1
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:19,182
<i>OLDER TED; When you meet someone</i>
<i>special suddenly life is full of firsts,</i>

2
00:00:19,285 --> 00:00:20,718
<i>The first kiss,</i>

3
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:22,549
<i>The first night together,</i>

4
00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:24,680
<i>The first weekend together,</i>

5
00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:29,319
<i>For me, all those firsts happened</i>
<i>within 48 hours of meeting Victoria,</i>

6
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:32,664
They've gotta come out soon. It's Monday.

7
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,467
Do you think they've been in there
the whole time?

8
00:00:35,568 --> 00:00:38,435
I don't know whether to be proud
or concerned.

9
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,836
Maybe they're not even in there.

10
00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:45,672
- Morning.
- Hey, guys.

11
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:48,975
- I'm just gonna ignore that.
- Thank you.

12
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,611
- I wish you could stay.
- I know. Me, too.

13
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,743
But I have to go to work,
and you have that meeting.

14
00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:57,220
- Call you afterwards?
- I'll inappropriately text you during.

15
00:00:58,691 --> 00:00:59,953
- Bye.
- Bye.

16
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,823
- Bye.
- Oh, Victoria. You're here...

17
00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:03,259
Toodle-oo!

18
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:07,026
Two days straight!

19
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:10,000
Wow! Your room must smell
like a monkey cage.

20
00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:11,798
Come on, give us a number.
Lily guessed eight,

21
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,068
- but I know my boy got the double digits!
- Zero.

22
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:16,230
- What?
- What?

23
00:01:16,342 --> 00:01:17,775
Guys, we just met.

24
00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:20,812
And we both screwed up relationships
in the past by jumping in too quick.

25
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,144
So we talked about it
and we decided to take this one slow.

26
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,342
- Her idea.
- Totally her idea!

27
00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:27,753
But I don't know. I'm really into this girl.

28
00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:31,950
And if going slow is what it takes
to make this happen, I say, bring it on.

29
00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:36,056
I don't feel so good.

30
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:39,188
It's like my testicles
mixed pop rocks and soda.

31
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,597
I can't believe she's making you wait
a whole month.

32
00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:42,998
I would never put up with that.

33
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,128
You've only had sex with one girl
in your whole life.

34
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:46,466
Burn!

35
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:48,700
Ted, the only reason to wait
a month for sex

36
00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:51,641
is if the girl is 17 years, 11 months old.

37
00:01:52,011 --> 00:01:54,377
Good news! I don't have to cover
the cat show tomorrow night.

38
00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:55,675
Who's up for hanging out?

39
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,773
Oh, I can't.
I'm taking Victoria out for dinner.

40
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,819
Oh, we can't.
It's our nine-year anniversary.

41
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,947
Wow! Nine years?
Your relationship's a fourth grader.

42
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:07,290
- Congrats.
- Thanks.

43
00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:10,328
We're going to the Berkshires
for the maple syrup harvest.

44
00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:14,264
It's one of <i>New York</i> magazine's
top five romantic getaways on a budget.

45
00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:16,767
Who says sexual can't be sensible?

46
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,234
Well, looks like it's gonna be
just you and me.

47
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:21,500
Really?

48
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:24,636
Actually, I was talking to my martini.

49
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:27,981
- Ready to go?
- Hell, yeah.

50
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,812
- Ready to go?
- Hell, yeah.

51
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:32,544
Nothing better than a weekend
at a good bed-and-breakfast.

52
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:36,247
Yeah. Waking up for breakfast
at 7:00 a.m. Sharp.

53
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:40,959
Complimenting the owners
on their collection of needlepoint geese.

54
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:43,119
Awkward conversations
with middle-aged couples

55
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,356
trying to stave off divorce.

56
00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:50,396
Yeah, well, we'd better get going.
It's like a four-hour drive.

57
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,903
And it's supposed to rain tonight.

58
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:57,572
- Or we could just stay home.
- Maybe watch some TV?

59
00:02:57,677 --> 00:03:00,407
- Order in some Chinese.
- Szechwan Garden.

60
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,541
- Are we really bailing?
- Hell, yeah.

61
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,913
Good, 'cause this thing's empty.

62
00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:14,215
$100 says
when you turn around I say, "Wow!"

63
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:18,362
Barney, this is the third time
you've hit on me by accident!

64
00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:20,898
It's one of the many risks
of the blind approach.

65
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:24,527
It's usually a two-man operation
where Ted signals if the target is hot.

66
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:27,936
But Ted's too busy
being in a lesbian relationship.

67
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,875
Why don't you just check out
the girl's reflection in the bar mirror?

68
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:34,606
You can't... Wow!

69
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:37,280
Hey! What's taking so long?

70
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:40,753
- I gotta go.
- Not so fast, Scherbatsky.

71
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:44,281
I like the way you think. That mirror thing.

72
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,624
Simple. Elegant.

73
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,486
Okay, limited time offer.

74
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:52,064
I need a bro,
for my bro-ings-on about town.

75
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,565
How would you like to be said bro?

76
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,660
Well, as tempting as that sounds,

77
00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:59,203
I'm hanging out with my friend
who just got dumped.

78
00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:04,174
She really needs some support,
or a stranger's tongue down her throat.

79
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,307
That seems healthy.

80
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,848
All right! Guess I'm in.

81
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:16,514
So, one more week and it'll be a month.

82
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:21,086
Really, are you sure? Wow.
That snuck up on me.

83
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:22,658
Oh, come on!

84
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,253
The 18th can't get here fast enough.

85
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,989
Wait, the 18th?

86
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:31,703
Oh, crap! I can't believe I forgot this.
I'm gonna be out of town on the 18th.

87
00:04:31,804 --> 00:04:36,605
Oh, well, we can just wait
until you get back.

88
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:39,644
I mean, the whole point
was not to rush into this.

89
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:42,010
Yeah. Or we could do it tonight.

90
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,810
75th and Amsterdam.

91
00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:52,217
I'm so glad we decided to just stay home.

92
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:54,122
Oh, I know. Can you imagine if we'd gone?

93
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,422
We'd be just getting there now,
all tired and cranky.

94
00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:59,293
And yet, we'd feel obligated to have sex.

95
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:02,266
Yeah, for 89 bucks a night, we're doing it.

96
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,870
I would like to propose a toast

97
00:05:08,341 --> 00:05:11,333
to the most
awesomely mellow anniversary ever.

98
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:22,951
I'm so glad you have to go
to your parents next weekend.

99
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,524
I'm so glad your roommates
are out of town.

100
00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:28,023
(WHISPERING)
Oh, my God! What are they doing home?

101
00:05:28,127 --> 00:05:30,152
They think we went away.

102
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:35,433
Oh, it is on for my boy Ted!

103
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,935
But we didn't go away.
We're in the bathroom.

104
00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:40,972
Well, they don't know that.
All we have to do is hide out in here

105
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,975
until Ted moves his mojo
into the bedroom.

106
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:46,641
But I don't want to hide out in here.

107
00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:50,147
Honey, Ted has been going out of his mind
waiting for this.

108
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:52,649
If we go out there and spoil the mood,
it's not gonna happen.

109
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:54,686
Then one of us is gonna
have to have sex with Ted.

110
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:56,584
(SCOFFS) And, not gonna be me.

111
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,222
Okay, fine.

112
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:03,387
I guess I'll actually floss.

113
00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:11,629
You suited up!

114
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:15,504
Well, I figured if I'm gonna do this,
I'm gonna do this right.

115
00:06:15,608 --> 00:06:17,439
Emilio, the woman will have...

116
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,875
I'll have a Johnnie Walker Blue, neat,

117
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:22,447
and a Montecristo No. 2. Thanks.

118
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:26,843
The No. 2. A.k. A the Torpedo.

119
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:29,444
Or, as the rulers call it, Piramide.

120
00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:35,320
My father was a cigar fanatic.
It was the only way to get his attention.

121
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,828
Father issues. Hot.

122
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,390
I know.
I was this close to being a huge slut.

123
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,795
Slut would have been better.
But I'll settle for bro.

124
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:48,465
Especially now that Ted's with Victoria
and can't drink.

125
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:52,404
Because he's pregnant.
'Cause he's the girl.

126
00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:58,280
Oh, come on. Ted can't be pregnant.
You need to have sex to get pregnant.

127
00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:01,520
What up! Freeze frame, high five!

128
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:05,691
I think this may be a perfect moment.

129
00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:08,182
I think this may be a perfect moment.

130
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:12,096
- I wish we could hold on to it forever.
- No.

131
00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:16,432
Because the beauty of a moment
is that it's fleeting.

132
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:20,733
By its very nature,
it slips through our fingers.

133
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:24,242
Making it that much more precious.

134
00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:27,936
That is bad.

135
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:32,211
That is like
high-school-literary-magazine bad!

136
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:34,845
(WHISPERING) And they're not even high.

137
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,047
And it's actually working.

138
00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:41,217
Yeah, super slowly.
God, close the deal already.

139
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:44,428
It's been like 45 minutes.
We could've had sex three times by now.

140
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,498
- Yeah, try five!
- What up.

141
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:50,431
Hey, maybe we should just go out there.

142
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:53,061
No way! We can't go out there now.

143
00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:56,107
They'll know that we've been
sitting in the bathroom the whole time.

144
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,234
- It'll be too weird.
- Fine.

145
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:03,237
But if we're stuck in here,
I'm turning up the volume.

146
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:11,751
I want to know you.

147
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,987
Like, know your soul.

148
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,456
Ted, what makes you cry?

149
00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:23,162
Honey, could you hold my hair back?
I think I'm gonna hurl.

150
00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:28,803
So, what do you and Ted
usually do after the cigar bar?

151
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:31,904
Are you kidding? Ted's never been here.

152
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:35,805
You've already flown higher and faster
than he ever did.

153
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:37,772
- Still.
- What?

154
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:45,714
There is one other thing we could do.
If you're up for it.

155
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,524
I had no idea laser tag still existed!

156
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,657
Yeah, well, enjoy it
before it becomes cool again.

157
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:56,894
- I give it two months.
- Oh, I believe it. This is awesome!

158
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,664
Okay, follow my lead, stay low,

159
00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:01,467
and never underestimate
a 12-year-old with a...

160
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,735
Scherbatsky! You gotta focus!

161
00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:07,910
- You just saved my life, didn't you?
- Thank me later.

162
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:11,506
Let's keep moving.
These little bastards are everywhere.

163
00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:13,084
(YELLING)

164
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,821
He's just staring into her eyes!

165
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:22,494
I don't know. We used to be
even more nauseatingly into each other

166
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:25,723
than Ted and Victoria. Now look at us.

167
00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:28,891
Yeah, now we just make fun
of people like that.

168
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,537
It's the circle of life.

169
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:33,802
I'm serious, Marshall.

170
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:37,166
I mean, we couldn't even get it up
to go on our big trip.

171
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:40,712
And now we're celebrating our anniversary
stuck in a bathroom.

172
00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:43,509
Well, it's not fair to compare us
to Ted and Victoria.

173
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:45,811
I mean, this is their first time.

174
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:48,944
Yeah, but we could still have
some more romance.

175
00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:52,320
Now you just say, "Wanna do it,"
and I say, "Yeah."

176
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:55,593
- Wanna...
- No!

177
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,395
Maybe we're just out of firsts.

178
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:13,334
Looks like they're about to have theirs.

179
00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:20,848
Should we take this to the bedroom?

180
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:21,942
- Yes!
- Yes!

181
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:24,213
Yes.

182
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:25,620
- Yes!
- Yes!

183
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,220
(CELLPHONE RINGING)

184
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:31,163
No! No, don't answer it.

185
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,566
You can answer it. We have all night.

186
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:40,105
- You're answering it? He's answering it!
- No! Do her! Do her now!

187
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:43,098
Sure. Good luck with that.

188
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:46,471
Sorry about that.

189
00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:48,911
How about a little more wine?

190
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:51,575
- I'll get another bottle.
- Okay.

191
00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:56,916
I need a drink.
Do we have any cough syrup in here?

192
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,783
(SHUSHING)

193
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:06,893
- Ambush! Ambush! Ambush!
- Oh, God!

194
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:09,263
These brats have us
completely surrounded!

195
00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:11,461
I counted nine, maybe ten.

196
00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:13,763
I'll lay down some cover fire.
You make a run for it.

197
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:15,101
No! Leave no man behind.

198
00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:17,141
Either we all get out of here,
or no one does.

199
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:19,973
- But, I...
- Don't be a hero, Scherbatsky!

200
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,070
See you on the other side.

201
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,281
Mother!

202
00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:31,013
(GUNS FIRING)

203
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,752
Damn. Wanna go get a soft pretzel?

204
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,452
- Yeah.
- All right.

205
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,761
Marshall, what happened to us?

206
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:44,996
I mean, we used to just stare
into each others' eyes all night long.

207
00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:47,065
Have we lost that?

208
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:49,534
Maybe.

209
00:11:53,412 --> 00:11:55,471
But I think I just found it.

210
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,747
Right here.

211
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:05,087
Baby, I'm giving you sexy smoldering
with just-a-hint-of-crazy eyes.

212
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:11,530
Okay, well,
get ready for my sex-ray vision.

213
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:19,698
Did you remember to pick up
the dry cleaning?

214
00:12:19,805 --> 00:12:21,067
- Oh, damn it!
- It's all right.

215
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:24,665
- We can do this. We can do this.
- Let's just hold hands.

216
00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:29,614
This is nice.

217
00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:31,473
Yeah.

218
00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:36,850
You love that move!
It's the classic Marshall.

219
00:12:37,456 --> 00:12:40,323
Great. We totally suck at this.

220
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,259
And we really,
really need to get out of here!

221
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:44,886
Well, we can't.

222
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:49,025
Baby, there's something I have to do.
And if I do it in front of you,

223
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:52,730
it'll change the entire nature
of our relationship.

224
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:55,739
- What is it?
- I have to pee.

225
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:02,345
This is bad.

226
00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:06,114
We've gone nine years
without peeing in front of each other.

227
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:09,278
You always think there'll be more time.

228
00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:10,685
Look at us.

229
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:14,988
We're basically an old married couple
and we're not even married yet.

230
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:17,186
The flame of our romance is flickering

231
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:20,891
and if I pee all over it,
it might go out forever!

232
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,325
How much longer do you think
you can hold it?

233
00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:27,667
I drank a Big Gulp of Mountain Dew
during that <i>Quantum Leap</i> marathon.

234
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,168
Oh, boy.

235
00:13:33,112 --> 00:13:35,603
Playing laser tag really takes me back.

236
00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:39,980
And you know what game I really miss?
Battleship. I've never lost a game.

237
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:43,282
- Neither have I. Of course, I cheat.
- Oh, yeah. Me, too.

238
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:46,153
The trick is to bend the aircraft carrier
so it makes an "L."

239
00:13:46,258 --> 00:13:48,624
I always just stacked the ships
on top of each other.

240
00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:52,128
Nice! You know,
we should have a cheaters grudge match.

241
00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:54,290
I think I still have a...

242
00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:57,124
Hello. Target acquired.
Hottie by the jukebox.

243
00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:59,704
Oh, good eye, Scherbatsky.

244
00:13:59,805 --> 00:14:02,899
I got someone for you. Two o' clock.
Blue shirt.

245
00:14:03,976 --> 00:14:05,534
That's a woman.

246
00:14:05,644 --> 00:14:08,772
Oh, my mistake. Or is it?

247
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:12,879
- Let's just focus on your target.
- Right.

248
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:16,151
There. I got this one.

249
00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:23,560
Oh, my God! I love your jeans!

250
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:28,030
Okay, is this a lesbian bar?
Because that girl with the blue shirt just...

251
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,658
Oh, no. I am all about the dudes.

252
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:32,767
Although, pickings are pretty slim tonight.

253
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:37,241
Only hot guy here is blondie in the suit,
and he's playing hard to get.

254
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:40,779
(LAUGHS) Really?
'Cause he's totally vibing me right now.

255
00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:44,643
Must be the jeans.

256
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:49,148
Well, jeans will only get you so far.
I'm going home with him.

257
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,653
We'll see about that.

258
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:07,072
Oh, my God, I hate Ted!
I hate him so much!

259
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,540
Baby, why don't you just go?

260
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,735
Tons of other couples have
peed in front of each other.

261
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,141
I know, but we haven't

262
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:16,408
because I want to keep
some of the mystery alive.

263
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:21,583
- Well, you have farted in front of me.
- Yes, but I always cover it with a cough.

264
00:15:22,821 --> 00:15:24,311
You always do.

265
00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:32,261
- Hey.
- Hey.

266
00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:33,991
Let's get outta here.
Let's go somewhere else.

267
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,464
Well, what happened?

268
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:38,297
Sometimes I like to do
a little catch-and-release.

269
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:41,635
- But why?
- Leave no man behind.

270
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:45,243
Either we all score, or no one scores.

271
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:47,774
Right on.

272
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:50,909
- Hey, you wanna go play Battleship?
- Hit!

273
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:08,690
Ted, I can't wait any longer.

274
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:12,396
- Should we move to the bedroom?
- There's no time for that.

275
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,037
So, they can suck on each others' fingers
for an hour,

276
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:19,770
but there's no time
to take two steps to the bedroom?

277
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:22,972
Baby, I can't hold it in any longer!
It's time!

278
00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:25,009
I know.

279
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:29,812
- I love you, Marshall.
- I love you, Lily.

280
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:37,322
Here we go.

281
00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:40,796
You know, Barney, I had a surprisingly
good time bro-ing out tonight.

282
00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:44,096
Well, you make a good bro.
You're a better Ted than Ted.

283
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:48,970
Hey, in fact, you have just earned yourself
an invite to Marshall's bachelor party.

284
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:51,065
And you don't even have
to come out of the cake.

285
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:55,169
Thanks. And thanks
for sticking around tonight.

286
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,543
I hope you're ready
for some hardcore Battleship.

287
00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:00,140
Come on, boys.

288
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:05,347
"Hardcore"? That's the only way I play.

289
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:16,324
Oh, I found it. Are you ready to...
What the hell are you doing?

290
00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:21,402
I'm birthday-suiting up. I'm sorry.
Did you want to undress me?

291
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,570
No! I thought we were
just hanging out as friends!

292
00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:27,873
Oh, come on! You have been
throwing yourself at me all night!

293
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:31,143
What? I did the opposite!
I threw some other girl at you!

294
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:34,947
You invited me up to your apartment
to "play Battleship"!

295
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,852
Is that not an internationally
recognized term for sex?

296
00:17:37,956 --> 00:17:38,945
No!

297
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:41,686
Great.

298
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:45,990
I hope you're happy.
You sunk my battleship.

299
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:52,232
I'm okay. Are you okay?

300
00:17:55,707 --> 00:18:00,076
I feel the same.
And, yet, strangely different.

301
00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:05,383
Yeah, I'm happy for my bladder,
yet sad for us.

302
00:18:05,717 --> 00:18:09,551
Look, you had to do it, sweetie. For Ted.

303
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:13,813
And, hey, look, at least now
we can stay in here as long as it takes.

304
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:17,362
Yeah, I guess our relationship
had to take a hit,

305
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:20,057
so a new one out there could blossom.

306
00:18:24,069 --> 00:18:25,297
Oh, crap!

307
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,972
They must've heard that.

308
00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:31,775
Well, I guess we can come out now.

309
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:43,751
I don't believe it, they're gone.

310
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:46,689
Good. 'Cause I gotta take a whiz.

311
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:52,562
Okay. You and me? That's insane.

312
00:18:52,664 --> 00:18:54,325
If you even thought about it
for one second...

313
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:57,402
But I have thought about it for
three seconds, and it makes a lot of sense.

314
00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:59,403
We both think
the marriage-commitment thing's a drag.

315
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:04,101
We both want something casual and fun.
And we clearly get along really well.

316
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,937
Wow, that actually did make
a lot of sense.

317
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:11,345
- But what about Ted?
- I checked with Ted.

318
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,943
Hey, Ted. So now that things
with you and Victoria are going pretty well

319
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:16,452
I assume you're probably over
all the girls you were into before, right?

320
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:17,988
I take your silence as a yes,
so, ergo, therefore,

321
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,024
say I were to hook up with someone,
say, I don't know, Robin,

322
00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:22,889
- you'd be cool with that, right?
- Sure, good luck with that.

323
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:25,287
Totally gave us his blessing.

324
00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:27,661
- Really?
- Really.

325
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:31,831
So, Ted didn't care
that you wanted to make a move on me?

326
00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:33,632
Didn't care at all.

327
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:44,408
- What?
- You like Ted!

328
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:48,111
- I didn't say that I liked Ted, I...
- You like Ted!

329
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:51,121
Wow! This is huge.

330
00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:54,715
Barney, I don't like Ted.
He's moved on and I'm really happy for...

331
00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:58,284
Yeah, yeah. Look, are we gonna
play Battleship or what?

332
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:09,707
You're not gonna tell him, are you?

333
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:14,876
No. That's the bro code.

334
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:20,178
A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro
that a third bro has a crush on him.

335
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:23,519
Just like the third bro
doesn't tell the mutual bro

336
00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:27,058
that the original bro
went bare pickle in front of her.

337
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:29,688
It's quid pro bro.

338
00:20:31,129 --> 00:20:32,153
A7.

339
00:20:32,264 --> 00:20:33,925
- Miss.
- Of course.

340
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:39,995
Well, we still have one frontier left.
Still got the deuce.

341
00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:43,839
You're not making me feel better.

342
00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:48,142
Well, it certainly was a first.

343
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,815
It was, wasn't it?

344
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:56,276
- We still have firsts.
- Of course we do.

345
00:20:56,755 --> 00:21:00,020
And you know what?
I actually feel closer to you now.

346
00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:01,752
I wanna know you.

347
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:05,420
Like, know your soul.

348
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,860
Marshall, what makes you cry?

349
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:14,837
This moment is fleeting

350
00:21:16,174 --> 00:21:19,041
because it's being chased
by another moment.

351
00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:22,636
Oh, just grab my boob already!

352
00:21:26,151 --> 00:21:28,176
Come on, guys. Get a room.