1 00:00:00,493 --> 00:00:03,153 Your Uncle Barney was always always a bit of an enigma. 2 00:00:03,163 --> 00:00:04,937 In all the years we lived in New York, 3 00:00:04,947 --> 00:00:07,651 none of us had ever set foot in his apartment. 4 00:00:07,661 --> 00:00:10,832 Until one day, one of us did. 5 00:00:13,660 --> 00:00:15,246 It's a pretty good story. 6 00:00:15,256 --> 00:00:18,132 And believe it or not, alcohol did not play a role. 7 00:00:18,142 --> 00:00:20,959 It all started two weeks earlier at Lily's housewarming. 8 00:00:21,109 --> 00:00:23,455 Hey, welcome to my new home. 9 00:00:23,465 --> 00:00:26,232 Oh, wow, Lily, this is... 10 00:00:26,488 --> 00:00:28,491 Oh, this is all of it. 11 00:00:28,501 --> 00:00:31,146 Yeah, I know it's small, but it's got character. 12 00:00:31,150 --> 00:00:31,916 Thank you. 13 00:00:31,929 --> 00:00:35,421 And I am learning Lithuanian from my neighbors. 14 00:00:35,437 --> 00:00:36,273 They're great. 15 00:00:36,288 --> 00:00:37,900 They're always out there in the hall, you know, 16 00:00:37,935 --> 00:00:40,612 cooking and gambling and giving each other haircuts. 17 00:00:40,637 --> 00:00:42,100 It's nice. 18 00:00:42,366 --> 00:00:44,402 Hey, is that a toilet in your kitchen? 19 00:00:44,418 --> 00:00:46,583 Or a stove in your bathroom? 20 00:00:46,598 --> 00:00:49,152 Oh, that's not just a stove. 21 00:00:49,168 --> 00:00:50,822 That's a stovenkerator: 22 00:00:50,838 --> 00:00:54,780 a combination of a stove, oven and sink and refrigerator. 23 00:00:54,798 --> 00:00:56,123 Stovenkerator. 24 00:00:56,136 --> 00:00:57,620 Isn't that futuristic? 25 00:00:57,636 --> 00:00:59,070 God, I hope not. 26 00:00:59,085 --> 00:01:01,810 Hey, cool Murphy bed. 27 00:01:01,827 --> 00:01:05,163 Yeah, it's kind of a mess. I didn't make my bed this morning, so... 28 00:01:05,175 --> 00:01:06,510 Oh! 29 00:01:07,878 --> 00:01:11,822 You know what, I bet sleeping at this angle is good for you. 30 00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:13,432 For some reason. 31 00:01:13,447 --> 00:01:15,240 I got it. 32 00:01:20,137 --> 00:01:24,290 That was, something, something, I am going to, something, 33 00:01:24,307 --> 00:01:27,421 you like a, something, donkey. 34 00:01:27,438 --> 00:01:28,913 Huh. 35 00:01:29,065 --> 00:01:31,081 Other cultures. 36 00:01:31,097 --> 00:01:33,920 Hey, let's break out the fruit basket. 37 00:01:33,936 --> 00:01:36,053 Hey, who ate all the...? 38 00:01:52,617 --> 00:01:57,233 Okay, we have to get Lily out of that apartment. Her roommate is a raccoon. 39 00:01:57,246 --> 00:02:00,511 I'd offer her my place, but I've got dogs and she's allergic. 40 00:02:00,528 --> 00:02:03,850 Dogs? I live with her ex-boyfriend. I think she's a little more allergic to that. 41 00:02:03,866 --> 00:02:06,380 What about your place, Barney? I know it's shrouded in mystery, 42 00:02:06,395 --> 00:02:07,571 but it's gotta have a couch. 43 00:02:07,588 --> 00:02:09,893 The Fortress of Barnitude? No way. 44 00:02:09,905 --> 00:02:11,321 Come on. She's desperate. 45 00:02:11,335 --> 00:02:13,450 Hmm, normally a prerequisite for the women I bring home, 46 00:02:13,486 --> 00:02:15,030 but... pass. 47 00:02:15,048 --> 00:02:19,420 One of you guys is very, very lucky because I have... 48 00:02:19,438 --> 00:02:22,893 a boom, an extra ticket to the Alanis Morissette concert. Who's in? 49 00:02:22,906 --> 00:02:24,382 - Absolutely not. - No. 50 00:02:24,398 --> 00:02:27,352 Damn! I got these tickets, like, months ago for me and Lily 51 00:02:27,368 --> 00:02:29,710 and now I can't find anyone to go with me. 52 00:02:29,725 --> 00:02:31,691 This is what I miss about being in a couple. 53 00:02:31,708 --> 00:02:33,661 I always had someone to go to concerts with, 54 00:02:33,678 --> 00:02:35,250 or farmer's market, 55 00:02:35,266 --> 00:02:36,840 or brunch. 56 00:02:36,858 --> 00:02:38,481 God, I miss brunch! 57 00:02:38,498 --> 00:02:41,472 Well, I guess you could-- well, you could try going to brunch alone. 58 00:02:41,485 --> 00:02:43,580 Oh, you don't think I've tried? 59 00:02:43,846 --> 00:02:45,262 Table for one. 60 00:02:45,275 --> 00:02:47,571 One couple? 61 00:02:47,588 --> 00:02:48,942 Um, no, just me. 62 00:02:48,955 --> 00:02:50,342 Really? 63 00:02:50,357 --> 00:02:52,143 For brunch? 64 00:02:52,156 --> 00:02:54,290 You're right. Who am I kidding? 65 00:02:55,298 --> 00:02:58,662 Ooh, The Popover Pantry. That place is great. Can we go get brunch tomorrow? 66 00:02:58,675 --> 00:03:00,051 Of course, sweetie. 67 00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:01,260 Can I go with you guys? 68 00:03:01,277 --> 00:03:03,890 Really? For brunch? 69 00:03:04,046 --> 00:03:06,542 God, I hate being single! 70 00:03:09,505 --> 00:03:11,763 Okay, I'll take the over on the Pittsburgh game. 71 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:13,990 Oh, and P. to the S., I never got my payout 72 00:03:14,008 --> 00:03:16,052 from Seattle from two weeks ago. 73 00:03:16,068 --> 00:03:20,271 Yeah. Don't make me call the gaming commission on you. 74 00:03:20,285 --> 00:03:23,381 I'm sure they'd be very interested to know what's going on over there. 75 00:03:23,396 --> 00:03:26,092 All right? All right? 76 00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:29,012 Okay, I love you, too, Mom. Take care. 77 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:34,432 Hello, Lily. 78 00:03:36,918 --> 00:03:39,730 You've somehow managed to circumvent my security. 79 00:03:39,748 --> 00:03:41,580 How did you do it? 80 00:03:41,595 --> 00:03:43,313 Ted gave me your spare key. 81 00:03:43,328 --> 00:03:45,420 Spare key, brilliant! 82 00:03:45,435 --> 00:03:47,610 I'm sorry, but you know I'd only come here 83 00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:49,691 if I had no other choice. 84 00:03:49,708 --> 00:03:53,453 But earlier today, I was getting ready to go to sleep and... 85 00:04:05,925 --> 00:04:07,623 Sveikas. 86 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,752 That's terrible. 87 00:04:12,766 --> 00:04:14,463 Well, see ya. 88 00:04:14,478 --> 00:04:16,680 Well, can I stay here maybe? 89 00:04:16,697 --> 00:04:20,172 Oh... I'd let you, but I don't have any room. 90 00:04:20,186 --> 00:04:22,252 You live in a two-bedroom apartment. 91 00:04:22,266 --> 00:04:25,080 You have one room just for your suits. 92 00:04:25,097 --> 00:04:29,091 Hey, I'm at a point in my life where my suits are my family. 93 00:04:29,105 --> 00:04:31,150 Look around you, Lily. 94 00:04:31,166 --> 00:04:33,782 You are in the heart of bachelor country, 95 00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:37,113 and as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. 96 00:04:37,126 --> 00:04:41,153 Now, you can try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts 12 hours. 97 00:04:41,168 --> 00:04:44,302 14 if you qualify for multiple entry. 98 00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:49,331 Eww... is something some lame, judgmental chick would say, 99 00:04:49,347 --> 00:04:53,143 but I say give me multiple high fives. 100 00:04:53,347 --> 00:04:55,593 Wow, you really are desperate. 101 00:04:55,607 --> 00:04:56,783 I really am. 102 00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:00,711 Okay, you can stay here for two days. 103 00:05:00,727 --> 00:05:04,733 But I only have one rule. You can't change anything. 104 00:05:04,748 --> 00:05:07,900 Why would I change anything? This place is... 105 00:05:08,566 --> 00:05:09,941 ...perfect. 106 00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:13,260 Except for the fact that you don't have a TV. 107 00:05:13,287 --> 00:05:15,313 See that wall? 108 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:21,951 300-inch flat-screen. 109 00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:24,873 They only sell them in Japan, but I know a guy. 110 00:05:25,046 --> 00:05:28,683 Had to ship it over in a tugboat like freakin' King Kong. 111 00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:30,143 It hurts my eyes. 112 00:05:30,158 --> 00:05:33,082 Yeah. That doesn't go away. 113 00:05:34,395 --> 00:05:36,490 - Hey. - Hey, where have you been? 114 00:05:36,506 --> 00:05:38,222 The Alanis Morissette concert. 115 00:05:38,236 --> 00:05:39,301 By yourself? 116 00:05:39,315 --> 00:05:41,620 No, actually I went with a friend from law school. 117 00:05:41,636 --> 00:05:44,981 Oh, really? Who's this friend? 118 00:05:44,997 --> 00:05:46,761 Brad. 119 00:05:47,458 --> 00:05:51,051 - Bro, Alanis Morissette rocks! - Totally! 120 00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:52,781 I can't believe I almost didn't come tonight. 121 00:05:52,816 --> 00:05:54,582 Let me guess: You bought the tickets for you and Lily 122 00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:56,090 right before she dumped you. 123 00:05:56,107 --> 00:05:57,963 Yeah, how'd you know? 124 00:05:57,975 --> 00:05:59,752 I just got dumped myself. 125 00:05:59,766 --> 00:06:02,442 What, Kara broke up with you? 126 00:06:03,136 --> 00:06:05,530 I'm sorry, man. That sucks. 127 00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:10,433 Brad, do you like brunch? 128 00:06:10,445 --> 00:06:12,042 You invited him to brunch? 129 00:06:12,057 --> 00:06:14,471 Yeah, I invited him to brunch. Why, is that weird? 130 00:06:14,487 --> 00:06:18,351 Yes. That's why I was all, "You invited him to brunch?" 131 00:06:18,366 --> 00:06:21,970 Why can't two guys who are friends go to brunch? 132 00:06:21,985 --> 00:06:24,462 Because brunch is kind of... 133 00:06:24,476 --> 00:06:25,900 Girly. 134 00:06:25,915 --> 00:06:28,391 Girly? Breakfast isn't girly. 135 00:06:28,405 --> 00:06:30,890 Lunch isn't girly. What makes brunch girly? 136 00:06:30,905 --> 00:06:31,851 I don't know. 137 00:06:31,865 --> 00:06:33,720 There's nothing girly about a horse. 138 00:06:33,738 --> 00:06:35,542 Nothing girly about a horn, 139 00:06:35,558 --> 00:06:38,242 but put them together and you get a unicorn. 140 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,631 I don't care what either of you say, 141 00:06:40,648 --> 00:06:43,951 I am going to The Popover Pantry with Brad. 142 00:06:43,967 --> 00:06:45,742 We're here. We're hungry. 143 00:06:45,757 --> 00:06:48,181 Get used to it, brunch. 144 00:06:53,521 --> 00:06:56,576 - Hmm... smells delicious. - Thank you. 145 00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:59,236 There was no food in the fridge, so I picked up... 146 00:06:59,259 --> 00:07:00,921 What are you doing? 147 00:07:00,936 --> 00:07:02,842 Lily, what was the first rule again? 148 00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:04,101 Don't change anything. 149 00:07:04,116 --> 00:07:05,882 And what was the second rule? 150 00:07:05,897 --> 00:07:07,672 - There was no second rule. - Exactly! 151 00:07:07,688 --> 00:07:10,802 There was only one rule and you broke it. 152 00:07:10,817 --> 00:07:14,153 I bought groceries. That counts as changing something? 153 00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:16,362 Lily, if I wanted a fridge full of groceries, 154 00:07:16,376 --> 00:07:18,333 or fresh coffee in the morning, 155 00:07:18,345 --> 00:07:20,543 I'd be in a relationship. 156 00:07:21,347 --> 00:07:25,551 But I don't want to be in a relationship. 157 00:07:25,566 --> 00:07:28,680 That's why I make it crystal-clear to every girl that walks through that door 158 00:07:28,695 --> 00:07:30,853 that this is not a place to leave a toothbrush. 159 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,473 This is not a place to leave a contact lens case. 160 00:07:33,485 --> 00:07:35,811 This is a place to leave. 161 00:07:35,828 --> 00:07:37,453 Come on, I'll give you a tour. 162 00:07:37,465 --> 00:07:39,433 Uh, no flash photography, please. 163 00:07:40,405 --> 00:07:42,723 Bienvenido to the bedroom. 164 00:07:42,735 --> 00:07:44,491 Dig this: king-sized bed, 165 00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,513 full-sized blanket, one pillow. 166 00:07:46,526 --> 00:07:50,140 Everything about this bed says, "our work here is done." 167 00:07:50,207 --> 00:07:53,230 Next we say "bienvenue" to the bathroom. 168 00:07:53,246 --> 00:07:55,381 What, only one towel? 169 00:07:55,395 --> 00:07:56,992 What, no hairdryer? 170 00:07:57,005 --> 00:08:00,363 You know where I keep that stuff? Your place. Beat it. 171 00:08:00,495 --> 00:08:03,781 And the coup de grace... 172 00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:09,392 Yeah, that's right. 173 00:08:10,578 --> 00:08:12,170 Patent-pending. 174 00:08:12,186 --> 00:08:14,993 And wilkommen to the hallway. 175 00:08:15,007 --> 00:08:17,200 While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their porn... 176 00:08:17,215 --> 00:08:18,721 Marshall doesn't have porn. 177 00:08:18,736 --> 00:08:20,520 Aww, that's sweet. 178 00:08:20,537 --> 00:08:22,830 While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their porn, 179 00:08:22,846 --> 00:08:26,130 I had mine... professionally lit. 180 00:08:27,188 --> 00:08:30,673 Girls see this, they can't get out of here fast enough. 181 00:08:30,686 --> 00:08:31,943 And if that doesn't drive them away, 182 00:08:31,975 --> 00:08:34,673 there's always your life-sized storm-trooper. 183 00:08:34,687 --> 00:08:36,882 No, that's just awesome. 184 00:08:36,898 --> 00:08:39,201 So you see, whenever a girl wakes up here, 185 00:08:39,216 --> 00:08:41,781 I never have to tell her to go build her nest somewhere else. 186 00:08:41,797 --> 00:08:44,221 My apartment does it for me. 187 00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,943 God, I love brunch. 188 00:08:46,957 --> 00:08:48,492 Oh, damn... 189 00:08:48,505 --> 00:08:50,792 the zucchini bread is "ridonculous." 190 00:08:51,726 --> 00:08:53,512 This isn't weird, right? 191 00:08:53,528 --> 00:08:54,910 I sort of thought it might be, 192 00:08:54,926 --> 00:08:56,261 but it totally isn't. 193 00:08:56,276 --> 00:08:59,531 And B-T-dub, you totally did not oversell the eggs Benny. 194 00:08:59,546 --> 00:09:00,511 Right? Right? 195 00:09:00,525 --> 00:09:05,031 I mean, why can't two single bros go out and rock brunch Sunday morning-style? 196 00:09:05,046 --> 00:09:08,531 Exactly. Thank you, that's exactly what I've been saying. 197 00:09:08,956 --> 00:09:10,781 This must be destiny. 198 00:09:10,796 --> 00:09:11,983 What are you talking about? 199 00:09:11,995 --> 00:09:14,452 I have two tickets for Mamma Mia Friday night. 200 00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:16,042 You like Abba, right? 201 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,630 What am I saying? Who doesn't? 202 00:09:17,646 --> 00:09:21,430 Anyway, I was gonna take Kara, but now it's all you and me. 203 00:09:21,446 --> 00:09:23,960 We're gonna do Broadway, bro style. What do you say? 204 00:09:23,977 --> 00:09:25,531 Yeah! 205 00:09:32,506 --> 00:09:36,372 Hey. Did the cold wake you? 206 00:09:36,387 --> 00:09:39,653 No, I've just been watching you sleep. 207 00:09:40,326 --> 00:09:43,622 Oh, did you try and take a shower? I'm sorry, I only have one clean towel. 208 00:09:43,638 --> 00:09:47,632 I don't buy into the myth that we need to shower every day. 209 00:09:47,706 --> 00:09:49,483 O kay. 210 00:09:50,096 --> 00:09:53,110 I'd offer you some coffee, but I don't have any, so you're gonna have to... 211 00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:54,430 I'm boycotting coffee. 212 00:09:54,446 --> 00:09:57,913 You may as well drink the tears of a Colombian peasant farmer. 213 00:09:57,928 --> 00:10:00,003 God, I love this place. 214 00:10:00,018 --> 00:10:01,573 Good thing I don't have a job 215 00:10:01,586 --> 00:10:04,580 because I could stay here all day. 216 00:10:05,526 --> 00:10:08,101 I think I left something on the bookshelf. 217 00:10:08,117 --> 00:10:11,791 Whoops. Oh, no, oh, look. 218 00:10:11,807 --> 00:10:14,670 Oh, I'm disgusting. 219 00:10:14,686 --> 00:10:17,252 Wow, you're open about your sexuality 220 00:10:17,266 --> 00:10:19,970 and that's one of the reasons I love you. 221 00:10:20,216 --> 00:10:22,210 Did I just say that? 222 00:10:22,227 --> 00:10:24,902 Oh, well, cat's out of the bag. 223 00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,701 I love you. 224 00:10:26,715 --> 00:10:30,902 Whoa, uh... Okay, beep, beep. Backing up, um... 225 00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:33,380 Hi, Barney. Oh... 226 00:10:33,396 --> 00:10:36,491 Oh, my God. Are you married? Is this your wife? 227 00:10:36,506 --> 00:10:38,262 What? No. 228 00:10:38,278 --> 00:10:39,963 Yes! 229 00:10:39,977 --> 00:10:42,613 - Yes? - Yes. 230 00:10:42,626 --> 00:10:44,433 You son of a bitch! 231 00:10:44,447 --> 00:10:47,941 I can't believe I let you enter my sacred temple. 232 00:10:47,956 --> 00:10:51,601 Come on, baby. Please, no. Oh, you don't understand. 233 00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:54,660 What have I done? This is the worst. How could you...? 234 00:10:55,476 --> 00:10:58,391 You're not going anywhere. 235 00:11:03,355 --> 00:11:05,832 Wow, that was close. 236 00:11:05,847 --> 00:11:07,540 That hippie chick wouldn't leave. 237 00:11:07,557 --> 00:11:09,183 She was ready to squat here. 238 00:11:09,195 --> 00:11:13,020 Well, she'd have to with your spring-loaded toilet seat, wouldn't she? 239 00:11:13,035 --> 00:11:15,810 She was freakishly immune to everything in my apartment... 240 00:11:15,825 --> 00:11:17,451 except you. 241 00:11:17,948 --> 00:11:20,273 You're better than porn. 242 00:11:20,397 --> 00:11:21,813 Thank you. 243 00:11:21,827 --> 00:11:24,673 How would you like to extend your stay here? 244 00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:27,003 All you'd have to do is pretend to be my wife, 245 00:11:27,018 --> 00:11:28,923 and scare off the occasional one-night stand. 246 00:11:28,937 --> 00:11:31,300 I know, I know. You've got your ethics. You've got your principles... 247 00:11:31,336 --> 00:11:32,690 I'll do it. 248 00:11:32,708 --> 00:11:33,840 Really? 249 00:11:33,855 --> 00:11:37,640 Barney, you've clearly got some serious mother issues 250 00:11:37,657 --> 00:11:42,010 that have left you the emotional equivalent of a scavenging sewer rat. 251 00:11:42,027 --> 00:11:44,143 But, in my other apartment, I would be living 252 00:11:44,158 --> 00:11:48,342 with an actual scavenging sewer rat, so you win. 253 00:11:48,358 --> 00:11:50,112 I'll take it. 254 00:11:50,755 --> 00:11:53,622 - Mamma Mia? - Mamma Mia. 255 00:11:53,637 --> 00:11:56,500 You know what? It's supposed to be a great musical, okay? 256 00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:58,492 It won all sorts of Tonys and stuff. 257 00:11:58,508 --> 00:12:02,103 No, totally. It sounds like a really, really fun, exciting, third date. 258 00:12:02,115 --> 00:12:05,433 Ooh, third date. You know what that means. 259 00:12:06,098 --> 00:12:07,810 It is not a date, okay. 260 00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:10,782 It's just two bros taking in a Broadway show. 261 00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,842 You bros going to get dinner beforehand? 262 00:12:12,856 --> 00:12:14,541 We might grab a steak, yeah. 263 00:12:14,556 --> 00:12:16,340 Where at? 264 00:12:17,575 --> 00:12:19,543 Cafe L'Amour. 265 00:12:19,896 --> 00:12:23,070 Brad says the food is really good there, okay. 266 00:12:23,086 --> 00:12:25,620 Sounds like Brad's got quite the night planned out. 267 00:12:25,638 --> 00:12:27,040 You better bring your "A" game. 268 00:12:27,058 --> 00:12:29,683 That means no granny panties. 269 00:12:29,698 --> 00:12:31,753 All right, you know what? You two are just threatened 270 00:12:31,787 --> 00:12:34,482 because I'm a single guy moving in on your couples' turf. 271 00:12:34,496 --> 00:12:37,281 Well, guess what? It's my territory now. 272 00:12:37,296 --> 00:12:40,723 I'm peeing all over brunches, fancy dinners and musicals. 273 00:12:40,735 --> 00:12:44,283 That's right; Brad and I are taking back Broadway. 274 00:12:44,298 --> 00:12:45,541 What are you going to wear? 275 00:12:45,558 --> 00:12:47,753 I was thinking like this collared shirt and these pin... 276 00:12:47,787 --> 00:12:49,443 Oh, you know what? Shut up. 277 00:12:50,918 --> 00:12:53,431 Can you pass the Arts and Leisure? 278 00:12:59,226 --> 00:13:01,652 Can you pass the Arts and Leisure? 279 00:13:01,668 --> 00:13:03,362 I just did. 280 00:13:03,378 --> 00:13:05,183 Honey, I'm... 281 00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:09,050 Barney, what the hell is going on here? 282 00:13:09,065 --> 00:13:10,320 Lily, I can explain... 283 00:13:10,335 --> 00:13:13,253 How could you? In our own home? 284 00:13:13,265 --> 00:13:14,951 You bastard! 285 00:13:14,967 --> 00:13:17,760 - I'm so sorry. I didn't know he had... - Just get out. 286 00:13:17,777 --> 00:13:21,241 This is what I get after I worked as a stripper for four years 287 00:13:21,255 --> 00:13:23,390 to put you through medical school? 288 00:13:23,408 --> 00:13:25,653 I got breast implants for you. 289 00:13:25,665 --> 00:13:29,810 I... I was just about to turn on the tears. 290 00:13:30,238 --> 00:13:32,320 Brava. 291 00:13:32,338 --> 00:13:34,553 That was incredible. 292 00:13:34,575 --> 00:13:37,821 And that slap was genius. You did not hold back. 293 00:13:37,836 --> 00:13:40,470 Yeah, that I just always wanted to do. 294 00:13:40,485 --> 00:13:41,950 Fair enough. 295 00:13:42,336 --> 00:13:43,592 I have to say, 296 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:46,120 it's kind of nice having food around here for a change. 297 00:13:46,136 --> 00:13:47,420 You know... 298 00:13:47,438 --> 00:13:49,292 nah, never mind. 299 00:13:49,305 --> 00:13:50,371 What? 300 00:13:50,386 --> 00:13:52,721 You're my wife. You can tell me anything. 301 00:13:52,795 --> 00:13:55,530 Well, if you really wanted to sell this ruse, 302 00:13:55,545 --> 00:13:58,650 we should try to make this place a little more... 303 00:13:58,666 --> 00:13:59,890 you know, homey. 304 00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:02,483 Like-like a woman would actually live here. 305 00:14:02,496 --> 00:14:04,572 What did you have in mind? 306 00:14:13,177 --> 00:14:16,603 # Bones, bones, brittle little bones # 307 00:14:16,615 --> 00:14:18,800 # It's not the milk you seek # 308 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:21,580 # It's the sun you need # 309 00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:26,600 # Sugar dumpling, muffin baby # 310 00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:31,050 # This world is going crazy # 311 00:14:31,066 --> 00:14:32,840 # Do do do do # 312 00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:35,173 # Do do do do # 313 00:14:35,187 --> 00:14:38,462 # Do do do do do # 314 00:14:40,235 --> 00:14:41,693 Hey, you're home. 315 00:14:41,708 --> 00:14:43,793 I didn't think we'd be seeing you until tomorrow morning. 316 00:14:43,826 --> 00:14:47,030 Ha, ha, ha, ha. It wasn't a date. 317 00:14:48,266 --> 00:14:51,461 Okay, it was a date and it got way weird. 318 00:14:54,848 --> 00:14:56,620 Oh, you really don't have to do that. 319 00:14:56,636 --> 00:14:59,320 No, I insist. You're my guest. 320 00:14:59,457 --> 00:15:01,003 Thanks, Brad. 321 00:15:01,765 --> 00:15:03,490 Bro, 322 00:15:03,508 --> 00:15:06,013 you got some chocolate on your chin. 323 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:09,621 Still there. 324 00:15:09,638 --> 00:15:11,490 I'll get that bad boy. 325 00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:16,362 Whoa. 326 00:15:16,377 --> 00:15:17,902 Well, it could have been worse. 327 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,182 It could have fallen in your lap. 328 00:15:22,116 --> 00:15:23,770 It gets worse. 329 00:15:23,785 --> 00:15:26,972 No, I-I can do it, Brad. Okay, thank you. 330 00:15:27,965 --> 00:15:30,471 So anyway, ah, it's this Saturday. 331 00:15:30,488 --> 00:15:32,162 Do you want to come? 332 00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:35,793 You want me to go to a wedding with you? 333 00:15:36,347 --> 00:15:38,682 Okay, that's not too bad. 334 00:15:38,696 --> 00:15:41,492 Two single guys on the prowl. It'll be like Wedding Crashers. 335 00:15:41,506 --> 00:15:44,532 Just keep Brad away from the bouquet. 336 00:15:46,036 --> 00:15:47,971 It gets worse. 337 00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:49,372 It gets better. 338 00:15:49,386 --> 00:15:52,743 The foliage in Vermont this time of year is ridonc. 339 00:15:52,758 --> 00:15:53,720 Vermont? 340 00:15:53,738 --> 00:15:56,490 Yeah, the wedding's at this awesome B&B. 341 00:15:56,505 --> 00:15:58,662 Kara and I used to go there. 342 00:15:58,678 --> 00:16:01,640 Anyway, there is one room left, and we got it. 343 00:16:01,658 --> 00:16:03,920 Walt Whitman Suite, bro. 344 00:16:08,108 --> 00:16:09,872 You said no, right? 345 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,273 Of course. 346 00:16:11,288 --> 00:16:12,660 I understand. 347 00:16:12,675 --> 00:16:13,932 It's cool. 348 00:16:13,945 --> 00:16:16,461 It's the first time I was going to see my college friends 349 00:16:16,477 --> 00:16:18,571 since Kara left me. 350 00:16:18,585 --> 00:16:20,223 I just... 351 00:16:21,968 --> 00:16:24,263 I just miss her so much. 352 00:16:27,985 --> 00:16:30,151 I'll go to Vermont with you. 353 00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:32,811 That's great! 354 00:16:33,115 --> 00:16:35,021 You know, uh, they're registered at Pottery Barn. 355 00:16:35,055 --> 00:16:38,172 I figure we could go halfsies on a gravy boat. 356 00:16:41,898 --> 00:16:45,102 I'm sorry. It's not funny anymore. 357 00:16:45,117 --> 00:16:47,161 Damn you, brunch! 358 00:16:47,958 --> 00:16:49,600 This guy's crazy, right? 359 00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,741 Look, I don't think he's crazy. 360 00:16:51,757 --> 00:16:55,252 I just think he's suffering from a severe case of girlfriend withdrawal. 361 00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:57,982 And unfortunately, you're his nicotine patch. 362 00:16:57,996 --> 00:17:02,033 And now you have to do what every dysfunctional couple has to do: 363 00:17:02,047 --> 00:17:03,122 break up. 364 00:17:03,138 --> 00:17:04,492 You're right. You're right. I promised Brad 365 00:17:04,526 --> 00:17:06,983 I would go to the wedding with him, and then that is it. 366 00:17:06,997 --> 00:17:08,501 Good man. 367 00:17:09,168 --> 00:17:11,731 Oh, I think we made the right decision 368 00:17:11,747 --> 00:17:14,031 going for the custom-made Italian sheets. 369 00:17:14,047 --> 00:17:17,640 Hey, if my bed's going suit up, it's going to do it right. 370 00:17:17,657 --> 00:17:19,703 Want to give it a whirl? 371 00:17:23,636 --> 00:17:26,330 All right, I'm going to head out, hit the bars. 372 00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:27,810 What are you going to do tonight? 373 00:17:27,826 --> 00:17:31,762 Oh, I was just going to watch Letterman but, God this bed is so comfy. 374 00:17:31,777 --> 00:17:34,261 I wish you had a TV in here. 375 00:17:38,447 --> 00:17:41,873 Okay, seriously, what do you do for a living? 376 00:17:41,887 --> 00:17:43,433 Please. 377 00:17:46,257 --> 00:17:47,842 I thought you were going out. 378 00:17:47,857 --> 00:17:48,952 Eh. 379 00:17:48,965 --> 00:17:50,953 After the monologue. 380 00:17:51,518 --> 00:17:54,292 The next morning, as the sun rose over Manhattan, 381 00:17:54,308 --> 00:17:56,391 your Uncle Marshall headed over to Brad's apartment 382 00:17:56,405 --> 00:17:58,463 to leave for the wedding in Vermont. 383 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,192 But when he got there... 384 00:18:00,206 --> 00:18:01,490 No. 385 00:18:01,895 --> 00:18:03,603 No... 386 00:18:05,115 --> 00:18:06,521 No. 387 00:18:07,007 --> 00:18:08,861 No! 388 00:18:09,357 --> 00:18:11,011 No. 389 00:18:15,458 --> 00:18:16,600 Ted. 390 00:18:16,618 --> 00:18:19,481 Um, Brad got me flowers. 391 00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:20,872 Hold on. 392 00:18:20,935 --> 00:18:23,041 Brad got him flowers. 393 00:18:23,695 --> 00:18:26,920 I'm sorry. It just got funny again. 394 00:18:30,128 --> 00:18:32,373 - Oh, hey... - No, Brad, uh, I don't want to hear it. 395 00:18:32,388 --> 00:18:35,452 I do like you. And calla lilies are my favorite flower. 396 00:18:35,467 --> 00:18:38,093 I don't know how you knew that. I guess you just get me, 397 00:18:38,108 --> 00:18:40,923 but this is not cool, man. I can't believe that you would... 398 00:18:40,937 --> 00:18:44,063 - Hey, sweetie. - Hey. 399 00:18:48,046 --> 00:18:50,983 - Hey, Marshall. - Hi, Kara. 400 00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:53,383 So you guys, are like, back together now? 401 00:18:53,396 --> 00:18:56,063 Yeah. Happened last night. 402 00:18:57,757 --> 00:18:59,901 Uh, I'm sorry, bro. 403 00:18:59,915 --> 00:19:01,873 - I should have called you. - Yeah, you should have. 404 00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,212 - Well, I didn't mean to hurt... - Don't, Brad. 405 00:19:06,517 --> 00:19:08,452 Just don't. 406 00:19:08,558 --> 00:19:11,742 # There was something # # in the air that night # 407 00:19:11,755 --> 00:19:14,081 # The stars went bright # 408 00:19:14,096 --> 00:19:16,690 Oh, what was with him? 409 00:19:16,707 --> 00:19:18,553 I don't know. 410 00:19:18,955 --> 00:19:21,182 I think he's in love with me. 411 00:19:22,577 --> 00:19:24,642 # Fernando # 412 00:19:33,178 --> 00:19:36,272 I can't believe we just... you and I... 413 00:19:36,287 --> 00:19:37,791 - what have we done? - Nothing. 414 00:19:37,806 --> 00:19:41,250 Nothing happened. We-we just went to sleep. 415 00:19:41,268 --> 00:19:44,010 Just went to sleep? I don't sleep in the same bed as a woman 416 00:19:44,025 --> 00:19:46,220 and not make a move. 417 00:19:46,238 --> 00:19:48,852 How could... You. 418 00:19:48,867 --> 00:19:51,852 You spooned me against my will. 419 00:19:51,868 --> 00:19:54,192 Hey, it takes two to cuddle. 420 00:19:54,206 --> 00:19:55,642 We... 421 00:19:56,915 --> 00:19:58,153 We... 422 00:19:58,168 --> 00:20:00,911 We redecorated my place. 423 00:20:00,925 --> 00:20:05,230 We stayed in on a Friday night to watch Letterman, 424 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,473 and then slept together and didn't have sex? 425 00:20:07,487 --> 00:20:11,030 Oh, my God, we're in a relationship. 426 00:20:11,315 --> 00:20:14,311 That's what you think a relationship is? 427 00:20:14,328 --> 00:20:15,773 You were supposed to be the vaccine, 428 00:20:15,787 --> 00:20:19,181 but you gave me the disease. You gotta go. 429 00:20:19,577 --> 00:20:21,441 Barney. 430 00:20:22,035 --> 00:20:25,833 I don't think you're mad at me. You're mad at yourself. 431 00:20:25,846 --> 00:20:29,232 You let down your guard, and let someone into your life, 432 00:20:29,247 --> 00:20:32,733 and-and it actually felt okay. 433 00:20:33,378 --> 00:20:36,023 And that terrifies you. 434 00:20:36,036 --> 00:20:38,503 Uh-huh. You gotta go. 435 00:20:38,526 --> 00:20:42,072 Hey, you can't just kick me out! I put a lot of work into this place, 436 00:20:42,086 --> 00:20:45,312 and I've grown accustomed to a certain standard of living. 437 00:20:45,326 --> 00:20:48,170 A certain standard of living? You didn't pay a single... 438 00:20:48,187 --> 00:20:51,243 And so Mr. and Mrs. Stinson, after two weeks of marriage, 439 00:20:51,256 --> 00:20:52,993 decided to call it quits. 440 00:20:53,006 --> 00:20:55,161 Fortunately, they reached a settlement. 441 00:20:55,176 --> 00:20:59,750 And that's the story of how Aunt Lily furnished her apartment. 442 00:21:02,486 --> 00:21:05,182 Marshall ran into Brad again some time later. 443 00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:06,903 Oh, my God, it's Brad. 444 00:21:06,918 --> 00:21:08,871 Laugh like I said something really funny. 445 00:21:08,887 --> 00:21:10,711 Right, right. 446 00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:11,560 Hey, Marshall. 447 00:21:11,575 --> 00:21:13,153 Oh, hey, hey, how's it going? 448 00:21:13,166 --> 00:21:14,592 It's good. 449 00:21:14,605 --> 00:21:17,303 - Hey, I'm, uh... - Yeah, I know who you are. 450 00:21:18,175 --> 00:21:20,172 Well, I got to go. I got this thing. 451 00:21:20,186 --> 00:21:22,142 Yeah, me too, but more important. 452 00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:23,720 So, I guess I'll see you around. 453 00:21:23,736 --> 00:21:26,270 Sure. Sure. 454 00:21:29,866 --> 00:21:32,540 Even if you don't believe it, tell me he looks fat. 455 00:21:32,555 --> 00:21:33,841 Totally looks fat.