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Kids, in the fall of 2010, our friends
Stuart and Claudia had a baby,
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00:00:05,713 --> 00:00:08,956
and Marshall and Lily were the first
to visit the happy new parents.
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00:00:09,081 --> 00:00:10,926
So, have you guys
landed on a name yet?
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We're trying, but it's tougher than
you think. You see, I like "Tiffany."
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And I don't want my daughter
to have a whore's name.
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- That's my mother's name.
- I know.
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I got it. How'bout we name the baby
after you... "Frigid Shrew."
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That's good.
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00:00:25,481 --> 00:00:26,942
Let's call her "Vodka."
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00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,853
Then at least we know you'd hold her
tight and never let her go!
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Don't knock the vodka.
Wouldn't have a kid without it.
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Stuart, you are so...
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That's not gonna be us, right?
I mean,
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how hard can it be to name a baby?
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Right?
I mean, just look at her.
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She's clearly a...
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00:00:42,719 --> 00:00:44,069
- Lisa.
- Emily.
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- Emily?!
- Lisa?!
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Team Who's this fucking mother?
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Synchronisation:
JoJo, Karim, Kyros, MiniBen314
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00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,349
Adaptation:
Dark_Chii, H3AV3N, Kenji, TTT
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00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,518
Relecture: MiniBen314, Titou
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6x06 - Baby Talk (1.00)
.:: www.sous-titres.eu ::.
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I made a list of awesome baby names.
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Starting at the top: number one...
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I'm gonna stop you
right here, Marshall.
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You name a chubby
white kid "LeBron,"
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and he's the one getting
stuffed in the basketball hoop.
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Then I'm also crossing off,
"Shaquille"...
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"Hakeem,"
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and "Dikembe."
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What about "Rob"?
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"Rob"?
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Why not?
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Hey, Rob. What are you gonna make?
A turkey?
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Honka, honka!
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Not "Rob."
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How about "Ryan"?
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Not "Ryan."
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"Johnny?"
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Hey, where's the goldfish?
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Not "Johnny."
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Or "Gil."
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"Jeremy."
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Definitely not "Jeremy."
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His stuff was so derivative.
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Well, I mean, geez, Lily.
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Well, whatever you do, do not
name your baby "Becky," right?
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Why? What?
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Becky. My new co-anchor?
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Don't you guys ever watch the show?
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- I really try.
- Our DVR won't recognize it
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as a television program.
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I watched.
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Robin insisted I confirm
how "awful" Becky is,
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so last night I checked it out.
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Peace talks in the region
have been described as "productive."
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Becky?
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Last night, in Staten Island,
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a taco cart owner
was robbed at gunpoint.
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That's so sad.
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Becky, we're journalists.
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We can't get emotional
about the news, we...
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They stole all his money and then
pelted him with his own taco meat!
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00:03:01,269 --> 00:03:02,598
Who would do that?
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00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,975
If you read the story,
we might find out.
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Can I do this one, about the horse?
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I love horseys.
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The horse died.
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Guys!
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This news is all really sad.
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Okay, no holds barred...
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What'd you think of Becky?
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- I thought she was charming.
- You, too?
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Can somebody please explain to me
why the little girl act works on men?
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Long or short version?
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Short version.
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Short version.
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Who's your daddy?
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You know, when you think about that,
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that phrase is really creepy.
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No, it's not. It's fun.
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Here, watch this.
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Who's your daddy?
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Let me get this straight.
So, in this scenario,
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because you make such
sweet love to Lily,
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she is now your daughter.
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No, she is not my daughter.
I'm just...
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her daddy.
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- That is disgusting.
- Exactly. And it's not like
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00:04:06,159 --> 00:04:09,476
the opposite would work. There's no way
a guy could pick up a girl, going around
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- talking like a little boy.
- Challenge accepted.
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00:04:12,364 --> 00:04:13,836
I, Barney Stinson,
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00:04:14,173 --> 00:04:17,131
will pick up a girl
whilst talking like a little boy.
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Here's my list of baby names.
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What about "Tara"?
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Not "Tara." Tara was
the hottest girl in my high school.
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We were all, like,
obsessed with her.
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We didn't just talk about her
and fantasize about her...
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We wrote songs about her.
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Tara
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Your booty is so smooth
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And I hope this isn't rude
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But I want to get up on it.
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Not "Tara."
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What about "Esther"?
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Gentlemen, gentlemen.
Coming up on the main stage,
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give it up for Esther!
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That prime rib was surprisingly good,
but it's 10:30 in the morning.
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00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,807
I don't need to see a lady
get naked and dance.
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Esther gets naked.
But she doesn't dance.
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Then what does she do?
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Sweet mother nature!
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That was my card!
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Gentlemen, gentlemen.
Give it up for Esther!
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Not "Esther."
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I need a drink. Ted? Ted?
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Your list is entirely boy names.
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You do realize there's roughly a 50%
chance of you having a daughter, right?
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Honestly, I've never thought
about having a girl.
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I don't wannna think
about having a girl.
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Tara, Esther...
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can you imagine being one
of those girls' dads?
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Marshall's daughter
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Your booty
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Your booty's so smooth.
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Gentlemen, gentlemen.
On the main stage,
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give it up for Marshall's daughter.
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He screwed up my childhood.
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That's why I do this.
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I have no idea how
to raise a daughter!
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What if she makes bad choices? I mean,
what if she winds up dating some...
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Papa, I want you to meet
my new boyfriend.
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Hey, bro.
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Thanks for making such a hottie.
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Who's your daddy?
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You are,
'cause of all the sex we have.
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I don't want a girl.
I just want a little boy.
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It's not what it sounds like, folks.
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Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
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00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:05,657
Is that you?
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You're a little too close
to the camera. Can you back up a bit?
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How's this?
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Every time.
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Can you just sit
in front of the computer
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like normal human beings?
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Perfect! Perfect.
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What's up, shooter?
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To be honest, I'm getting a freaked out
about the idea of having a daughter.
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You two probably aren't the right people
to talk to about this. You had all boys.
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Well, that was just dumb luck.
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Hey, honey,
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would you get me a brewski
from out of the shed?
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Sure. You want anything, Marshall?
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I'm in a computer, Mom.
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Yeah, all boys.
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Total co-winky-dink.
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It was no co-winky-dink.
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Since the Viking age, the Eriksen men
have passed down ancient secrets
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for conceiving boys.
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Number one, avoid lemons.
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They're baby girl fertilizer.
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No offense, Dad, but I doubt there's
any scientific data to support...
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"I doubt there's any
scientific data to support..."
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I had all sons.
Your grandfather had all sons.
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Your great-grandfather had all sons.
Scoreboard!
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Who you gonna listen to?
Me? Or "scientific data"?
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Members of the G-8
convened today in Vienna
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to discuss plans to fight
climate change by re... What?
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Ask me what I did yesterday.
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Tthis is our news segment, okay?
Nobody cares what you did yesterday.
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Lighten up, Robin.
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What'd you do, sweetheart?
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Well, I'm new in town and
don't know many people.
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But yesterday,
I met the sweetest man,
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who took me on a tour of the city.
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Guys, New York is kind of cool.
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Okay, back to the G-8 conference.
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Hello?
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Mike, can I get in the shot?
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Fantastic.
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00:08:59,554 --> 00:09:03,108
Then this cutie patootie took me
to this bar called MacLaren's,
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00:09:03,233 --> 00:09:05,493
- right underneath his apartment.
- Wait...
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00:09:05,618 --> 00:09:07,618
Did you go out with Ted Mosby?
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00:09:08,479 --> 00:09:10,979
Guys, I went out with
Robin's roommate.
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I saw her bedroom.
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She's a messy Bessie.
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In other news, later today,
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00:09:18,852 --> 00:09:21,852
a Manhattan architect
gets punched in the throat.
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00:09:23,576 --> 00:09:25,147
Of all the women in New York,
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00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:27,482
you had to go out
with an eight-year-old girl?
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00:09:28,370 --> 00:09:29,985
Not what it sounds like.
193
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:34,031
You know that I hate her.
How could you go out with this girl?
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It wasn't a date.
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00:09:35,466 --> 00:09:37,534
She came over to the apartment
looking for you.
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00:09:38,238 --> 00:09:41,095
I made Robin my famous
chocolate chip cookies.
197
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,697
But instead of chocolate chips,
I used gummie bears.
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00:09:47,135 --> 00:09:48,135
A spider!
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00:09:50,224 --> 00:09:53,092
Let me guess: she acted
like a helpless little girl,
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00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,677
and you stepped in as the big,
strong man.
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00:09:57,395 --> 00:09:59,223
I don't know if that's totally true.
202
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,228
It's okay, darlin'.
203
00:10:04,926 --> 00:10:05,926
Poor spider.
204
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:10,865
Spiders gotta die,
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00:10:11,665 --> 00:10:13,297
so trees can grow.
206
00:10:15,871 --> 00:10:17,145
Then I held her tight
207
00:10:17,863 --> 00:10:20,002
and told her
it was all gonna be okay.
208
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,766
By the way, I think
I only wounded the spider.
209
00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,332
It crawled off into my bedroom.
210
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,376
Is that why you slept
on the couch last night?
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00:10:28,827 --> 00:10:29,827
I slept.
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00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:32,830
I'm dying out here.
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00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:36,635
Talking like a little boy
is not working with the ladies.
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00:10:38,107 --> 00:10:38,971
Wow, lady.
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00:10:39,316 --> 00:10:41,682
You got some tig ol'bitties!
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00:10:45,334 --> 00:10:46,103
Gosh!
217
00:10:46,405 --> 00:10:48,087
Your body's a perfect...
218
00:10:48,962 --> 00:10:50,073
this many.
219
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,821
Do you want to wrestle
with our special bathing suit places?
220
00:10:57,382 --> 00:10:58,410
Come on!
221
00:11:00,018 --> 00:11:01,527
I need two seconds, baby.
222
00:11:01,652 --> 00:11:04,663
I know you think that's a compliment,
but I'd rather you took your time.
223
00:11:06,565 --> 00:11:07,624
I'll be right back.
224
00:11:16,117 --> 00:11:19,748
Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that,
to sire a son,
225
00:11:19,873 --> 00:11:22,889
you must do three things right
before you lay with your maiden.
226
00:11:23,330 --> 00:11:25,767
First, eat pickled herring.
227
00:11:27,741 --> 00:11:28,729
Eat it!
228
00:11:29,635 --> 00:11:30,843
This is ridiculous.
229
00:11:35,522 --> 00:11:38,764
Gentlemen, on the main stage,
throwing her life away,
230
00:11:38,889 --> 00:11:41,033
give it up for Marshall's daughter!
231
00:11:45,051 --> 00:11:46,667
Who's your granddaddy?
232
00:11:48,273 --> 00:11:49,249
That guy.
233
00:12:00,323 --> 00:12:03,134
Want to have a three-way
with me and my imaginary friend?
234
00:12:03,259 --> 00:12:04,489
His name's Otis.
235
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,596
Want to come to my house
and play telephone?
236
00:12:10,721 --> 00:12:12,814
I got the string, you got the cans.
237
00:12:16,094 --> 00:12:17,110
I wet myself!
238
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:18,445
Will you change me?
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00:12:20,366 --> 00:12:21,852
Can't blame her on that one.
240
00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:25,243
Guys...
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00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,008
I have some terrible news.
242
00:12:27,612 --> 00:12:28,612
I,
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00:12:28,737 --> 00:12:29,816
Barney Stinson,
244
00:12:30,698 --> 00:12:34,119
can't pick up a girl whilst
talking like a little boy.
245
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:36,501
Challenge forfeited.
246
00:12:38,546 --> 00:12:41,093
- We don't care about this.
- No one challenged you,
247
00:12:43,159 --> 00:12:44,159
I'm sorry.
248
00:12:45,706 --> 00:12:47,626
Gerard, what's with that shirt?
249
00:12:47,751 --> 00:12:49,815
Nobody could pick up
a chick wearing that thing.
250
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:51,605
Challenge accept...
251
00:12:55,387 --> 00:12:56,613
I'm glad that's over.
252
00:12:56,738 --> 00:12:59,236
It was creepy watching Barney
talk like a little kid.
253
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,530
But you find it irresistible
when Becky does?
254
00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:02,864
I don't get it.
255
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:05,453
The Ted that I went out with was
attracted to the kind of woman
256
00:13:05,578 --> 00:13:07,869
who could use a steak knife
without supervision.
257
00:13:08,435 --> 00:13:11,755
For your information, Becky doesn't like
steak, she likes "spasghetti".
258
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:12,819
Spaghetti.
259
00:13:12,944 --> 00:13:15,043
And more importantly,
she makes me feel needed.
260
00:13:15,285 --> 00:13:16,262
Needed?
261
00:13:16,387 --> 00:13:18,588
She makes training
wheels feel needed.
262
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,234
It's nice to feel needed.
And you know what?
263
00:13:21,359 --> 00:13:23,343
It's not a feeling guys
get when they're with you.
264
00:13:29,657 --> 00:13:30,657
Son...
265
00:13:31,306 --> 00:13:34,522
Viking lore tells us that
to ensure the continuation
266
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,280
of your noble male lineage...
267
00:13:37,986 --> 00:13:39,282
get a big bowl of ice
268
00:13:39,407 --> 00:13:41,385
and dunk your man
sack right in there!
269
00:13:42,844 --> 00:13:44,559
You two and your football.
270
00:14:02,745 --> 00:14:05,611
Now get in there,
point Lily due north
271
00:14:05,736 --> 00:14:07,708
and make me a grandson!
272
00:14:22,125 --> 00:14:24,738
When we were dating,
I didn't make you feel needed?
273
00:14:25,070 --> 00:14:27,574
Come on! You always took
charge of everything.
274
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:31,119
I got this.
275
00:14:34,434 --> 00:14:36,652
- This okay? Am I hurting y...
- I got this.
276
00:14:40,128 --> 00:14:42,104
Someone's trying to break in.
Call the cops.
277
00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:44,901
I got this.
278
00:14:47,121 --> 00:14:48,261
Did that bother you?
279
00:14:48,570 --> 00:14:50,639
Yeah. It's nice to be needed.
280
00:14:51,779 --> 00:14:53,803
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you.
281
00:14:56,709 --> 00:14:57,709
It's Becky.
282
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,106
She's trapped in a revolving door.
283
00:15:02,722 --> 00:15:03,722
I got this.
284
00:15:08,509 --> 00:15:09,909
Let's make a baby!
285
00:15:13,610 --> 00:15:16,831
You're packing snowballs,
and your breath smells like a fart.
286
00:15:18,088 --> 00:15:19,751
You know what's hotter?
287
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,630
If we face this way.
288
00:15:22,070 --> 00:15:23,176
Ooh, we're bad.
289
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:26,550
Baby, why are you facing me north?
290
00:15:28,319 --> 00:15:30,387
You're trying to make us have a boy.
291
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,129
I can ex...
292
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:35,642
How do you know?
293
00:15:37,865 --> 00:15:39,604
What are you doing with lemons?
294
00:15:41,301 --> 00:15:43,066
Baby girl fertilizer!
295
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,819
You're trying to have a girl!
296
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,449
You are trying to have a girl.
297
00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:54,911
All my least favorite students
have been boys.
298
00:15:55,278 --> 00:15:57,913
So I Googled "how to make a girl",
299
00:15:58,038 --> 00:16:00,518
some really weird stuff came up,
300
00:16:00,643 --> 00:16:04,546
but I found this conception website
that said you should...
301
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:07,572
point south
at the moment of conception...
302
00:16:08,362 --> 00:16:09,562
eat a lemon...
303
00:16:13,159 --> 00:16:17,010
and heat up your lady parts
to a balmy 105 degrees.
304
00:16:24,058 --> 00:16:25,275
That's not bad.
305
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,274
How could you do...
306
00:16:34,113 --> 00:16:37,579
exactly the same thing I did?
You're supposed to be the sane one.
307
00:16:37,876 --> 00:16:38,822
See that?
308
00:16:38,947 --> 00:16:41,683
Another boy expecting a woman
to clean up his mistakes.
309
00:16:41,808 --> 00:16:43,752
That's why girls
are better than boys.
310
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,589
Why creepy kids in a horror movie
are always little girls?
311
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:51,468
Or twin girls, who speak...
in unison.
312
00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,303
What about Chucky?
313
00:16:53,796 --> 00:16:55,897
A) He was a doll;
314
00:16:56,022 --> 00:16:58,815
B) He was possessed
by an adult serial killer;
315
00:16:58,940 --> 00:17:01,996
and C) How could you bring
up Chucky right before bed?
316
00:17:09,248 --> 00:17:11,121
When we were dating,
317
00:17:11,441 --> 00:17:13,406
did I make you feel needed?
318
00:17:14,071 --> 00:17:16,409
No, I didn't feel
like you needed me at all.
319
00:17:16,981 --> 00:17:18,307
That's what I thought.
320
00:17:19,442 --> 00:17:20,512
I'm sorry.
321
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,657
Wwhere are you...
That's a compliment.
322
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:27,337
You are the least needy woman
I've ever met, that's awesome.
323
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:31,147
No guy's gonna say
"Who's your daddy?" to you.
324
00:17:31,272 --> 00:17:32,604
You're your own daddy.
325
00:17:33,003 --> 00:17:34,003
And mommy.
326
00:17:34,604 --> 00:17:36,483
And weird survivalist uncle
327
00:17:36,608 --> 00:17:39,265
who lives in a cabin with a gun
blaming the government.
328
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,303
That is what makes you the most...
329
00:17:45,012 --> 00:17:47,377
amazing, strong...
330
00:17:48,463 --> 00:17:50,713
independent woman I've ever banged.
331
00:17:55,313 --> 00:17:57,617
There's something
I wanted to ask you,
332
00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:02,163
and I don't really know
how to say it so... here goes.
333
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,598
Who's the crazy chick in the apron?
334
00:18:06,908 --> 00:18:09,755
Someone naughty
left his toys on the floor
335
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,383
and needs to be spanked
on his tushy-tush.
336
00:18:17,123 --> 00:18:18,680
I'm in "twubble."
337
00:18:19,395 --> 00:18:20,640
You did it?
How?
338
00:18:20,975 --> 00:18:22,750
Last night, after admitting defeat,
339
00:18:22,875 --> 00:18:24,644
I just let myself go.
340
00:18:25,952 --> 00:18:27,856
That looks so good.
Can I have some?
341
00:18:29,468 --> 00:18:31,717
It's my ice cream,
you can't have any.
342
00:18:32,573 --> 00:18:35,238
Someone needs to teach you
how to share.
343
00:18:38,390 --> 00:18:40,433
Who's your mommy?
344
00:18:45,243 --> 00:18:46,916
Challenge completed!
345
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,045
Can you get her out?
I'm scared.
346
00:18:51,943 --> 00:18:52,922
I got this.
347
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,947
So you finally agreed on a name?
348
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:06,561
The other night she ran
a really high fever.
349
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,485
We rushed her to the ER
at 3:00 in the morning,
350
00:19:09,610 --> 00:19:12,247
but they wouldn't admit her
without a name.
351
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:15,495
Right then,
352
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:18,740
we realized
how stupid we were being.
353
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:20,742
We looked at each other
354
00:19:21,445 --> 00:19:23,145
and we just knew.
355
00:19:23,499 --> 00:19:25,219
Our baby's name is...
356
00:19:25,634 --> 00:19:26,539
Esther.
357
00:19:31,705 --> 00:19:32,702
Beautiful.
358
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,817
We're idiots.
359
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:41,873
Names and gender, it's like...
360
00:19:42,336 --> 00:19:45,882
it's some way of giving ourselves
the illusion that we have any control.
361
00:19:46,178 --> 00:19:48,841
I just want a healthy,
happy, 12-pound...
362
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,148
Ten-pound?
363
00:19:53,761 --> 00:19:55,647
- Eight-pound?
- I guess,
364
00:19:55,772 --> 00:19:58,490
but you're writing checks
my vagina can't cash.
365
00:20:00,424 --> 00:20:01,474
I love you.
366
00:20:02,152 --> 00:20:04,996
And I'm gonna love the crap
out of whatever baby we have.
367
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:06,204
Me, too.
368
00:20:12,523 --> 00:20:13,628
You know what?
369
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:17,006
We should just think of a name
that's good for either a girl or a boy.
370
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:18,091
Like...
371
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:19,550
Jamie.
372
00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:24,180
We just named our baby.
373
00:20:30,027 --> 00:20:31,563
Not Jamie.
374
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,565
Shoe's untied. I got it.
375
00:20:53,191 --> 00:20:54,502
This is over.