1 00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:07,340 CHRIS ROCK: Everyone agrees that one of the most important days 2 00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:09,175 of the year is Mother's Day. 3 00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:11,177 ALL: Happy Mother's Day! 4 00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:14,147 Oh, you guys didn't have to do this. 5 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:17,350 Everybody wants to show their mama how much they love them. 6 00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:19,652 Even Tupac wrote a song about his mother. 7 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:23,156 On Mother's Day, people pull out all the stops. 8 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,425 You take your mother to brunch... 9 00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:28,161 We're out of food. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. 10 00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:29,829 If you could come back next Sunday. 11 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,731 What do you mean, next Sunday? 12 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,100 We're out of food, Mama. What you want me to do? 13 00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,536 Didn't I raise you better than that?! 14 00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:40,440 You take her to a movie so she can wear a great big hat... 15 00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:42,308 and you spend your last dime on her, 16 00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:44,244 just so she knows she's number one. 17 00:00:44,277 --> 00:00:46,479 Oh, my God! Ha-ha-ha! Come on. 18 00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:50,850 Oh! Oh! Oh, I can't believe you did this. 19 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,320 But when it comes to Father's Day, nobody gave a damn. 20 00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:55,855 It's Father's Day, people. 21 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,691 Come on down to Pastures and Shores. 22 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,426 The food is half-price. 23 00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:02,862 Buenas noches. ¿Como se dice"half-off"? 24 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,297 The movies are terrible... 25 00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:06,299 [ALL CLAMORING] 26 00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:09,302 Turn it off! Turn it off! 27 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:10,870 The gifts suck... 28 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,172 Ta-da! 29 00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:14,207 What the hell is this? 30 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,642 It's a parking space, honey. 31 00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:18,778 We got you a parking space. 32 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,748 This year, I wanted to get my father the perfect gift, 33 00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:24,751 and the only way to do that was to ask him what he wanted. 34 00:01:24,784 --> 00:01:27,887 Dad, what present do you want for Father's Day? 35 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:31,491 Heh-heh, wanna get me something for Father's Day? 36 00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:33,493 Help me knock off one of these bills. 37 00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:34,728 ROCHELLE: Julius... 38 00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:38,865 Okay. 39 00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:40,200 Father's Day... 40 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:42,669 You know what? 41 00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:45,472 Y'all really wanna get me something for Father's Day? 42 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:47,741 I know exactly what I want. What's that, baby? 43 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,442 A day off. 44 00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:52,645 You mean a day off from work? No. 45 00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,849 A day off from everything and everybody. 46 00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:58,818 No fighting, no shouting, 47 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:01,321 no complaining, no fixing. 48 00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:06,192 Just one day where I can do whatever I feel like doing. 49 00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,928 I hope he doesn't want to leave us for a white girl. 50 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:12,165 [***] 51 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,339 * Aw, make it funky now 52 00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:45,799 [***] 53 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,668 GREG: So, wait, your dad says he doesn't want anything? 54 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,738 Nope. All he said was he wanted to be all alone. 55 00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:54,607 Watch out. My mother said she wanted a day alone. 56 00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:57,410 Next thing we knew, she left and moved to Poughkeepsie. 57 00:02:57,444 --> 00:03:00,246 I don't care what he says. I'm gonna get him something. 58 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,548 My father said what he wanted. 59 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:03,350 My mother said what he was gonna get. 60 00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,719 What kind of gift is a day off from your family? 61 00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,020 It's just one day. 62 00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:08,922 How is that supposed to make the kids feel? 63 00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:10,890 Women always used the kids against you. 64 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:14,694 It's Father's Day and you don't want to be a father. 65 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,830 I did not say that. 66 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,531 They're trying to honor you, 67 00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:21,301 and all you got to say is, "Leave me the hell alone." 68 00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:23,503 I did not say, "Leave me the hell alone." 69 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,372 You may as well have. 70 00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:29,309 I haven't had a day to myself in 13 years. 71 00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:31,511 If I didn't want to be a father, I... 72 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,546 That look means if you want to keep being a father 73 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,482 you better keep your mouth shut. 74 00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:38,485 It is supposed to be our day to do something special for you. 75 00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:41,654 That's what I'm trying to say. 76 00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:44,024 Why can't I do what the hell I want to do? 77 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,358 Huh? Say what? 78 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,361 Uh... You got the keys? 79 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:54,300 Well, what you gonna do here all day by yourself anyway? 80 00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:55,669 Nothing. 81 00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:59,739 Well, can the kids at least get you a real gift? 82 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,341 What? 83 00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,613 What's that? Every Father's Day card 84 00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:09,683 and present I've gotten for the past four years. 85 00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,384 Look at this. 86 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,952 A box of S-Curl. I got you that. 87 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:15,989 A macaroni cigar box. Oh, that's so cute. 88 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:22,462 I got four ties: a necktie a bow tie, bolo tie... 89 00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:24,330 I got him that. 90 00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:25,999 ...and a clip-on tie. 91 00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:28,835 I don't even wear ties. I don't go nowhere. 92 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:36,710 That's $28.46 we could have used on something else. 93 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,713 Well, it's the thought that counts. 94 00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:43,516 I appreciate it, I really do, but if you buy me presents, 95 00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,618 I'm just gonna have to work to pay it off. 96 00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:48,521 At this rate, I'll be working when I'm dead. 97 00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,092 Julius, you're dead. What are you doing here? 98 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,727 Trying to pay off these presents. 99 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,829 Listen, can I work the graveyard shift? 100 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,533 Fine. Okay, then. 101 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,535 Have your little stinky day off. 102 00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,938 But on your birthday, I will promise you this. 103 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,439 You will be getting a cake, 104 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,808 and you will like it. Oh, I know. 105 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,144 You better jump back and kiss yourself. 106 00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,113 And, uh, put up the groceries. 107 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,448 Before your day off. 108 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,553 Does he have any hobbies? 109 00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:23,656 Is taking naps a hobby? No. 110 00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,959 So, what are you getting your dad for Father's Day? 111 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,862 I don't know if "getting" is right. It's more like "doing." 112 00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,064 Okay, so, what are you doingfor your dad? 113 00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:34,434 Well, first, I'm making his favorite breakfast, 114 00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:35,869 Cap'n Crunch and cantaloupe. 115 00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,570 I tried to imagine doing the things 116 00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:39,606 that Greg talked about with my father. 117 00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:42,008 Like bringing him Cap'n Crunch and cantaloupe. 118 00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,610 Are you crazy? 119 00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:45,845 Boy, you better bring me some bacon. 120 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:49,482 I thought about taking my dad to the zoo to see penguins. 121 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,685 We paid $3.50 to see a bird that can't fly? 122 00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:54,654 What you gonna show me next, rats that don't eat cheese? 123 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,123 I even imagined us shooting off bottle rockets 124 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,458 in front of the house. 125 00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:01,061 [ROCKET SHRIEKING] 126 00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,462 [BOOMING EXPLOSION] 127 00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,597 [GUNSHOTS] [PEOPLE YELLING] 128 00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:05,932 Run, boy, run! 129 00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:08,902 I wonder if Greg's dad ever got shot at. 130 00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,572 You decided what you're gonna do? 131 00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:14,474 I can't do the stuff you talked about. 132 00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:15,842 I only have $27. 133 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,144 That's not bad. If I were you, I'd figure out 134 00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:19,879 what he needs and just give him that. 135 00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,115 I wonder if it would ruin our friendship 136 00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,551 if I smacked his eyebrows off? 137 00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:29,989 What you looking for, Chris? 138 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:33,560 Oh, I'm trying to find my father something for Father's Day. 139 00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:35,195 Heh, Father's Day. 140 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,831 My daddy liked guns, liquor and women. 141 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,799 I guess he liked jail too. 142 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,935 What does your daddy like to do? 143 00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:43,169 That's the tough part. 144 00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,638 All he does is sleep and work. 145 00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:49,909 I know what that's like. But I got just the thing. 146 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:54,948 A Swiss LCD quartz calculator alarm watch. 147 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,650 Well, he has an alarm clock at home. 148 00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,185 What's he need one in his watch for? 149 00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,653 You never know. 150 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:04,924 [ALARM BEEPING] 151 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,659 Oh! 152 00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:08,661 Thank goodness for this watch. 153 00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:10,764 Hm, I never thought of that. 154 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,632 It's got a calculator too. 155 00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:14,801 He can figure out how muchanythingcosts. 156 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,503 If it came with a side of bacon, 157 00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:19,139 that would have been the best gift in history. 158 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,941 How much does it cost? 159 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,510 Twenty-four ninety-five. 160 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,045 He just made that up. I'll take it. 161 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:31,951 How come Daddy doesn't wanna be with us on Father's Day? 162 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,753 Oh, baby, it's not that your daddy 163 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,088 doesn't wanna be with us, 164 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,157 it's just that he works hard all the time 165 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,793 and wants to have a little time to be by himself. 166 00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:42,662 Man, that's cool. I can't wait until I'm a father 167 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,831 so I can have this whole house to myself. 168 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,100 You are not gonna be a father in this house, 169 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:50,203 because I ain't taking care of no babies. 170 00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:51,671 Lost your mind. 171 00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,773 Well, can we still get him a present? 172 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,543 Sure, baby. What'd you have in mind? 173 00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:01,848 These. See, I took Daddy's old slippers 174 00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:03,817 and put macaroni on them. 175 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,585 Oh, baby, that's nice. 176 00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:08,555 I'm gonna help you wrap them later. 177 00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:10,090 Can you help me wrap mine too? 178 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,658 I'm making dad cologne. 179 00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:13,660 Where did you learn how to make cologne? 180 00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:15,729 I saw it in the back of a magazine. 181 00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:17,330 All I need is oil, 182 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,165 something to give it a little smell 183 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,600 and, uh, alcohol. 184 00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:22,135 Then just leave it in a jar for a week. 185 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,270 Mama, since Daddy wants to be by himself, 186 00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,605 what are we gonna do? 187 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:28,174 We are gonna have some fun. 188 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,944 Chris! Time to eat! 189 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,749 Hey, Dad, what's all that stuff? It's a bunch of stuff 190 00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,151 guys on my route got me for Father's Day. 191 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,986 Oh, look at this. 192 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:44,357 It's an LCD quartz calculator alarm watch. 193 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,993 It's the best gift I ever got. Ha-ha! 194 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,296 Maybe I could glue some macaroni to his shoes. 195 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:53,833 * Everybody hates Chris 196 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,743 [***] 197 00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,812 ALL: Happy Father's Day! 198 00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:09,015 Happy Father's Day, baby. We love you. 199 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:13,219 Oh-ho-ho! I love y'all too. Yeah. 200 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:16,356 Hey, y'all have fun today, okay? 201 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,792 Daddy, aren't you gonna read your card? 202 00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:20,894 Ooh, yeah. Let's see here. 203 00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:22,629 Oh. Oh! 204 00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,764 [CHUCKLES] 205 00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:28,635 "To the best dad in the whole world." Oh. 206 00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:30,170 That's so sweet. 207 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,971 Oh, thank you. 208 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,908 Y'all enjoy y'all selves today, all right? Okay, bye-bye. 209 00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:37,177 Dad, we made your favorite thing for breakfast. 210 00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:40,246 I brought your gout pills, so you can eat without worrying. 211 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,718 Oh, man, bacon, eggs with cheese, biscuits and butter. 212 00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,653 I feel like I died and went to heaven. 213 00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:48,722 Oh! Thank you, baby. 214 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,824 Oh, you're welcome, baby. They did it all. 215 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,759 When y'all leaving, huh? 216 00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:55,995 All right, in a minute. And you're welcome. 217 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:59,199 And, baby, make sure you take those pills, okay? 218 00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:02,168 All right. You guys go get ready so we can go. 219 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,337 Hurry up, now. Hurry up. Faster. 220 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,839 Isn't that sweet? There you go. 221 00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,674 We have the best kids in the world. 222 00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:09,075 Oh, yeah. They're so sweet. 223 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,044 They are. 224 00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:13,947 That look means, "Ain't you supposed to be leaving?" 225 00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,949 You better hurry up. I mean... 226 00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:18,718 You're gonna be late for your, uh... The, um, ahem... 227 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,820 Uh, the... 228 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,790 Uh, what y'all doing? We're going to the museum. 229 00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:25,759 And to see the movie Trading Places. 230 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,694 Oh, that should be funny. Right. Right. 231 00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,295 So you better hurry up, all right? 232 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,698 Okay, Julius, we're leaving. 233 00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:34,200 Well, I'll be home in time for dinner, okay? 234 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,802 Thank you. I love you. 235 00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,971 I love you too, baby. Thank you. 236 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,908 You have a good day. All right. Oh, I will. 237 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:44,277 Get on out of here. Happy Father's Day! 238 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,779 Hey, enjoy yourself. I will. 239 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,280 For my father to have one day 240 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,716 where he could do whatever he felt like doing 241 00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:52,085 was like finding a million dollars. 242 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,423 [***] 243 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,798 He slept on the couch. 244 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:08,001 He slept in the bed. 245 00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,936 He slept on the dining room table 246 00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,005 and dreamt his favorite dreams. 247 00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:15,275 Seventeen cent worth of butter. 248 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,477 He watched bowling. 249 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,478 Yeah! 250 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,280 Ha-ha-ha! Yes! 251 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,515 He watched baseball. ANNOUNCER:Here's the pitch. 252 00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:24,150 It's gone! Yeah! 253 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,852 CHRIS ROCK: He watched golf. 254 00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:27,520 ANNOUNCER: On it's way, and it's in. 255 00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:30,023 Oh-ho-ho, yeah! 256 00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:35,061 CHRIS ROCK: He even did stuff we didn't know he did, like painting. 257 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,896 While my father was doing things 258 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,898 he wouldn't do while we were around, 259 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:40,900 we were doing things we wouldn't do 260 00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,102 while he was around. 261 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,771 Okay, y'all stay where I can see you. 262 00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,539 All right, now, you sure about this? 263 00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,942 Mr. Harris gave me my money back on the watch, 264 00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:52,278 so I wanted to see if I can find Dad something he'll like. 265 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,280 Okay. But gift or no gift, 266 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,816 if you're not home by 6:30, I'm calling the police. 267 00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:59,853 My mother always told us if we weren't home on time, 268 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:02,288 she was calling the police. 269 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,124 Here. What's this? 270 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,792 Oh, it's money I was gonna use 271 00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,827 to buy a gift for your dad. Thanks. 272 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,929 You're welcome, baby. Be careful. 273 00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,998 The only thing tougher than finding a gift 274 00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:13,500 for the man that has everything 275 00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,770 is finding one for the man that wants nothing. 276 00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,240 The only time my father wore a suit 277 00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:24,310 was at funerals, graduations and on laundry day. 278 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,413 The closest my father got to jewelry 279 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,448 was listening to Neil Diamond. 280 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:31,518 I hope it lasts as long as the payments. 281 00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,021 I wasn't sure if he would feed the rabbit, 282 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,123 or use the rabbit to feed us. 283 00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,993 And let's just say he wasn't the leg warmer type. 284 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:45,131 While I was trying to figure out what to get my father, 285 00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:46,933 my mother was trying to figure out 286 00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:49,536 what she had gotten herself into. 287 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,273 What is that? 288 00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,309 Well, honey, that's art. 289 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,845 You sure? Looks like somebody got shot 290 00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:00,380 and fell in a bucket of mustard. 291 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,415 Be quiet, boy. 292 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,084 This is culture. 293 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,252 How much more culture do we have to get? 294 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,888 Girl, just look at the picture. 295 00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:11,391 [GROUP CHATTERING] 296 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,159 [CHILD LAUGHS] 297 00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,530 I wish Dad was here. 298 00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,299 Maybe he could explain this. 299 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:25,505 Hey, Risky? Hold up, little man. 300 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,874 I had looked for a gift everywhere I could, 301 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:30,477 so I decided to look somewhere I shouldn't have. 302 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:33,079 What kind of stuff do you have for Father's Day? 303 00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:35,415 Father's Day? That ain't a big one for me. 304 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:38,218 There ain't none but four fathers in the neighborhood. 305 00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:41,488 Now, Mother's Day, I had a whole bunch of stuff. 306 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:44,157 How much you got to spend? Thirty-seven dollars. 307 00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,659 Thirty-seven dollars? You knock over a liquor store? 308 00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:48,461 I saved up. Man, 309 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,964 keep saving like that, you'll be rich in a minute. 310 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:54,000 Maybe then I can buy one of those pink sweaters, like him. 311 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,302 Your old man like music? Who's that? 312 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,904 Oh. 313 00:13:57,937 --> 00:13:59,139 We got John Travolta, 314 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:02,175 William Shatner. Oh! Liberace. 315 00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:05,278 That's for fathers that were too old for Elton John. 316 00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:08,314 No, thanks. What else you got? 317 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,016 Uh... Oh! 318 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:12,185 How about these... for your mom? 319 00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:15,655 For Father's Day? Yeah. For him to give to her. 320 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,323 No. 321 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:21,027 Uh, I'm sorry I can't help you out, young blood, 322 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,697 but, hey, you come back Mother's Day, I'll hook you up. 323 00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,465 Listen, watch this for a few minutes. 324 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,268 I'm gonna run across the street, pay my light bill. All right? 325 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,336 Sure. 326 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,505 Tell your daddy to call me and happy Father's Day. 327 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:37,444 Back at home, my father still had the house to himself... 328 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,713 Rochelle? 329 00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,047 Chris? 330 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,482 ...whether he liked it or not. 331 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:45,085 ANNOUNCER: And if you order now, 332 00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,387 you'll get this set of microwavable... 333 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,556 MAN: In the city that never sleeps... 334 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:52,625 WOMAN: Psychic Station TV Network... 335 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,528 MAN: This proud father goose is no exception. 336 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,531 He graciously watches over and protects his chicks, 337 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,101 assuring their safety until they are old enough 338 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,136 to fend for themselves. 339 00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:05,572 In the wild, babies are almost never abandoned 340 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,675 and rarely left alone for any extended period of time. 341 00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,410 CHRIS ROCK: A great man once said, 342 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,046 "Nothing screams louder than the sound of silence." 343 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,181 I think it was Nipsy Russell. 344 00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,419 Thank you. Enjoy your show. 345 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:22,322 Hi. Um, can I have one adult, two children 346 00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:28,094 Youmustthink I'm a fool. 347 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,063 You want me to believe he's under 12? 348 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,632 JULIUS: Yeah, she does. 349 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,401 TONYA: Daddy! DREW: Dad! 350 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,136 ROCHELLE: What are you doing here? 351 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,204 I missed you guys. 352 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,140 Father's Day without your family... 353 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,009 it's like not being a father. 354 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,611 That look means, 355 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,547 "That's what I was trying to tell your stupid ass!" 356 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,049 Come here. 357 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:53,153 Where's Chris? Oh, he went to buy you a gift. 358 00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,555 But I told... Julius, please, just promise me 359 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:59,526 you will act like it's the best gift you've ever gotten. 360 00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,761 I promise. All right. 361 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,196 All right. 362 00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:05,532 Uh, that'll be two kids, two adults 363 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:09,035 for, uh,Trading Places. 364 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,071 There you go. What's this? 365 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,640 Father's Day special, two for one. 366 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,342 [REGISTER BEEPING] 367 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,047 Happy Father's Day, Daddy. 368 00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,449 I made these for you. 369 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,317 I know you said don't get you a gift, 370 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:27,087 but I wanted something in case you changed your mind. 371 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:31,291 Oh! Macaroni-covered slippers! Ha-ha! 372 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,461 It goes with the macaroni cigar box I got last year. 373 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,395 I know. 374 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,665 Dad, I got something for you too. 375 00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,367 Oh, what's this? 376 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,470 A bottle of iodine? 377 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,605 No, no, no, it's cologne. I made it myself. 378 00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,241 I just couldn't find a bottle to put it in, 379 00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:50,610 so I poured the iodine out and put it in there. 380 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,812 Boy, that iodine cost 99... 381 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,180 [CLEARS THROAT] 382 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,151 [DOOR OPENS] [SNIFFS] 383 00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,153 Mm, that smells good. 384 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,655 Ha-ha, thank you, Drew. ROCHELLE: Oh, that's nice. 385 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,624 Oh, man, thank you so much. Chris? 386 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,093 You know I was about to call the police, right? 387 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:08,628 Hey, Chris, where you been? 388 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,498 I was trying to find you a gift for Father's Day. 389 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,699 [MOUTHING WORDS] 390 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,634 Well, I'm sure whatever you got, 391 00:17:14,668 --> 00:17:16,136 it's fine. 392 00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,637 That's the thing. I looked all over, 393 00:17:17,671 --> 00:17:21,241 but I couldn't find you anything I thought you would like. 394 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,376 Doesn't matter. It's the thought that counts. 395 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,545 So did you find something? 396 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,313 Not really. 397 00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,516 It's more of, I did something for you. 398 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,851 [***] 399 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:40,427 What? What is it? 400 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,128 It's a receipt. 401 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,797 He paid the electric bill. 402 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:47,467 Oh, baby, that is so... 403 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,703 CHRIS: When I asked if I could get you anything, 404 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,472 you said I could help you knock out a bill. 405 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,208 That was the only one I could afford. 406 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,411 Thanks, son. 407 00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:01,247 My father never really cared much about presents, 408 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,416 but giving him a reason to smile 409 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,552 was the best thing I could ever do for him. 410 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,588 This is the best gift I ever got. 411 00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:12,759 I'll remember this forever. Happy Father's Day. 412 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,160 I'm proud of you, Chris. 413 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,262 Becoming more of a man every day. 414 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:17,697 Thanks, Dad. 415 00:18:17,731 --> 00:18:19,265 You know, I was thinking, 416 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,368 it might be a good idea if you get a job 417 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,336 and start paying a bill every month. 418 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:27,674 * Everybody hates Chris 419 00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:34,481 Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode. 420 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:40,220 [***] 421 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:43,223 * Aw, make it funky now