1 00:00:00,166 --> 00:00:04,623 It was taken back in 2006, when Grandma and Grandpa came to visit me 2 00:00:04,633 --> 00:00:06,123 and we all went out to brunch. 3 00:00:06,133 --> 00:00:07,994 We all look pretty happy, right? 4 00:00:08,239 --> 00:00:09,299 Wrong. 5 00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:10,663 I wish your face would melt off. 6 00:00:10,673 --> 00:00:11,943 I wish your eyeballs would explode. 7 00:00:11,973 --> 00:00:14,417 - I hate you. - I hate you more. 8 00:00:14,427 --> 00:00:16,621 - I'm going to kill him. - I can't say I blame you. 9 00:00:16,631 --> 00:00:18,921 No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him. 10 00:00:18,938 --> 00:00:21,343 I don't care how unpleasant it is. You have to talk to him. 11 00:00:21,351 --> 00:00:23,264 - Not now. - Okay, if you don't, I will. 12 00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:24,480 Robin... 13 00:00:25,151 --> 00:00:27,845 Okay, for any of this to make sense, you got to understand, 14 00:00:27,855 --> 00:00:29,713 there are three parts to this story. 15 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:32,150 Let's start with the Marshall and Lily part. 16 00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:38,272 As a 30th anniversary gift, I had flown my parents to New York for the weekend. 17 00:00:38,287 --> 00:00:40,370 Oh, I forgot to tell you, your cousin Jimmy 18 00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:42,941 had a wonderful time at that spa he visited. 19 00:00:42,956 --> 00:00:46,191 You mean the spa the judge ordered him to go to to quit cocaine? 20 00:00:46,318 --> 00:00:47,710 Coffee? 21 00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:50,801 Now, Grandma and Grandpa didn't like to talk about things 22 00:00:50,816 --> 00:00:52,861 that were uncomfortable, emotional, 23 00:00:52,875 --> 00:00:54,870 or in any way... real. 24 00:00:54,885 --> 00:00:56,782 Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mosby. 25 00:00:56,796 --> 00:00:58,791 Oh, Lily! Hi, Marshall. 26 00:00:58,808 --> 00:00:59,732 Good to see you. 27 00:00:59,745 --> 00:01:02,441 I was just stopping by to pick up some of my things. 28 00:01:02,456 --> 00:01:05,750 Yes, we were so sorry to hear about your... 29 00:01:05,777 --> 00:01:07,992 you know, the, the... 30 00:01:10,248 --> 00:01:11,250 Well... 31 00:01:11,267 --> 00:01:13,301 Lily calling off the wedding and dumping me? 32 00:01:13,315 --> 00:01:16,333 Me begging Marshall to take me back and him rejecting me? 33 00:01:16,346 --> 00:01:18,193 I love your hair. 34 00:01:32,578 --> 00:01:34,680 This was only the second time Marshall and Lily 35 00:01:34,696 --> 00:01:36,590 had seen each other since breaking up, 36 00:01:36,606 --> 00:01:38,950 but to their credit, it wasn't that awkward. 37 00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:40,422 Actually, we're cool. 38 00:01:40,438 --> 00:01:43,491 We just divided up CDs. It was all very civil. 39 00:01:43,506 --> 00:01:45,202 I'm proud of us; we're, we're good. 40 00:01:45,216 --> 00:01:48,680 Well, we were all going to go to Casa a Pezzi at 8:00. 41 00:01:48,698 --> 00:01:50,950 Lily, would you like to join us? 42 00:01:50,968 --> 00:01:52,781 Um... 43 00:01:52,796 --> 00:01:54,042 What? 44 00:01:54,055 --> 00:01:58,360 Well, I-I don't want to go if it would make you uncomfortable. 45 00:01:58,378 --> 00:01:59,762 Why would it? 46 00:01:59,775 --> 00:02:02,662 Well, I mean, yeah, we're... we're good, 47 00:02:02,678 --> 00:02:07,032 but you got to admit there's that stuff between us. 48 00:02:07,048 --> 00:02:08,873 Um, not for me. 49 00:02:08,887 --> 00:02:11,123 Now it's just like we're friends. 50 00:02:11,137 --> 00:02:14,170 It's like we're brother and sister. 51 00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:17,961 "Brother and sister"?! 52 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:22,491 Okay. Fine, yeah, I'll see you at the restaurant, bro. 53 00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,700 See? Not awkward at all. 54 00:02:27,985 --> 00:02:29,623 - Hello, everyone. - Hi. 55 00:02:29,638 --> 00:02:31,140 Hello, Marshall. 56 00:02:31,157 --> 00:02:33,401 Lily, that is a stunning dress. 57 00:02:33,415 --> 00:02:35,331 Oh, thanks. 58 00:02:35,345 --> 00:02:37,461 It's kind of revealing, but I thought, 59 00:02:37,477 --> 00:02:40,820 "Hey, we're all family." Right, bro? 60 00:02:42,355 --> 00:02:43,321 What's wrong? 61 00:02:43,336 --> 00:02:46,662 Oh, I, I hurt my ankle in yoga today. 62 00:02:46,675 --> 00:02:49,110 The instructor told me to just take deep breaths 63 00:02:49,128 --> 00:02:51,410 to get through the pain, just... 64 00:02:58,116 --> 00:03:01,503 Are you all right? You're kind of sweating. 65 00:03:01,518 --> 00:03:03,653 No, I'm fine. It's just... 66 00:03:03,665 --> 00:03:06,552 this roll is really spicy. 67 00:03:06,946 --> 00:03:08,780 Lily is evil! 68 00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,961 She just wore that dress to torture me. 69 00:03:10,976 --> 00:03:13,040 Well, you know what? Two can play at that game. 70 00:03:13,056 --> 00:03:16,202 See, at brunch, I'm going to torture Lily right back. 71 00:03:16,218 --> 00:03:19,380 Yeah. There's a part of my body that she's got a weakness for, too. 72 00:03:19,395 --> 00:03:22,122 Dude, you can't whip that out at brunch. 73 00:03:22,778 --> 00:03:24,400 No, not that. 74 00:03:24,758 --> 00:03:28,473 I'm going to unleash my calves. 75 00:03:29,018 --> 00:03:30,692 That's crazy. 76 00:03:30,707 --> 00:03:32,791 Nobody's turned on by men's calves. 77 00:03:32,805 --> 00:03:35,301 They're a thoroughly unerotic body part. 78 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:39,372 Well, yeah, I'd say that, too, if I had those skinny little chicken legs. 79 00:03:40,935 --> 00:03:43,761 I'll be waiting by the phone for your apology. 80 00:03:45,155 --> 00:03:47,703 So Marshall showed up at brunch with a plan. 81 00:03:47,717 --> 00:03:49,143 - Hello. - Oh, hi. 82 00:03:49,176 --> 00:03:50,522 - Hey, Marshall. - Hey. 83 00:03:50,535 --> 00:03:52,283 Hey. How are you feeling? 84 00:03:52,296 --> 00:03:54,551 You looked kind of feverish last night. 85 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,701 Oh, no, I actually feel great. 86 00:03:57,417 --> 00:04:00,061 It is kind of warm in here, though, isn't it? 87 00:04:00,075 --> 00:04:02,650 Oh, I don't know, if anything, it's kind of... 88 00:04:02,666 --> 00:04:03,641 What are you doing? 89 00:04:03,656 --> 00:04:05,493 Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. 90 00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:09,440 I'm just making myself feel a little bit more... comfortable. 91 00:04:14,015 --> 00:04:15,442 Oh. 92 00:04:15,985 --> 00:04:17,891 Oh, yes. 93 00:04:18,088 --> 00:04:21,490 I've been doing all these toe lifts lately, and so... 94 00:04:21,546 --> 00:04:24,752 my calves have really been cramping up. 95 00:04:34,377 --> 00:04:35,530 Take off your dress. 96 00:04:35,545 --> 00:04:37,862 Take off the rest of your pants. 97 00:04:39,685 --> 00:04:41,410 I really wasn't expecting that to happen. 98 00:04:41,426 --> 00:04:43,490 Yeah, me neither. It kind of complicates things, doesn't it? 99 00:04:43,528 --> 00:04:47,640 Yeah, it does. Why did you have to throw your magnificent calves at me? 100 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,213 You know you have a punter's leg. 101 00:04:49,225 --> 00:04:51,652 Well, why did you have to throw your beautiful boobs at me? 102 00:04:51,668 --> 00:04:54,250 You know you have... boobs. 103 00:04:54,667 --> 00:04:57,953 Just admit it, you came here trying to seduce me. 104 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,921 Seduce you? You seduced me. 105 00:04:59,935 --> 00:05:02,870 You sat down next to me and took most of your pants off. 106 00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:05,133 You went to San Francisco for three months. 107 00:05:05,145 --> 00:05:06,571 How is that seducing you? 108 00:05:06,585 --> 00:05:08,131 Well, it's not but I'm still mad about it. 109 00:05:08,168 --> 00:05:10,621 All right, that's it-- I want The Beatles Anthology. 110 00:05:10,637 --> 00:05:11,962 Oh, well, that's too bad; I'm keeping it. 111 00:05:11,997 --> 00:05:14,040 And you know the U2 box set I gave you? 112 00:05:14,057 --> 00:05:16,102 Look inside-- all Dave Matthews. 113 00:05:16,117 --> 00:05:17,511 You are evil. 114 00:05:17,527 --> 00:05:19,201 S mile. 115 00:05:21,247 --> 00:05:22,352 I'm going to kill him. 116 00:05:22,366 --> 00:05:23,673 I can't say I blame you. 117 00:05:23,687 --> 00:05:26,692 No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him. 118 00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:30,940 Now let's talk about the Barney part of the story. 119 00:05:32,117 --> 00:05:34,841 This was going to be Robin's first time meeting my parents, 120 00:05:34,855 --> 00:05:37,163 so we were both a little nervous. 121 00:05:38,106 --> 00:05:40,060 Barney, what are you doing here? 122 00:05:40,075 --> 00:05:42,070 Uh... I'm here to meet your parents. 123 00:05:42,086 --> 00:05:43,351 They must be dying to meet me after all 124 00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:45,302 the legendary Barney stories you've told them. 125 00:05:45,316 --> 00:05:47,213 I haven't told them any legendary Barney stories. 126 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,130 What? 127 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:53,040 Barney, here is a list of all the things I talk with my dad about: baseball. 128 00:05:55,315 --> 00:05:56,701 But I'm your best friend. 129 00:05:56,717 --> 00:05:57,792 Well, actually Marshall's my... 130 00:05:57,826 --> 00:05:59,622 I'm the most important person in your life. 131 00:05:59,638 --> 00:06:00,682 Well, Robin's actually... 132 00:06:00,697 --> 00:06:03,051 How could your parents not know about me? 133 00:06:03,065 --> 00:06:04,411 I'm delightful. 134 00:06:04,428 --> 00:06:08,662 To us, sure, in very small, infrequent doses. 135 00:06:08,676 --> 00:06:10,502 I mean, come on, you're not exactly the kind of friend 136 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:12,303 parents want their kid to have. 137 00:06:12,315 --> 00:06:13,861 Oh, really? 138 00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:16,112 Then I guess those shoes aren't the thing 139 00:06:16,127 --> 00:06:18,452 you're most wrong about today. 140 00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:23,930 - Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. - Ted. 141 00:06:23,947 --> 00:06:25,643 I know you've all been excited to meet... 142 00:06:25,655 --> 00:06:29,663 Barney Stinson. An honor to meet the two of you. 143 00:06:29,677 --> 00:06:32,093 That needlepoint "Bless This Mess" pillow you made for Ted-- 144 00:06:32,101 --> 00:06:33,434 what a stitch. 145 00:06:33,446 --> 00:06:35,600 Stitch! Did that just happen? 146 00:06:37,241 --> 00:06:39,385 Uh, Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend, Robin. 147 00:06:39,397 --> 00:06:40,411 - Hello. - Hello. 148 00:06:40,427 --> 00:06:42,370 Oh, it's wonderful to meet you, Robin. 149 00:06:42,387 --> 00:06:45,392 Oh, you are so pretty. Isn't she pretty, Al? 150 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,471 A real looker. 151 00:06:46,487 --> 00:06:49,793 That's funny, I didn't even "look" in the mirror today. 152 00:06:51,725 --> 00:06:54,212 That's not anything, is it? 153 00:06:54,308 --> 00:06:58,920 So, I made a reservation at San Marino tonight for 8:00. 154 00:06:58,936 --> 00:07:01,162 San Marino. 155 00:07:01,178 --> 00:07:02,863 Oh, you're serious? Yikes. 156 00:07:02,875 --> 00:07:05,311 No. We have to try Casa A Pezzi. 157 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,513 Best salmon risotto I have ever had. 158 00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:09,742 I love salmon risotto. 159 00:07:09,758 --> 00:07:11,522 I know. 160 00:07:12,018 --> 00:07:14,250 How are we supposed to get a table at Casa A Pezzi? 161 00:07:14,277 --> 00:07:15,570 They're booked for weeks. 162 00:07:15,586 --> 00:07:18,352 Well, lucky for you, I happen to know the head waitress, 163 00:07:18,366 --> 00:07:20,780 which is ironic because... 164 00:07:21,878 --> 00:07:26,721 Ironic because we both work at a homeless shelter where I serve the food. 165 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:29,152 Where do you volunteer, Robin? 166 00:07:30,207 --> 00:07:31,791 What's the matter with you? 167 00:07:31,807 --> 00:07:34,353 I'm his girlfriend, and I'm not even trying that hard. 168 00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:36,400 Way to wreck the curve, kiss-ass. 169 00:07:36,418 --> 00:07:38,260 Robin, I'm his best friend. 170 00:07:38,276 --> 00:07:39,510 That's a commitment. 171 00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:42,180 Girlfriend, that's like a bad flu. 172 00:07:42,196 --> 00:07:44,280 Out of your system after a couple weeks in bed. 173 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,820 High five. 174 00:07:46,338 --> 00:07:47,580 Can I help? 175 00:07:47,598 --> 00:07:49,191 Yes, you can, Virginia. 176 00:07:49,206 --> 00:07:53,020 There's a story behind that broach, and I'm going to hear it. 177 00:07:53,036 --> 00:07:54,780 Well, funny you should ask. 178 00:07:58,635 --> 00:08:01,471 Whoa! Bravo, Barney. 179 00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,982 That is my all-time favorite sonata. 180 00:08:04,997 --> 00:08:06,721 Barney, you are just delightful. 181 00:08:06,738 --> 00:08:10,041 No, Virginia, you're delightful, I am deligh-ted. 182 00:08:10,055 --> 00:08:11,352 And he's just Ted. 183 00:08:11,368 --> 00:08:14,522 I'm really not planning these things; they just keep happening. 184 00:08:15,017 --> 00:08:17,943 Whoops. I think I dropped an ice cube down here. 185 00:08:17,957 --> 00:08:19,651 Ow, it's so cold. 186 00:08:20,106 --> 00:08:22,232 All right, that's it, I'm out of here. 187 00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:25,772 In a minute. 188 00:08:26,346 --> 00:08:28,323 Anyone up for a drink at MacLaren's? 189 00:08:28,338 --> 00:08:29,812 - No, I'm kind of tired. - Me, too. 190 00:08:29,826 --> 00:08:31,051 Yeah, I'm sure my folks are gonna want... 191 00:08:31,088 --> 00:08:33,981 I feel like I could knock back a few cervezas. 192 00:08:33,997 --> 00:08:35,863 Cervezas? 193 00:08:35,878 --> 00:08:37,600 Did he fall? 194 00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:41,531 I'd join you, too, but I want to get up early for Mass tomorrow. 195 00:08:41,546 --> 00:08:45,150 St. Peter's, 8:45 a.m., it's my favorite service. 196 00:08:45,166 --> 00:08:49,282 Wait a minute-- you're able to cross the threshold of a church? 197 00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:50,562 I'll save you a seat. 198 00:08:50,575 --> 00:08:53,242 Oh, you are just terrific. 199 00:08:53,256 --> 00:08:55,311 Isn't he, Susan? 200 00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:56,951 Robin. 201 00:08:56,968 --> 00:08:59,772 Susan, her name is Virginia. 202 00:09:02,956 --> 00:09:05,330 Dude, I am sincerely ticked at your dad right now. 203 00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:06,600 Why? 204 00:09:06,615 --> 00:09:09,341 Last night, we go to MacLaren's for a drink, right? 205 00:09:09,355 --> 00:09:11,871 So Barney darts back into the burning house, 206 00:09:11,886 --> 00:09:14,003 lifts up the refrigerator I'm pinned under 207 00:09:14,018 --> 00:09:16,111 and pulls me to safety. 208 00:09:16,406 --> 00:09:18,443 Whoa. You're like a hero. 209 00:09:18,455 --> 00:09:20,632 Oh, I'm no hero, Wendy. 210 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,603 You know who is a hero? 211 00:09:22,617 --> 00:09:25,261 My Dalmatian, Smokey. 212 00:09:25,396 --> 00:09:29,892 He... didn't... make it out. 213 00:09:30,947 --> 00:09:32,513 I'm sorry. 214 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,570 You poor, brave man. 215 00:09:36,588 --> 00:09:38,851 Why don't you give the guy a hug? 216 00:09:38,875 --> 00:09:40,870 I'm... oh. 217 00:09:44,778 --> 00:09:47,362 My dad was your wingman? 218 00:09:47,375 --> 00:09:48,931 This is really messing with my head. 219 00:09:48,947 --> 00:09:51,851 Barney, is my dad cool? 220 00:09:51,865 --> 00:09:53,493 I'm not done. 221 00:09:53,658 --> 00:09:55,993 So, your dad stays to finish his drink, 222 00:09:56,006 --> 00:09:59,130 but I take off because I have to be up early for Mass with your mom. 223 00:09:59,145 --> 00:10:00,453 Sure. 224 00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:04,922 Anyway, I realize that I left my phone on the bar, so I come back... 225 00:10:08,578 --> 00:10:10,332 Oh, my God... 226 00:10:15,075 --> 00:10:16,661 Oh, my God. 227 00:10:16,836 --> 00:10:18,580 Is that really... 228 00:10:19,487 --> 00:10:22,190 - Oh, my God! - I know. 229 00:10:22,307 --> 00:10:25,730 Can you believe your dad rack-jacked me like that? 230 00:10:31,225 --> 00:10:34,202 My dad made out with Wendy the waitress? 231 00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:36,811 He cheated on my mom? No, that's impossible. 232 00:10:36,827 --> 00:10:39,823 Ted, it's a well-known statistic that 83% of people 233 00:10:39,838 --> 00:10:42,701 married longer than six months are seeing someone on the side. 234 00:10:42,715 --> 00:10:46,511 Do you know that when you make up a statistic, you always use "83%"? 235 00:10:46,777 --> 00:10:48,223 You think I'm lying. 236 00:10:48,236 --> 00:10:50,302 Well, have you done any surveys on the subject? 237 00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:54,263 Because the good people at www.swingers.open-marriage-is natural\ 238 00:10:54,276 --> 00:10:57,912 legalize-polygamy.org have, and they beg to differ. 239 00:10:57,926 --> 00:10:59,321 That's not a real Web site. 240 00:10:59,335 --> 00:11:03,291 Oh, and I suppose I didn't get a real T-shirt for running in their 10K. 241 00:11:06,835 --> 00:11:09,591 - Hi, Dad. - Hey, Ted. Barney. 242 00:11:09,607 --> 00:11:12,092 - Enjoying your vacation so far? - Oh, yeah. 243 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,302 Uh, listen, can I speak to you outside for a sec? 244 00:11:14,315 --> 00:11:15,662 Sure. 245 00:11:19,556 --> 00:11:21,402 So you went out with Barney last night? 246 00:11:21,415 --> 00:11:22,561 Yeah. 247 00:11:22,966 --> 00:11:23,970 You have a good time? 248 00:11:23,986 --> 00:11:26,362 Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry you couldn't join us. 249 00:11:28,417 --> 00:11:29,860 Yeah. 250 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:31,962 So... 251 00:11:32,806 --> 00:11:34,093 What? 252 00:11:34,535 --> 00:11:35,942 Well... 253 00:11:37,176 --> 00:11:38,500 Well what? 254 00:11:40,256 --> 00:11:43,713 You think Cerrano's got a shot at the RBI title? 255 00:11:44,685 --> 00:11:46,960 I wanted to confront him, but I couldn't. 256 00:11:46,975 --> 00:11:50,200 I guess I got the let's-not-talk- about-anything-uncomfortable gene 257 00:11:50,215 --> 00:11:52,841 Well, you didn't get your dad's close-the-deal gene, that's for sure. 258 00:11:52,876 --> 00:11:54,331 Smile. 259 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:55,761 Great. 260 00:11:55,777 --> 00:11:59,222 I don't care how unpleasant it is. You have to talk to him. 261 00:11:59,235 --> 00:12:00,440 Not now. 262 00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:02,222 Okay, if you don't, I will. 263 00:12:02,238 --> 00:12:03,543 Robin...! 264 00:12:04,278 --> 00:12:07,091 Okay, now I got to back up all the way to the beginning 265 00:12:07,108 --> 00:12:10,003 to tell you the me and Robin part of the story. 266 00:12:11,076 --> 00:12:13,833 We were expecting my parents at any minute. 267 00:12:13,846 --> 00:12:15,492 One last thing about my mom. 268 00:12:15,505 --> 00:12:17,140 She grills every single one of my girlfriends 269 00:12:17,177 --> 00:12:19,470 about when we're gonna get married and have kids. 270 00:12:19,487 --> 00:12:21,103 But this is the first time she's meeting me. 271 00:12:21,136 --> 00:12:21,812 Doesn't matter. 272 00:12:21,827 --> 00:12:24,302 And you'll know it's coming when she mentions my cousin Stacy-- 273 00:12:24,337 --> 00:12:26,122 six kids in five years. 274 00:12:26,135 --> 00:12:28,992 The woman's basically a ride at a water park. 275 00:12:29,608 --> 00:12:32,371 But I don't want to get married and have kids. 276 00:12:32,386 --> 00:12:33,913 What am I supposed to say? 277 00:12:33,928 --> 00:12:35,251 You know what? 278 00:12:35,268 --> 00:12:37,922 You're an adult with perfectly valid opinions. 279 00:12:37,937 --> 00:12:39,422 You shouldn't have to apologize for them. 280 00:12:39,455 --> 00:12:41,572 - I'm gonna lie. - I would. 281 00:12:42,535 --> 00:12:45,800 Thanks again for letting me have the U2 box set. 282 00:12:45,818 --> 00:12:48,110 I know how important it is to you. 283 00:12:48,177 --> 00:12:50,583 I talked to Aunt Caroline the other day. 284 00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:52,772 Stacy's pregnant again. 285 00:12:52,787 --> 00:12:55,113 Oh, good for her. 286 00:12:55,128 --> 00:12:57,192 - So, dear... - Oh, boy. 287 00:12:57,207 --> 00:12:58,912 Tell us what it's like being a journalist. 288 00:12:58,927 --> 00:13:00,650 I'm just not ready. 289 00:13:00,665 --> 00:13:03,073 Okay. No pressure. 290 00:13:03,096 --> 00:13:06,330 Oh. Uh, I thought you, um... 291 00:13:06,375 --> 00:13:07,821 It's great. 292 00:13:07,838 --> 00:13:08,760 Good. 293 00:13:08,776 --> 00:13:12,170 Focus on your job now, because your career clock is ticking. 294 00:13:12,185 --> 00:13:16,142 There's time for marriage and kids and all that other stuff later. 295 00:13:17,578 --> 00:13:19,620 Ooh, a piano! 296 00:13:21,338 --> 00:13:23,421 You lucked out with my mom last night, huh? 297 00:13:23,437 --> 00:13:24,523 What a relief, right? 298 00:13:24,536 --> 00:13:25,733 Oh, absolutely. 299 00:13:25,747 --> 00:13:27,862 Whew, what a relief it is to know I'm the one girlfriend 300 00:13:27,895 --> 00:13:30,312 your mom doesn't want you to have kids with. 301 00:13:30,565 --> 00:13:32,202 Hooray? 302 00:13:32,505 --> 00:13:35,360 I mean, did she really think that your college girlfriend Cheryl 303 00:13:35,377 --> 00:13:37,181 would pop out attractive children? 304 00:13:37,198 --> 00:13:39,303 'Cause I've seen pictures, and, I'm sorry, 305 00:13:39,317 --> 00:13:42,111 that girl had a brow ridge like a caveman. 306 00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:44,863 Come on, she was just frowning under direct light. 307 00:13:44,877 --> 00:13:47,593 And besides, that's not even what I liked about her. It was her... 308 00:13:47,825 --> 00:13:49,492 It's not important. 309 00:13:51,245 --> 00:13:53,192 What happened to Marshall and Lily? 310 00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,653 They've been fighting lately. 311 00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:56,793 They're probably off somewhere going at it. 312 00:13:56,807 --> 00:13:58,011 More coffee? 313 00:13:58,028 --> 00:14:00,102 Oh, no, thank you. 314 00:14:00,866 --> 00:14:03,101 Isn't she sweet? 315 00:14:03,117 --> 00:14:06,732 Well, if she's so sweet, maybe she should have Ted's babies. 316 00:14:06,955 --> 00:14:08,581 Excuse me? 317 00:14:08,596 --> 00:14:10,130 Nothing. 318 00:14:15,535 --> 00:14:16,800 Just a minute. 319 00:14:16,818 --> 00:14:18,582 Maybe less. 320 00:14:18,615 --> 00:14:21,953 Robin, dear. Did I say something to upset you? 321 00:14:21,968 --> 00:14:24,462 Why don't you want me to have your grandkids? 322 00:14:24,747 --> 00:14:26,711 Do you want to have my grandkids? 323 00:14:26,725 --> 00:14:29,791 No! I mean, I don't know. 324 00:14:29,805 --> 00:14:33,222 I just... I want you to want me to want to have your grandkids. 325 00:14:33,238 --> 00:14:35,990 And you should. I'm a genetic gold mine. 326 00:14:36,005 --> 00:14:38,731 No family history of diabetes or heart disease. 327 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:42,071 Everyone has nonporous teeth and perfect eyesight. 328 00:14:42,086 --> 00:14:46,361 I had one schizophrenic uncle, but even he had perfect vision. 329 00:14:46,375 --> 00:14:48,312 Which was unfortunate 330 00:14:48,325 --> 00:14:50,931 for the people around the bell tower he was in, 331 00:14:50,947 --> 00:14:53,111 but still he was a very fine man, and... 332 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:56,091 Excuse me. Sorry. Didn't know that there was a line. 333 00:14:56,157 --> 00:14:58,023 Marshall, your zipper. 334 00:15:05,966 --> 00:15:08,972 Robin, it's not that I don't want grandkids. 335 00:15:08,987 --> 00:15:11,141 It's just I don't think anyone should make the mistake 336 00:15:11,157 --> 00:15:13,151 of getting married too young. 337 00:15:13,167 --> 00:15:14,193 Why do you say that? 338 00:15:14,207 --> 00:15:17,762 I mean, you got married pretty young. That wasn't a mistake. 339 00:15:18,837 --> 00:15:20,471 Was it? 340 00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:21,971 Well... 341 00:15:22,037 --> 00:15:24,121 Okay, there's something you don't know. 342 00:15:24,137 --> 00:15:25,823 Smile. 343 00:15:26,205 --> 00:15:27,583 I wish your face would melt off. 344 00:15:27,597 --> 00:15:29,160 I wish your eyeballs would explode. 345 00:15:29,176 --> 00:15:30,010 I'm gonna kill him. 346 00:15:30,028 --> 00:15:32,280 I don't care how unpleasant it is, you have to talk to him. 347 00:15:32,317 --> 00:15:34,422 - Not now. - Okay, if you don't, I will. 348 00:15:34,435 --> 00:15:35,590 Robin...! 349 00:15:36,688 --> 00:15:39,550 Oh, gosh, let me help you pick those up, sweetheart. 350 00:15:39,568 --> 00:15:41,741 Sweetheart? Sweetheart?! 351 00:15:41,756 --> 00:15:43,422 The only sweetheart in your life should be the woman 352 00:15:43,456 --> 00:15:45,860 you married 30 years ago, not the waitress at the bar last night 353 00:15:45,896 --> 00:15:48,243 and not this clumsy floozy! 354 00:15:48,257 --> 00:15:49,740 I'm sorry, you're not a floozy. 355 00:15:49,758 --> 00:15:52,103 I'm upset, I don't know what I'm saying. 356 00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,652 But stay away from my dad. 357 00:15:54,948 --> 00:15:57,552 Ted, what are you talking about? 358 00:15:57,586 --> 00:15:58,942 Dad? 359 00:15:58,956 --> 00:16:03,533 You, uh, want to tell Mom what happened at the bar last night? 360 00:16:05,337 --> 00:16:07,053 Okay. 361 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,431 I hooked up with a waitress. 362 00:16:09,897 --> 00:16:11,372 Oh. 363 00:16:12,155 --> 00:16:13,542 Oh? 364 00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,423 I mean, oh! 365 00:16:15,438 --> 00:16:17,702 Oh! Ooh! 366 00:16:17,717 --> 00:16:20,961 We're going to have a serious talk about this when we get home, Al. 367 00:16:20,978 --> 00:16:23,012 Oh, ooh! 368 00:16:23,278 --> 00:16:25,442 Serious talk? Mom, what...? 369 00:16:25,456 --> 00:16:27,912 He was kissing another woman. Don't you care? 370 00:16:27,928 --> 00:16:29,842 Mrs. Mosby? 371 00:16:31,928 --> 00:16:34,903 Ted, we weren't quite sure how to tell you this... 372 00:16:34,915 --> 00:16:37,651 Your mother and I are divorced. 373 00:16:42,805 --> 00:16:45,573 What do you mean you're divorced? Since when? 374 00:16:45,585 --> 00:16:48,163 Oh, gosh, it's been about nine months now. 375 00:16:48,177 --> 00:16:49,571 Closer to ten, I think. 376 00:16:49,585 --> 00:16:51,463 Time flies. 377 00:16:51,476 --> 00:16:54,090 So ten months ago, you just up and decided 378 00:16:54,108 --> 00:16:55,890 to get divorced without telling me? 379 00:16:55,905 --> 00:16:57,562 No, it wasn't a snap decision. 380 00:16:57,576 --> 00:17:00,082 We'd been separated almost two years. 381 00:17:00,097 --> 00:17:02,061 How could you not tell me this?! 382 00:17:02,075 --> 00:17:05,411 We meant to, it just never seemed like the right time. 383 00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,383 So last Christmas...? 384 00:17:07,398 --> 00:17:09,280 We talked about telling you kids then, 385 00:17:09,298 --> 00:17:11,563 but it didn't seem very Christmasy. 386 00:17:12,538 --> 00:17:14,280 I got you a tandem bike. 387 00:17:14,295 --> 00:17:17,582 Oh, it didn't go to waste. Your mother and Frank ride it all the time. 388 00:17:17,596 --> 00:17:19,030 Who the hell is Frank?! 389 00:17:19,048 --> 00:17:22,543 Oh, great guy. I actually set them up. 390 00:17:22,558 --> 00:17:25,893 You remember Dr. Muchnik. He did your braces. 391 00:17:28,708 --> 00:17:30,770 Okay, my head's about to explode, 392 00:17:30,785 --> 00:17:32,881 and I don't want to get it all over everyone's waffles, 393 00:17:32,915 --> 00:17:34,401 so I am leaving. 394 00:17:34,417 --> 00:17:36,420 Teddy bear, oh... 395 00:17:40,487 --> 00:17:43,421 You know, he mentioned he was divorced last night. 396 00:17:43,435 --> 00:17:45,201 I totally spaced on that. 397 00:17:46,776 --> 00:17:49,162 Ooh, no line at the omelet station. 398 00:17:55,348 --> 00:17:56,890 Lily... 399 00:17:57,298 --> 00:18:00,030 I'm sorry that I said all those things. 400 00:18:00,086 --> 00:18:01,753 Me, too. 401 00:18:03,066 --> 00:18:06,162 I just find it really confusing to be around you right now. 402 00:18:06,176 --> 00:18:07,882 It's the same for me. 403 00:18:08,848 --> 00:18:10,952 I think we're probably both better off trying 404 00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:13,682 to keep some distance for a while. 405 00:18:13,766 --> 00:18:15,730 Yeah, I think you're right. 406 00:18:23,338 --> 00:18:24,820 Are you wearing a push-up bra? 407 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,303 Did you Mystic Tan your calves? 408 00:18:26,317 --> 00:18:28,240 I withdraw the question. 409 00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:32,861 We're sorry we didn't say anything about the divorce. 410 00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:35,312 It was wrong not to tell you. 411 00:18:35,326 --> 00:18:36,763 Thank you. 412 00:18:36,776 --> 00:18:38,242 But listen, don't tell your sister. 413 00:18:38,257 --> 00:18:40,182 It would just upset her. 414 00:18:40,546 --> 00:18:42,430 No, this is ridiculous! 415 00:18:42,447 --> 00:18:45,791 We have to start talking about stuff, and not just baseball. 416 00:18:45,805 --> 00:18:47,810 Indians won today on a walk-off double. 417 00:18:47,828 --> 00:18:50,203 Against the Red Sox? Boy, that's a big win. 418 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:53,143 No. No. No. We're not gonna blow past this. 419 00:18:53,158 --> 00:18:55,153 I mean, I don't even know who you people. 420 00:18:55,165 --> 00:18:57,343 I don't even know how you met. 421 00:18:57,357 --> 00:18:59,040 I never told you how I met your mother? 422 00:18:59,057 --> 00:19:00,882 - No. - Oh, great story. 423 00:19:00,898 --> 00:19:02,423 At a bar. 424 00:19:04,285 --> 00:19:05,650 That's it? 425 00:19:05,668 --> 00:19:08,651 That's what passes for communication in our family? 426 00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:11,371 Man, when I have kids, and I tell them how I met their mother, 427 00:19:11,388 --> 00:19:14,523 I'm gonna tell them everything, the whole damn story. 428 00:19:15,546 --> 00:19:17,731 I think it was an Irish bar. 429 00:19:19,536 --> 00:19:21,803 I just, I don't... I don't understand. 430 00:19:21,816 --> 00:19:23,522 You seemed so happy. 431 00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:25,882 When I was growing up, you seemed so... 432 00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:27,553 What happened? 433 00:19:27,628 --> 00:19:30,133 We just realized we're very different people. 434 00:19:30,148 --> 00:19:32,533 Your father's kind of a head-in-the-clouds romantic, 435 00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,970 and I'm much more down to earth. 436 00:19:34,988 --> 00:19:36,153 So? 437 00:19:36,168 --> 00:19:38,901 Robin and I are like that. That doesn't mean anything. 438 00:19:38,915 --> 00:19:41,710 I wanted kids. And your mother... 439 00:19:42,155 --> 00:19:44,591 also wanted kids. 440 00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:47,520 Robin and I have different views on families. 441 00:19:47,536 --> 00:19:49,263 We're not about to break up because of it. 442 00:19:49,276 --> 00:19:52,222 On some level, I always knew. 443 00:19:52,235 --> 00:19:54,482 I didn't even want to go out with him in the beginning. 444 00:19:54,496 --> 00:19:58,483 But he spent months badgering me until I finally gave in. 445 00:19:59,355 --> 00:20:03,653 Well, when you don't connect on that many fundamental levels, 446 00:20:03,668 --> 00:20:07,580 it's only a matter of time before you realize you're not meant to be together. 447 00:20:08,865 --> 00:20:10,870 But we love Robin. 448 00:20:10,885 --> 00:20:11,871 Absolutely. 449 00:20:11,886 --> 00:20:14,002 Meeting you was the highlight of my trip. 450 00:20:14,018 --> 00:20:16,381 Well, second highlight. 451 00:20:17,287 --> 00:20:20,170 - We'll see you inside. - Sorry. 452 00:20:25,046 --> 00:20:26,480 Wow. 453 00:20:26,617 --> 00:20:28,090 I know. 454 00:20:28,987 --> 00:20:31,503 They love me! 455 00:20:34,346 --> 00:20:37,670 So we are definitely going to try and communicate more. 456 00:20:37,688 --> 00:20:39,451 From now on, full disclosure. 457 00:20:39,468 --> 00:20:43,233 Good. Good, I think it'll be really good for the family. 458 00:20:43,248 --> 00:20:46,933 By the way, how's Grandma? She hasn't returned my last couple calls. 459 00:20:53,198 --> 00:20:55,761 I'm gonna get some juice. 460 00:20:57,665 --> 00:20:59,391 No. 461 00:21:01,138 --> 00:21:03,343 No. 462 00:21:03,685 --> 00:21:07,513 You missed a great game last night. Real squeaker.