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OLDER TED: You know how Aunt Robin's
a big fan of Halloween?
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Always dressing up in crazy costumes?
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Well, she wasn't always that way.
4
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Back in 2005, she thought she was
too cool for Halloween.
5
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Unlike Aunt Lily,
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- Guess what came in the mail today?
- Our costumes?
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- Do they rule?
- They rule.
8
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And yours is 100% wool,
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so you won't get hypothermia
like last year.
10
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Tarzan nipple blue.
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00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:42,736
You know what I love about Halloween?
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It's the one night of the year chicks use
to unleash their inner ho-bag.
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If a girl dresses up as a witch,
she's a slutty witch.
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If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat.
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- Lf she's a nurse...
- Wow. We get it.
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She's a slutty nurse.
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Robin, what are you doing for Halloween?
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Oh, I don't know.
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Probably hanging out with Mike,
this guy I've been seeing.
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Mike? There's a Mike?
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You have a boyfriend
and you haven't told us?
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No. I mean, he's not my boyfriend.
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He's just this guy I've been seeing
for a couple of weeks.
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Boyfriend.
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So why haven't we met him?
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We're not really ready to go public yet.
27
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Married.
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How about we go
on a Halloween double-date?
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I don't know, we were kind of thinking
about staying at home
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and dressing up as naked people.
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Come on, Robin, trot out your new fella.
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Let us judge and evaluate him
behind your back.
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It'll be fun.
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Hey, Ted, you'll never guess
what happened?
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- Your costumes came?
- Our costumes... Yes.
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That is why we're best friends.
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Hey, Ted,
what are you doing for Halloween?
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- Well...
- What?
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Every Halloween,
Ted waits for the slutty pumpkin.
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That's right.
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What's the slutty pumpkin?
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You mean, "Who is the slutty pumpkin?"
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It was four years ago.
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TED; I was at this Halloween party
up on the roof of our building,
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about to call it an early night,
when out of nowhere
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appeared this girl
in the sexiest pumpkin costume,
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Wait, how can a pumpkin costume
be sexy?
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It was carved in strategic places.
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TED; So, we're at the bar and I see her mix
50
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- Kahlúa and...
- Kahlúa and root beer.
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A cocktail she invented herself.
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- And she...
- And she called it the Tootsie Roll.
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- Because...
- ALL: Because it tastes
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like an alcoholic Tootsie Roll.
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Hey, can I please tell the story?
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So we had this instant connection.
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She gave me her number. But then...
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ALL: Something went terribly wrong.
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Guys!
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Something went terribly wrong.
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Happy Halloween.
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Sonny, where's Cher?
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- Cher.
- Right here, babe.
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I just met the perfect woman.
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She's funny, she's beautiful,
she loves Star Wars,
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Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's her take on Ewoks?
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- Loves them.
- Oh, good.
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I don't know why people
are so cynical about Ewoks.
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The Rebellion would've failed
without the Ewoks.
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And get this. She's a marine biologist.
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She spent a year in Antarctica
studying penguins.
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Oh, penguins are cool.
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Kind of like black-and-white Ewoks.
I approve.
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Hey, where's my Kit Kat?
I put it right here on this table.
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I don't know,
but we have plenty of chocolate here.
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No, no, no, you don't understand.
I need that Kit Kat.
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She wrote her number on that wrapper.
Where is it?
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Uh-oh.
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Hey, Dracula, come on. Give me the candy.
Give me it!
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Where's the Kit Kat? Where's the Kit Kat?
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Never found her number.
Never saw her again.
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But every year
they have a Halloween party
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up on the roof, so that's where I'll be.
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You know, Ted, it's been four years.
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She could be engaged, or married,
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or, God forbid, fat.
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I don't know, I got a feeling.
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This could be the year.
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Halloween is a night of wonder and magic.
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All right, bring the mockery.
Fine. I can take it.
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Come on,
wouldn't it be the coolest story ever
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if the slutty pumpkin turned out
to be my future wife?
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Oh, on the off chance that
that could happen,
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maybe we should stop calling her
the slutty pumpkin.
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Good idea.
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00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:06,941
LILY: Ted, is your world ready
to be rocked?
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(IMITATES ECHO)
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Can't wait.
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So, what do you think?
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(MIMICKING PARROT)
So, what do you think?
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(SQUAWKS)
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Wow!
103
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Marshall, are you wearing eyeliner?
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Oh, yeah. Weirdly hot, right?
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We are so gonna win
the costume contest this year.
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First prize, a $50 gift certificate at the bar.
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And how much did you pay
for your costumes?
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$100.
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Each.
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Well, I think you guys look great.
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What are you going as?
Oh, like I even need to ask.
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Hey, I want the slutty pumpkin
to recognize me,
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and she knows me as a hanging chad.
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What? She thought it was hilarious.
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Yeah, four years ago.
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But nobody remembers
what the hell a hanging chad is.
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What a sad commentary
on our national attention span,
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that we could forget such a turbulent time
in our political history.
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(MIMICKING PARROT) Sad commentary.
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All right, Polly gotta pee.
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Again?
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- Where are you going?
- It's an elaborate costume.
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(DANGER ZONE
PLAYING ON STEREO)
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(TURNS OFF STEREO)
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No, no, not again. Not this year.
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You're going as my wingman.
Flightsuit up.
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No thanks.
I'm sticking with the hanging chad.
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Oh, you're dangerous, Maverick.
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Your ego's writing checks
your body can't cash.
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Okay.
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Here's the plan, and I crap you not.
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I'm getting us into
the Victoria's Secret Halloween party.
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Trust me. By the end of the night,
your chad will not be hanging.
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We can get rejected by supermodels
any night of the year.
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Tonight, I'm going up to the roof,
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I'm gonna have a few beers,
I'm gonna wait for the slutty pumpkin.
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It's just what I do.
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Victoria's Secret models prancing around
in bras and panties,
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or Yale preppies reuniting
their stupid a cappella group.
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What's that, left hand? Right hand sucks?
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Word.
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I'm heading up to the roof.
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Well, boys,
looks like it's just the three of us.
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What's that? Self-five? Nice. We out.
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Hey, chad. How's it hanging?
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Hey, wordplay. Funny.
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Nice outfit.
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- I'm a parrot.
- You sure are.
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- Where's Mike?
- He's meeting me here.
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I ran late covering
the Halloween parade in the Village.
151
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There are, like,
a zillion gay pirates this year.
152
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Seriously, does my eyeliner look okay?
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Yes, it's weirdly hot.
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So, where's your costume?
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(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
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You know, Mike and I joked
about doing something together,
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but we decided not to dress up.
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Oh, jeez.
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Hi.
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Everyone, this is Michael.
That is not his real hair.
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Where's your costume, Gretel?
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You thought I was...
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Oh, I was just kidding.
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I gotta stop making jokes in e-mails.
It's so hard to convey tone.
165
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I think we got them beat.
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I can't believe you talked me into this.
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I didn't. You followed me up here.
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This party sucks.
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There's seven chicks here.
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There's six chicks here.
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Relax. The night is young.
It's gonna get better.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
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as on pitch as they were
at Spring Fling '95,
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it's my pleasure to welcome back
The Shagarats.
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(ALL CHEERING)
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(WHOOPING)
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(LAUGHING)
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00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:20,565
What be a pirate's
favorite kind of sweater?
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00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,759
Argyle.
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And what be a pirate's
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00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:31,031
favorite fast food restaurant?
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Arby's.
183
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:37,374
'Twould think it would be Arby's.
184
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,243
But actually it's Long John Silver's.
185
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Actually, I kind of need this hand to eat.
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00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:48,889
Oh, yeah.
187
00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:50,019
(GRUNTING)
188
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,164
- Oh, thank you.
- I'm starving.
189
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:58,698
It's so nice to meet you, Mike.
You guys are really cute together.
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00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:01,136
Yeah. We've been spending
a lot of time together.
191
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,175
We're even getting to that point
where we finish each other's...
192
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,969
- This cheeseburger is so...
- Good.
193
00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:08,103
See?
194
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:12,349
I think you won the dish-off tonight, baby.
195
00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:15,420
This steak totally bitch-slapped
my pork chops.
196
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:17,552
That may be true.
197
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:21,320
But your rice pilaf
kicked my spinach in the crotch so hard,
198
00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:23,685
it threw up a little bit.
199
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,664
Robin, you have to try this chicken.
200
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:32,066
Oh, no, that's good. I'm okay. Thanks.
201
00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:33,729
It's really tasty.
202
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:36,637
I'm just really feeling this cheeseburger.
203
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,841
Come on, just try a little bite.
204
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:42,503
Dude, I'm kind of in the zone here.
205
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:47,547
Oh, for God's sakes.
206
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:51,756
Really tasty.
207
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:59,223
(GROUP CHORUSING)
208
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:01,393
(ALL CHEERING)
209
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,235
- Hey.
- Hey.
210
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:12,969
So, what does a fella have to do
to get lei-ed around here?
211
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:16,440
Yeah.
212
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:20,511
Right. 'Cause I'm wearing a lei.
213
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:21,742
God.
214
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:24,516
It isn't funny if you explain the joke.
215
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,682
(SCOFFS)
216
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,788
- Let's bail.
- No, Barney, come on. I'm having fun.
217
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:32,329
Plus, it's really great
to see all these guys again.
218
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:35,297
Name one person you know at this party.
219
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:37,164
Well, there's Ninja,
220
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,298
Back of Horse.
Hey, where's Front of Horse?
221
00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:42,168
That guy's a riot, where is he?
222
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,136
Okay, I'm leaving.
223
00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:48,475
But just know that
this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht.
224
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:50,913
And what will be sticking to that yacht?
225
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:52,450
The Barnacle.
226
00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:55,843
- Really? That's the nickname now?
- Yeah, the Barnacle.
227
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,616
- The Barnacle?
- That's it.
228
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:00,089
Barnacle out.
229
00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:01,682
Have fun, Barnacle.
230
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,427
So, do you like Mike?
231
00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:08,065
Do you like Mike?
232
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,930
Of course I do. Why?
233
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:11,694
It just doesn't seem like it.
234
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:14,170
You won't share your food,
you won't wear a costume.
235
00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:17,868
Oh, Lily, you know me.
I'm just not into all that coupley stuff.
236
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:21,037
Okay, I know that stuff
looks dumb from the outside.
237
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,972
But it's kind of the greatest thing
in the world when you're a part of it.
238
00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:27,450
If you just gave it a chance,
you might like it.
239
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:30,282
Are you trying to get me to join a cult?
240
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,181
Robin, Mike likes you.
241
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:35,055
If you don't start meeting him halfway,
you're gonna lose him.
242
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:36,219
What?
243
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,954
Look, it's Halloween.
244
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:40,122
Just put on the girlfriend costume
for a night.
245
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:43,167
Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do?
246
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,732
Buy him a giant teddy bear or something?
247
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,906
How about you start by sharing dessert.
248
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:52,407
I can share dessert.
249
00:11:52,511 --> 00:11:53,569
Good.
250
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,377
He better want the brownie sundae.
251
00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:58,712
But, yeah.
Yeah, I can totally share. Yeah.
252
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,451
(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
253
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,115
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
254
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,694
- Barney? What, you're back?
- That's right.
255
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,659
In a totally new costume.
256
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:15,830
Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume
257
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:18,369
in case I strike out
with the hottest girl at the party.
258
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:21,929
That way I have a second chance
to make a first impression.
259
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:23,968
What's with the face?
260
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:26,408
It's half "you're pathetic,"
half "I have to pee."
261
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:27,936
So go to the bathroom.
262
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:30,743
No, there's a huge line.
I don't wanna miss the slutty pumpkin.
263
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,044
So pee off the roof.
264
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,283
Ted, pee off the roof.
265
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,719
Whoa, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
There's people walking down there.
266
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,289
Come on, Ted.
Who are you gonna listen to?
267
00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:42,883
Me or Mr. Goody-Goody over there?
268
00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:45,955
Yeah, whatever. You guys got some weed?
269
00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:47,500
A little to the left, Marshall.
270
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,331
A little to the left, Marshall.
271
00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:50,896
ROBIN: Lily, squat down.
272
00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:52,664
This is gonna be a slaughter.
273
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:56,139
None of these other costumes
even come close to ours.
274
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,334
Take the damn picture.
275
00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:00,870
- Got it.
- Nice.
276
00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,774
I still think we should've won
as Sonny and Cher.
277
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,646
Maybe if I'd worn the red dress.
278
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,443
If I could turn back time...
279
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:13,880
Wow. This sundae looks so good,
I could eat the whole thing.
280
00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:18,990
But I would much rather share this small,
one-scoop sundae with you, Mike.
281
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:21,629
Apple tart, excellent choice, Lilypad.
282
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,463
Thanks, Marshmallow.
283
00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:27,661
Well, let's dig in, Microwave Oven.
284
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:33,208
Let me guess.
285
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:36,577
Every guy's used the lei-ed line
on you tonight, huh?
286
00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:37,941
You wouldn't believe.
287
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:39,710
I apologize for my gender.
288
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:42,650
Let me make it up to you.
Make you a drink.
289
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,653
You certainly are a charming devil.
290
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,988
I'm also a horny devil.
291
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:50,052
Yeah.
292
00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:51,923
(NERVOUS CHUCKLING)
293
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:53,290
No.
294
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,327
Oh, go to hell.
295
00:14:03,976 --> 00:14:07,173
You know, if you guys like tiramisu,
we found this little Italian place...
296
00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:09,611
No, you found it. I came with you.
297
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,479
But go on.
298
00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:14,085
I'm just saying we love tiramisu.
299
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:15,448
I cannot get enough of it.
300
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:17,146
We're crazy for the stuff.
301
00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:19,383
I'm crazy and you're crazy
302
00:14:20,492 --> 00:14:21,925
for tiramisu.
303
00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:24,653
We love tiramisu.
304
00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:26,125
Am I wrong saying that?
305
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:29,326
No, no, no. I mean,
it just sounds a little bit weird, doesn't it?
306
00:14:29,468 --> 00:14:30,992
We love tiramisu.
307
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:34,264
Is it really a group activity,
loving tiramisu?
308
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:36,134
Right?
309
00:14:38,777 --> 00:14:41,712
So, this Italian place. How is their cannoli?
310
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:45,511
Easy there, hungry.
311
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:53,183
Yeah, looks like we're both hungry.
312
00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:55,824
- Hey, is that Gary Oldman?
- Where?
313
00:14:59,431 --> 00:15:00,921
I don't see...
314
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,004
Brain freeze.
315
00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:12,943
- Okay, Victoria's Secret party, right now.
- Nope.
316
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:15,309
Come on, I can't stand
watching my delusional friend
317
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,210
waste another precious Halloween.
318
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:19,477
Ted, the slutty pumpkin is not coming.
319
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,916
She might.
320
00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:23,347
Come on, Barney,
this is not about the odds.
321
00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:24,479
It's about believing.
322
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,115
This girl, she represents something to me.
323
00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:29,194
I don't know, hope.
324
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,054
Wow.
325
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:35,629
I did not understand a word you just said.
326
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:40,594
Lingerie models on a boat!
327
00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:42,831
See you.
328
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,001
No. See you.
329
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,404
(LAUGHS)
330
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:47,740
(GROANS)
331
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:51,742
Wanna drink the melty part?
332
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:56,317
You know what, it's getting late.
I think I'm gonna take off.
333
00:15:58,157 --> 00:15:59,181
Hey.
334
00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:01,459
I thought we were gonna follow
those bread crumbs
335
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,391
back to my place, Hansel.
336
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:06,020
Robin, I don't get the sense
you like being with me.
337
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,393
I like being with you.
338
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:09,228
Not as much as you like being alone.
339
00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:11,462
You like eating your own food,
340
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:13,401
sleeping in your own bed,
doing your own crosswords.
341
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:15,200
Well, who uses ink?
342
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:17,531
Sorry.
343
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,975
Okay, I'm a bit set in my ways.
344
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:21,740
That doesn't mean that this won't work.
345
00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:23,838
Actually, it kind of does.
346
00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:26,145
Wait, are we breaking up?
347
00:16:26,251 --> 00:16:28,776
No, we aren't breaking up.
348
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:31,653
I'm breaking up with you.
349
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:39,062
TED; And then,
just when I was about to lose hope,
350
00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:46,830
She spent a year in Antarctica
studying penguins.
351
00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:49,874
TED; Kahlúa, Root beer,
352
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:53,807
Could this penguin be the slutty pumpkin?
353
00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:04,414
Excuse me?
354
00:17:04,556 --> 00:17:05,818
This is gonna sound crazy,
355
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,950
but I met someone up on this roof
four years ago
356
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:12,997
and they mixed that cocktail,
and they loved penguins.
357
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:16,098
By any chance, was that you?
358
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,266
It's you.
359
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:24,465
- Everyone thought I was crazy, but I...
- You are such a loser.
360
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,342
Come on, I came back for you, Ted.
361
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:31,041
I penguin-suited up
to show you the error of your ways.
362
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:34,176
And to score Hula Girl's number.
Check and check.
363
00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:35,776
- Unbelievable.
- Yes, it is.
364
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:39,514
Wait a minute.
365
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,092
You're that lame army guy.
366
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:44,356
No, no, that's some other guy.
And he was a kick-ass fighter pilot.
367
00:17:44,463 --> 00:17:45,828
I cannot believe I gave you my number.
368
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:47,023
Yeah, well, you did. Thanks.
369
00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:48,121
Yeah, well, give it back.
370
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:51,532
Well, I don't think so. I earned it.
Fair and square. I'm calling you.
371
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:53,968
But I'm never gonna go out with you.
372
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,770
But how will you know it's me?
I'm a master of disguise.
373
00:17:58,877 --> 00:17:59,969
Yeah.
374
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:01,804
(GASPS IN DISGUST)
375
00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:05,074
Nice.
376
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:08,045
Come on, Ted. Victoria's Secret party.
Now. Let's go.
377
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:11,680
- I'm staying.
- Fine. Fine.
378
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:13,783
What are you doing?
379
00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:15,723
I'm flippering you off.
380
00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:22,057
Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
381
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,395
Seriously, it's not a big deal.
382
00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:26,960
He wanted to be a "we"
and I wanted to be an "I."
383
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,304
Dudes are such chicks.
384
00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:33,072
You guys, I'm fine.
385
00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:35,976
Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in.
386
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,346
And the winners
of this year's costume contest are
387
00:18:39,918 --> 00:18:41,749
Lily Aldrin as a parrot,
388
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,685
and Marshall Eriksen as a gay pirate.
389
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,087
Oh, yeah! Wait, what did he say?
390
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:47,658
Oh, who cares, Marshall? We won.
391
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:50,728
Wait. Gay pirate?
Where are you getting that from?
392
00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:52,353
Dude, you're wearing eyeliner.
393
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:56,365
Okay, I just want everybody here to know
I'm not a gay pirate.
394
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:58,299
I have sex with my parrot all the time.
395
00:18:58,403 --> 00:19:00,166
That came out wrong.
396
00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:03,836
Oh, yeah, doesn't matter! We won!
397
00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:07,207
- I love you, Marshmallow.
- I love you, too, Lilypad.
398
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,476
You guys, let me get a picture.
399
00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:25,920
I had a feeling I'd find you here.
400
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:27,862
Oh, hey.
401
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:31,236
If you're here for The Shagarats,
you just missed the fourth encore.
402
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:31,531
If you're here for The Shagarats,
you just missed the fourth encore.
403
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,529
I never played any team sports.
404
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:37,135
Are we playing I Never,
'cause there's nothing left
405
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:38,971
but peach schnapps.
406
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:41,837
I played tennis in high school.
407
00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:43,039
You know why?
408
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:46,914
Because it was just me out there.
I couldn't even stand playing doubles.
409
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,148
I just got dumped.
410
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:52,389
Oh, man, that sucks.
411
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,425
It's okay. I wasn't that into him.
412
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,256
Story of my life.
413
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:59,455
Everyone else is off falling in love
414
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:03,831
and acting stupid and goofy
and sweet and insane, but not me.
415
00:20:04,636 --> 00:20:06,331
Why don't I want that more?
416
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,338
I want to want that.
417
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:11,642
- Am I wired wrong or something?
- No.
418
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:16,042
Look, you didn't want to be with me,
so clearly, you have abysmal taste in men.
419
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:19,984
But you're wired just fine.
420
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:24,379
Well, what if I'm just a cold person.
421
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:28,623
Tonight, Mike was willing
to look like a complete idiot for me,
422
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,786
but I couldn't be Gretel.
423
00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:32,994
Why can't I be Gretel?
424
00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:35,658
Because you just haven't met
the right Hansel yet.
425
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:37,331
Hey, one day you're gonna meet a guy
426
00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:40,166
who's gonna make you wanna look
like a complete idiot.
427
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:43,302
- Really?
- Yeah, he's out there somewhere.
428
00:20:43,475 --> 00:20:45,067
Just like the slutty pumpkin.
429
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:46,405
(IMITATES ECHO)
430
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,214
How do you do this, Ted?
431
00:20:50,515 --> 00:20:53,678
How do you sit out here all night
on the roof, in the cold,
432
00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:56,618
and still have faith
your pumpkin's gonna show up?
433
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:58,517
Well, I'm pretty drunk.
434
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,828
Look, I know that odds are,
the love of my life
435
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,023
isn't gonna magically walk
through that door in a pumpkin costume
436
00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:09,794
at 2:43 in the morning.
437
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:15,998
But it seems as nice a spot as any
to just, you know, sit and wait.
438
00:21:28,654 --> 00:21:29,848
Scooch.