1 00:00:01,293 --> 00:00:02,761 NARRATOR: Kids, in the fall of 2010, 2 00:00:02,762 --> 00:00:04,295 I was designing the new headquarters 3 00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:05,597 for Goliath National Bank, 4 00:00:05,598 --> 00:00:07,632 which meant working side by side 5 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:08,800 with your Uncle Barney. 6 00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:09,901 I love your idea 7 00:00:09,902 --> 00:00:11,203 about a giant rooftop ring of fire 8 00:00:11,204 --> 00:00:12,571 you can jump through with a motorcycle, 9 00:00:12,572 --> 00:00:14,472 but I tweaked it slightly and... 10 00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:16,157 This is still super bad-ass. 11 00:00:17,777 --> 00:00:20,362 It's now a patio garden where you can bring a nice bag lunch. 12 00:00:21,363 --> 00:00:22,663 Sick. 13 00:00:22,664 --> 00:00:23,948 Yeah. 14 00:00:23,949 --> 00:00:25,032 Dude. 15 00:00:25,033 --> 00:00:28,285 Working together is gonna be legen... 16 00:00:28,286 --> 00:00:29,537 Wait for it. 17 00:00:29,538 --> 00:00:31,822 I'll send you an inter-office memo with the rest 18 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,657 'cause we freakin' work together! 19 00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:35,376 Everything was going great. 20 00:00:35,377 --> 00:00:37,511 That is, right up until Barney said... 21 00:00:37,512 --> 00:00:38,762 Oh, big news. 22 00:00:38,763 --> 00:00:40,631 The board finally settled on a site for the building. 23 00:00:41,766 --> 00:00:43,017 It was the site of The Arcadian, 24 00:00:43,018 --> 00:00:44,969 one of New York's grandest old hotels. 25 00:00:44,970 --> 00:00:48,022 In its heyday, it was the New York home to kings and queens. 26 00:00:48,023 --> 00:00:49,223 But lately... 27 00:00:49,224 --> 00:00:51,725 (funky music plays) 28 00:00:51,726 --> 00:00:53,477 ...mostly just queens. 29 00:00:53,478 --> 00:00:55,062 Hi, handsome. 30 00:00:55,063 --> 00:00:56,864 Lookin' for a date? 31 00:00:56,865 --> 00:00:58,399 Uh, no, thank you. 32 00:01:00,402 --> 00:01:03,070 Still got it. 33 00:01:03,071 --> 00:01:05,522 Barney, we have to talk. 34 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:06,707 Sure. What's up? 35 00:01:06,708 --> 00:01:07,775 Excuse me, Mr. Stinson. 36 00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,326 Not now, Trish! 37 00:01:09,327 --> 00:01:11,912 But there's an urgent memo for Mr. Mosby. 38 00:01:14,549 --> 00:01:17,635 "Dary." Legendary! 39 00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:21,088 So, what's on your mind? 40 00:01:21,089 --> 00:01:22,256 (sighs) 41 00:01:22,257 --> 00:01:24,642 I can't design the building. 42 00:01:24,643 --> 00:01:35,712 Sync by fant0m www.addic7ed.com 43 00:01:37,572 --> 00:01:39,657 Oh, yeah. (chuckling) 44 00:01:39,658 --> 00:01:41,725 Oh, baby. No, no. 45 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:44,695 Not the slipper socks with the rubber soles. 46 00:01:44,696 --> 00:01:47,031 I work so hard to-to set the mood, 47 00:01:47,032 --> 00:01:48,315 and-and when I see those, 48 00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,367 I feel the egg go (slurping) 49 00:01:50,368 --> 00:01:52,419 right back up my Fallopian tube. 50 00:01:52,420 --> 00:01:55,039 Baby, these satin sheets are slippery. 51 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,041 Papa needs traction. Traction? 52 00:01:57,042 --> 00:01:58,125 As you know, 53 00:01:58,126 --> 00:02:00,010 Papa likes to get down with enthusiasm. 54 00:02:00,011 --> 00:02:01,879 Please stop calling yourself "Papa." 55 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,130 And without traction, 56 00:02:03,131 --> 00:02:05,015 Papa's likely to boogie himself right out of bed. 57 00:02:05,016 --> 00:02:06,450 It's either these or soccer cleats. 58 00:02:06,451 --> 00:02:08,018 (slurping) 59 00:02:08,687 --> 00:02:11,055 Hey, so I talked to Robin. 60 00:02:11,056 --> 00:02:13,273 I guess she and Max hooked up last night. 61 00:02:13,274 --> 00:02:15,225 Kids, as you may remember, Max was a friend of Marshall's 62 00:02:15,226 --> 00:02:16,510 from law school... 63 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:19,163 with whom Robin was really starting to hit it off. 64 00:02:19,164 --> 00:02:20,931 Nice! I love that guy. 65 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:24,985 Max is both his name and his level of awesomeness. 66 00:02:24,986 --> 00:02:25,986 Yeah. He's a sweet guy. 67 00:02:25,987 --> 00:02:27,738 She feels really comfortable with him. 68 00:02:27,739 --> 00:02:29,156 They bonded over hockey. 69 00:02:29,157 --> 00:02:30,824 I guess he has a small penis, 70 00:02:30,825 --> 00:02:32,576 but they want to double-date next weekend. 71 00:02:32,577 --> 00:02:33,811 (shouting) 72 00:02:33,812 --> 00:02:35,295 Why would you tell me that? 73 00:02:35,296 --> 00:02:37,131 So you'll clear your schedule. 74 00:02:37,132 --> 00:02:38,832 No! The other part! 75 00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:40,467 Oh, the small penis thing? 76 00:02:40,468 --> 00:02:41,785 Ah! Don't! Stop saying that! 77 00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:43,286 Why do you keep saying that? You... 78 00:02:43,287 --> 00:02:44,588 I don't want to know that. 79 00:02:44,589 --> 00:02:46,090 I'm not going to be able to look the guy in the eye. 80 00:02:46,091 --> 00:02:48,976 I'm certainly not going to be able to call him "Max." 81 00:02:48,977 --> 00:02:50,310 That's insane. 82 00:02:50,311 --> 00:02:52,429 I mean, just because you know Max has a small penis... 83 00:02:52,430 --> 00:02:55,349 (shouting) Just don't! 84 00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:56,834 You're kidding me. 85 00:02:56,835 --> 00:02:58,135 I'm sorry. I can't do this 86 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,070 if it means tearing down The Arcadian. 87 00:03:00,071 --> 00:03:01,739 It's an architectural landmark. 88 00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:03,640 Plus, people live there. 89 00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:05,526 How does GNB plan to get hundreds of residents 90 00:03:05,527 --> 00:03:06,643 to just up and leave? 91 00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:08,162 Snakes. Did you just say "snakes"? 92 00:03:08,163 --> 00:03:10,364 I don't recall saying "snakes"" 93 00:03:10,365 --> 00:03:14,168 Ted, I know you love crappy old stuff no one cares about. 94 00:03:14,169 --> 00:03:17,254 But I'm gonna give you four words to live by: 95 00:03:17,255 --> 00:03:21,008 New is always better. 96 00:03:21,009 --> 00:03:22,543 New is always better? 97 00:03:22,544 --> 00:03:24,745 You know who's a million times hotter 98 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,714 than the hottest girl I've ever slept with? 99 00:03:26,715 --> 00:03:30,350 Her okay-looking friend I haven't seen naked. 100 00:03:30,351 --> 00:03:31,685 Why? 101 00:03:31,686 --> 00:03:34,154 Because new is always better. 102 00:03:34,155 --> 00:03:36,540 Mm-hmm? And this theory applies to everything? 103 00:03:36,541 --> 00:03:37,524 Everything. 104 00:03:37,525 --> 00:03:38,459 So, those new 105 00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:39,843 Star Wars movies... 106 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:41,528 Those are better than the old ones? 107 00:03:41,529 --> 00:03:44,448 Yeah. The first three barely mention 108 00:03:44,449 --> 00:03:47,401 the intricacies of intergalactic trade law. 109 00:03:47,402 --> 00:03:49,470 And when you're at a Guns n' Roses concert, 110 00:03:49,471 --> 00:03:52,039 you're like, "Yeah, yeah, Paradise City, whatever. 111 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:55,525 When are they gonna rock me some Chinese Democracy"? 112 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:58,579 Axl's really matured as a songwriter, Ted. 113 00:03:58,580 --> 00:04:01,231 Wendy! I'd like to buy my friend a drink. 114 00:04:01,232 --> 00:04:02,583 What's your oldest Scotch? 115 00:04:02,584 --> 00:04:05,702 Glenmckenna, aged 30 years in oak casks. 116 00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:06,653 Amazing. 117 00:04:06,654 --> 00:04:08,088 And what's your newest scotch? 118 00:04:08,089 --> 00:04:11,508 Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch. 119 00:04:11,509 --> 00:04:13,510 Don't let it touch your skin. 120 00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:16,480 Your call, buddy. 121 00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:22,269 A glass of the J-Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch sounds lovely. 122 00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:24,188 Lots of ice. 123 00:04:25,073 --> 00:04:26,740 New is always better, Ted! 124 00:04:26,741 --> 00:04:27,825 That's a rule. 125 00:04:27,826 --> 00:04:29,326 Just like bigger is always better! 126 00:04:29,327 --> 00:04:31,495 Pfft. That's not true. 127 00:04:31,496 --> 00:04:33,614 Uh, sometimes smaller is better. 128 00:04:33,615 --> 00:04:36,033 "Hey, look how big my cell phone is!" 129 00:04:36,034 --> 00:04:38,418 You don't hear people say that. 130 00:04:38,419 --> 00:04:39,920 No. You want something compact 131 00:04:39,921 --> 00:04:42,673 and efficient that fits comfortably in your pocket, 132 00:04:42,674 --> 00:04:45,592 and I think Max is just a great guy. 133 00:04:45,593 --> 00:04:46,794 Lily told you. 134 00:04:46,795 --> 00:04:47,795 Told him what? 135 00:04:47,796 --> 00:04:48,796 Max has a small penis. 136 00:04:48,797 --> 00:04:50,430 (men groaning) 137 00:04:50,431 --> 00:04:52,966 How can you speak of such things? 138 00:04:52,967 --> 00:04:54,134 Girls talk about everything. 139 00:04:54,135 --> 00:04:55,269 Size, shape, 140 00:04:55,270 --> 00:04:57,137 left or right leaning orientation... 141 00:04:57,138 --> 00:04:59,106 Length, resemblance to a historical figure, 142 00:04:59,107 --> 00:05:00,541 such as Winston Churchill... 143 00:05:00,542 --> 00:05:01,775 Yes, that's one of you. 144 00:05:01,776 --> 00:05:03,143 Girth, grooming... 145 00:05:03,144 --> 00:05:05,529 How can you speak of such things? 146 00:05:05,530 --> 00:05:06,763 You're kidding. 147 00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:09,366 Barney, every time I mention a woman you don't know, 148 00:05:09,367 --> 00:05:11,618 the first thing you say is, "Boobs?" 149 00:05:11,619 --> 00:05:14,538 Not the complete sentence, "Does she have big boobs?" 150 00:05:14,539 --> 00:05:15,989 Which also would not be great. 151 00:05:15,990 --> 00:05:17,457 Just: "Boobs?" 152 00:05:17,458 --> 00:05:19,493 I do not do that. 153 00:05:19,494 --> 00:05:20,544 My friend Lori from work... 154 00:05:20,545 --> 00:05:22,296 Boobs? Damn it. 155 00:05:22,297 --> 00:05:23,947 But... seriously. 156 00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:25,249 Boobs? 157 00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:26,333 So why is it okay 158 00:05:26,334 --> 00:05:27,668 for guys to talk about boobs, 159 00:05:27,669 --> 00:05:29,219 but the moment we bring up a topic 160 00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:30,671 like Max's small penis... 161 00:05:30,672 --> 00:05:31,972 (men groaning) 162 00:05:31,973 --> 00:05:34,224 I'm gonna pretend this conversation never happened. 163 00:05:34,225 --> 00:05:37,811 Impossible. Max's penis is stuck in my brain like a splinter. 164 00:05:37,812 --> 00:05:40,397 Like a splinter-sized splinter. 165 00:05:40,398 --> 00:05:42,632 Speaking of disappointing weenies... 166 00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,434 Ted, tell them what you told me 167 00:05:44,435 --> 00:05:47,637 I want to ask the board at GNB 168 00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,639 to move the site for the new headquarters 169 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,474 so we don't have to tear down a classic old building. 170 00:05:51,475 --> 00:05:53,026 I still don't get this. 171 00:05:53,027 --> 00:05:55,696 Why, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, 172 00:05:55,697 --> 00:05:57,631 do you want to ruin... 173 00:05:57,632 --> 00:05:59,683 Wait a minute. 174 00:06:00,184 --> 00:06:02,336 Who's the girl? 175 00:06:02,337 --> 00:06:04,154 Duh. LILY: Of course there's a girl. 176 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,422 What? I... 177 00:06:05,423 --> 00:06:07,391 There's no g-girl. 178 00:06:07,392 --> 00:06:09,092 Why would you even... 179 00:06:09,961 --> 00:06:12,346 Her name is Zoey. 180 00:06:12,347 --> 00:06:13,630 Boobs? 181 00:06:18,887 --> 00:06:20,837 Beautiful building, right? 182 00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:23,807 Look, mister, you are very convincing, 183 00:06:23,808 --> 00:06:26,276 and I am very flattered. 184 00:06:26,277 --> 00:06:28,011 Confused, even. 185 00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,062 But I'm not looking... 186 00:06:29,063 --> 00:06:31,415 I'm not a drag queen. 187 00:06:31,416 --> 00:06:34,651 But you definitely have me rethinking this eye shadow. 188 00:06:34,652 --> 00:06:36,536 Not only is she funny, 189 00:06:36,537 --> 00:06:38,872 hot and genetically female, 190 00:06:38,873 --> 00:06:40,574 but get this... 191 00:06:40,575 --> 00:06:44,044 Look at the Palladian windows, the rusticated stonework, 192 00:06:44,045 --> 00:06:46,046 the marble cornices... 193 00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:48,582 She's an architecture nerd! 194 00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:50,033 A hot architecture nerd! 195 00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:51,535 That's the dream! 196 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,420 Whose dream? 197 00:06:53,421 --> 00:06:55,505 We wound up talking for hours. 198 00:06:55,506 --> 00:06:58,592 I love how old parts of the city are. 199 00:06:58,593 --> 00:06:59,776 Hmm. 200 00:06:59,777 --> 00:07:01,478 It makes me feel connected to history. 201 00:07:01,479 --> 00:07:04,014 Old is always better. I can't wait to be old. 202 00:07:04,015 --> 00:07:05,132 Me, too. 203 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,683 You can wear elastic everything. 204 00:07:06,684 --> 00:07:09,152 Your lipstick doesn't have to stay inside the lines. 205 00:07:09,153 --> 00:07:11,438 You can shoplift and pretend you're just confused. 206 00:07:11,439 --> 00:07:13,390 (chuckles) 207 00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,108 You could nap anywhere. Uh-huh. 208 00:07:15,109 --> 00:07:16,059 Even while driving. 209 00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,577 (laughing) It's gonna be great. 210 00:07:17,578 --> 00:07:19,896 I can't wait to be all run-down and weathered and wrinkly. 211 00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:24,034 Well, I'd say you got a pretty long wait. 212 00:07:24,035 --> 00:07:26,286 That's sweet. 213 00:07:26,287 --> 00:07:27,921 It would be sweeter if you hadn't thought 214 00:07:27,922 --> 00:07:31,425 I was a tranny before, but it's still sweet. 215 00:07:32,343 --> 00:07:34,261 Oh, Ted, that's so romantic. 216 00:07:34,262 --> 00:07:35,679 I want to fill a pillowcase 217 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,015 with dead batteries and beat you with it. 218 00:07:38,016 --> 00:07:39,599 Hey, Ted, 219 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,051 can I ask you something? 220 00:07:41,052 --> 00:07:42,636 Anything. 221 00:07:47,108 --> 00:07:48,809 Will you sign this petition? 222 00:07:49,861 --> 00:07:51,995 "Save The Arcadian"" 223 00:07:51,996 --> 00:07:54,147 We are gonna stop the bastards at Goliath National Bank 224 00:07:54,148 --> 00:07:55,565 from demolishing it. 225 00:07:57,502 --> 00:07:58,802 Will you support us? 226 00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,822 And you said...? 227 00:08:01,823 --> 00:08:04,474 Where do I sign? 228 00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:07,944 Hmm. 229 00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:09,813 Grape scotch. Not bad. 230 00:08:13,364 --> 00:08:15,748 Ted, you only think The Arcadian needs to be saved 231 00:08:15,749 --> 00:08:17,700 because some pretty girl thinks that. 232 00:08:17,701 --> 00:08:19,068 And seriously... 233 00:08:19,069 --> 00:08:19,869 Boobs? 234 00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:21,421 This isn't about the girl. 235 00:08:21,422 --> 00:08:22,839 It's about the building. 236 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,308 And what did this "Zoey" say 237 00:08:25,309 --> 00:08:27,410 when she found out that you're the one 238 00:08:27,411 --> 00:08:29,245 tearing down her beloved Arcadian? 239 00:08:29,246 --> 00:08:32,665 That you, Ted Mosby, are the Architect Of Destruction? 240 00:08:32,666 --> 00:08:33,850 MARSHALL: Whoa! 241 00:08:33,851 --> 00:08:35,819 Sweet wrestling name alert. 242 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,937 Well... 243 00:08:37,938 --> 00:08:41,090 Uh, it's a... it's a funny thing about that... 244 00:08:41,091 --> 00:08:42,859 So what do you do, Ted? 245 00:08:42,860 --> 00:08:44,561 I'm a veterinarian. 246 00:08:44,562 --> 00:08:45,595 (all laughing) 247 00:08:45,596 --> 00:08:46,729 What? I panicked! 248 00:08:46,730 --> 00:08:49,432 This whole Arcadian thing is classic Mosby. 249 00:08:49,433 --> 00:08:52,101 Changing your personality to fit some girl. 250 00:08:52,102 --> 00:08:54,954 I don't do that. 251 00:08:55,706 --> 00:08:58,124 Well, off to meet Steph. 252 00:08:58,125 --> 00:09:01,828 We're adrenaline junkies! 253 00:09:01,829 --> 00:09:04,547 (Ted humming) 254 00:09:04,548 --> 00:09:07,783 Penelope is taking me to the Battle of Gettysburg. 255 00:09:07,784 --> 00:09:10,970 We're gonna eat squirrel! (chuckles) 256 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:18,912 Look, she's really hot, okay? 257 00:09:22,116 --> 00:09:24,267 ALL: Aww! Come on! Come on! 258 00:09:24,268 --> 00:09:26,486 We all change a little for whoever we're into. 259 00:09:26,487 --> 00:09:28,655 Barney pretended to be a rabbi to get laid. 260 00:09:28,656 --> 00:09:31,658 Asian girls love them some Jews. 261 00:09:31,659 --> 00:09:33,076 And Marshall never would've listened 262 00:09:33,077 --> 00:09:34,827 to The Indigo Girls if it weren't for Lily. 263 00:09:34,828 --> 00:09:37,330 Um, I think you got that backwards there, Chief. 264 00:09:37,331 --> 00:09:40,283 And you're welcome. 265 00:09:40,284 --> 00:09:41,817 The point is, you weren't pretending 266 00:09:41,818 --> 00:09:43,503 to like the Indigo Girls for the other person. 267 00:09:43,504 --> 00:09:46,422 You realized you liked them because of the other person. 268 00:09:46,423 --> 00:09:48,875 Just like me, Zoey and The Arcadian. 269 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,295 Did GNB really put snakes in The Arcadian? 270 00:09:52,296 --> 00:09:54,113 (snickers) No. 271 00:09:54,114 --> 00:09:55,798 Technically, they were eggs. 272 00:09:55,799 --> 00:09:58,351 Did you just say "eggs"? I don't recall saying "eggs." 273 00:09:59,136 --> 00:10:01,604 So I walk into my boss's office 274 00:10:01,605 --> 00:10:02,872 and suddenly I realize, 275 00:10:02,873 --> 00:10:05,692 "Holy crap, I'm about to quit"" 276 00:10:05,693 --> 00:10:07,009 MARSHALL: Small penis. 277 00:10:07,010 --> 00:10:08,778 You have a small penis. 278 00:10:08,779 --> 00:10:12,015 Oh, that's super interesting, but you have a small penis. 279 00:10:12,016 --> 00:10:13,316 Damn it, Marshall! 280 00:10:13,317 --> 00:10:15,235 Okay. Okay. Think of any two words 281 00:10:15,236 --> 00:10:17,520 other than "small" or "penis." 282 00:10:17,521 --> 00:10:19,405 Got it: small penis. 283 00:10:19,406 --> 00:10:20,573 Damn it! 284 00:10:20,574 --> 00:10:22,408 Yeah, I-I think it is so cool 285 00:10:22,409 --> 00:10:24,026 that you started your own law firm. 286 00:10:24,027 --> 00:10:27,797 Well, right now it's a pretty small practice. 287 00:10:27,798 --> 00:10:29,499 (laughing): Hey, hey. 288 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,751 I bet it's not that small. 289 00:10:32,503 --> 00:10:33,636 Bro, it's... 290 00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:35,388 pretty small. 291 00:10:35,389 --> 00:10:36,923 Yeah, but, uh, you know what they say. 292 00:10:36,924 --> 00:10:39,008 The important thing is-is how you use it, you know? 293 00:10:39,009 --> 00:10:41,094 "The motion of the ocean." That whole thing. 294 00:10:41,095 --> 00:10:42,929 He said it's small, Marshall, and everybody's fine with that. 295 00:10:42,930 --> 00:10:44,547 Let's just move on. 296 00:10:44,548 --> 00:10:48,268 I'm just saying that I bet it's bigger than he thinks. 297 00:10:48,269 --> 00:10:50,019 And thick. 298 00:10:51,405 --> 00:10:52,722 Nah. Everything about it is tiny. 299 00:10:52,723 --> 00:10:55,908 The office is tiny. The conference room is tiny. 300 00:10:55,909 --> 00:10:57,910 Plus, I got a very small staff. 301 00:10:57,911 --> 00:10:59,729 Let's order! 302 00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:01,948 NARRATOR: As I was mustering the courage to call Zoey 303 00:11:01,949 --> 00:11:03,616 and tell her my true identity... 304 00:11:03,617 --> 00:11:05,201 Zoey... 305 00:11:05,202 --> 00:11:07,453 I'm Batman. 306 00:11:07,454 --> 00:11:09,372 Hmm. That'd be cool. 307 00:11:09,373 --> 00:11:11,007 ...the strangest thing happened. 308 00:11:11,008 --> 00:11:12,408 (knocking) 309 00:11:12,409 --> 00:11:14,577 (sighs) 310 00:11:15,929 --> 00:11:18,214 I need your help. 311 00:11:18,215 --> 00:11:19,215 Just to warn you. 312 00:11:19,216 --> 00:11:20,466 What I'm about 313 00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:23,019 to show you is not a hundred percent legal. 314 00:11:23,020 --> 00:11:26,139 Wasn't expecting bunnies. 315 00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:27,557 I stole them, Ted. 316 00:11:27,558 --> 00:11:29,309 My animal rights group liberated these guys 317 00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:30,926 from an evil cosmetics company. 318 00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:33,262 And I figured, "Hey, Ted's a vet. 319 00:11:33,263 --> 00:11:35,648 He can check them out and make sure they're okay." 320 00:11:35,649 --> 00:11:38,818 Absolutely. Just let me run up and get my bag of vet supplies. 321 00:11:38,819 --> 00:11:40,236 Okay. 322 00:11:40,237 --> 00:11:43,122 Why would I say that? 323 00:11:43,123 --> 00:11:45,375 Well, I know what I'm getting. 324 00:11:45,376 --> 00:11:47,243 Oh? Oh? The porterhouse. 325 00:11:47,244 --> 00:11:48,578 I've had it here before. 326 00:11:48,579 --> 00:11:51,414 It is like this. It's huge. 327 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,050 Well, spare no expense, buddy. 328 00:11:54,051 --> 00:11:55,752 Dinner is on me, and-and get dessert. 329 00:11:55,753 --> 00:11:57,920 Maybe this molten chocolate lava cake? 330 00:11:57,921 --> 00:11:59,639 I just want you to be happy. 331 00:12:00,474 --> 00:12:01,624 Thanks, man. 332 00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:03,393 Next time, it is on me. Aw. 333 00:12:03,394 --> 00:12:05,311 Excuse me. I'll be right back. All right. MARSHALL: Totally. 334 00:12:05,312 --> 00:12:07,597 We'll just be here. 335 00:12:10,267 --> 00:12:13,019 You're great. 336 00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:14,987 Ah. Thanks, bro. 337 00:12:14,988 --> 00:12:17,440 It's, uh.... it's going on a while. 338 00:12:17,441 --> 00:12:18,941 I know. 339 00:12:18,942 --> 00:12:21,027 Thanks. 340 00:12:21,028 --> 00:12:22,578 Damn, baby, be cool! 341 00:12:22,579 --> 00:12:23,830 You're acting like 342 00:12:23,831 --> 00:12:25,198 he has six months to live. 343 00:12:25,199 --> 00:12:26,582 It's your fault! 344 00:12:26,583 --> 00:12:28,868 You ladies and your salty sailor talk! 345 00:12:28,869 --> 00:12:31,871 Oh, come on! What about you men and your locker room talk? 346 00:12:31,872 --> 00:12:32,988 Locker room talk. 347 00:12:32,989 --> 00:12:34,540 Do you want to know what it's like 348 00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:35,675 in a men's locker room? 349 00:12:35,676 --> 00:12:37,093 Hey. Hey. 350 00:12:37,094 --> 00:12:39,879 MARSHALL: It's just a bunch of uncomfortable dudes 351 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,598 trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. 352 00:12:42,599 --> 00:12:46,285 And one old guy just letting it all hang out. 353 00:12:46,286 --> 00:12:47,720 Are you suggesting 354 00:12:47,721 --> 00:12:49,472 that guys don't talk about sex? 355 00:12:49,473 --> 00:12:52,058 Yes, we do, but you know what we say? 356 00:12:52,059 --> 00:12:53,476 "I hit that." 357 00:12:53,477 --> 00:12:54,777 "I got some." 358 00:12:54,778 --> 00:12:55,978 "I tapped it." 359 00:12:55,979 --> 00:12:57,613 "I squeezed those." 360 00:12:57,614 --> 00:12:58,865 Discreet and efficient. 361 00:12:58,866 --> 00:13:00,400 Not to mention classy. 362 00:13:00,401 --> 00:13:01,901 Thank God that I'm not dating. 363 00:13:01,902 --> 00:13:04,353 If I thought that Lily talked in that much detail 364 00:13:04,354 --> 00:13:06,572 about our sex life, I'd probably kill myself. 365 00:13:10,077 --> 00:13:12,412 Oh, no. 366 00:13:12,413 --> 00:13:13,863 What did you tell her? 367 00:13:13,864 --> 00:13:15,248 (in high-pitched voice): Oh, nothing. 368 00:13:15,249 --> 00:13:17,383 We don't talk about you! 369 00:13:17,384 --> 00:13:19,168 Are you sure? 370 00:13:19,169 --> 00:13:23,723 Yeah. That argument has no traction whatsoever. 371 00:13:25,058 --> 00:13:27,343 You just broke in and stole these guys? 372 00:13:27,344 --> 00:13:28,895 Aren't you worried about getting arrested? 373 00:13:28,896 --> 00:13:31,264 Nah. I've been arrested lots of times. 374 00:13:41,942 --> 00:13:44,527 Chinese Democracy. 375 00:13:44,528 --> 00:13:45,778 Wow. 376 00:13:45,779 --> 00:13:48,080 You're a little bit crazy. 377 00:13:48,081 --> 00:13:50,917 Well, I'm usually crazy for a good cause. 378 00:13:50,918 --> 00:13:53,453 I can't just sit by while voiceless people or animals, 379 00:13:53,454 --> 00:13:55,171 or even buildings get screwed over. 380 00:13:55,172 --> 00:13:57,256 I'm certainly not going to just sit by 381 00:13:57,257 --> 00:14:00,760 while GNB turns The Arcadian into a soulless metal box. 382 00:14:00,761 --> 00:14:02,178 Yeah. Yeah. 383 00:14:02,179 --> 00:14:04,280 Although I hear there's a lovely rooftop patio 384 00:14:04,281 --> 00:14:06,716 where folks can enjoy a nice bag lunch, so... 385 00:14:06,717 --> 00:14:10,586 Ted, I will find the bastards at GNB responsible for this, 386 00:14:10,587 --> 00:14:12,254 and I promise you, 387 00:14:12,255 --> 00:14:15,641 I will take them down. 388 00:14:16,610 --> 00:14:18,611 Cuckoo! 389 00:14:18,612 --> 00:14:20,613 Ted, this woman is an anarchist, 390 00:14:20,614 --> 00:14:23,065 a sociopath, a lunatic, 391 00:14:23,066 --> 00:14:26,319 and for the love of God, boobs?! 392 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:27,987 Solid C-cup, perky bounce. 393 00:14:27,988 --> 00:14:29,822 Momentary grudging respect. 394 00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:33,876 Zoey does what she believes is right, 395 00:14:33,877 --> 00:14:35,628 and I want to do the same thing. 396 00:14:35,629 --> 00:14:38,113 We have to find a new site for this building. 397 00:14:38,114 --> 00:14:39,832 Ted, that is never gonna happen. 398 00:14:39,833 --> 00:14:42,251 Well, I can't tear down The Arcadian. 399 00:14:42,252 --> 00:14:44,337 I'm sorry, but I'm off the project. 400 00:14:45,288 --> 00:14:47,139 ZOEY: Hey, guys! 401 00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:48,290 I appreciate the great turnout, 402 00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:50,459 but just so we're all on the same page, 403 00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:53,095 this is not a rally to legalize marijuana. 404 00:14:53,096 --> 00:14:55,264 Oh, bummer! 405 00:14:58,352 --> 00:14:59,769 Hey. 406 00:14:59,770 --> 00:15:00,987 Hey, Ted. 407 00:15:00,988 --> 00:15:02,805 I'm so glad you came. 408 00:15:02,806 --> 00:15:04,974 Well, you really got to me the other night. 409 00:15:04,975 --> 00:15:07,610 I want to get involved with "Save The Arcadian." 410 00:15:07,611 --> 00:15:09,946 Great. I'll grab you a picket sign. 411 00:15:09,947 --> 00:15:11,247 Hmm. 412 00:15:11,248 --> 00:15:15,418 Do you want "GNB puts the douche in fiduciary.."" 413 00:15:16,787 --> 00:15:18,871 ...or "It's always 4:20 somewhere"? 414 00:15:18,872 --> 00:15:21,591 Dudes, you forgot your signs! 415 00:15:21,592 --> 00:15:24,594 NARRATOR: As I looked up at that magnificent old structure, 416 00:15:24,595 --> 00:15:27,763 I realized I wasn't letting my feelings for Zoey mislead me. 417 00:15:27,764 --> 00:15:30,216 This building really was worth saving. 418 00:15:35,606 --> 00:15:36,939 Ted, everything okay? 419 00:15:36,940 --> 00:15:39,125 Yea... um... um... 420 00:15:42,312 --> 00:15:45,347 You work for GNB? 421 00:15:47,868 --> 00:15:50,152 Dude, why are you dressed like a wizard? 422 00:15:50,153 --> 00:15:52,738 She was really hot, okay? 423 00:15:59,552 --> 00:16:02,120 (chuckling) 424 00:16:02,621 --> 00:16:03,888 How the hell could you do that? 425 00:16:03,889 --> 00:16:05,922 Simple. I rented the chair. 426 00:16:06,023 --> 00:16:07,857 The bunny was here already. That was lucky. 427 00:16:07,858 --> 00:16:09,509 I waited to do the dramatic swivel 428 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:10,394 until I heard your key enter the door. 429 00:16:10,395 --> 00:16:11,729 The billboard, Barney. 430 00:16:11,730 --> 00:16:14,231 I had to. Now that you have no shot with the girl, 431 00:16:14,232 --> 00:16:15,900 you'll realize you never cared about the building, 432 00:16:15,901 --> 00:16:17,451 and everything can go back to normal. 433 00:16:17,452 --> 00:16:19,403 You're wrong. I do care. 434 00:16:19,404 --> 00:16:20,988 And I'm still quitting. 435 00:16:20,989 --> 00:16:22,323 Don't you get it, Ted? 436 00:16:22,324 --> 00:16:24,575 We're tearing down The Arcadian either way. 437 00:16:24,576 --> 00:16:28,245 It's a stupid old piece-of-crap, run-down, snake-infested dump! 438 00:16:28,246 --> 00:16:30,197 Okay, are there or aren't there snakes?! 439 00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:31,799 Who mentioned snakes?! 440 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,384 And stop shouting! 441 00:16:33,385 --> 00:16:35,720 You're scaring Cottontail. 442 00:16:35,721 --> 00:16:36,921 You named the rabbit? 443 00:16:36,922 --> 00:16:39,090 You took longer to get here than I thought, 444 00:16:39,091 --> 00:16:40,257 we bonded, I'm keeping her. 445 00:16:40,258 --> 00:16:41,592 The point is, 446 00:16:41,593 --> 00:16:43,594 you now have a chance 447 00:16:43,595 --> 00:16:45,596 to design your own building. 448 00:16:45,597 --> 00:16:46,713 Dude, 449 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,516 you can do whatever you want with it. 450 00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:50,034 You're right. 451 00:16:50,035 --> 00:16:52,953 You're right. I can design it however I want. 452 00:16:52,954 --> 00:16:54,822 So you're back in? 453 00:16:54,823 --> 00:16:57,358 Yeah. 454 00:16:57,359 --> 00:16:59,944 NARRATOR: That night, as I worked on a new design 455 00:16:59,945 --> 00:17:02,580 that just might solve all my problems... 456 00:17:05,450 --> 00:17:08,035 ...Marshall was visited by a disturbing vision. 457 00:17:08,036 --> 00:17:10,421 LILY: Ugh, he thinks I like this... 458 00:17:10,422 --> 00:17:12,873 But it feels disgusting. 459 00:17:12,874 --> 00:17:15,626 Uh, it looks disgusting. 460 00:17:15,627 --> 00:17:17,261 Um... 461 00:17:17,262 --> 00:17:19,380 Uh, is this working for you? 462 00:17:19,381 --> 00:17:20,931 "Uh, is this working for you?" 463 00:17:20,932 --> 00:17:22,183 Oh, of course, 464 00:17:22,184 --> 00:17:24,351 because what woman doesn't like being slobbered on 465 00:17:24,352 --> 00:17:26,604 while some giant paws at her nether regions 466 00:17:26,605 --> 00:17:29,557 like Lenny from Of Mice and Men? 467 00:17:29,558 --> 00:17:31,091 (both laughing) Oh, you're bad. 468 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,276 More Cosmos? 469 00:17:32,277 --> 00:17:33,427 Mm. 470 00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:34,779 I can't... I can't do this! 471 00:17:34,780 --> 00:17:36,647 I can't stop thinking about you and Robin! 472 00:17:36,648 --> 00:17:38,482 Oh, I've had that a couple times. 473 00:17:38,483 --> 00:17:41,368 Just lean into it and let it fuel things. 474 00:17:41,369 --> 00:17:42,536 Look, no. You know what? 475 00:17:42,537 --> 00:17:44,572 Why don't you just... Why don't you just 476 00:17:44,573 --> 00:17:48,159 call Robin, okay, and have a good laugh about it? 477 00:17:48,710 --> 00:17:49,960 (scoffs) 478 00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:51,245 MARSHALL: Whoa! (sliding and falling with a thud) 479 00:17:51,246 --> 00:17:54,131 Traction could have prevented that. 480 00:17:57,385 --> 00:17:59,503 Well, 481 00:17:59,504 --> 00:18:02,706 hope you don't mind, we made some changes to the billboard. 482 00:18:06,144 --> 00:18:08,596 Well, that explains a few voicemails. 483 00:18:08,597 --> 00:18:11,599 Listen, Zoey, I think we can save The Arcadian. 484 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:12,683 No. Maybe not 485 00:18:12,684 --> 00:18:14,101 in the way you were picturing, 486 00:18:14,102 --> 00:18:15,436 but I stayed up all night 487 00:18:15,437 --> 00:18:17,304 working on a new concept, all right? 488 00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:19,156 What if my design could incorporate 489 00:18:19,157 --> 00:18:20,441 The Arcadian's facade 490 00:18:20,442 --> 00:18:22,026 into the new GNB headquarters? 491 00:18:22,027 --> 00:18:24,829 NARRATOR: Kids, it was one of those moments in life 492 00:18:24,830 --> 00:18:26,413 where everything comes together... 493 00:18:26,414 --> 00:18:32,419 the girl, the building, everything, until... 494 00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:34,371 Are you married? Yeah. 495 00:18:34,372 --> 00:18:38,375 So you were saying, the facade will be completely preserved? 496 00:18:41,763 --> 00:18:43,097 This isn't about the girl. 497 00:18:43,098 --> 00:18:44,682 It's about the building. 498 00:18:44,683 --> 00:18:47,017 NARRATOR: Yeah, it was about the girl. 499 00:18:47,018 --> 00:18:50,170 Ted, wh-wh-what are you doing? 500 00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,555 (clears throat) This wouldn't work. 501 00:18:51,556 --> 00:18:53,858 Zoey, The Arcadian was a really great building once, 502 00:18:53,859 --> 00:18:56,009 but it's falling apart, and it's full of snakes. 503 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,895 Snakes? I don't recall saying snakes. 504 00:18:59,447 --> 00:19:02,316 Then he gets this panicked look on his face, says, 505 00:19:02,317 --> 00:19:04,618 "I can't do this," and storms out. 506 00:19:04,619 --> 00:19:05,903 Wow, that is weird. 507 00:19:05,904 --> 00:19:08,072 But here's the crazier part. 508 00:19:08,073 --> 00:19:09,957 No. You know what? 509 00:19:09,958 --> 00:19:12,025 Papa don't back down from a fight. 510 00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:15,829 So why don't you tell Robin... about this! 511 00:19:17,632 --> 00:19:20,000 It was amazing. 512 00:19:20,001 --> 00:19:23,003 He was passionate, animalistic, 513 00:19:23,004 --> 00:19:24,972 a complete stud. 514 00:19:24,973 --> 00:19:26,340 Wow. 515 00:19:26,341 --> 00:19:29,059 So he's right there making you say all this, huh? 516 00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:32,313 Yup. "'You're like a Greek god,' 517 00:19:32,314 --> 00:19:34,214 I moaned, as the..." 518 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,882 I can't read that, baby. 519 00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,068 "Musky scent of man." 520 00:19:38,069 --> 00:19:40,738 "As the musky scent of man 521 00:19:40,739 --> 00:19:46,660 "and Marshall's sure-footed traction intoxicated 522 00:19:46,661 --> 00:19:47,894 and overpowered me." 523 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,029 That sounds real. 524 00:19:49,030 --> 00:19:51,031 NARRATOR: And as for Zoey, it was funny. 525 00:19:51,032 --> 00:19:53,250 I'd lied to her, then completely let her down. 526 00:19:53,251 --> 00:19:54,735 And I barely knew the girl. 527 00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,403 But there was something about her. 528 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:59,390 I couldn't help but wonder if I'd ever see her again. 529 00:19:59,391 --> 00:20:01,542 ZOEY: Hey, Mosby! 530 00:20:01,543 --> 00:20:03,494 You're gonna have 531 00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:07,097 to come out of your hole at some point, you son of a bitch! 532 00:20:07,098 --> 00:20:08,349 MAN: Yeah! 533 00:20:08,350 --> 00:20:09,717 Legalize it! 534 00:20:09,718 --> 00:20:11,352 Dude! 535 00:20:11,353 --> 00:20:12,753 Ready. 536 00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,054 Aim. 537 00:20:14,055 --> 00:20:15,556 Fire! 538 00:20:15,557 --> 00:20:17,591 NARRATOR: Why, yes. 539 00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:20,527 Yes, I would see her again. 540 00:20:23,414 --> 00:20:25,147 Hey. Hey. Hey. 541 00:20:25,848 --> 00:20:27,182 How's it going with Robin? 542 00:20:27,183 --> 00:20:30,536 Uh, I think I have to break up with her. 543 00:20:30,537 --> 00:20:32,621 Really? Why? You with her? 544 00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:35,507 Yeah, well, there's this... 545 00:20:35,508 --> 00:20:45,751 kind of weird thing she likes to do in the bedroom. 546 00:20:45,752 --> 00:20:47,920 Hey, what's not for everyone? 547 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:51,706 Guys, come on. What is it? 548 00:20:51,707 --> 00:20:53,041 Come on, bro. 549 00:20:53,042 --> 00:20:55,260 This is a locker room. 550 00:20:56,146 --> 00:20:58,430 I... 551 00:21:00,817 --> 00:21:02,717 What do you think it was, Murray? 552 00:21:02,718 --> 00:21:05,137 Sync by fant0m www.addic7ed.com