[SHIP'S HORN BLOWS]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TOUCHSTONE TELEVISION AND CBS, INC.
IT'LL BE 3 DAYS OF RELAXATION.
IN A TUXEDO.
Melinda: IT'LL BE ROMANTIC.
WHAT IF WE GET SEASICK?
I MIGHT BE OVULATING.
THIS COULD BE THE BEST ANNIVERSARY TRIP EVER.
HEY, CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING AND SMILE?
OH, SORRY.
AHA. THERE WE GO.
WHAT WERE YOU TWO WHISPERIN' ABOUT ANYWAY?
OH, I WAS JUST TELLING HIM HOW EXCITED I AM
TO PICK UP SOME REALLY GREAT PIECES FOR THE SHOP.
IT'S KIND OF SAD
THAT THEY'RE JUST GONNA SCRAP
THIS GIGANTIC THING.
YEAH, BUT FIRST THEY'RE GONNA AUCTION OFF EVERYTHING.
PROMISE ME YOU WON'T GO OVERBOARD.
YES, YES.
I KNOW WHEN TO STOP BIDDING. SHUSH.
NO, FOR ONCE, I'M BEING LITERAL.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT WOMAN
WHO JUMPED OFF THIS SHIP LAST WEEK.
DON'T YOU GUYS WATCH THE NEWS?
YEAH. ALL THEY FOUND WERE HER SHOES BY THE RAILING.
PEOPLE DO THAT APPARENTLY.
THEY JUST TAKE OFF THEIR SHOES BEFORE THEY JUMP.
OH, YOU'RE NOT JUST BEING LITERAL.
YOU'RE BEING KIND OF WEIRD,
AND NO ONE IS GOING OVERBOARD.
[HORN HONKS] [P.A.] ALL ABOARD!
OOH. OK.
DON'T FORGET THEY'RE COMING SATURDAY
TO DELIVER THE NEW FRIDGE FOR THE GARAGE.
I GOT IT. GO. HAVE FUN.
BYE, D. BYE.
HAVEN'T TOLD HER WE'RE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT?
I DON'T WANT TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT
UNTIL THERE'S SOMETHING TO ANNOUNCE.
BUT YOU KNOW, 3 DAYS, THE OPEN SEA,
WITH NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
NO AUCTION PREVIEW?
EVERY NOW AND THEN, YOU HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.
OH, DO YOU?
OHH.
DID YOUR GHOST-DAR GO PING?
THERE MAY BE ONE OR...
20.
FINALLY. SOMEBODY WHO CAN SEE US.
OH, DON'T MIND THEM. THEY'RE ALL ON EDGE
ABOUT THE SHIP GOING TO THE BREAKERS,
BUT ALL GOOD PARTIES HAVE TO END, RIGHT?
WELCOME ABOARD. I'M BETTY.
UM, MELINDA.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
OH. PHEW. SO SORRY.
I WAS DEAD IN MY STATEROOM BEFORE THE STEWARD FOUND ME.
BLOOD SETTLED TO THAT SIDE.
MY ADVICE--IF YOU'RE HAVING A MASSIVE CORONARY,
DON'T PUT THE "DO NOT DISTURB" SIGN OUT FIRST.
NOW, COME ON. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THE CLARIDON.
I ALREADY DO.
YOU MAKING FRIENDS ALREADY?
YEAH, ONE THAT'S ACTUALLY NICE.
SO YOU'VE BEEN HERE SINCE THE FIFTIES?
NO. GOD, NO.
'99. I WAS A VINTAGE-CLOTHING DEALER.
SO YOU SAID YOU'RE IN M-110?
OH, IT'S A LOVELY ROOM.
AUDREY HEPBURN ONCE STAYED THERE.
YOU REMIND ME OF HER.
IT'S JUST UP AHEAD ON THE RIGHT.
[GASPS] OH, GOD.
NOT NOW, MR. LINARCOS.
LIKE I SAID, THEY'RE ALL RESTLESS,
WORRIED THAT WHEN THE SHIP IS DESTROYED,
THEY'LL BE LOST FOREVER.
Woman: WELL, BRIBE THE STEWARD. I CAN'T STAND OUR ROOM ANYMORE.
AT LEAST YOU CAN BREATHE IN HERE.
Man: THE SHIP'S SOLD OUT.
WHOEVER BOOKED THIS ROOM IS GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
THEN WE SHOULD HURRY.
UH, HI. I THINK THIS IS OUR ROOM. HEH.
RIGHT. SORRY.
WE WERE JUST, UH...
BEING NOSY. HEH.
HI. I'M RICH HENDERSON,
AND THIS IS MY FIANCÃ‰E-- I MEAN--HEH--MY WIFE.
JULIA. IT'S HARD TO TELL, BUT WE'RE ON OUR HONEYMOON.
AWW. CONGRATULATIONS.
I-I'M MELINDA, AND THIS IS MY HUSBAND JIM.
WE'RE IN--IN 108, RIGHT NEXT DOOR.
OH. HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN HERE SINCE THE START OF THE TRIP?
SOUTHAMPTON TO HALIFAX,
AND NOW HERE WE ARE.
RICH'S IDEA. HE'S SORT OF A SHIP GEEK.
PERSONALLY, YOU CAN'T SCRAP THE OLD TUB FAST ENOUGH FOR ME.
THE S.S. CLARIDON IS ONE OF THE LAST TRUE OCEAN LINERS.
AND IF WE DIDN'T TAKE THIS TRIP NOW--
THEN WE'D BE ON A BEACH IN MAUI.
I WARN YOU, IF YOUR A.C. IS ANYTHING LIKE OURS,
KEEP YOUR UNDERWEAR IN THE MINIBAR.
[SHIP'S HORN BLOWS] Rich: SO SORRY.
BON VOYAGE.
OOH, I AM SO SORRY I'M LATE.
DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE OVER 55 KINDS
OF EXOTIC WOODS ON THE S.S. CLARIDON?
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT THIS FOR THE LAST, UM, HALF AN HOUR.
OH, I SWEAR I TRIED TO TEXT YOU.
YEAH, CELL SERVICE IS SO SPOTTY ON THE HIGH SEAS.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, THE SPA WAS A ZOO,
AND THEIR BEST MASSEUR QUIT IN HALIFAX,
BUT THERE IS STILL TIME FOR A ROMANTIC STROLL BEFORE DINNER.
DO I HAVE TO WEAR A PENGUIN SUIT FOR THAT?
NO. FIRST NIGHT, IT'S JUST JACKET AND TIE,
AND DON'T WORRY, 'CAUSE YOU WON'T BE IN IT LONG.
OH. SO THERE'S AN UPSIDE.
[BOTH LAUGH]
YOU KNOW, I NEVER TAKE FOR GRANTED HOW LUCKY WE ARE.
ME EITHER.
OK, WHAT ARE WE TALKIN' ABOUT HERE?
WELL, I RAN INTO JULIA AT THE SPA,
AND SHE KEPT APOLOGIZING FOR TRYING TO STEAL OUR ROOM,
BUT I GUESS THEY'RE HAVING SOME PROBLEMS, YOU KNOW, IN BED.
OHH. ON THEIR HONEYMOON? YIKES.
I KNOW. I GUESS EVERY TIME IT GETS ROMANTIC,
HE FALLS ASLEEP.
THAT'S WHY THEY WANTED TO SWITCH,
'CAUSE IT WAS TOO HOT.
OR NOT HOT ENOUGH BY THE LOOKS OF IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU DO HAVE A SPOOKY KNACK
FOR GETTING PEOPLE TO OPEN UP TO YOU.
YEAH. EXCEPT USUALLY IT'S AFTER THEY'VE DIED.
HMM.
OH.
POOR GUY. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?
I MEAN, IS HE SICK,
IS IT JUST THE PRESSURE FROM THE HONEYMOON, OR WHAT?
THERE'S A THIRD OPTION.
Girl: CAN YOU SEE US?
Jim: WOW. A KISSING GHOST.
LITTLE KINKY.
IT'S NOT SEXY.
I MEAN, SHE'S ALL BANGED UP AND COVERED IN SEAWEED.
WAIT A MINUTE. DO YOU THINK SHE'S THE WOMAN
THAT DELIA WAS TALKIN' ABOUT?
IT'S POSSIBLE.
THEN WHY IS SHE HAUNTING RICH?
WELL, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION, BUT WHATEVER THE ANSWER IS,
WE KNOW WHY THERE ARE NOT SPARKS FLYING IN THE BEDROOM.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. YOU THINK HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR
WITH THE JUMPER ON HIS HONEYMOON?
WELL, SHE'S HAUNTING HIS TONGUE FOR SOME REASON.
GOOD LUCK BRINGING THAT UP
IN CASUAL CONVERSATION.
ACTUALLY, I WAS HOPING THAT YOU COULD
HANG OUT WITH HIM. YOU KNOW, GUY TALK.
[SIGHS] DO WE HAVE TO GET INVOLVED IN THIS?
YES. SHE'S A VERY POWERFUL GHOST,
AND SHE'S PRACTICALLY FEEDING OFF OF HIM.
BUT YOU SAID THAT'S WHAT GHOSTS DO,
THEY FEED OFF THE ENERGY OF THE LIVING.
RIGHT, BUT SHE'S THE REASON HE'S NOT SLEEPING,
WHICH COULD MAKE THEIR MARRIAGE END BEFORE IT EVEN STARTED.
OH, HI. AGAIN.
HI. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MY SO-CALLED HUSBAND, HAVE YOU?
UH, Y--
YEAH, HE WAS ON THE DECK,
TAKING A NAP A LITTLE WHILE AGO.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THAT'S THE--
FINALLY.
[YAWNS]
SORRY. I-- I WAS CHANGING.
NEXT THING I KNOW, I--I WOKE UP ON DECK.
YOU'RE SLEEPWALKING AGAIN?
RICH, YOU'VE GOTTA GO SEE THE SHIP'S DOCTOR.
I'LL CALL HER IN THE MORNING.
WELL, WE SHOULD, UH--
UH, JOIN YOU, IF THAT'S OK.
PLEASE.
[YAWNS]
[JAZZ PLAYING]
Rich: AMERICA IS THE LAST HOLDER OF THE BLUE RIBAND FOR THE FASTEST TRANSATLANTIC CROSSING.
AND THE S.S. UNITED STATES COULD GO FASTER IN REVERSE
THAN THE CLARIDON CAN GO FORWARD, EVEN TODAY.
BUT SHE WAS NEVER BUILT FOR SPEED.
IN FACT, BECAUSE THE CLARIDON WAS THE LAST 3-STACK LINER EVER BUILT, THE--
RICH, SWEETIE.
OH, I'M SORRY. ONCE I GET STARTED, I--
NO, IT'S FASCINATING, REALLY.
Jim: YEAH. YEAH, IT WAS.
DID YOU GUYS, UM--
WERE YOU ONBOARD, UH, LAST WEEK? I HEARD A RUMOR
THAT A WOMAN JUMPED OFF, JUMPED OVERBOARD.
GEORGIA KENT. JUMPED OFF RIGHT BEFORE WE REACHED HALIFAX.
MOST EXCITEMENT WE'VE SEEN ON THE SHIP,
NOT TO BE DISRESPECTFUL.
HEH. DID YOU EVER TALK TO HER?
RICH RAN INTO HER A COUPLE TIMES.
MMM, JUST IN PASSING,
RESERVING TIME ON THE SQUASH COURT.
YEAH. HE'S BEEN PLAYIN' A LOT OF SQUASH.
APPARENTLY DOESN'T LEAVE A LOT OF ENERGY
FOR OTHER THINGS, BUT...
JIM LOVES SQUASH.
PRACTICALLY ADDICTED, RIGHT, SWEETHEART?
YEAH. I DO. THANKS, SWEETHEART.
I GOT A COURT RESERVED 8 A.M. TOMORROW.
ARE YOU READY TO LOSE?
IT'S MY LUCKY DAY.
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE HAVING A KARAOKE CONTEST
IN THE CLUB INTERNATIONAL. WHO'S IN?
OH, I--I THINK WE'RE GONNA TURN IN.
YEAH, I REALLY SHOULD SAVE ENERGY FOR THE SQUASH.
WELL, I AM GONNA GO TRY MY BEST RIHANNA.
WE'VE BEEN AVOIDING OUR CABIN.
IT'S SO HOT AND NOISY IN THERE.
I THINK WE MUST BE NEAR A VENTILATION SHAFT.
A LOT OF SCRATCHING AND BANGING FROM THE ENGINE ROOM.
MORE LIKE SCRATCHING FROM A RATS' NEST.
AND THE AIR THAT COMES OUT OF THAT THING IN THE WALL--
PUNKA LOUVRE.
WHATEVER. IT'S CREEPY.
SOUNDS LIKE MOANING FROM-- FROM A WOMAN SINGING.
WELL, THEY SAY THE CLARID IS HAUNTED.
SO THEY SAY. GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
CAN YOU GET A MESSAGE TO MY FAMILY IN QUEENS?
LOOK, MY HUSBAND PROBABLY FOUND SOME LETTERS. THEY'RE NOT WHAT HE THINKS.
THERE ISN'T MUCH TIME.
I NEED YOU TO TELL MY BROTHER THOSE WITHDRAWALS
FROM THE COMPANY ACCOUNT WEREN'T MINE.
OHH! [CROWD GASPS]
WHOA.
WE'RE ALL SCARED. SOMETHING HORRIBLE'S GONNA HAPPEN.
OK, I-IT'S NOTHING BAD. IT'S JUST--
JUST A CHANGE, OK, AND I CAN HELP YOU.
MEL.
THEIR HOME IS ABOUT TO BE DESTROYED,
AND THEY'RE GETTING STRONGER.
NOW GO. SPREAD THE WORD AND FOLLOW ME.
SO MUCH FOR NOTHING TO DO.
[RINGS]
[RING]
WHAT? UH, OH.
SOMEBODY BETTER BE DEAD.
CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.
MELINDA?
WHAT THE HELL? I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON A BOAT.
I AM. DO YOU STILL WANNA LEARN?
NOT AT 1:00 IN THE MORNING.
YEAH, WELL, IT COMES WITH THE JOB.
I HAVE ABOUT 2 DOZEN LOST SOULS HERE.
SO WHAT, YOU WANT ME TO PARACHUTE IN?
NO. JUST LISTEN. GET THEIR NAMES, THEIR UNFINISHED BUSINESS
AND START RELAYING THE MESSAGES TO THEIR NEXT OF KIN
AND THEN E-MAIL ME WHEN YOU'RE DONE.
OH. SHIP-TO-SHORE CROSSOVERS.
I NEED YOUR HELP, SO GRAB A PEN.
OK, EVERYBODY, HIS NAME'S ELI.
HE CAN HEAR YOU.
UH, YEAH...
THE NAME'S ROGO.
UM...
HOW DO YOU SPELL THAT?
I GIVE UP. YOU WIN.
GOOD GAME.
THANKS.
GLAD IT'S OVER.
IT WAS ROAST-- ROASTING IN HERE.
YEAH. HEY, HEY, HEY. WAIT.
WHAT'D YOU DO TO YOUR BACK?
OH. WHAT--WHAT THE HELL?
I--I DON'T KN--
I DON'T--UM...
UH...
I GOTTA HIT THE SHOWERS.
YEAH. RIGHT.
HEY, UH, EXCUSE ME.
COULD--COULD YOU HELP ME WIN A BET?
I DON'T KNOW. CAN I?
UM, LOOK, MY BUDDY HERE SAYS HE PLAYED
EVERY MORNING OF THE TRANSATLANTIC,
BUT I DON'T BELIEVE HIM.
UH, HIS NAME'S RICHARD HENDERSON.
HOPE YOU DIDN'T BET MUCH.
HE'S IN EVERY DAY BRIGHT AND EARLY.
DOESN'T SEEM TO HELP HIS GAME OUT MUCH, THOUGH.
WAIT A MINUTE. HE PLAYED WITH THE WOMAN WHO JUMPED OVERBOARD?
EXCUSE ME.
LOOK. RIGHT THERE.
SAME NAME, SAME TIME, 3 DIFFERENT DAYS.
GEORGIA KENT.
I NEVER SAW 'EM PLAY TOGETHER.
IN FACT, SHE CAME DOWN AT NIGHT BEFORE DINNER,
USUALLY WITH HER HUSBAND,
BOOKED HER TIME RELIGIOUSLY,
BUT SHE NEVER ONCE SHOWED UP TO PLAY.
HEY, YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM ME.
YEAH.
CAN I USE YOUR PHONE?
SO SHE BOOKED TIME ON THE COURT
AS A COVER FOR SOME OTHER SHIPBOARD ACTIVITY?
YEAH. BUT WAIT A MINUTE.
THE DAY SHE WAS BOOKED, THE SHIP WAS AT SEA,
SO WHATEVER SHE WAS DOING, SHE WAS DOING IT ON THE SHIP.
OR YOU MEAN WHOMEVER SHE WAS DOING.
WELL, RICH WAS DEFINITELY PLAYING SQUASH,
AND SHE JUMPED BEFORE THE SHIP DOCKED IN HALIFAX,
SO--
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL SEE YOU UP ON DECK LATER.
I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE SPA.
WHAT, ANOTHER MASSAGE?
NOPE. JUST FOLLOWING A HUNCH.
YOU'RE GOOD.
I SAW HOW YOU HANDLED THAT SPA ATTENDANT.
SO YOU REALLY THINK THAT GEORGIA KENT WOMAN...
OH, IT'S SIMPLE MATH, YOU KNOW.
SHE DISAPPEARED BEFORE HALIFAX.
THE MASSEUR ABANDONED SHIP IN HALIFAX.
2 PLUS 2 EQUALS A TORRID AFFAIR.
AND SO MODEST.
HEY!
DID YOU HEAR THE LATEST?
OUR STEWARD JUST TOLD US THE CRUISE LINE
RECEIVED AN ANONYMOUS PHONE CALL FROM SOMEBODY ABOARD THE SHIP.
THAT WOMAN WHO SUPPOSEDLY JUMPED OVERBOARD,
THEY FOUND HER ALIVE,
SHACKED UP WITH THE SHIP'S MASSEUR IN HALIFAX.
NO KIDDING.
THIS WOMAN LEAVES HER HUSBAND
AND--AND FAKES HER OWN SUICIDE
SO AT LEAST HER HUSBAND WILL GET THE INSURANCE MONEY.
I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE?
HONEY, THEY WERE OUT OF CRANBERRY J--
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING TO US.
IT'S OK.
LOOK, I CAN HELP YOU, BUT PLEASE,
IF YOU'RE NOT GEORGIA KENT, THEN WHO ARE YOU?
HE SWORE HE'D MARRY ME. HE LIED TO ME.
SO WE RULED OUT THE JUMPER, HUH?
YEAH, I KNOW,
BUT THIS SHIP IS OLDER THAN MY GREAT-GRANDMA.
I MEAN, THIS GHOST COULD BE ANYBODY.
YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T GET ANYTHING ELSE FROM RICH?
NO. RICH IS JUST A DECENT GUY
WHOSE FAMILY, COWORKERS, AND COHORTS ARE STILL VERY MUCH ALIVE,
AND DID I MENTION THAT HE LOVES SHIPS?
SHE'S CONVINCED SHE'S GONNA MARRY HIM.
MM-MMM. HE TOLD ME HE'S BEEN WITH JULIA SINCE HE WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WELL, WHOEVER SHE IS,
SHE OBVIOUSLY MET A VERY VIOLENT END.
WHAT, LIKE MURDERED?
IT'S POSSIBLE.
SHE WAS DEFINITELY THROWN OR JUMPED OVERBOARD.
NOTHING ABOUT SLEEPWALKING?
NO. NO.
I MEAN, HE HAD THESE SCRATCHES ON HIS BACK,
LIKE FINGERNAILS, BUT-- COULD A GHOST DO THAT?
IF SHE'S ANGRY OR TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING.
LIKE WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW,
BUT WE BETTER FIGURE IT OUT
BEFORE THIS PROBLEM GETS MORE THAN SKIN-DEEP.
YEAH.
I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT.
I'M GOING.
[KISS]
AH, THANK YOU.
RICH.
HEY.
THE, UH-- THE 3:08 COCKTAIL'S
THE MOST IMPORTANT DRINK OF THE DAY.
I'M CELEBRATING.
SHIP'S DOCTOR GAVE ME A CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.
CHEERS.
CAN I GET A BEER? TAP.
CLARIDON ISN'T THE ONLY THING HEADING TO THE SCRAP YARD
SHE'S DRAGGIN' MY MARRIAGE WITH HER.
AH. YOU SLEEPIN' A LOT, TOO, HUH?
TOO?
YEAH, I MEAN, I'M-- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M EXHAUSTED.
I MEAN, I KEEP FALLIN' ASLEEP, YOU KNOW, AT THE WORST POSSIBLE MOMENTS.
MY WIFE'S GETTIN' CRAZY ABOUT IT.
YOU HAVIN' DREAMS?
YEAH, BUT I--I MEAN, I DON'T REMEMBER THEM
WHEN I WAKE UP. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU KIDDING ME?
ALMOST LIKE THEY AREN'T DREAMS.
AND THIS MORNING, WHEN YOU SAW
THOSE SCRATCHES ON MY BACK--
YEAH, WHAT WAS GOIN' ON WITH THAT?
HEH. I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT...
THERE'S THIS WOMAN--
LONG HAIR, WEARING THIS RIPPED BALL GOWN,
AND--AND SHE'S ALL OVER ME,
HER FINGERNAILS.
HOW CAN A DREAM DO THAT?
YOU GOT ME.
ALWAYS BEGINS IN OUR CABIN.
GETS SO HOT IN THERE I CAN BARELY BREATHE,
AND I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER FALLING ASLEEP,
AND SHE'S WHISPERING IN MY EAR,
KISSING ME.
USED TO BE ABLE TO WAKE MYSELF OUT OF IT,
BUT NOW, I--IT'S LIKE I'M LOSING MY WILL.
I JUST GO WITH IT, AND THEN...
I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S JUST A DREAM,
BUT I--I MEAN, ON MY HONEYMOON?
AND THEN SHE TAKES MY HAND,
LEADS ME OUT. I WAKE UP...
SOMEWHERE WITH NO IDEA HOW I GOT THERE.
YOU'RE NOT HAVIN' THE SAME THING?
NO.
OLD GIRLFRIEND, MAYBE?
NAH. I'VE NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE.
HEY, LOOK, YOU--YOU KNOW A LOT ABOUT THIS BOAT, DON'T YOU?
YOU KNOW A LOT ABOUT THE S.S. CLARIDON.
MORE THAN ANYONE SHOULD KNOW. WHY?
DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT, UM--
I DON'T KNOW. THE ROOM YOU'RE STAYIN' IN, M-108.
I'M--I'M MORE OF A RIVET COUNTER.
BILL BRADFORD MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP YOU OUT THERE. WHY?
WHO'S THAT?
MARITIME HISTORIAN.
HE'S DOING A BOOK SIGNING UP ON THE MAIN DECK RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT. WHAT'S THIS, UH--
NOTHING. UH, YOU KNOW, I GOTTA TALK TO MY WIFE.
UM, JUST SOMETHIN' SHE'D BE REALLY INTERESTED IN.
SORRY, MAN. HERE, THIS ONE'S ON ME.
TAKE IT EASY. THANKS.
THERE YOU GO. ENJOY.
HI, MR. BRADFORD.
COULD YOU SIGN IT TO MELINDA?
PLEASE. IT'S BILL, AND I'D BE DELIGHTED.
DO YOU MIND IF I ASK YOU A STRANGE QUESTION?
I TRAVEL ON SHIPS YEAR-ROUND LECTURING
AND MEETING EVERY KIND OF LINER LOONEY YOU CAN IMAGINE.
BELIEVE ME, NOTHING'S STRANGE.
UH, IT'S ABOUT CABIN M-108.
HAS ANYTHING TRAGIC EVER HAPPENED IN THERE?
M-108?
ARE YOU ASKING IF IT'S HAUNTED?
'CAUSE I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU. THIS WHOLE SHIP IS HAUNTED.
YOU THINK?
[DRAMATIC] OH, GHOSTS EVERYWHERE.
[LAUGHS] IF YOU BELIEVE THAT SORT OF THING.
PERSONALLY, I DON'T.
FUNNY, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A GHOST CHASER.
UH, I JUST HAVE A...
CASUAL INTEREST.
WELL, TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION,
THERE WERE 86 RECORDED DEATHS ON THIS SHIP DURING HER CAREER,
BUT...
NONE SO FAR AS I KNOW IN M-108.
EXCEPT FOR ROMANCE. EXCUSE THE POETRY.
LOTS OF RELATIONSHIPS HIT AN ICEBERG IN THERE.
NOBODY KNOWS WHY.
DO THOSE RECORDS STILL EXIST?
MM-HMM. THEY'RE ALL PART OF THE SHIP'S ARCHIVES,
WHICH ARE SADLY ALSO BEING SOLD AT AUCTION.
I'LL TELL YOU, IT'S A CRIME
WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO THIS LOVELY LADY.
HER TIME HAS COME, BILL.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT AS WELL AS ANYBODY.
SORRY, CLIFF. DIDN'T SEE YOU SNEAKIN' UP ON ME.
I DON'T SNEAK, BILLY. CLIFF STURGES.
THIS IS MY FRIEND TERRY.
HI. MELINDA.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
CLIFF OWNS THE SHIP.
HE'S THE ONE SENDING HER TO THE SCRAPPERS.
WELL, HE'S DEFINITELY OFF MY CHRISTMAS CARD LIST.
THE CLARIDON'S COMPLETELY OUTDATED,
AND WHEN THE NEW SAFETY REGULATIONS KICK IN IN 2010,
PRACTICALLY HAVE TO GUT THE WHOLE SHIP AND START OVER AGAIN.
STILL, IT'S SAD TO LOSE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF HISTORY.
I'M WITH YOU.
WELL, SHIPS ARE A LOT LIKE PEOPLE.
WE ALL HAVE TO DIE SOMETIME.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US...
COME WITH ME.
[GURGLING]
TELL ME YOU'RE SORRY.
WHY AM I HERE?
Man: SECURE THE FRAPPING LINES, STEADY HER UP.
I WOKE UP, AND HE WAS GONE.
AND THE DOOR WAS OPEN, AND...
I GOT HERE RIGHT AS HE FELL.
HE'S GONNA BE OK. THEY GOT HIM.
YOU PULLED THE ALARM?
NO. I JUST STARTED SCREAMING, A-AND THE ALARM WENT OFF.
THEN WHO SOUNDED IT?
I DON'T KNOW. RICH!
THANKS.
THANK GOD YOU'RE OK.
MAYBE IT WAS YOUR GHOST.
YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HIM.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH.
I DIDN'T MEAN...
SHE WAS SCREAMING AND SCREAMING
FOR SOMEONE NAMED RICH.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE? I DON'T KNOW.
I REALIZED IT WASN'T HIM.
WHO? YOUR FIANCÃ‰?
LOOK WHAT HE DID TO ME.
[SIGHS] SHE'S LOOKING FOR HER FIANCÃ‰.
HE THE REASON SHE'S SO BANGED UP?
I THINK HE MAY HAVE KILLED HER,
BUT I DON'T KNOW IF SHE WANTS REVENGE
OR FOR HIM TO MEET HER IN THE AFTERLIFE.
WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT IT ALL GOES BACK TO CABIN M-108.
WAIT. SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO CHANGE ROOMS?
YEAH, JUST FOR THE NIGHT, BUT I WON'T
LET HER HURT YOU. DON'T WORRY.
NO, WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT
IS I'M ACTUALLY FINDING THIS KIND OF EXCITING.
I MEAN, WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME?
A MAN I LOVE.
[SIGHS]
[GAS HISSING]
[WOMAN MOANING]
[SCRATCHING]
JIM, WAKE UP.
MY HUSBAND ISN'T THE MAN THAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR EITHER,
SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO ME.
HE'S NOT MY FIANCÃ‰?
UH, NO.
IS THAT WHY YOU'VE BEEN HAUNTING THIS ROOM?
HE DOESN'T KNOW I'M HERE.
NO ONE DOES.
I HAVE TO FIND HIM.
HE HAS TO PAY FOR WHAT HE DID.
JIM, WAKE UP!
HEY, WH--WAIT A MINUTE. I WAS, UH--
DREAMING? DID YOU SEE HER?
NO. NO, I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING.
LOOK, JUST GET DRESSED. THE GHOST WAS HERE.
AND I'M PRETTY SURE THAT I JUST SAW THE WORD "AFT"
BRUISED INTO HER BACK.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
THE REAR OF THE SHIP.
I KNOW THAT, BUT-- BUT WHAT'S IT DOING THERE?
I DON'T KNOW. IT LOOKED LIKE SHE'D FALLEN
OR WAS PUSHED AGAINST SOMETHING.
ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF YOUR DREAM?
YEAH, SCOUT'S HONOR. WHY?
GOOD. COME ON.
WHERE ARE WE GOIN'?
AFT.
WHAT ABOUT THE SCRATCHES?
I DON'T KNOW YET.
THE GHOST JUST LATCHES ON TO WHATEVER GUY IS STAYING IN THE ROOM?
IT'S CLASSIC IMPRINT HAUNTING.
THE GHOST REPEATS THE SAME BEHAVIOR OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
WE KNOW THAT HER FIANCÃ‰ WAS IN THAT ROOM,
WE KNOW THAT HE OBVIOUSLY HURT HER,
BUT IT'S LIKE HE DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS ON THE SHIP.
SHE SAID NOBODY KNEW.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHENEVER YOU SEE HER, SHE'S RUNNING OR HIDING, RIGHT?
YEAH. WHY?
SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN A STOWAWAY.
YOU MIGHT BE THE SMARTEST MAN ON THIS SHIP.
AWESOME. WHAT ARE WE LOOKING FOR?
ANYTHING THAT SAYS "AFT." ALL RIGHT.
[GASPS]
[LAUGHTER AND CELEBRATION]
[PANTING]
THIS IS WHERE HER BODY WAS THROWN OVERBOARD.
WAIT A MINUTE. SHE WAS ALREADY DEAD BEFORE--
YEAH. AND I THINK ONE OF THE CREW MEMBERS KILLED HER.
SO WHILE ELI FINISHED HIS GHOST TO-DO LIST,
I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY FINDING OUT PASSENGER INFORMATION.
THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE STAYED IN M-108
OVER THE YEARS-- MIND-BOGGLING.
NOT ONE OF THEM DIED.
YEAH, AND IF SHE WAS A STOWAWAY,
IT'S GONNA BE NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE TO FIGURE OUT WHO SHE WAS.
YOU KNOW, I HATE TO BRING THIS UP, BUT...
DO YOU THINK YOUR FRIEND BETTY MIGHT KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE GHOST?
'FRAID NOT. SHE KEEPS TO HERSELF.
FANTASTIC DRESS, BY THE WAY. HAUTE COUTURE?
SHE DOESN'T, AND THANKS.
SAMPLE SALE.
OK. UM--
HEH. SO YOU THINK SHE WAS MURDERED AND THEN THROWN OVERBOARD.
YEAH, AND POSSIBLY BY HER FIANCÃ‰.
I MEAN, I READ IN BILL BRADFORD'S BOOK
THAT SOME OF THE CREW WOULD USE EMPTY STATEROOMS FOR HOOKUPS.
WOW. SO YOU THINK HE KILLED HER THERE.
YEAH, AND NOW SHE'S HAUNTING ANY COUPLE WHO STAYS IN THAT ROOM,
YOU KNOW, CONFUSING THEM FOR THE MAN WHO KILLED HER. ZIP ME.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. NOW, IN YOUR VISION, YOU SAW A PITCHFORK?
PITCHFORK?
YEAH. I HAD THIS VISION,
AND THERE WAS TRASH ON THE DECK,
LIKE EGGS, FLOUR, AND A PITCHFORK, 3 PRONGS.
OH, IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE NEPTUNE'S TRIDENT
FOR THE CROSSING THE LINE CEREMONY.
WHENEVER A SHIP CROSSES THE EQUATOR, THE CREW DRESSES IN COSTUME
AND INITIATES ANYONE WHO'S NEVER CROSSED BEFORE.
IT'S CALLED THE NEPTUNE RITUAL.
SO HOW MANY TIMES HAS THE CLARIDON CROSSED THE EQUATOR?
I'M A GHOST, HON, NOT AN ANCIENT MARINER.
JIM, WE HAVE WORK TO DO BEFORE DINNER.
TOODLES.
NEEDLE, MEET HAYSTACK.
WELL, SO FAR, WE KNOW THAT THE CLARIDON
HAS CROSSED THE EQUATOR 8 TIMES
DURING WORLD WAR II AS A TROOP SHIP,
BUT SERIOUSLY DOUBT THERE WAS ANYONE IN A BALL GOWN ABOARD.
WAIT. HERE'S SOMETHING.
VOYAGE 401, S.S. CLARIDON.
"THE FUN WAY TO RIO."
FILE FOR THE WHOLE TRIP'S HERE.
IS THERE A DATE?
YEAH. LEAVING NEW YORK MARCH 30, 1975,
RETURNING 3 WEEKS LATER.
AND THEN CROSSING THE LINE TWICE.
YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU GOT?
UH, PICTURES OF THE NEPTUNE RITUAL.
THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE FUN WAY TO RIO.
IT IS IF YOU ENJOY HAVING FLOUR AND EGGS POURED ON YOU
BEFORE BEING DUNKED IN THE POOL.
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT?
THAT'S HIM.
THAT'S THE GUY THAT I SAW THROWING THE BODY OVERBOARD.
AND THE PHOTOGRAPHER WAS NICE ENOUGH
TO WRITE DOWN THEIR NAMES.
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN' ME.
WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
OH, HI. LOOK, I'M RUNNING A LITTLE LATE FOR DRINKS,
BUT, UH, IF YOU'D LIKE TO MEET AFTER...
YOU WERE PART OF THE SHIP'S CREW IN THE SEVENTIES.
THAT'S RIGHT. WROTE ABOUT IT IN MY BOOK.
AND YOU WERE ABOARD THE RIO CRUISE IN 1975,
WHERE A WOMAN'S BODY WAS THROWN OVERBOARD.
SHE HAD THE WORD "AFT" BRUISED INTO HER BACK.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, DON'T YOU?
HOW--
HER GHOST IS STILL HERE,
AND I'VE TALKED TO HER.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU BELIEVE THAT OR NOT,
BUT I THINK YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS.
UM...
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
I HATED LAW SCHOOL, SO I QUIT,
AND I WAS SO THRILLED TO BE SERVING ON THIS GREAT SHIP.
I STARTED IN THE ENGINE ROOM.
WERE YOU ENGAGED? ME? OH, NO.
CONFIRMED BACHELOR.
YEAH, BUT YOU STILL HAVEN'T TOLD US WHO SHE WAS.
SHE SAID HER NAME WAS LORELEI.
IT WAS MY FIRST SAILING.
I WAS DOWN ON THE WELL DECK
WHEN I CAUGHT HER SNEAKING OUT OF THE CARGO HOLD.
HEY. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOWN HERE.
SHE HAD STOWED AWAY BEFORE WE DEPARTED RIO
AND HAD BORROWED SOMETHING TO WEAR
SO SHE COULD SNEAK INTO FIRST CLASS.
I'M GOING UP TO FIRST CLASS.
Jim: YOU DIDN'T TURN HER IN?
NO. MAYBE IF I HAD, SHE'D STILL BE ALIVE.
I DON'T KNOW.
SO WHAT HAPPENED?
SHE WAS AN AMERICAN
WORKING AS AN AU PAIR IN RIO.
THERE'S THIS GUY. ONCE I FIND HIM, HE'LL PAY FOR MY TICKET, I PROMISE.
TOLD ME SHE'D COME ONBOARD
TO SURPRISE A MAN THAT SHE'D FALLEN IN LOVE WITH.
I'M AFRAID SHE DIDN'T SAY HIS NAME.
SO WE MADE A SILLY DEAL.
IT WAS KID STUFF, REALLY.
I WOULDN'T TURN HER IN,
AND SHE WOULDN'T TELL MY COMMANDING OFFICER
I WAS SMOKING WHILE I WAS ON DUTY.
SO IS IT A DEAL?
THEN I TOLD HER HOW TO GET UP TO FIRST CLASS,
AND I WARNED HER NOT TO LET ANYBODY SEE HER.
THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I SAW HER ALIVE.
SHE WAS--SHE WAS RUNNING OFF EXCITED,
SO FULL OF LIFE.
3 DAYS LATER...
I FOUND HER BODY HERE.
[GASPS]
THIS AREA IS CALLED THE SHAFT ALLEY?
THAT'S RIGHT.
CHIEF ENGINEER ORDERED ME...
TO DISPOSE OF HER BODY.
SHE WAS JUST SOME...
STUPID STOWAWAY, AND IT WOULD LOOK BAD FOR THE COMPANY.
2 YEARS LATER, HE GOT HIS THROAT SLIT AFTER A CARD GAME.
SERVED HIM RIGHT.
MR. LINARCOS.
YEAH. I MET HIM, TOO.
AW, JEEZ.
THIS GHOST THING IS REAL.
LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.
SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING.
I WAS A SCARED KID,
AND I WAS FOLLOWING SOME REALLY BAD ORDERS.
BEEN HAUNTED BY IT EVER SINCE.
APPARENTLY YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE.
IT'S HOT IN HERE.
WHERE DOES THIS GO?
IT, UH, GOES THE FULL HEIGHT OF THE SHIP.
CREWMEN USE IT TO GET FROM ONE DECK TO ANOTHER
WITHOUT BEING SEEN BY THE PASSENGERS.
WAIT. HONEY, YOU THINK SOMEBODY KILLED HER AND THEN HID HER BODY HERE?
OR THEY DUMPED HER FROM ABOVE.
BUT SHE WAS STILL ALIVE WHEN SHE HIT THE BOTTOM.
A-ARE THERE CABIN ASSIGNMENTS IN THAT FILE?
WE HAVE TO FIND OUT WHO WAS IN M-108.
CLIFF STURGES. IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?
WELL, HIS FAMILY OWNED THE SHIPPING LINE.
WE COULD ALWAYS GO ASK HIM.
HE'S ABOARD?
NO. WAIT. NOW?
HE'S COME BACK FOR ME?
Melinda: LORELEI!
WE HAVE TO FIND CLIFF RIGHT AWAY.
RIGHT. COME ON, BILL.
MR. STURGES, ARE YOU IN THERE?
WHERE'S THE SHIP'S DOCTOR? CLIFF'S COLLAPSED.
I'M A PARAMEDIC.
HE WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING HOT,
AND THEN HE FELL ONTO THE BED.
LORELEI, YOU HAVE TO STOP.
Terry: WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHO'S LORELEI?
DON'T ASK.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME FIND HIM.
NOW WE CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER.
SHE DIED IN 1975?
Melinda: YES, ABOARD THE CLARIDON.
Terry: HERE, HONEY.
SHE STOWED AWAY JUST TO JOIN YOU.
BUT HOW? WHAT HAPPENED?
WHY DON'T YOU TELL US?
ALL I KNOW IS THAT SHE DISAPPEARED.
LAST TIME I EVER SAW HER WAS ON THE AFT DECK.
IN THOSE DAYS, YOU WERE ALLOWED
TO HAVE GUESTS ON THE SHIP WHEN SHE WAS IN PORT.
WE'D BEEN DOCKED FOR A WEEK IN RIO.
I--I MET HER THAT FIRST DAY...
OH, MY GOD. [LAUGHS]
IN A SMALL CAFE ON THE AVENUE RIO BRANCO.
FROM THEN ON, WE WERE LIKE SOUL MATES.
MARRY ME.
MARRY ME RIGHT NOW AND COME BACK TO THE STATES.
I--I WANT TO, BUT...
I CAN'T JUST LEAVE NOW.
THIS IS CRAZY.
THEN I'LL SEND FOR YOU.
BUT IN THE MEANTIME...
I GOT YOU THIS.
[NARRATING] WE WERE SO YOUNG.
THEY CALLED ALL VISITORS ASHORE.
THEN SHE LEFT.
I NEVER SAW HER AGAIN.
AS SOON AS I GOT BACK ON THE DOCK,
I KNEW I WAS MAKING A MISTAKE.
THERE WERE SOME MEN LOADING CARGO
TOWARD THE FRONT OF THE SHIP.
I JUST WALKED RIGHT PAST THEM.
SHE SNUCK BACK ONBOARD.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
SHE JUST TOLD ME.
UM...
I HAVE A GIFT.
I CAN SEE AND TALK TO THE DEAD.
Bill: TRUST ME, CLIFF.
YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO HER.
IN THAT CASE, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO HER.
I'VE BEEN WANTING TO KNOW FOR THE LAST 33 YEARS.
HE'S LYING.
HE HURT ME.
SHE SAID YOU'RE LYING
AND THAT YOU HURT HER.
THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
AFTER THE SHIP HAD SAILED,
I FOUND SOME CLOTHES IN THE CARGO DECK.
I WENT TO FIND HIS ROOM,
M-108.
WE HAD STAYED THERE MOST OF THE WEEK
WHILE THE SHIP WAS ANCHORED.
I WAS SO HUMILIATED,
AND I KNEW IF I GOT CAUGHT,
HIS FAMILY OWNED THE SHIPPING LINE
AND HE'D FIND OUT I WAS THERE,
AND I'D JUST BE THIS PATHETIC GIRL
WHO WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE HE LOVED ME.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION AND LAUGHTER]
[HATCH CLOSES]
[RATTLING]
SHE WENT TO YOUR ROOM,
AND SHE SAW YOU KISSING ANOTHER WOMAN.
OF COURSE. UH...
PATSY, MY FIANCÃ‰E.
WHAT, YOU HAD 2?
MY FAMILY PRESSURED ME TO GET ENGAGED TO HER.
THAT'S WHY I'D GONE ON THAT CRUISE, TO THINK THINGS THROUGH.
THAT NIGHT, AFTER THE SHIP SET SAIL,
PATSY SURPRISED ME IN MY ROOM.
SHE'D GOTTEN NERVOUS,
AND SHE'D FLOWN DOWN TO RIO.
I MET SOMEONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT...
SO I SAT HER DOWN, AND I TOLD HER ABOUT LORELEI.
IF LORELEI SAW A KISS, IT WAS...
JUST PATSY SAYING GOOD-BYE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?
I TRIED TO OPEN THE HATCH.
BUT IT WAS STUCK.
SO I STARTED UP TO THE NEXT DECK.
[SCREAMS]
[BODY LANDS]
I DIDN'T KNOW.
MY GOD, WE--
WE WERE SO IN LOVE.
I-I'M SORRY, TERRY.
THIS MUST BE DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO HEAR.
IT EXPLAINS A LOT.
WE'VE BEEN GOING TOGETHER FOR NEARLY 3 YEARS,
AND HE STILL INTRODUCES ME AS HIS FRIEND.
THAT'S WHY I CAME ON THIS CRUISE,
SO THAT I COULD LET GO OF THE PAST.
ALL THESE YEARS, I'VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH LORELEI.
I FLEW DOWN TO RIO TWICE,
BUT THE FAMILY SHE WAS WORKING FOR SAID SHE JUST VANISHED ONE DAY.
I LOOKED FOR HER IN THE STATES AND...
EUROPE. I HIRED PRIVATE DETECTIVES, BUT NOTHING.
I MEAN, YOU PROBABLY THINK I'M NUTS.
I MEAN, I KNEW THIS GIRL FOR ONE WEEK WHEN I WAS 20 YEARS OLD.
BUT I NEVER FORGOT HER...
EVER.
I FOUND THIS ON THE FLOOR THE DAY SHE LEFT.
I THOUGHT SHE'D SOMEHOW MANAGED
TO SLIP IT BACK INTO MY POCKET.
I'VE KEPT IT WITH ME EVER SINCE.
I'VE COME BACK TO THAT ROOM LOOKING FOR HIM OVER AND OVER.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT ANYONE.
I LOVED HIM SO MUCH.
I LOOKED IN A THOUSAND FACES TRYING TO FIND HIM.
HE'S STILL SO HANDSOME.
SHE LOVED YOU...
SO MUCH SHE NEVER STOPPED LOOKING FOR YOU.
NEITHER ONE OF US DID.
WE WERE BOTH CHASING A DREAM WE COULD NEVER CATCH.
MAYBE HE DID CATCH THE DREAM.
HE JUST DOESN'T KNOW IT YET.
WHAT IS THAT?
IT'S FOR YOU.
YOU CAN MOVE ON NOW.
TELL CLIFF HE SHOULD, TOO.
UH, IT'S FOR ALL OF YOU.
YOU CAN SEE IT 'CAUSE YOU'RE READY TO GO.
UH-UH.
[SHIP'S HORN BLOWS]
HEY.
HI.
BEAUTIFUL SIGHT, ISN'T IT?
I WAS JUST SAYING TO JIM IT'S SO SAD.
SUCH A WONDERFUL SHIP.
AH. AND THAT'S WHY I'M CALLING OFF THE AUCTION,
DECIDED TO PUT HER UP FOR SALE AS A FLOATING MUSEUM.
WHY THE CHANGE OF HEART?
I THINK I WANTED TO BREAK HER UP FOR SELFISH REASONS,
REASONS THAT DON'T REALLY EXIST ANYMORE, THANKS TO MELINDA.
CAN I TELL THEM?
WELL, I HAVEN'T CHANGED MY MIND.
CLIFF PROPOSED TO ME THIS MORNING.
OH, MY GOD. CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
AND NOW, IF YOU COULD ALL BE MY WITNESSES...
SAW THAT IN A MOVIE ONCE.
THANKS, MELINDA.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
Betty: THEY'VE BEEN GOING AT IT LIKE BUNNIES.
NOT THAT I NOTICED.
HOW COME YOU DIDN'T GO WITH THE OTHERS LAST NIGHT?
WHEN I WAS 39, MY DOCTOR TOLD ME I HAD CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE
AND COULD DROP DEAD ANY SECOND,
SO I PACKED ALL MY BEST CLOTHES, MY MEDICAL RECORDS,
GOT MY WILL IN ORDER, AND BOOKED A WORLD CRUISE ON THE CLARIDON.
I WANTED IT TO LAST FOREVER.
SO FAR, SO GOOD.
THE SHIP'S OWNER JUST TOLD ME THAT HE'S
NOT SENDING THE CLARIDON TO THE BREAKERS.
YOU DON'T BELONG HERE ANYMORE.
YOU SHOULD GO INTO THE LIGHT.
HA! ARE YOU KIDDING?
THE ONLY PLACE I'M GOING IS INTO THE BAR.
BON VOYAGE.
HI.
ALL RIGHT.
JUST WANNA SEE IF THE FRIDGE CAME IN.
NICE. AHH.
[GROANS]
HEY. WHOA.
[SIGHS]
YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH. IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW,
THE WHOLE TIME WE WERE ON THE BOAT,
I DIDN'T HAVE ANY SEASICKNESS,
AND NOW THAT WE'RE ON DRY LAND...
RIGHT.
HEY, YOU DON'T THINK,
UM...
I MIGHT BE PREGNANT.
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