1
00:00:15,482 --> 00:00:18,542
- OLDER TED: Okay, where was I?
- You were telling us how you met Mom.
2
00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:21,051
- In excruciating detail.
- Right.
3
00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:25,921
So, back in 2005, when I was 27,
my two best friends got engaged.
4
00:00:26,292 --> 00:00:28,852
And it got me thinking,
maybe I should get married,
5
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:32,762
And then I saw Robin, She was incredible,
6
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:36,302
I just knew I had to meet her,
That's where your Uncle Barney came in,
7
00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:39,804
I suggest we play a little game
I like to call, "Have you met Ted?"
8
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:41,999
No, no, no, no, we're not playing
"Have you met Ted."
9
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,871
Hi, have you met Ted?
10
00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:47,741
So I asked her out,
and I know this sounds crazy,
11
00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:50,281
but after just one date
I was in love with her,
12
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,317
which made me say something stupid,
13
00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:53,681
I think I'm in love with you.
14
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:54,754
What?
15
00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:57,948
- Oh, Dad.
- So then what happened?
16
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,185
Nothing,
17
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,861
I mean, I'd made a complete fool of myself,
18
00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:05,760
So, a week went by
and I decided not to call her,
19
00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:07,389
So, you're not gonna call her?
20
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,127
You went from
"I think I'm in love with you"
21
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:10,395
to "I'm not gonna call her"?
22
00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:11,868
I wasn't in love with her, okay?
23
00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:15,236
I was briefly in love with
the abstract concept of getting married.
24
00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:17,901
It had absolutely nothing to do with Robin.
25
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,204
- Robin?
- Hey.
26
00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:20,711
Look who I ran into.
27
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,281
Since when do you guys know each other?
28
00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:24,145
Oh, since about here.
29
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,651
Lily recognized me from the news...
30
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,484
- Hello, sailor.
- They just got engaged.
31
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:35,517
Well, I should get back to the station.
See you guys.
32
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:39,264
- Nice seeing you, Ted.
- Yeah, you, too.
33
00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:40,332
Thanks.
34
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,061
- Damn it!
- What?
35
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,433
- I'm in love with her.
- No.
36
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,405
As your sponsor, I will not let you relapse.
37
00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:50,976
- You blew it. It's over. Move on.
- I don't know.
38
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:54,240
I just have this feeling she's the future
Mrs. Ted Mosby.
39
00:01:54,347 --> 00:01:55,314
(SQUEAKING)
40
00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,676
Lily, you squeaked?
41
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,981
She said something about me, didn't she?
Come on, spill it, Red.
42
00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:02,076
Fine.
43
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,320
So, what do we think of Ted?
44
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:07,786
Ted's something else.
45
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:08,861
Huh?
46
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,460
I'm gonna spin that as good.
47
00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:13,225
Lots of guys are something,
I'm something else.
48
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:14,823
He comes on a little strong.
49
00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:17,334
But that's part of my charm.
50
00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:19,905
- But that's part of his charm.
- Oh, totally.
51
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:22,941
I mean, he's sweet, he's charming,
he's just looking for something
52
00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:24,771
a little bit more serious than I am.
53
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:28,336
I mean, the most I can handle right now
is something casual.
54
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,383
- This just stays between us, right?
- Are you kidding?
55
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,714
This flapper, Fort Knox.
56
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:35,713
Oops.
57
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:37,946
She wants casual?
58
00:02:38,057 --> 00:02:40,116
Okay, I'll be casual.
59
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:43,127
I'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual.
60
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,527
You know why? 'Cause it's a game.
61
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:48,396
I wanted to skip to the end
and do the whole happily-ever-after thing,
62
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,992
but you don't get there
unless you play the game.
63
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,732
- So you gonna ask her out?
- Yeah. No!
64
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,776
I can't ask her out, because if I ask her out
I'm asking her out.
65
00:02:57,877 --> 00:03:01,438
So how do I ask her out
without asking her out?
66
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,050
Did you guys get high?
67
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:09,749
I got it. I don't ask her out.
68
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:13,251
I invite her to our party next Friday.
69
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:16,089
- We're having a party next Friday?
- We are now.
70
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,220
Casual.
71
00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,798
Yeah, 'cause nothing says "casual"
like inviting a hundred people
72
00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:23,733
over just to mack on one girl.
Oh, and Lily, that's my leg.
73
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:27,967
You waited five minutes to tell me that?
74
00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:32,203
- All right, so call her up.
- No, calling's not casual.
75
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,243
I just got to bump into her somewhere.
76
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:37,441
Now, if only I knew her schedule,
I could arrange a chance encounter.
77
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:41,087
That's great, Ted.
You'll be the most casual stalker ever.
78
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:46,416
Now, ever since Marshall
put that ring on her finger,
79
00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:50,326
Lily had been, well, extra affectionate,
80
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:52,726
Baby, no.
81
00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:56,126
I have a 25-page paper
on constitutional law due Monday.
82
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,635
I've barely started.
83
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:01,138
Hey, I'm just sitting here wearing my ring.
84
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,909
My beautiful ring.
85
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:08,112
Kind of makes wearing other stuff
seem wrong.
86
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,042
My shirt.
87
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,584
Kind of don't wanna wear
my shirt anymore.
88
00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:16,412
Or my underwear.
89
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:19,456
That's right. I'm not wearing any.
90
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,316
(SIGHING)
91
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:25,522
- No underwear?
- Not even slightly.
92
00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:26,690
Guys.
93
00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:29,895
Boundaries.
94
00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:33,169
- There she is.
- Thanks, Bill,
95
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,707
I'm reporting from
the Razzle Dazzle Supermarket
96
00:04:35,808 --> 00:04:37,935
on 75th and Columbus...
97
00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:40,170
75th and Columbus.
98
00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:42,344
Game on!
99
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,143
...where four-year-old Leroy Ellenberg
100
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:47,777
has climbed inside a Grab-A-Prize machine
and gotten stuck.
101
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:54,584
And all in the pursuit
of a stuffed, purple giraffe.
102
00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:58,291
For Metro News 1, I'm Robin Scherbatsky.
103
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,423
PRODUCER: We're clear.
ROBIN: Thanks, Don.
104
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:02,926
Ted?
105
00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:07,165
- Robin? Wow, what are the odds?
- What are you doing here?
106
00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:10,868
Oh, you know, just shopping for dip.
107
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,969
I love dip. No, I don't love dip. I like dip.
108
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,173
As a friend, you know.
109
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:18,842
So, hey, you reporting a news story
or something?
110
00:05:18,951 --> 00:05:22,614
Yeah, a kid stuck in a crane machine.
How sweet of you to call it news.
111
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:25,452
Wow, kid in a crane machine.
112
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:27,355
You just had to have that toy, didn't you?
113
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,087
Couldn't play the game like everyone else.
114
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:30,822
You're all sweaty.
115
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:32,490
Cute kid.
116
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:34,962
You know, it's so funny
I should run into you.
117
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,696
We're having a party next Friday
if you feel like swinging by,
118
00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:39,635
but, you know, whatever.
119
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,969
Oh, I'm going back home next weekend.
120
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:45,406
- It's too bad it's not tonight.
- It is. It's tonight.
121
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,945
This Friday. Did I say next Friday?
Yeah, sorry.
122
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:49,878
I guess I've been saying
"next Friday" all week.
123
00:05:49,982 --> 00:05:52,212
But, yeah, it's tonight. The party's tonight.
124
00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,684
But, you know, whatever.
125
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,046
(PHONE RINGING)
126
00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:03,055
- Hello?
- Hey, am I interrupting anything?
127
00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:06,598
No, no, I'm just writing my paper,
hitting the books.
128
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:09,827
Yeah, well, you and Lily
might want to put some clothes on.
129
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,427
We're throwing a party in two hours.
Okay, bye.
130
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:18,406
(MUSIC PLAYING)
131
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:20,843
So, Gatsby, what are you gonna do
when Robin shows up?
132
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:23,211
Okay, I got it all planned out.
133
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:27,284
She steps through the door,
And where is Ted?
134
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,719
Not eagerly waiting by the door,
135
00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:31,949
No, I'm across the room
at my drafting table
136
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:35,789
showing some foxy young thing
all my cool architecture stuff,
137
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,661
So, Robin strolls over,
and I casually give her one of these,
138
00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:41,597
"Hey, what's up?"
139
00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:45,800
She says,
"Hey, nice place, etcetera, etcetera,"
140
00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:47,269
And then I say,
141
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,165
"Well, make yourself at home,"
142
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:52,210
And I casually return to my conversation,
143
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:54,609
Then, an hour later,
144
00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:57,808
"Oh, you're still here?"
145
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:01,375
I say, like I don't really care
but it's a nice surprise,
146
00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:03,512
And then, very casually,
147
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,755
"Wanna see the roof?"
148
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,486
- The roof.
- The roof.
149
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:11,085
I get her up to the roof
and the roof takes care of the rest.
150
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,562
What's so special about the roof?
151
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:16,294
Oh, the moon, the stars,
the shimmering skyline.
152
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,465
You can't not fall in love on that roof.
153
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,566
We do it up there sometimes.
154
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:25,472
- Solid plan, my little friends.
- We're the same height.
155
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:28,570
But may I suggest one little modification?
156
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,242
BARNEY; That foxy young thing
you were chatting up?
157
00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:33,011
Take her up to the roof
and have sex with her,
158
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,178
- Crazy, monkey-style...
- That's not the plan.
159
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,189
It should be the plan, I mean, look at her,
Ted, look at her,
160
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,657
- She's smoking,
- Thank you.
161
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,986
- Yeah,
- But she's not Robin.
162
00:07:43,095 --> 00:07:44,357
Exactly.
163
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,897
Ted, let's rap.
164
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,065
Statistic.
165
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:48,895
At every New York party
there's always a girl
166
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:50,696
who has no idea whose party she's at.
167
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:53,897
She knows no one you know
and you will never see her again.
168
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:58,306
Do you see where I'm going, huh,
with this?
169
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,003
Barney, I don't think so.
170
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:04,549
- Scoping, bip, scoping, bip.
- Man, you're a dork.
171
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:07,414
Bip, bip, bip, bip. Target acquired!
172
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,852
And now it's time we play a little game
I like to call,
173
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:12,390
- "Have you met Ted?"
- Oh, come on, not this.
174
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,357
- Hi, have you met Ted?
- No.
175
00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:15,552
- Hi.
- Hi.
176
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,629
- You know Marshall, Lily?
- No.
177
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:21,359
- Do you know anyone at this party?
- I work with Carlos.
178
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:24,129
Excuse me. Anyone know a Carlos?
179
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,204
- No.
- No.
180
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:28,933
On a silver platter. Bon appétit,
181
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,037
I don't think so.
182
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:34,874
Your loss, her gain.
Excuse me, can I show you the roof?
183
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:36,642
- It's magical up there.
- Sure.
184
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,580
Wait, wait, wait.
Hey, I got that roof reserved.
185
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:42,120
- Dude, Robin's not coming.
- Hey, she's gonna show up.
186
00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:46,380
She'll show up.
187
00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:48,788
OLDER TED; She didn't show up,
188
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:52,186
At least, it was a great party.
189
00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,698
I ate like four whole cans of dip.
190
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:57,997
You always know what to say, old friend.
191
00:08:58,304 --> 00:08:59,669
(PHONE RINGING)
192
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:03,842
- It's Robin.
- Answer it.
193
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:07,071
No, no, no, not right away.
I gotta seem casual.
194
00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:11,278
- Hello?
- I'm so sorry I missed your party.
195
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,114
- Who is this? Meredith?
- Robin.
196
00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:15,752
Oh, Robin.
197
00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:17,720
Hey, yeah,
198
00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:20,656
- I guess you never showed up, did you?
- No, I got stuck at work.
199
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,228
But they finally got that kid
out of the crane machine.
200
00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:27,527
- Did he get to keep the purple giraffe?
- Yeah, they let him keep all the toys.
201
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:30,830
He was in there a long time
and little kids have small bladders.
202
00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:34,299
I wish your party was tonight.
203
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:38,101
It is. The party's tonight.
204
00:09:38,544 --> 00:09:42,207
Yeah, it's a two-day party,
'cause that's just how we roll.
205
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:47,247
So if you wanna swing by,
you know, it's casual.
206
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:48,581
See you.
207
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:54,623
- So that was Robin.
- What are you doing to me, man?
208
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:57,560
- I got a paper to write.
- I know, I'm sorry. It's terrible.
209
00:09:57,663 --> 00:10:00,598
- I'll buy more dip.
- Ted, Ted, wait!
210
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:02,926
Get French Onion!
211
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:10,571
Can you believe this guy?
I got a paper to write.
212
00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:14,674
Okay, fine.
But it's gotta be, like, super quick.
213
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:18,716
- And no cuddling after.
- I'm the luckiest girl alive.
214
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,152
Oh, you were so right about the roof.
215
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:29,352
That girl from last night,
I took her back to my place,
216
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,862
then this morning took her outside,
spun her around a couple times
217
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:32,931
and sent her walking.
218
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:36,229
She will never find her way back
and there she is.
219
00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:39,564
- How did she get here? Did you invite her?
- I have no idea who that is.
220
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:41,264
She said she works with Carlos.
Who's Carlos?
221
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:42,341
I don't know any Carlos.
222
00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:43,408
(GRUNTS)
223
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:47,445
- Hi, you. You're back.
- I sure am.
224
00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:53,212
- Come on, sweetie, I need a drink.
- Sweetie. Really?
225
00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:55,320
Help.
226
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,517
Whoa, whoa, rabbits.
227
00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:00,785
Come on, I got that roof reserved.
228
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:02,019
All right.
229
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:06,461
So, it's over between me
and Works with Carlos Girl.
230
00:11:06,565 --> 00:11:08,533
- Oh, that was fast.
- Yeah.
231
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,793
I was trying to think,
what's the quickest way
232
00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:12,530
to get rid of a girl you just met?
233
00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:15,665
- I think I'm in love with you.
- What?
234
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,406
- Thanks, bro.
- Glad I could help.
235
00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:23,046
What the... No, no, no, no, come on.
236
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,680
Sorry, Ted.
237
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:28,712
Great. What am I gonna do
when Robin shows up?
238
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,745
She'll show up.
239
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:33,023
OLDER TED; She didn't show up,
240
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:37,192
All right, we threw two parties,
everybody had fun,
241
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:40,196
everybody Wang-ed, everybody Chung-ed.
242
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:44,725
Now the kid has got to get to work.
And the kid is not to be disturbed.
243
00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:48,136
Repeat after me,
"I will not have sex with Marshall."
244
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,209
- I will not have sex with Marshall.
- I will not have sex with Marshall.
245
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:52,868
(PHONE RINGING)
246
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:55,272
It's Robin.
247
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,680
- Hello?
- Hi, Ted.
248
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:03,221
Amanda? Oh, Denise, sorry.
You totally sounded like Amanda.
249
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:05,085
- It's Robin.
- Oh, Robin.
250
00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:08,025
- Hi.
- I totally wanted to come,
251
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:11,028
I got stuck at work again.
I feel like I live there.
252
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,961
Sorry I missed your party, again.
253
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,863
Hey, ain't no thing, but a chicken wing,
mamacita,
254
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:17,802
Who am I?
255
00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:22,733
I guess there's no chance your two-dayer
turned into a three-dayer?
256
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,240
It did indeed. The party continues tonight.
257
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,539
Yeah, last night people were, like,
258
00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:30,080
"Keep it going, bro! Party trifecta!"
259
00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:32,883
Wow, okay. Well, I'll be there.
260
00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:34,782
Great. See you tonight.
261
00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:39,524
So that was Robin.
262
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:45,692
OLDER TED; So I threw a third party
for Robin, on a Sunday night,
263
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,326
Oh, this is lame.
264
00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:51,202
Lame or casual?
265
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,067
- Lame.
- Or casual?
266
00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:59,305
Hey, law books.
Ready for a little 15-minute recess?
267
00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:02,869
Sorry, baby, I gotta work.
I need all my blood up here.
268
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,978
Has anybody seen
An Introduction to Contract, Tort
269
00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:09,612
and Restitution Statutes
from 1865 to 1923?
270
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:14,485
- Anybody seen a big-ass book?
- No.
271
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:16,861
WOMAN: Hello, Barney.
272
00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:18,994
Of course.
273
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,667
You look well.
274
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:25,393
Is it weird they invited both of us?
275
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:26,729
Who?
276
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:31,402
Who invited you?
No one even knows who you are.
277
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:36,113
I understand you're hurt,
but you don't have to be cruel.
278
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:39,308
Carlos was right about you.
279
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:42,312
Who is Carlos?
280
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:44,218
Hey, where the hell is my...
281
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:45,646
Oh!
282
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:49,919
Okay.
283
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:54,256
An Introduction to Contract,
Tort and Restitution Statutes
284
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:56,596
from 1865 to 1923
285
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,732
is not a coaster!
286
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:02,569
Ted, I'm jeopardizing my law career
so you can throw not one,
287
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:06,202
not two, but three parties
for some girl that you just met
288
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,109
who's probably not even gonna show up!
289
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:10,876
I mean, where is she, Ted, huh?
Where's Robin?
290
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:15,677
Hi. Hi, Robin.
291
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:27,228
So, you threw all these parties for me?
292
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,625
No. Oh, you thought that... No.
293
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,864
Okay, yes. You got me.
294
00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:37,499
One of the reasons I threw these parties
was so that I could introduce you
295
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,840
to this guy.
296
00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:43,179
I figured, you know,
since it didn't work out between us
297
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:44,806
and now we can just laugh about it.
298
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:45,906
(TITTERING)
299
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:49,715
- Well, anyway, Robin, this is...
- Carlos.
300
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:52,185
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
301
00:14:57,796 --> 00:14:59,991
She's still talking to Carlos.
302
00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:02,133
I can still win this. It's not over.
303
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,668
Okay, buddy, time for the tough talk.
304
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,899
Robin seems great,
but let's look at the facts.
305
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:09,474
You want to get married
306
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:13,909
and right now there's a million women
in New York looking for exactly you.
307
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:15,480
But Robin ain't one of them.
308
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,209
She's not just one of them. She's the one.
309
00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:21,309
Yeah well, "the one"
is heading up to the roof.
310
00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:26,386
What are you gonna do?
311
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:29,723
Nothing. It's a game. I gotta just
312
00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:31,420
keep playing it.
313
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:11,836
ROBIN: Hey.
TED: Hey.
314
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:15,498
- Carlos, can you give us a minute?
- Hey, no sweat, hombre,
315
00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:17,235
See you.
316
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,939
Robin, look, I didn't throw this party
to set you up with Carlos
317
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:28,076
or the one before that,
or the one before that.
318
00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:32,618
I threw these parties
because I wanted to see you.
319
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:34,750
Well, here I am.
320
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,021
There's something here.
Look, unless I'm crazy.
321
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,257
You're not crazy.
322
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:46,593
I don't know, Ted.
I mean, we barely know each other
323
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:49,703
and you're looking at me with that look
and it's like...
324
00:16:49,808 --> 00:16:52,868
- What, like what?
- It's like, "Let's fall in love,
325
00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:56,277
"and get married and have kids
and drive them to soccer practice."
326
00:16:56,382 --> 00:17:00,148
I'm not gonna force sports on them
unless they're interested.
327
00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:03,751
It's a great look,
but you're looking at the wrong girl.
328
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,756
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
329
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,326
I don't want to get married right now,
maybe ever.
330
00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:11,692
And if we go out together, I'd feel like
331
00:17:11,797 --> 00:17:15,096
I'd either have to marry you
or break your heart
332
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:18,870
and I just couldn't do
either of those things.
333
00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:22,107
Just like you can't turn off
the way you feel.
334
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:26,168
Click.
335
00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:27,744
Off. Let's make out.
336
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,745
What?
337
00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:33,215
What? That was the off switch
and I turned it off.
338
00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:36,017
I mean, look, sure, yes, I wanna
339
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:40,057
fall in love, get married, blah, blah, blah.
But, on the other hand,
340
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:42,719
you, me,
341
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:44,455
the roof.
342
00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:49,297
- There's no off switch.
- There is an off switch.
343
00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:51,902
And it's off.
344
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:53,604
No, it's not.
345
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:55,871
Yes, it is.
346
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:58,768
- No, it's not.
- Yes,
347
00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:01,105
it is.
348
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:11,513
Oh.
349
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:16,985
No, it's not.
350
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:20,087
You're right. There's no off switch.
351
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:25,471
- God, I wish there was an off switch.
- (EXHALING) Me, too.
352
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:25,869
- God, I wish there was an off switch.
- (EXHALING) Me, too.
353
00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:32,543
So...
354
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:35,773
What do we do now?
355
00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:40,008
We could be friends.
356
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:46,580
Look, I know it sounds insincere
when people say that
357
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,990
but we could.
358
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,552
I don't know, Robin.
359
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,290
I made such a jackass of myself here,
360
00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:55,491
we start hanging out,
every time I see you, it'll be like,
361
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:57,660
"Oh, that's right, I'm a jackass."
362
00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,004
You're not a jackass.
363
00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:04,599
Look, I'm sorry. I only moved here in April,
and I'm always working.
364
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:08,678
And I just haven't met
a lot of good people so far.
365
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,407
But I understand.
366
00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:13,776
Well,
367
00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:18,819
maybe in a few months
after it's not so fresh we could all,
368
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:21,859
you know, get a beer.
369
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,952
Yeah. That sounds good.
370
00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:28,425
I'll see you, Ted.
371
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,370
Or, you know, now.
372
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,304
We could all get a beer now.
373
00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:46,183
I'd like that.
374
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:52,253
My friends are gonna love you, like you,
you know as a friend.
375
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,387
Jackass.
376
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,495
Unbelievable.
377
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:03,030
That's just a recipe for disaster.
They work together.
378
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:05,103
- You jealous?
- Oh, please.
379
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,469
- What does Carlos have that I don't?
- A date tonight?
380
00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:09,598
(ALL JEERING)
381
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,835
Stop the tape. Rewind, play it again.
382
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,639
(GIBBERING) A date tonight?
383
00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:16,640
I'm not sure I like her.
384
00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:18,874
Hey, don't you have a paper to write?
385
00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:21,316
- Dude, you're talking to the kid.
- I know it.
386
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,981
I'm gonna knock back this beer,
I'm gonna knock back one more beer,
387
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,957
I'm gonna go home,
I'm gonna write a 25-page paper,
388
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,290
I'm gonna hand it in
and I'm gonna get a "A."
389
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:33,091
My name is Rufus and that's the Troofus.
390
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:35,426
OLDER TED; He got a B-minus,
391
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:39,766
But, still, 25 pages in one night, B-minus?
The kid was good,
392
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:43,837
At least, let me buy you a beer.
Come on, I'll buy everyone a beer.
393
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:45,432
I'll help carry.
394
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,716
- You know something, Ted?
- What?
395
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:55,719
You are a catch.
You're gonna make some girl very happy.
396
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,788
And I am going to help you find her.
397
00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:00,790
Well, good luck.
398
00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:02,883
I mean, maybe,
New York is just too big a town.
399
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,986
I mean, there's millions of people
in this city.
400
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:08,089
How, in all this mess, is a guy
supposed to find the love of his life?
401
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,532
I mean, where do you even begin?
402
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:15,499
Hi, have you met Ted?