1 00:00:15,482 --> 00:00:18,542 - OLDER TED: Okay, where was I? - You were telling us how you met Mom. 2 00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:21,051 - In excruciating detail. - Right. 3 00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:25,921 So, back in 2005, when I was 27, my two best friends got engaged. 4 00:00:26,292 --> 00:00:28,852 And it got me thinking, maybe I should get married, 5 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:32,762 And then I saw Robin, She was incredible, 6 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:36,302 I just knew I had to meet her, That's where your Uncle Barney came in, 7 00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:39,804 I suggest we play a little game I like to call, "Have you met Ted?" 8 00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:41,999 No, no, no, no, we're not playing "Have you met Ted." 9 00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,871 Hi, have you met Ted? 10 00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:47,741 So I asked her out, and I know this sounds crazy, 11 00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:50,281 but after just one date I was in love with her, 12 00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,317 which made me say something stupid, 13 00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:53,681 I think I'm in love with you. 14 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:54,754 What? 15 00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:57,948 - Oh, Dad. - So then what happened? 16 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,185 Nothing, 17 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,861 I mean, I'd made a complete fool of myself, 18 00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:05,760 So, a week went by and I decided not to call her, 19 00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:07,389 So, you're not gonna call her? 20 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,127 You went from "I think I'm in love with you" 21 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:10,395 to "I'm not gonna call her"? 22 00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:11,868 I wasn't in love with her, okay? 23 00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:15,236 I was briefly in love with the abstract concept of getting married. 24 00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:17,901 It had absolutely nothing to do with Robin. 25 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,204 - Robin? - Hey. 26 00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:20,711 Look who I ran into. 27 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,281 Since when do you guys know each other? 28 00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:24,145 Oh, since about here. 29 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,651 Lily recognized me from the news... 30 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,484 - Hello, sailor. - They just got engaged. 31 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:35,517 Well, I should get back to the station. See you guys. 32 00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:39,264 - Nice seeing you, Ted. - Yeah, you, too. 33 00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:40,332 Thanks. 34 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,061 - Damn it! - What? 35 00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,433 - I'm in love with her. - No. 36 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,405 As your sponsor, I will not let you relapse. 37 00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:50,976 - You blew it. It's over. Move on. - I don't know. 38 00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:54,240 I just have this feeling she's the future Mrs. Ted Mosby. 39 00:01:54,347 --> 00:01:55,314 (SQUEAKING) 40 00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,676 Lily, you squeaked? 41 00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,981 She said something about me, didn't she? Come on, spill it, Red. 42 00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:02,076 Fine. 43 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,320 So, what do we think of Ted? 44 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:07,786 Ted's something else. 45 00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:08,861 Huh? 46 00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,460 I'm gonna spin that as good. 47 00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:13,225 Lots of guys are something, I'm something else. 48 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:14,823 He comes on a little strong. 49 00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:17,334 But that's part of my charm. 50 00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:19,905 - But that's part of his charm. - Oh, totally. 51 00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:22,941 I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, he's just looking for something 52 00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:24,771 a little bit more serious than I am. 53 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:28,336 I mean, the most I can handle right now is something casual. 54 00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,383 - This just stays between us, right? - Are you kidding? 55 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,714 This flapper, Fort Knox. 56 00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:35,713 Oops. 57 00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:37,946 She wants casual? 58 00:02:38,057 --> 00:02:40,116 Okay, I'll be casual. 59 00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:43,127 I'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual. 60 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,527 You know why? 'Cause it's a game. 61 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:48,396 I wanted to skip to the end and do the whole happily-ever-after thing, 62 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,992 but you don't get there unless you play the game. 63 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,732 - So you gonna ask her out? - Yeah. No! 64 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,776 I can't ask her out, because if I ask her out I'm asking her out. 65 00:02:57,877 --> 00:03:01,438 So how do I ask her out without asking her out? 66 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,050 Did you guys get high? 67 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:09,749 I got it. I don't ask her out. 68 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:13,251 I invite her to our party next Friday. 69 00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:16,089 - We're having a party next Friday? - We are now. 70 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,220 Casual. 71 00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,798 Yeah, 'cause nothing says "casual" like inviting a hundred people 72 00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:23,733 over just to mack on one girl. Oh, and Lily, that's my leg. 73 00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:27,967 You waited five minutes to tell me that? 74 00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:32,203 - All right, so call her up. - No, calling's not casual. 75 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,243 I just got to bump into her somewhere. 76 00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:37,441 Now, if only I knew her schedule, I could arrange a chance encounter. 77 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:41,087 That's great, Ted. You'll be the most casual stalker ever. 78 00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:46,416 Now, ever since Marshall put that ring on her finger, 79 00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:50,326 Lily had been, well, extra affectionate, 80 00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:52,726 Baby, no. 81 00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:56,126 I have a 25-page paper on constitutional law due Monday. 82 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,635 I've barely started. 83 00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:01,138 Hey, I'm just sitting here wearing my ring. 84 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,909 My beautiful ring. 85 00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:08,112 Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. 86 00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,042 My shirt. 87 00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,584 Kind of don't wanna wear my shirt anymore. 88 00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:16,412 Or my underwear. 89 00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:19,456 That's right. I'm not wearing any. 90 00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,316 (SIGHING) 91 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:25,522 - No underwear? - Not even slightly. 92 00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:26,690 Guys. 93 00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:29,895 Boundaries. 94 00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:33,169 - There she is. - Thanks, Bill, 95 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,707 I'm reporting from the Razzle Dazzle Supermarket 96 00:04:35,808 --> 00:04:37,935 on 75th and Columbus... 97 00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:40,170 75th and Columbus. 98 00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:42,344 Game on! 99 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,143 ...where four-year-old Leroy Ellenberg 100 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:47,777 has climbed inside a Grab-A-Prize machine and gotten stuck. 101 00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:54,584 And all in the pursuit of a stuffed, purple giraffe. 102 00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:58,291 For Metro News 1, I'm Robin Scherbatsky. 103 00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,423 PRODUCER: We're clear. ROBIN: Thanks, Don. 104 00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:02,926 Ted? 105 00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:07,165 - Robin? Wow, what are the odds? - What are you doing here? 106 00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:10,868 Oh, you know, just shopping for dip. 107 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,969 I love dip. No, I don't love dip. I like dip. 108 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,173 As a friend, you know. 109 00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:18,842 So, hey, you reporting a news story or something? 110 00:05:18,951 --> 00:05:22,614 Yeah, a kid stuck in a crane machine. How sweet of you to call it news. 111 00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:25,452 Wow, kid in a crane machine. 112 00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:27,355 You just had to have that toy, didn't you? 113 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,087 Couldn't play the game like everyone else. 114 00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:30,822 You're all sweaty. 115 00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:32,490 Cute kid. 116 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:34,962 You know, it's so funny I should run into you. 117 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,696 We're having a party next Friday if you feel like swinging by, 118 00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:39,635 but, you know, whatever. 119 00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,969 Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. 120 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:45,406 - It's too bad it's not tonight. - It is. It's tonight. 121 00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,945 This Friday. Did I say next Friday? Yeah, sorry. 122 00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:49,878 I guess I've been saying "next Friday" all week. 123 00:05:49,982 --> 00:05:52,212 But, yeah, it's tonight. The party's tonight. 124 00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,684 But, you know, whatever. 125 00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,046 (PHONE RINGING) 126 00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:03,055 - Hello? - Hey, am I interrupting anything? 127 00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:06,598 No, no, I'm just writing my paper, hitting the books. 128 00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:09,827 Yeah, well, you and Lily might want to put some clothes on. 129 00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,427 We're throwing a party in two hours. Okay, bye. 130 00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:18,406 (MUSIC PLAYING) 131 00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:20,843 So, Gatsby, what are you gonna do when Robin shows up? 132 00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:23,211 Okay, I got it all planned out. 133 00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:27,284 She steps through the door, And where is Ted? 134 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,719 Not eagerly waiting by the door, 135 00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:31,949 No, I'm across the room at my drafting table 136 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:35,789 showing some foxy young thing all my cool architecture stuff, 137 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,661 So, Robin strolls over, and I casually give her one of these, 138 00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:41,597 "Hey, what's up?" 139 00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:45,800 She says, "Hey, nice place, etcetera, etcetera," 140 00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:47,269 And then I say, 141 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,165 "Well, make yourself at home," 142 00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:52,210 And I casually return to my conversation, 143 00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:54,609 Then, an hour later, 144 00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:57,808 "Oh, you're still here?" 145 00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:01,375 I say, like I don't really care but it's a nice surprise, 146 00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:03,512 And then, very casually, 147 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,755 "Wanna see the roof?" 148 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,486 - The roof. - The roof. 149 00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:11,085 I get her up to the roof and the roof takes care of the rest. 150 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,562 What's so special about the roof? 151 00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:16,294 Oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. 152 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,465 You can't not fall in love on that roof. 153 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,566 We do it up there sometimes. 154 00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:25,472 - Solid plan, my little friends. - We're the same height. 155 00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:28,570 But may I suggest one little modification? 156 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,242 BARNEY; That foxy young thing you were chatting up? 157 00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:33,011 Take her up to the roof and have sex with her, 158 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,178 - Crazy, monkey-style... - That's not the plan. 159 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,189 It should be the plan, I mean, look at her, Ted, look at her, 160 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,657 - She's smoking, - Thank you. 161 00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,986 - Yeah, - But she's not Robin. 162 00:07:43,095 --> 00:07:44,357 Exactly. 163 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,897 Ted, let's rap. 164 00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,065 Statistic. 165 00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:48,895 At every New York party there's always a girl 166 00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:50,696 who has no idea whose party she's at. 167 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:53,897 She knows no one you know and you will never see her again. 168 00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:58,306 Do you see where I'm going, huh, with this? 169 00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,003 Barney, I don't think so. 170 00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:04,549 - Scoping, bip, scoping, bip. - Man, you're a dork. 171 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:07,414 Bip, bip, bip, bip. Target acquired! 172 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,852 And now it's time we play a little game I like to call, 173 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:12,390 - "Have you met Ted?" - Oh, come on, not this. 174 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,357 - Hi, have you met Ted? - No. 175 00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:15,552 - Hi. - Hi. 176 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,629 - You know Marshall, Lily? - No. 177 00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:21,359 - Do you know anyone at this party? - I work with Carlos. 178 00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:24,129 Excuse me. Anyone know a Carlos? 179 00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,204 - No. - No. 180 00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:28,933 On a silver platter. Bon appétit, 181 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,037 I don't think so. 182 00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:34,874 Your loss, her gain. Excuse me, can I show you the roof? 183 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:36,642 - It's magical up there. - Sure. 184 00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,580 Wait, wait, wait. Hey, I got that roof reserved. 185 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:42,120 - Dude, Robin's not coming. - Hey, she's gonna show up. 186 00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:46,380 She'll show up. 187 00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:48,788 OLDER TED; She didn't show up, 188 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:52,186 At least, it was a great party. 189 00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,698 I ate like four whole cans of dip. 190 00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:57,997 You always know what to say, old friend. 191 00:08:58,304 --> 00:08:59,669 (PHONE RINGING) 192 00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:03,842 - It's Robin. - Answer it. 193 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:07,071 No, no, no, not right away. I gotta seem casual. 194 00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:11,278 - Hello? - I'm so sorry I missed your party. 195 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,114 - Who is this? Meredith? - Robin. 196 00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:15,752 Oh, Robin. 197 00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:17,720 Hey, yeah, 198 00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:20,656 - I guess you never showed up, did you? - No, I got stuck at work. 199 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,228 But they finally got that kid out of the crane machine. 200 00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:27,527 - Did he get to keep the purple giraffe? - Yeah, they let him keep all the toys. 201 00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:30,830 He was in there a long time and little kids have small bladders. 202 00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:34,299 I wish your party was tonight. 203 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:38,101 It is. The party's tonight. 204 00:09:38,544 --> 00:09:42,207 Yeah, it's a two-day party, 'cause that's just how we roll. 205 00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:47,247 So if you wanna swing by, you know, it's casual. 206 00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:48,581 See you. 207 00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:54,623 - So that was Robin. - What are you doing to me, man? 208 00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:57,560 - I got a paper to write. - I know, I'm sorry. It's terrible. 209 00:09:57,663 --> 00:10:00,598 - I'll buy more dip. - Ted, Ted, wait! 210 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:02,926 Get French Onion! 211 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:10,571 Can you believe this guy? I got a paper to write. 212 00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:14,674 Okay, fine. But it's gotta be, like, super quick. 213 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:18,716 - And no cuddling after. - I'm the luckiest girl alive. 214 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,152 Oh, you were so right about the roof. 215 00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:29,352 That girl from last night, I took her back to my place, 216 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,862 then this morning took her outside, spun her around a couple times 217 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:32,931 and sent her walking. 218 00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:36,229 She will never find her way back and there she is. 219 00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:39,564 - How did she get here? Did you invite her? - I have no idea who that is. 220 00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:41,264 She said she works with Carlos. Who's Carlos? 221 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:42,341 I don't know any Carlos. 222 00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:43,408 (GRUNTS) 223 00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:47,445 - Hi, you. You're back. - I sure am. 224 00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:53,212 - Come on, sweetie, I need a drink. - Sweetie. Really? 225 00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:55,320 Help. 226 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,517 Whoa, whoa, rabbits. 227 00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:00,785 Come on, I got that roof reserved. 228 00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:02,019 All right. 229 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:06,461 So, it's over between me and Works with Carlos Girl. 230 00:11:06,565 --> 00:11:08,533 - Oh, that was fast. - Yeah. 231 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,793 I was trying to think, what's the quickest way 232 00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:12,530 to get rid of a girl you just met? 233 00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:15,665 - I think I'm in love with you. - What? 234 00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,406 - Thanks, bro. - Glad I could help. 235 00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:23,046 What the... No, no, no, no, come on. 236 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,680 Sorry, Ted. 237 00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:28,712 Great. What am I gonna do when Robin shows up? 238 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,745 She'll show up. 239 00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:33,023 OLDER TED; She didn't show up, 240 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:37,192 All right, we threw two parties, everybody had fun, 241 00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:40,196 everybody Wang-ed, everybody Chung-ed. 242 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:44,725 Now the kid has got to get to work. And the kid is not to be disturbed. 243 00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:48,136 Repeat after me, "I will not have sex with Marshall." 244 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,209 - I will not have sex with Marshall. - I will not have sex with Marshall. 245 00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:52,868 (PHONE RINGING) 246 00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:55,272 It's Robin. 247 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,680 - Hello? - Hi, Ted. 248 00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:03,221 Amanda? Oh, Denise, sorry. You totally sounded like Amanda. 249 00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:05,085 - It's Robin. - Oh, Robin. 250 00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:08,025 - Hi. - I totally wanted to come, 251 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:11,028 I got stuck at work again. I feel like I live there. 252 00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,961 Sorry I missed your party, again. 253 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,863 Hey, ain't no thing, but a chicken wing, mamacita, 254 00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:17,802 Who am I? 255 00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:22,733 I guess there's no chance your two-dayer turned into a three-dayer? 256 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,240 It did indeed. The party continues tonight. 257 00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,539 Yeah, last night people were, like, 258 00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:30,080 "Keep it going, bro! Party trifecta!" 259 00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:32,883 Wow, okay. Well, I'll be there. 260 00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:34,782 Great. See you tonight. 261 00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:39,524 So that was Robin. 262 00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:45,692 OLDER TED; So I threw a third party for Robin, on a Sunday night, 263 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,326 Oh, this is lame. 264 00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:51,202 Lame or casual? 265 00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,067 - Lame. - Or casual? 266 00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:59,305 Hey, law books. Ready for a little 15-minute recess? 267 00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:02,869 Sorry, baby, I gotta work. I need all my blood up here. 268 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,978 Has anybody seen An Introduction to Contract, Tort 269 00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:09,612 and Restitution Statutes from 1865 to 1923? 270 00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:14,485 - Anybody seen a big-ass book? - No. 271 00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:16,861 WOMAN: Hello, Barney. 272 00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:18,994 Of course. 273 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,667 You look well. 274 00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:25,393 Is it weird they invited both of us? 275 00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:26,729 Who? 276 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:31,402 Who invited you? No one even knows who you are. 277 00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:36,113 I understand you're hurt, but you don't have to be cruel. 278 00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:39,308 Carlos was right about you. 279 00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:42,312 Who is Carlos? 280 00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:44,218 Hey, where the hell is my... 281 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:45,646 Oh! 282 00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:49,919 Okay. 283 00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:54,256 An Introduction to Contract, Tort and Restitution Statutes 284 00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:56,596 from 1865 to 1923 285 00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,732 is not a coaster! 286 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:02,569 Ted, I'm jeopardizing my law career so you can throw not one, 287 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:06,202 not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met 288 00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,109 who's probably not even gonna show up! 289 00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:10,876 I mean, where is she, Ted, huh? Where's Robin? 290 00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:15,677 Hi. Hi, Robin. 291 00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:27,228 So, you threw all these parties for me? 292 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,625 No. Oh, you thought that... No. 293 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,864 Okay, yes. You got me. 294 00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:37,499 One of the reasons I threw these parties was so that I could introduce you 295 00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,840 to this guy. 296 00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:43,179 I figured, you know, since it didn't work out between us 297 00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:44,806 and now we can just laugh about it. 298 00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:45,906 (TITTERING) 299 00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:49,715 - Well, anyway, Robin, this is... - Carlos. 300 00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:52,185 (BOTH EXCLAIMING) 301 00:14:57,796 --> 00:14:59,991 She's still talking to Carlos. 302 00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:02,133 I can still win this. It's not over. 303 00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,668 Okay, buddy, time for the tough talk. 304 00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,899 Robin seems great, but let's look at the facts. 305 00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:09,474 You want to get married 306 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:13,909 and right now there's a million women in New York looking for exactly you. 307 00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:15,480 But Robin ain't one of them. 308 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,209 She's not just one of them. She's the one. 309 00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:21,309 Yeah well, "the one" is heading up to the roof. 310 00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:26,386 What are you gonna do? 311 00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:29,723 Nothing. It's a game. I gotta just 312 00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:31,420 keep playing it. 313 00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:11,836 ROBIN: Hey. TED: Hey. 314 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:15,498 - Carlos, can you give us a minute? - Hey, no sweat, hombre, 315 00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:17,235 See you. 316 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,939 Robin, look, I didn't throw this party to set you up with Carlos 317 00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:28,076 or the one before that, or the one before that. 318 00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:32,618 I threw these parties because I wanted to see you. 319 00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:34,750 Well, here I am. 320 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,021 There's something here. Look, unless I'm crazy. 321 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,257 You're not crazy. 322 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:46,593 I don't know, Ted. I mean, we barely know each other 323 00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:49,703 and you're looking at me with that look and it's like... 324 00:16:49,808 --> 00:16:52,868 - What, like what? - It's like, "Let's fall in love, 325 00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:56,277 "and get married and have kids and drive them to soccer practice." 326 00:16:56,382 --> 00:17:00,148 I'm not gonna force sports on them unless they're interested. 327 00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:03,751 It's a great look, but you're looking at the wrong girl. 328 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,756 - No, I'm not. - Yes, you are. 329 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,326 I don't want to get married right now, maybe ever. 330 00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:11,692 And if we go out together, I'd feel like 331 00:17:11,797 --> 00:17:15,096 I'd either have to marry you or break your heart 332 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:18,870 and I just couldn't do either of those things. 333 00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:22,107 Just like you can't turn off the way you feel. 334 00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:26,168 Click. 335 00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:27,744 Off. Let's make out. 336 00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,745 What? 337 00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:33,215 What? That was the off switch and I turned it off. 338 00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:36,017 I mean, look, sure, yes, I wanna 339 00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:40,057 fall in love, get married, blah, blah, blah. But, on the other hand, 340 00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:42,719 you, me, 341 00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:44,455 the roof. 342 00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:49,297 - There's no off switch. - There is an off switch. 343 00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:51,902 And it's off. 344 00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:53,604 No, it's not. 345 00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:55,871 Yes, it is. 346 00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:58,768 - No, it's not. - Yes, 347 00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:01,105 it is. 348 00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:11,513 Oh. 349 00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:16,985 No, it's not. 350 00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:20,087 You're right. There's no off switch. 351 00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:25,471 - God, I wish there was an off switch. - (EXHALING) Me, too. 352 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:25,869 - God, I wish there was an off switch. - (EXHALING) Me, too. 353 00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:32,543 So... 354 00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:35,773 What do we do now? 355 00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:40,008 We could be friends. 356 00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:46,580 Look, I know it sounds insincere when people say that 357 00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,990 but we could. 358 00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,552 I don't know, Robin. 359 00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,290 I made such a jackass of myself here, 360 00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:55,491 we start hanging out, every time I see you, it'll be like, 361 00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:57,660 "Oh, that's right, I'm a jackass." 362 00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,004 You're not a jackass. 363 00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:04,599 Look, I'm sorry. I only moved here in April, and I'm always working. 364 00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:08,678 And I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. 365 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,407 But I understand. 366 00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:13,776 Well, 367 00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:18,819 maybe in a few months after it's not so fresh we could all, 368 00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:21,859 you know, get a beer. 369 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,952 Yeah. That sounds good. 370 00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:28,425 I'll see you, Ted. 371 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,370 Or, you know, now. 372 00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,304 We could all get a beer now. 373 00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:46,183 I'd like that. 374 00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:52,253 My friends are gonna love you, like you, you know as a friend. 375 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,387 Jackass. 376 00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,495 Unbelievable. 377 00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:03,030 That's just a recipe for disaster. They work together. 378 00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:05,103 - You jealous? - Oh, please. 379 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,469 - What does Carlos have that I don't? - A date tonight? 380 00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:09,598 (ALL JEERING) 381 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,835 Stop the tape. Rewind, play it again. 382 00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,639 (GIBBERING) A date tonight? 383 00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:16,640 I'm not sure I like her. 384 00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:18,874 Hey, don't you have a paper to write? 385 00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:21,316 - Dude, you're talking to the kid. - I know it. 386 00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,981 I'm gonna knock back this beer, I'm gonna knock back one more beer, 387 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,957 I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna write a 25-page paper, 388 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,290 I'm gonna hand it in and I'm gonna get a "A." 389 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:33,091 My name is Rufus and that's the Troofus. 390 00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:35,426 OLDER TED; He got a B-minus, 391 00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:39,766 But, still, 25 pages in one night, B-minus? The kid was good, 392 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:43,837 At least, let me buy you a beer. Come on, I'll buy everyone a beer. 393 00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:45,432 I'll help carry. 394 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,716 - You know something, Ted? - What? 395 00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:55,719 You are a catch. You're gonna make some girl very happy. 396 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,788 And I am going to help you find her. 397 00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:00,790 Well, good luck. 398 00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:02,883 I mean, maybe, New York is just too big a town. 399 00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,986 I mean, there's millions of people in this city. 400 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:08,089 How, in all this mess, is a guy supposed to find the love of his life? 401 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,532 I mean, where do you even begin? 402 00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:15,499 Hi, have you met Ted?