1 00:00:10,106 --> 00:00:12,258 - So, I guess that decides it. - Yup. 2 00:00:12,268 --> 00:00:13,704 Hanging out at a coffee place 3 00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:16,447 is not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar. 4 00:00:18,414 --> 00:00:19,872 Man, what's that? 5 00:00:20,191 --> 00:00:21,382 What? 6 00:00:21,527 --> 00:00:25,260 That cute coffee girl wrote a heart by your name. 7 00:00:25,270 --> 00:00:27,825 Somebody has a crush on you. 8 00:00:27,835 --> 00:00:30,804 Somebody thinks you're me. 9 00:00:31,425 --> 00:00:33,451 Do you really think she likes me? 10 00:00:33,588 --> 00:00:35,340 I mean, I guess it's not that surprising. 11 00:00:35,353 --> 00:00:38,074 Every time I come in here, I totally crack her up. 12 00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,096 Marshall, here's your pumpkin latte. 13 00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:44,263 Wow. How did you fit a pumpkin in this little cup? 14 00:00:45,709 --> 00:00:47,561 I'll have a pumpkin latte. 15 00:00:47,588 --> 00:00:50,023 How do they even fit a pumpkin in those little cups? 16 00:00:50,035 --> 00:00:51,993 What? You got a shrink ray back there? 17 00:00:52,825 --> 00:00:53,811 Yeah. 18 00:00:54,437 --> 00:00:56,860 Hey, remember that time I said that thing 19 00:00:56,878 --> 00:00:59,732 about how do they fit a pumpkin into that little cup? 20 00:00:59,748 --> 00:01:01,532 - Which time? - The first time. 21 00:01:01,545 --> 00:01:04,491 Yeah. That was really funny. 22 00:01:04,645 --> 00:01:05,592 Right. 23 00:01:05,606 --> 00:01:07,533 All right, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that. 24 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,971 One, it's the first joke she's ever heard, 25 00:01:09,988 --> 00:01:12,913 or two, she likes you. You should totally ask her out. 26 00:01:12,927 --> 00:01:13,522 You think? 27 00:01:13,537 --> 00:01:15,033 Yeah, that why you're not back with Lily, right? 28 00:01:15,065 --> 00:01:17,512 So you can experience what it's like to be single. 29 00:01:18,367 --> 00:01:19,990 Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? 30 00:01:20,028 --> 00:01:22,000 What if she writes it on all the cups? 31 00:01:22,017 --> 00:01:24,063 Mine says "Ted," no heart. 32 00:01:24,077 --> 00:01:27,093 Mine says... "Swarley." 33 00:01:27,958 --> 00:01:30,091 How'd they get "Swarley" from "Barney"? 34 00:01:30,107 --> 00:01:31,191 It's not even a name. 35 00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:33,303 Who would ever be called "Swarley"? 36 00:01:35,308 --> 00:01:38,240 Oh, please don't start calling me "Swarley." 37 00:01:40,216 --> 00:01:42,661 This would never happen at a bar! 38 00:01:44,555 --> 00:01:46,730 Man! What's up with Swarley? 39 00:01:46,745 --> 00:01:49,632 I know. You almost never see old Swarlz get that upset. 40 00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:07,802 Hey, guess what? 41 00:02:07,816 --> 00:02:08,740 Oh, sorry. 42 00:02:08,758 --> 00:02:09,780 It's only my mom. 43 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,933 She's just rambling on like always. 44 00:02:12,427 --> 00:02:13,702 What happened? 45 00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,081 Marshall asked out a girl. 46 00:02:15,097 --> 00:02:16,103 Wow. 47 00:02:16,118 --> 00:02:18,102 Well, if anything, that's Dad's fault. 48 00:02:18,116 --> 00:02:20,083 That'll keep her going a while. 49 00:02:20,095 --> 00:02:22,543 Oh, of course, you know, he had a little help. 50 00:02:22,557 --> 00:02:23,633 Swarley hooked him up? 51 00:02:23,645 --> 00:02:24,730 Oh, good. You got my text. 52 00:02:24,746 --> 00:02:26,411 - Yeah. - Oh. No, it was me. 53 00:02:26,426 --> 00:02:28,342 I gave Marshall one of my secrets. 54 00:02:29,098 --> 00:02:31,142 - So, what she say? - Nothing. 55 00:02:31,978 --> 00:02:34,832 I don't think she heard me. It's pretty busy up there. 56 00:02:34,848 --> 00:02:36,633 What? You gave her the look right? 57 00:02:36,648 --> 00:02:38,572 Head down, eyes looking up, 58 00:02:38,588 --> 00:02:40,712 hands in pockets, shoulders up, 59 00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:43,640 head slightly tilted, conveying shy vulnerability. 60 00:02:44,285 --> 00:02:45,952 I think so. 61 00:02:51,915 --> 00:02:53,502 Look, can we just go? 62 00:02:53,985 --> 00:02:56,210 Pumpkin latte for Marshall. 63 00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,392 I didn't order that. 64 00:03:05,776 --> 00:03:08,110 Phone number. 65 00:03:09,045 --> 00:03:10,411 I love that look. 66 00:03:10,428 --> 00:03:13,131 I think I slept with you because of that look. 67 00:03:13,148 --> 00:03:14,262 And it's fake? 68 00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:16,791 Oh, and you biting your lower lip, shyly looking away 69 00:03:16,806 --> 00:03:19,330 and thrusting your chest out is natural? 70 00:03:19,346 --> 00:03:21,011 Yeah, I hear you. 71 00:03:22,145 --> 00:03:23,723 - Hey! - Hey, guys. 72 00:03:23,935 --> 00:03:25,740 Are you free tomorrow night? 73 00:03:25,756 --> 00:03:27,831 I was thinking of having a wine tasting slash 74 00:03:27,848 --> 00:03:30,292 "help me catch the rat in my apartment" party. 75 00:03:30,307 --> 00:03:32,993 That's a great idea. You can put out cheese for both. 76 00:03:34,038 --> 00:03:35,881 I should invite Marshall, right? 77 00:03:35,896 --> 00:03:37,220 It'd be weird if I didn't. 78 00:03:37,235 --> 00:03:39,292 Yeah, I don't think he can go. 79 00:03:39,318 --> 00:03:40,901 Really? Why not? 80 00:03:40,918 --> 00:03:43,241 Uh, okay, um... 81 00:03:43,296 --> 00:03:45,483 Lily, we have to tell you something. 82 00:03:45,498 --> 00:03:47,361 Marshall has a date. 83 00:03:48,005 --> 00:03:50,783 Oh. Well... good for him. 84 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,142 Really? You're okay with it? 85 00:03:52,158 --> 00:03:54,093 Look, we've been broken up almost six months. 86 00:03:54,106 --> 00:03:56,332 I mean, I'm not thrilled about the idea, 87 00:03:56,347 --> 00:03:59,493 but he has every right to date someone else. 88 00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:01,453 That's very mature. 89 00:04:01,466 --> 00:04:03,121 Why are you holding the phone? 90 00:04:03,135 --> 00:04:04,840 Oh, shoot. 91 00:04:06,027 --> 00:04:08,690 That's hilarious, Mom. 92 00:04:08,708 --> 00:04:10,831 Didn't even notice. 93 00:04:12,365 --> 00:04:15,020 Hey, dude, by the way, I really like that suit. 94 00:04:15,035 --> 00:04:17,221 Tell me about the fabric. Is it foreign or something? 95 00:04:17,235 --> 00:04:20,162 Wow. It is foreign. I'm impressed, Ted. 96 00:04:20,175 --> 00:04:21,623 - It's Moroccan, actually. - Whoa. 97 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,133 I got a call for Swarley. 98 00:04:24,147 --> 00:04:26,281 Is there a Swarley here? 99 00:04:26,297 --> 00:04:28,340 You weren't interested in my suit at all, were you? 100 00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,512 - Hmm? - Swarley! 101 00:04:31,848 --> 00:04:34,843 Yeah, I know he's there. It's really important. 102 00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,350 Could you ask again? 103 00:04:36,368 --> 00:04:38,442 Important call for Swarley! 104 00:04:38,455 --> 00:04:40,910 Geez, can't you hear him, Swarley? There's a call for you. 105 00:04:40,926 --> 00:04:43,410 Stop calling me that. 106 00:04:43,427 --> 00:04:45,961 Uh... Hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet Chloe. 107 00:04:45,978 --> 00:04:46,961 - Hi. - Hi. 108 00:04:46,977 --> 00:04:47,860 Hi. 109 00:04:47,878 --> 00:04:49,393 It's nice to meet you guys. 110 00:04:49,405 --> 00:04:51,712 - I'll be right back. - It's right back there. 111 00:04:55,918 --> 00:04:58,383 Right? Right? She's hot! 112 00:04:58,396 --> 00:04:59,863 And she likes me? 113 00:04:59,876 --> 00:05:03,160 She likes Italian food. I also like Italian food. 114 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:06,590 She likes Billy Joel. I also like... music. 115 00:05:06,605 --> 00:05:09,551 And I think we're going to go out again. 116 00:05:09,565 --> 00:05:12,133 - Dude, you gotta ditch her. - Obviously. 117 00:05:12,588 --> 00:05:13,523 Why? 118 00:05:13,536 --> 00:05:14,833 She's got the crazy eyes. 119 00:05:14,845 --> 00:05:16,791 Dude. The eyes. 120 00:05:16,805 --> 00:05:18,493 They're crazy. 121 00:05:18,505 --> 00:05:20,501 What are you guys talking about, the crazy eyes? 122 00:05:20,516 --> 00:05:24,582 It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi. 123 00:05:24,595 --> 00:05:25,863 No. Just pupils. 124 00:05:25,877 --> 00:05:29,341 It's an indicator of future mental instability. 125 00:05:29,358 --> 00:05:32,101 She does not have the crazy eyes. 126 00:05:32,118 --> 00:05:33,820 You just can't see it because you're afflicted 127 00:05:33,856 --> 00:05:36,731 with "haven't been laid in a while" blindness. 128 00:05:36,748 --> 00:05:38,601 She was too far away in the coffee place, 129 00:05:38,617 --> 00:05:41,520 but when I saw her up close just now... 130 00:05:41,535 --> 00:05:43,523 Hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet Chloe. 131 00:05:43,536 --> 00:05:44,621 - Hi. - Hi. 132 00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:45,582 Hi. 133 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,362 It's nice to meet you guys. 134 00:05:52,767 --> 00:05:54,550 You guys, I'm not going to stop dating Chloe 135 00:05:54,568 --> 00:05:57,040 just because you think she has the crazy eyes. 136 00:05:57,055 --> 00:05:59,101 You can keep going out with her, but you're gonna regret it. 137 00:05:59,138 --> 00:06:01,562 One time, I met a girl at this very bar. 138 00:06:01,577 --> 00:06:04,651 I saw that she had the crazy eyes... 139 00:06:06,557 --> 00:06:07,830 ...but I ignored it. 140 00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:10,183 And then, sure enough. 141 00:06:10,846 --> 00:06:12,921 Barney, can I ask you a question? 142 00:06:12,938 --> 00:06:14,410 Anything. 143 00:06:14,766 --> 00:06:17,430 Would you like to have a threesome? 144 00:06:17,773 --> 00:06:19,084 Of course. 145 00:06:19,091 --> 00:06:21,856 Great. It'll be you, me and Mr. Weasels. 146 00:06:24,098 --> 00:06:25,703 So, did you do it? 147 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,212 No. It ended up being just a twosome 148 00:06:28,227 --> 00:06:30,581 with the third one watching from a chair. 149 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:32,622 Which one were you? 150 00:06:33,445 --> 00:06:35,203 I'd rather not say. 151 00:06:35,517 --> 00:06:38,062 Look, there was a time I didn't believe in the crazy eyes either, 152 00:06:38,096 --> 00:06:40,010 and then I met Jeanine. 153 00:06:40,075 --> 00:06:42,771 She had serious crazy eyes. 154 00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:46,663 I told myself I was just imagining it, but then... 155 00:06:46,675 --> 00:06:48,443 So, should we go get a drink? 156 00:06:48,456 --> 00:06:50,860 As long as it's in your apartment. 157 00:06:52,128 --> 00:06:53,180 Whoa, I'm sorry. 158 00:06:53,198 --> 00:06:58,101 Watch! Where! You're! Going! 159 00:06:59,998 --> 00:07:02,192 So, where do you live? 160 00:07:03,026 --> 00:07:05,831 You guys, Chloe is not gonna do any of that stuff. 161 00:07:05,848 --> 00:07:07,643 She's a nice girl from Nebraska. 162 00:07:07,656 --> 00:07:08,851 She's not crazy. 163 00:07:08,866 --> 00:07:11,022 She's... she's awesome. 164 00:07:11,038 --> 00:07:13,243 But you can't avoid the crazy eyes forever. 165 00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:16,183 Sooner or later, the crazy comes bubbling to the surface. 166 00:07:16,196 --> 00:07:16,982 Hello? 167 00:07:16,995 --> 00:07:18,620 Marshall, it's Chloe. 168 00:07:18,637 --> 00:07:21,233 Are you the one who's called me like nine times? 169 00:07:21,246 --> 00:07:23,342 Yeah. Could you come get me? 170 00:07:23,356 --> 00:07:25,801 I'm in the middle of taking a test. 171 00:07:25,817 --> 00:07:27,773 Please. I'm so scared. 172 00:07:28,018 --> 00:07:29,430 Well, what's going on? 173 00:07:29,446 --> 00:07:31,463 This weird midget guy started following me 174 00:07:31,478 --> 00:07:32,651 and he was screaming at me 175 00:07:32,668 --> 00:07:34,890 and he had a limp and a big hump on his back 176 00:07:34,907 --> 00:07:36,302 and the police didn't believe me 177 00:07:36,317 --> 00:07:39,152 and I almost got trampled by a horse and... 178 00:07:39,166 --> 00:07:42,042 God I must sound totally crazy to you right now. 179 00:07:42,657 --> 00:07:45,012 No. Pfft. 180 00:07:45,026 --> 00:07:46,302 Not at all. 181 00:07:46,928 --> 00:07:48,650 So, she's needy crazy. 182 00:07:48,665 --> 00:07:50,442 That's one of the worst kinds. 183 00:07:50,455 --> 00:07:51,760 I've had one of those. 184 00:07:51,777 --> 00:07:53,462 Makes up stories to get attention. 185 00:07:53,477 --> 00:07:56,662 Went out with her for three weeks-- her dad died twice. 186 00:07:56,678 --> 00:07:59,511 Guys, she was really freaked out, okay? 187 00:07:59,525 --> 00:08:01,080 Maybe the story is true. 188 00:08:01,097 --> 00:08:03,832 What in the world would make you believe that's a true story? 189 00:08:03,847 --> 00:08:06,373 She's really hot. 190 00:08:06,448 --> 00:08:08,693 They always are. 191 00:08:09,968 --> 00:08:11,601 - You all done with that, Ted? - Yeah. 192 00:08:11,615 --> 00:08:14,310 Ned. I told you to call him Ned. 193 00:08:14,466 --> 00:08:16,322 That's just sad. 194 00:08:16,335 --> 00:08:18,103 Sorry, Swarley. 195 00:08:19,355 --> 00:08:21,830 So, do just you and Ted live here 196 00:08:21,848 --> 00:08:23,611 or does Swarley live here, too? 197 00:08:23,626 --> 00:08:26,553 Nah. Swarley has his own place. 198 00:08:29,918 --> 00:08:30,942 What was that? 199 00:08:30,958 --> 00:08:32,673 Oh, I, uh, dropped my keys. 200 00:08:34,838 --> 00:08:36,560 So, here you go. 201 00:08:36,575 --> 00:08:39,010 Two pumpkin beers. 202 00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:41,881 I was joking. They're regular beers. 203 00:08:44,735 --> 00:08:46,402 What is that? 204 00:08:53,308 --> 00:08:55,193 This picture is broken. 205 00:08:55,206 --> 00:08:58,100 Oh. That's too bad. 206 00:08:58,117 --> 00:08:59,923 Is that Lily? 207 00:08:59,935 --> 00:09:02,223 Is that the girl you were going to marry? 208 00:09:02,236 --> 00:09:04,391 Yeah. Is that what that sound was? 209 00:09:04,406 --> 00:09:06,632 Did you just smash this? 210 00:09:06,648 --> 00:09:07,932 No. 211 00:09:07,945 --> 00:09:10,222 Why would I do that? 212 00:09:11,235 --> 00:09:13,561 Let me look into your eyes. 213 00:09:14,075 --> 00:09:15,730 Okay. 214 00:09:18,705 --> 00:09:21,301 I had a really nice time tonight. 215 00:09:21,315 --> 00:09:23,590 Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking. 216 00:09:23,926 --> 00:09:27,373 I like your eyes a lot, too. 217 00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:30,641 S top! 218 00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:36,891 Hi. I'm Lily. 219 00:09:40,176 --> 00:09:42,121 Stop! 220 00:09:42,135 --> 00:09:44,221 Now, kids, I know Lily hiding in the apartment 221 00:09:44,238 --> 00:09:47,521 while Marshall was on a date with another girl seems pretty crazy, 222 00:09:47,537 --> 00:09:49,880 but when you hear her side of the story, 223 00:09:49,898 --> 00:09:51,951 well, it's still pretty crazy. 224 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,182 What's up Swarlz? 225 00:09:54,196 --> 00:09:56,401 No. Okay? No. No more. 226 00:09:56,415 --> 00:09:58,470 I will not let this become a thing. It's over. 227 00:09:58,486 --> 00:10:00,451 No more Swarley. No Swarlz. 228 00:10:00,465 --> 00:10:02,940 No more Swar-lay. 229 00:10:02,956 --> 00:10:05,923 No more Swar... wait for it... ley. 230 00:10:05,936 --> 00:10:08,512 No more Bob Swarley, mon. 231 00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:11,473 No more. No! It's over. 232 00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:13,062 Do you understand? 233 00:10:13,078 --> 00:10:13,900 - Yes. - Yes. 234 00:10:13,916 --> 00:10:15,410 Thank you. 235 00:10:18,135 --> 00:10:19,000 Nice. 236 00:10:19,017 --> 00:10:21,192 - Why didn't you call me? - Was I supposed to call you? 237 00:10:21,206 --> 00:10:24,462 Yes, about the whole Marshall- dating-another-girl thing. 238 00:10:24,476 --> 00:10:25,592 You said you were fine with it. 239 00:10:25,627 --> 00:10:28,621 Yeah, in front of Ted, but then I shot you a look. 240 00:10:28,638 --> 00:10:30,973 - What look? - This. 241 00:10:32,808 --> 00:10:34,510 That doesn't seem like a look. 242 00:10:34,528 --> 00:10:37,102 Yes it is. It means, "I'm upset call me later." 243 00:10:37,116 --> 00:10:39,380 You should have pulled me aside and told me what the look meant. 244 00:10:39,415 --> 00:10:41,263 If I pulled you aside, I wouldn't need the look. 245 00:10:41,296 --> 00:10:42,521 Well, maybe if it was a more distinctive look... 246 00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:44,390 Okay, the look isn't important. 247 00:10:44,405 --> 00:10:47,472 What's important is that I can't stand the idea 248 00:10:47,487 --> 00:10:49,220 of Marshall dating another woman. 249 00:10:49,236 --> 00:10:51,700 I mean, what if he falls in love with her? 250 00:10:51,715 --> 00:10:53,490 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 251 00:10:53,507 --> 00:10:56,051 Ted says she has the crazy eyes. 252 00:10:56,067 --> 00:10:56,783 What's that? 253 00:10:56,796 --> 00:10:59,170 Apparently, a thing women have that guys can see 254 00:10:59,187 --> 00:11:01,060 and it tells them that the girl's crazy. 255 00:11:01,075 --> 00:11:03,753 Oh, kind of like how you never want to date a guy 256 00:11:03,768 --> 00:11:05,123 with perfect fingernails? 257 00:11:05,137 --> 00:11:07,001 Jerk nails. Exactly. 258 00:11:07,017 --> 00:11:10,331 Well, did-did Ted say whether she was good-looking? 259 00:11:10,346 --> 00:11:11,911 I mean, 'cause if I knew she was ugly, 260 00:11:11,927 --> 00:11:14,021 then maybe I wouldn't be so freaked out. 261 00:11:14,036 --> 00:11:16,291 Uh, he didn't say, but you can find out. 262 00:11:16,306 --> 00:11:19,813 I think her name is Chloe-- she works at Cosa Coffee on 78th. 263 00:11:19,828 --> 00:11:23,242 Phone call for Swarles Barkley? 264 00:11:24,866 --> 00:11:26,803 Hey, Ted. No, he's not here. 265 00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:29,032 Good one, though-- remember that one. 266 00:11:34,646 --> 00:11:36,621 Is, um, Chloe here? 267 00:11:36,636 --> 00:11:38,853 She just left. You can probably still catch her. 268 00:11:38,868 --> 00:11:41,642 She's easy to spot-- she's got a pink umbrella. 269 00:11:41,656 --> 00:11:43,300 Oh, thanks, Brian. 270 00:11:43,316 --> 00:11:44,953 My name is Scott. 271 00:11:44,966 --> 00:11:46,730 Your tag says Brian. 272 00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,230 I know. Funny story. 273 00:11:48,245 --> 00:11:49,661 So, I wake up this morning, and... 274 00:11:49,677 --> 00:11:51,671 Yeah, see you later, Brian. 275 00:12:01,136 --> 00:12:02,701 There she is. 276 00:12:02,716 --> 00:12:04,631 She doesn't look that great. 277 00:12:04,646 --> 00:12:07,020 She's not fat, but that doesn't mean anything. 278 00:12:07,035 --> 00:12:09,530 I know tons of skinny, ugly women. 279 00:12:09,547 --> 00:12:12,182 That's right, snotty girl in my yoga class, 280 00:12:12,197 --> 00:12:14,442 I'm talking to you. 281 00:12:14,455 --> 00:12:18,052 Come on, Chloe, turn around. 282 00:12:18,395 --> 00:12:20,840 Here we go. Turn around, Chloe. 283 00:12:20,855 --> 00:12:24,582 Come on, show me that hideous face. 284 00:12:24,638 --> 00:12:26,471 Damn it! 285 00:12:26,536 --> 00:12:28,941 Ooh, I know, I'll get ahead of her, 286 00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:31,373 then I'll cut back so I... Aah! 287 00:12:31,386 --> 00:12:34,083 Oh, my God, that hurts! 288 00:12:34,327 --> 00:12:37,231 Turn around! Come on! 289 00:12:37,245 --> 00:12:39,141 Just turn around! 290 00:12:39,156 --> 00:12:41,530 Okay, this is ridiculous. 291 00:12:41,548 --> 00:12:43,282 Hey! 292 00:12:45,855 --> 00:12:48,523 Turn around! What's the matter with you? 293 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,610 Hey, you! 294 00:12:52,055 --> 00:12:53,961 Turn around! 295 00:12:55,516 --> 00:12:58,160 Turn around, Chloe! 296 00:13:03,976 --> 00:13:06,512 She's hot? I'm so sorry. 297 00:13:06,526 --> 00:13:07,903 No, it's fine. 298 00:13:07,918 --> 00:13:09,712 I-It just makes things easier. 299 00:13:09,725 --> 00:13:11,391 Now that I know she's a threat, 300 00:13:11,406 --> 00:13:14,461 all I have to do is keep Marshall from ever seeing her again. 301 00:13:14,477 --> 00:13:16,762 Okay, I have two plans-- you can help me choose. 302 00:13:16,776 --> 00:13:17,933 Plan A-- 303 00:13:17,948 --> 00:13:20,753 remember that time Marshall and I had sex in the bathroom? 304 00:13:20,765 --> 00:13:22,732 Oops, I got knocked up. 305 00:13:22,747 --> 00:13:24,870 - Lily. - Okay, plan B 306 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,192 is called "Chloe's Accident." 307 00:13:27,205 --> 00:13:28,681 - Just stop. - What? 308 00:13:28,695 --> 00:13:31,002 Lily, you can't do any of those things. 309 00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:32,772 If you two are ever gonna get back together, 310 00:13:32,777 --> 00:13:35,631 you have to let him work out whatever this is. 311 00:13:35,647 --> 00:13:38,002 I know. You're right. 312 00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:40,201 Now, come on, Ted asked us to be upstairs at 6:00. 313 00:13:40,217 --> 00:13:42,230 Some surprise for Barney. 314 00:13:42,247 --> 00:13:44,233 - Barney? - Uh, Swarley. 315 00:13:45,526 --> 00:13:47,861 - Hey, guys. - Hey. 316 00:13:47,878 --> 00:13:49,232 Where's Marshall? 317 00:13:49,247 --> 00:13:50,623 Oh, he's getting a haircut. 318 00:13:50,636 --> 00:13:52,831 Oh. For his date. 319 00:13:52,848 --> 00:13:54,392 Good for him. 320 00:13:54,408 --> 00:13:56,270 Hope he has a good time tonight. 321 00:13:56,285 --> 00:13:58,152 Relax, you've got nothing to worry about. 322 00:13:58,165 --> 00:13:59,603 The girl's crazy. 323 00:13:59,617 --> 00:14:01,151 Thanks! 324 00:14:01,168 --> 00:14:03,592 He'll just have wild monkey sex with her five times, max, 325 00:14:03,607 --> 00:14:05,012 and be done with her. 326 00:14:05,025 --> 00:14:06,600 Thanks again. 327 00:14:08,467 --> 00:14:09,812 What are you doing? 328 00:14:09,828 --> 00:14:13,022 I just wanted to listen to a little music, that's all. 329 00:14:13,037 --> 00:14:15,593 And this next one's going out to Swarley. 330 00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:17,492 All your friends know you miss Barney, 331 00:14:17,507 --> 00:14:20,053 but he's gone, and you got to accept that, baby. 332 00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:22,940 And, Swarley, you're gonna be a better woman for it. 333 00:14:22,955 --> 00:14:26,033 Here's "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy. 334 00:14:26,047 --> 00:14:29,831 Ha-ha! Now I'm a woman. I love it! 335 00:14:29,848 --> 00:14:32,631 You know, I was thinking about this whole new name thing last night, 336 00:14:32,648 --> 00:14:34,852 and you know what I realized? I like it. 337 00:14:34,868 --> 00:14:36,573 You like being called Swarley? 338 00:14:36,588 --> 00:14:38,421 Are you kidding? I want you to call me that. 339 00:14:38,438 --> 00:14:39,713 Do you really think this is gonna work? 340 00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:42,142 Do I think what's gonna work? I'm just saying, I love my new name, 341 00:14:42,178 --> 00:14:45,481 so please only call me that from now on. 342 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,770 Call you what? 343 00:14:47,947 --> 00:14:52,161 You know, that-that-that new name that you've been calling me. 344 00:14:52,176 --> 00:14:53,532 Say it. 345 00:14:53,548 --> 00:14:55,391 Why? You guys know what it is. 346 00:14:55,408 --> 00:14:57,083 Say the name. 347 00:14:57,997 --> 00:15:00,613 No, I don't want to! I hate it! 348 00:15:00,628 --> 00:15:03,091 I hate it! It's not funny! 349 00:15:03,106 --> 00:15:05,543 It's never been funny! I've never done any... 350 00:15:05,555 --> 00:15:07,083 No! 351 00:15:07,737 --> 00:15:09,831 Man, he is really gonna lose it 352 00:15:09,845 --> 00:15:12,812 when all the magazine subscriptions start coming in. 353 00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:15,423 I signed him up for People in Espanol, 354 00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:18,220 but I addressed it to Swarlos. 355 00:15:18,235 --> 00:15:21,860 Hey, where's the picture of Marshall and me at the pier? 356 00:15:21,875 --> 00:15:23,972 Didn't it used to be by that window? 357 00:15:23,986 --> 00:15:27,480 Oh, yeah, he, uh, he sort of took it down when you left. 358 00:15:27,496 --> 00:15:29,233 Put it behind some books, I think. 359 00:15:29,248 --> 00:15:31,562 Oh, well-well, maybe I should put it back up. 360 00:15:31,576 --> 00:15:33,623 Why, so Chloe'll see it and get scared off? 361 00:15:33,635 --> 00:15:34,733 No. 362 00:15:34,747 --> 00:15:37,343 So Marshall'll see it and feel guilty. 363 00:15:38,336 --> 00:15:40,291 Yeah, okay. 364 00:15:40,437 --> 00:15:42,472 But she wasn't okay. 365 00:15:42,488 --> 00:15:45,201 Later that night, while Marshall was on his date, 366 00:15:45,216 --> 00:15:47,401 Lily came back. 367 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,942 ...anymore. 368 00:16:05,956 --> 00:16:07,651 Pretty impressive, huh? 369 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:11,680 Wow, you really did memorize all the lyrics to "We Didn't Start the Fire." 370 00:16:12,047 --> 00:16:13,852 Can I, uh, can I get you a drink? 371 00:16:13,866 --> 00:16:15,282 I'd love a beer. 372 00:16:15,298 --> 00:16:16,992 You got it. 373 00:16:19,588 --> 00:16:22,190 Lily did what any sensible woman would do. 374 00:16:22,207 --> 00:16:24,541 She hid under the desk. 375 00:16:25,016 --> 00:16:27,341 And she stayed there, listening to her ex-fiance 376 00:16:27,358 --> 00:16:29,561 on a date with another woman. 377 00:16:29,718 --> 00:16:32,193 I had a really nice time tonight. 378 00:16:32,207 --> 00:16:34,240 Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking. 379 00:16:34,257 --> 00:16:36,942 I like your eyes a lot, too. 380 00:16:36,957 --> 00:16:39,623 Finally, much like Billy Joel, 381 00:16:39,638 --> 00:16:41,331 she couldn't take it anymore. 382 00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:43,153 Stop! 383 00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:48,093 Hi. I'm Lily. 384 00:16:50,228 --> 00:16:52,761 Lily... Lily, what the hell are you doing? 385 00:16:52,777 --> 00:16:56,093 I don't know. I... I don't know... what I'm doing. 386 00:16:56,107 --> 00:16:59,452 Oh, pumpkin beer-- that was a good one. 387 00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:02,863 I'm just... I'm gonna go. I... I'm so sorry. 388 00:17:02,876 --> 00:17:05,903 En-Enjoy the rest of your date. 389 00:17:10,467 --> 00:17:12,881 She seems nice. 390 00:17:24,208 --> 00:17:27,393 - Lilly, what the hell... - I'm sorry. 391 00:17:27,406 --> 00:17:29,543 I only snuck up there because... 392 00:17:29,558 --> 00:17:32,283 when I saw how cute she was yesterday, I freaked out. 393 00:17:32,295 --> 00:17:34,643 Lily, you saw her yesterday? 394 00:17:34,825 --> 00:17:38,873 Yeah, I... kind of chased her down the street. 395 00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:45,232 Wait, so you were the hunchback with the limp? 396 00:17:45,246 --> 00:17:46,771 Yeah. 397 00:17:46,788 --> 00:17:50,181 And she didn't break the picture, I did. 398 00:17:52,575 --> 00:17:55,623 So Chloe's not crazy, she's... 399 00:17:55,948 --> 00:17:59,291 just a nice, normal girl. 400 00:17:59,608 --> 00:18:02,173 Yeah, she is. 401 00:18:02,937 --> 00:18:06,380 And you deserve a nice, normal girl. 402 00:18:07,006 --> 00:18:09,572 So, why don't you just go back up there 403 00:18:09,586 --> 00:18:12,230 and-and finish your date. 404 00:18:13,955 --> 00:18:15,790 Yeah. 405 00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,250 Okay. 406 00:18:17,355 --> 00:18:19,163 Okay. 407 00:18:21,516 --> 00:18:25,063 Wait, if you were the hunchback, then why did she think you were a guy? 408 00:18:26,498 --> 00:18:30,793 I-I might have used a voice that sounded like this. 409 00:18:31,398 --> 00:18:32,870 - Why? - Because I didn't want 410 00:18:32,886 --> 00:18:36,070 her to know it was me, which I now realize doesn't make sense, 411 00:18:36,087 --> 00:18:38,641 because she hadn't even met me. 412 00:18:38,856 --> 00:18:40,971 You're crazy. 413 00:18:42,525 --> 00:18:48,871 You have... crazier eyes than anybody that I have ever met. 414 00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:51,923 Shouldn't you be going back up... 415 00:18:51,936 --> 00:18:53,963 I mean, you're out of your mind. 416 00:18:53,977 --> 00:18:58,203 You're... just absolutely insane. 417 00:19:00,655 --> 00:19:04,533 Shouldn't you be going back upstairs? 418 00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:10,653 I've missed you so much. 419 00:19:17,618 --> 00:19:19,790 Okay, I ran it by the group, 420 00:19:19,806 --> 00:19:21,221 and we decided we're gonna give you a choice. 421 00:19:21,255 --> 00:19:23,773 We will agree to stop calling you Swarley, 422 00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:27,291 but instead, we'll call you Jennifer. 423 00:19:28,888 --> 00:19:30,400 Well? 424 00:19:30,417 --> 00:19:32,223 I'm thinking. 425 00:19:33,335 --> 00:19:36,630 How about this? On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays... 426 00:19:36,648 --> 00:19:38,362 Hey. 427 00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:39,990 Look at this. 428 00:19:40,006 --> 00:19:41,933 So right there, in the exact same place 429 00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:45,112 that six months earlier I had walked up and found Marshall alone, 430 00:19:45,125 --> 00:19:48,860 crying over his breakup with Lily, I found him again. 431 00:19:48,877 --> 00:19:51,190 Only this time he wasn't alone, 432 00:19:51,206 --> 00:19:53,031 and he was happy. 433 00:19:53,046 --> 00:19:56,283 So we went to the bar to celebrate, and it was great. 434 00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:59,162 I was with Robin, Marshall and Lily were back together, 435 00:19:59,178 --> 00:20:01,103 and Barney had a cool new name. 436 00:20:01,118 --> 00:20:03,471 All was right with the world... 437 00:20:03,486 --> 00:20:05,610 until we got back to the apartment. 438 00:20:05,628 --> 00:20:07,753 Oh, my God. 439 00:20:08,038 --> 00:20:09,773 Hey, Chloe, I... 440 00:20:09,788 --> 00:20:11,710 guess I forgot I left you up here. 441 00:20:11,728 --> 00:20:15,411 I was gonna leave, but I can't find my keys. 442 00:20:16,505 --> 00:20:19,392 They're right there on the coffee table. 443 00:20:21,107 --> 00:20:22,810 Silly me. 444 00:20:22,826 --> 00:20:25,801 I must have looked everywhere else. 445 00:20:28,666 --> 00:20:31,821 Well... I'm just gonna go. 446 00:20:32,396 --> 00:20:34,873 Oh, I don't think we've met. I'm Chloe. 447 00:20:34,887 --> 00:20:35,882 Robin. 448 00:20:35,895 --> 00:20:38,221 It's nice to meet you, Roland. 449 00:20:38,368 --> 00:20:40,440 I'll see you guys later. 450 00:20:43,177 --> 00:20:45,090 Roland? 451 00:20:45,805 --> 00:20:48,101 Your name's Roland. 452 00:20:48,628 --> 00:20:51,103 That's funny, right? 453 00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:53,380 Rock and Roland. 454 00:20:53,396 --> 00:20:57,112 Warsaw is the capital of what? Roland. 455 00:20:57,548 --> 00:21:00,402 You're Monica Roland-ski. 456 00:21:01,696 --> 00:21:06,123 Hey, yeah, that's just how I Roland. 457 00:21:06,428 --> 00:21:08,390 - Nice try, Swarley. - Damn it. 458 00:21:16,838 --> 00:21:19,741 Swarley! 459 00:21:19,785 --> 00:21:22,061 # Sometimes you want to go # 460 00:21:22,075 --> 00:21:26,820 # Where everybody # # knows your name # 461 00:21:27,138 --> 00:21:30,011 # And they're always # # glad you came... #