1 00:00:00,981 --> 00:00:03,049 NARRATOR: Kids, when your Uncle Marshall finally quit 2 00:00:03,059 --> 00:00:05,693 Goliath National Bank to do something better with his life, 3 00:00:05,774 --> 00:00:07,374 he left on great terms with his boss. 4 00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,477 Good luck, Marshall. And promise 5 00:00:09,478 --> 00:00:11,812 you'll list me as a reference. 6 00:00:14,499 --> 00:00:15,883 NARRATOR: Which made Marshall's big interview 7 00:00:15,884 --> 00:00:17,918 with a respected environmental organization 8 00:00:17,919 --> 00:00:19,153 all the more confusing. 9 00:00:19,154 --> 00:00:20,654 I'm sorry. I don't think you're the kind 10 00:00:20,655 --> 00:00:22,022 of person we're looking for. 11 00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:25,126 I just got off the phone with Arthur Hobbs over at GNB. 12 00:00:25,127 --> 00:00:27,328 Oh, yeah, I worked with Marshall Eriksen... 13 00:00:27,329 --> 00:00:29,897 at least I did when he actually showed up. 14 00:00:29,898 --> 00:00:33,467 Marshall! Hey, it's, uh, it's 2:30. 15 00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:35,386 If it's no big deal, we'd sure love it 16 00:00:35,387 --> 00:00:37,505 if you'd try to get here at least before lunch. 17 00:00:37,506 --> 00:00:40,274 Yeah? And I'd sure love to give a rat's ass. 18 00:00:40,942 --> 00:00:42,443 (slaps bottom) 19 00:00:44,729 --> 00:00:46,580 Oh! Mr. Eriksen... 20 00:00:46,581 --> 00:00:49,049 You're not wearing any pants. 21 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,452 Your move. 22 00:00:55,190 --> 00:00:57,408 But Marshall, wh... What about the environment? 23 00:00:57,409 --> 00:01:00,528 Screw the environment! 24 00:01:00,529 --> 00:01:02,129 "Screw the environment"?! 25 00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,564 Oh, yeah. 26 00:01:03,565 --> 00:01:07,234 We fired him when we caught him clubbing a seal in his office 27 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:09,470 with an even cuter seal. 28 00:01:09,471 --> 00:01:11,639 The guy's a maniac. 29 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,726 He's just an awful, flatulent racist. 30 00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:16,811 Sir, none of that is... 31 00:01:16,812 --> 00:01:19,613 Sorry. Interview over. 32 00:01:22,717 --> 00:01:26,554 NARRATOR: And so Marshall stormed over to GNB, where he ran into Zoey. 33 00:01:26,555 --> 00:01:28,272 If you want to get back at those jerks, 34 00:01:28,273 --> 00:01:30,624 I have a proposition for you. 35 00:01:31,693 --> 00:01:35,262 Invitations for the demolition of The Arcadian. 36 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,698 As head of the project, I get to decide how we knock it down. 37 00:01:37,699 --> 00:01:40,918 I'm torn between training an actual coyote 38 00:01:40,919 --> 00:01:42,770 to use an ACME dynamite plunger, 39 00:01:42,771 --> 00:01:46,040 or hooking up a fuse to Eddie Van Halen's guitar 40 00:01:46,041 --> 00:01:49,009 that goes off the second he hits the last note 41 00:01:49,010 --> 00:01:50,344 to "Hot For Teacher." 42 00:01:50,345 --> 00:01:53,797 (mimics high guitar note, fuse igniting, explosion) 43 00:01:53,798 --> 00:01:56,467 (mimics crowd chanting): Barney! Barney! Bar... 44 00:01:56,468 --> 00:01:58,452 No, no. I'm going to go coyote. 45 00:01:58,453 --> 00:02:01,088 Wait. While no one wants to see 46 00:02:01,089 --> 00:02:03,390 a, uh, coyote wearing a little hard hat 47 00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:05,092 more than me, remember: 48 00:02:05,093 --> 00:02:08,262 Zoey's protest could still shut your whole project down. 49 00:02:08,263 --> 00:02:10,097 Oh, come on. Zoey's not shutting anything down, 50 00:02:10,098 --> 00:02:11,665 standing out there with her stupid megaphone, 51 00:02:11,666 --> 00:02:15,135 screaming in the wind; butt cheeks trembling with fury; 52 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,872 her perky breasts heaving; 53 00:02:17,873 --> 00:02:20,274 her self-righteous nipples... 54 00:02:20,275 --> 00:02:21,775 Dude, that's my girlfriend. 55 00:02:21,776 --> 00:02:26,146 Point is, we are taking her and The Arcadian down. 56 00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:27,548 Am I right, Teddy Westside? 57 00:02:27,549 --> 00:02:29,300 You know it. Ha-ha! 58 00:02:29,301 --> 00:02:31,118 Okay. See, that's so weird to me. 59 00:02:31,119 --> 00:02:33,520 One second you're defending Zoey, 60 00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:35,556 and the next, you're talking about her going down. 61 00:02:35,557 --> 00:02:37,725 Glad to know she's also mouthy in a good way. 62 00:02:37,726 --> 00:02:40,094 (guffaws) What up? 63 00:02:40,095 --> 00:02:42,429 Dude, that's his girlfriend. 64 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,999 Isn't it tough dating the woman 65 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,401 that's trying to prevent your building from being built? 66 00:02:47,402 --> 00:02:48,702 At first, yes, but we figured out 67 00:02:48,703 --> 00:02:51,672 a great way to deal with it: we never talk about it. 68 00:02:51,673 --> 00:02:54,742 And since then, we've really been enjoying each other's company. 69 00:02:54,743 --> 00:02:56,577 So, every time The Arcadian comes up, 70 00:02:56,578 --> 00:02:59,179 you guys just awkwardly change the subject? 71 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:00,748 Yeah, but you'd be surprised. 72 00:03:00,749 --> 00:03:02,249 It doesn't even come up that often. 73 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:03,951 - Hey, guys. - ALL: Hey! 74 00:03:03,952 --> 00:03:07,454 Meet the new lawyer I hired to help save The Arcadian. 75 00:03:11,326 --> 00:03:13,928 So Oprah's retiring. Oof! 76 00:03:13,929 --> 00:03:16,664 What's that world gonna be like? 77 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:21,865 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 6x22 ♪ The Perfect Cocktail Original Air Date on May 2, 2011 78 00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:25,890 == sync, corrected by elderman == 79 00:03:30,679 --> 00:03:33,881 Wait, Marshall's helping you save The Arcadian, now? 80 00:03:33,882 --> 00:03:36,166 Yeah. Having a former GNB employee 81 00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:37,985 on our side is huge for us. 82 00:03:37,986 --> 00:03:40,738 GNB is going down. Yeah, totally. 83 00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:46,160 So, they found water on Mars. What? 84 00:03:46,161 --> 00:03:48,362 Listen, um, I hate to go up 85 00:03:48,363 --> 00:03:49,997 against my two best friends, but... 86 00:03:49,998 --> 00:03:51,832 I really, I really need this right now. 87 00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:53,167 I mean, we're, we're cool, right? 88 00:03:53,168 --> 00:03:57,137 Not only do you quit the job I stuck my neck out to get you, 89 00:03:57,138 --> 00:03:59,506 now you sabotage the project I'm in charge of? 90 00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:01,375 Is this because I brushed Lily's boob 91 00:04:01,376 --> 00:04:02,576 with my elbow, the other day? 92 00:04:02,577 --> 00:04:04,445 That was on purpose! What now? 93 00:04:04,446 --> 00:04:06,313 I mean this is really like... Barney, please... 94 00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:09,616 NARRATOR: And thus began an all-out war between Barney and Marshall... 95 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:12,052 Delivery from Mr. Stinson. 96 00:04:12,053 --> 00:04:14,054 Barney sent us pictures of himself. 97 00:04:14,055 --> 00:04:16,156 Oh, God. What's he doing to that megaphone?! 98 00:04:16,157 --> 00:04:17,958 (screams) 99 00:04:21,246 --> 00:04:22,763 (screams) ZOEY: Oh! 100 00:04:22,764 --> 00:04:24,698 (laughing) 101 00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:27,284 ♪ Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! ♪ 102 00:04:27,285 --> 00:04:29,370 NARRATOR: Later, back at the bar... 103 00:04:29,371 --> 00:04:31,605 another war was just beginning. 104 00:04:34,075 --> 00:04:36,743 Babe, can I get you a drink? 105 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:38,979 No, I'm still not... 106 00:04:38,980 --> 00:04:40,764 ready to put my mouth on anything yet. 107 00:04:40,765 --> 00:04:42,783 (sighs) I know. 108 00:04:44,185 --> 00:04:46,286 You know what? Screw this. 109 00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:47,971 Game on. 110 00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:57,097 Can you believe this one? 111 00:04:57,098 --> 00:04:58,782 Wants our booth. 112 00:04:58,783 --> 00:05:00,367 Keeps giving us the walk-by. 113 00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:03,454 That bitch is not giving us the walk-by. 114 00:05:03,455 --> 00:05:04,872 The walk-by with the stink eye. 115 00:05:04,873 --> 00:05:06,473 (falsetto): A stink-eye-walk-by?! 116 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:08,442 Aw, hell no! 117 00:05:08,443 --> 00:05:10,044 I hope this drink isn't teething, 118 00:05:10,045 --> 00:05:11,611 'cause it's about to get nursed. 119 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:14,882 (clunks heels) (murmurs) 120 00:05:14,883 --> 00:05:17,167 Barney! Your wife just called from the hospital! 121 00:05:17,168 --> 00:05:18,752 It's a boy! 122 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,955 No. I' was... I was... 123 00:05:23,458 --> 00:05:25,492 NARRATOR: This went on for days. 124 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,428 Congratulations. 125 00:05:27,429 --> 00:05:30,464 You're about to be the 250th girl that Barney has slept with. 126 00:05:30,465 --> 00:05:31,899 BARNEY: Pfff. Try 283. 127 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:34,501 250 was months ago. No, no, no. 128 00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:37,020 No, I mean, you're totally 250, baby. 129 00:05:37,021 --> 00:05:38,489 No, don't. 130 00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:40,691 Oh, bye-bye. 131 00:05:44,245 --> 00:05:46,180 Mr. Stinson... 132 00:05:46,181 --> 00:05:49,483 I had to rush down as soon as I got your results. 133 00:05:49,484 --> 00:05:50,501 I'm sorry, 134 00:05:50,502 --> 00:05:54,021 but your crabs have super-herpes. 135 00:05:58,159 --> 00:05:59,927 Oh, boy. 136 00:05:59,928 --> 00:06:01,361 Look who's back. 137 00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:04,765 Look, Lily, I think this girl wants our seats. 138 00:06:04,766 --> 00:06:06,433 Should we leave... or stay here 139 00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:11,004 Lionel Richie style-- "All Night Long"? 140 00:06:11,005 --> 00:06:13,673 Excuse me waitress, I'll have a mojito! 141 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,026 And you'll have a no-seat-ho. 142 00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:17,060 Oh...! 143 00:06:17,061 --> 00:06:18,946 (wry laugh) 144 00:06:21,683 --> 00:06:23,817 MARSHALL: Ah, yes... 145 00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:27,020 the sweet, smoky taste of victory. 146 00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:29,623 Are you sure it doesn't taste like anything else? 147 00:06:31,025 --> 00:06:32,025 That's it! 148 00:06:32,026 --> 00:06:33,360 Kent! Kent! 149 00:06:34,362 --> 00:06:35,913 Oh, God! Ow... 150 00:06:35,914 --> 00:06:37,881 Why would you do that to your own jacket?! 151 00:06:37,882 --> 00:06:40,200 That's what you get, you traitor! 152 00:06:41,052 --> 00:06:43,086 Oh, really? Really? Yeah. Really. 153 00:06:43,087 --> 00:06:45,038 Really. That... what... (bottles smashing) 154 00:06:45,039 --> 00:06:48,175 Okay, enough! You guys are out of here. 155 00:06:48,176 --> 00:06:50,377 (angry grunt) Ejected! 156 00:06:50,378 --> 00:06:52,179 I meant all of you. 157 00:06:52,180 --> 00:06:55,082 You're all banned from the bar. Out! 158 00:06:55,083 --> 00:06:57,184 Carl! (exasperated sigh) 159 00:06:57,185 --> 00:06:58,719 Oh... This has nothing to do with us. 160 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,354 You're totally ridiculous. 161 00:07:00,355 --> 00:07:02,122 (gasps) 162 00:07:02,123 --> 00:07:03,407 (contented sigh) 163 00:07:03,408 --> 00:07:04,775 (wry laugh) 164 00:07:04,776 --> 00:07:07,327 Don't look, baby. Just don't look. Come on. 165 00:07:13,304 --> 00:07:16,139 This stupid feud isn't going to end until Marshall and Barney 166 00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,674 finally talk about their feelings, cry, 167 00:07:17,675 --> 00:07:20,343 and then hug it out like they do on Oprah. 168 00:07:21,362 --> 00:07:23,363 Man, what are we going to do without her? 169 00:07:23,364 --> 00:07:25,566 (sighing): Oh... 170 00:07:28,169 --> 00:07:31,739 Wait, you know what, these guys are not going to get all mushy sober. 171 00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:33,540 We need to get these bitches drunk. 172 00:07:33,541 --> 00:07:36,176 Yes, but the right kind of drunk. 173 00:07:36,177 --> 00:07:38,779 Uh... we should go with something mellow. 174 00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:40,814 Maybe red wine? 175 00:07:40,815 --> 00:07:41,915 Oh, I don't know. 176 00:07:41,916 --> 00:07:44,418 Red wine has kind of an odd effect on Barney. 177 00:07:44,419 --> 00:07:47,755 ROBIN: He reaches a point of sad clarity. 178 00:07:47,756 --> 00:07:49,056 CROWD (chanting): Ten, nine, eight... 179 00:07:49,057 --> 00:07:50,924 I'm a B-plus. 180 00:07:50,925 --> 00:07:52,793 My whole life, I was hoping to be an A, 181 00:07:52,794 --> 00:07:55,028 and I'm a B-plus. 182 00:07:55,029 --> 00:07:57,030 And I'm okay with that. 183 00:07:57,031 --> 00:07:59,233 CROWD: Happy New Year! 184 00:07:59,234 --> 00:08:00,901 If we want them to open up, 185 00:08:00,902 --> 00:08:03,403 I say we go straight-up gin. 186 00:08:03,404 --> 00:08:05,439 Oh... last time Marshall got gin-drunk 187 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,242 was at that douchey bar Barney likes to go to. 188 00:08:08,243 --> 00:08:10,861 Marshall almost got in a fight that night. 189 00:08:18,486 --> 00:08:19,920 MARSHALL: Look at this meatball. 190 00:08:19,921 --> 00:08:23,624 He's headed right towards me, showing me no respect. 191 00:08:23,625 --> 00:08:24,992 Well, if he wants to play chicken, 192 00:08:24,993 --> 00:08:27,511 this rooster ain't backing down! 193 00:08:27,512 --> 00:08:28,729 (banging) 194 00:08:30,398 --> 00:08:35,135 Oh. Mirror. 195 00:08:35,136 --> 00:08:36,804 How about martinis? 196 00:08:36,805 --> 00:08:38,038 Absolutely not. 197 00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,307 I'm not going anywhere near you and a martini. 198 00:08:40,308 --> 00:08:42,142 Why not? 199 00:08:42,143 --> 00:08:43,694 Ooh... 200 00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:46,079 You know what would be stupid? 201 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,514 If we made out. 202 00:08:47,515 --> 00:08:49,733 (giggling): That would be so stupid. 203 00:08:50,819 --> 00:08:54,488 Hey, I dare you guys to dare us to make out. 204 00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:56,990 Every time. 205 00:08:56,991 --> 00:09:00,994 I only say that because it would be so stupid if we did. 206 00:09:00,995 --> 00:09:03,430 So stupid... 207 00:09:03,431 --> 00:09:04,498 Uh-huh. 208 00:09:04,499 --> 00:09:08,602 Oh, yeah? Well... what about you and absinthe? 209 00:09:08,603 --> 00:09:11,238 MARSHALL: I don't know. We could have water, soda, purple stuff... 210 00:09:11,239 --> 00:09:14,641 ROBIN: We're a dream a baby's having. 211 00:09:14,642 --> 00:09:16,093 We're a dream a baby's having. 212 00:09:16,094 --> 00:09:18,078 (giggling) 213 00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:19,446 I keep telling you, that didn't happen. 214 00:09:19,447 --> 00:09:21,415 It happened, and it changed me. 215 00:09:22,283 --> 00:09:23,550 How about daiquiris? 216 00:09:23,551 --> 00:09:26,737 Maybe. When Marshall has daiquiris... 217 00:09:26,738 --> 00:09:30,357 LILY: he gets really into how beautiful he is. 218 00:09:30,358 --> 00:09:35,796 Hey. I dare you guys to dare us to make out. 219 00:09:35,797 --> 00:09:38,298 Hey, Marsh, you know that's another mirror, right? 220 00:09:41,035 --> 00:09:42,536 Peppermint schnapps? 221 00:09:42,537 --> 00:09:43,737 No. Peppermint schnapps 222 00:09:43,738 --> 00:09:45,839 turns Barney into Richard Dawson. 223 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,108 Who? The crazy old host of Family Feud, 224 00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,978 who greeted women by kissing them on the mouth. 225 00:09:50,979 --> 00:09:52,679 (as Richard Dawson): Hey there, darlin'. 226 00:09:53,882 --> 00:09:55,549 How you doin'? 227 00:09:56,417 --> 00:09:58,218 Ah, is this your sister? 228 00:09:58,219 --> 00:09:59,553 Mmm... 229 00:09:59,554 --> 00:10:00,888 Beautiful. 230 00:10:00,889 --> 00:10:02,289 Mmm... 231 00:10:04,092 --> 00:10:05,459 Hey, where are our chicken wings? 232 00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:07,144 Show me chicken wings! 233 00:10:07,145 --> 00:10:08,195 (bell dings) 234 00:10:08,196 --> 00:10:11,315 OTHERS: Good order, Ted! Good order! 235 00:10:11,316 --> 00:10:13,734 Okay, I'm gonna go pick up Zoey, then we're off. 236 00:10:13,735 --> 00:10:15,652 See you Sunday. LILY: Oh, wait, Ted. 237 00:10:15,653 --> 00:10:19,506 Do you have a specific reaction to any kind of alcohol? 238 00:10:19,507 --> 00:10:20,941 Bourbon. 239 00:10:20,942 --> 00:10:22,542 When I drink bourbon... 240 00:10:22,543 --> 00:10:25,796 I get weirdly good at beatboxing. 241 00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:30,817 (beatboxing) 242 00:10:33,338 --> 00:10:34,588 Peace, I'm out. 243 00:10:34,589 --> 00:10:35,806 (crowd cheering) 244 00:10:35,807 --> 00:10:37,257 Yes! Yes! 245 00:10:37,258 --> 00:10:39,293 Yeah, Ted, I hate to tell you, 246 00:10:39,294 --> 00:10:42,429 but the bourbon only makes it sound good to you. 247 00:10:43,197 --> 00:10:46,300 (beatboxing discordantly) 248 00:10:46,301 --> 00:10:47,968 ♪ Ki-ki, ki-ki, ki-ki, ki-ki ♪ 249 00:10:47,969 --> 00:10:49,469 ♪ Ka-ka, ka-ka, ka-ka, ka-ka ♪ 250 00:10:49,470 --> 00:10:52,105 ♪ Koo-koo, koo-koo, koo-koo, koo-koo, poo... poo... ♪ 251 00:10:52,106 --> 00:10:53,340 (spitty breaths) 252 00:10:53,341 --> 00:10:54,374 Poo! 253 00:10:54,375 --> 00:10:56,510 Peace. I'm out. 254 00:11:00,515 --> 00:11:03,350 You had to take that away from me, didn't you? 255 00:11:05,169 --> 00:11:07,504 Well, enjoy Martha's Vineyard. 256 00:11:07,505 --> 00:11:08,822 Hopefully by the time you get back, 257 00:11:08,823 --> 00:11:10,057 we'll be allowed back into MacLaren's. 258 00:11:10,058 --> 00:11:11,458 What do you mean? 259 00:11:11,459 --> 00:11:13,994 Barney and Marshall's feud got us banned from the bar. 260 00:11:13,995 --> 00:11:16,863 We lost our booth. 261 00:11:16,864 --> 00:11:17,998 Stop. 262 00:11:17,999 --> 00:11:21,168 Man, how did things get so screwed up? 263 00:11:21,169 --> 00:11:23,670 NARRATOR: Of course I knew the answer to that. 264 00:11:23,671 --> 00:11:25,272 I was dating her. 265 00:11:25,273 --> 00:11:28,275 But I wasn't about to ruin our first big romantic weekend away 266 00:11:28,276 --> 00:11:29,676 by bringing up the one topic 267 00:11:29,677 --> 00:11:32,112 we agreed was completely off-limits. 268 00:11:32,113 --> 00:11:34,781 You and The Arcadian are ruining my life! What? 269 00:11:34,782 --> 00:11:36,199 I thought we weren't talking about... 270 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,734 We're talking about this. 271 00:11:37,735 --> 00:11:39,953 Look, I can handle you trying to prevent me 272 00:11:39,954 --> 00:11:41,238 from fulfilling a life-long dream. 273 00:11:41,239 --> 00:11:43,490 That's just being in a relationship. 274 00:11:43,491 --> 00:11:45,459 But now? You turn my best friend against me? 275 00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,694 Marshall made his own choice. Why aren't you mad at him? 276 00:11:47,695 --> 00:11:49,329 Because he's going through a lot right now. 277 00:11:49,330 --> 00:11:50,881 He, he's looking for something to believe in, 278 00:11:50,882 --> 00:11:52,249 and you took advantage of that. 279 00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:54,167 You're, you're just like those Internet swindlers 280 00:11:54,168 --> 00:11:55,719 who tricked him into paying 300 bucks 281 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,054 for a lock of Sasquatch fur. 282 00:11:57,055 --> 00:12:00,390 You cannot compare The Arcadian to a Ziploc bag 283 00:12:00,391 --> 00:12:01,808 full of Turkish armpit hair. 284 00:12:01,809 --> 00:12:02,943 The Arcadian 285 00:12:02,944 --> 00:12:04,644 is a beautiful, magnificent hotel. 286 00:12:04,645 --> 00:12:07,647 Okay. You know what? We're settling this once and for all. 287 00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:10,817 Okay. 288 00:12:10,818 --> 00:12:12,986 We've cross-referenced every alcohol 289 00:12:12,987 --> 00:12:14,955 with Marshall and Barney's reaction. 290 00:12:14,956 --> 00:12:16,957 What's the right drink for this situation? 291 00:12:16,958 --> 00:12:18,792 ROBIN: Well, they're not talking. 292 00:12:18,793 --> 00:12:20,293 They're not even looking at each other. 293 00:12:20,294 --> 00:12:22,996 That reminds me of those awkward Sunday dinners 294 00:12:22,997 --> 00:12:24,731 with my mom, my dad and his mistress. 295 00:12:24,732 --> 00:12:26,333 (laughs) 296 00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:27,634 Families, right? 297 00:12:27,635 --> 00:12:30,237 I-I guess. That... 298 00:12:30,238 --> 00:12:32,272 seems like a whole other thing. 299 00:12:33,174 --> 00:12:36,143 We need a drink that will start a fight. 300 00:12:38,446 --> 00:12:40,914 Do you know what I had to do to get you that job? 301 00:12:40,915 --> 00:12:42,182 Do you know what I had to do 302 00:12:42,183 --> 00:12:43,583 to will myself to show up every day? 303 00:12:43,584 --> 00:12:44,785 What, wear a wrinkled suit 304 00:12:44,786 --> 00:12:47,020 and not give a damn about what your hair looked like? 305 00:12:47,021 --> 00:12:49,790 I showed up with wet hair once! 306 00:12:49,791 --> 00:12:50,891 Once! 307 00:12:50,892 --> 00:12:53,276 BARNEY: Oh, my God. 308 00:12:54,862 --> 00:12:56,530 (door opens) 309 00:12:56,531 --> 00:12:58,782 Well, here we are. 310 00:12:58,783 --> 00:13:01,001 I had a reservation at a four-star inn 311 00:13:01,002 --> 00:13:02,936 overlooking the ocean but, uh... 312 00:13:02,937 --> 00:13:09,159 How can that compete with such a beautiful, magnificent hotel? 313 00:13:14,415 --> 00:13:17,551 Welcome to The Arcadian. 314 00:13:17,552 --> 00:13:19,486 (animals squeaking, scurrying) 315 00:13:25,090 --> 00:13:26,857 So here's the deal. 316 00:13:26,858 --> 00:13:31,227 If you can last until sunrise in your precious Arcadian, 317 00:13:31,232 --> 00:13:32,366 I'll join your side. 318 00:13:32,449 --> 00:13:33,716 You're on. 319 00:13:33,717 --> 00:13:35,685 This place is fantastic. 320 00:13:35,686 --> 00:13:37,586 They even left a chocolate on the pillow. 321 00:13:37,587 --> 00:13:38,888 That's not a chocolate. 322 00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:42,625 (arguing heatedly) 323 00:13:42,626 --> 00:13:44,293 Okay, now we need to get them something 324 00:13:44,294 --> 00:13:46,195 that will make them emotionally vulnerable 325 00:13:46,196 --> 00:13:47,830 and completely, pathetically honest. 326 00:13:47,831 --> 00:13:49,365 Yeah, we need a drink that, 327 00:13:49,366 --> 00:13:52,401 that takes subtext and turns it into text. Yeah. 328 00:13:55,839 --> 00:13:57,473 See, ever since the death of my father, 329 00:13:57,474 --> 00:14:00,259 I have been drawn to the idea of preservation. 330 00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:02,311 That's why The Arcadian speaks to me. 331 00:14:02,312 --> 00:14:05,681 Ever since my father walked out on my childhood, 332 00:14:05,682 --> 00:14:08,117 I've had serious abandonment issues. 333 00:14:08,118 --> 00:14:09,735 You walking out on me like that... 334 00:14:09,736 --> 00:14:11,287 Oh God, I didn't even think of that... 335 00:14:11,288 --> 00:14:13,789 It made me wonder, "What could I have done to make him stay?" 336 00:14:13,790 --> 00:14:16,359 Look, you didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't you, Barney. 337 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,760 That's what everyone keeps saying 338 00:14:17,761 --> 00:14:19,195 but people just keep leaving me. 339 00:14:19,196 --> 00:14:21,397 (sobbing) 340 00:14:23,066 --> 00:14:24,934 Wow. That got real o'clock. Yeah. 341 00:14:24,935 --> 00:14:27,303 We need to get them up and having fun. 342 00:14:32,092 --> 00:14:34,176 (Robin laughs) 343 00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,795 Dance, my puppets, dance! 344 00:14:35,796 --> 00:14:37,880 LILY: Now do you see why I'm always interfering 345 00:14:37,881 --> 00:14:39,315 in other people's lives? 346 00:14:39,316 --> 00:14:41,317 Oh, God, totally! 347 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,554 Mm. Please? 348 00:14:46,356 --> 00:14:49,358 Well, we're here for the night. 349 00:14:49,359 --> 00:14:51,727 Might as well have some fun. 350 00:14:51,728 --> 00:14:54,663 Care to join me? 351 00:14:54,664 --> 00:14:56,198 Dust just flew out of that comforter 352 00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:57,700 in the shape of a skull. 353 00:14:58,769 --> 00:15:01,170 Whoa, something just passed through me. 354 00:15:01,171 --> 00:15:04,206 Can you get STDs from the ghost of a prostitute? 355 00:15:06,643 --> 00:15:07,576 (woman in bathroom screams) 356 00:15:07,577 --> 00:15:08,844 (screams) What are... 357 00:15:08,845 --> 00:15:10,446 What are you doing in our bathroom? 358 00:15:10,447 --> 00:15:13,549 WOMAN (with thick accent): This bathroom for entire floor! 359 00:15:13,550 --> 00:15:16,152 (toilet flushes) 360 00:15:17,387 --> 00:15:18,988 Okay. Final round. 361 00:15:18,989 --> 00:15:21,123 What simple act will get the boys 362 00:15:21,124 --> 00:15:22,525 to finally forgive each other? 363 00:15:22,526 --> 00:15:24,093 Sharing a brandy. 364 00:15:24,094 --> 00:15:27,163 Which is what I walked in on my parents doing once. 365 00:15:27,164 --> 00:15:29,231 Brandy was my father's mistress. 366 00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:30,433 God, parents. Right? 367 00:15:30,434 --> 00:15:34,303 Again, just a whole other thing, sweetie. 368 00:15:34,304 --> 00:15:35,871 Where'd they go? 369 00:15:35,872 --> 00:15:37,907 Oh, no. They did shots. 370 00:15:37,908 --> 00:15:39,408 (sniffs) What? What is it? 371 00:15:39,409 --> 00:15:43,446 What's the worst thing they could possibly drink right now? 372 00:15:49,953 --> 00:15:51,887 Your place or mi... (hiccups) 373 00:15:51,888 --> 00:15:55,291 Your place or mi... (hiccups) 374 00:15:55,292 --> 00:15:57,760 Le-Let's go to your place. Mm. 375 00:16:01,131 --> 00:16:04,366 NARRATOR: Kids, don't drink tequila. 376 00:16:06,169 --> 00:16:08,938 Uh, these were supposed to be for a romantic dinner 377 00:16:08,939 --> 00:16:10,539 on our balcony as we were serenaded 378 00:16:10,540 --> 00:16:12,608 by the sounds of the ocean. 379 00:16:12,609 --> 00:16:14,877 But I guess we'll have to settle for what sounded like 380 00:16:14,878 --> 00:16:18,247 two very large men having sex next door... 381 00:16:18,248 --> 00:16:21,317 with a third very small man. 382 00:16:21,318 --> 00:16:22,551 I think that small man 383 00:16:22,552 --> 00:16:24,887 sounded very moved by The Arcadian's beauty. 384 00:16:24,888 --> 00:16:27,756 Okay. What is it? 385 00:16:27,757 --> 00:16:30,192 And don't give me, "It's beautiful." 386 00:16:30,193 --> 00:16:32,194 Don't give me, "It's magnificent"" 387 00:16:32,195 --> 00:16:34,430 What is it about this place 388 00:16:34,431 --> 00:16:36,799 that makes you so passionate to save it? 389 00:16:41,538 --> 00:16:43,706 Well... 390 00:16:43,707 --> 00:16:47,243 When I was a little girl... 391 00:16:47,244 --> 00:16:49,211 my family used to live here. 392 00:16:49,212 --> 00:16:51,514 Why, why have you never told me that? 393 00:16:51,515 --> 00:16:54,150 I never told anyone that. 394 00:16:54,151 --> 00:16:56,085 It makes it sound like it would be impossible 395 00:16:56,086 --> 00:16:58,053 for me to be objective, but... 396 00:16:58,054 --> 00:17:00,022 (sighs) 397 00:17:00,023 --> 00:17:03,325 The truth is, I... 398 00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,461 I loved growing up here. 399 00:17:07,197 --> 00:17:09,298 We had just moved to New York. 400 00:17:09,299 --> 00:17:11,934 We were completely broke. 401 00:17:11,935 --> 00:17:14,737 But my mom told my sisters and me 402 00:17:14,738 --> 00:17:16,539 that The Arcadian was a castle. 403 00:17:17,674 --> 00:17:19,608 And we believed her. 404 00:17:20,977 --> 00:17:25,915 I know it's not what it used to be... 405 00:17:25,916 --> 00:17:29,952 but this building is a part of who I am. 406 00:17:31,388 --> 00:17:34,089 And that's why I want so badly 407 00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:37,226 (choking up): for you to like it, too. 408 00:17:37,227 --> 00:17:40,996 NARRATOR: Kids, you never forget the first time-- or place-- 409 00:17:40,997 --> 00:17:42,731 you tell a girl: 410 00:17:42,732 --> 00:17:44,667 I love you. 411 00:17:44,668 --> 00:17:47,469 I love you, too. 412 00:17:51,441 --> 00:17:53,609 (toilet flushes) 413 00:17:56,646 --> 00:17:58,347 Come on in, you're un-banned. 414 00:17:58,348 --> 00:17:59,448 I gave these guys 415 00:17:59,449 --> 00:18:01,750 some drinks and they calmed down and made up. 416 00:18:01,751 --> 00:18:04,053 Well, what drink finally did the trick? 417 00:18:05,956 --> 00:18:08,023 ROBIN: Of course, 418 00:18:08,024 --> 00:18:08,991 beer. Beer. 419 00:18:08,992 --> 00:18:12,061 I love you. I love you. 420 00:18:12,062 --> 00:18:13,329 (laughing drunkenly) 421 00:18:13,330 --> 00:18:14,730 Uh, no. N-Not right... 422 00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:18,300 You know, 423 00:18:18,301 --> 00:18:20,869 I guess this place isn't so bad. 424 00:18:20,870 --> 00:18:23,405 See? With a little renovation, we could restore it 425 00:18:23,406 --> 00:18:24,340 to its former... 426 00:18:24,341 --> 00:18:25,975 What was that? What was what? 427 00:18:25,976 --> 00:18:27,743 I think it went under the bed. Yeah. 428 00:18:27,744 --> 00:18:28,544 I don't see anything. 429 00:18:28,545 --> 00:18:30,579 (squeaks) (screams) 430 00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:32,348 That, that was... that! 431 00:18:32,349 --> 00:18:34,183 Oh, my God! 432 00:18:34,184 --> 00:18:35,884 It's the cock-a-mouse! 433 00:18:35,885 --> 00:18:37,353 The what? 434 00:18:37,354 --> 00:18:38,787 Cock-a-mouse. 435 00:18:38,788 --> 00:18:41,924 Part cockroach, part mouse. 436 00:18:41,925 --> 00:18:43,659 It used to live in our apartment. 437 00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:46,095 It must have settled here, and... Oh! 438 00:18:46,096 --> 00:18:47,896 Look, it had babies! Good for it. 439 00:18:47,897 --> 00:18:49,231 (baby cock-a-mice squeaking) 440 00:18:49,232 --> 00:18:51,216 Ew.... 441 00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:53,302 I give up. You win. Let's go! 442 00:18:56,022 --> 00:18:58,207 Be well, my friends! 443 00:19:03,647 --> 00:19:06,181 Aw, just how we left them. 444 00:19:06,182 --> 00:19:08,400 Morning. 445 00:19:08,401 --> 00:19:10,219 Who wants breakfast? 446 00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:12,204 You have some coffee? 447 00:19:12,205 --> 00:19:15,291 So I can throw it in this traitor's face? 448 00:19:15,292 --> 00:19:17,710 Oh, yeah? Hey! Hey! Do you guys have some 449 00:19:17,711 --> 00:19:21,130 pancakes, because I... would really like some pancakes. 450 00:19:21,131 --> 00:19:23,265 They're fantastic. Let's be honest, I love them. 451 00:19:23,266 --> 00:19:24,900 But I hate this guy! 452 00:19:24,901 --> 00:19:27,036 I thought they made up last night. 453 00:19:27,037 --> 00:19:29,338 (sighs) Damn it, I know what happened. 454 00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:32,675 I love you. I love you. 455 00:19:33,810 --> 00:19:35,227 Uh, no. N-not right... 456 00:19:36,813 --> 00:19:38,047 Carl, 457 00:19:38,048 --> 00:19:40,316 a round of champagne. Ooh! 458 00:19:40,317 --> 00:19:41,617 The champagne. 459 00:19:41,618 --> 00:19:43,185 We gave them one drink too many. 460 00:19:43,186 --> 00:19:45,120 They must've blacked out and forgotten the whole thing. 461 00:19:45,121 --> 00:19:46,888 What kind of dirtbag 462 00:19:46,889 --> 00:19:48,924 doesn't stand by his best friends, 463 00:19:48,925 --> 00:19:52,428 but instead sides with some self-righteous bitch 464 00:19:52,429 --> 00:19:55,164 with a pointless cause and a megaphone? TED: Dude. 465 00:19:55,165 --> 00:19:57,433 That's my girlfriend. 466 00:19:57,434 --> 00:20:00,002 And you know what? 467 00:20:00,003 --> 00:20:02,871 I'm on her side now, too. 468 00:20:04,090 --> 00:20:06,975 Whoa, whoa, you have got to be kidding me. Ted... 469 00:20:06,976 --> 00:20:08,911 Okay, what drink can fix this? 470 00:20:08,912 --> 00:20:10,295 Mama's done with this drama. 471 00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:13,449 What drink can fix the headache these clowns are giving me? 472 00:20:13,450 --> 00:20:16,118 I got it. 473 00:20:18,688 --> 00:20:20,589 Right? 474 00:20:20,590 --> 00:20:23,308 LILY: Time is music the planets make. 475 00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:24,393 Music the planets make... 476 00:20:24,394 --> 00:20:27,496 (both giggling) 477 00:20:41,013 --> 00:20:43,915 What is that? 478 00:20:46,986 --> 00:20:48,887 (gagging) 479 00:20:50,790 --> 00:20:52,190 (gagging) 480 00:20:52,191 --> 00:20:55,691 == sync, corrected by elderman ==