1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:06,040 Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story ; 2 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,280 the story of how I met your mother. 3 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,600 Are we being punished for something ? 4 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:11,200 No. 5 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:13,120 Yeah, is this gonna take a while ? 6 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:17,000 Yes. 25 years ago, before I was Dad, 7 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,160 I had this whole other life. 8 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,880 It was way back in 2005. 9 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:27,680 I was 27, just starting to make it as an architect 10 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:30,600 and living in New York with Marshall, my best friend from college. 11 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:31,840 My life was good. 12 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,640 And then Uncle Marshall went and screwed the whole thing up. 13 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:37,240 Will you marry me ? 14 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,080 Yes. Perfect ! 15 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,160 And then you're engaged. You pop the champagne. 16 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:41,920 You drink a toast. 17 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,760 You have sex on the kitchen floor. 18 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:45,600 Don't have sex on our kitchen floor. 19 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:46,280 Got it. 20 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,760 Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted. 21 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,120 Dude, are you kidding ? It's you and Lilly. 22 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,600 I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lilly : 23 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:57,080 night you met, your first date, other first things. 24 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,880 Yeah, sorry. We thought you were asleep. 25 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:00,960 It's physics, Marshall. 26 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,720 If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves, too. 27 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,280 My God. 28 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,040 You're getting engaged tonight. 29 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:12,560 Yeah. What are you doin' tonight ? 30 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,480 What was I doing ? 31 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,040 Here Uncle Marshall was taking the biggest step of his life. 32 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:17,920 And me ? 33 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,880 I'm calling up your Uncle Barney. 34 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:23,200 Hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian girls ? 35 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,320 Well, now I've got a new favorite... Lebanese girls. 36 00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:30,520 Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians. 37 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:32,480 Hey, you want to do somethin' tonight ? 38 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,600 Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up ! 39 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,600 Where's your suit ? 40 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,240 Just once, when I say suit up, I wish you'd put on a suit. 41 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:45,000 I did that one time. 42 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,160 It was a blazer ! 43 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:51,440 You know, ever since college it's been, Marshall and Lilly and me. 44 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,320 Now, it's gonna be Marshall and Lilly... and me. 45 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:55,960 They'll get married, start a family. 46 00:01:55,960 --> 00:02:00,600 Before long, I'm that weird, middle-aged bachelor their kids call Uncle Ted. 47 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,040 I see what this is about. 48 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,360 Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met ? 49 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,040 Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live. 50 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,640 Barney. We met at the urinal. 51 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,000 Oh, right. Right. 52 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,000 Lesson one : lose the goatee. 53 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,160 It doesn't go with your suit. 54 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,880 - I'm not wearing a suit. - Lesson two : get a suit. 55 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,680 Suits are cool. Exhibit "A." 56 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:27,720 Lesson three : don't even think about getting married till you're 30. 57 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,000 30. Right. You're right. 58 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,840 I guess it's just, your best friend gets engaged, 59 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,080 you start thinking about that stuff. 60 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,760 I thought I was your best friend. 61 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,120 Ted, say I'm your best friend. 62 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,120 You're my best friend, Barney. 63 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,000 Good. Then, as your best friend, 64 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,800 I suggest we play a little game I like to call 65 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,880 - "Have you met Ted ?" - Wait. No, no, no. 66 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,000 We're not playing "Have you met Ted ?" 67 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,400 Hi, have you met Ted ? 68 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,480 Hi, I'm Ted. 69 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:51,400 Yasmine. 70 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,680 That's a very pretty name. 71 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,480 Thanks. It's Lebanese. 72 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,120 I'm exhausted. 73 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,760 It was finger-painting day at school, 74 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:06,480 and a five year-old boy got to second base with me. 75 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,440 Wow ! You're cooking ? 76 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,120 Yes, I am. 77 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,200 Aw... 78 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:14,760 Are you sure that's a good idea ? 79 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,880 After last time, you looked really creepy without eyebrows. 80 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:19,240 I can handle this. 81 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,520 I think you'll find I'm full of surprises tonight. 82 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,840 So, there's more surprises ? Like what ? 83 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,880 Marshall was in his second year of law school, 84 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,280 so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet. 85 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,560 Boogedyboo ! 86 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,320 And that's all of 'em. 87 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,880 I'm gonna go... cook. 88 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,320 I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am. 89 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,480 I just couldn't imagine settling down right now. 90 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,080 So, do you think you'll ever get married ? 91 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,920 Well, maybe eventually... 92 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:46,040 some fall day, possibly in Central Park. 93 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,680 Simple ceremony. We'll write our own vows. 94 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:50,760 Band, no DJ. People will dance ! 95 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:52,440 I'm not gonna worry about it ! 96 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,800 Damn it, why did Marshall have to get engaged ? 97 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,720 Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning out his own imaginary wedding, huh ? 98 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:03,240 - Actually, I think it's cute. - Well, you're clearly drunk. 99 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,120 One more for the lady ! 100 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,760 Oh, hey, look what I got. 101 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,600 Oh, honey ! Champagne. 102 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:16,680 Yeah. 103 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:21,960 No. You are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne. 104 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,600 - I'm not scared. - Then open it. 105 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:24,640 Fine. 106 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,400 Please open it ? 107 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,640 You are unbelievable, Marshall. 108 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,160 There are two big questions a man has to ask in life. 109 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:33,840 One, you plan out for months. 110 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,720 The other just slips out when you're half drunk at some bar. 111 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,040 Will you marry me ? 112 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,400 You wanna go out sometime ? 113 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,000 Of course, you idiot ! 114 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,640 I'm sorry, Carl's my boyfriend. 115 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,160 'Sup, Carl ? 116 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,320 I promised Ted we wouldn't do that. 117 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,960 Did you know there's a Pop Tart under your fridge ? 118 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,560 No, but dibs. 119 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,080 Where's that champagne ? 120 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:07,120 I wanna drink a toast with my fiancée. 121 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:11,840 I don't know why I was so scared of this. 122 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:13,760 It's pretty easy, right ? 123 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:17,920 Why am I freaking out all of a sudden ? 124 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,200 This is crazy. I'm not ready to settle down. 125 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,640 How does Carl land a Lebanese girl ? 126 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,720 The plan has always been don't even think about it until you're 30. 127 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,880 Exactly. The guy doesn't even own a suit. 128 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,320 Plus, Marshall's found the love of his life. 129 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,400 Even if I was ready, which I'm not... 130 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:36,880 but if I was, it's, like, "Okay, I'm ready. Where is she ?" 131 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,840 And there she was. 132 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,440 It was like something from an old movie, 133 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:54,680 where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, 134 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,520 turns to his buddy and says, "See that girl ? 135 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,560 I'm gonna marry her someday." 136 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:02,400 Hey, Barney, see that girl ? 137 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,200 Oh, yeah. You just know she likes it dirty. 138 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:06,760 Go say hi. 139 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,640 I can't just go say hi. 140 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:09,840 I need a plan. 141 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:11,920 I'm gonna wait until she goes to the bathroom, 142 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,840 then I'll strategically place myself by the jukebox... 143 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,280 Hi, have you met Ted ? 144 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,920 Let me guess... Ted. 145 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,800 Sorry, Lilly. I'm so sorry. 146 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,000 - Take us to the hospital. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 147 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,280 Did you hit her ? 148 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:33,480 Hit me ? Please ! 149 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,400 This guy can barely even spank me in bed for fun. 150 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,960 He's all like, "Oh, honey. Did that hurt ?" 151 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,640 And, I'm like, "Come on ! Let me have it, you pansy !" 152 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,120 - Wow, a complete stranger. - No, no, no, no ! It's okay. 153 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,000 Go on. 154 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,080 So, these, uh, spankings... 155 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,960 you in pajamas or au naturel ? 156 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,280 So, what do you do ? 157 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,360 I'm a reporter for Metro News One. 158 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,560 Well, kind of a reporter. 159 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,920 I do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news. 160 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,360 You know, like, um... 161 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,880 monkey who can play the ukulele. 162 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,960 I'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon. 163 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,680 Bigger, like, uh... gorilla with an upright bass ? 164 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,000 Sorry. You're really pretty. 165 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,480 Oh, your friends don't seem to happy. 166 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,640 Yeah, see, the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend. 167 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,160 So, tonight, every guy is "the enemy." 168 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:22,640 You know if it'll make your friend feel better, 169 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,760 you could throw a drink in my face. I don't mind. 170 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,680 She would love that ! 171 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,040 And it does look fun in the movies. 172 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,240 Hey, you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night ? 173 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:32,440 Oh, I can't. 174 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,480 I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday. 175 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,840 Some guy's attempting to make the world's biggest pancake. 176 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,320 Guess who's covering it ? 177 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:39,440 That's gonna take a week ? 178 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,360 Yeah, he's gonna eat it, too. It's another record. 179 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,840 Hey ! What's takin' so long ? 180 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,400 Uh, I know this is a long shot, but how 'bout tomorrow night ? 181 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,200 Yeah. What the hell ? 182 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:57,480 Jerk ! 183 00:07:58,560 --> 00:07:59,680 That was fun. 184 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,680 De... wait for it... nied ! 185 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,080 Denied ! 186 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:06,800 We're goin' out tomorrow night. 187 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,200 I thought we were playin' laser tag tomorrow night. 188 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,680 Yeah, I was never gonna go play laser tag. 189 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,080 The next night, I took her out to this little bistro in Brooklyn. 190 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,680 That is one badass blue French horn. 191 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:22,320 Yeah. 192 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,000 Sort of looks like a Smurf penis. 193 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,640 Son, a piece of advice : 194 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:31,120 when you go on a first date, you really don't wanna say "Smurf penis." 195 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,560 Girls don't ordinarily like that. 196 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,960 But this was no ordinary girl. 197 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:42,400 Lilly ? 198 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,080 How long have you been sitting there ? 199 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,000 Stupid eye patch. 200 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:54,520 Mom, Dad, I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby. 201 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,840 Marshall, how have I always described my perfect woman ? 202 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,600 Now, let's see... she likes dogs ? 203 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,080 I've got five dogs. 204 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:01,960 She drinks scotch ? 205 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,840 I love a scotch that's old enough to order its own scotch. 206 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,880 Can quote obscure lines from Ghostbusters ? 207 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,600 Ray ! When someone asks you if you're a god, you say "Yes !" 208 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,880 And I'm saving the best for last. 209 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,320 Do you want these ? I hate olives. 210 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,280 She hates olives ! Awesome ! 211 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,040 The olive theory. 212 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,840 The olive theory is based on my friends Marshall and Lilly. 213 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,520 He hates olives, she loves them. 214 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,400 In a weird way, that's what makes them such a great couple. 215 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,880 Perfect balance. 216 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,760 You know, I've had a jar of olives just sitting in my fridge forever. 217 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:35,880 I could take 'em off your hands. 218 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:38,640 They're all yours. 219 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,720 Oh, it is on ! 220 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,400 It is on till the break of dawn. 221 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:45,800 But wait. 222 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,360 It's only the break of 10:30. What happened ? 223 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:52,400 I gotta get one of those blue French horns for over my fireplace. 224 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,160 It's gotta be blue. It's gotta be French. 225 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,440 - No green clarinet ? - Nope. 226 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,960 Come on. No purple tuba ? 227 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,040 It's a Smurf penis or no dice. 228 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:01,240 There you are ! 229 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,320 We got a jumper. 230 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,240 Some crazy guy on the Manhattan Bridge. 231 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,800 Come on. You're coverin' it ! 232 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,600 Um... all right. I'll be right there. 233 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:10,920 I'm sorry. 234 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,800 I had a really great time tonight. 235 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:15,880 Yeah. 236 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,880 So ?! Did you kiss her ? 237 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,040 No. The moment wasn't right. 238 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,280 Look, this woman could actually be my future wife. 239 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:23,800 I want our first kiss to be amazing. 240 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,520 Aw, Ted, that is so sweet. 241 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,960 So you chickened out like a little bitch. 242 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,680 What ? I did not chicken out. 243 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:33,320 You know what ? 244 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,960 I don't need to take first kiss advice from some pirate 245 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,000 who hasn't been single since the first week of college. 246 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,600 Anyone who's single would tell you the same thing, 247 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,080 even the dumbest single person alive. 248 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,520 And if you don't believe me, call him. 249 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,040 Hey, loser. 250 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:49,200 How's not playing laser tag ? 251 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,480 Because playing laser tag is awesome ! 252 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,240 - Oh, I killed you, Conner ! - Don't make me get your mom ! 253 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,320 Hey, listen. I need your opinion on something. 254 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,880 Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. 255 00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:58,960 And suit up ! 256 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,320 So, these guys think I chickened out. 257 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,400 What do you think ? 258 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:07,200 I can't believe you're still not wearing a suit. 259 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:09,560 She didn't even give me the signal. 260 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,440 What, is she gonna, she gonna bat her eyes ayou in Morse code ? 261 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:17,440 "Ted... kiss me." No ! You just kiss her ! 262 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:19,440 Not if you don't get the signal. 263 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,040 Did Marshall give me the signal ? 264 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,440 No ! I didn't. I swear. 265 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:29,400 But, see, at least tonight, 266 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,960 I get to sleep knowing Marshall and me, 267 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:31,760 never gonna happen. 268 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,000 You should have kissed her. 269 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,040 Oh, I should have kissed her. 270 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,160 Well, maybe in a week when she gets back from Orlando. 271 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,440 A week ? That's like a year in hot girl time. 272 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:40,640 She'll forget all about you. 273 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,960 Mark my words... you will never see that one again. 274 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,560 There she is. 275 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:48,640 Ooh ! She's cute. Hey, Carl, turn it up. 276 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,600 ...persuaded him to reconsider. 277 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,640 At which point, the man came down off the ledge, 278 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,560 giving this bizarre story a happy ending. 279 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:58,000 - Reporting from Metro One News... - Guy didn't jump. 280 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:00,960 I'm gonna go kiss her. 281 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,080 Right now. 282 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,480 Look, dude. It's midnight. 283 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:07,240 As your future lawyer, I'm gonna advise you that's freakin' crazy. 284 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:08,720 I never do anything crazy. 285 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,240 I'm always waiting for the moment, planning the moment. 286 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:12,640 Well, she's leaving tomorrow. 287 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,120 This may be the only moment I'm gonna get. 288 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:15,960 I gotta do what that guy couldn't. 289 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,680 I gotta take the leap ! 290 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:19,880 Okay, not a perfect metaphor, 291 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,360 'cause for me it's fall in love and get married, 292 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,400 and for him it's... death. 293 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,040 Actually, that is a perfect metaphor. 294 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,720 By the way, did I congratulate you two ? 295 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:31,760 I'm doing this. 296 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:33,000 Let's go. 297 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,760 - Word up. - We're coming with you. 298 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:36,560 Barney ? 299 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,160 All right, but under one condition. 300 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,200 Look at you, you beautiful bastard. You suited up ! 301 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,960 This is totally going in my blog ! 302 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:47,920 Stop the car. 303 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,360 Uh, pull over right here. 304 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,160 I gotta do something. 305 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,000 Excuse me. Pardon me. Just a sec'. 306 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:56,600 Enjoy your coffee. 307 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,160 Go ! Go ! Go ! 308 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,760 Everybody brings flowers. 309 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,240 Okay. 310 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,440 Moment of truth. 311 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,400 Wish me luck. 312 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,200 Ted's gonna get it on with a TV reporter. 313 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,640 "This just in." Okay. 314 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,520 Kiss her, Ted ! Kiss her good ! 315 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,880 Kiss the crap outta that girl ! 316 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,040 Marshall, remember this night. 317 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,200 When you're the best man at our wedding and you give a speech, 318 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,320 you're gonna tell this story. 319 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,640 Why does he get to be the best man ? 320 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,720 I'm your best friend ! 321 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:45,120 As I walked up to that door, a million thoughts raced through my mind. 322 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,600 Unfortunately, one particular thought did not. 323 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,360 I've got five dogs. 324 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:52,800 Not good. Not good. 325 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,480 - No ! - Get back in there ! 326 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,120 You're wearing a suit ! 327 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,680 Ted ? 328 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:02,520 Hi. 329 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,440 I was just, uh... 330 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:11,720 Come on up. 331 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:14,840 He's in. 332 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:17,120 So... 333 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,320 Ranjit, you must have done it with a Lebanese girl ? 334 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,560 Okay, that's my Barney limit. 335 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,080 I'm gonna see if that bodega has a bathroom. 336 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,680 Actually, I'm from Bangladesh. 337 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,200 The women hot there ? 338 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,520 Here's a picture of my wife. 339 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,440 A simple "no" would have sufficed. 340 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,040 She's lovely. 341 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:44,960 So, Ted, what brings you back to Brooklyn at 1:00 in the morning in a suit ? 342 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,040 I was just hoping to... 343 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,200 get those olives... 344 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,040 that you said I could have. 345 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,080 Would you like those olives with some gin and vermouth ? 346 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,600 Are you trying to get me drunk ? 347 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,880 For starters. 348 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,640 So, Marshall, this olive theory, based on you and Lilly ? 349 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,200 You hate olives. 350 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,160 Lilly loves 'em. You can't stand 'em. 351 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,520 Yeah. Hate olives. 352 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:23,160 Two weeks ago, Spanish bar on 79th street, dish of olives, you had some... what up ? 353 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,440 You have to swear that this does not leave this cab. 354 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,440 - I swear. - I swear. 355 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,840 On our first date, I ordered a Greek salad. 356 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:37,760 Lilly asked if she could have my olives. 357 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:42,080 - I said, "Sure. I hate olives." - But, you like olives. 358 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,560 Well, I was 18, okay ? I was a virgin. 359 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,760 Been waitin' my whole life for a pretty girl to want my olives. 360 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,360 Marshall, I'm gonna give you an early wedding present. 361 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,480 Don't get married. 362 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,760 I think I like your olive theory. 363 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,400 I think I like your new French horn. 364 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,240 I think I like your nose. 365 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,400 I think I'm in love with you. 366 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,120 What ?! What ?! What ?! 367 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,560 Come on, man, you said your stomach's been hurting, right ? 368 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,880 You know what that is. 369 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:19,600 Hunger. 370 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,440 You're hungry for experience. 371 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:22,960 Hungry for something new. 372 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,040 Hungry for olives. 373 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,120 But you're too scared to do anything about it. 374 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,000 Yeah, I'm scared, okay ? 375 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,880 But, when I think of spending the rest of my life with Lilly... 376 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:37,360 committing, forever, no other women... 377 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,800 doesn't scare me at all. 378 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,520 I'm marrying that girl. 379 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,080 Lilly. 380 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,720 Lilly, I like olives. 381 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,200 We'll make it work. 382 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,240 So, Orlando. You gonna hit Disneyworld ? 383 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,520 You love me ?! 384 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:09,880 I-I-I can't believe I said that. 385 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,360 Why did I say that ? Who says that ? 386 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:14,240 I should just go. 387 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,400 Hold on. 388 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,800 Wait a minute. 389 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:20,560 Promised you these. 390 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,520 Olives. Thanks. I love you. 391 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,520 What is wrong with me ? 392 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,400 Why are we still sitting here ? 393 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,040 Let's go. We can still make last call. 394 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:30,920 What do you say, Lil ? 395 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,440 Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum ? 396 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,080 'Cause you're a pirate. 397 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,360 Okay, eye patch, gone. 398 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,080 And we can't just abandon Ted. 399 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,800 If it doesn't go well up there, he's gonna need some support. 400 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,640 It's been, like, 20 minutes. 401 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:47,920 You think they're doin' it ? 402 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,320 You think they're doin' it in front of the dogs ? 403 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,600 Doggy style. 404 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,960 Hey, there was a girl in college, she had this golden retriever... 405 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,400 Okay, we can go to the bar. Just stop talking. 406 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,600 Hit it, Ranjit. 407 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,800 So, when you tell this story to your friends, 408 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,840 could you avoid the word "psycho ?" 409 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,800 I'd prefer. "eccentric." 410 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,320 Good night... psycho. 411 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:16,280 Great. 412 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,000 Um, how do I get to the F train ? 413 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:22,320 Oh, um, two blocks that way and take a right. 414 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:26,800 You know what ? 415 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,800 I'm done being single. 416 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:31,640 I'm not good at it. 417 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:35,320 Look, obviously, you can't tell a woman you just met you love her. 418 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,120 But... it sucks that you can't. 419 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:40,320 I'll tell you something, though. 420 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:44,080 If a woman... not you, just some hypothetical woman... 421 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,880 were to bear with me through all this, 422 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,400 I think I'd make a damn good husband. 423 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,240 Because, that's the stuff I'd be good at, 424 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,680 stuff like making her laugh and being a good father. 425 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,120 And walking her five hypothetical dogs. 426 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,120 Being a good kisser. 427 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,120 Everyone thinks they're a good kisser. 428 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,680 Oh, I've got references. 429 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:06,960 Good night, Ted. 430 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,440 And I'm a good handshaker. 431 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,920 That's a pretty great handshake. 432 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:22,440 And that was it. 433 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,280 I'll probably never see her again. 434 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:27,920 What ? 435 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,120 That was the signal. 436 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:32,840 That long, lingering handshake ? You should have kissed her. 437 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,080 There's no such thing as "the signal." 438 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,280 But, yeah, that was the signal. 439 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:39,240 Signal. 440 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:41,720 Ah, Carl, thank you. 441 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,600 Something I gotta do. 442 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,000 By the way, you should have kissed her. 443 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,400 Carl ! You guys weren't there. 444 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,760 I am so turned on right now. 445 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,360 Guys, trust me. 446 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,800 I've seen the signal. 447 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,400 That was not the signal. 448 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,320 Yeah, Ted, we're not on you anymore. 449 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,720 - To my fiancée. - To the future. 450 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,560 To one hell of a night ! 451 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,240 That was not the signal. 452 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,560 I asked her about it years later. 453 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,640 And, yeah, that was the signal. 454 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,120 I could have kissed her. 455 00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,000 But that's the funny thing about destiny. 456 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,040 It happens whether you plan it or not. 457 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,960 I mean, I never thought I'd see that girl again, 458 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,680 but it turns out I was just too close to the puzzle 459 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,440 to see the picture that was forming. 460 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:32,800 Because, that, kids, is the true story of how I met your Aunt Robin. 461 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:35,400 Aunt Robin ? 462 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,400 I thought this was how you met mom ! 463 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,480 Will you relax ? I'm getting to it. 464 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,520 Like I said, it's a long story.