1 00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:06,606 [***] 2 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:13,279 CHRIS ROCK: When I was a teenager, 3 00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:14,814 I discovered a lot of new things. 4 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,585 I discovered sour milk doesn't always become yogurt. 5 00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:23,189 I discovered the barber who's always available 6 00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:25,325 isn't always the best. 7 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,295 [SCREAMING] 8 00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:31,364 Next! I also discovered 9 00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:33,233 that if you hit people with a truck, 10 00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:34,834 they will do anything you want. 11 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,603 [NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 12 00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:41,307 Another thing I discovered 13 00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:43,209 is if you're gonna buy cheap furniture, 14 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:44,844 you better stock up on Krazy Glue. 15 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,479 How come this table keeps wobbling? 16 00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:49,716 I don't know. Your daddy was supposed to fix it. 17 00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:52,385 Chris, go get your father's Krazy Glue. 18 00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:54,154 If we didn't have Krazy Glue, 19 00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:56,256 thiswould have happened to our house. 20 00:00:59,592 --> 00:01:01,661 And I also discovered something 21 00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,697 that would change my life forever. 22 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,635 Playboymagazine? 23 00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:14,107 [***] 24 00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:22,248 * Aw, make it funky now 25 00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:48,608 [***] 26 00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:51,378 DiscoveringPlayboy changed my life. 27 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:53,747 It was a foldout of the most beautiful women, 28 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:57,817 with jokes on the back, football stats, cars 29 00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:00,353 and an interview with McLean Stevenson. 30 00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:01,755 I thought Keisha was cute, 31 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,957 but I'd push her in front of a gas truck 32 00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,925 to get to Miss June. 33 00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:13,333 Oh, my God, this kicks ass on the Sears catalog. 34 00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:14,768 Does your dad know you took this? 35 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,604 I gotta get it back before he finds out it's gone. 36 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:20,240 Wow. Is that aPlayboy? None of your business. 37 00:02:20,273 --> 00:02:22,342 Now get out of here. Come on. 38 00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:24,577 I'll give you a dollar to look. 39 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:28,281 Okay, fine. 40 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,816 Right here, one minute. 41 00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:31,317 Greg, give it to him. 42 00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:32,786 Who knew you could make money 43 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,421 off of naked women? 44 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,560 [GROANING] 45 00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:43,663 What? Ugh. 46 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,800 The truck break down again? Ugh, no. 47 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,903 I tried to kill a spider, broke the handle off the dresser. 48 00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:51,338 Spider? Yeah. 49 00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:52,539 I don't know where they're coming from, 50 00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:53,973 but we gotta do something. 51 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,775 Drew is scared to death of spiders. 52 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,811 My brother Drew wasn't scared of anything, 53 00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:01,548 but after he sawThe Fly, he was terrified of spiders. 54 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:03,483 [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING ON TV] 55 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,021 [WOMAN SCREAMING ON TV] 56 00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:10,623 [DREW WHIMPERING] 57 00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,625 CHRIS ROCK: I don't want to tell you what happened 58 00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:14,427 after he sawUrban Cowboy. 59 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:17,731 Okay, I-I'll go get some bug spray after work. 60 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,800 Okay. Where's the Krazy Glue so I can fix this? 61 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,602 It should be in my toolbox. 62 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,771 Okay. 63 00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:27,507 No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 64 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,975 What's wrong with you? Let me fix it. 65 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,510 I know what to do with Krazy Glue. 66 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:31,978 It's trickier than you might think. 67 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:34,447 You might glue your fingers together. Let me do it. 68 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:38,284 Okay then, damn. Okay. Thank you. Okay. 69 00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:39,786 My father knew 70 00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:41,755 that if my mother ever found thatPlayboy, 71 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:45,825 he'd probably never see a naked woman again. 72 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:50,363 Unfortunately, he couldn't find it either. 73 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,533 I soon discovered that trying to keep aPlayboymagazine 74 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,602 from a teenage boy is like trying 75 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:57,604 to keep diamond teeth from a rapper. 76 00:03:57,637 --> 00:04:00,473 Somebody's gonna get that money, might as well be me. 77 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,575 Quarter a peek and... you're done. 78 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:04,978 You're next. A dollar a look, a quarter a peek. 79 00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:07,414 Thank you. 80 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:08,848 Okay, time's up. Next. 81 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,617 I'm next. 82 00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:12,986 I found the one thing that united the races: 83 00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:14,354 women. 84 00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:16,523 Thanks, Mantan. Hey, give it back. 85 00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:20,060 That's my dad's. Like your father can read. 86 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,697 My father could ask my mother 87 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,565 if anybody had been in the toolbox, 88 00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:28,635 but he knew questions made my mother suspicious. 89 00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:30,537 Can I go play over at Tricia's house? 90 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:32,105 What you need to go over her house for? 91 00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:33,773 What you gonna do there you can't do here? 92 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:36,910 And why you acting all suspicious? 93 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,511 Oh. Hey, Mom, what time is it? 94 00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,080 What you need to know the time for? 95 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,815 What are you gonna do, rob a bank? 96 00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,616 You're acting suspicious. 97 00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:44,818 Can I have more potatoes? 98 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,619 What you need more potatoes for? 99 00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:49,656 Boy, you getting high? You starting to act suspicious. 100 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,760 Julius, what are you doing? 101 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,829 Uh... Huh? Uh... 102 00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,964 I-I thought I saw a spider crawl under here, 103 00:04:57,997 --> 00:05:01,735 and I figured I'd better kill it before Drew saw it. 104 00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:04,704 Well, I'm going to the store to pick up stuff for dinner. 105 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,374 I'll get a can of bug spray too. Okay. 106 00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:08,708 Did you fix the dresser yet? 107 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:11,911 Uh, got the Krazy Glue right here. 108 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,713 Oh, good. 109 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:14,814 You okay? 110 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,082 No. 111 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,084 Yeah. 112 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,719 Okay. 113 00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,858 The only place my father hadn't looked for thatPlayboy 114 00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,559 was in his own room. 115 00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:28,561 Then he realized that if my mother found it, 116 00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,964 she could be saving it to use against him. 117 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:34,734 Rochelle, why'd you spend all this money on a coat? 118 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,039 Miss June has one. 119 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,474 [***] 120 00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,963 Five hundred dollars? 121 00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:07,467 Hey. 122 00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,803 What do you want, Tito? I need the magazine back. 123 00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:11,871 You need to get out of here before I knock your teeth out. 124 00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:14,474 My dad's gonna kill me if I don't get it back. 125 00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:16,543 Too bad. I sold it. 126 00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:18,878 See you at your funeral, Slappy. 127 00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,784 After my father found that money, he was scared to think 128 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,753 what my mother might want to do with it. 129 00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:28,788 I'm sick of you. I got my own money. 130 00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:31,591 I'm out of here, you cheap bastard! 131 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,695 Baby. 132 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,497 Don't leave me, baby. 133 00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:39,466 Don't leave. 134 00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:41,768 Rochelle. Can you explain this? 135 00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:44,871 Where did you find that? In your shoe. 136 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:48,208 What were you doing in my shoe? Don't try to change the subject. 137 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,810 What's $500 doing in your shoe? 138 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,880 Where'd you get this? That doesn't make a difference. 139 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,549 I want to know why you were going through my stuff. 140 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,917 I don't go through your stuff. 141 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,153 Yes, she does. He just never caught her. 142 00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:01,821 Rochelle, that's not the point. 143 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,656 I just wanna know about this money. 144 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,658 You meanmymoney? What you mean, your money? 145 00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,994 I made it, I saved it, so it's my money. 146 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,562 Let me get this straight. 147 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,931 The money I make, that's everybody's money, 148 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,234 but the money you make, that's your money? 149 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,935 That's right. 150 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:22,509 Hey, any of you guys see my copy ofPlayboy? 151 00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:23,910 It was here about 10 minutes ago, 152 00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,146 but some eighth grader took it. Look over there. 153 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,648 They were huddled up like they were gonna run 154 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:30,984 the winning play at the Super Bowl. 155 00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:34,988 What are you doing? Hey, calm down. 156 00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:37,757 Wanna take a look? It's $1.00. But it's my magazine. 157 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,693 Caruso took it. And that's my problem? 158 00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:41,961 All right, who wants to look next? 159 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,697 Hey, Chris! 160 00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,865 [***] 161 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,873 Oh! Ooh! 162 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,876 Oh... 163 00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:04,718 To whom does this belong? It used to belong to me. 164 00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:06,786 Well, then. Until we figure out 165 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,122 who brought this into our school, 166 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,790 I guess it belongs to me. 167 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:14,861 * Everybody hates Chris 168 00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:25,271 What's all that bug spray in the kitchen for? 169 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,608 There's a spider in your room. There's a spider in my room? 170 00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:30,710 Can I sleep with you until you guys catch it? 171 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,779 No. Your father will kill it. 172 00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:35,815 CHRIS ROCK: When Tonya discovered Drew was scared of spiders, 173 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,250 she couldn't wait to use it against him. 174 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:40,253 Julius, can you make sure you kill the spider, please? 175 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:42,288 I might not be able to find it. 176 00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,958 Could be hiding in one of your shoes. 177 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,661 [SHRIEKS] [LAUGHS] 178 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:49,863 It's my hand. 179 00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:51,598 Julius, how come you're acting 180 00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,099 so childish about this? 181 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,602 How would you feel if somebody went through your stuff 182 00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:57,604 and took something that belonged to you? 183 00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:59,806 What? I don't have nothing to take. 184 00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:02,375 I'm just saying. What if Chris went through your stuff 185 00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,611 and took something? Why'd you pick me? 186 00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:06,813 Why not Drew or Tonya? Why you acting suspicious? 187 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,248 Suspicious? I'm not suspicious. 188 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:12,018 Well, you sure as hell acting like it. Eat your food. 189 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,823 Ah! 190 00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:18,725 Later that night I discovered 191 00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:20,694 my father knew hisPlayboywas missing. 192 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,862 Chris. You been in my toolbox? 193 00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:27,634 No. Why? 194 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,669 Uh, nothing. 195 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,237 Those tools will hurt you. 196 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:34,307 If Miss June knew how much trouble she was causing, 197 00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:35,775 she wouldn't be smiling. 198 00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,678 Drew. Have you seen, uh... 199 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,317 anything...unusual around here lately? 200 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,319 Like what, a UFO? 201 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,855 What? Now, why would a UFO...? 202 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:51,991 Never mind. 203 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:57,397 He even started to grill Tonya. 204 00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,967 Tonya, baby? 205 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,769 Yes, Daddy? 206 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,739 Um... 207 00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,710 I love you. 208 00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,947 That's nice. 209 00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,816 The vice principal had my magazine, but I had money, 210 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:19,219 so I figured replacing it wouldn't be a problem. 211 00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,854 Three fifty. 212 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,194 Now get out of here, before I call a cop. 213 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:31,164 For what? You just robbed me! This don't cost $3.50. 214 00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:33,099 Really? Then why don't we call your mom 215 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,968 and tell her you're trying to buy aPlayboy? 216 00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:36,736 Hey, Miss June was fine, 217 00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:39,005 but she wasn't worth going to jail. 218 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,908 [SIGHS] 219 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,777 My last option was to go to Risky. 220 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:47,847 Since all his stuff was stolen, I knew he wouldn't call a cop. 221 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:50,016 He'd get you liquor. It's for my uncle. 222 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,385 Yeah, don't drink it all at once. 223 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,355 He'd get you cigarettes. It's for my mother. 224 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,924 Yeah, don't smoke them all at once. 225 00:10:57,957 --> 00:10:59,325 He could even get plutonium. 226 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:00,326 [BOX CLICKING] 227 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,928 It's for my daughter. 228 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,499 So I figured I wouldn't have a problem. 229 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,368 Playboymagazine? 230 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,937 I ain't selling you noPlayboymagazine. 231 00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,339 Boy, what you think this is? 232 00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,974 I know your mama. Now, how do you think she'd feel 233 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,410 if she knew you were trying to buy aPlayboymagazine? 234 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:20,013 If you want beer or cigarettes, that's one thing. 235 00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:24,184 APlayboymagazine? You better keep on moving. 236 00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,219 Tell your mama I said hey. 237 00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:29,923 I want Wild Cherry to win in the fifth race at Saratoga. 238 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,294 If I was going to get thePlayboyback, 239 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,062 there was only one way to do it. 240 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,765 I've gotta steal it from the vice principal's office. 241 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:41,234 Dude, wait. That's burglary. I know that. 242 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:44,304 Want me to commit burglary or be a victim of murder? 243 00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:46,473 Okay, but if we're going outside the law, 244 00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:47,841 we've got to do it right. 245 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,744 [***] 246 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,119 [NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 247 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,280 That's it then. Every day she goes to lunch 248 00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,382 in the teachers' lounge after fifth period. 249 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,152 She smokes three cigarettes, which takes 20 minutes. 250 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,487 All we have to do is get in, find the magazine 251 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,156 and get out before she gets back. 252 00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,391 Except we don't know where the magazine is. 253 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,926 Fischer told me it was 254 00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:41,928 in the bottom left-hand drawer of her desk. 255 00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:43,229 I hope he's right. 256 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:46,232 Don't worry, Fischer knows everything. 257 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,867 What if we get caught? 258 00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,202 Then we're dead. 259 00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:50,970 I was really hoping you weren't gonna say that. 260 00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:53,406 Don't worry. I'll go in and get it. 261 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,075 It's my magazine. 262 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,976 All you have to do is give me a signal 263 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,511 if you see anybody coming. 264 00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:00,980 I hope this works. Me too. 265 00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:04,351 [SHOUTING, GUNSHOTS ON TV] 266 00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:06,052 Drew, guess what I found? 267 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,455 [ANNOYED] What? 268 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:09,856 [SCREAMS] 269 00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:12,258 What the hell is going on in here? 270 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,993 Tonya has a spider. No, I don't. 271 00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,529 Tonya, what are you hiding? 272 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,865 It's just a ring. 273 00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,433 Leave Drew alone. 274 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,036 Would you like it if he went around scaring you? 275 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:25,271 He can't scare me. I like spiders. 276 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,341 And I ain't scared of nothing. Mm-hm. 277 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:33,513 There was only one thing Tonya was scared of... 278 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:36,282 and Drew knew it. 279 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,251 [***] 280 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,631 Here. 281 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:56,469 What's this? My $500-- 282 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,906 I mean,our$500. 283 00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,307 So why you giving it to me now? 284 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,577 'Cause I don't wanna fight anymore. 285 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,312 Baby... 286 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,982 I don't wanna fight anymore either. 287 00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,251 But why'd you feel you had to hide money from me? 288 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,520 I wasn't really hiding it. I was just... 289 00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,055 keeping it in a safe place 290 00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,357 in case something happened. Like what? 291 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,292 Julius, you work hard, 292 00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:21,394 and we barely make ends meet now. 293 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,930 I mean, God forbid something happens to you. 294 00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:29,369 I mean, you could get hit by a postal truck or a gas truck. 295 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:33,073 Get run over by a car, get high blood pressure, 296 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:36,142 get the flu, gout, 297 00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:40,213 pneumonia, scoliosis, scurvy. 298 00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:42,215 You could fall off a building, 299 00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:46,953 trip off the escalator, get jumped, get stabbed. 300 00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:52,625 You could get MS, ALS, CHP, CCBD. 301 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,294 What's that? I don't know, 302 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,296 but it sounds like it'll kill you. 303 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,965 Look, baby, I just wanted a cushion 304 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:01,601 to fall back on, that's all. 305 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,370 Is that all? 306 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,404 Yeah. 307 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:06,940 Come here. 308 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,513 Here. 309 00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:16,349 Take your money, put it away. 310 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:17,450 I'm sorry. 311 00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:24,991 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 312 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,430 You go in my shoe again, I'm gonna knock your ass out. 313 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,399 [BOTH LAUGH] 314 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,401 [***] 315 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:41,708 [SCREAMING] 316 00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,247 JULIUS: You got that?! 317 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,149 If I ever catch you scaring your sister 318 00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:51,418 or wearing lipstick, we gonna have a problem. 319 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,652 You hear me? 320 00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:55,155 All right, baby, you can go back to bed now. 321 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,323 I changed your sheets. 322 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:02,028 You ready? Yeah. 323 00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,800 Walkie-talkies? The range is only 100 feet, 324 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,702 so I'll stay close. 325 00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:12,339 [***] 326 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:32,459 Man! 327 00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:39,733 Come on. The hallway's getting empty. 328 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:41,267 I can't stay here much longer. 329 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:44,237 I'm hurrying! Just keep an eye out! 330 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,353 I've got it. 331 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:06,359 Abort, abort! Perimeter not secure! 332 00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,394 Oh, no! 333 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,363 Greg? 334 00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:11,598 Greg? 335 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,366 Forget it. 336 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:22,175 Well, I guess we know to whom this magazine belongs. 337 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,643 The last place I wanted my father 338 00:17:23,677 --> 00:17:26,646 to find hisPlayboy was at my school. 339 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,616 I confiscated this. 340 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:32,552 Playboy?Well, what does Chris have to do with that? 341 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,454 MILONE: Somebody brought it to school, 342 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,356 and I believe it was your son. 343 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,525 Chris? 344 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,261 Is this true? I wanted to lie, 345 00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,196 but my mother always told me if I did, 346 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,232 she'd slap me into another nationality. 347 00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:52,405 Well, I'm waiting. 348 00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:53,306 Yeah. 349 00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,275 Oh, Lord, have mercy. 350 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,876 Heh-heh. Hey, it's justPlayboy. 351 00:17:56,910 --> 00:18:00,547 I mean, it really doesn't matter. Boys will be boys. 352 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:04,718 Is that all you have to say? "Boys will be boys"?! 353 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:08,822 Chris, where did you get aPlayboyfrom, anyway? 354 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,925 That look means, "Boy, I know I've never asked you to lie, 355 00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:17,263 but please don't tell your mother that that's myPlayboy." 356 00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:19,432 I found it? 357 00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:24,270 Usually, I would suspend you for this sort of behavior, 358 00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,506 but I think this is best handled by the parents. 359 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:29,442 You best believe we're going to handle it, right, Julius? 360 00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:31,578 Yeah, we gonna handle this. 361 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,347 I'll take that. What you going to do with it? 362 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:36,850 Here's what he really wanted to do. 363 00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,919 [***] 364 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,589 [CAR HORN BLARING] 365 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,860 I'll dispose of it. 366 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,328 Yeah. 367 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:50,630 Yeah, that's... That's a good idea. 368 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:51,898 Disposing is good. 369 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,602 Come out here, boy. Unh! 370 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,471 One of the ways I always tried to avoid getting beatings 371 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:01,441 was pretending to be asleep. 372 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,611 Get up, boy. You ain't fooling nobody. 373 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,647 I'm sorry I took your magazine, Dad. 374 00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:12,218 You shouldn't take other people's things, Chris. 375 00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,753 That's why I put it away. 376 00:19:13,787 --> 00:19:16,289 But also, you're too young for that stuff. 377 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,324 Yeah, but it's just pictures. 378 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,694 Look how much trouble "just pictures" caused you. 379 00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:22,429 You got chased, your mama's mad, 380 00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,330 and you almost got kicked out of school. 381 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,966 That's when I discovered that even if they're made of paper, 382 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,736 the wrong kind of woman can really mess up your life. 383 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,772 Look, I know you're interested in girls, 384 00:19:32,806 --> 00:19:34,908 but there's a lot for you to learn first. 385 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,677 If you never need anything, you can talk to me. 386 00:19:37,711 --> 00:19:39,913 But don't go in my toolbox. 387 00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,448 After that, my father started 388 00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:42,949 hiding things in his fish tackle box. 389 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,385 I never told him I found it the next day. 390 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:48,288 I promise. Things didn't turn out that bad, though. 391 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,558 I made $28 off thatPlayboy. 392 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,895 My magazine, my money. 393 00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:59,265 Here, you can keep that. 394 00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:03,303 * Everybody hates Chris 395 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:09,476 Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode. 396 00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:15,315 [***] 397 00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:18,418 * Aw, make it funky now