1 00:00:01,521 --> 00:00:02,755 Kids, as you know, 2 00:00:02,757 --> 00:00:04,190 I was designing Goliath National Bank's 3 00:00:04,192 --> 00:00:06,993 new headquarters on the site of this old hotel, The Arcadian. 4 00:00:08,229 --> 00:00:09,812 Problem was, some people didn't want 5 00:00:09,814 --> 00:00:11,397 The Arcadian torn down. 6 00:00:11,399 --> 00:00:15,284 Even bigger problem, they were led by my girlfriend Zoey. 7 00:00:15,286 --> 00:00:16,452 G-N-B is the e-ne-my! 8 00:00:16,454 --> 00:00:18,437 Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on! Hey, sweetie! 9 00:00:18,439 --> 00:00:21,240 Are we still on for dinner at 8:00 at Valenzisi's? 10 00:00:22,442 --> 00:00:25,244 That's great! I can't wait! 11 00:00:25,246 --> 00:00:27,613 That's great. I can't wait! That's great. I can't wait! 12 00:00:27,615 --> 00:00:31,050 But somehow, Zoey and I were making it work. 13 00:00:31,052 --> 00:00:34,186 Ted, why are you dating our arch-enemy?! 14 00:00:34,188 --> 00:00:36,055 I mean, Wile E. Coyote wasn't trying 15 00:00:36,057 --> 00:00:37,223 to sleep with the Roadrunner. 16 00:00:37,225 --> 00:00:38,824 Or maybe he was. 17 00:00:38,826 --> 00:00:40,092 Think about it. 18 00:00:40,094 --> 00:00:42,228 The way that she bats her eyelashes 19 00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:45,698 and shakes her tail feathers in his face? 20 00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:47,033 She wants it. 21 00:00:48,068 --> 00:00:50,303 Isn't it hard for you guys to be on opposite sides 22 00:00:50,305 --> 00:00:51,304 of something like this? 23 00:00:51,306 --> 00:00:53,105 Of course you feel that way, Lily. 24 00:00:53,107 --> 00:00:54,840 You and Marshall have basically melded 25 00:00:54,842 --> 00:00:57,176 into one big hermaphroditic blob. 26 00:00:57,178 --> 00:00:58,911 And that's fine for you guys. 27 00:00:58,913 --> 00:01:00,079 But some of us want 28 00:01:00,081 --> 00:01:02,615 a partner who challenges us to grow and evolve. 29 00:01:02,617 --> 00:01:05,384 You guys are in screaming matches all the time. 30 00:01:05,386 --> 00:01:06,619 Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. 31 00:01:06,621 --> 00:01:08,187 Growing matches. 32 00:01:08,189 --> 00:01:09,588 It was true. 33 00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:11,891 Zoey and I loved to challenge each other. 34 00:01:11,893 --> 00:01:14,427 The main character is a young spoiled prince 35 00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:16,929 thrust into leadership after the death of his father. 36 00:01:16,931 --> 00:01:19,098 It's obviously a modern-day retelling of Henry IV! 37 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:21,000 Are you kidding me?! 38 00:01:21,002 --> 00:01:23,302 It's Don Quixote-- the classic quest story 39 00:01:23,304 --> 00:01:26,172 with the hero-jester and his long-suffering manservant! 40 00:01:26,174 --> 00:01:28,908 Okay, clearly, when we're watching Tommy Boy, 41 00:01:28,910 --> 00:01:32,177 we're watching two different movies. 42 00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:33,779 No, you hang up. 43 00:01:33,781 --> 00:01:35,514 No, you hang up. 44 00:01:35,516 --> 00:01:37,683 No, you hang up. 45 00:01:37,685 --> 00:01:39,151 No, you hang up. 46 00:01:39,153 --> 00:01:41,654 No, you hang up! 47 00:01:41,656 --> 00:01:43,989 No, you hang up. 48 00:01:43,991 --> 00:01:45,191 No, you hang up. 49 00:01:45,193 --> 00:01:46,625 No, you... 50 00:01:46,627 --> 00:01:48,861 Hold on. 51 00:01:48,863 --> 00:01:50,563 Hello? 52 00:01:50,565 --> 00:01:54,133 For the love of God, will one of you idiots hang up the phone? 53 00:01:57,338 --> 00:01:59,505 Why would you do that?! 54 00:01:59,507 --> 00:02:01,707 I-I thought you'd like it. 55 00:02:01,709 --> 00:02:03,442 Who likes that? 56 00:02:03,444 --> 00:02:05,511 I like it. 57 00:02:07,264 --> 00:02:10,015 Your relationship sounds exhausting. 58 00:02:10,017 --> 00:02:12,184 Well, maybe yours is a bit lazy. 59 00:02:12,186 --> 00:02:15,521 Marshall and I have been together 15 years, 60 00:02:15,523 --> 00:02:18,057 and the only debate we've had about Tommy Boy 61 00:02:18,059 --> 00:02:20,860 is whether it's awesome or super awesome. 62 00:02:20,862 --> 00:02:23,062 That's love, bitch. 63 00:02:24,962 --> 00:02:28,962 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 6x20 ♪ The Exploding Meatball Sub Original Air Date on April 11, 2011 64 00:02:28,987 --> 00:02:32,987 == sync, corrected by elderman == 65 00:02:38,212 --> 00:02:39,846 Now around this time, 66 00:02:39,848 --> 00:02:42,432 Marshall had truly come to hate his job. 67 00:02:42,434 --> 00:02:45,218 He hated the paperwork. 68 00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:47,286 He hated the coffee. 69 00:02:47,288 --> 00:02:50,656 He hated the dirty jokes. 70 00:02:51,692 --> 00:02:54,627 He hated everything. 71 00:02:56,830 --> 00:02:57,830 I have to quit. 72 00:02:57,832 --> 00:02:59,365 Quit GNB?! Why? 73 00:02:59,367 --> 00:03:02,635 I need to do better things with my life, okay? 74 00:03:02,637 --> 00:03:04,637 There's-There's an opening for an environmental lawyer 75 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:06,539 at the National Resources Defense Council. 76 00:03:06,541 --> 00:03:08,074 Sure, it pays less, but 77 00:03:08,076 --> 00:03:11,577 I'd be saving the oceans, saving endangered species... 78 00:03:11,579 --> 00:03:15,281 Saving chicken bones and an old boot to make hobo soup? 79 00:03:15,283 --> 00:03:16,649 Marshall, you can't 80 00:03:16,651 --> 00:03:20,186 pay your mortgage with Hacky Sacks and good vibes. 81 00:03:20,188 --> 00:03:22,488 Baby, you have my full support. 82 00:03:22,490 --> 00:03:24,457 Well, then, you're not going to be able to pay 83 00:03:24,459 --> 00:03:26,259 for that trip to Spain that you've been planning. 84 00:03:27,395 --> 00:03:28,644 Say good-bye 85 00:03:28,646 --> 00:03:30,196 to riding around in gondolas, 86 00:03:30,198 --> 00:03:34,767 and eating bratwurst and seeing the pyramids. 87 00:03:34,769 --> 00:03:37,170 I don't think you know what Spain is. 88 00:03:37,172 --> 00:03:41,441 Well, I know that a trip there costs some serious lira. 89 00:03:41,443 --> 00:03:42,208 It's dinero. 90 00:03:42,210 --> 00:03:44,710 Where? I want his autograph! 91 00:03:44,712 --> 00:03:47,747 So Marshall walked in the next morning all ready to quit. 92 00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,665 But then something weird happened. 93 00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,300 ♪ I will remember you... ♪ 94 00:03:51,302 --> 00:03:54,654 Suddenly, he didn't hate the paperwork. 95 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:59,453 He didn't hate the coffee. 96 00:03:59,455 --> 00:04:03,991 He didn't even hate the dirty jokes. 97 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,756 Out of nowhere, Marshall actually liked GNB. 98 00:04:10,157 --> 00:04:11,523 It's graduation goggles. What? 99 00:04:11,525 --> 00:04:13,692 Graduation goggles, like with high school. 100 00:04:13,694 --> 00:04:14,759 It's four years of bullies 101 00:04:14,761 --> 00:04:16,728 making fun of all the kids with braces, 102 00:04:16,730 --> 00:04:19,664 even after the braces come off and they can walk just fine. 103 00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:20,932 But then, on graduation day, 104 00:04:20,934 --> 00:04:22,801 you suddenly get all misty because you realize 105 00:04:22,803 --> 00:04:24,603 you're never going to see those jerks again. 106 00:04:24,605 --> 00:04:28,039 I just had graduation goggles with that guy Scooby I dated. 107 00:04:28,041 --> 00:04:30,208 The guy who was basically a dog? 108 00:04:30,210 --> 00:04:33,078 He was the worst kisser I've ever been with. 109 00:04:34,413 --> 00:04:36,498 But the moment I decided to dump him... 110 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:37,916 ♪ I will remember you... ♪ 111 00:04:37,918 --> 00:04:40,618 ...I suddenly got kind of wistful. 112 00:04:42,855 --> 00:04:44,623 He was a good boy. 113 00:04:44,625 --> 00:04:46,191 Yeah. 114 00:04:46,193 --> 00:04:47,692 I've been there, too. 115 00:04:47,694 --> 00:04:50,178 Every time I'm done having sex with a woman, 116 00:04:50,180 --> 00:04:53,131 at first, I never want to see her again. 117 00:04:53,133 --> 00:04:54,933 But then... 118 00:04:54,935 --> 00:05:00,739 ♪ I will remember you... ♪ 119 00:05:00,741 --> 00:05:02,907 No, that's pretty much it. 120 00:05:05,011 --> 00:05:08,980 The point is, you can't trust graduation goggles. 121 00:05:08,982 --> 00:05:10,982 They're just as misleading as beer goggles, 122 00:05:10,984 --> 00:05:12,484 bridesmaid goggles, 123 00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,152 and that's-just-a-bulky, outdated-cell-phone 124 00:05:14,154 --> 00:05:16,821 in-his-front-pocket goggles. 125 00:05:16,823 --> 00:05:18,790 That one was a bummer. 126 00:05:18,792 --> 00:05:19,958 You're right. 127 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:20,892 Tomorrow, I'm quitting GNB. 128 00:05:20,894 --> 00:05:23,395 No! You can't quit tomorrow! 129 00:05:23,397 --> 00:05:25,430 The lady with the big nipples is coming back 130 00:05:25,432 --> 00:05:26,731 to give another sexual harassment seminar, 131 00:05:26,733 --> 00:05:28,500 and I bribed one of the maintenance guys 132 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,468 to keep the room at a brisk 55 degrees! 133 00:05:30,470 --> 00:05:34,906 Baby, more than ever, you have my full support. 134 00:05:36,392 --> 00:05:39,377 You know, sometimes I feel bad for Lily and Marshall. 135 00:05:39,379 --> 00:05:41,746 I'm starting to feel bad for Ted and Zoey. 136 00:05:43,315 --> 00:05:46,584 It starts with an... "L?" 137 00:05:46,586 --> 00:05:48,987 How can you not remember my name? 138 00:05:48,989 --> 00:05:50,488 It's like they never challenge each other. 139 00:05:50,490 --> 00:05:53,124 They just automatically agree all the time. 140 00:05:53,126 --> 00:05:55,460 Well, they don't do that all the time. Yes, they do. 141 00:05:55,462 --> 00:05:57,195 No, they don't. Yes, they do. 142 00:05:57,197 --> 00:05:58,363 It's like they... 143 00:05:58,365 --> 00:06:00,465 ... don't see eye-to-eye on anything! 144 00:06:00,467 --> 00:06:03,268 Totally. Totally. 145 00:06:03,270 --> 00:06:05,336 It rhymes with your name. 146 00:06:06,939 --> 00:06:10,408 And I said my name was...? 147 00:06:11,310 --> 00:06:13,895 Baby, I did it! I quit. 148 00:06:13,897 --> 00:06:17,649 And then I walked right over to the NRDC, and I took that job. 149 00:06:17,651 --> 00:06:19,851 Oh, good for you, sweetie. Yeah. 150 00:06:19,853 --> 00:06:21,603 It's a little less money than I was expecting. 151 00:06:21,605 --> 00:06:24,022 I mean, compared to what I was making at GNB, it's nothing. 152 00:06:24,024 --> 00:06:26,157 Actually compared to anything, it's nothing. 153 00:06:26,159 --> 00:06:27,926 It's nothing. 154 00:06:27,928 --> 00:06:29,694 The paid position just got filled, 155 00:06:29,696 --> 00:06:32,330 so all I can do is-is volunteer right now. 156 00:06:32,332 --> 00:06:34,565 You're cool with that, right? 157 00:06:34,567 --> 00:06:37,669 Baby, if this is what you need to do, we'll figure it out. 158 00:06:37,671 --> 00:06:40,371 How's Barney handling you leaving? 159 00:06:44,543 --> 00:06:47,912 Hey, Barney, there's a bunch of models in the lobby, 160 00:06:47,914 --> 00:06:50,115 and the gossip is one of them is really a dude. 161 00:06:50,117 --> 00:06:51,883 You want to play "Who's Hot and Who's Scott?" 162 00:06:51,885 --> 00:06:55,019 It's always the one in the turtleneck, Ted. 163 00:06:55,021 --> 00:06:57,055 And no, I don't want to play. 164 00:06:57,057 --> 00:06:59,891 Stupid Marshall-- ruined everything. 165 00:06:59,893 --> 00:07:02,444 Oh, come on. Everything's not ruined. 166 00:07:02,446 --> 00:07:03,495 Guys, everything's ruined. 167 00:07:03,497 --> 00:07:05,146 What? Why? 168 00:07:05,148 --> 00:07:07,232 Your girlfriend somehow got the Landmark Preservation Committee 169 00:07:07,234 --> 00:07:08,500 to agree to a hearing. 170 00:07:08,502 --> 00:07:10,268 If they declare the Arcadian a landmark, 171 00:07:10,270 --> 00:07:11,770 the whole project is dead. 172 00:07:13,606 --> 00:07:15,707 The good news is, I just got the phone number 173 00:07:15,709 --> 00:07:17,208 of a husky-voiced hottie in a turtleneck. 174 00:07:22,806 --> 00:07:24,707 ...so, if the Landmarks Preservation Committee 175 00:07:24,709 --> 00:07:27,610 sides with Zoey, your whole project goes down the tubes? 176 00:07:28,702 --> 00:07:30,235 You must be furious. 177 00:07:30,237 --> 00:07:34,239 I'm furiously enjoying being challenged. 178 00:07:34,241 --> 00:07:35,707 Why don't you admit that 179 00:07:35,709 --> 00:07:37,609 your girlfriend challenging your every move 180 00:07:37,611 --> 00:07:40,212 is getting you a little murder-suicidey? 181 00:07:40,214 --> 00:07:42,280 Why don't you admit that Marshall quitting his job 182 00:07:42,282 --> 00:07:44,282 and taking an unpaid internship is killing you? 183 00:07:44,284 --> 00:07:45,150 It's not. 184 00:07:45,152 --> 00:07:46,551 Lily, the downside 185 00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:48,420 to having giant, Japanese anime eyes is 186 00:07:48,422 --> 00:07:49,754 that they're easy to read. 187 00:07:49,756 --> 00:07:51,056 And yours are screaming, 188 00:07:51,058 --> 00:07:53,491 "What about my trip to Spain, deadbeat?" 189 00:07:53,493 --> 00:07:56,561 Okay, Ted, the downside to having a woman's mouth is, 190 00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:59,297 your feminine pout gives away your true feelings. 191 00:07:59,299 --> 00:08:00,899 And yours is saying, 192 00:08:00,901 --> 00:08:04,636 "Oh, Zoey, why can't I be on top just this once?" 193 00:08:04,638 --> 00:08:06,204 We take turns! 194 00:08:06,206 --> 00:08:07,889 Sometimes. 195 00:08:07,891 --> 00:08:09,925 Hey, guys. Thanks. Hey. 196 00:08:09,927 --> 00:08:12,444 I just had the best first day at the NRDC. 197 00:08:16,483 --> 00:08:18,383 I'm sorry. Sorry. 198 00:08:18,385 --> 00:08:21,069 Something Hershel said at work today. 199 00:08:22,389 --> 00:08:23,955 Hershel? 200 00:08:23,957 --> 00:08:26,224 What, don't you guys know Hershel? Didn't I tell you? 201 00:08:26,226 --> 00:08:28,460 Oh, he's the new lawyer who replaced Marshall at GNB. 202 00:08:28,462 --> 00:08:29,561 He is so 203 00:08:29,563 --> 00:08:31,630 awesome and funny 204 00:08:31,632 --> 00:08:33,365 and tall-- taller than Marshall-- 205 00:08:33,367 --> 00:08:34,299 and he knows 206 00:08:34,301 --> 00:08:35,901 way more laws. 207 00:08:35,903 --> 00:08:37,736 Well, I'm glad you like your new co-worker. 208 00:08:37,738 --> 00:08:39,137 There's no Hershel! 209 00:08:39,139 --> 00:08:40,805 I was just saying that to make you jealous! 210 00:08:40,807 --> 00:08:42,224 Why do you insist we play these games? 211 00:08:42,226 --> 00:08:44,976 Barney, I'm not playing-- Just come back to GNB already! 212 00:08:44,978 --> 00:08:46,211 I'm really loving my new job. 213 00:08:46,213 --> 00:08:49,147 Oh, and I'm loving seeing you this happy. 214 00:08:49,149 --> 00:08:50,882 I'm so glad to hear you say that 215 00:08:50,884 --> 00:08:52,067 because I volunteered our apartment 216 00:08:52,069 --> 00:08:53,752 for a big NRDC fund-raiser tomorrow night. 217 00:08:53,754 --> 00:08:54,920 You're-You're cool with that, right? 218 00:08:54,922 --> 00:08:56,354 Baby, you have my full support. 219 00:08:56,356 --> 00:08:58,023 Thanks, baby. 220 00:08:58,025 --> 00:08:59,624 Oh. 221 00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:01,092 Ooh, I gotta go. 222 00:09:01,094 --> 00:09:02,060 The invitations are ready. 223 00:09:02,062 --> 00:09:03,028 The party's for a bunch 224 00:09:03,030 --> 00:09:04,195 of environmentalists, 225 00:09:04,197 --> 00:09:05,730 so I found a guy downtown 226 00:09:05,732 --> 00:09:07,032 who makes biodegradable party invitations 227 00:09:07,034 --> 00:09:10,001 that can also be used as toilet paper. 228 00:09:10,003 --> 00:09:11,970 That's how I'm gonna use mine. 229 00:09:11,972 --> 00:09:14,256 Why in the world do you care so much 230 00:09:14,258 --> 00:09:16,041 whether Marshall works at GNB? 231 00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:17,542 Care? I don't care. 232 00:09:17,544 --> 00:09:19,311 I'm like, whatever. Marshall who? 233 00:09:19,313 --> 00:09:21,947 He's stupid. Hershel's way better. 234 00:09:21,949 --> 00:09:23,882 Okay, Barney, is it possible that 235 00:09:23,884 --> 00:09:26,084 with everything that's gone on with your dad lately, 236 00:09:26,086 --> 00:09:28,086 you might have some unresolved abandonment issues 237 00:09:28,088 --> 00:09:29,721 you're transferring onto Marshall? 238 00:09:29,723 --> 00:09:30,889 Oh! Ugh! 239 00:09:30,891 --> 00:09:32,423 You are worse than my shrink. 240 00:09:32,425 --> 00:09:35,293 "Barney, we have to talk about your father." 241 00:09:35,295 --> 00:09:37,929 "Barney, I'm not going to teach you how to hypnotize people. 242 00:09:37,931 --> 00:09:39,397 You'll only use it for evil." 243 00:09:39,399 --> 00:09:41,549 "Barney, I am not going to conduct a couples session 244 00:09:41,551 --> 00:09:42,867 "between you and this woman. 245 00:09:42,869 --> 00:09:44,035 She's obviously a prostitute." 246 00:09:44,037 --> 00:09:46,004 I don't need this! 247 00:09:46,006 --> 00:09:48,490 Ah, Lily Aldrin, 248 00:09:48,492 --> 00:09:50,442 half of the world's most perfect couple! 249 00:09:50,444 --> 00:09:52,344 I was thinking about that woman's mouth comment, 250 00:09:52,346 --> 00:09:53,812 and I have three good comebacks. 251 00:09:53,814 --> 00:09:56,614 your mom didn't seem to mind it last night on her... 252 00:09:56,616 --> 00:09:58,216 Okay, look, Ted, I need a favor. 253 00:09:58,218 --> 00:10:00,468 Would you mind driving out to Kennedy with me 254 00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:02,954 to pick up this famous ecologist for Marshall's fund-raiser? 255 00:10:02,956 --> 00:10:04,956 Apparently, he only speaks Spanish. 256 00:10:04,958 --> 00:10:06,424 And you speak Spanish, right? 257 00:10:11,030 --> 00:10:13,064 Perfect. Let's go. 258 00:10:15,368 --> 00:10:16,534 Hey, Marshall, it's me. 259 00:10:16,536 --> 00:10:18,653 Listen, I know I've been kind of a jerk 260 00:10:18,655 --> 00:10:19,804 about your leaving GNB. 261 00:10:19,806 --> 00:10:21,940 I just wanted to call and say I'm sorry. 262 00:10:21,942 --> 00:10:24,175 No apologies necessary. We're good. 263 00:10:24,177 --> 00:10:26,911 Good. Um, hey, any chance you might maybe-- 264 00:10:26,913 --> 00:10:28,780 I don't know-- if you're not busy, 265 00:10:28,782 --> 00:10:30,815 uh, want to have lunch today? 266 00:10:30,817 --> 00:10:33,651 Oh, buddy, I'd love to, but I can't. 267 00:10:33,653 --> 00:10:34,786 Oh, that's cool. 268 00:10:34,788 --> 00:10:36,221 No biggie. 269 00:10:36,223 --> 00:10:38,423 Another time. 270 00:10:56,475 --> 00:10:59,077 Oh, my God! 271 00:10:59,079 --> 00:11:01,813 How long have you been there? 272 00:11:01,815 --> 00:11:03,481 You don't remember? 273 00:11:04,283 --> 00:11:06,751 Hey. I was in the neighborhood. 274 00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:08,420 I just wanted to check in on you. 275 00:11:08,422 --> 00:11:10,955 You seemed, um, you seemed really upset the other day. 276 00:11:10,957 --> 00:11:12,490 Oh, no, I'm fine. 277 00:11:12,492 --> 00:11:15,577 Okay. Well, um, you want to go grab some lunch? 278 00:11:15,579 --> 00:11:19,697 Sure. Hey, are you okay if I invite Marshall to join us? 279 00:11:19,699 --> 00:11:20,932 Yeah. 280 00:11:22,034 --> 00:11:25,086 Right. 281 00:11:25,088 --> 00:11:27,238 So, um... 282 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,040 Chinese? 283 00:11:30,810 --> 00:11:33,111 You know, just because Zoey and I 284 00:11:33,113 --> 00:11:35,780 are a different kind of couple than you and Marshall 285 00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:37,548 doesn't make us a worse couple. 286 00:11:37,550 --> 00:11:40,602 You're right. 287 00:11:40,604 --> 00:11:44,572 I-If you and Zoey are happy, then who am I to judge? 288 00:11:44,574 --> 00:11:47,492 I'm so sorry. 289 00:11:47,494 --> 00:11:51,196 Oh, my God, is that how support feels? 290 00:11:51,198 --> 00:11:54,399 It's so warm and wonderful. 291 00:11:54,401 --> 00:11:56,501 Oh, Lily, I've been so unhappy. 292 00:11:56,503 --> 00:11:57,769 But I thought 293 00:11:57,771 --> 00:11:59,237 you liked being challenged. 294 00:11:59,239 --> 00:12:00,839 Nobody likes being challenged! 295 00:12:00,841 --> 00:12:03,541 Couldn't she agree with me just once, even on something little, 296 00:12:03,543 --> 00:12:05,143 like... like what movie to see 297 00:12:05,145 --> 00:12:07,378 or-or what topping to get on our pizza 298 00:12:07,380 --> 00:12:09,581 or... oh, I don't know, my lifelong dream 299 00:12:09,583 --> 00:12:12,684 of building a skyscraper in New York City?! 300 00:12:12,686 --> 00:12:14,686 Well, in her defense, hamburger pizza, Ted? 301 00:12:14,688 --> 00:12:16,721 What are you, 12? 302 00:12:16,723 --> 00:12:18,690 You were right, Lily. 303 00:12:18,692 --> 00:12:21,693 I mean, Zoey's great, but... sometimes I do wish 304 00:12:21,695 --> 00:12:25,447 we were a little more like you and Marshall. 305 00:12:27,099 --> 00:12:30,034 TED There he is. Here we go. 306 00:12:39,145 --> 00:12:40,245 I'm sorry. 307 00:12:40,247 --> 00:12:41,946 I don't speak... 308 00:12:41,948 --> 00:12:44,448 whatever it is you're speaking. 309 00:12:45,284 --> 00:12:46,951 Um, he speaks perfect English. 310 00:12:46,953 --> 00:12:48,136 Yeah, I-I know. 311 00:12:48,138 --> 00:12:49,487 Then why 312 00:12:49,489 --> 00:12:51,089 did you ask me to come? 313 00:12:51,091 --> 00:12:53,691 So you can drive him to the fund-raiser. 314 00:12:53,693 --> 00:12:55,260 Supporting Marshall this much 315 00:12:55,262 --> 00:12:56,627 is driving me crazy. 316 00:12:56,629 --> 00:12:59,330 I'm going to Spain-- my flight leaves in 45 minutes. 317 00:12:59,332 --> 00:13:00,398 Adios, 318 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,600 muchacho. 319 00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:10,391 W-Wait, what do you mean you're going to Spain? 320 00:13:10,505 --> 00:13:12,589 You were right. If I hear myself say 321 00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:15,008 "Baby, you have my full support" one more time, 322 00:13:15,010 --> 00:13:16,860 I swear I'm gonna murder someone! 323 00:13:17,912 --> 00:13:20,179 What are you gonna tell Marshall, huh? 324 00:13:20,181 --> 00:13:22,749 And when are you coming back? I honestly 325 00:13:22,751 --> 00:13:25,752 haven't thought it all the way through, and I don't intend to. 326 00:13:25,754 --> 00:13:28,705 All I know is that I'm a ticking time bomb, 327 00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:30,857 and if I don't do something for me right away, 328 00:13:30,859 --> 00:13:33,793 I swear I'm gonna explode! 329 00:13:33,795 --> 00:13:36,496 Wow, tha... that's an evocative metaphor to use 330 00:13:36,498 --> 00:13:38,932 for your nonthreatening, totally patriotic emotions. 331 00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:40,267 U.S.A.! 332 00:13:40,269 --> 00:13:42,035 Okay, Lily, I get it. 333 00:13:42,037 --> 00:13:43,470 Marshall's been asking a lot lately. 334 00:13:43,472 --> 00:13:46,706 But the thing to do is-is tell him you've had enough. 335 00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:48,141 I've never been good at that. 336 00:13:48,143 --> 00:13:50,310 And now, ever since his dad died, 337 00:13:50,312 --> 00:13:53,880 I-I feel like it's my job to just be fine with everything. 338 00:13:53,882 --> 00:13:55,048 But I'm not. 339 00:13:55,050 --> 00:13:56,182 I'm not fine that 340 00:13:56,184 --> 00:13:58,184 he volunteers our apartment for a giant fund-raiser 341 00:13:58,186 --> 00:13:59,903 and that he's not thinking about 342 00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:01,655 how we're gonna pay any of our bills 343 00:14:01,657 --> 00:14:02,889 and that, apparently, 344 00:14:02,891 --> 00:14:06,726 we've given up on trying to have kids. 345 00:14:06,728 --> 00:14:08,728 Lil... 346 00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:11,748 Look, I'm sorry, Ted, I just, I gotta do this. 347 00:14:12,733 --> 00:14:15,035 My bag? 348 00:14:15,037 --> 00:14:17,304 Oh, no. I got it. 349 00:14:19,507 --> 00:14:20,807 There's nothing to talk about. 350 00:14:20,809 --> 00:14:22,342 You trashed your office today. 351 00:14:22,344 --> 00:14:23,877 I mean, you obviously have 352 00:14:23,879 --> 00:14:25,779 some deep feelings you're not confronting. 353 00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:27,781 And I think they're about your dad. 354 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:30,150 I don't want to talk about it, okay? Why not? 355 00:14:30,152 --> 00:14:32,719 Because I don't. And why am I explaining this to you? 356 00:14:32,721 --> 00:14:34,471 You're the most secretive person I know. 357 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,389 You never tell anybody anything. 358 00:14:37,959 --> 00:14:41,227 I've never... told anyone this before. 359 00:14:42,530 --> 00:14:43,897 Um... 360 00:14:43,899 --> 00:14:45,932 I was 16. 361 00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:48,902 I was awakened around midnight 362 00:14:48,904 --> 00:14:50,837 by the sound of my father 363 00:14:50,839 --> 00:14:55,141 arguing with his business partner, Andy Grenier. 364 00:14:55,143 --> 00:14:57,110 As things grew heated... 365 00:14:57,112 --> 00:15:01,114 I watched my father's hand slowly coil 366 00:15:01,116 --> 00:15:04,718 around the heavy antique clock on his desk. 367 00:15:06,887 --> 00:15:09,990 The sun was just starting to rise 368 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:13,259 over the bramble orchard as we packed the fresh earth down 369 00:15:13,261 --> 00:15:15,261 with the flats of our shovels. 370 00:15:15,263 --> 00:15:16,663 My dad and I 371 00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:18,698 got our stories straight. 372 00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:22,369 We walked back to the house in silence and... 373 00:15:22,371 --> 00:15:25,572 haven't talked about it since. 374 00:15:26,574 --> 00:15:28,808 But sometimes... 375 00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:31,444 on a still night... 376 00:15:31,446 --> 00:15:33,847 you can still hear that clock, 377 00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,515 ticking... 378 00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,150 ticking... 379 00:15:37,152 --> 00:15:38,685 ticking. 380 00:15:40,554 --> 00:15:42,322 That's... 381 00:15:42,324 --> 00:15:46,092 the most harrowing story I've ever heard. 382 00:15:46,094 --> 00:15:47,594 Is it true? 383 00:15:47,596 --> 00:15:49,729 No. 384 00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:52,565 But it did get you to drink three scotches, 385 00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:55,201 which is why you're ready to spill your guts. 386 00:15:55,203 --> 00:15:56,669 Fine! 387 00:15:56,671 --> 00:16:00,473 The reason I'm upset about Marshall leaving GNB 388 00:16:00,475 --> 00:16:04,511 is... is... 389 00:16:04,513 --> 00:16:06,146 Hey. 390 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,717 ...the meatball sub. 391 00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:11,684 Huh? 392 00:16:11,686 --> 00:16:13,453 It all started months ago 393 00:16:13,455 --> 00:16:15,288 in the GNB commissary. 394 00:16:15,290 --> 00:16:17,223 It was Meatball Sub Day. 395 00:16:17,225 --> 00:16:19,626 Oh, how I used to love 396 00:16:19,628 --> 00:16:20,877 Meatball Sub Day. 397 00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:24,931 And then, the most humiliating moment of my life. 398 00:16:24,933 --> 00:16:27,333 Hey, buddy, I think you got a tiny little bit 399 00:16:27,335 --> 00:16:29,302 of marinara sauce on your tie there. 400 00:16:35,177 --> 00:16:37,644 I plotted my revenge for weeks. 401 00:16:37,646 --> 00:16:39,429 But nothing seemed right. 402 00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:41,414 Then it hit me. 403 00:16:41,416 --> 00:16:44,684 The answer was so elegant and simple-- 404 00:16:47,855 --> 00:16:51,074 an exploding meatball sub. 405 00:16:53,494 --> 00:16:55,728 For months, I experimented. 406 00:17:07,708 --> 00:17:11,044 More... marinara sauce. 407 00:17:11,929 --> 00:17:14,948 Finally, the sub was perfected. 408 00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,749 The plan was in place. 409 00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:19,319 The snare was baited. 410 00:17:19,321 --> 00:17:21,087 And then... 411 00:17:21,089 --> 00:17:23,756 he quit, Robin, he quit! 412 00:17:23,758 --> 00:17:24,724 It's Meatball Sub Day 413 00:17:24,726 --> 00:17:25,925 today, which is why 414 00:17:25,927 --> 00:17:27,977 I wanted Marshall to come over and have lunch. 415 00:17:27,979 --> 00:17:29,062 But no. 416 00:17:29,064 --> 00:17:30,930 All that work wasted. 417 00:17:33,235 --> 00:17:37,704 You want to make God laugh, tell him your plans, right? 418 00:17:38,939 --> 00:17:41,608 What is wrong with you? 419 00:17:42,910 --> 00:17:44,878 Hey, Professor Rodriguez, 420 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,179 thank you so much for coming. 421 00:17:46,181 --> 00:17:47,280 Oh, my pleasure. 422 00:17:47,282 --> 00:17:48,915 I have to use the restroom. 423 00:17:48,917 --> 00:17:50,683 Do you have some extra invitations? 424 00:17:50,685 --> 00:17:52,185 Right over there. 425 00:17:52,187 --> 00:17:53,353 Enjoy. 426 00:17:53,355 --> 00:17:55,138 Hey. Hey, thanks for picking him up. 427 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,173 Yeah, absolutely. Um, listen, 428 00:17:57,175 --> 00:17:59,893 something happened at the airport. Um... 429 00:17:59,895 --> 00:18:01,294 What? Well, 430 00:18:01,296 --> 00:18:02,979 we got there, and, uh, Lily... 431 00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:04,630 Lily... 432 00:18:04,632 --> 00:18:05,632 Marshall, hey. 433 00:18:05,634 --> 00:18:07,567 Sorry, I, uh, I had to park 434 00:18:07,569 --> 00:18:09,486 and-and grab some ice. 435 00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:10,570 Sorry. 436 00:18:10,572 --> 00:18:11,971 Oh, thanks, babe. 437 00:18:11,973 --> 00:18:14,574 You would not believe how much this one has done 438 00:18:14,576 --> 00:18:15,975 to help throw this party, Ted. 439 00:18:15,977 --> 00:18:17,577 I don't know how she does it. 440 00:18:17,579 --> 00:18:20,246 Can't be easy, huh, Lil? 441 00:18:21,749 --> 00:18:23,583 Yeah. Listen, Marshall, 442 00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:25,785 I-I need to talk to you about something. 443 00:18:25,787 --> 00:18:27,353 No, you know what? Me, too. 444 00:18:27,355 --> 00:18:28,922 Um... I want to thank you 445 00:18:28,924 --> 00:18:31,257 for being so supportive of me in all this. 446 00:18:31,259 --> 00:18:33,326 I've been at the NRDC for less than a week, 447 00:18:33,328 --> 00:18:35,195 and I've already done more to be proud of 448 00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,363 than in two years at GNB. 449 00:18:37,365 --> 00:18:39,732 I can't believe how good it feels. 450 00:18:40,634 --> 00:18:43,520 But now, it's time for me to find a way 451 00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:45,738 to help the Earth and get paid for it, 452 00:18:45,740 --> 00:18:48,575 because I can't put that burden entirely on you. 453 00:18:48,577 --> 00:18:50,009 So, starting tomorrow, 454 00:18:50,011 --> 00:18:52,345 I'll look for something with a paycheck. 455 00:18:52,347 --> 00:18:53,413 What do you think? 456 00:18:53,415 --> 00:18:56,566 Baby, you have my full support. Oh... 457 00:18:57,484 --> 00:18:59,219 Ted. 458 00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:01,254 Hey! 459 00:19:01,256 --> 00:19:03,723 What are you doing here? This is really important 460 00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:06,192 to Marshall, so I came to show my support. 461 00:19:06,194 --> 00:19:08,228 This you can be supportive of?! 462 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,129 What is that supposed to mean? I have 463 00:19:10,131 --> 00:19:11,497 the chance to build a skyscraper 464 00:19:11,499 --> 00:19:13,833 in the best city on Earth, and who's the one 465 00:19:13,835 --> 00:19:15,501 leading the charge to kill that dream? 466 00:19:15,503 --> 00:19:16,719 My girlfriend! Whoa, whoa, whoa. 467 00:19:16,721 --> 00:19:19,038 What about my lifelong dream of not seeing 468 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,974 every beautiful building in Manhattan bulldozed? 469 00:19:20,976 --> 00:19:24,143 And in that moment, I realized, though I really cared 470 00:19:24,145 --> 00:19:27,013 about Zoey, I couldn't do this for the next 50 years. 471 00:19:27,015 --> 00:19:28,915 I had to break up with her. 472 00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,183 But then... 473 00:19:30,185 --> 00:19:35,438 ♪ I will remember you ♪ 474 00:19:36,540 --> 00:19:39,075 ♪ Will you remember me... ♪ 475 00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:40,994 Kids, some couples always support each other, 476 00:19:40,996 --> 00:19:43,263 and some couples always challenge each other, 477 00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:45,898 but is one really better than the other? 478 00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:47,867 Yes. Support is better. 479 00:19:47,869 --> 00:19:49,802 Way better. 480 00:19:49,804 --> 00:19:52,789 But I'd have to learn that the hard way. 481 00:19:56,324 --> 00:19:58,862 You're too young. This isn't fair. 482 00:19:58,972 --> 00:20:00,205 We're not going anywhere, buddy. 483 00:20:00,207 --> 00:20:02,040 We're gonna stay here right till the end. 484 00:20:02,042 --> 00:20:03,241 Thank you, Marshall. 485 00:20:05,345 --> 00:20:06,645 Marshall... 486 00:20:06,647 --> 00:20:07,779 can I ask 487 00:20:07,781 --> 00:20:09,948 one final favor, my friend? 488 00:20:09,950 --> 00:20:12,884 Yes, of course, of course-- anything. 489 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,122 Eat this meatball sub. 490 00:20:18,074 --> 00:20:19,458 Wh-Where'd you get a meatball... 491 00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:22,227 I don't have much time! Okay, yes, yes, of course. 492 00:20:22,229 --> 00:20:24,079 Of course. 493 00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:30,019 Does this have some sort of special meaning? 494 00:20:36,260 --> 00:20:39,462 I'm not sick, you idiots! 495 00:20:39,464 --> 00:20:42,265 I've racked up $30,000 of uninsured medical bills 496 00:20:42,267 --> 00:20:44,067 for symptoms I don't even have. 497 00:20:44,069 --> 00:20:45,201 Totally worth it! 498 00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:47,453 You should see the look on your face. 499 00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,907 Oh, wait, you can't-- 'cause it's covered in marinara sauce! 500 00:20:54,161 --> 00:20:56,112 Uh, Barney, you got a little marinara 501 00:20:56,114 --> 00:20:57,780 on your pajamas. 502 00:21:03,356 --> 00:21:06,856 == sync, corrected by elderman ==