1
00:00:01,390 --> 00:00:04,491
Barney, afraid this
is good-bye.
2
00:00:04,498 --> 00:00:06,365
Your buzz kill of a ma
3
00:00:06,367 --> 00:00:08,561
thinks I'm a... a bad
influence on you.
4
00:00:08,586 --> 00:00:09,786
What? That's...
5
00:00:10,066 --> 00:00:11,632
What is that word you taught me?
6
00:00:11,634 --> 00:00:13,901
"Bull" something?
7
00:00:13,903 --> 00:00:15,720
But she's your
mother and I'm...
8
00:00:15,722 --> 00:00:18,105
you know, I'm just
your Uncle Jerry.
9
00:00:18,107 --> 00:00:20,525
So, this is the last
time I can see you.
10
00:00:20,527 --> 00:00:23,010
But you're supposed to
take me to see
11
00:00:23,012 --> 00:00:25,012
that Zeppelin cover band
next week.
12
00:00:25,014 --> 00:00:27,515
The night is gonna be...
13
00:00:27,517 --> 00:00:29,951
Led-and-Jerry.
14
00:00:29,953 --> 00:00:31,786
Sorry, buddy,
but this is it.
15
00:00:31,788 --> 00:00:34,188
But don't you forget
your training.
16
00:00:34,190 --> 00:00:35,907
What's a magician's best friend?
17
00:00:35,909 --> 00:00:36,991
A drunk audience.
18
00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:38,359
Attaboy.
19
00:00:38,361 --> 00:00:41,913
You still got that button
from the festival we went to?
20
00:00:46,068 --> 00:00:49,370
Now... I'm gonna put this
21
00:00:49,372 --> 00:00:51,372
right inside your brain,
behind your ear...
22
00:00:53,175 --> 00:00:55,610
so that I'll know that
you won't forget me.
23
00:00:57,346 --> 00:00:58,512
See you, buddy.
24
00:00:59,714 --> 00:01:01,916
And hey...
25
00:01:01,918 --> 00:01:05,853
Never... stop... partying.
26
00:01:08,457 --> 00:01:11,659
Kids, in 1983,
Barney watched his father
27
00:01:11,661 --> 00:01:13,127
walk out of his life.
28
00:01:13,129 --> 00:01:16,864
And in 2011, when their
first reunion ended badly...
29
00:01:16,866 --> 00:01:19,533
I'd love nothing more
than to be a part of your life.
30
00:01:19,535 --> 00:01:21,402
This time it was Barney
who did the walking.
31
00:01:21,404 --> 00:01:22,703
Bye.
32
00:01:22,705 --> 00:01:25,339
And that was almost
the end of it.
33
00:01:25,341 --> 00:01:27,275
Except, a few weeks later...
34
00:01:27,277 --> 00:01:30,811
I am so angry at my dad!
35
00:01:30,813 --> 00:01:32,747
Guess who called me today.
36
00:01:32,749 --> 00:01:35,082
Go on, guess.
Mmm.
37
00:01:35,084 --> 00:01:37,418
Your dad?
My dad!
38
00:01:37,420 --> 00:01:39,620
Barney Stinson.
39
00:01:39,622 --> 00:01:40,922
Hi, Barney. It's your dad.
40
00:01:41,790 --> 00:01:42,857
Look, would you
like to go fishing
41
00:01:42,859 --> 00:01:44,458
with me and J.J.
on Sunday morning?
42
00:01:44,460 --> 00:01:47,361
Ooh, hold on, let me
check my personality.
43
00:01:47,363 --> 00:01:49,964
Oh, no. Turns out I would never
do that in a million years.
44
00:01:49,966 --> 00:01:51,899
Barney, look...
45
00:01:51,901 --> 00:01:54,235
I know you're disappointed
that your dad is just...
46
00:01:54,237 --> 00:01:57,104
a boring old driving instructor
from the suburbs.
47
00:01:57,106 --> 00:02:00,708
But that guy I used to be--
"Crazy Jerry"?
48
00:02:00,710 --> 00:02:02,643
He was bad news!
49
00:02:02,645 --> 00:02:05,079
Drinking, partying,
sleeping around.
50
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:07,581
The party can't go on forever.
51
00:02:07,583 --> 00:02:10,584
You're 35; I'm-I'm sure
you're starting
52
00:02:10,586 --> 00:02:12,053
to realize that, right?
53
00:02:12,055 --> 00:02:15,790
You do not know
how right you are.
54
00:02:15,792 --> 00:02:17,124
Zero right!
55
00:02:17,126 --> 00:02:19,760
We're not getting too old for anything.
You sure?
56
00:02:19,762 --> 00:02:22,263
I feel like we collectively
learn the opposite lesson,
57
00:02:22,265 --> 00:02:23,764
like, at least once a year.
58
00:02:24,934 --> 00:02:26,968
I have to face an ugly truth.
59
00:02:26,970 --> 00:02:30,271
Jerry Whittaker, my own father,
60
00:02:30,273 --> 00:02:32,640
is anti-awesome-etic.
61
00:02:33,375 --> 00:02:34,542
I know
62
00:02:34,544 --> 00:02:36,410
Crazy Jerry's still
in there somewhere,
63
00:02:36,412 --> 00:02:39,747
but he's trapped under 20 years
of lawnmower parties
64
00:02:39,749 --> 00:02:41,916
and carpool barbecues.
Wow,
65
00:02:41,918 --> 00:02:43,985
you know nothing
about the suburbs.
66
00:02:43,987 --> 00:02:46,988
Well, this Saturday night,
I am bustin' him out.
67
00:02:46,990 --> 00:02:48,055
I'm gonna
68
00:02:48,057 --> 00:02:49,824
make Jerry realize he was wrong
69
00:02:49,826 --> 00:02:52,727
about giving up his old life
by showing him
70
00:02:52,729 --> 00:02:55,963
the awesomest night
of all time.
71
00:02:55,965 --> 00:02:57,598
And for the awesomest night
72
00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:02,103
of all time, I'm going to need
the awesomest friends
73
00:03:02,105 --> 00:03:03,337
of all time.
74
00:03:05,407 --> 00:03:07,008
Okay, who do I know?
75
00:03:10,579 --> 00:03:12,213
Guys...!
76
00:03:13,815 --> 00:03:15,816
Do any of you know
George Clooney?
77
00:03:16,902 --> 00:03:18,285
Okay, my dad's almost here.
78
00:03:18,287 --> 00:03:19,587
I need everything to be
79
00:03:19,589 --> 00:03:21,706
as awesome as possible tonight.
80
00:03:21,708 --> 00:03:23,224
That's why you
brought these guys.
81
00:03:23,226 --> 00:03:27,194
No. That's why
I brought these guys.
82
00:03:27,196 --> 00:03:28,195
I've made some
83
00:03:28,197 --> 00:03:29,797
minor improvements
to your identities.
84
00:03:29,799 --> 00:03:30,931
Uh.
Mm!
85
00:03:30,933 --> 00:03:32,099
You'll find them
on these cards.
86
00:03:32,101 --> 00:03:33,167
Improvements?!
Yeah.
87
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:36,053
Bro, we are
already the four
88
00:03:36,055 --> 00:03:39,673
jiggity-jamminest dudes
and dudettes this side of...
89
00:03:39,675 --> 00:03:41,826
Okay, let's see the cards.
90
00:03:41,828 --> 00:03:43,277
Robin, no one watches the news
91
00:03:43,279 --> 00:03:45,513
unless it's a car chase
or a nip slip.
92
00:03:45,515 --> 00:03:46,380
You are now
93
00:03:46,382 --> 00:03:47,898
a professional scotch taster.
94
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,050
Mm!
95
00:03:49,052 --> 00:03:50,918
Lily, Jerry needs to learn
that other lifestyles
96
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:52,486
are just as fulfilling
as monogamy,
97
00:03:52,488 --> 00:03:54,889
so now you and Marshall
are in an open marriage.
98
00:03:54,891 --> 00:03:57,158
Whoo-hoo!
Gross!
99
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,560
Also, Marshall,
you can't just be unemployed,
100
00:03:59,562 --> 00:04:00,728
so you are now
101
00:04:00,730 --> 00:04:03,364
a gin-swilling,
womanizing playwright.
102
00:04:04,199 --> 00:04:06,600
And, Ted, just be yourself.
103
00:04:07,636 --> 00:04:09,236
Just kidding.
104
00:04:09,238 --> 00:04:12,373
Here's a giant pile of topics
you should avoid talking about.
105
00:04:12,375 --> 00:04:14,608
Well. Well, this could
actually be fun.
106
00:04:14,610 --> 00:04:17,711
In fact, I believe it
was Oscar Wilde who said,
107
00:04:17,713 --> 00:04:20,347
"Man is least himself
when he talks..."
108
00:04:20,349 --> 00:04:21,515
Ted, card.
Ah.
109
00:04:21,517 --> 00:04:24,151
You're right--
"No quoting Oscar Wilde."
110
00:04:24,153 --> 00:04:25,653
Finally...
111
00:04:25,655 --> 00:04:27,321
Robin, you're dating Ted.
112
00:04:27,323 --> 00:04:28,722
Aw, man!
113
00:04:28,724 --> 00:04:30,124
Why?
114
00:04:30,126 --> 00:04:31,358
I can't have
115
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,160
any single female friends
lying around.
116
00:04:33,162 --> 00:04:35,663
My dad'll be all,
"Why don't you marry Robin?
117
00:04:35,665 --> 00:04:37,164
"You guys are cute together.
Deep down, you know
118
00:04:37,166 --> 00:04:39,934
you were never happier
than when you were with her."
119
00:04:39,936 --> 00:04:41,035
Uh...
120
00:04:41,037 --> 00:04:42,403
no, thanks.
121
00:04:42,405 --> 00:04:44,205
Hey, Barney-- love
the new identities.
122
00:04:44,207 --> 00:04:47,441
Little thing-- instead of
being a naked super ninja,
123
00:04:47,443 --> 00:04:51,011
can I be Meryl Streep
in The Devil Wears Prada?
124
00:04:51,013 --> 00:04:53,280
How good was that movie?
Oh, my God.
125
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:56,350
And...
126
00:04:56,352 --> 00:04:59,120
hence new identities.
127
00:05:00,388 --> 00:05:03,424
And so Barney's dad
finally showed up.
128
00:05:03,426 --> 00:05:05,726
Jerry, you remember Marshall--
he's a well-known writer.
129
00:05:05,728 --> 00:05:07,094
Playwright.
We're all writers,
130
00:05:07,096 --> 00:05:10,181
just some of us don't know
what our story is yet.
131
00:05:10,899 --> 00:05:12,966
Lily, his wife.
132
00:05:12,968 --> 00:05:15,136
Well, most nights.
Mama don't let no ring
133
00:05:15,138 --> 00:05:17,204
get in the way of a good time.
134
00:05:17,206 --> 00:05:19,106
That's... a
little depressing.
135
00:05:19,108 --> 00:05:20,241
Uh, hi again.
136
00:05:20,243 --> 00:05:21,342
Ted. Oh, and, Jerry,
137
00:05:21,344 --> 00:05:23,494
you remember my girlfriend.
Robin. Hi.
138
00:05:23,496 --> 00:05:25,646
So nice to see you again.
139
00:05:25,648 --> 00:05:27,448
Wait, wait. Jerry,
140
00:05:27,450 --> 00:05:28,849
I got to tell you
the truth.
141
00:05:28,851 --> 00:05:30,050
Guys, I'm gonna tell him.
142
00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:32,486
We're also a band.
143
00:05:32,488 --> 00:05:34,121
Two, three, four!
144
00:05:34,123 --> 00:05:38,325
♪ How I Met Your Mother 6x21 ♪
Hopeless
Original Air Date on April 18, 2011
145
00:05:38,327 --> 00:05:40,010
♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba ♪
146
00:05:40,012 --> 00:05:41,161
♪ Ba, ba, ba ♪
147
00:05:41,163 --> 00:05:44,999
♪ Ba, ba, ba, da,
da, da, da, da, da! ♪
148
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,800
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
149
00:05:47,802 --> 00:05:49,553
Ow! Yeah!
150
00:05:49,555 --> 00:05:53,006
So, Saturday night--
time to cut loose, right?
151
00:05:53,008 --> 00:05:54,808
Who wants to split a beer?
152
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:56,510
Oh, we're not drinking here.
153
00:05:56,512 --> 00:05:58,145
Tonight we're going big.
154
00:05:58,147 --> 00:06:00,781
Let's see, what club
should we hit first?
155
00:06:00,783 --> 00:06:03,417
There's Club Was,
there's Wrong...
156
00:06:03,419 --> 00:06:05,753
Um, those places shut
down a long time ago.
157
00:06:05,755 --> 00:06:06,420
Oh, no.
158
00:06:06,422 --> 00:06:07,454
Oh, No shut down, too.
159
00:06:07,456 --> 00:06:09,056
There's Where?
Where's Where?
160
00:06:09,058 --> 00:06:10,524
Where's where Was
was, isn't it?
161
00:06:10,526 --> 00:06:13,294
No, Was wasn't where Where was,
Was was where Wrong was, right?
162
00:06:13,296 --> 00:06:15,396
Okay. Not Okay.
That place is lame.
163
00:06:15,398 --> 00:06:17,898
Okay is Lame?
I thought Lame was a gay bar.
164
00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:18,933
Or is that Wrong?
165
00:06:18,935 --> 00:06:20,801
That's wrong.
That's not Wrong.
166
00:06:20,803 --> 00:06:21,735
Guys, focus.
167
00:06:21,737 --> 00:06:23,203
Oh, I like Focus.
Let's go there.
168
00:06:23,205 --> 00:06:24,905
Where?
Not Where. Focus.
169
00:06:24,907 --> 00:06:26,407
I thought Focus
was closed.
170
00:06:26,409 --> 00:06:27,575
No, Was was Closed.
171
00:06:27,577 --> 00:06:30,010
Once Was shut down,
it reopened as Closed.
172
00:06:30,012 --> 00:06:31,045
So Closed is open.
173
00:06:31,047 --> 00:06:31,946
No, Closed is closed.
174
00:06:31,948 --> 00:06:32,947
I don't know.
175
00:06:32,949 --> 00:06:34,715
Third base! Right?
176
00:06:34,717 --> 00:06:36,550
Ew, Third Base
is all frat guys.
177
00:06:36,552 --> 00:06:37,718
I'll go anyplace, okay?
178
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,753
Not Okay. Okay is lame.
179
00:06:39,755 --> 00:06:40,905
Okay is not Lame.
180
00:06:40,907 --> 00:06:42,389
Lame is a gay bar.
181
00:06:42,391 --> 00:06:43,290
Guys, shut up.
182
00:06:43,292 --> 00:06:44,625
No, Shut up shut down.
183
00:06:44,627 --> 00:06:47,494
I can't believe I don't
know the clubs anymore.
184
00:06:47,496 --> 00:06:49,597
Guys, just pick
a club, okay?
185
00:06:49,599 --> 00:06:51,198
Not Okay!
186
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,466
Okay is Lame!
187
00:06:52,468 --> 00:06:54,668
Gay bar.
188
00:06:54,670 --> 00:06:57,905
For the record, I was in
there once by accident.
189
00:06:57,907 --> 00:07:00,808
I'm pretty sure it's
pronounced Lamé.
190
00:07:00,810 --> 00:07:03,711
It's hopeless, isn't it?
191
00:07:03,713 --> 00:07:06,079
Wow.
192
00:07:06,081 --> 00:07:08,015
A lot of these girls
are young enough
193
00:07:08,017 --> 00:07:09,583
to be our daughters.
I know.
194
00:07:09,585 --> 00:07:11,251
Daddy's home.
195
00:07:11,253 --> 00:07:13,420
And Granddaddy's home!
196
00:07:14,222 --> 00:07:15,990
Tonight rocks so hard!
197
00:07:15,992 --> 00:07:18,559
I might be allergic
to this stamp.
198
00:07:22,864 --> 00:07:25,032
Oh, my God,
my secret crush is here.
199
00:07:25,034 --> 00:07:26,000
Mila Kunis?!
200
00:07:26,002 --> 00:07:28,769
No, my secret crush.
201
00:07:28,771 --> 00:07:31,572
We met a few
years ago.
202
00:07:33,642 --> 00:07:36,477
Hi. I could use
a woman's opinion.
203
00:07:36,479 --> 00:07:39,179
Is this working for me?
204
00:07:39,181 --> 00:07:40,814
Uh... no.
205
00:07:41,751 --> 00:07:42,800
The only good thing
206
00:07:42,802 --> 00:07:44,284
about how ugly that shirt is,
207
00:07:44,286 --> 00:07:48,022
is that it distracts
from how terribly it fits you.
208
00:07:48,024 --> 00:07:50,090
I was trying on the pants.
209
00:07:50,092 --> 00:07:52,092
Oh.
210
00:07:52,827 --> 00:07:54,345
I had to leave
before we could
211
00:07:54,347 --> 00:07:55,696
finish talking,
so that was it.
212
00:07:55,698 --> 00:07:56,897
You know, ever
since then, I've...
213
00:07:56,899 --> 00:07:59,166
Oh, my God, he's
coming over here.
214
00:07:59,168 --> 00:08:00,434
Oh. Hello.
215
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:02,870
Hi. A few years ago at a
department store, Hi.
216
00:08:02,872 --> 00:08:04,772
did you embarrass
the hell out of me?
217
00:08:04,774 --> 00:08:07,441
Oh, I'm sorry,
you must have me confused
218
00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:10,611
with the shirt
you were wearing that day.
219
00:08:10,613 --> 00:08:12,312
I should be so lucky.
220
00:08:12,314 --> 00:08:14,081
Hi! I'm Ted!
221
00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:15,699
Robin's boyfriend!
222
00:08:15,701 --> 00:08:17,017
Nice to meet you.
223
00:08:17,019 --> 00:08:18,485
Right.
224
00:08:18,487 --> 00:08:20,921
Um... it was really nice
to see you again.
225
00:08:20,923 --> 00:08:22,790
Mm-hmm. You, too.
Yeah.
226
00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:26,043
You owe me one.
227
00:08:27,295 --> 00:08:28,729
Man, isn't this
place great?
228
00:08:28,731 --> 00:08:31,332
Uh, I don't know.
It's so loud!
229
00:08:31,334 --> 00:08:32,666
And so bourgeois.
230
00:08:32,668 --> 00:08:35,803
Many of plays are
about the bourgeois.
231
00:08:36,504 --> 00:08:37,571
And ennui.
232
00:08:38,373 --> 00:08:41,675
And one rock opera about...
233
00:08:41,677 --> 00:08:44,078
a frozen yogurt shop.
234
00:08:46,014 --> 00:08:48,849
Uh, L-Lily, uh, talk
about your open marriage.
235
00:08:48,851 --> 00:08:52,653
Okay. Well, after a long day
of style meetings
236
00:08:52,655 --> 00:08:54,355
and photo shoots
237
00:08:54,357 --> 00:08:55,622
and being
way too mean
238
00:08:55,624 --> 00:08:56,740
to my assistant,
239
00:08:56,742 --> 00:08:59,727
I sometimes bang
an underwear model.
240
00:08:59,729 --> 00:09:00,594
My goodness!
241
00:09:00,596 --> 00:09:01,729
I sleep around, too.
242
00:09:01,731 --> 00:09:02,996
Just as much.
243
00:09:02,998 --> 00:09:04,264
A little more, even.
244
00:09:04,266 --> 00:09:07,033
Oh, uh, only 'cause you
have nothing to do all day.
245
00:09:07,035 --> 00:09:08,602
Are we having
this fight again?
246
00:09:08,604 --> 00:09:10,371
Writing plays is a real job!
247
00:09:10,373 --> 00:09:14,007
I work 90 hours a week
subsidizing your "real job."
248
00:09:14,009 --> 00:09:15,142
I won a Tony!
249
00:09:15,144 --> 00:09:17,511
I brought French cooking
to America!
250
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,279
What?
251
00:09:19,281 --> 00:09:22,116
Let's do shots.
Uh, no, thank you, Barney.
252
00:09:22,118 --> 00:09:24,918
I have that fishing
trip with J.J. early tomorrow.
253
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,354
I-I better take it easy.
No.
254
00:09:27,356 --> 00:09:29,823
Don't you remember what you said
to me when I was a kid?
255
00:09:29,825 --> 00:09:32,159
"Never stop partying."
256
00:09:32,161 --> 00:09:33,660
I said that?
257
00:09:33,662 --> 00:09:35,462
To a six-year-old?
258
00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:37,164
I don't remember that.
259
00:09:37,166 --> 00:09:38,732
You don't remember
the last thing
260
00:09:38,734 --> 00:09:41,135
you said to me when I was a kid?
261
00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:43,170
Well...
262
00:09:43,172 --> 00:09:45,172
you know, why don't you
just go back home?
263
00:09:45,174 --> 00:09:46,790
But I want to hang out with you.
264
00:09:46,792 --> 00:09:49,109
Yeah, well, I want to hang out
with Crazy Jerry,
265
00:09:49,111 --> 00:09:51,445
not Stay-at-Home Jerome.
266
00:09:51,447 --> 00:09:53,614
Fine.
267
00:09:53,616 --> 00:09:55,449
You want Crazy Jerry?
268
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:09,663
There! You got him!
269
00:10:12,934 --> 00:10:16,203
I apologize-- it might take
a few minutes to kick in.
270
00:10:16,205 --> 00:10:17,438
Oh...
Oh...
271
00:10:20,877 --> 00:10:24,544
Hey, sugar!
Five beers for the table,
272
00:10:24,637 --> 00:10:26,137
a Seven-and-Seven for me,
273
00:10:26,139 --> 00:10:28,773
and your ten digits
for this guy here!
274
00:10:28,775 --> 00:10:32,994
Tonight Crazy Jerry's
gonna burn this disco down!
275
00:10:32,996 --> 00:10:35,379
Whoo! Wa-hah!
276
00:10:35,381 --> 00:10:36,747
Can you believe it?
277
00:10:36,749 --> 00:10:38,349
This is awesome!
Barney,
278
00:10:38,351 --> 00:10:40,851
how is that awesome?
279
00:10:40,853 --> 00:10:44,188
♪ ♪
280
00:10:44,190 --> 00:10:48,159
I finally know what it's like
to be embarrassed by my dad.
281
00:10:48,927 --> 00:10:50,027
So you really believe
282
00:10:50,029 --> 00:10:52,430
that if we were in
an open marriage
283
00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:54,732
that you would do better than me?
Hey,
284
00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:57,318
you do better than me
at a lot of other things,
285
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,136
like digesting dairy...
286
00:10:59,138 --> 00:11:01,605
and reaching for stuff.
287
00:11:01,607 --> 00:11:02,840
Okay, you know what?
288
00:11:02,842 --> 00:11:04,008
Game on.
289
00:11:04,010 --> 00:11:06,877
If I can score five
numbers before you can,
290
00:11:06,879 --> 00:11:09,146
then we have sex
in the bathroom.
291
00:11:09,148 --> 00:11:10,248
But...
292
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:12,717
if you can score
five numbers before me,
293
00:11:12,719 --> 00:11:15,286
then we have sex
in the bathroom.
294
00:11:15,288 --> 00:11:16,520
So our usual wager.
295
00:11:17,022 --> 00:11:18,589
Deal.
296
00:11:20,842 --> 00:11:22,226
Hey, uh, hey, Jerry,
297
00:11:22,228 --> 00:11:24,595
y-you really want to be
out here like this?
298
00:11:24,597 --> 00:11:26,647
Oh, sorry, small-town preacher
from the Midwest,
299
00:11:26,649 --> 00:11:29,800
is there a law against dancing?
300
00:11:29,802 --> 00:11:31,652
No, of course not.
I-I just...
301
00:11:31,654 --> 00:11:32,853
Oh, this club blows.
302
00:11:32,855 --> 00:11:35,139
Let's hit the greatest
party in the world,
303
00:11:35,141 --> 00:11:36,907
the streets of New York!
304
00:11:36,909 --> 00:11:38,976
Yeah! Let's do it!
Yeah!
305
00:11:38,978 --> 00:11:41,812
Uh, maybe fix the tie.
306
00:11:41,814 --> 00:11:43,981
But mostly, party!
307
00:11:45,534 --> 00:11:47,201
Okay, Jerry's gone;
let's break up.
308
00:11:47,203 --> 00:11:50,154
Okay. "I would have stolen you
a whole orchestra."
309
00:11:50,156 --> 00:11:51,622
There. What's the rush?
310
00:11:51,624 --> 00:11:54,158
Well, that guy who came over
here who thinks we're dating,
311
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,593
I kind of have
a crush on him.
312
00:11:55,595 --> 00:11:56,827
Can you help me
clear it up?
313
00:11:56,829 --> 00:11:58,329
Really? That guy?
314
00:11:58,331 --> 00:11:59,797
He was, like, a four.
315
00:11:59,799 --> 00:12:03,934
A four? God, you are, like,
the worst judge of guys ever.
316
00:12:03,936 --> 00:12:06,532
Okay, if he is a
four, what are you?
317
00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:07,308
Hey!
318
00:12:07,407 --> 00:12:09,607
I'm not perfect;
I'm an eight...
319
00:12:09,609 --> 00:12:11,475
and a half.
320
00:12:11,477 --> 00:12:13,477
You're a doofus and a half.
321
00:12:13,479 --> 00:12:15,146
Fine. Let's go talk to him.
322
00:12:15,148 --> 00:12:16,981
Where'd you meet
this booger-eater anyway?
323
00:12:16,983 --> 00:12:19,450
At a close-out
sale at Dawes.
324
00:12:19,452 --> 00:12:21,485
Really?
I remember that sale.
325
00:12:22,287 --> 00:12:23,354
Hey, Robin.
326
00:12:23,356 --> 00:12:25,089
Oh, Ted. Oh, no.
327
00:12:25,091 --> 00:12:26,757
Look what I just bought.
328
00:12:26,759 --> 00:12:29,794
Right? Right?
329
00:12:29,796 --> 00:12:32,396
Hold on.
We were dating then.
330
00:12:32,398 --> 00:12:33,764
I specifically remember,
331
00:12:33,766 --> 00:12:36,133
because we had great
sex that night.
332
00:12:36,135 --> 00:12:38,502
Great sex.
333
00:12:39,371 --> 00:12:40,588
Let me guess.
334
00:12:40,590 --> 00:12:41,939
Someone wants to knock...
335
00:12:41,941 --> 00:12:44,408
boots.
336
00:12:45,977 --> 00:12:47,011
Boots.
337
00:12:47,013 --> 00:12:49,080
Just take off your damn shirt.
Okay.
338
00:12:49,082 --> 00:12:50,431
All right.
339
00:12:50,433 --> 00:12:52,149
All right. Whoa,
340
00:12:52,151 --> 00:12:53,401
stop.
What?
341
00:12:53,403 --> 00:12:54,652
Stop. Perfect.
342
00:12:54,654 --> 00:12:57,188
But I-I can't see,
and you can't see me.
343
00:12:57,190 --> 00:13:00,691
Yeah. Yeah, just like that.
344
00:13:00,693 --> 00:13:03,527
You were picturing your crush!
Well,
345
00:13:03,529 --> 00:13:05,596
somebody had to.
346
00:13:07,466 --> 00:13:10,334
Okay, okay, answer me this.
347
00:13:10,336 --> 00:13:14,071
Are you absolutely sure
it had nothing whatsoever...
348
00:13:14,073 --> 00:13:16,407
to do with the boots?
349
00:13:16,409 --> 00:13:17,975
Yes.
350
00:13:19,144 --> 00:13:20,177
You hear that, everybody?
351
00:13:20,179 --> 00:13:22,780
She said "yes"!
We're getting married!
352
00:13:23,850 --> 00:13:25,015
I love this girl.
353
00:13:25,017 --> 00:13:26,684
I'm never letting her go.
354
00:13:32,592 --> 00:13:35,476
Hey... Bottoms up, amigo!
355
00:13:35,478 --> 00:13:37,111
After that,
356
00:13:37,113 --> 00:13:39,730
Barney's memory of the night
got a little hazy.
357
00:13:39,732 --> 00:13:41,565
You want to fight me?
358
00:13:42,334 --> 00:13:46,537
Well, I'll fight you, dummy!
359
00:13:46,539 --> 00:13:48,739
You don't even know!
360
00:13:48,741 --> 00:13:50,574
Hey, hey! There we go!
361
00:13:56,348 --> 00:13:58,749
Oh, look what I just ripped
out of the ground!
362
00:13:58,751 --> 00:14:00,384
Oh...!
363
00:14:01,754 --> 00:14:04,355
I just puked on the
hood of that...
364
00:14:04,357 --> 00:14:06,891
...police car!
365
00:14:09,127 --> 00:14:10,995
Too bad your
playwright friend
366
00:14:10,997 --> 00:14:13,197
isn't a lawyer.
367
00:14:16,495 --> 00:14:18,331
Barney, I'm so sorry.
368
00:14:19,272 --> 00:14:20,639
I'm afraid this
is what it's like
369
00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:22,859
hanging out with
Crazy Jerry.
370
00:14:23,927 --> 00:14:26,461
It's okay, Dad.
371
00:14:26,463 --> 00:14:30,599
I never thought tonight
would be so awesome!
372
00:14:30,601 --> 00:14:31,866
So...
373
00:14:31,868 --> 00:14:33,635
next stop, strip club.
374
00:14:33,637 --> 00:14:35,503
The Lusty Leopard
has a special...
375
00:14:35,505 --> 00:14:37,939
Oh, for corn's sake,
Barney, I'm not drunk!
376
00:14:37,941 --> 00:14:39,341
What?
I told you,
377
00:14:39,343 --> 00:14:40,675
I don't party anymore,
378
00:14:40,677 --> 00:14:43,044
and you wouldn't take
no for an answer.
379
00:14:43,046 --> 00:14:44,112
So...
380
00:14:44,114 --> 00:14:47,949
I used a little...
sleight-of-hand...
381
00:14:49,318 --> 00:14:52,587
...to make you think otherwise.
382
00:14:52,589 --> 00:14:53,939
Here you go.
383
00:14:53,941 --> 00:14:55,757
Whoa!
384
00:14:55,759 --> 00:14:57,959
Bottoms up, amigo!
385
00:14:59,446 --> 00:15:00,862
Mm.
386
00:15:00,864 --> 00:15:03,431
But all those
crazy things you did.
387
00:15:03,433 --> 00:15:07,068
Do you happen to remember what
a magician's best friend is?
388
00:15:07,937 --> 00:15:10,738
A drunk audience.
389
00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:13,308
You want to fight me?
390
00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:16,745
Well, I'll fight you, dummy!
391
00:15:16,747 --> 00:15:18,580
No, no, no.
392
00:15:18,582 --> 00:15:21,583
You don't even know!
393
00:15:21,585 --> 00:15:22,584
Right here!
394
00:15:22,586 --> 00:15:24,119
Look.
395
00:15:25,187 --> 00:15:27,288
Look what I just
ripped out of the ground!
396
00:15:27,290 --> 00:15:28,289
Oh...!
397
00:15:32,446 --> 00:15:33,928
What just happened?
398
00:15:33,930 --> 00:15:36,531
I... I just puked
on the hood of that...
399
00:15:38,268 --> 00:15:39,567
...police car.
400
00:15:41,938 --> 00:15:43,838
Well, why do
all those things?
401
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,041
I figured if I
showed you what...
402
00:15:46,043 --> 00:15:48,543
"never stop partying"
really looked like,
403
00:15:48,545 --> 00:15:51,746
you'd realize you
can't do it forever.
404
00:15:52,682 --> 00:15:55,116
Oh, well.
405
00:15:56,852 --> 00:16:01,723
You lied to me all night
for your own selfish reasons?
406
00:16:02,692 --> 00:16:04,726
Daddy...!
407
00:16:05,795 --> 00:16:09,030
I wanted to hang out
with you-- you're my son.
408
00:16:09,032 --> 00:16:11,533
And since you didn't want
to come with me and J.J.
409
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:12,934
on that fishing tri--
410
00:16:12,936 --> 00:16:15,704
Fishing trip.
411
00:16:15,706 --> 00:16:18,973
I'll never make it
back in time now.
412
00:16:21,811 --> 00:16:24,446
Hey, you know, a-a pretty
good magician like you
413
00:16:24,448 --> 00:16:25,947
probably knows
how to, say,
414
00:16:25,949 --> 00:16:28,783
get out of a standard
set of handcuffs.
415
00:16:28,785 --> 00:16:30,885
Perhaps.
416
00:16:32,088 --> 00:16:34,756
Well, here's something
you didn't know--
417
00:16:34,758 --> 00:16:37,726
I'm a pretty good
magician, too.
418
00:16:41,381 --> 00:16:43,298
Abracadabra!
419
00:16:44,568 --> 00:16:46,384
Congratulations!
420
00:16:46,386 --> 00:16:48,269
Oh, hey!
Thank you so much.
421
00:16:48,271 --> 00:16:50,605
We're super excited.
We're thinking June.
422
00:16:50,607 --> 00:16:52,040
Yeah, okay.
423
00:16:52,042 --> 00:16:53,575
Okay, jerk...
424
00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:57,078
do you remember how you ended up
buying those red cowboy boots?
425
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:58,313
Wow.
426
00:16:58,315 --> 00:17:01,282
Wardrobe malfunction
at the O.K. Corral!
427
00:17:01,284 --> 00:17:03,701
I mean, who in their
right mind would ever...
428
00:17:03,703 --> 00:17:06,521
You would look
so totally hot in those.
429
00:17:06,523 --> 00:17:08,856
Do you have these in a size 11?
430
00:17:09,759 --> 00:17:11,760
So get off the field
at the Superdome,
431
00:17:11,762 --> 00:17:13,394
because you ain't no saint.
432
00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:16,131
Hello.
433
00:17:16,133 --> 00:17:17,549
I, uh...
Oh.
434
00:17:17,551 --> 00:17:19,768
Hi, Robin.
435
00:17:20,970 --> 00:17:24,506
Could I have
your phone number?
436
00:17:24,508 --> 00:17:26,975
We need someplace to hide.
Where?
437
00:17:26,977 --> 00:17:29,310
No, Jerry, this is not the time
to go to another club!
438
00:17:29,312 --> 00:17:33,114
We've got to get you back
home in time for that trip.
439
00:17:33,116 --> 00:17:35,617
But there's no more
trains, there's no cabs.
440
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:36,785
Well, uh...
441
00:17:36,787 --> 00:17:40,405
I do have a few driving
students in the city.
442
00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,357
Step on it! Jerry...
Do not step on it.
443
00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:43,958
Jerry, we have got
to get you home
444
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,193
in time for
that fishing trip.
445
00:17:45,195 --> 00:17:46,494
...the laws are there
to protect...
446
00:17:46,496 --> 00:17:48,113
This is no time for laws!
Buckle up, Barney.
447
00:17:48,115 --> 00:17:51,616
I am not going to buckle up!
I am your father! You will listen to me!
448
00:17:54,703 --> 00:17:57,205
Hey! How's the
open marriage going?
449
00:17:57,207 --> 00:17:58,907
Who was the first one
to get the five numbers?
450
00:17:58,909 --> 00:18:00,008
I won that race.
451
00:18:00,010 --> 00:18:02,644
My prize--
sex in the bathroom.
452
00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:05,380
And I won that race.
453
00:18:08,551 --> 00:18:10,885
Aw, sorry that secret crush
didn't work out for you.
454
00:18:10,887 --> 00:18:15,056
Oh, it's okay. I guess
it just wasn't meant to be.
455
00:18:15,058 --> 00:18:16,591
Why are you smiling?
456
00:18:16,593 --> 00:18:17,992
I don't know.
457
00:18:17,994 --> 00:18:20,428
Good night.
458
00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:22,230
Saw that girl again.
459
00:18:22,232 --> 00:18:24,365
And guess what?
She's engaged.
460
00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:25,900
So that's the end of that.
461
00:18:25,902 --> 00:18:28,319
It wasn't the end of that.
More on that later.
462
00:18:28,321 --> 00:18:32,240
And her fiancé?
The guy's like a two.
463
00:18:34,977 --> 00:18:37,278
How did you do it?
464
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,779
Do what?
465
00:18:38,781 --> 00:18:41,115
How did you become this?
466
00:18:41,117 --> 00:18:44,052
I mean, I love my life, but...
467
00:18:44,054 --> 00:18:47,388
I'm not sure I like
loving it.
468
00:18:47,390 --> 00:18:50,091
Sure, strip clubs...
You're drifting.
469
00:18:50,093 --> 00:18:51,860
Hey, I'm trying to
open up to you...
470
00:18:51,862 --> 00:18:54,562
No, Mrs. Perkins,
you're drifting!
471
00:18:55,431 --> 00:18:57,966
Go on, Barney.
472
00:18:57,968 --> 00:19:01,903
When I think about going for
anything more than that,
473
00:19:01,905 --> 00:19:07,008
I look at my life,
and who I am, and...
474
00:19:07,010 --> 00:19:10,845
I'm too far gone.
475
00:19:10,847 --> 00:19:12,981
I'm broken.
476
00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:19,337
Son, I was far more broken
than you'll ever be.
477
00:19:19,339 --> 00:19:21,822
And look at me now.
478
00:19:21,824 --> 00:19:26,961
Don't get me wrong-- settling
down is... a challenge.
479
00:19:26,963 --> 00:19:29,230
It's the biggest
challenge of your life.
480
00:19:29,232 --> 00:19:31,032
So how do you do it?
481
00:19:31,034 --> 00:19:35,069
A magician never reveals
his greatest trick.
482
00:19:36,005 --> 00:19:37,872
But I'll give you a hint.
483
00:19:37,874 --> 00:19:40,508
You gotta meet the right girl.
484
00:19:41,877 --> 00:19:44,395
Who knows?
485
00:19:44,397 --> 00:19:47,181
Maybe you'll meet her tomorrow.
486
00:19:47,183 --> 00:19:50,652
Maybe I've met her already.
487
00:19:51,754 --> 00:19:54,572
And park.
And emergency brake.
488
00:19:56,759 --> 00:19:58,493
I did have a good time tonight.
489
00:19:58,495 --> 00:19:59,894
And hey,
if you want to
490
00:19:59,896 --> 00:20:01,863
go fishing,
we got room in the boat.
491
00:20:01,865 --> 00:20:04,365
Maybe some other time.
492
00:20:04,367 --> 00:20:05,733
Okay.
493
00:20:06,835 --> 00:20:08,169
Oh, and, uh...
494
00:20:08,171 --> 00:20:12,373
thanks for taking such
good care of this.
495
00:20:12,375 --> 00:20:15,843
It means a lot to me that you
kept it safe all these years.
496
00:20:32,261 --> 00:20:34,729
I'm going fishing with my dad.
497
00:20:51,462 --> 00:20:54,831
This...
498
00:20:54,833 --> 00:20:56,666
sucks.
499
00:20:56,668 --> 00:21:00,168
== sync, corrected by elderman ==