1 00:00:00,583 --> 00:00:02,921 And so, after six months apart, 2 00:00:02,932 --> 00:00:05,656 Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall were finally back together. 3 00:00:05,667 --> 00:00:07,092 Oh, my God. 4 00:00:07,596 --> 00:00:09,599 These pancakes are delicious! 5 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:10,912 Yes. Thank you. 6 00:00:10,923 --> 00:00:12,954 Um, I learned how to cook while you were gone this summer. 7 00:00:12,984 --> 00:00:15,748 Oh. Do you want to cook dinner tonight? 8 00:00:15,774 --> 00:00:17,963 Yeah, sure. 9 00:00:18,404 --> 00:00:20,092 How about pancakes? 10 00:00:20,705 --> 00:00:23,350 And things were back to normal... almost. 11 00:00:23,363 --> 00:00:25,863 You may not have much range, but at least I'm marrying a guy 12 00:00:25,878 --> 00:00:28,080 who knows how to make pancakes. 13 00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:33,075 Oh, um... 14 00:00:33,129 --> 00:00:34,663 I mean, um... 15 00:00:35,028 --> 00:00:39,193 Well, I... I realize that we haven't really discussed 16 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:43,430 whether us getting back together means us getting married, but... 17 00:00:43,885 --> 00:00:45,633 I still wanna. 18 00:00:45,645 --> 00:00:47,450 Do you still wanna? 19 00:00:47,557 --> 00:00:49,213 Really? 20 00:00:50,375 --> 00:00:52,203 Of course, I love you. 21 00:00:52,216 --> 00:00:54,510 No, I mean, that's how you're gonna do it? 22 00:00:54,526 --> 00:00:58,650 "Do you still wanna?" That's like the lamest proposal ever. 23 00:00:58,685 --> 00:01:02,761 When I did it, I got down on my knees... I don't know, I'm just saying. 24 00:01:06,056 --> 00:01:09,160 Marshall Eriksen, will you ma... 25 00:01:09,176 --> 00:01:11,343 - No, no, no, no, no, no. - What?! 26 00:01:11,365 --> 00:01:14,003 You can't lead with that. You got to... build up to that. 27 00:01:14,015 --> 00:01:16,702 You got to have, like, a little speech. 28 00:01:16,715 --> 00:01:19,551 Do you remember your proposal to me? 29 00:01:20,086 --> 00:01:22,561 I had a speech prepared. 30 00:01:22,577 --> 00:01:24,573 What do you want to hear? 31 00:01:24,587 --> 00:01:27,061 I don't know. I mean, you could tell me, 32 00:01:27,076 --> 00:01:31,852 like, about how good-looking and funny and smart I am 33 00:01:31,866 --> 00:01:33,381 and I've been working out lately. 34 00:01:33,388 --> 00:01:37,681 It might be nice for you to mention something... about that. 35 00:01:38,447 --> 00:01:40,212 Marshall... 36 00:01:40,226 --> 00:01:43,113 - you are good-looking... - Thank you. 37 00:01:43,126 --> 00:01:44,561 - You're funny. - Oh, thanks. 38 00:01:44,586 --> 00:01:46,373 - You're smart. - And a few tears wouldn't hurt. 39 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,200 Okay, would you freakin' marry me already? 40 00:01:48,216 --> 00:01:50,423 I'll marry you. Of course. 41 00:01:50,438 --> 00:01:54,893 But, um, until you see a ring on this finger, don't expect me to put out. 42 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,851 Yeah, right. 43 00:01:59,225 --> 00:02:01,772 Transcript : Raceman Subtitles : Willow's Team 44 00:02:03,475 --> 00:02:06,253 www.forom.com 45 00:02:17,526 --> 00:02:19,152 I'll give you this. 46 00:02:19,535 --> 00:02:22,121 That was a very creative use of syrup. 47 00:02:23,288 --> 00:02:26,610 I can't even look Mrs. Butterworth in the eye. 48 00:02:29,266 --> 00:02:32,153 Oh, my God. We're getting married! 49 00:02:32,165 --> 00:02:33,881 I know, I know. 50 00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:36,410 It was a moment of happiness, 51 00:02:36,428 --> 00:02:39,291 followed of course by a moment of total panic. 52 00:02:39,308 --> 00:02:41,411 See, when they called off their first wedding, 53 00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,720 Aunt Lily took off for San Francisco 54 00:02:43,738 --> 00:02:46,091 leaving Uncle Marshall with the unfortunate task 55 00:02:46,108 --> 00:02:47,862 of telling his entire family. 56 00:02:47,878 --> 00:02:50,843 Yeah, so now she's gone and the wedding's off. 57 00:02:50,915 --> 00:02:53,230 What do you call someone who just takes off and leaves like that? 58 00:02:53,268 --> 00:02:54,723 What do you call that? 59 00:02:56,058 --> 00:02:58,432 I think that that's a little strong. 60 00:02:58,455 --> 00:03:01,580 I can't even believe you would use a word like that. 61 00:03:01,595 --> 00:03:03,501 Geez, Grandma. 62 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:08,913 Man, I made a big mess by canceling this wedding, didn't I? 63 00:03:08,925 --> 00:03:10,870 It's okay, baby. 64 00:03:11,476 --> 00:03:14,133 You're not just realizing that now, are you? 65 00:03:15,548 --> 00:03:19,262 God, the idea of standing up there in front of all those people 66 00:03:19,277 --> 00:03:21,163 who hate my guts... 67 00:03:21,178 --> 00:03:25,430 just makes me want to run off to Atlantic City and get married today. 68 00:03:25,445 --> 00:03:26,952 Yeah. 69 00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:33,401 Coming up at 11:00: Are there piranhas in the East River? 70 00:03:33,416 --> 00:03:37,251 What you don't know... could eat you. 71 00:03:37,816 --> 00:03:39,510 Robin! Stop the news! 72 00:03:39,537 --> 00:03:41,643 - What the hell? - It's okay. They're my friends. 73 00:03:41,658 --> 00:03:44,501 We're going to Atlantic City to elope. You got to come with us. 74 00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:46,491 Oh, my God, that is so fantastic! 75 00:03:46,508 --> 00:03:48,390 I-I don't know if I can just leave work. 76 00:03:48,406 --> 00:03:51,021 It's okay; Mike can read the news tonight. 77 00:03:51,036 --> 00:03:54,123 Hey, Mike... you can read, right? 78 00:03:54,245 --> 00:03:56,533 Yeah, I'm the best at reading. 79 00:03:57,216 --> 00:03:59,690 - Let's go to Atlantic City! - Yeah! 80 00:04:01,317 --> 00:04:04,860 You guys are eloping! Oh, that's fantastic. 81 00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:07,630 Wait, is this because there's a time crunch Uncle Ted should know about? 82 00:04:07,668 --> 00:04:10,540 I hope not because I plan on getting hammered. 83 00:04:10,757 --> 00:04:13,860 Guys, this sounds like so much fun, but I can't really take off work. 84 00:04:13,875 --> 00:04:16,593 I'm kind of important around here, you know? I'm the project manager. 85 00:04:16,628 --> 00:04:18,601 Ted, for the rest of our lives, 86 00:04:18,616 --> 00:04:20,792 we are going to be telling the amazing story 87 00:04:20,806 --> 00:04:23,471 of how we went to Atlantic City and got married. 88 00:04:23,487 --> 00:04:25,990 Don't you want to be in that story? 89 00:04:26,106 --> 00:04:27,480 Of course I do. 90 00:04:27,495 --> 00:04:29,293 - Let's go to Atlantic City! - Yeah! 91 00:04:29,628 --> 00:04:32,582 Oh, but when we tell the story, can you leave out the part where I hesitate? 92 00:04:32,616 --> 00:04:34,070 You got it. 93 00:04:36,257 --> 00:04:37,900 Hey, guys. 94 00:04:38,268 --> 00:04:40,632 Wow. A pedicure. 95 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:43,461 Uh, if there were any shame in a dude getting a pedicure 96 00:04:43,475 --> 00:04:47,641 I don't think there would have been a feature about it in Details magazine. 97 00:04:47,958 --> 00:04:51,391 We're going to Atlantic City to elope right now! 98 00:04:51,406 --> 00:04:53,802 Oh, congratulations, Lily. 99 00:04:53,817 --> 00:04:56,762 Marshall, you're getting married? What the hell? 100 00:04:56,775 --> 00:04:58,733 So are you in or not? 101 00:04:58,745 --> 00:05:00,180 Hell, yeah, I'm in! 102 00:05:00,198 --> 00:05:01,713 Just... I'm almost done. 103 00:05:01,728 --> 00:05:04,530 - No, we got to get going to the... - Well, actually, I mean... 104 00:05:04,545 --> 00:05:07,682 It is my wedding day, and since we're here... 105 00:05:08,748 --> 00:05:12,250 So we all got a pedicure and then headed down... 106 00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:14,562 to Atlantic City. 107 00:05:21,028 --> 00:05:24,293 Wow. Look at this place. 108 00:05:24,307 --> 00:05:26,560 I guess I'll have my pick of something old. 109 00:05:26,586 --> 00:05:29,942 And something blue. Somebody should really check on this lady. 110 00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:34,263 Ah, A.C., always in decline, 111 00:05:34,275 --> 00:05:35,943 never hitting bottom. 112 00:05:35,955 --> 00:05:38,201 It's good to be back, old friend. 113 00:05:38,217 --> 00:05:39,650 You been here before? 114 00:05:39,668 --> 00:05:41,313 Oh, uh, once or twice. 115 00:05:41,326 --> 00:05:42,653 Barney! 116 00:05:43,295 --> 00:05:45,501 Ah, good to see you, too. 117 00:05:45,848 --> 00:05:47,690 Three times, maybe. 118 00:05:48,357 --> 00:05:50,542 The wedding chapel-- this is it. 119 00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:52,360 Are you ready to do this? 120 00:05:52,376 --> 00:05:53,761 I'm ready. 121 00:05:54,028 --> 00:05:56,002 - Let's get married. - Yeah. 122 00:05:56,108 --> 00:05:58,440 Oh, crap. I don't have a veil. 123 00:05:58,455 --> 00:06:01,381 I'm a bride; I can't get married without a veil. 124 00:06:01,398 --> 00:06:04,290 And a bouquet. I need a veil and a bouquet. 125 00:06:04,307 --> 00:06:06,832 Oh, my God, we're getting married. 126 00:06:06,845 --> 00:06:09,123 Don't worry. Relax. We'll get you a veil, honey. 127 00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,481 Oh, Robin, that's a really cute outfit. 128 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:12,732 Oh, really? Thanks. 129 00:06:12,745 --> 00:06:15,572 Yeah, it has to go. I'm the bride; you can't look better than me. 130 00:06:15,588 --> 00:06:16,822 Done. 131 00:06:16,905 --> 00:06:19,812 I'm going to get the bouquet. You guys get the veil. 132 00:06:19,825 --> 00:06:21,881 We'll meet in the chapel in 20 minutes. 133 00:06:21,897 --> 00:06:23,462 Ready, break. 134 00:06:25,805 --> 00:06:27,330 You guys want to go gamble? 135 00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:28,782 No, we got to go get the veil. 136 00:06:28,795 --> 00:06:31,033 Or we looked everywhere, and we couldn't find one. 137 00:06:31,047 --> 00:06:32,413 Yeah, okay. 138 00:06:32,438 --> 00:06:35,442 No, you guys go ahead. I'm going to find the veil. 139 00:06:37,516 --> 00:06:40,872 So this is it, right? The last 20 minutes of your single life. 140 00:06:40,885 --> 00:06:41,992 - I'm proud of you, buddy. - Thanks. 141 00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:43,690 - How are you feeling? - Great, a little nervous. 142 00:06:43,726 --> 00:06:45,531 - Yeah? Craps? - Not that nervous. 143 00:06:45,545 --> 00:06:48,020 - No, I mean do you want to play craps. - Oh, yeah, definitely. 144 00:06:48,163 --> 00:06:49,663 Okay, I got the veil. 145 00:06:49,678 --> 00:06:51,120 She wasn't ready to be married. 146 00:06:51,134 --> 00:06:52,695 All right, let's talk bachelor party. 147 00:06:52,709 --> 00:06:54,850 Are we thinking full-on strip club, or should we rent a room 148 00:06:54,886 --> 00:06:57,633 and have a private toy show-- whew. 149 00:06:57,648 --> 00:06:59,081 What did you just say? 150 00:06:59,096 --> 00:07:02,082 - Barney, no. - Marshall, I'm your best man. 151 00:07:02,098 --> 00:07:03,770 - You're not my best man. - Right here. 152 00:07:03,786 --> 00:07:06,660 And as your best man, I have to throw you a bachelor party. 153 00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:08,262 That's part of being a best friend. 154 00:07:08,276 --> 00:07:09,330 - You're not my best friend. - Right here. 155 00:07:09,367 --> 00:07:11,643 Barney, I don't have any time for a bachelor party. 156 00:07:11,666 --> 00:07:13,931 I've got, like, 18 minutes. 157 00:07:14,698 --> 00:07:16,600 18 minutes. 158 00:07:18,327 --> 00:07:20,583 Oh, good. Did you get the veil? 159 00:07:20,595 --> 00:07:21,712 Of course. 160 00:07:21,727 --> 00:07:24,853 And it took us exactly 18 minutes. 161 00:07:24,868 --> 00:07:26,002 We went to a strip club. 162 00:07:26,018 --> 00:07:27,532 - Dude! - Unbelievable! 163 00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:29,241 We weren't there for very long. It's not like I had time 164 00:07:29,276 --> 00:07:32,300 to have a lap dance or anything. I got a lap dance. 165 00:07:32,317 --> 00:07:34,771 - Your last lap dance ever. - Right... 166 00:07:34,796 --> 00:07:35,753 What? 167 00:07:35,778 --> 00:07:38,850 Okay, I'm here. Right? 168 00:07:38,868 --> 00:07:42,920 Oh, God, the things people waste money on in Atlantic City. 169 00:07:42,938 --> 00:07:44,663 Does it smell like strippers in here? 170 00:07:44,675 --> 00:07:46,033 That's weird, right? 171 00:07:46,046 --> 00:07:48,273 Marshall and Lily are getting married! 172 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,393 Hell, yeah, look at this. 173 00:07:53,236 --> 00:07:55,942 Oh, baby, this is it. 174 00:07:55,955 --> 00:07:58,160 - Let's do this thing. - All right. 175 00:07:58,365 --> 00:08:01,223 Hi. We're here to get married. 176 00:08:01,236 --> 00:08:04,423 Congratulations. We offer a variety of packages 177 00:08:04,446 --> 00:08:07,931 to give you the special day you've always dreamed about. 178 00:08:08,026 --> 00:08:11,002 We don't want any of that. Just your basic quickie wedding will be fine. 179 00:08:11,025 --> 00:08:12,291 Yeah. 180 00:08:14,837 --> 00:08:17,391 You know this isn't Vegas, right? 181 00:08:17,418 --> 00:08:20,222 Well, sure. In Vegas, the casinos pump in oxygen. 182 00:08:20,236 --> 00:08:22,523 Here, it looks like everyone brought their own. 183 00:08:23,458 --> 00:08:24,692 What? 184 00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:29,311 It also takes three days to get a marriage license in New Jersey. 185 00:08:29,327 --> 00:08:31,373 The earliest I could book you for is Monday. 186 00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:34,833 No, no, no, it has to be today. That's the whole point. 187 00:08:34,856 --> 00:08:36,302 Look, I don't know what to say, 188 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:38,922 but if you guys don't want to book a wedding for Monday 189 00:08:38,937 --> 00:08:41,812 or play a round of keno, I can't help you. 190 00:08:42,625 --> 00:08:44,651 Thirty-five. 191 00:08:51,496 --> 00:08:55,091 Wait, I don't understand, people get married in Atlantic City all the time. 192 00:08:55,108 --> 00:08:57,280 Yes, they do, but they don't elope. 193 00:08:57,297 --> 00:09:00,231 They choose Atlantic City for its white sand beaches, 194 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:03,602 world-class amenities, and exotic Riviera feel. 195 00:09:03,617 --> 00:09:05,181 Have you been outside? 196 00:09:05,205 --> 00:09:08,741 There is half an orca whale rotting not 20 feet from the cabana. 197 00:09:08,766 --> 00:09:10,232 You guys, take it easy, guys. 198 00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:11,620 Are you sure about this? 199 00:09:11,636 --> 00:09:15,491 About the marriage laws of the state where I work in a wedding chapel? 200 00:09:15,507 --> 00:09:17,343 Yeah, I'm pretty sure. 201 00:09:17,755 --> 00:09:20,861 Bright side: the bachelor party continues! 202 00:09:20,885 --> 00:09:21,722 Yes! 203 00:09:21,738 --> 00:09:24,381 Continues? You mean "start." He means "start." 204 00:09:24,395 --> 00:09:26,231 We went to a strip club. 205 00:09:26,538 --> 00:09:28,832 Twenty-seven. 206 00:09:30,496 --> 00:09:33,412 Is there any way that we could get a license today? 207 00:09:33,427 --> 00:09:35,000 You could go to the courthouse. 208 00:09:35,018 --> 00:09:38,790 In some extreme circumstances, the waiting period can be waived, 209 00:09:38,805 --> 00:09:40,672 but you have to have a good reason. 210 00:09:40,687 --> 00:09:42,040 Well, we're in love. 211 00:09:42,058 --> 00:09:43,941 What better reason could there be? 212 00:09:43,957 --> 00:09:45,030 The last one I heard was, 213 00:09:45,046 --> 00:09:47,892 "I'm going to Iraq tomorrow to defend my country," 214 00:09:47,907 --> 00:09:50,961 but, you know, give yours a whirl. 215 00:09:52,235 --> 00:09:54,710 So we went to the courthouse. 216 00:09:55,557 --> 00:09:58,052 God, this is taking forever. 217 00:09:58,615 --> 00:10:00,632 Can't believe they're getting married. 218 00:10:00,648 --> 00:10:01,542 I know. 219 00:10:01,558 --> 00:10:04,453 I am so proud of these two. After all they've been through. 220 00:10:04,465 --> 00:10:07,393 In fact, that crazy road has led them 221 00:10:07,408 --> 00:10:09,842 all the way here to Atlantic City. 222 00:10:09,866 --> 00:10:11,441 Ted, up here. 223 00:10:12,108 --> 00:10:14,832 You were just staring at my shirt boobs. 224 00:10:14,846 --> 00:10:16,330 No! I wasn't. 225 00:10:16,348 --> 00:10:19,600 I-I was checking out the hot bod underneath the shirt. 226 00:10:19,617 --> 00:10:22,883 Okay, look, maybe I was looking at your shirt, 227 00:10:22,896 --> 00:10:26,981 but it's a, it's a funny, funny shirt. 228 00:10:26,996 --> 00:10:29,123 Hey, it's Barney! 229 00:10:29,137 --> 00:10:31,002 - Barney! - Hi. 230 00:10:34,525 --> 00:10:36,120 ...suit up. 231 00:10:44,126 --> 00:10:45,903 ...legend. 232 00:10:47,267 --> 00:10:48,852 ...Daddy. 233 00:10:49,085 --> 00:10:50,541 American daddy. 234 00:10:56,228 --> 00:10:57,651 What the hell was that? 235 00:10:57,665 --> 00:11:00,213 A... Chinese guy? 236 00:11:01,445 --> 00:11:04,083 Hi. Hello. Uh, we need a marriage license, 237 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:07,070 but we need to skip the waiting period because... 238 00:11:07,085 --> 00:11:08,221 we're in love. 239 00:11:08,236 --> 00:11:12,091 Aw. I'm gonna waive this waiting period right now. 240 00:11:12,116 --> 00:11:13,160 Oh, really?! 241 00:11:13,175 --> 00:11:15,471 Is what I would say if I could waive the waiting period, 242 00:11:15,486 --> 00:11:18,550 but unfortunately, only a judge can do that. 243 00:11:18,566 --> 00:11:21,242 Oh. Well, so can we see a judge? 244 00:11:21,255 --> 00:11:23,170 - Absolutely. - Really?! 245 00:11:23,187 --> 00:11:26,202 Is what I would say if there was any chance of you seeing a judge today, 246 00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,543 which there isn't. 247 00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:31,701 Why are you doing this to us?! 248 00:11:31,717 --> 00:11:34,131 'Cause you're on Candid Camera! 249 00:11:34,146 --> 00:11:36,023 - Really?! - Is what I would say... 250 00:11:36,035 --> 00:11:37,842 You know what? We get it. 251 00:11:40,146 --> 00:11:43,262 Okay, this is a good plan B. 252 00:11:43,275 --> 00:11:45,452 Judges are people. People go to the batoom. 253 00:11:45,468 --> 00:11:47,512 A judge is bound to come by eventually, 254 00:11:47,528 --> 00:11:48,872 and we'll get married. 255 00:11:48,886 --> 00:11:51,110 I'm sure we won't be waiting long. 256 00:11:57,435 --> 00:12:00,971 Geez, you go to a vending machine for 30 seconds. 257 00:12:00,985 --> 00:12:02,292 Vultures. 258 00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:10,852 What? 259 00:12:12,457 --> 00:12:13,553 Here? 260 00:12:13,568 --> 00:12:15,991 Yeah. Got a little time to kill. 261 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:19,851 Oh, my God, it's the T-shirt, isn't it? 262 00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:20,932 No. 263 00:12:21,245 --> 00:12:22,242 A little. 264 00:12:22,258 --> 00:12:24,802 Something is seriously wrong with you. 265 00:12:24,825 --> 00:12:26,871 So what, is that a no? 266 00:12:27,918 --> 00:12:29,711 - All right, let's do it. - All right. 267 00:12:29,726 --> 00:12:31,532 Um, also...? 268 00:12:31,546 --> 00:12:33,432 - Yes, I'll leave it on. - Sweet. 269 00:12:33,666 --> 00:12:36,352 Guys, let's bail. This is never gonna happen. 270 00:12:36,366 --> 00:12:39,431 Look, I know this is turning into a bit of a disaster, 271 00:12:39,447 --> 00:12:42,652 but believe me, it's better than the alternative. 272 00:12:42,666 --> 00:12:45,712 You throwing a big, free party with lots of booze and food 273 00:12:45,728 --> 00:12:48,283 and all your single, desperate girlfriends from college? 274 00:12:48,296 --> 00:12:51,211 Yeah, glad we dodged that bullet. 275 00:12:51,766 --> 00:12:54,672 Judge! Judge, come on. Come on, come on, come on! 276 00:13:02,326 --> 00:13:03,993 - Turn it off. - Okay. 277 00:13:05,578 --> 00:13:08,423 May we please get married today? 278 00:13:08,436 --> 00:13:11,482 Now, normally I would say no to a request like that, 279 00:13:11,506 --> 00:13:13,593 but you two impress me. 280 00:13:13,606 --> 00:13:16,733 Just the fact that you've been together for ten years, 281 00:13:16,746 --> 00:13:20,312 standing by each other's side through thick and thin, 282 00:13:20,328 --> 00:13:22,623 never wavering. 283 00:13:23,188 --> 00:13:26,051 - What was that? - What was what? 284 00:13:26,065 --> 00:13:28,041 That little look. What was that? 285 00:13:28,715 --> 00:13:30,791 A look of love. 286 00:13:31,256 --> 00:13:34,911 You two have stood together through thick and thin, right? 287 00:13:34,928 --> 00:13:37,601 - You know, what's thick, what's thin? - Yeah, I mean, all... yeah. 288 00:13:37,615 --> 00:13:38,792 I have. 289 00:13:39,275 --> 00:13:41,250 All right, what was that look? 290 00:13:42,237 --> 00:13:43,630 What's going on? 291 00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,400 They broke up over the summer. 292 00:13:45,415 --> 00:13:49,061 Lily totally ran off to San Francisco and these two just had sex in the closet. 293 00:13:50,137 --> 00:13:52,321 What? We're under oath. 294 00:13:52,338 --> 00:13:53,710 No, we're not. 295 00:13:53,727 --> 00:13:57,361 Yeah, we are. He's a judge. 296 00:13:57,515 --> 00:13:58,980 Wh-- did we take an oath? 297 00:13:58,997 --> 00:14:00,941 Do you even know what an oath is? 298 00:14:00,957 --> 00:14:04,033 Uh, yeah. Courthouse. 299 00:14:04,046 --> 00:14:06,223 Oath. We're under it. 300 00:14:10,597 --> 00:14:13,942 Guys. It's looking like this isn't gonna happen. 301 00:14:13,958 --> 00:14:16,503 No, Marshall, we are gonna get married today. 302 00:14:16,517 --> 00:14:19,673 Baby, anyplace we go, we're gonna need a marriage license. 303 00:14:19,687 --> 00:14:22,300 Except international waters. 304 00:14:22,317 --> 00:14:24,671 So-so let's find a ship captain. 305 00:14:24,687 --> 00:14:26,453 A ship captain can marry us. 306 00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,580 There's boats all over this place. 307 00:14:28,597 --> 00:14:31,472 Oh, is that what those wooden things are floating between the garbage? 308 00:14:31,488 --> 00:14:35,651 This is a great idea. This is gonna work. Let's go. 309 00:14:36,715 --> 00:14:39,280 Excuse me. Are you a ship captain? 310 00:14:39,298 --> 00:14:41,413 This is my machine. 311 00:14:43,475 --> 00:14:45,843 - I should go talk to her. - No, let me. 312 00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,200 - Blackjack? - Yeah. 313 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:56,691 Well, I found a guy who said he'd be willing to put his boat in my slip, 314 00:14:56,708 --> 00:14:58,543 so we're getting closer. 315 00:14:58,557 --> 00:15:02,620 Okay, Lil, why is it so important to do this today? 316 00:15:02,636 --> 00:15:05,770 Because... if we don't do it today, 317 00:15:05,797 --> 00:15:08,510 I just know we're gonna wind up having a huge wedding 318 00:15:08,527 --> 00:15:12,083 with a huge crowd full of huge Midwestern people 319 00:15:12,096 --> 00:15:14,233 looking all disapproving and judging me 320 00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:16,201 while sipping little cups of mayonnaise 321 00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:19,141 and-and cracking runaway bride jokes all night long. 322 00:15:19,156 --> 00:15:20,841 - Nobody's gonna do that. - No, they're not 323 00:15:20,857 --> 00:15:22,542 because I'm not gonna give them the chance. 324 00:15:22,578 --> 00:15:25,582 I'm gonna find a ship captain and we're gonna be married tonight. 325 00:15:25,598 --> 00:15:27,271 Sweetie, this is crazy. 326 00:15:27,288 --> 00:15:28,583 You're never gonna find a ship capt... 327 00:15:28,616 --> 00:15:30,810 Hey, Lily. Found a ship captain. 328 00:15:30,826 --> 00:15:32,323 - What? - Yeah. 329 00:15:32,338 --> 00:15:34,731 First guy we talked to. Ship captain. 330 00:15:34,747 --> 00:15:36,200 How great is that? 331 00:15:36,215 --> 00:15:39,080 See? See, this is destiny. 332 00:15:39,098 --> 00:15:42,883 So, captain, can you take us out to international waters and marry us? 333 00:15:42,896 --> 00:15:43,921 I sure can. 334 00:15:43,938 --> 00:15:47,612 If there's two things I love, it's bringing people together in marriage 335 00:15:47,635 --> 00:15:49,860 - and making $5,000. - What? 336 00:15:49,877 --> 00:15:53,233 Deal. $5,000, okay, we can do that. Come on, everybody. 337 00:15:53,246 --> 00:15:56,142 Fork over your cash. Don't think. Just do it. 338 00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,611 I can get us that money. 339 00:15:57,636 --> 00:15:58,731 How? 340 00:15:58,747 --> 00:16:00,443 Have you noticed that all day today 341 00:16:00,467 --> 00:16:03,362 Chinese guys have been coming up and saying hi to me? 342 00:16:03,375 --> 00:16:05,672 Yes. Have you noticed I haven't asked about it 343 00:16:05,685 --> 00:16:07,683 because I'm too scared of the answer? 344 00:16:07,798 --> 00:16:10,113 Well, those are my old gambling buddies. 345 00:16:10,128 --> 00:16:12,700 Truth is... I used to come here all the time. 346 00:16:12,728 --> 00:16:16,550 Play an old Chinese game called "Shing Hasabu Shing". 347 00:16:16,568 --> 00:16:18,652 Had a small gambling problem. 348 00:16:18,807 --> 00:16:20,680 Actually, it wasn't so small. I... 349 00:16:20,697 --> 00:16:23,831 kind of lost my entire life's savings. 350 00:16:23,845 --> 00:16:26,482 But tonight, I don't know, I'm feeling hot. 351 00:16:26,638 --> 00:16:28,883 I think I can win us that money. 352 00:16:28,908 --> 00:16:31,830 No, we're not letting you gamble all our money away. 353 00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:35,890 Uh, it's not gambling if you absolutely know you're going to win. 354 00:16:36,015 --> 00:16:37,943 I'll get us that money. 355 00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:40,972 I swear it, nay... 356 00:16:40,988 --> 00:16:43,193 I oath it. 357 00:16:43,348 --> 00:16:46,671 Now, I had been to a lot of casinos before that night, 358 00:16:46,688 --> 00:16:49,103 and I've been to a lot of casinos since, 359 00:16:49,118 --> 00:16:52,810 but in all that time I've never seen a game quite like this one. 360 00:16:52,828 --> 00:16:55,423 To this day, I have no idea how it was played. 361 00:16:55,435 --> 00:16:57,502 But luckily, Barney did. 362 00:16:59,145 --> 00:17:00,443 Do you understand what's happening? 363 00:17:00,476 --> 00:17:02,221 Not a clue. 364 00:17:22,165 --> 00:17:23,730 Do you think he's winning? 365 00:17:23,746 --> 00:17:25,753 I don't even know if he's playing. 366 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,221 Wait, I get it. I understand this game. 367 00:17:34,237 --> 00:17:34,962 No, you don't. 368 00:17:34,978 --> 00:17:37,281 I totally understand the game, Theodore. 369 00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:40,702 Barney, split your tiles. You can triple your money if you find the jellybean. 370 00:17:40,716 --> 00:17:43,890 Marshall, please. Don't you think I know what I'm... 371 00:17:44,835 --> 00:17:47,322 My God, you're right. 372 00:18:26,058 --> 00:18:29,100 Wow. It's beautiful. 373 00:18:29,268 --> 00:18:30,520 Thanks, Barney. 374 00:18:30,536 --> 00:18:32,172 Did you guys see me? I was on fire tonight. 375 00:18:32,207 --> 00:18:33,610 Man, I can't wait to get back to the shore. 376 00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,412 God, I love gambling! 377 00:18:35,438 --> 00:18:38,352 When we get home, we're gonna go to a little meeting. Okay? 378 00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:40,463 Why can't I do it just a little? 379 00:18:42,648 --> 00:18:43,882 Okay. 380 00:18:44,476 --> 00:18:46,721 Let's get this started. 381 00:18:48,185 --> 00:18:50,160 Okay, uh... 382 00:18:50,306 --> 00:18:52,890 you guys want the serious one or the funny one? 383 00:18:52,905 --> 00:18:56,120 Oh, I think... serious would be best. 384 00:18:56,146 --> 00:18:59,943 You sure? I got a lot of great nautical jokes in there. 385 00:18:59,968 --> 00:19:03,151 Like how you two float each other's boat, stuff like that. 386 00:19:03,166 --> 00:19:05,231 Yeah, serious is probably good. 387 00:19:09,325 --> 00:19:12,331 "We stand witness today 388 00:19:12,348 --> 00:19:16,982 "to celebrate the union of Lily and Marshall. 389 00:19:17,045 --> 00:19:19,690 "Today, you two will become one, 390 00:19:19,705 --> 00:19:21,752 "sharing your lives, 391 00:19:21,767 --> 00:19:24,003 "the happiness, the sadness, 392 00:19:24,015 --> 00:19:26,312 "the frustrations and the joy..." 393 00:19:26,377 --> 00:19:28,173 This is pretty cool. 394 00:19:28,187 --> 00:19:30,603 I can't believe you never want to get married. 395 00:19:30,648 --> 00:19:32,791 I never said "never." 396 00:19:32,918 --> 00:19:34,803 "...to declare your love 397 00:19:34,816 --> 00:19:36,531 "and devotion to each other 398 00:19:36,557 --> 00:19:39,843 "in front of friends and family, 399 00:19:39,857 --> 00:19:42,932 "all the people who matter most to you." 400 00:19:43,077 --> 00:19:44,653 What was that? 401 00:19:44,868 --> 00:19:46,493 What was what? 402 00:19:47,367 --> 00:19:50,333 That little look. You two just shared a look. 403 00:19:54,418 --> 00:19:57,130 - We don't want to do this. - We don't. 404 00:19:57,145 --> 00:19:59,220 Are you kidding me? 405 00:19:59,237 --> 00:20:01,601 You guys are calling off another wedding? 406 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:05,242 After I spent all this money on a bridesmaid shirt? 407 00:20:05,376 --> 00:20:08,443 Did I bet someone that they'd call it off? I did, didn't I? Who'd I bet? 408 00:20:08,818 --> 00:20:11,711 You actually expect any of us are gonna come to your third wedding? 409 00:20:11,726 --> 00:20:13,001 Yes. 410 00:20:13,015 --> 00:20:15,520 'Cause it's gonna be amazing. 411 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:19,371 Look, before I was afraid to face Marshall's family 412 00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:22,341 and-and I didn't want to do all that work, but... 413 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:24,301 now that we're here... 414 00:20:24,347 --> 00:20:27,500 I realize that I have to face Marshall's family 415 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:30,820 and I really want to do all that work. 416 00:20:30,836 --> 00:20:32,201 So do I. 417 00:20:32,217 --> 00:20:36,122 And yeah... my family might still be upset with you. 418 00:20:36,136 --> 00:20:38,740 But when they see us up there, they're gonna see how much we love each other 419 00:20:38,776 --> 00:20:41,550 and none of that other stuff is gonna matter. 420 00:20:41,687 --> 00:20:44,592 - I love you, Marshall. - I love you, too, Lily pad. 421 00:20:44,756 --> 00:20:46,662 I now pronounce you man and wife. 422 00:20:46,688 --> 00:20:47,940 - What?! - What?! 423 00:20:48,225 --> 00:20:49,623 What, is that not right? 424 00:20:49,635 --> 00:20:52,151 Are... we married? Did you just marry us? 425 00:20:52,165 --> 00:20:54,230 Weren't you listening? We don't want to be married. 426 00:20:54,246 --> 00:20:57,951 Uh... I-I suppose I could unpronounce you. 427 00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,763 - Unpronounce us. - Unpronounce us! 428 00:21:00,788 --> 00:21:03,153 All right, I unpronounce you man and wife. 429 00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:05,521 Oh, whew... that was close. 430 00:21:05,587 --> 00:21:08,473 And that's the story of how Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily 431 00:21:08,497 --> 00:21:10,600 got married for 12 seconds 432 00:21:10,615 --> 00:21:12,951 somewhere off the coast of Atlantic City. 433 00:21:17,597 --> 00:21:19,232 - Hey, guys. - Hey. 434 00:21:20,026 --> 00:21:21,380 Ted. 435 00:21:30,006 --> 00:21:31,522 Is Robin here? 436 00:21:31,535 --> 00:21:33,242 Man, I hope so.