1 00:00:02,528 --> 00:00:04,685 Kids, in April of 2013, 2 00:00:04,785 --> 00:00:06,535 your mother and I were very close 3 00:00:06,537 --> 00:00:08,153 and yet very far apart. 4 00:00:08,155 --> 00:00:10,756 I was living on West 82nd Street. 5 00:00:10,758 --> 00:00:12,925 She was up on West 115th. 6 00:00:12,927 --> 00:00:15,493 She was getting a degree in economics. 7 00:00:15,495 --> 00:00:17,513 I was teaching architecture. 8 00:00:17,515 --> 00:00:18,714 I was always at MacLaren's. 9 00:00:18,716 --> 00:00:20,132 She was always... 10 00:00:20,134 --> 00:00:22,217 not spending all her time in a bar. 11 00:00:22,219 --> 00:00:25,420 She was dating some finance guy named Louis. 12 00:00:25,422 --> 00:00:27,439 And I... 13 00:00:27,441 --> 00:00:29,892 I was alone. 14 00:00:31,895 --> 00:00:33,312 Ted, get ready to be surrounded by 15 00:00:33,314 --> 00:00:35,197 half-naked, grease-covered bodies. 16 00:00:35,199 --> 00:00:37,733 And by grease, I mean motor grease. 17 00:00:37,735 --> 00:00:41,153 We're going to Robots vs. Wrestlers! 18 00:00:41,155 --> 00:00:44,323 Kids, you remember Robots vs. Wrestlers. 19 00:00:44,325 --> 00:00:45,240 Forget everything you remember 20 00:00:45,242 --> 00:00:46,491 about Robots vs. Wrestlers. 21 00:00:46,493 --> 00:00:50,045 This is Robots vs. Wrestlers: "Legends." 22 00:00:50,047 --> 00:00:53,298 Elderly wrestlers fighting old-timey robots 23 00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:55,367 in a wheelchair-accessible wrestling ring. 24 00:00:55,369 --> 00:00:57,869 Why are we still sitting here? 25 00:00:57,871 --> 00:00:59,087 I got a big lecture tomorrow. 26 00:00:59,089 --> 00:01:00,538 Think I'm gonna take it easy tonight. 27 00:01:00,540 --> 00:01:02,758 Ted, trust me, 20 years from now, 28 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,445 you'll be glad you saw Robots vs. Wrestlers: Legends. 29 00:01:06,447 --> 00:01:08,981 I can't imagine a world where that's possible. 30 00:01:08,983 --> 00:01:09,982 I'm serious. 31 00:01:09,984 --> 00:01:11,233 20 years from now, 32 00:01:11,235 --> 00:01:13,602 when my 26-year-old third wife asks me about this... 33 00:01:13,604 --> 00:01:15,070 You make a lot of those jokes. 34 00:01:15,072 --> 00:01:16,305 I'm gonna say, 35 00:01:16,307 --> 00:01:18,423 "Yeah, it was awesome, but you know the funny thing? 36 00:01:18,425 --> 00:01:20,442 Ted almost didn't go." Hmm. 37 00:01:20,444 --> 00:01:22,894 "But thank God he did, because it was a great night." 38 00:01:22,896 --> 00:01:24,062 And then she and I will 39 00:01:24,064 --> 00:01:25,397 adjourn to the Jacuzzi, 40 00:01:25,399 --> 00:01:27,399 where my fourth wife will be waiting for us, 41 00:01:27,401 --> 00:01:28,900 already warming herself up on the jets. 42 00:01:28,902 --> 00:01:30,619 Oh, Robin's here-- I'll tell you the rest later. 43 00:01:30,621 --> 00:01:32,570 Please do, that story could go anywhere. 44 00:01:32,572 --> 00:01:33,538 Mwah. 45 00:01:33,540 --> 00:01:34,923 Hey, hello. Hey. 46 00:01:34,925 --> 00:01:36,041 Here we are at the bar 47 00:01:36,043 --> 00:01:37,242 once more. 48 00:01:38,094 --> 00:01:39,428 "What will I have to drink?" you ask. 49 00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:40,462 Hmm. 50 00:01:40,464 --> 00:01:41,579 Minnesota Tidal Wave. 51 00:01:41,581 --> 00:01:43,098 "What's that?" you ask. 52 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:44,216 Only the best cocktail ever. 53 00:01:44,218 --> 00:01:45,884 "Who invented it?" you ask. 54 00:01:46,419 --> 00:01:47,603 Me. 55 00:01:47,605 --> 00:01:49,271 And it's not a girly drink. 56 00:01:49,273 --> 00:01:50,689 Lily, why would you even say that? 57 00:01:50,691 --> 00:01:52,424 Girly drink. 58 00:01:52,426 --> 00:01:54,610 Hey, I am the least girly girl on Earth, 59 00:01:54,612 --> 00:01:56,395 and I love the Minnesota Tidal Wave. 60 00:01:56,397 --> 00:01:57,813 Thank you, Robin. 61 00:01:57,815 --> 00:01:59,731 Matter of fact, I'm going to go order one 62 00:01:59,733 --> 00:02:01,599 right now with my head held high. 63 00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:02,600 Lily. 64 00:02:02,602 --> 00:02:04,069 You want me to order it for you? 65 00:02:04,071 --> 00:02:05,270 Yes, please, thank you, baby. 66 00:02:08,858 --> 00:02:10,993 Ted, let me tell you the secret to life. 67 00:02:10,995 --> 00:02:12,110 Hmm. 68 00:02:12,112 --> 00:02:13,912 Every time I make a decision about what to do 69 00:02:13,914 --> 00:02:16,081 on a given night, I ask myself, 70 00:02:16,083 --> 00:02:19,751 "What would make the best memory 20 years from now?" 71 00:02:19,753 --> 00:02:22,955 So I let 20-Years-From-Now- Barney call the shots. 72 00:02:22,957 --> 00:02:24,289 And it always works out. 73 00:02:24,291 --> 00:02:26,425 And 20-Years-From-Now-Barney 74 00:02:26,427 --> 00:02:28,810 thinks we should go to Robots vs. Wrestlers? 75 00:02:28,812 --> 00:02:29,828 I don't know. 76 00:02:29,830 --> 00:02:30,796 Let's ask him. 77 00:02:30,798 --> 00:02:31,980 Close your eyes, Ted. 78 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,550 Okay, now open them. 79 00:02:35,552 --> 00:02:36,518 Barney, I swear to God, 80 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:37,969 if I open my eyes and your bare ass 81 00:02:37,971 --> 00:02:39,521 is an inch away from my face again... 82 00:02:39,523 --> 00:02:42,007 Just open your eyes. 83 00:02:46,079 --> 00:02:47,896 Ted, I'd like you to meet 20-Years-From-Now-Barney. 84 00:02:47,898 --> 00:02:49,581 20-Years-From-Now-Barney, you remember Ted. 85 00:02:49,583 --> 00:02:51,700 'Sup? 86 00:02:51,766 --> 00:02:55,766 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x20 ♪ The Time Travelers Original Air Date on March 25, 2013 87 00:02:55,791 --> 00:03:00,791 == sync, corrected by elderman == 88 00:03:04,514 --> 00:03:05,847 Hey, Ted. 89 00:03:05,849 --> 00:03:07,065 What's this I hear-slash-remember 90 00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:10,235 about you not wanting to see Robots vs. Wrestlers? 91 00:03:10,237 --> 00:03:12,020 Yeah, it's just that I don't want to see it. 92 00:03:12,022 --> 00:03:14,022 You don't... I know. 93 00:03:14,024 --> 00:03:15,107 He doesn't... I know. 94 00:03:16,310 --> 00:03:20,195 Ted, trust us, it's gonna be legend-- 95 00:03:20,197 --> 00:03:22,397 wait 20 years for it... 96 00:03:22,399 --> 00:03:23,348 ...dary! 97 00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:25,784 Legendary! Legendary! 98 00:03:25,786 --> 00:03:26,902 Okay, uh, I'm gonna go home. 99 00:03:26,904 --> 00:03:28,036 No, Ted, look. Come on! 100 00:03:28,038 --> 00:03:29,204 If you don't believe that 101 00:03:29,206 --> 00:03:30,355 Robots vs. Wrestlers 102 00:03:30,357 --> 00:03:31,907 is gonna be a life-changing event, 103 00:03:31,909 --> 00:03:35,711 maybe you'll believe 20-Years-From-Now-Ted. 104 00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:37,846 Whoa. 105 00:03:37,848 --> 00:03:39,214 'Sup? 106 00:03:39,216 --> 00:03:40,198 Wow. 107 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,367 Wow, so many things all at once. 108 00:03:42,369 --> 00:03:43,868 But most importantly... 109 00:03:43,870 --> 00:03:45,420 I don't go bald? 110 00:03:45,422 --> 00:03:47,039 Nope. 111 00:03:47,041 --> 00:03:48,223 And neither do I. 112 00:03:48,225 --> 00:03:49,374 Eeh... 113 00:03:49,376 --> 00:03:51,876 Ted, listen to me. 114 00:03:51,878 --> 00:03:54,429 You, listen to you. 115 00:03:54,431 --> 00:03:56,181 Me. 116 00:03:56,183 --> 00:03:58,350 You got to go to Robots vs. Wrestlers: Legends. 117 00:03:58,352 --> 00:04:00,602 Trust me, you will regret it if you don't. 118 00:04:00,604 --> 00:04:02,104 So, what, do I go bald or something? 119 00:04:02,106 --> 00:04:03,221 Is that a toupee? 120 00:04:03,223 --> 00:04:04,222 Ted, 121 00:04:04,224 --> 00:04:05,524 scalp check! Can't Robin do this? 122 00:04:05,526 --> 00:04:07,109 Come on, you've been doing it for years. 123 00:04:07,111 --> 00:04:08,443 You know the frame of reference. 124 00:04:08,445 --> 00:04:09,745 Scalp check! 125 00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:12,748 Hmm, that's odd. 126 00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:15,667 Little early in the week for scalp check. 127 00:04:15,669 --> 00:04:16,901 Five tablespoons of sugar, 128 00:04:16,903 --> 00:04:19,121 a whisper of vanilla vodka 129 00:04:19,123 --> 00:04:20,172 and you're done. 130 00:04:20,174 --> 00:04:21,873 Maraschino cherries. 131 00:04:21,875 --> 00:04:24,543 Oh, and a handful of maraschino cherries on top. 132 00:04:24,545 --> 00:04:26,344 Wait, you're ordering a Robin Scherbatsky. 133 00:04:26,346 --> 00:04:27,512 Why didn't you just say that? 134 00:04:29,349 --> 00:04:31,183 One second there, barkeep. 135 00:04:31,185 --> 00:04:32,083 Unless I'm mistaken, 136 00:04:32,085 --> 00:04:33,635 the drink this lady just ordered 137 00:04:33,637 --> 00:04:36,304 is called the Minnesota Tidal Wave. 138 00:04:36,306 --> 00:04:38,039 Origin unknown. 139 00:04:38,041 --> 00:04:40,392 Oh, well, you know, Robin's been ordering them so much lately 140 00:04:40,394 --> 00:04:41,610 that we named it after her. 141 00:04:41,612 --> 00:04:43,678 You named a drink after me? 142 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,113 Right there in the menu. 143 00:04:45,115 --> 00:04:46,431 Congrats. 144 00:04:53,706 --> 00:04:55,957 I can't drink this. 145 00:04:55,959 --> 00:04:57,209 That's better. 146 00:04:57,211 --> 00:04:59,944 I'm still seething, but that's better. 147 00:05:01,131 --> 00:05:02,631 Okay, 20-Years-From-Now-Me, 148 00:05:02,633 --> 00:05:04,216 level with me. 149 00:05:04,218 --> 00:05:06,718 You. Us. 150 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,503 Is Robots vs. Wrestlers worth it? 151 00:05:08,505 --> 00:05:11,056 It was the single greatest night of my life. 152 00:05:11,058 --> 00:05:12,724 Even greater than your wedding? 153 00:05:12,726 --> 00:05:14,860 Well, I mean, when I get married, 154 00:05:14,862 --> 00:05:16,511 that'll be the greatest night of my life. 155 00:05:16,513 --> 00:05:18,180 But who knows when that's going to happen? 156 00:05:18,182 --> 00:05:20,315 Oh, my God, you still haven't... 157 00:05:20,317 --> 00:05:21,800 Man, I hope I meet her soon. 158 00:05:21,802 --> 00:05:23,652 Oh, God, what is wrong with me?! 159 00:05:23,654 --> 00:05:25,020 I'm sorry! 160 00:05:25,022 --> 00:05:26,655 I'm just messing with you! 161 00:05:26,657 --> 00:05:28,857 Now, come on, are we going or what? 162 00:05:28,859 --> 00:05:30,575 Fine, let's go. 163 00:05:30,577 --> 00:05:31,776 Yeah! 164 00:05:32,612 --> 00:05:34,079 Not so fast. 165 00:05:34,081 --> 00:05:36,798 Barney, Ted, 20-Years-From-Now-Barney, 166 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,099 20-Years-From-Now-Ted. 167 00:05:38,101 --> 00:05:38,934 Who are you? 168 00:05:38,936 --> 00:05:41,720 I'm 20-Hours-From-Now-Ted. 169 00:05:41,722 --> 00:05:44,322 And you bastards aren't going anywhere. 170 00:05:49,578 --> 00:05:51,776 So, you're the Ted from 20 hours from now? 171 00:05:51,876 --> 00:05:52,859 Shh. 172 00:05:52,861 --> 00:05:55,445 Just... shh. 173 00:05:55,447 --> 00:05:56,529 You okay? 174 00:05:56,531 --> 00:05:58,131 No, I'm not okay. 175 00:05:58,133 --> 00:06:00,750 This dummy's about to go to Robots vs. Wrestlers-- 176 00:06:00,752 --> 00:06:02,368 and yes, it'll be awesome... 177 00:06:02,370 --> 00:06:04,487 See? 178 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,571 ...at first. 179 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,206 But then you're gonna drink way too much, 180 00:06:07,208 --> 00:06:09,158 hence the headache. 181 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,460 Then you're gonna jump into the ring 182 00:06:10,462 --> 00:06:12,628 and sprain your wrist, hence the splint. 183 00:06:12,630 --> 00:06:13,679 And then afterwards, you're gonna smoke 184 00:06:13,681 --> 00:06:14,997 half a pack of cigarettes, hence the... 185 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,301 Well, that's the sound a good time. 186 00:06:18,303 --> 00:06:20,803 And 20 hours from now, when you're me, 187 00:06:20,805 --> 00:06:21,804 you're gonna want to come back here, 188 00:06:21,806 --> 00:06:24,390 right to this very spot, right now, 189 00:06:24,392 --> 00:06:26,008 and smack yourself upside the head. 190 00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:27,477 Yeah, but obviously I wouldn't do that 191 00:06:27,479 --> 00:06:28,644 'cause I'd only be smacking myself-- 192 00:06:28,646 --> 00:06:30,346 Ow! 193 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:33,599 Don't do this to me, Ted. Don't do this to us. 194 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,535 Don't listen to yourself, Present-Day-Ted. 195 00:06:35,537 --> 00:06:38,654 It's a day of pain for a lifetime of memories. 196 00:06:38,656 --> 00:06:40,289 20-Hours-From-Now-Me, 197 00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:43,409 just tell me one thing: do I hurl? 198 00:06:43,411 --> 00:06:45,578 Yeah, kid. 199 00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:47,213 You hurl. 200 00:06:47,215 --> 00:06:48,364 A lot? 201 00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:50,083 Remember when Mom 202 00:06:50,085 --> 00:06:52,418 bought the beef from the Price Club? 203 00:06:52,420 --> 00:06:54,504 Okay, how about this: 204 00:06:54,506 --> 00:06:56,722 we go to Robots vs. Wrestlers, 205 00:06:56,724 --> 00:06:59,642 but I don't drink too much? 206 00:06:59,644 --> 00:07:00,960 Interesting. 207 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:01,978 I'm good with that. 208 00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:03,212 No, forget it. 209 00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,647 If Ted doesn't get wasted, 210 00:07:04,649 --> 00:07:06,182 there's no way he'll end up making out 211 00:07:06,184 --> 00:07:08,651 with that surprisingly realistic-looking female robot. 212 00:07:08,653 --> 00:07:10,553 Wait, I kiss a female robot? 213 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,021 Oh, you do a lot more than that. 214 00:07:12,023 --> 00:07:15,191 Now, look, nobody is saying you need alcohol 215 00:07:15,193 --> 00:07:17,160 to have an exciting and memorable night. 216 00:07:17,162 --> 00:07:19,245 Absolutely not. Absolutely not. 217 00:07:19,247 --> 00:07:21,998 But in this case, yeah, you kind of have to be wasted. 218 00:07:24,285 --> 00:07:26,002 You drink beers in cans still. 219 00:07:26,004 --> 00:07:27,620 It makes the robot scarier. 220 00:07:28,505 --> 00:07:30,256 They named my drink after her. 221 00:07:30,258 --> 00:07:31,624 The Minnesota Tidal Wave. 222 00:07:31,626 --> 00:07:32,875 It's my usual. 223 00:07:32,877 --> 00:07:34,093 Immaterial! 224 00:07:34,095 --> 00:07:35,711 If it's gonna be named after anybody, 225 00:07:35,713 --> 00:07:37,513 it should be called The Marshall Eriksen. 226 00:07:37,515 --> 00:07:39,599 Sorry, it's The Robin Scherbatsky. 227 00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:40,749 Read it and weep. 228 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,418 Oh, so you're gonna Zuckerberg me? 229 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,352 That it? 230 00:07:43,354 --> 00:07:44,753 You're Zuckerberging me? 231 00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:45,454 That's fine. 232 00:07:45,456 --> 00:07:47,106 I'll see you in court. 233 00:07:47,108 --> 00:07:49,158 Little court known as the dance floor. 234 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,693 Dance-off. Now. 235 00:07:50,695 --> 00:07:51,760 No, no dancing. 236 00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:53,596 Marshall, we've been through this. 237 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,598 The doctor said your dancer's hip is worse than ever. 238 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,617 You have to lay off dancing for a while. 239 00:07:57,619 --> 00:07:59,452 You're killing me, Lily! 240 00:07:59,454 --> 00:08:01,487 You're killing me! 241 00:08:01,489 --> 00:08:02,605 I'm an adult. 242 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,123 You have to let me dance my own battles. 243 00:08:04,125 --> 00:08:05,875 Marshall, there's not gonna be a dance-off 244 00:08:05,877 --> 00:08:07,109 because the name is staying. 245 00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,445 Period, end of story. 246 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:12,632 I just like having my name on something. 247 00:08:12,634 --> 00:08:14,050 Oh, you do? 248 00:08:14,052 --> 00:08:16,085 Oh, that's great, Robin. 249 00:08:16,087 --> 00:08:18,087 Then that's what you will get. 250 00:08:18,089 --> 00:08:20,173 That's... 251 00:08:20,175 --> 00:08:22,175 what you... 252 00:08:22,177 --> 00:08:24,560 will get. 253 00:08:26,129 --> 00:08:28,598 Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm. 254 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,316 Oh, hey, Robin. 255 00:08:30,318 --> 00:08:32,301 You here "for a good time"? 256 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:34,237 Classic. 257 00:08:34,239 --> 00:08:35,804 Did you write my number in the men's room? 258 00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:38,107 It... Well, I don't know. 259 00:08:38,109 --> 00:08:39,642 I guess you'll never know unless you go in there, 260 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:40,776 which I highly doubt that... 261 00:08:40,778 --> 00:08:42,111 There she goes. 262 00:08:42,113 --> 00:08:43,646 Okay, boys. 263 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:46,482 Close your eyes and zip your flies. 264 00:08:52,372 --> 00:08:54,657 Hi. Don't mind me. 265 00:08:57,377 --> 00:08:59,011 I don't think you should have done that. 266 00:08:59,013 --> 00:09:01,297 Lily, I know what I'm doing, all right? 267 00:09:01,299 --> 00:09:02,431 I'm a lawyer. 268 00:09:02,433 --> 00:09:04,050 I've thought about every possible scenario. 269 00:09:04,052 --> 00:09:05,551 I'm ten steps ahead of... 270 00:09:08,004 --> 00:09:09,639 Where's she going? 271 00:09:09,641 --> 00:09:11,057 Probably into the ladies' room 272 00:09:11,059 --> 00:09:12,675 to write something on the wall about you. 273 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,060 Nobody writes things 274 00:09:14,062 --> 00:09:15,361 on the walls of the ladies' room. 275 00:09:15,363 --> 00:09:17,029 Have you been in the ladies' room? 276 00:09:17,031 --> 00:09:18,447 Of course not. 277 00:09:18,449 --> 00:09:21,350 Lily, I know that I have the sexual charisma of a bad boy, 278 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:24,737 but I certainly don't have the manners of one. 279 00:09:26,073 --> 00:09:27,022 What'd you write in there? 280 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:29,158 Why don't you go in and look? 281 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,360 You know I can't do that, Robin. 282 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,545 Lily, can you go look? 283 00:09:32,547 --> 00:09:35,915 Oh, I thought you wanted to dance your own battles. 284 00:09:37,050 --> 00:09:39,585 Ladies, put your blouses back on! 285 00:09:39,587 --> 00:09:42,672 I'm coming in! 286 00:09:47,261 --> 00:09:48,644 Dear Marshall, 287 00:09:48,646 --> 00:09:50,746 I know this is a strange way to apologize, 288 00:09:50,748 --> 00:09:54,150 but I'm sorry I let Carl name your drink after me. 289 00:09:54,152 --> 00:09:55,818 Why didn't I say something? 290 00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:58,387 Gosh, I guess that goes back to my childhood. 291 00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:01,057 Okay, guys. 292 00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:04,076 Let's go to Robots vs. Wrestlers. 293 00:10:04,078 --> 00:10:04,944 Huzzah! Now you're talking! 294 00:10:04,946 --> 00:10:05,894 Here we go. 295 00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,163 Nope, sit down. 296 00:10:07,165 --> 00:10:08,664 Everybody sit down. 297 00:10:08,666 --> 00:10:09,749 Okay, who are you? 298 00:10:09,751 --> 00:10:12,702 Hello, Ted, Barney, 20-Hours-From-Now-Ted, 299 00:10:12,704 --> 00:10:14,920 20-Years-From-Now-Ted, 20-Years-From-Now-Barney. 300 00:10:14,922 --> 00:10:16,422 Hey, how's it going? 301 00:10:16,424 --> 00:10:18,374 Allow me to introduce myself. 302 00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,543 I'm 20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney, 303 00:10:20,545 --> 00:10:22,378 and I have got something very important to... 304 00:10:23,464 --> 00:10:25,548 What's the stain on your shirt, bro? 305 00:10:25,550 --> 00:10:27,767 Please, please, I really do have something very important to... 306 00:10:28,936 --> 00:10:30,919 You look stupid. 307 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:32,254 Here's your spaghetti. 308 00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:34,056 And be careful... 309 00:10:35,609 --> 00:10:37,310 ...with the meatball. 310 00:10:39,446 --> 00:10:41,864 And that's the only time my father 311 00:10:41,866 --> 00:10:43,599 ever said he was proud of me. 312 00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:46,535 Maybe that's why I stole credit for your drink. 313 00:10:46,537 --> 00:10:47,620 Maybe that's why 314 00:10:47,622 --> 00:10:50,289 I needed to pour my heart out like this. 315 00:10:50,291 --> 00:10:52,925 Or, maybe I wrote this so you'd be in here long enough 316 00:10:52,927 --> 00:10:55,294 for a lady to walk in, causing you to freak out 317 00:10:55,296 --> 00:10:56,479 and hide in the stall. 318 00:10:57,665 --> 00:10:59,415 So, you got a text message? Yeah. 319 00:11:02,886 --> 00:11:03,952 Whoa. 320 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:07,023 Try to get some in your mouth next time. 321 00:11:07,025 --> 00:11:09,091 Okay, everybody, listen up. 322 00:11:09,093 --> 00:11:10,159 When I walked in here, 323 00:11:10,161 --> 00:11:11,694 I was 20-Minutes- From-Now-Barney. 324 00:11:11,696 --> 00:11:13,162 But that was 19 minutes 325 00:11:13,164 --> 00:11:14,697 and some serious acid reflux-- 326 00:11:14,699 --> 00:11:17,500 who orders spaghetti at an Irish bar?-- ago. 327 00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:18,634 Now, 328 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,319 I'm 20-Seconds- From-Now-Barney, 329 00:11:20,321 --> 00:11:22,321 and I'm telling you, watch that door. 330 00:11:22,323 --> 00:11:23,155 Why? 331 00:11:23,157 --> 00:11:26,258 That's why. 332 00:11:27,627 --> 00:11:29,395 Um, oh. 333 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,314 In-in, like, 12 seconds. 334 00:11:34,334 --> 00:11:36,252 Your skin looks great. 335 00:11:36,254 --> 00:11:37,703 Thanks. 336 00:11:37,705 --> 00:11:40,005 And thank you for taking such good care of it. 337 00:11:40,007 --> 00:11:41,156 Shh. 338 00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:42,958 That's why. 339 00:11:53,409 --> 00:11:54,409 Who is that? 340 00:11:54,411 --> 00:11:55,677 She's the coat check girl 341 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:57,979 from that dance club we went to seven years ago. 342 00:11:57,981 --> 00:11:59,314 You remember that night. 343 00:11:59,316 --> 00:12:00,765 When Barney grinded with his cousin. 344 00:12:00,767 --> 00:12:03,685 Oh, man, you remember that 20 years from now? 345 00:12:03,687 --> 00:12:05,653 He won't let anyone forget. 346 00:12:05,655 --> 00:12:06,788 Coat check girl. 347 00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:09,140 I always meant to go back to that club 348 00:12:09,142 --> 00:12:11,309 and get her number, but I didn't. 349 00:12:11,311 --> 00:12:13,428 And now she's here? 350 00:12:13,430 --> 00:12:16,731 She's in this bar seven years later? 351 00:12:16,733 --> 00:12:18,616 I-I can't believe this. 352 00:12:18,618 --> 00:12:20,869 So, wait, do you guys think I should go talk to her? 353 00:12:20,871 --> 00:12:22,537 Are you kidding me? Yes, go... 354 00:12:22,539 --> 00:12:23,604 How many different ways... Idiot. 355 00:12:23,606 --> 00:12:26,658 Hello? 356 00:12:26,660 --> 00:12:29,711 Is anybody out there? 357 00:12:32,131 --> 00:12:34,916 Sounds like the coast is clear. 358 00:12:38,671 --> 00:12:40,621 No, no, wait! 359 00:12:40,623 --> 00:12:41,622 Please, it's not my fault! 360 00:12:41,624 --> 00:12:42,841 I was tricked! 361 00:12:42,843 --> 00:12:44,175 Not cool, Marshall. 362 00:12:44,177 --> 00:12:45,643 This is a nice bar. 363 00:12:45,645 --> 00:12:47,846 Girls come here, they just want to relax with their friends, 364 00:12:47,848 --> 00:12:50,148 maybe have a few Robin Scherbatskys, 365 00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:51,632 and not have to worry out some guy 366 00:12:51,634 --> 00:12:54,686 pulling a Marshall Eriksen in the bathroom. 367 00:12:54,688 --> 00:12:57,655 No, no, no, I know. I just... 368 00:12:57,657 --> 00:13:01,476 Wait a minute, did you just use my name 369 00:13:01,478 --> 00:13:03,661 as shorthand for a guy being creepy? 370 00:13:03,663 --> 00:13:04,746 Yep. 371 00:13:04,748 --> 00:13:06,147 Well, you know what, Carl? 372 00:13:06,149 --> 00:13:07,866 I think that you are making 373 00:13:07,868 --> 00:13:09,701 a broad and prejudicial assumption. 374 00:13:09,703 --> 00:13:12,087 So next time I meet a guy who just goes around 375 00:13:12,089 --> 00:13:13,654 rushing to judgment, I'm gonna say, 376 00:13:13,656 --> 00:13:16,875 "Hey, that guy's being a real Carl..." 377 00:13:18,827 --> 00:13:21,346 You don't know my last name. 378 00:13:21,348 --> 00:13:23,348 You've been drinking here for years, 379 00:13:23,350 --> 00:13:24,632 and you don't know my last name. 380 00:13:24,634 --> 00:13:27,936 I will name every drink in this bar after you 381 00:13:27,938 --> 00:13:30,105 if you can tell me my last name. 382 00:13:30,107 --> 00:13:31,189 Well, that just seems confusing. 383 00:13:31,191 --> 00:13:33,141 How will you know what people are ordering? 384 00:13:34,143 --> 00:13:35,477 What's my last name, Marshall? 385 00:13:35,479 --> 00:13:37,612 It's Carl... 386 00:13:43,035 --> 00:13:44,536 ...'s Junior. 387 00:13:45,571 --> 00:13:47,455 Okay, wish me luck, everyone. 388 00:13:47,457 --> 00:13:49,690 Break a leg... 389 00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,218 What the hell? 390 00:14:01,703 --> 00:14:03,221 Do not talk to her. 391 00:14:03,223 --> 00:14:04,556 What-what... Who are you? 392 00:14:04,558 --> 00:14:07,208 We are 20-Months-From-Now- Coat-Check-Girl. 393 00:14:07,210 --> 00:14:08,426 But there's two of you. 394 00:14:08,428 --> 00:14:10,728 Right, because if you go over there and you talk to her, 395 00:14:10,730 --> 00:14:12,764 20 months from now, it's gonna end in one of two ways. 396 00:14:12,766 --> 00:14:14,599 Either you are gonna get sick of me. 397 00:14:14,601 --> 00:14:16,017 I made you muffins 398 00:14:16,019 --> 00:14:18,553 because of your nickname: Muffin. 399 00:14:18,555 --> 00:14:20,188 Or... 400 00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:22,574 I am gonna get sick of you and your stupid habits. 401 00:14:22,576 --> 00:14:24,659 Stop DVR-ing the news. You're never gonna catch up. 402 00:14:24,661 --> 00:14:25,693 Oh, stop it, 403 00:14:25,695 --> 00:14:27,095 you're scaring him off. 404 00:14:27,097 --> 00:14:28,913 By the way, I'm pregnant. 405 00:14:28,915 --> 00:14:30,114 No, she's not. 406 00:14:30,116 --> 00:14:31,199 Okay, no, I'm not, 407 00:14:31,201 --> 00:14:33,117 but that made you happy for a second, right? 408 00:14:33,902 --> 00:14:35,386 Please shut up. Okay, wait, 409 00:14:35,388 --> 00:14:38,206 so you're saying it's doomed completely? 410 00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:41,092 One of us is just guaranteed to get sick of the other 411 00:14:41,094 --> 00:14:42,677 and call it quits? 412 00:14:42,679 --> 00:14:44,579 You've been dating for a long time, Ted. 413 00:14:44,581 --> 00:14:47,232 Has it ever gone any other way? 414 00:15:09,206 --> 00:15:10,288 Look at this one. 415 00:15:10,290 --> 00:15:11,439 Thank you so much. 416 00:15:11,441 --> 00:15:12,657 Hey. 417 00:15:12,659 --> 00:15:14,142 Hey, you look kind of down. 418 00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:17,662 Have a Robin Scherbatsky, on me. 419 00:15:17,664 --> 00:15:20,448 None of this would have happened if Lily had let me dance. 420 00:15:22,135 --> 00:15:24,752 Baby, wait. 421 00:15:24,754 --> 00:15:26,087 God, you're still clinging to that? 422 00:15:26,089 --> 00:15:27,555 Marshall, it doesn't matter, 423 00:15:27,557 --> 00:15:29,841 'cause you'd lose anyway, and you know why? 424 00:15:29,843 --> 00:15:31,759 'Cause I'm Sparkles, bitch. 425 00:15:31,761 --> 00:15:33,928 Oh, and you think you can step to me? 426 00:15:33,930 --> 00:15:35,897 You think you can step up to the streets? 427 00:15:35,899 --> 00:15:37,181 To me? 428 00:15:37,183 --> 00:15:40,602 You think you can step up over me to the streets? 429 00:15:40,604 --> 00:15:42,487 I guess we'll never know because you are not allowed... 430 00:15:42,489 --> 00:15:43,471 Wait, wait. 431 00:15:44,807 --> 00:15:47,442 That's my jam. 432 00:15:47,444 --> 00:15:49,360 Who's playing my jam? 433 00:15:49,362 --> 00:15:51,195 ♪ Like you carry dairy there ♪ Carry dairy there ♪ 434 00:15:51,197 --> 00:15:53,314 ♪ Heinie heinie heinie ho ♪ Heinie heinie heinie ho ♪ 435 00:15:53,316 --> 00:15:55,583 ♪ Work your derriere ♪ Work your derriere ♪ 436 00:15:55,585 --> 00:15:56,984 Dance-off. 437 00:15:56,986 --> 00:15:58,536 You're on. 438 00:15:59,638 --> 00:16:00,788 ♪ Work that booty 439 00:16:00,790 --> 00:16:02,006 ♪ Work that booty, work that booty ♪ 440 00:16:02,008 --> 00:16:03,174 ♪ Work that booty 441 00:16:03,176 --> 00:16:05,176 ♪ You got that pretty brown round ♪ 442 00:16:05,178 --> 00:16:07,428 ♪ Want both hands all on them chocolate mounds ♪ 443 00:16:07,430 --> 00:16:09,097 ♪ Give you my Almond Joy... 444 00:16:09,099 --> 00:16:10,548 Oh. 445 00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:12,100 I think I'm gonna head home. 446 00:16:12,102 --> 00:16:13,384 I understand. 447 00:16:13,386 --> 00:16:15,103 What, you're not gonna try and stop me? 448 00:16:15,105 --> 00:16:17,272 And how would I try and stop you? 449 00:16:17,274 --> 00:16:20,608 I don't know, by telling me life is short, 450 00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:22,610 and if you ever come across a beautiful, 451 00:16:22,612 --> 00:16:24,195 exciting, crazy moment in it, 452 00:16:24,197 --> 00:16:26,281 you got to seize it while you can 453 00:16:26,283 --> 00:16:27,682 before that moment's gone? 454 00:16:27,684 --> 00:16:31,069 Ted, this moment already is gone. 455 00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:33,855 The whole Minnesota Tidal Wave thing 456 00:16:33,857 --> 00:16:35,239 happened five years ago. 457 00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:36,624 It's just a memory. 458 00:16:36,626 --> 00:16:37,792 And the rest of this 459 00:16:37,794 --> 00:16:39,410 never happened. 460 00:16:39,412 --> 00:16:41,963 Right now, Marshall and Lily are upstairs, 461 00:16:41,965 --> 00:16:43,881 trying to get Marvin to go back to sleep. 462 00:16:43,883 --> 00:16:46,000 Robin and I are trying to decide on a caterer. 463 00:16:46,002 --> 00:16:47,085 And you've been sitting here 464 00:16:47,087 --> 00:16:49,120 all night, staring at a single ticket 465 00:16:49,122 --> 00:16:50,805 to Robots vs. Wrestlers 466 00:16:50,807 --> 00:16:52,540 because the rest of us couldn't come out. 467 00:16:52,542 --> 00:16:55,443 Look around, Ted. 468 00:16:55,445 --> 00:16:57,578 You're all alone. 469 00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:07,188 Kids, it's been almost 20 years 470 00:17:07,190 --> 00:17:10,074 since that cold April night in 2013, 471 00:17:10,076 --> 00:17:11,892 and I can safely tell you, 472 00:17:11,894 --> 00:17:15,496 if I could go back in time and relive that night, 473 00:17:15,498 --> 00:17:19,701 there's no way in hell I'd go to Robots vs. Wrestlers. 474 00:17:22,237 --> 00:17:25,840 No, I'd go home. 475 00:17:25,842 --> 00:17:27,709 I'd go to my old apartment, 476 00:17:27,711 --> 00:17:30,428 see all my old furniture, my old stuff. 477 00:17:30,430 --> 00:17:32,547 I'd see my old drafting table, 478 00:17:32,549 --> 00:17:35,550 where I sketched out my first building. 479 00:17:35,552 --> 00:17:36,917 I'd sit on that old couch 480 00:17:36,919 --> 00:17:39,604 and smell the Indian food cooking three stories below. 481 00:17:39,606 --> 00:17:42,923 I'd go to Lily and Marshall's place, 482 00:17:42,925 --> 00:17:45,810 be back in that old living room where so many things happened. 483 00:17:45,812 --> 00:17:47,261 I'd see the baby. 484 00:17:47,263 --> 00:17:49,197 I don't know if you can picture me holding 485 00:17:49,199 --> 00:17:51,983 your six-foot-seven cousin Marvin over my head, 486 00:17:51,985 --> 00:17:54,152 but back then I could. 487 00:17:54,154 --> 00:17:56,287 I'd go have a drink with Barney and Robin, 488 00:17:56,289 --> 00:17:58,156 watch them fight about their caterer 489 00:17:58,158 --> 00:18:00,658 or whatever it was they were fighting about that night. 490 00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:03,944 But none of those things is the thing I'd do first. 491 00:18:03,946 --> 00:18:07,999 You know the thing I'd do first? 492 00:18:33,075 --> 00:18:35,076 Hi. 493 00:18:36,912 --> 00:18:40,147 I'm Ted Mosby. 494 00:18:40,149 --> 00:18:43,984 And exactly 45 days from now, 495 00:18:43,986 --> 00:18:46,671 you and I are gonna meet, 496 00:18:46,673 --> 00:18:49,090 and we're gonna fall in love, 497 00:18:49,092 --> 00:18:51,008 and we're gonna get married, 498 00:18:51,010 --> 00:18:54,512 and... we're gonna have two kids. 499 00:18:54,514 --> 00:18:58,599 And we're gonna love them and each other so much. 500 00:19:01,437 --> 00:19:04,138 All that is 45 days away. 501 00:19:07,392 --> 00:19:10,228 But I'm here now, 502 00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:13,314 I guess, because... 503 00:19:15,701 --> 00:19:19,320 I want those extra 45 days with you. 504 00:19:19,322 --> 00:19:22,790 I want each one of them. 505 00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:24,709 Look, and if I can't have them, 506 00:19:24,711 --> 00:19:27,211 I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up 507 00:19:27,213 --> 00:19:30,381 and punches me in the face, 508 00:19:30,383 --> 00:19:33,551 because... 509 00:19:33,553 --> 00:19:35,753 I love you. 510 00:19:35,755 --> 00:19:38,806 I'm always gonna love you, 511 00:19:38,808 --> 00:19:42,677 till the end of my days and beyond. 512 00:19:44,513 --> 00:19:46,430 You'll see. 513 00:19:47,766 --> 00:19:49,600 Can I help you? 514 00:19:49,602 --> 00:19:52,353 Oh, hey, it's, uh, Louis, right? 515 00:19:52,355 --> 00:19:53,371 It's okay. 516 00:19:53,373 --> 00:19:54,655 It's fine, um... 517 00:19:54,657 --> 00:19:56,190 I'm in love with your girlfriend, 518 00:19:56,192 --> 00:19:58,058 and, uh, we're gonna get married. 519 00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:00,111 What? Yeah. 520 00:20:25,171 --> 00:20:27,744 Okay, guys, I've been waiting 20 years for this. 521 00:20:27,844 --> 00:20:29,227 Just like we practiced. 522 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,562 No mistakes, ready? 523 00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:33,314 One, two, a-one, two, three, four. 524 00:20:33,538 --> 00:20:37,516 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh 525 00:20:37,616 --> 00:20:39,182 ♪ For the longest 526 00:20:39,184 --> 00:20:41,401 ♪ For the longest time 527 00:20:41,403 --> 00:20:42,836 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh 528 00:20:42,838 --> 00:20:44,471 ♪ For the longest 529 00:20:44,473 --> 00:20:45,739 ♪ For the longest time 530 00:20:45,741 --> 00:20:50,644 ♪ If you said good-bye to me tonight ♪ 531 00:20:50,646 --> 00:20:51,795 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh 532 00:20:51,797 --> 00:20:53,430 ♪ There would still 533 00:20:53,432 --> 00:20:55,265 ♪ Be music left to write 534 00:20:55,267 --> 00:20:56,566 ♪ Doo-doo-doo 535 00:20:56,568 --> 00:21:02,650 ♪ What else could I do? I'm so inspired by you ♪ 536 00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:07,085 ♪ That hasn't happened for the longest time. ♪ 537 00:21:07,185 --> 00:21:12,185 == sync, corrected by elderman ==