,897
Um, it's, uh, kind
of a long story, Quinn.
275
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,515
Gonna take a bit little
longer than a minute.
276
00:11:41,517 --> 00:11:43,250
52 seconds.
277
00:11:43,252 --> 00:11:45,235
Seven years ago, when Marshall
and Lily got engaged,
278
00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:47,404
Ted saw Robin across a crowded
room, and I said, "Oh, yeah,
279
00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:49,189
you just know she likes it
dirty," but Ted really liked her
280
00:11:49,191 --> 00:11:50,691
so we played
"Have you met Ted?"
281
00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:52,409
They went to dinner, he walked
her home, shoulda kissed her,
282
00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,061
didn't-- lame-- so he stole
a smurf penis, went back
283
00:11:54,063 --> 00:11:55,329
to her place, should've kissed
her, didn't-- lame.
284
00:11:55,331 --> 00:11:56,897
He threw three parties,
they kissed on the roof,
285
00:11:56,899 --> 00:11:58,282
but decided to be friends--
lame--
286
00:11:58,284 --> 00:11:59,700
then Ted wanted to
take Robin to a wedding,
287
00:11:59,702 --> 00:12:01,168
she couldn't go, he went alone
and met Victoria,
288
00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:02,786
didn't kiss her either-- lame--
not a great closer, Ted--
289
00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:04,738
but he finally kissed her,
they started dating,
290
00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:06,707
she went to Germany, Ted kissed
Robin, lost Victoria,
291
00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:08,759
Ted did a rain dance, got Robin,
Ted and Robin broke up,
292
00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:10,594
Robin moved to Brazil,
came back with a Latin stud,
293
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,579
Ted got jealous, got a tramp
stamp, not really relevant
294
00:12:12,581 --> 00:12:13,964
to the story I just like
mentioning that
295
00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:15,766
as much as possible, I hooked up
with Robin, Ted and I stopped
296
00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:17,584
being friends, Ted got hit
by a bus, we made up...
297
00:12:19,054 --> 00:12:20,888
Robin and I started dating,
I got fat, her hair fell out.
298
00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:22,356
We broke up, Robin dated Don,
I dated Nora,
299
00:12:22,358 --> 00:12:23,557
cheated on her with Robin,
I dumped Nora,
300
00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:24,892
Robin dated Kevin,
but not for long,
301
00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:25,893
and then I met you and you took
my grandpa's watch
302
00:12:25,895 --> 00:12:27,311
but I fell in love
with you anyway,
303
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:28,645
and you let me fart in front of
you and I asked you to marry me
304
00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:30,263
and you said yes and we came
over here to meet little Marvin
305
00:12:30,265 --> 00:12:31,615
and that's everything!
306
00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:34,318
Also I went on the Price Is
Right and won a dune buggy.
307
00:12:36,488 --> 00:12:37,805
Goodbye, Barney.
308
00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:39,873
Good... I j...
309
00:12:41,626 --> 00:12:43,227
She lets you fart
in front of her?
310
00:12:44,028 --> 00:12:45,112
Barney...
311
00:12:45,114 --> 00:12:48,115
you go get that girl.
312
00:13:03,648 --> 00:13:04,648
Oh, God!
313
00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,483
You cannot tell anyone
that you saw me.
314
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:07,634
I cannot get married today!
315
00:13:07,636 --> 00:13:08,652
Klaus?
316
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,320
Oh, I'm a mess.
317
00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:12,739
I threw up in the cloakroom,
I blamed a small child.
318
00:13:12,741 --> 00:13:13,740
I cannot get married.
319
00:13:13,742 --> 00:13:14,908
I left a note.
320
00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:16,443
Good for you.
Not everyone thinks of that.
321
00:13:16,445 --> 00:13:17,444
Who doesn't leave a note?
322
00:13:17,446 --> 00:13:18,445
It's common courtesy.
323
00:13:18,447 --> 00:13:20,147
Thank you!
324
00:13:20,149 --> 00:13:21,982
Do you have the time?
Um...
325
00:13:21,984 --> 00:13:23,283
Yeah, it's 20 after 7:00.
326
00:13:23,285 --> 00:13:24,368
Ah, sehr gut.
327
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,336
I can still make
the 8:05 back to the city.
328
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:28,038
Auf wiedersehen!
329
00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:32,993
a way to absolve
Victoria of any blame.
330
00:13:32,995 --> 00:13:36,547
All I had to do
was climb that drainpipe.
331
00:14:00,955 --> 00:14:04,875
What?
No, Klaus, no.
332
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,556
Mach schnell, sleepyhead,
it's time to...
333
00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:21,141
I know about
you and Barney.
334
00:14:21,143 --> 00:14:23,310
Who told her?!
335
00:14:23,312 --> 00:14:24,761
You guys did.
336
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:26,763
God, go to sleep.
337
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:30,767
Okay, no one is going anywhere
until we find out who told you.
338
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:32,102
Look...
339
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:35,155
there is nothing going on
between me and Robin.
340
00:14:35,157 --> 00:14:36,907
And why should
I believe that?
341
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,859
Well, for starters,
I have a boyfriend.
342
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:41,394
No, Robin, you don't
have to do this.
343
00:14:41,396 --> 00:14:42,729
There've been enough lies.
344
00:14:42,731 --> 00:14:44,248
I'm not lying.
345
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,616
His name is Nick.
346
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,068
I didn't want to jinx it
by telling everyone,
347
00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:49,920
so I just told
Marshall and Lily.
348
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,421
You can tell 'em, guys.
349
00:14:53,841 --> 00:14:56,126
We were just talking
about this earlier today.
350
00:14:56,128 --> 00:14:58,629
Okay, well,
what I was saying is...
351
00:15:01,717 --> 00:15:05,135
I have no desire to get Barney
back because I'm with Nick now
352
00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:07,921
and, well, I don't
want to be crude,
353
00:15:07,923 --> 00:15:11,925
but I want to spend
all day licking his abs.
354
00:15:11,927 --> 00:15:12,926
Do you understand?
355
00:15:12,928 --> 00:15:15,112
Yes! God, yes!
356
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:18,148
You are preaching
to the choir, sister.
357
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:20,100
I stand by it.
358
00:15:20,102 --> 00:15:22,569
Guys, it's okay.
359
00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:23,453
You're new parents.
360
00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:24,771
You just need
to get some sleep.
361
00:15:24,773 --> 00:15:26,540
We're fine!
362
00:15:29,578 --> 00:15:30,994
This is hard, guys.
363
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,963
Really hard.
364
00:15:36,785 --> 00:15:38,285
Oh, God!
Stay with me.
365
00:15:38,287 --> 00:15:39,469
Stay with me.
366
00:15:41,306 --> 00:15:43,173
Go get your baby. Yeah.
367
00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:47,844
Look, it doesn't matter
that you have a boyfriend.
368
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:50,180
I'm always gonna
be wondering if you secretly
369
00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:51,848
still have feelings
for Barney.
370
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:53,850
I don't care
who this guy is.
371
00:15:56,137 --> 00:15:58,155
Okay, we're good.
372
00:15:59,324 --> 00:16:00,574
Okay, well,
373
00:16:00,576 --> 00:16:03,910
I'm glad I left
work early for this.
374
00:16:03,912 --> 00:16:05,445
Robin, maybe later we can
discuss the meaning
375
00:16:05,447 --> 00:16:07,698
of the word "emergency"
and the phrase
376
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,032
"Trapped under a car."
377
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,650
Okay.
Okay.
378
00:16:15,489 --> 00:16:18,342
You know he
has chicken legs.
379
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:21,161
Little tiny chicken legs.
380
00:16:21,163 --> 00:16:22,495
You guys saw those, right?
381
00:16:22,497 --> 00:16:24,765
Honey, it's not cheating
if I lie down on the bar
382
00:16:24,767 --> 00:16:25,932
and let Nick do a shot
from my belly button, right?
383
00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:26,967
Say what now?
384
00:16:26,969 --> 00:16:28,001
Barney's on board!
385
00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:30,137
Nick, hold on!
386
00:16:33,074 --> 00:16:35,342
Thanks for your
help today.
387
00:16:35,344 --> 00:16:37,177
Yeah, sure.
388
00:16:38,346 --> 00:16:41,848
Although, it, uh, kind of
sucked seeing how easy it was
389
00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:44,985
for you to throw away everything
from our relationship.
390
00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:49,373
I... I could never do that.
391
00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:57,714
622 West 14th Street.
392
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:05,872
And so, Victoria and I
were back where we started.
393
00:17:05,874 --> 00:17:09,843
But there was something I
couldn't get off my mind...
394
00:17:13,147 --> 00:17:14,398
I'll be right back.
395
00:17:17,485 --> 00:17:20,937
Uh, excuse me.
396
00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:22,739
Oh, hey, it's you.
397
00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:25,558
Ja, okay, I'm not sure
what kind of vibe
398
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,244
I was giving off before,
but I am not interested
399
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:28,245
in your schnitzel, okay?
400
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,397
No, no, no, no, no-- God, no.
401
00:17:30,399 --> 00:17:32,866
I-I just have
one quick question:
402
00:17:32,868 --> 00:17:34,868
Victoria seems
like a great girl.
403
00:17:34,870 --> 00:17:37,838
Why wouldn't you
want to marry her?
404
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,240
Ach, okay,
Victoria is wunderbar.
405
00:17:40,242 --> 00:17:42,242
I'm sorry, wunderbar is the
German word for wonderful.
406
00:17:42,244 --> 00:17:43,410
Yeah, no, I know.
407
00:17:43,412 --> 00:17:44,461
Oh, you speak German?
408
00:17:46,748 --> 00:17:47,764
No...
409
00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:49,383
No, no, no...
410
00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:51,802
No, just-just-just the one word.
411
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:52,919
Oh. Oh.
412
00:17:52,921 --> 00:17:56,423
Ah... Okay, Victoria.
413
00:17:56,425 --> 00:18:00,026
There is a word in German:
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz.
414
00:18:00,028 --> 00:18:01,561
And the closest
translation would be...
415
00:18:01,563 --> 00:18:05,031
"Lifelong Treasure of Destiny."
416
00:18:05,766 --> 00:18:07,767
And Victoria is wunderbar,
417
00:18:07,769 --> 00:18:10,654
but she is not my
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz.
418
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,989
She is my
Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand,
419
00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:14,374
you know?
420
00:18:15,076 --> 00:18:16,443
You know wunderbar
421
00:18:16,445 --> 00:18:18,078
but you don't know
Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand?
422
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,247
That is something we
learn in kindergarten.
423
00:18:20,249 --> 00:18:22,215
I'm sorry, "kindergarten"
is the German word for--
424
00:18:22,217 --> 00:18:23,717
No, no, I know that one.
425
00:18:23,719 --> 00:18:25,135
Oh, okay.
426
00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:26,253
But you don't know
Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand?
427
00:18:26,255 --> 00:18:27,971
You are maddeningly
inconsistent.
428
00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:30,223
It means...
429
00:18:30,225 --> 00:18:34,394
"the thing that is almost
the thing that you want...
430
00:18:35,646 --> 00:18:37,397
...but it's not quite."
431
00:18:38,349 --> 00:18:40,517
Das ist Victoria to me.
432
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:43,687
How do you know she's not
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz?
433
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:46,106
I mean, maybe as the years
go by, she'll get
434
00:18:46,108 --> 00:18:49,142
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz
-ier.
435
00:18:49,144 --> 00:18:50,660
Oh, nein, nein, nein.
436
00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:52,979
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz
is not something
437
00:18:52,981 --> 00:18:54,197
that develops over time.
438
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:58,368
It is something that
happens instantaneously.
439
00:18:59,754 --> 00:19:01,087
It courses through you
440
00:19:01,089 --> 00:19:03,990
like the water of a river
after a storm...
441
00:19:05,209 --> 00:19:08,178
...filling you and emptying
you all at once.
442
00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:20,273
You feel it
throughout your body...
443
00:19:21,559 --> 00:19:25,228
♪ Coming up only ♪
In your hands...
444
00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:28,181
♪ To show you wrong ♪
in your heart...
445
00:19:28,183 --> 00:19:31,851
in your stomach...
446
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:36,873
♪ And to know you is hard ♪
...in your skin...
447
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,625
♪ We wonder ♪
448
00:19:38,627 --> 00:19:40,710
Of course you feel it in your
Schlauchmachendejungen.
449
00:19:40,712 --> 00:19:42,362
Pardon my French.
450
00:19:43,548 --> 00:19:45,248
Have you ever felt
this way about someone?
451
00:19:47,134 --> 00:19:48,718
Yeah, I think so.
452
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,304
If you have to think about it,
you have not felt it.
453
00:19:51,306 --> 00:19:54,808
And you're absolutely sure
you'll find that someday?
454
00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:56,259
Of course.
455
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:57,894
Everyone does eventually.
456
00:19:58,712 --> 00:20:01,932
You just never
know when or where.
457
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:03,583
And he was right.
458
00:20:03,585 --> 00:20:06,719
Unfortunately, the "when"
of it was still
459
00:20:06,721 --> 00:20:08,989
a little ways down the road.
460
00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,392
But the "where" of it?
461
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,079
♪ Really too late to call ♪
462
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:20,834
♪ So we wait for ♪
463
00:20:22,537 --> 00:20:26,256
♪ Morning to wake you
is all we got ♪
464
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,375
Yeah, there's your change.
465
00:20:28,377 --> 00:20:30,176
Oh, and don't
forget your guitar.
466
00:20:32,263 --> 00:20:40,186
♪ To know me as hardly golden ♪
467
00:20:42,223 --> 00:20:47,861
♪ Is to know me all wrong,
they warn ♪
468
00:20:50,948 --> 00:20:54,401
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
469
00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:57,404
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh... ♪
470
00:20:57,406 --> 00:21:01,406
== sync, corrected by elderman ==