1
00:00:01,983 --> 00:00:04,518
I cannot stop staring at that girl's face.
2
00:00:04,519 --> 00:00:05,886
Face. Huh.
3
00:00:05,887 --> 00:00:08,355
That's your weirdest nickname
for boobs yet.
4
00:00:08,790 --> 00:00:09,890
No, Ted,
5
00:00:09,891 --> 00:00:11,525
I'm really looking at her face.
6
00:00:11,526 --> 00:00:13,994
Aw... That's actually really sweet.
7
00:00:13,995 --> 00:00:15,396
Puffy cheeks,
8
00:00:15,397 --> 00:00:17,665
smudged mascara,
9
00:00:17,666 --> 00:00:19,400
slightly red nose...
10
00:00:19,401 --> 00:00:21,268
That girl was just crying.
11
00:00:21,269 --> 00:00:22,570
She's so sad
12
00:00:22,571 --> 00:00:24,071
and defenseless.
13
00:00:24,072 --> 00:00:25,573
Anyone have a condom?
14
00:00:25,574 --> 00:00:27,241
Others: Oh! Oh, God! No, no, no!
15
00:00:27,242 --> 00:00:28,509
That's it! You know what?
16
00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:29,777
Five-minute time-out!
17
00:00:29,778 --> 00:00:31,112
Corner booth! Now.
18
00:00:32,214 --> 00:00:33,247
Hey, get this.
19
00:00:33,248 --> 00:00:35,082
You know my friend Max from law school?
20
00:00:35,083 --> 00:00:36,517
He's at Gregor's Steakhouse downtown,
21
00:00:36,518 --> 00:00:38,686
and Woody Allen is sitting two tables over.
22
00:00:38,687 --> 00:00:40,988
He wants us to come check it out.
23
00:00:40,989 --> 00:00:42,156
(Others groan)
24
00:00:42,157 --> 00:00:44,024
I don't know, it could be cool.
25
00:00:44,025 --> 00:00:45,559
I've never seen Woody Allen.
26
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:47,628
What?! Robin, how can you be a New Yorker
27
00:00:47,629 --> 00:00:50,064
- and never have seen Woody Allen?
- I have seen
28
00:00:50,065 --> 00:00:52,433
plenty of other famous people.
29
00:00:52,434 --> 00:00:55,970
Last week I saw... Maury Povich.
30
00:00:55,971 --> 00:00:58,572
Narrator: Kids, you know talk
show host Maury Povich.
31
00:00:58,573 --> 00:01:01,809
It was uncanny how often we saw this guy.
32
00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:03,277
Dude, everyone sees Maury Povich.
33
00:01:03,278 --> 00:01:05,045
Maury Povich is everywhere.
34
00:01:05,046 --> 00:01:06,247
I'm sorry, Robin, but you're
35
00:01:06,248 --> 00:01:07,348
not a real New Yorker
36
00:01:07,349 --> 00:01:08,582
until you've seen Woody Allen.
37
00:01:08,583 --> 00:01:10,584
I am, too, a real New Yorker.
38
00:01:10,585 --> 00:01:11,852
(Laughs) That's adorable.
39
00:01:11,853 --> 00:01:13,554
You're from Canada.
40
00:01:13,555 --> 00:01:14,989
I have been here for almost six years.
41
00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:16,724
It's not like I just got off a boat.
42
00:01:16,725 --> 00:01:17,791
(Laughing) A boat!
43
00:01:17,792 --> 00:01:20,995
Oh, wait, that is how you say it.
44
00:01:20,996 --> 00:01:23,097
I'd say you're not a real New Yorker
until you've stolen a cab
45
00:01:23,098 --> 00:01:24,732
from someone who needs it more than you do.
46
00:01:24,733 --> 00:01:27,768
No, you're not a real New Yorker
till you've cried on the subway
47
00:01:27,769 --> 00:01:29,537
and not given a damn
what anyone thinks.
48
00:01:29,538 --> 00:01:31,105
No, you're not a real New Yorker
49
00:01:31,106 --> 00:01:33,107
until you've killed a cockroach
with your bare hands.
50
00:01:33,108 --> 00:01:34,909
Those rules are all stupid, okay?
51
00:01:34,910 --> 00:01:37,011
I've never done any of those things.
52
00:01:37,012 --> 00:01:38,345
By the end of this day,
53
00:01:38,346 --> 00:01:40,781
Robin would have done all of those things.
54
00:01:40,782 --> 00:01:41,649
Okay, time's up.
55
00:01:41,650 --> 00:01:43,117
What are we talking about?
56
00:01:43,118 --> 00:01:44,418
Woody Allen is eating at Gregor's,
57
00:01:44,419 --> 00:01:46,487
and Robin thinks that we should go see him.
58
00:01:46,488 --> 00:01:47,488
Why would I do that?
59
00:01:47,489 --> 00:01:48,956
I'll see him at poker on Tuesday.
60
00:01:48,957 --> 00:01:50,724
Oh, come on, if we jump in a cab,
61
00:01:50,725 --> 00:01:51,959
we'll be there in 15 minutes.
62
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,727
A real New Yorker would
know the subway's faster.
63
00:01:53,728 --> 00:01:55,796
You just take the one,
and transfer to the two-three.
64
00:01:55,797 --> 00:01:57,932
Well, the bus runs more often on weekends.
65
00:01:57,933 --> 00:01:59,300
Take the M-7 to the M-5.
66
00:01:59,301 --> 00:02:01,402
The bus? Every time I take the bus,
67
00:02:01,403 --> 00:02:04,305
there is one crazy person
no one wants to sit near.
68
00:02:04,306 --> 00:02:06,407
That's why I have never taken the bus.
69
00:02:06,408 --> 00:02:07,575
Marshall: Plus...
70
00:02:07,576 --> 00:02:10,211
I can run faster than a bus.
71
00:02:10,212 --> 00:02:12,546
Dude, that's, like, seven miles.
72
00:02:12,547 --> 00:02:14,048
You can't do that.
73
00:02:14,049 --> 00:02:16,517
- You can't beat the bus!
- I can beat
74
00:02:16,518 --> 00:02:19,220
a bus or a cab or a train!
75
00:02:19,221 --> 00:02:22,289
Is anyone else suddenly
craving green eggs and ham?
76
00:02:22,290 --> 00:02:25,593
Machines are overrated, and someone
needs to take them down a peg.
77
00:02:25,594 --> 00:02:28,862
You're all wrong... I got a way to get
there so fast, I could beat all of you,
78
00:02:28,863 --> 00:02:29,697
even if I
79
00:02:29,698 --> 00:02:30,864
sat down and ordered
80
00:02:30,865 --> 00:02:32,333
a big, juicy steak first.
81
00:02:32,334 --> 00:02:33,033
How?
82
00:02:33,034 --> 00:02:34,034
Medium rare.
83
00:02:34,035 --> 00:02:35,369
But that's not important right now.
84
00:02:35,370 --> 00:02:37,438
Look, I know the city better
than any of you guys, okay?
85
00:02:37,439 --> 00:02:38,906
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, wow!
86
00:02:38,907 --> 00:02:40,407
(All talking at once)
87
00:02:40,408 --> 00:02:42,710
All right, all right, hold on, hold on!
88
00:02:42,711 --> 00:02:44,144
Let's just forget about it.
89
00:02:44,145 --> 00:02:46,180
Who cares? I mean, there's no way
90
00:02:46,181 --> 00:02:48,682
to find out who's right anyway.
91
00:02:51,453 --> 00:02:52,753
First person there wins!
92
00:02:52,754 --> 00:02:54,455
Doesn't matter how you get there!
93
00:02:54,456 --> 00:02:56,257
Stay sad! I'll be back!
94
00:02:56,457 --> 00:03:06,657
Sync by InSUBs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com
95
00:03:23,388 --> 00:03:26,123
Hi. Can I see a menu, please?
96
00:03:26,124 --> 00:03:27,824
No rush.
97
00:03:27,825 --> 00:03:31,628
(Adventure theme resumes)
98
00:03:32,463 --> 00:03:34,264
Narrator: Kids, I should tell you,
99
00:03:34,265 --> 00:03:36,466
Lily really needed a win that day.
100
00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:38,402
(Mellow music plays)
101
00:03:38,403 --> 00:03:40,704
When Marshall and Lily
decided to have a baby,
102
00:03:40,705 --> 00:03:42,572
they assumed it would happen right away.
103
00:03:42,573 --> 00:03:43,907
It's gonna be positive.
104
00:03:43,908 --> 00:03:45,442
Eriksen man are hella fertile.
105
00:03:45,443 --> 00:03:48,078
When Uncle Morris was 16,
he got his girlfriend pregnant
106
00:03:48,079 --> 00:03:51,415
just by holding her hand too
tight in the backseat of a car.
107
00:03:51,416 --> 00:03:54,451
Now I'm thinking my parents lied to me.
108
00:03:54,452 --> 00:03:55,719
Negative.
109
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:57,220
As the weeks went by,
110
00:03:57,221 --> 00:03:59,389
Marshall's confidence never wavered.
111
00:03:59,390 --> 00:04:01,858
Then it started to mess with Lily's head.
112
00:04:02,994 --> 00:04:05,262
(High-pitched voice): Negative?
113
00:04:05,263 --> 00:04:07,364
Well, we know it's not me.
114
00:04:07,365 --> 00:04:08,432
Everything's fine.
115
00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:10,701
These things take time.
116
00:04:10,702 --> 00:04:11,868
Not with an Eriksen.
117
00:04:11,869 --> 00:04:15,172
Something must be wrong with you.
118
00:04:15,173 --> 00:04:17,908
Also, my mom hates you.
119
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:19,476
You know what?
120
00:04:19,477 --> 00:04:22,279
Just to make sure,
I'm gonna pee on this again.
121
00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:23,647
Tiny Marshall: What?
122
00:04:23,648 --> 00:04:24,715
No, you wouldn't.
123
00:04:24,716 --> 00:04:26,083
Somebody help me!
124
00:04:26,084 --> 00:04:28,919
Somebody help me!
125
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:32,122
Lily was so fed up
with not getting anywhere,
126
00:04:32,123 --> 00:04:35,058
maybe winning this race
was just what she needed.
127
00:04:35,059 --> 00:04:38,261
(Adventure theme playing)
128
00:04:39,330 --> 00:04:41,898
(Panting)
129
00:04:46,838 --> 00:04:48,638
Idiot!
130
00:04:49,974 --> 00:04:51,541
Marshall: I'll show them.
131
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,877
My body can outrun any motorized vehicle.
132
00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:57,080
I'm like John Henry
when he beat the steam engine.
133
00:04:57,081 --> 00:04:59,883
All I need is a great folk song.
134
00:04:59,884 --> 00:05:02,052
(Country folk song intro plays)
135
00:05:04,789 --> 00:05:06,790
¶ Gather round, ye children ¶
136
00:05:06,791 --> 00:05:09,259
¶ to hear the tale so sweet ¶
137
00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:11,595
¶ of a man who dared to race machines ¶
138
00:05:11,596 --> 00:05:13,396
¶ with nothing but his feet ¶
139
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:14,631
Suck it, grand-butt!
140
00:05:14,632 --> 00:05:17,134
¶ Marshall ¶
141
00:05:17,135 --> 00:05:20,837
¶ versus the machines ¶
142
00:05:20,838 --> 00:05:22,072
¶ hyah! ¶
143
00:05:22,073 --> 00:05:23,740
Ooh, taxi!
144
00:05:27,178 --> 00:05:29,746
Excuse me, I got a thing.
145
00:05:31,349 --> 00:05:34,651
(Whispers) Maury... Maury...
146
00:05:34,652 --> 00:05:37,354
(Man speaking unintelligibly over speakers)
147
00:05:37,355 --> 00:05:39,356
Track maintenance?
148
00:05:39,357 --> 00:05:42,259
(Man speaks unintelligibly)
149
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:44,561
20-minute delay?
150
00:05:44,562 --> 00:05:45,529
How do you do that?
151
00:05:45,530 --> 00:05:47,697
I grew up here, I speak conductor.
152
00:05:47,698 --> 00:05:48,965
Damn it!
153
00:05:53,404 --> 00:05:56,907
Damn it!
154
00:05:56,908 --> 00:05:59,776
(Suspenseful orchestral music playing)
155
00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:03,146
Narrator:
Kids, I also needed a win that day.
156
00:06:03,147 --> 00:06:05,015
(Mellow music plays)
157
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,983
A couple nights earlier,
your Uncle Marshall
158
00:06:06,984 --> 00:06:09,286
had offhandedly mentioned
a web site called...
159
00:06:09,287 --> 00:06:10,987
Grademyteacher.net?
160
00:06:10,988 --> 00:06:13,123
It's this awesome site
where students can go say
161
00:06:13,124 --> 00:06:14,758
what they really think
about their professors.
162
00:06:14,759 --> 00:06:16,560
Hey, you're probably on there.
163
00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:22,265
I just had to see what my
students had written about me.
164
00:06:22,266 --> 00:06:24,768
And it was...
165
00:06:24,769 --> 00:06:26,636
(Grand orchestral theme swells)
166
00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,872
...Majestic.
167
00:06:30,741 --> 00:06:32,475
Until...
168
00:06:36,414 --> 00:06:38,815
Now, kids, I knew I was a good Professor.
169
00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:40,851
That's why I didn't let it bother me.
170
00:06:40,852 --> 00:06:42,552
I had nothing to prove.
171
00:06:42,553 --> 00:06:44,421
Absolutely nothing.
172
00:06:44,422 --> 00:06:45,889
Here's a fun fact.
173
00:06:45,890 --> 00:06:47,557
See the Alberta Building over there?
174
00:06:47,558 --> 00:06:50,794
- Oh. The brown one or the gray one?
- That's the gray one.
175
00:06:50,795 --> 00:06:52,329
Did you know
176
00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:54,764
that in 18...
(Snoring)
177
00:07:00,872 --> 00:07:02,505
(Clears throat)
178
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:03,840
(Wheezing)
179
00:07:05,343 --> 00:07:06,476
(Gasps)
180
00:07:06,477 --> 00:07:08,812
(Grunts) Hey!
181
00:07:08,813 --> 00:07:10,313
(Grunts) Come on!
182
00:07:11,048 --> 00:07:13,250
(Grunting)
183
00:07:13,251 --> 00:07:15,218
(Loud grunt)
184
00:07:16,654 --> 00:07:18,655
(Grunting)
185
00:07:19,123 --> 00:07:20,690
Elizabeth!
186
00:07:22,994 --> 00:07:25,295
Somebody call an ambulance!
187
00:07:25,296 --> 00:07:28,064
(Bell dings)
188
00:07:29,767 --> 00:07:32,002
Excuse me, I've got a thing.
Hey!
189
00:07:32,003 --> 00:07:34,504
- That's my cab!
- Gregor's Steakhouse, downtown.
190
00:07:34,505 --> 00:07:37,140
(Bell dings)
191
00:07:37,141 --> 00:07:39,042
This is my cab...!
192
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:40,844
(Both screaming)
193
00:07:40,845 --> 00:07:42,145
Downtown hospital, please.
194
00:07:42,146 --> 00:07:43,980
It's right by Gregor's Steakhouse.
195
00:07:43,981 --> 00:07:46,449
Take the FDR, and maybe
crank up some smooth jazz.
196
00:07:46,450 --> 00:07:49,920
Uh, we're required by law to take
you to the nearest hospital,
197
00:07:49,921 --> 00:07:51,554
which is St. Luke's-Roosevelt.
198
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:54,024
Uptown.
199
00:07:54,025 --> 00:07:55,325
Oh, no.
200
00:07:55,326 --> 00:07:58,929
(Suspenseful orchestral music playing)
201
00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:01,598
It's my cab! This is my cab!
(Screaming)
202
00:08:05,695 --> 00:08:07,362
It's Barney.
203
00:08:07,363 --> 00:08:08,864
(Raspy voice): Help me.
204
00:08:08,865 --> 00:08:12,000
(Suspenseful orchestral music playing)
205
00:08:12,001 --> 00:08:13,301
(Screaming)
206
00:08:13,302 --> 00:08:15,404
Narrator:
Robin also needed a win that day.
207
00:08:15,405 --> 00:08:17,305
(Mellow music playing)
208
00:08:17,306 --> 00:08:19,341
It had been a rough year for Robin.
209
00:08:19,342 --> 00:08:21,676
First her boyfriend and former cohost, Don,
210
00:08:21,677 --> 00:08:23,011
left her for another job.
211
00:08:23,012 --> 00:08:25,714
Then Robin met her new cohost, Becky.
212
00:08:25,715 --> 00:08:27,516
Hi! I'm Becky!
213
00:08:27,517 --> 00:08:28,483
Hi.
214
00:08:28,484 --> 00:08:30,585
I am so excited to be your coanchor!
215
00:08:30,586 --> 00:08:32,821
(Laughing) Yay!
216
00:08:32,822 --> 00:08:34,956
Hi, Becky. My, you're perky.
217
00:08:34,957 --> 00:08:38,660
Don't worry, I am not here
to step on your toesies.
218
00:08:38,661 --> 00:08:39,394
Oh...
219
00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:41,063
You're still the star.
220
00:08:41,064 --> 00:08:44,332
I made chocolate chip
cookies for everybody!
221
00:08:44,333 --> 00:08:45,667
Yay!
222
00:08:45,668 --> 00:08:47,669
And just like that,
223
00:08:47,670 --> 00:08:50,138
Becky started to eclipse Robin.
224
00:08:50,139 --> 00:08:53,308
I mean, literally eclipse her.
225
00:08:55,311 --> 00:08:56,478
(Screaming)
226
00:08:56,479 --> 00:08:58,947
This is my cab! Aah!
227
00:08:59,816 --> 00:09:01,817
Keep it.
228
00:09:04,487 --> 00:09:08,223
(Lively music playing)
229
00:09:08,224 --> 00:09:09,825
Hello.
230
00:09:09,826 --> 00:09:11,793
Ranjit, take me to Gregor's.
231
00:09:11,794 --> 00:09:14,362
Taking you to Gregor's.
232
00:09:14,363 --> 00:09:16,364
¶ As Marshall ran with all his might ¶
233
00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:18,100
¶ and passed his friend Christine ¶
234
00:09:18,101 --> 00:09:19,201
Hey, Christine.
235
00:09:19,202 --> 00:09:20,936
¶ He thought of all the times ¶
236
00:09:20,937 --> 00:09:23,672
¶ that he had beaten the machine. ¶
237
00:09:23,673 --> 00:09:25,507
¶ He triumphed over "Pitfall" ¶
238
00:09:25,508 --> 00:09:26,575
Yes!
239
00:09:26,576 --> 00:09:28,243
(Beeping)
¶ He vanquished the alarm ¶
240
00:09:28,244 --> 00:09:30,679
Yes!
241
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,647
¶ He brought the jukebox back to life ¶
242
00:09:32,648 --> 00:09:34,816
¶ with his Fonzarelli arm ¶
243
00:09:34,817 --> 00:09:36,718
- Hey...!
- Oh!
244
00:09:36,719 --> 00:09:38,720
¶ Marshall ¶
245
00:09:38,721 --> 00:09:43,125
¶ versus the machines. ¶
246
00:09:43,126 --> 00:09:44,693
Ow. Ow.
247
00:09:44,694 --> 00:09:45,794
Ow.
248
00:09:45,795 --> 00:09:47,062
Last seat.
249
00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:48,296
Thank God.
250
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:51,032
I just had the worst cab ride of my life.
251
00:09:51,033 --> 00:09:53,168
Well, you're in luck.
252
00:09:53,169 --> 00:09:55,303
See that gothic church over there?
253
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:59,608
Those corinthian columns were
designed by Giuseppe Pegatto in 1896.
254
00:09:59,609 --> 00:10:01,843
Ow. Ow.
255
00:10:01,844 --> 00:10:03,078
Ow.
256
00:10:03,079 --> 00:10:04,546
Hey, Ranjit, pull over.
257
00:10:04,547 --> 00:10:05,881
Pulling over.
258
00:10:05,882 --> 00:10:07,582
(Electric window whirring)
259
00:10:07,583 --> 00:10:08,617
Hey, toots!
260
00:10:08,618 --> 00:10:10,285
How about a ride?
261
00:10:13,556 --> 00:10:16,391
Oh. Hey, Robin, it's you.
262
00:10:16,392 --> 00:10:17,459
¶ Hyah! ¶
263
00:10:17,460 --> 00:10:18,393
(whip cracks)
264
00:10:18,394 --> 00:10:19,694
¶ Move along. ¶
265
00:10:19,695 --> 00:10:20,795
(wolf howls)
266
00:10:20,796 --> 00:10:22,030
¶ Hyah! ¶
267
00:10:22,031 --> 00:10:23,131
(whip cracks)
268
00:10:23,132 --> 00:10:24,199
¶ Move along. ¶
269
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,133
(wolf howls)
270
00:10:25,134 --> 00:10:26,334
¶ Hyah! ¶
271
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:27,502
See that over there?
272
00:10:27,503 --> 00:10:28,904
That's the old Arcadian Hotel.
273
00:10:28,905 --> 00:10:31,673
Fun fact... While today
its neoclassical fenestration
274
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:33,375
is considered to be...
275
00:10:33,376 --> 00:10:35,577
(Brakes screeching)
276
00:10:37,313 --> 00:10:40,115
So, is this ride your way
of apologizing for this morning?
277
00:10:40,116 --> 00:10:42,150
I'm sorry. I never apologize.
278
00:10:42,151 --> 00:10:43,885
And why would I?
279
00:10:43,886 --> 00:10:45,287
Are you kidding me?
280
00:10:45,288 --> 00:10:47,489
Hey, Barney, can I talk to you?
281
00:10:47,490 --> 00:10:50,091
Sure. Stand a little more this way.
282
00:10:50,092 --> 00:10:52,194
I'm scouting some talent.
283
00:10:52,195 --> 00:10:54,296
Pretend we're talking
about something important.
284
00:10:54,297 --> 00:10:56,698
Oh, well, this...
This is something important.
285
00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,867
Um, I'm having a...
A really rough time at work.
286
00:10:58,868 --> 00:11:00,468
You know, the whole Becky thing...
287
00:11:00,469 --> 00:11:01,736
Oh, you know what?
288
00:11:01,737 --> 00:11:02,938
That's just getting distracting.
289
00:11:02,939 --> 00:11:06,074
Um, say "carrots and peas".
Carrots and peas.
290
00:11:06,075 --> 00:11:06,975
Carrots and peas.
291
00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:08,009
Carrots and peas.
292
00:11:08,010 --> 00:11:10,879
(Laughing): Carrots and peas.
293
00:11:12,548 --> 00:11:15,050
Guys, I can't stop staring
at that girl's face.
294
00:11:15,051 --> 00:11:17,586
- What, you really had something to talk about?
- Yes.
295
00:11:17,587 --> 00:11:20,388
Look, I've spent the last
six years in this city,
296
00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:22,424
focusing on my career, all for nothing.
297
00:11:22,425 --> 00:11:24,192
Some lady almost got me killed.
298
00:11:24,193 --> 00:11:26,228
Maury Povich stole my cab.
299
00:11:26,229 --> 00:11:28,597
I swear, this city is starting to reject me
300
00:11:28,598 --> 00:11:30,232
like a bad organ transplant.
301
00:11:30,233 --> 00:11:33,301
You know, everyone keeps saying
that I'm not a real New Yorker.
302
00:11:33,302 --> 00:11:36,171
Well, maybe I should just stop trying.
303
00:11:36,172 --> 00:11:37,772
Robin, I had no idea.
304
00:11:37,773 --> 00:11:40,041
No, it's my fault for thinking
that you might care.
305
00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:41,243
Ranjit, stop the car.
306
00:11:41,244 --> 00:11:42,777
Stopping the car.
307
00:11:42,778 --> 00:11:43,745
No, don't stop the car.
308
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:45,447
Not stopping the car.
309
00:11:45,448 --> 00:11:46,348
Seriously, stop the car.
310
00:11:46,349 --> 00:11:48,250
Seriously stopping the car.
311
00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:49,284
Look, you...
312
00:11:49,285 --> 00:11:50,752
Wait, wait... Robin, hold on.
313
00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:53,121
If you want to talk, I'm right here.
314
00:11:53,122 --> 00:11:54,990
Carrots and peas.
315
00:11:54,991 --> 00:11:56,725
Don't...
316
00:11:56,726 --> 00:11:57,959
You...
317
00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,928
(Groans)
318
00:11:59,929 --> 00:12:03,498
I'll crank up the smooth jazz.
319
00:12:03,499 --> 00:12:06,067
(Smooth jazz plays on radio)
320
00:12:06,068 --> 00:12:08,703
¶ Our hero's strength was fading fast ¶
321
00:12:08,704 --> 00:12:10,939
¶ just as the light ¶
322
00:12:10,940 --> 00:12:18,246
¶ turned... ¶
323
00:12:18,247 --> 00:12:19,281
¶ green. ¶
324
00:12:19,282 --> 00:12:20,782
¶ He then thought back
325
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:22,217
¶ to all the times ¶
326
00:12:22,218 --> 00:12:24,986
¶ he'd lost to a machine. ¶
327
00:12:24,987 --> 00:12:27,589
Come on, Playboy channel.
328
00:12:27,590 --> 00:12:30,125
¶ The cable box is fearsome ¶
329
00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:31,493
(electrical crackling) Ow!
330
00:12:31,494 --> 00:12:33,061
¶ But the stapler's mighty sting... ¶
331
00:12:33,062 --> 00:12:34,162
(screaming)
332
00:12:34,163 --> 00:12:35,897
Come on, spice channel.
333
00:12:35,898 --> 00:12:39,267
¶ The cable box's bite again... ¶
334
00:12:39,268 --> 00:12:40,468
(electricity crackles, groaning)
335
00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:44,706
¶ Getting too tired ¶
336
00:12:44,707 --> 00:12:47,475
¶ to sing. ¶
337
00:12:48,878 --> 00:12:50,412
(smooth jazz music playing)
338
00:12:54,083 --> 00:12:55,350
Uses a hybrid steel tube structure...
339
00:12:55,351 --> 00:12:57,686
Kids, that day, I had
a horrible realization.
340
00:12:57,687 --> 00:13:01,189
If you can't spot the crazy
person on the bus...
341
00:13:04,026 --> 00:13:06,828
...It's you.
342
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:11,800
(All cheering)
343
00:13:11,801 --> 00:13:13,868
The good news is, I was halfway there,
344
00:13:13,869 --> 00:13:15,136
and nothing could stop me.
345
00:13:15,137 --> 00:13:17,305
(Adventure theme plays)
346
00:13:19,342 --> 00:13:21,276
(Ted shouting)
347
00:13:21,277 --> 00:13:24,412
Whoa!
348
00:13:24,413 --> 00:13:25,580
This is crazy.
349
00:13:25,581 --> 00:13:26,614
I can't believe it.
350
00:13:26,615 --> 00:13:28,116
Okay, this is clearly a sign.
351
00:13:28,117 --> 00:13:30,285
Let's just call it a tie.
352
00:13:30,286 --> 00:13:31,653
Forget about the race.
353
00:13:31,654 --> 00:13:32,721
Head back to the bar.
354
00:13:32,722 --> 00:13:33,655
Absolutely.
355
00:13:43,662 --> 00:13:46,664
Just like that, the race was back on.
356
00:13:46,665 --> 00:13:47,965
(Thudding)
357
00:13:47,966 --> 00:13:50,468
Maury Povich: Idiot.
358
00:13:50,469 --> 00:13:53,471
Meanwhile, one subway car over...
359
00:13:55,574 --> 00:13:57,842
(Chuckles)
360
00:14:04,082 --> 00:14:06,250
(Screaming)
361
00:14:06,251 --> 00:14:08,753
(Grunts)
362
00:14:09,588 --> 00:14:12,223
(Sobbing): Oh, God.
363
00:14:14,126 --> 00:14:16,026
(Bell dings)
364
00:14:16,027 --> 00:14:17,261
(Sobbing resumes)
365
00:14:18,096 --> 00:14:19,163
Oh, bite me!
366
00:14:19,164 --> 00:14:20,664
(Sobbing)
367
00:14:20,665 --> 00:14:23,300
(Bell dings)
368
00:14:23,301 --> 00:14:25,770
Faster. Mush! Mush!
369
00:14:25,771 --> 00:14:28,272
I need this win. I need this win.
370
00:14:28,273 --> 00:14:31,041
(Mellow music plays)
371
00:14:31,042 --> 00:14:33,010
And firing half my department
freed up the money
372
00:14:33,011 --> 00:14:34,445
to double my own salary.
373
00:14:34,446 --> 00:14:37,148
And this chick from Boston was
wicked hot in bed last night,
374
00:14:37,149 --> 00:14:38,616
and I'm getting more muscular,
375
00:14:38,617 --> 00:14:39,950
even though I've stopped working out,
376
00:14:39,951 --> 00:14:41,652
and I've got this amazing poker group.
377
00:14:41,653 --> 00:14:44,522
Actually, Barney did not need a win.
378
00:14:44,523 --> 00:14:48,192
And I smell incredible. Smell me.
379
00:14:48,193 --> 00:14:51,328
Just, seriously, smell me.
380
00:14:53,498 --> 00:14:55,966
He did smell incredible.
381
00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:57,234
Stop!
382
00:14:57,235 --> 00:14:59,403
Too slow. Switch.
383
00:15:01,506 --> 00:15:04,008
(Barney grunting)
384
00:15:13,785 --> 00:15:15,152
Sweetie?
385
00:15:15,153 --> 00:15:16,120
Are you okay?
386
00:15:16,121 --> 00:15:17,087
No.
387
00:15:17,088 --> 00:15:20,024
I am done with this city. It wins.
388
00:15:20,025 --> 00:15:22,560
I just want to move
somewhere new and start over.
389
00:15:22,561 --> 00:15:23,594
(Sighs)
390
00:15:23,595 --> 00:15:26,730
You've had a rough year.
391
00:15:26,731 --> 00:15:28,599
But you're tough.
392
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,534
And I love you like crazy.
393
00:15:30,535 --> 00:15:32,670
If you left, I'd have to follow you.
394
00:15:32,671 --> 00:15:34,405
And Marshall would follow me.
395
00:15:34,406 --> 00:15:35,606
And Ted would follow him.
396
00:15:35,607 --> 00:15:38,809
The only upside is that we
might get rid of Barney.
397
00:15:38,810 --> 00:15:40,244
(Chuckles)
398
00:15:40,245 --> 00:15:42,179
Bring it in.
399
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:45,082
(Conductor speaks unintelligibly over P.A.)
400
00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:46,684
What did he say?
401
00:15:46,685 --> 00:15:48,219
No clue.
402
00:15:48,220 --> 00:15:51,555
Hey, is that Maury Povich?
403
00:15:54,659 --> 00:15:56,060
Hey! Lily.
404
00:15:56,061 --> 00:15:57,061
(Sighs)
405
00:15:57,062 --> 00:15:58,062
Sorry, sweetie.
406
00:15:58,063 --> 00:15:59,263
I swear I'll be a great friend
407
00:15:59,264 --> 00:16:01,232
at the finish line,
but the conductor just said
408
00:16:01,233 --> 00:16:02,967
you're going express to Borough Hall,
409
00:16:02,968 --> 00:16:04,735
which means you're screwed, sweetie.
410
00:16:04,736 --> 00:16:05,870
So long, sucker.
411
00:16:05,871 --> 00:16:08,072
(Laughing)
412
00:16:10,508 --> 00:16:12,243
Bring it in.
413
00:16:12,244 --> 00:16:13,944
Damn it.
414
00:16:13,945 --> 00:16:15,846
(Groans)
415
00:16:15,847 --> 00:16:18,382
Hey, it's Lily. Help me.
416
00:16:18,383 --> 00:16:21,252
And not a single passenger
would listen to me.
417
00:16:21,253 --> 00:16:22,720
I mean, am I a bad teacher?
418
00:16:22,721 --> 00:16:25,256
Do I just put people to sleep?
419
00:16:25,257 --> 00:16:26,390
(Thudding)
420
00:16:26,391 --> 00:16:27,424
Buddy?
421
00:16:27,425 --> 00:16:28,993
Hey, buddy?
422
00:16:28,994 --> 00:16:30,728
Need a hand?
423
00:16:30,729 --> 00:16:32,162
(Screaming)
424
00:16:32,163 --> 00:16:33,898
The machines have won!
425
00:16:33,899 --> 00:16:36,433
The machines have won.
426
00:16:36,434 --> 00:16:37,902
Dude, mellow.
427
00:16:39,604 --> 00:16:41,538
I can't do it. I can't run that far.
428
00:16:41,539 --> 00:16:43,340
I can't outrace anything.
429
00:16:43,341 --> 00:16:45,309
I... I can't...
430
00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:47,945
I can't get my wife pregnant!
431
00:16:51,149 --> 00:16:52,549
Wait.
432
00:16:52,550 --> 00:16:54,885
Is that what this whole stupid
running thing has been about?
433
00:16:54,886 --> 00:16:57,688
My body has been letting me
down, and I just wanted
434
00:16:57,689 --> 00:16:59,390
to prove that it could still do something,
435
00:16:59,391 --> 00:17:00,591
but it can't.
436
00:17:00,592 --> 00:17:02,426
Dude, you've been trying for two months,
437
00:17:02,427 --> 00:17:04,361
not two years. That's nothing.
438
00:17:04,362 --> 00:17:05,763
Well, you should talk.
439
00:17:05,764 --> 00:17:07,398
You know, you're the one who's freaking out
440
00:17:07,399 --> 00:17:08,832
because you have one mediocre review
441
00:17:08,833 --> 00:17:10,768
and, like, 50 great ones.
442
00:17:10,769 --> 00:17:12,403
64. But whatever.
443
00:17:12,404 --> 00:17:14,638
And you're designing a frickin' building.
444
00:17:14,639 --> 00:17:16,106
I mean, come on, dude.
445
00:17:16,107 --> 00:17:19,043
Sounds like you guys
need to clear everything,
446
00:17:19,044 --> 00:17:21,545
subtract the negativity,
447
00:17:21,546 --> 00:17:24,381
and add some perspective.
448
00:17:26,785 --> 00:17:29,086
Lily: Marshall!
449
00:17:29,087 --> 00:17:31,588
Marshall, get in!
450
00:17:31,589 --> 00:17:33,757
Hello.
451
00:17:39,564 --> 00:17:41,765
(Suspenseful theme plays)
452
00:17:46,571 --> 00:17:49,540
(Barney panting)
453
00:17:49,541 --> 00:17:51,141
There it is.
454
00:17:51,142 --> 00:17:52,242
Where are Marshall and lily?
455
00:17:52,243 --> 00:17:54,178
Who cares?
456
00:17:54,913 --> 00:17:57,748
(Barney grunting)
457
00:18:17,635 --> 00:18:20,237
I won? I won!
458
00:18:20,238 --> 00:18:21,505
No!
459
00:18:21,506 --> 00:18:22,373
I can't believe I won!
460
00:18:22,374 --> 00:18:24,008
How did that even happen?
461
00:18:24,009 --> 00:18:25,142
Here's how it happened.
462
00:18:25,143 --> 00:18:27,344
Okay, he's in. Go. Go. Gun it.
463
00:18:27,345 --> 00:18:29,013
Ted is in the way. Run him over.
464
00:18:29,014 --> 00:18:30,147
Running him over.
465
00:18:30,148 --> 00:18:31,682
No. Lily, what the hell
is the matter with you?
466
00:18:31,683 --> 00:18:34,451
Nothing. I just want
to win this really badly.
467
00:18:34,452 --> 00:18:37,955
So badly that I just ditched my best friend
468
00:18:37,956 --> 00:18:39,356
when she needed me.
469
00:18:39,357 --> 00:18:42,960
Oh, baby, you were also going
to run over Ted.
470
00:18:42,961 --> 00:18:46,163
Why did I get so crazy about this?
471
00:18:46,164 --> 00:18:48,098
Maybe for the same reason
that I kept saying
472
00:18:48,099 --> 00:18:49,500
that I could run seven miles.
473
00:18:49,501 --> 00:18:53,470
I... I'm trying to be really,
um, confident and positive
474
00:18:53,471 --> 00:18:56,340
about all this, but, baby,
I'm really scared
475
00:18:56,341 --> 00:18:57,374
that we're not pregnant yet.
476
00:18:57,375 --> 00:18:58,642
Oh, thank God.
477
00:18:58,643 --> 00:19:01,078
I keep thinking there's
something wrong with me.
478
00:19:01,079 --> 00:19:02,646
I keep thinking there's
something wrong with me.
479
00:19:02,647 --> 00:19:03,881
It's only been two months.
480
00:19:03,882 --> 00:19:04,982
We are crazy.
481
00:19:04,983 --> 00:19:05,949
We're totally crazy.
482
00:19:05,950 --> 00:19:07,084
This is the last time
483
00:19:07,085 --> 00:19:08,986
it's ever going to be just the two of us.
484
00:19:08,987 --> 00:19:09,887
Shouldn't we be enjoying that?
485
00:19:09,888 --> 00:19:12,289
We gotta go back to Paris.
486
00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:13,490
And take ballroom dancing.
487
00:19:13,491 --> 00:19:14,658
And really learn how to ski.
488
00:19:14,659 --> 00:19:16,860
Not just up and get faced in the lodge.
489
00:19:16,861 --> 00:19:19,630
And see Coney Island.
I've still never been.
490
00:19:19,631 --> 00:19:21,899
See, we have a whole
bucket list of things to do
491
00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:22,933
before we start having kids.
492
00:19:22,934 --> 00:19:25,602
Oh, a cradle list.
493
00:19:25,603 --> 00:19:27,771
I'm...
494
00:19:27,772 --> 00:19:30,641
So glad we're trying, and I'm
going to be really excited
495
00:19:30,642 --> 00:19:33,777
for when it happens, but this isn't a race.
496
00:19:33,778 --> 00:19:37,381
This isn't a race.
497
00:19:37,382 --> 00:19:39,450
Ranjit, screw Gregor's.
498
00:19:39,451 --> 00:19:41,185
Let's go to Coney Island.
499
00:19:41,186 --> 00:19:44,555
Screwing Gregor's. Going to Coney Island.
500
00:19:44,556 --> 00:19:47,357
As for how Robin beat me and Barney,
501
00:19:47,358 --> 00:19:50,527
to this day, your uncle
Barney won't admit it...
502
00:19:50,528 --> 00:19:52,863
Who cares? But here's what I saw:
503
00:19:52,864 --> 00:19:55,432
I saw Barney notice Robin's face...
504
00:19:55,433 --> 00:19:58,368
And maybe realize something.
505
00:19:58,369 --> 00:19:59,636
Barney says he tripped,
506
00:19:59,637 --> 00:20:04,641
but it sure felt like
he tackled me on purpose.
507
00:20:04,642 --> 00:20:05,876
And when Robin won,
508
00:20:05,877 --> 00:20:07,478
i could have sworn I saw him smile.
509
00:20:07,479 --> 00:20:09,713
- I won!
- No!
510
00:20:09,714 --> 00:20:11,615
So I said, "the cab, of course"
511
00:20:11,616 --> 00:20:13,750
(Robin talking indistinctly)
512
00:20:13,751 --> 00:20:15,652
I know what you did back there.
513
00:20:16,287 --> 00:20:17,621
Yeah.
514
00:20:17,622 --> 00:20:19,189
Check it.
515
00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:22,526
I just drove a pedicab 26 blocks,
516
00:20:22,527 --> 00:20:24,761
and I still smell incredible.
517
00:20:24,762 --> 00:20:26,029
Smell me.
518
00:20:26,030 --> 00:20:26,930
I'm not gonna...
519
00:20:26,931 --> 00:20:28,532
- Not gonna...
- Smell me.
520
00:20:28,533 --> 00:20:29,533
(Inhaling)
521
00:20:29,534 --> 00:20:31,168
He did smell incredible.
522
00:20:31,169 --> 00:20:32,336
Wait a minute.
523
00:20:32,337 --> 00:20:33,871
So, where is Woody Allen?
524
00:20:33,872 --> 00:20:36,140
He's right there.
525
00:20:39,043 --> 00:20:41,745
Damn it, Max. That's Maury Povich.
526
00:20:41,746 --> 00:20:44,014
I always get those two confused.
527
00:20:44,015 --> 00:20:45,516
(Laughing)
528
00:20:45,517 --> 00:20:47,885
Technically, there was only
one winner that day.
529
00:20:47,886 --> 00:20:51,121
And in that race, everyone
found exactly what they needed.
530
00:20:51,122 --> 00:20:52,556
It's true,
531
00:20:52,557 --> 00:20:53,757
she wouldn't see Woody Allen
532
00:20:53,758 --> 00:20:54,825
for another couple months,
533
00:20:54,826 --> 00:20:56,560
but that's how Robin became,
534
00:20:56,561 --> 00:20:59,596
by just about any definition of the term...
535
00:20:59,597 --> 00:21:01,565
(Bell dings)
536
00:21:01,566 --> 00:21:03,100
A real New Yorker.
537
00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:13,500
Sync by InSUBs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com