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00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:03,794
Kids, there are two big
days in any love story:
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00:00:03,895 --> 00:00:06,246
the day you meet
the girl of your dreams,
3
00:00:06,247 --> 00:00:07,882
and the day you marry her.
4
00:00:40,815 --> 00:00:43,650
Nice! Where'd
you get this?
5
00:00:43,651 --> 00:00:45,786
Stashed a cooler
behind the pulpit.
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00:00:45,787 --> 00:00:46,954
Beer be with you.
7
00:00:46,955 --> 00:00:48,205
And also with you.
8
00:00:51,409 --> 00:00:53,660
Man, this is what
church has been missing.
9
00:00:53,661 --> 00:00:54,912
Dude, you
fixed church.
10
00:00:54,913 --> 00:00:56,046
Yeah.
You're welcome, God.
11
00:00:57,215 --> 00:00:58,999
Nervous?
12
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,802
What? No. I'm just
hoping it doesn't rain.
13
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Why? Do I
look nervous?
14
00:01:03,371 --> 00:01:05,589
Look at your beer,
dude.
15
00:01:05,590 --> 00:01:07,841
You always do that
when you're nervous.
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00:01:11,012 --> 00:01:14,398
It's a sad day
in New York, Ted.
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00:01:14,399 --> 00:01:15,632
A sad day, indeed.
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00:01:15,633 --> 00:01:18,468
Do you know what I saw
on my way in here?
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A girl...
20
00:01:20,155 --> 00:01:22,189
In a sweater.
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And you know what that means.
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The season
of exposed skin is over.
23
00:01:27,328 --> 00:01:29,029
Exactly.
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00:01:29,030 --> 00:01:30,781
Gone are the
tank tops, Ted.
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00:01:30,782 --> 00:01:32,533
Gone are the cute little skirts.
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00:01:32,534 --> 00:01:34,251
Gone are the
sun dresses.
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00:01:34,252 --> 00:01:35,536
The sun dresses, Ted!
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00:01:35,537 --> 00:01:37,154
I don't think
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00:01:37,155 --> 00:01:39,489
I can make it another eight
months with no sun dresses.
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Barney, I really...
I have to grade these papers.
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I'm sorry. I'll let you work.
32
00:01:42,877 --> 00:01:43,927
But first,
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00:01:43,928 --> 00:01:45,629
a riddle:
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00:01:45,630 --> 00:01:47,181
What piece of women's attire
35
00:01:47,182 --> 00:01:49,883
most stokes a man's desire?
36
00:01:49,884 --> 00:01:51,101
A sun dress.
37
00:01:51,102 --> 00:01:52,469
Correct.
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00:01:52,470 --> 00:01:54,388
What lightweight outfit,
39
00:01:54,389 --> 00:01:56,173
pink or white,
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00:01:56,174 --> 00:01:59,693
makes the front of my slacks
abnormally tight?
41
00:01:59,694 --> 00:02:00,944
I really have to get this done.
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00:02:00,945 --> 00:02:02,229
Of course, of course.
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Thank you.
44
00:02:03,781 --> 00:02:04,898
"Sun dress," by the way.
45
00:02:04,899 --> 00:02:07,201
Hey!
46
00:02:07,202 --> 00:02:10,187
What are you nervous about?
Tell me.
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00:02:10,188 --> 00:02:11,238
Tell me. Tell me.
48
00:02:11,239 --> 00:02:12,906
What flowing cotton frock...
49
00:02:12,907 --> 00:02:14,791
Okay, I'll tell you. Just...
50
00:02:14,792 --> 00:02:16,493
There's a...
51
00:02:16,494 --> 00:02:17,928
There's a girl
52
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,796
sitting at the bar.
53
00:02:19,797 --> 00:02:21,632
Don't look!
54
00:02:21,633 --> 00:02:23,934
I want to see a pretty girl.
55
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:27,120
Okay, you can look.
Just-just-just be cool for once.
56
00:02:27,121 --> 00:02:29,339
I'll be cool.
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00:02:36,047 --> 00:02:37,431
Ah, Ted.
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00:02:37,432 --> 00:02:39,466
You got your beer label
in a bunch over nothing.
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Listen to your
Uncle Barney.
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00:02:40,568 --> 00:02:44,388
You have no reason
to be nervous.
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00:02:44,389 --> 00:02:45,889
None whatsoever.
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00:02:45,890 --> 00:02:49,526
And I'm going to tell
you why in one word.
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00:02:49,527 --> 00:02:50,611
And what's that word?
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00:02:50,612 --> 00:02:52,129
- Dibs!
- What...
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00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:05,000
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com
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You can't call dibs on a girl
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I've been sitting here
thinking about maybe talking to
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00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:09,980
eventually at some point.
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00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,848
You never called dibs.
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00:03:11,849 --> 00:03:13,267
Dibs were implied.
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00:03:13,268 --> 00:03:15,602
- Implied dibs?
- Yeah.
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00:03:15,603 --> 00:03:17,804
Ted, you are spitting
on the grave
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00:03:17,805 --> 00:03:21,108
of Sir Walter Dibs,
inventor of the dib.
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00:03:21,109 --> 00:03:22,425
It was 1652...
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00:03:22,426 --> 00:03:24,294
The SS Dibs was lost at sea...
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00:03:24,295 --> 00:03:26,330
Look, I don't have time
for a fake history lesson,
77
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:27,764
so I'll keep this simple.
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00:03:27,765 --> 00:03:29,483
You go over there
and talk to that girl,
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00:03:29,484 --> 00:03:30,934
I will see you in court.
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00:03:30,935 --> 00:03:33,370
And who's gonna represent you?
Dibs on Marshall as my lawyer!
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00:03:33,371 --> 00:03:34,488
Damn it!
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00:03:34,489 --> 00:03:35,605
Where is Marshall anyway?
83
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:37,157
Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily
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00:03:37,158 --> 00:03:38,258
had recently decided
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00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,027
to take a swing
at starting a family.
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00:03:40,028 --> 00:03:42,279
Tonight was their first at-bat.
87
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,814
Okay,
I'm almost ready to leave.
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00:03:43,815 --> 00:03:45,582
Let's just go
through the checklist. Candles?
89
00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:46,750
Check.
90
00:03:46,751 --> 00:03:47,951
Music to set the mood?
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00:03:48,836 --> 00:03:50,754
Check.
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00:03:50,755 --> 00:03:52,222
Music for when
we're actually doing it?
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00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:56,343
Check.
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00:03:57,545 --> 00:03:58,612
You know what?
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00:03:58,613 --> 00:03:59,980
To hell with your dibs.
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00:03:59,981 --> 00:04:01,648
I'm going over there right now
and talking to her.
97
00:04:01,649 --> 00:04:03,267
Oh, yeah, yeah?
Be my guest.
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00:04:03,268 --> 00:04:05,185
Fall in love with her.
Get married.
99
00:04:05,186 --> 00:04:06,403
Just know this:
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00:04:06,404 --> 00:04:08,155
When I step up
to make my toast
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00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:09,523
as your best man...
102
00:04:09,524 --> 00:04:10,941
Actually, Marshall would
probably be...
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00:04:10,942 --> 00:04:12,526
As your best man...
104
00:04:12,527 --> 00:04:14,661
Ladies and Gentlemen...
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00:04:14,662 --> 00:04:17,998
I... had dibs.
106
00:04:17,999 --> 00:04:20,350
No!
What?
107
00:04:20,351 --> 00:04:21,918
Tell me this
isn't true.
108
00:04:21,919 --> 00:04:24,037
I had implied dibs.
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00:04:25,206 --> 00:04:26,506
You know,
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you've humiliated me!
111
00:04:28,876 --> 00:04:30,877
I had no idea.
You have to know that.
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00:04:32,597 --> 00:04:34,548
You're the victim
here. We both are.
113
00:04:35,383 --> 00:04:36,600
Let's get out of here.
114
00:04:36,601 --> 00:04:39,186
Or, you know, we could
just do it right here.
115
00:04:39,187 --> 00:04:41,271
We could just do
it right here.
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00:04:43,308 --> 00:04:44,691
Fine.
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00:04:44,692 --> 00:04:45,859
Have at it.
118
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Exercise your dibs.
119
00:04:47,345 --> 00:04:49,396
She's got her shields up anyway.
She's reading a book.
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00:04:49,397 --> 00:04:51,014
Yeah.
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00:04:51,015 --> 00:04:52,482
At a bar.
122
00:04:52,483 --> 00:04:53,650
That book might as well
be called,
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00:04:53,651 --> 00:04:55,786
Are You There, Barney?
It's Me, Horny.
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00:04:55,787 --> 00:04:56,753
That is not
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00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:58,955
what "shields up" looks like.
126
00:04:58,956 --> 00:05:01,241
That is what
"shields up" looks like.
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00:05:01,242 --> 00:05:03,627
Move.
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00:05:03,628 --> 00:05:05,829
God!
129
00:05:07,832 --> 00:05:10,250
Hey. 'Sup, dudes?
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00:05:10,251 --> 00:05:12,202
Fries?
131
00:05:12,203 --> 00:05:14,388
Oh, good God, woman.
You're a disgrace.
132
00:05:14,389 --> 00:05:16,056
No fries for this guy.
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00:05:16,057 --> 00:05:17,140
Robin,
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00:05:17,141 --> 00:05:19,509
seriously, I love you,
but it's like
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00:05:19,510 --> 00:05:21,711
you have
squiggly cartoon odor lines
136
00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:23,096
coming off of you right now.
137
00:05:23,097 --> 00:05:24,114
You know what,
Barney?
138
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:25,899
Just cut her some slack, okay?
139
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:28,652
She just went
through a breakup.
140
00:05:28,653 --> 00:05:29,903
With hygiene?
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00:05:29,904 --> 00:05:31,605
No, with Don.
142
00:05:31,606 --> 00:05:33,390
A few months earlier...
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00:05:33,391 --> 00:05:35,242
Here, have some tea.
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00:05:35,243 --> 00:05:36,326
Thanks.
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00:05:36,327 --> 00:05:37,694
Robin, I am
here for you.
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00:05:37,695 --> 00:05:38,895
Whatever you need.
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Okay, about that.
148
00:05:41,199 --> 00:05:42,783
Ted, listen.
149
00:05:42,784 --> 00:05:45,369
I know myself pretty well.
150
00:05:45,370 --> 00:05:48,288
And, some time over
the next few months,
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00:05:48,289 --> 00:05:50,323
I'm going to want
to sleep with you.
152
00:05:50,324 --> 00:05:51,942
And when that happens,
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00:05:51,943 --> 00:05:53,377
you have to try to say no.
154
00:05:53,378 --> 00:05:54,761
Try?
155
00:05:54,762 --> 00:05:56,213
I will absolutely say no.
156
00:05:56,214 --> 00:05:57,431
Our friendship
is too important.
157
00:05:59,384 --> 00:06:01,385
Okay, you know,
maybe I wasn't clear enough.
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00:06:03,054 --> 00:06:05,605
I will come at you
with everything I've got.
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00:06:05,606 --> 00:06:06,589
I will stalk you
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00:06:06,590 --> 00:06:09,476
like the lioness
stalks the gazelle:
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00:06:09,477 --> 00:06:12,646
careful, patient, deadly.
162
00:06:12,647 --> 00:06:15,065
And if you let
your guard down
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00:06:15,066 --> 00:06:16,116
for so much as a second,
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00:06:16,117 --> 00:06:17,934
as sure as you were born,
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I will hump your brains out.
166
00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:30,163
Okay, I'm ready to have sex now.
167
00:06:31,449 --> 00:06:33,133
It was a tough summer,
168
00:06:33,134 --> 00:06:35,302
but I think our girl's
been a real trooper.
169
00:06:35,303 --> 00:06:38,255
She's...
170
00:06:38,256 --> 00:06:39,673
Is this a Cheeto?
171
00:06:39,674 --> 00:06:41,458
No, we ran out
of Cheetos last week.
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Oh, yeah,
it's a Cheeto. Dibs.
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Oh, you're exquisite.
174
00:06:46,681 --> 00:06:48,665
You must let me paint you.
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00:06:48,666 --> 00:06:49,816
Hey Robin, what
do you think?
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00:06:49,817 --> 00:06:50,884
The girl sitting
at the bar.
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00:06:50,885 --> 00:06:52,269
Shields up?
178
00:06:52,270 --> 00:06:55,021
Mmm, totes, toots.
She's here on a date.
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00:06:55,022 --> 00:06:57,441
She brought the book
because she got here early,
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00:06:57,442 --> 00:07:00,360
and she also wants to impress
the guy she's meeting.
181
00:07:00,361 --> 00:07:03,313
Girls like to come across all
classy and smart, you know?
182
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:06,983
This?
What you're doing right now?
183
00:07:06,984 --> 00:07:09,486
I'm getting a "de-rection."
184
00:07:10,488 --> 00:07:13,173
Hey! How'd it go?
You pregnant yet?
185
00:07:13,174 --> 00:07:14,341
Nope!
186
00:07:14,342 --> 00:07:15,992
Okay, so, here's
what happened.
187
00:07:15,993 --> 00:07:17,944
I was at home,
waiting for Marshall.
188
00:07:17,945 --> 00:07:20,096
Hey! How was your day?
189
00:07:20,097 --> 00:07:21,431
Don't answer. No time.
190
00:07:21,432 --> 00:07:23,216
Bedroom.
No, no. No time.
191
00:07:23,217 --> 00:07:24,634
Floor. No, no time.
192
00:07:24,635 --> 00:07:25,769
Against this wall!
193
00:07:25,770 --> 00:07:26,853
Marshall, whoa! Wait.
194
00:07:26,854 --> 00:07:29,055
A big package just arrived.
195
00:07:29,056 --> 00:07:30,106
Yeah, it did.
196
00:07:30,107 --> 00:07:31,107
No, no.
197
00:07:31,108 --> 00:07:33,276
It's a real package
from your dad.
198
00:07:33,277 --> 00:07:35,946
Well, that's a little weird,
but yeah, it is.
199
00:07:35,947 --> 00:07:37,814
Marshall, look!
200
00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:41,485
A bassinet? Oh, my...
201
00:07:41,486 --> 00:07:44,488
He must've made it
in his wood shop.
202
00:07:44,489 --> 00:07:46,523
Wasn't that sweet of him?
203
00:07:46,524 --> 00:07:48,458
Lil?
204
00:07:48,459 --> 00:07:50,577
Isn't that sweet?
205
00:07:50,578 --> 00:07:53,163
Lily?
206
00:07:53,164 --> 00:07:56,233
You told your dad we're trying
to have a baby?
207
00:07:56,234 --> 00:07:58,351
Of course I did.
I tell my dad everything.
208
00:07:58,352 --> 00:07:59,886
My dad is my best friend.
209
00:08:01,422 --> 00:08:04,891
Lily, we have been
looking forward
210
00:08:04,892 --> 00:08:08,245
to this magical, special night
for two weeks now.
211
00:08:08,246 --> 00:08:11,598
And, sweetie, during that time,
I have been...
212
00:08:11,599 --> 00:08:14,935
How do I put this delicately?
213
00:08:14,936 --> 00:08:18,471
Saving all my love for you.
214
00:08:19,690 --> 00:08:23,226
I have read 11 books
on conception.
215
00:08:23,227 --> 00:08:24,561
I have cut out
216
00:08:24,562 --> 00:08:26,830
alcohol, caffeine and sugar.
217
00:08:26,831 --> 00:08:28,698
I take my temperature
every hour.
218
00:08:28,699 --> 00:08:32,002
But good for you
for not playing with yourself.
219
00:08:33,688 --> 00:08:34,754
I feel you, buddy.
220
00:08:34,755 --> 00:08:36,506
Ah, no! Don't
even touch me, dude.
221
00:08:36,507 --> 00:08:38,241
It's been, like...
It's been two weeks.
222
00:08:38,242 --> 00:08:41,745
I'm, like, a light breeze away
from having a big problem.
223
00:08:41,746 --> 00:08:43,463
Seriously.
224
00:08:45,049 --> 00:08:46,466
Okay, I'm better now.
225
00:08:48,252 --> 00:08:49,919
Okay, Barney.
226
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,471
What's this going
to cost me?
227
00:08:51,472 --> 00:08:52,455
Excuse me?
228
00:08:52,456 --> 00:08:53,640
Your dibs.
I want to buy your dibs.
229
00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:56,109
Two... hundred...
230
00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,811
and fifty thousand dollars.
231
00:08:57,812 --> 00:08:59,029
20 bucks.
232
00:09:00,481 --> 00:09:01,982
But I...
233
00:09:01,983 --> 00:09:03,116
Can I go smell her first?
234
00:09:03,117 --> 00:09:04,868
- No.
- Fine.
235
00:09:04,869 --> 00:09:06,519
All right.
236
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,321
Wish me luck.
237
00:09:09,390 --> 00:09:11,975
Now kids,
remember how I told you
238
00:09:11,976 --> 00:09:13,443
about a girl named Cindy?
239
00:09:13,444 --> 00:09:15,945
How I went on one date
with her and it ended...
240
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:16,913
Get out.
241
00:09:16,914 --> 00:09:18,281
badly? Well...
242
00:09:18,282 --> 00:09:19,833
How are you?
Good.
243
00:09:25,172 --> 00:09:26,139
What the hell are you doing?
244
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:27,257
That girl she's
talking to?
245
00:09:27,258 --> 00:09:28,958
I dated her.
246
00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:31,595
Oh, that sucks!
247
00:09:31,596 --> 00:09:33,680
And dibs.
248
00:09:37,064 --> 00:09:40,032
So you went on one date
with one of her friends.
249
00:09:40,033 --> 00:09:41,884
It's not necessarily a big deal.
250
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:43,519
I mean, did it end on bad terms?
251
00:09:45,706 --> 00:09:47,873
Oh, hi Cindy!
252
00:09:47,874 --> 00:09:49,692
Oh, hi Cindy.
253
00:09:53,664 --> 00:09:55,665
Well, I guess
you just got to move on.
254
00:09:55,666 --> 00:09:56,832
I mean, it's not like
you have a shot
255
00:09:56,833 --> 00:09:59,101
with Ready McGee
over there, right?
256
00:10:00,337 --> 00:10:01,404
Ted?
257
00:10:01,405 --> 00:10:03,055
Then I remembered.
258
00:10:03,056 --> 00:10:04,724
Cindy had a roommate.
259
00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:08,043
A roommate
I only caught a glimpse of...
260
00:10:08,762 --> 00:10:10,146
But a roommate who,
261
00:10:10,147 --> 00:10:13,899
by every indication,
was something very special.
262
00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:16,435
Was it possible?
263
00:10:16,436 --> 00:10:20,723
Could this be the girl
attached to that ankle?
264
00:10:21,908 --> 00:10:25,044
I got to see her ankles.
265
00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:26,796
You're one of those?
266
00:10:26,797 --> 00:10:29,248
God, I swear,
one in five guys...
267
00:10:29,249 --> 00:10:31,066
Lily!
268
00:10:31,067 --> 00:10:33,169
We kind of had a plan tonight,
remember?
269
00:10:33,170 --> 00:10:34,954
Candles? Banjo?
270
00:10:34,955 --> 00:10:37,256
Who else did you tell? Did you
tell anyone at the office?
271
00:10:42,963 --> 00:10:44,347
Shannon?
272
00:10:44,348 --> 00:10:46,682
Start the music.
273
00:10:50,354 --> 00:10:53,105
Can you dig it?!
274
00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,426
Take it to the
hole, Eriksen!
275
00:10:57,427 --> 00:10:59,645
Sink that putt,
big fuzz!
276
00:10:59,646 --> 00:11:01,397
Put a pillow under
her lower back.
277
00:11:01,398 --> 00:11:04,533
It helps facilitate
conception, bro!
278
00:11:10,157 --> 00:11:12,775
I may have mentioned it
in passing
279
00:11:12,776 --> 00:11:14,577
to a couple of colleagues
at work.
280
00:11:14,578 --> 00:11:16,579
I'm sorry about that,
but you know what?
281
00:11:16,580 --> 00:11:18,781
I got to be able
to tell my dad.
282
00:11:18,782 --> 00:11:21,384
Your dad is the last person
you should tell!
283
00:11:21,385 --> 00:11:23,952
The man is too involved
in our lives!
284
00:11:23,953 --> 00:11:26,722
It's like,
every time the phone rings...
285
00:11:26,723 --> 00:11:28,391
Hello.
286
00:11:28,392 --> 00:11:30,009
Lily, Marvin Eriksen.
287
00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:32,261
I noticed you hadn't changed
your last name yet.
288
00:11:32,262 --> 00:11:33,629
No, I'm gonna...
289
00:11:33,630 --> 00:11:35,398
So, don't worry.
I called the DMV,
290
00:11:35,399 --> 00:11:38,401
I called your Amex, I got
that process started for you.
291
00:11:39,236 --> 00:11:41,170
Hello.
292
00:11:41,171 --> 00:11:42,805
Lily, Marvin Eriksen.
293
00:11:42,806 --> 00:11:43,873
I understand
294
00:11:43,874 --> 00:11:45,274
you and Marshall
have been fighting.
295
00:11:45,275 --> 00:11:48,077
Well, let me tell you what works
for me and the missus.
296
00:11:48,078 --> 00:11:50,679
Frilly French undies
and a box of wine.
297
00:11:51,448 --> 00:11:53,082
Hello.
298
00:11:53,083 --> 00:11:55,301
You might want
to try pickles on that sandwich.
299
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,472
Pickles would have helped
that sandwich!
300
00:11:59,473 --> 00:12:01,841
The man has no boundaries.
301
00:12:01,842 --> 00:12:04,877
And I just can't procreate
under these conditions!
302
00:12:04,878 --> 00:12:06,161
Yeah, well, you know what?
303
00:12:06,162 --> 00:12:08,547
I've already told him,
so the damage is done.
304
00:12:08,548 --> 00:12:11,517
So, call him and tell him
we decided not to have a baby.
305
00:12:11,518 --> 00:12:13,001
Okay, so you just...
306
00:12:13,002 --> 00:12:15,388
You want me
to give my dad a stroke?
307
00:12:16,556 --> 00:12:18,874
Only if you want
to give this a stroke.
308
00:12:18,875 --> 00:12:19,975
That's ridiculous.
309
00:12:19,976 --> 00:12:22,228
Lily, there is no way
that I would ever...
310
00:12:24,030 --> 00:12:26,065
Okay, everyone needs
311
00:12:26,066 --> 00:12:28,017
to shut up so
that I can think!
312
00:12:28,018 --> 00:12:31,237
They're talking
to a guy now.
313
00:12:31,238 --> 00:12:33,255
What kind of guy?
A cheesy guy or a cool guy?
314
00:12:33,256 --> 00:12:34,623
Oh, a cheesy guy.
Don't worry.
315
00:12:34,624 --> 00:12:36,509
Oh, man!
316
00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:37,693
That guy is cool.
317
00:12:37,694 --> 00:12:40,329
His hair's all cool,
he's got a cool belt.
318
00:12:40,330 --> 00:12:42,047
Well, that guy is cheesy,
319
00:12:42,048 --> 00:12:43,966
and if you think
he's not cheesy,
320
00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:47,303
then you're cheesy, too,
and now I want something cheesy.
321
00:12:47,304 --> 00:12:49,438
Who's feeling nachos?
322
00:12:49,439 --> 00:12:50,689
Oh, look at you, Robin.
323
00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:51,891
You're jealous.
324
00:12:51,892 --> 00:12:53,159
Jealous?
325
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,393
Yeah, jealous,
326
00:12:54,394 --> 00:12:57,045
because she's got it,
and you've lost it.
327
00:12:57,046 --> 00:12:59,281
I have not lost it.
328
00:12:59,282 --> 00:13:00,382
You lost it.
329
00:13:00,383 --> 00:13:02,184
I still have it.
330
00:13:02,185 --> 00:13:03,986
I know exactly where it is,
331
00:13:03,987 --> 00:13:06,989
and I can go get it
whenever I want.
332
00:13:06,990 --> 00:13:09,859
Robin, girls are
like cartons of milk.
333
00:13:09,860 --> 00:13:11,760
Each one has a hotness
expiration date,
334
00:13:11,761 --> 00:13:13,412
and you've hit yours.
335
00:13:13,413 --> 00:13:16,198
I'm not saying the occasional
guy won't still open the fridge,
336
00:13:16,199 --> 00:13:19,151
pick you up, give a sniff,
shrug and take a sip anyway.
337
00:13:19,152 --> 00:13:21,120
But it's all
downhill from here.
338
00:13:21,121 --> 00:13:23,238
I don't have to take this.
339
00:13:24,875 --> 00:13:27,092
But I do have to take this.
340
00:13:28,879 --> 00:13:30,245
Okay, so you just want me
341
00:13:30,246 --> 00:13:31,597
to call my dad and tell him
342
00:13:31,598 --> 00:13:32,798
that we're not having a baby?
343
00:13:32,799 --> 00:13:34,266
That's about the size of it.
344
00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:36,552
Okay, out of curiosity,
345
00:13:36,553 --> 00:13:38,821
when do we tell him
about the baby?
346
00:13:38,822 --> 00:13:40,088
We'll tell him about the baby
347
00:13:40,089 --> 00:13:41,891
when there's a baby
to tell him about.
348
00:13:41,892 --> 00:13:43,943
So, he just gets no notice?
349
00:13:43,944 --> 00:13:45,778
He just walks
into his boss's office,
350
00:13:45,779 --> 00:13:47,596
and says,
"I just had a grandson.
351
00:13:47,597 --> 00:13:49,465
I'm gonna be out
for three months."
352
00:13:49,466 --> 00:13:51,167
Out for three months?
353
00:13:51,168 --> 00:13:52,535
Yeah.
354
00:13:52,536 --> 00:13:53,619
He and my mom are coming
355
00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:55,287
to live with us
when the baby's born.
356
00:13:56,239 --> 00:13:57,389
We talked about this.
357
00:13:57,390 --> 00:13:58,858
No, we didn't.
358
00:13:58,859 --> 00:14:01,026
I meant, me and my dad.
359
00:14:01,027 --> 00:14:02,127
You know what, Marshall?
360
00:14:02,128 --> 00:14:04,446
Why don't you have a baby
with your dad?
361
00:14:04,447 --> 00:14:05,948
Oh, okay, Lily.
362
00:14:05,949 --> 00:14:08,417
Why don't you have a baby
with your butt?
363
00:14:08,418 --> 00:14:09,451
What?
364
00:14:10,587 --> 00:14:12,555
I can't think straight!
365
00:14:12,556 --> 00:14:14,924
Why do you have to
wear that shirt?
366
00:14:14,925 --> 00:14:18,561
This is not how I thought
this night was going to go!
367
00:14:24,467 --> 00:14:26,134
Ted?
368
00:14:30,379 --> 00:14:33,380
Oh, God, this sucks!
Do you think she saw me?
369
00:14:33,381 --> 00:14:34,414
Hi, Ted!
370
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,500
Yeah, she
definitely saw you.
371
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:39,119
Can I see you for a minute...
in private?
372
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,121
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
373
00:14:41,122 --> 00:14:44,341
I mean, how could
that not be fun?
374
00:14:46,294 --> 00:14:49,496
If I don't come back,
tell my mom I love her.
375
00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:51,431
Okay, will do. And dibs.
376
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,736
Barney, am I crazy?
377
00:14:55,737 --> 00:14:58,155
Marshall talks
to his dad way too much, right?
378
00:14:58,156 --> 00:15:00,524
Oh, you don't want my opinion
on that.
379
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:01,508
Why not?
380
00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:03,610
If I had my dad's number,
381
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:06,647
I would never not be
on the phone with him.
382
00:15:06,648 --> 00:15:08,448
That was really...
383
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,434
Whoa, a hottie with a body!
384
00:15:10,435 --> 00:15:12,336
Boing...!
385
00:15:12,337 --> 00:15:13,387
Brief.
386
00:15:13,388 --> 00:15:15,122
No. Lily, look.
387
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,460
You saucy
little minx.
388
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,663
You sundressed up.
389
00:15:24,849 --> 00:15:26,049
Hi.
390
00:15:27,335 --> 00:15:28,652
14 seconds!
391
00:15:28,653 --> 00:15:30,621
14 seconds, and already
392
00:15:30,622 --> 00:15:32,105
some dingdong
is stepping up,
393
00:15:32,106 --> 00:15:34,575
thinking he can get
some of this broke off.
394
00:15:35,777 --> 00:15:38,562
I... still... got... it.
395
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,849
All right, buddy, you proved
my point. Now scram.
396
00:15:43,635 --> 00:15:45,986
Nice belt,
by the way.
397
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,292
Robin, you do
look super hot.
398
00:15:52,293 --> 00:15:53,526
Oh, do I?
399
00:15:53,527 --> 00:15:54,711
Yeah, you do.
400
00:15:54,712 --> 00:15:56,496
Thanks.
401
00:15:59,384 --> 00:16:01,552
I braced myself
for what was next:
402
00:16:01,553 --> 00:16:04,421
rage, fury,
a possible shanking.
403
00:16:06,558 --> 00:16:07,775
Thank you, Ted.
404
00:16:07,776 --> 00:16:09,560
After things didn't
work out with us,
405
00:16:09,561 --> 00:16:11,395
I got really sad
for a while.
406
00:16:11,396 --> 00:16:13,247
But then I realized,
407
00:16:13,248 --> 00:16:16,016
you're not what I wanted, Ted,
and I'm not what you wanted.
408
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,517
I'm sorry I was such a jerk.
409
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:20,020
I feel like I should
make it up to you somehow.
410
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:22,289
You know, buy you a beer
or Yankees tickets, or...
411
00:16:22,290 --> 00:16:24,575
Or set me up with
one of your friends.
412
00:16:24,576 --> 00:16:26,193
No, I'm kidding.
That would be weird.
413
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,112
- No, it wouldn't.
- It wouldn't, would it?
414
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,963
Any one of
those three.
415
00:16:29,964 --> 00:16:31,915
Whichever's easiest
and right nearby.
416
00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:33,851
And not the beer.
417
00:16:33,852 --> 00:16:34,868
I should get back.
418
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:35,919
Totally.
419
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,721
Come say good-bye
before you leave.
420
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,707
Say good-bye before you leave?
421
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,209
Her words exactly.
422
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,011
Dude, you are so in.
423
00:16:44,012 --> 00:16:45,212
That is so awesome.
424
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,014
A high five doesn't
even cut it.
425
00:16:47,015 --> 00:16:49,316
High six!
426
00:16:49,317 --> 00:16:51,702
She didn't see us
high-six, did she?
427
00:16:51,703 --> 00:16:53,353
No. Good. That was pretty lame.
428
00:16:53,354 --> 00:16:56,356
Yeah, let's never
do that again.
429
00:16:56,357 --> 00:16:57,524
Marshall?
430
00:16:57,525 --> 00:16:58,609
What? Lily, what?
431
00:16:58,610 --> 00:17:00,110
Are there more members
432
00:17:00,111 --> 00:17:02,162
of my family that you
want to crap all over?
433
00:17:02,163 --> 00:17:04,564
- Here's the thing.
- I'm sorry. Hold on.
434
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,083
Just...
435
00:17:06,084 --> 00:17:07,618
It's my dad.
436
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,121
Lily, it's my dad, okay?
437
00:17:11,122 --> 00:17:14,608
I love him, and if he calls me,
I'm gonna answer the phone!
438
00:17:16,377 --> 00:17:18,011
Hey, Dad.
439
00:17:18,012 --> 00:17:20,597
Hey, hey. I know it's late,
but I just had to call.
440
00:17:20,598 --> 00:17:22,216
How'd it go?
Dad, this is...
441
00:17:22,217 --> 00:17:23,600
Did you do everything
the books say?
442
00:17:23,601 --> 00:17:25,135
Did you put the pillow
under her back?
443
00:17:25,136 --> 00:17:26,703
Dad, I'm in the middle
of something right now.
444
00:17:26,704 --> 00:17:28,305
Did it feel like a boy?
445
00:17:28,306 --> 00:17:29,523
You can tell.
446
00:17:29,524 --> 00:17:31,225
He's insane.
447
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,760
My dad is insane.
448
00:17:34,729 --> 00:17:37,397
I'm so sorry, Lily.
449
00:17:38,450 --> 00:17:40,234
He's just...
450
00:17:40,235 --> 00:17:44,437
He's so...
451
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,507
enthusiastic.
452
00:17:46,508 --> 00:17:48,492
It's ridiculous, you know?
453
00:17:48,493 --> 00:17:50,577
Like, who's like that?
454
00:17:51,412 --> 00:17:53,497
You.
455
00:17:53,498 --> 00:17:55,983
You're like that.
456
00:17:55,984 --> 00:18:00,003
You and your dad
both care so much.
457
00:18:00,004 --> 00:18:02,289
It's... it's why
women fall in love
458
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:05,075
with the Eriksen men
to begin with.
459
00:18:05,977 --> 00:18:08,745
But right now,
it's a lot of pressure.
460
00:18:08,746 --> 00:18:11,315
Baby, I'm not trying to
pressure you one bit.
461
00:18:11,316 --> 00:18:13,851
What if I can't have a baby?
462
00:18:14,903 --> 00:18:17,070
That could happen.
463
00:18:17,071 --> 00:18:19,857
I could totally let you down.
464
00:18:19,858 --> 00:18:23,694
Has that thought
not occurred to you?
465
00:18:25,113 --> 00:18:27,114
Not even for one second.
466
00:18:31,669 --> 00:18:34,955
Not having a baby would suck,
467
00:18:34,956 --> 00:18:37,875
but the idea of you
letting me down...
468
00:18:37,876 --> 00:18:41,361
that's impossible.
469
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,349
That would be like
aliens landing.
470
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:49,520
That's a bad example,
because that could happen.
471
00:18:49,521 --> 00:18:50,771
It probably already has.
472
00:18:50,772 --> 00:18:53,223
I saw this, episode...
473
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:58,946
All right.
474
00:18:58,947 --> 00:19:00,464
I'm doing this.
475
00:19:00,465 --> 00:19:02,566
I am going over there.
476
00:19:10,141 --> 00:19:12,826
Wish me luck.
477
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:19,216
Kids, nothing in this life
quite compares to the sweet,
478
00:19:19,217 --> 00:19:22,219
terrifying exhilaration
of making your move.
479
00:19:22,220 --> 00:19:25,589
When you just put it all
on the line and go for it.
480
00:19:25,590 --> 00:19:28,859
And that night, by golly,
481
00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:31,094
Cindy went for it.
482
00:19:46,094 --> 00:19:50,180
So no, kids,
that girl wasn't your mother.
483
00:19:50,181 --> 00:19:52,282
She ended up being
someone else's mother.
484
00:19:52,283 --> 00:19:54,501
In fact, they both did.
485
00:20:04,128 --> 00:20:05,578
Like I said,
486
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:06,964
she's here on a date.
487
00:20:06,965 --> 00:20:09,266
So that was not the
day I met your mother.
488
00:20:09,267 --> 00:20:13,020
The day I met your mother
was the day of a wedding.
489
00:20:13,021 --> 00:20:14,587
Okay, maybe I'm
a little nervous.
490
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,056
Dude, it's just
a wedding toast.
491
00:20:16,057 --> 00:20:19,026
I know. I just... I want
it to be great, you know?
492
00:20:19,027 --> 00:20:21,028
I want this whole
day to be great.
493
00:20:21,029 --> 00:20:22,613
It will be.
494
00:20:22,614 --> 00:20:23,647
Best man?
495
00:20:23,648 --> 00:20:24,648
You're being summoned.
496
00:20:24,649 --> 00:20:26,283
Geez, what now?
497
00:20:26,284 --> 00:20:29,620
Ted, seriously, relax.
Everything's...
498
00:20:29,621 --> 00:20:30,821
Okay, and it's raining.
499
00:20:30,822 --> 00:20:32,072
Yeah. You were saying?
500
00:20:32,073 --> 00:20:34,374
You didn't happen to bring
an umbrella, did you?
501
00:20:34,375 --> 00:20:36,326
No. I didn't
bring an umbrella.
502
00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:45,668
I mean, everyone told us that
it might take a while, but...
503
00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:48,404
We thought we might be
the exception to the rule.
504
00:20:49,305 --> 00:20:51,306
Anyways, we're getting
back on that horse.
505
00:20:51,307 --> 00:20:54,343
I mean, feeling good
about the future.
506
00:20:56,879 --> 00:20:58,597
Obviously, this goes
without saying,
507
00:20:58,598 --> 00:21:00,816
but you won't tell Lily
about any of this, right?
508
00:21:00,817 --> 00:21:02,585
No! Of course! Absolutely!
509
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,000
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