1 00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:03,900 Kids, everybody makes mistakes. 2 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:05,800 Take this girl Meg for instance. 3 00:00:05,835 --> 00:00:08,600 She made a mistake, a mistake named Barney. 4 00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:09,400 Yeah, 5 00:00:09,435 --> 00:00:11,900 I thought I was gonna get married to my last boyfriend 6 00:00:11,935 --> 00:00:15,200 but, boy, did that guy have commitment issues. 7 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,300 That whole relationship-- 8 00:00:17,335 --> 00:00:20,100 that's three weeks of my life I'll never get back. 9 00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:23,100 Well, I love commitment. 10 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,100 I wish I could marry commitment. 11 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,400 - I met a girl last night. - Really? 12 00:00:27,435 --> 00:00:30,900 So perky and full of life and not at all fake. 13 00:00:30,935 --> 00:00:32,200 You're talking about her boobs, right? 14 00:00:32,235 --> 00:00:33,100 C? 15 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,200 And that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size. 16 00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:36,300 What up? 17 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,800 - So, these boobs... - Hmm. 18 00:00:39,835 --> 00:00:41,000 paint me a word picture. 19 00:00:41,035 --> 00:00:42,200 All right, Ted. 20 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,800 Imagine the heads of two Irish babies. 21 00:00:44,835 --> 00:00:45,600 Mmm. 22 00:00:45,635 --> 00:00:46,500 Let's call them... 23 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:48,800 and... 24 00:00:48,835 --> 00:00:50,000 Please stop! 25 00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,100 When you get married, 26 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,300 you start outgrowing certain parts of your life. 27 00:00:54,335 --> 00:00:55,500 And for Lily and Marshall, 28 00:00:55,535 --> 00:00:56,800 those certain parts were, 29 00:00:56,835 --> 00:00:58,100 for the most part, 30 00:00:58,135 --> 00:00:58,700 me. 31 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,000 Why would you come in? 32 00:01:03,035 --> 00:01:04,100 You heard me shaving! 33 00:01:04,135 --> 00:01:06,100 I thought you were shaving your face! 34 00:01:06,135 --> 00:01:08,300 Well, clearly I wasn't! 35 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,500 - Oh! - No, no! 36 00:01:10,535 --> 00:01:11,700 - Pay up! - Ugh! 37 00:01:11,735 --> 00:01:12,900 Hussy! 38 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,000 - Guys. - Hussy? What? 39 00:01:14,035 --> 00:01:15,600 Guys, it's 3:00 in the morning 40 00:01:15,635 --> 00:01:17,200 and it reeks in here. 41 00:01:17,235 --> 00:01:18,500 Ted said it was okay. 42 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:19,700 Ah, hey, Marshall. 43 00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:20,700 You're still up? 44 00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,600 Aren't you taking the bar tomorrow? 45 00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:26,600 Discontent was bubbling under the surface, 46 00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:27,700 until one day... 47 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:28,500 Ted! 48 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,200 How many times have I asked you to put the lid 49 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,200 back on the peanut butter jar? 50 00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:35,500 It's this sort of inconsiderate, 51 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:40,100 immature jackassery that makes me feel like I'm living in the Real World house, 52 00:01:40,135 --> 00:01:41,350 and not the early years... 53 00:01:41,450 --> 00:01:43,700 when they all had jobs and social consciences. 54 00:01:43,735 --> 00:01:46,300 I'm talking about Hawaii and after! 55 00:01:46,335 --> 00:01:48,200 I can't take this anymore! 56 00:01:48,235 --> 00:01:50,600 Ted, Lily and I are married now! 57 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,800 It's time! 58 00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:53,900 We're getting our own place! 59 00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:55,500 Actually, 60 00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:57,900 I left the lid off. Sorry, baby. 61 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,400 But still, it was time to move forward. 62 00:02:00,435 --> 00:02:02,700 So, they set out to find a new apartment to rent. 63 00:02:02,735 --> 00:02:04,200 Hey, here's one. 64 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,500 Pre-war building, recently renovated, 65 00:02:06,535 --> 00:02:07,800 hardwood floors, 66 00:02:07,835 --> 00:02:08,800 tons of light, 67 00:02:08,835 --> 00:02:10,400 two bedroom, two bath. 68 00:02:10,435 --> 00:02:12,100 Oh, yeah, but that one's not for rent. 69 00:02:12,135 --> 00:02:13,300 It's for sale. 70 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,500 Oh, right. 71 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,900 Kids, Uncle Marshall always likes to say 72 00:02:17,935 --> 00:02:20,200 that he had made three big mistakes in his life. 73 00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:21,600 This was the first. 74 00:02:21,635 --> 00:02:23,100 Jump, you big chicken! 75 00:02:23,135 --> 00:02:24,800 Jump! You afraidy cat! 76 00:02:24,835 --> 00:02:26,300 Jump! Jump! 77 00:02:26,335 --> 00:02:27,500 This was the second. 78 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,700 No! 79 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,500 And this was the third and biggest. 80 00:02:32,535 --> 00:02:34,100 We should buy a place! 81 00:02:34,135 --> 00:02:34,700 What? 82 00:02:34,735 --> 00:02:37,500 Baby, real estate is always a good investment. 83 00:02:37,535 --> 00:02:38,300 It's not. 84 00:02:38,335 --> 00:02:40,600 And the market is really hot right now. 85 00:02:40,635 --> 00:02:41,600 It wasn't. 86 00:02:41,635 --> 00:02:42,900 And because of my new job, 87 00:02:42,935 --> 00:02:45,300 we are in such a strong place financially. 88 00:02:45,335 --> 00:02:46,200 They weren't. 89 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,000 Because lily had a secret 90 00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:49,700 Hi. 91 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,200 My name is Lily and I'm a shopaholic. 92 00:02:52,235 --> 00:02:53,400 Hi, Lily. 93 00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:55,800 Oh, you guys don't do that here? 94 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,300 Sorry. 95 00:02:57,700 --> 00:02:58,500 Proceed. 96 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:02,000 I buy designer clothes and accessories 97 00:03:02,035 --> 00:03:03,800 that I can't afford. 98 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,300 I have 15 credit cards, and they're all maxed out. 99 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:11,500 And no one outside of this room, not even my husband, knows. 100 00:03:11,535 --> 00:03:13,300 And I, I feel terrible 101 00:03:13,335 --> 00:03:15,700 because all I want to do right now is ask you 102 00:03:15,735 --> 00:03:17,000 where you got those shoes. 103 00:03:17,035 --> 00:03:18,400 They're adorable. 104 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,400 We can't buy; we have debt. 105 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:22,400 Yeah, I know, 106 00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:23,900 my student loans are pretty big. 107 00:03:23,935 --> 00:03:25,100 I forgive you. 108 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:26,400 What? 109 00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:29,000 Well.. I'm just saying as your wife, 110 00:03:29,035 --> 00:03:32,400 you know, I'm cool that you spent tens of thousands of dollars 111 00:03:32,435 --> 00:03:34,300 on a brand name law school. 112 00:03:34,335 --> 00:03:37,800 Because I know it makes you feel good and pretty. 113 00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:41,200 Let's just go take a look at this place. 114 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:42,600 Where is it? 115 00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:45,300 Uh, it's in a neighborhood called... 116 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:49,500 Dowisetrepla? 117 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,300 Dowisetrepla. 118 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,800 Oh, I see, you're not New Yorkers. 119 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,400 Oh, actually we live on the Upper West Side, so... 120 00:03:56,435 --> 00:03:57,600 No need to be embarrassed, 121 00:03:57,635 --> 00:03:58,600 listen, here in New York 122 00:03:58,635 --> 00:04:00,900 we just shorten the names of all the neighborhoods, 123 00:04:00,935 --> 00:04:03,400 SoHo, TriBeCa, Nolita-- 124 00:04:03,435 --> 00:04:04,800 Oh, right. 125 00:04:04,835 --> 00:04:06,000 Dowisetrepla. 126 00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:07,800 No, I'm, I'm from New York. 127 00:04:07,835 --> 00:04:09,100 I know this neighborhood. 128 00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:10,900 I'm down with D-town. 129 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,100 Oh, well, nobody calls it D-town. 130 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,100 Dowisetrepla is the up-and-coming neighborhood. 131 00:04:16,135 --> 00:04:17,800 And I have to tell you, for these prices, 132 00:04:17,835 --> 00:04:19,100 you're not going to be able to find another... 133 00:04:19,135 --> 00:04:21,900 I'm, I'm gonna stop you right there. 134 00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:23,500 Don't bother with the hard sell. 135 00:04:23,535 --> 00:04:25,500 This place is, is way out of our price range, 136 00:04:25,535 --> 00:04:27,700 and besides, we've only just started to looking. 137 00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:29,500 Is what Marshall should have said. 138 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,900 I'm gonna stop you right there. 139 00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:34,300 I love it! Let's get it! 140 00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,100 Thank you, guys, for coming down here so quickly. 141 00:04:52,135 --> 00:04:53,600 I've never been to this neighborhood. 142 00:04:53,635 --> 00:04:56,100 Kind of thought this part of town was water. 143 00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:57,700 No, dude. 144 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,600 This is Dowisetrepla. 145 00:04:59,635 --> 00:05:01,400 - Dowisetrepla? - Yeah. 146 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,200 Is that an abbreviation for something? 147 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:05,700 He's from Ohio. 148 00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:08,700 - Dowisetrepla is the up-and-coming neighborhood. 149 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:09,800 Oh. 150 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:13,200 I think this might be the place where Lily and I start a family. 151 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,500 I can see it now. 152 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,700 Two, three, four. 153 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,900 All right, bring it home, boys. 154 00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:27,600 Sounds great, boys. 155 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,900 Who wants chocolate pancakes? 156 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,000 Thanks, Mommy! 157 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,200 Man, 158 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,000 life is gonna be sweet! 159 00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:38,300 Oh, my God, 160 00:05:38,335 --> 00:05:40,100 Lily, have you seen this kitchen? 161 00:05:40,135 --> 00:05:41,000 - I know. - It's... 162 00:05:41,035 --> 00:05:42,400 Isn't it amazing? 163 00:05:42,435 --> 00:05:45,400 - I just love it so... - What the hell are you doing? 164 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:46,900 You can't buy this place. 165 00:05:46,935 --> 00:05:49,500 Lily, you have a debt the size of Mount Waddington! 166 00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:50,600 Waddington? 167 00:05:50,635 --> 00:05:52,200 It's the tallest mountain in Canada. 168 00:05:52,235 --> 00:05:54,100 It's like 4, 000 meters high. 169 00:05:54,135 --> 00:05:54,900 Meters? 170 00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:57,900 Don't let Marshall fall in love with this apartment. 171 00:05:57,935 --> 00:05:59,400 I know, I know, I know, I know, 172 00:05:59,435 --> 00:06:01,100 but what do I tell him? 173 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,700 I-I don't know, tell him, um, 174 00:06:02,735 --> 00:06:04,500 tell him you saw a ghost. Tell him it's haunted. 175 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,800 You really don't know Marshall at all. 176 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,300 So, uh, the owners, 177 00:06:11,335 --> 00:06:12,400 - where are they? - Oh. 178 00:06:12,435 --> 00:06:14,000 They're on vacation in France 179 00:06:14,035 --> 00:06:15,600 - for two of weeks. - I see. 180 00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:16,900 Between you and me, 181 00:06:16,935 --> 00:06:19,400 I'm also interested in the apartment. 182 00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:22,600 So is there any way I could come back later and check it out 183 00:06:22,635 --> 00:06:24,400 while you're showing them other places? 184 00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:25,600 The lock bar's combination is 185 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:26,900 1421. 186 00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:28,700 And here is my card. 187 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,500 Are you serious? 188 00:06:33,535 --> 00:06:35,700 You're trying to snake this apartment away from Marshall and Lily? 189 00:06:35,735 --> 00:06:38,700 Ted, do you think I have no morals whatsoever? 190 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:42,100 I simply want to fool a girl into thinking this is my apartment 191 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,500 so I can nail her once and never have to see her again. 192 00:06:44,535 --> 00:06:45,700 I'm not a monster. 193 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,700 Now, listen, I don't want to put a lot of pressure on you, 194 00:06:47,735 --> 00:06:50,687 but there is one other couple that's expressed... 195 00:06:50,787 --> 00:06:52,100 very serious interest. 196 00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:54,100 I see what you're doing here. 197 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,100 "Another couple. " 198 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,200 Please. 199 00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,600 That crap is page one out of the Realtor's playbook. 200 00:06:59,635 --> 00:07:01,200 And we're not buying it. 201 00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,900 Is what Marshall should have said. 202 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,400 Another couple? 203 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:05,300 No! 204 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,700 We want it. Sell it to us. 205 00:07:06,735 --> 00:07:08,100 We'll give you so much more money. 206 00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:10,700 Oh, Marshall, can I talk to you? 207 00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:13,600 Marshall, I just... 208 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,000 I don't know if now is the right time to buy. 209 00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:17,800 But we're not doing this for now, 210 00:07:17,835 --> 00:07:19,500 we're doing this for our future. 211 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,400 Can't you imagine starting a family here? 212 00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:26,800 Oh, Persephone! 213 00:07:26,835 --> 00:07:28,000 Oh, Daphne! 214 00:07:28,035 --> 00:07:30,265 These'll be a perfect additions to our... 215 00:07:30,365 --> 00:07:32,800 upcoming mother-daughter exhibit at the Met. 216 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,300 Looks great, girls. 217 00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,500 Who wants crêpes au chocolat? 218 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:41,200 Merci, papa! 219 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,200 So... what do you guys think? 220 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:45,500 Oh... 221 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,600 I love it, but Marshall, 222 00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,800 I should have told you this a long time ago. 223 00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,700 We can't afford to buy an apartment 224 00:07:53,735 --> 00:07:56,600 because I have too much credit card debt. 225 00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,200 I am so sorry. 226 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,700 Is what she should have said. 227 00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:02,400 I love it. Let's get it. 228 00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:03,800 Can we charge it? 229 00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:06,951 To Lily and Marshall and their momentous step... 230 00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:08,200 forward into adulthood. 231 00:08:08,235 --> 00:08:08,900 Cheers. 232 00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:12,200 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! 233 00:08:12,235 --> 00:08:14,600 - Drink it! - Yes! Well done. - Nice! - Yeah! 234 00:08:14,635 --> 00:08:15,700 Anything else? 235 00:08:15,735 --> 00:08:16,900 Yes. 236 00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:19,600 I've been staring at that thing for years. 237 00:08:19,635 --> 00:08:20,500 Wendy, 238 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:23,900 bring me the comically large bottle of champagne 239 00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:27,900 Really? Are you sure? 240 00:08:27,935 --> 00:08:29,400 It's never been refrigerated. 241 00:08:29,435 --> 00:08:31,600 And I think at some point there was a fish in it. 242 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,100 Honey, once you've made the sale, 243 00:08:34,135 --> 00:08:35,300 stop sellin'. 244 00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:38,200 All right, but you guys have to help me carry it. 245 00:08:38,235 --> 00:08:41,300 All right, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's go. Hmm. 246 00:08:41,335 --> 00:08:42,600 I know what you're thinking. 247 00:08:42,635 --> 00:08:44,500 I should tell Marshall the truth. 248 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,100 Hey, I've got the whole thing figured out. 249 00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:49,100 We'll apply for the loan under Marshall's name, 250 00:08:49,135 --> 00:08:50,700 and he'll never need to know. 251 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,700 And then in the meantime, I'll slowly work down my debt. 252 00:08:53,735 --> 00:08:55,600 Right after I furnish the apartment. 253 00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:58,400 I saw this amazing leather sofa today. 254 00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:01,000 You should be a reality show. 255 00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:03,500 Nice! 256 00:09:03,535 --> 00:09:04,300 Nice. 257 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:06,400 Wait! 258 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,200 That cork is the size of a softball 259 00:09:08,235 --> 00:09:11,000 and you're pointing it directly at Wendy the waitress's face. 260 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,600 Is what he should have said. 261 00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:16,400 Now if you're thinking of buying an apartment 262 00:09:16,435 --> 00:09:18,600 it's always good to check the place out at night. 263 00:09:18,635 --> 00:09:21,200 Welcome to my humble abode. 264 00:09:21,235 --> 00:09:23,500 This place is so nice. 265 00:09:23,535 --> 00:09:24,800 Ah, make yourself at home. 266 00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:26,100 Please, get comfortable. 267 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,700 If you see something you like, just take it. 268 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,500 Who are these people? 269 00:09:31,535 --> 00:09:32,300 Uh... 270 00:09:32,335 --> 00:09:33,200 that's my parents. 271 00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:35,500 They're Asian. 272 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:36,800 Yeah. 273 00:09:36,835 --> 00:09:39,400 They're a Chinese couple that wanted a white baby. 274 00:09:39,435 --> 00:09:40,700 It works both ways. 275 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,300 Cookie. 276 00:09:42,335 --> 00:09:43,500 Wow. 277 00:09:43,535 --> 00:09:44,700 Did you make those? 278 00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,100 You got me. 279 00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:47,900 My sisters taught me how to bake 280 00:09:47,935 --> 00:09:48,900 and how to listen. 281 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:50,600 Wow. 282 00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:52,600 I feel so at home here. 283 00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:53,600 I'm glad. 284 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,800 Sometimes, I don't. 285 00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,800 A place like this really needs a lady of the house. 286 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,500 I know it's too early to be thinking of you as... 287 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,600 Oh, God, I'm freaking you out, aren't I? 288 00:10:03,635 --> 00:10:06,000 It's just you make me feel so safe... 289 00:10:06,035 --> 00:10:06,900 I didn't... 290 00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:10,400 The next day, 291 00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,285 Lily and Marshall went to the mortgage broker... 292 00:10:12,385 --> 00:10:12,900 to get a loan. 293 00:10:12,935 --> 00:10:14,600 Hey, uh, can we get this in singles? 294 00:10:14,635 --> 00:10:16,700 Before we get the apartment I want to put in a kiddie pool 295 00:10:16,735 --> 00:10:18,300 and swim around in it naked. 296 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:21,400 - Great, - that is great! 297 00:10:21,435 --> 00:10:22,200 Thank you. 298 00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:23,400 Thank you. 299 00:10:23,435 --> 00:10:25,900 Okay, all right, back to business now. 300 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,500 All right, Mrs. Aldrin, I'm going to need your social as well. 301 00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:31,000 What? Why? 302 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:32,800 I mean, you already have Marshall's. 303 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,700 Yes, but since you're a married couple, 304 00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:37,200 you'll be applying for a joint loan, so... 305 00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:40,900 Well, can we just go ahead and do it in my husband's name? 306 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,000 He's the head of the household. 307 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,200 He earns the big bucks. 308 00:10:44,235 --> 00:10:46,300 I mean, can women even own property? 309 00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:49,300 Go ahead, just give him your social. 310 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,900 Okay, my... my social is, uh... 311 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,200 Got it. 312 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:57,600 Okay. 313 00:10:57,900 --> 00:11:01,000 Let's see what kind of rate I can get you two. 314 00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:02,800 Under six percent. Under six percent. 315 00:11:02,835 --> 00:11:04,300 Under six percent, please. 316 00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:07,200 There we go. Congratulations. 317 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,300 You have been approved for a loan at 18%. 318 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:13,300 No, way. That-that can't be right. 319 00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:15,300 You're lucky to be getting a mortgage. 320 00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:16,400 Let's get out of here, Marshall. 321 00:11:16,435 --> 00:11:18,900 Hold it, I-I don't understand. 322 00:11:18,935 --> 00:11:20,500 Did we do something wrong or...? 323 00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:22,600 You have quite a bit of debt. 324 00:11:22,635 --> 00:11:24,900 My student loans. Great. 325 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,300 I thought we were friends. 326 00:11:26,335 --> 00:11:28,155 You know what, it's fine to penalize me for 327 00:11:28,156 --> 00:11:30,100 trying to get an education and build a career, 328 00:11:30,135 --> 00:11:32,066 but I will not let you deprive my beautiful wife... 329 00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:33,500 of her dream home just because I... 330 00:11:33,535 --> 00:11:37,000 Okay, actually, it's because of your wife's credit card debt. 331 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,300 Oh, my God. 332 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,600 Marshall, there's something I have to tell you, 333 00:11:48,635 --> 00:11:51,000 and I want you to hear it from me first. 334 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,100 okay, so, let me get this straight. 335 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:02,000 You just snuck this girl into some stranger's apartment? 336 00:12:02,035 --> 00:12:03,400 Yeah, we spent the night. 337 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,900 Hey, look at you. 338 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,300 Hey. 339 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,200 I'm wearing your bathrobe. 340 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,300 I hope you don't mind. 341 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,000 The only thing missing from that bathrobe are your initials. 342 00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:20,100 My mom's gonna be in town next week. 343 00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,700 Is it okay if she stays with us? 344 00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,900 Only if she sleeps in the bed 345 00:12:25,935 --> 00:12:27,600 and I sleep on the couch. 346 00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:29,800 You're so sweet. 347 00:12:29,835 --> 00:12:30,800 I love you. 348 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,100 There, I said it and I'm not taking it back. 349 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,400 Oh, my God! 350 00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:37,000 I love you, too. 351 00:12:37,035 --> 00:12:39,700 I'm finally not the first one to say it! 352 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,400 How about you get in the shower, 353 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,800 and I will make us some waffles. 354 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,200 Works every time. 355 00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:03,800 Wait. 356 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,600 That time that you offered to walk my dogs 357 00:13:05,635 --> 00:13:07,600 when I went to visit my dad in Vancouver... 358 00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:08,400 Yup. 359 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,300 Is that why my Yorkie trembled 360 00:13:10,335 --> 00:13:12,300 for like a week after I got back? 361 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:13,500 Yeah. 362 00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:15,700 That little guy saw some stuff I'm not proud of. 363 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,500 - Whoa. - What? 364 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,700 There was a fight here. 365 00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:22,800 What do you mean? 366 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,600 Whenever Marshall and Lily have a big argument, 367 00:13:24,635 --> 00:13:27,600 they always leave a trail of evidence all over the apartment. 368 00:13:27,635 --> 00:13:29,300 Oh, God, here we go. 369 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,500 He had a detective club as a kid. 370 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,700 Uh, the Mosby Boys cracked a lot of big cases. 371 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,300 The Mosby Boys? 372 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,000 You mean you and your sister. 373 00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:40,900 We solved the mystery of the missing retainer. 374 00:13:40,935 --> 00:13:43,500 Hmm, let me guess: it was in the garbage. 375 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:45,600 Why are you like this? 376 00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,000 Anyway, this is serious. 377 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,400 I know Lily and Marshall. 378 00:13:49,435 --> 00:13:51,400 All the telltale signs are here. 379 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:52,900 Like this. 380 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,400 - A water bottle? - Don't touch the evidence! 381 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,400 I got your back, partner. 382 00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,800 It's not just any water bottle. 383 00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,700 Notice the label is peeled off. 384 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,000 Lily always peels labels off 385 00:14:05,035 --> 00:14:07,000 the bottlewhen she's feeling guilty. 386 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:11,200 This label is not only peeled off, but torn up. 387 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:16,300 Oh, man, she must have done something bad. 388 00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,000 Which means Marshall must have been really angry, 389 00:14:19,035 --> 00:14:20,500 and when Marshall gets really angry... 390 00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:22,700 he eats. 391 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:31,600 Just as I suspected, 392 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,500 Cherry Garcia. 393 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,500 Given the liquid consistency, 394 00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:41,400 I place the fight between... 395 00:14:41,435 --> 00:14:42,300 noon and 1:00. 396 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,700 Ew, that was on the floor. 397 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:45,900 If you want to get to the bottom of this, 398 00:14:45,935 --> 00:14:48,200 you're gonna need a stronger stomach than that, doll-face. 399 00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:50,300 Marshall stood here. 400 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,500 Eating and yelling, yelling and eating. 401 00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:56,200 Lily stood here. 402 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,200 Crying. 403 00:14:58,235 --> 00:14:59,100 Ew, Ted. 404 00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:02,500 And then Marshall tried to storm out... 405 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,500 but Lily 406 00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,200 went for the Hail Mary pass. 407 00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:11,000 Which would mean... 408 00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:18,000 What do you think, makeup sex? 409 00:15:18,035 --> 00:15:20,200 No. There'd be a bigger mess. 410 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,900 Tempted as he was, Marshall was still too upset. 411 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,000 He had to get out of here, any way he could. 412 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,000 He chose the door, 413 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,900 slamming it behind him. 414 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,400 Which is why this picture is crooked. 415 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,100 Nice catch, rook. 416 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,700 I'll just, uh, take this down to the lab. 417 00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:39,600 Now all we need is a motive. 418 00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:41,400 The million-dollar question. 419 00:15:41,435 --> 00:15:42,900 What were they fighting about? 420 00:15:42,935 --> 00:15:43,900 I know what they've been fighting... 421 00:15:43,935 --> 00:15:45,400 Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. 422 00:15:45,435 --> 00:15:47,900 There's only one possible conclusion. 423 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,700 Lily and Marshall were fighting about: 424 00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:53,900 - peanut butter. - Ah. 425 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,500 Lily left the lid off... 426 00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:59,200 then Marshall blew his. 427 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,300 I know what they were fighting about, 428 00:16:02,335 --> 00:16:03,300 and it wasn't peanut butter. 429 00:16:03,335 --> 00:16:05,700 - Robin, just... - I appreciate your help, 430 00:16:05,735 --> 00:16:08,200 but there's a reason your name is Robin, not Batman. 431 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:09,300 Just... 432 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,400 They were fighting because they didn't get the loan 433 00:16:11,435 --> 00:16:12,900 and it's all Lily's fault. 434 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,500 - Robin, just... - What? 435 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,800 Yeah, she has a pile of debt the size of Mount... Rushmore. 436 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,000 Nice try, Robin. 437 00:16:20,035 --> 00:16:21,900 So, the next thing Lily did 438 00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:24,300 was give Marshall a few hours to cool off about 439 00:16:24,335 --> 00:16:25,800 the peanut butter. 440 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,845 Then she called him to apologize, 441 00:16:28,846 --> 00:16:31,900 which is why the last number dialed is... 442 00:16:31,935 --> 00:16:34,000 Greenstein and Lee, Divorce Attorneys. 443 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,600 This can't be happening. 444 00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:38,700 They can't... 445 00:16:38,735 --> 00:16:40,100 get divorced. 446 00:16:40,135 --> 00:16:42,000 Not Lily and Marshall, no way. 447 00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:43,600 Well, it's been nice knowing you guys. 448 00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,200 - What do you mean? - Well... 449 00:16:45,235 --> 00:16:47,400 Marshall's gonna get you guys, Lily's gonna get me. 450 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:48,678 Even if they did break up, 451 00:16:48,679 --> 00:16:50,300 that doesn't mean we can't all still hang out. 452 00:16:50,335 --> 00:16:52,120 I mean we broke up and we still hang out. 453 00:16:52,121 --> 00:16:52,800 It's not weird. 454 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,200 It's a little weird. 455 00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:55,700 Yeah, it is. 456 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:56,900 It's weird. 457 00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:02,500 The world needs Marshall and Lily... together. 458 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:07,300 I'm not crying, there's something in my eye. 459 00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:10,200 They're back. 460 00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:13,900 - Hey, hey, guys. - Hey. 461 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,300 We have an announcement. 462 00:17:17,335 --> 00:17:19,200 I know, it's a terrible idea. 463 00:17:19,235 --> 00:17:20,700 You can't do it! 464 00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,300 Just look at me. 465 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,000 Oh... 466 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,600 I hit redial on the phone. 467 00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:29,100 Divorce lawyers? 468 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,500 Oh, I should explain. 469 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,000 We got in a pretty big fight. 470 00:17:34,035 --> 00:17:34,700 Yeah, 471 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:35,800 I know. 472 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,400 Marshall stormed out. 473 00:17:38,435 --> 00:17:40,000 I went, uh, to the bar. 474 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,500 Still drinking that? 475 00:17:43,900 --> 00:17:45,300 I paid for it. 476 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,000 And apparently money's tight now, so... 477 00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:50,200 Listen, 478 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,700 I've been thinking about this, 479 00:17:51,735 --> 00:17:54,700 and I know there's no way to undo what I've done, 480 00:17:54,735 --> 00:17:56,200 but, well, 481 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,100 I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer. 482 00:17:58,135 --> 00:17:59,200 What?! 483 00:17:59,235 --> 00:18:00,300 - What?! - Oh, no, no, no, no-no. 484 00:18:00,335 --> 00:18:03,200 - What, you want a divorce now? - No. I just mean on paper, 485 00:18:03,235 --> 00:18:04,900 so that you can buy the apartment 486 00:18:04,935 --> 00:18:07,900 - without my bad credit dragging us down. - Lily... 487 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,700 are you trying to kill me? 488 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,900 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have led with the divorce lawyer part. 489 00:18:12,935 --> 00:18:15,500 No, you shouldn't have. 490 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,200 I love you, Lily. 491 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,000 I love you, too. 492 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,600 And I want us to have our dream home. 493 00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:25,000 And, well, I don't know. 494 00:18:25,035 --> 00:18:27,300 It seems like this is a way to do it. 495 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:28,800 So... 496 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,900 Marshall Eriksen, 497 00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:32,800 will you divorce me? 498 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,700 That's the sweetest divorce proposal I've ever heard. 499 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:38,500 So is that a yes? 500 00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:40,300 You can't sleep with other women though. 501 00:18:40,335 --> 00:18:42,800 No, we're not getting divorced, 502 00:18:42,835 --> 00:18:44,200 not even on paper. 503 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,500 When I married you, I married your problems, too. 504 00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:50,900 The ones I knew about and the ones I didn't. 505 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,200 So, that was the deal. 506 00:18:53,235 --> 00:18:54,700 We'll figure this out together. 507 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,700 Can I get you guys anything else? 508 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,200 So you're not getting a divorce? 509 00:19:05,235 --> 00:19:07,000 - No. - Wow, you guys scared us. 510 00:19:07,035 --> 00:19:08,600 Oh, thank God. 511 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,200 'Cause, I mean if you did, 512 00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:14,200 then who'd be the lame married couple I get to make fun of? 513 00:19:14,235 --> 00:19:17,100 Like, "Hey, Marshall, you married Miss Right. 514 00:19:17,135 --> 00:19:19,300 You just didn't know her first name was Always. " 515 00:19:19,335 --> 00:19:21,300 That stuff is gold. 516 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,400 So, what's the announcement? 517 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,900 I just got off the phone with the Realtor. 518 00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:30,700 We told her that, uh, because of our finances, 519 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,100 we're not getting the place. 520 00:19:32,135 --> 00:19:33,500 It's just-- it's not the right time. 521 00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:35,200 Is what Marshall should have said. 522 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,600 I just got off the phone with the realtor. 523 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:39,400 We got the place! 524 00:19:39,435 --> 00:19:41,000 We're homeowners! 525 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,200 - Don't do it. - Are you insane? - Have you lost your mind? 526 00:19:43,235 --> 00:19:44,600 Is what we should have said. 527 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:50,200 Yes! Congratulations! That's awesome! 528 00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,400 - This is exciting. - Yeah. 529 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:56,400 There it is! 530 00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:58,500 Our new home. 531 00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:00,700 Shall we? 532 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:01,700 We shall. 533 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,600 - Oh! - Oh! 534 00:20:06,635 --> 00:20:08,500 Oh, what a horrible smell. 535 00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:09,800 It reeks. 536 00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:11,200 Oh, that's just the plant. 537 00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:13,300 Don't worry, they shut it down on the weekends. 538 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,900 Wh-What plant? What are you talking about? 539 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,100 Don't you know? 540 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,500 Baby, this whole neighborhood is downwind of the sewage treatment plant. 541 00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:23,100 Wait... 542 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,100 what did you just say? 543 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:30,200 I said, we're downwind of the sewage treatment plant.